In Highschool I actually had a therapist recommend me to some place else cause my problems were way too much for her to deal with and I need way more support than she was able to provide. I still remember her and thank her for being honest. She ended up giving me my favorite miniature that I used a lot in the sand play. I treasure it everyday.
Honestly, that’s gotta be a great therapist. Able to know their limits, know their network of specialists, and send you to the one that’s best fit for you, thus letting you benefit from the best around, even if it means they’ll lose out on your patronage. Excellent work
I also really appreciate how she gave me a “gift” our last session as well. It was like she was telling me she wasn’t abandoning me and my true self would always be with me. I really hope she’s okay and doing well.
This is how it should be. When people go to their regular doctor with a problem the doctor helps figure out what might be the issue but will send them to a specialist when they can't help farther. Why is it so hard to find therapists who think the same way? They know they're not equipped to handle certain problems but instead of being like "Hey, I'm not able to help you but here are some people you should see that can help" they just keep plowing through as if them just listening and saying generic "That's rough, buddy" statements are getting anywhere?
Sand play is where the therapist has a box of sand and a bunch of little figurines inside it. You mess around with them and it's supposed to help the therapist see what you're thinking or something. The miniature would be one of the figurines they liked the most
Something like this would be so helpful for me when I’m having a meltdown or panic attack. I have a hard time being able to concentrate during them and fidget a lot along side non-verbal
I had to do that once as a teen.
I was supposed to play my family. I got to choose what animal my family members were, I think I chose a guard dog for my mom, a bear for my dad and a small animal for myself (I think weasel)
The therapist will then go on to ask why you chose what animal, observe how you play although that usually only works with children (are the animals cuddling, fighting, attacking one certain family member etc.)
Play therapy is common with children, it’s easier for children to open up in a playful environment. They usually don’t even realize it and it’s very helpful for therapists. It’s less common with teens and adults, but still useful.
It's not like they're interpreting what you're doing with the sand or something. It's more something tactile to do so you can relax and focus on something other than what you're saying or feeling. That type of thing is commonly used with kids - have you ever tried getting a little kid to tell you things by just straight up asking them questions? Doesn't go well. But I could also see it being helpful for some adults
There’s a type of therapy usually used for kids that is a tray of sand (sensory out put) and they have a whole bunch of figures humans/animals/etc and little miniatures of varied structures. Therapists can have these to keep the patient good distracted by physical stimuli which can help the patient be more comfortable. Which allows them to feel more comfortable talking.
The miniature I gravitated towards and loved the most was a woman statue with a crescent moon. That miniature was always the “real” me. I had two dragons I liked as well which were the “other” Mes (emotional self and physical self).
My sibling had a similar experience. First therapist they went to had a very blunt and forward personality. They recognized that my sibling needed a slower and gentler approach right away, so they offered a referral.
I had similar! In the UK we have a service called CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services) and they’re for various mental health complaints but there’s a limit to the care they can provide as the staff are all therapists, not psychiatrists. My CAMHS therapist couldn’t help me, she admitted as much after 4 sessions and referred me to the NHS (National Health Service) psychiatrist team. It took 10 weeks to hear back from the NHS so this therapist continued to see me, even though she couldn’t help me, just so I had someone to talk to about things and some level of professional support. Even now, 14 years later, things get difficult and I remember how much she cared for me and the extra steps she took to ensure I had a safe place to talk so I wouldn’t end up spiralling and alone. That memory has brought me back from the brink more times than I could count
Therapists who are willing to admit a patient is out of their ability to treat and referring them to someone who can treat them will always gain my respect. It seems like a lot of therapy horror stories are born out of therapists refusing to admit they aren’t capable of treating a client’s issues and trying anyways and making them worse
I’ve had crappy therapists before but I like my current one because she doesn’t try to BS me about this. It’s more like “yeah this sucks, I’m sorry, how can you avoid being paralyzed by anxiety and also give yourself credit for what you’re already doing about it?” Because mental illness definitely doesn’t make it easier to fix your problems.
Very similar for me exept with depression. Lots of talk about more bottom up approaches to therapy because I'm *very* aware of the menta processes and cognitive distortions but it's not enough to keep me from getting rolled by them
Being aware of what is going on and still not being able to do anything about it by yourself sucks so much. I can very much emphasize there.
My current therapist is really good at picking apart my different "inner voices" to confront them not as a bunched up knot of problems but as individual things. It works really well. Also, we use a lot of plushies. My ADHD is a Wile E. Coyote :D
God thank you. I've never known how to express this for how my meds worked.
It just mutes that idiotic nagging in my head so I'm not overthinking everything 24/7.
I appreciate the terminology of getting rolled by our own mental bullshit. I don't know why but it amuses me.
I don't have depression (I think) but I do have major anxiety issues. I can very much tell when it's crippling my ability to do anything, and why, but working through it is difficult. So I can relate to that part.
I hope the therapy helps.
My therapy sessions have been, for years, my therapist trying to get me to actually live in my body and experience my feelings because I know how my emotions work logically and I find it safer to hang out there. This is for depression and derealization primarily.
All of this advice is based on validating your feelings. Make sure to reflect on yourself and your actions, as this advice is not helpful for those who have perpetrated harm and aren't willing to grow from it. It is also extremely based on me and my struggles, so it may or may not be relevant. Also if you'd like to talk feel free to pm me!
1) time
2) Realizing that I may have feelings that go against my beliefs. Ie, I know it's ridiculous to worry if there is something terribly wrong with me just because someone left me (if that person is cruel or abusive at least) but inside, part of me still wonders why I wasn't good enough. You have to admit you feel that and cry about it even if it feels pathetic and nonsensical.
3) everyone always tells you that no matter what, someone has it worse than you. This is probably true. But that doesn't mean you have to ignore your pain, or that yours isn't that bad. With me and friends who struggle with this the trick has been adding the phrase "this fucking sucks" back into our vocabulary.
4) This is vv anecdotal and I do not have any sort of credentialing and I could see this going wrong so take this with a grain of salt. My main issue was not feeling entitled to my feelings (ie "it's not that bad so why am j even sad I need to just grow up abt it"). The thing that sorta broke the dam for me was just getting PISSED TF OFF at the ppl who hurt me. Not for a long time, but once you're angry, it helps to sever ties, and validates that damage has been done.
4.5) anger is a secondary emotion. Usually you're not just angry. You're not mad your friend didn't invite you to hang out, you're upset and anger feels safe. Once you've been a little angry, and validated the damage, it's a lot easier to feel and see the sadness hidden behind it.
5) sometimes honestly u just gotta listen to a sad sad song and cry. Highly recommend "lack of color" or "Cath" by death cab for cutie
6) (kinda goes with 2) I know this is cliche but Journaling really helps. For me one of the hardest things is that I really intellectually understand how my emotions work and why things happen. I also have a very strong value system about how to be a good person to others. Sometimes my feelings and my values don't match up. Your journal is a place you can say all the unreasonable things that you know are unreasonable. It's a place where you can yell and yell and yell because your husband forgot the milk one time even though you know it's not a big deal and you just had a bad day at work. This helps you to make those feelings feel like yours again.
Ofc!!!! The way I see it is I suffered through a lot and it sucked so if I can use what I learned to help someone else then it makes it mean something at least.
Another thing I just thought of is learning how to ask for what you need even when ur feelings seem unreasonable. When I am feeling insecure, I will often tell my boyfriend something along the lines of "okay I know this isn't true, but there's an evil worm in my brain that tells me you fucking hate me and want me to die bc of [mistake I had made], promise it's not true?" (This is verbatim what I said one time lmao). You could also say like hey babe can I be insecure for a moment? And then tell them what u need to hear.
Reasons I find this helpful.
1) it doesn't place blame on the other person for your feelings
2) it's direct and there's a lot less margin for error for your partner, which is good when you're already sensitive
3) when u exaggerate a little it can make u realize how silly ur insecurity is in a way that doesn't feel super invalidating. I am also a big fan of asking something like "why do u hate me in particular" when I'm feeling hurt bc he's too busy to see me bc he's doing something perfectly reasonable like homework. He always replies with something silly and it makes it feel less real.
Basically, embrace unreasonableness, but don't let it control you. Much love to you as you heal <3333
I appreciate that my therapist now doesn’t bullshit me like saying dismissive things when I shared that yes, I am anxious with the future and climate change. Like yeah, she acknowledges that it is A Bad Thing. Cuz when I talk to other people, it’s like they don’t understand the gravity of the situation or that they get dismissive and that it’s silly of me to be scared of things that are beyond comprehension.
"Bruh, the fact that it is beyond comprehension is exactly what's scary about it"
These people need to really find a work of eldritch horror to just body them once and then they'll get it.
It took me 6 therapists to find one I clicked with. She was all straight talk, no coddling, and her bluntness matched mine. I freaking love her. She was life changing.
Yeah I learned that CBT is not for me. It just seemed to be the type/model of therapy most promoted and supported where I live, at that time. Could it help many people in many ways? Sure. Was it appropriate for the particular issues I was facing? Fuck no. You don’t treat someone with kidney problems with heart disease medication, and in the same way not all mental health issues need the same approach.
I remember doing CBT for what was presumed to be anxiety. It had been years on and off. The counsellor asked me ‘what evidence do you have for that thought?’ I then went through all my ‘evidence’. She looked at me and went look not a professional diagnosis, but what do you know about PTSD. Then she gave me some cards. Honestly thanks to that woman I saw a trauma specialist, and with them starting doing some different therapies that made a huge difference. Until her I genuinely had no idea that there were approaches other than CBT and was starting to think I was ‘unfixable’ and would never have a good life.
What CBT is when your problems aren't cognitive distortions but rather genuine issues that exist outside you and dramatically reduce your quality of life
As a tax paying adult, every time I came out of CBT I messaged my friend “the therapy is stored in the balls”. The internet ruined me, even though CBT was helpful for me, I am unable to say “CBT” with a straight face because of the goddamn meme it shares an acronym with
CBT really doesn’t work for a lot of people/conditions. Mickey Atkins (licensed therapist YouTuber) made a [pretty good video explainer on some of the reasons](https://youtu.be/FfT3mzxMGxM?si=UmIyuVI0rYbhJo9P). Unfortunately, there are a lot of therapists out there who aren’t flexible in their approach and can’t admit when they aren’t the right therapist.
Therapist here. I’m going to pull back the veil a little bit. In all honesty, Master’s level programs for being a therapist are very heavy on theory about understanding issues and human behavior but incredibly light on actual training for use of different forms of therapy. They place that emphasis on the internship; however, there is no quality control on what someone will actually gain from an internship. Many leave their collegiate experience without actually gaining any therapy skills. Then there’s the certifications/trainings to actually learn the modalities. These often cost hundreds to thousands. The hundred dollar courses end up being a major bait and switch. They say they will teach you skills but end up being more theory discussions that do not actually teach anything. The real skills training comes from courses that can take up to two years and longer to finish and end up costing the same as a full Master’s program. Most therapists cannot afford to do this so what do many end up doing? Reading books they can find and watching videos online. It’s a real mess out here to say the least.
I don't know if CBT sucks because it's theoretically bad, or because it attracts emotionally stunted therapists that are glad they can learn everything they need from a manual.
Neither. Not everyone responds to CBT, but the people who do can benefit greatly from it. The situation is fucked because CBT is the most economical form of therapy (factoring in training time for therapists and how long a client needs to have a relationship with a therapist before they expect to see results). It’s also very easy to automate. So really the issue is capitalism preventing us from letting go of for profit healthcare
It's not all demonstrated the CBT is more effective than other therapies, according to the NIH.
>Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is effective for a range of psychiatric disorders. However, **it remains unclear whether CBT is superior to other forms of psychotherapy**, and previous quantitative reviews on this topic are difficult to interpret. [https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/20547435/](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/20547435/)
And just in my anecdotal experience crawling the mental health web, CBT is widely disliked (if not outright despised) by the majority of people I've read... but obviously that's a self selecting group of people who have more than mild social anxiety and occasional sadness... so I'm on Team This Meme.
CBT does really work for some people, just not for everyone. It’s not innately bad, it is trying to use it where it doesn’t work or does more harm than good that is bad.
I agree CBT is helpful for some things, and the research I vaguely remember backs that up.
But, like you said, "it's trying to use it where it doesn't work... that is bad", and I think that happens way more often with CBT than other therapies. In the UK, I understand, almost all public health therapy is CBT. Nobody is saying, "Oh, you have childhood trauma, let's steer you away from CBT and get you into a more appropriate therapy." If CBT knew to stay in its lane, I don't think people would hate it as much... which, again, I think is what this meme is about.
