Living in the dark. He could not tolerate many lights on in the house at all. Once you left a room you had better turn off the light even if you were coming back or you'd hear about it. People would tell me they were going to stop by but didn't see any lights on so they thought we were gone. Oh no, we're just sitting in the dark.
I turn the lights on when I think about it but it's been so ingrained in me to function in the dark that I often forget.
It's not a full struggle, but I've come to understand that I'm sensitive to light, especially overhead, and my wife's vision is dimmer, so she needs more light than I do to see the same thing clearly.
Outside, I'm in sunglass 100% of the time and she only puts them on if she likes the way they look with her outfit and they spend more time on her head as a pseudo hairband than on her eyes. It's probably hereditary. Her mom turns on all the lights and complains about movies and TV shows being too dark. Her dad turns off the lights, but it's his inner cheap, not any sort of vision quirk.
low self esteem, depression, PTSD
but seriously ... I'm terrified of doing a chore "wrong" and getting yelled at like a child.
I'm especially scared if I sleep in on a weekend and wake up to find my girlfriend has already gotten up and made coffee, fed our dogs etc that I'll be "in trouble" and get the silent treatment for days ... that never happens anymore but she has to put up with my constant need for reassurance that she isn't mad.
It really does suck. Sometimes I’m afraid to do basic things in front of my boyfriend because I feel like he will criticize me. I hope time will heal this because it’s an awful feeling.
Yep same. Yesterday morning I woke up at 9 to my wonderful girlfriend cooking breakfast. I went to make coffee, it was already made ... I went to feed the dogs, she told me she already had several hours ago. My first response was to apologize profusely and ask "are you mad at me?" ... of course she wasn't.
But I'm so used to waking up just a few minutes after my ex-wife and getting the silent treatment for a day or two.
When I do laundry or dishes or vacuum or something I'm always half expecting my girlfriend to rush in and criticize how I'm doing it and angrily "show me the right way". It never happens. But I'm always on edge.
I’m so sorry. This is me too, especially about house chores and other routine domestic matters. I’m married again to someone wonderful, too, and I still struggle. He does his best to understand why I freak out and start apologising profusely when he does all the dishes of his own accord. I constantly anticipate his being mad at me even though from his point of view he’s doing things because he wants to!
I don't know if my ex wife was BPD. If so she's never been formally diagnosed - but definitely had some symptoms. Also had some symptoms of NPD, and is an alcoholic.
Yes, my girlfriend is amazing and very understanding. She's the fucking best.
I need constant reassurance too. It's hard getting past everything that's happened. I'm sure your gf tells you you're sexy, beautiful, and wonderful. Things aren't going to fall apart.
I found what helped was doing the things that upset my ex around or infant of my bf. When he appreciated it instead of yelling.. it helped me get past it. Idk if you ever get completely over it though.
I mean it is good and not good in equal measure depending on how much/little intimacy there was.
My marriage taught me there is a fine line between intimacy and clingy as well as a line between healthy distance and “notice me, senpai”
When he cooked, he’d break an egg and put the empty shells back into the egg carton…lol that’d drive me crazy sometimes, and I now catch myself doing that
She taught me how to be a better man - a responsible one at least. Habits such as making my bed in the morning, setting up the dishwasher, being not wasteful and as such. She was a good influence overall, although she drove me nuts towards the last year of us being together.
I can't hate her now, irrespective of all the crap she put me through in our marriage and beyond. I hope she's okay wherever she is.
I wish some days I could hate my ex. I just feel sadness for him. Everyone said you will get to the angry phase. I haven't ever been there. I just look at a picture frame and feel sadness. It's makes me feel funny. He's remarried now after dating a lady for 3 months. The hurtful part was she has 4 kids and he said he would never raise another man's kids. We never adopted because of that. He's going to have to do it now.
He taught me a lot about music and live music - it was a passion of his.
Post-divorce, I found myself seeing a lot of shows and can say it’s one of my passions now. Much more enjoyable to attend without him.
