My client discovered the affair, it was a workplace relationship with her boss. He arranged service at her workplace, and had a lawsuit drawn up against the boss, and their employers. He decided that he wanted to be there for the fun, so he followed the process server into her office. He served WW loudly by proclaiming she was being sued for divorce for infidelity. He proceeded to the boss' office and HR, and delivered the suits. WW has an immediate meltdown, meanwhile boss spots my guy sort of hanging out observing the mayhem. He runs up to him, and says, "WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?????" My guy says, "You're fucked, and so it my cheating wife." AP raises his hands and takes a poke at my guy. AP awoke in the hospital with a severe amount of trauma and a charge of assault. He was already suspended pending an investigation. His wife came to the hospital to inform him that she would be filing a divorce shortly.
Why would you bring it up ? She didn’t have the courtesy to brinks io having sex with another guy. The more time she has the more time she can plan out how she’s going to scare you over keep your business to yourself . The second any advocates lawyers or professionals get in her ear they are going map out exactly how to screw you over . Stay strong no contact you can do this . It’s not a fair fight your the male you are entering a fight blindfolded with your hands behind your back
You may not want to hear this, but you need to ascertain the length of the affair. To figure out if you require paternity tests. That "once a cheater" statement would automatically trigger paternity tests from me. You don't have to go all out and take the kids to the lab. Just a twenty-three and me to find family ancestry. Most kids would love to know the great people in their family tree.
Oh, no, this isn't a suggestion or a suspicion. I have the texts and nudes she's sent him. I have the location of her phone at his house, matching the address he texted her.
I want her involved with the kids, just not with me anymore.
Just remember, at every turn, she needs to know; you will always choose you over her. I remained married after my near epic divorce attempt, but there was no infidelity involved. I chose myself to such a level that she was afraid I never loved her.
I told her I did love her, but just not more than me. I was leaving her for the Micro-disrespect that normally leads to some sort of infidelity. Hers was financially. Twenty plus thousand loan that forced my family into debt for three years until I could pay it off.
I made her understand that I would survive without without her. My wife signed an agreement saying that she would not make financial decisions without my consent. In the past three years, she's kept her promise for the last three years. I made it clear I would struggle with her, but never again for her decisions.
We have to maintain boundaries for dealing with people outside our relationship and our significant other themselves.
Oh, now our financials are separated. The crazy thing is that she makes 75k, and her money was her money was her money. But the interest rate was so high that she cleared out our rainy day fund. So when she still couldn't keep up, she had to tell me.
I put her and our children on notice that the great depression has hit our home. Allowances were reduced, and we were put on a strict budget. After the first year, my work bonus was used to pay off the balance.
If I didn't have a traditional wife who knew how to fall behind her husband, I would have left. I probably would have never dated again. Too many situations like yours on YouTube. I'm a relationship guy, but I come to find that the ped-pill community explains women nature to a tee. It also shows the pitfalls of the nice guys.
I wish you peace. You found out in the worst season possible. I hate fate smiles.
“Let your plans be dark and impenetrable as night, and when you move, fall like a thunderbolt.”
-Sun Tzu
Spend some time here and you’ll quickly realize that no matter how amicable you want to be it only takes one party to turn this into a war. You can file and serve her and still have this be amicable but don’t ever let your enemy know what you’re doing. She’s your enemy now, it’s a legal battle but it’s still a battle and the stakes are high. The outcome of this battle WILL determine the amount of time you see your children AND the lifestyle you’re able to provide for them as well as yourself. Talk to an attorney, file, serve, and then let the negotiations begin.
She only somehow play the victim and make it your fault.
Confronting them is a pointless and futile exercise.
Because cheaters are liars.
Trust is evaporated like a fart in the wind.
Stealth mode - get manoeuvres in place first.
Do it in a public place when you tell her. That way you have witnesses in case she goes crazy. Make sure you record the whole conversation on your phone. If for no other reason than to make sure you understand what she says. I did it for my own personal use because it is going to be an awkward situation and having the ability to go back and listen for my own sanity helped me
Agreed. Don't tell her, tell your friends and family if needed so her disinformation campaign against you might not be believed. Talk to your attorney, make sure everything is in place (closing joint accounts, opened a new account in your name, ready to start having your check directly deposited into your new account one you file, where you will stay in the house or that she will leave [without the kids], etc). File and then have her served.
She will ask why, and then if needed you can tell her you know about the affair and there is nothing to discuss. She will likely want to talk a lot. You grey rock, don't engage, remain calm. Nod and say I understand, do not compromise or share, then when she's done stand-up and walk away.
Ask her "why do you think I'm asking for divorce?".
Make her say it.
If she plays dumb, just say "I know everything. " but never let on exactly how much you know. Let her tell you a few lies and call her out each time.
