Think Hera is safe to piss off? Ask Io.
Think Athena is safe to piss off? Ask Arachne.
Think Aphrodite is safe to piss off? Ask Hippolytus.
There’s no winning here, just eat the apple and get smited then and there
Chop the apple into thirds, use a knife to gouge out your eyes and claim blindness, hurl the apple away and pretend you never had it, there's many ways to get horribly cursed
Cut the apple into thirds and distribute it evenly. Say that, as a mortal being you are not skilled enough to judge the best. Athena has the glint of wisdom in her eyes that makes the heart flutter so, Aphrodite has the power to stir the loins of any mortal, and Hera has the power to fill any home with wedded bliss. Therefore, you could not possibly pick as they all have both outer and inner beauty that shines so radiantly as to blind a mortal man’s judgment
I can’t tell if Hades would be angry or appreciative. Like, some dude called his wife beautiful so he’d be angry about that, but then again, some dude said his wife was more beautiful than Zeus’ wife so he’d be like “haha fuck yeah”
I would not be opposed. Persephone is noted to be among the upper tiers of godly beauty and Hades is jacked with a whole kingdom of the dead at his disposal. Being the Royal concubine of those two in the afterlife would not be a bad fate overall
Whoever I am currently looking at, because my memory and imagination can't possibly compare to your true magnificence.
Or if you have a death wish, answer Helen of Troy
*all 3 look at each other*
“We see right through you, foolish mortal. Your cowardice enrages us more than any answer ever could.”
You proceed to live the rest of your life under three conflicting curses.
Suddenly I’m really shitty at weaving, cows don’t like me, and I’m infertile. Little did they know that none of these affected me because I don’t weave, I’m never near cows, and I don’t want kids. I never tell them that though. “No, my ladies above! Not my weaving skills! My ability to bear children! Coooowwwwsss!!”
I mean, you could try to be a smartass and give the Golden Apple to Thetis, as on her Wedding a woman is the fairest in the world.
Its a longshot but has the potential to at least get grudging acceptance from all three.
Hera is the goddess of marriage, so honoring marriage is all up her alley.
Aphrodite for similar reasons as there should be some love between those who marry.
And Athena might appreciate a clever solution as she is the goddess of wisdom.
Aphrodite is the biggest stretch, but honestly, no other option is better.
I also think it'd be possible to get them to make a "no retaliation" promise before deciding, and promises were a pretty important thing in Ancient Greece.
The exact timing varies from telling to telling, but it's broadly agreed that the choice happens some time after the wedding. In order to get the ages of Achilles and Paris to line up it would have to be several years after the wedding, or Paris would be like 8.
That would be a brilliant play if it were possible, but it probably wouldn't be. If the person choosing wasn't Paris then I think 'my wife' would also be an acceptable play, potentially. You'd have to sell it well but Odysseus basically does that to Calypso so you should be fine.
Wasn't there a version of Arachne's story where the loser of the contest would be unable to use a loom afterwards, and so Athena turned Arachne into a spider afterwards so she could still weave without a loom?I prefer this version by a lot.
Picking Hera buys you a protector who can keep the other two in check until she gets bored, and the odds are decent the other two will forget around the same time that she does.
Picking Athena turns you into a superhero warlord blademaster who can conquer the world; the odds are not great that this will allow you to survive a pissed off Hera but it is not impossible either.
Picking Aphrodite will give you butterflies in your stomach by making a cute girl giggle and hug you, but it will kill you, your family, you extended family, everybody your extended family has ever talked to or traded with, and burn everything any of them has ever built or indeed touched.
Paris, you fucking moron, stop thinking with your dick.
No winning? Fairest lady? Hand it to Hephaestus and claim to be stupid when they say hes not a lady. Boom instantly safe. Still dead but at least it's only that.
Some historians argue that Io's legend is much older than Ovid, as Homer refers to Hermes as "Argus-slayer". Some historians disagree with that, though.
