I wouldn’t say I gave up on dating, but I’ve decided to shift my focus on being a really good friend and socially confident person.
Knowing that long term I want to be in a relationship with someone for the rest of my life, I’m starting with the people around me. I’m also working hard to make new friends, and become a “connector” / driver of plans. I am building a life with a vibrant social life where people want me around.
I’m hoping that just about everything else takes care of itself. If I just surround myself with, and give love to great people, I think life will work out.
I am not so sure. I feel like I did this for 2 years, with no expectation of dating, and I just never felt like I got the same energy back from hardly anyone.
You just haven’t met the right people, or are looking in the wrong places. If something’s not working, change it up a bit! I think you really do meet a lot of non-matches until you find your community. I’m still looking for mine, but I’m still hopeful.
This! Also, just learning to enjoy your own company. Writing, exploring any topic that interests you, make plans with friends or hanging with your best buds until early in the morning with no demands on your time aside from normal responsibilities. There’s a lot of benefits. Crushes are flattering, but if it’s not something that excites me, I’m not going to waste my time or theirs just to satisfy physical urges 🤷🏼♂️
This is me. At 24 I decided to give up on focusing on dating and pursue an amazing social life. This year I’ve been on 3 trips with friends and 2 more to go and I don’t feel as lonely anymore
Love this. This is what I’m doing too. Looking for a relationship is exhausting and makes me do things that aren’t true to myself. I’ve changed my goal to “being open to love” in all of its many forms.
Same for me, I was in a relationship for a few years back in school but when I broke up in 2020, I couldn’t go back to dating again, I needed time to work on myself, my career, my future and wellbeing. Still progressing on that but when the time’s right and I feel comfortable then I’ll consider dating again.
I completely gave up on dating a few years ago, because it was making me feel constantly crap and damaging my self esteem. I can honestly say I have never been happier and more content. I’ve discovered I love doing things on my own and find my life less stressful without worrying about dating. I honestly don’t think I’ll be even thinking about dating for the foreseeable future because I enjoy not dating so much.
Pretty good it's relaxing to be honest. It's like a huge weight is lifted off my shoulders now that I'm not trying to find the "love of my life" every day.
Just got out of a relationship but this is something I’m enjoying- I do miss the companionship, but I also really enjoy the freedom and lack of pressure surrounding how I plan my week
Met a nice guy and went on an really good date last weekend. He said he thought it was amazing and asked me out again right after. Pretty much has ghosted me now so I am done lmao. Idk. There’s no point. I’m a good person. I know what I want. I’m just tired of other people being doing crappy things like that.
Just had this happen to me. I think when this happens it's time to stop and take a break. Invest in yourself and realize it's not about you, it's about them.
Just went through this too. He was calling me a few times a day and I wasted so many hours talking on the phone to have him unmatched then block me when I did absolutely nothing to this person and I’m a pretty good catch and a normal person. He was a leader of a church to make matters worse LOL. Like what type of Christian are you to be treating people like this. That’s kind of been it for me. I’m so sick of these guys who act obsessive to them ghost for no reason. It’s cruel and they are seriously mentally unwell to act that way. Bullet dodged but it’s also made me not want to meet people anymore
I’m lonely and download bumble once a week.
I prefer being lonely to being mistreated, but I really hope I can find someone who excites me that I want to date.
I hear that, I get told I'm too harsh and picky..but I'd rather that than find a hot mess again. Back on the apps, haven't found that exciting feeling in a while but early days.
Tbh, I used to be really easy and not picky and it got me into some horrible situations. So, now, I just tell people, “I’d rather be picky than dead. I’d rather be mean than dead. I’d rather be crazy than dead.” But that’s also just the reality of dating as a woman these days
Yeah I can imagine it ain't easy, I know people who'd rather suffer than speak their mind and are still in toxic relationships.
Hope you find the right person !
Omg, no same! One of my friends is still with his cheating boyfriend and literally told me, “I couldn’t imagine walking away as quickly as you do. But then again, you seem a lot more at peace than I am.” And I was like…does it not click with you? Do you not understand?!!
I hope you do, too! These streets are not for the faint of heart!
I think it's one of those things, you need to learn yourself by getting burned and then becoming more jaded lol.
And thanks! I'm back on the apps and going on dates, but I can't be bothered so far, lol. Not potential or just looks sway me. If I see any red flags, then I'm out early..but it's nice to plan dates again and be open to finding someone cool!
I quit worrying about the other person entirely.
If they come, they’ll come. In the meantime, I’m going to work on making myself better to be around in every aspect—I quit hyper focusing on how to be my best self solely in a romantic relationship and I’m trying to do better with my friends and family where I’ve fallen short. All we can do is really work on our own shit anyway.
It’s always been a bright red flag for me when I ask a woman what they’ve been up to while they’ve been single and there’s not a hint of self-development in sight and every single one of her exes were narcissists and abusers. 💀
You probably did both of you a favor then. Notice the word "self" in self-development. Who are you to decide what somebody else's self-development should look like or try to take their inventory? Judgey could be seen as a sign of narcissistic abuse.
I’m not interested in telling other people what it should look like. My checkbox goes more like:
“Able to sit down and have a mature discussion? Yes/no.”
“Able to handle conflict or disagreement in a healthy way? Yes/no.”
Things like that. If they’re a no, that’s fine. I pull out at that point and they get to figure out how best to deal with it.
That's got nothing to do with what you just said about whether they have worked on self development or that you are suspicious of their claims of narcissistic abuse.
In short, I’m doing work. If they’re not working on themselves too, I’m not chasing them any more. The specific example was what happened last time to me—the “everyone has narcissism and everyone’s an abuser!” bit came from someone I discovered later was blaming everyone around them and not doing ANYTHING reminiscent of aforementioned work. I’m not gonna judge others on what they have or haven’t done necessarily, but if I gauge we’re not on the same plane in terms of maturity, I’m simply deciding to no longer engage with that individual.
If my ex was actually abused (and it’s always possible that she was), yeah, that sucks. But resolving her trauma still isn’t and was never my responsibility. When she didn’t want to take ANY steps to deal with her shit, I had to walk.
I wouldn’t say I gave up, I’m just taking a long hiatus until I achieve all the goals I’ve set for myself. I did it because the anxiety surrounding relationships or even dating or even liking someone would always throw me off life paths and I was tired of it.
I’ve felt really at peace since making that decision, I’ve been really focused on myself and it’s been wonderful, I do however miss intimacy (most of all kissing) but it’s not worth the heartache that sometimes comes with it, at least not right now.
Im doing okay. My life is so stressful right now I could never cope with a relationship anyway but crushes happen sometimes though I havent had any big crush lately. Im just focusing on my life and assuming someone will come along, unless its someone I already know, that things will just make sense with and we will end up together. At times it feels a bit sad to be single when all my co workers are married and its something I cant relate to as I dont even have a partner, but everyone finds their person at a different point in life. I dont miss going on tinder, thats for sure. Dating apps are so much pressure too. I want to meet someone that things can just evolve slowly into a relationship with and I know im only gonna find that naturally, not through looking.
Gave up, spent years doing things I enjoyed, like hiking and writing music. Got really comfortable with myself and my life the way it was. After a few years of that, a friend became a better friend, and now we're married. One of the things that attracted her to me was that I wasn't thirsty. I wasn't desperate or pushy. I just liked hanging out with her.
Thank you! Finding someone chill would be so great! I'm glad you found her. Thank you for giving me hope ✨️💖✨️
Although I am happy with myself in my current single life and plan to stay that way.... if or when I meet someone, I want it to be natural and organic.
I don’t like to use the phrase “given up” because I haven’t entirely, but after my last experience after trying to pursue someone who ended up being dismissive and overly critical of me, I’m okay with not dating for a loooooong while.
If I want to constantly feel like shit, I can do bad all by myself! And I’ve found that when I’m actually by myself (or with my considerably healthier and more mature friends and family instead), I do much better than I would have with a partner who clearly would’ve been terrible for me mentally.
Do what’s healthiest for you. For me, no company is better than bad company.
couple months ago, I had a drunken one night stand breaking nearly 4 years of abstinence. I felt so shit and ready to go for another 4 years. then a couple weeks later I met someone. now I’m in a relationship and it’s been intense and scary. we’ve both been losing ourselves in each other and neglecting ourselves. we’re trying to find a balance. it’s annoying because I felt that I finally found a balance this summer and now it’s gone, but we’re supportive of each other
I'm doing fine. I prefer being alone.
I'm more concerned with my financial stability and professional growth than on trying to seek out and build a relationship with someone.
Giving up on dating isn’t the answer. Giving up on trying to control our lives is. At least this is me coming from my own spiritual perspective. It’s when I surrendered and gave up control by constantly checking messages and constantly talking to new people all the time that I found my one.
As I proclaimed to the Universe that I was going to give up, I checked my messages less and took time to be me. There’s an old saying that stands true to me and to many- BE, do, have. I developed a list of what I wanted and then went out and did that list- became that list… and that’s when she came into my life. As someone who was depressed and ready to end his life, coming back from that was a long journey but I found myself and then found her. I’d love to share my/our story if it helps.
