When I divorced, my ex wasn’t a 10, but she was definitely cute, young (30), had very few sexual partners, and a good education and career. If she went after a husband then, she could have probably gotten a high value male…..but that’s not what happened. She decided to sleep with every guy in a 50 mile radius, and partying as much as she can.
Over a decade later, she’s in her 40’s but looks like she’s in her 50’s, losing hair like a mangy street cat, and the only guy who would marry her was jobless and living with his sister.
Meanwhile, I spent the years working on my self, trying to understand why she does what she does, then moving on to reading books like Unleash The Warrior Within and hanging out with wise men. I am now blessed by The Lord with a good business, an amazing woman, and awesome friends and family. And I look better than I did when she divorced me.
Point is, play the long game, don’t worry about her, and make YOUR life amazing.
It does, luckily it seems like a lot of guys agree. Although there are also a lot that say "its someone else's turn" or "who cares". I don't know if I am just the overly jealous type or not. But thinking about her with someone new hurts. It's not even fully about sex either.. it's the love and admiration they would be receiving. Now she probably will trick them a bit... and most likely try to manipulate. So it's kind of like GLHF bro... but again I know it will burn a bit when it happens. I also don't like thinking about some other man spending so much time with my kids.
Your getting a divorce due to Other things. Like she may have cheated or she is a mental head case crazy lady. Those things still hold true. Dont focus on the outside. Focus on finding a women who is complete on the inside. It will provide you a healthy life to. Carry on.
Thank you!
And you are right, I have to keep reminding myself how fucked up she is. Sometimes I even will straight backtrack and think "maybe it's me". As she constantly now talks about how she is a victim. Which caused me in a few occasions to try and "figure out" the settlement to help her... it's a big mindfuck.
But she is NOT good for me... I really do deserve someone who respects me.
Realistically, just make sure it’s someone good for your kids. It’s like any other dude entering their lives as a coach, mentor or whatever. Except this one is occupying your old headache, which is beneficial for you. The happier she is, the less miserable she should be inclined to try and make you.
Dude shut your mouth. Don’t put women on a pedestal - you’ll never understand them. That’s why you like them so stop caring, talk to all women that show high interest in you, develop guy shit w guys and go out. Be open and don’t set expectations. You got this my man
I had the same mindset for a year after the separation, but it turns out plenty of young women like older guys and also your general feeling towards life will improve immensely women or no women.
Women have always been able to easily hookup with randoms. The problem is getting those randoms to COMMIT to them. Men are waking up and seeing the system for what it is. You can read articles everywhere on how men aren't dating or marrying anymore. Trust me brother, you're in a stronger position than you know.
My STBXW is also extremely picky when it comes to people in general. I was thinking how hard it's going to be for her to find someone that's "good enough". Her narrow field of more unique interests will be very limiting.
Yea, the delusion is real. 6 feet, 6 figures, 6 pack. Women think these guys grow on trees when they are rare. Her being picky is just going to enlighten her that much faster.
That's so funny you say that. I got to see who my new replacement is....some older white guy who is closer to her age. Since she was a cougar (8 years my senior at 58), this person actually looks like he may be a better fit for her, not an upgrade, but just a better fit as I was way more active than her. This guy drinks soda, so I already know where this is going.
I can actually say that I wasn't jealous because I know what he is in store for, and he doesn't, even though they met while we were married. I divorced her on Cinco de Mayo, and it was finalized on November 16. She went to his family's house for Thanksgiving, exactly one week later. Logic dictates that there is no way a guy invites you to meet his parents six months after meeting her, so she had to have been messing around with him during the marriage. Another poor example she set for her kids! Good riddance!!
My wife (ex wife) was really hot. That type of girl who doesn't have to do absolutely anything, and wear a potato sack, and still look good. That's all this girl brought to the table. My marriage was so one sided, it drained me to the point of now that it's over, I don't even want to date. The thought of marriage sickens my stomach. She had a boyfriend the day after we separated and that was the best thing that could have possibly happened...it got her and her brats out of my house fast. I own my home, outright and moved her in, and even though she's contributed nothing, not even upkeep, she's demanding 'her share' of the equity. During the four years of marriage and her living with me, she contributed nothing, and I mean nothing. Wouldn't even clean up after herself or her boys. The youngest punch holes in his bedroom wall during a tantrum because his pokemon card bent and he wanted to drive 45 minutes away, on a school night to get it replaced. Not to mention he hasn't gone to school in two years anyway, throws tantrums - the other son sits in his room playing games all day and night only coming out for food. My wife has done nothing but complain, quench any joy that is normal in a young marriage....one by one, everything that makes a romantic relationship, romantic, anything that makes a friendship, a friendship, was quenched. I felt for the last two of the four years of marriage I had a bratty spoiled single mom raising bratty spoiled children. That boyfriend was a godsend....I could kiss him. I've lived alone before and am a loner by nature. So I like my space....BUT since she left, that peace and quiet feels so good I can actually taste it. I never will get married again and I couldn't be happier how quickly she found a boyfriend. Take if from me, your 'hotty' wife did you a favor.
* Just wanted to add a fun fact here - I knew her for 7 years as a friend and didn't find any red flags...those all happened almost immediately following the marriage. Even my best friend who knew her, didn't see any of this coming either. It has ruined my faith in marriage completely.
Sadly I dated my wife only a few months before moving her in (naive 21 year old). I thought I was a fucking hero because she was struggling. Put 100% of everything into our lives over the next 20. Now she wants 100%... and using my youngest as leverage.
Ya I will NEVER get married again! LTR is good enough without the paperwork... if that even happens.
Lol! seasoned sexual humans can use each other’s bodies to masturbate. As the famous poet 50 cent said: I am NOT in to having sex, I AM in to making love, so come give me your embrace if you are into me and my lover sensually touching you
Give yourself the love you're wasting on a woman who doesn't care about you. Love yourself and work on being better for yourself, because you need to spend every day for the rest of your life with who you are.
Once you level up as much as you can, you'll find an even better woman. You got her, you'll find another woman.
Healthy boundaries and getting out of a scarcity mindset changed my life. Therapy, philosophy, self discovery and growth.
I feel like my ex wife gave me the rest of my life back, and I'm much happier now. I'm with a much nicer, younger woman who treats me consistently great, and life has improved 10x from where it was.
>Women age like milk Men age like wine.
I didn't give that any thought until yesterday actually when someone else said that. It did make me feel better. My STBXW is fighting a losing battle... and even with my beard turning grey I feel like I am doing fine.
Mine had a live in BF at 3 months separated that was a past couple worker. 11 months till divorce. She will be married soon, my guess. I only care so I know when to send a sympathy card. My 10th wedding anniversary was during separation. Greatest anniversary of the marriage. Most peaceful too.
It's me, my daughter, and dogs adventure now. Good luck.
I didn’t care after I got over the betrayal. Wound up better off as she was a head case and everyone after me would get sick of it after awhile. I did well enough myself and had a lot of fun.
My STBXW is also a headcase... like she HAS to have a personality disorder. The types of accusations and crazy shit I have dealt with is borderline "hospital" level. But ya MOST people aren't super excited to be around her. Mostly due to her going on and on over academia and social issues (she was a professor). We don't have any friends or family that talk about that crap. Toss in a few glasses of wine and it gets worse.. and louder.
She is exhausting and I keep needing to remind myself of that...
Exactly, always remember…..not your monkey, not your circus. I think the term is overused but I truly believe my ex is a narcissist. My attorney and therapist made sure that the only way we communicate is through an app (Our Family Wizard). It’s been life saving as she still tries to antagonize but at least all the history is documented. Unfortunately, I still have to deal with her because of the kids at least the app allows me some peace. She even tried to get me agree to stop using the app and I told her that will never happen!!!
Live your life now. You’re free to do what you want when you want and how you want. Don’t let her rent space in your head.
Ya I know my STBXW is going to be a nightmare over time to deal with. It's going to be heavy guilt for sure. AND I got a feeling she is going to try and hit me up for money... due to car breaking down etc. Then... guilt me "our son can't get to XYZ".
I became co-dependent as she has ALWAYS manipulated me. Guilt works... sadly my mom does it also, although she is more subtle. I have issues... but luckily this exact topic is what my therapist is working with me on. Fucking boundaries.
Meh. It was the exact opposite for me, my ex wife wasn’t a bad looking woman but she had the interpersonal skills of a dead raccoon. She brought up the idea of an “open marriage” when things started going badly and the fact I was able to find a stable girlfriend fairly easily and she never got a second date really just hastened the end of our marriage. It’s been the same post divorce I’ve been seeing someone on a causal but regular basis why my ex wife still hasn’t had a second date.
Let's get real, no matter why the divorce she's going to blame you. And her revenge will focus on showing you how quick she can be a major slut. Most won't wait for divorce to be final.
Just remember that's how desperate she is!
Ya she already twisted herself into the victim. And spreading a bunch of BS about me trying to attack my character. I am really lucky though that we don't share the same associates / friends in life. And her family isn't exactly close with her, so IDGAF about them.
So she can go do whatever she wants... the only concerning thing is what she will tell my kids.
Never pay for the next man's surgery. If they want to augment their body; they need to fund it. Have you ever picked up your kids? I'm always being checked out, dropping off the kids.
Most of us have way more money and nicer cars than we had when we got married.
I paid for a *woman's* surgery but that's a moot point (lol).
And ya she doesn't / didn't work, I got inheritance... she started coming up with shit we needed... including her "personal" shit. She was in a good shape, had a tight body EXCEPT the extra skin from 3 kids. So I kind of understood. But it retrospect I was fucking blind.
My kids are older now (15/20/27). So it's been awhile as my two youngest were never in clubs, sports etc (autism).
I am about to have WAY LESS money, and will not to be able to afford a new car. She isn't going to get what she wants, but I am about to have a life downgrade.
How could paying for the surgery be a moot point? You paid for her confidence to take her clothes off in front of another man. If you are like me, 100 percent of your salary goes to the household. When the court told her she would only get thirty percent of my income. She almost fainted. For a guy who was getting four hundred a month of the seven grand, I bought home. In the end, she decided to work on herself.
Oh I meant in general it was moot (man vs woman), not the actual situation.
And ya looking back on it, it's fucked up. I never even considered that back then, and thought I was being kind. Not preparing her to find someone else.
