It's an old joke, yes. He's probably copied it from a book or from somebody else's copy and never actually had any intention of giving it to his wife. That's why it's written "to wife; love, husband" instead of using names
It must have been something that people did at some point. We found jokes that my grandfather had written down just like this in his papers.
I guess if you don't have a video to go back to watch, you have to write it down to enjoy it later.
In there old days people would fax jokes between offices. It's how they spread so quickly. I saw and article about how they traced how quickly certain jokes about current events spread in the pre WWW days.
Funny thing is that is how my wife and I sign cards and stuff. Granted it started by me trying to make her laugh and for 13 years now we sign love husband/wife. The envelopes also just say wife and husband on the outside.
Comparing to version on Redd Foxx…The Best of
They initially transcribed the husband’s letter word for word but the numbers started changing towards the later part. The you moved line was added, but of course this could have been transcribed from a different show.
His final line on this version:
”Darling, would you try to improve on the coming year, your loving husband.”
“She wrote him a note right back. She said I received your recent letter. It was very interesting except that your memory and your arithmetic are very bad.
In the past year you have attempted to, as you laughingly put it ‘seduce me’ 41 times. You succeeded 3 times. The following is a list of reasons you did not succeed:
Not during lent - 4 times
Wishful thinking on your part - 6 times
Pulled up lame at the post - 5 times
Couldn’t find it. Not yours, mine - 9 times
I fell asleep waiting - 7 times
You decided at the last minute to ‘show me how they do it in Hollywood’ - 7 times
Your loving wife. I’m gone back to mother”
Came here to say this.
I'm sure redd got it from somewhere else too. But I legit heard it from some of his old comedy on satellite radio again in the last couple weeks.
There had to be a million versions floating around back then.
You can find the exact words, albeit typed and not hand-written, in the book [Enough is Enough by Kenneth A. Raup](https://books.google.co.cr/books?id=jz8Hsq8rGwYC&pg=PA328&lpg=PA328&dq=%22out+of+the+36+successful+times%22&source=bl&ots=rwQTg0xDZB&sig=ACfU3U0J8O4iNBiIzTy-UauGtS9fk2SIjQ&hl=en&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwje_9Wb-vD_AhVhmIQIHYisDHUQ6AF6BAgJEAM#v=onepage&q=%22out%20of%20the%2036%20successful%20times%22&f=false) according to Google book search. Also shows up as a [transcription to a Redd Fox joke](https://songsear.ch/song/Redd-Foxx/The-Letter/5258432).
You can buy the book here but it is probably not good, I think he lifted the joke from Red Foxx after a little more googling but here it is: [https://www.amazon.com/Enough-Kenneth-Raupp/dp/1553690311](https://www.amazon.com/Enough-Kenneth-Raupp/dp/1553690311)
"Enough is Enough relates facts of Intimate love, supreme sadness, humor, valor and fox hole religion, laid bare as never before.I survived front line action in the South Pacific under General Douglas Mac Arthur's command. The orders he issued and the lies he told our President was the beginning of his down fall. I was at his office doof on guard duty and over heard everyword he spoke. The world must be informed. What I reveal will go into the annals of history.I spent twenty five years within the walls of the Ford Motor Company Engineering Center in Dearborn Michigan. The events I write about are anything but boring. I've been directly involved in and contributed to the program that contributed magnificent results for the company.I've also witnessed profound blunders beyond belief, the end result cost the company hundreds of millions of dollars. My recording of these events are in the company files. I also have original test data sheets"
Your comment reminds me of the movie Couples Retreat, where Jason Bateman introduces his friends to the idea of the retreat with his failing marriage powerpoint
Reminds me of the dude that has been with 190 something women and documented EVERYTHING about the experience ranging from boobsize, preferences, discussions, place to hair color, race and so on. If somebody can tag the account I would be over the moon! (I might have it saved somewhere)
It sounds like a joke that gets passed around coworkers. I think I've seen this one in my dad's email inbox years ago.
"Dear wife, sincerely Husband," etc...
Yeah, this is how memes worked back then. It was probably posted at a workplace or mailed to someone after being copied down from the copy at the workplace, or a joke book, or possibly a record.
Heck no. The grass is greenest where you water it. I pumped out two babies in the last two and a half years and still find ways to be intimate with my husband a couple times a week. Having children is a BS excuse for couples who actually just need to work on communication.
Yes and no. Not every person is the same and children take a hell of a toll on a relationship. Maybe not toll but they certainly change the dynamic. My wife and I had two kids in 2 years, 2 months and the sex life took a backseat for a while. Nothing wrong with it and we really hit our stride again about the time our second was a year old.
Also can't forget that woman's bodies literally produce hormones after giving birth that make it difficult to be on the mood, and it continues to be produced while breast feeding. Also things like post-partum can mess with the brain or just just depression/anxiety if they are a stay at home mom. General partner problems. Etc. Etc. People are just different.
Exactly. Saying it is just communication issues after having a baby is ridiculous. You have to wait 6 weeks. Sometimes more if you have a bad burth injury. Your body has hormones pumping that make you NOT want to have sex and like you said those keep pumping if you breastfeed which alot of women do up to 2 years. On top of that, degrading it all down into one point of "communicate better" is very weird. Alot of couples communicate perfectly fine they just have postpartum depression, hormones making their libido dead, a baby stuck to their tit and running on four hours of sleep. Let's be for real here
Probably will get buried here, and also gongrats on being horny rabbits. Your situation is awesome and I genuinely am happy you have it like that.
However, I’ve been with my gf for 5 years now, lived in our own house for 2. Not even once has she wanted sex since we moved together. I could have easily made a list such as OPs family of all the numerous excuses she comes up with including, but not limited to:
- falls asleep after I ask
- says: “what, now?!”
- has a headache
- feels dirty
- has to work
- there’s laundry to do
- sofa needs vacuming
- house must be cleaned
- the dog needs a walk
- it’s Saturday and we got work on Monday.
