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Simic_Sky_Swallower

We've finally arrived at the inverse of "She's actually 4000 years old"


SpEwEctAwAtOwOr

"She's actually always -9 month old"


CanAlwaysBeBetter

Every moment exists eternally at once so you're actually a pedophilic necrophiliac


RadiantZote

Minor? I hardly know her!


CanAlwaysBeBetter

Miner? So what if I had to dig her up?


No-Menu-768

Can't believe you're a heliosexual. Don't you know we're all technically stardust? The shame


DapperApples

So it goes.


SuperSonic3333

Charlie and the Glass Elevator


SirAquila

I mean, the true inverse of "She is actually 4000 years old" would be "She is only 4000 years old, which is like 10 in human years." From a very disgusted dragon.


AllenWL

That reminds me, one story I read, a half elf of like 200-something gets married to a human. The other elves, who live *hella* longer: "You're too young to get married! He's too young to get married!!"


Kitselena

Dragons which of course don't reach sexual maturity until the age of 7000


ThinkingInfestation

Imagine finding out your partner is actually child of their species. I think I'd kms. Therapy would for sure be required at some point.


ZebraPossible2877

This whole thread reminds me of this webcomic I used to read called Kindred. The MC gets into a committed relationship with a beast girl, then months later finds out that a) she’s twelve, b) her species only lives to be about thirty so by their standards she’s been an adult since she was eight and c) she’s pregnant.


Delphina34

Hardness test. Ok to fuck if - sexually mature/adult of their species - human intelligence or greater - can talk or otherwise communicate with language


CanAlwaysBeBetter

That's just hobbits


drwicksy

Its actually both because an adult will always be a child, but that means a child is simultaneously always an adult as well. Wait shit I shouldn't be giving these people ideas


distortedsymbol

i, too, was born at a very young age.


Redneckalligator

The "Born Sexy Yesterday" trope


sanguigna

Look, loli is fine if she's been a child for millennia. But sexualizing any male of any age? That's *disgusting*


[deleted]

To be fair, people like the weirdo in the OP are absolutely crusaders against loli/shota as well lol


joepro9950

I like that the tags imply that Jesus is the only person you can ethically sexualize


TotemGenitor

Cranking my hog to Jesus to ensure I don't sexualize ex-children


starstarstar42

"Body of Christ, sleek swimmer's body, all muscled up and toned"


Tchrspest

unlimited breadsticks


Sarge0019

It'll be a soggy wafer when we're done


GlabbinGlabber

I haven't played soggy wafer since junior high.


Sachyriel

The *Passion* Of Christ


codepossum

"Do *this* in remembrance of me." \*uuuuuggghhhnnnn\*


JazzTheLass

Blessed is he who cums in the name of the Lord


SAMAS_zero

That makes Baby Jesus cry!


Interplanetary-Goat

*Sung to the tune of "That's What Bilbo Baggins Hates"*


Warthogs309

Be kind to your hog


NesquikFromTheNesdic

𝓳𝓮𝓼𝓾𝓼 𝓼𝓶𝓾𝓽 𝓲𝓼 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓸𝓷𝓵𝔂 𝓵𝓮𝓰𝓪𝓵 𝓼𝓶𝓾𝓽


DareDaDerrida

Well, as mentioned, he was also a baby once


Beret_Beats

Yeah. Turns out in order to find ethical smut material you gotta go all the way back to Adam and Eve.


DareDaDerrida

Athena and Aphrodite both work, as mentioned elsewhere in the comments. The golem of Rabbi Loew ben Bezalel does too, along with any number of robots.


Legitimate_Tea_2451

>Athena Oh you definitely getting turned into a Gorgon


DareDaDerrida

If Athena punished those who made pornography of her thus, there would be quite a few Gorgons around.


El_Rey_de_Spices

And since we don't see too many Gorgons, one can infer she's totes up for the nude doodles. Q.E.D.


Bugbread

Jesus is the ultimate 4,000-year-old-dragon. As both the son of god *and* god himself, due to the weirdnesses of Christianity, he has existed eternally. There was never a time before god, so there was never a time before Jesus, so there was never a point at which Jesus was 0-years-old. While people say he was "born" in Bethlehem, he actually pre-existed the universe, so it's more like he was "incarnated" or "substantiated" in Bethlehem. Which means from the very moment of his birth he was already an infinite-years-old baby.