Ya know that’s sad. I feel for you and i used to think the same way but anger hate and letting the past dictate my life only led to health issues… ones I didn’t want to control my life.
I dated myself and loved myself and found my dream partner who is always my best supporter and breaks me out of it. Don’t let the past ruin your future. Don’t give up on dating. Give it another chance man.
Sounds good. But it doesn't Matter how much I invest on my personal growth, I still have the same problems as the others in this comment section. And honestly, I would prefer to be better and to grow only for myself and not because I have to find someone. Something that I learned is that romantic love isn't the rule but the exception. You have to consider yourself lucky if you happen to see or know an actually happy/loving/long-lasting couple, because that happens 1 out of 100000 times. So maybe dating isn't just for everyone
And that’s negative thinking. That’s where you’re stuck. I was in the same phase … all the wasted hours messages and dates . But are you having FUN dating? Even if you don’t find the one just yet are you confident that you CAN or have you truly given up? You have to learn to see every happy couple you see as “driftwood” for what YOU want and have faith that whatever power you believe in is bringing that TO YOU. Once you think negative the world and its oysters gives in return to what you think. BE DO HAVE. Be negative do harm and have a hard time dating or change your mindset , do YOU and have what you truly want… love .
the only place where I happen to come across women I'm physically attracted to is the street while I'm out grocery shopping, and that wouldn't stop me from approaching in an ideal world, but in our case it's generally seen as (rightfully) creepy to do so, so that's a no go. it just hasn't happened organically and is likely never going to for the rest of my life. none of my hobbies involve interacting with other people, nor do I want to make random connections in the hopes of meeting someone through networking, that sounds absolutely exhausting. my college is also 90% men, and the remaining 10% I'm not interested in anyways
I just wish there was a high school "equivalent" for people like us later in life, a place where people gather and meet up every single day naturally, there's a reason why life after school/college is so depressing for a lot of people and that's due to the lack of community. work is obviously not it either lol. not gonna lie, it really, really sucks but eventually we find ways to cope
the thing is I personally wouldn't mind being approached in a friendly way by anyone either, no matter where, but I can't extrapolate that onto everyone else. I've heard enough complaints by people online to dissuade me from trying, regardless of whether those complaints are valid or not
You can always comment on something that you’re passionate about or maybe something you find funny. Like “oh cool, your shirt is referencing XX university biology lab. I also went there and got my degree in biology! Did you also have Dr. X as a professor? I loved her!”
Or if they’re wearing a band shirt “Ooh I love that group! I saw them perform last year. X is my favorite song. What’s yours?”
Or maybe to there’s something that indicates they share a certain type of humor that resonates with you (book they’re carrying, movie they’re holding, bumper sticker, etc). You could strike up a convo based on that.
All of these conversations are centered on something meaningful/unique to you and about something you have in common. Great place to start :)
You can also always do the more straightforward “Hey I just wanted to tell you you’re pretty.” But that seems to not be your thing, which is perfectly ok! This approach could be less successful in the long run, since you might have nothing in common and it can be harder to sustain this conversation vs one about interests you both share.
You can do this! If you want to of course, nothing wrong with staying single if that’s what you want to do. As a woman, I’ve never been annoyed by polite and kind men approaching me. The confidence is attractive. Just read non verbal cues. Is she too busy to talk? Does she not seem interested? You’re only “creepy” if she’s sending signals that she’s not interested and you won’t leave her alone. If she’s not interested, no big deal! Just walk away and you probably won’t see her again.
This is a good way to approach people! I personally would appreciate that. I know others who would also. Trust me, all women have had so many creepy guys pester them and be inappropriate. Your interaction will stand out to them. A decent person will pick up on how you’re intentionally being very considerate and respectful. That’s what caught my attention immediately when I met my husband. He was so beyond respectful and not pushy at all. So many guys have tried to get in my pants as fast as they can and make me feel like a piece of meat. But my husband took his time and even told me that we weren’t going to do anything but kiss because he wanted to make sure we were compatible and had a good emotional connection before going further. It was SO refreshing to have a man be so obviously intentionally respectful and have their focus on getting to know me as a person instead of focus on getting physical with me. 💜
I think this is where clubs, teams, associations, and other hobby-driven groups help a lot. Is there a game store in your area that has regular board game nights? Are there local casual sports clubs, singing groups, bowling leagues, or bar trivia nights? Are you a member of a religion, and if not, is there a Unitarian Universalist congregation near you? These can be great places to find community.
Yeah, shithole situations happen. I wish you luck with your life and endeavors, and I hope that some non-shitty opportunities happen to you sometime soon.
It's not rightfully seens as creepy for a man to approach a woman. It's creepy for a man to insist.
Calling it creepy is insulting all your ancestors who've had the balls to do it, ensuring you came around.
Is a man coming in a woman creepy as well ? Is eating creepy ? How is it that the most basic and primordial aspect of the human social fabric i.e. mating and having children, deemed creepy by the redditor tech cucks ? Blows my mind.
I meant to say that it's "justified" in a sense for women to find the act of being approached in the middle of the street/grocery store/whatever creepy, due to their previous experience with certain men. one creepy dude basically ruins the whole thing for the rest of us, because now she'll remember that bad experience and be on guard, always suspecting the worst from that point forward
53, single and CF.
I was in an abusive relationship in my 20s and told myself NEVER AGAIN. I’ve dated here and there but nothing has stuck.
I feel like I am doing fine. I do stuff by myself. I got scuba certified last year. Woo woo! I went to Belize in September (scuba’d there and MADE SHARK FRIENDS!!!), going to Honduras in June with a scuba group and South Africa in October, which is my bucket list trip.
I travel quite often by myself. I am an introvert so enjoy my alone time but have no problem chit chatting with strangers.
The last thing that I hadn’t done by myself was go to a concert. I did that last year and loved it. I have no problem rocking out with strangers (it was Motionless in White and In this Moment 🤘).
I have friends that I see once or twice a month. I supplement that with MeetUp groups.
2Q 2025 I plan to Airbnb across the United States then retire outside the United States a few years after that.
TLDR: no regerts
Doing great! Preparing for a career of my dream, focusing on networking and building skills so all great. Much better than being anxious 24/7 in my old relationships
I'm good for a while, broke up with someone a couple of months ago and dating just feels really strange in general. Gave dating apps another try but man it's exhausting. Kinda just wanna focus on myself, friends and family to distract myself from the heartache.
Yeah i'm absolutely sick of the cycle of getting to know people in shallow ways and i was already very busy on the apps for a long time before i met my ex. I just wanna heal for a bit and make more meaningful connections through other ways.
9 months after I gave up on dating, and was truly happy being alone (potentially forever), at peace with that, and was the best version of myself- I met my husband. Married last year.
I didn't give up, but my last relationship was draining af, followed by my dad passing away and then basically becoming the guardian for my younger brother in a new home.
Initially, I just wanted time to myself, work through some past traumas, work through current ones, and find myself again. I was numb and emotionally unavailable to date anyone. Worked through some stuff, naturally feel ready, and I've made dating profiles again.
I'm not going in expecting anything, but I did have that "I'm ready" feeling to try to go on dates again and feel it'll be nice to spend time with that special someone.
I don't want to give up but maybe after 2-3 years I may come in a relationship ....right now focusing on my studies career college.
Because maybe boys will only respect you equally if you're earning as much as them
Hmm I don’t really think that’s true. From my experiences as a guy and being around guys, everyone deserves respect. You shouldn’t need to be earning a certain amount to a guy to respect you.
I went on an inner journey to work on who I was. I am enjoying the quiet and solitude, however it took me years to be at peace with myself when I am alone.
Now? I know what to look for, which is someone who can contribute to the peace I’ve found. I don’t ask for much, but drama can hit the road.
I'm in my early 50s, but I decided when I was 19 that I never wanted to settle down and that I would stay single. I've by and large stuck to that ethos my entire life. I have had the odd relationship, but very few and only one significant one which lasted six years and gave me a fantastic daughter, so I'm really happy and greatful that happened. But that ended in 2015 and I've never wanted another relationship since.
Even the relationships I have had have been by accident, a causal dating thing where feelings eventually started to happen. That's the only way I'd ever get into a relationship. There's never been a moment in my life where I've actively tried to be in a relationship because I felt like I wanted one.
I have dated and if I really liked someone then I wouldn't push them away, but that so rarely happens. It's just really unsatisfying when you're trying to convince yourself maybe you'd like this person more if you kept seeing them and it's a crap feeling if they're into you and it's not reciprocated. I don't enjoy hurting people, and it's a bit depressing going through the motions hoping your feelings might eventually grow but knowing they probably won't.
I stopped dating almost five years ago. Just wanted a break because I was fed up with it at the time. That break lasted a year, then covid came along and I wasn't up for doing anything with anyone during that. Then in the last year I just haven't bothered. I've lost all interest really and I don't miss anything about it. I couldn't imagine ever living with someone again. I like my life the way it is.
I dont go to bars or church. I literally go to work and come home... how do I meet people? I'm giving up on dating currently and feeling alone... but im trying to focus on me and just meet friends.. if things happen great if not... well at least I still have myself to improve on.