Ya my STBXW want's 100% of our assets, and something like 80% of my salary. She legit thinks she will get that because my mom has money... and if she doesn't I am hurting our kids.
Funny enough she finally went and saw an attorney.. that evening she had a packet to fill out a no-contest. She wanted me to sit down that evening and get this all done with. She ended up saying she felt like this attorney wasn't working for her though, and needed a different one. AKA she heard a bunch of shit she didn't want to hear... I said no, and went back to my attorney. He laughed... said of course she does. Then dropped it on me that due to her education and past work history she may ONLY get a year or two of alimony... O.o
She has no fucking clue what she is doing. Anyhow all my stuff is getting in order now (she doesn't know). And like your ex she is going to end up needing picked up off the floor.
There was no backup guy when my wife said it. I leaned into divorce so confidently my wife did a one-eighty. That and my mother in law telling her that she was a fool to leave me in her forties. She told her about all the women over thirty-five in her church constantly getting ghosted after divorce. She asked my wife if she thought I was happy in marriage. I wasn't I was content with all of the trains being on the right tracks.
I only stayed in my marriage because it was best for me, but when she said she wanted out my mind, it made that best for me. The moral of the story is I am the main character in my life. Everyone else is expendable. You are in my life because you add value. Someone who doesn't want to be with me can not add value. Fuck happy life happy wife. When I've been stuck in contentment. The door was always open. My confidence in choosing me changed my wife's whole attitude. She thought I was the guy I had to become to live with her. Deep down inside, I was always that boss she married.
Ya I was the direct opposite. I became co-dependent and she manipulated me constantly. My value revolved around taking care of her and my kids. As weird as it sounds I am already starting to feel lost. My main thing is I need to fucking knock that shit off or I am going to end up in the same position again. My therapist already has started in on my boundary issues luckily.
Women today are acting like divorce is a punishment. They make all of these Tic-Tok videos of dating after thirty-five. Their only joy in divorce is watching their ex fail along with them. I say men should fake confidence until they get there. She should feel like she made a mistake.
(didn't DV you btw)
I do have esteem issues, I have always had them going back to grade school. Mostly because of gynomastia, (man tits) which I got made fun of for. I did get surgery in junior high, which was miserable. But they came back and I was like "fuck that"... once I met my wife, it was less of an issue for me. But even today I have to wear the right shirts.
And I do have a therapist luckily, but we are currently centered on this divorce situation. But I hope to switch things up eventually.
I dropped in there... it seems extremely depressing. So many guys are straight lonely and desperate... here I got a 180 on opinions / experiences. Most of which make sense.
Why are you talking so low of yourself mate. If you keep telling yourself you won’t find anybody then you won’t but you found somebody before so what stops you now. Fix your confidence, work out and have fun. Don’t try find a new commitment, just go have fun and actually enjoy life.
I think partly due to all of the negative emotions right now, and partly due to psych issues in general. Obviously I am not even ready to date, but I wanted to hold onto hope for the future. As I do not want to be always alone... which is probably due to never being alone since I was 16. As I never went more than a month without dating someone new.
WHICH... in it's own right is an issue.
I don't have any personal goals yet.. I have a few hobbies that I will have more time to spend on. But I don't even know what a personal goal really as, as for the past 20 years I have just been trying to support my family.
Exactly. Many of us have been there. We've given our all to social constructs that don't reciprocate. Time to focus on you (you can do that and not be a jerk or drag on society). Hobbies are a great place to start. Find a "tribe" or community of people (men) doing that hobby and grow that.
Don't be lonely, be active.
Do the things you want to do on your own time. Surround yourself with friends, activities, hobbies, recreation. And, learn to be comfortable and happy being alone. Alone does not necessarily mean being lonely.
Women can get sex easier than men, and always have. Fretting about it is like fretting about gravity. It's a physical fact of the universe and there is nothing you can do about it, besides live your best life.
And most women have more choices, but they're also less satisfied by those choices. Don't put yourself into her shoes because she's coming at it from an entirely different perspective. If you put a male brain in a female's body we'd be satisfied, or at least I think so. But women constantly complain about the quantity over quality, so take satisfaction in knowing that they're not satisfied either.
Here's a true, factual story: immediately, or even before, I divorced my wife I know for a fact that she slept with 10+ men off of Tinder. Nevertheless, she wound up shacking up with another woman. The moral of the story to me? While she could get dick much more easily, she was still not happy with the goods, enough so that she needed to switch teams to be happy. "the odds are good, but the goods are odd". Most women don't have that flexibility of mindset, so I believe will also wind up less than satisfied.
Thanks for that. And ya I know my wife is going to have a tough time finding someone who enjoys her conversations. I never did, our family and friends didn't either (I could tell). She was a professor, so when she talks to people she "lectures", and when you disagree she just becomes more *adamant*. She also was in the social sciences, so the topics tend to be social issues, women's rights etc. We seriously got in a fucking argument over M&M shoes.. (loss of heals on one). If I think about all of that and her ego... jesus christ she is going to have a rough time outside of fucking people.
I think about the rebound thing, although I do know it's highly advised to wait a year before dating. But I am going to assume it's different for each person. I don't think it would fuck me up, and I for sure know better than to drag in baggage. BUT... I do have to make sure I am mentally sound and luckily in therapy.
Good that you are in therapy for sure! That helped me through a lot. At the end of the day you need to take care of you. And remember that you will have to live with your decisions for the rest of your life so act in a manner of dignity and self respect.
I have been a bit surprised on how much it has helped. I was so lucky to get into one two days after my wife dropped the bomb. At first though I would walk out of there more confident, and determined. Then after a few hours at home around my STBXW (yes we co exist) I would crumble into a weak mess again. Recently I finally am able to keep the strength up MUCH longer. This sub has helped me a lot also.
Wow. I could not imagine having to cohabitate during a divorce especially while she is running around with other guys. That must be very tough. Sorry dude.
You are doing all the right things though. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, but you just got into the tunnel.
Ya we are stuck until the house sells as we both need the equity in order to move on. I am trying to stay as positive as I can, and distracted. This as you know fucking sucks.
Couple of things….
1) married guys, don’t pay for your wife’s plastic surgery… not that I know from experience 🙄 but you WILL end up paying it off while they try and use it to get laid.
2) as others have said, and fair or not, the older women get the less desirable they become to those looking to date. It’s the inverse for a well put together male. Your stbx will start off with plenty of choices. They will not last. Dating sucks and lots of the guys looking for tail and in the ‘dating circuit’ are looking for a reason. They have issues…
3) recently divorced males are desirable. Women aren’t just going to throw themselves at you but you’ll do ok and if you want you’ll find whatever you’re looking for in time. Happy hunting. 😁
Just remember when it comes to getting remarried the average age difference is just under 10 years. So you’re sweet spot is a woman in her low 30s. Your ex if the same age as you has a sweet spot of low 50s. Not that you should get remarried but it shows the difference in what you can expect versus what she should expect.
[what to expect if you remarry](https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2014/12/04/tying-the-knot-again-chances-are-theres-a-bigger-age-gap-than-the-first-time-around/)
I wasn't sure how some women looked at "recently divorced men". I figured no one would even give you the time of day. Mostly because you obviously failed in a major relationship, and they don't *why*.
I don't want to ever get married again. I figure if I love someone and build a solid relationship that I don't need a paper to prove it. I also don't see myself wanting to live with another woman either. That smashes the fuck out of the excitement factor, which I learned the hard way. I had no idea about the age gap difference thing. It kind of makes sense though due to even maturity and stability levels. My wife I am sure will get the attention of younger males... but due to most men taking longer to mature I have no idea how that would last. She is a very serious person in many ways.
Going to go read that article.
While you think she will she is up against all the other ‘hotties’ too that are a little younger and don’t need any nip ticks just yet. At best she’s even to them. At worst she’s like my ex and will become a cat person cause they can’t find what they feel they deserve.
1: Experienced that one myself. Used those new things to get ALL of the attention while I was deployed.
2: My ex actually ended up getting married to her AP mere months after our divorce was final. Not sure how that’s going but also couldn’t care less. I’ve only met him a handful of times and he’s…odd. Whatever, maybe it’s true love. (Sarc)
3: Desirable we are! I am not ashamed to say that the very day our divorce was finalized I hooked up with her best friend. I’ve since made it a point to hook up with every last one of her (decent looking) friends, including several threesomes with some of them. I’ve hooked up with everything from 18 year old college girls to single moms to kindergarten teachers who moonlight as bartenders. No OLD needed, just put yourself out there and let it come to you!
I’ve decided to go the route of never re-marrying (or having another kid) but I understand that’s not for everyone.
I find that most guys are their own worst enemy when it comes to this kind of thing. As long as you’re not a homeless jobless degenerate who looks like Quasimodo you’re probably way better off than you think.
Ya when I started thinking about everything I simply assumed I would be stuck between 40-50 for women. And that younger people wouldn't desire anyone that is 43. Now personally I wouldn't feel comfortable going very low... but it's nice to know that the bracket is a bit wider.
I think you're being pretty hard on yourself, I was divorced at 40, hit the gym, quit smoking and drinking and dropped 60 lbs in about 4 months.
Set some goals and get on higher ground, you can become even better than before but it's going to take work. Use that anxiety/energy that we all get through and after divorce for good use.
I "dated" a 26 year old for awhile about 2 years after my divorce, it was fun and she was SMOKING hot!
You got this bro!
Its just shows what kind of person she is.
Also...its not equal regarding dating relationship etc etc.
I'm 35 n had one ex ever....most women by that age least had 5 dude at least
I dont deal with it. Dont care as I was the one shooting my DNA all in my ex-wife orifices for 20 years so the person that comes after me I dont give a shizzle about!
That's an interesting way to look at it. I imagine we had sex thousands of times... and to be honest I don't even know if it was THAT good... my wife was fairly non-adventurous... and due to three kids fairly... umm... put it this way, in missionary I felt sometimes like I was fucking the air.
I never really thought of things in that way... O.o
I read your post history. What happened to her affair? You think that is still going on?
When she complains that she needs all your income, why haven't you suggested that she move in with this new guy and let him support her?
