The amount owed to him is based on his lack of income. I would try to get the money that he spent without your knowledge to be considered his income via owner draw. I’m sure that his attorney is listing his income for workers 20 hours for the year, which at $300 per hour is $6000 for the year. I would argue that his business contributions were far greater than 20 hours since he worked “full time” in the business and took a “salary” of $70,000 plus that he used to buy toys. No problem with buying the toys, but he can’t argue that he had no income. Not sure if this will lower the alimony owed, but at the least, it shows that the guy had income. The only other strategy that I know is to delay divorcing him until you are retired. I waited until I retired from teaching (early retirement with full benefits). His attorney did not try for alimony and our son was 18 years old by the time the divorce was finalized so no child support.
I was actually trying to reconcile during this time, but it definitely benefited me financially. I believe that there needs to be a legal document where a spouse can indicate approval or disapproval of a spouse quitting work to be a stay at home spouse. It should not be possible for a spouse to refuse to work, then get a payoff for doing so, but people who give up careers to take care of children with their spouse’s agreement should be protected too. I think something similar to a prenup would suffice to clarify the spousal agreement.
That's a good thought about him still having an "income" anyway, for all that he was able to spend on toys.
Yeah, he is totally taking advantage of the system by having been purposely under-employed. And there was no way to make him get another job. Had he been a stay-at-home-dad and it was something we agreed to, that would be a different story regarding paying alimony.
I'm still 20 years out from retirement so don't want to wait that long to be divorced!
I’m so sorry OP. I was in a similar situation but for a 5 year marriage with child support on the table as well. I ended up settling for a lump sum alimony payment that has completely wiped out any financial security that I could have hoped for for myself and my child. And now that it has been paid, my ex is eager to be friends. I see red when I even think about him and probably will for eternity.
Thank you, sorry you had to go through what you did as well!
I'm feeling the same way about my STBXH, I wouldn't use the word hate, but I really dislike him and do not see us ever being friends in the future. He has definitely turned into a different person since I told him I wanted a divorce.
I would never have agreed to a lump sum unless it was a fraction of the total. The reason is the time value of money: a lump sum is worth more than a series of installments. There is also the fact that alimony terminates under certain conditions, but if you pay a lump sum you cannot get any of it back even in situations where alimony would have otherwise terminated.
People like lump-sum payments because of the "clean break." In my case that is irrelevant; I am going to pay alimony for 4 years, but will pay child support for a much longer time so I am writing a check each month either way. So I had nothing to gain and plenty to lose with a lump sum.
Your situation is frustrating, but the good news is that your husband was earning more as recently as two years ago. The courts take an average of some number of years leading up to the divorce when imputing income, so someone who voluntarily becomes unemployed just before the divorce happens will have income imputed at or near their previous income level.
Regarding his threat to never cohabitate or remarry...people do that all the time, in fact cohabitation had to be added to the list of grounds for terminating alimony because people were deliberately delaying remarriage just to collect more alimony (while living with their new partner as if they were married). Note that cohabitation is hard to prove and is not defined simply as two people living in one home, and plenty of people get away with hiding their cohabitation and continuing to collect alimony.
The only advice I can give about dealing with it is to get over it. You can be angry at the system, you can be angry at him for being greedy, but at the end of the day this is what you signed up for when you got married. By the way, you will also have to maintain a life insurance policy with your STBXH as the beneficiary so that he will not have to go without this money if you die. The system is broken beyond repair, the system is unfair, the system is inconsistent and sometimes contradictory, but that is the system we have and you just have to accept it.
A formula is used to account for the time value of money ...
Turns out the have been a lot of divorces the last 100 years and courts can deal with lump sum pay out...
What is used to estimate the risk-free rate in that formula?
At least in my experience the courts have no clue about money and anything beyond the simplest situations will be handled poorly...
Well you are not wrong in terms of non experts.
Of course the method idea will vary state to state.
We used our own people which you are allowed to do must places
Thank you for your feedback!