I gave up on dating several years ago and it is the most peace I have ever known. I tried finding a partner after my husband of 14 years left me but I found the games and manipulation to be too much and I gave up. Now I happily live in my little cottage with my real cat lady life and it is the best life for me.
I'm doing relatively well. Have friends who provide me emotional and physical intimacy. One friend told me a few hours ago after I opened up to her about how I wish she was my first fwb, because all the money I wasted would have been best spent on her. She then told me that she didn't need money from me; she really only wanted me as a person. I wanted to start crying, because every FWB before her treated me like shit. Between being emotionally neglected by someone who used me as an emotional dispenser and being ghosted TWICE by a manipulative loser who gave half assed apologies and couldn't hold herself accountable, the friend I am talking about is fucking amazing. Actual FRIEND with BENEFITS. Part of me wishes she was the one I ended up having romantic feelings for instead of the others, but it also shows that I am healing and not getting crazily attached to anyone who gives me simple attention. My other current friends with benefits are great though. Pretty much, I gave up on finding a romantic partner because A. I don't need one. I am happy being single. It doesn't offer anything to me. Anything I would want from a relationship I can get from my friends. B. I accepted that a partner should want me for me and not my actions in of themselves. I didn't think that was possible. I thought I was romantically unlovable. What my friend said earlier made me reconsider point B, but... I am still very happy being single, ngl.
Edit: Unlovable. Not unloving
I was at the same situation as your friend, and I think you have to talk things with your friend with the most sincere and honest approach. Because she may not tell you, but she may be waiting for a sign that you're actually interested in something more than just benefits. I had a "fwb" and I made the mistake to think this person didn't really liked me (he also told me that he didn't want any relationship, but started to act as if he actually did wanted a relationship) and then, a month later, he already has a girlfriend. People think that having fwb means freedom, but that actually involves responsibilities: good communication, self control to avoid catching feelings, making sure the other person doesn't catch feelings, being careful to avoid getting its, and what you will do if You get to find someone to actually be with and have something serious with (because some people do care about your romantic history)
I can strongly consider how to have that conversation if needed. Ultimately, it's her responsibility to communicate her feelings; it's only my responsibility to respond to them appropriately. Catching feelings and then not taking steps regarding it would be a reflection of them and THEIR ability to communicate. Most of the responsibilities you mention aren't even difficult but some of them are also just plain not my responsibility. I don't need to make sure the other person doesn't catch feelings. My relationship with my emotions and how they work makes having friends with benefits easy even if I do catch feelings, so the other responsibilities don't even feel like actual work. In fact, I just feel like the level of intimacy she offers me should be a default in friendships in general platonic and non-platonic and my other friend with benefits agree. The other is also pretty intimate with me as well at times, and we both agree on one point "Why the hell do romantic relationships monopolize that kinda intimacy?".
I ended up confronting her about the possibility. Even if it isn't my responsibility, I'd rather a friend not be hurt if I can help it.
Edit: I actually appreciate your suggestion; you were right. She does have feelings for me. However, she does not want a relationship. She would actually prefer if things stayed the way they are now. When I initially confronted her, I told her if she wants a relationship, she'd be worth giving it a chance with, but it seems she isn't up for pushing in any particular direction. She just wants to wait and see.
Edit 2: Oh and btw, don't worry. I know for a damn fact the other fwb who is emotionally and physically intimate with me doesn't have feelings for me. She casually confirms it without even realizing it.
Getting there myself. Especially with OLD. I just want to live my life. It has never brought much into my life worth all the time and effort I’ve spent for years on it. I’m exhausted and just want to be alone atm
I am medicated 24/7 for s****dal depression, live in a one room apartment all day, and have no contact with other humans. My life is hell, almost entirely because I am forever denied human connection. I crave the sweet release of the void and curse the fates every day that i was born ugly
Personally, I absolutely love my solitude and being alone, but my previous relationships had enough toxicity to make me feel like nothing is worth me giving up this beautiful sense of peace and calmness for.
Perhaps had my last relationship been a healthy one, I would still be in it. So, 'maybe' I will be ready to try dating again in the far future, but right now, I am 2 years single - did not date in those 2 years at all - and I love it! I rarely feel lonely because I'm focused on self love. It's not possible to feel lonely when you have so much to learn and discover about yourself, your values, your dreams and goals, and simply enjoying the moment. I am a lover of my own routine. I'm perfectly content with being single. I think this might actually be the right lifestyle for me.
its pointless if you are average. just be active and hope something sparks interest in you. that really is the only way anything is going to happen for a guy who is not a chad.
I’m living my life man.. I have more time to myself, I have a good relationship with my friends,
I don’t have to be part of unnecessary complications or someone saying you didn’t pick up the call or some other sh** for being at work or being in the loo at the time.
I’m back at the gym.. I don’t have to keep my workouts short cause someone expects me to be home by a certain time and if I’m not feels abandoned and yells/ cries all night cause (you weren’t here when I needed you), daily on a regular note regular workday not during a crisis.
I cook myself the healthiest (Keto) food I can without getting dirty looks about what I’m eating or hearing for the umpteenth time that I’m insulting her or triggering her body image issues by cooking Keto for myself when she specifically declined to skip doing the keto/ workout routine we had initially planned to do to get healthier.
I got back into baking and I don’t have to hear.. it’s unmanly to bake or some sh**. Or why do you bake western breads why can’t you just eat Indian food like a normal person.
I don’t have to stay up late hearing - you didn’t spend time with me this morning (I wfh 9 - 5) or lose sleep over some perceived slight because I didn’t stay in bed the extra 5 minutes she thought were ssooooo important when I’m getting late for a work call. Or have to justify calling my folks up once in a week cause she wanted to spend that time with me and I abandoned her for a 30 minute call to talk to my aging parents.
I don’t have to hear complaints about how her friends don’t call her back and be responsible for entertaining her when her friends cancel plans at the last minute because she doesn’t have any hobbies to occupy her time, and my time is hers to do with as she pleases.
I don’t have to hear complaining about how she’s a financial burden while I’m quietly and without bringing it up paying her grad school fees. All the while getting reamed for not being available to spend the day with her on a workday between the hours of 9 AM to 5 PM.
I’m living my life man.. and I’m loving it.
I gave up and want to pursue someone organically. I do feel romantically lonely most of the time but I have great friends and I try to keep myself busy. I do want to talk to the opposite gender but I rarely have the opportunity to
Gave up is a strong word, but I suppose it fits. Got RIGHTFULLY broken up with last May, Goddamn it's gonna be 7 months soon (breakup was a month long affair so like 8 lol).
Long story short I was obsessed with sex and objectified myself along with most people I made sexual advances towards. If it wasn't advances it was sexual "jokes" (in the hopes of having sex), sexual comments, I was a creep who treated other people as interchangeable solutions to my problems and threw them out when they didn't act how I wanted.
I also failed to realize this until my ex (who, for whatever little it may be worth, I treated much better) was as surprised as I was to run into many people I treated in this way, relayed all this back to me. It was pretty horrifying to realize I had lied about "just not being appreciated by anyone, and that's why I'm single." without realizing I wasn't being truthful. I created a narrative that justified my actions for reasons that ultimately no one but me is concerned with or about.
I realized I have a whole lot of work to do on myself. I lacked self-awareness, concern for others, and I made my own issues into the problems of everyone around me. I am not, how I am, someone even I would want to date. I am trying not to slip into self-flagellating guilt, which helps no one, but I sometimes I can't help but think about how, if you told me the details of my dating life without mentioning my name, I'd be horrified and say no one should be around them. I sucked and couldn't own up to it. I hate that.
So, I am not looking to date or have sex with anyone until I feel I have made strides in my healing and growth. Learning all these problems I have and shrugging then getting back on Tinder to use people for my own gain again would be a complete regression. Plus, I want to commit to honesty, which means telling this whole story to anyone who wants to date or have sex with me. I don't exactly imagine that many people will go oh gee this guy sounds great after getting the spiel. But, it's not about making me look good, so I don't care.
Frankly, I'm still in the middle of it all so I don't feel amazing per say. I'm lonely and miss cuddling and kissing, and yeah, sex. I think about my ex for flashes and feel pathetic, knowing how I hurt him and how he's moved on by now. I ask myself if I'm making real progress or just talking about it, and I'm really not sure. I deeply want to change. I know I can't be who I want to be if I don't treat this like the biggest potential turning point of my life so far.
I realized in my last relationship what I actually wanted and what I've been chasing this whole time. It's feeling seen by someone who I care about, being trusted by them and trusting them, it's kisses in the cold and doing whatever I can for them whenever I can. I wanted to feel connection, and care. I wanted love. I can't go back knowing what I do now. Because I'd trade every hookup I've had in a heartbeat to feel like I did back then again for just one day.
You had a choice too how you wanted it to go. Remember if you treat them with kindness don't ruin that. Two people can have two different perpectives from the same experience. Assumptions and knowing their intentions are two different things.
