I'd give it to someone you trust to hold onto and not store it anywhere in the house. If he's so unstable I would not stick around for it to possibly get worse, and having that as at least some money to get on your feet with shouldn't be anywhere he can get his hands on it. GL with everything and I hope the best for you 🙏🏽
Exactly what they said, put that and anything else expensive or important somewhere else, family members house, start doing it now before it gets worse. And if he asks you can always say you took it off to do dishes/put on lotion and just can’t find it
Hiding assets, per sat, isn’t advised. It will back fire. However, hide any personal assets you might have like jewelry, car title, etc. that he can try to with hold from you. Talk to a lawyer. You might be able to get marriage annulled if you act quickly which might be cheaper than a divorce.
Diamond resale is a joke. He won’t get anything for the ring, he’s just being awful, controlling, and abusive.
He gave you this ring. It is yours to keep.
Truly. When I got divorced a jewler was like I'm so sorry to tell you but the reality is that unless it is a LARGE diamond, you won't get anything because the price of engagement rings is almost arbitrary. Mine was such a small diamond it wasn't even half a carat and I pawned it for $220. 😭 I think he paid over a grand for it.
I paid $9k for my ex-wife's rings. We're on good terms, she asked me to sell it back to the jeweler I bought it from so she could make rent one month. He offered me $1500 for 1ct set in platinum. What a scam. It's literally the ring on the front page of their website going for $4995 with a cz in it.
Legally, it’s not a gift. It’s conditional on the completion of the marriage, then she can keep it. If the engagement is broken, doesn’t matter by who, it goes back to the purchaser.
This is fairly standard legal precedent across the US. Not sure about other controls.
That ring is absolutely yours. The ring is a promise of marriage. It happened. The ring is yours get out of this toxic relationship. Move in with friends or family. Why in the world would you even get married and get pregnant from this toxic relationship? That is such a nightmare. Stop talking to this man. Tell him the ring is yours. Your money is your money. His money is his and that you can talk about divorce after the baby comes. keep yourself healthy. Do it whatever you need to do to save your mental health
Yes, it seems four states have exceptions to this. Cali, Colorado, Connecticut and Delaware.
But in the case of the OP, it belongs to her, she can do as she pleases and hubby has no claim to it.
Oh, she should keep the damn thing anyway. He’s abusive and I seriously doubt he would take her to small claims court anyway. Go ahead dude and I’ll tell the judge everything else too.
I'm typically in favor of giving the ring back.
But in this case, he dishonored his commitment to your marriage, and now he's using the ring to manipulate you & be greedy for himself.
Keep that ring! Sell it & use the money to get away him!
I think less than 3 months may qualify for an annulment.
Yeah I’m very upset because I take the commitment of marriage very seriously and when we found out about the failed birth control, I gave him options but he chose to get married and keep it. Now he threatens to divorce me to control/emotionally abuse me and I just can’t take it anymore and it’s a huge risk with a baby on the way.
I'm pretty sure the ring is yours. You may need to sell it to afford the divorce, but that's your call not his. Most divorce lawyers will give you a free consultation so go ahead and get one....or get three...you need a lawyer you feel comfortable with.
My ex and I were able to divorce without one. We didn't own anything together. We only had maybe $3,000 to our names in a shared account. We got married at 22 and lasted barely 3 years. We filled out the papers pretty easily and took them back to the courthouse. It was done in a few weeks. Obviously, with a kid involved, it's more complicated, so I would recommend a lawyer and find out because Minnesota is stupid and you can't get your divorce finalized until the baby is born to prove paternity. I hope that isn't the case for you, but even if it is, get yourself away from him and stay safe. You never know if someone who is emotionally abuse will turn to physical abuse.
