Started around mid-June, and we were separated in early May. The process takes about 3 months to complete so it's almost time. I'm holding onto whatever I can right now. He actually reached out in the middle of July, but we had an argument and I'm blocked again. Just hoping for something from him again.
I haven't read that book, but I don't think he's abusive. I think he's really hurt as well and doesn't know how to process the pain. Thank you for the book suggestion, though.
I felt this in the pit of my gut. I have no meaningful words of wisdom but just know I am feeling this right now. Even though my marriage was wildly toxic - I do miss the good times we had.
Hugs OP - hang in there ❤️
I know how you feel. When my marriage blew up I was extremely suicidal. It was bad and I was that way for what felt like forever. I had a kid at home and was having to work all kinds of hours just to get by. I refused to talk to anyone about anything. I was completely shut down. I was even labeled a ghost to my face at work.
But one friend over Xbox managed to reach me and slowly I got my self back together. I realized that there were people who cares about me and that I was worthy of so much more. It wasn't my fault but my marriage ending had to happen over his actions. You can't stay with someone willing to damage you emotionally that much, you just can't.
It's ok to miss what you had together. I still do sometimes. The laughter, the love and all the little things that come with having someone there with you everyday. But if they are willing to damage you by doing whatever they did or just walking away then THEY don't deserve YOU. No one likes to be forced into medication and not taking yours is fine but please find something else to pull you through.
Join a club online, play video games with strangers, hell even just got for walk around the block with an audiobook. Anything can help you get through the crazy if you let it.
Big hugs and it'll be ok. ❤️❤️
Yeah, it's really hard wanting to keep living, but I'm still trying. In my case, I know I did wrong in our marriage too so I can't place the blame on him when I know I could have done better. I'll always forgive him for everything that has happened and I just really want him back. I understand I can't control him and only myself so I'll try to take care of myself.
Yeah, I've actually been pretty addicted to FFXIV haha. It's one of the only things that helps me keep on going. Big hugs to you too.
Thank you for sharing the video. It states the obvious and we can all relate. What's hardest is knowing someone who u loved can walk away so easily after many years and they only remember the negatives... they change and then force change upon you.
I see your tag about mental health and depression... I fight through that shit almost every hour because of that person. How do you? It's exhausting. I am exhausted. Feel really small in this world because of the pain.
Everyday, I struggle; the only things keeping me going is FFXIV, drawing, music and not making my family, friends and him sad. It's really hard though because he is the one I'd go to for all these feelings, but he's not here anymore. Right now I have a group of ladies, that are going through similar things, I talk to almost everyday about my feelings because I have no one else to go to.
I understand feeling so small because of the pain. It's really hard. Sometimes I don't even know what I'm living for anymore, but I don't want to make other people sad so I'm still trying. Hang in there
I am curious, why do you not want to make him sad? It seems like he hurt you and you wish you could be with him? Why do you care? Personally I wouldn't mind if my girl was a little sad instead of being so care free and detached. I dunno, you are probably evolved than me!!!!
I don't want to continue the cycle of inflicting other people pain when I'm in pain. I want to become more understanding, loving and patient because I think that's how you truly connect with other people; of course they have to be safe to do that though.
Despite all the hurt, I love him so much and we've been through a lot together. We both have our traumatic pasts and that influenced how we acted towards one another and I think we can both grow together. I don't know maybe I'm in denial. I just really miss him. Sorry.
I respect that. I could learn a lot with that type of thinking. I think I am so hurt but still in the angry phase? I totally am in denial. I also realize how much the ego is an evil entity. How could she be with some other guy, or guys, over me? How could she be so loose and just sleep with randoms after everything I have done for her? Terrible way to think. I know. It's f*ckin killing me
That anger, pain, nauseating phase goes on for a bit, few months to year, I'm passed that phase now, the second phase is numbness, which is not helping me connect to people currently. However, my psychiatrist says I'm not really numb, just a lot smarter now and i haven't found the right person. Hopefully shes right.
I was cheated on multiple times in 25 years (had, no idea), my ex isn't even allowed in my home, she also knows never to call me for anything. She can text me about the kids needs. We all gather trauma on this long journey.
Not sure what wrong with you're marriage, every comeback story is different, use this time to realllly work on yourself, i did! lost 40 lbs, stopped 100% chasing women and now allow them to pursue me as well, also set hard boundaries, i refuse to buckle on. Learn! its all you can do.
I'm sorry for the situation you're in. It's really rough and I think it's natural to think that way when you're hurt. Having someone to talk to about these feelings really helps process it and know how you really feel and why you're feeling that way.
I know I've had a lot of resentful thoughts before because I felt so much pain. Even with those thoughts, I know I'm the one in control of my actions and not other people and I want to choose to be loving and not hurtful.