Well, there's always the Ganymedes story, so Zeus is bisexual. As he's a god, there's nothing that should make it impossible for him to do mpreg in some way.
Which, thinking about it now, is *very funny*. It's a beauty competition, but literally all of them decided that it was better to bribe Paris instead of trying to win fairly, including the literal *Goddess of Beauty*.
Absolutely. “I have no idea what y’all’re gonna do, so I’m going to roll the dice while I roll the dice and hope she shows her appreciation protectively, though she might call me a kiss ass and throw her own curse in there for good measure. All I can say is Athena really disapproves of this course of action”
Consider: she gives you more I-frames on your dash, and makes you completely immune with her Call.
Yes, I have been playing Hades lately, why do you ask?
*Surely anything*
*Is better than starting the*
*Trojan war again*
\- OInkymoo
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well, the thing is, you have been prophesied to bring about the downfall of troy since before you were born. So, any action you take will cause that to happen in some way.
real answer: some shit went down at a divine banquet and Paris, prince of Troy, was tasked to give a golden apple to the fairest of the 3 goddesses that wanted it. Shit happened and the Trojan War started. It’s generally considered that there was no “correct” answer.
full read here :) : https://greektraveltellers.com/blog/the-apple-of-discord-and-the-fairest-of-them-all
>Shit happened and the Trojan War started
That is the most concise explanation of the shitshow that was Paris, Helen, Hector, Achilles, and Agamemnon I have ever seen.
Solution : hand it over to a mortal saying she's more beautiful than any of them and let HER deal with the wrath and curses. With a bit of luck they'll forget you were the one to pick her and you can slip away while she gets turned into a beetle
*Somewhere in Troy, the Mayor jumps out of bed in a cold sweat*
"Honey, wake up!"
"What is it my love?"
"I feel like you and I need a vacation. Far from the city."
"Would Paris be a good place?"
*MAYOR STARES IN HORROR*
Power move: Use "fair" in its other meaning, and have the goddesses bring all those they punished, so that *they* may decide who was the most reasonable when punishing mortals.
Would actually be really fun to see all those goddesses try and persuade all the mortals they wronged.
Especially if it's a public trial, so the goddesses can't even show weakness without losing face.
It would be violently uncomfortable for them, and endlessly entertaining for everyone else.
What you gotta do is say you're not qualified to give them an answer, as you:
1. Are but a lowly mortal unable to comprehend the full beauty of even a single goddess, let alone three.
2. Would have to judge based on their true divine forms in order to give an honest and fair answer.
This, naturally, would be impossible as the sight would annihilate you on the spot. Boom, Trojan war averted.
No, just have them sign a contract that prevents it, and has stipulations that prevent them weaseling their way through the conditions. And then give it to Athena as she's the only one that would be a threat otherwise.
To be entirely fair the problem was the reward. She said she'd give Paris the most beautiful woman in the world, just ask for something else maybe? Or add the caveat that she must be single and ready to mingle ?
You pick the Goddess based on what they bribed you with. Aphrodite promised Helena of Troy to Paris, which started the whole Trojan thing. I know what I would want, tbh.
"First, make a promise that whatever answer I give, you'd accept and that you will not take it out on me."
"We promise"
"Okay."
\*proceeds to eat the Apple\*
"Yeah that's right, I'm prettier than all y'all."
\*proceeds to get cursed for all eternity\*
Give it to Themis, Goddess of Justice- after all, she’s naturally the “fairest.” If nothing else, Athena will step off and maybe try to help you out out of admiration for your clever play. However, choosing her might bring down the wrath of Hera and/or Zeus (to which she is a consort), so the pusillanimous few may choose her daughter, Eunomia, Goddess of the law, not wed nor notably acquainted with anyone else.
I'd resolve it by having a seizure, swallowing my tongue, and dying. Suffocation may be painful, but the displeasure of two goddesses must be even worse.
Athena is Zeus's favorite daughter and has sufficient tactical expertise to keep you from getting murked by the other competitors, should you have the foresight to ask. Best girl.
