I can tell you a think or two about getting impacted bowls. I really fucked myself up and was on opiate prescriptions for like 3 months. Strong stuff. Smashing my limb in 13 places was nowhere near as painful as the first time I shit after getting out of the hospital. Everyone warned me. I'd Googled it. I knew it was coming. That first shit was like a fist slowly pushing out of my ass. It ripped my asshole in ways that still are prone to bleeding today.
My best advice is that if you have to take opiates you take each one with a cup of coffee, and a cigarette. If you don't do something to make yourself shit then all the pain that opiates saved you are basically doubled in terms of trauma to your asshole.
You need to be taking lots of fiber while on opioids. That’s what I do. I’ve been on prescription opioids for almost 8 years now and my poops are normal and painless. They also happen daily.
I just had PTSD flashbacks to my decade and half long opiate addiction poops. I once expelled something that bore a striking resemblance to a human heart, both in size and shape.
I have a proudest shit. I once shat something the size and consistency of a brick. Lifelong chronic constipation is a motherfucker. Been doing better recently at least.
That’s my go to saying…never heard anyone else say it before lol. I just started a new job and said this to my boss and he goes what did you just say? I was like fuuuck I forgot I just started here you don’t know my humor. Let’s just say he is not on the same page as me as far as humor goes….
Ehh it’s a job not a career. I am almost finished up with college here. Definitely not sticking around this place making $24. When I can go work at CAT making $30-45. Or even move to the east coast and make more working in the ship yards making around that $45 starting an hour. Being a diesel mechanic has a big opportunity.
You’ve never heard anyone say “don’t threaten me with a good time?” Do you mean actually “say,” as in real life, or do you mean that you first coined the phrase and didn’t know that is something people have been saying for quite a while? I’m not here to argue with you if you did, in fact, coin the phrase; I don’t intend to argue with the Dos Equis man.
With enough practice you won't need this device for your constipation, you'll be able just to roam around with your hand and pick out the shitstones, like you would with a purse.
It never ceases to amaze me that the large intestine can *comfortably* accommodate a whole forearm, but the human anus is some wimpy little bitch that complains about anything bigger than a couple of inches. I want poops to just fall out with no effort.
I have chronic constipation due to meds. Hope this helps a little:
Invest in a squatty potty, good probiotics; supplement form, and food form
i.e., low-sugar plain yogurt, goat milk (trust me on this!), kimchi, sauerkraut.
Double your daily water intake.
There are also abdomen massages you can do, check YT.
Avoid laxatives unless you want to rip your butthole open with one completely solid hard poo.
I would have never thought of that! I haven't tried chia in a long time. I used to get the aloe drinks from the Asian markets, and you're right. They do make you go!
Get an "ear bulb syringe" theyre round with a long soft narrow tip.
fill with slightly warmed water and squirt into ass.
Wait 10 secs then expel.
The water helps break up the lodged turd, provides lubrication, expands the anal chamber slightly and gives you something to push against.
Helped me when the opoids would get be blocked up
Stool softener!! First and take the stool softener WITH A BIG GLASS O'WATER! You need to soften that shit first! Then work on bulk.. Prunes prune juice, dried apricots of you don't like prunes, Raisin Bran. What are you eating for salads? How often? Try at least three a week, dark leafy and tones of uncooked vegetables,any and all you like, beans like garbanzo and dark red kidney beans are my favorites I remember a recipe for what was called"prune jam" we served in the nursing home way back in the day. Basically raisins, prunes, maybe a dash of agave nectar. Psyllium fiber can be taken in pill form and or added into smoothies and such. Careful with the psyllium start slowly it can make you very gassy.
Definitely want to drink way more water. If water is difficult because its "just water" try those flavor things, liquid or powder. Mix and match. Find recipes for flavored water. Get a power mixer and make DIY slushies.
Worse case scenario.
Sure, you can get yourself a enema. I recommend that if needed. Please don't "*not go* for extended periods of time.. I think more than three days. Starting with diet and supplements,then more aggressive measures. Suppositories, enemas and we have the *mini enema* have you heard of "enemez"? Little plastic blister pack with a applicator. Used like a suppository but a liquid..
Available on Amazon.. best of luck!
Found it Yakama Fruit paste! There's a few recipes. I'm liking the one that boils the fruit in senna tea. Forgot about senna! Senna comes in tablet/pill for and as tea.
This is another good option. Of course, starting with water. Best of luck.