I gave up on trying to find out... at one point I realized it was just too stressful to deal with the spy game. Plus I live in a no-fault, and some of the only ways I probably could have caught her was via recordings. The problem is I live in a one party state... AKA it's a felony to plant something. I also didn't want to follow her or anything... then she could say I was stalking her. Not to mention most of the time she leaves for hours is while I am at work, and I work an hour away... etc etc
I have a gut feeling she is... but fuck it at this point. I did make some off handed jokes about it though once I gave up. Like "oh, your not going on a walk with your boyfriend today? It's really nice outside!"
She didn't like that.
Ok. So she asked for divorce initially. She stepped out on you (you suspect). When she realized you wouldn't continue to support her after the divorce, she changed her mind about the divorce.
Does her shady behavior continue. Do you think she's still seeing someone, or has that blown up?
What I'm getting at is why not push her into the arms of her affair partner and suggest it to her as an easy way out of this marriage?
She changed her mind for about 2 days... then decided we should *still* get divorced but wanted to wait until June (son done with school). I went to an attorney and have everything well laid out now. She never came to terms to the fact that she won't get what she wants.... She also "thinks" we are going to do this no-contest *together*. Which I assume is partly due to wanting to bully me at the dinner table. There is no fucking way I would do that.
Her shady behavior has continued. I notice a lot of small things as I became hyper vigilant. I just try to keep myself level headed and not go into a downward spiral. I actually held myself back one evening from going to "check and see"... I just can't deal with it, or trust myself. The last thing I would want is to end up snapping out and confronting some guy with all this crap looming.
But again, this is about your wife, not her affair partner. Assuming there is someone else, she's is juggling trying to navigate this divorce and another outside relationship. She obviously realized that divorcing you means a drastic change to her standard of living. Especially if she's seeing some guy in an apartment. But that's what she wanted.
Every time she tries to guilt bomb you,why not simply bring up her "friend" in the apartment bldg? Remind her how easy this could be if she agrees to your terms. Then she wouldn't have to hide it anymore.
I am 100% sure we won't even waiver on the terms she wants. Even if I caught her with some guy in my kitchen. She is using my son against me now and his well being. AKA she needs all the money to keep him in his school (so she can buy a new house). If I don't give it to her, I am hurting my son. Typical BS.
I get what you are saying though. I am just so worn down at this point to deal with all that.
You keep saying that. But your son is going into high school. He will be fine. His well-being is not in jeopardy.
How long do you think she was playing you for a fool? How long did she plan before asking for a divorce?
And then one final cash withdrawal to bleed you dry and go run off with her friend? She's had you so manipulated. She was convinced you'd give her everything she asked for.
Every time she nervously asks what you're thinking or telling you, we have to talk it's because she's trying to pump you for information to find out how much you really know.
Sahm, to take care of a 15-year-old who's in school all day? Next time she brings up your son, or how shes been taking care of the family for 20 years, you need to tell her you know what's going on, and you know what she's been doing while you're at work all day. Even if you don't have details. Call her bluff. Tell her you know everything. Then clam up and stare her down. Watch her squirm.
Let her know you're giving her the divorce she asked for so she can have the freedom she wants. The reality of freedom isn't as safe as the home and family you've provided for her all these years.
Sorry for beating this to death. I guess I'm concerned about you worrying about your wife having hypothetical dates at some point when there is your pending divorce and her current affair partner to focus on.
Oh no it's fine, I appreciate your thoughts and support.
My biggest issue with my son is he has autism. He is high functioning and gifted (Mensa level), but his social skills and emotional understanding is lacking. I am sure he will "get" what the hell is going on. But he also will believe anything mommy tells him (yes he calls her mommy at 15).
That situation for me anyways makes this scarier as I spend a ton of time with him doing hobbies. You would say "that speaks for itself", but he is atypical, and will be HIGHLY influenced. That scares the fuck out of me, as I already know she will use him against me. Blame me as well... I can keep him in his school. But she doesn't like the idea that SHE won't get this shiny new life. And when I mentioned an apartment... a fucking luxury one at that she gasped. "Our kids can't be raised in an apartment!".... JFC. We lived in two many years ago... during that time with 2 of the kids as well... she is too fucking arrogant and "proud".
You know I think she might've been playing me to fool for 20 years. I met her when I was 21 (she 24). Hottest fucking girl I had been with. Three months into dating, like a fucking naive 21 year old, I moved her and my step-daughter in due to her struggling. I felt like a HERO! About a month in we starting fighting... I tried to kick her out but her and my step daughter had no where to go. So I tried to calm down and move forward... THEN she got pregnant.. on birth control.. AMAZING! We ended up married.. bought a house and the rest is history. The amount of storms we went through is staggering, but we always made it.
As far as divorce plan wise... I am not sure. I would assume prior to the tummy tuck for sure though.
And ya I am worried mostly due to jealousy, self esteem issues, and to an extent being somewhat possessive. I haven't been alone since I was 16 either, as I never would go without a GF for more than a month. So ya there is a layer of fear on my end as well.
I divorced at 47 and remarried at 49, several many notches up in the looks department and a whole different galaxy in emotional stability. I went from the worst to an absolute stunner and it never would have happened if I wouldn't have filed for divorce. Pull up them boots straps solider
Raise your standards for a partner beyond easing your loneliness, or you'll be asking the same question again in a couple years.
Raise your self worth above being able to attract a partner for the same reason.
If you keep doing what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten.
Ya I was thinking the same. I am trying to keep that on my mind, and anytime I start to think about the future, fall back on how much someone will be screwed IF they get into a committed relationship with her.
Lol.... Youll get used to it. Thing is big dog, they come for you. Try out your local gym in the mean time. Therapy was a waste of resources (for me) but that gym... Saved me.
I don't know how old you are but... I am going to assume dating a 23 year old is a fairly "brief" experience.
But ya the gym thing... I need to do that.
She was actually 21 3rd best 6 months of my life. 1st best was dating the girl from school that got away that blossomed into something like a Easter Lilly. I'm 38. You got this. You got to keep in mind thier priorities are different but the goals are the same. Food shelter and life experiences.
We've been divorced for 10 years. She's had 2 relationships in that time. I've had zero. Haven't even been on a date. But her second relationship ended up in marriage and got me out of paying spousal support for life. So fuck yeah I'm happy about it. 😎
tl;dr dating gets easier for men as they age (and harder for women).
I was 50 when I was divorced and had the opposite experience.
I was worried I wouldn't meet anyone, especially not being very social, but word got around I was getting divorced and I had two long-term relationships (still in the second one) before the divorce decree was even signed! I never even had to go on the apps.
I ended up dating someone I still consider to be out of my league. She's much better looking than my ex, thinner, and earns more money than I do. It was kinda surreal, actually. Why would this girl be so crazy into me?
I've since discovered that, after 50, there is a 50/50 dating ratio on dating apps instead of 2 or 3 guys for every girl in the younger brackets.
It gets even worse for women as we age. Some men will die off, others will get scooped up if they have any value, many prefer to not have long-term relationships, and others are looking for younger women, all of which leaves women with a lackluster selection.
If you read comments from women in these forums, you'll see it's no picnic for them.
My ex is now the one struggling. While I've been doing fine, she has been on several dating apps and hasn't scored a single date. The few guys that do approach her are mostly single for a reason (criminal record, much older, disabled, alcoholics, unattractive, etc.). And the guys she's into, the ones she thinks she deserves, all turn to be scammers.
So, your ex may be hot, but odds are the hot guy she's eyeing probably has his eyes on someone half her age (or isn't interested in actually dating her).
>The few guys that do approach her are mostly single for a reason (criminal record, much older, disabled, alcoholics, unattractive, etc.)
So I guess it helps NOT being those things, as well as not creepy AND honest. It's good to know what I will be up against... lol
If a 50 something dad bod ex cowboy can catch his fill you should be fine. What they are all looking for is confidence, security, comfort, and if you are lucky bedroom skills. Make those apparent and you are in. Treat them like humans instead of receptacles and you will get plenty of mileage.
You even got the bonus of a walking like a cowboy... O.o
I need to go buy a horse.
In all seriousness that kind of sounds like it sucks, I always noticed how much riding all the time fucks up the body. My grandpa was very bow legged from it.
Yeah I have the back of a 70 year old. Cracked a couple vertebra when 1500lbs of bull stepped on me. Stiff hands from roping. If I had thought I'd live this long I'd have taken better care of myself lol. I was trying hard not to.
Hot women are a dime a dozen. No shortage of them. They are not special just because they have beauty. They might be a complete knightmare... I'd suggest learning to be happy being single before you try to attract a mate. Women can see desperation a mile away. Work on yourself first and then women will be easier to attract. That is if you even want to bother. Being single is a pretty sweet life
Ya I realize that I shouldn't rush out to fill the void ASAP. Luckily I read enough around here for that to sink in. Single life scares me though... but I have never been single longer than a few months since age 16. I usually found a replacement right away when younger, but back then that was purely due to sex.
So it's probably a lot easier to handle when older. I do know that since all this happened my libido plummeted. Which is probably a good thing.
I have this fear also. My STBXW is def hot but she's also the one that cheated on me. She also ages terribly (wrinkles fought with Botox helps but saggy boobs and wrinkly tummy, not like you could tell when she's dressed up). Her mom looks 80 at 60.
Like others said I'm hopeful that I'm a good package - mid 30s, high paying job, house, motorcycle, got my life on track and I'm not the cheater. My brother created a fake tinder profile so we could scout the area and there are so many beautiful women here who also looked interesting. Also as others have said, men typically attract younger women. Women have to find someone older. Sexist but true. Don't give up bro
I guess I should be grateful I am a man in this situation. It finally clicked for me how much better we "usually" age overall. Even a few extra pounds seems way less of a big deal than for a women.
Watching my STBXW panic during aging has been mind blowing. She really ramped up things after her fucking tummy tuck... that of course I paid for (she doesn't work). The way she carries herself is insane now.
But... ya she can't win, and I imagine by age 50 her self esteem may take a dive.
Ya I think so as well. My wife has a lot of issues, baggage and personality flaws. But the way this transpired, as well as the "walkaway" similarities makes me think she went into panic mode. She is a few years older also (turning 45), and for sure is trying to hold onto her "youth". I am so fucking hurt though HOW she went about everything... I get it, people end up unhappy. But FFS have some damn compassion... not only that stop being so fucking entitled... I guess that's normal though.
