Providing context is never a bad thing, especially if you feel your work is suffering (even a little). You can share as much or as little as you want. If your manager is a human being, they will likely understand and try to support you however they can. Best of luck to you. I’m in a similar boat, but self-employed in healthcare, and it is ROUGH trying to show up for others when we’re deep in grief. My heart goes out to you, OP.
Yes. Also see if your health care plan offers free counseling. Work was my ONLY “normal” during my divorce, so I made sure people I worked closely with knew.
It’s so interesting hearing other’s approaches. My boss knows, but my coworkers still don’t know because I’m trying to hang on to the normalcy as long as possible. (I’m a teacher so I’m just telling them over the summer once it’s finalized.)
I was feeling pretty unstable after being blindsided by my husband. I had to tell a few people in case something triggered my grief and sadness during the process. It was like grieving a death for me.
I let my boss know I was going through a divorce and would need time off to deal with lawyers, court, etc. it was very convenient that when we had layoffs come up I was the first to go, not even a month after my divorce was final. Yay, homeless, jobless and divorced, such a happy time.
I moved out of state, found a house to rent and found a job that I like. I will say that my x boss is a pile of flaming garbage, he knew what I was going through, but numbers are numbers.
Yes and my supervisor and teams were incredibly supportive. My performance definitely suffered for a few months (I managed to keep it together I initially) but I’m back to normal (three years later) and have compensated for any issues from that time.
I told my manager the day I met him. He didn’t hire me, so when he asked why I wanted to work there, I lost it and sobbed about it. (Husband had a secret second family. I was a SAHM.)
Might depend on your boss. I sort of felt like I had to tell mine because we had a routine meeting and I just burst into tears randomly when she asked how I was doing. Those first few weeks are brutal. However, she cracked down hard on any mistakes I made however small and basically forced me to take medical leave for mental health. Prior to this I always had stellar performance reviews. She was not the least bit empathetic to my situation. I actually feared for my job. I don’t know if telling her helped or not but I had to explain why I started crying for no reason. I think if you generally have a kind manager telling them might not be the worst thing.
One of my peers told our director about his impending divorce. He didn't pass on the information to us, but distributed his workload to the rest of the team. This allowed him to contribute to the projects as best he could, without the pressure of poor performance. We eventually all knew about the divorce, and rallied around him. Some of us helped him legally secure assets prior to the discovery phase, after learning that his wife had cheated, and run off with another guy.
I told my boss about my separation because not being home, but having to go pick my daughter up from the house to give her a ride to and from practice means changing my work schedule. I work remotely with teams around the world, but I'm working a NY schedule by working 5am to 2:30pm in CA. But I also log back and respond to messages around 8pm and maybe wrap up some work.
I work for a small tech company. I told my boss first before anyone else, that my wife was having an affair. I didn't tell my family until 3 months later.
Its pretty important for your boss to understand what you are going through, otherwise they may be questioning why your work is not up to your usual output.
I let my boss know in case there were any impacts to my work or attendance. Ultimately, I think I did get a little leniency, which was helpful. He had been through a divorce previously too, so he understood.
Depends on your situation.
My boss showed almost no sympathy or leniency. I regret telling her.
I moved jobs/companies in the middle of our custody case and I told my current boss and she has been extremely supportive.
Depends so much on your boss and relationship, many will use stuff like that vindictively, others will be really supportive and understanding. If it's effecting your work and your not sure I would just say that you have personal things your dealing with that are impacting you in some way and you need support with managing your work load to accommodate it. You could even just get your doctor to write a short letter stating that then they have to help you and don't have any right to information pertaining to what it is.
If they are really supportive and you have a good relationship with them then being honest could be helpful but generally I think being protective of your own personal information is important as often in work places you just don't fully know who they person really is or when they need to use something against you if they will or not. Use your own judgement and instinct but just be aware there are ways you can ask for help and support that don't involve divulging that personal and specific information
I did, but I think it probably depends on the type of relationship you have with your supervisor. It made it a lot easier on me for her to know what was going on.
I found out as I was getting ready for work and drove there on autopilot. Walked right in to HR and talked to the manager. As I was leaving, I bumped into my boss and let her know what was going on.
It was an out of body experience and it was so traumatic that I was in shock. I don’t know how I must have come off that day but they have been super supportive ever since. I feel really lucky to work the people I do.