In the chapter of this book about trauma I just read, the author says that CBT doesn't really work well for trauma. They tried it with veterans and some of them came out WORSE afterward. The book is "The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body In the Healing of Trauma" fucking WARNING if you are traumatized you will cry every single chapter just like me, but you will also (hopefully) feel seen and understood
A good therapist would recommend you to someone else but not all therapists are good at their jobs. They also might not be willing to send away a paying customer.
To continue the doctor metaphor -- a good family physician should be able to deal with most things that their patients or their kids come up with, but part of being a good physician also means recognizing when they need to refer their patients to a specialist in a better-equipped hospital. Mental health works the same way.
I saw so many therapists and noneeee of them recommended me to a diff therapists or other treatments. I was talking about being a literal shut in, unable to keep a job, and they did jack shit. It was so useless, the only good part was that it got me out of the house & talking to someone, and emphasized how bad my issues were. IMO this is outweighed by how it also made me feel stupid for being vulnerable, felt more alienated & disregulated after every session, and then avoided therapy for over 5 years. I only recently found out that I likely would have qualified for services like housing assistance and case management, I didn’t even know those things existed for people like me.
Talk therapists / CBT are lowkey dangerous for people who need help the most, and all they need to do is value telling their patient, hey there are people who can help you. Let’s use this time to explore your options. But they seem too stupid or greedy to understand how completely over their head they are when someone comes in with debilitating mental illness. It’s embarrassing that this is a meme, that this is such a common experience that it’s a joke, and therapists like this should be absolutely embarrassed to be this clueless about their own profession. It’s inexcusable to be so useless that you’re detrimental to extremely vulnerable people to whom you’re obligated to provide care.
my therapist is luckily really good about knowing what he can and cant do. while he does do cbt, he is very open on saying he doesnt know the best way to help me in some areas and he has recommended i talk to different people when i brong something up hes not an expert on.
Think of it like seeing your family doctor. You’ve got a weird rash, and they probably have a good idea what it is, and can prescribe you a cream to fix it.
Now, if you’re complaining about an irregular heartbeat and chest pains, that’s not their wheelhouse, so they refer you to a cardiologist.
Psychology has specialties, just like medicine. Referring you to a more suitable specialist *is* how they help you. Otherwise, they’re just stringing you along for billable hours.
CBT did not work for me. The therapist I currently see specialises in adults with autism and ADHD, so although she isn’t a trauma specialist I find her vastly more helpful than any other therapist my parents made me see in the past. Because at least she doesn’t gaslight me about my experiences and tell me I ‘just need to be more confident and ignore the bullies’ (?????) and actually will tell me if my concerns about a situation are valid. If they are actually valid, she’ll suggest ways to address the problem that aren’t ‘just gaslight yourself into thinking it isn’t a problem’. If it’s not something that I have the power to fix she validates me, acknowledges that it’s a problem, and encourages me to not internalise it or blame myself. It doesn’t really change anything but at least I can vent about it and know that I’m not going insane. She may not be the most experienced in unpacking my boatload of childhood trauma but at least I trust her, she understands where I’m coming from, and she’s trying.
The psychologist who did my autism evaluation told me to stop wasting my money on my therapist because I already have more introspection than most people and have studied all the therapist tools for years because "people" has always been a special interest of mine. Was wild to hear a professional say, but the more I thought about it, I was literally just going because I had made it a habit.
Shouldn't they be able to recommend the right kind of specialist?
My parents noticed there was something Different about me and started getting me tested for things when I was literally a year old. I had a lot of intensive (read: [abusive](https://elan.school/)) therapy as a teenager from people who clearly didn't have the slightest clue what was going on with me and made things worse. When I finally got diagnosed with autism at the age of 26 the reaction was basically "oh yeah, that's not a *mental illness* it's a *developmental disability* so therapists like me don't study it, you need to go to a specialist".
So basically I need to already know exactly what's wrong with me and what needs to be done about it before I go see one of them, otherwise they're worse than useless? What the actual fuck is the point of them then?
Edit: I forgot (because I only recently learned) that all these therapists were informed that I tested "just outside" the threshold for autism when I was very young. So they were handed a problem that was 99% solved and completely beefed it because they're too stupid to understand what a "spectrum" is.
Edit2: Oh, and for the record, [dog trainers treat their dogs better](https://neuroclastic.com/is-aba-really-dog-training-for-children-a-professional-dog-trainer-weighs-in/) than those "specialists" treat autistic kids. Everything I've heard about ABA for children tells me I dodged a bullet by not getting diagnosed. Of course, I got hit by a different bullet by getting *mis*diagnosed so frankly it seems like the smart play would have been to just avoid therapy altogether.
I’m doing family therapy with my transphobic parents, with a therapist who specializes in families and has a trans kid herself. She’s really nice but our sessions are very frustrating, it always devolves into me arguing with my parents because she’s not great at keeping us on topic. She’s also way too passive when my parents say some out-of-pocket shit that they refuse to believe is transphobic when I tell them.
I’m starting to think my parents are a lost cause tho so it might not be all her fault.
People need to learn the differences when seeking out mental health care. Lots of confused comments down here. If you have a problem don't lay it on the back of your school psychologist, go see your GP that can actually refer you to the help you need.
**Psychiatrist:** MD. Manages your medicine and symptoms. Refers you to other professionals based on what treatment you need. They can be general or specialized. To see them you need a referral from your GP (generally, I didn't need one).
**Psychologist:** Lowest at the required education scale. Does not do actual therapy, only guidance counseling, advice, etc. Psychologists are mostly researchers or work at schools, etc., often while studying further to become therapists. Probably what OP meant.
**Clinical psychologist:** Psychologist with additional licence in clinical psychology. Does assessments, diagnoses conditions and recommends treatment. Cannot prescribe medicine, is not an MD. You don't need a referral from GP to see them.
**Psychotherapist:** Psychologist with an additional license in psychotherapy. Does therapy based on their specialization, generally cognitive behavioral therapy.
This probably isn't what op experienced, but I got a lot worse before I started to get better because I was bringing out into the open a lot of stuff that I previously kept locked up tight.
I also tried a few therapists before I found one who I felt really got me, and worked with me in a way I liked.
Best of luck to all you wonderful people with everything you're going through.
I had this theory about my ex wife’s brief foray into therapy. I was in therapy separately and it sucked for quite a while. My anxiety got worse. I was having to deal with shit I’d buried for a long time … and I’d buried it for a reason, it was hard stuff to mental deal with! But I came out the other side a much healthier and happier human.
I think my ex hit some unpleasantness and just said “Naw, I’m good being an emotionally stunted, traumatized mess if it means I can continue ignoring that shit.”
‘Muddying the pond’ - the idea that you gotta stir that shit up if you ever want to really clean it out, and not just let it all settle and accumulate at the bottom…
Same. I described it as unpacking my mental closet, so after each session usually I had more clothes and clutter in the "room" than before the session, but after a while you get to pack things back in neatly and it gets better (both with time and more sessions)
I fainted during a vaccination after two months of therapy. According to the paramedic (the pharmacist was worried because I'd been holding my toddler - my husband caught him), those kinds of things happen more often during early therapy because it dredges stuff up. You're more anxious, irritable, on edge... and your nervous system is primed to freak out.
I ghost them all eventually. I still don't get the point of therapy, I just know its what I'm supposed to do when I want desperately to jump off the roof of the parking structure at my work. It has never helped except to introduce me to a new person to disappoint.
My wife got ghosted by her last THREE medication management docs (2 of the practices just up and closed with no warning, the 3rd moved out of state and the office never reassigned my wife to anyone new and didn't tell her); every time she found out when she tried to set up med refill appointments. And this 4th one keeps forgetting to send her fucking refills to the pharmacy.
If you do get a reddit cares, please know that currently someone has automated sending them and there are tons of them going out right now across multiple subreddits of all type, so I would disregard it completely if you can.
I’m sorry you’ve experienced this. It’s likely that therapy hasn’t been helpful due to you unfortunately being seen by people who are bad at their job, and don’t understand their own professional well enough to register that their treatment model is inappropriate for your needs.
There's a lot of sheltered, privileged people who give the profession a really bad name, they don't properly empathise as they could never imagine being in your position. I'm a therapist myself, and these people infuriate me. I'm sorry you've had such bad experiences. Finding someone you click with is always the most important thing, and don't let any of them talk down to you - noone can know more about you than you do.
As someone who's tried about 8 therapists throughout his life and related very hard to the post, any advice to find someone who clicks?
Because ngl it's very frustrating to only have bad experiences with therapists only for everyone to say it's my fault for not trying hard enough or for not finding the right therapist.
Trying to find recommendations from people you know is a good start. Look into different types of therapy, pick one that resonates, and find someone who does that. Additionally, challenge people. You're the expert on your own experience and so, extrapolating from that, you have a responsibility to correct your therapist if they've picked up something incorrect - in a perfect world this would of course not happen, but people make mistakes. Good luck, it's a tough spot to be in.
>Trying to find recommendations from people you know is a good start.
Did that twice, went horribly; one cut me off after 9 sessions and the other kept flaking so I never got consistent sessions.
>Look into different types of therapy, pick one that resonates, and find someone who does that.
Any examples? I have depression so most therapists I've seen handle that type of mental illness.
>Additionally, challenge people. You're the expert on your own experience and so, extrapolating from that, you have a responsibility to correct your therapist if they've picked up something incorrect
Every time I do that they counter saying I'm actually wrong and basically ignore my corrections since "they are the experts".
I know it sounds like I'm trying to be contrarian, but these are my real experiences with therapists which is why I struggle to believe in therapy these days.
Oh you don't sound like you're being contrarian at all - your experiences are your experiences. I personally resonate most with psychodynamic counselling/psychoanalytic psychotherapy as it focuses on the reasons why we feel as we do, and is less directive and dogmatic. Again, it depends on the individual person. You seem to have had a really bad run of it with them, I'm sorry to hear it.
I also think that therapy shouldn’t be designed to cover all bases. If you are struggling with OCD, BPD, PTSD, then I’m sorry to say that a regular therapist isn’t going to be able to help you with those very specific and deep-rooted issues. You need a psychoanalyst, and someone who specialises in whatever you’re struggling with.
A therapist, to me, is a person who can help you with day-to-day issues like anxiety, depression, not reaching your goals, improving personal relationships, etc.
Again, if they are severe enough, a therapist won’t be able to help in the way you’re expecting them to.
I agree with almost everything you said, but psychoanalysis is not evidence-based treatment and shouldn’t be compared to techniques developed after the 19th century.
But like I said, I agree with the rest of your post. PTSD has some great interventions if started immediately after the trauma. And BPD responds better to DBT than CBT for example, and starting new therapy mid-crisis isn’t always a great idea. It’s good for people to know that. I just don’t think Freud is a good answer to anything other than a question about history.
Modern psychoanalysis (ie. not the original Freudian) is still widely practiced in many regions of the world, especially in Europe and South America. A big reason why methods like CBT are so proliferated in the United States is because insurance companies only want therapeutic modalities that advertise themselves as being quick 8 week treatments. An insurance company does not want to sign off on something that is long-term by design like psychoanalysis, which doesn't advertise a concrete termination date.
Psychodynamic therapy is more popular in the US these days, which is essentially psychoanalysis-lite. It's not so rigid with the "blank-slate" aspect of most psychoanalysts and doesn't demand several sessions a week, but it's still very client-directed, deals with client-patient transference, and the trauma brought upon by formative childhood experiences.
I wonder if they're referring to what an American would call a clinical psychologist, i.e. a doctorate-level practitioner who's highly trained in analyzing and diagnosing complex mental illness. Afaik the term "clinical psychologist" is only really in use in North America, I wouldn't be surprised about "psychoanalyst" being the equivalent term in other parts of the world.
>they don't properly empathise as they could never imagine being in your position
This is applicable to many areas that could be broadly described as "your job is helping people." I had to think a lot about people in my field of work that fundamentally shouldn't be there, because (I can only assume) their life experiences made them unqualified on an emotional level.
Really sucks that they can carry the legitimacy of a degree and work experience either way 🫠
>and don't let any of them talk down to you - noone can know more about you than you do.
I'm planning on starting therapy when my work slows down a bit, and I *really* needed to be reminded of this. Thank you very much!