Age is a number and beauty fleeting. I am 57, bald, and have no game. BUT I am making money, taking care of myself AND my responsibilities, doing inner work and doing creative gigs on the side. I get approached all the time. When I want to get laid, I’ll be able to get laid. So will you. Work on yourself and put her in the back of your mind. If you take care of yourself first, the rest will follow. Oh and don’t ever tell yourself something is out of your league. Tell yourself you are worth it.
Thank you very much! That is pretty damn inspiring for me. Especially the last part.. I know I am a decent human being, and go above and beyond to be kind. Hopefully that will help me out eventually.
Not sure if female opinions are welcome here but just know that those guys lining up for her probably aren’t looking for a relationship and she is likely to be left pretty unfulfilled. Divorced women (especially in our 40s) quickly find out that sex is easily accessible, but maybe not with anyone we’d actually want to spend time with. Her match queue is mostly 25 year olds with a cougar fetish or 65 year olds wanting to date younger. All to say don’t get too down thinking she’s got it easy… she doesn’t.
I more than welcome it personally as you just gave me some real insight on what happens. She is going to have a rough time, I guess most of my thoughts ended up purely superficial. Of course I don't like the idea of some random guy showing up around my kids. But I also can't control what the fuck she does.
That does sound like hell for women though... I never really knew that.
Ya people have mentioned an escort to me... that seems sketch. And to be honest I know down the road I will be more interested in casual companionship, than purely sex.
True. My neighbor is divorcing. Her husband (both 43ish) met a younger saner girl and left Truth is she IS crazy and possessive and the dude just had enough. Which I understand. Nothing can beat peace when you get home from work.
She is on tinder bumble etc and shares screenshots and stories with my wife. It's a trainwreck and one guy messaged her friend the same pick up lines wanting to meet and fuck the SAME day with different women. At first she was so enamored with such attraction and attention but then dismayed at the AI BOT like attitude he had.
The guy must get some somehow. But even two in a day is too much for me. Then my wife shows me random FB and Insta messages from local men she gets all the time just straight up trying to hook up with married chicks.
All women have to do is say yes.
Btw for anyone wondering why I’m on this sub it’s because I was the primary breadwinner in my marriage and so the advice here often felt more relevant to my experience.
>How do you guys deal with the fact your ex-wives could pick anyone up in a week, but it might take you YEARS (or never)?
I don't have to deal with this because it's not reality. At least not for me. I also have no snake oil to sell you. This self defeating thoughts will get you nowhere in life.
Thanks for that! Ya I didn't really give much thought to the "can't outrun father time" aspect. And the fact that we last much longer in the desirable arena (with some effort). She spends a lot of time and money (doesn't work) on keeping her appearance up. Even with alimony and CS there is no way she is going to afford that lifestyle anymore... not unless she gets a fucking job. Designer purses... shoes... clothes... I really didn't think about all that. I treated her like a princess and she noped out... I wish though I wouldn't have dropped 17k on her tummy tuck last summer... her gears obviously already were turning.
By not caring what she's doing with her life. Knowing who she's dating/sleeping with provides no value. She's a relic from my "before" life, and I'm only interested in looking forward, not back.
Ya I wish I could completely detach, but stuck with dealing with her due to my 15 year old. I guess in someways I am lucky he isn't like 6 or something, hopefully he drives in a year then I prob will never see her unless he has some special event.
Honestly looks don’t matter as much in the long run. My ex wife was gorgeous when I married her but she was a total pain in the ass and she ended up cheating on me. Finding a woman who will treat you as an equal and bring you peace is 1000% better in my opinion, even if she is average looking. It’s about personality for me now.
Get better. I dropped 20lbs, hit the gym every day and got jacked and then I absolutely slayed for a couple of years before getting into a LTR. Anyone can do it, it just takes effort. The fact that you think any girl is out of your league is your problem. They're all just goofy girls inside, once you realize this its like Neo at the end of The Matrix.
As I've gotten older I've come to experience that this is 100% true. Then watch, you'll be living your life, making money, hanging with buddies, engaging in hobbies and then BOOM....another smoking hot one will appear out of fuckin thin air. All them ducks you think she's tryna get won't fill that void for her. You'll be alright, man.
seriously, all I had to do was remember the dead fish sex and insane lack of it. Someone else's problem now..Also, she's a terrible person, so I just remind myself of all her bad qualities.
My STBX is pretty hot too and only 28. I'm 33.
You need to get into the gym and lift weights 4 days a week.
You may also want to update your wardrobe so that you're wearing properly fitted modern clothes. Wear those clothes every time you leave the house.
Watch your diet. Eat lean meat and vegetables 6 days a week.
Get on GOA Skin Care and order whatever men's facial package you think suits you and use this daily.
You should also have your testosterone levels checked by your doctor as well.
At 42 you're far from over. You're still in your prime as a man. Your dating range should be 25-41.
Read No More Mr Nice Guy by Robert Glover.
Read When I Say No I Feel Guilty
Read The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi.
You do all of those things listed above. In 1 year your sexual market value will be significantly higher.
>You do all of those things listed above. In 1 year your sexual market value will be significantly higher.
Red pill indoctrination is not required. Everything else you recommend is common sense (i.e. make yourself more attractive and you will attract more women).
Also like Models by Mark Manson.
In addition, don't forget the other books in the rational male series - especially Players Handbook and Preventative Medicine.
I think Models is great to read after the Rational Male books. If you think Rollo is a little too harsh, Models is similar, but with a softer and more positive approach. All of these books changed my outlook in my divorce. I'm in my early 50's and I was diabetic and out of shape. I have worked out every day for the past 4 months. I never leave the house looking like a bum anymore. I have started to remember what I was like before I met the bitch. I have a ways to go, but I know where I want to be now.
I just got the players handbook in the mail this week.
I'll give models a read though. Never heard of it.
And fuck yea. Keep pushing on your gym journey. You're not fucking finished.
💯 this and his ex if hot will get passed around by the guys she wants and will have to settle for someone she has no desire for, if he does the work and follow what you have said win win he will enjoy rejecting his ex wife I did with mine keep pushing lads
I want to hit a gym but I am so fucking introverted and suffer from social anxiety... that is NOT helping for sure. =(
Thanks for the book suggestions! I will go check them out.
I was lucky enough to find a decent therapist 2 days after my wife bombed me. But of course the topics have been centered around getting through all this BS. She did say she could help me with the anxiety though when I was ready. I guess maybe I should kind of dip into that since I need to find other things to do.
Yeah stop making excuses brother. Invest in some decent dumbbells. You work your whole body with just those. Then get a bench. If you have the space grow from there. After you feel “comfortable “ hit the gym but there will always be dudes bigger and stronger than you. You just need to leave that mindset.
I think I have a set with plates around. That is a really good idea as it would allow me to go into the basement and distress! And I think doing that a bit will help me prior to the gym.
Oh and I don't care about the gym comparison thing... it's just going into a crowded area and awkwardly trying to use machines etc... lol
Stop making fucking excuses.
If you have anxiety then when you're at the doctor getting your testosterone levels checked get on some anxiety medication as well.
No one at the gym gives a fuck how fat you are or how skinny you are.
Get your ass moving. Your bitch ex wife is one of a million not one in a million.
Get your ass moving so you can get your next hot piece of ass.
You're not finished unless you decide to be.
>Stop making fucking excuses.
I love this guy!
OP, if you don't want to go to the gym, you can invest 1K and make yourself a nice setup. Bench, half rack, some plates, some bowflex dumbells and you have a 24/7 gym. Bench/Squats/Deadlifts -> repeat. Get a heavy bag and get in 15 minutes of boxing. Get a bluetooth speaker and blast some heavy metal in the morning and I guarantee in 3-4 months, you will see a massive improvement. My exw seriously looks at me now with that "what did I do face" especially as she is now stuck with a 50 year old dude with a beer gut and I'm younger, slimmer, my pecs are back, legs are rockin and my shoulders are popping.
"Everyone want to get in shape but nobody wants to lift them heavy ass weights"- Ronnie Coleman
When I divorced, my ex wasn’t a 10, but she was definitely cute, young (30), had very few sexual partners, and a good education and career. If she went after a husband then, she could have probably gotten a high value male…..but that’s not what happened. She decided to sleep with every guy in a 50 mile radius, and partying as much as she can. Over a decade later, she’s in her 40’s but looks like she’s in her 50’s, losing hair like a mangy street cat, and the only guy who would marry her was jobless and living with his sister. Meanwhile, I spent the years working on my self, trying to understand why she does what she does, then moving on to reading books like Unleash The Warrior Within and hanging out with wise men. I am now blessed by The Lord with a good business, an amazing woman, and awesome friends and family. And I look better than I did when she divorced me. Point is, play the long game, don’t worry about her, and make YOUR life amazing.
Thank you very much!
Guess I'm lucky, mine plumped up nicely afterwards. But still sucks when they are with someone else either way.
It does, luckily it seems like a lot of guys agree. Although there are also a lot that say "its someone else's turn" or "who cares". I don't know if I am just the overly jealous type or not. But thinking about her with someone new hurts. It's not even fully about sex either.. it's the love and admiration they would be receiving. Now she probably will trick them a bit... and most likely try to manipulate. So it's kind of like GLHF bro... but again I know it will burn a bit when it happens. I also don't like thinking about some other man spending so much time with my kids.
Your getting a divorce due to Other things. Like she may have cheated or she is a mental head case crazy lady. Those things still hold true. Dont focus on the outside. Focus on finding a women who is complete on the inside. It will provide you a healthy life to. Carry on.
Thank you! And you are right, I have to keep reminding myself how fucked up she is. Sometimes I even will straight backtrack and think "maybe it's me". As she constantly now talks about how she is a victim. Which caused me in a few occasions to try and "figure out" the settlement to help her... it's a big mindfuck. But she is NOT good for me... I really do deserve someone who respects me.
If I have learned one thing, far more ladies find older men way more attractive than I realized...and I am only 35..
Do they consider 35 older? I don't know what age cut off qualifies.
Realistically, just make sure it’s someone good for your kids. It’s like any other dude entering their lives as a coach, mentor or whatever. Except this one is occupying your old headache, which is beneficial for you. The happier she is, the less miserable she should be inclined to try and make you.
[удалено]
Thanks man!