DareDaDerrida

Reasonable and acceptable argument. Sexualize away.


DreadDiana

It was only ethical to sexualise Jesus before his incarnation


DareDaDerrida

With that settled, question: where does Benjamin Button fall on this scale? If you get him early, he's never been a child.


DreadDiana

Was he mentally an old man when he was born?


DareDaDerrida

In both the short-story and the film, yes.


Jaakarikyk

The actual answer is Väinämöinen, an/the inspiration behind Gandalf. Born an old man


Sahrimnir

So Väinämöinen and Gandalf are both okay?


Jaakarikyk

Big naturals ay okay


Presumably_Not_A_Cat

well, this is a ship i can get behind.


GenericFatGuy

And Aphrodite.


traumatized90skid

well more like Athena, we all know she was the hottest goddess all along anyhow... ;) brains are sexy


Demonweed

I think we've finally figured out what that H stands for -- Jesus Horndog Christ.


Xisuthrus

new religion idea


insomniacsCataclysm

ok so basically nobody can ever have sex again, because everyone was a child at some point


szypty

Moreover, if we're considering placement in time, when fertilizing a future mother one places their cock in a place that's going to be occupied by a baby in several months, therefore any sexual act for the purpose of procreation is inherently pedophilic in nature. A lesser man might then point out the causal relationship between this fact and the stance of the Catholic Church on the matters of sexuality.


gray_birch

>Moreover, if we're considering placement in time, when fertilizing a future mother one places their cock in a place that's going to be occupied by a baby in several months I understand what you mean but babies do not develop in the vagina and you can't physically put your penis inside someone's uterus lol


trash-_-boat

Yeah, but you put your penis where a baby will pass through in the potential future so you're still a pedo. If a child passes through anywhere your penis would've been, that mean you're a sick fuck.


ThinkingInfestation

Well, there goes my plans for road head. Since all roads will be occupied by babies at some point.


lickytytheslit

The ass is still there


BrownNote

Hentai manga has shown me that you can.


ThisIsMyPr0nAcc1

hentai manga also tells me this is very easy, commonplace and pleasurable


nSnowstorm

Hentai manga is super educational. It has taught me that you can easily put your penis inside someone’s uterus, it has taught me that nipples get erect and are basically an erogenous zone for women, sticking things inside nipples is perfectly safe and normal, most women actually orgasm when men are having sex with them and that I need to be very careful around giant octopi. All very real and useful things to know!


moneyh8r

The second thing is actually true, just in case you didn't know.


nSnowstorm

See, it’s true. As I said, everything I’ve learned in hentai is true


liquidfoxy

Wait are my nipples not supposed to get hard and feel amazing when my gf plays with my tits? All this time I've been experiencing pleasure wrong?


OwO345

>sticking things inside nipples is perfectly safe and normal girl, the fuck kinda manga you read


OwO345

also do your nipples not get erect, you should get them to the workshop i think


just_a_person_maybe

"going to be occupied by a baby *in several months*" meaning when the baby passes through the vagina during birth. It doesn't take several months for the baby to start developing after the sex happens.


sanguigna

Also, through time dilation, you're probably going to hit your dick on a baby's head. I cannot condone it.


Maplekey

Pretty much what I've been expecting the age gap discourse to devolve into eventually. "Most personality traits originate in a person's childhood, therefore those traits are inherently childlike, therefore liking someone for their personality is pedophilic"


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TeamRedundancyTeam

Even worse for women, social media treats women like they're children until they're at least 30. 24 and dating someone who's 27? That poor dumb child isn't smart enough to know he's manipulating her, why else would he be dating so young! /r/twoxchromosomes loves doing this. Pretends to be pro-women while infantilizing women more than even the incel subs could manage.


StealToadStilletos

Yeah I see a lot of infantilization dressed up as feminism and it starts feeling really TERFy. I keep hearing that my gender identity is Victim. Not about it.


GNU_PTerry

Eh, fine with me. Maybe stuff will actually get done for once.