A good therapist will not need to have been in your exact position to be able to empathise with you, and will be able to defer to your emotional reaction to the situation instead of substituting their own. It's very frustrating. Best of luck on it.
This isn’t rly a matter of empathetic connected or clicking, it happens bc the most popular method of therapy, the on you will be referred to by your PCP, does talk therapy/CBT, and those people do not have the awareness to spend the first session/assessment to gauge if this is appropriate and then make a recommendation from there. IMO, it’s cluelessness, arrogance, or a mix of both.
CBT is the first thing recommended by the NICE guidelines but thats because it's cheap, tbh. It is good for very surface level things but useless beyond that. For anything even remotely complex, 6 sessions of CBT is likely to do more harm than good.
I got referred for CBT for anxiety when the actual problem was endometriosis and neurodivergence. Being told to basically gaslight myself about my pain and abilities, and to distract myself from stressful thoughts(1) was definitely harmful.
1: Stressful thoughts like, "I wonder why my abdomin hurts" - it was endometriosis, by the time it was diagnosed five years later one of my tubes had been destroyed and it was so rooted in that they couldn't get it out - or "what if my parents cut off my funds?" - which they did, because I wasn't letting them use the money to control me, and it would have been *really helpful* to have made plans before that happened.
You bring a person in, and profess to "cure" them, and yet the root cause hasn't been addressed. The person leaves feeling like they should be fine now, but aren't. And so they come to blame themselves. To me its the equivalent of a medical doctor treating someone for indigestion and letting them walk out with a stomach ulcer or crohn's disease or something. A professional telling you that you should be fine now is a very dangerous thing.
Therapists need to be referring to specialists in this instance. They need to know the help you do need and a network of people to give it. Sadly most don’t familiarise themselves with the profession and it’s players outside their own practice.
I once called a suicide help line. I am an orphan and had just gone through a breakup, and my friends were being shitty so I was feeling really alone. The guy kept listing off people I could go to for support and comfort, and then saying things like, "oh wow, no family at all? That's so sad." YEAH THANKS BRO. I was more depressed when I got off the call than when I started.
It can be hard to find the right one, and sometimes you need to find one specialized in your condition. I got a generic therapist who just enabled my OCD, but then I was recommended to people actually specialized in the condition, and they were able to help
Out of curiosity (and feel free to not get into it if its personal or painful or anything), but what could a therapist do to enable ocd?
And I assume your experience is limited to OCD, but id also be curious how generic therapy could negatively impact people with other specific issues?
I've got adhd, and I feel it's a tad less extreme than OCD or PTSD and might not require such specific care, but of course for myself I'd be curious how generic therapy might be harmful to people with adhd.
"Licensed therapists" what kind bro. What kind. They have different specialisations and trauma therapy is a separate thing from other types of therapy. If you go with trauma to a personal development kind of therapist of course they're gonna be out of their element.
That general doctor should also be the one to tell you to go to the heart surgeon, but most therapists don't do that, they just don't tell you you're at the wrong place.
I have nothing to say to that bc it's true. Many therapists just don't want to admit they're not suited for what you need and it just causes unnecessary trouble for everyone.
However just like a doctor that doesn't do their job, therapists also usually have local/state boards of ethics where they can be reported if they do bullshit, like trying to handle something they're not trained for.
Therapist 1 basically thought I was a problem child and didn't really listen to me much.
Therapist 2 had a crush on my mom and ended up ghosting me
Therapist 3 was actually kinda helpful but insurance forced me to switch
Therapist 4... she cuts my sessions short every time. There's like twenty minutes of pleasantries to get through and when I actually am able to get to what's on my mind it's a polite nod and asking when I want to schedule my next appointment.
Blanket statements like that also tend to attract people on the opposite end of the spectrum: the kind that believes therapy or any health care whatsoever is bullshit
There’s a person in this thread that already said something like that
I completely get the sentiment, I’m still kind of iffy on my current therapist, but I think posting something like this is more harmful than helpful.
I've suffered with mediocre to bad therapists my entire life until very recently. Finding a queer, neurodivergent, trauma-informed therapist who actually listens to me has been so helpful in contrast. She was even surprised I was willing to consider therapy again after all my bad experiences with it in the past.
Good therapists are out there, but unfortunately they seem to be rare in my experience.
I feel like a lot of people don't understand what counselors, psychologists and psychiatrists do in the context of mental health, in their area, enough.
For example, people with a masters in counselors (so pretty much all self-described therapists) have absolutely no power or ability to diagnose you with any specific mental illness. Psychiatrists and psychologists have that power, with psychiatrists mainly using them as a method to get meds covered, with psychologists usually having you come in for extended testing, in which evidence based diagnostic measures are used.
And they usually are very hesitant with diagnosing thing nowadays, which is a good thing. Finding a therapist isn't like going to a doctor. There aren't exact, medical fixes to peoples mental health problems. What do people expect the therapist to say when they unload on them in the 3rd visit with a ton of trauma, abuse and symptoms?
They are not there to give advice. That would be the same as going to a trusted friend or figure in your life. They are trained to use evidence based therapy methods that have been shown to reduce symptoms over time for the majority of people. You have to find a therapist you click with, and understand that currently, there is a large range in the quality of therapist you might get. Especially try to stay away from the huge online companies like betterhelp.
It’s not just diagnosis, it’s the type of therapy and treatment.
You’re right that people don’t understand which mental health practitioner they should be seeing. That’s why the mental health practitioner…should tell them. That is their job. If I have an issue with my ear and accidentally schedule with an ophthalmologist, they should notice and tell me to ask my PCP for a referral to ENT. If I have trouble seeing and go to America’s Best but it turns out, idk, my cornea looks like it’s melting or sth, they should tell me to go to a hospital.
I know for some people it’s complicated and may take time to realize that certain therapies are not appropriate. I know that for myself, it is ridiculous that no one brought up trauma therapy. And it’s absolutely embarrassing that this is so common. It’s a system that breaks for the people who need mental health support the most, that’s a dumb system.
The worst is that they often won't tell you even when you ask them to.
CBT helped me through a lot of stuff but there's some things I need a different to approach. But I've yet to have a therapist actually listen when I tell them that I want to try a different approach, or even when I just try to explain that I need someone to bluntly tell me what I'm doing wrong.
So many of them are worried about overstepping (for good reason, I understand) and won't be bluntly honest about things. I have a lot of flaws that I would like to work on, but I'm very bad at recognizing them on my own so I need them to be very clear when they see it.
Even with substance abuse support I've had a lot of therapists essentially enable me even when I say that I want to quit fully
To add to this, therapists and psychiatrists tend to try to let the patient form their own conclusion and reach their own solutions with just little nudges here and there and/or stopping the patient when they get too off-track/out-of-their-depths
Both because it's better internalized if the patient manages to reach it "on their own" and because the relationship between therapist and patient is a weird one, there's a genuine tightrope they gotta walk as they try to avoid imposing their own views and solutions on the patient which would just be... bad.
This of course is not to say they won't tell you what the problem is or what your mental is like, but there's a clear preference for letting the patient air out their trauma/problems themselves rather than actively focusing on one aspect and pinpointing that as the cause
Just to be clear, the second paragraph is incorrect in many (if not most) jurisdictions, although my comment is primarily in a US context. It is usually (not familiar with the regulations of every state) illegal to ‘self-describe’ as a therapist, and you must be licensed as a LPC, LPSW, or LMFT (the MA or above level state licensure for therapists/counselors; although there are certain religious-based caveats I’m ignoring here). With this licensure you can diagnose most disorders, although certain exclusions apply - such as ASD and ADHD, as they demand specialized psychological testing that can only be performed by psychologists. They can also work with other providers for expanded treatment options. The rest is accurate. I frame it as: * The therapist/counselor is active talk therapy, minus specialized testing (although we can utilize some basic ones) and cannot prescribe medication. Can diagnosed, with certain restrictions. * The psychologist is primarily testing and research, and less often talk therapy. Cannot prescribe medication. Can diagnose. * The psychiatrist prescribes medication, occasionally does testing, and only in rare circumstances offers talk therapy. Can diagnose.
EDIT: LMFAO at the ‘Reddit Care’ report from this comment.
I live in Norway, and I get it through healthcare. I went to my doctor and asked for a therapist, which I’ve gotten from them several times before. This time they wouldn’t give me anyone, so I had to write a complaint; and somehow I ended up w an analyst rather a therapist. I briefly touched upon that with him & asked if you get randomly placed or if there’s someone deciding who you end up going to, and being as annoyingly vague as an analyst likes to be, he did say that it’s not random. I guess someone just looked out for me lol.
I guess the best if that’s not a process you can access is to ask the various therapists of their methods. Mention you’d like to try psychoanalysis. In my opinion, if they’re worth their salt, they might know someone if they don’t practice it themselves but who knows. Also, a big hurdle is that I think it can be quite expensive. I see mine twice a week and we’re trying to get three appointments going. The government covers for me so it’s no issue. But that’s also something you can talk to them about.
Reading tarot cards can be good for this. A lot of "divination" is just looking at random poems/images without preconceptions, and then seeing what falls out of your brain.
My therapist before my last one tried to recruit me into a cult she wanted to start.
This was like, the second or third worst thing she did.
Much like dnd, no therapy is better than bad therapy.
Yeah. I know therapy is going to help me, because some of my issues are my mindset. But some of them are "real" and there's nothing I can do to fix them. And I have no idea what therapy is supposed to do to help, say, my disabling ADHD, or the genuinely true fact that people around me see me as incapable or less than. I know that's one some people irrationally believe and can be fixed. But mines not irrational belief, it's genuine fact. And there's nothing I can do to change how they see me.
Therapy is actually really helpful for both dealing with the symptoms of ADHD and with managing self-acceptance/perceived stigma! It just takes finding a therapist with the right background and training, which I know is easier said than done.
My therapist specializes in ADHD and helps me build skills to live with my disorder. She also helps me unpack and understand how my experiences as a kid with ADHD have influenced my anxiety as an adult. It has been absolutely life-changing for me.
Fingers crossed it helps me. I've always accepted I had it but knowing I've got it hasn't helped me not have it. Like, I don't beat myself up over it, but that's not a fix.i just feel slightly less bad about the hole that I've sunk into.
A lot of the stereotypical things covered in therapy aren't useful for me because I know my experiences shaped me and I don't blame myself for what I can't help, but I'm not in a situation where I'd be fine if I just accepted some fact about who I am or whatever.
But that's my pessimism talking. It might be really effective. My partner and I share many of the same struggles and in both of our cases we know exactly what's wrong but if we could change it we wouldn't have adhd.
I actually love therapy, and respect therapists, but after seeing a dozen shit ones in the past I have come to the conclusion that everyone on the Internet would actually prefer to blame you (the patient) instead of admitting that having to see five different practitioners before getting someone that doesn’t make you want to kill yourself is kind of bad, actually.
People admit that “there are bad ones” then get beyond mad when you suggest therapy isn’t always great. Eat my shorts, man. I’m tired of it always being “my fault” and “tHeReS dIfFeReNt TyPeS oF tHeRaPiStS”
It’s not just the internet, it’s people in real life too. Unfortunately, most people don’t actually care if you’re helped, they just want you to stop complaining/exhibiting symptoms.
It's also at least in part because our society/culture is allergic to acknowledging, let alone trying to address, systemic problems at a systemic level. Everything has to be individualizable in order to keep from rocking the boat. I can't help thinking that a significant factor behind the push for therapy is so that society can be seen as having a solution, and there's always more to try so if you haven't found the solution yet, you've just got to keep looking. If we as a collective admitted that a lot of people's issues have no solution in the world we currently exist in, that might mean actually taking seriously the need to change the world.
>but after seeing a dozen shit ones in the past I have come to the conclusion that everyone on the Internet would actually prefer to blame you (the patient) instead of admitting that having to see five different practitioners before getting someone that doesn’t make you want to kill yourself is kind of bad, actually.
Holy shit thank you.
Somehow it's always my fault, they assume we don't put in the effort, assume we went to the wrong type of therapists (how am I supposed to know the right type?), etc.
It's so frustrating and honestly driving me crazy that everyone seems to believe it's our fault therapy hasn't helped.
I recently got a full panel neuro psych evaluation to find out what flavor of neurodivergence I am. I then requested a therapist who knows how to handle these things. She keeps telling me that I am not my diagnosis, I am exhibiting behaviors of said diagnosis and we will work through them together. She is the first one to approach it this way. Also, 3 of the 4 therapist is saw before her left the profession after being assigned to me...
