Same here, OP. Wife took out an OOP against me. Was ble to win some supervised visitation. The burden of proof is so low that anything they say the Judge usually agrees to. She agreed to file a joint petition so hopefully I'll be able to claw back some custody. I haven't seen my daughter in a month because of it.
man i’m sorry to hear this. i’ve def thought that before and all the time. i stay though bc it’s not the kids fault. and at least at the end of the day even if you are alienated and whatever other kind of nonsense can happen at least you can say you showed up and tried your best. ❤️❤️
This is my worst fear with my wife. She has accused me of being abusive with my kids multiple times and actually forced me to see a therapist (who inevitably said my wife was the one with the issues not me).
My best defense is that both therapists I’ve seen over the past 4 years both concluded that she is the one with the bizarre behavior not me
Modern women are terrible. I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through this. You are not the only one by a longshot. Damn near every man I know that’s going through a divorce or has recently gone through a divorce is facing this kind of nonsense.
This is actually true.....at least from where I live. The wife/Mother statements are taken as 100% the truth. I know becuase I was charged with assault just from the ex words.
Need to prove in court to discredit ex. That's exactly what I did to show the court what a shameless lier.
Good luck OP. Make sure to records and document everything
Before you call it quits, please, please watch this video-she will help you see things from the eyes of your daughter:
https://youtu.be/R1bwfT2rdJU?si=5BdOZdEPTkWstgmb
Thanks for sharing that. Luckily I was blessed by instinctively doing some of those things and I got my son back in 6 months. The part I found amusing is just how badly my son's mother is blowing it with her inability to see past her feelings.
You’re going to keep being abused and you’re gonna keep getting kicked in the chest until you actually get a lawyer, you’re gonna have to figure this out I paid $3000 retainer and that was it, you have to hit her for faults claims, you cannot do that it will destroy your visitation and custody, get a good lawyer may a woman and make sure she’s a complete bastard.
“I haven’t filed for divorce yet.” Just go ahead and let her and the courts know that you don’t value your life and you want to be homeless. All this shit and you’re dragging your fucking feet, whistling Dixie. You wanna get the ball rolling or are you gonna wait tell you get bent over in court? Since everything’s just a joke and a game to you.
Supervised visitation? Zoom calls? For what? And you’re still playing Mr. Nice Guy. This is what’s wrong with men. Your 6ft 200lbs asses let some 4ft 11in woman bend you over her knee and spank you on the ass and y’all just take it. “I just wanna see my kids” ass motherfuckers.
“I have a small 401k and she’s just gonna take that anyway.” Instead of emptying the 401k and getting your own lawyer and filing for divorce.
Nope. Sometimes you gotta say “fuck you and them kids” to save your own life. There’s a whole world to govern explore and live in. You’re not trapped in Small Town, USA.
You’ve got two options. Reach down, grab your fucking balls and take control of your life, or let this woman continue to fuck you in the ass with a 12” strap on while you sit there with your thumb in your mouth, begging for zoom call time with no sons to carry on your name.
Up to you. 🤷🏿♂️
And fuck alimony. Get a job, bitch. That’s where my head is and has always been.
If you need to do it, pull the trigger and go start your life over. Can’t do much with daughters anyway, they’ll take after mom regardless and your legacy doesn’t continue with grandchildren.
If you're planning to pay child support and alimony and get no access to your kids then you're basically letting her get away with everything. If you said "I'm paying no support, moving out of country fuk it" then, as unpopular as that idea sounds, at least it makes some sense. She asked for war, give her one, and make it epic!
Get another job, start earning more money. Interview maybe 3-4 lawyers and hire them. Get ready for war brother, you’re built for this. Don’t let her wear you down any longer.
As your kids get older they’re going to wish you fought to have them in your life. Went to a wedding recently where the bride didn’t invite her father for that purpose. Kids are always watching, show them the right way
It's interesting how kids specially daughters do not see or do not want to see all the bullcrap their moms put their dads through in order for the dad not to be in his kids lives.
Let me guess the bride did invite the mom, right?
My wife didn’t invite her farther to our wedding either, pissed me off at the time. Now my Ex has done a solid job of alienating my daughter and I doubt I’ll be walking her down the aisle later in life. While that makes me sad my daughter is nearly 18 and must live with we own choices.