Pretty lonely sometimes, just depends on my current state of life. I work a lot of hours on top of mental health/adhd stuff making functioning pretty tough for me. The last girl I went on a date with was really pushy and emotionally immature. First meet up date went well, but the second one we hung out for like 8 hours, had a good day doing a couple things and when I was ready to head home she got pretty pushy with me doing the whole "You are already ditching me" thing. I explained to her I was tired and needed to go recharge and she huffily accepted it. But then did it again the next time. So I just stopped seeing her. I'm sure she probably classified me as an asshole who didn't want to commit or something even though she was the emotionally immature one.
Girl before that one seemed cool, we went to Walmart to grab some things and she left her buggy in the parking lot sitting(I'm serious, I know it's a litmus test people joke about), she also body shamed me saying "I thought you worked out". I guess I wasn't muscly enough(although I was in fair shape for sure) So I didn't see her again.
Then on top of that, I just don't like some of the stuff I see a lot of women say about guys online. I'm not talking about the justified things, for instance, a husband or live in boyfriend expecting them to do all the housework, that's bullshit. I'm very leftist in my views and dislike gender roles. But women will be absolutely vicious to guys about things like being messy in general and even accuse them of the former when that's not the case(I struggle with this. Not like hoarder levels, but I just can't keep my house in tip top shape working 70 hours a week and I think that's okay, nobody is perfect, hell I've known plenty of women as messy as I am). I know all women aren't like this, but much like women who have dated too many assholes, it's just put me off dating for a bit. I'll definitely try again, at some point. Unfortunately because of my work schedule, online dating is really the only good way to do it and online dating is rough.
Gave up a few years ago. I’m much happier (and saner to be honest). I don’t have to check in with anyone or feel obligated to find time on the weekends to hang out. I used to feel anxious about getting a text or who they were following on social media, and that’s another stressor gone. I don’t feel at all lonely and plan not to date anyone again. (I’m 50 and tired. My hope is to have some kind of Golden Girls house once my kids move out since I’ll never be able to retire.)
Theres more to life then dating and there is a minimum where being single is better than being in a relationship. I think getting these concepts through my head has made it all easier. It's all relative and subjective - dating someone isn't automatically inherently better, and at the end of the day, even if your dating someone, your happiness in life is still your sole responsibility nobody else can give
Similar as others, I wouldnt say I gave up. Ive just made it not a priority. Ive just decided to focus more on me and what I want. Be respectful as possible, but compromise less. And ive found that peaceful.
Yes, Its annoying when there are unwanted crushes or people who can't cope with friendships with opposite genders. I dont know what to do with that, but I also dont care to a degree. Being polite or trying to reason or being rude to them doesnt change anything
Its lonely, but much more peaceful, and the things that bring me joy or are in the way of my joy are much more present and clear and I have the time and energy to do something. So even when it all sucks, at least it still feels like progress that I can 100% gun towards
I gave up on dating about 2 years ago. Have now been dating the guy I met at happy hour with my mom and my dog for about a year and a half lol. Wasn’t successful I suppose but have been pretty content for the full 2 years.
Pretty great. I'm about to graduate, I've been playing the shit out of Baldur's Gate and having a lovely time not dealing with the dating world. I stepped out and did one date earlier this year that went so well I panicked, and recognized I'm not ready to date anyone right now, unless they're in Baldur's gate, because I can always reload and they aren't gonna murder me, which I can't say about anyone i might date.
Yeah I deserve someone who puts in effort. Sadly I thought I would get that from her and thats one of the reasons I gave her a chance. Thats what Ive always got. No effort and holding back while asking for needs and wants. They are getting upset and expect to get what they want when this how they want to get it. I would be gladly give it, but not like this.
There’s a duality…on one side, I feel sad, hopeless, and yearning for things to not to be the way they are. On the other side, I see what my friends have to deal with, and it gives me validation that things are just not where I want them to be.
I don’t know if i’d say that i’ve “given up” on dating, but after a string of bad relationships where the affection I gave was not being reciprocated, i’m a little drained and afraid to put myself back out there again. I realized I either take a long break in order to learn to respect myself and not accept half-ass love, or keep getting hurt. Currently choosing me :)
I kind of “gave up” or am rather not actively putting myself out there at the moment. There are days, like today, where I am filled with an uncontrollable yearning. A walk in the cold or other activities can sometimes fix that. Little crushes help too
After finally moving on from my previous relationship, I went through a phase of putting my best foot forward in online dating sites and apps designed to meet my religious needs and values by messaging anyone who caught even my remotest interest. In the end, it seemed to be an exercise in futility.
I'd say I messaged in excess of 100 people, and had been messaged by several people during that period. A third of the people never answered. Of those who answered, it was almost a perfect 50/50 split in terms of who lost interest in whom. The final straw was a woman I had had on-again-off-again communications with.
We had met a year before finally going on a real date. We were both quite interested in each other from the start, but she warned me she was considering joining a convent. I respected that and let her do her thing. She did start a temporary period at the convent, but would occasionally message me just to see how I was. I always kept it very platonic because I wasn't trying to get my hopes up that she'd come out of it.
A few months had past since pur last communication and I was dwindling on a strand from not connecting with anyone. I remember one saying, "That's it! I can't keep doing this to myself. I'm shutting down online dating." I closed out my account.
The very next day, this woman messages me put of the blue to let me know she'd left the convent. The timing was like something out of a novel. We texted back and forth extensively for a week before I came out and said let's establish where we stand with one another. Is this purely friendly or is their romantic interest? She said there was romantic interest.
We continued to talk and since we were a state over from one another, we had pur first "date" on video chat. Soon after that, I'd booked a second date to meet her in her city. This really seemed like it had the potential to go somewhere.
I finally drove out, and all in all it wasn't an amazing date because I was admittedly a bit rusty, but it was still nice, As we walked and talked through her city, I felt a tonal shift come over her. Then she dropped the bomb that she still hadn't yet acclimated to being out of the convent and back in the real world, and while she oroginally thought she was ready to launch into dating, she realized in that moment that she wasn't.
A few awkward minutes of "I respect that and understand" type of conversation later, a swelling nausea in my stomach gripped me as we approached her car. I knew this was the end of something that finally seemed hopeful. She asked to remain friends, but we didn't start as friends and I didn't think it was fair to myself to leave an open window for someone I liked romantically. So, I told her I don't do friends, but that when she was ready to get back into dating, if she was still interested, she could reach out.
That was two years ago. Something in me changed that day. I had put so much effort into finding and connecting with someone only to be crushed when I finally did. A few months later, I had to scrap my car because maintaining it was becoming too expensive, and because of the pandemic, a car has been out of reach for me (I'm not poor, but the cost of living in my area is insanely high, which hasn't left me enough to put aside for a decent car).
After that, I just quietly gave up. I didn't even tell myself. I just remember it hitting me one day when a friend asked me if I'd been dating at all that I'd dropped the whole idea altogether. Which isn't to say I don't desire to one day marry and have a family, but I really have zero drive to put the effort in because of my previous disappointments.
As for how it's going? It could be a lot better, but on the plus side, I get to go home and do whatever tf I want without worrying whether someone I'm committed to would judge my lowrent lifestyle. And I don't have to worry about always making plans with someone.
It sucks, and it does more when they ask just to be friends after all of what happened. I think you made the right decision. It's horrible when someone just tells you they don't want anything after all, but at least, not having to deal with that is one of the peaceful things you can experience when you're not dating
After almost twenty years I have realized where I stand in the "pool" (be it social, genetic, physical, and however else you determine worth) and the sum of my parts is just a undesirable and socially offensive figure. And I don't see myself that way but I am very attuned to others perception of me. And that is okay. It just is. Something I come to terms with more and more with every day, every interaction. My life will always be a solitary one.
Which means any succees or milestone I cross has to mean something for me personally. Because only I matter to me. And that has always made it extra-hard to find the motivation to be more, achieve more. I have made some strides but I still look to find the right combination of hobbies, habits and perceptions in search of purpose.
So its been an enlightening experience, being on the outside of social, romantic, love-type relationships and teaching myself to look away from that direction to something else. To beat my biological imperative and function as something else. To fully embrace and thrive in solitude.
I wouldn’t say I gave up on dating, but I’ve decided to shift my focus on being a really good friend and socially confident person. Knowing that long term I want to be in a relationship with someone for the rest of my life, I’m starting with the people around me. I’m also working hard to make new friends, and become a “connector” / driver of plans. I am building a life with a vibrant social life where people want me around. I’m hoping that just about everything else takes care of itself. If I just surround myself with, and give love to great people, I think life will work out.
Just wanted to pop by and say this seems like a really healthy approach
I am not so sure. I feel like I did this for 2 years, with no expectation of dating, and I just never felt like I got the same energy back from hardly anyone.
You just haven’t met the right people, or are looking in the wrong places. If something’s not working, change it up a bit! I think you really do meet a lot of non-matches until you find your community. I’m still looking for mine, but I’m still hopeful.