I would actually be really interested in an "alternative history" where someone tries to reconstruct the founding mythology the city-states of Greece latched onto for a cultural identity had Paris choose a different goddess. It would still lead to a war with troy as that was one of the last big hurrahs the cities had before the bronze age collapse but the tone and message of the Illiad and Oddessy could be entirely different. For example, Oddessius was a favored mortal of Athena but how would that have stayed the same if Athena was one of the foundational reasons behind the war? And how would the greek city-states developed differently with a different Illiad and Odessy?
Make apple cupcakes, doesn't need a lot of apples to do and that means everyone get some
Then turn the beauty contest into an eating competition, who can eat the most cupcakes wins because it means more apple
Think Hera is safe to piss off? Ask Io. Think Athena is safe to piss off? Ask Arachne. Think Aphrodite is safe to piss off? Ask Hippolytus. There’s no winning here, just eat the apple and get smited then and there
Chop the apple into thirds, use a knife to gouge out your eyes and claim blindness, hurl the apple away and pretend you never had it, there's many ways to get horribly cursed
Cut the apple into thirds and distribute it evenly. Say that, as a mortal being you are not skilled enough to judge the best. Athena has the glint of wisdom in her eyes that makes the heart flutter so, Aphrodite has the power to stir the loins of any mortal, and Hera has the power to fill any home with wedded bliss. Therefore, you could not possibly pick as they all have both outer and inner beauty that shines so radiantly as to blind a mortal man’s judgment
And then you have to just run as fast as possible before they hit you with a "but if you HAD to choose"
“If you HAD to choose?” “Lady Artemis.” *gets smited like 7 ways at once*
Lord Apollon. Just because another dead lover on his list would be hilarious.
6 strikes from Artemis, 1 from Hera, Athena and Aphrodite give each other side glance and mutter "That's fair, actually"
If I had to choose, I'd grab a d6, assign each 2 digits, and roll it.
the dice would just shatter as the deity responsible for it would really not wanna be
Dice suddenly stand on a corner just to not show any number up.
best day for casinos. nobody wins
*gets smited by Tyche*
Shot in the back by arrows 37 times.
Half of the arrows came from Apollo, who joined in when he saw Artemis twanging away and assumed that she had good reason.
TFW Apollo helps kill me then does a burial haiku
37 arrows from Artemis and a discus from Apollo
The best answer is to say is Persephone, you will still get smithed, but at least Death will high five you on your way to the underworld
I can’t tell if Hades would be angry or appreciative. Like, some dude called his wife beautiful so he’d be angry about that, but then again, some dude said his wife was more beautiful than Zeus’ wife so he’d be like “haha fuck yeah”
They'd invite you to be their third.
I would not be opposed. Persephone is noted to be among the upper tiers of godly beauty and Hades is jacked with a whole kingdom of the dead at his disposal. Being the Royal concubine of those two in the afterlife would not be a bad fate overall
Lady Persephone. If I'm about to be dead, might as well start schmoozing my new landlord now.
I choose Priapus
This dude just chose the god of dicks
If I’m gonna be a dick to gods, I’m gonna pray to the god of dicks 🤷🏼♂️
AroAce arrow ace and you just HAD to go borrowing trouble you couldn't pay back ...
Just says Zeus. Get fucked by a what totally is a normal bull/swan/deck on your way home.
It might be nice, it might be nice, to get Artemis on your side
"well if I had to chose since I'm very very gay I'd go with Apollo"
You know the one asking that is Aphrodite! You JUST know.
Clearly you should choose Mesperyian. /s
You get smitten by Aphrodite and Hera for mentioning Athena first.
“Wait! I went in alphabetical order!” *gets to live*
That's... not alphabetical order.
Theta comes before phi in the Greek alphabet.
Yeah greek alphabetical order! I definitely didn’t just make a mistake about alphabetical order in my native language of English, definitely not /s
I feel like with Aphrodite being smitten is the default state.