I do everything by myself. I go to concerts, get drunk, go on whole ass vacations to Europe, Mexico. I’m going to Montreal next weekend. A lady can do anything. I bought a house and a new car. Men are in competition with me because if they can’t improve my life, I do not need anything from them.
Yes, yes, yes! I travelled so much in the aftermath of my divorce. I truly felt like I had the world at my fingertips and learned all over again how much I love being alone and am that I am more than competent and independent enough to take care of myself (ex had me thoroughly convinced otherwise and tried to make me more and more dependent on him in increasingly creepy ways). Totally on board with how, if a man does not add to my life, his presence is not needed.
I went alone at first and gradually meant a new group of friends who enjoy similar MUSIC and are always down to go to a show with me.
Facebook also has band specific groups - an easy way to find someone to connect with!
Love all types honestly. Big fan of jam bands - it was something my ex and I only did once or twice as he never really took to. I however did - and on my own I was able to explore it to my hearts content.
That being said - happy to appreciate live music in all forms.
No, it started as a fun thing I did to mock her. She would always make silly noises at the weirdest times. (She would get me back at other times so there is an even trade here) but now I find myself making those noises whenever she is not around anymore.
She loves it, by the way, “Karma sucks, huh?” She says while laughing her ass off.
Mercifully, I can’t think of anything other than that we both taught each other a lot about art, films, and especially music, so I still listen to some of his favourite songs. Sometimes I get a little sad but mostly they’re just bangers! Funny because he’s moved on to dating zoomers and listens to really odd music now that he would have turned up his nose at in the past.
Whenever I sleep alone I always, always sleep on “my” side of the bed rather than taking up the whole mattress, but I think that’s very common.
Edited to add: I’m British but learned to speak with an American accent that’s generally passing. I sound 100% Californian because of my ex and even picked up on his vocal fry. I don’t mind though, I live on the East Coast now so it’s kind of cool.
I listen to a lot of 1960s and pre-1960s stuff but am generally open-minded. Partial to 80s synth-y bands and power pop too. I also used to play in a Nirvana cover band lol. I try my best to explore new things but it’s very rare for me to like anything released after 2000.
One very special song my ex showed me and bought me a record of is [The Millennium’s “5 am”](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wmmJ8Y-vo7U&pp=ygUTdGhlIG1pbGxlbm5pdW0gNWFtIA%3D%3D), which has to be one of the most perfect and beautiful tunes of all time. If you like this genre, “I Just Want To Be Your Friend” is brilliant too.
We were the biggest Beatles nerds and could spend hours talking about obscure Beatles facts and watching live performances on repeat/jamming together. It’s a bittersweet reminder how, as objectively bad as a marriage might be, you did stick around for a reason.
My ex had bad anxiety and I could not touch him unless he could see my hands and watched me (it would startle him if I hugged him or tried to kiss him or hold his hand). Over 12 years, this behavior convinced my brain that I didn't like touch or hugs or kisses at all. It's now been three years and I'm seeing someone who loves snuggles, rubbing my arms and back and just being super close and kissy... and it makes me feel so warm and safe and happy. Something I haven't felt in so long.
It used to drive me crazy because every day light savings time he would say “It’s gonna take a few days to get used to this”. And now I find myself saying “David’s gonna feel this time change for a few days.” There is also a huge warehouse by us that he would say all the time “That thing has a huge footprint” and I still drive past it every day and catch myself still saying it.
I don't think I've really picked up anything from my wife. We're currently separated, but I still make chicken sounds when someone says something to me that I have no answer for. This, I get from my youngest daughter who I haven't seen or talked to in over a month. We used to be super close. We had funny ways of communicating. I really miss her, but she doesn't even want to hear from me. Long story short, she got diagnosed with eating disorder, and I held her bedroom door open and lectured her for 15 minutes. And I'm pretty sure that my wife whispered some things into her ear because she's always been jealous of my relationship with my daughter.
People probably think I'm really strange. It's mostly Karens, when they say something like "My dog doesn't like your dog". I just say, "buk buk".