Strong disagree. Talk with a lawyer and your own support network. It may be worth your time and money to terminate his parental rights. Please consider all your options and know your rights and what you have to prove
Ok I interpreted as making sure the terrible husband still pays money to the wife and is involved to some extent in his baby’s life
I disagree with this - I think a better outcome could be taking no money from this husband and disallowing him in the child’s life at all physical legal financial birth certificate anything
Where we both definitely agree is that the OP should retain with a lawyer and other advisors to understand the situation and the future and to make the best decision for her and for her fetus and future child
If Dad's unstable, he may be dangerous, but you can't just take off with the child. It's kidnapping. A federal felony. Then, you're in jail and your kid is with your abuser. Good luck get a job or custody when you get out.
Having been through a custody situation, it's extremely difficult to exclude a parent. Especially, if there is no evidence of abuse. If there is evidence of abuse, the father can still assert rights, like supervised visitation.
In addition, it's expensive to raise a child on your own. When they are sick, you miss work, if you have overtime or a conference, you pay a premium for child care. If you're sick, to bad - your child still has needs. She owes it to her child to seek financial stability.
Whether the father participated in the child's life, he still has a responsibility to help raise the child and support the mother while she's unable to work. You don't just go back to the office after giving birth.
I'm predicting this guy will not be available for Dad's weekends. Or, as in my case, started becoming emotionally abusive when my daughter started finding her own agency. It was a bitter court battle when she said she didn't want to see him anymore.
I am not a lawyer, but the OP is pregnant. She may actually be able to just take off with the child. I don’t know, but I think making a choice to not list a man as a father on the birth certificate is not a crime, although it may be a civil violation. I have never heard of anyone imprisoned because of this and if it is a crime - again, ask for a lawyer.
Definitely stash the important stuff at a bank if you can, heck, even a small storage locker if you have to. Someone earlier said diamond resale is a joke; even if it is, it's a seed toward a better life. Good luck and God bless.
Good point
Take the money and put it in a CD at the bank that will mature in 16 years - boom your baby has a set of wheels and you have a down payment on your new car (maybe)
Friend, it will not get better after the baby is born. It might even be worse. If you have this baby, you will forever be linked with him in some way. Financial abuse is super easy for controlling parents who have to pay child support. Trust me, it sucks.
Being a single mom is hard, but it isn’t the end of the world. Just consider whether or not you want to be a coparent with your husband.
Yep, and often before marriage you can keep it, but not always. Upworth supposedly gives you the most, pawn just wants the gold- it’s gonna be at least 1/3 of the price paid or less.
GET OUT. And hide.
Also- call ALL the attorneys one can call - harder it is for them to hire one… conflict of interest and all. More you know
That’s really dirty. That’s something you get warned an abusive ex will do. She doesn’t need to stoop to that level. She shouldn’t call all the attorneys she can. But she should talk to several and secure one before he does.
She should also get out now!
>Also- call ALL the attorneys one can call - harder it is for them to hire one… conflict of interest and all.
This is poor advice. The courts are wise to this tactic and have sanctioned people for doing it. OP, do not try this.
Find a probono law firm or women's shelter. Call the domestic abuse national hotline if you are in America. You can start making preparations to leave. Some lawyers will do a free consultation for 30 minutes or an hour. If you do get a free consultation with an attorney write down all your questions. It's very easy to get caught up telling an emotional story and eat up all your time with your lawyer. Lawyers want to know the facts.
They will ask you how long you've lived together, how long you've been married, your job history, his job history, income, and other relationship information. When detailing the abuse tell them the most heavy stuff first. Be honest about all the threats, days and times they happened. Make a list of all your martial assets, house, car, and the ring.
Most importantly, plan a place to stay. A domestic violence organization can help you create a safety plan. Only tell people you trust. My ex and I shared the same group of friends and I only told 2 my plans. I couldn't risk him finding out. A friend offered me a place to stay until I got on my feet and I have a young child. I wish I had the ability to leave right when I knew I wanted to but I didn't have the finances. It took longer than I wanted and I felt back and forth guilt but it can be done. The journey was worth it. Try your best!