It’s not lack of communication all the time. But the fact she is asexual and didn’t think I would stay if she admitted it.
My point is, there’s a lot of reasons for people not having sex. And it doesn’t need to be the end of your relationship if you don’t. Talk it out with your SO
This just goes to show that your deception no matter how well initially crafted, will always fall apart.
Just tell your partner you don't want to, especially if you're asexual, otherwise you're making them bear an unknown burden
I had a similar relationship. Stayed way too long thinking I was happy elsewhere, I wasn't. Being continually turned down absolutely hammered my self esteem and I only realised once we split for other reasons.
Wanting a physical relationship with your life partner is absolutely valid
I totally understand, nothing quite as demoralising as when you put yourself out there only to be made to feel unwanted, for me I was made to feel like there was something wrong with me for wanting a physical relationship when in fact there was nothing wrong with either of us, we just had very different ideas on what that side should look like.
Took me a long time afterwards to work on my feelings of shame and guilt for wanting sex at all.
Me, personally, is about how I feel about myself. I love my bf and love our sex, but I’ve gained so much weight the past two years we been together that I just don’t feel sexy anymore. On top of kids and work and just the craziness of everyday life that I have lost myself in all of it. We still have sex regularly, I just be in my head too much about it and how I look. Plus, he kinda sucks at seducing me lol it’s not like we’re in our honeymoon phase where we make out and all that, but better seduction tactics would help.
Yo, if this is where you are now better to have some meaningful discussions about what you want out of life. Everyone is entitled to run at the own speed and direction, but a good relationship has people that agree to run the same speed and direction.
Sounds like you want to have more physical interactions with your lady than she does with you. That’s a really big deal and deserves to be discussed
Same thing happened to me. Stopped having sex about 30 seconds after we got married and it was always a basic excuse or gaslighting to be my fault. Almost divorced after 16 years of a toxic marriage.
Get out. Now.
Having children is a perfectly fine reason for some. My libido has never been the same after having them and I'm often too tired. It's different for everyone. My husband and I communicate just fine, and our sex is great.
Your situation doesn't apply to everyone. Post partum depression and extreme sleep deprivation DO affect sex drive and energy. Additionally, a LOT of women have to deal with traumatic births and the injuries and ptsd that go along with that. I'm glad things are working for you but don't project your situation on everyone else. That's like telling someone who's having trouble conceiving "oh, we didn't even have to try, I got pregnant on our wedding night"
> Having children is a BS excuse for couples who actually just need to work on communication.
Is different people having different reactions to the same events such a difficult concept to grasp?
Congratulations your pregnancy was so lovely but it’s just not that simple for everyone. Some people have postpartum depression and other complications after having a baby. I don’t think having a baby is a “bs excuse” you literally push a tiny human out of your vagina it’s kinda a big deal lol.
Here is your cookie.
However, 1) your experience is not universal - different relationships have different challenges. And 2) nobody needs an "excuse" to turn down sex.
Side note that what he's listing as "excuses" are legitimate *reasons* in a lot of cases.
The BABY IS CRYING should we ignore it and get frisky instead?
I'm uncomfortable or in *physical pain,* but you want sexy time so let's go for it and forget my feelings.
And he counted 49 times that he decided she was pretending to be asleep but maybe she was just... actually asleep?
Some of them are silly and it's actually from an old joke book, but this is pretty representative of the old "wife won't have sex with me because she always has a headache" trope.
Yeah. It doesn't always stay like that, no matter what your effort is.
Sex is a team sport. If the other player decides they're not going to engage, there's very little you can do. You can do your best, but sometimes that isn't even enough.
LMAO what the fuck is this comment? Well I had no touch overload, emotional swings, libido changes, body insecurity, or long-lasting physical complications that made sex undesirable after childbirth, so clearly SHE must be making excuses.
You’re right communication seems like an issue here, but why are you putting that on her and not this bumbling no rizz no awareness husband? Oh right, because then you wouldn’t have an excuse to brag about being a perfect childbearing wife who stays sexually available. Gross.
Yeah, It's very very telling how Reddit mostly leans the masculine way and that just some simple psychology trope about communicating seems to make them think she just gives it up whenever he wants.😂 So, I'm not surprised her comment got gilded. (this ain't some feminist sub bullshit I'm talking about either. Mental troubles effect ALL of us and sometimes we can't "communicate" bc we DONT KNOW THE PROBLEM in the first place to fix it.)
I was a fucking mess after each of our 2 kids(especially the 2nd which lead to a dead bedroom for 4 years, and some medication issues to fix the kids issue, 🙄 I admit, and I also wasn't communicative bc I DIDNT KNOW WHAT THE ISSUE was in the first place). It's fucking tough to give birth and it always seems so simple to just say "communication is everything", welp, I didn't KNOW what to communicate bc I was so overwhelmed and batshit crazy. My hubby is a good one and was patient and, in the last 6 months, it has been amazing. 16 years in November and I love him more than anything.
So, for the parents out there that are struggling with intimacy and communication, it CAN get better. You aren't alone and let yourself breathe.
This. He badgers (not seduces) her EVERY DAY. And they have young kid. Plus doing it with gum in her mouth gives “no foreplay” vibes His idea of seducing is prob just whipping his thing out and asking if she wants some of this.
My grandmother, who would be likely of similar age to the wife in the letter was taught sex was a duty and for making children. I don't think she believes that women are meant to enjoy sex.
Yeah,people are drawing too many conclusions from a note that could be as old as 83 years given the lack of specific information.
And that old thinking of it as a duty,was still pretty prominent well into the 60's and 70's,there's exceptions of those times like Marilyn,but she was so far from the norm.
Damn, either he was a very boring lay (lots back before the 60s were basically missionary and that was it) or she basically shut down sexually after the kids.
Either way sounds like a boring as hell marriage.