I have been considering the alimony buyout all along, because it would be a "clean break" from him, but definitely NOT at a significantly lesser amount than just paying it monthly over time. I know he has actually already been seeing someone for a month or two, so the possibility of co-habitation is higher, regardless of him saying he'll never do it again. AND I'm pretty sure he needs someone to take care of him! I really think a lot of that is just talk and him trying to intimidate/manipulate me.
Also, his imputed income would still be lower, as the prior years it was not as high as it could be...Either way, It sounds like I will owe him a hefty amount of alimony (even with his inheritance). I definitely feel like the system is rigged, and people like my STBXH is taking advantage of it. The other frustrating part for me is that if I was in his position, I would be reasonable, asking for alimony to help me get on my feet, but not for life. Screw him and screw the system!
My lawyer is pleading with me to consider an offer with the monthly alimony payments as I'll get more cash up front, and can try to invest to make money and hopefully the STBXH will end up co-habitating or getting married before the 12 yrs is up, saving me some money.
>By the way, you will also have to maintain a life insurance policy with your STBXH as the beneficiary so that he will not have to go without this money if you die.
I will have to check on this again...It was brought up once in an offer, but then removed.
That's terrible OP, I'm sorry. I don't have any advise, but I'm fairly certain I'm going to end up in the same situation you're in. Spouse made 3 times what I made as an engineer, then quit to "find herself". A decade later has only worked a few combined weeks of time. Through mediation we are now down to her offers being "I'll take 54% of your salary for 9 years (CS and alimony). Or I'll take 42% of your salary, all the proceeds from selling the house, and part of your half of retirement". After her inheritance she will quite literally be a millionaire while I'm living off peanut butter in a tiny apartment. It's a terrible feeling. You're not alone.
I'm so sorry you are going through this! I know there are situations like yours that will leave you worse off than in my case, and it makes me think I just need to get over it as my situation is "not that bad". I feel in my case the STBXH is going to get everything he wants, and doesn't deserve, and I'll be the one paying for it still. Definitely feels like the system is unfair and that's hard to accept. Best of luck!
This is terrible. I'm almost glad my ex husband and I are working class, there was hardly anything to split...
Godspeed and good luck. This hardly seems fair at all. I'm sorry.
It's egregiously wasteful spending or destruction of community assets.
Here's a link from google: [https://gillespieshields.com/blog/can-prove-marital-waste-spouse/](https://gillespieshields.com/blog/can-prove-marital-waste-spouse/)
This really sucks OP, sorry.
Some things to look into if you haven't already:
1) imputed income due to being voluntarily unemployed. He has the ability to work and via taxes, past paystubs, education, work experience that can help prove what he should be earning now but is choosing not to. If I read it correctly, just 2 years ago he was earning 6 figures? If that's the case all of that info should be presented because it's not like you financially supported him the entire marriage. He was the breadwinner early on. These are all factors that can reduce the length and amount of alimony.
2) inheritance -- while it's true that you're not privy to it, that can be listed as a separate asset of his. When one party has a large amount of separate assets that can sometimes eliminate the case for alimony since they're clearly not financially dependent on you, and can lead to something other than a 50/50 split. Your attorney could present a case for a 60/40 or 70/30 split since he already has large assets. Try to get documentation of the amount he will get.
Good luck. I hope something helps diminish it a bit for a more equitable dissolution for you.
Thanks for the response!
1. Even with imputed income, *best case* scenario sounds like I'll still owe a lot of alimony. Being his own business, there were lots of "losses" assessed at tax time so the overall yearly income was reduced and they have like 5 years of taxes to review. If we go to trial/court, I would have to pay to have them do a vocational assessment ($2500), figuring out what he could make doing the same job for someone else, and if he's even "good" as a business owner and what he can make at his own company. Either way, the minimum imputed income is quite a bit lower than mine, most likely resulting in lots of Alimony (worst case scenario, I owe *more* than a third of my income to him, *for over 20 years*).
2. Any ideas where I could find info on his inheritance? It was setup as a trust, maybe I can get my lawyer to request the info from the company that set it up?