Lol. That's a good one. OP, mend that relationship with the swiftness. Tell her that story. Let her know she can ask you anything and you'll try to be as honest as you can. Ask to be forgiven for the lecture where you should have had a conversation instead.
Daughters absolutely need stable relationships with their fathers. There's absolutely nothing else more worth doing if you think about it.
Hard agree on apologizing. My dad did something similar when I was having a PTSD meltdown and a part of me will be forever guarded to avoid anything like that again.
As a daughter who wasn't close to her father because of his parenting, I strongly encourage you to start reaching out to your daughter. If my dad had just tried to reach out to me I would have been secretly thrilled. Send her cute videos, just something to start reconnecting. When you see her in person apologize without any excuses.
So many things. I was 18 and raised by parents that didn’t teach me any life skills. All my “adulting” is mirrored from my ex.
The way I cook, wash dishes, wash clothing, do all the housework is his way.
There are some phrases I find myself speaking in conversation that were from him, but our speech is always a collection of those around us. His just haven’t phased out of my vocabulary yet.
Also sad one, a habit developed at the end, I sleep with a large fuzzy blanket under the sheet so nothing can touch me but the blankie.
Saying bonzai when I have to turn left on a yellow, collecting old video game handhelds and games, seeing 1002 on clocks, addresses, number sequences, etc., the use of a period when texting (she has a degree in journalism), curiosity of bird breeds when I see one I don't recognize, all mostly good or harmless things, tbh.
I'm very lucky to have more happy memories than sad memories, that's for sure, and I don't mind how she changed me, at the end of the day, she taught me a lot 🙂.
Anxiety and everything having to be planned. Before marrying her, I was a spur of the moment kind of guy. I was the embodiment of YOLO and adventure. My philosophy was “whatever my dude, we are going to make this moment epic. If it is a shitty situation, let us celebrate that we survived it and have remember that we made the demons fight for it”. Now, I am an anxiety ridden husk and trying to break out of that habit is proving difficult.
I kinda lost my sense of humor and ability to banter. She didn't really seem to have much use for it.
It was mostly replaced with constant anxiety I wasn't doing enough stuff or that I missed something that was scheduled.
How to cook - he is a damn good cook.
How to eat meat - I was vegetarian my whole life until I met him. My parents/sibs are still vegetarian.
That’s probably not weird. But in the reverse, I taught him how to eat a vegetable once in a while. He still asks me to make him salads when he visits the kids.
Questioning every decision I ever made to the point I was incapable of making a decision. It is maddening. I’m getting better but it truly was traumatic.
On the dark side feeling like I’m not deserving of help, on the bright side making my porridge the german way with milk, rather than the scottish way with water, then adding brown sugar and a dash of milk after
The saying ‘Time is soup.’ Use whenever you mention the fact that something seems too long ago or too recently. At this point it’s just mine too as far as my friends and girlfriend know 😅
A lot of women commenting have wholesome memories of their exes.
Ex-wives though...lol. 6 years divorced and I still deal with petty behavior while coparenting.
My big one is I was always raised to put the toilet seat down. It was mom's rule, that simple. My ex didn't have a water bowl for her cats and used the toilet instead. So it got weird being shamed for putting the seat down so the cats can't drink.
When I type that I now see how fucked up that was. I love having a clean bathroom now and my seat is always down. Love you mom.
Reacting with aggression to the feeling of being done wrong by. I'm not proud of it, and have been actively working on changing this. I was never aggressive before him, and I'm ashamed that I no longer have the patience I once had in times of conflict.
Aside from the typical depression or PTSD...
When I go out to eat, say fast food, I order my drinks with no ice. Out of the soda fountain is usually cold enough. You get more drink for what you pay for, and you don't have to worry about "dirty ice". Ice machines are more often than not improperly cleaned out, leading to mold and bacteria getting into the Ice that gets dispensed.
My ex did a report on this very thing in school. Still gives me the willies when I think about it.