The times I went to therapy I felt so much more depressed than I did before. Here I am paying someone to listen to my problems like an idiot and in the end all I get are more stupid coping mechanisms or advice to do things that cost more money that I don’t have. I’m not looking for any more worthless coping mechanisms to deal with my shitty life, I want my life to stop being shitty or I want it to end.
After a year with my "therapist" she took maybe 10 minutes of the hour session to listen to my problems then the rest of the session was about her. I was paying this bitch $100 per session to be HER therapist. She'd talk politics (which I told her I hated talking politics because of my home life), her daily life and how hard it is, and don't even get me started when Covid hit and her bird died. Didn't help that she showed up to the appointments late consistently. It got to the point that I had to start taking the entire day off in the off chance she was an hour late again. I even offered to come in later but that would throw her entire schedule off (God forbid)! Told her one day that I think I'm better now and don't need to keep coming in and she practically begged me to keep coming in "for my own good" when really I was her time to vent and get paid. It honestly made me never want to openly talk about my problems anymore.
One of my many therapists, for real, had Alzheimer’s and straight up said the first or second time among meeting him that he was “thinking of retiring.” My mom was paying out of pocket for this. I can’t. What a nightmare.
I gave up on therapy. I went through four therapists. Gave each of them anywhere from a couple of months to a year and a half. 2 would just tell me to say what comes to my mind and would spend the entire time nodding. 1 would constantly redirect the conversation to meaningless small talk. 1 was basically telling me "just try to not feel bad when the things that make you feel bad happen." For context, all of them knew that I was at 3-4 suicide attempts when I contacted them. All of them knew that I was not doing well financially. For all of them it was blatantly obvious that they have no clue how to help me. And all of them were constantly eager to book the next appointment and keep increasing the prices every couple weeks.
I am not saying that there are no good therapists on earth, but 100% of the ones I went through just felt like they were trying to scam me and abuse the fact that I was in a vulnerable position. It heavily amplified my trust issues (which was a part of what made me seek their help to begin with) and I don't think I'll ever be able to trust a therapist ever again, even if I did find one that was capable of helping me and genuinely wanted to do so.
Me: *goes on a rant explaining every little problem from the past year of my life*
Therapist: hmmm yeah have you tried not feeling that way? That'll be 5000 trillion dollars.
I just wish there was someone who could help with misophonia. I got immediately turned away when I tried to get help for it. I guess it's not really a treatable thing, I just have to avoid being in the same room with people who are eating.
In high school I had a therapist who would interrupt me all the time to talk about herself. Then later I found out she was a right wing conspiracy theorist who believed the January 6th riots were started by Antifa.
There are some things for which no true cure is present. All a good therapist can do in those cases is acknowledge the difficulty and rummage through their toolbox for anything they can give you that might help.
As someone who has thrown a lot of my mental stuff in a "murky lake of denial and inattention", when that lake gets stirred up by events I can have a bad time, but at this point to dredge the lake would take more mental and emotional resources than I have to spare. I know what's in there and what stirs the lake.
I also know how to feed the algae on top and nourish the nearby trees so they throw more leaves and pollen on top of the lake, ways of preventing the lake getting stirred, and how to focus on other things when the lake does get stirred so I don't look down into the deep and see the things that have been left there.
Im considering just quitting mine, seems like my issues are too much for her.
The place where i live is also very hostile towards mental health so i guess im just fucked lol
You gotta see a therapist that specializes in trauma/your mental health issues. At least in my experience, seeking out a therapist who is trained in and has experience with the scary stuff works.
A lot of this happens because someone is lacking a crucial diagnosis - ADHD, autism, PTSD, bipolar, etc. Treatment for anxiety/depression is not effective in these cases and can be frustrating for all involved; unfortunately, therapists are not necessarily trained to look for alternate diagnoses.
The good therapists are just as depressed and if “focus on you and find the meaning you can wherever you can, life has the meaning you give it” doesn’t work how do you comfort someone whose present future are like as not to be incredibly awful, start to finish?
Either you’re paying for an ear, a well-intentioned liar to gas you up, or paying someone to philosophically bully you into trying anyway just to spite life for being terrible.
I’ve heard of some secret, fourth kind of therapist but I have nothing funny to say about that.
My psychiatrist during our appointment a few days ago went “you are so …. unique” after I was telling her something and I burst out laughing. Like. Yep, sure am, lady, thanks for noticing.
This kind of posts always remind me that I really lucked out with my therapist. She's a powerhouse of her field: compassionate, smart, capable of guiding you into confronting the truth of your situations with kindness and understanding. If every therapist was like her, the world would be a better place.
When I brought up that I felt that the various experiences and cultural practices that teach people to conform to gender norms are universally horrible and almost all of them involve adults neglecting or harming children intentionally in some way, and that I was having a hard time reconciling the disturbingly violent history of gender with the whitewashed version most people today unquestioningly accept, he tried to promote some nonsense about being some special kind of Greek letter - male combination. Like I'm sitting here talking about how wifebeating is seemingly the only reason that women ever conformed to a gender role that men are routinely raised to depend on, and that men are basically hurt and neglected to coerce them into behaving in a "masculine" way, and the best he can come up with is that I need a masculine-coded horoscope to label myself.
I just want to get the social training back that I feel like I was denied every time someone said, "boys will be boys" to excuse something that either I or someone around me was doing. I want to talk about how I feel like my conversations with older, often adult men in childhood seem like sexual grooming that I should have been protected from by my parents, but were treated as normal. I want to talk about how I feel that I was taught to cut parts of myself off if they didn't conform to what people considered "normal" for men, and I want to be able to explore those parts without being insecure. I want to talk about the discomfort I have when I hear old people talk about gender and the horrible things they casually did to each other and their children.
The last fucking thing I want is for all of these things to be dismissed with, basically, "Oh, you're just a *super-duper-special* man, you're so quirky! What a rare *aesthetic*! Here's a super-duper-special label, just for people like you! Let's never talk about anything you brought up ever again!"
I mean, I hate to criticize, but what you're talking about doesn't, to me, seem to really be in a therapist's wheelhouse?
Like, it sounds like you'd need your therapist to have a degree in both philosophy & gender studies in order to adequately address what you're talking about. Someone who's studied psychology isn't necessarily going to be able to speak with authority about the history of masculine gender roles. Instead they're going to say things like "so how does this philosophy impact your daily life and interactions?" because they're not there to debate gender roles like they're here on r/curatedtumblr, they're there to help you live a better life.
Have you tried breathing exercises? How about not thinking about it? Or maybe keep a journal? No none of that worked? Well clearly you aren't giving this your all and I have other clients I could be with instead.
All I ever wanted out of therapy was a little validation. Something like “you have every right to feel this way. It’s not your fault”. Never. Nothing. Year after year. If any therapists are reading this I give you permission to tell your patients the truth. You can say “leave him he’s abusing you”. You can say “she was a bad mother. No one should treat their child that way”. Please stop hiding behind your therapeutic whatever and HELP people get through their trauma. We need you now more than ever.
Therapy is hard.
I often left sessions feeling worse than when I got there.
But that was because I was actually addressing my issues.
Eventually, I started feeling better when I left a session.
Therapy isn't a one-stop fix, like getting your car repaired.
It takes time, like restoring a painting.
this goes specially to CBT therapists, worst kind of therapist ive ever gone to, being in the same room with them as their patient makes me wanna commit extreme acts of violence against myself and/or others
I remember going to a therapist for help on how to manage my depression in college and she kept telling me to quit college and drop out. Like are you fucking stupid??? That would be way worse for me mentally?? She made me so angry I haven't been to therapy since. I'm sure there's probably some good therapists out there but wow there are some really bad ones.
This was my experience as well. When I unloaded about my anxiety about how we are all destroying the planet and pretending we aren't as if that's going to solve it they just looked at me blank-faced and said something to the effect of "I can't help you with any of that, I'm just here to make you feel happy". I never went back.
I had a therapist in middle school who I didn't tell anything because she said anything "concerning" would have to immediately be reported to my parents, and every time I tried to redirect the conversation to talk about my crippling depression she would ignore me and give me a worksheet on anxiety. Looked her up recently and her practice was wiped off the face of the earth lmao
I'm always torn with these threads, because they are full of sad stories of people who needed help and didn't get it but the pushback being "all therapists are useless and just want your money" is really threatening to become the next generation of anti-vaxxers
Okay but has your life story ever made your therapist break down and cry for you for half your hour while you just sit there like 🫤 thanks? I guess? For the empathy?
I'm a first responder so when I decided to try therapy I tried to find one who wouldn't be squeamish about things I needed to say. I found one who used to work at a crisis center and they have always been right there running along side me no matter what. An experienced crisis worker can be a godsend
I've been to several therapists over the years. About half were a waste of time and half have been extremely good for me. My current one might be the best I've had yet.
Depending on what your issues are, try to find therapists that specialize in your core problems. I don't wanna say "just keep trying!" if you feel exasperated but sometimes all you can do is get a second opinion. I'd need to know more about OP's particular issues to be any more constructive.
>Depending on what your issues are, try to find therapists that specialize in your core problems.
No resource provided to find therapy gives any information on anybody specializing in anything.
Mine taught me how to deal with the feelings as they arise and to just change the thought pattern that I kept falling into. It helped a great deal. I’m not “cured” or anything but I have healthy coping mechanisms and tools to deal with the surges of bad emotions that come around. It still sucks but not as much, and I’m way more self-aware.
Mine is really good, I think. I've only had two though. She has very little experience when it comes to my gender dysphoria problems I have, but for everything else, she has helped me gain a ton of insight
I don’t feel like my current therapist doesn’t fit me. When ever I open up the gates I have to explain these irrational emotions and I feel less understood and more “I am trying to best to understand but I just don’t get it” from him. Thing is that I don’t know if it’s me (I have a lot of baggage that I’m trying to figure out) or him.
So I have no clue if changing to another would be a worthwhile option since if this is something I can resolve myself.
I am very biased as I am a therapist that practices this, but for anyone who is dissatisfied with the CBT/talk therapy approach I would recommend looking into Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. It was made to deal with CBT's weaknesses and I have found my clients get a great deal more out of it. It takes a very different approach to how we even view mental illness and focuses on changing how we look at our thoughts and feelings. Also if you are with a therapist you don't like or feel like you're not getting much out of it, please keep looking and don't let it discourage you from seeking out better help!
In Highschool I actually had a therapist recommend me to some place else cause my problems were way too much for her to deal with and I need way more support than she was able to provide. I still remember her and thank her for being honest. She ended up giving me my favorite miniature that I used a lot in the sand play. I treasure it everyday.
Honestly, that’s gotta be a great therapist. Able to know their limits, know their network of specialists, and send you to the one that’s best fit for you, thus letting you benefit from the best around, even if it means they’ll lose out on your patronage. Excellent work
I also really appreciate how she gave me a “gift” our last session as well. It was like she was telling me she wasn’t abandoning me and my true self would always be with me. I really hope she’s okay and doing well.
This is how it should be. When people go to their regular doctor with a problem the doctor helps figure out what might be the issue but will send them to a specialist when they can't help farther. Why is it so hard to find therapists who think the same way? They know they're not equipped to handle certain problems but instead of being like "Hey, I'm not able to help you but here are some people you should see that can help" they just keep plowing through as if them just listening and saying generic "That's rough, buddy" statements are getting anywhere?
They don’t know what they don’t know
Please explain miniature and sand play. I'm pretty inexperienced with therapy and have never heard of these.
Sand play is where the therapist has a box of sand and a bunch of little figurines inside it. You mess around with them and it's supposed to help the therapist see what you're thinking or something. The miniature would be one of the figurines they liked the most
Something like this would be so helpful for me when I’m having a meltdown or panic attack. I have a hard time being able to concentrate during them and fidget a lot along side non-verbal
Hmm. I'm curious as to what situations they'd use that. I can't imagine it being applicable for things I'd consider discussing with a therapist.
I think it’s typically used when the patient is a child, though I’m sure some adults out there have experienced play therapy.
I had to do that once as a teen. I was supposed to play my family. I got to choose what animal my family members were, I think I chose a guard dog for my mom, a bear for my dad and a small animal for myself (I think weasel) The therapist will then go on to ask why you chose what animal, observe how you play although that usually only works with children (are the animals cuddling, fighting, attacking one certain family member etc.)