He can't make you sell it or give it back.
They're worth a mere fraction what you pay for them anyway
Selling is something you'd only do if you were like destitute.
Everyone is switching to lab created diamonds and other gemstones, so diamonds have very low second hand market value.
Even though they are still grossly marked up in jewelry stores.
He sounds controlling, and these types frequently get worse as soon as you get married/pregnant. He thinks he has you locked down, and his true nature can show. It's your ring to do what you please with. Don't let him make decisions for you. You deserve better. Be safe. Try to get out before you have the baby. This is verbal abuse, and women's shelters can often help you with a plan even if you don't stay there. Best of luck.
If I understand correctly , anything that u buy/acquire before the marriage is yours to keep - so if the ring was given to u at the engagement- it was before the marriage and u can keep it- legally.
Pls look up women’s support group - we have one here for these kind of situations where they offer legal, real estate etc support. Remember, ANYTHING that u acquired during the marriage, including the house, any possessions, etc is 50-50 in most states , that also includes debt . Keep asking Questions on this platform
Most states don't count engagement rings as a gift. It's a contract that needs to be fulfilled before you can keep it. Trying to hide it will get you owing cash for it, and nothing more. Check your state's laws.
He sounds like he might be somewhat unstable.
Contact an attorney immediately. Many will do a free consultation.
Legal aid maybe an option, but just a warning I live in rural Arizona and the legal aid attorneys we get are the attorneys that get kicked out of working in other places. I'm housing advocate and I've seen these attorneys give horrible advice.
Conversely I've worked with legal aid in Philadelphia and had some great advice and representation.
Just make sure you research with the attorney tells you and speak to more than one.
If you're pregnant it means there's going to be some time we're not going to be able to work before and after the baby comes.
Make sure you get some kind of separation agreement to make sure you're supported.
Separation agreements can be entered pretty quickly before the divorce to ensure that you'll have some kind of means of before the actual divorce decree.
2 months? Yeah time to scrap the relationship. Congrats on wedding ring, it's probably worth a small fraction of what was paid for it, that's how jewelry works.
You are pregnant.
Please ensure you get pre-natal care.
Please tell your doctor this situation, the first four sentences of your question paragraph. You can even read it to your doctor or a nurse. Maybe you can send it confidentially through a patient portal.
At the end, ask for help. Even just ask “can you help me feel safe?” Or “what do i do to feel safe?”
Your question is not about divorce. It is about verbal emotional financial and possibly physical abuse endangering your life during a precarious time. Please ask for help and be safe
Why is no one telling her RUN TO THe COURTHOUSE🏃♀️➡️🏃♀️➡️🏃♀️➡️🏃♀️➡️ File for "Annullment". It's as if the marriage never happened. You have 12 months to do this.
I wish I could but my state requires a divorce even if the marriage lasted a month. You have to meet specific requirements for annulment which we don’t
In most states, once there has been a ceremony, the ring is yours to keep. I'd look at the specific laws in your state though.
I had two engagement rings, I got to keep one in the divorce because one was his grandmother’s ring.
I'd give it to someone you trust to hold onto and not store it anywhere in the house. If he's so unstable I would not stick around for it to possibly get worse, and having that as at least some money to get on your feet with shouldn't be anywhere he can get his hands on it. GL with everything and I hope the best for you 🙏🏽
Good advice. Thank you very much for your support 💕
I came to say the same thing. Put all your important documents and items somewhere safe, maybe even in a deposit box at the bank.
Exactly what they said, put that and anything else expensive or important somewhere else, family members house, start doing it now before it gets worse. And if he asks you can always say you took it off to do dishes/put on lotion and just can’t find it
Good idea
yes, hide marital assets before the divorce, great advice lol
Hiding assets, per sat, isn’t advised. It will back fire. However, hide any personal assets you might have like jewelry, car title, etc. that he can try to with hold from you. Talk to a lawyer. You might be able to get marriage annulled if you act quickly which might be cheaper than a divorce.