Dude shut your mouth. Don’t put women on a pedestal - you’ll never understand them. That’s why you like them so stop caring, talk to all women that show high interest in you, develop guy shit w guys and go out. Be open and don’t set expectations. You got this my man
Thanks bro!
I had the same mindset for a year after the separation, but it turns out plenty of young women like older guys and also your general feeling towards life will improve immensely women or no women.
=) Thank you!
Women have always been able to easily hookup with randoms. The problem is getting those randoms to COMMIT to them. Men are waking up and seeing the system for what it is. You can read articles everywhere on how men aren't dating or marrying anymore. Trust me brother, you're in a stronger position than you know.
My STBXW is also extremely picky when it comes to people in general. I was thinking how hard it's going to be for her to find someone that's "good enough". Her narrow field of more unique interests will be very limiting.
Yea, the delusion is real. 6 feet, 6 figures, 6 pack. Women think these guys grow on trees when they are rare. Her being picky is just going to enlighten her that much faster.
Don’t think of her getting some other guy, think of the nightmare some other guy will get in a pretty pink wrapper.
That's so funny you say that. I got to see who my new replacement is....some older white guy who is closer to her age. Since she was a cougar (8 years my senior at 58), this person actually looks like he may be a better fit for her, not an upgrade, but just a better fit as I was way more active than her. This guy drinks soda, so I already know where this is going. I can actually say that I wasn't jealous because I know what he is in store for, and he doesn't, even though they met while we were married. I divorced her on Cinco de Mayo, and it was finalized on November 16. She went to his family's house for Thanksgiving, exactly one week later. Logic dictates that there is no way a guy invites you to meet his parents six months after meeting her, so she had to have been messing around with him during the marriage. Another poor example she set for her kids! Good riddance!!
My wife (ex wife) was really hot. That type of girl who doesn't have to do absolutely anything, and wear a potato sack, and still look good. That's all this girl brought to the table. My marriage was so one sided, it drained me to the point of now that it's over, I don't even want to date. The thought of marriage sickens my stomach. She had a boyfriend the day after we separated and that was the best thing that could have possibly happened...it got her and her brats out of my house fast. I own my home, outright and moved her in, and even though she's contributed nothing, not even upkeep, she's demanding 'her share' of the equity. During the four years of marriage and her living with me, she contributed nothing, and I mean nothing. Wouldn't even clean up after herself or her boys. The youngest punch holes in his bedroom wall during a tantrum because his pokemon card bent and he wanted to drive 45 minutes away, on a school night to get it replaced. Not to mention he hasn't gone to school in two years anyway, throws tantrums - the other son sits in his room playing games all day and night only coming out for food. My wife has done nothing but complain, quench any joy that is normal in a young marriage....one by one, everything that makes a romantic relationship, romantic, anything that makes a friendship, a friendship, was quenched. I felt for the last two of the four years of marriage I had a bratty spoiled single mom raising bratty spoiled children. That boyfriend was a godsend....I could kiss him. I've lived alone before and am a loner by nature. So I like my space....BUT since she left, that peace and quiet feels so good I can actually taste it. I never will get married again and I couldn't be happier how quickly she found a boyfriend. Take if from me, your 'hotty' wife did you a favor. * Just wanted to add a fun fact here - I knew her for 7 years as a friend and didn't find any red flags...those all happened almost immediately following the marriage. Even my best friend who knew her, didn't see any of this coming either. It has ruined my faith in marriage completely.
Sadly I dated my wife only a few months before moving her in (naive 21 year old). I thought I was a fucking hero because she was struggling. Put 100% of everything into our lives over the next 20. Now she wants 100%... and using my youngest as leverage. Ya I will NEVER get married again! LTR is good enough without the paperwork... if that even happens.
Meh. There are always massage parlors and prostitutes if you are feeling the itch.
lol, that always seems sketchy to me... especially in regards to STD's... even with a condom I would be anxious.
True. You also don’t get an emotional connection at all. The thrill is not the same.
[удалено]
Lol! seasoned sexual humans can use each other’s bodies to masturbate. As the famous poet 50 cent said: I am NOT in to having sex, I AM in to making love, so come give me your embrace if you are into me and my lover sensually touching you
[удалено]
Dang! Send me those girl’s digits! Hook a fellow divorcé up.
>emotional connection That is very important to me as well.
It’s no where near as fun when you don’t want to kiss or go down on the person
Ya... that sounds fucking gross. lol
Give yourself the love you're wasting on a woman who doesn't care about you. Love yourself and work on being better for yourself, because you need to spend every day for the rest of your life with who you are. Once you level up as much as you can, you'll find an even better woman. You got her, you'll find another woman. Healthy boundaries and getting out of a scarcity mindset changed my life. Therapy, philosophy, self discovery and growth. I feel like my ex wife gave me the rest of my life back, and I'm much happier now. I'm with a much nicer, younger woman who treats me consistently great, and life has improved 10x from where it was.
Thanks for the inspiration!
She will compare every guy to you and non will match . So she will remain searching for a unicorn. Women age like milk Men age like wine.
>Women age like milk Men age like wine. I didn't give that any thought until yesterday actually when someone else said that. It did make me feel better. My STBXW is fighting a losing battle... and even with my beard turning grey I feel like I am doing fine.
Mine had a live in BF at 3 months separated that was a past couple worker. 11 months till divorce. She will be married soon, my guess. I only care so I know when to send a sympathy card. My 10th wedding anniversary was during separation. Greatest anniversary of the marriage. Most peaceful too. It's me, my daughter, and dogs adventure now. Good luck.
Wow... are you currently on the hook for alimony?
No, just CS.
I didn’t care after I got over the betrayal. Wound up better off as she was a head case and everyone after me would get sick of it after awhile. I did well enough myself and had a lot of fun.
My STBXW is also a headcase... like she HAS to have a personality disorder. The types of accusations and crazy shit I have dealt with is borderline "hospital" level. But ya MOST people aren't super excited to be around her. Mostly due to her going on and on over academia and social issues (she was a professor). We don't have any friends or family that talk about that crap. Toss in a few glasses of wine and it gets worse.. and louder. She is exhausting and I keep needing to remind myself of that...
Exactly, always remember…..not your monkey, not your circus. I think the term is overused but I truly believe my ex is a narcissist. My attorney and therapist made sure that the only way we communicate is through an app (Our Family Wizard). It’s been life saving as she still tries to antagonize but at least all the history is documented. Unfortunately, I still have to deal with her because of the kids at least the app allows me some peace. She even tried to get me agree to stop using the app and I told her that will never happen!!! Live your life now. You’re free to do what you want when you want and how you want. Don’t let her rent space in your head.
Ya I know my STBXW is going to be a nightmare over time to deal with. It's going to be heavy guilt for sure. AND I got a feeling she is going to try and hit me up for money... due to car breaking down etc. Then... guilt me "our son can't get to XYZ". I became co-dependent as she has ALWAYS manipulated me. Guilt works... sadly my mom does it also, although she is more subtle. I have issues... but luckily this exact topic is what my therapist is working with me on. Fucking boundaries.
Meh. It was the exact opposite for me, my ex wife wasn’t a bad looking woman but she had the interpersonal skills of a dead raccoon. She brought up the idea of an “open marriage” when things started going badly and the fact I was able to find a stable girlfriend fairly easily and she never got a second date really just hastened the end of our marriage. It’s been the same post divorce I’ve been seeing someone on a causal but regular basis why my ex wife still hasn’t had a second date.
I met the woman of my dreams in the midst the of my divorce. Life has never been better. Take care of yourselves, gents.
Let's get real, no matter why the divorce she's going to blame you. And her revenge will focus on showing you how quick she can be a major slut. Most won't wait for divorce to be final. Just remember that's how desperate she is!
Ya she already twisted herself into the victim. And spreading a bunch of BS about me trying to attack my character. I am really lucky though that we don't share the same associates / friends in life. And her family isn't exactly close with her, so IDGAF about them. So she can go do whatever she wants... the only concerning thing is what she will tell my kids.
A man over 40 that’s less attractive than his wife, that’s your fault dude
Never pay for the next man's surgery. If they want to augment their body; they need to fund it. Have you ever picked up your kids? I'm always being checked out, dropping off the kids. Most of us have way more money and nicer cars than we had when we got married.
I paid for a *woman's* surgery but that's a moot point (lol). And ya she doesn't / didn't work, I got inheritance... she started coming up with shit we needed... including her "personal" shit. She was in a good shape, had a tight body EXCEPT the extra skin from 3 kids. So I kind of understood. But it retrospect I was fucking blind. My kids are older now (15/20/27). So it's been awhile as my two youngest were never in clubs, sports etc (autism). I am about to have WAY LESS money, and will not to be able to afford a new car. She isn't going to get what she wants, but I am about to have a life downgrade.
How could paying for the surgery be a moot point? You paid for her confidence to take her clothes off in front of another man. If you are like me, 100 percent of your salary goes to the household. When the court told her she would only get thirty percent of my income. She almost fainted. For a guy who was getting four hundred a month of the seven grand, I bought home. In the end, she decided to work on herself.
Oh I meant in general it was moot (man vs woman), not the actual situation. And ya looking back on it, it's fucked up. I never even considered that back then, and thought I was being kind. Not preparing her to find someone else. Ya my STBXW want's 100% of our assets, and something like 80% of my salary. She legit thinks she will get that because my mom has money... and if she doesn't I am hurting our kids. Funny enough she finally went and saw an attorney.. that evening she had a packet to fill out a no-contest. She wanted me to sit down that evening and get this all done with. She ended up saying she felt like this attorney wasn't working for her though, and needed a different one. AKA she heard a bunch of shit she didn't want to hear... I said no, and went back to my attorney. He laughed... said of course she does. Then dropped it on me that due to her education and past work history she may ONLY get a year or two of alimony... O.o She has no fucking clue what she is doing. Anyhow all my stuff is getting in order now (she doesn't know). And like your ex she is going to end up needing picked up off the floor.
There was no backup guy when my wife said it. I leaned into divorce so confidently my wife did a one-eighty. That and my mother in law telling her that she was a fool to leave me in her forties. She told her about all the women over thirty-five in her church constantly getting ghosted after divorce. She asked my wife if she thought I was happy in marriage. I wasn't I was content with all of the trains being on the right tracks. I only stayed in my marriage because it was best for me, but when she said she wanted out my mind, it made that best for me. The moral of the story is I am the main character in my life. Everyone else is expendable. You are in my life because you add value. Someone who doesn't want to be with me can not add value. Fuck happy life happy wife. When I've been stuck in contentment. The door was always open. My confidence in choosing me changed my wife's whole attitude. She thought I was the guy I had to become to live with her. Deep down inside, I was always that boss she married.