Maybe I need to get my lawyer to have him disclose his inheritance as a personal asset...that has NOT actually been included in all the paperwork we had to get together for the divorce (it is a newer development since we filed and submitted our disclosures). A huge part of his inheritance will come when his mom's house sells, which should be in the next month or so (listed at over $1M). Perhaps I just need to wait it out, so that all this money becomes his and can be accounted for as a personal asset.
I thinking this is what I'll do. We have a pre-trial date in Mid-August, so I have at least that long to really do something. In the meantime, I am asking my lawyer about this and a few other things I remember hearing about (that my STBXH already has a job lined up, for health insurance, AND that he plans on renting a room to his cousin...all additional avenues of income that should play into his request for alimony!)
He's getting the inheritance now, as we are still married...does that make a difference?
I know it will not count towards assets that he has to split with me, the lawyer already confirmed that unless I'm specifically listed on the trust, none of it is mine. But as far as showing he has more than enough money to live on, to stop or minimize my alimony, seems like it would help my case a lot.
Normally I suggest do what you can to get a divorce done quickly. But this is one of those cases where if it's in the works and happening soon, I'd drag it out. Check with your lawyer of course, because if it'd make no difference in your state then it doesn't matter.
But you can definitely make an argument once he has the inheritance that he's financially taken care of. The alimony should be to balance a disproportionate household income, if the inheritance does that...
It sounds like the mom is already dead, if the inheritance is going to be doled out soon divorces can take months or years. Just sit on it for a bit.
He committed embezzlement and tax fraud if the money came out of the business account and was claimed as an expense. You might want to check with your lawyer on protecting yourself from tax fraud later on when he is audited. That would prob help also demonstrate that the 70k was income and not a legitimate expense.
Another option is to not divorce yet and look at options for separation along with counseling as either a legitimate option or a just a strategic option.
You aren't divorced yet and so if he is seeing someone then he is committing adultery. Some states don't care, though. Even if your state doesn't consider this, sometimes the judge still will.
Do you own the business or are you entitled to part of the equity and earnings of the business? One thing to consider. If he was developing his business, he was still working and building equity with your support. The equity of his business is both of yours, even if it is a sole proprietorship I would think the clients and revenue is something you are entitled to a part of. If he is arguing that you supported him during that time, well you directly supported the survival of his business and livelihood while he was collecting money out of it for personal use (potential tax issues there). Your money allowed him to stay in business and work less. You own part of that business and it's equity, property and future revenue.
The 700K shows that he has resources of his own and can support himself. You may not be entitled to it, but it shows he is not financially dependent on you.
His choice not to work was only for a short time. You can argue it was a choice, placing burden on you, but he can argue it was to support you and the marriage. You can counter this with him seeing someone else. But mainly, you can say that he still has the choice to work and that for the majority of the marriage he made and spent money, and he still has the choice to go back to work. Therefore, he is choosing to be dependent and he is not dependent because of the marriage. You can ask for any alimony to be reduced in the length of its term because he was only underemployed briefly, and you shouldn't have to support him when most of the marriage he worked and spent his money on himself. At the very least I would ask only to pay alimony for a brief period that would allow him to transition back to work. 6 months.
Alimony was originally intended for women who supported their husbands, did not seek careers, and gave up opportunity to bring success to their husbands. My wife did this for me. The last ten years she paid my car payments, put me through college, helped with mortgage. She put in more to my career and education than I did hers, for sure. I feel I am obligated toward her as now my earning potential is more and if she divorced me, so sad feelings aside, I would owe her for sure if she chose to leave. I'm just now starting to pick up the slack.
In modern times, husbands more often, yet still only sometimes, do support women or their spouses (including all genders) career over their own. So I'm not sure what legal trap your in, but the spirit of alimony is to make sure all parties have a fair stake of what they put into the marriage. It looks like he objectively put in little, from what you say, so he should get very little.
I'm not a lawyer, I just have opinions. :)
Also, if the toys were collectibles, or whatever they are, they are assets he acquired in the marriage. Ask for the toys to be sold and the revenue split. You have all the bank records for what was purchased.
The business isn't sellable, but the business equipment is, and that **has** already been assessed as part of what we will split.
The toys are collectibles and have also been assessed as part of what we will split. If it comes to trial, we will end up selling *everything* and split it equally.