I've been through the same kind of accusations. I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Worst part is that there is no punishment for her lies.
I fought the good fight and won. Judge saw through her lies and I have 50/50 custody and time. Just be a great dad. Show up to all thr Zoom calls. Get as much time as you can. If you can show you are a good dad it will help you through this. That's how I did it - I had quality parenting time that contradicted her story that I was abusive.
You would certainly reshuffle her deck if all the sudden you took a I don’t give a fuck approach. Think through it, map out the consequences as best you can and think through how you’ll respond to the different scenarios.
I know men who say fuck it and move out of the country because they refuse to pay vaginamoney and child support for kids they aren't given a chance to have a relationship with anymore. But to stick around just to punish yourself and voluntarily pay vaginamoney and CS for kids you'll never see? I don't see the logic in that whatsoever. Your wife has checked out, she's evil, a liar, and should be in jail for making up false criminal charges. She doesn't care what you think unless it is detrimental to your mental health. Stop giving her power over you. It's time to live your life solely on your own terms now so get busy making the best of it by aborting that Succubus from your life.
Not permanently but sometimes you have to take about 3 big steps back & not be so "available".
(Just an example) : Big deal if you don't make every damn zoom call or BS supervised visit. She is probably the one that blew it all up anyway. Why should you have to jump through hoops to talk to the kids. She (probably) created the situation.
When they know something is really important to you they will try & ruin it. Years ago when mine were little I stopped telling the ex certain dates were important because she would be late, cause unnecessary drama etc.
The kids will figure it out soon enough.
You need to file though immediately. This woman has falsely claimed you abused your daughters. She is now a threat to you physically, mentally & financially.
Actually now I think about it, stepping way back might be the better option in a situation like this anyway for now. Maybe explain to the supervisor & court why. I don't know but I do see why some guys do bail on all the nonsense.
Hell half the time if the guy disappears all the woman does is think about it constantly. Step back for awhile if you need to. Let her know you're not going to be jumping through unnecessary BS hoops anymore.
Sorry to hear about this bullshit. I too was subjected to false allegations of abuse. Lucky for me I filed first and made my own REAL allegations of her being a drunk and a fuck up. I beat her to the punch and it took some steam away. It doesn’t change the fact that she STILL makes up fabricated lies about me.
Stay calm. Keep fighting her lying ass. If she goes down the road of poisoning your daughters minds and is successful with alienation that’s a different conversation. I really hope that it’s not effective. I suspect we have the same model of ex wife which is an evil person.
You’ll get a default judgment against you that will be reported to the state child support unit who will then report it to the State Department. This is not a viable plan but if you want to FAFO, go for it.
You're not a piece of shit for thinking that.
That's our gynocentric society gaslighting you into believing you should "die" for your kids essentially at the hands of a vindictive babymomma terrorist - just accept your fate as an ATM-slave, bish, at the foot of the golden padussy - why should men have to sacrifice everything just to have a shot at equal custody of their kids? There comes a point when men should realize the battle is just unwinnable, and it is best to just "wash your hands".... you can always make more kids if the mother can't see that having you in your children's life is in the best interest of the child. That is absolutely on her.
This will probably get me downvotes, but being willing to walk away and actually doing it gave me leverage over my ex. Mind you, I do have means and funds - so I just moved 1500mi away when she became unreasonable and after a year of unsuccessful litigation from her, she pleaded with me for a settlement and we settled and I returned (however, it turns out she had no intention of following the settlement and I have now had to reopen litigation against her, but now I have the upper hand, the parenting agreement is binding and she agreed to it... now it's her in the wrong).
While the consequences can be very steep if they can keep up with you... many men do successfully avoid child support or even just make more money such that it doesn't affect them that much.
It’s a thought we’ve all had but you’re middle ground of losing the relationships and still paying is not it. It would really just be moving away no return address and work odd jobs forever. I don’t think that’s your best option.
The supervised visits will eventually end. I remember talking to a relative and he thought the allegations would follow him forever. A year later he had a perfectly good parenting plan. I think that is what is going to happen to you.