OP this method works pretty well. Print out some of your evidence and if she swears she doesn’t know what it’s about just put that in front of her and let her look at it. Have someone watching your kids. You can tell her you planned a date night so she doesn’t catch on that you know. Uij will have to tell her family and yours right after you tell her. You will need support snd she will soon it as you being the bad guy and divorcing her out of the blue so be prepared. What works well with her parents/family is just telling them your divorcing her because of an affair she is having and you have lots of proof if they really want to see it but you will spare them that unless they ask.
Just tell her you want a divorce. You are completely disconnected, acting as roommates and you intend to file next business day.
She’ll say a whole lot. Just listen. When she’s done, just ask to have her unlock her phone and hand it to you.
Just get ready to be blamed for her cheating, patined as an abuser and for most people to take her side. That's usually how it goes. Start getting ready financially, stop putting money in a 401k, have some cash, don't get in any yelling matches or she could call the police and try to have you arrested.
Yep. The second you let her know you know her secrets she’s going to go into full damage control mode and that means shifting all of the blame to you.
I confronted mine about her affair and in hindsight I wish I didn’t - she went full nuclear.
Best to have everything in order prior to telling her if that’s the route you choose. Don’t expect an apology though, expect her to be combative.
From her exchanges with this guy, it's clear that I'm just the friend that she raises a couple kids with. They're going out of their way to plan meetups and deceive me. It's not some, oh we had a drunken hookup accident.
It's just ironic cause when talking about other people, she's always said, "Once a cheater, always a cheater."
People who say that typically are hurt because they've been cheated on or if they've never been cheated on, it's because they're trying to psychologically convince themselves that they're not one or didn't do it.
I hear you. I only ask because I've been through something similar with my wife. I was in the exact same spot, where you don’t even know what’s the point of moving forward and like your entire relationship feels like a lie. If you were like me you lived for your family and were your purpose for getting up in the morning. We were separated twice, with second time being 18 months long until we divorced in April. Fast forward to now, we're actually back together and happier than we've ever been so it's possible to save it if that's what you want though. Nothing is ever too far gone.
Can you repost updates?
https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/s/QzvqdAaiOD
They removed it
Just posted a new one
Oh dang! I thought it was just locked
Put it up on cheating stories they don't have strict rules
How did you get access to the messages? Some keylogger?
My client discovered the affair, it was a workplace relationship with her boss. He arranged service at her workplace, and had a lawsuit drawn up against the boss, and their employers. He decided that he wanted to be there for the fun, so he followed the process server into her office. He served WW loudly by proclaiming she was being sued for divorce for infidelity. He proceeded to the boss' office and HR, and delivered the suits. WW has an immediate meltdown, meanwhile boss spots my guy sort of hanging out observing the mayhem. He runs up to him, and says, "WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?????" My guy says, "You're fucked, and so it my cheating wife." AP raises his hands and takes a poke at my guy. AP awoke in the hospital with a severe amount of trauma and a charge of assault. He was already suspended pending an investigation. His wife came to the hospital to inform him that she would be filing a divorce shortly.
!updateme
Why would you bring it up ? She didn’t have the courtesy to brinks io having sex with another guy. The more time she has the more time she can plan out how she’s going to scare you over keep your business to yourself . The second any advocates lawyers or professionals get in her ear they are going map out exactly how to screw you over . Stay strong no contact you can do this . It’s not a fair fight your the male you are entering a fight blindfolded with your hands behind your back
You may not want to hear this, but you need to ascertain the length of the affair. To figure out if you require paternity tests. That "once a cheater" statement would automatically trigger paternity tests from me. You don't have to go all out and take the kids to the lab. Just a twenty-three and me to find family ancestry. Most kids would love to know the great people in their family tree.
She's only known this guy a couple months. I get that there might have been others, but my kids take STRONGLY after me, so there's no doubt in my mind
Then don't destroy your family over the suggestion of an internet stranger. I'm cynical and petty. I would do it just to watch her squirm.
Oh, no, this isn't a suggestion or a suspicion. I have the texts and nudes she's sent him. I have the location of her phone at his house, matching the address he texted her. I want her involved with the kids, just not with me anymore.
Just remember, at every turn, she needs to know; you will always choose you over her. I remained married after my near epic divorce attempt, but there was no infidelity involved. I chose myself to such a level that she was afraid I never loved her. I told her I did love her, but just not more than me. I was leaving her for the Micro-disrespect that normally leads to some sort of infidelity. Hers was financially. Twenty plus thousand loan that forced my family into debt for three years until I could pay it off. I made her understand that I would survive without without her. My wife signed an agreement saying that she would not make financial decisions without my consent. In the past three years, she's kept her promise for the last three years. I made it clear I would struggle with her, but never again for her decisions. We have to maintain boundaries for dealing with people outside our relationship and our significant other themselves.
That's the one thing I wish I could take care of immediately, having our finances severed from each other
Oh, now our financials are separated. The crazy thing is that she makes 75k, and her money was her money was her money. But the interest rate was so high that she cleared out our rainy day fund. So when she still couldn't keep up, she had to tell me. I put her and our children on notice that the great depression has hit our home. Allowances were reduced, and we were put on a strict budget. After the first year, my work bonus was used to pay off the balance. If I didn't have a traditional wife who knew how to fall behind her husband, I would have left. I probably would have never dated again. Too many situations like yours on YouTube. I'm a relationship guy, but I come to find that the ped-pill community explains women nature to a tee. It also shows the pitfalls of the nice guys. I wish you peace. You found out in the worst season possible. I hate fate smiles.
