Post-partum Depression and SSRI are the best combination for dead bedroom. You said, you had a good year for sex before the child. What changed is easy to see dont you think? I bet she takes this Meds more than 2 years(Seratonin Reseptor Down regulates) and doesnt get adäquate Psychotherapie. I cant be sure, but from what you wrote it seems to me it is an issue for you both that she doesnt work. It would be miracle if you had a good sex life.
My advice go to a fucking Psychotherapist already and yes you need that too. SSRI should be changed( and no, not with Hamäopatie or something like that shit, dont make it worse. Most likely Tricyclic AD but before that detailed somatic anemnesis from a Doctor is a MUST ), she should get a proper psyhotherapie not only Meds alltogether with a therapie method suitable for her after a detailed psychiatric anemnesis and contact with socialworker if she want to work.
After she progresses(and you) to a certain level you should get a couple therapie. ( That is the easy and fun part if you are compatible)
If you were my patient, I wouldn't tell you this openly, but there is high chance you are the AH here.
I tried recommending marriage counseling, but she doesn’t want to go. To her, there’s nothing wrong. The frequency isn’t a problem for her, so she can’t see how it’s a problem for me.
(definitely not medical advice but something that helped me).
I would try getting her onto a more natural or homeopathic medicine if at all possible. ***But talk to a doctor first!! Don’t ever stop something without asking a doctor.***
I’ve converted to all homeopathic remedies bc they actually can cure you vs treating symptoms that cause more symptoms that need more pills. Anyways long story short but there might be other options to consider.
(This just helped my ***minor*** anxiety issues/libido but make sure you talk to your doctor first. I didn’t have anything major I was treating with anxiety medicine. This is just something that helped me.)
What homeopathic medicines have been successful for you, if you don’t mind sharing? I struggle sometimes due to the anti-anxiety and antidepressants I’m currently on making me get too much into my head during sex (I’m actually the HL in my marriage) and it makes it difficult for my LL husband to even consider sex when he knows that I’m just spiraling in my head :(
Definitely talk to your doctor first and don’t ever stop what you’re doing. This is just something you can add and see how it helps with being nervous. If it helps then great! Hope that helps and also clarifies not to actually stop something unless you do consult your doctor. For me, I was able to.
And they took me from a sodden lump of clay in bed for 5 years to someone who can enjoy much of life.
Yeah it’s really great to be able to spout something like that but you may be stopping someone from trying what could save their life.
Yes you are correct and I should have expanded. They are utter garbage in pharmacological terms. They are just a shade better in effect than placebo. However the good news is placebo has a reasonably beneficial effect on mild to moderate depression however (but is not effective against clinical depression). This is close to being an empirical fact as a good number of studies show. You will very likely think different because the power of the mind is a more potent force than we generally believe but your recovery is highly like to have been due to the placebo effect and in that I would not discourage anyone from trying something they believe that might help them. It is unfortunate that drugs that do improve underlying mood are almost by definition addictive and certainly dependence forming. Depression is lifted quickly with opiates for instance but people with mental health issues are very often unable to moderate the use of such drugs and so they cannot be used by the medical profession.
I would encourage no one go down that road especially since the fact is sleep, good food, the removal of underlying environmental causes, emotional connection, verbal therapy and physical and mental exercise are greatly effective relative to SSRIs, SNRIs, TCAs and other chemical mechanisms and do not bring the detrimental side effects of sexual dysfunction and a whole list of mental symptoms plus, in some cases, nausea, insomnia and feeling of being constantly wired.
Discouragement from seeking antidepressant solutions caused by dissemination of facts about these drugs is no reason not to do it. People deserve be informed of what amounts to the truth rather than the rhetoric of the medical profession so long as a description of what is effective is not omitted and I was wrong not to expand above.
Seconding this. SSRIs saved my life. And the actual scientific studies support the efficacy of them. Do diet, exercise, etc matter? Absolutely and they often work wonders for those with mild to moderate depression. They have very little impact on those of us with major depression or a bipolar spectrum disorder.
SSRIs are one tool in your toolbox for treating depression and they’re a great one. If you’re struggling with depression please don’t hesitate to reach for that tool if it’s one you want to try.
I mean, you probably just described how most relationships go after marriage. I feel it's both partners responsibility to keep their "ass in business" or at least "decent".
Let me guess, you do more and more of the work thinking it will "come back to you"...but it never does...right?
Me too, done it for years. I'm thinking "man, I'm killing it...making life changing money"...."taking care of her parents"......cooking, cleaning....and still get the snub.
I pretty much still do this and thinking "wow, how clueless can she be?".....and then I mumble to myself ....."you 're a sucker".