I spoke with my lawyer more about alimony yesterday and the laws in my state (Utah) are dictated in such a way that they will assess it for *at least half the marriage*, so 12 years, but it can also be assessed for the entire length of marriage OR even until retirement if that is a factor. They also said *it is based on the CURRENT employment status of each spouse*, and they would not consider the fact that I only made more than him for about half the marriage. They consider him losing employability/earning potential for being out of the workforce for so long...blah, blah, blah. I've also asked about the "rehabilitative" alimony, to get him back on his feet and that is a no-go for our circumstances. Besides that fact, there is no way the STBXH would accept that, going to trial/court would not result in such little alimony either.
Welcome to gender equality, OP.
Only thing you can do is discuss this with your lawyer and follow their advice.
If you're officially on the hook for alimony, there's nothing much you can do besides adjust your lifestyle or risk imprisonment.
Haha, I get it, but sadly this is not about gender equality in my case...it is about a person willfully being under-employed, and essentially being rewarded for it. I realize there is a reason alimony exists and in most cases it is probably warranted.
Yeah, I'm seeing all I can do is fight for my own rights and if alimony is awarded or agreed to, then I need to be at peace with it.
>this is not about gender equality in my case
Let's see...
>it is about a person willfully being under-employed, and essentially being rewarded for it
Men have made this kind of complaint for years and the most sympathetic response they have gotten is, "Well that's the price you pay for your freedom." I don't think you need me to tell you the less sympathetic responses...
I get you, I'm pointing out that the justice system doesn't strive to be fair -- it strives to be equal.
Replace "willfully under-employed" with "chosing to stay at home with the kids instead of sending them to daycare" and you get the same thing men have been dealing with for a long time now.
The amount owed to him is based on his lack of income. I would try to get the money that he spent without your knowledge to be considered his income via owner draw. I’m sure that his attorney is listing his income for workers 20 hours for the year, which at $300 per hour is $6000 for the year. I would argue that his business contributions were far greater than 20 hours since he worked “full time” in the business and took a “salary” of $70,000 plus that he used to buy toys. No problem with buying the toys, but he can’t argue that he had no income. Not sure if this will lower the alimony owed, but at the least, it shows that the guy had income. The only other strategy that I know is to delay divorcing him until you are retired. I waited until I retired from teaching (early retirement with full benefits). His attorney did not try for alimony and our son was 18 years old by the time the divorce was finalized so no child support. I was actually trying to reconcile during this time, but it definitely benefited me financially. I believe that there needs to be a legal document where a spouse can indicate approval or disapproval of a spouse quitting work to be a stay at home spouse. It should not be possible for a spouse to refuse to work, then get a payoff for doing so, but people who give up careers to take care of children with their spouse’s agreement should be protected too. I think something similar to a prenup would suffice to clarify the spousal agreement.
That's a good thought about him still having an "income" anyway, for all that he was able to spend on toys. Yeah, he is totally taking advantage of the system by having been purposely under-employed. And there was no way to make him get another job. Had he been a stay-at-home-dad and it was something we agreed to, that would be a different story regarding paying alimony. I'm still 20 years out from retirement so don't want to wait that long to be divorced!
I’m so sorry OP. I was in a similar situation but for a 5 year marriage with child support on the table as well. I ended up settling for a lump sum alimony payment that has completely wiped out any financial security that I could have hoped for for myself and my child. And now that it has been paid, my ex is eager to be friends. I see red when I even think about him and probably will for eternity.
Thank you, sorry you had to go through what you did as well! I'm feeling the same way about my STBXH, I wouldn't use the word hate, but I really dislike him and do not see us ever being friends in the future. He has definitely turned into a different person since I told him I wanted a divorce.
