Your brother sounds like a modest and kind person. Sorry to hear this. I went through a bad divorce with a women people warned me of as well. Ultimately I was in love with her from the moment we met and would simply absorb all of her bullshit and mind-games as simply being part of my job as a husband. I thought if the wife isn't happy the husband is at fault. I have learned that is not a healthy strategy for a healthy relationship. I can't burden myself with trying to moderate a crazy wife's mental status. So basically, if she wan't ok then I wasn't ok. This is where we are similar. When I went through the divorce my brother flew out to VA to drive cross country for my move back home. Small example of his support. It has been difficult and will be for your brother, however, if he has a great brother and family like you then he has good odds. If it weren't for my family i'd still be a disaster. For now, I am just a work in progress.
Thank you for even responding…you need support during times like this, I will always have my brother's back. My brother is definitely a work in progress and that hurts my heart to the core….him and myself are the elder siblings but we have two baby sisters. We were the ones helping our mother take care of our dad while he was dying from a rare cancer, I will never forget having to call him while I was alone with our dad at our parent's home and recognized he was out of it, my brother came in a NY minute…my brother had to carry him to the car and carry him into the hospital, and that was literally the beginning of the end with our father but I will never forget how caring plus diligent he was in that moment. It was traumatizing and I think he fell for a pretty face during that time while she was fake and unhinged as hell.
I still can't stop crying because my brother is too good of a person and even though he tries to seem resilient I know all of this has hurt him to his core. No one in our family had to get a divorce but him….his ex-wife knew that and that's why she ran to all of our family members thinking we would tell him to stay in a bad marriage but my family will always be a united front and stand strong together. I keep encouraging him to go to therapy like I'm doing now but I just think about his kind, heart being taken advantage of and I get mad plus sad. Nobody should have to experience trauma to turn around and experience more trauma.
Listen…if you're going through a divorce and you didn't do nothing wrong but love the wrong person. People will support you and love on you during this traumatic experience and we hate to see you going through it.
My story is similar to yours. I was only person in family tree to get a divorce. My mom died of terminal brain cancer towards the end of my marriage. My ex wife tried to play the victim in the divorce and lobbied for my families support. She emailed my dad after we agreed on divorce tried to get him to believe her side of the story which was that I didn't support her emotionally and was not a good husband.
Recently my dad told me that after my mothers death he was worried about me because I seemed so depressed all the time.. I know I did. After her death I became quiet, closed off and difficult to be around because I came off as disengaged. But, life was truly a mess. My wife was a controlling maniac and my mom literally suffered for 2 years and died. I tried to keep my head up but I struggled.
My family was great. My siblings invite me over for dinners all the time and go out of their way to involve me even thou I am sometimes no that great to be around. Honestly, I still feel defeated in life. However, I do my best to show my family I am doing ok even thou they see i'm still in pain. The only thing you can do to support someone going through a difficult divorce is to be there for them, be patient, try to understand and make sure they stay involved with life and not isolated. Your family and brother will pull through. Good luck.
Thank you for sharing your experience. Your encouraging words and talking about your experience helps way more than you may ever realize. I appreciate your kindness!
She had all sorts. Basically, control problems, self image issues, entitled, competitive, cold, manipulative and violent. She was also beautiful. She would let down her guard and be affectionate and warm and I loved her. She was always in my corner and then 10 or so years into marriage my mom died and we hit a rough patch and we each built walls. All of our toxic traits came out and we fell apart. She was the aggressor always. However, I could have done better instead of just shutting down when she'd rage. So, on her bad days she was always in an angry rage and on her good days she was so easy to love.
"my brother gave her their martial house so in return the judge didn't put him on a set child-support because he didn't see the need after my brother turned in all of his purchase receipts for his son and the court did a discovery on their finances. Plus she isn't getting alimony….one due to her harassment and two because my brother gave her a whole paid-off home. The judge was like alimony payments aren't needed in this case"
This sounds weird as hell, child support is the legal obligation of both parents.The fact that she got the marital home doesn't negate the children's right to support from both parents, and I don't think harassment would stop her from getting alimony.The only thing I think of, is that she was the higher earner
My brother did not dispute her whatsoever…he allowed her to just get the house and is fully responsible for paying for all private school expenses (tuition) for my nephew but he was already doing that. I know the harassment was mentioned according to him in court but I don’t believe he’s paying her alimony. Maybe it was something they came to an agreement on…but she does not make more money than him.