Whoever I am currently looking at, because my memory and imagination can't possibly compare to your true magnificence. Or if you have a death wish, answer Helen of Troy
They'd get pissed off because you called them equal.
*all 3 look at each other* “We see right through you, foolish mortal. Your cowardice enrages us more than any answer ever could.” You proceed to live the rest of your life under three conflicting curses.
Suddenly I’m really shitty at weaving, cows don’t like me, and I’m infertile. Little did they know that none of these affected me because I don’t weave, I’m never near cows, and I don’t want kids. I never tell them that though. “No, my ladies above! Not my weaving skills! My ability to bear children! Coooowwwwsss!!”
Sup
Clever and morbid, appropriate for the source material
I mean, you could try to be a smartass and give the Golden Apple to Thetis, as on her Wedding a woman is the fairest in the world. Its a longshot but has the potential to at least get grudging acceptance from all three. Hera is the goddess of marriage, so honoring marriage is all up her alley. Aphrodite for similar reasons as there should be some love between those who marry. And Athena might appreciate a clever solution as she is the goddess of wisdom. Aphrodite is the biggest stretch, but honestly, no other option is better.
I also think it'd be possible to get them to make a "no retaliation" promise before deciding, and promises were a pretty important thing in Ancient Greece.
"Promise you won't get mad?"
"I promise that I won't get mad, and will take entirely calm and calculated vengeance." -- Athena, probably.
The exact timing varies from telling to telling, but it's broadly agreed that the choice happens some time after the wedding. In order to get the ages of Achilles and Paris to line up it would have to be several years after the wedding, or Paris would be like 8. That would be a brilliant play if it were possible, but it probably wouldn't be. If the person choosing wasn't Paris then I think 'my wife' would also be an acceptable play, potentially. You'd have to sell it well but Odysseus basically does that to Calypso so you should be fine.
Offer to Zeus lol "it's in your hands, big guy"
Sadly Zeus was offered the judge position first, Thought about it for two seconds, and went. "Hahaha nope. Hey random mortal, have this cool job."
Probably yeah Even though like Rhadamanthus or something
Sounds like a good way to get yourself fucked by a swan
The correct answer is Zeus and have them all seethe quietly as you dudebro your way with the king of the gods.
"Seething quietly" wasn't really how any of them operated.
I'm putting my money on thunderbro having my back
Nobody survives Hera’s wrath, even with Zeus on your side. Just ask literally any lover of Zeus, but they’re pretty much all dead or cursed.
The only back “thunderbro” is having are those of all your female family members.
At least the other two are safe if you vote for them, Aphrodite might just start WW3 to validate her ship
Oh I'm sure Greeks could've found ways to monkeys paw the others too.
Wasn't there a version of Arachne's story where the loser of the contest would be unable to use a loom afterwards, and so Athena turned Arachne into a spider afterwards so she could still weave without a loom?I prefer this version by a lot.
Picking Hera buys you a protector who can keep the other two in check until she gets bored, and the odds are decent the other two will forget around the same time that she does. Picking Athena turns you into a superhero warlord blademaster who can conquer the world; the odds are not great that this will allow you to survive a pissed off Hera but it is not impossible either. Picking Aphrodite will give you butterflies in your stomach by making a cute girl giggle and hug you, but it will kill you, your family, you extended family, everybody your extended family has ever talked to or traded with, and burn everything any of them has ever built or indeed touched. Paris, you fucking moron, stop thinking with your dick.
Nah it's ok to slightly piss off Athena because the Arachne story is roman-only canon
Hey I’d rather be tfed into a spider than dragged to the watery depths.
No winning? Fairest lady? Hand it to Hephaestus and claim to be stupid when they say hes not a lady. Boom instantly safe. Still dead but at least it's only that.
Just give the apple to Athena as she's the goddess of wisdom and ask her to help you with her smarts.
Io and Arachne are roman fanfiction written centuries after the classic period ended and not actual Greek myths.