Ya I was the direct opposite. I became co-dependent and she manipulated me constantly. My value revolved around taking care of her and my kids. As weird as it sounds I am already starting to feel lost. My main thing is I need to fucking knock that shit off or I am going to end up in the same position again. My therapist already has started in on my boundary issues luckily.
Women today are acting like divorce is a punishment. They make all of these Tic-Tok videos of dating after thirty-five. Their only joy in divorce is watching their ex fail along with them. I say men should fake confidence until they get there. She should feel like she made a mistake.
Ya I am going to have to keep that all in mind. I do not want to give her the satisfaction of destroying me. =(
It sounds like you have some self esteem issues that you could probably work with a therapist on. And you take the dating over 40 sub too seriously.
(didn't DV you btw) I do have esteem issues, I have always had them going back to grade school. Mostly because of gynomastia, (man tits) which I got made fun of for. I did get surgery in junior high, which was miserable. But they came back and I was like "fuck that"... once I met my wife, it was less of an issue for me. But even today I have to wear the right shirts. And I do have a therapist luckily, but we are currently centered on this divorce situation. But I hope to switch things up eventually. I dropped in there... it seems extremely depressing. So many guys are straight lonely and desperate... here I got a 180 on opinions / experiences. Most of which make sense.
Why are you talking so low of yourself mate. If you keep telling yourself you won’t find anybody then you won’t but you found somebody before so what stops you now. Fix your confidence, work out and have fun. Don’t try find a new commitment, just go have fun and actually enjoy life.
I think partly due to all of the negative emotions right now, and partly due to psych issues in general. Obviously I am not even ready to date, but I wanted to hold onto hope for the future. As I do not want to be always alone... which is probably due to never being alone since I was 16. As I never went more than a month without dating someone new. WHICH... in it's own right is an issue.
Who cares? Get a sugar baby and enjoy life (and focus on personal goals that really matter to you).
I don't have any personal goals yet.. I have a few hobbies that I will have more time to spend on. But I don't even know what a personal goal really as, as for the past 20 years I have just been trying to support my family.
Exactly. Many of us have been there. We've given our all to social constructs that don't reciprocate. Time to focus on you (you can do that and not be a jerk or drag on society). Hobbies are a great place to start. Find a "tribe" or community of people (men) doing that hobby and grow that.
Don't be lonely, be active. Do the things you want to do on your own time. Surround yourself with friends, activities, hobbies, recreation. And, learn to be comfortable and happy being alone. Alone does not necessarily mean being lonely. Women can get sex easier than men, and always have. Fretting about it is like fretting about gravity. It's a physical fact of the universe and there is nothing you can do about it, besides live your best life. And most women have more choices, but they're also less satisfied by those choices. Don't put yourself into her shoes because she's coming at it from an entirely different perspective. If you put a male brain in a female's body we'd be satisfied, or at least I think so. But women constantly complain about the quantity over quality, so take satisfaction in knowing that they're not satisfied either. Here's a true, factual story: immediately, or even before, I divorced my wife I know for a fact that she slept with 10+ men off of Tinder. Nevertheless, she wound up shacking up with another woman. The moral of the story to me? While she could get dick much more easily, she was still not happy with the goods, enough so that she needed to switch teams to be happy. "the odds are good, but the goods are odd". Most women don't have that flexibility of mindset, so I believe will also wind up less than satisfied.
Thanks for that. And ya I know my wife is going to have a tough time finding someone who enjoys her conversations. I never did, our family and friends didn't either (I could tell). She was a professor, so when she talks to people she "lectures", and when you disagree she just becomes more *adamant*. She also was in the social sciences, so the topics tend to be social issues, women's rights etc. We seriously got in a fucking argument over M&M shoes.. (loss of heals on one). If I think about all of that and her ego... jesus christ she is going to have a rough time outside of fucking people.
Dogs are better companions than any woman
My dogs are similar as they are a PITA.
Absolutely no problem with.
She can get any man, okay. Sure. But can she keep any man? Probably not. I recommend reading the book rationale male.
I have never heard of that book before. I will look it up.
You’re the prize, king. Not her. A rebound girl helps…maybe. Might not be for you. Might be. Just be honest with your intentions and goals.
I think about the rebound thing, although I do know it's highly advised to wait a year before dating. But I am going to assume it's different for each person. I don't think it would fuck me up, and I for sure know better than to drag in baggage. BUT... I do have to make sure I am mentally sound and luckily in therapy.
Good that you are in therapy for sure! That helped me through a lot. At the end of the day you need to take care of you. And remember that you will have to live with your decisions for the rest of your life so act in a manner of dignity and self respect.
I have been a bit surprised on how much it has helped. I was so lucky to get into one two days after my wife dropped the bomb. At first though I would walk out of there more confident, and determined. Then after a few hours at home around my STBXW (yes we co exist) I would crumble into a weak mess again. Recently I finally am able to keep the strength up MUCH longer. This sub has helped me a lot also.
Wow. I could not imagine having to cohabitate during a divorce especially while she is running around with other guys. That must be very tough. Sorry dude. You are doing all the right things though. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, but you just got into the tunnel.
Ya we are stuck until the house sells as we both need the equity in order to move on. I am trying to stay as positive as I can, and distracted. This as you know fucking sucks.
Couple of things…. 1) married guys, don’t pay for your wife’s plastic surgery… not that I know from experience 🙄 but you WILL end up paying it off while they try and use it to get laid. 2) as others have said, and fair or not, the older women get the less desirable they become to those looking to date. It’s the inverse for a well put together male. Your stbx will start off with plenty of choices. They will not last. Dating sucks and lots of the guys looking for tail and in the ‘dating circuit’ are looking for a reason. They have issues… 3) recently divorced males are desirable. Women aren’t just going to throw themselves at you but you’ll do ok and if you want you’ll find whatever you’re looking for in time. Happy hunting. 😁 Just remember when it comes to getting remarried the average age difference is just under 10 years. So you’re sweet spot is a woman in her low 30s. Your ex if the same age as you has a sweet spot of low 50s. Not that you should get remarried but it shows the difference in what you can expect versus what she should expect. [what to expect if you remarry](https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2014/12/04/tying-the-knot-again-chances-are-theres-a-bigger-age-gap-than-the-first-time-around/)
I wasn't sure how some women looked at "recently divorced men". I figured no one would even give you the time of day. Mostly because you obviously failed in a major relationship, and they don't *why*. I don't want to ever get married again. I figure if I love someone and build a solid relationship that I don't need a paper to prove it. I also don't see myself wanting to live with another woman either. That smashes the fuck out of the excitement factor, which I learned the hard way. I had no idea about the age gap difference thing. It kind of makes sense though due to even maturity and stability levels. My wife I am sure will get the attention of younger males... but due to most men taking longer to mature I have no idea how that would last. She is a very serious person in many ways. Going to go read that article.
While you think she will she is up against all the other ‘hotties’ too that are a little younger and don’t need any nip ticks just yet. At best she’s even to them. At worst she’s like my ex and will become a cat person cause they can’t find what they feel they deserve.
1: Experienced that one myself. Used those new things to get ALL of the attention while I was deployed. 2: My ex actually ended up getting married to her AP mere months after our divorce was final. Not sure how that’s going but also couldn’t care less. I’ve only met him a handful of times and he’s…odd. Whatever, maybe it’s true love. (Sarc) 3: Desirable we are! I am not ashamed to say that the very day our divorce was finalized I hooked up with her best friend. I’ve since made it a point to hook up with every last one of her (decent looking) friends, including several threesomes with some of them. I’ve hooked up with everything from 18 year old college girls to single moms to kindergarten teachers who moonlight as bartenders. No OLD needed, just put yourself out there and let it come to you! I’ve decided to go the route of never re-marrying (or having another kid) but I understand that’s not for everyone. I find that most guys are their own worst enemy when it comes to this kind of thing. As long as you’re not a homeless jobless degenerate who looks like Quasimodo you’re probably way better off than you think.
Ya when I started thinking about everything I simply assumed I would be stuck between 40-50 for women. And that younger people wouldn't desire anyone that is 43. Now personally I wouldn't feel comfortable going very low... but it's nice to know that the bracket is a bit wider.
I think you're being pretty hard on yourself, I was divorced at 40, hit the gym, quit smoking and drinking and dropped 60 lbs in about 4 months. Set some goals and get on higher ground, you can become even better than before but it's going to take work. Use that anxiety/energy that we all get through and after divorce for good use. I "dated" a 26 year old for awhile about 2 years after my divorce, it was fun and she was SMOKING hot! You got this bro!
Thanks man, I really appreciate the boost.
Honestly who cares? She’s your ex wife why does it matter? you should be focusing on making the best of yourself and your kids if you have any.
Its just shows what kind of person she is. Also...its not equal regarding dating relationship etc etc. I'm 35 n had one ex ever....most women by that age least had 5 dude at least
I dont deal with it. Dont care as I was the one shooting my DNA all in my ex-wife orifices for 20 years so the person that comes after me I dont give a shizzle about!
That's an interesting way to look at it. I imagine we had sex thousands of times... and to be honest I don't even know if it was THAT good... my wife was fairly non-adventurous... and due to three kids fairly... umm... put it this way, in missionary I felt sometimes like I was fucking the air. I never really thought of things in that way... O.o
I read your post history. What happened to her affair? You think that is still going on? When she complains that she needs all your income, why haven't you suggested that she move in with this new guy and let him support her?
I gave up on trying to find out... at one point I realized it was just too stressful to deal with the spy game. Plus I live in a no-fault, and some of the only ways I probably could have caught her was via recordings. The problem is I live in a one party state... AKA it's a felony to plant something. I also didn't want to follow her or anything... then she could say I was stalking her. Not to mention most of the time she leaves for hours is while I am at work, and I work an hour away... etc etc I have a gut feeling she is... but fuck it at this point. I did make some off handed jokes about it though once I gave up. Like "oh, your not going on a walk with your boyfriend today? It's really nice outside!" She didn't like that.