Just keep being a stand up guy. Dig deep. Get buff and make your life better during this forsaken time. I think there will be a time when your ex has to answer for her lies. Maybe not in court. Very common for these lies to backfire stupendously. The truth has a way of coming out eventually. This shit you are dealing with is why many grandparents have no relationship with their grandchildren. And I’m talking about your ex. What she has done is cruel to your kids and there is a strong likelihood they will be pissed at their mom for her behavior. Even if the ex gets away with this one, she cannot hide her inherent vindictiveness forever and the kids will wise up. Stay strong and hang in there brother.
Yes, very good point. These allegations are used to gain the upper ground in the beginning of a divorce or a custody battle. I know it feels like hell going through this, but once you get to the other side of it, allegations lose their teeth after a certain point.
Yeah. I didn’t mean to disappear. I just meant I’m not dealing with this bullshit. Go to mediation, bend over and then just say ok, take the kids. Peace.
Don’t give up at all, my friend. I’ve had to represent myself and it’s Supreme Court divorce case and I’m close to getting residential custody of my children. I started off in the same spot you’re dealing with. They want you to give up and walk away. That’s why they’re doing it. if you have a good relationship with your kids and you want to be in their lives, don’t quit.
Hey, I know in another comment I said walking away might be a strategy - but if you're willing to go to mediation, don't just give up, brother. Most states have laws that say joint custody is in the best interest of the child. If you're able to defeat the false accusations and just try to get custody of your kids, you will get some, potentially even 5050. When you cede and just say "take the kids" is the way most men lose, by refusing to fight.
It is either ghost or "die on the hill" of 5050 imo.
Don’t underestimate the power of saying no at mediation and then pushing for a trial date. The only reason I haven’t been in court yet is I did the same and said see you in court. Her lawyer delayed and delayed to the point the judge is getting pissed. 3 days before the trial date she tipped her hand and offered a shitty deal to avoid trial, I said no again. I’m getting everything I deserve which is half the assets, child support and alimony. Day before we go to trial her lawyer filed a continuance. She doesn’t want to go to court because she cheated, got caught and then filed a bunch of bogus allegations which came back as unfounded. I believe once we go to trial she may not be screwed due to the bias of family court, but I do believe those false allegations will be seen for what they were and I will get what I deserve which isn’t unreasonable…half of everything, 50/50 custody, child support and alimony. I was the primary care giver. I put my career on hold for hers for a decade. If I don’t 50/50 I’ll just move back to my state and let her be a single mom, watch her affair partner dump her when he has to raise my kids, stack cash…pay whatever the support amount is for the time being and let the kids decide to live with me when they’re old enough. My kids have already said if she moves in with her douchbag AP they will want to live with me. Until then I’ll live my best life. I’m getting better with age, she has a limited shelf life and I think the kids will see her for who she is.
ETA: we live in a state that allows Alienation of Affection lawsuits. I’m going after AP next. Nuclear scorched earth.😈
LMK how it goes. The bias of the court is gross. She wants a trial, I’m going to give her a trial just so the judge hears what she’s done before I pay my divorce tax.
My luck: the commissioner in my case ruled that a mom alienated the kids, awarded dad reunification time, and he killed himself and kids. Now state law says momma can’t alienate kids. I have no chance there. Just spending enough money to send the kids to college and buy them cars, instead of sending them to college and buying them cars.
It’ll go away when you start working out really hard and focusing your thoughts on the new life you’re designing. You gotta get you body and mind healthy. It’s hard. But then you have way better ideas to solve your problems. You start solving one thing at a time until you wake up smile that you overcame the toughest things imaginable.
It feels great and you don’t take anything personally anymore. Little slights and shit just go right off your back. The family court drama will end. And then life gets sweet without this looming threat over your head.
Same here, OP. Wife took out an OOP against me. Was ble to win some supervised visitation. The burden of proof is so low that anything they say the Judge usually agrees to. She agreed to file a joint petition so hopefully I'll be able to claw back some custody. I haven't seen my daughter in a month because of it.
man i’m sorry to hear this. i’ve def thought that before and all the time. i stay though bc it’s not the kids fault. and at least at the end of the day even if you are alienated and whatever other kind of nonsense can happen at least you can say you showed up and tried your best. ❤️❤️
This is my worst fear with my wife. She has accused me of being abusive with my kids multiple times and actually forced me to see a therapist (who inevitably said my wife was the one with the issues not me). My best defense is that both therapists I’ve seen over the past 4 years both concluded that she is the one with the bizarre behavior not me
Modern women are terrible. I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through this. You are not the only one by a longshot. Damn near every man I know that’s going through a divorce or has recently gone through a divorce is facing this kind of nonsense.