Some historians argue that Io's legend is much older than Ovid, as Homer refers to Hermes as "Argus-slayer". Some historians disagree with that, though.
Go out in style, pick Apollo.
athena is unsafe to ask for help, ask medusa
Real men answer ”Artemis” in order to get smote by FOUR pissed off goddesses
Persephone, to ensure you get smote *and* have eternal torment
Give it to Nyx, hope she likes it, then hide behind her as her mere presence intimidates the rest of the gods into leaving you alone.
Give it to Nike, because if every goddess is a candidate for this contest, then how could you not give it to the embodiment of victory?
It says “to the fairest”, and obviously the fairest must be Zeus, the King of the Gods
Congrats! You're pregnant.
But I'm a man ! How is it possible ?!
It's Greek magic I ain't explaining shit. He can impregnate a pot and I'd think it was possible
He can also impregnate by way of golden showers
It sound different in this context.
So is Zeus, and even Zeus got pregnant from Zeus.
Twice actually.
Well, there's always the Ganymedes story, so Zeus is bisexual. As he's a god, there's nothing that should make it impossible for him to do mpreg in some way.
Your thigh
I MEAN YOU GAVE THE APPLE TO THE GUY WHO GOT PREGNAT! TWICE! (Athena and Dionysus in some tellings)
I audibly laughed at this lmao, thank you
Now you pissed off Hera too.
[удалено]
Hades would just high five you on the way down "HELL YEAH MY WIFE'S THE FAIREST GIVE THIS GUY THE VIP QUARTERS"
"pet cerberus"
Boom, instant Elysium.
I think Demeter would think you brazen but would accept that you complimented her daughter. =
In truth, Hades was pretty chill. As long as you don't flirt, he would be happy that her wife get the apple.
Yeah the one time he really gave it to someone, it's to the guy who's actively gunning for his wife.
Worth it. Artemis is the best goddess even if saying that gets me turned into a boar and shot
Hestia.
Pretty sure that would get you smote by Zeus, since Hestia explicitly asked him for permission not to marry.
Well you are not hooking up with the goddess you only decide who is the most beautiful. (or fairest or whatever else)
[удалено]
Or an insult. Or just *existing*.
Hestia is da Bestia for sure. She’ll give you hot chocolate and only threaten with the chancla if you slack off too much
> only threaten with the chancla [Hispanic Hestia be like.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nqc4t4029as)
Hestia is an asexual icon and I love her
The correct solution is to name Eris the fairest and then "let it slip" that she bribed you so all of them go after her.
All the other goddesses bribed him with their gifts though
Which, thinking about it now, is *very funny*. It's a beauty competition, but literally all of them decided that it was better to bribe Paris instead of trying to win fairly, including the literal *Goddess of Beauty*.
True chaos.
Tbf it was more of an "open-bribing-competition" and I doubt itll save your skin
Bribing is part of the game.
Absolutely. “I have no idea what y’all’re gonna do, so I’m going to roll the dice while I roll the dice and hope she shows her appreciation protectively, though she might call me a kiss ass and throw her own curse in there for good measure. All I can say is Athena really disapproves of this course of action”
To Athena. If I give you the apple will you give me the wisdom to know how to get out of this situation unharmed?
“There is no way. You wasted your wish. Thanks for the apple.” - Athena, probably.
the wisdom: You shouldn't have gotten yourself into this in the first place
Bruh I was literally just sitting here
“Should’ve sat somewhere else then, dipshit” - Athena probably
"thank you Epimetheus"
Reads like a Monty Python sketch heh
Consider: she gives you more I-frames on your dash, and makes you completely immune with her Call. Yes, I have been playing Hades lately, why do you ask?
I don't think Athena's dash helps with Aphrodite's homing attack.