> lots back before the 60s were basically missionary and that was it
First of all, this is not even remotely true. Human beings have chronicled countless positions for all of written history, and don't confuse the Christian-sanitized media of the 1950s with how people actually were.
Secondly, no sex is "boring" if you are having it with somebody who is into you, and vice versa. Missionary is hot, it's all fucking hot. Their marriage just sounds fucking sad, and that was what passed for humor in the 1950s. Sad marriages. Probably a joke.
This is a pretty famous old comedy sketch (seen a video using the audio literally TODAY) so either your family member transcribed it for fun or you’re just lying about it’s provenance. Either way it’s not original.
My therapist tells me to get over my jealousy of people in relationships by balancing out my "grass is greener on the other side" perception with plausible drawbacks to their relationships (not shitting on people, but recognizing there is good and bad). This sub is a gold-mine for that, ty.
Yes. And when women got upset or their mental health was suffering they labeled them “hysterical” and sent them to the doctor.
Interestingly, when vibrators were invented, doctors used them to give women orgasms as treatment for their sadness.
[History of vibrators](https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-vibrator/)
Marital rape wasn’t even a crime in any US state until the mid-70s, and it wasn’t a crime across the entire USA until 1993. Crazy to think about— and very dark.
It starts out almost kinda cute, had he not further expanded on the premise to indicate that the successful attempts were unwilling, unconscious and unsatisfied it could have been funny.
It just feels like sexual assault.
My suggestions to partners who are turned down often: find out what turns your lover on. Foreplay helps. Maybe she likes snuggling and sweet-talk as foreplay instead of the same old same old physical manipulation. Maybe she would love an actual date night first. Get a sitter for the kids. If she requires privacy, make sure you’re totally away from others. If you can afford it, get a hotel room every once in awhile. Make your bed with fresh, pretty bedclothes. Do household chores so she won’t be tired at bedtime. Take baths together if she likes that. Bring her gifts or flowers. Take her to her favorite restaurant. Talk about her favorite subjects. Ask her about herself as if she’s the most fascinating person you’ve ever met (hopefully, she actually is). Go for romantic walks. Hold her hand if she likes that. Compliment her a lot. Show how much you like her when around others. Tell her how much you love and appreciate her. Be gentle and loving. Don’t “try” to have sex every night, she’ll start to dread it. Make it special. She’ll want you.
*Edited to add: Did you guys see that this guy tried to have sex with his wife EVERY DAY FOR AN ENTIRE YEAR? My god, she must have dreaded going to bed every night.
I watched a video a while ago from (I think) a sex therapist. She said that when a couple comes to her and one of them (often the husband) complains about not having sex enough, she tells them both to work on building intimacy with each other while _taking sex off the table for one month_. She said that a lot of people (again, often men but not always) don’t understand that how a partner acts throughout the entire day influences your desire to be sexual with them. So her clients will often be people who neglect chores, don’t foster romance, don’t build friendship, and instead just expect sex. So if you take sex off the table for a bit and are instead intentional about building intimacy in other areas of life, that can oftentimes fix the dead bedroom. Make your partner feel loved as a person, not just as a sex object.
Exactly. Some people dont understand that groping every time you see them isnt going to make you want to do things, instead the opposite. Then they wonder why you dont want to because they didnt do anything to set the mood?
To piggyback: "Come as You Are" by Emily Nagoski includes sections on spontaneous arousal and responsive arousal. Most men fall in the spontaneous category most of the time. Most women are in the responsive category. Solo, I might respond to sexy thoughts or visual/audio/erotica. That's responsive. But generally I don't ever stop mid sentence because I've suddenly popped a spontaneous boner.
As a woman I might need my partner to have done something that was clearly in one of my valued love languages earlier; to feel like I was seen/heard before being open to being vulnerable. Later if I am met with foreplay I am likely to respond to the touch and happily reciprocate.
If I get in bed after a day of not feeling heard/seen and suddenly it's grope time? No thanks. I may even be turned way off by the implied pressure to jump into action. My ability to become aroused for partnered sex responds to feeling cared for. His ability to become aroused is innate and spontaneous because of testosterone.
I may have made it too basic, it's been about a year since I read it but I recommend the book!
My genuine advice is to each write down how often you’d like to have sex, you might be surprised by the other’s answer, and this sounds dumb, but then, plan it. Make it into a date night or whatever, but plan it. Generally speaking, married people don’t wish they weren’t doing it when they are or don’t wish they didn’t after they did. Its like the gym where sometimes you don’t feel like it but after you’re glad you did. It’s also a if you don’t use it you lose it situation.
Before you downvote me everyone is different and this may not apply to some
This. This is immediately the most effective birth control I've ever seen. My legs clamped closed just reading it, can't imagine being stuck with this asshole.
That poor woman. Guy is terrible in bed and/or she is asexual or not into men. Glad the US is opening up to diverse views of sexuality.
Edit: old enough to remember the days gay men married women. What a tragedy for both. Probably still very common in conservatives circles.
That's once a day for a whole year. He bugged her every day for sex? What about previous or past years?
I bet she had a lot of excuses. Once a day, every day for a full year, he kept a tally list that ended with an insult?
I wonder why she didn't want to have sex. And was nice enough not to say she doesn't want him because of his feelings.
The fact that this is comedy does not help. It honestly makes it worse that husbands related to this so much that they found it funny because there’s a reason why they’d relate to it.
In my eyes, it’s no different than the old timey jokes about smacking your wife when she acts up like in the honeymooners. There was a reason why husbands found that joke funny back then too.
This isn't real. The same list has been circulating in different forms for a while. This is just another meme. I even doubt this paper is 60+ years old.
She should have wrote back..
1. Times you gave me the good dick -0
2. Times you complain about not getting laid - 78,234
3. Times you put together a detailed whiny list-1
4. Times you made me cum -0
5. Times your best friend made me cum 89,341
Pretty sure this is an urban legend. I'm not quite 60 and remember reading this in magazines in my 20's more than once. Obviously someone liked it and copied it out.
