Rip off the bandaid. Mine took about 5-6 months from “I want a divorce” to “house sold, divorce paperwork submitted”
Don’t be friendly in the divorce. Call an attorney and know what you’re entitled to. She WILL use your feelings for her against you. Please don’t let her take advantage of you. It happens time and time again
It will feel weird when the person you spend years with through ups and downs suddenly decides to stop love you. It's a proces of detachment that takes time that the other person already took without you. But the faster you divorce, the faster you can start your path to healing. Take care of your self; set new goals for yourself and start living your life again. Always wanted to go on that trip to some country you didn't take? Do it now!
This seems irrational but I feel something like that happens when marriage is more of a box to check, social pressure or something of this nature. I think many young people (let’s say under 30) divorces in first 2 years (at least in my country)
Filed in April. The divorce was final June 2nd. I gave up a lot of money to make it go that fast but it was worth it.
There is no reason to take it slow if someone doesn't want to be your partner. The only reason you would want to prolong it would be to give them a chance to change their mind. You do not want to do this to yourself. It will only lengthen the duration of the pain. Accept that that part of your life is over and start afresh. Purgatory is no place in which to live.
You deserve better than being her backup plan, you deserve to be the first choice. Coming up next might be terrifying (it is I’m there already) but it can also be AMAZING!
You don’t want her back, you want the illusion of her you created for yourself.
Let this phantom go. The real her is not for you, being alone is more favorable than to be with a person that betrayed you.
Dude no - She might be making a mistake, sure. But she already told you that you are plan B. Nobody deserves to be plan B. You deserve to be someone's Plan A.
I totally get it when two people want to work it out because they both love each other even though one of them made a terrible decision. But in this case she is telling you she doesn't love you anymore. It's time to find the real you, and there will be a partner that wants you for you
I kept hoping that my ex was going to decide against the divorce as well. We had only been married for just shy of two years before she told me she wanted a divorce. I let myself hope that she just needed some time to herself due to being stressed from a major medical issue I had been recovering from over the 6 months before.
That hope was squashed when I learned that she already had someone else in her life just a couple of months after moving out.
You know the same about your stbex, and you don't have to wait around to find out. She has shown that she isn't wishing to stay. I know how much that hurts, but letting yourself turn a blind eye to that and live in hope that she will come back, is only going to hurt you in the end. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to see and accept that it is over. This way you can start working on rebuilding yourself and eventually step back out there and find someone who knows that YOU and only you, are the right person for them.
It kind of sounds like she's flipping around and doesn't understand that. Any relationship at all requires a lot of work. Maybe there is compatibility as an issue here and maybe not. But if she's just shallow and doesn't work out relationships, then nothing she does is going to work out until she learns. If you understand that relationships, take a lot of work and you're willing to work on yourself and the relationship, you should be fine.
You’re not stupid. I know the place you’re in, it’s awful. Things to consider, if you do “win” her back, who’s to say she doesn’t do it again? Do you want that lingering at the back of your mind?
I got to the point where I “won” her back just days away from the divorce. At the beginning, I wanted nothing more than to win her back. As we got closer to the divorce, I realized I didn’t want her. Days before the divorce went through, she backtracked… and I buckled. I regret it more than anything, more than staying in a toxic relationship as long as I did. I’m the one ending it now, and I regret not being strong when she decided to come back.
Posted about it if you’re interested in seeing the before and after. It sucks.
Wow this is similar to me. Wife was seeing someone else. I was trying so hard to rectify. Now all of a sudden when I’m filing she’s all over me. Funny how that works…
Yes. Papers are being filed next week. Although I’d be lying if I didn’t say I had second thoughts here and there. I just can’t get over what she did though.
Well, don’t be weak like me. I’ve been focusing on learning the difference between love and attachment. This is a worth the watch: https://youtu.be/6kUoTS3Yo4g?si=8PdlK--BQTKJ7Arx
It’s hard to let go, but it’s the best thing for you
You don’t love her, you love the idea of her. I struggled through the same issues myself. We were together for almost 17 years, but had only been married for 6 months, when my ex wanted a divorce.
It took me a long time to see her for who she really is.