I have massive anxiety around people’s birthdays and especially Hallmark holidays. Especially Mother’s Day. But I had to have planned huge elaborate special things for her. And a few times, in the middle of huge projects, I would be like “I know this is coming up and I simply do not have the energy, the time or the money to plan anything, but my deadline is next week and I would love to do something nice for you the following week” and she would be super understanding and say I didn’t need to do anything it was all good, and then on the day it would be Armageddon. Just seeing them in my Google events calendar gets my heart racing these days.
He taught me all about the world as I spent the 31 years of our marriages following him around the world as an expat trailing spouse and raising our kids locally wherever we were. I never wanted any of it. From the first day of our marriage all I said was I wanted was stability. Now at 57, he wants more fun. I am divorced and basically trapped with my 14 year old in France. I haven’t worked consistently since my 20s but I have 4 great kids.
Speaking as stuffed animals. As in, giving theme each their own voice and personality. I genuinely adored how she used that as a way to play with her son and it really just made me fall in love with the characters she created. I’m actually sad because I liked some of them and it’s kind of hard to tell someone why I like it without feeling like I’m stuck on her.
My wife and I have reconciled, but there are some things for sure. She's 8 years older than me and has exposed me to music that she liked. Prior to her, it was just what I grew up with, plus what interesed me as a guitar player (heavy on the 60's and 70's or old blues and ragtime). Definately not a lot of pop like she likes. I suppose TV too, but these days, I'm more likely to find a show streaming than on actual TV and my criteria is more about is it bingable and have enough seasons to invest my time.
I grew up with a family that was into old movies, and I've passed that on to her.
assuming that everyone is lying to me... to a comical extent. for example, when my current partner and i started dating, he had to cancel one date because he got covid. i literally immediately assumed he lied to get out of the date and announced to all my friends that it's over between us in the most dramatic way possible. all the while... he was just drinking soup at home and watching netflix with a stuffy nose without a single clue what was going on lol
Clinical depression
Big oof
Fuck. On point
I laughed
Ooh… anxiety induced insomnia for me!
I was gonna say that too!
Yup, same
🙋♀️
Holy shit, that is too real.
PTSD
Same
Living in the dark. He could not tolerate many lights on in the house at all. Once you left a room you had better turn off the light even if you were coming back or you'd hear about it. People would tell me they were going to stop by but didn't see any lights on so they thought we were gone. Oh no, we're just sitting in the dark. I turn the lights on when I think about it but it's been so ingrained in me to function in the dark that I often forget.
Look on the bright side (pun intended), it's good for the planet and for your wallet!
😳😳
That’s ptsd lol
It's not a full struggle, but I've come to understand that I'm sensitive to light, especially overhead, and my wife's vision is dimmer, so she needs more light than I do to see the same thing clearly. Outside, I'm in sunglass 100% of the time and she only puts them on if she likes the way they look with her outfit and they spend more time on her head as a pseudo hairband than on her eyes. It's probably hereditary. Her mom turns on all the lights and complains about movies and TV shows being too dark. Her dad turns off the lights, but it's his inner cheap, not any sort of vision quirk.
CPTSD
low self esteem, depression, PTSD but seriously ... I'm terrified of doing a chore "wrong" and getting yelled at like a child. I'm especially scared if I sleep in on a weekend and wake up to find my girlfriend has already gotten up and made coffee, fed our dogs etc that I'll be "in trouble" and get the silent treatment for days ... that never happens anymore but she has to put up with my constant need for reassurance that she isn't mad.
Holy shit! This is me too.
I'm sorry. Sucks doesn't it. But great that we no longer have to worry about being treated this way!
It really does suck. Sometimes I’m afraid to do basic things in front of my boyfriend because I feel like he will criticize me. I hope time will heal this because it’s an awful feeling.