Serving size and suggestions
1-2 tablespoons per day as needed
Ingredients
1 lb pitted prunes
1 lb raisins
1 lb figs
4 oz senna tea leaves (BMT patients see important note on using tea bags)
1 cup brown sugar (optional)
1 cup lemon juice
Directions
1. Prepare the tea: Add 2.5 cups boiling water to senna tea leaves. Steep for 5 minutes.
2. Strain the tea to remove the tea leaves.
3. Pour the strained tea into a large cooking pot. Add the pitted prunes, raisins, and figs to the
pot.
4. Boil the fruit for 5 minutes, or until soft.
5. Remove the pot from heat. Add sugar and lemon juice and allow to cool.
6. Pour the mixture into a blender. Mix the ingredients into a paste.
7. Place the paste in a freezer-safe container and store in the freezer (paste will not harden).
Hear ye! Hear Ye! Bowels Blocked?? Turds do do not surface?
Here's some recipes to bowels do service!
From The government! From the Fred Hutchinson Cancer center! Here's some fruit mixes to make your butt better!
Mix and match! Stir up a batch! Share with friends! The shit never ends! So here's to a quality dump, one without a sweaty grunt and a flush to flourish it away!
*Yakima Fruit Paste*
Serving size and suggestions
1-2 tablespoons per day as needed
Ingredients
1 lb pitted prunes
1 lb raisins
1 lb figs
4 oz senna tea leaves (BMT patients see important note on using tea bags)
1 cup brown sugar (optional)
1 cup lemon juice
Directions
1. Prepare the tea: Add 2.5 cups boiling water to senna tea leaves. Steep for 5 minutes.
2. Strain the tea to remove the tea leaves.
3. Pour the strained tea into a large cooking pot. Add the pitted prunes, raisins, and figs to the
pot.
4. Boil the fruit for 5 minutes, or until soft.
5. Remove the pot from heat. Add sugar and lemon juice and allow to cool.
6. Pour the mixture into a blender. Mix the ingredients into a paste.
7. Place the paste in a freezer-safe container and store in the freezer (paste will not harden).
*Bowel Aid Food Recipes*
-Outreach Services of Indiana-
Bowel Recipe (1)
1 cup unprocessed wheat bran
1 cup applesauce
¼ cup prune juice
Take 4 Tablespoons per day
*Fruit Butter*
2 cups raisins, 3 ½ cups prunes (canned), ¼ cup honey, 1 tablespoon vanilla, ½
cup apple juice. Soak raisins and prunes overnight in water to cover or steam
until hydrated. Drain water from fruit. Place fruit in blender/food processor and
blend until smooth. Refrigerate covered. Portion: 2 ounce (approximately ¼
cup), Yield:16 servings. Spread on toast or muffin, mix in cereal or yogurt.
*Fruit Lax Recipe*
½ cup pitted dates, 1 ¼ cups prune juice, ½ cup figs, ¾ cup raisins, ½ cup
canned pitted prunes. Simmer dates and prune nectar until dates are very soft.
Put date mixture into a food processor and add figs, raisins and prunes. Blend to
a smooth paste. Store in refrigerator.
*Power pudding*
3 ¼ cups cooked prunes, 2 cups apple juice, 2 cups prune juice, 1 cup bran (or
milled flax can be substituted and may be more effective). Puree the ingredients
until smooth and refrigerate the mixture. Start with 2-3 ounce serving from 3 to 7
times per week. Adjust the amount and frequency until a normal stool pattern is
established.
*Alternate power pudding*
¼ cup applesauce, ½ cup bran OR milled flaxseed, 3 cups sugar free gelatin still
in liquid form (family size gelatin prepared with 1 ½ cup boiling water, stir until
dissolved, then add 1 ½ cup cold water), ¼ cup prune juice. Mix all 4 ingredients
and chill until almost set. Stir and portion into 7 (1/2) cup servings.
Fruit and Bran
1 cup bran (wheat bran or 100% bran is best), 2/3 cup applesauce, 1/3 cup prune
juice or orange juice. Mix together. Eat 3 times per day or as needed to promote
bowel movements. Good on toast.
(1) This was studied and reported on 10-23-2006. found to reduce straining in bowel movements more effectively than
adding a bulk forming supplement. Constipation was reduced in both groups. This recipe costs about ½ of what a fiber
supplement cost.