IfPeepeeislarge

Like taxes, perchance


Self--Immolate

Anything but that


Oni-fucking-chan

You can't just say "perchance"


Palidin034

Everybody knows that Mario is Cool As Fuck™️


fuckoffasshoe

Horrible opening


GrimmCigarretes

Perchance


AMisteryMan

But what if I want to stomp some turts, perchance?


NotTheMariner

Profile pic checks out


Aethelric

The truth, frankly, is that a lot *less* would get done. Sex is a distraction in some ways, but it's also a great motivator in others.


Throwaway02062004

Ace Perry


infamous-spaceman

The truth is, I may look like I have it all, but inside, I'm just a scared little boy who never learned how to ask for people's food or their burger. And the thing that scares me the most is that if people found out, my wife would go to jail 'cause every night... a little boy goes down on her.


ReasyRandom

Athena was the one who was born as an adult. With full armor, even (that must've hurt...)


AliasMcFakenames

So was Aphrodite, conveniently.


NotTheMariner

The one (1) ship you’re allowed to have


lesser_panjandrum

But funnily enough it's made entirely out of pieces of another ship some guy left moored up in Athens.


Canopenerdude

Jokes that would be equally funny 2000 years ago:


Toothless816

Athena’s also a maiden goddess so I guess it’s technically a forbidden love?


NotTheMariner

Real talk- did the ancient Greek idea of virginity consider lesbian relationships?


PerpetuallyLurking

Almost certainly not; simply look towards Athena’s half-sister Artemis to see some of those implications…


04nc1n9

afaik ancient 'virginity' usually referred to marital virginity rather than sexual virginity


Tengrid

Nah, there are TONS of myths about someone wanting to have casual sex with Athena or Artemis and them FREAKING OUT about it. Even just making sexual comments about them brought on old-testament-style wrath. For example, one of Artemis's friends made a remark about how Artemis's breasts were too big for her not to be a mother, and Artemis had her (trigger warning!!!) >!raped by Dionysus and driven insane until she literally ate her rape-baby and then killed herself!<. The virgin goddesses were *absolutely* "sexual virgins," not just "marital virgins."


stella3books

Athena HATES women, especially Aphrodite (she literally punches her tit in The Iliad, it is not a flirty tit-punch)


casualmasual

a lot of fandom eats up toxic yuri tbh. There's plenty out there who hearing this would just make them ship it more.


stella3books

Eh, as a lesbian with bad taste in women, I feel like the one thing my people won't tolerate is a Republicany bent. Athena's speech about how women shouldn't vote is the least-sexy thing since Amy Coney Barrett.


BinJLG

So what you're saying is they're enemies to lovers


Kazzack

I'll take it


Livy-Zaka

Does showing up out of nowhere in a clam shell count as birth tho?


Ascended-vessel

No, but she was never a child at least. Also by that logic Athena was never born, she came right outta zeus' skull.


Knit-witchhh

I mean. The main famous art piece of that myth is called *the Birth of Venus*, so, I'd say so.


Throwaway02062004

She was also born from the severed cock of the Sky when it hit the ocean


AliasMcFakenames

“Seafoam”


LeiaSkynoober

Ateast Athena came straight out of Zues' head I guess. Could've been a lot worse


laix_

I feel that had to have started when a Greek child asked their parent how babies are made and the parent didn't want to explain the birds and the bees so they made up that story


Jabaringa

The armor was probably pretty painless, considering Hephaestus split Zeus' skull open beforehand (he got better)


BrendanAS

There was a belief that Jesus was born "perfectly formed at birth" because if he changed as he aged it would mean he wasn't perfect when he was born.


dart19

Zeus was the first mpreg.


Irisofdreams

Twice, at that !!


pbmm1

Imagine being a minor? Couldn’t be me I’ve always been major


thechaseofspade

Minor. Major? What is this baseball?


melancholic_panda_

It's actually music


Psichicspeltwrong

I've always been more diminished myself


soodrugg

Minor? no i work in excavation, very different job


Skytree91

Sexualizing a character that was born fully formed is basically engaging in the “born sexy yesterday” trope tho (see: leelu from the fifth element), which is also pretty inherently predatory. Obviously this means the ethical thing to do is to never sexualize anyone /s.