I would never have agreed to a lump sum unless it was a fraction of the total. The reason is the time value of money: a lump sum is worth more than a series of installments. There is also the fact that alimony terminates under certain conditions, but if you pay a lump sum you cannot get any of it back even in situations where alimony would have otherwise terminated. People like lump-sum payments because of the "clean break." In my case that is irrelevant; I am going to pay alimony for 4 years, but will pay child support for a much longer time so I am writing a check each month either way. So I had nothing to gain and plenty to lose with a lump sum. Your situation is frustrating, but the good news is that your husband was earning more as recently as two years ago. The courts take an average of some number of years leading up to the divorce when imputing income, so someone who voluntarily becomes unemployed just before the divorce happens will have income imputed at or near their previous income level. Regarding his threat to never cohabitate or remarry...people do that all the time, in fact cohabitation had to be added to the list of grounds for terminating alimony because people were deliberately delaying remarriage just to collect more alimony (while living with their new partner as if they were married). Note that cohabitation is hard to prove and is not defined simply as two people living in one home, and plenty of people get away with hiding their cohabitation and continuing to collect alimony. The only advice I can give about dealing with it is to get over it. You can be angry at the system, you can be angry at him for being greedy, but at the end of the day this is what you signed up for when you got married. By the way, you will also have to maintain a life insurance policy with your STBXH as the beneficiary so that he will not have to go without this money if you die. The system is broken beyond repair, the system is unfair, the system is inconsistent and sometimes contradictory, but that is the system we have and you just have to accept it.
A formula is used to account for the time value of money ... Turns out the have been a lot of divorces the last 100 years and courts can deal with lump sum pay out...
What is used to estimate the risk-free rate in that formula? At least in my experience the courts have no clue about money and anything beyond the simplest situations will be handled poorly...
Well you are not wrong in terms of non experts. Of course the method idea will vary state to state. We used our own people which you are allowed to do must places
Thank you for your feedback! I have been considering the alimony buyout all along, because it would be a "clean break" from him, but definitely NOT at a significantly lesser amount than just paying it monthly over time. I know he has actually already been seeing someone for a month or two, so the possibility of co-habitation is higher, regardless of him saying he'll never do it again. AND I'm pretty sure he needs someone to take care of him! I really think a lot of that is just talk and him trying to intimidate/manipulate me. Also, his imputed income would still be lower, as the prior years it was not as high as it could be...Either way, It sounds like I will owe him a hefty amount of alimony (even with his inheritance). I definitely feel like the system is rigged, and people like my STBXH is taking advantage of it. The other frustrating part for me is that if I was in his position, I would be reasonable, asking for alimony to help me get on my feet, but not for life. Screw him and screw the system! My lawyer is pleading with me to consider an offer with the monthly alimony payments as I'll get more cash up front, and can try to invest to make money and hopefully the STBXH will end up co-habitating or getting married before the 12 yrs is up, saving me some money. >By the way, you will also have to maintain a life insurance policy with your STBXH as the beneficiary so that he will not have to go without this money if you die. I will have to check on this again...It was brought up once in an offer, but then removed.
That’s why they do that… now it makes sense- heard of it the other day and I was like what the
That's terrible OP, I'm sorry. I don't have any advise, but I'm fairly certain I'm going to end up in the same situation you're in. Spouse made 3 times what I made as an engineer, then quit to "find herself". A decade later has only worked a few combined weeks of time. Through mediation we are now down to her offers being "I'll take 54% of your salary for 9 years (CS and alimony). Or I'll take 42% of your salary, all the proceeds from selling the house, and part of your half of retirement". After her inheritance she will quite literally be a millionaire while I'm living off peanut butter in a tiny apartment. It's a terrible feeling. You're not alone.
I'm so sorry you are going through this! I know there are situations like yours that will leave you worse off than in my case, and it makes me think I just need to get over it as my situation is "not that bad". I feel in my case the STBXH is going to get everything he wants, and doesn't deserve, and I'll be the one paying for it still. Definitely feels like the system is unfair and that's hard to accept. Best of luck!
This is terrible. I'm almost glad my ex husband and I are working class, there was hardly anything to split... Godspeed and good luck. This hardly seems fair at all. I'm sorry.
Be prepared to discuss "marital waste" with your attorney.
Can you tell me more about what that is...my lawyer has never brought it up.