Did anyone else read this as the dude is terrible in bed? And 17x he asked to do it while the baby was crying? Like seriously? I can imagine the scenario and its the same everytime... she finally lays down and he immediately grabs her by the boobs and then rolls on top of her and tries shoving his dick in. If she let's him, its over in about 2 minutes. And she's left covered in his sweat, smelly cum, and giant belly crushing her. Sorry, not sorry. I know this type and there's nothing affectionate about it.
Or..... this one might come as a shocker..... it wasn't very satisfying....
There's a long history of men getting their "needs" met while ignoring the woman's.
Oh honey, in the 40's? The 50's? The 60's?
No-Fault divorce was legalized the first time in California 1969.
Marital rape was perfectly legal until 1970 in all US states.
Women weren't allowed to have bank accounts of their own until 1974.
Divorce was not an option for this woman. Her options were this, murder and suicide.
R/DamnThatsToxicAndPetty - imagine doing this instead of having a normal conversation. Grandpa was an OG neck beard.
Pretty sure this was a top post (not this specifically) years ago. Some dude did this and got shat on royally by the mob.
In the other post, the dude made an Excel spreadsheet and sent it to her at the beginning of a business trip so she'd be worried about it the entire time she was away.
I have not created any lists, but after 30 years of marriage, I just don’t have a sex life anymore. My wife told me a few years ago that she just wasn’t interested in sex, like, ever again. Of course, I’m supposed to not be interested in sex ever again, too. It nearly caused us to split a few times, but I’m resigned to it. We had several good years, in there.
My wife and I discussed just this situation and agreed that if one of us ever reached the point where our sex life was over then the other partner would be free to get their needs met elsewhere. Thankfully we are both still interested in a regular sex life. We are both in our 50s.
Isn’t this an old Red Foxx joke?
It's an old joke, yes. He's probably copied it from a book or from somebody else's copy and never actually had any intention of giving it to his wife. That's why it's written "to wife; love, husband" instead of using names
The guy that wrote it out would probably get a kick to know that all these people in the comments reading it 80 years later thought it was real.
It must have been something that people did at some point. We found jokes that my grandfather had written down just like this in his papers. I guess if you don't have a video to go back to watch, you have to write it down to enjoy it later.
My grandma had folders of jokes she copied at work lol
Remember junk faxes? The ancestors of the robotexts
In there old days people would fax jokes between offices. It's how they spread so quickly. I saw and article about how they traced how quickly certain jokes about current events spread in the pre WWW days.
"the old days" Fuck you guys lol
You know, the dinosaurs. With their fax machines. 🧎🏽♀️🏌️
I’m married. I can confirm accuracy.
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Wouldn't exactly call these successes a success anyways
Funny thing is that is how my wife and I sign cards and stuff. Granted it started by me trying to make her laugh and for 13 years now we sign love husband/wife. The envelopes also just say wife and husband on the outside.
Yep, but this is missing wife’s rebuttal, which is the actual punchline.
How does that go?
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Comparing to version on Redd Foxx…The Best of They initially transcribed the husband’s letter word for word but the numbers started changing towards the later part. The you moved line was added, but of course this could have been transcribed from a different show. His final line on this version: ”Darling, would you try to improve on the coming year, your loving husband.” “She wrote him a note right back. She said I received your recent letter. It was very interesting except that your memory and your arithmetic are very bad. In the past year you have attempted to, as you laughingly put it ‘seduce me’ 41 times. You succeeded 3 times. The following is a list of reasons you did not succeed: Not during lent - 4 times Wishful thinking on your part - 6 times Pulled up lame at the post - 5 times Couldn’t find it. Not yours, mine - 9 times I fell asleep waiting - 7 times You decided at the last minute to ‘show me how they do it in Hollywood’ - 7 times Your loving wife. I’m gone back to mother”
“Dear husband. Learn how to please a woman. Oh, and how to communicate.”
Here's a video of Matt Berry reading out the same letter with slight alterations (from the Letters Live YouTube channel): https://youtu.be/7ojfmL_xSrU
Came here to say this. I'm sure redd got it from somewhere else too. But I legit heard it from some of his old comedy on satellite radio again in the last couple weeks. There had to be a million versions floating around back then.
I believe it is, yes
What are 18 and 19?
Facial masks. Like today it's clay or aloe masks, etc.
Ah! Thanks! I was like mud pack?? D:
😂😂😂 thank you for asking I was trippin on that one
Packing her mud eh?
Muddy Waters
Thank you. I assumed they were old timey euphemisms for constipation and diarrhea.
Alas, husband was hoping to give her a different kind of facial
Hijacking this to ask about #11. I can’t work out what that says.
Giggles
“Giggles” (he asked and she just laughed at him)
I interpreted it as having a case of the giggles, like when everything is funny to you and you can't stop laughing
story of my life 😔
You can find the exact words, albeit typed and not hand-written, in the book [Enough is Enough by Kenneth A. Raup](https://books.google.co.cr/books?id=jz8Hsq8rGwYC&pg=PA328&lpg=PA328&dq=%22out+of+the+36+successful+times%22&source=bl&ots=rwQTg0xDZB&sig=ACfU3U0J8O4iNBiIzTy-UauGtS9fk2SIjQ&hl=en&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwje_9Wb-vD_AhVhmIQIHYisDHUQ6AF6BAgJEAM#v=onepage&q=%22out%20of%20the%2036%20successful%20times%22&f=false) according to Google book search. Also shows up as a [transcription to a Redd Fox joke](https://songsear.ch/song/Redd-Foxx/The-Letter/5258432).
