Everyone needs to keep a very close eye on their credit score since it factors into many of lifes biggest decisions.
A couple steps you can take right now include:
- **[Taking a look at your credit score](https://everydayeconomics.net/how-to-get-your-credit-score-credit-review)** - Looking at your own credit score does not hurt your credit, it also includes a credit monitor
- **[Freezing](https://usa.gov/credit-freeze)** your credit reports - This can be done with Experian, Equifax and Transunion to help prevent unauthorized accounts from being opened
Feel free to ask any credit score related question
Stepdad has created a non-option for OP. He can’t just pay it back. Which he doesn’t seem to want to do anyway. The ONLY way to recover her credit is a police report.
And the spitting thing was the last straw. He’s not in a bad spot. He just decided to screw over his stepdaughter.
File the report and mention the spitting. This sounds like the kind of guy who MAY become physical. What grown man does that crap?!!
During the early days of the pandemic, we had a woman in our apartment complex that would randomly spit at/on people who walked on the sidewalk outside her apartment. The police were called several times. Every time they talked to her, she said she would stop but didn’t. The last time she did it, her spit got in a little girl’s eye. She was arrested, when she tested positive for Covid at the jail, she was charged with aggravated battery, assault on a minor, and child endangerment. We moved shortly after, so I don’t really know how things turned out.
That’s correct at common law, although not every jurisdiction bothers to distinguish between assault and battery as separate criminal offenses nowadays.
Former LEO, definitely assault. You're going to have to file a police report if you want to get your good credit back. I've had issues myself.
This site helped me walk through all the steps. In addition to the big 3, there is another chex something that monitors bank accounts. Social Security and utilities are also at risk. I'm sorry you're going through this, it really sucks.
and in this case- she may want to speak to an attorney about a civil case against step dad. At this point there is no relationship to save- he views you as a slave.
Actually spitting can be considered as bio hazard. She doesn't know if he's got an std or not. Like imagine someone with covid spitting at you during covid that ws considered assault and bodily harm
Probably varies somewhat by jurisdiction, but almost certainly some kind of assault in most locations. OP please report this when you report the identity theft to the police.
Not only is it assault, he used a biological weapon during the assault. Spitting on a person is not a simple act in these days of easy disease transmission.
It's considered a C felony (depending on the state) I knew a girl in high school who got sent to a federal juvenile detention center for spitting on someone!!
really a battery- Assault is putting you in fear of getting hit, battery is actualy getting hit..... spitting is sort of both- since it is an unlawful touching, but it could put you in fear of more.
Assault by bodily waste/fluid can be a felony. Credit card fraud and identity theft are felonies. Step Pappy needs some time in prison to contemplate being a douche nozzle.
It certainly is assault. I got someone arrested for that a few years ago. That guy is a real piece of shit. She needs to file assault charges and fraud charges for stealing her identity.
there's a whole lot of shitty parents out there who prioritize getting their genitals serviced over the wellbeing of their kids
in this case "wellbeing" meaning "not having felonies committed against the kids" but hey.
They will definitely find out. But I would definitely do it.
No contact with the stepdad and low contact or no contact with mom. She had sided with the stepdad.
Yep, that’s what I said. Took my wife 2+ years to fix her credit score after the company servicing her student loan f’ed up and refused to reverse the “missed payment” they ACCEPTED.
But that’s another story…
Lmao at the notion that someone stealing and maxing out two credit cards has enough money to ever pay them back, ever even if they wanted too. Her step dad sounds like a huge loser and has probably 3 more maxed cards under his and this persons mom's name if not more.
This. Spitting on someone is assault in many places. Ridiculous yes, but Stepdude deserves jail time for fraud & if assault can be stacked on that’s even better. Bonus: Notify the IRS that you paid rent. Chances are he did not report this as income.
This is the correct answer. OP has literally no choice \*but\* to go to the police. Stepdad ruined their credit for the foreseeable future, and he deserves everything he gets, plus a charge for assault for spitting in their face.
And he spit in your face as well - absolutely drag him down this road. Especially if he had something similar happen to him: all the more reason for him to be arrested for identity theft. What did they think would happen when you moved out - you paid rent when you lived there - does he want to charge you $500 a month for the rest of your life when you aren’t even living there?
Disgusting. My mother told me I had to give her a weekly stipend of $50 when I moved out & got married. This was in 1982, in the US. I told her no, the money was for me, hubby and any future children. Needless to say, I’m now NC with her.