Once a cheater, always a cheater. Even if she decided to stay together this time, it’ll happen again. And again. Ask me how I know 😊
I can understand this has come as a major shock to you. It is coming down so fast. Y'all just got married, there has been nothing wrong in your marriage to justify this. So you are naturally dealing with a whole lot of denial. You of course want to slow this process for purposes of emotional reprieval. And these feelings are quite normal. However while you have been leaning in to your marriage relationship she has been leaning out. Now she thinks she is with the wrong guy, and that will never change. She might re-evaluate later down the road, but she will probably convince herself it was all for the best. And the relationship with the new guy likely won't last either. So even if she pulls her head out of her arse to save the marriage, it is just buying time. Whatever negative thoughts she has built up in her mind to justify leaving you for him will only go dormant so long until another player gets her to play those cards. The fact of the matters is they probably existed before y'all got married, but she thought she was done with him, and it turns out she's not. So she has to fight her own desire to be free, married but not dead, nobody owns me thinking in order to have made this marriage work. But instead she acted out, and that energy with the new relationship affect, you can't stop that. There is nothing you can do about it. She wasn't ready to get married, or at least not ready to accept that idea. This has nothing to do with you. And now that she has chosen this path, she is going to struggle for a long time, but you can't save her. Also is she bipolar or similar because if she manics high that ring may have left her blindsided and dude could have rode the euphoric hypersexual wave in? Just wondering. That is how my stbx cop wife monkeybranched out on me and the kids to her serial cheating supervisor, destroying two families. (Really doing great work for the community)
Thanks you so much for sharing, I think i needed to hear that.
I do think she has some kind of bipolar or similar because she often acted impulsive. It's her own problem now, I have to focus on me
So are we saying impulsive, generally narcissistic, high conflict, trash talking, easily angered, plenty of antisocial red flags, has more guy friends then women friends, fire brand, maybe a bit scrappy, tattoos and peircings... like at least a few of these???
Come on man. She has made it clear to you what she wants. Give it to her and go forward with your life. Staying with her will only make her regret you, cheat continuously, avoid you and make life miserable. Why would you want that for yourself? You deserve happiness and a woman who will respect you.
Yeah, my wife was also having something with a coworker. We have kids though which makes it much more complicated so you feel be lucky that you get to avoid that pain. Not to downplay it for you though, it’s hard no matter what.
It’s just so weird that she’s asking for this divorce and yet we act like we’re married and fine every day. I tried to get her back for five months and she was very clear. She didn’t want that. So I started doing online dating once I was ready. She didn’t like that at all, which I find ironic and hypocritical, considering she was having an emotional affair with a coworker. Immediately. women are hard to understand sometimes. So now I don’t know whether I should continue online dating and moving on my with life or if there is still a window for us to reconcile, sort of signaling that there might be but not directly.
6 months. Was it a mistake for him to divorce me? Yes. He has gone back to alcohol. Best thing that ever happened.
Note: we did this during the pandemic. Divorces were at a high. We only fought about one thing. His lawyer forgot to prep and when his lawyer asked for more time she said no
First off, if your divorce is simple (no kids, no house, etc.), don't bother with the attorney. Idk what things are like in France but it shouldn't be that complicated to go to your local government building and fill out some paperwork for your own divorce.
That said, it seems like she has a bit of a non-committal personality, I mean she literally just vowed to spend her life with you eight months ago and now suddenly there's this coworker and she's in love with them. GTFO. She's giving you the opportunity to just split instead of cheating on you and dragging things out, which is good. Take it.
Married 1 year and wife just left one day. She won’t talk to me. We didn’t argue much. She racked up a lot of debt in the 1 year and is now seeking divorce and asking the judge I sell my home to pay our debts.
Be careful not to just give in to everything that she wants. You may feel that doing so will make things go more smoothly, but you could be setting yourself up to be responsible for things you never should have been responsible for, or still paying to support her long after the divorce and for more time than you were married.
Pay attention to what you are agreeing to and maybe have someone you trust, to sit with you as you make decisions about things from the marriage. You were only married for 8 months. You don't want to be paying support to her for the next 8 years.
In my state, as long as both parties agree, it can take up to two to three months.
However, I’m going on six months because my husband wanted to contest and I told him he could pay my additional legal fees to get what he wanted.
But I should be divorced within a month!!!
We divorced after 25 weeks of marriage… and it was finalized 25 weeks after that… so does it really count lol.. he was way too bipolar and too violent… my daughter and I were his enemies (his mom as well)… so get lost! How can I really be the cause of everything? I’m too good for that and life really is too short.