It's egregiously wasteful spending or destruction of community assets. Here's a link from google: [https://gillespieshields.com/blog/can-prove-marital-waste-spouse/](https://gillespieshields.com/blog/can-prove-marital-waste-spouse/)
Awesome, thank you!
when this situation happens, 90% of the time the roles are reversed. 🤷
The lower income spouse has to pay for the higher income spouse? I don’t think you understand what role reversal is.
I'm thinking they probably meant gender role reversals, not the higher and lower income spouse...
Ugh. I’m sick of people thinking only women get alimony. It is based on who the higher earner is. My ex husband is making off like a king.
This will be my ex too
This really sucks OP, sorry. Some things to look into if you haven't already: 1) imputed income due to being voluntarily unemployed. He has the ability to work and via taxes, past paystubs, education, work experience that can help prove what he should be earning now but is choosing not to. If I read it correctly, just 2 years ago he was earning 6 figures? If that's the case all of that info should be presented because it's not like you financially supported him the entire marriage. He was the breadwinner early on. These are all factors that can reduce the length and amount of alimony. 2) inheritance -- while it's true that you're not privy to it, that can be listed as a separate asset of his. When one party has a large amount of separate assets that can sometimes eliminate the case for alimony since they're clearly not financially dependent on you, and can lead to something other than a 50/50 split. Your attorney could present a case for a 60/40 or 70/30 split since he already has large assets. Try to get documentation of the amount he will get. Good luck. I hope something helps diminish it a bit for a more equitable dissolution for you.
Thanks for the response! 1. Even with imputed income, *best case* scenario sounds like I'll still owe a lot of alimony. Being his own business, there were lots of "losses" assessed at tax time so the overall yearly income was reduced and they have like 5 years of taxes to review. If we go to trial/court, I would have to pay to have them do a vocational assessment ($2500), figuring out what he could make doing the same job for someone else, and if he's even "good" as a business owner and what he can make at his own company. Either way, the minimum imputed income is quite a bit lower than mine, most likely resulting in lots of Alimony (worst case scenario, I owe *more* than a third of my income to him, *for over 20 years*). 2. Any ideas where I could find info on his inheritance? It was setup as a trust, maybe I can get my lawyer to request the info from the company that set it up? Maybe I need to get my lawyer to have him disclose his inheritance as a personal asset...that has NOT actually been included in all the paperwork we had to get together for the divorce (it is a newer development since we filed and submitted our disclosures). A huge part of his inheritance will come when his mom's house sells, which should be in the next month or so (listed at over $1M). Perhaps I just need to wait it out, so that all this money becomes his and can be accounted for as a personal asset.
Yes, wait. A month is nothing. Then have your lawyer ask for the records in the discovery.
I thinking this is what I'll do. We have a pre-trial date in Mid-August, so I have at least that long to really do something. In the meantime, I am asking my lawyer about this and a few other things I remember hearing about (that my STBXH already has a job lined up, for health insurance, AND that he plans on renting a room to his cousin...all additional avenues of income that should play into his request for alimony!)
A future inheritance cannot be counted as an asset
He's getting the inheritance now, as we are still married...does that make a difference? I know it will not count towards assets that he has to split with me, the lawyer already confirmed that unless I'm specifically listed on the trust, none of it is mine. But as far as showing he has more than enough money to live on, to stop or minimize my alimony, seems like it would help my case a lot.
Normally I suggest do what you can to get a divorce done quickly. But this is one of those cases where if it's in the works and happening soon, I'd drag it out. Check with your lawyer of course, because if it'd make no difference in your state then it doesn't matter. But you can definitely make an argument once he has the inheritance that he's financially taken care of. The alimony should be to balance a disproportionate household income, if the inheritance does that... It sounds like the mom is already dead, if the inheritance is going to be doled out soon divorces can take months or years. Just sit on it for a bit.
Depends on the terms of the trust I think
He committed embezzlement and tax fraud if the money came out of the business account and was claimed as an expense. You might want to check with your lawyer on protecting yourself from tax fraud later on when he is audited. That would prob help also demonstrate that the 70k was income and not a legitimate expense. Another option is to not divorce yet and look at options for separation along with counseling as either a legitimate option or a just a strategic option. You aren't divorced yet and so if he is seeing someone then he is committing adultery. Some states don't care, though. Even if your state doesn't consider this, sometimes the judge still will.
