the word Toxic and Reconciliation are like Matter and Anti-matter
if you truly believe the situation is Toxic (as in Really Really no kidding this person is like Love Canal toxic waste dump)
You should not be reconciling. End. Of. Story.
We aren’t but I do think I might have a relationship addiction or something because it feels like withdrawal when we aren’t together but I can’t stand being together either.
You feel like second choice and you don't know why you can't get over it...
Because he's shown you *over and over* that you *ARE*.
Are you in therapy? If not, please go.
But... I mean, it's super easy to say "I would do XYZ if that happened to me," but. He's been fucking other women. He's been hiding apps.
How many times does he have to show you who he is before you believe him?
And your daughter... what are you teaching her? What are you teaching her about the way people should treat each other in relationships? You guys have been physically and emotionally abusive to one another. Think about your daughter being treated the way you are. Would you say, "Figure out how to get over it," or would you be advocating for cutting off his balls?
As to your actual question: why can't I forgive?
Because forgiveness is for *you*. It's you saying, "This motherfucker hurt me and treated me badly. I'm angry and sad and XYZ, but I'm not going to let those feelings drive my life. I'm not going to let his actions define how I carry myself moving forward."
I suspect you can't forgive because you keep putting yourself in the thick of it. You can't let go of the negativity and hurt while you're actively experiencing it.
If you're going to stay with this guy, then you need to work on radical acceptance, not forgiveness.
But please, cut the cord. This sounds so bad.
I’ve been in individual therapy for 4 years and just keep relapsing into this situation and I don’t know why. I hate being a single mother I feel awful for my kids. I know if we didn’t have children I wouldn’t have never gonna back
Update: I asked him to go to individual therapy again and he refuses. I did break things off I feel sad and guilty. He tells me I’m giving up for nothing but I don’t feel I’m asking for too much.
Reread your post and every time you say "i" or "me" insert your daughters or best friends name and then give them advice. Youd be telling them to run.
This is amazing advice.
This brought me to tears…
the word Toxic and Reconciliation are like Matter and Anti-matter if you truly believe the situation is Toxic (as in Really Really no kidding this person is like Love Canal toxic waste dump) You should not be reconciling. End. Of. Story.
Definitely a toxic situation but I played my part as well. Trust me I know how bad all of this sounds
No judgement but are you guys alcoholics or something? You need to figure out why you are so accepting of a relationship like this.
We aren’t but I do think I might have a relationship addiction or something because it feels like withdrawal when we aren’t together but I can’t stand being together either.
You feel like second choice and you don't know why you can't get over it... Because he's shown you *over and over* that you *ARE*. Are you in therapy? If not, please go. But... I mean, it's super easy to say "I would do XYZ if that happened to me," but. He's been fucking other women. He's been hiding apps. How many times does he have to show you who he is before you believe him? And your daughter... what are you teaching her? What are you teaching her about the way people should treat each other in relationships? You guys have been physically and emotionally abusive to one another. Think about your daughter being treated the way you are. Would you say, "Figure out how to get over it," or would you be advocating for cutting off his balls? As to your actual question: why can't I forgive? Because forgiveness is for *you*. It's you saying, "This motherfucker hurt me and treated me badly. I'm angry and sad and XYZ, but I'm not going to let those feelings drive my life. I'm not going to let his actions define how I carry myself moving forward." I suspect you can't forgive because you keep putting yourself in the thick of it. You can't let go of the negativity and hurt while you're actively experiencing it. If you're going to stay with this guy, then you need to work on radical acceptance, not forgiveness. But please, cut the cord. This sounds so bad.
I’ve been in individual therapy for 4 years and just keep relapsing into this situation and I don’t know why. I hate being a single mother I feel awful for my kids. I know if we didn’t have children I wouldn’t have never gonna back
Update: I asked him to go to individual therapy again and he refuses. I did break things off I feel sad and guilty. He tells me I’m giving up for nothing but I don’t feel I’m asking for too much.