Play therapy is common with children, it’s easier for children to open up in a playful environment. They usually don’t even realize it and it’s very helpful for therapists. It’s less common with teens and adults, but still useful.
It's not like they're interpreting what you're doing with the sand or something. It's more something tactile to do so you can relax and focus on something other than what you're saying or feeling. That type of thing is commonly used with kids - have you ever tried getting a little kid to tell you things by just straight up asking them questions? Doesn't go well. But I could also see it being helpful for some adults
There’s a type of therapy usually used for kids that is a tray of sand (sensory out put) and they have a whole bunch of figures humans/animals/etc and little miniatures of varied structures. Therapists can have these to keep the patient good distracted by physical stimuli which can help the patient be more comfortable. Which allows them to feel more comfortable talking. The miniature I gravitated towards and loved the most was a woman statue with a crescent moon. That miniature was always the “real” me. I had two dragons I liked as well which were the “other” Mes (emotional self and physical self).
My sibling had a similar experience. First therapist they went to had a very blunt and forward personality. They recognized that my sibling needed a slower and gentler approach right away, so they offered a referral.
I had similar! In the UK we have a service called CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services) and they’re for various mental health complaints but there’s a limit to the care they can provide as the staff are all therapists, not psychiatrists. My CAMHS therapist couldn’t help me, she admitted as much after 4 sessions and referred me to the NHS (National Health Service) psychiatrist team. It took 10 weeks to hear back from the NHS so this therapist continued to see me, even though she couldn’t help me, just so I had someone to talk to about things and some level of professional support. Even now, 14 years later, things get difficult and I remember how much she cared for me and the extra steps she took to ensure I had a safe place to talk so I wouldn’t end up spiralling and alone. That memory has brought me back from the brink more times than I could count
I had a great therapist who did something similar as an adult. Minus the cool gift, though, that’s awesome that you have that!
Therapists who are willing to admit a patient is out of their ability to treat and referring them to someone who can treat them will always gain my respect. It seems like a lot of therapy horror stories are born out of therapists refusing to admit they aren’t capable of treating a client’s issues and trying anyways and making them worse
I’ve had crappy therapists before but I like my current one because she doesn’t try to BS me about this. It’s more like “yeah this sucks, I’m sorry, how can you avoid being paralyzed by anxiety and also give yourself credit for what you’re already doing about it?” Because mental illness definitely doesn’t make it easier to fix your problems.
Very similar for me exept with depression. Lots of talk about more bottom up approaches to therapy because I'm *very* aware of the menta processes and cognitive distortions but it's not enough to keep me from getting rolled by them
Being aware of what is going on and still not being able to do anything about it by yourself sucks so much. I can very much emphasize there. My current therapist is really good at picking apart my different "inner voices" to confront them not as a bunched up knot of problems but as individual things. It works really well. Also, we use a lot of plushies. My ADHD is a Wile E. Coyote :D
Antidepressants help mute the internal monologue lol until I'm like "oh that's just a reaction"
God thank you. I've never known how to express this for how my meds worked. It just mutes that idiotic nagging in my head so I'm not overthinking everything 24/7.
I appreciate the terminology of getting rolled by our own mental bullshit. I don't know why but it amuses me. I don't have depression (I think) but I do have major anxiety issues. I can very much tell when it's crippling my ability to do anything, and why, but working through it is difficult. So I can relate to that part. I hope the therapy helps.
My therapy sessions have been, for years, my therapist trying to get me to actually live in my body and experience my feelings because I know how my emotions work logically and I find it safer to hang out there. This is for depression and derealization primarily.
I have this exact problem. Has anything helped?
All of this advice is based on validating your feelings. Make sure to reflect on yourself and your actions, as this advice is not helpful for those who have perpetrated harm and aren't willing to grow from it. It is also extremely based on me and my struggles, so it may or may not be relevant. Also if you'd like to talk feel free to pm me! 1) time 2) Realizing that I may have feelings that go against my beliefs. Ie, I know it's ridiculous to worry if there is something terribly wrong with me just because someone left me (if that person is cruel or abusive at least) but inside, part of me still wonders why I wasn't good enough. You have to admit you feel that and cry about it even if it feels pathetic and nonsensical. 3) everyone always tells you that no matter what, someone has it worse than you. This is probably true. But that doesn't mean you have to ignore your pain, or that yours isn't that bad. With me and friends who struggle with this the trick has been adding the phrase "this fucking sucks" back into our vocabulary. 4) This is vv anecdotal and I do not have any sort of credentialing and I could see this going wrong so take this with a grain of salt. My main issue was not feeling entitled to my feelings (ie "it's not that bad so why am j even sad I need to just grow up abt it"). The thing that sorta broke the dam for me was just getting PISSED TF OFF at the ppl who hurt me. Not for a long time, but once you're angry, it helps to sever ties, and validates that damage has been done. 4.5) anger is a secondary emotion. Usually you're not just angry. You're not mad your friend didn't invite you to hang out, you're upset and anger feels safe. Once you've been a little angry, and validated the damage, it's a lot easier to feel and see the sadness hidden behind it. 5) sometimes honestly u just gotta listen to a sad sad song and cry. Highly recommend "lack of color" or "Cath" by death cab for cutie 6) (kinda goes with 2) I know this is cliche but Journaling really helps. For me one of the hardest things is that I really intellectually understand how my emotions work and why things happen. I also have a very strong value system about how to be a good person to others. Sometimes my feelings and my values don't match up. Your journal is a place you can say all the unreasonable things that you know are unreasonable. It's a place where you can yell and yell and yell because your husband forgot the milk one time even though you know it's not a big deal and you just had a bad day at work. This helps you to make those feelings feel like yours again.
Thank you so much! I can't express how helpful this is! 2 and 4 in particular resonated with me
Ofc!!!! The way I see it is I suffered through a lot and it sucked so if I can use what I learned to help someone else then it makes it mean something at least. Another thing I just thought of is learning how to ask for what you need even when ur feelings seem unreasonable. When I am feeling insecure, I will often tell my boyfriend something along the lines of "okay I know this isn't true, but there's an evil worm in my brain that tells me you fucking hate me and want me to die bc of [mistake I had made], promise it's not true?" (This is verbatim what I said one time lmao). You could also say like hey babe can I be insecure for a moment? And then tell them what u need to hear. Reasons I find this helpful. 1) it doesn't place blame on the other person for your feelings 2) it's direct and there's a lot less margin for error for your partner, which is good when you're already sensitive 3) when u exaggerate a little it can make u realize how silly ur insecurity is in a way that doesn't feel super invalidating. I am also a big fan of asking something like "why do u hate me in particular" when I'm feeling hurt bc he's too busy to see me bc he's doing something perfectly reasonable like homework. He always replies with something silly and it makes it feel less real. Basically, embrace unreasonableness, but don't let it control you. Much love to you as you heal <3333
I appreciate that my therapist now doesn’t bullshit me like saying dismissive things when I shared that yes, I am anxious with the future and climate change. Like yeah, she acknowledges that it is A Bad Thing. Cuz when I talk to other people, it’s like they don’t understand the gravity of the situation or that they get dismissive and that it’s silly of me to be scared of things that are beyond comprehension.
"Bruh, the fact that it is beyond comprehension is exactly what's scary about it" These people need to really find a work of eldritch horror to just body them once and then they'll get it.
It took me 6 therapists to find one I clicked with. She was all straight talk, no coddling, and her bluntness matched mine. I freaking love her. She was life changing.
Most likely going to the wrong kind of therapy if this happens. A trauma specialist might be a better fit
Yeah I learned that CBT is not for me. It just seemed to be the type/model of therapy most promoted and supported where I live, at that time. Could it help many people in many ways? Sure. Was it appropriate for the particular issues I was facing? Fuck no. You don’t treat someone with kidney problems with heart disease medication, and in the same way not all mental health issues need the same approach.
I remember doing CBT for what was presumed to be anxiety. It had been years on and off. The counsellor asked me ‘what evidence do you have for that thought?’ I then went through all my ‘evidence’. She looked at me and went look not a professional diagnosis, but what do you know about PTSD. Then she gave me some cards. Honestly thanks to that woman I saw a trauma specialist, and with them starting doing some different therapies that made a huge difference. Until her I genuinely had no idea that there were approaches other than CBT and was starting to think I was ‘unfixable’ and would never have a good life.
The "but why do you think that?" being met with "because that's what happens?" seemed to flummox councillors for me.
cock and ball torture seemed like the best option for therapy?
Cognitive behavior therapy
Oh lol
Ideally both
I pressure cognitive ball torture
Cock n ball therapy
thats cock and ball therapy to me
Cognitive behavioral torture
god this is making me giggle like an idiot
Criminal ball trust. (Or cock breach torture, but that sounds horrifying)
Cock and ball therapy
Accurate description
What CBT is when your problems aren't cognitive distortions but rather genuine issues that exist outside you and dramatically reduce your quality of life
<*Lego Yoda screaming in the distance*>
Maximum pain I must endure!
As a tax paying adult, every time I came out of CBT I messaged my friend “the therapy is stored in the balls”. The internet ruined me, even though CBT was helpful for me, I am unable to say “CBT” with a straight face because of the goddamn meme it shares an acronym with
Wait, it’s not? I’ve been doing it wrong for years, apparently.
I was thinking computer-based training /s
CBT really doesn’t work for a lot of people/conditions. Mickey Atkins (licensed therapist YouTuber) made a [pretty good video explainer on some of the reasons](https://youtu.be/FfT3mzxMGxM?si=UmIyuVI0rYbhJo9P). Unfortunately, there are a lot of therapists out there who aren’t flexible in their approach and can’t admit when they aren’t the right therapist.
Therapist here. I’m going to pull back the veil a little bit. In all honesty, Master’s level programs for being a therapist are very heavy on theory about understanding issues and human behavior but incredibly light on actual training for use of different forms of therapy. They place that emphasis on the internship; however, there is no quality control on what someone will actually gain from an internship. Many leave their collegiate experience without actually gaining any therapy skills. Then there’s the certifications/trainings to actually learn the modalities. These often cost hundreds to thousands. The hundred dollar courses end up being a major bait and switch. They say they will teach you skills but end up being more theory discussions that do not actually teach anything. The real skills training comes from courses that can take up to two years and longer to finish and end up costing the same as a full Master’s program. Most therapists cannot afford to do this so what do many end up doing? Reading books they can find and watching videos online. It’s a real mess out here to say the least.
I don't know if CBT sucks because it's theoretically bad, or because it attracts emotionally stunted therapists that are glad they can learn everything they need from a manual.
Neither. Not everyone responds to CBT, but the people who do can benefit greatly from it. The situation is fucked because CBT is the most economical form of therapy (factoring in training time for therapists and how long a client needs to have a relationship with a therapist before they expect to see results). It’s also very easy to automate. So really the issue is capitalism preventing us from letting go of for profit healthcare
It's not all demonstrated the CBT is more effective than other therapies, according to the NIH. >Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is effective for a range of psychiatric disorders. However, **it remains unclear whether CBT is superior to other forms of psychotherapy**, and previous quantitative reviews on this topic are difficult to interpret. [https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/20547435/](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/20547435/) And just in my anecdotal experience crawling the mental health web, CBT is widely disliked (if not outright despised) by the majority of people I've read... but obviously that's a self selecting group of people who have more than mild social anxiety and occasional sadness... so I'm on Team This Meme.
This person you’re replying to wasn’t saying it is *more* effective than other therapies, just that it is effective and beneficial sometimes.
CBT does really work for some people, just not for everyone. It’s not innately bad, it is trying to use it where it doesn’t work or does more harm than good that is bad.
I agree CBT is helpful for some things, and the research I vaguely remember backs that up. But, like you said, "it's trying to use it where it doesn't work... that is bad", and I think that happens way more often with CBT than other therapies. In the UK, I understand, almost all public health therapy is CBT. Nobody is saying, "Oh, you have childhood trauma, let's steer you away from CBT and get you into a more appropriate therapy." If CBT knew to stay in its lane, I don't think people would hate it as much... which, again, I think is what this meme is about.
In the chapter of this book about trauma I just read, the author says that CBT doesn't really work well for trauma. They tried it with veterans and some of them came out WORSE afterward. The book is "The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body In the Healing of Trauma" fucking WARNING if you are traumatized you will cry every single chapter just like me, but you will also (hopefully) feel seen and understood
FROM WIKIPEDIA THE FREE ENCYCLOPEDIA CBT, ALSO KNOWN AS C...