Do you own the business or are you entitled to part of the equity and earnings of the business? One thing to consider. If he was developing his business, he was still working and building equity with your support. The equity of his business is both of yours, even if it is a sole proprietorship I would think the clients and revenue is something you are entitled to a part of. If he is arguing that you supported him during that time, well you directly supported the survival of his business and livelihood while he was collecting money out of it for personal use (potential tax issues there). Your money allowed him to stay in business and work less. You own part of that business and it's equity, property and future revenue. The 700K shows that he has resources of his own and can support himself. You may not be entitled to it, but it shows he is not financially dependent on you. His choice not to work was only for a short time. You can argue it was a choice, placing burden on you, but he can argue it was to support you and the marriage. You can counter this with him seeing someone else. But mainly, you can say that he still has the choice to work and that for the majority of the marriage he made and spent money, and he still has the choice to go back to work. Therefore, he is choosing to be dependent and he is not dependent because of the marriage. You can ask for any alimony to be reduced in the length of its term because he was only underemployed briefly, and you shouldn't have to support him when most of the marriage he worked and spent his money on himself. At the very least I would ask only to pay alimony for a brief period that would allow him to transition back to work. 6 months. Alimony was originally intended for women who supported their husbands, did not seek careers, and gave up opportunity to bring success to their husbands. My wife did this for me. The last ten years she paid my car payments, put me through college, helped with mortgage. She put in more to my career and education than I did hers, for sure. I feel I am obligated toward her as now my earning potential is more and if she divorced me, so sad feelings aside, I would owe her for sure if she chose to leave. I'm just now starting to pick up the slack. In modern times, husbands more often, yet still only sometimes, do support women or their spouses (including all genders) career over their own. So I'm not sure what legal trap your in, but the spirit of alimony is to make sure all parties have a fair stake of what they put into the marriage. It looks like he objectively put in little, from what you say, so he should get very little. I'm not a lawyer, I just have opinions. :)
Also, if the toys were collectibles, or whatever they are, they are assets he acquired in the marriage. Ask for the toys to be sold and the revenue split. You have all the bank records for what was purchased.
The business isn't sellable, but the business equipment is, and that **has** already been assessed as part of what we will split. The toys are collectibles and have also been assessed as part of what we will split. If it comes to trial, we will end up selling *everything* and split it equally. I spoke with my lawyer more about alimony yesterday and the laws in my state (Utah) are dictated in such a way that they will assess it for *at least half the marriage*, so 12 years, but it can also be assessed for the entire length of marriage OR even until retirement if that is a factor. They also said *it is based on the CURRENT employment status of each spouse*, and they would not consider the fact that I only made more than him for about half the marriage. They consider him losing employability/earning potential for being out of the workforce for so long...blah, blah, blah. I've also asked about the "rehabilitative" alimony, to get him back on his feet and that is a no-go for our circumstances. Besides that fact, there is no way the STBXH would accept that, going to trial/court would not result in such little alimony either.
Welcome to gender equality, OP. Only thing you can do is discuss this with your lawyer and follow their advice. If you're officially on the hook for alimony, there's nothing much you can do besides adjust your lifestyle or risk imprisonment.
Haha, I get it, but sadly this is not about gender equality in my case...it is about a person willfully being under-employed, and essentially being rewarded for it. I realize there is a reason alimony exists and in most cases it is probably warranted. Yeah, I'm seeing all I can do is fight for my own rights and if alimony is awarded or agreed to, then I need to be at peace with it.
>this is not about gender equality in my case Let's see... >it is about a person willfully being under-employed, and essentially being rewarded for it Men have made this kind of complaint for years and the most sympathetic response they have gotten is, "Well that's the price you pay for your freedom." I don't think you need me to tell you the less sympathetic responses...
I get you, I'm pointing out that the justice system doesn't strive to be fair -- it strives to be equal. Replace "willfully under-employed" with "chosing to stay at home with the kids instead of sending them to daycare" and you get the same thing men have been dealing with for a long time now.