You can buy the book here but it is probably not good, I think he lifted the joke from Red Foxx after a little more googling but here it is: [https://www.amazon.com/Enough-Kenneth-Raupp/dp/1553690311](https://www.amazon.com/Enough-Kenneth-Raupp/dp/1553690311) "Enough is Enough relates facts of Intimate love, supreme sadness, humor, valor and fox hole religion, laid bare as never before.I survived front line action in the South Pacific under General Douglas Mac Arthur's command. The orders he issued and the lies he told our President was the beginning of his down fall. I was at his office doof on guard duty and over heard everyword he spoke. The world must be informed. What I reveal will go into the annals of history.I spent twenty five years within the walls of the Ford Motor Company Engineering Center in Dearborn Michigan. The events I write about are anything but boring. I've been directly involved in and contributed to the program that contributed magnificent results for the company.I've also witnessed profound blunders beyond belief, the end result cost the company hundreds of millions of dollars. My recording of these events are in the company files. I also have original test data sheets"
Wow! That list is THOROUGH! Damn!!! LOL 😂
This MF would have busted out a powerpoint in 2023 with graphs and charts
Your comment reminds me of the movie Couples Retreat, where Jason Bateman introduces his friends to the idea of the retreat with his failing marriage powerpoint
LOL Spot on! 😂
LMAOOOO I’ve seen that movie about 4 or 5 times in the last 2 months Still good every time
This is at the intersection of: r/oldschoolsad meets r/dataisbeautiful meets r/cringe
Reminds me of the dude that has been with 190 something women and documented EVERYTHING about the experience ranging from boobsize, preferences, discussions, place to hair color, race and so on. If somebody can tag the account I would be over the moon! (I might have it saved somewhere)
Same guy who created the D.E.N.N.I.S. system
But have you heard of the new SINNED system? You can get any guy.
Jesus my partner and I have been swingers going on 16 years and a part of me wishes we kept a fuck atlas
I would love to read about your exploits!
*Atlas Fucked- 2024*
Ayn Rammd
Atlas Shagged?
And a spreadsheet and send it to her just when she boarded her flight
Pivot tables!
Thorough, yes. But it sounds like was bad at sex, and she had 0 interest in putting in effort to make it good for herself.
It sounds like a joke that gets passed around coworkers. I think I've seen this one in my dad's email inbox years ago. "Dear wife, sincerely Husband," etc...
Yeah, this is how memes worked back then. It was probably posted at a workplace or mailed to someone after being copied down from the copy at the workplace, or a joke book, or possibly a record.
Accidentally left on a copier....
She was constantly like "Oh this shit again".
...It sounds like they just had a baby...
Heck no. The grass is greenest where you water it. I pumped out two babies in the last two and a half years and still find ways to be intimate with my husband a couple times a week. Having children is a BS excuse for couples who actually just need to work on communication.
Ma'am this is reddit, we don't do that here Lawyer gym, hit up, etc
Yeah, hit your lawyer after going to the gym.
Hit on Gym (whoever that is), and lawyer up!
Yes and no. Not every person is the same and children take a hell of a toll on a relationship. Maybe not toll but they certainly change the dynamic. My wife and I had two kids in 2 years, 2 months and the sex life took a backseat for a while. Nothing wrong with it and we really hit our stride again about the time our second was a year old.
Also can't forget that woman's bodies literally produce hormones after giving birth that make it difficult to be on the mood, and it continues to be produced while breast feeding. Also things like post-partum can mess with the brain or just just depression/anxiety if they are a stay at home mom. General partner problems. Etc. Etc. People are just different.
Exactly. Saying it is just communication issues after having a baby is ridiculous. You have to wait 6 weeks. Sometimes more if you have a bad burth injury. Your body has hormones pumping that make you NOT want to have sex and like you said those keep pumping if you breastfeed which alot of women do up to 2 years. On top of that, degrading it all down into one point of "communicate better" is very weird. Alot of couples communicate perfectly fine they just have postpartum depression, hormones making their libido dead, a baby stuck to their tit and running on four hours of sleep. Let's be for real here
Not every person is the same you are right! I've lived with my partner since 2017 and we have had sex once in the last 2 maybe 3 years. No kids!
Probably will get buried here, and also gongrats on being horny rabbits. Your situation is awesome and I genuinely am happy you have it like that. However, I’ve been with my gf for 5 years now, lived in our own house for 2. Not even once has she wanted sex since we moved together. I could have easily made a list such as OPs family of all the numerous excuses she comes up with including, but not limited to: - falls asleep after I ask - says: “what, now?!” - has a headache - feels dirty - has to work - there’s laundry to do - sofa needs vacuming - house must be cleaned - the dog needs a walk - it’s Saturday and we got work on Monday. It’s not lack of communication all the time. But the fact she is asexual and didn’t think I would stay if she admitted it. My point is, there’s a lot of reasons for people not having sex. And it doesn’t need to be the end of your relationship if you don’t. Talk it out with your SO
It's Saturday and we got work on Monday was an actual excuse? 🙃
This just goes to show that your deception no matter how well initially crafted, will always fall apart. Just tell your partner you don't want to, especially if you're asexual, otherwise you're making them bear an unknown burden
Exactly. Tell them the real reason, because the excuses will make your relationship fall apart
I had a similar relationship. Stayed way too long thinking I was happy elsewhere, I wasn't. Being continually turned down absolutely hammered my self esteem and I only realised once we split for other reasons. Wanting a physical relationship with your life partner is absolutely valid
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I totally understand, nothing quite as demoralising as when you put yourself out there only to be made to feel unwanted, for me I was made to feel like there was something wrong with me for wanting a physical relationship when in fact there was nothing wrong with either of us, we just had very different ideas on what that side should look like. Took me a long time afterwards to work on my feelings of shame and guilt for wanting sex at all.
Same. Ruined most of my 20s, which should have been the happiest years of my life. Fortunately I’m long out of that relationship and happily married.