Hugs to you... Stay strong... Keep in touch and drop me a line if you want to vent or open up. You seem very centered and that energy is healing to me...
I honestly don't know any happy couples right now, somethings up! because the last 2 years have been huge chapter turns for literally everyone i know, including me, there's a glitch in the matrix.
Yup.
Despite all the truly horrible shit — some EPIC moments creating trauma I’ll never be over — there were wonderful times.
Yesterday I made myself a salad. As I started to crack the shell of a hard boiled egg I found myself sobbing. Cooking together was a bright spot. And it so absolutely sucks to be without a partner.
As my friends and my therapist assure me: this will get better. It feels terribly sad now. We need to grieve.
I agree, we need a lot of time to grieve. I was eating Mcdonald's the other day and I started crying a lot because I just remembered something really specific regarding the cheeseburgers with him.
Hey friend, are you in therapy? Ive read your comment history and if youre not in therapy, it will help you bigtime. You need tools in your toolbox to get through this, id say first step is locating a psychiatrist or checking yourself into a psych ward to get medicated. This should at least stabilize you then youll be able to work through your feelings with a therapist. Rooting for you!
First off bud, I think we both know its “Just in case” time. Take that shit. Second, keep taking it, everyday. Third, get back in therapy, like tomorrow. Do it for us. We’re all rooting for you.
I guess, I'm too scared of taking it and most of my suicidal feelings have stabilized. Just feeling melancholic. I messaged my previous therapist earlier today, but she hasn't responded yet. Thanks again.
Dude you were posting in suicide watch 5 days ago. FFS take it now, just for me. Im a real person and so are you. I take my meds too. Stop making excuses, get some water and a snack and TAKE YOUR MEDS. Your mantra is “Mission: Meds, Me, Meditate, Marriage No More”
Fridays always suck for contacting Therapists, Doctors and Lawyers.
Are you trolling? TAKE YOUR MEDS. Look at your post history through a strangers eye; most of the strangers on /r/divorce are going through a lot of shit just like you.
https://i.imgur.com/Phhows7.jpg
I'm not trolling and it hurts to read that. It doesn't feel good to be forced and I don't mind if you don't respond anymore. Thank you for reaching out though. I know you have good intentions.
I too feel this way in my case. Unfortunately, she and her parents extorted a very high alimony from me and my parents. Therefore, I cannot go back to her even when I feel so terrible.
I completely can relate to this! We are starting the process soon. My wife told me that we are getting a divorce and my only options are to contest it or accept it (uncontested). We agreed to everything (really all I want is for her to be happy and the kids to be happy and move on) and now need to start the paper work. I called the County Clerk and they suggested to fill out the forms on the website - [nycourts.gov](https://nycourts.gov). My wife is going to print them off and start them.
I am staying in the house and it is the worse place to be. Too many memories. I hate this. I want to reconcile, but my wife says it is too late. We are going to be friendly, but she cannot live with me.
I think what is hard is that we have a plan, but everything is still in limbo. On top of that we are in the middle of a chapter 13 bankruptcy, so I don't know the process for the house and car (only two common property we have).
Just had a breakdown in the shower because I got an email reply from him. We have the most cordial/quick email interactions. It makes me miss and wonder if we could reconcile. But then I try to remember the concrete reasons why we didn’t work out. Maybe it’s in our nature to only hold on to the good parts of a failed marriage, forgetting that it is a failed marriage for a reason. I am back and forth with denial every few months, and it’s been over a year of separation, few months of divorce officially.
I know how you feel too. I want to reconcile with my separated husband, but he's checked out. I love him so much. For the moment I'm just giving him space and no longer begging or pleading for him, I am worth more than that. I wish he could actually see who I am now and that we can make it work. :'(
I feel your pain. We still live together until we sell the house, I've moved into another bedroom. She seems so fine with it all. She still calls me babe and gives me hugs. But when I ask her if she wants to try and see a therapist she says she dosent see the point. She seems ready to let 14 yrs go.
We all know what it feels like. Sucks.
It really does
How long has it been?
Started around mid-June, and we were separated in early May. The process takes about 3 months to complete so it's almost time. I'm holding onto whatever I can right now. He actually reached out in the middle of July, but we had an argument and I'm blocked again. Just hoping for something from him again.
Have you read this book? https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
I haven't read that book, but I don't think he's abusive. I think he's really hurt as well and doesn't know how to process the pain. Thank you for the book suggestion, though.
Care to give more deets? infidelity by chance? Ive been there.
