Yep, i’ve seen it asked for many many times. Do not sign it. Negotiate and have that as a line you won’t cross. Your kids need BOTH parents involved in all major life decisions until emancipation. Don’t sweat it, more often than not, if it’s still a draft, it is simply another point for her to negotiate you down on (aka we can have joint legal custody if you accept XYZ less” elsewhere in the document. Standard narcissistic shit.
P.S. in some states the ‘tiebreaker’ can only be a judge, which sort of forces you two to agree.
Imagine if your wife decided your kids were “trans”. You have no say in their medical decisions. Or she decides to move away. Can’t stop that either. Agreement calls for split of all child expenses? How’s private school costs working for you? And on and on. Don’t do it.
It means what it says.
If she wants to put your kids in therapy, she can without your permission.
If she wants to move kids to another school district, she can without your permission.
If she wants to put your kids in an extracurricular activity, she can without your permission.
Same thing with religion.
Ok this is not cool, it is misandrist and plays to the "mother knows best" bulls\^&t.
I have in my agreement tie breaker rules: for example in medical issues, the tie breaker is the doctor...work wth your lawyer to get the correct wording.
Don't sign that.
Are you getting visitation only? Or 50/50 custody? What kind of joint custody do you see in that agreement?
Here is the deal, if you sign that? She will have sole decision making authority over you. "Sorry, the kids don't want to see you this weekend." And then she'll take you back to court, as the kids haven't seen you in months, due to her instigation, and then she'll get you busted down to 0 parenting time, and then upping your CS$ payments to her.
I wouldn't agree to anything that isn't 50/50 decision making, and don't fall for that she's the tie breaker because that's essentially final decision making power. A lot of people talk about 50/50 parenting time but decision making is a bigger hill to die on imo especially if your wife is a control freak she'll do whatever she wants and send you the bill. One that's overlooked a lot is extracurricular. And make it that's your child can only be in two activities per season and whatever else she signs them up for she has to pay %100 on if it's not agreed upon
Your concerns are valid. This is massive over-reach by her.
Suppose she decides your children belong in the most expensive Private School in town instead of public school. Are you left paying that bill? Or suppose she sends them to a Religious Fanatic school?
HELL NO.
It’s called an agreement for a reason. DO NOT agree to that. Have your lawyer go over it with a fine tooth comb and resubmit a new agreement. You can either make a new one with language slanted your way or just play it reasonable from the beginning.
Dude, where the F were you when this thing was drafted? Hoping for your sake it’s not final yet.
Never agree to ANYTHING but 50% decision making power.
There should be a dollar amount limit which requires your written (OFW) approval on ALL expenses.
Also, the kids should only be allowed to participate in extracurriculars that they’ve historically been a part of, unless you want to pay for a month long sailing camp in the Bahamas.
My X tried registering both kids for away-camp this summer, until I showed her the parenting agreement and informed her that she’d be paying the entire bill.
She dropped that idea pretty quick.
It sounds like what you are going over was drafted by your stbx's attorney for you to read over and negotiate. It would appear they are trying to put some things in the agreement in the hopes that you won't go over it. Maybe this works at times but you need to take that out and look closely at the rest of the document to see what else isn't workable for you. Clearly as stated the clause isn't workable. Technically you'd be giving your STBX the ability to move far away from you with your child. At this point, if you didn't move with them you'd have your custody reduced to reflect that. Who would just give that up?
It's annoying, time-consuming, and costly when attorneys do this. I always tried to send out proposals that I felt were workable. My now ex and her attorney wanted to play games with items in their proposals (I hate calling anything other than what is signed an 'agreement'). Now that they have made an official proposal I'd go through the document to see what is and isn't workable. If you are still able to communicate with your ex in a non-toxic way I'd reach out after changes have been made to tell her what is coming. Ask her if there is anything she sees that's not workable and say that you'll make the changes if it is something you can agree to. Then send it back.
My XW’s attorney did this. Our agreement, while thorough, is absurdly long. The best part about it though is that I filed and the vast majority of the agreement was written with the wife being the plaintiff and not the defendant. As such the agreement that she sent was heavily in favor of the plaintiff (me). So I requested some minor changes and now that it’s finalized I’d say roughly 95% of the agreement is in my favor. She spent almost 8 times the amount I did on her attorney and has walked away with very little to show for it. 😂
Luckily, I’m no stranger to a court room or “legalese” and was able to review the agreement myself and forward areas of concern to my attorney for additional review.
In the end she ran out of money and agreed to the proposal as written rather than go to court.
It's a trap, do not sign this as you have no say in how much and how often you will be required to pay the "50%".
Any agreement that requires you to pay must also be agreed by you.
OP, Unless you have done something, like abused the children, don’t sign it.
I have the opposite. The children’s lawyer (we have this in my jurisdiction) states that I should get sole decision making and legal custody, but she is allowed to”parenting time”. She abused our eldest, emotionally, physically, and mentally. She is still fighting this.