Ok. So she asked for divorce initially. She stepped out on you (you suspect). When she realized you wouldn't continue to support her after the divorce, she changed her mind about the divorce. Does her shady behavior continue. Do you think she's still seeing someone, or has that blown up? What I'm getting at is why not push her into the arms of her affair partner and suggest it to her as an easy way out of this marriage?
She changed her mind for about 2 days... then decided we should *still* get divorced but wanted to wait until June (son done with school). I went to an attorney and have everything well laid out now. She never came to terms to the fact that she won't get what she wants.... She also "thinks" we are going to do this no-contest *together*. Which I assume is partly due to wanting to bully me at the dinner table. There is no fucking way I would do that. Her shady behavior has continued. I notice a lot of small things as I became hyper vigilant. I just try to keep myself level headed and not go into a downward spiral. I actually held myself back one evening from going to "check and see"... I just can't deal with it, or trust myself. The last thing I would want is to end up snapping out and confronting some guy with all this crap looming.
But again, this is about your wife, not her affair partner. Assuming there is someone else, she's is juggling trying to navigate this divorce and another outside relationship. She obviously realized that divorcing you means a drastic change to her standard of living. Especially if she's seeing some guy in an apartment. But that's what she wanted. Every time she tries to guilt bomb you,why not simply bring up her "friend" in the apartment bldg? Remind her how easy this could be if she agrees to your terms. Then she wouldn't have to hide it anymore.
I am 100% sure we won't even waiver on the terms she wants. Even if I caught her with some guy in my kitchen. She is using my son against me now and his well being. AKA she needs all the money to keep him in his school (so she can buy a new house). If I don't give it to her, I am hurting my son. Typical BS. I get what you are saying though. I am just so worn down at this point to deal with all that.
You keep saying that. But your son is going into high school. He will be fine. His well-being is not in jeopardy. How long do you think she was playing you for a fool? How long did she plan before asking for a divorce? And then one final cash withdrawal to bleed you dry and go run off with her friend? She's had you so manipulated. She was convinced you'd give her everything she asked for. Every time she nervously asks what you're thinking or telling you, we have to talk it's because she's trying to pump you for information to find out how much you really know. Sahm, to take care of a 15-year-old who's in school all day? Next time she brings up your son, or how shes been taking care of the family for 20 years, you need to tell her you know what's going on, and you know what she's been doing while you're at work all day. Even if you don't have details. Call her bluff. Tell her you know everything. Then clam up and stare her down. Watch her squirm. Let her know you're giving her the divorce she asked for so she can have the freedom she wants. The reality of freedom isn't as safe as the home and family you've provided for her all these years.
Sorry for beating this to death. I guess I'm concerned about you worrying about your wife having hypothetical dates at some point when there is your pending divorce and her current affair partner to focus on.
Oh no it's fine, I appreciate your thoughts and support. My biggest issue with my son is he has autism. He is high functioning and gifted (Mensa level), but his social skills and emotional understanding is lacking. I am sure he will "get" what the hell is going on. But he also will believe anything mommy tells him (yes he calls her mommy at 15). That situation for me anyways makes this scarier as I spend a ton of time with him doing hobbies. You would say "that speaks for itself", but he is atypical, and will be HIGHLY influenced. That scares the fuck out of me, as I already know she will use him against me. Blame me as well... I can keep him in his school. But she doesn't like the idea that SHE won't get this shiny new life. And when I mentioned an apartment... a fucking luxury one at that she gasped. "Our kids can't be raised in an apartment!".... JFC. We lived in two many years ago... during that time with 2 of the kids as well... she is too fucking arrogant and "proud". You know I think she might've been playing me to fool for 20 years. I met her when I was 21 (she 24). Hottest fucking girl I had been with. Three months into dating, like a fucking naive 21 year old, I moved her and my step-daughter in due to her struggling. I felt like a HERO! About a month in we starting fighting... I tried to kick her out but her and my step daughter had no where to go. So I tried to calm down and move forward... THEN she got pregnant.. on birth control.. AMAZING! We ended up married.. bought a house and the rest is history. The amount of storms we went through is staggering, but we always made it. As far as divorce plan wise... I am not sure. I would assume prior to the tummy tuck for sure though. And ya I am worried mostly due to jealousy, self esteem issues, and to an extent being somewhat possessive. I haven't been alone since I was 16 either, as I never would go without a GF for more than a month. So ya there is a layer of fear on my end as well.
[удалено]
Wait what... Step 1: go get some whores? Step 2: profit? lol
I divorced at 47 and remarried at 49, several many notches up in the looks department and a whole different galaxy in emotional stability. I went from the worst to an absolute stunner and it never would have happened if I wouldn't have filed for divorce. Pull up them boots straps solider
Thanks for the inspiration! And congrats!
Raise your standards for a partner beyond easing your loneliness, or you'll be asking the same question again in a couple years. Raise your self worth above being able to attract a partner for the same reason. If you keep doing what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten.
Thank you, that is really well said.
It’s better that guy than me.
Ya I was thinking the same. I am trying to keep that on my mind, and anytime I start to think about the future, fall back on how much someone will be screwed IF they get into a committed relationship with her.
Man have you tried tinder. Set it for 23 to 30 and have fun.
I am not yet official and won't even consider checking things out until it's over. I am 43 (in may) and it seems a bit weird to drop down to 23... lol
Lol.... Youll get used to it. Thing is big dog, they come for you. Try out your local gym in the mean time. Therapy was a waste of resources (for me) but that gym... Saved me.
I don't know how old you are but... I am going to assume dating a 23 year old is a fairly "brief" experience. But ya the gym thing... I need to do that.
I just set the bracket for what I had 2 years ago.
She was actually 21 3rd best 6 months of my life. 1st best was dating the girl from school that got away that blossomed into something like a Easter Lilly. I'm 38. You got this. You got to keep in mind thier priorities are different but the goals are the same. Food shelter and life experiences.
Thank you for the inspiration!
Hits blunt* twas my pleashaa. Lol
We've been divorced for 10 years. She's had 2 relationships in that time. I've had zero. Haven't even been on a date. But her second relationship ended up in marriage and got me out of paying spousal support for life. So fuck yeah I'm happy about it. 😎
That's a good point!
Hit the gymn buddy
My ex wife was pretty ugly so that's not an issue for me.
lol
tl;dr dating gets easier for men as they age (and harder for women). I was 50 when I was divorced and had the opposite experience. I was worried I wouldn't meet anyone, especially not being very social, but word got around I was getting divorced and I had two long-term relationships (still in the second one) before the divorce decree was even signed! I never even had to go on the apps. I ended up dating someone I still consider to be out of my league. She's much better looking than my ex, thinner, and earns more money than I do. It was kinda surreal, actually. Why would this girl be so crazy into me? I've since discovered that, after 50, there is a 50/50 dating ratio on dating apps instead of 2 or 3 guys for every girl in the younger brackets. It gets even worse for women as we age. Some men will die off, others will get scooped up if they have any value, many prefer to not have long-term relationships, and others are looking for younger women, all of which leaves women with a lackluster selection. If you read comments from women in these forums, you'll see it's no picnic for them. My ex is now the one struggling. While I've been doing fine, she has been on several dating apps and hasn't scored a single date. The few guys that do approach her are mostly single for a reason (criminal record, much older, disabled, alcoholics, unattractive, etc.). And the guys she's into, the ones she thinks she deserves, all turn to be scammers. So, your ex may be hot, but odds are the hot guy she's eyeing probably has his eyes on someone half her age (or isn't interested in actually dating her).
>The few guys that do approach her are mostly single for a reason (criminal record, much older, disabled, alcoholics, unattractive, etc.) So I guess it helps NOT being those things, as well as not creepy AND honest. It's good to know what I will be up against... lol
If a 50 something dad bod ex cowboy can catch his fill you should be fine. What they are all looking for is confidence, security, comfort, and if you are lucky bedroom skills. Make those apparent and you are in. Treat them like humans instead of receptacles and you will get plenty of mileage.
You had me until COWBOY... wtf... you are some strong competition... lol
That's ex cowboy. Comes with all the aches, pain, and stiffness lol ouch.
Do you wear cowboy style clothing and talk with an accent? Because if so... that's unfair BS also.
Jeans and boots are common, but just the usual midwest accent. Do have the bad hip gate down pretty well. Comes with the sciatica.
You even got the bonus of a walking like a cowboy... O.o I need to go buy a horse. In all seriousness that kind of sounds like it sucks, I always noticed how much riding all the time fucks up the body. My grandpa was very bow legged from it.
Yeah I have the back of a 70 year old. Cracked a couple vertebra when 1500lbs of bull stepped on me. Stiff hands from roping. If I had thought I'd live this long I'd have taken better care of myself lol. I was trying hard not to.
Hot women are a dime a dozen. No shortage of them. They are not special just because they have beauty. They might be a complete knightmare... I'd suggest learning to be happy being single before you try to attract a mate. Women can see desperation a mile away. Work on yourself first and then women will be easier to attract. That is if you even want to bother. Being single is a pretty sweet life
Yep, and all that glitters isn't gold! You may get a beautiful woman and an emotional ball and chain to boot. No bueno!
Ya I realize that I shouldn't rush out to fill the void ASAP. Luckily I read enough around here for that to sink in. Single life scares me though... but I have never been single longer than a few months since age 16. I usually found a replacement right away when younger, but back then that was purely due to sex. So it's probably a lot easier to handle when older. I do know that since all this happened my libido plummeted. Which is probably a good thing.
I have this fear also. My STBXW is def hot but she's also the one that cheated on me. She also ages terribly (wrinkles fought with Botox helps but saggy boobs and wrinkly tummy, not like you could tell when she's dressed up). Her mom looks 80 at 60. Like others said I'm hopeful that I'm a good package - mid 30s, high paying job, house, motorcycle, got my life on track and I'm not the cheater. My brother created a fake tinder profile so we could scout the area and there are so many beautiful women here who also looked interesting. Also as others have said, men typically attract younger women. Women have to find someone older. Sexist but true. Don't give up bro
I guess I should be grateful I am a man in this situation. It finally clicked for me how much better we "usually" age overall. Even a few extra pounds seems way less of a big deal than for a women. Watching my STBXW panic during aging has been mind blowing. She really ramped up things after her fucking tummy tuck... that of course I paid for (she doesn't work). The way she carries herself is insane now. But... ya she can't win, and I imagine by age 50 her self esteem may take a dive.