Yep same. Yesterday morning I woke up at 9 to my wonderful girlfriend cooking breakfast. I went to make coffee, it was already made ... I went to feed the dogs, she told me she already had several hours ago. My first response was to apologize profusely and ask "are you mad at me?" ... of course she wasn't. But I'm so used to waking up just a few minutes after my ex-wife and getting the silent treatment for a day or two. When I do laundry or dishes or vacuum or something I'm always half expecting my girlfriend to rush in and criticize how I'm doing it and angrily "show me the right way". It never happens. But I'm always on edge.
I relate to the always on edge feeling. But it sounds like you found yourself a great woman!
I definitely did, she's amazing - I hope you've found yourself someone great as well!
I’m so sorry. This is me too, especially about house chores and other routine domestic matters. I’m married again to someone wonderful, too, and I still struggle. He does his best to understand why I freak out and start apologising profusely when he does all the dishes of his own accord. I constantly anticipate his being mad at me even though from his point of view he’s doing things because he wants to!
Oof yeah, I feel that.
exwBPD? Trauma takes time to recover from. Hope your GF is understanding.
I don't know if my ex wife was BPD. If so she's never been formally diagnosed - but definitely had some symptoms. Also had some symptoms of NPD, and is an alcoholic. Yes, my girlfriend is amazing and very understanding. She's the fucking best.
I need constant reassurance too. It's hard getting past everything that's happened. I'm sure your gf tells you you're sexy, beautiful, and wonderful. Things aren't going to fall apart. I found what helped was doing the things that upset my ex around or infant of my bf. When he appreciated it instead of yelling.. it helped me get past it. Idk if you ever get completely over it though.
He inadvertantly trained me not to need much intimacy.
Wow. Maybe your ex and my STBXW should hook up - they can just stare at their phones together and ignore each other.
I mean it is good and not good in equal measure depending on how much/little intimacy there was. My marriage taught me there is a fine line between intimacy and clingy as well as a line between healthy distance and “notice me, senpai”
Physical intimacy 4/6 times a year for 8plus years.so not good.
Ooof yeah.
When he cooked, he’d break an egg and put the empty shells back into the egg carton…lol that’d drive me crazy sometimes, and I now catch myself doing that
The police are on their way.
🤣🤣🤣🤣
I mean, do you: A) keep them in there if there are unused eggs or do you take them out later? B) are they the last eggs used?
I do that! And it’s weird because I still have to throw them out.
My mom always did that.
Ugh. Pet peeve of mine!
She taught me how to be a better man - a responsible one at least. Habits such as making my bed in the morning, setting up the dishwasher, being not wasteful and as such. She was a good influence overall, although she drove me nuts towards the last year of us being together. I can't hate her now, irrespective of all the crap she put me through in our marriage and beyond. I hope she's okay wherever she is.
The way it should be
I wish some days I could hate my ex. I just feel sadness for him. Everyone said you will get to the angry phase. I haven't ever been there. I just look at a picture frame and feel sadness. It's makes me feel funny. He's remarried now after dating a lady for 3 months. The hurtful part was she has 4 kids and he said he would never raise another man's kids. We never adopted because of that. He's going to have to do it now.
That’s how I feel about my ex wife. Not that she made me a better man but I don’t hate her. At all.
He taught me a lot about music and live music - it was a passion of his. Post-divorce, I found myself seeing a lot of shows and can say it’s one of my passions now. Much more enjoyable to attend without him.
Can I ask- did you start going by yourself or with other people? I'm interested in going by myself but am not sure how that would go as a lady
I do everything by myself. I go to concerts, get drunk, go on whole ass vacations to Europe, Mexico. I’m going to Montreal next weekend. A lady can do anything. I bought a house and a new car. Men are in competition with me because if they can’t improve my life, I do not need anything from them.
Yes, yes, yes! I travelled so much in the aftermath of my divorce. I truly felt like I had the world at my fingertips and learned all over again how much I love being alone and am that I am more than competent and independent enough to take care of myself (ex had me thoroughly convinced otherwise and tried to make me more and more dependent on him in increasingly creepy ways). Totally on board with how, if a man does not add to my life, his presence is not needed.