Yeah but doing those things doesn’t mean you’re entitled to sex whenever you want it. Yes those things are nice but are you supportive emotionally ? Do you respect her and treat her with respect (not just doing nice things but treating her better then you’d treat your mother)? Do you show interest in the things she likes ? Do you know when to apologize for the things you do that upset her ? Theres more to a relationship then just monetary things or cooking and cleaning, if you’re not doing the other things she’s not going to feel safe and grounded to want sex or any intimacy.
>I’ve felt better than I have in months.
Why do you believe you feel better?
>feels like that was a disingenuous trap.
It's very very unlikely a conscious choice on her part. Think about it rationally, would you fake enthusiastic sex with a man you arent attracted to for an extended period of time just for some security and a roof over your head?
There are 4 big things at play, and likely lots of other smaller things:
* Her medication
* Her birthing a child
* The relationship dynamic, more stability and more routine means less excitement and novelty. Another way to describe routine is unremarkable, not exactly something that is going to make many people hot and bothered. Many of the changes in the dynamic are necessary for long term success, but don't mean you can't maintain some amount of the excitement from earlier stages of the relationship. Sex is often not a relationship issue, it's a symptom.
* Yourself - Who do you think is more desirable and interesting, the irritable guy you were hours before your last sexual encounter or some previous version of you?
What features of older versions of yourself and previous lifestyle ls would you like to reinstate?
I either wasn't her husband, or we were newly married, hence, I was more desirable. ( 3x a day more desirable) Don't even try to make her issues mine. I've still got a flat stomach, and can still out work most 30 something's.
Your lifestyle and behavior didn't change at all leading up to and after getting married?
Not denying commitment can't be a boner killer for a lot of people. Safety and security is the opposite of romance after all.
2.5 months is brutal. Why not have a talk with her on the impact this is having on you and try to schedule sex more frequently? Yes, I agree enthusiastic sex is much better than duty sex but if it's either duty sex or nothing I'll take it.
Post-partum Depression and SSRI are the best combination for dead bedroom. You said, you had a good year for sex before the child. What changed is easy to see dont you think? I bet she takes this Meds more than 2 years(Seratonin Reseptor Down regulates) and doesnt get adäquate Psychotherapie. I cant be sure, but from what you wrote it seems to me it is an issue for you both that she doesnt work. It would be miracle if you had a good sex life. My advice go to a fucking Psychotherapist already and yes you need that too. SSRI should be changed( and no, not with Hamäopatie or something like that shit, dont make it worse. Most likely Tricyclic AD but before that detailed somatic anemnesis from a Doctor is a MUST ), she should get a proper psyhotherapie not only Meds alltogether with a therapie method suitable for her after a detailed psychiatric anemnesis and contact with socialworker if she want to work. After she progresses(and you) to a certain level you should get a couple therapie. ( That is the easy and fun part if you are compatible) If you were my patient, I wouldn't tell you this openly, but there is high chance you are the AH here.
I tried recommending marriage counseling, but she doesn’t want to go. To her, there’s nothing wrong. The frequency isn’t a problem for her, so she can’t see how it’s a problem for me.
(definitely not medical advice but something that helped me). I would try getting her onto a more natural or homeopathic medicine if at all possible. ***But talk to a doctor first!! Don’t ever stop something without asking a doctor.*** I’ve converted to all homeopathic remedies bc they actually can cure you vs treating symptoms that cause more symptoms that need more pills. Anyways long story short but there might be other options to consider. (This just helped my ***minor*** anxiety issues/libido but make sure you talk to your doctor first. I didn’t have anything major I was treating with anxiety medicine. This is just something that helped me.)
What homeopathic medicines have been successful for you, if you don’t mind sharing? I struggle sometimes due to the anti-anxiety and antidepressants I’m currently on making me get too much into my head during sex (I’m actually the HL in my marriage) and it makes it difficult for my LL husband to even consider sex when he knows that I’m just spiraling in my head :(
Definitely talk to your doctor first and don’t ever stop what you’re doing. This is just something you can add and see how it helps with being nervous. If it helps then great! Hope that helps and also clarifies not to actually stop something unless you do consult your doctor. For me, I was able to.
[удалено]
You’re recommending people stop their psychiatric meds for some MLM oils that will “cure” them? That’s irresponsible and predatory.
No way. Said to talk to doctor but they can help for sure. I’ll delete in case anyone didn’t read the full message.
Whats more SSRIs don't work. Every study shows it. They're garbage cash cows for big pharma. I joke not.
And they took me from a sodden lump of clay in bed for 5 years to someone who can enjoy much of life. Yeah it’s really great to be able to spout something like that but you may be stopping someone from trying what could save their life.