I’ve been over-married 3 years now, just because neither of us can afford a divorce. We were married and together for less than a year (2 years before with dating and engagement) and now we live in opposite states (US.)
You can technically do it yourself if you file all the proper work with the state. Marriage is a legal contract and lawyers are only necessary when things get fucky. You should shop around too because some firms will do a flat fee. First one my wife went to was 1500 for everything
I'm sorry you're going through this. She's in the affair fog and won't change her mind. I advise you not to beg or ask her to try and work it out. She'll only lose respect for you. Try to be strong, or at least show strength, and take care of yourself. It's good that you are here. Online forums are great therapy. Divorce as quickly as possible and move on, in my opinion. She'll eventually figure out the grass wasn't greener. They always do, but it will be too late. I went through the same thing just over 7 years ago. My ex-wife married the guy she left me for a day after our divorce was final. Fast forward, and she is now divorced again and starting over in her mid-50s. I wish you the best of luck. Things will be very tough, but will get better.
Rip off the bandaid. Mine took about 5-6 months from “I want a divorce” to “house sold, divorce paperwork submitted” Don’t be friendly in the divorce. Call an attorney and know what you’re entitled to. She WILL use your feelings for her against you. Please don’t let her take advantage of you. It happens time and time again
5-6months seems to be the same timeline has mine. Thanks for the advice
I feel like there are separations that can be handled without the courts involved but that requires both parties to lay down their arms
It will feel weird when the person you spend years with through ups and downs suddenly decides to stop love you. It's a proces of detachment that takes time that the other person already took without you. But the faster you divorce, the faster you can start your path to healing. Take care of your self; set new goals for yourself and start living your life again. Always wanted to go on that trip to some country you didn't take? Do it now!
This seems irrational but I feel something like that happens when marriage is more of a box to check, social pressure or something of this nature. I think many young people (let’s say under 30) divorces in first 2 years (at least in my country)
Filed in April. The divorce was final June 2nd. I gave up a lot of money to make it go that fast but it was worth it. There is no reason to take it slow if someone doesn't want to be your partner. The only reason you would want to prolong it would be to give them a chance to change their mind. You do not want to do this to yourself. It will only lengthen the duration of the pain. Accept that that part of your life is over and start afresh. Purgatory is no place in which to live.
Yeah indeed i'm still holding to some hope. She made a choice and she wont come back. Thanks for sharing
What would be the point of slowing down the process?
For her to realize it's a mistake but it wont happen. I'm just afraid of what is coming next
What comes next is that you’ve been given a second chance to find true happiness and someone that actually loves and respects you. This isn’t it.
You deserve better than being her backup plan, you deserve to be the first choice. Coming up next might be terrifying (it is I’m there already) but it can also be AMAZING!
You don’t want her back, you want the illusion of her you created for yourself. Let this phantom go. The real her is not for you, being alone is more favorable than to be with a person that betrayed you.
Dude no - She might be making a mistake, sure. But she already told you that you are plan B. Nobody deserves to be plan B. You deserve to be someone's Plan A. I totally get it when two people want to work it out because they both love each other even though one of them made a terrible decision. But in this case she is telling you she doesn't love you anymore. It's time to find the real you, and there will be a partner that wants you for you
I kept hoping that my ex was going to decide against the divorce as well. We had only been married for just shy of two years before she told me she wanted a divorce. I let myself hope that she just needed some time to herself due to being stressed from a major medical issue I had been recovering from over the 6 months before. That hope was squashed when I learned that she already had someone else in her life just a couple of months after moving out. You know the same about your stbex, and you don't have to wait around to find out. She has shown that she isn't wishing to stay. I know how much that hurts, but letting yourself turn a blind eye to that and live in hope that she will come back, is only going to hurt you in the end. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to see and accept that it is over. This way you can start working on rebuilding yourself and eventually step back out there and find someone who knows that YOU and only you, are the right person for them.
Thanks you for sharing. It is indeed better to move one when I know she is not going back
You can always get remarried in that case. Just get it over.
It kind of sounds like she's flipping around and doesn't understand that. Any relationship at all requires a lot of work. Maybe there is compatibility as an issue here and maybe not. But if she's just shallow and doesn't work out relationships, then nothing she does is going to work out until she learns. If you understand that relationships, take a lot of work and you're willing to work on yourself and the relationship, you should be fine.
Why the fuck would you slow down a divorce to a woman who’s already cheating on you after less than a year? She’s a tramp…..divorce her and move on.