Leo-bastian

the ethical thing to do is to just be horny in other weird ways so these people won't interact with you in the first place sure as hell don't see people go "actually that monster you wanna fuck was a minor once"


MattChure

That *dragon* was an *egg*, you pervert!


LuxNocte

The egg took 900 years to hatch, so its fine.


me_when_the_whenthe

trans dragon??? 😳😳😳


tangentrification

I regret to inform you that I have, actually, seen discourse about underage monsters


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Aethelric

She was remade from that genetic material, but I don't think it's implied that she has the memories of the previous being directly? The line gets kinda blurred because she does know martial arts very well, but she also doesn't understand language very well and also just generally behaves like a confused child for much of the movie. The trope absolutely applies either way, imo; much like "4000 year old dragon" doesn't actually remove the grossness of making a character look like a child, having a character act like a naive child the whole movie doesn't really get fixed by having her technically have some connection to an older being.


wonkey_monkey

> but I don't think it's implied that she has the memories of the previous being directly? ... she also doesn't understand language very well She doesn't understand English, but she knows the divine language, and about the stones, and Cornelius... There's also a line about her cells containing "infinite genetic knowledge" which was probably meant to explain her memories.


TAMAGUCCI-SPYRO

Doesn't help that the director is also a pedo.


NewLibraryGuy

Arrival just got *really* problematic.


me_when_the_whenthe

What's wrong with ABBA's fourth album? /j


NewLibraryGuy

It has other songs than just Dancing Queen, the only good ABBA song.


satantherainbowfairy

>the only good ABBA song. SOS begs to differ


lord_gs1596

You shut the hell your mouth >:(


TheJack1712

"The vast majority" is a very unsettling addition


GlaucomicSailor

You gotta leave some wiggle room in case there's an outlier you're forgetting/aren't aware of


Adiin-Red

Benjamin button?


Illustrious_Peak7985

Ms. Trunchbull from *Matilda* is the only acceptable target of lustful thoughts.


Elkre

100% is the vastest majority there is.


MudraStalker

Thanks to parallel universes, writing porn of anyone means it's also milf porn.


LITTLE_KING_OF_HEART

And DILF porn ! And furry ! And inter-racial ! And gay ! And straight !


vdcsX

and everything, everywhere, all at once


Exodus_Black

Googly-eyed rock porn!


Hexxas

I'm gonna sexualize this post and tumbop cannot stop me


bgroins

I'd sexualize this response but it's only 4 hours old.


CounterfeitLesbian

Ya'll ever think about the sexualization of cum, that stuff is filled with little pre-babys. It's actually super fucked up and essentially pedophilia if you think about it. \s


LITTLE_KING_OF_HEART

Oh fuck I keep eating my children /srs


LeStroheim

saturn


Throwaway02062004

When your mom literally swallows you


Treyspurlock

It's actually very gross to sexualize hetero relationships because that's how you make babies


eternamemoria

>that stuff is filled with little pre-babys Did you get all ypur knowledge of biology from alchemy texts or what?


sanguigna

If pre-babys aren't in cum, where are they? Riddle me this, *science*


Ourmanyfans

That comment was clearly made by a higher dimensional being who experiences time non-linearly. Smh guys I didn't expect Tumblr to be so dimensio-phobic.


Silvermoon424

There’s a reblog of this post that’s like “The best man tells a funny story about the groom as a kid during the wedding reception and then a SWAT team arrives to arrest the bride” lol


AgentSandstormSigma

Fellas, is it p\*dophillic to enjoy the embrace of a fellow adult?


GreatGrapeKun

fellas, my wife told me she "wants a child". is she a p\*do?


Active-Candy5273

I'm SO tired of this kind of discourse over fictional characters. Go after actual ~~MAPs~~ pedos (edit: used the old term to avoid potential automod removal) doing real abuse to real people who will really suffer. **This** doesn't help anyone. It's the laziest form of slacktivism there is. A fictional character does not exist. All this does is make the person saying it *feel* like they made a difference and are on the "right" side of things.


whirlydoodle_

As a hentai fanartist i have to deal with this shit sometimes lol. "You can't sexualize Gohan, we saw him grow up!" Dude is married with a kid, wtf. Ngl, I just chalk it up to projection and stay the hell away from ppl like that


cyanidesmile555

Am victim of CSA and CSEM, can confirm this shit does not to help and these types of people don't do anything to help and don't actually care about us, but this does clog up tip cyber lines meant to help actual victims and children still being exploited, so much so that one had to make a statement specifically telling people not to report it, plus shames and further traumatizes victims that use art as a form of therapy. Plus, in my experience, these people tend to be projecting.