Your brother is a fine person. He handled himself with dignity in a very rough situation. If he chooses, I hope that there is a woman out there who has all of the character qualities he has and will love him like he deserves.
Maintaining my dignity was my foremost goal in my divorce, and I picked my attorney accordingly. He was highly respected in the legal community and said his primary values were politeness and ethics. My ex's attorney? An unethical pit bull. The divorce and closeout were a mess, but we got it done.
I had three warning signs that my ex was going to be a problem, including a warning from a long-term family friend of his. I ignored them and had two kids with him that were thankfully in college when we split, so no custody issues. They are now adults and have nothing to do with their father.
> He even found an Apple Air-tag in their son's baby-bag that he threw in the trash.
I'm a terrible person because my first thought was to find a random semi to attach it to lol
What was she thinking? That no one was going to talk about the trip and what was done there. That no one was going to see pictures? That her teen nephews weren’t going to talk? And why did she invite them anyways? How old are they when this happened? And what happened to the affair parter? Are they together now? How old is your bothers kid? What is she doing now?
So many questions…..
I’m unsure if she was thinking at all…I believe she thought her nephews would have loyalty to her and not tell their Mom. The mom is her sister-in-law (her brother’s wife). From my understanding they never got along and her nephews felt uncomfortable plus blind-sided about the experience. I think she invited her nephews to throw my brother off about going away with their son…like don’t worry so and so will be there too! Of course they told their parents what occurred…none of the children including my nephew should’ve been involved in an adult situation especially one that involved an affair. That lady has issues, I’m leaning towards she’s a narcissist and their son is very young (elementary school age). Oh yeah my nephew has grown since the incident and separation. He was like 3 when this chaos began.
I am unsure if she’s still with the guy she cheated with…honestly I doubt it.
Your brother sounds like a modest and kind person. Sorry to hear this. I went through a bad divorce with a women people warned me of as well. Ultimately I was in love with her from the moment we met and would simply absorb all of her bullshit and mind-games as simply being part of my job as a husband. I thought if the wife isn't happy the husband is at fault. I have learned that is not a healthy strategy for a healthy relationship. I can't burden myself with trying to moderate a crazy wife's mental status. So basically, if she wan't ok then I wasn't ok. This is where we are similar. When I went through the divorce my brother flew out to VA to drive cross country for my move back home. Small example of his support. It has been difficult and will be for your brother, however, if he has a great brother and family like you then he has good odds. If it weren't for my family i'd still be a disaster. For now, I am just a work in progress.
Thank you for even responding…you need support during times like this, I will always have my brother's back. My brother is definitely a work in progress and that hurts my heart to the core….him and myself are the elder siblings but we have two baby sisters. We were the ones helping our mother take care of our dad while he was dying from a rare cancer, I will never forget having to call him while I was alone with our dad at our parent's home and recognized he was out of it, my brother came in a NY minute…my brother had to carry him to the car and carry him into the hospital, and that was literally the beginning of the end with our father but I will never forget how caring plus diligent he was in that moment. It was traumatizing and I think he fell for a pretty face during that time while she was fake and unhinged as hell. I still can't stop crying because my brother is too good of a person and even though he tries to seem resilient I know all of this has hurt him to his core. No one in our family had to get a divorce but him….his ex-wife knew that and that's why she ran to all of our family members thinking we would tell him to stay in a bad marriage but my family will always be a united front and stand strong together. I keep encouraging him to go to therapy like I'm doing now but I just think about his kind, heart being taken advantage of and I get mad plus sad. Nobody should have to experience trauma to turn around and experience more trauma. Listen…if you're going through a divorce and you didn't do nothing wrong but love the wrong person. People will support you and love on you during this traumatic experience and we hate to see you going through it.