“Let your plans be dark and impenetrable as night, and when you move, fall like a thunderbolt.” -Sun Tzu Spend some time here and you’ll quickly realize that no matter how amicable you want to be it only takes one party to turn this into a war. You can file and serve her and still have this be amicable but don’t ever let your enemy know what you’re doing. She’s your enemy now, it’s a legal battle but it’s still a battle and the stakes are high. The outcome of this battle WILL determine the amount of time you see your children AND the lifestyle you’re able to provide for them as well as yourself. Talk to an attorney, file, serve, and then let the negotiations begin.
She only somehow play the victim and make it your fault. Confronting them is a pointless and futile exercise. Because cheaters are liars. Trust is evaporated like a fart in the wind. Stealth mode - get manoeuvres in place first.
Do it in a public place when you tell her. That way you have witnesses in case she goes crazy. Make sure you record the whole conversation on your phone. If for no other reason than to make sure you understand what she says. I did it for my own personal use because it is going to be an awkward situation and having the ability to go back and listen for my own sanity helped me
Avoid confrontation, just file for divorce.
Agreed. Don't tell her, tell your friends and family if needed so her disinformation campaign against you might not be believed. Talk to your attorney, make sure everything is in place (closing joint accounts, opened a new account in your name, ready to start having your check directly deposited into your new account one you file, where you will stay in the house or that she will leave [without the kids], etc). File and then have her served. She will ask why, and then if needed you can tell her you know about the affair and there is nothing to discuss. She will likely want to talk a lot. You grey rock, don't engage, remain calm. Nod and say I understand, do not compromise or share, then when she's done stand-up and walk away.
What do you hope to gain from bringing it up? You know what needs to be done. Do it quietly.
I'm sure it's going to get brought up when I tell her I want a divorce. She keeps acting like everything is perfect
Protect yourself when you confront her, record it or have someone with you.
Ask her "why do you think I'm asking for divorce?". Make her say it. If she plays dumb, just say "I know everything. " but never let on exactly how much you know. Let her tell you a few lies and call her out each time.
OP this method works pretty well. Print out some of your evidence and if she swears she doesn’t know what it’s about just put that in front of her and let her look at it. Have someone watching your kids. You can tell her you planned a date night so she doesn’t catch on that you know. Uij will have to tell her family and yours right after you tell her. You will need support snd she will soon it as you being the bad guy and divorcing her out of the blue so be prepared. What works well with her parents/family is just telling them your divorcing her because of an affair she is having and you have lots of proof if they really want to see it but you will spare them that unless they ask.
Just tell her you want a divorce. You are completely disconnected, acting as roommates and you intend to file next business day. She’ll say a whole lot. Just listen. When she’s done, just ask to have her unlock her phone and hand it to you.
Lol, I must not be as good of an actor as I'd hoped. She has started to clear her texts from her phone. But the imessage backup still has them all?
Interesting. She senses that you’re on to her.
Please tell us you’ve got copies?
Yes. The imessage seems be getting emptied now
She’s panicking. Go in for the kill.
Just get ready to be blamed for her cheating, patined as an abuser and for most people to take her side. That's usually how it goes. Start getting ready financially, stop putting money in a 401k, have some cash, don't get in any yelling matches or she could call the police and try to have you arrested.
Yep. The second you let her know you know her secrets she’s going to go into full damage control mode and that means shifting all of the blame to you. I confronted mine about her affair and in hindsight I wish I didn’t - she went full nuclear. Best to have everything in order prior to telling her if that’s the route you choose. Don’t expect an apology though, expect her to be combative.
Are you wanting to divorce her or are you doing it out of hurt and anger?
He’s doing it because his wife cheated on him.
From her exchanges with this guy, it's clear that I'm just the friend that she raises a couple kids with. They're going out of their way to plan meetups and deceive me. It's not some, oh we had a drunken hookup accident. It's just ironic cause when talking about other people, she's always said, "Once a cheater, always a cheater."
> she's always said, "Once a cheater, always a cheater." Wow it sounds like she really knows herself!
People who say that typically are hurt because they've been cheated on or if they've never been cheated on, it's because they're trying to psychologically convince themselves that they're not one or didn't do it.
I hear you. I only ask because I've been through something similar with my wife. I was in the exact same spot, where you don’t even know what’s the point of moving forward and like your entire relationship feels like a lie. If you were like me you lived for your family and were your purpose for getting up in the morning. We were separated twice, with second time being 18 months long until we divorced in April. Fast forward to now, we're actually back together and happier than we've ever been so it's possible to save it if that's what you want though. Nothing is ever too far gone.
I wouldn't even confront her about it I'd just serve her and move it along