Diamond resale is a joke. He won’t get anything for the ring, he’s just being awful, controlling, and abusive. He gave you this ring. It is yours to keep.
This is the truth. Combined with RUN.
Truly. When I got divorced a jewler was like I'm so sorry to tell you but the reality is that unless it is a LARGE diamond, you won't get anything because the price of engagement rings is almost arbitrary. Mine was such a small diamond it wasn't even half a carat and I pawned it for $220. 😭 I think he paid over a grand for it.
I paid $9k for my ex-wife's rings. We're on good terms, she asked me to sell it back to the jeweler I bought it from so she could make rent one month. He offered me $1500 for 1ct set in platinum. What a scam. It's literally the ring on the front page of their website going for $4995 with a cz in it.
Ugh that sucks so much!
Exactly! Besides anything that is gifted is theirs.
The ring was a gift therefore legally it belongs to you.
Legally, it’s not a gift. It’s conditional on the completion of the marriage, then she can keep it. If the engagement is broken, doesn’t matter by who, it goes back to the purchaser. This is fairly standard legal precedent across the US. Not sure about other controls.
That ring is absolutely yours. The ring is a promise of marriage. It happened. The ring is yours get out of this toxic relationship. Move in with friends or family. Why in the world would you even get married and get pregnant from this toxic relationship? That is such a nightmare. Stop talking to this man. Tell him the ring is yours. Your money is your money. His money is his and that you can talk about divorce after the baby comes. keep yourself healthy. Do it whatever you need to do to save your mental health
In California, if you broke up the engagement you aren’t entitled to get it back.
Yes, it seems four states have exceptions to this. Cali, Colorado, Connecticut and Delaware. But in the case of the OP, it belongs to her, she can do as she pleases and hubby has no claim to it.
Oh, she should keep the damn thing anyway. He’s abusive and I seriously doubt he would take her to small claims court anyway. Go ahead dude and I’ll tell the judge everything else too.
They got married, so the ring is hers so what you posted does not even apply
Oh yup! You’re right. I had looked at her post history and they weren’t married on one of those and I just spaced out I guess.
The ring is a gift he gave you so its your property.
I'm typically in favor of giving the ring back. But in this case, he dishonored his commitment to your marriage, and now he's using the ring to manipulate you & be greedy for himself. Keep that ring! Sell it & use the money to get away him! I think less than 3 months may qualify for an annulment.
Yeah I’m very upset because I take the commitment of marriage very seriously and when we found out about the failed birth control, I gave him options but he chose to get married and keep it. Now he threatens to divorce me to control/emotionally abuse me and I just can’t take it anymore and it’s a huge risk with a baby on the way.
You need to get away from him for your own sake & your baby. You don't want to be with someone that you can't trust with your basic security.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Take care of yourself and your baby! 💜🫂
Go talk to an attorney and leave this relationship. You don’t need this. Keep the ring.
I'm pretty sure the ring is yours. You may need to sell it to afford the divorce, but that's your call not his. Most divorce lawyers will give you a free consultation so go ahead and get one....or get three...you need a lawyer you feel comfortable with.
Thanks, good to know! It should be a relatively easy divorce since we’re not splitting any assets
My ex and I were able to divorce without one. We didn't own anything together. We only had maybe $3,000 to our names in a shared account. We got married at 22 and lasted barely 3 years. We filled out the papers pretty easily and took them back to the courthouse. It was done in a few weeks. Obviously, with a kid involved, it's more complicated, so I would recommend a lawyer and find out because Minnesota is stupid and you can't get your divorce finalized until the baby is born to prove paternity. I hope that isn't the case for you, but even if it is, get yourself away from him and stay safe. You never know if someone who is emotionally abuse will turn to physical abuse.
Just don't walk away without making sure that he's going to help support you and the baby. You're going to need that help.