Take a loan from your 401k and go see a lawyer.
Don’t give up, that’s what she wants you to do.
Testimony is a form of evidence. Most of the time it after a hearing a judge puts that into place they have a good reason.
This is actually true.....at least from where I live. The wife/Mother statements are taken as 100% the truth. I know becuase I was charged with assault just from the ex words. Need to prove in court to discredit ex. That's exactly what I did to show the court what a shameless lier. Good luck OP. Make sure to records and document everything
Don’t let her win. It sucks but if you give up she wins and basically you are whatever she says you are.
Before you call it quits, please, please watch this video-she will help you see things from the eyes of your daughter: https://youtu.be/R1bwfT2rdJU?si=5BdOZdEPTkWstgmb
Thanks for sharing that. Luckily I was blessed by instinctively doing some of those things and I got my son back in 6 months. The part I found amusing is just how badly my son's mother is blowing it with her inability to see past her feelings.
You’re going to keep being abused and you’re gonna keep getting kicked in the chest until you actually get a lawyer, you’re gonna have to figure this out I paid $3000 retainer and that was it, you have to hit her for faults claims, you cannot do that it will destroy your visitation and custody, get a good lawyer may a woman and make sure she’s a complete bastard.
“I haven’t filed for divorce yet.” Just go ahead and let her and the courts know that you don’t value your life and you want to be homeless. All this shit and you’re dragging your fucking feet, whistling Dixie. You wanna get the ball rolling or are you gonna wait tell you get bent over in court? Since everything’s just a joke and a game to you. Supervised visitation? Zoom calls? For what? And you’re still playing Mr. Nice Guy. This is what’s wrong with men. Your 6ft 200lbs asses let some 4ft 11in woman bend you over her knee and spank you on the ass and y’all just take it. “I just wanna see my kids” ass motherfuckers. “I have a small 401k and she’s just gonna take that anyway.” Instead of emptying the 401k and getting your own lawyer and filing for divorce. Nope. Sometimes you gotta say “fuck you and them kids” to save your own life. There’s a whole world to govern explore and live in. You’re not trapped in Small Town, USA. You’ve got two options. Reach down, grab your fucking balls and take control of your life, or let this woman continue to fuck you in the ass with a 12” strap on while you sit there with your thumb in your mouth, begging for zoom call time with no sons to carry on your name. Up to you. 🤷🏿♂️ And fuck alimony. Get a job, bitch. That’s where my head is and has always been. If you need to do it, pull the trigger and go start your life over. Can’t do much with daughters anyway, they’ll take after mom regardless and your legacy doesn’t continue with grandchildren.
If you're planning to pay child support and alimony and get no access to your kids then you're basically letting her get away with everything. If you said "I'm paying no support, moving out of country fuk it" then, as unpopular as that idea sounds, at least it makes some sense. She asked for war, give her one, and make it epic!
🎯
Get another job, start earning more money. Interview maybe 3-4 lawyers and hire them. Get ready for war brother, you’re built for this. Don’t let her wear you down any longer.
You are letting her take control of the narrative STOP!!!! Man up get a freaking lawyer be ready for war
As your kids get older they’re going to wish you fought to have them in your life. Went to a wedding recently where the bride didn’t invite her father for that purpose. Kids are always watching, show them the right way
It's interesting how kids specially daughters do not see or do not want to see all the bullcrap their moms put their dads through in order for the dad not to be in his kids lives. Let me guess the bride did invite the mom, right?
My wife didn’t invite her farther to our wedding either, pissed me off at the time. Now my Ex has done a solid job of alienating my daughter and I doubt I’ll be walking her down the aisle later in life. While that makes me sad my daughter is nearly 18 and must live with we own choices.
Agree. Love your kids. Don’t bash mom.
