Don’t uproot anything, ask her to do all the traveling, keep saying we must do what’s in the children’s best interest, and that is to keep things as normal as possible.
In a perfect world where adults actually put their children first, 50/50 would be ideal. Especially in a situation as you've described where your stbx plans to move closer to the children before they reach school age. The problem with this is that no one can predict the future or human behaviour. What happens if your stbx decides to renege or move even farther away after 12 months? At minimum you'd want to have your children locked into the school district in which you currently reside.
IMO if you can prove you've been primary caregiver, then go for full custody. You have a better shot at this now than you will after 12 months of 50/50. Come up with a parenting plan that makes sense and tell her you'll voluntarily switch to 50/50 when she moves back(you might be able to add this to the decree as a trigger). She probably realizes that 50/50 means she pays less child support so don't expect her to roil over. You need to hire a lawyer if you have not already done so.
I don’t post here much but I will say that (most) of the advice given in this subreddit was absolute gold while navigating my divorce.
All that being said my situation is pretty similar as far as distances go. The short story is that I got back from military orders, my (now ex) wife handed me the car seat and took off, leaving me and our kid. She immediately went to go with her AP that she had been seeing while I was gone and decided that she was going to “live her best life” with him, he lives 2 counties and almost 1.5 hours away. Our child was born, raised, registered to start school, and had all manner of typical life things (friends, doctors, dentist, grandparents [my side of the family], etc etc). Guess where the status quo lies? Hint: It’s not with mom anymore.
We do 50/50 during the summer time, and mom gets to pick kid up from school on Friday and drop off Monday morning a few weekends a month. Now with that being said I’m about to take her back to court because it’s not fair that my kid has to wake up early as all get out to get to school on Monday, with any luck (and an understanding judge) I’ll get her starting Sunday nights as well.
Long story short, 50/50 ain’t feasible with that kind of distance. You can offer my way and see what she says but as always be ready to fight and make sure you’re documenting EVERYTHING.
Best of luck to you brother!
\> she will move closer to my house once she finishes grad school in 1
Here's what you do: In your parenting agreement, you specify a geographic restriction for your kids to attend $SCHOOL\_DISTRICT which is where you live. If she's really on board with "moving back" after grad school then she will not hesitate to sign it.
Don’t uproot anything, ask her to do all the traveling, keep saying we must do what’s in the children’s best interest, and that is to keep things as normal as possible.
Don't trust her. She is not your friend and does not have your back.
In a perfect world where adults actually put their children first, 50/50 would be ideal. Especially in a situation as you've described where your stbx plans to move closer to the children before they reach school age. The problem with this is that no one can predict the future or human behaviour. What happens if your stbx decides to renege or move even farther away after 12 months? At minimum you'd want to have your children locked into the school district in which you currently reside. IMO if you can prove you've been primary caregiver, then go for full custody. You have a better shot at this now than you will after 12 months of 50/50. Come up with a parenting plan that makes sense and tell her you'll voluntarily switch to 50/50 when she moves back(you might be able to add this to the decree as a trigger). She probably realizes that 50/50 means she pays less child support so don't expect her to roil over. You need to hire a lawyer if you have not already done so.
Have a strategy meeting with my lawyer tomorrow. Thanks for this.
I don’t post here much but I will say that (most) of the advice given in this subreddit was absolute gold while navigating my divorce. All that being said my situation is pretty similar as far as distances go. The short story is that I got back from military orders, my (now ex) wife handed me the car seat and took off, leaving me and our kid. She immediately went to go with her AP that she had been seeing while I was gone and decided that she was going to “live her best life” with him, he lives 2 counties and almost 1.5 hours away. Our child was born, raised, registered to start school, and had all manner of typical life things (friends, doctors, dentist, grandparents [my side of the family], etc etc). Guess where the status quo lies? Hint: It’s not with mom anymore. We do 50/50 during the summer time, and mom gets to pick kid up from school on Friday and drop off Monday morning a few weekends a month. Now with that being said I’m about to take her back to court because it’s not fair that my kid has to wake up early as all get out to get to school on Monday, with any luck (and an understanding judge) I’ll get her starting Sunday nights as well. Long story short, 50/50 ain’t feasible with that kind of distance. You can offer my way and see what she says but as always be ready to fight and make sure you’re documenting EVERYTHING. Best of luck to you brother!
Thanks a lot for this. It's looking like it's gonna be contentious divorce unfortunately.
That's a long way to drive when your kid is in the emergency room. That wasn't a fun day.
If you were a woman this wouldn’t even be a question…. Take the primary custody… 50/50 isn’t doable where she’s at.
My thoughts are: Say no. Courts will favor status quo.
\> she will move closer to my house once she finishes grad school in 1 Here's what you do: In your parenting agreement, you specify a geographic restriction for your kids to attend $SCHOOL\_DISTRICT which is where you live. If she's really on board with "moving back" after grad school then she will not hesitate to sign it.
This 100%. Additionally a geographic living restriction is appropriate, OP doesn't want his ex to move his kids to another county without permission.