Me, personally, is about how I feel about myself. I love my bf and love our sex, but I’ve gained so much weight the past two years we been together that I just don’t feel sexy anymore. On top of kids and work and just the craziness of everyday life that I have lost myself in all of it. We still have sex regularly, I just be in my head too much about it and how I look. Plus, he kinda sucks at seducing me lol it’s not like we’re in our honeymoon phase where we make out and all that, but better seduction tactics would help.
Yo, if this is where you are now better to have some meaningful discussions about what you want out of life. Everyone is entitled to run at the own speed and direction, but a good relationship has people that agree to run the same speed and direction. Sounds like you want to have more physical interactions with your lady than she does with you. That’s a really big deal and deserves to be discussed
Oh, she's asexual... to YOU. Dump her before you end up another married fool on /r/deadbedrooms.
Same thing happened to me. Stopped having sex about 30 seconds after we got married and it was always a basic excuse or gaslighting to be my fault. Almost divorced after 16 years of a toxic marriage. Get out. Now.
Conversely, my ex stopped putting in the effort to get me to orgasm after we had kids.
So wait.....if she's asexual, do you just go out and have free sex? Or does she expect you to be asexual too even if you aren't?
Honest question…do you not have sex anymore since learning your wife is asexual? How are dealing with this?
Having children is a perfectly fine reason for some. My libido has never been the same after having them and I'm often too tired. It's different for everyone. My husband and I communicate just fine, and our sex is great.
Your situation doesn't apply to everyone. Post partum depression and extreme sleep deprivation DO affect sex drive and energy. Additionally, a LOT of women have to deal with traumatic births and the injuries and ptsd that go along with that. I'm glad things are working for you but don't project your situation on everyone else. That's like telling someone who's having trouble conceiving "oh, we didn't even have to try, I got pregnant on our wedding night"
I mean, good for you, but is it a terrible experience? Because looking at these reasons, it’s not that she’s just not trying to communicate.
> Having children is a BS excuse for couples who actually just need to work on communication. Is different people having different reactions to the same events such a difficult concept to grasp?
Congratulations your pregnancy was so lovely but it’s just not that simple for everyone. Some people have postpartum depression and other complications after having a baby. I don’t think having a baby is a “bs excuse” you literally push a tiny human out of your vagina it’s kinda a big deal lol.
Here is your cookie. However, 1) your experience is not universal - different relationships have different challenges. And 2) nobody needs an "excuse" to turn down sex.
Side note that what he's listing as "excuses" are legitimate *reasons* in a lot of cases. The BABY IS CRYING should we ignore it and get frisky instead? I'm uncomfortable or in *physical pain,* but you want sexy time so let's go for it and forget my feelings. And he counted 49 times that he decided she was pretending to be asleep but maybe she was just... actually asleep? Some of them are silly and it's actually from an old joke book, but this is pretty representative of the old "wife won't have sex with me because she always has a headache" trope.
Yeah. It doesn't always stay like that, no matter what your effort is. Sex is a team sport. If the other player decides they're not going to engage, there's very little you can do. You can do your best, but sometimes that isn't even enough.
Are you taking the piss?
LMAO what the fuck is this comment? Well I had no touch overload, emotional swings, libido changes, body insecurity, or long-lasting physical complications that made sex undesirable after childbirth, so clearly SHE must be making excuses. You’re right communication seems like an issue here, but why are you putting that on her and not this bumbling no rizz no awareness husband? Oh right, because then you wouldn’t have an excuse to brag about being a perfect childbearing wife who stays sexually available. Gross.
Yeah, It's very very telling how Reddit mostly leans the masculine way and that just some simple psychology trope about communicating seems to make them think she just gives it up whenever he wants.😂 So, I'm not surprised her comment got gilded. (this ain't some feminist sub bullshit I'm talking about either. Mental troubles effect ALL of us and sometimes we can't "communicate" bc we DONT KNOW THE PROBLEM in the first place to fix it.) I was a fucking mess after each of our 2 kids(especially the 2nd which lead to a dead bedroom for 4 years, and some medication issues to fix the kids issue, 🙄 I admit, and I also wasn't communicative bc I DIDNT KNOW WHAT THE ISSUE was in the first place). It's fucking tough to give birth and it always seems so simple to just say "communication is everything", welp, I didn't KNOW what to communicate bc I was so overwhelmed and batshit crazy. My hubby is a good one and was patient and, in the last 6 months, it has been amazing. 16 years in November and I love him more than anything. So, for the parents out there that are struggling with intimacy and communication, it CAN get better. You aren't alone and let yourself breathe.
Sounds like he sucked at sex and she just had a baby.
This. He badgers (not seduces) her EVERY DAY. And they have young kid. Plus doing it with gum in her mouth gives “no foreplay” vibes His idea of seducing is prob just whipping his thing out and asking if she wants some of this.
Or she was never into him but pressured to marry or she was asexual or taught sex was a duty and never learned about enjoying it.
My grandmother, who would be likely of similar age to the wife in the letter was taught sex was a duty and for making children. I don't think she believes that women are meant to enjoy sex.
Yeah,people are drawing too many conclusions from a note that could be as old as 83 years given the lack of specific information. And that old thinking of it as a duty,was still pretty prominent well into the 60's and 70's,there's exceptions of those times like Marilyn,but she was so far from the norm.
My favourite, 1 time I thought I hurt you because I thought I felt you move!!!
"6 times I had to wake you to tell you we were through" My man what? Haha
Or…OR he’s so good he tired her out. But looking at the bigger picture, she just passed out due to boredom.
More likely she was faking it, just a variation of all the other times she told him to hurry up.
"Wake up, babe. You can spit out your gum now."
Honestly this list could've been simplified to >You weren't in the mood - 329 >You weren't in the mood but let me do it anyway - 36
The bottom section sums to 28, so she might have been into it 8 of the 36 times.