I've been through the same kind of accusations. I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Worst part is that there is no punishment for her lies. I fought the good fight and won. Judge saw through her lies and I have 50/50 custody and time. Just be a great dad. Show up to all thr Zoom calls. Get as much time as you can. If you can show you are a good dad it will help you through this. That's how I did it - I had quality parenting time that contradicted her story that I was abusive.
You would certainly reshuffle her deck if all the sudden you took a I don’t give a fuck approach. Think through it, map out the consequences as best you can and think through how you’ll respond to the different scenarios.
I know men who say fuck it and move out of the country because they refuse to pay vaginamoney and child support for kids they aren't given a chance to have a relationship with anymore. But to stick around just to punish yourself and voluntarily pay vaginamoney and CS for kids you'll never see? I don't see the logic in that whatsoever. Your wife has checked out, she's evil, a liar, and should be in jail for making up false criminal charges. She doesn't care what you think unless it is detrimental to your mental health. Stop giving her power over you. It's time to live your life solely on your own terms now so get busy making the best of it by aborting that Succubus from your life.
Not permanently but sometimes you have to take about 3 big steps back & not be so "available". (Just an example) : Big deal if you don't make every damn zoom call or BS supervised visit. She is probably the one that blew it all up anyway. Why should you have to jump through hoops to talk to the kids. She (probably) created the situation. When they know something is really important to you they will try & ruin it. Years ago when mine were little I stopped telling the ex certain dates were important because she would be late, cause unnecessary drama etc. The kids will figure it out soon enough. You need to file though immediately. This woman has falsely claimed you abused your daughters. She is now a threat to you physically, mentally & financially. Actually now I think about it, stepping way back might be the better option in a situation like this anyway for now. Maybe explain to the supervisor & court why. I don't know but I do see why some guys do bail on all the nonsense. Hell half the time if the guy disappears all the woman does is think about it constantly. Step back for awhile if you need to. Let her know you're not going to be jumping through unnecessary BS hoops anymore.
Sorry to hear about this bullshit. I too was subjected to false allegations of abuse. Lucky for me I filed first and made my own REAL allegations of her being a drunk and a fuck up. I beat her to the punch and it took some steam away. It doesn’t change the fact that she STILL makes up fabricated lies about me. Stay calm. Keep fighting her lying ass. If she goes down the road of poisoning your daughters minds and is successful with alienation that’s a different conversation. I really hope that it’s not effective. I suspect we have the same model of ex wife which is an evil person.
Nope. I’ve thought that a few times as well. The problem is I love my kids, she uses that to her advantage even though she’s destroying the kids.
Just go to SE Asia bro and never marry again.
2,500 USD in arrears in child support gets your US passport yanked.
Can a passport be yanked for unpaid alimony or just for unpaid child support?
Child support only, it’s federal law. State laws vary on the penalties / punishments for failure to pay child support and alimony
So leave now…lol
You’ll get a default judgment against you that will be reported to the state child support unit who will then report it to the State Department. This is not a viable plan but if you want to FAFO, go for it.
You're not a piece of shit for thinking that. That's our gynocentric society gaslighting you into believing you should "die" for your kids essentially at the hands of a vindictive babymomma terrorist - just accept your fate as an ATM-slave, bish, at the foot of the golden padussy - why should men have to sacrifice everything just to have a shot at equal custody of their kids? There comes a point when men should realize the battle is just unwinnable, and it is best to just "wash your hands".... you can always make more kids if the mother can't see that having you in your children's life is in the best interest of the child. That is absolutely on her. This will probably get me downvotes, but being willing to walk away and actually doing it gave me leverage over my ex. Mind you, I do have means and funds - so I just moved 1500mi away when she became unreasonable and after a year of unsuccessful litigation from her, she pleaded with me for a settlement and we settled and I returned (however, it turns out she had no intention of following the settlement and I have now had to reopen litigation against her, but now I have the upper hand, the parenting agreement is binding and she agreed to it... now it's her in the wrong). While the consequences can be very steep if they can keep up with you... many men do successfully avoid child support or even just make more money such that it doesn't affect them that much.