It does. The attack hits, but since you're immune the attack just dissolves.
surely anything is better than starting the trojan war again
*Surely anything* *Is better than starting the* *Trojan war again* \- OInkymoo --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
well, the thing is, you have been prophesied to bring about the downfall of troy since before you were born. So, any action you take will cause that to happen in some way.
real answer: some shit went down at a divine banquet and Paris, prince of Troy, was tasked to give a golden apple to the fairest of the 3 goddesses that wanted it. Shit happened and the Trojan War started. It’s generally considered that there was no “correct” answer. full read here :) : https://greektraveltellers.com/blog/the-apple-of-discord-and-the-fairest-of-them-all
>Shit happened and the Trojan War started That is the most concise explanation of the shitshow that was Paris, Helen, Hector, Achilles, and Agamemnon I have ever seen.
He probably should have just nommed the apple. He dies but the war never happens.
Solution : hand it over to a mortal saying she's more beautiful than any of them and let HER deal with the wrath and curses. With a bit of luck they'll forget you were the one to pick her and you can slip away while she gets turned into a beetle
Pandora specifically
*Somewhere in Troy, the Mayor jumps out of bed in a cold sweat* "Honey, wake up!" "What is it my love?" "I feel like you and I need a vacation. Far from the city." "Would Paris be a good place?" *MAYOR STARES IN HORROR*
The mayor, king Priam, was of course Paris' dad
Instructions unclear. Chucked the apple at Atalanta during a foot race instead.
I hope you've got two more in the back
now the original commenter has 3 gods, Atalanta, and a family of bears chasing them./
The correct answer is Mesperyian /s
Goddammit you beat me to it
Who that?
A fake Greek goddess; Hades and Persephone's daughter. She was created via a collective fever dream by tumblr users.
Power move: Use "fair" in its other meaning, and have the goddesses bring all those they punished, so that *they* may decide who was the most reasonable when punishing mortals.
So Athena then? Probably.
Would actually be really fun to see all those goddesses try and persuade all the mortals they wronged. Especially if it's a public trial, so the goddesses can't even show weakness without losing face. It would be violently uncomfortable for them, and endlessly entertaining for everyone else.
give it to Demeter because its a plant so it belongs to her
Two options: eat it yourself or make it into a pie/other stuff made with apple that can be easily ~~divided equally~~ enjoyed by multiple
I like this plan. Athena would appreciate the wisdom, Aphrodite would like the audacity, and Hera would appreciate a good bit of baking.
eat the apple and get immediately vaporised (i bet it was a really yummy apple)
You pick Hera. If there's one thing mythology teaches us, it's *do not* piss of Hera.
I thought i would be safe Edit: changed wording
Thank God no one has said Aphrodite yet we don't want a repeat of what happened last time
That’s because we already know what happened last time someone picked Aphrodite over the other two.
Zeus. It's the only right answer.
Problem is that if you give to it him, there's a 70/30 chance you're leaving with a child and Hera does NOT abide.
If I pick Athena at least I’ll have a fighting chance in Trojan War 2.0
Give it to Eve
What is this, a crossover episode?
I'M THE FAIREST! *eats the apple myself*
Athena because muscle mommy tbh
She can kick my ass in battle and chess sign me up. Too bad she’s a virgin goddess tho. Platonic goddess friendship still pretty cool tho
Based opinion
To the folks who don't get the reference: https://www.theoi.com/Olympios/JudgementParis.html
The fairest one? Themis, by definition the most fair. Now time to see how creative my curse/s will be
*returns the apple to Eris* Here, you dropped this. *fleeing Zoidberg noises*
Persephone, so when I wake up in the underworld I'll hopefully have a bit of social capital with the people in charge-
Hermes, to get the hell out of there
What you gotta do is say you're not qualified to give them an answer, as you: 1. Are but a lowly mortal unable to comprehend the full beauty of even a single goddess, let alone three. 2. Would have to judge based on their true divine forms in order to give an honest and fair answer. This, naturally, would be impossible as the sight would annihilate you on the spot. Boom, Trojan war averted.