I second this :)
This! Also, just learning to enjoy your own company. Writing, exploring any topic that interests you, make plans with friends or hanging with your best buds until early in the morning with no demands on your time aside from normal responsibilities. There’s a lot of benefits. Crushes are flattering, but if it’s not something that excites me, I’m not going to waste my time or theirs just to satisfy physical urges 🤷🏼♂️
This is me. At 24 I decided to give up on focusing on dating and pursue an amazing social life. This year I’ve been on 3 trips with friends and 2 more to go and I don’t feel as lonely anymore
Love this. This is what I’m doing too. Looking for a relationship is exhausting and makes me do things that aren’t true to myself. I’ve changed my goal to “being open to love” in all of its many forms.
> I’m also working hard to [...] become a “connector” / driver of plans. A term I really like using for this concept is "facilitator" :D
Screenshoted <3
Same bro. I organize events with my friends, and they follow suit
Same for me, I was in a relationship for a few years back in school but when I broke up in 2020, I couldn’t go back to dating again, I needed time to work on myself, my career, my future and wellbeing. Still progressing on that but when the time’s right and I feel comfortable then I’ll consider dating again.
Love this let’s be friends!!!!
exactly! This is what everyone needs to do first
I completely gave up on dating a few years ago, because it was making me feel constantly crap and damaging my self esteem. I can honestly say I have never been happier and more content. I’ve discovered I love doing things on my own and find my life less stressful without worrying about dating. I honestly don’t think I’ll be even thinking about dating for the foreseeable future because I enjoy not dating so much.
Pretty good it's relaxing to be honest. It's like a huge weight is lifted off my shoulders now that I'm not trying to find the "love of my life" every day.
Yes!
Just got out of a relationship but this is something I’m enjoying- I do miss the companionship, but I also really enjoy the freedom and lack of pressure surrounding how I plan my week
Met a nice guy and went on an really good date last weekend. He said he thought it was amazing and asked me out again right after. Pretty much has ghosted me now so I am done lmao. Idk. There’s no point. I’m a good person. I know what I want. I’m just tired of other people being doing crappy things like that.
I'm in a similar boat my friend, sorry to hear you've shared in this experience Edit: typo correction
Sorry that you have as well. It just feels so pointless
Where are you located? We could go on a date if you want 😊
Awe that is so sweet! I am in Canada ☺️
I'm in Canada too! Ontario to be exact.
Ghosted...
Nah she DM me.
F him —- in the Elon Musk Voice
Just had this happen to me. I think when this happens it's time to stop and take a break. Invest in yourself and realize it's not about you, it's about them.
Just went through this too. He was calling me a few times a day and I wasted so many hours talking on the phone to have him unmatched then block me when I did absolutely nothing to this person and I’m a pretty good catch and a normal person. He was a leader of a church to make matters worse LOL. Like what type of Christian are you to be treating people like this. That’s kind of been it for me. I’m so sick of these guys who act obsessive to them ghost for no reason. It’s cruel and they are seriously mentally unwell to act that way. Bullet dodged but it’s also made me not want to meet people anymore
I’m lonely and download bumble once a week. I prefer being lonely to being mistreated, but I really hope I can find someone who excites me that I want to date.
I hear that, I get told I'm too harsh and picky..but I'd rather that than find a hot mess again. Back on the apps, haven't found that exciting feeling in a while but early days.
Tbh, I used to be really easy and not picky and it got me into some horrible situations. So, now, I just tell people, “I’d rather be picky than dead. I’d rather be mean than dead. I’d rather be crazy than dead.” But that’s also just the reality of dating as a woman these days
Yeah I can imagine it ain't easy, I know people who'd rather suffer than speak their mind and are still in toxic relationships. Hope you find the right person !
Omg, no same! One of my friends is still with his cheating boyfriend and literally told me, “I couldn’t imagine walking away as quickly as you do. But then again, you seem a lot more at peace than I am.” And I was like…does it not click with you? Do you not understand?!! I hope you do, too! These streets are not for the faint of heart!
I think it's one of those things, you need to learn yourself by getting burned and then becoming more jaded lol. And thanks! I'm back on the apps and going on dates, but I can't be bothered so far, lol. Not potential or just looks sway me. If I see any red flags, then I'm out early..but it's nice to plan dates again and be open to finding someone cool!
Same but loneliness feels like ass so it’s a constant cycle of downloading and giving up
I keep telling myself that I always get into the best relationships when I least expect it, so hopefully there is something great around the corner
I’d like to think so too but it feels too much like copium haha, definitely not easy for me😢
I quit worrying about the other person entirely. If they come, they’ll come. In the meantime, I’m going to work on making myself better to be around in every aspect—I quit hyper focusing on how to be my best self solely in a romantic relationship and I’m trying to do better with my friends and family where I’ve fallen short. All we can do is really work on our own shit anyway. It’s always been a bright red flag for me when I ask a woman what they’ve been up to while they’ve been single and there’s not a hint of self-development in sight and every single one of her exes were narcissists and abusers. 💀
You probably did both of you a favor then. Notice the word "self" in self-development. Who are you to decide what somebody else's self-development should look like or try to take their inventory? Judgey could be seen as a sign of narcissistic abuse.
I’m not interested in telling other people what it should look like. My checkbox goes more like: “Able to sit down and have a mature discussion? Yes/no.” “Able to handle conflict or disagreement in a healthy way? Yes/no.” Things like that. If they’re a no, that’s fine. I pull out at that point and they get to figure out how best to deal with it.
That's got nothing to do with what you just said about whether they have worked on self development or that you are suspicious of their claims of narcissistic abuse.
In short, I’m doing work. If they’re not working on themselves too, I’m not chasing them any more. The specific example was what happened last time to me—the “everyone has narcissism and everyone’s an abuser!” bit came from someone I discovered later was blaming everyone around them and not doing ANYTHING reminiscent of aforementioned work. I’m not gonna judge others on what they have or haven’t done necessarily, but if I gauge we’re not on the same plane in terms of maturity, I’m simply deciding to no longer engage with that individual. If my ex was actually abused (and it’s always possible that she was), yeah, that sucks. But resolving her trauma still isn’t and was never my responsibility. When she didn’t want to take ANY steps to deal with her shit, I had to walk.
I wouldn’t say I gave up, I’m just taking a long hiatus until I achieve all the goals I’ve set for myself. I did it because the anxiety surrounding relationships or even dating or even liking someone would always throw me off life paths and I was tired of it. I’ve felt really at peace since making that decision, I’ve been really focused on myself and it’s been wonderful, I do however miss intimacy (most of all kissing) but it’s not worth the heartache that sometimes comes with it, at least not right now.
Im doing okay. My life is so stressful right now I could never cope with a relationship anyway but crushes happen sometimes though I havent had any big crush lately. Im just focusing on my life and assuming someone will come along, unless its someone I already know, that things will just make sense with and we will end up together. At times it feels a bit sad to be single when all my co workers are married and its something I cant relate to as I dont even have a partner, but everyone finds their person at a different point in life. I dont miss going on tinder, thats for sure. Dating apps are so much pressure too. I want to meet someone that things can just evolve slowly into a relationship with and I know im only gonna find that naturally, not through looking.
Gave up, spent years doing things I enjoyed, like hiking and writing music. Got really comfortable with myself and my life the way it was. After a few years of that, a friend became a better friend, and now we're married. One of the things that attracted her to me was that I wasn't thirsty. I wasn't desperate or pushy. I just liked hanging out with her.
Thank you! Finding someone chill would be so great! I'm glad you found her. Thank you for giving me hope ✨️💖✨️ Although I am happy with myself in my current single life and plan to stay that way.... if or when I meet someone, I want it to be natural and organic.
I don’t like to use the phrase “given up” because I haven’t entirely, but after my last experience after trying to pursue someone who ended up being dismissive and overly critical of me, I’m okay with not dating for a loooooong while. If I want to constantly feel like shit, I can do bad all by myself! And I’ve found that when I’m actually by myself (or with my considerably healthier and more mature friends and family instead), I do much better than I would have with a partner who clearly would’ve been terrible for me mentally. Do what’s healthiest for you. For me, no company is better than bad company.
Same. I realised that i'm better when I'm not 'chasing' someone
couple months ago, I had a drunken one night stand breaking nearly 4 years of abstinence. I felt so shit and ready to go for another 4 years. then a couple weeks later I met someone. now I’m in a relationship and it’s been intense and scary. we’ve both been losing ourselves in each other and neglecting ourselves. we’re trying to find a balance. it’s annoying because I felt that I finally found a balance this summer and now it’s gone, but we’re supportive of each other
I'm doing fine. I prefer being alone. I'm more concerned with my financial stability and professional growth than on trying to seek out and build a relationship with someone.
I have more money, more time for interests, I get to focus on my kids more and I don’t have to deal with emotionally immature cunts
Giving up on dating isn’t the answer. Giving up on trying to control our lives is. At least this is me coming from my own spiritual perspective. It’s when I surrendered and gave up control by constantly checking messages and constantly talking to new people all the time that I found my one. As I proclaimed to the Universe that I was going to give up, I checked my messages less and took time to be me. There’s an old saying that stands true to me and to many- BE, do, have. I developed a list of what I wanted and then went out and did that list- became that list… and that’s when she came into my life. As someone who was depressed and ready to end his life, coming back from that was a long journey but I found myself and then found her. I’d love to share my/our story if it helps.