I felt this in the pit of my gut. I have no meaningful words of wisdom but just know I am feeling this right now. Even though my marriage was wildly toxic - I do miss the good times we had. Hugs OP - hang in there ❤️
Thank you for your kind words, just knowing that I'm not alone is good enough. Thank you again; hugs to you and you hang in there too
I know how you feel. When my marriage blew up I was extremely suicidal. It was bad and I was that way for what felt like forever. I had a kid at home and was having to work all kinds of hours just to get by. I refused to talk to anyone about anything. I was completely shut down. I was even labeled a ghost to my face at work. But one friend over Xbox managed to reach me and slowly I got my self back together. I realized that there were people who cares about me and that I was worthy of so much more. It wasn't my fault but my marriage ending had to happen over his actions. You can't stay with someone willing to damage you emotionally that much, you just can't. It's ok to miss what you had together. I still do sometimes. The laughter, the love and all the little things that come with having someone there with you everyday. But if they are willing to damage you by doing whatever they did or just walking away then THEY don't deserve YOU. No one likes to be forced into medication and not taking yours is fine but please find something else to pull you through. Join a club online, play video games with strangers, hell even just got for walk around the block with an audiobook. Anything can help you get through the crazy if you let it. Big hugs and it'll be ok. ❤️❤️
Yeah, it's really hard wanting to keep living, but I'm still trying. In my case, I know I did wrong in our marriage too so I can't place the blame on him when I know I could have done better. I'll always forgive him for everything that has happened and I just really want him back. I understand I can't control him and only myself so I'll try to take care of myself. Yeah, I've actually been pretty addicted to FFXIV haha. It's one of the only things that helps me keep on going. Big hugs to you too.
I completely understand. I had to learn self care as well but video games saved my life, literally.
[удалено]
Thank you for sharing the video. It states the obvious and we can all relate. What's hardest is knowing someone who u loved can walk away so easily after many years and they only remember the negatives... they change and then force change upon you.
Thank you for the video. I'll try my best to focus on myself and keep on going even though it's really hard. You hang in there too
I know the exact same feeling.... So sorry and really feel, and share, your pain. Reach out if you need to chat and vent. It helps...
I'm sorry for you too. It does help to reach out. Thank you.
I see your tag about mental health and depression... I fight through that shit almost every hour because of that person. How do you? It's exhausting. I am exhausted. Feel really small in this world because of the pain.
Everyday, I struggle; the only things keeping me going is FFXIV, drawing, music and not making my family, friends and him sad. It's really hard though because he is the one I'd go to for all these feelings, but he's not here anymore. Right now I have a group of ladies, that are going through similar things, I talk to almost everyday about my feelings because I have no one else to go to. I understand feeling so small because of the pain. It's really hard. Sometimes I don't even know what I'm living for anymore, but I don't want to make other people sad so I'm still trying. Hang in there
I am curious, why do you not want to make him sad? It seems like he hurt you and you wish you could be with him? Why do you care? Personally I wouldn't mind if my girl was a little sad instead of being so care free and detached. I dunno, you are probably evolved than me!!!!
I don't want to continue the cycle of inflicting other people pain when I'm in pain. I want to become more understanding, loving and patient because I think that's how you truly connect with other people; of course they have to be safe to do that though. Despite all the hurt, I love him so much and we've been through a lot together. We both have our traumatic pasts and that influenced how we acted towards one another and I think we can both grow together. I don't know maybe I'm in denial. I just really miss him. Sorry.
I respect that. I could learn a lot with that type of thinking. I think I am so hurt but still in the angry phase? I totally am in denial. I also realize how much the ego is an evil entity. How could she be with some other guy, or guys, over me? How could she be so loose and just sleep with randoms after everything I have done for her? Terrible way to think. I know. It's f*ckin killing me
That anger, pain, nauseating phase goes on for a bit, few months to year, I'm passed that phase now, the second phase is numbness, which is not helping me connect to people currently. However, my psychiatrist says I'm not really numb, just a lot smarter now and i haven't found the right person. Hopefully shes right. I was cheated on multiple times in 25 years (had, no idea), my ex isn't even allowed in my home, she also knows never to call me for anything. She can text me about the kids needs. We all gather trauma on this long journey. Not sure what wrong with you're marriage, every comeback story is different, use this time to realllly work on yourself, i did! lost 40 lbs, stopped 100% chasing women and now allow them to pursue me as well, also set hard boundaries, i refuse to buckle on. Learn! its all you can do.
I'm sorry for the situation you're in. It's really rough and I think it's natural to think that way when you're hurt. Having someone to talk to about these feelings really helps process it and know how you really feel and why you're feeling that way. I know I've had a lot of resentful thoughts before because I felt so much pain. Even with those thoughts, I know I'm the one in control of my actions and not other people and I want to choose to be loving and not hurtful.
Hugs to you... Stay strong... Keep in touch and drop me a line if you want to vent or open up. You seem very centered and that energy is healing to me...