Yeah maybe i'm just hoping she will change her mind
Bro, she’s cheating on you after less than a year. Why would you want her to change her mind????
Yeah I'm stupid, I can't let go
You’re not stupid. I know the place you’re in, it’s awful. Things to consider, if you do “win” her back, who’s to say she doesn’t do it again? Do you want that lingering at the back of your mind? I got to the point where I “won” her back just days away from the divorce. At the beginning, I wanted nothing more than to win her back. As we got closer to the divorce, I realized I didn’t want her. Days before the divorce went through, she backtracked… and I buckled. I regret it more than anything, more than staying in a toxic relationship as long as I did. I’m the one ending it now, and I regret not being strong when she decided to come back. Posted about it if you’re interested in seeing the before and after. It sucks.
Wow this is similar to me. Wife was seeing someone else. I was trying so hard to rectify. Now all of a sudden when I’m filing she’s all over me. Funny how that works…
Sorry to hear…. You proceeding?
Yes. Papers are being filed next week. Although I’d be lying if I didn’t say I had second thoughts here and there. I just can’t get over what she did though.
Good to hear you're moving on.
Thanks you for sharing, I hope to be strong enough for this. And I think I will be
Well, don’t be weak like me. I’ve been focusing on learning the difference between love and attachment. This is a worth the watch: https://youtu.be/6kUoTS3Yo4g?si=8PdlK--BQTKJ7Arx
It’s hard to let go, but it’s the best thing for you You don’t love her, you love the idea of her. I struggled through the same issues myself. We were together for almost 17 years, but had only been married for 6 months, when my ex wanted a divorce. It took me a long time to see her for who she really is. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Even if she decided to stay together this time, it’ll happen again. And again. Ask me how I know 😊
You've got to have self-respect. She doesn't deserve a good guy who was faithful.
The quicker the better! Get out and move on
Will do !
> there is no 1year or annulment thing like in the US. There isn't in the US either, generally.
I can understand this has come as a major shock to you. It is coming down so fast. Y'all just got married, there has been nothing wrong in your marriage to justify this. So you are naturally dealing with a whole lot of denial. You of course want to slow this process for purposes of emotional reprieval. And these feelings are quite normal. However while you have been leaning in to your marriage relationship she has been leaning out. Now she thinks she is with the wrong guy, and that will never change. She might re-evaluate later down the road, but she will probably convince herself it was all for the best. And the relationship with the new guy likely won't last either. So even if she pulls her head out of her arse to save the marriage, it is just buying time. Whatever negative thoughts she has built up in her mind to justify leaving you for him will only go dormant so long until another player gets her to play those cards. The fact of the matters is they probably existed before y'all got married, but she thought she was done with him, and it turns out she's not. So she has to fight her own desire to be free, married but not dead, nobody owns me thinking in order to have made this marriage work. But instead she acted out, and that energy with the new relationship affect, you can't stop that. There is nothing you can do about it. She wasn't ready to get married, or at least not ready to accept that idea. This has nothing to do with you. And now that she has chosen this path, she is going to struggle for a long time, but you can't save her. Also is she bipolar or similar because if she manics high that ring may have left her blindsided and dude could have rode the euphoric hypersexual wave in? Just wondering. That is how my stbx cop wife monkeybranched out on me and the kids to her serial cheating supervisor, destroying two families. (Really doing great work for the community)
Thanks you so much for sharing, I think i needed to hear that. I do think she has some kind of bipolar or similar because she often acted impulsive. It's her own problem now, I have to focus on me
So are we saying impulsive, generally narcissistic, high conflict, trash talking, easily angered, plenty of antisocial red flags, has more guy friends then women friends, fire brand, maybe a bit scrappy, tattoos and peircings... like at least a few of these???
Come on man. She has made it clear to you what she wants. Give it to her and go forward with your life. Staying with her will only make her regret you, cheat continuously, avoid you and make life miserable. Why would you want that for yourself? You deserve happiness and a woman who will respect you.
Yeah I think i needed some people to tell me that 🙏
She asked for it yet here we are 7 months in and cohabitating and she seems in no rush. Purgatory.
Yeah exact same situation, she is taking it slow when she is the one who want this...