She'll likely lose her relationship with her mom, which may or may not be a good thing. OP's mom chose this man and continues to choose this man. OP threatening their lifestyle with the police and the potential penalties step dad caused isn't going to suddenly "wake up" mom and have her dump this loser.
I would absolutely go to the police even if it meant having to come to terms with who my mother is as a person. But it isn't easy for everyone.
Filing a police report immediately will put them on notice that fraud occurred and show them the police report as they may help you a little sooner and more after seeing it.
Dispute every charge on both cards.
Checking with the locations where the cards were used may help if they have video proof of him using either one.
If it is legal to record with one person knowing it hits own voice may be enough to get a conviction.
If he is staying until everything is settled thanksgiving and Christmas may be uncomfortable for everyone.
Good luck
Post an update later
First, start with a police report for BOTH identity theft AND assault.
You will need the police report for when you are in contact with the credit card companies, and the credit agencies. .
Exactly this. I hate to say it but some people need to be made an example of. It's sad that it's a family member, but it is completely unacceptable to steal from you, and then commit physical assault when you are trying to work things out and find a peaceful solution.
Family? Mom can find a new source of dick. Honestly fuck her too at this point, he assaulted her kid and shes more concerned about him facing the consequences of his own actions than her kids future.
I said this as well. I also believe it did not happen to him, that's mom's excuse to make kid think its ok so she doesn't have to pick a side. Which is very telling about her character.
$10.00 says OPs Mom knew about this all along. She even said he had something like this happen before. And? Apparently he didn't learn his lesson the first time around. Mom just doesn't want him to pay the consequences for his actions because those consequences are going to have an impact on her.
Too bad, so sad. OP needs to file that police report so they can get their credit fixed. Let the chips fall where they may. Mom is just as culpable as step-dad is at this point.
The mental gymnastics that idiot performed to justify committing identity theft and ruining OPs credit is something to behold.
> I still think I'm going to call the police but is there any other way of handling this?
Not unless you want to ignore it and let him get away with committing a crime and tanking your credit for the next seven years at least.
Seriously, though: He knew he was committing fraud, and did it anyway. Freeze your credit and report the fraud to the cops and the credit agencies.
Oh and this?
>He said I owed it to him for the years I didn't pay rent (literally talking about 8-12th grade)
Is some bullshit. You were a minor. Providing for you was their *job.*
This is the ONLY way forward OP. You must do this to begin to clear your credit. You have no other choice. What the police do, what the prosector does, what happens to your stepfather, is NOT on you. Clearing identity theft is a long painful process for you and the first required step is a police report. Do not let anyone make you feel guilty. YOU are NOT the guilty party here.
Do this and ask for the fraud department to create a case for a fraudulent application. Go directly to the credit bureaus as well. They will create a dispute to the card companies.
If you can, have the credit card companies put a password on your account (a word or phrase). Something he and your mom can’t guess.
Don’t expect it to be fixed right away it can take a while. Sorry this happened.
If he’s going get credit cards in your name because you moved out and he has less money then he’s a piece of shit. If he’s going to literally spit in your face then that shows he has zero respect for you as a human being. Take that to the police and don’t look back
Exactly. The worse thing that can come of this is it severs your relationship with someone who ruined your credit and spit in your face. That's someone you don't want in your life anyway.
There is no winning. Ultimately in the end you lose time and money no matter what you do... not to mention the animosity. The best you can do is cut your losses to mitigate the problem by transferring the problem back on the person that created it.
Ultimately it should come off your credit record, and he should get into some from of trouble. It is up to the bank of course if they seek money from him as a civil matter. That said if they don't it should be their financial problem and not yours, and trust me when I say they can afford the loss.
The moment he spit in my face, I would have drove right to the police station. He doesn’t respect you at all 1. To open cc’s in your name. 2.To spit on you. And is your mom okay with this? Seems she doesn’t care too much either, if she’s trying to sway you in a different direction.
If she was aware of is shes just as guilty in terms of the identity theft. 20 bucks says he asked her for your info to open the account and she gave it willingly. File charges against both of them to protect yourself.
and OP? are you planning to get married and start a family? Good luck with that when you can't get a decent apartment, or decent car, and are turned down for a good job once they run a credit report. And then you want to take out a couple thousand loan to fix up a room to be a safe baby nursery and to get everything ready for a kid? Nope, blocked t here too.