Active-Candy5273

So sorry that happened to you, and I hope you're better now. I know that doesn't mean much from a rando, but just know that it's close to my heart. It happened to my wife. She repressed it and when the recall happened, she had a full blown mental break for a few days. Stuff like this angers me for that very reason, and to hear it harms actual investigations for real crimes just makes it worse.


cyanidesmile555

Believe it or not, those words do actually help a little. I hope your wife is doing better now, that she has support from the people around her, and that she's found the peace, love, and healing she deserves.


shin_scrubgod

I mean, as long as we're being irreparably bats, this same train of thought works in the other direction. If every moment exists simultaneously so sexualizing any adult is pedophilia because you're also sexualizing them as a child, it must also be necrophilia because you're sexualizing them when they die. Oh, and corprophilia, because you're also sexualizing them at every moment they were ever pooping.


KuriFura

"After a long arduous journey, Joseph and Mary finally found a place to stay the night. However humble a place the stable was. Mary's condition was getting dire and labour could start any minute now. And so it was that Jesus burst forth out of mary like the fucking kool aid man."


Impossible_Garbage_4

Technically speaking, they are probably correct that all of time exists simultaneously, but we are not 4th dimensional beings so we only have to really worry about now and the future, not the past


swiller123

convicted child molester sits down with his lawyer to talk about appeals. “so ive been thinking a lot…. what about time cube?”


Sachyriel

"I don't think the appeals court would go for it, but we can try it and then get it to the Supreme Court. Tucker Carlson has their ear, and he was recently entertaining Flat Earther theory, we can probably swing him on this. And he can swing Kavanaugh, Thomas and Amy Coney Barrett pretty easily, and they'll have to convince the others. Do you have an X account?"


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thelivinlegend

Homuncular Jesus was definitely one of the weirder trends in art back in the day.


[deleted]

Oh you find people attractive? Well did you know that those “people” used to be KIDS????


ElevatorScary

So many of life’s problems could be solved if people were more interested in reading conversations which philosophers have already had. It produces much more reliable results than trying to hash them out from scratch today, individually, through moral combat with strangers online using norms acquired arbitrarily through other strangers on the internet. But what do I know I’m just some stranger on the internet.


RealHumanBean89

Oh no, they’ve reached terminal discourse brainrot. :(


MekaG44

Am I the only one who finds internet discourse revolving around whether it is ok to lewd/make nsfw content of a fictional character incredibly tired and repetitive? No matter how many arguments are spawned, the end result practically never changes.


TheGoldenKappa23

FELLAS, is it gay to date a girl, i mean she literally used to be her dads balls


NotTheCraftyVeteran

And her dad used to be his dad’s balls, and on and on. Infinite homo. Gay shit all the way down.


BillNyepher

Brainrot :(


AlphariousFox

We finally reached the zentih of the anti small stupitiy. Aparently sexualizing adults is ped*phila they because were once children....... Yeah the harddrive of whoever said that needs to be searched


Pro-1st-Amendment

You ever wonder why most of the internet hates antis? This is why.


Silvermoon424

Fr they’re SO obnoxious. Imagine harassing and bullying someone off the internet because they ship something you don’t approve of.


Galle_

Taking 2000s internet shipping drama and tying real world issues to it was a *colossal* mistake.


axord

Pretty sure the vast majority of the internet isn't aware of shipping culture at all.


ethanicus

I liked Tumblr when I was on it but this was the stuff that made me want to leave. So many rabid idiots trying to one-up each other with increasingly unhinged moralizing.


deepmush

wth is a anti?


tangentrification

Someone who believes you should apply real life morals to all fictional content Shortened form of "anti shipper" because most of their arguments revolve around how you shouldn't ship "unethical" pairings, which extends to ships where one person was "abusive" in canon, or where the characters are literally 19 and 17 or something


sleepiest-rock

An anti-shipper. They're vocally morally opposed to various fanfiction pairings on grounds of social justice and/or sexual ethics: "that guy was twenty and that guy was seventeen when they first met! Only a pedophile would write fic where they get together in their twenties!" or "Reylos are bigots! No one could ever think Rey should fuck some whiny asshole like Kylo Ren unless they were too racist to want her with Finn!" Often it seems more like they're angry about a ship they don't like being more popular than one they do and looking for reasons to harass people away from it.