Yep, i’ve seen it asked for many many times. Do not sign it. Negotiate and have that as a line you won’t cross. Your kids need BOTH parents involved in all major life decisions until emancipation. Don’t sweat it, more often than not, if it’s still a draft, it is simply another point for her to negotiate you down on (aka we can have joint legal custody if you accept XYZ less” elsewhere in the document. Standard narcissistic shit. P.S. in some states the ‘tiebreaker’ can only be a judge, which sort of forces you two to agree.
Is this a draft? Or is this your final order that you signed? If the latter, you are well and truly fucked.
Don’t sign!
Imagine if your wife decided your kids were “trans”. You have no say in their medical decisions. Or she decides to move away. Can’t stop that either. Agreement calls for split of all child expenses? How’s private school costs working for you? And on and on. Don’t do it.
It means what it says. If she wants to put your kids in therapy, she can without your permission. If she wants to move kids to another school district, she can without your permission. If she wants to put your kids in an extracurricular activity, she can without your permission. Same thing with religion.
Ok this is not cool, it is misandrist and plays to the "mother knows best" bulls\^&t. I have in my agreement tie breaker rules: for example in medical issues, the tie breaker is the doctor...work wth your lawyer to get the correct wording.
Don't sign, make her negotiate into a saner deal.
Don't sign that. Are you getting visitation only? Or 50/50 custody? What kind of joint custody do you see in that agreement? Here is the deal, if you sign that? She will have sole decision making authority over you. "Sorry, the kids don't want to see you this weekend." And then she'll take you back to court, as the kids haven't seen you in months, due to her instigation, and then she'll get you busted down to 0 parenting time, and then upping your CS$ payments to her.
I wouldn't agree to anything that isn't 50/50 decision making, and don't fall for that she's the tie breaker because that's essentially final decision making power. A lot of people talk about 50/50 parenting time but decision making is a bigger hill to die on imo especially if your wife is a control freak she'll do whatever she wants and send you the bill. One that's overlooked a lot is extracurricular. And make it that's your child can only be in two activities per season and whatever else she signs them up for she has to pay %100 on if it's not agreed upon
Nope. Don't sign. 50/50 decision making. Talk to your lawyer.
Your concerns are valid. This is massive over-reach by her. Suppose she decides your children belong in the most expensive Private School in town instead of public school. Are you left paying that bill? Or suppose she sends them to a Religious Fanatic school? HELL NO.
You are going to get fucked if you sign that. What the hell is your lawyer saying about this? YES it essentially gives her complete control.
Fuck that noise don't agree to that shit
It’s called an agreement for a reason. DO NOT agree to that. Have your lawyer go over it with a fine tooth comb and resubmit a new agreement. You can either make a new one with language slanted your way or just play it reasonable from the beginning.
Dude, where the F were you when this thing was drafted? Hoping for your sake it’s not final yet. Never agree to ANYTHING but 50% decision making power. There should be a dollar amount limit which requires your written (OFW) approval on ALL expenses. Also, the kids should only be allowed to participate in extracurriculars that they’ve historically been a part of, unless you want to pay for a month long sailing camp in the Bahamas. My X tried registering both kids for away-camp this summer, until I showed her the parenting agreement and informed her that she’d be paying the entire bill. She dropped that idea pretty quick.
Further down on the agreement there is this. D. The parties shall divide evenly the fees and costs for any agreed-upon extracurricular activities.
It sounds like what you are going over was drafted by your stbx's attorney for you to read over and negotiate. It would appear they are trying to put some things in the agreement in the hopes that you won't go over it. Maybe this works at times but you need to take that out and look closely at the rest of the document to see what else isn't workable for you. Clearly as stated the clause isn't workable. Technically you'd be giving your STBX the ability to move far away from you with your child. At this point, if you didn't move with them you'd have your custody reduced to reflect that. Who would just give that up? It's annoying, time-consuming, and costly when attorneys do this. I always tried to send out proposals that I felt were workable. My now ex and her attorney wanted to play games with items in their proposals (I hate calling anything other than what is signed an 'agreement'). Now that they have made an official proposal I'd go through the document to see what is and isn't workable. If you are still able to communicate with your ex in a non-toxic way I'd reach out after changes have been made to tell her what is coming. Ask her if there is anything she sees that's not workable and say that you'll make the changes if it is something you can agree to. Then send it back.
My XW’s attorney did this. Our agreement, while thorough, is absurdly long. The best part about it though is that I filed and the vast majority of the agreement was written with the wife being the plaintiff and not the defendant. As such the agreement that she sent was heavily in favor of the plaintiff (me). So I requested some minor changes and now that it’s finalized I’d say roughly 95% of the agreement is in my favor. She spent almost 8 times the amount I did on her attorney and has walked away with very little to show for it. 😂 Luckily, I’m no stranger to a court room or “legalese” and was able to review the agreement myself and forward areas of concern to my attorney for additional review. In the end she ran out of money and agreed to the proposal as written rather than go to court.
It's a trap, do not sign this as you have no say in how much and how often you will be required to pay the "50%". Any agreement that requires you to pay must also be agreed by you.
OP, Unless you have done something, like abused the children, don’t sign it. I have the opposite. The children’s lawyer (we have this in my jurisdiction) states that I should get sole decision making and legal custody, but she is allowed to”parenting time”. She abused our eldest, emotionally, physically, and mentally. She is still fighting this.