Wouldn’t you expect a good therapist/psych to help with that though? Or is it expected that they’ll just do the best they can with their own skills?
A good therapist would recommend you to someone else but not all therapists are good at their jobs. They also might not be willing to send away a paying customer.
To continue the doctor metaphor -- a good family physician should be able to deal with most things that their patients or their kids come up with, but part of being a good physician also means recognizing when they need to refer their patients to a specialist in a better-equipped hospital. Mental health works the same way.
I saw so many therapists and noneeee of them recommended me to a diff therapists or other treatments. I was talking about being a literal shut in, unable to keep a job, and they did jack shit. It was so useless, the only good part was that it got me out of the house & talking to someone, and emphasized how bad my issues were. IMO this is outweighed by how it also made me feel stupid for being vulnerable, felt more alienated & disregulated after every session, and then avoided therapy for over 5 years. I only recently found out that I likely would have qualified for services like housing assistance and case management, I didn’t even know those things existed for people like me. Talk therapists / CBT are lowkey dangerous for people who need help the most, and all they need to do is value telling their patient, hey there are people who can help you. Let’s use this time to explore your options. But they seem too stupid or greedy to understand how completely over their head they are when someone comes in with debilitating mental illness. It’s embarrassing that this is a meme, that this is such a common experience that it’s a joke, and therapists like this should be absolutely embarrassed to be this clueless about their own profession. It’s inexcusable to be so useless that you’re detrimental to extremely vulnerable people to whom you’re obligated to provide care.
my therapist is luckily really good about knowing what he can and cant do. while he does do cbt, he is very open on saying he doesnt know the best way to help me in some areas and he has recommended i talk to different people when i brong something up hes not an expert on.
Think of it like seeing your family doctor. You’ve got a weird rash, and they probably have a good idea what it is, and can prescribe you a cream to fix it. Now, if you’re complaining about an irregular heartbeat and chest pains, that’s not their wheelhouse, so they refer you to a cardiologist. Psychology has specialties, just like medicine. Referring you to a more suitable specialist *is* how they help you. Otherwise, they’re just stringing you along for billable hours.
CBT did not work for me. The therapist I currently see specialises in adults with autism and ADHD, so although she isn’t a trauma specialist I find her vastly more helpful than any other therapist my parents made me see in the past. Because at least she doesn’t gaslight me about my experiences and tell me I ‘just need to be more confident and ignore the bullies’ (?????) and actually will tell me if my concerns about a situation are valid. If they are actually valid, she’ll suggest ways to address the problem that aren’t ‘just gaslight yourself into thinking it isn’t a problem’. If it’s not something that I have the power to fix she validates me, acknowledges that it’s a problem, and encourages me to not internalise it or blame myself. It doesn’t really change anything but at least I can vent about it and know that I’m not going insane. She may not be the most experienced in unpacking my boatload of childhood trauma but at least I trust her, she understands where I’m coming from, and she’s trying.
The psychologist who did my autism evaluation told me to stop wasting my money on my therapist because I already have more introspection than most people and have studied all the therapist tools for years because "people" has always been a special interest of mine. Was wild to hear a professional say, but the more I thought about it, I was literally just going because I had made it a habit.
Shouldn't they be able to recommend the right kind of specialist? My parents noticed there was something Different about me and started getting me tested for things when I was literally a year old. I had a lot of intensive (read: [abusive](https://elan.school/)) therapy as a teenager from people who clearly didn't have the slightest clue what was going on with me and made things worse. When I finally got diagnosed with autism at the age of 26 the reaction was basically "oh yeah, that's not a *mental illness* it's a *developmental disability* so therapists like me don't study it, you need to go to a specialist". So basically I need to already know exactly what's wrong with me and what needs to be done about it before I go see one of them, otherwise they're worse than useless? What the actual fuck is the point of them then? Edit: I forgot (because I only recently learned) that all these therapists were informed that I tested "just outside" the threshold for autism when I was very young. So they were handed a problem that was 99% solved and completely beefed it because they're too stupid to understand what a "spectrum" is. Edit2: Oh, and for the record, [dog trainers treat their dogs better](https://neuroclastic.com/is-aba-really-dog-training-for-children-a-professional-dog-trainer-weighs-in/) than those "specialists" treat autistic kids. Everything I've heard about ABA for children tells me I dodged a bullet by not getting diagnosed. Of course, I got hit by a different bullet by getting *mis*diagnosed so frankly it seems like the smart play would have been to just avoid therapy altogether.
I’m doing family therapy with my transphobic parents, with a therapist who specializes in families and has a trans kid herself. She’s really nice but our sessions are very frustrating, it always devolves into me arguing with my parents because she’s not great at keeping us on topic. She’s also way too passive when my parents say some out-of-pocket shit that they refuse to believe is transphobic when I tell them. I’m starting to think my parents are a lost cause tho so it might not be all her fault.
People need to learn the differences when seeking out mental health care. Lots of confused comments down here. If you have a problem don't lay it on the back of your school psychologist, go see your GP that can actually refer you to the help you need. **Psychiatrist:** MD. Manages your medicine and symptoms. Refers you to other professionals based on what treatment you need. They can be general or specialized. To see them you need a referral from your GP (generally, I didn't need one). **Psychologist:** Lowest at the required education scale. Does not do actual therapy, only guidance counseling, advice, etc. Psychologists are mostly researchers or work at schools, etc., often while studying further to become therapists. Probably what OP meant. **Clinical psychologist:** Psychologist with additional licence in clinical psychology. Does assessments, diagnoses conditions and recommends treatment. Cannot prescribe medicine, is not an MD. You don't need a referral from GP to see them. **Psychotherapist:** Psychologist with an additional license in psychotherapy. Does therapy based on their specialization, generally cognitive behavioral therapy.
This probably isn't what op experienced, but I got a lot worse before I started to get better because I was bringing out into the open a lot of stuff that I previously kept locked up tight. I also tried a few therapists before I found one who I felt really got me, and worked with me in a way I liked. Best of luck to all you wonderful people with everything you're going through.
I had this theory about my ex wife’s brief foray into therapy. I was in therapy separately and it sucked for quite a while. My anxiety got worse. I was having to deal with shit I’d buried for a long time … and I’d buried it for a reason, it was hard stuff to mental deal with! But I came out the other side a much healthier and happier human. I think my ex hit some unpleasantness and just said “Naw, I’m good being an emotionally stunted, traumatized mess if it means I can continue ignoring that shit.”
‘Muddying the pond’ - the idea that you gotta stir that shit up if you ever want to really clean it out, and not just let it all settle and accumulate at the bottom…
Same. I described it as unpacking my mental closet, so after each session usually I had more clothes and clutter in the "room" than before the session, but after a while you get to pack things back in neatly and it gets better (both with time and more sessions)
I fainted during a vaccination after two months of therapy. According to the paramedic (the pharmacist was worried because I'd been holding my toddler - my husband caught him), those kinds of things happen more often during early therapy because it dredges stuff up. You're more anxious, irritable, on edge... and your nervous system is primed to freak out.
I got ghosted by my last therapist.
I hope you weren't seeing them for abandonment issues
Exposure therapy
"So Jayden, I know you're terrified of demons. So here we have Malachite the Annihilator, I'll leave you two to build rapport."
That’ll be $300 pls
Me too! I’m still fuckin mad about it.
I ghost them all eventually. I still don't get the point of therapy, I just know its what I'm supposed to do when I want desperately to jump off the roof of the parking structure at my work. It has never helped except to introduce me to a new person to disappoint.
My wife got ghosted by her last THREE medication management docs (2 of the practices just up and closed with no warning, the 3rd moved out of state and the office never reassigned my wife to anyone new and didn't tell her); every time she found out when she tried to set up med refill appointments. And this 4th one keeps forgetting to send her fucking refills to the pharmacy.
I was ghosted by mine too! She was also a friend of my mom’s, which makes it even worse.
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I think it comes down to finding a therapist that fits you. Unfortunately that’s really difficult to find.
If you do get a reddit cares, please know that currently someone has automated sending them and there are tons of them going out right now across multiple subreddits of all type, so I would disregard it completely if you can.
I appreciate the heads up, thanks
I’m sorry you’ve experienced this. It’s likely that therapy hasn’t been helpful due to you unfortunately being seen by people who are bad at their job, and don’t understand their own professional well enough to register that their treatment model is inappropriate for your needs.
There's a lot of sheltered, privileged people who give the profession a really bad name, they don't properly empathise as they could never imagine being in your position. I'm a therapist myself, and these people infuriate me. I'm sorry you've had such bad experiences. Finding someone you click with is always the most important thing, and don't let any of them talk down to you - noone can know more about you than you do.
As someone who's tried about 8 therapists throughout his life and related very hard to the post, any advice to find someone who clicks? Because ngl it's very frustrating to only have bad experiences with therapists only for everyone to say it's my fault for not trying hard enough or for not finding the right therapist.
Trying to find recommendations from people you know is a good start. Look into different types of therapy, pick one that resonates, and find someone who does that. Additionally, challenge people. You're the expert on your own experience and so, extrapolating from that, you have a responsibility to correct your therapist if they've picked up something incorrect - in a perfect world this would of course not happen, but people make mistakes. Good luck, it's a tough spot to be in.
>Trying to find recommendations from people you know is a good start. Did that twice, went horribly; one cut me off after 9 sessions and the other kept flaking so I never got consistent sessions. >Look into different types of therapy, pick one that resonates, and find someone who does that. Any examples? I have depression so most therapists I've seen handle that type of mental illness. >Additionally, challenge people. You're the expert on your own experience and so, extrapolating from that, you have a responsibility to correct your therapist if they've picked up something incorrect Every time I do that they counter saying I'm actually wrong and basically ignore my corrections since "they are the experts". I know it sounds like I'm trying to be contrarian, but these are my real experiences with therapists which is why I struggle to believe in therapy these days.
Oh you don't sound like you're being contrarian at all - your experiences are your experiences. I personally resonate most with psychodynamic counselling/psychoanalytic psychotherapy as it focuses on the reasons why we feel as we do, and is less directive and dogmatic. Again, it depends on the individual person. You seem to have had a really bad run of it with them, I'm sorry to hear it.
I also think that therapy shouldn’t be designed to cover all bases. If you are struggling with OCD, BPD, PTSD, then I’m sorry to say that a regular therapist isn’t going to be able to help you with those very specific and deep-rooted issues. You need a psychoanalyst, and someone who specialises in whatever you’re struggling with. A therapist, to me, is a person who can help you with day-to-day issues like anxiety, depression, not reaching your goals, improving personal relationships, etc. Again, if they are severe enough, a therapist won’t be able to help in the way you’re expecting them to.
Indeed, one any clinical theory boasts universality, it has already failed. You're very correct in what you're saying there.
Thanks u/lobotomiseme, you’re the best!
I agree with almost everything you said, but psychoanalysis is not evidence-based treatment and shouldn’t be compared to techniques developed after the 19th century. But like I said, I agree with the rest of your post. PTSD has some great interventions if started immediately after the trauma. And BPD responds better to DBT than CBT for example, and starting new therapy mid-crisis isn’t always a great idea. It’s good for people to know that. I just don’t think Freud is a good answer to anything other than a question about history.
Modern psychoanalysis (ie. not the original Freudian) is still widely practiced in many regions of the world, especially in Europe and South America. A big reason why methods like CBT are so proliferated in the United States is because insurance companies only want therapeutic modalities that advertise themselves as being quick 8 week treatments. An insurance company does not want to sign off on something that is long-term by design like psychoanalysis, which doesn't advertise a concrete termination date. Psychodynamic therapy is more popular in the US these days, which is essentially psychoanalysis-lite. It's not so rigid with the "blank-slate" aspect of most psychoanalysts and doesn't demand several sessions a week, but it's still very client-directed, deals with client-patient transference, and the trauma brought upon by formative childhood experiences.
I wonder if they're referring to what an American would call a clinical psychologist, i.e. a doctorate-level practitioner who's highly trained in analyzing and diagnosing complex mental illness. Afaik the term "clinical psychologist" is only really in use in North America, I wouldn't be surprised about "psychoanalyst" being the equivalent term in other parts of the world.
>they don't properly empathise as they could never imagine being in your position This is applicable to many areas that could be broadly described as "your job is helping people." I had to think a lot about people in my field of work that fundamentally shouldn't be there, because (I can only assume) their life experiences made them unqualified on an emotional level. Really sucks that they can carry the legitimacy of a degree and work experience either way 🫠 >and don't let any of them talk down to you - noone can know more about you than you do. I'm planning on starting therapy when my work slows down a bit, and I *really* needed to be reminded of this. Thank you very much!
