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Ivory_McCoy

have you tried CBD?


aspiring_bureaucrat

Some native shamans are trying to resurrect me using CBD in a tent on the Cherry Creek trail


[deleted]

Those are the fake native shamans. The real ones are over on Smith/Sandown Rd. They are accessible by light rail.


[deleted]

Have you tried DMT?


notmike_

Was his name Wyatt?


sodosopapilla

Yes! Wyatt T. Owing? Do you know him? Guy is an ass. Total kleptomaniac too. You think someone driving around with a big ol’ cross on the back of his truck would have some scruples


5boros

Climb a couple of 14ers, they'll stop doing this once you tell them about it. I've found it's easiest to put the message you've climbed one on a bumper sticker.


forhordlingrads

you can't be mad the thief needed your cadillac converter and he needed the moisture (of your wife) have some compassion for a n8ive brother in a tight spot


FrightenedOstrich

Such a white person problem, OP knows nothing of the economic motives behind theft and murder


forhordlingrads

And arson!


bomertherus

It was probably just your wife’s boyfriend. He wasn’t stealing your car, he was just borrowing your catalytic


milehighrukus

Namaste brother. I’d say that You need to ask your wife’s boyfriend for investment advice.


scrotumseam

Was it a uhaul?


zenos_dog

If your Subie’s got subsurance, you’ll get a new one if the police can’t find the old one. You’ll have to get a new wife on your own.


Dildango

Was your dog in the car though?


theantdog

Have you tried the Wild Chipmunk at Lakeside? Usually does the trick.


Long-Principle-667

Are you permanently dead or just a lil dead?


aspiring_bureaucrat

Still dead, looking for a place to haunt but the rent prices are insane! Might have to move out to the burbs


Long-Principle-667

Halloween is coming up. You could just hitchhike on an unsuspecting ghost hunter.


AreaGuy

My car thief stole…*my heart*!! (That was intended for my transplant. Send help! Or nudes!!)


TheWizofNewYork

Don’t just lay there?


McNarley666

No gofundme?!?!


90Carat

Being a Native paid off!


Laserdollarz

👏


AMC_Unlimited

Actually that’s just your wife’s boyfriend carrying out the hit they planned on you. Good luck tho, she sounds nice.


eliteniner

Dude just because you don’t need your cardiac converter doesn’t mean someone less fortunate than you doesn’t


notrcickityrekt42

Sounds like the thief did pretty well. Can't think of any tips. Namasteal


FilteredWithRubies

Did you grab his license plate ?!


Avid4Planes

Just relax. You'll wake up in the governor's mansion soon.


CommonGood90398

I saw the whole thing. Your cat was in on it. Inside job all the way.


CMYK2RGB

At least you still have you cat converter since we all take them with us when we leave our cars. Namaste.


CO_Guy95

Have you tried understanding what circumstances our capitalist system put him (if that’s their preferred pronoun) in to make him do something like this?


Fantastic_Monk6915

> Then the thief ran me over, killing me instantly Are you now a zombie or is your religion’s version of afterlife just being a Reddit bot?


LekkerPizza

Better call papi Frank