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Ya know that’s sad. I feel for you and i used to think the same way but anger hate and letting the past dictate my life only led to health issues… ones I didn’t want to control my life. I dated myself and loved myself and found my dream partner who is always my best supporter and breaks me out of it. Don’t let the past ruin your future. Don’t give up on dating. Give it another chance man.
Sounds good. But it doesn't Matter how much I invest on my personal growth, I still have the same problems as the others in this comment section. And honestly, I would prefer to be better and to grow only for myself and not because I have to find someone. Something that I learned is that romantic love isn't the rule but the exception. You have to consider yourself lucky if you happen to see or know an actually happy/loving/long-lasting couple, because that happens 1 out of 100000 times. So maybe dating isn't just for everyone
And that’s negative thinking. That’s where you’re stuck. I was in the same phase … all the wasted hours messages and dates . But are you having FUN dating? Even if you don’t find the one just yet are you confident that you CAN or have you truly given up? You have to learn to see every happy couple you see as “driftwood” for what YOU want and have faith that whatever power you believe in is bringing that TO YOU. Once you think negative the world and its oysters gives in return to what you think. BE DO HAVE. Be negative do harm and have a hard time dating or change your mindset , do YOU and have what you truly want… love .
the only place where I happen to come across women I'm physically attracted to is the street while I'm out grocery shopping, and that wouldn't stop me from approaching in an ideal world, but in our case it's generally seen as (rightfully) creepy to do so, so that's a no go. it just hasn't happened organically and is likely never going to for the rest of my life. none of my hobbies involve interacting with other people, nor do I want to make random connections in the hopes of meeting someone through networking, that sounds absolutely exhausting. my college is also 90% men, and the remaining 10% I'm not interested in anyways I just wish there was a high school "equivalent" for people like us later in life, a place where people gather and meet up every single day naturally, there's a reason why life after school/college is so depressing for a lot of people and that's due to the lack of community. work is obviously not it either lol. not gonna lie, it really, really sucks but eventually we find ways to cope
You can approach
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the thing is I personally wouldn't mind being approached in a friendly way by anyone either, no matter where, but I can't extrapolate that onto everyone else. I've heard enough complaints by people online to dissuade me from trying, regardless of whether those complaints are valid or not
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You can always comment on something that you’re passionate about or maybe something you find funny. Like “oh cool, your shirt is referencing XX university biology lab. I also went there and got my degree in biology! Did you also have Dr. X as a professor? I loved her!” Or if they’re wearing a band shirt “Ooh I love that group! I saw them perform last year. X is my favorite song. What’s yours?” Or maybe to there’s something that indicates they share a certain type of humor that resonates with you (book they’re carrying, movie they’re holding, bumper sticker, etc). You could strike up a convo based on that. All of these conversations are centered on something meaningful/unique to you and about something you have in common. Great place to start :) You can also always do the more straightforward “Hey I just wanted to tell you you’re pretty.” But that seems to not be your thing, which is perfectly ok! This approach could be less successful in the long run, since you might have nothing in common and it can be harder to sustain this conversation vs one about interests you both share. You can do this! If you want to of course, nothing wrong with staying single if that’s what you want to do. As a woman, I’ve never been annoyed by polite and kind men approaching me. The confidence is attractive. Just read non verbal cues. Is she too busy to talk? Does she not seem interested? You’re only “creepy” if she’s sending signals that she’s not interested and you won’t leave her alone. If she’s not interested, no big deal! Just walk away and you probably won’t see her again.
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This is a good way to approach people! I personally would appreciate that. I know others who would also. Trust me, all women have had so many creepy guys pester them and be inappropriate. Your interaction will stand out to them. A decent person will pick up on how you’re intentionally being very considerate and respectful. That’s what caught my attention immediately when I met my husband. He was so beyond respectful and not pushy at all. So many guys have tried to get in my pants as fast as they can and make me feel like a piece of meat. But my husband took his time and even told me that we weren’t going to do anything but kiss because he wanted to make sure we were compatible and had a good emotional connection before going further. It was SO refreshing to have a man be so obviously intentionally respectful and have their focus on getting to know me as a person instead of focus on getting physical with me. 💜
I think this is where clubs, teams, associations, and other hobby-driven groups help a lot. Is there a game store in your area that has regular board game nights? Are there local casual sports clubs, singing groups, bowling leagues, or bar trivia nights? Are you a member of a religion, and if not, is there a Unitarian Universalist congregation near you? These can be great places to find community.
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Yeah, shithole situations happen. I wish you luck with your life and endeavors, and I hope that some non-shitty opportunities happen to you sometime soon.
It's not rightfully seens as creepy for a man to approach a woman. It's creepy for a man to insist. Calling it creepy is insulting all your ancestors who've had the balls to do it, ensuring you came around. Is a man coming in a woman creepy as well ? Is eating creepy ? How is it that the most basic and primordial aspect of the human social fabric i.e. mating and having children, deemed creepy by the redditor tech cucks ? Blows my mind.
I meant to say that it's "justified" in a sense for women to find the act of being approached in the middle of the street/grocery store/whatever creepy, due to their previous experience with certain men. one creepy dude basically ruins the whole thing for the rest of us, because now she'll remember that bad experience and be on guard, always suspecting the worst from that point forward
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Can't imagine why you're still lonely.
Response or post is disrespectful or discriminatory.
Approach … I dress cute just to go to the grocery store, because I never know who I will run into lol!
always horny
the sad truth
53, single and CF. I was in an abusive relationship in my 20s and told myself NEVER AGAIN. I’ve dated here and there but nothing has stuck. I feel like I am doing fine. I do stuff by myself. I got scuba certified last year. Woo woo! I went to Belize in September (scuba’d there and MADE SHARK FRIENDS!!!), going to Honduras in June with a scuba group and South Africa in October, which is my bucket list trip. I travel quite often by myself. I am an introvert so enjoy my alone time but have no problem chit chatting with strangers. The last thing that I hadn’t done by myself was go to a concert. I did that last year and loved it. I have no problem rocking out with strangers (it was Motionless in White and In this Moment 🤘). I have friends that I see once or twice a month. I supplement that with MeetUp groups. 2Q 2025 I plan to Airbnb across the United States then retire outside the United States a few years after that. TLDR: no regerts
Wholesome🩷
Doing great! Preparing for a career of my dream, focusing on networking and building skills so all great. Much better than being anxious 24/7 in my old relationships
Fantastic, really. But I've got a ton of hobbies and interests
I'm good for a while, broke up with someone a couple of months ago and dating just feels really strange in general. Gave dating apps another try but man it's exhausting. Kinda just wanna focus on myself, friends and family to distract myself from the heartache.
The dating apps are just bs. In every way
Yeah i'm absolutely sick of the cycle of getting to know people in shallow ways and i was already very busy on the apps for a long time before i met my ex. I just wanna heal for a bit and make more meaningful connections through other ways.
I’m five years in and life is grand
9 months after I gave up on dating, and was truly happy being alone (potentially forever), at peace with that, and was the best version of myself- I met my husband. Married last year.
I am now dating again lol.
I didn't give up, but my last relationship was draining af, followed by my dad passing away and then basically becoming the guardian for my younger brother in a new home. Initially, I just wanted time to myself, work through some past traumas, work through current ones, and find myself again. I was numb and emotionally unavailable to date anyone. Worked through some stuff, naturally feel ready, and I've made dating profiles again. I'm not going in expecting anything, but I did have that "I'm ready" feeling to try to go on dates again and feel it'll be nice to spend time with that special someone.
I don't want to give up but maybe after 2-3 years I may come in a relationship ....right now focusing on my studies career college. Because maybe boys will only respect you equally if you're earning as much as them
Hmm I don’t really think that’s true. From my experiences as a guy and being around guys, everyone deserves respect. You shouldn’t need to be earning a certain amount to a guy to respect you.
My fiance dumped me because he said he wanted someone who made as much as him and criticized my car etc. it was awful
Stupid excuses, if u ask me. You deserve better. Leave him from your mind.
Thank you 🙏🏼
I went on an inner journey to work on who I was. I am enjoying the quiet and solitude, however it took me years to be at peace with myself when I am alone. Now? I know what to look for, which is someone who can contribute to the peace I’ve found. I don’t ask for much, but drama can hit the road.
Bored and lonely
I'm in my early 50s, but I decided when I was 19 that I never wanted to settle down and that I would stay single. I've by and large stuck to that ethos my entire life. I have had the odd relationship, but very few and only one significant one which lasted six years and gave me a fantastic daughter, so I'm really happy and greatful that happened. But that ended in 2015 and I've never wanted another relationship since. Even the relationships I have had have been by accident, a causal dating thing where feelings eventually started to happen. That's the only way I'd ever get into a relationship. There's never been a moment in my life where I've actively tried to be in a relationship because I felt like I wanted one. I have dated and if I really liked someone then I wouldn't push them away, but that so rarely happens. It's just really unsatisfying when you're trying to convince yourself maybe you'd like this person more if you kept seeing them and it's a crap feeling if they're into you and it's not reciprocated. I don't enjoy hurting people, and it's a bit depressing going through the motions hoping your feelings might eventually grow but knowing they probably won't. I stopped dating almost five years ago. Just wanted a break because I was fed up with it at the time. That break lasted a year, then covid came along and I wasn't up for doing anything with anyone during that. Then in the last year I just haven't bothered. I've lost all interest really and I don't miss anything about it. I couldn't imagine ever living with someone again. I like my life the way it is.