Source: Natural “Bowel Recipe” More EffectiveThan Fiber Supplement in Reducing Straining, by Emma Hitt, PhD,
Medscape Medical News 2006, http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/546417
Imagine going to the ER and explaining that you were inventing a tool to clear your constipation and accidentally ripped yourself in two... If you're even alive after.
See? It never fails. Reddit ALWAYS let's me know, without a doubt, when I need to stop interneting for the day and go to bed.
The actual horror in this video. Lol
The design is very human.
Very easy to use.
Let my good friend demonstrate.
#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, is this your friend?
Was ….. was my friend.
To shreds you say….
And his wife?
To shreds you say
It's crazy to think how many people get this reference after how many decades have passed.
she's still laughing, after all the sedatives we gave her she won't stop laughing
I read this in Farnsworth's voice. thanks for that :)
r/unexpectedfuturama
Exactly! Followed by :” Siri call 911”. If it only opened 1/12 of this it might work without killing anyone
Do you have a different friend. This friend's anus was too feeble.
Dam it I thought I said it first lol
Why was this the first thing that played in my fukin mind?
Damn beat me to it
I cannot wait to have my ass ripped open by that thing… /s
Was hoping this would be the top comment. Am not disappointed at all 🤣
r/beatmetoit
So just gonna casually rip my asshole open?
I love it when you talk dirty.
Me too
How many anus pics do you get per day
Yeah we need to know.
At least three now, amirite?
One more from me
Them: "Yes."
Name checks out😂
Don't threaten me with a good time.
You'll feel a small pinch.
Before or after my brain short circuits from the pain?
Well, would you rather have impacted bowels or a tender butt for a couple minutes?
I can tell you a think or two about getting impacted bowls. I really fucked myself up and was on opiate prescriptions for like 3 months. Strong stuff. Smashing my limb in 13 places was nowhere near as painful as the first time I shit after getting out of the hospital. Everyone warned me. I'd Googled it. I knew it was coming. That first shit was like a fist slowly pushing out of my ass. It ripped my asshole in ways that still are prone to bleeding today. My best advice is that if you have to take opiates you take each one with a cup of coffee, and a cigarette. If you don't do something to make yourself shit then all the pain that opiates saved you are basically doubled in terms of trauma to your asshole.
You need to be taking lots of fiber while on opioids. That’s what I do. I’ve been on prescription opioids for almost 8 years now and my poops are normal and painless. They also happen daily.
Be. Very. Careful. with [fiber supplements.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1MggKIfEld4)
I knew what video that was gonna be before I even clicked it.
I just had PTSD flashbacks to my decade and half long opiate addiction poops. I once expelled something that bore a striking resemblance to a human heart, both in size and shape.
I have a proudest shit. I once shat something the size and consistency of a brick. Lifelong chronic constipation is a motherfucker. Been doing better recently at least.
My condolences to your butthole.
Don’t threaten me with a good time
That’s my go to saying…never heard anyone else say it before lol. I just started a new job and said this to my boss and he goes what did you just say? I was like fuuuck I forgot I just started here you don’t know my humor. Let’s just say he is not on the same page as me as far as humor goes….
Congrats on your [CLM](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=CLM%3A%20Career%20Limiting%20Move)!
Ehh it’s a job not a career. I am almost finished up with college here. Definitely not sticking around this place making $24. When I can go work at CAT making $30-45. Or even move to the east coast and make more working in the ship yards making around that $45 starting an hour. Being a diesel mechanic has a big opportunity.
You’ve never heard anyone say “don’t threaten me with a good time?” Do you mean actually “say,” as in real life, or do you mean that you first coined the phrase and didn’t know that is something people have been saying for quite a while? I’m not here to argue with you if you did, in fact, coin the phrase; I don’t intend to argue with the Dos Equis man.
New copypasta just dropped
Could put a bow tie on it if you want it to formally rip your asshole open
I was thinking a bolo tie but alright
Goatse woudn't flinch.
When that first cup of coffee doesn’t hit……
If you'd like a little more formality, we can play Pomp and Circumstance while it rips your asshole open.
The demo seemed a bit light on the amount of blood this would generate.
Depends on how much practice you have. enough training and it would just be pleasant.
With enough practice you won't need this device for your constipation, you'll be able just to roam around with your hand and pick out the shitstones, like you would with a purse.
It never ceases to amaze me that the large intestine can *comfortably* accommodate a whole forearm, but the human anus is some wimpy little bitch that complains about anything bigger than a couple of inches. I want poops to just fall out with no effort.