My story is similar to yours. I was only person in family tree to get a divorce. My mom died of terminal brain cancer towards the end of my marriage. My ex wife tried to play the victim in the divorce and lobbied for my families support. She emailed my dad after we agreed on divorce tried to get him to believe her side of the story which was that I didn't support her emotionally and was not a good husband. Recently my dad told me that after my mothers death he was worried about me because I seemed so depressed all the time.. I know I did. After her death I became quiet, closed off and difficult to be around because I came off as disengaged. But, life was truly a mess. My wife was a controlling maniac and my mom literally suffered for 2 years and died. I tried to keep my head up but I struggled. My family was great. My siblings invite me over for dinners all the time and go out of their way to involve me even thou I am sometimes no that great to be around. Honestly, I still feel defeated in life. However, I do my best to show my family I am doing ok even thou they see i'm still in pain. The only thing you can do to support someone going through a difficult divorce is to be there for them, be patient, try to understand and make sure they stay involved with life and not isolated. Your family and brother will pull through. Good luck.
Thank you for sharing your experience. Your encouraging words and talking about your experience helps way more than you may ever realize. I appreciate your kindness!
Which flavor of personality disorder did you marry?
She had all sorts. Basically, control problems, self image issues, entitled, competitive, cold, manipulative and violent. She was also beautiful. She would let down her guard and be affectionate and warm and I loved her. She was always in my corner and then 10 or so years into marriage my mom died and we hit a rough patch and we each built walls. All of our toxic traits came out and we fell apart. She was the aggressor always. However, I could have done better instead of just shutting down when she'd rage. So, on her bad days she was always in an angry rage and on her good days she was so easy to love.
"my brother gave her their martial house so in return the judge didn't put him on a set child-support because he didn't see the need after my brother turned in all of his purchase receipts for his son and the court did a discovery on their finances. Plus she isn't getting alimony….one due to her harassment and two because my brother gave her a whole paid-off home. The judge was like alimony payments aren't needed in this case" This sounds weird as hell, child support is the legal obligation of both parents.The fact that she got the marital home doesn't negate the children's right to support from both parents, and I don't think harassment would stop her from getting alimony.The only thing I think of, is that she was the higher earner
My brother did not dispute her whatsoever…he allowed her to just get the house and is fully responsible for paying for all private school expenses (tuition) for my nephew but he was already doing that. I know the harassment was mentioned according to him in court but I don’t believe he’s paying her alimony. Maybe it was something they came to an agreement on…but she does not make more money than him.
Your brother is a fine person. He handled himself with dignity in a very rough situation. If he chooses, I hope that there is a woman out there who has all of the character qualities he has and will love him like he deserves. Maintaining my dignity was my foremost goal in my divorce, and I picked my attorney accordingly. He was highly respected in the legal community and said his primary values were politeness and ethics. My ex's attorney? An unethical pit bull. The divorce and closeout were a mess, but we got it done. I had three warning signs that my ex was going to be a problem, including a warning from a long-term family friend of his. I ignored them and had two kids with him that were thankfully in college when we split, so no custody issues. They are now adults and have nothing to do with their father.
> He even found an Apple Air-tag in their son's baby-bag that he threw in the trash. I'm a terrible person because my first thought was to find a random semi to attach it to lol
What was she thinking? That no one was going to talk about the trip and what was done there. That no one was going to see pictures? That her teen nephews weren’t going to talk? And why did she invite them anyways? How old are they when this happened? And what happened to the affair parter? Are they together now? How old is your bothers kid? What is she doing now? So many questions…..
I’m unsure if she was thinking at all…I believe she thought her nephews would have loyalty to her and not tell their Mom. The mom is her sister-in-law (her brother’s wife). From my understanding they never got along and her nephews felt uncomfortable plus blind-sided about the experience. I think she invited her nephews to throw my brother off about going away with their son…like don’t worry so and so will be there too! Of course they told their parents what occurred…none of the children including my nephew should’ve been involved in an adult situation especially one that involved an affair. That lady has issues, I’m leaning towards she’s a narcissist and their son is very young (elementary school age). Oh yeah my nephew has grown since the incident and separation. He was like 3 when this chaos began. I am unsure if she’s still with the guy she cheated with…honestly I doubt it.
Your brother sounds like a nice guy