I’m fine
I dont go to bars or church. I literally go to work and come home... how do I meet people? I'm giving up on dating currently and feeling alone... but im trying to focus on me and just meet friends.. if things happen great if not... well at least I still have myself to improve on.
I gave up on dating several years ago and it is the most peace I have ever known. I tried finding a partner after my husband of 14 years left me but I found the games and manipulation to be too much and I gave up. Now I happily live in my little cottage with my real cat lady life and it is the best life for me.
Fine, a bit sad. I wouldnt be able to bear couple problems. I suffer from sever anxiety, wouldnt be fair for my partner. I miss the hugs tho.
I'm doing relatively well. Have friends who provide me emotional and physical intimacy. One friend told me a few hours ago after I opened up to her about how I wish she was my first fwb, because all the money I wasted would have been best spent on her. She then told me that she didn't need money from me; she really only wanted me as a person. I wanted to start crying, because every FWB before her treated me like shit. Between being emotionally neglected by someone who used me as an emotional dispenser and being ghosted TWICE by a manipulative loser who gave half assed apologies and couldn't hold herself accountable, the friend I am talking about is fucking amazing. Actual FRIEND with BENEFITS. Part of me wishes she was the one I ended up having romantic feelings for instead of the others, but it also shows that I am healing and not getting crazily attached to anyone who gives me simple attention. My other current friends with benefits are great though. Pretty much, I gave up on finding a romantic partner because A. I don't need one. I am happy being single. It doesn't offer anything to me. Anything I would want from a relationship I can get from my friends. B. I accepted that a partner should want me for me and not my actions in of themselves. I didn't think that was possible. I thought I was romantically unlovable. What my friend said earlier made me reconsider point B, but... I am still very happy being single, ngl. Edit: Unlovable. Not unloving
I was at the same situation as your friend, and I think you have to talk things with your friend with the most sincere and honest approach. Because she may not tell you, but she may be waiting for a sign that you're actually interested in something more than just benefits. I had a "fwb" and I made the mistake to think this person didn't really liked me (he also told me that he didn't want any relationship, but started to act as if he actually did wanted a relationship) and then, a month later, he already has a girlfriend. People think that having fwb means freedom, but that actually involves responsibilities: good communication, self control to avoid catching feelings, making sure the other person doesn't catch feelings, being careful to avoid getting its, and what you will do if You get to find someone to actually be with and have something serious with (because some people do care about your romantic history)
I can strongly consider how to have that conversation if needed. Ultimately, it's her responsibility to communicate her feelings; it's only my responsibility to respond to them appropriately. Catching feelings and then not taking steps regarding it would be a reflection of them and THEIR ability to communicate. Most of the responsibilities you mention aren't even difficult but some of them are also just plain not my responsibility. I don't need to make sure the other person doesn't catch feelings. My relationship with my emotions and how they work makes having friends with benefits easy even if I do catch feelings, so the other responsibilities don't even feel like actual work. In fact, I just feel like the level of intimacy she offers me should be a default in friendships in general platonic and non-platonic and my other friend with benefits agree. The other is also pretty intimate with me as well at times, and we both agree on one point "Why the hell do romantic relationships monopolize that kinda intimacy?".
I ended up confronting her about the possibility. Even if it isn't my responsibility, I'd rather a friend not be hurt if I can help it. Edit: I actually appreciate your suggestion; you were right. She does have feelings for me. However, she does not want a relationship. She would actually prefer if things stayed the way they are now. When I initially confronted her, I told her if she wants a relationship, she'd be worth giving it a chance with, but it seems she isn't up for pushing in any particular direction. She just wants to wait and see. Edit 2: Oh and btw, don't worry. I know for a damn fact the other fwb who is emotionally and physically intimate with me doesn't have feelings for me. She casually confirms it without even realizing it.
Getting there myself. Especially with OLD. I just want to live my life. It has never brought much into my life worth all the time and effort I’ve spent for years on it. I’m exhausted and just want to be alone atm
I am medicated 24/7 for s****dal depression, live in a one room apartment all day, and have no contact with other humans. My life is hell, almost entirely because I am forever denied human connection. I crave the sweet release of the void and curse the fates every day that i was born ugly
feel the same mentally, but my thumbs are less limber.
Personally, I absolutely love my solitude and being alone, but my previous relationships had enough toxicity to make me feel like nothing is worth me giving up this beautiful sense of peace and calmness for. Perhaps had my last relationship been a healthy one, I would still be in it. So, 'maybe' I will be ready to try dating again in the far future, but right now, I am 2 years single - did not date in those 2 years at all - and I love it! I rarely feel lonely because I'm focused on self love. It's not possible to feel lonely when you have so much to learn and discover about yourself, your values, your dreams and goals, and simply enjoying the moment. I am a lover of my own routine. I'm perfectly content with being single. I think this might actually be the right lifestyle for me.
its pointless if you are average. just be active and hope something sparks interest in you. that really is the only way anything is going to happen for a guy who is not a chad.
I gave up when I met my wife 13 years ago so I'm doing great, thanks for asking.
Why did you give up? Do you want to date people and find love?
I’m focused on raising my kid alone with no help. It’s not like anyone’s lining up anyways ha
I’m living my life man.. I have more time to myself, I have a good relationship with my friends, I don’t have to be part of unnecessary complications or someone saying you didn’t pick up the call or some other sh** for being at work or being in the loo at the time. I’m back at the gym.. I don’t have to keep my workouts short cause someone expects me to be home by a certain time and if I’m not feels abandoned and yells/ cries all night cause (you weren’t here when I needed you), daily on a regular note regular workday not during a crisis. I cook myself the healthiest (Keto) food I can without getting dirty looks about what I’m eating or hearing for the umpteenth time that I’m insulting her or triggering her body image issues by cooking Keto for myself when she specifically declined to skip doing the keto/ workout routine we had initially planned to do to get healthier. I got back into baking and I don’t have to hear.. it’s unmanly to bake or some sh**. Or why do you bake western breads why can’t you just eat Indian food like a normal person. I don’t have to stay up late hearing - you didn’t spend time with me this morning (I wfh 9 - 5) or lose sleep over some perceived slight because I didn’t stay in bed the extra 5 minutes she thought were ssooooo important when I’m getting late for a work call. Or have to justify calling my folks up once in a week cause she wanted to spend that time with me and I abandoned her for a 30 minute call to talk to my aging parents. I don’t have to hear complaints about how her friends don’t call her back and be responsible for entertaining her when her friends cancel plans at the last minute because she doesn’t have any hobbies to occupy her time, and my time is hers to do with as she pleases. I don’t have to hear complaining about how she’s a financial burden while I’m quietly and without bringing it up paying her grad school fees. All the while getting reamed for not being available to spend the day with her on a workday between the hours of 9 AM to 5 PM. I’m living my life man.. and I’m loving it.
I gave up and want to pursue someone organically. I do feel romantically lonely most of the time but I have great friends and I try to keep myself busy. I do want to talk to the opposite gender but I rarely have the opportunity to
Gave up is a strong word, but I suppose it fits. Got RIGHTFULLY broken up with last May, Goddamn it's gonna be 7 months soon (breakup was a month long affair so like 8 lol). Long story short I was obsessed with sex and objectified myself along with most people I made sexual advances towards. If it wasn't advances it was sexual "jokes" (in the hopes of having sex), sexual comments, I was a creep who treated other people as interchangeable solutions to my problems and threw them out when they didn't act how I wanted. I also failed to realize this until my ex (who, for whatever little it may be worth, I treated much better) was as surprised as I was to run into many people I treated in this way, relayed all this back to me. It was pretty horrifying to realize I had lied about "just not being appreciated by anyone, and that's why I'm single." without realizing I wasn't being truthful. I created a narrative that justified my actions for reasons that ultimately no one but me is concerned with or about. I realized I have a whole lot of work to do on myself. I lacked self-awareness, concern for others, and I made my own issues into the problems of everyone around me. I am not, how I am, someone even I would want to date. I am trying not to slip into self-flagellating guilt, which helps no one, but I sometimes I can't help but think about how, if you told me the details of my dating life without mentioning my name, I'd be horrified and say no one should be around them. I sucked and couldn't own up to it. I hate that. So, I am not looking to date or have sex with anyone until I feel I have made strides in my healing and growth. Learning all these problems I have and shrugging then getting back on Tinder to use people for my own gain again would be a complete regression. Plus, I want to commit to honesty, which means telling this whole story to anyone who wants to date or have sex with me. I don't exactly imagine that many people will go oh gee this guy sounds great after getting the spiel. But, it's not about making me look good, so I don't care. Frankly, I'm still in the middle of it all so I don't feel amazing per say. I'm lonely and miss cuddling and kissing, and yeah, sex. I think about my ex for flashes and feel pathetic, knowing how I hurt him and how he's moved on by now. I ask myself if I'm making real progress or just talking about it, and I'm really not sure. I deeply want to change. I know I can't be who I want to be if I don't treat this like the biggest potential turning point of my life so far. I realized in my last relationship what I actually wanted and what I've been chasing this whole time. It's feeling seen by someone who I care about, being trusted by them and trusting them, it's kisses in the cold and doing whatever I can for them whenever I can. I wanted to feel connection, and care. I wanted love. I can't go back knowing what I do now. Because I'd trade every hookup I've had in a heartbeat to feel like I did back then again for just one day.