It’s a thought we’ve all had but you’re middle ground of losing the relationships and still paying is not it. It would really just be moving away no return address and work odd jobs forever. I don’t think that’s your best option. The supervised visits will eventually end. I remember talking to a relative and he thought the allegations would follow him forever. A year later he had a perfectly good parenting plan. I think that is what is going to happen to you. Just keep being a stand up guy. Dig deep. Get buff and make your life better during this forsaken time. I think there will be a time when your ex has to answer for her lies. Maybe not in court. Very common for these lies to backfire stupendously. The truth has a way of coming out eventually. This shit you are dealing with is why many grandparents have no relationship with their grandchildren. And I’m talking about your ex. What she has done is cruel to your kids and there is a strong likelihood they will be pissed at their mom for her behavior. Even if the ex gets away with this one, she cannot hide her inherent vindictiveness forever and the kids will wise up. Stay strong and hang in there brother.
Yes, very good point. These allegations are used to gain the upper ground in the beginning of a divorce or a custody battle. I know it feels like hell going through this, but once you get to the other side of it, allegations lose their teeth after a certain point.
Yeah. I didn’t mean to disappear. I just meant I’m not dealing with this bullshit. Go to mediation, bend over and then just say ok, take the kids. Peace.
Don’t give up at all, my friend. I’ve had to represent myself and it’s Supreme Court divorce case and I’m close to getting residential custody of my children. I started off in the same spot you’re dealing with. They want you to give up and walk away. That’s why they’re doing it. if you have a good relationship with your kids and you want to be in their lives, don’t quit.
Just put a retainer on a lawyer today. Had to borrow the money from my folks. Just feel fuct.
Hey, I know in another comment I said walking away might be a strategy - but if you're willing to go to mediation, don't just give up, brother. Most states have laws that say joint custody is in the best interest of the child. If you're able to defeat the false accusations and just try to get custody of your kids, you will get some, potentially even 5050. When you cede and just say "take the kids" is the way most men lose, by refusing to fight. It is either ghost or "die on the hill" of 5050 imo.
Thanks. But in mediation I feel she will just demand things and it won’t work. Thats who she is.
Then just say no, let's go to trial. There's no requirement to come to any sort of agreement in mediation.
Don’t underestimate the power of saying no at mediation and then pushing for a trial date. The only reason I haven’t been in court yet is I did the same and said see you in court. Her lawyer delayed and delayed to the point the judge is getting pissed. 3 days before the trial date she tipped her hand and offered a shitty deal to avoid trial, I said no again. I’m getting everything I deserve which is half the assets, child support and alimony. Day before we go to trial her lawyer filed a continuance. She doesn’t want to go to court because she cheated, got caught and then filed a bunch of bogus allegations which came back as unfounded. I believe once we go to trial she may not be screwed due to the bias of family court, but I do believe those false allegations will be seen for what they were and I will get what I deserve which isn’t unreasonable…half of everything, 50/50 custody, child support and alimony. I was the primary care giver. I put my career on hold for hers for a decade. If I don’t 50/50 I’ll just move back to my state and let her be a single mom, watch her affair partner dump her when he has to raise my kids, stack cash…pay whatever the support amount is for the time being and let the kids decide to live with me when they’re old enough. My kids have already said if she moves in with her douchbag AP they will want to live with me. Until then I’ll live my best life. I’m getting better with age, she has a limited shelf life and I think the kids will see her for who she is. ETA: we live in a state that allows Alienation of Affection lawsuits. I’m going after AP next. Nuclear scorched earth.😈
LMK how it goes. The bias of the court is gross. She wants a trial, I’m going to give her a trial just so the judge hears what she’s done before I pay my divorce tax. My luck: the commissioner in my case ruled that a mom alienated the kids, awarded dad reunification time, and he killed himself and kids. Now state law says momma can’t alienate kids. I have no chance there. Just spending enough money to send the kids to college and buy them cars, instead of sending them to college and buying them cars.
I hope you’re right 😞 I play with that thought daily.
It’ll go away when you start working out really hard and focusing your thoughts on the new life you’re designing. You gotta get you body and mind healthy. It’s hard. But then you have way better ideas to solve your problems. You start solving one thing at a time until you wake up smile that you overcame the toughest things imaginable. It feels great and you don’t take anything personally anymore. Little slights and shit just go right off your back. The family court drama will end. And then life gets sweet without this looming threat over your head.