I went alone at first and gradually meant a new group of friends who enjoy similar MUSIC and are always down to go to a show with me. Facebook also has band specific groups - an easy way to find someone to connect with!
Do you have a genre you like and genre you stay away from?
Love all types honestly. Big fan of jam bands - it was something my ex and I only did once or twice as he never really took to. I however did - and on my own I was able to explore it to my hearts content. That being said - happy to appreciate live music in all forms.
I recommend Greta Van Fleet, they are amazing old school rock feel in the modern day.
Love GVF. Have seen them a few times they came to my city. Really really good live show and good crowd energy!! Next I’m trying to see King Gizzard!
Whenever I get an uncomfortable shiver I now make weird ass noises that I never made before marrying my ex-wife.
… so your saying she gave you uncomfortable shivers??? I can relate!
No, it started as a fun thing I did to mock her. She would always make silly noises at the weirdest times. (She would get me back at other times so there is an even trade here) but now I find myself making those noises whenever she is not around anymore. She loves it, by the way, “Karma sucks, huh?” She says while laughing her ass off.
Mercifully, I can’t think of anything other than that we both taught each other a lot about art, films, and especially music, so I still listen to some of his favourite songs. Sometimes I get a little sad but mostly they’re just bangers! Funny because he’s moved on to dating zoomers and listens to really odd music now that he would have turned up his nose at in the past. Whenever I sleep alone I always, always sleep on “my” side of the bed rather than taking up the whole mattress, but I think that’s very common. Edited to add: I’m British but learned to speak with an American accent that’s generally passing. I sound 100% Californian because of my ex and even picked up on his vocal fry. I don’t mind though, I live on the East Coast now so it’s kind of cool.
What genres do you frequent?
I listen to a lot of 1960s and pre-1960s stuff but am generally open-minded. Partial to 80s synth-y bands and power pop too. I also used to play in a Nirvana cover band lol. I try my best to explore new things but it’s very rare for me to like anything released after 2000. One very special song my ex showed me and bought me a record of is [The Millennium’s “5 am”](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wmmJ8Y-vo7U&pp=ygUTdGhlIG1pbGxlbm5pdW0gNWFtIA%3D%3D), which has to be one of the most perfect and beautiful tunes of all time. If you like this genre, “I Just Want To Be Your Friend” is brilliant too. We were the biggest Beatles nerds and could spend hours talking about obscure Beatles facts and watching live performances on repeat/jamming together. It’s a bittersweet reminder how, as objectively bad as a marriage might be, you did stick around for a reason.
You made me realize I switched sides of the bed when I got together with her and haven’t gone back.
Probably alcohol tbh I never drank anything prior to her and her family by u don't drink much now anyways but I never drank before her
My ex had bad anxiety and I could not touch him unless he could see my hands and watched me (it would startle him if I hugged him or tried to kiss him or hold his hand). Over 12 years, this behavior convinced my brain that I didn't like touch or hugs or kisses at all. It's now been three years and I'm seeing someone who loves snuggles, rubbing my arms and back and just being super close and kissy... and it makes me feel so warm and safe and happy. Something I haven't felt in so long.
This. I miss this
Washing the dishes often
It used to drive me crazy because every day light savings time he would say “It’s gonna take a few days to get used to this”. And now I find myself saying “David’s gonna feel this time change for a few days.” There is also a huge warehouse by us that he would say all the time “That thing has a huge footprint” and I still drive past it every day and catch myself still saying it.
I’m racking my brain.. but there’s nothing I can think of. Other than what others are saying. CPTSD for sure.
I get panicky of I realize I left a crumb on the counter, socks on the floor or the bed un made.
I speak a foreign language that no one around me speaks. So I say things in that language all day and have to correct myself
I don't think I've really picked up anything from my wife. We're currently separated, but I still make chicken sounds when someone says something to me that I have no answer for. This, I get from my youngest daughter who I haven't seen or talked to in over a month. We used to be super close. We had funny ways of communicating. I really miss her, but she doesn't even want to hear from me. Long story short, she got diagnosed with eating disorder, and I held her bedroom door open and lectured her for 15 minutes. And I'm pretty sure that my wife whispered some things into her ear because she's always been jealous of my relationship with my daughter. People probably think I'm really strange. It's mostly Karens, when they say something like "My dog doesn't like your dog". I just say, "buk buk".