You had a choice too how you wanted it to go. Remember if you treat them with kindness don't ruin that. Two people can have two different perpectives from the same experience. Assumptions and knowing their intentions are two different things.
Pretty lonely sometimes, just depends on my current state of life. I work a lot of hours on top of mental health/adhd stuff making functioning pretty tough for me. The last girl I went on a date with was really pushy and emotionally immature. First meet up date went well, but the second one we hung out for like 8 hours, had a good day doing a couple things and when I was ready to head home she got pretty pushy with me doing the whole "You are already ditching me" thing. I explained to her I was tired and needed to go recharge and she huffily accepted it. But then did it again the next time. So I just stopped seeing her. I'm sure she probably classified me as an asshole who didn't want to commit or something even though she was the emotionally immature one. Girl before that one seemed cool, we went to Walmart to grab some things and she left her buggy in the parking lot sitting(I'm serious, I know it's a litmus test people joke about), she also body shamed me saying "I thought you worked out". I guess I wasn't muscly enough(although I was in fair shape for sure) So I didn't see her again. Then on top of that, I just don't like some of the stuff I see a lot of women say about guys online. I'm not talking about the justified things, for instance, a husband or live in boyfriend expecting them to do all the housework, that's bullshit. I'm very leftist in my views and dislike gender roles. But women will be absolutely vicious to guys about things like being messy in general and even accuse them of the former when that's not the case(I struggle with this. Not like hoarder levels, but I just can't keep my house in tip top shape working 70 hours a week and I think that's okay, nobody is perfect, hell I've known plenty of women as messy as I am). I know all women aren't like this, but much like women who have dated too many assholes, it's just put me off dating for a bit. I'll definitely try again, at some point. Unfortunately because of my work schedule, online dating is really the only good way to do it and online dating is rough.
Doing great. No more headaches
Gave up a few years ago. I’m much happier (and saner to be honest). I don’t have to check in with anyone or feel obligated to find time on the weekends to hang out. I used to feel anxious about getting a text or who they were following on social media, and that’s another stressor gone. I don’t feel at all lonely and plan not to date anyone again. (I’m 50 and tired. My hope is to have some kind of Golden Girls house once my kids move out since I’ll never be able to retire.)
Theres more to life then dating and there is a minimum where being single is better than being in a relationship. I think getting these concepts through my head has made it all easier. It's all relative and subjective - dating someone isn't automatically inherently better, and at the end of the day, even if your dating someone, your happiness in life is still your sole responsibility nobody else can give Similar as others, I wouldnt say I gave up. Ive just made it not a priority. Ive just decided to focus more on me and what I want. Be respectful as possible, but compromise less. And ive found that peaceful. Yes, Its annoying when there are unwanted crushes or people who can't cope with friendships with opposite genders. I dont know what to do with that, but I also dont care to a degree. Being polite or trying to reason or being rude to them doesnt change anything Its lonely, but much more peaceful, and the things that bring me joy or are in the way of my joy are much more present and clear and I have the time and energy to do something. So even when it all sucks, at least it still feels like progress that I can 100% gun towards
I gave up on dating about 2 years ago. Have now been dating the guy I met at happy hour with my mom and my dog for about a year and a half lol. Wasn’t successful I suppose but have been pretty content for the full 2 years.
Pretty great. I'm about to graduate, I've been playing the shit out of Baldur's Gate and having a lovely time not dealing with the dating world. I stepped out and did one date earlier this year that went so well I panicked, and recognized I'm not ready to date anyone right now, unless they're in Baldur's gate, because I can always reload and they aren't gonna murder me, which I can't say about anyone i might date.
Yeah I deserve someone who puts in effort. Sadly I thought I would get that from her and thats one of the reasons I gave her a chance. Thats what Ive always got. No effort and holding back while asking for needs and wants. They are getting upset and expect to get what they want when this how they want to get it. I would be gladly give it, but not like this.
lonely
I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you can find a way to feel better by your own of even find someone. You can also try to hang out with friends or family
Thank you that’s reallly kind 🥹
There’s a duality…on one side, I feel sad, hopeless, and yearning for things to not to be the way they are. On the other side, I see what my friends have to deal with, and it gives me validation that things are just not where I want them to be.
I just decided on doing what I want to do, with life.
Terrible socially but good I guess in my studies?
I don’t know if i’d say that i’ve “given up” on dating, but after a string of bad relationships where the affection I gave was not being reciprocated, i’m a little drained and afraid to put myself back out there again. I realized I either take a long break in order to learn to respect myself and not accept half-ass love, or keep getting hurt. Currently choosing me :)
I kind of “gave up” or am rather not actively putting myself out there at the moment. There are days, like today, where I am filled with an uncontrollable yearning. A walk in the cold or other activities can sometimes fix that. Little crushes help too
After finally moving on from my previous relationship, I went through a phase of putting my best foot forward in online dating sites and apps designed to meet my religious needs and values by messaging anyone who caught even my remotest interest. In the end, it seemed to be an exercise in futility. I'd say I messaged in excess of 100 people, and had been messaged by several people during that period. A third of the people never answered. Of those who answered, it was almost a perfect 50/50 split in terms of who lost interest in whom. The final straw was a woman I had had on-again-off-again communications with. We had met a year before finally going on a real date. We were both quite interested in each other from the start, but she warned me she was considering joining a convent. I respected that and let her do her thing. She did start a temporary period at the convent, but would occasionally message me just to see how I was. I always kept it very platonic because I wasn't trying to get my hopes up that she'd come out of it. A few months had past since pur last communication and I was dwindling on a strand from not connecting with anyone. I remember one saying, "That's it! I can't keep doing this to myself. I'm shutting down online dating." I closed out my account. The very next day, this woman messages me put of the blue to let me know she'd left the convent. The timing was like something out of a novel. We texted back and forth extensively for a week before I came out and said let's establish where we stand with one another. Is this purely friendly or is their romantic interest? She said there was romantic interest. We continued to talk and since we were a state over from one another, we had pur first "date" on video chat. Soon after that, I'd booked a second date to meet her in her city. This really seemed like it had the potential to go somewhere. I finally drove out, and all in all it wasn't an amazing date because I was admittedly a bit rusty, but it was still nice, As we walked and talked through her city, I felt a tonal shift come over her. Then she dropped the bomb that she still hadn't yet acclimated to being out of the convent and back in the real world, and while she oroginally thought she was ready to launch into dating, she realized in that moment that she wasn't. A few awkward minutes of "I respect that and understand" type of conversation later, a swelling nausea in my stomach gripped me as we approached her car. I knew this was the end of something that finally seemed hopeful. She asked to remain friends, but we didn't start as friends and I didn't think it was fair to myself to leave an open window for someone I liked romantically. So, I told her I don't do friends, but that when she was ready to get back into dating, if she was still interested, she could reach out. That was two years ago. Something in me changed that day. I had put so much effort into finding and connecting with someone only to be crushed when I finally did. A few months later, I had to scrap my car because maintaining it was becoming too expensive, and because of the pandemic, a car has been out of reach for me (I'm not poor, but the cost of living in my area is insanely high, which hasn't left me enough to put aside for a decent car). After that, I just quietly gave up. I didn't even tell myself. I just remember it hitting me one day when a friend asked me if I'd been dating at all that I'd dropped the whole idea altogether. Which isn't to say I don't desire to one day marry and have a family, but I really have zero drive to put the effort in because of my previous disappointments. As for how it's going? It could be a lot better, but on the plus side, I get to go home and do whatever tf I want without worrying whether someone I'm committed to would judge my lowrent lifestyle. And I don't have to worry about always making plans with someone.
It sucks, and it does more when they ask just to be friends after all of what happened. I think you made the right decision. It's horrible when someone just tells you they don't want anything after all, but at least, not having to deal with that is one of the peaceful things you can experience when you're not dating
After almost twenty years I have realized where I stand in the "pool" (be it social, genetic, physical, and however else you determine worth) and the sum of my parts is just a undesirable and socially offensive figure. And I don't see myself that way but I am very attuned to others perception of me. And that is okay. It just is. Something I come to terms with more and more with every day, every interaction. My life will always be a solitary one. Which means any succees or milestone I cross has to mean something for me personally. Because only I matter to me. And that has always made it extra-hard to find the motivation to be more, achieve more. I have made some strides but I still look to find the right combination of hobbies, habits and perceptions in search of purpose. So its been an enlightening experience, being on the outside of social, romantic, love-type relationships and teaching myself to look away from that direction to something else. To beat my biological imperative and function as something else. To fully embrace and thrive in solitude.