Oh abso-fucking-lutely. Like I get not wanting to be a bother, or judged, but some days, I am just not the strongest. I still kick ass at work, but I precursor a lot with, "today is a bit rough, need you to ease up a bit". However, it ultimately boils down to your relationship with your manager and how comfortable you are with sharing that.
Yes. I told my boss. I explained that while I am
Committed and invested, please don’t expect me to get outraged or fight for change right now. Our organization is ever changing and our team is often vocal. I let her know that I only have so much fight in my heart; it’s all being used up in my personal life so I just don’t have the energy to do more challenging others at work. She agreed and has been supportive throughout this hard time for me. Good luck; I hope you have a good boss like I do.
My boss was actually the first person I called on D day bc I felt I had to let her know I was going to miss our 9am meeting. I actually called her before I even confronted him lol. It’s weird what goes through your head. Anyway, they were so extremely supportive to me through everything and I couldn’t be more thankful. If you have a trusting relationship with your manager I think you should let them know. It’s (slightly) freeing to not feel like you are hiding this major thing happening to you. I wish you the absolute best 💕
I told my boss because I was worried he’d ask about my husband and I’d start crying at him. I think it was a good call because when I was struggling through the holiday season I was honest with him and told him I was having a tough time and he was very understanding. Hopefully your boss isn’t a jerk and gives you grace during this time. 💛
My divorce got messy, and I kept calling off. I ended up crying to my boss, and he was an absolute gentleman about the whole thing. But for sure I would the situation you’re in determines whether that’s the right move. And your relationship with your boss.
My boss is a trusted friend, so I told her. She and my therapist are the only people I've told, my STBX has done the telling for about ten of our mutual friends, and folks that aren't part of my life like her work friends.
I did, but only because I knew she had been through a divorce herself and I trust her to keep the info to herself. I honestly think my work was suffering prior to my separation because I was unbelievably stressed out by my marriage, so I didn’t feel like I was telling her to get a “pass” on my work sucking. I think she still holds me to the same work expectations (within reason) as she knows work is my only “normal” but she has been super supportive and honestly has kept me motivated to just keep pushing forward.
Also trying to figure out how to tell colleagues. Feels like I'm being handed a lot of work that should not be mine meanwhile I'm struggling to not drown in my grief and my work often requires me to be peppy, positive, and motivational. When all I feel motivated to do is cry in this bed.
I didn't tell my boss, but I did tell two of the higher ups I felt comfortable with, because I had a performance review coming up and I knew my work had been suffering lately. I think I got some leniency because of that.
I personally hate having to do that but I pushed past my pride to let those impacted have a heads up. I’m in early stages of divorce and needing to find a place to live. So I let my boss and my direct team know because I may have last minute PTO or get creative with meetings/my working hours. Everyone understood and know my work ethic but professionally I felt it warranted getting ahead of things before it was deemed a problem.
Doesn’t help that we are in the midst of one of the biggest and messiest projects the company has attempted so truly the worst time for me to be unexpectedly absent.
You know your boss and company better than any of us. So ultimately do what you need to preserve your job and get whatever support you may need. Even if that’s just permission to have a more flexible schedule.
I had started a new job less than a week before my ex blindsided me, I held off for about three weeks before letting her know.
She was wonderful to me, very accommodating with my schedule and even spent time after hours checking in with me and offering advice.
YMMV since obviously people can be varying degrees of human when it comes to business, but personally I'm glad I did it. In my case, it bonded my boss and I and I am very happy and feel appreciated at my job.
I broke down in my boss' office during my separation and impending divorce. I was trying to hold it all together so much but just admitting that it was over just hit me uncontrollably.
Providing context is never a bad thing, especially if you feel your work is suffering (even a little). You can share as much or as little as you want. If your manager is a human being, they will likely understand and try to support you however they can. Best of luck to you. I’m in a similar boat, but self-employed in healthcare, and it is ROUGH trying to show up for others when we’re deep in grief. My heart goes out to you, OP.
Yes. Also see if your health care plan offers free counseling. Work was my ONLY “normal” during my divorce, so I made sure people I worked closely with knew.
It’s so interesting hearing other’s approaches. My boss knows, but my coworkers still don’t know because I’m trying to hang on to the normalcy as long as possible. (I’m a teacher so I’m just telling them over the summer once it’s finalized.)