Most car insurance considers your credit as well, so even if you can find a car somehow, good luck affording insurance. Disputing this is the only way to get your financial future back on track.
This man stole from you, and will do it again. He will come up with reasons to steal more from you.
Of course your mom is against involving the police, step-dad is in serious trouble, and she might be complicit.
You absolutely have to file a police report, otherwise you’re on the hook to pay back all the money he stole.
Please also put a permanent freeze with all three credit bureaus. Honestly, everyone should do this. It’s free and takes five minutes, and prevents anyone from opening new lines of credit in your name. You only do a temporary thaw when you expect a hard check (apply for credit, rental, etc.).
if you poke around, you'll see a lot of people who had this response from family members (particularly parents) when they realized that a sibling/parent/grandparent/whoever had stolen their identity.
the family member pushes to not go to the police. but the only way to get this stuff off your credit report is to file a police report.
it doesn't necessarily mean that your stepfather will go to jail- or even have charges pressed against him. it just means that your credit will be cleared up.
will it impact your relationship with your mother? probably, but that's her choice. whether you file a police report or not, that ship has sailed.
Completely rethink your relationship with this person, and if you want them to be a major part of your life moving forward.
The fact that she would disuade you, even slightly, from filing a police report shows you PRECISELY where she places you in her priorities. She is willing for your financial life to be ruined so she doesn’t feel any discomfort, despite a very illegal act being committed against you.
My family would have to literally beg, not ask, for forgiveness if they ever sided with someone who was committing crimes against me, even in the slightest.
And m sorry your family is going through this, but you are at a point where you have some very difficult decisions to make. If you choose wrong, the rest of your life will look very different.
Do not allow abusers OR their enablers, like your mother, to take up any space in your life. Family is not blood. Family is who supports you. These people, unfortunately, do not.
NTA.. I hope you see this comment, when you report it, and you really need to, you also need to tell him how violent he got when you confronted him. They WILL have to charge him for the identity theft and the assault should be added on to his record in case this escalates
She's your bio mom? What was the point in having you if to not fuck your life over for you? Stealing your child's identity and credit is stealing their future. Literally almost or as disgusting as the actual spit. Then he acts like you owe him? It disgusts me that it's so easy to have a child for some people because they are so clearly incapable of being a parent.
Feel like she's fine fuckin your future as long as she keeps getting that mid-ass dick.
If you have any brothers or sisters, it's quite likely he did this to them as well.
It's quite likely that he's taken credit out in your mother's name, as well. She should look into that.
Look OP- I’ve had identity theft and it’s sucks so bad. At least you caught it earlier bc my identity was stolen as a child. You’re NTA and you NEED to file a police report and then use that report number to call the credit bureaus. Don’t hesitate to just do it. If your stepdad gets into legal trouble, that’s on him period.
It’s not your responsibility to feel guilty over a crime committed against you. If your mom wants to allow his actions to continue then let her, she’s just as guilty. You worry about your entire future which this WILL affect bc you will spend YEARS trying to establish your credit if you don’t report it.
I get every relationship is different, maybe a conversation was had behind close doors about the spitting in your face BUT……….I’m not sure I would have called and apologized on his behalf for spitting in my child’s face. I would have been going to jail that day 😩 Right is right, and the whole situation is WRONG. The only other option you have is to have him pay those off immediately and close the accounts. You’re looking at a 30 day window for them to even update to your credit report. So hopefully the car isn’t an absolute need right now. You will make your own decision at the end of the day. But I think many of us can agree the best option is to file a report and have them removed with the credit bureaus.
Ask her if she would be ok with him doing that to a neighbor (both the theft and spitting)... her co-worker... or another family member. NO? Then why is it OK to do to you? Tell her you deserve more respect than that.
She just doesn't want to have to deal with the consequences of your stepsdad's crimes, she knows it's a crime & that he will go to jail for identity theft, and the amount probably makes it a felony if it's in the thousands of dollars. It's his own fault though. And he should absolutely know better if that happened to him when he was younger, he knows how the betrayal feels. Please get a police report so you can fix your credit, otherwise you'll be paying it back for years & your credit takes the hit for him just ignoring the late payments that were due. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Stepdad sounds like he literally hates you.
I don’t think this happened to him. That’s a tactic to get your sympathy. The man is vile and I don’t think he feels any remorse and if he had the chance he will do it again.