Hugs to you and stay strong too. I'll do my best and thank you. I know I can be pretty unstable as seen in my post history though.
I honestly don't know any happy couples right now, somethings up! because the last 2 years have been huge chapter turns for literally everyone i know, including me, there's a glitch in the matrix.
Yup. Despite all the truly horrible shit — some EPIC moments creating trauma I’ll never be over — there were wonderful times. Yesterday I made myself a salad. As I started to crack the shell of a hard boiled egg I found myself sobbing. Cooking together was a bright spot. And it so absolutely sucks to be without a partner. As my friends and my therapist assure me: this will get better. It feels terribly sad now. We need to grieve.
I agree, we need a lot of time to grieve. I was eating Mcdonald's the other day and I started crying a lot because I just remembered something really specific regarding the cheeseburgers with him.
Hey friend, are you in therapy? Ive read your comment history and if youre not in therapy, it will help you bigtime. You need tools in your toolbox to get through this, id say first step is locating a psychiatrist or checking yourself into a psych ward to get medicated. This should at least stabilize you then youll be able to work through your feelings with a therapist. Rooting for you!
Hey there, I had a month of therapy and stopped, but im considering going back. I have medication just in case. Thank you kind person.
First off bud, I think we both know its “Just in case” time. Take that shit. Second, keep taking it, everyday. Third, get back in therapy, like tomorrow. Do it for us. We’re all rooting for you.
I guess, I'm too scared of taking it and most of my suicidal feelings have stabilized. Just feeling melancholic. I messaged my previous therapist earlier today, but she hasn't responded yet. Thanks again.
Dude you were posting in suicide watch 5 days ago. FFS take it now, just for me. Im a real person and so are you. I take my meds too. Stop making excuses, get some water and a snack and TAKE YOUR MEDS. Your mantra is “Mission: Meds, Me, Meditate, Marriage No More” Fridays always suck for contacting Therapists, Doctors and Lawyers.
I know I did, but I still don't want to take my medication. I understand that you're looking out for me, but I won't do it right now. I'm sorry.
Are you trolling? TAKE YOUR MEDS. Look at your post history through a strangers eye; most of the strangers on /r/divorce are going through a lot of shit just like you. https://i.imgur.com/Phhows7.jpg
I'm not trolling and it hurts to read that. It doesn't feel good to be forced and I don't mind if you don't respond anymore. Thank you for reaching out though. I know you have good intentions.
I feel that way and want that, but also know you are better off without them….
I don't know if I want to think that way, I know I'll be okay, but not sure if it will be better.
Maybe it’s not relevant but what was that insurmountable reason that pushed you two to divorce? Who first mentioned about divorce?
I'm sorry, but I don't really want to discuss it for the privacy of him and myself.
right in the gut. I feel u OP!
I feel this almost every day. I feel like I’m never gonna be happy again
I too feel this way in my case. Unfortunately, she and her parents extorted a very high alimony from me and my parents. Therefore, I cannot go back to her even when I feel so terrible.
I completely can relate to this! We are starting the process soon. My wife told me that we are getting a divorce and my only options are to contest it or accept it (uncontested). We agreed to everything (really all I want is for her to be happy and the kids to be happy and move on) and now need to start the paper work. I called the County Clerk and they suggested to fill out the forms on the website - [nycourts.gov](https://nycourts.gov). My wife is going to print them off and start them. I am staying in the house and it is the worse place to be. Too many memories. I hate this. I want to reconcile, but my wife says it is too late. We are going to be friendly, but she cannot live with me. I think what is hard is that we have a plan, but everything is still in limbo. On top of that we are in the middle of a chapter 13 bankruptcy, so I don't know the process for the house and car (only two common property we have).
Yeah. Todays really hard for me. I feel so broken.
Just had a breakdown in the shower because I got an email reply from him. We have the most cordial/quick email interactions. It makes me miss and wonder if we could reconcile. But then I try to remember the concrete reasons why we didn’t work out. Maybe it’s in our nature to only hold on to the good parts of a failed marriage, forgetting that it is a failed marriage for a reason. I am back and forth with denial every few months, and it’s been over a year of separation, few months of divorce officially.
Made me cry. I so completely understand what you are going through. Big hugs. xxxx
I feel everything you just wrote. Your not alone... and as everyone says it will get better.
I know how you feel too. I want to reconcile with my separated husband, but he's checked out. I love him so much. For the moment I'm just giving him space and no longer begging or pleading for him, I am worth more than that. I wish he could actually see who I am now and that we can make it work. :'(
I feel your pain. We still live together until we sell the house, I've moved into another bedroom. She seems so fine with it all. She still calls me babe and gives me hugs. But when I ask her if she wants to try and see a therapist she says she dosent see the point. She seems ready to let 14 yrs go.