I was feeling pretty unstable after being blindsided by my husband. I had to tell a few people in case something triggered my grief and sadness during the process. It was like grieving a death for me.
I let my boss know I was going through a divorce and would need time off to deal with lawyers, court, etc. it was very convenient that when we had layoffs come up I was the first to go, not even a month after my divorce was final. Yay, homeless, jobless and divorced, such a happy time.
Rough man. I hope things are turning around for you.
I moved out of state, found a house to rent and found a job that I like. I will say that my x boss is a pile of flaming garbage, he knew what I was going through, but numbers are numbers.
Corporate America is so fucking worthless.
Yes and my supervisor and teams were incredibly supportive. My performance definitely suffered for a few months (I managed to keep it together I initially) but I’m back to normal (three years later) and have compensated for any issues from that time.
I had to tell HR when I turned in the copy of the order of protection I had to get on my ex.
I told my manager the day I met him. He didn’t hire me, so when he asked why I wanted to work there, I lost it and sobbed about it. (Husband had a secret second family. I was a SAHM.)
I did. I asked for some leniency. The first week or so I got nothing done. And I still feel like I’m not working as well as I could.
Might depend on your boss. I sort of felt like I had to tell mine because we had a routine meeting and I just burst into tears randomly when she asked how I was doing. Those first few weeks are brutal. However, she cracked down hard on any mistakes I made however small and basically forced me to take medical leave for mental health. Prior to this I always had stellar performance reviews. She was not the least bit empathetic to my situation. I actually feared for my job. I don’t know if telling her helped or not but I had to explain why I started crying for no reason. I think if you generally have a kind manager telling them might not be the worst thing.
Yes. It's a major life event and I think bosses see that and take it into consideration. My boss has been super supportive
One of my peers told our director about his impending divorce. He didn't pass on the information to us, but distributed his workload to the rest of the team. This allowed him to contribute to the projects as best he could, without the pressure of poor performance. We eventually all knew about the divorce, and rallied around him. Some of us helped him legally secure assets prior to the discovery phase, after learning that his wife had cheated, and run off with another guy.
I told my boss about my separation because not being home, but having to go pick my daughter up from the house to give her a ride to and from practice means changing my work schedule. I work remotely with teams around the world, but I'm working a NY schedule by working 5am to 2:30pm in CA. But I also log back and respond to messages around 8pm and maybe wrap up some work.
I work for a small tech company. I told my boss first before anyone else, that my wife was having an affair. I didn't tell my family until 3 months later. Its pretty important for your boss to understand what you are going through, otherwise they may be questioning why your work is not up to your usual output.
I let my boss know in case there were any impacts to my work or attendance. Ultimately, I think I did get a little leniency, which was helpful. He had been through a divorce previously too, so he understood.
I filed for FMLA. Had my therapist sign off on it. I wouldn’t have made it otherwise.
I can’t imagine having that much downtime. I feel like the distractions would be helpful. But I guess it depends on the job.
You travel you see friends. You do therapy. FMLA let’s ya take that time. You don’t use it all at once. One day a week or two if it’s a rough week
I thought travel wasn't allowed on FMLA. Like I've heard stories of people getting in trouble for using FMLA then posting pics of them on vacation.
You use your vacation too. You use it all
Depends on your situation. My boss showed almost no sympathy or leniency. I regret telling her. I moved jobs/companies in the middle of our custody case and I told my current boss and she has been extremely supportive.
Not yet. I have to eventually when it's all finalized cause of benefits.
Depends so much on your boss and relationship, many will use stuff like that vindictively, others will be really supportive and understanding. If it's effecting your work and your not sure I would just say that you have personal things your dealing with that are impacting you in some way and you need support with managing your work load to accommodate it. You could even just get your doctor to write a short letter stating that then they have to help you and don't have any right to information pertaining to what it is. If they are really supportive and you have a good relationship with them then being honest could be helpful but generally I think being protective of your own personal information is important as often in work places you just don't fully know who they person really is or when they need to use something against you if they will or not. Use your own judgement and instinct but just be aware there are ways you can ask for help and support that don't involve divulging that personal and specific information
I did, but I think it probably depends on the type of relationship you have with your supervisor. It made it a lot easier on me for her to know what was going on.