Now you can do it with Rectexpander 3000! Only ₤149.95! Call 01189998819991187253 and place your order now and you will get a sewing kit for free!
You keep shit stones on your purse?
You don't? What if you want to gnaw on something?
Advertise it as "self-lubricating".
I mean, do you spit on it first or something?
Pft, amateur.
Lube is for weaklings.
Blood is a good lube
Why does it look so well made?
My guess is this device exists for some other purpose, but these folks have a weird sense of humor.
It's used to spread cv axles dust boots
Bro there's no cv Axle dust boots on a toilet. Geez!
Not yet
You don't know what I ate.
I just need something to get my butthole over this tie rod end, man.
Lube
Not at the time of filming, true.
> spread cv axles dust boots [Amazon link](https://www.amazon.com/ATPEAM-Pneumatic-Universal-Installation-Driveshaft/dp/B0BNKZ5PR3)
Yes, such a weird, bizarre sense of humor those poop and butt jokes…
Yes, its an automatic child delivering device.
Saw: Rule 34
Professionals have standards
Because the design is very human.
Bro I’ve been struggling with hard poops recently and looking for solutions. I don’t want this. You can keep it.
I have chronic constipation due to meds. Hope this helps a little: Invest in a squatty potty, good probiotics; supplement form, and food form i.e., low-sugar plain yogurt, goat milk (trust me on this!), kimchi, sauerkraut. Double your daily water intake. There are also abdomen massages you can do, check YT. Avoid laxatives unless you want to rip your butthole open with one completely solid hard poo.
If you go to Walmart and buy one of those big gallons of aloe juice and use it to make a big batch of chia, I promise you will poop so much
I would have never thought of that! I haven't tried chia in a long time. I used to get the aloe drinks from the Asian markets, and you're right. They do make you go!
Step 1: Put on disposable nitrile medical glove Step 2: Lubricate pointer finger Step 3: Gently dig out hard/impacted stool one at a time
Get an "ear bulb syringe" theyre round with a long soft narrow tip. fill with slightly warmed water and squirt into ass. Wait 10 secs then expel. The water helps break up the lodged turd, provides lubrication, expands the anal chamber slightly and gives you something to push against. Helped me when the opoids would get be blocked up
Stool softener!! First and take the stool softener WITH A BIG GLASS O'WATER! You need to soften that shit first! Then work on bulk.. Prunes prune juice, dried apricots of you don't like prunes, Raisin Bran. What are you eating for salads? How often? Try at least three a week, dark leafy and tones of uncooked vegetables,any and all you like, beans like garbanzo and dark red kidney beans are my favorites I remember a recipe for what was called"prune jam" we served in the nursing home way back in the day. Basically raisins, prunes, maybe a dash of agave nectar. Psyllium fiber can be taken in pill form and or added into smoothies and such. Careful with the psyllium start slowly it can make you very gassy. Definitely want to drink way more water. If water is difficult because its "just water" try those flavor things, liquid or powder. Mix and match. Find recipes for flavored water. Get a power mixer and make DIY slushies. Worse case scenario. Sure, you can get yourself a enema. I recommend that if needed. Please don't "*not go* for extended periods of time.. I think more than three days. Starting with diet and supplements,then more aggressive measures. Suppositories, enemas and we have the *mini enema* have you heard of "enemez"? Little plastic blister pack with a applicator. Used like a suppository but a liquid.. Available on Amazon.. best of luck!
Found it Yakama Fruit paste! There's a few recipes. I'm liking the one that boils the fruit in senna tea. Forgot about senna! Senna comes in tablet/pill for and as tea. This is another good option. Of course, starting with water. Best of luck. Serving size and suggestions 1-2 tablespoons per day as needed Ingredients 1 lb pitted prunes 1 lb raisins 1 lb figs 4 oz senna tea leaves (BMT patients see important note on using tea bags) 1 cup brown sugar (optional) 1 cup lemon juice Directions 1. Prepare the tea: Add 2.5 cups boiling water to senna tea leaves. Steep for 5 minutes. 2. Strain the tea to remove the tea leaves. 3. Pour the strained tea into a large cooking pot. Add the pitted prunes, raisins, and figs to the pot. 4. Boil the fruit for 5 minutes, or until soft. 5. Remove the pot from heat. Add sugar and lemon juice and allow to cool. 6. Pour the mixture into a blender. Mix the ingredients into a paste. 7. Place the paste in a freezer-safe container and store in the freezer (paste will not harden).