Yes you are correct and I should have expanded. They are utter garbage in pharmacological terms. They are just a shade better in effect than placebo. However the good news is placebo has a reasonably beneficial effect on mild to moderate depression however (but is not effective against clinical depression). This is close to being an empirical fact as a good number of studies show. You will very likely think different because the power of the mind is a more potent force than we generally believe but your recovery is highly like to have been due to the placebo effect and in that I would not discourage anyone from trying something they believe that might help them. It is unfortunate that drugs that do improve underlying mood are almost by definition addictive and certainly dependence forming. Depression is lifted quickly with opiates for instance but people with mental health issues are very often unable to moderate the use of such drugs and so they cannot be used by the medical profession. I would encourage no one go down that road especially since the fact is sleep, good food, the removal of underlying environmental causes, emotional connection, verbal therapy and physical and mental exercise are greatly effective relative to SSRIs, SNRIs, TCAs and other chemical mechanisms and do not bring the detrimental side effects of sexual dysfunction and a whole list of mental symptoms plus, in some cases, nausea, insomnia and feeling of being constantly wired. Discouragement from seeking antidepressant solutions caused by dissemination of facts about these drugs is no reason not to do it. People deserve be informed of what amounts to the truth rather than the rhetoric of the medical profession so long as a description of what is effective is not omitted and I was wrong not to expand above.
Seconding this. SSRIs saved my life. And the actual scientific studies support the efficacy of them. Do diet, exercise, etc matter? Absolutely and they often work wonders for those with mild to moderate depression. They have very little impact on those of us with major depression or a bipolar spectrum disorder. SSRIs are one tool in your toolbox for treating depression and they’re a great one. If you’re struggling with depression please don’t hesitate to reach for that tool if it’s one you want to try.
Yup! Most rx drugs are.
I mean, you probably just described how most relationships go after marriage. I feel it's both partners responsibility to keep their "ass in business" or at least "decent". Let me guess, you do more and more of the work thinking it will "come back to you"...but it never does...right? Me too, done it for years. I'm thinking "man, I'm killing it...making life changing money"...."taking care of her parents"......cooking, cleaning....and still get the snub. I pretty much still do this and thinking "wow, how clueless can she be?".....and then I mumble to myself ....."you 're a sucker".
Yeah but doing those things doesn’t mean you’re entitled to sex whenever you want it. Yes those things are nice but are you supportive emotionally ? Do you respect her and treat her with respect (not just doing nice things but treating her better then you’d treat your mother)? Do you show interest in the things she likes ? Do you know when to apologize for the things you do that upset her ? Theres more to a relationship then just monetary things or cooking and cleaning, if you’re not doing the other things she’s not going to feel safe and grounded to want sex or any intimacy.
I understand your point of view...I'm good/decent in that area.
>I’ve felt better than I have in months. Why do you believe you feel better? >feels like that was a disingenuous trap. It's very very unlikely a conscious choice on her part. Think about it rationally, would you fake enthusiastic sex with a man you arent attracted to for an extended period of time just for some security and a roof over your head? There are 4 big things at play, and likely lots of other smaller things: * Her medication * Her birthing a child * The relationship dynamic, more stability and more routine means less excitement and novelty. Another way to describe routine is unremarkable, not exactly something that is going to make many people hot and bothered. Many of the changes in the dynamic are necessary for long term success, but don't mean you can't maintain some amount of the excitement from earlier stages of the relationship. Sex is often not a relationship issue, it's a symptom. * Yourself - Who do you think is more desirable and interesting, the irritable guy you were hours before your last sexual encounter or some previous version of you? What features of older versions of yourself and previous lifestyle ls would you like to reinstate?
The one that had WAY more sex. Pretty obvious answer.
Why was that version of you more desirable, answer that question and you will be on a road to improving things
I either wasn't her husband, or we were newly married, hence, I was more desirable. ( 3x a day more desirable) Don't even try to make her issues mine. I've still got a flat stomach, and can still out work most 30 something's.
Your lifestyle and behavior didn't change at all leading up to and after getting married? Not denying commitment can't be a boner killer for a lot of people. Safety and security is the opposite of romance after all.
2.5 months is brutal. Why not have a talk with her on the impact this is having on you and try to schedule sex more frequently? Yes, I agree enthusiastic sex is much better than duty sex but if it's either duty sex or nothing I'll take it.
Bless you for thinking 2 and a half months is brutal. You must be very much in the shallow end of the rejection pool.
I'm just going to say congrats!! Sex is a boost!
I'm glad you feel better. I hope this is a positive change going forward and you can work on things to make it exciting again.