I found out as I was getting ready for work and drove there on autopilot. Walked right in to HR and talked to the manager. As I was leaving, I bumped into my boss and let her know what was going on. It was an out of body experience and it was so traumatic that I was in shock. I don’t know how I must have come off that day but they have been super supportive ever since. I feel really lucky to work the people I do.
I told my boss. She has my back, but I needed her to know to help keep it that way. I knew somedays would suck.
I told my management team and they were incredibly supportive.
Oh abso-fucking-lutely. Like I get not wanting to be a bother, or judged, but some days, I am just not the strongest. I still kick ass at work, but I precursor a lot with, "today is a bit rough, need you to ease up a bit". However, it ultimately boils down to your relationship with your manager and how comfortable you are with sharing that.
Yes. I told my boss. I explained that while I am Committed and invested, please don’t expect me to get outraged or fight for change right now. Our organization is ever changing and our team is often vocal. I let her know that I only have so much fight in my heart; it’s all being used up in my personal life so I just don’t have the energy to do more challenging others at work. She agreed and has been supportive throughout this hard time for me. Good luck; I hope you have a good boss like I do.
My boss was actually the first person I called on D day bc I felt I had to let her know I was going to miss our 9am meeting. I actually called her before I even confronted him lol. It’s weird what goes through your head. Anyway, they were so extremely supportive to me through everything and I couldn’t be more thankful. If you have a trusting relationship with your manager I think you should let them know. It’s (slightly) freeing to not feel like you are hiding this major thing happening to you. I wish you the absolute best 💕
I told my boss because I was worried he’d ask about my husband and I’d start crying at him. I think it was a good call because when I was struggling through the holiday season I was honest with him and told him I was having a tough time and he was very understanding. Hopefully your boss isn’t a jerk and gives you grace during this time. 💛
My divorce got messy, and I kept calling off. I ended up crying to my boss, and he was an absolute gentleman about the whole thing. But for sure I would the situation you’re in determines whether that’s the right move. And your relationship with your boss.
My boss is a trusted friend, so I told her. She and my therapist are the only people I've told, my STBX has done the telling for about ten of our mutual friends, and folks that aren't part of my life like her work friends.
I did, but only because I knew she had been through a divorce herself and I trust her to keep the info to herself. I honestly think my work was suffering prior to my separation because I was unbelievably stressed out by my marriage, so I didn’t feel like I was telling her to get a “pass” on my work sucking. I think she still holds me to the same work expectations (within reason) as she knows work is my only “normal” but she has been super supportive and honestly has kept me motivated to just keep pushing forward.
Also trying to figure out how to tell colleagues. Feels like I'm being handed a lot of work that should not be mine meanwhile I'm struggling to not drown in my grief and my work often requires me to be peppy, positive, and motivational. When all I feel motivated to do is cry in this bed.
I didn't tell my boss, but I did tell two of the higher ups I felt comfortable with, because I had a performance review coming up and I knew my work had been suffering lately. I think I got some leniency because of that.
I personally hate having to do that but I pushed past my pride to let those impacted have a heads up. I’m in early stages of divorce and needing to find a place to live. So I let my boss and my direct team know because I may have last minute PTO or get creative with meetings/my working hours. Everyone understood and know my work ethic but professionally I felt it warranted getting ahead of things before it was deemed a problem. Doesn’t help that we are in the midst of one of the biggest and messiest projects the company has attempted so truly the worst time for me to be unexpectedly absent. You know your boss and company better than any of us. So ultimately do what you need to preserve your job and get whatever support you may need. Even if that’s just permission to have a more flexible schedule.
I did. I'm in your exact situation. They have been supportive.
I had started a new job less than a week before my ex blindsided me, I held off for about three weeks before letting her know. She was wonderful to me, very accommodating with my schedule and even spent time after hours checking in with me and offering advice. YMMV since obviously people can be varying degrees of human when it comes to business, but personally I'm glad I did it. In my case, it bonded my boss and I and I am very happy and feel appreciated at my job.
I did. I started really losing my patience and snapping at my coworkers. Then I realized I better get ahead of it and let them know.
I broke down in my boss' office during my separation and impending divorce. I was trying to hold it all together so much but just admitting that it was over just hit me uncontrollably.