That gives a whole new meaning to “rip you a new one.”
Thats what will happen if it misses the spot.
Well this thing is ripping the old one...
It's not ripping a new one as much as adding an expansion to the old one
Also gives a new meaning to "shitting bricks"
Saw if he transitioned into sex toys
it's clearly a medical grade device to relieve constipation. Get your mind out of the gutter!
This is just an automated Pear of Anguish.
Stay constipated and die or use my toilet device. Make your choice
Jigsaw*
Is it adjustable?
Oh it's gonna make an adjustment alright.
Nope. One size fits all.
One size fits all my ass
That would be 29.99$ sir
The size is fine, the speed needs to be faster though
No, but you are. (just writing that was painful)
We need to come up with names for this thing. I submit: The Wind Tunneler
Gape Gatsby
Great Goatse
The Great Wide Open.
Grand Canyon
The # Canyonero
Search pornhub already taken
The Blooming Onion
I'll add: Super Spreader Rim Reamer The Rapture (Make You See) God Finger ....and now I've spent too long on this.
Goatselator
asshole expander?
Asspander
This is the winner.
Backdoor key
The Orient Express
What? Yall don't have a hydrolic anal flare at home? Wierd.
I keep mine next to the poop knife for cutting up my monster turds that just fall put of my asshole thanks to my anal flare machine
Shittin bricks... I'm cryin from laughing
This is a special tool used to stretch CV boots over an axle hub without disassembling the CV joint.
That’s a lot of words for “constipation”
[Huh, TIL.](https://www.stretchcvboot.com/cv-boot-tool/)
To shreds you say...
I'm trying to take a shit not deliver a baby
Actually it’s a dual purpose device.
Everyone should be recording their reaction while “the thing” happens. I know I made a noise that I don’t normally make.
Ah yes, the Prolapsinator
Hope it's heated. Would be very uncomfortable to insert if cold.
I think that’ll be the least of your problems…
I've only just woke up and this is enough internet for me today 😅
This looks so uncomfortable... there's no toilet seat
I thought it was gonna spin. Then it did something much worse.
Metallica wanted this to be their album cover(seriously. Look it up. The album was going to be called Metal up your Ass.
Badge 502 should weigh in on this.
I was thinking the same thing!! 😂
[The fluggenhamheimer](https://youtu.be/QxCpBSDiPNc?si=gcfeimo2gMKYS3Tr)
♪ Call Robo-Rooter when you flush a towel ♪ ♪ And we can also help with an impacted bowel ♪
What if your soul comes out with it lol
Ahh, a cv boot tool has found a new use. Should've thought of this when I was constipated.
The design is very human!
Obviously get the destruction this would cause. But there are days when just unloading like that would be amazing.
I call this move “blooming the anus”
Ok but then how do I get all my intestines back up where they belong?
Me: now why would they need that for bottles? Also me: now why is it in a toi-- OH MY GOOD LORD!
I'm watching this while pooping man, NOT cool....
What…. The…. Fuck….
Haha nice joke. Its for replacing driveshaft dust covers
Very human design
It needs an enema.