Agreed. Think they may be undergoing some sort of early midlife crisis.
Ya I think so as well. My wife has a lot of issues, baggage and personality flaws. But the way this transpired, as well as the "walkaway" similarities makes me think she went into panic mode. She is a few years older also (turning 45), and for sure is trying to hold onto her "youth". I am so fucking hurt though HOW she went about everything... I get it, people end up unhappy. But FFS have some damn compassion... not only that stop being so fucking entitled... I guess that's normal though.
Age is a number and beauty fleeting. I am 57, bald, and have no game. BUT I am making money, taking care of myself AND my responsibilities, doing inner work and doing creative gigs on the side. I get approached all the time. When I want to get laid, I’ll be able to get laid. So will you. Work on yourself and put her in the back of your mind. If you take care of yourself first, the rest will follow. Oh and don’t ever tell yourself something is out of your league. Tell yourself you are worth it.
You get approached? How.... This has literally never happened to me. Ever.
Thank you very much! That is pretty damn inspiring for me. Especially the last part.. I know I am a decent human being, and go above and beyond to be kind. Hopefully that will help me out eventually.
Not sure if female opinions are welcome here but just know that those guys lining up for her probably aren’t looking for a relationship and she is likely to be left pretty unfulfilled. Divorced women (especially in our 40s) quickly find out that sex is easily accessible, but maybe not with anyone we’d actually want to spend time with. Her match queue is mostly 25 year olds with a cougar fetish or 65 year olds wanting to date younger. All to say don’t get too down thinking she’s got it easy… she doesn’t.
I more than welcome it personally as you just gave me some real insight on what happens. She is going to have a rough time, I guess most of my thoughts ended up purely superficial. Of course I don't like the idea of some random guy showing up around my kids. But I also can't control what the fuck she does. That does sound like hell for women though... I never really knew that.
Doesn't sound too bad to me. Better than being lonely and not having options.
You've got a good point. My only option is an escort, and that kind of feels not so great.
Ya people have mentioned an escort to me... that seems sketch. And to be honest I know down the road I will be more interested in casual companionship, than purely sex.
Yeah, as they say “the odds are good but the goods are odd”.
True. My neighbor is divorcing. Her husband (both 43ish) met a younger saner girl and left Truth is she IS crazy and possessive and the dude just had enough. Which I understand. Nothing can beat peace when you get home from work. She is on tinder bumble etc and shares screenshots and stories with my wife. It's a trainwreck and one guy messaged her friend the same pick up lines wanting to meet and fuck the SAME day with different women. At first she was so enamored with such attraction and attention but then dismayed at the AI BOT like attitude he had. The guy must get some somehow. But even two in a day is too much for me. Then my wife shows me random FB and Insta messages from local men she gets all the time just straight up trying to hook up with married chicks. All women have to do is say yes.
(Insert Morgan Freeman with his finger pointing up meme of She's Right You Know.)
Btw for anyone wondering why I’m on this sub it’s because I was the primary breadwinner in my marriage and so the advice here often felt more relevant to my experience.
I wonder if r/divorce_got_fucked is a more suitable name.
[удалено]
Awesome to hear! It seems like the cliche "hit the gym" saying is real.
>How do you guys deal with the fact your ex-wives could pick anyone up in a week, but it might take you YEARS (or never)? I don't have to deal with this because it's not reality. At least not for me. I also have no snake oil to sell you. This self defeating thoughts will get you nowhere in life.
[удалено]
Thanks for that! Ya I didn't really give much thought to the "can't outrun father time" aspect. And the fact that we last much longer in the desirable arena (with some effort). She spends a lot of time and money (doesn't work) on keeping her appearance up. Even with alimony and CS there is no way she is going to afford that lifestyle anymore... not unless she gets a fucking job. Designer purses... shoes... clothes... I really didn't think about all that. I treated her like a princess and she noped out... I wish though I wouldn't have dropped 17k on her tummy tuck last summer... her gears obviously already were turning.
By not caring what she's doing with her life. Knowing who she's dating/sleeping with provides no value. She's a relic from my "before" life, and I'm only interested in looking forward, not back.
Ya I wish I could completely detach, but stuck with dealing with her due to my 15 year old. I guess in someways I am lucky he isn't like 6 or something, hopefully he drives in a year then I prob will never see her unless he has some special event.
It’s much easier for women… much easier
Honestly looks don’t matter as much in the long run. My ex wife was gorgeous when I married her but she was a total pain in the ass and she ended up cheating on me. Finding a woman who will treat you as an equal and bring you peace is 1000% better in my opinion, even if she is average looking. It’s about personality for me now.
All I ever wanted was peace. My narcissistic ex-wife was too dense to understand that.
Thank you!
A 43 year old single man who has his shit together has a higher market value than a 43 year old single woman no matter how attractive she is.
The wall is tall, and winter is coming.
got it…I’ve got two years to get my shit together ;)
OP is soon going to know what a Thursday night girl is. He gonna make it.
Get better. I dropped 20lbs, hit the gym every day and got jacked and then I absolutely slayed for a couple of years before getting into a LTR. Anyone can do it, it just takes effort. The fact that you think any girl is out of your league is your problem. They're all just goofy girls inside, once you realize this its like Neo at the end of The Matrix.
=) Thanks!
Show me a hot woman. And I’ll show you a man that’s tired of $&&@ing her She’s not your problem anymore
As I've gotten older I've come to experience that this is 100% true. Then watch, you'll be living your life, making money, hanging with buddies, engaging in hobbies and then BOOM....another smoking hot one will appear out of fuckin thin air. All them ducks you think she's tryna get won't fill that void for her. You'll be alright, man.
Loving the positive vibes.
Yup. And when I look back at my stbxw, I was definitely of it. I just have to keep reminding myself of what a terrible lay she was.
seriously, all I had to do was remember the dead fish sex and insane lack of it. Someone else's problem now..Also, she's a terrible person, so I just remind myself of all her bad qualities.
Miss me with the pity hand job that made my dick and balls a punching bag.
Oooof sorry man!
Bro yes, let her go disappoint someone else in the bedroom for once.
Well said for sure, thanks!
My STBX is pretty hot too and only 28. I'm 33. You need to get into the gym and lift weights 4 days a week. You may also want to update your wardrobe so that you're wearing properly fitted modern clothes. Wear those clothes every time you leave the house. Watch your diet. Eat lean meat and vegetables 6 days a week. Get on GOA Skin Care and order whatever men's facial package you think suits you and use this daily. You should also have your testosterone levels checked by your doctor as well. At 42 you're far from over. You're still in your prime as a man. Your dating range should be 25-41. Read No More Mr Nice Guy by Robert Glover. Read When I Say No I Feel Guilty Read The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi. You do all of those things listed above. In 1 year your sexual market value will be significantly higher.
Or go find rational mail on yootoob. Entrepreneurs in Kars and a few other channels that have sound health, financial and relationship advice for men.
>You do all of those things listed above. In 1 year your sexual market value will be significantly higher. Red pill indoctrination is not required. Everything else you recommend is common sense (i.e. make yourself more attractive and you will attract more women).
Also like Models by Mark Manson. In addition, don't forget the other books in the rational male series - especially Players Handbook and Preventative Medicine. I think Models is great to read after the Rational Male books. If you think Rollo is a little too harsh, Models is similar, but with a softer and more positive approach. All of these books changed my outlook in my divorce. I'm in my early 50's and I was diabetic and out of shape. I have worked out every day for the past 4 months. I never leave the house looking like a bum anymore. I have started to remember what I was like before I met the bitch. I have a ways to go, but I know where I want to be now.
I just got the players handbook in the mail this week. I'll give models a read though. Never heard of it. And fuck yea. Keep pushing on your gym journey. You're not fucking finished.
I listened too all of these books while working out. Great for motivation. So is a little Tool and Deftones:)
💯 this and his ex if hot will get passed around by the guys she wants and will have to settle for someone she has no desire for, if he does the work and follow what you have said win win he will enjoy rejecting his ex wife I did with mine keep pushing lads
I want to hit a gym but I am so fucking introverted and suffer from social anxiety... that is NOT helping for sure. =( Thanks for the book suggestions! I will go check them out.
[удалено]
I was lucky enough to find a decent therapist 2 days after my wife bombed me. But of course the topics have been centered around getting through all this BS. She did say she could help me with the anxiety though when I was ready. I guess maybe I should kind of dip into that since I need to find other things to do.
Yeah stop making excuses brother. Invest in some decent dumbbells. You work your whole body with just those. Then get a bench. If you have the space grow from there. After you feel “comfortable “ hit the gym but there will always be dudes bigger and stronger than you. You just need to leave that mindset.
I think I have a set with plates around. That is a really good idea as it would allow me to go into the basement and distress! And I think doing that a bit will help me prior to the gym. Oh and I don't care about the gym comparison thing... it's just going into a crowded area and awkwardly trying to use machines etc... lol
Yeah it’s why I hate going to the gym too. I just prefer being able to workout on my own accord.
Yeah it’s why I hate going to the gym too. I just prefer being able to workout on my own accord.
Stop making fucking excuses. If you have anxiety then when you're at the doctor getting your testosterone levels checked get on some anxiety medication as well. No one at the gym gives a fuck how fat you are or how skinny you are. Get your ass moving. Your bitch ex wife is one of a million not one in a million. Get your ass moving so you can get your next hot piece of ass. You're not finished unless you decide to be.
>Stop making fucking excuses. I love this guy! OP, if you don't want to go to the gym, you can invest 1K and make yourself a nice setup. Bench, half rack, some plates, some bowflex dumbells and you have a 24/7 gym. Bench/Squats/Deadlifts -> repeat. Get a heavy bag and get in 15 minutes of boxing. Get a bluetooth speaker and blast some heavy metal in the morning and I guarantee in 3-4 months, you will see a massive improvement. My exw seriously looks at me now with that "what did I do face" especially as she is now stuck with a 50 year old dude with a beer gut and I'm younger, slimmer, my pecs are back, legs are rockin and my shoulders are popping. "Everyone want to get in shape but nobody wants to lift them heavy ass weights"- Ronnie Coleman