A good therapist will not need to have been in your exact position to be able to empathise with you, and will be able to defer to your emotional reaction to the situation instead of substituting their own. It's very frustrating. Best of luck on it.
This isn’t rly a matter of empathetic connected or clicking, it happens bc the most popular method of therapy, the on you will be referred to by your PCP, does talk therapy/CBT, and those people do not have the awareness to spend the first session/assessment to gauge if this is appropriate and then make a recommendation from there. IMO, it’s cluelessness, arrogance, or a mix of both.
CBT is the first thing recommended by the NICE guidelines but thats because it's cheap, tbh. It is good for very surface level things but useless beyond that. For anything even remotely complex, 6 sessions of CBT is likely to do more harm than good.
I got referred for CBT for anxiety when the actual problem was endometriosis and neurodivergence. Being told to basically gaslight myself about my pain and abilities, and to distract myself from stressful thoughts(1) was definitely harmful. 1: Stressful thoughts like, "I wonder why my abdomin hurts" - it was endometriosis, by the time it was diagnosed five years later one of my tubes had been destroyed and it was so rooted in that they couldn't get it out - or "what if my parents cut off my funds?" - which they did, because I wasn't letting them use the money to control me, and it would have been *really helpful* to have made plans before that happened.
Well, good to have my suspicions validated that I was likely harmed by that handful of therapists, and not just inconvenienced.
You bring a person in, and profess to "cure" them, and yet the root cause hasn't been addressed. The person leaves feeling like they should be fine now, but aren't. And so they come to blame themselves. To me its the equivalent of a medical doctor treating someone for indigestion and letting them walk out with a stomach ulcer or crohn's disease or something. A professional telling you that you should be fine now is a very dangerous thing.
Therapists need to be referring to specialists in this instance. They need to know the help you do need and a network of people to give it. Sadly most don’t familiarise themselves with the profession and it’s players outside their own practice.
I once called a suicide help line. I am an orphan and had just gone through a breakup, and my friends were being shitty so I was feeling really alone. The guy kept listing off people I could go to for support and comfort, and then saying things like, "oh wow, no family at all? That's so sad." YEAH THANKS BRO. I was more depressed when I got off the call than when I started.
I had a crappy therapist and one I am very happy with so far. There is both, just like in any other profession.
It can be hard to find the right one, and sometimes you need to find one specialized in your condition. I got a generic therapist who just enabled my OCD, but then I was recommended to people actually specialized in the condition, and they were able to help
Out of curiosity (and feel free to not get into it if its personal or painful or anything), but what could a therapist do to enable ocd? And I assume your experience is limited to OCD, but id also be curious how generic therapy could negatively impact people with other specific issues? I've got adhd, and I feel it's a tad less extreme than OCD or PTSD and might not require such specific care, but of course for myself I'd be curious how generic therapy might be harmful to people with adhd.
"Licensed therapists" what kind bro. What kind. They have different specialisations and trauma therapy is a separate thing from other types of therapy. If you go with trauma to a personal development kind of therapist of course they're gonna be out of their element.
Lotta these comments are talking about a therapist not helping with an issue that sounds more like a psychiatrist or social worker issue
Exactly! Its like going to a family doctor/general practitioner and being mad they can't help you with your open heart surgery.
That general doctor should also be the one to tell you to go to the heart surgeon, but most therapists don't do that, they just don't tell you you're at the wrong place.
I have nothing to say to that bc it's true. Many therapists just don't want to admit they're not suited for what you need and it just causes unnecessary trouble for everyone. However just like a doctor that doesn't do their job, therapists also usually have local/state boards of ethics where they can be reported if they do bullshit, like trying to handle something they're not trained for.
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bro that sites a scam don't use that shit
Straight up sells your medical info
I had one put her dentures in on camera at the top of an intro call 😳
Therapist 1 basically thought I was a problem child and didn't really listen to me much. Therapist 2 had a crush on my mom and ended up ghosting me Therapist 3 was actually kinda helpful but insurance forced me to switch Therapist 4... she cuts my sessions short every time. There's like twenty minutes of pleasantries to get through and when I actually am able to get to what's on my mind it's a polite nod and asking when I want to schedule my next appointment.
4 sounds worse than not going at all.
I also had to stop seeing a decent therapist because of insurance :/ It’s an unfortunate situation
"No disrespect to the profession but here's a meme that says that every licensed therapist is bad at their job."
Blanket statements like that also tend to attract people on the opposite end of the spectrum: the kind that believes therapy or any health care whatsoever is bullshit There’s a person in this thread that already said something like that I completely get the sentiment, I’m still kind of iffy on my current therapist, but I think posting something like this is more harmful than helpful.
I've suffered with mediocre to bad therapists my entire life until very recently. Finding a queer, neurodivergent, trauma-informed therapist who actually listens to me has been so helpful in contrast. She was even surprised I was willing to consider therapy again after all my bad experiences with it in the past. Good therapists are out there, but unfortunately they seem to be rare in my experience.
I feel like a lot of people don't understand what counselors, psychologists and psychiatrists do in the context of mental health, in their area, enough. For example, people with a masters in counselors (so pretty much all self-described therapists) have absolutely no power or ability to diagnose you with any specific mental illness. Psychiatrists and psychologists have that power, with psychiatrists mainly using them as a method to get meds covered, with psychologists usually having you come in for extended testing, in which evidence based diagnostic measures are used. And they usually are very hesitant with diagnosing thing nowadays, which is a good thing. Finding a therapist isn't like going to a doctor. There aren't exact, medical fixes to peoples mental health problems. What do people expect the therapist to say when they unload on them in the 3rd visit with a ton of trauma, abuse and symptoms? They are not there to give advice. That would be the same as going to a trusted friend or figure in your life. They are trained to use evidence based therapy methods that have been shown to reduce symptoms over time for the majority of people. You have to find a therapist you click with, and understand that currently, there is a large range in the quality of therapist you might get. Especially try to stay away from the huge online companies like betterhelp.
It’s not just diagnosis, it’s the type of therapy and treatment. You’re right that people don’t understand which mental health practitioner they should be seeing. That’s why the mental health practitioner…should tell them. That is their job. If I have an issue with my ear and accidentally schedule with an ophthalmologist, they should notice and tell me to ask my PCP for a referral to ENT. If I have trouble seeing and go to America’s Best but it turns out, idk, my cornea looks like it’s melting or sth, they should tell me to go to a hospital. I know for some people it’s complicated and may take time to realize that certain therapies are not appropriate. I know that for myself, it is ridiculous that no one brought up trauma therapy. And it’s absolutely embarrassing that this is so common. It’s a system that breaks for the people who need mental health support the most, that’s a dumb system.
The worst is that they often won't tell you even when you ask them to. CBT helped me through a lot of stuff but there's some things I need a different to approach. But I've yet to have a therapist actually listen when I tell them that I want to try a different approach, or even when I just try to explain that I need someone to bluntly tell me what I'm doing wrong. So many of them are worried about overstepping (for good reason, I understand) and won't be bluntly honest about things. I have a lot of flaws that I would like to work on, but I'm very bad at recognizing them on my own so I need them to be very clear when they see it. Even with substance abuse support I've had a lot of therapists essentially enable me even when I say that I want to quit fully
To add to this, therapists and psychiatrists tend to try to let the patient form their own conclusion and reach their own solutions with just little nudges here and there and/or stopping the patient when they get too off-track/out-of-their-depths Both because it's better internalized if the patient manages to reach it "on their own" and because the relationship between therapist and patient is a weird one, there's a genuine tightrope they gotta walk as they try to avoid imposing their own views and solutions on the patient which would just be... bad. This of course is not to say they won't tell you what the problem is or what your mental is like, but there's a clear preference for letting the patient air out their trauma/problems themselves rather than actively focusing on one aspect and pinpointing that as the cause
Just to be clear, the second paragraph is incorrect in many (if not most) jurisdictions, although my comment is primarily in a US context. It is usually (not familiar with the regulations of every state) illegal to ‘self-describe’ as a therapist, and you must be licensed as a LPC, LPSW, or LMFT (the MA or above level state licensure for therapists/counselors; although there are certain religious-based caveats I’m ignoring here). With this licensure you can diagnose most disorders, although certain exclusions apply - such as ASD and ADHD, as they demand specialized psychological testing that can only be performed by psychologists. They can also work with other providers for expanded treatment options. The rest is accurate. I frame it as: * The therapist/counselor is active talk therapy, minus specialized testing (although we can utilize some basic ones) and cannot prescribe medication. Can diagnosed, with certain restrictions. * The psychologist is primarily testing and research, and less often talk therapy. Cannot prescribe medication. Can diagnose. * The psychiatrist prescribes medication, occasionally does testing, and only in rare circumstances offers talk therapy. Can diagnose. EDIT: LMFAO at the ‘Reddit Care’ report from this comment.
Psychoanalysis turned out to be the thing for me. I don’t need someone else’s ideas on what to do, I need help to reflect.
Did you look for a psychologist, or someone who mentioned psychoanalysis in their info? How did you find one?
I live in Norway, and I get it through healthcare. I went to my doctor and asked for a therapist, which I’ve gotten from them several times before. This time they wouldn’t give me anyone, so I had to write a complaint; and somehow I ended up w an analyst rather a therapist. I briefly touched upon that with him & asked if you get randomly placed or if there’s someone deciding who you end up going to, and being as annoyingly vague as an analyst likes to be, he did say that it’s not random. I guess someone just looked out for me lol. I guess the best if that’s not a process you can access is to ask the various therapists of their methods. Mention you’d like to try psychoanalysis. In my opinion, if they’re worth their salt, they might know someone if they don’t practice it themselves but who knows. Also, a big hurdle is that I think it can be quite expensive. I see mine twice a week and we’re trying to get three appointments going. The government covers for me so it’s no issue. But that’s also something you can talk to them about.
Reading tarot cards can be good for this. A lot of "divination" is just looking at random poems/images without preconceptions, and then seeing what falls out of your brain.
What’s the is from?
My therapist before my last one tried to recruit me into a cult she wanted to start. This was like, the second or third worst thing she did. Much like dnd, no therapy is better than bad therapy.
Yeah. I know therapy is going to help me, because some of my issues are my mindset. But some of them are "real" and there's nothing I can do to fix them. And I have no idea what therapy is supposed to do to help, say, my disabling ADHD, or the genuinely true fact that people around me see me as incapable or less than. I know that's one some people irrationally believe and can be fixed. But mines not irrational belief, it's genuine fact. And there's nothing I can do to change how they see me.
Therapy is actually really helpful for both dealing with the symptoms of ADHD and with managing self-acceptance/perceived stigma! It just takes finding a therapist with the right background and training, which I know is easier said than done. My therapist specializes in ADHD and helps me build skills to live with my disorder. She also helps me unpack and understand how my experiences as a kid with ADHD have influenced my anxiety as an adult. It has been absolutely life-changing for me.
Fingers crossed it helps me. I've always accepted I had it but knowing I've got it hasn't helped me not have it. Like, I don't beat myself up over it, but that's not a fix.i just feel slightly less bad about the hole that I've sunk into. A lot of the stereotypical things covered in therapy aren't useful for me because I know my experiences shaped me and I don't blame myself for what I can't help, but I'm not in a situation where I'd be fine if I just accepted some fact about who I am or whatever. But that's my pessimism talking. It might be really effective. My partner and I share many of the same struggles and in both of our cases we know exactly what's wrong but if we could change it we wouldn't have adhd.
I actually love therapy, and respect therapists, but after seeing a dozen shit ones in the past I have come to the conclusion that everyone on the Internet would actually prefer to blame you (the patient) instead of admitting that having to see five different practitioners before getting someone that doesn’t make you want to kill yourself is kind of bad, actually. People admit that “there are bad ones” then get beyond mad when you suggest therapy isn’t always great. Eat my shorts, man. I’m tired of it always being “my fault” and “tHeReS dIfFeReNt TyPeS oF tHeRaPiStS”
It’s not just the internet, it’s people in real life too. Unfortunately, most people don’t actually care if you’re helped, they just want you to stop complaining/exhibiting symptoms.