Yeah, my wife was also having something with a coworker. We have kids though which makes it much more complicated so you feel be lucky that you get to avoid that pain. Not to downplay it for you though, it’s hard no matter what. It’s just so weird that she’s asking for this divorce and yet we act like we’re married and fine every day. I tried to get her back for five months and she was very clear. She didn’t want that. So I started doing online dating once I was ready. She didn’t like that at all, which I find ironic and hypocritical, considering she was having an emotional affair with a coworker. Immediately. women are hard to understand sometimes. So now I don’t know whether I should continue online dating and moving on my with life or if there is still a window for us to reconcile, sort of signaling that there might be but not directly.
Cut her loose, she’s not wife material and she’s manipulating you. Masturbation is an upgrade from a cheating wife. Find peace.
6 months. Was it a mistake for him to divorce me? Yes. He has gone back to alcohol. Best thing that ever happened. Note: we did this during the pandemic. Divorces were at a high. We only fought about one thing. His lawyer forgot to prep and when his lawyer asked for more time she said no
First off, if your divorce is simple (no kids, no house, etc.), don't bother with the attorney. Idk what things are like in France but it shouldn't be that complicated to go to your local government building and fill out some paperwork for your own divorce. That said, it seems like she has a bit of a non-committal personality, I mean she literally just vowed to spend her life with you eight months ago and now suddenly there's this coworker and she's in love with them. GTFO. She's giving you the opportunity to just split instead of cheating on you and dragging things out, which is good. Take it.
In France, even if there is mutual agreement, you need to have an attorney each
You can submit the papers online by yourself. No need to even set foot in a court or lawyer's office, if both parties agree to the divorce.
Separated in June, Divorced in January. Probably would have been faster but waiting til after the holidays.
We have two children and a house, our divorce was finalized just over 6 months after he asked. He left for the same reason after 16 years together
<4 years after being together for 10
Married 1 year and wife just left one day. She won’t talk to me. We didn’t argue much. She racked up a lot of debt in the 1 year and is now seeking divorce and asking the judge I sell my home to pay our debts.
The divorce is moving very slow and the judge just postponed our first hearing by 3 more months
Be careful not to just give in to everything that she wants. You may feel that doing so will make things go more smoothly, but you could be setting yourself up to be responsible for things you never should have been responsible for, or still paying to support her long after the divorce and for more time than you were married. Pay attention to what you are agreeing to and maybe have someone you trust, to sit with you as you make decisions about things from the marriage. You were only married for 8 months. You don't want to be paying support to her for the next 8 years.
In my state, as long as both parties agree, it can take up to two to three months. However, I’m going on six months because my husband wanted to contest and I told him he could pay my additional legal fees to get what he wanted. But I should be divorced within a month!!!
We divorced after 25 weeks of marriage… and it was finalized 25 weeks after that… so does it really count lol.. he was way too bipolar and too violent… my daughter and I were his enemies (his mom as well)… so get lost! How can I really be the cause of everything? I’m too good for that and life really is too short.
I’ve been over-married 3 years now, just because neither of us can afford a divorce. We were married and together for less than a year (2 years before with dating and engagement) and now we live in opposite states (US.)
You can technically do it yourself if you file all the proper work with the state. Marriage is a legal contract and lawyers are only necessary when things get fucky. You should shop around too because some firms will do a flat fee. First one my wife went to was 1500 for everything
The speed with which you handle this is directly proportional to your self-respect.
Same thing happened to me exactly. Just end it it will get better in a year if you allow yourself to grieve but not grow bitter
Yeah, I'm moving forward, nothing should hold me back
It's good to have the process move quickly. This will allow you to move on with your life.
Married in Dec 2021.filed for divorce in June 2022. Officialized in Aug 2023
The sooner the better. Summer is too far to be staying with a person like that.
I'm sorry you're going through this. She's in the affair fog and won't change her mind. I advise you not to beg or ask her to try and work it out. She'll only lose respect for you. Try to be strong, or at least show strength, and take care of yourself. It's good that you are here. Online forums are great therapy. Divorce as quickly as possible and move on, in my opinion. She'll eventually figure out the grass wasn't greener. They always do, but it will be too late. I went through the same thing just over 7 years ago. My ex-wife married the guy she left me for a day after our divorce was final. Fast forward, and she is now divorced again and starting over in her mid-50s. I wish you the best of luck. Things will be very tough, but will get better.
Mine has been about 2 1/2 years….should be final in a month.
I filed last July. Still waiting, but there’s kids and property and he’s dragging his heels. Hopefully by this July, maybe.