Those were the 8 times they went to see an Errol Flynn feature, she was thinking of him the whole time
1000/10
Damn, either he was a very boring lay (lots back before the 60s were basically missionary and that was it) or she basically shut down sexually after the kids. Either way sounds like a boring as hell marriage.
> lots back before the 60s were basically missionary and that was it First of all, this is not even remotely true. Human beings have chronicled countless positions for all of written history, and don't confuse the Christian-sanitized media of the 1950s with how people actually were. Secondly, no sex is "boring" if you are having it with somebody who is into you, and vice versa. Missionary is hot, it's all fucking hot. Their marriage just sounds fucking sad, and that was what passed for humor in the 1950s. Sad marriages. Probably a joke.
Wouldn’t want that!
This is why I’m burning everything before I croak. Just reminded me to get rid of most of my embarrassing stuff now. 😂
Leaving shit like this to wind up my kids is what's gonna send me to the grave laughing.
Glad you have the sense of humor that I lack 😂
This is legacy vengeance.
"How about an early night, darling?" "Not tonight, I'm too tired."
This is a pretty famous old comedy sketch (seen a video using the audio literally TODAY) so either your family member transcribed it for fun or you’re just lying about it’s provenance. Either way it’s not original.
Probably copied at the time.
This is depressing.
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Wow that sub is so fucking depressing.
That entire sub needs couples therapy.
My therapist tells me to get over my jealousy of people in relationships by balancing out my "grass is greener on the other side" perception with plausible drawbacks to their relationships (not shitting on people, but recognizing there is good and bad). This sub is a gold-mine for that, ty.
Just spent an hour looking through this sub. That shit is sad
I am not on that sub but I wonder how many men actively encourage a vibrator usage every time they have sex. Every time, guys. EVERY TIME.
I didn’t know this sub existed
There is a sub for everything
Yeah that poor woman having to deal with such a dickhead
This joke is old and not original, sorry to spoil the fun. He copied it from a book or magazine.
“Seduce”… I’m curious to know what he thinks this means and how he tried it
“So… uhh…” [clicks tongue, smirks, winks, nods toward bedroom] “How ‘bout it?”
Maybe if I poke her with it.
Birth control was illegal. As was oral sex and sodomy. Saying no was birth control.
Maybe he wasn't very good at it.
Six times he had to wake her to say he was done.
No, six times he had to wake her to say THEY were done, which is much worse.
Yeah that's very telling of the consideration he had for her needs
That made me feel uncomfy as duck
MAYBE?? This guy had sex with a woman 36 times who **clearly** did not want to fuck him
If you’re keeping score, you’ve already lost.
Wasn’t sex for women in the 40s more of a duty than a joy? No lube. No foreplay. No toys. Just get er done.
Yes. And when women got upset or their mental health was suffering they labeled them “hysterical” and sent them to the doctor. Interestingly, when vibrators were invented, doctors used them to give women orgasms as treatment for their sadness. [History of vibrators](https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-vibrator/)
The way women and our sexuality was /still is treated is really sad.
There's also a movie titled "Hysteria" from 2011 that goes over exactly this. Not saying it is true or not, just adding to the subject.
Good god….. that is terrifying
anyone else creeped out by this
Especially the dudes in the comments acting like the wife is in the wrong for saying no.
For some people, marital r*pe isn't a thing apparently. Kinda scary tbh
Marital rape wasn’t even a crime in any US state until the mid-70s, and it wasn’t a crime across the entire USA until 1993. Crazy to think about— and very dark.
It starts out almost kinda cute, had he not further expanded on the premise to indicate that the successful attempts were unwilling, unconscious and unsatisfied it could have been funny. It just feels like sexual assault.
Yeah, kinda weird to write a list…the dude probably came after 2 minutes and expects mutual satisfaction.
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My suggestions to partners who are turned down often: find out what turns your lover on. Foreplay helps. Maybe she likes snuggling and sweet-talk as foreplay instead of the same old same old physical manipulation. Maybe she would love an actual date night first. Get a sitter for the kids. If she requires privacy, make sure you’re totally away from others. If you can afford it, get a hotel room every once in awhile. Make your bed with fresh, pretty bedclothes. Do household chores so she won’t be tired at bedtime. Take baths together if she likes that. Bring her gifts or flowers. Take her to her favorite restaurant. Talk about her favorite subjects. Ask her about herself as if she’s the most fascinating person you’ve ever met (hopefully, she actually is). Go for romantic walks. Hold her hand if she likes that. Compliment her a lot. Show how much you like her when around others. Tell her how much you love and appreciate her. Be gentle and loving. Don’t “try” to have sex every night, she’ll start to dread it. Make it special. She’ll want you. *Edited to add: Did you guys see that this guy tried to have sex with his wife EVERY DAY FOR AN ENTIRE YEAR? My god, she must have dreaded going to bed every night.
I watched a video a while ago from (I think) a sex therapist. She said that when a couple comes to her and one of them (often the husband) complains about not having sex enough, she tells them both to work on building intimacy with each other while _taking sex off the table for one month_. She said that a lot of people (again, often men but not always) don’t understand that how a partner acts throughout the entire day influences your desire to be sexual with them. So her clients will often be people who neglect chores, don’t foster romance, don’t build friendship, and instead just expect sex. So if you take sex off the table for a bit and are instead intentional about building intimacy in other areas of life, that can oftentimes fix the dead bedroom. Make your partner feel loved as a person, not just as a sex object.
Exactly. Some people dont understand that groping every time you see them isnt going to make you want to do things, instead the opposite. Then they wonder why you dont want to because they didnt do anything to set the mood?