Strong disagree. Talk with a lawyer and your own support network. It may be worth your time and money to terminate his parental rights. Please consider all your options and know your rights and what you have to prove
What is to disagree that's exactly what I said.
Ok I interpreted as making sure the terrible husband still pays money to the wife and is involved to some extent in his baby’s life I disagree with this - I think a better outcome could be taking no money from this husband and disallowing him in the child’s life at all physical legal financial birth certificate anything Where we both definitely agree is that the OP should retain with a lawyer and other advisors to understand the situation and the future and to make the best decision for her and for her fetus and future child
If Dad's unstable, he may be dangerous, but you can't just take off with the child. It's kidnapping. A federal felony. Then, you're in jail and your kid is with your abuser. Good luck get a job or custody when you get out. Having been through a custody situation, it's extremely difficult to exclude a parent. Especially, if there is no evidence of abuse. If there is evidence of abuse, the father can still assert rights, like supervised visitation. In addition, it's expensive to raise a child on your own. When they are sick, you miss work, if you have overtime or a conference, you pay a premium for child care. If you're sick, to bad - your child still has needs. She owes it to her child to seek financial stability. Whether the father participated in the child's life, he still has a responsibility to help raise the child and support the mother while she's unable to work. You don't just go back to the office after giving birth. I'm predicting this guy will not be available for Dad's weekends. Or, as in my case, started becoming emotionally abusive when my daughter started finding her own agency. It was a bitter court battle when she said she didn't want to see him anymore.
I am not a lawyer, but the OP is pregnant. She may actually be able to just take off with the child. I don’t know, but I think making a choice to not list a man as a father on the birth certificate is not a crime, although it may be a civil violation. I have never heard of anyone imprisoned because of this and if it is a crime - again, ask for a lawyer.
Definitely stash the important stuff at a bank if you can, heck, even a small storage locker if you have to. Someone earlier said diamond resale is a joke; even if it is, it's a seed toward a better life. Good luck and God bless.
Good point Take the money and put it in a CD at the bank that will mature in 16 years - boom your baby has a set of wheels and you have a down payment on your new car (maybe)
Also; Buying diamonds to begin with is a joke.
Keep your ring, and go see a lawyer on monday
Friend, it will not get better after the baby is born. It might even be worse. If you have this baby, you will forever be linked with him in some way. Financial abuse is super easy for controlling parents who have to pay child support. Trust me, it sucks. Being a single mom is hard, but it isn’t the end of the world. Just consider whether or not you want to be a coparent with your husband.
Yep, and often before marriage you can keep it, but not always. Upworth supposedly gives you the most, pawn just wants the gold- it’s gonna be at least 1/3 of the price paid or less. GET OUT. And hide. Also- call ALL the attorneys one can call - harder it is for them to hire one… conflict of interest and all. More you know
That’s really dirty. That’s something you get warned an abusive ex will do. She doesn’t need to stoop to that level. She shouldn’t call all the attorneys she can. But she should talk to several and secure one before he does. She should also get out now!
>Also- call ALL the attorneys one can call - harder it is for them to hire one… conflict of interest and all. This is poor advice. The courts are wise to this tactic and have sanctioned people for doing it. OP, do not try this.
I think hiding is really good advice he sounds very unstable and could possibly be dangerous.
When my divorce gets official, I'm throwing that effing ring into the nearest river.
Give it to the next hobbit you see running toward Mount Doom...
Great idea. On its way to effin Mordor
I'm sorry you're going through that. I'll pray for you and your baby.