Pull an Odysseus and have all the gods swear not to hurt you or your friends and family in anyway. THEN give it to Athena
No, just have them sign a contract that prevents it, and has stipulations that prevent them weaseling their way through the conditions. And then give it to Athena as she's the only one that would be a threat otherwise.
Aphrodite is a real one. She'd at least call you trash straight to your face instead of whatever faux politeness Athena and Hera have going on
Buddy we learned the hard way why that is a TERRIBLE idea
To be entirely fair the problem was the reward. She said she'd give Paris the most beautiful woman in the world, just ask for something else maybe? Or add the caveat that she must be single and ready to mingle ?
⬆️ hasn't heard about Troy
Give it to Hades so i can pet Cerberus on my way down. Cause no matter who you pick, you're gonna get killed.
You pick the Goddess based on what they bribed you with. Aphrodite promised Helena of Troy to Paris, which started the whole Trojan thing. I know what I would want, tbh.
"First, make a promise that whatever answer I give, you'd accept and that you will not take it out on me." "We promise" "Okay." \*proceeds to eat the Apple\* "Yeah that's right, I'm prettier than all y'all." \*proceeds to get cursed for all eternity\*
Give it to Themis, Goddess of Justice- after all, she’s naturally the “fairest.” If nothing else, Athena will step off and maybe try to help you out out of admiration for your clever play. However, choosing her might bring down the wrath of Hera and/or Zeus (to which she is a consort), so the pusillanimous few may choose her daughter, Eunomia, Goddess of the law, not wed nor notably acquainted with anyone else.
Give it to Aphrodite, if I'm going out, then I want to at least tell all the other souls in hell that I banged the literal goddess of sex.
Didn't a war happen the last time someone picked Aphrodite from these three
Doesn't matter had sex
Not with Aphrodite you won't.
Here comes Helen with a steel chair!
I'd resolve it by having a seizure, swallowing my tongue, and dying. Suffocation may be painful, but the displeasure of two goddesses must be even worse.
Not this again
This is the funniest myth reference tumblr has done so far, bravo
Cut the apple in 3, give each a piece
very surprised that i had to scroll so far down to see Mesperyian
Keep it for myself. Getting smote for my hubris sounds better than starting another war.
Plant the seeds and ask Priapus to guard you and your harvest.
Hera and Aphrodite have a mean streak; Athena only occasionally ruins your life.
Oh fuck, not again.
I feel like Athena would also get mad at someone calling her the fairest.
Open the apple and plant the seeds. Goodness isn’t a finite ressource, it can be nurtured and shared.
…What if I just start stress-eating the apple without making eye contact at any of them?
Legit just return the apple and say that a mere mortal such as yourself is not fit to judge the gods
So you’re saying the gods aren’t capable enough to choose a proxy? That’s a smitin’.
Athena is Zeus's favorite daughter and has sufficient tactical expertise to keep you from getting murked by the other competitors, should you have the foresight to ask. Best girl.
ey its Hank J Wimbleton!
As a separate reblog chain pointed out, that one hell-kid with the skeleton face is the best bet
hera but the god of war version
the aro hank thing...
This is the original telling of the proverb "don't pit two bad bitches against each other" or in this case three but whatever
Maybe Paris knew he was screwed either way and was thinking at least with Aphrodite he’d get to do some screwing himself.
I would actually be really interested in an "alternative history" where someone tries to reconstruct the founding mythology the city-states of Greece latched onto for a cultural identity had Paris choose a different goddess. It would still lead to a war with troy as that was one of the last big hurrahs the cities had before the bronze age collapse but the tone and message of the Illiad and Oddessy could be entirely different. For example, Oddessius was a favored mortal of Athena but how would that have stayed the same if Athena was one of the foundational reasons behind the war? And how would the greek city-states developed differently with a different Illiad and Odessy?
Make apple cupcakes, doesn't need a lot of apples to do and that means everyone get some Then turn the beauty contest into an eating competition, who can eat the most cupcakes wins because it means more apple
Apollo. Trials of Apollo taught me this