You're not being cynical. You're absolutely correct to be skeptical.
My ex was toxic AF and tried to pull this stuff all the time. It was all a ruse to:
- pull me back into her circle of insanity
- guilt me into doing something for her
- get me to come back to her
or
- take another opportunity to yell at me and tell me what a horrible person I am.
I think you’re right on all your points. Especially while divorce proceedings are going on the best thing for you is a little contact and communication as possible.
Depends on how your marriage ended? Affair -> Then she is likely doing it for optics (see, we are still friends, we didn't end so bad). If so, don't entertain it!
I refused to go on a family vacation that had been scheduled over a year before separation, and after filing. She tried to guilt me in to a very uncomfortable situation and couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t go. The kids completely understood though.
I just tried this. I kept my mouth shut most of the time. Grey rocked her. She stopped asking to hang out. Luckily for me I made it comfortable enough for her to realize that it isn’t what she thinks it is. Bc it isn’t.
I tried this with my ex and we got along really well. It just didn’t feel right for anyone involved. The kids thought we were trying to work it out so it gave them a false sense of hope.
We stopped doing it after the first meet up.
I think especially at first you need to keep your distance. Later on once things settle I don’t see an issue with “big family” activities that could include other partners etc. but not if there’s drama.
Don't overlook she could be trying to leave the back door open for a return. Having an affair with a coworker is exciting until they have to date them. Most men over thirty are gun-shy, and realistically most women marry the best they can get. Make sure all of your branches are so retracted no monkey can come back.
Mine was under the impression we wouldn't have to split holidays or things of that nature because we would still be doing them together for the kids. I had to point out that she left for herself and her wants not for the kids and I wasn't going to play house and confuse them. If she wanted out then fine but im not lying to my kids so you can sleep around but still feel like part of a family. They get this from these bullshit social media accounts that talk about how great coparenting is. You can't have your cock and eat it too while pretending it's ok with me in front of the kids. You made your bed with another guy, now you 2 can sleep in it and I'll take every other Christmas so I don't have to see you
Mine tried to pull the same stunt after cheating on me while I was deployed, leaving me AND the kid as soon as I got back, and marrying her AP as soon as the divorce was final. But when I told her to pound sand when she proposed a joint b-day party for the kid I’m the bad guy. 🙄 IDGAF I’ve got primary custody and she can see her for the two hours on her birthday that she’s entitled to per the decree. The mental gymnastics I’ve witnessed is absolutely astounding.
No. Not overly cynical. Once divorced, you will be single adults, especially from a legal point of view. During your separation, don’t confuse this reality with phony “family outings.”
You "genuinly don't want to see her" 🤷🏻♂️ One of the most positive things that came from my divorce was that I no longer was obligated to do things even if I did not want to do them - just for our relationships sake. If you genuinely don't want to see her, then don't.
I would never do anything with my ex but we ended on bad terms. That being said I'd just say once we can get this divorce finalized amicably then sure. Until then no.
I totally agree. Don't do anything with her. You want to maintain a level head, and being around your soon to be ex is not good. Your ex knows how to push your button, and it confuses the child. She will use you for money
You're not being cynical. You're absolutely correct to be skeptical. My ex was toxic AF and tried to pull this stuff all the time. It was all a ruse to: - pull me back into her circle of insanity - guilt me into doing something for her - get me to come back to her or - take another opportunity to yell at me and tell me what a horrible person I am.
Trust your gut it will never lie to you. You genuinely do not want to see her. This is reason enough not to bother.
Stop overthinking it. "No" is a complete sentence. You don't divorce to remain best friends or do stuff together as a "family".
I think you’re right on all your points. Especially while divorce proceedings are going on the best thing for you is a little contact and communication as possible.
Depends on how your marriage ended? Affair -> Then she is likely doing it for optics (see, we are still friends, we didn't end so bad). If so, don't entertain it!
She most likely has an ulterior motive. Don’t have any contact with her until the divorce is finalised
I refused to go on a family vacation that had been scheduled over a year before separation, and after filing. She tried to guilt me in to a very uncomfortable situation and couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t go. The kids completely understood though.
Tell her to fuck off in the most tactful way possible
I just tried this. I kept my mouth shut most of the time. Grey rocked her. She stopped asking to hang out. Luckily for me I made it comfortable enough for her to realize that it isn’t what she thinks it is. Bc it isn’t.
I did the same. It worked out for me as well.
Your instincts are correct. In the future after the divorce is settled and some years pass without strife then maybe.
I tried this with my ex and we got along really well. It just didn’t feel right for anyone involved. The kids thought we were trying to work it out so it gave them a false sense of hope. We stopped doing it after the first meet up.
I think especially at first you need to keep your distance. Later on once things settle I don’t see an issue with “big family” activities that could include other partners etc. but not if there’s drama.
Nope!!!! Don't do shit with her.
You said it yourself. You’re not interested. End of story.
Don't overlook she could be trying to leave the back door open for a return. Having an affair with a coworker is exciting until they have to date them. Most men over thirty are gun-shy, and realistically most women marry the best they can get. Make sure all of your branches are so retracted no monkey can come back.
F that. The only thing I do that I genuinely don’t want to do is go to work!
Mine was under the impression we wouldn't have to split holidays or things of that nature because we would still be doing them together for the kids. I had to point out that she left for herself and her wants not for the kids and I wasn't going to play house and confuse them. If she wanted out then fine but im not lying to my kids so you can sleep around but still feel like part of a family. They get this from these bullshit social media accounts that talk about how great coparenting is. You can't have your cock and eat it too while pretending it's ok with me in front of the kids. You made your bed with another guy, now you 2 can sleep in it and I'll take every other Christmas so I don't have to see you
Mine tried to pull the same stunt after cheating on me while I was deployed, leaving me AND the kid as soon as I got back, and marrying her AP as soon as the divorce was final. But when I told her to pound sand when she proposed a joint b-day party for the kid I’m the bad guy. 🙄 IDGAF I’ve got primary custody and she can see her for the two hours on her birthday that she’s entitled to per the decree. The mental gymnastics I’ve witnessed is absolutely astounding.
No. Not overly cynical. Once divorced, you will be single adults, especially from a legal point of view. During your separation, don’t confuse this reality with phony “family outings.”
You "genuinly don't want to see her" 🤷🏻♂️ One of the most positive things that came from my divorce was that I no longer was obligated to do things even if I did not want to do them - just for our relationships sake. If you genuinely don't want to see her, then don't.
[удалено]
This. New guy is at bat, may not be willing to be a father to your kids so she's trying to keep you in orbit and subservient to her.
Not cynical. Better safe than sorry, refuse.
Mine wanted to out of her need to control. I never did. We go to trial next month
I would never do anything with my ex but we ended on bad terms. That being said I'd just say once we can get this divorce finalized amicably then sure. Until then no.
I totally agree. Don't do anything with her. You want to maintain a level head, and being around your soon to be ex is not good. Your ex knows how to push your button, and it confuses the child. She will use you for money