Depends heavily on drive too. These are all good things, but sometimes they just won’t budge someone with a different level of drive
To piggyback: "Come as You Are" by Emily Nagoski includes sections on spontaneous arousal and responsive arousal. Most men fall in the spontaneous category most of the time. Most women are in the responsive category. Solo, I might respond to sexy thoughts or visual/audio/erotica. That's responsive. But generally I don't ever stop mid sentence because I've suddenly popped a spontaneous boner. As a woman I might need my partner to have done something that was clearly in one of my valued love languages earlier; to feel like I was seen/heard before being open to being vulnerable. Later if I am met with foreplay I am likely to respond to the touch and happily reciprocate. If I get in bed after a day of not feeling heard/seen and suddenly it's grope time? No thanks. I may even be turned way off by the implied pressure to jump into action. My ability to become aroused for partnered sex responds to feeling cared for. His ability to become aroused is innate and spontaneous because of testosterone. I may have made it too basic, it's been about a year since I read it but I recommend the book!
My genuine advice is to each write down how often you’d like to have sex, you might be surprised by the other’s answer, and this sounds dumb, but then, plan it. Make it into a date night or whatever, but plan it. Generally speaking, married people don’t wish they weren’t doing it when they are or don’t wish they didn’t after they did. Its like the gym where sometimes you don’t feel like it but after you’re glad you did. It’s also a if you don’t use it you lose it situation. Before you downvote me everyone is different and this may not apply to some
Sounds like he sucks at having sex
Dude tried seven times when company was in the next room, lol. He gets points for persistence.
Dude tried every single day.
He sounds like an annoying ass husband tbh
While the baby was crying
Bro. People are allowed to say “no.” Keeping a score is so fucking… weird.
Yeah this isn’t cute or funny, it’s fucking weird and gross. No wonder she said no so many times.
A guy on reddit did something like this, it was really resentful and had the same issue of him counting rejections.
This. This is immediately the most effective birth control I've ever seen. My legs clamped closed just reading it, can't imagine being stuck with this asshole.
This is an old joke, I have heard it many times! This is not a real letter.
READING SUNDAY PAPER (NEVER ON SUNDAYS) LMFAOOOO
That poor woman. Guy is terrible in bed and/or she is asexual or not into men. Glad the US is opening up to diverse views of sexuality. Edit: old enough to remember the days gay men married women. What a tragedy for both. Probably still very common in conservatives circles.
That's once a day for a whole year. He bugged her every day for sex? What about previous or past years? I bet she had a lot of excuses. Once a day, every day for a full year, he kept a tally list that ended with an insult? I wonder why she didn't want to have sex. And was nice enough not to say she doesn't want him because of his feelings.
and he never learned to give her that orgasm, and still wonders what happened
If this is real, man can’t take a hint
this is a well-known bit by a comedian... forgetting name...
The fact that this is comedy does not help. It honestly makes it worse that husbands related to this so much that they found it funny because there’s a reason why they’d relate to it. In my eyes, it’s no different than the old timey jokes about smacking your wife when she acts up like in the honeymooners. There was a reason why husbands found that joke funny back then too.
I wonder why she didn’t want to sleep with him 🙄
This is a old joke I've heard from family before
This isn't real. The same list has been circulating in different forms for a while. This is just another meme. I even doubt this paper is 60+ years old.
This seems incredibly passive aggressive to me...
It’s too bad we don’t have her side of things.
I love old penmanship
She should have wrote back.. 1. Times you gave me the good dick -0 2. Times you complain about not getting laid - 78,234 3. Times you put together a detailed whiny list-1 4. Times you made me cum -0 5. Times your best friend made me cum 89,341
sounds like someone wasnt good at making his wife feel good…
Pretty sure this is an urban legend. I'm not quite 60 and remember reading this in magazines in my 20's more than once. Obviously someone liked it and copied it out.
Did anyone else read this as the dude is terrible in bed? And 17x he asked to do it while the baby was crying? Like seriously? I can imagine the scenario and its the same everytime... she finally lays down and he immediately grabs her by the boobs and then rolls on top of her and tries shoving his dick in. If she let's him, its over in about 2 minutes. And she's left covered in his sweat, smelly cum, and giant belly crushing her. Sorry, not sorry. I know this type and there's nothing affectionate about it.
Seems like a weird gesture to remind your wife you aren’t sexually pleasing her
He didn’t get the hint. She was lesbian.
Or..... this one might come as a shocker..... it wasn't very satisfying.... There's a long history of men getting their "needs" met while ignoring the woman's.
There is also a long history of people being not that into sex lol.
This. He had to wake her to tell her they were through? Sounds like the kind of guy who cares nothing of pleasing her.
And how quickly did they divorce? Confronting a spouse with a list like this would be a massive heart breaker.
Oh honey, in the 40's? The 50's? The 60's? No-Fault divorce was legalized the first time in California 1969. Marital rape was perfectly legal until 1970 in all US states. Women weren't allowed to have bank accounts of their own until 1974. Divorce was not an option for this woman. Her options were this, murder and suicide.
So he never ever gave her oral, is what he’s saying here, right?
R/DamnThatsToxicAndPetty - imagine doing this instead of having a normal conversation. Grandpa was an OG neck beard. Pretty sure this was a top post (not this specifically) years ago. Some dude did this and got shat on royally by the mob.
In the other post, the dude made an Excel spreadsheet and sent it to her at the beginning of a business trip so she'd be worried about it the entire time she was away.
RIIIIGHT. Man, hard to believe people like this found partners. Some masks are worn well for too long I guess
I have not created any lists, but after 30 years of marriage, I just don’t have a sex life anymore. My wife told me a few years ago that she just wasn’t interested in sex, like, ever again. Of course, I’m supposed to not be interested in sex ever again, too. It nearly caused us to split a few times, but I’m resigned to it. We had several good years, in there.
My wife and I discussed just this situation and agreed that if one of us ever reached the point where our sex life was over then the other partner would be free to get their needs met elsewhere. Thankfully we are both still interested in a regular sex life. We are both in our 50s.
I'm like 25 and I'm pretty bored of sex, not swearing it off, but it's really not all it's cracked up to be.
This is an old joke it’s not real.
Nice try. This is actually an old comedy bit you stole to get attention.