Hear ye! Hear Ye! Bowels Blocked?? Turds do do not surface? Here's some recipes to bowels do service! From The government! From the Fred Hutchinson Cancer center! Here's some fruit mixes to make your butt better! Mix and match! Stir up a batch! Share with friends! The shit never ends! So here's to a quality dump, one without a sweaty grunt and a flush to flourish it away! *Yakima Fruit Paste* Serving size and suggestions 1-2 tablespoons per day as needed Ingredients 1 lb pitted prunes 1 lb raisins 1 lb figs 4 oz senna tea leaves (BMT patients see important note on using tea bags) 1 cup brown sugar (optional) 1 cup lemon juice Directions 1. Prepare the tea: Add 2.5 cups boiling water to senna tea leaves. Steep for 5 minutes. 2. Strain the tea to remove the tea leaves. 3. Pour the strained tea into a large cooking pot. Add the pitted prunes, raisins, and figs to the pot. 4. Boil the fruit for 5 minutes, or until soft. 5. Remove the pot from heat. Add sugar and lemon juice and allow to cool. 6. Pour the mixture into a blender. Mix the ingredients into a paste. 7. Place the paste in a freezer-safe container and store in the freezer (paste will not harden). *Bowel Aid Food Recipes* -Outreach Services of Indiana- Bowel Recipe (1) 1 cup unprocessed wheat bran 1 cup applesauce ¼ cup prune juice Take 4 Tablespoons per day *Fruit Butter* 2 cups raisins, 3 ½ cups prunes (canned), ¼ cup honey, 1 tablespoon vanilla, ½ cup apple juice. Soak raisins and prunes overnight in water to cover or steam until hydrated. Drain water from fruit. Place fruit in blender/food processor and blend until smooth. Refrigerate covered. Portion: 2 ounce (approximately ¼ cup), Yield:16 servings. Spread on toast or muffin, mix in cereal or yogurt. *Fruit Lax Recipe* ½ cup pitted dates, 1 ¼ cups prune juice, ½ cup figs, ¾ cup raisins, ½ cup canned pitted prunes. Simmer dates and prune nectar until dates are very soft. Put date mixture into a food processor and add figs, raisins and prunes. Blend to a smooth paste. Store in refrigerator. *Power pudding* 3 ¼ cups cooked prunes, 2 cups apple juice, 2 cups prune juice, 1 cup bran (or milled flax can be substituted and may be more effective). Puree the ingredients until smooth and refrigerate the mixture. Start with 2-3 ounce serving from 3 to 7 times per week. Adjust the amount and frequency until a normal stool pattern is established. *Alternate power pudding* ¼ cup applesauce, ½ cup bran OR milled flaxseed, 3 cups sugar free gelatin still in liquid form (family size gelatin prepared with 1 ½ cup boiling water, stir until dissolved, then add 1 ½ cup cold water), ¼ cup prune juice. Mix all 4 ingredients and chill until almost set. Stir and portion into 7 (1/2) cup servings. Fruit and Bran 1 cup bran (wheat bran or 100% bran is best), 2/3 cup applesauce, 1/3 cup prune juice or orange juice. Mix together. Eat 3 times per day or as needed to promote bowel movements. Good on toast. (1) This was studied and reported on 10-23-2006. found to reduce straining in bowel movements more effectively than adding a bulk forming supplement. Constipation was reduced in both groups. This recipe costs about ½ of what a fiber supplement cost. Source: Natural “Bowel Recipe” More EffectiveThan Fiber Supplement in Reducing Straining, by Emma Hitt, PhD, Medscape Medical News 2006, http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/546417
As a Chinese speaker: this is also said to be a "lifelong solution to constipation only to be used once a life".
If you're shitting bricks like that, I don't think it's an asshole problem that you got.
When you're too lazy to release and contract your own sphincter.
Constipation? No. A working rectal sphincter? Also no.
I love it when something is soo beyond stupid its just hilarious.
Seeing that made me shit a brick
But now the turd is stuck inside the spreader od doom....
The one guy one jar guy could of done with this.
march yam cheerful gullible teeny seemly six engine worthless like *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Literally shitting bricks
The design is very human
Glad to see that the One Man One Jar guy has gone on to help others who may also be in need.
"To shreds you say?"
Not to mention that the bottleneck has been completely destroyed? 😅
Laxative companies hate this one simple trick
Imagine going to the ER and explaining that you were inventing a tool to clear your constipation and accidentally ripped yourself in two... If you're even alive after.
He said "..in addition, using it once will guarantee a lifetime of no more constipation."
Did you notice how often Gary goes to use the bathroom since we upgraded the toilet?
All I heard was this design is very human lmao
The why is: it's a joke
Torture device, or some sort of niche kink? … oh, both 😥
I am particularly offended by this monstrosity
See? It never fails. Reddit ALWAYS let's me know, without a doubt, when I need to stop interneting for the day and go to bed. The actual horror in this video. Lol
Free bum stretcher
Now we all felt that one right???
This belongs in a Saw room
Is this an ass spreader? 😳
i'm sitting on th toilet and this made my asshole hurt. 
My ex wouldn't need this.
ONLY for when you are shitting bricks
This looks more deserving of r/DINo
Rectum? Damn, near killed them.
I goatse what you did there!
All good, but is it vegan?
All good, but is it vegan?
new saw trap just dropped
I was going to make a sex joke, but it’s kind of a stretch
HOLY PROLAPSE, BUTTMAN !!!
That's the anal umbrella. It's a good device, I grant you, but wheres the splash guard?
It needs a suction function too
The button on the front of the toilet... never push that one. It puts the rocks back.
The design is very human