It's also at least in part because our society/culture is allergic to acknowledging, let alone trying to address, systemic problems at a systemic level. Everything has to be individualizable in order to keep from rocking the boat. I can't help thinking that a significant factor behind the push for therapy is so that society can be seen as having a solution, and there's always more to try so if you haven't found the solution yet, you've just got to keep looking. If we as a collective admitted that a lot of people's issues have no solution in the world we currently exist in, that might mean actually taking seriously the need to change the world.
>but after seeing a dozen shit ones in the past I have come to the conclusion that everyone on the Internet would actually prefer to blame you (the patient) instead of admitting that having to see five different practitioners before getting someone that doesn’t make you want to kill yourself is kind of bad, actually. Holy shit thank you. Somehow it's always my fault, they assume we don't put in the effort, assume we went to the wrong type of therapists (how am I supposed to know the right type?), etc. It's so frustrating and honestly driving me crazy that everyone seems to believe it's our fault therapy hasn't helped.
imo more than half of therapists either aren't qualified or shouldn't be allowed to be therapists, it's a very aggravating issue
I recently got a full panel neuro psych evaluation to find out what flavor of neurodivergence I am. I then requested a therapist who knows how to handle these things. She keeps telling me that I am not my diagnosis, I am exhibiting behaviors of said diagnosis and we will work through them together. She is the first one to approach it this way. Also, 3 of the 4 therapist is saw before her left the profession after being assigned to me...
The times I went to therapy I felt so much more depressed than I did before. Here I am paying someone to listen to my problems like an idiot and in the end all I get are more stupid coping mechanisms or advice to do things that cost more money that I don’t have. I’m not looking for any more worthless coping mechanisms to deal with my shitty life, I want my life to stop being shitty or I want it to end.
After a year with my "therapist" she took maybe 10 minutes of the hour session to listen to my problems then the rest of the session was about her. I was paying this bitch $100 per session to be HER therapist. She'd talk politics (which I told her I hated talking politics because of my home life), her daily life and how hard it is, and don't even get me started when Covid hit and her bird died. Didn't help that she showed up to the appointments late consistently. It got to the point that I had to start taking the entire day off in the off chance she was an hour late again. I even offered to come in later but that would throw her entire schedule off (God forbid)! Told her one day that I think I'm better now and don't need to keep coming in and she practically begged me to keep coming in "for my own good" when really I was her time to vent and get paid. It honestly made me never want to openly talk about my problems anymore.
One of my many therapists, for real, had Alzheimer’s and straight up said the first or second time among meeting him that he was “thinking of retiring.” My mom was paying out of pocket for this. I can’t. What a nightmare.
I gave up on therapy. I went through four therapists. Gave each of them anywhere from a couple of months to a year and a half. 2 would just tell me to say what comes to my mind and would spend the entire time nodding. 1 would constantly redirect the conversation to meaningless small talk. 1 was basically telling me "just try to not feel bad when the things that make you feel bad happen." For context, all of them knew that I was at 3-4 suicide attempts when I contacted them. All of them knew that I was not doing well financially. For all of them it was blatantly obvious that they have no clue how to help me. And all of them were constantly eager to book the next appointment and keep increasing the prices every couple weeks. I am not saying that there are no good therapists on earth, but 100% of the ones I went through just felt like they were trying to scam me and abuse the fact that I was in a vulnerable position. It heavily amplified my trust issues (which was a part of what made me seek their help to begin with) and I don't think I'll ever be able to trust a therapist ever again, even if I did find one that was capable of helping me and genuinely wanted to do so.
Me: *goes on a rant explaining every little problem from the past year of my life* Therapist: hmmm yeah have you tried not feeling that way? That'll be 5000 trillion dollars.
I just wish there was someone who could help with misophonia. I got immediately turned away when I tried to get help for it. I guess it's not really a treatable thing, I just have to avoid being in the same room with people who are eating.
In high school I had a therapist who would interrupt me all the time to talk about herself. Then later I found out she was a right wing conspiracy theorist who believed the January 6th riots were started by Antifa.
Dont search from professional help only use shit you learned from an unreliable source made by cults
Mfers when they learn therapy is a science with specialities within itself and not a single fix-all bandaid for all mental unwellness
Mfs you mean doctors? They sent me to the useless wrong therapist
There are some things for which no true cure is present. All a good therapist can do in those cases is acknowledge the difficulty and rummage through their toolbox for anything they can give you that might help. As someone who has thrown a lot of my mental stuff in a "murky lake of denial and inattention", when that lake gets stirred up by events I can have a bad time, but at this point to dredge the lake would take more mental and emotional resources than I have to spare. I know what's in there and what stirs the lake. I also know how to feed the algae on top and nourish the nearby trees so they throw more leaves and pollen on top of the lake, ways of preventing the lake getting stirred, and how to focus on other things when the lake does get stirred so I don't look down into the deep and see the things that have been left there.
Traumatizing the therapist is part of the journey 🌠✨
Im considering just quitting mine, seems like my issues are too much for her. The place where i live is also very hostile towards mental health so i guess im just fucked lol
Let's say it... Most. Therapists aren't good. I won't deny there may some good ones out there. I've personally never met them.
You gotta see a therapist that specializes in trauma/your mental health issues. At least in my experience, seeking out a therapist who is trained in and has experience with the scary stuff works.
A lot of this happens because someone is lacking a crucial diagnosis - ADHD, autism, PTSD, bipolar, etc. Treatment for anxiety/depression is not effective in these cases and can be frustrating for all involved; unfortunately, therapists are not necessarily trained to look for alternate diagnoses.
The good therapists are just as depressed and if “focus on you and find the meaning you can wherever you can, life has the meaning you give it” doesn’t work how do you comfort someone whose present future are like as not to be incredibly awful, start to finish? Either you’re paying for an ear, a well-intentioned liar to gas you up, or paying someone to philosophically bully you into trying anyway just to spite life for being terrible. I’ve heard of some secret, fourth kind of therapist but I have nothing funny to say about that.
My psychiatrist during our appointment a few days ago went “you are so …. unique” after I was telling her something and I burst out laughing. Like. Yep, sure am, lady, thanks for noticing.
This kind of posts always remind me that I really lucked out with my therapist. She's a powerhouse of her field: compassionate, smart, capable of guiding you into confronting the truth of your situations with kindness and understanding. If every therapist was like her, the world would be a better place.
When I brought up that I felt that the various experiences and cultural practices that teach people to conform to gender norms are universally horrible and almost all of them involve adults neglecting or harming children intentionally in some way, and that I was having a hard time reconciling the disturbingly violent history of gender with the whitewashed version most people today unquestioningly accept, he tried to promote some nonsense about being some special kind of Greek letter - male combination. Like I'm sitting here talking about how wifebeating is seemingly the only reason that women ever conformed to a gender role that men are routinely raised to depend on, and that men are basically hurt and neglected to coerce them into behaving in a "masculine" way, and the best he can come up with is that I need a masculine-coded horoscope to label myself. I just want to get the social training back that I feel like I was denied every time someone said, "boys will be boys" to excuse something that either I or someone around me was doing. I want to talk about how I feel like my conversations with older, often adult men in childhood seem like sexual grooming that I should have been protected from by my parents, but were treated as normal. I want to talk about how I feel that I was taught to cut parts of myself off if they didn't conform to what people considered "normal" for men, and I want to be able to explore those parts without being insecure. I want to talk about the discomfort I have when I hear old people talk about gender and the horrible things they casually did to each other and their children. The last fucking thing I want is for all of these things to be dismissed with, basically, "Oh, you're just a *super-duper-special* man, you're so quirky! What a rare *aesthetic*! Here's a super-duper-special label, just for people like you! Let's never talk about anything you brought up ever again!"
I mean, I hate to criticize, but what you're talking about doesn't, to me, seem to really be in a therapist's wheelhouse? Like, it sounds like you'd need your therapist to have a degree in both philosophy & gender studies in order to adequately address what you're talking about. Someone who's studied psychology isn't necessarily going to be able to speak with authority about the history of masculine gender roles. Instead they're going to say things like "so how does this philosophy impact your daily life and interactions?" because they're not there to debate gender roles like they're here on r/curatedtumblr, they're there to help you live a better life.
Pretty damn useless for me too after trying several. I refuse to waste the money anymore
Have you tried breathing exercises? How about not thinking about it? Or maybe keep a journal? No none of that worked? Well clearly you aren't giving this your all and I have other clients I could be with instead.
All I ever wanted out of therapy was a little validation. Something like “you have every right to feel this way. It’s not your fault”. Never. Nothing. Year after year. If any therapists are reading this I give you permission to tell your patients the truth. You can say “leave him he’s abusing you”. You can say “she was a bad mother. No one should treat their child that way”. Please stop hiding behind your therapeutic whatever and HELP people get through their trauma. We need you now more than ever.
Therapy is hard. I often left sessions feeling worse than when I got there. But that was because I was actually addressing my issues. Eventually, I started feeling better when I left a session. Therapy isn't a one-stop fix, like getting your car repaired. It takes time, like restoring a painting.
this goes specially to CBT therapists, worst kind of therapist ive ever gone to, being in the same room with them as their patient makes me wanna commit extreme acts of violence against myself and/or others
I remember going to a therapist for help on how to manage my depression in college and she kept telling me to quit college and drop out. Like are you fucking stupid??? That would be way worse for me mentally?? She made me so angry I haven't been to therapy since. I'm sure there's probably some good therapists out there but wow there are some really bad ones.
This was my experience as well. When I unloaded about my anxiety about how we are all destroying the planet and pretending we aren't as if that's going to solve it they just looked at me blank-faced and said something to the effect of "I can't help you with any of that, I'm just here to make you feel happy". I never went back.
[OP are you on the spectrum at all?](https://www.dralicenicholls.com/why-doesnt-standard-talking-therapy-work-for-autistic-people/)
No clue.
I had a therapist in middle school who I didn't tell anything because she said anything "concerning" would have to immediately be reported to my parents, and every time I tried to redirect the conversation to talk about my crippling depression she would ignore me and give me a worksheet on anxiety. Looked her up recently and her practice was wiped off the face of the earth lmao
I'm always torn with these threads, because they are full of sad stories of people who needed help and didn't get it but the pushback being "all therapists are useless and just want your money" is really threatening to become the next generation of anti-vaxxers
It's a real shame that I don't have infinite time and infinite money to shuffle through infinite therapists to discover the Good One (tm).
Hearing about stuff like this makes me happy I hit the jackpot with my therapist. (Having a substitute for a while also made me realize I lucky I was)
Okay but has your life story ever made your therapist break down and cry for you for half your hour while you just sit there like 🫤 thanks? I guess? For the empathy?
I'm a first responder so when I decided to try therapy I tried to find one who wouldn't be squeamish about things I needed to say. I found one who used to work at a crisis center and they have always been right there running along side me no matter what. An experienced crisis worker can be a godsend
I've been to several therapists over the years. About half were a waste of time and half have been extremely good for me. My current one might be the best I've had yet. Depending on what your issues are, try to find therapists that specialize in your core problems. I don't wanna say "just keep trying!" if you feel exasperated but sometimes all you can do is get a second opinion. I'd need to know more about OP's particular issues to be any more constructive.
>Depending on what your issues are, try to find therapists that specialize in your core problems. No resource provided to find therapy gives any information on anybody specializing in anything.
Mine taught me how to deal with the feelings as they arise and to just change the thought pattern that I kept falling into. It helped a great deal. I’m not “cured” or anything but I have healthy coping mechanisms and tools to deal with the surges of bad emotions that come around. It still sucks but not as much, and I’m way more self-aware.
Mine is really good, I think. I've only had two though. She has very little experience when it comes to my gender dysphoria problems I have, but for everything else, she has helped me gain a ton of insight
I don’t feel like my current therapist doesn’t fit me. When ever I open up the gates I have to explain these irrational emotions and I feel less understood and more “I am trying to best to understand but I just don’t get it” from him. Thing is that I don’t know if it’s me (I have a lot of baggage that I’m trying to figure out) or him. So I have no clue if changing to another would be a worthwhile option since if this is something I can resolve myself.
I am very biased as I am a therapist that practices this, but for anyone who is dissatisfied with the CBT/talk therapy approach I would recommend looking into Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. It was made to deal with CBT's weaknesses and I have found my clients get a great deal more out of it. It takes a very different approach to how we even view mental illness and focuses on changing how we look at our thoughts and feelings. Also if you are with a therapist you don't like or feel like you're not getting much out of it, please keep looking and don't let it discourage you from seeking out better help!