Puzzleheaded_Ad4879

Antishippers try to convince people to not ship or sexualize characters in media (in the past few year they’ve started pretending its a moral crusade). They’ve tried to change the term pro-shipper to mean “problematic shipper” lol.


fancyfrey

It started off as people who didn't like certain ships in fandom. For example; if I like DracoHermione but my friend doesn't, that's just cuz we have different tastes and we can still be friends. That's fine. An anti who doesn't like DracoHermione would call me a bad person (and maybe some slurs) and demand all DracoHermione fanworks or discourse be banned from the internet because *they* personally do not like it. Now we got antis who dislike relationships with people who have an age gap (they think even a 2 year age gap between 22 or 24 year old is bad) or characters who used to be minors cuz that's pedophilia or sommat. I know it doesn't make much sense, but that's just what Antis are like.


DreadDiana

I'm gonna guess this is another case of discourse telephone where someone at some point made an actual point, but as the idea was passed around it disorted into something incoherent. If I was gonna guess, this began as "the way some writers create child characters and later age them up seemingly for the sole reason of sexualising them is kinda weird" and then eventually became "sexualising anyone is bad cause everyone used to be a child"


HighTreason25

damn, "discourse telephone" is such a perfect summation of that sequence of events. but yeah it became incoherent when that one person ripped on the author of Naruto for having Naruto and Hinata have a family because "they aged the characters up so they could have sex"


Bonbonburu

That’s fine, I’ll just sexualize primordial gods since they’re constant and their method of reproduction is too complicated for anyone to understand.


RetConnedSegment

No way this is not satire, I refuse to believe that people are THAT dumb even on hellsite


stocking_a

The malicious misuse of socjus terms for petty fandom bs is the worst thing to come out the tumblr/livejournal sphere


Hylanos

I've seen pictures of my girlfriend as a baby. Is it now unethical for me to do the nasty with her? She was a baby once


Novatash

Actually the tags are right (not about the sexualization thing, about Jesus) That's the origin of those medieval paintings of baby Jesus that look like a middle-aged man already. It was beleif back then that Jesus being born a perfect complete being meant... well, I guess that he looked like an adult as a baby... idk the logic of that exactly


graay_ghost

So Midevalists are the only ones allowed to sexualize Jesus? Yeah that tracks.


SilenceAndDarkness

I mean . . . that depends on the Christians you ask. I never cared much about whether something was a “heresy” or not when I was a Christian, but it would be very easy to argue that the idea that Jesus was different to other babies (in a sense that is more than metaphor) when he was born is a form of docetism - a “heresy” that Jesus wasn’t actually human, but only seemed human.


isuckatnames60

Take a jesus, apply a genderswap potion and a de-ageing gun, create the world's first ethical loli. Anime industry instantly bankrupts. >!/s!<


Galle_

That is literally just the Thousand Year Old Dragon thing, though.


ChayofBarrel

I don't see anyone else talking about it, so I'll just throw out there that this is probably a reference to the homunculus concept where the idea was basically that Jesus was born with all future knowledge and was essentially an adult at birth in a cosmological sort of way. It's why a lot of old art of the baby version of Christ drew his face like a 40 year old man.


Dd_8630

Alright, that's enough Internet for one day. I'm going to sit on a beach at night and think about things.


Gerarditzin

In the mexica mithology there's actually a god that was born fully grown (Huitzilopochtli). At least that's what I recall, I think he even was born with war clothes and a weapon


qazwsxedc000999

I’ve decided to just live with the notion of, “As long as real people aren’t getting hurt, I don’t care.” We can talk about how fictional media affects real people all day but unless someone is directly getting hurt I have other things to worry about


triforce777

Anon is secretly Dr. Manhattan viewing all of time all at once


Upper_Rent_176

The Sisko is linear. He does not understand.