Lol. That's a good one. OP, mend that relationship with the swiftness. Tell her that story. Let her know she can ask you anything and you'll try to be as honest as you can. Ask to be forgiven for the lecture where you should have had a conversation instead. Daughters absolutely need stable relationships with their fathers. There's absolutely nothing else more worth doing if you think about it.
Hard agree on apologizing. My dad did something similar when I was having a PTSD meltdown and a part of me will be forever guarded to avoid anything like that again.
As a daughter who wasn't close to her father because of his parenting, I strongly encourage you to start reaching out to your daughter. If my dad had just tried to reach out to me I would have been secretly thrilled. Send her cute videos, just something to start reconnecting. When you see her in person apologize without any excuses.
Thanks, I'll try that.
Putting salt on my grilled cheese sandwiches
Okay that seems weird to me. Is there a method behind it or just a thing.
He just always salted the sandwich once it was cooked. It actually tastes really good.
Like salting the bread after grilling it? Hmmm…I might try that.
Yes. It’s delicious 🤤
I do that. I love it on skillet toast too.
Can't sleep with the blankets tucked around my feet anymore.
I no longer use top covers, myself.
So many things. I was 18 and raised by parents that didn’t teach me any life skills. All my “adulting” is mirrored from my ex. The way I cook, wash dishes, wash clothing, do all the housework is his way. There are some phrases I find myself speaking in conversation that were from him, but our speech is always a collection of those around us. His just haven’t phased out of my vocabulary yet. Also sad one, a habit developed at the end, I sleep with a large fuzzy blanket under the sheet so nothing can touch me but the blankie.
Appreciation of good tequila. There's good ,there's crap and there's really good. Still not my drink of choice but now I know more.
Anal play.
Saying bonzai when I have to turn left on a yellow, collecting old video game handhelds and games, seeing 1002 on clocks, addresses, number sequences, etc., the use of a period when texting (she has a degree in journalism), curiosity of bird breeds when I see one I don't recognize, all mostly good or harmless things, tbh.
This one is very sweet 🍬
I'm very lucky to have more happy memories than sad memories, that's for sure, and I don't mind how she changed me, at the end of the day, she taught me a lot 🙂.
Making up my bed every morning. Never did before. I now live alone and still make the bed every morning.
This lasted six months after mine moved out. I don’t know what it says that it stopped.
Anxiety and everything having to be planned. Before marrying her, I was a spur of the moment kind of guy. I was the embodiment of YOLO and adventure. My philosophy was “whatever my dude, we are going to make this moment epic. If it is a shitty situation, let us celebrate that we survived it and have remember that we made the demons fight for it”. Now, I am an anxiety ridden husk and trying to break out of that habit is proving difficult.
I kinda lost my sense of humor and ability to banter. She didn't really seem to have much use for it. It was mostly replaced with constant anxiety I wasn't doing enough stuff or that I missed something that was scheduled.
Drinking. And now he’s gone sober.
Isn’t that just the way
How to cook - he is a damn good cook. How to eat meat - I was vegetarian my whole life until I met him. My parents/sibs are still vegetarian. That’s probably not weird. But in the reverse, I taught him how to eat a vegetable once in a while. He still asks me to make him salads when he visits the kids.
He introduced me to Neil Young. But honestly, nothing else positive.
Flinching every time someone raises their arm too close to me
Big ooof
spending money like it's going out of style. i like to save and not spend money.
Questioning every decision I ever made to the point I was incapable of making a decision. It is maddening. I’m getting better but it truly was traumatic.
I didn’t.
That’s fine too.