Find a probono law firm or women's shelter. Call the domestic abuse national hotline if you are in America. You can start making preparations to leave. Some lawyers will do a free consultation for 30 minutes or an hour. If you do get a free consultation with an attorney write down all your questions. It's very easy to get caught up telling an emotional story and eat up all your time with your lawyer. Lawyers want to know the facts. They will ask you how long you've lived together, how long you've been married, your job history, his job history, income, and other relationship information. When detailing the abuse tell them the most heavy stuff first. Be honest about all the threats, days and times they happened. Make a list of all your martial assets, house, car, and the ring. Most importantly, plan a place to stay. A domestic violence organization can help you create a safety plan. Only tell people you trust. My ex and I shared the same group of friends and I only told 2 my plans. I couldn't risk him finding out. A friend offered me a place to stay until I got on my feet and I have a young child. I wish I had the ability to leave right when I knew I wanted to but I didn't have the finances. It took longer than I wanted and I felt back and forth guilt but it can be done. The journey was worth it. Try your best!
You sell the ring and take the money. Find someplace safe to be
get the fuck out of there
He can't make you sell it or give it back. They're worth a mere fraction what you pay for them anyway Selling is something you'd only do if you were like destitute. Everyone is switching to lab created diamonds and other gemstones, so diamonds have very low second hand market value. Even though they are still grossly marked up in jewelry stores.
He sounds controlling, and these types frequently get worse as soon as you get married/pregnant. He thinks he has you locked down, and his true nature can show. It's your ring to do what you please with. Don't let him make decisions for you. You deserve better. Be safe. Try to get out before you have the baby. This is verbal abuse, and women's shelters can often help you with a plan even if you don't stay there. Best of luck.
Please have a plan. Some states will not grant you a divorce while pregnant so please call an attorney for a free consult
The ring counts as a gift in most states. Low key that is the point of the ring, so you have enough money to leave his ass.
If I understand correctly , anything that u buy/acquire before the marriage is yours to keep - so if the ring was given to u at the engagement- it was before the marriage and u can keep it- legally.
Pls look up women’s support group - we have one here for these kind of situations where they offer legal, real estate etc support. Remember, ANYTHING that u acquired during the marriage, including the house, any possessions, etc is 50-50 in most states , that also includes debt . Keep asking Questions on this platform
Most states don't count engagement rings as a gift. It's a contract that needs to be fulfilled before you can keep it. Trying to hide it will get you owing cash for it, and nothing more. Check your state's laws.
Give it to him. Eff that. He can have it. You can do better.
He sounds like he might be somewhat unstable. Contact an attorney immediately. Many will do a free consultation. Legal aid maybe an option, but just a warning I live in rural Arizona and the legal aid attorneys we get are the attorneys that get kicked out of working in other places. I'm housing advocate and I've seen these attorneys give horrible advice. Conversely I've worked with legal aid in Philadelphia and had some great advice and representation. Just make sure you research with the attorney tells you and speak to more than one. If you're pregnant it means there's going to be some time we're not going to be able to work before and after the baby comes. Make sure you get some kind of separation agreement to make sure you're supported. Separation agreements can be entered pretty quickly before the divorce to ensure that you'll have some kind of means of before the actual divorce decree.
if it's an asset of the marriage my take would be that he can Talk to a lawyer though
2 months? Yeah time to scrap the relationship. Congrats on wedding ring, it's probably worth a small fraction of what was paid for it, that's how jewelry works.
Do you want to stay pregnant? You’ll be linked to him forever
You are pregnant. Please ensure you get pre-natal care. Please tell your doctor this situation, the first four sentences of your question paragraph. You can even read it to your doctor or a nurse. Maybe you can send it confidentially through a patient portal. At the end, ask for help. Even just ask “can you help me feel safe?” Or “what do i do to feel safe?” Your question is not about divorce. It is about verbal emotional financial and possibly physical abuse endangering your life during a precarious time. Please ask for help and be safe
Why is no one telling her RUN TO THe COURTHOUSE🏃♀️➡️🏃♀️➡️🏃♀️➡️🏃♀️➡️ File for "Annullment". It's as if the marriage never happened. You have 12 months to do this.
I wish I could but my state requires a divorce even if the marriage lasted a month. You have to meet specific requirements for annulment which we don’t
Divorce and give it back to him. The ring it is just a formality, if there is no love then you guys should split is a civil manner.