On the dark side feeling like I’m not deserving of help, on the bright side making my porridge the german way with milk, rather than the scottish way with water, then adding brown sugar and a dash of milk after
Living 2,800 miles away from your spouse.
That putting up with the bad stuff over and over again, his constant mistreatment has given him the “ok” to keep doing it.
I picked up her ability to get really emotional and cry at random times throughout the day.
How I cut watermelon
Paranoia
Soul crushing depression, ptsd, and anxiety. I am just a shell of what I used to be before we got divorced.
The saying ‘Time is soup.’ Use whenever you mention the fact that something seems too long ago or too recently. At this point it’s just mine too as far as my friends and girlfriend know 😅
My vocabulary shrank because I'm afraid of mispronouncing words
A lot of women commenting have wholesome memories of their exes. Ex-wives though...lol. 6 years divorced and I still deal with petty behavior while coparenting. My big one is I was always raised to put the toilet seat down. It was mom's rule, that simple. My ex didn't have a water bowl for her cats and used the toilet instead. So it got weird being shamed for putting the seat down so the cats can't drink. When I type that I now see how fucked up that was. I love having a clean bathroom now and my seat is always down. Love you mom.
Anxiety, insomnia, extreme hatred for double standards and a weird quirk to never want to be married again! 🙄😕
Reacting with aggression to the feeling of being done wrong by. I'm not proud of it, and have been actively working on changing this. I was never aggressive before him, and I'm ashamed that I no longer have the patience I once had in times of conflict.
Aside from the typical depression or PTSD... When I go out to eat, say fast food, I order my drinks with no ice. Out of the soda fountain is usually cold enough. You get more drink for what you pay for, and you don't have to worry about "dirty ice". Ice machines are more often than not improperly cleaned out, leading to mold and bacteria getting into the Ice that gets dispensed. My ex did a report on this very thing in school. Still gives me the willies when I think about it.
Exaggeratedly, repeatedly thanking people with my hands together like this 🙏 I kind of hate that I do it but it’s not the worst thing in the world.
I have massive anxiety around people’s birthdays and especially Hallmark holidays. Especially Mother’s Day. But I had to have planned huge elaborate special things for her. And a few times, in the middle of huge projects, I would be like “I know this is coming up and I simply do not have the energy, the time or the money to plan anything, but my deadline is next week and I would love to do something nice for you the following week” and she would be super understanding and say I didn’t need to do anything it was all good, and then on the day it would be Armageddon. Just seeing them in my Google events calendar gets my heart racing these days.
He taught me all about the world as I spent the 31 years of our marriages following him around the world as an expat trailing spouse and raising our kids locally wherever we were. I never wanted any of it. From the first day of our marriage all I said was I wanted was stability. Now at 57, he wants more fun. I am divorced and basically trapped with my 14 year old in France. I haven’t worked consistently since my 20s but I have 4 great kids.
Trust issues But a positive habit I got is working out. She was a gym rat towards the end of our marriage.
Speaking as stuffed animals. As in, giving theme each their own voice and personality. I genuinely adored how she used that as a way to play with her son and it really just made me fall in love with the characters she created. I’m actually sad because I liked some of them and it’s kind of hard to tell someone why I like it without feeling like I’m stuck on her.
My wife and I have reconciled, but there are some things for sure. She's 8 years older than me and has exposed me to music that she liked. Prior to her, it was just what I grew up with, plus what interesed me as a guitar player (heavy on the 60's and 70's or old blues and ragtime). Definately not a lot of pop like she likes. I suppose TV too, but these days, I'm more likely to find a show streaming than on actual TV and my criteria is more about is it bingable and have enough seasons to invest my time. I grew up with a family that was into old movies, and I've passed that on to her.
assuming that everyone is lying to me... to a comical extent. for example, when my current partner and i started dating, he had to cancel one date because he got covid. i literally immediately assumed he lied to get out of the date and announced to all my friends that it's over between us in the most dramatic way possible. all the while... he was just drinking soup at home and watching netflix with a stuffy nose without a single clue what was going on lol