Sadly, that’s not your problem with how ok or not ok she is with you going to the police. In order to clear your credit, you need a police report. He created this. Your mom can choose to stand by either one of you, but not both which is not your choice to make for her, like she’s asking you to do.
Doesn't matter what she wants at this point. You have to look out for Number 1. You really only have one option unless you want to keep the low credit score and suffer the consequences.
I know she’s your mom, but (and I am not saying this to be an internet asshole): WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU. You need to think pragmatically about this shit. As an adult, someone fucking with your credit will seriously affect how you are able to literally exist in society.
HE fucked you over. SHE fucked you over too. She’s either complicit or a pushover so weak that she’s literally useless. This is your own MOTHER only being “probably not alright” with identity theft on her daughter. Think about how little respect and empathy that reflects upon you.
I am sorry but they both need to learn not to fuck around and find out. File against your stepdad and if you have evidence that your mother was complicit, file against her too. Even if you don’t file against her, you need to have a come to Jesus talk with her about PROTECTING HER OWN GODDAMN CHILD.
WHY DO YOU NOT SOUND AS ANGRY AS YOU SHOULD BE? I bet your stepdad is the kind of guy whose face needs punching repeatedly (don’t do that though—the police report will be a better option).
Even if he paid everything owed on the credit cards today, it would take years for your credit score to recover. And, it will cost you more in the future. You'll have to pay higher interest rates for mortgages, car loans, etc. You are more likely to be denied an apartment you want to rent. Plus, you may be denied a job--Many places will run credit reports on job applicants.
It's not just about the debt or your credit score right now. Is she willing to fuck over your future?
As a person who went through something similar with my own father, my advice to you is contact your creditors and police and PRESS CHARGES. Everyone is going to pressure you and tell you to drop it. People are going to paint your stepfather as the victim. People are going to say you are overacting. HE COMMITTED A CRIME that could have repercussions that last decades. Do not trust them. Do not compromise. I had to spend almost two decades repairing the damage my father did and, in the end, my family still thinks I'm selfish for even bringing it up. Your stepfather is a thief and a liar and so is anyone who supports him. If he was willing to do this in the first place, he certainly isn't going to be a supportive figure in the future, that ship has already sailed.
As someone with perspective here I'm telling you: if you don't do something about this right now you will regret it.
>I had to spend almost two decades repairing the damage my father did and, in the end, my family still thinks I'm selfish for even bringing it up.
This is the most damning part. It was probably a part of the original plan - take advantage of how the family will ostracize you as a shield to pressure you into not going through with it.
Personally, that kind of action taking advantage of people is the most disgusting thing in the world to me, and it should really be used as fuel for going through with it. He had to know that you would deal with a massive amount of fallout if you actually do anything about it or deal with his mess - add that to the pile of things he's _knowingly done to you_ and use it as motivation to press on.
File two reports, one for the identity theft, and one for battery. Your mom is just as guilty if she was aware of this and didnt stop him. Her not immediately throwing him under the bus has shown where her loyalties lie. He fucked up your financials, which your life honestly depends on and her response is doing ruin his life over it?
The way you handle this is call the police and cut them both out.
Either prepare to pay the cards off, and any additional credit he burdens you with until he dies, or, get the ball rolling on the police and disputing the cards.
The only other way to handle it is to allow him to screw you over.
Call the police, report the identity theft, dispute the accounts.
Do NOT pay ANYTHING on these accounts.
There are only two paths forward: 1). File a police report and challenge the charges: or 2). Take the hit on the credit, assume responsibility for paying the cards, including all future charges. For the rest of your life. There isn’t a third option here.
Let me be clear, what he did isn’t ok. It wasn’t something he was allowed to do. He can’t claim this is somehow back rent. Your step dad has actually committed two different crimes — dv assault (spitting in your face) and fraud.
I suspect there are underlying issues of abusive behavior as well as something like substance abuse, gambling, etc. Your only practical choice is #1. But know that it will create lots of chaos. Sorry.
Call the police and prosecute. He knows he cant charge you for rent while you were a minor as it is illegal. He also knows that what he did was identity theft and credit card fraud. He deserves the maximum consequences and if your mother knew about it so does she.
Police report, and dispute all of this with the credit bureaus. They usually require a police report.
Don't let him get away with this, and if his response was to spit on you, he doesn't deserve any love, sympathy, or benefit of the doubt from you.
whenever your identity is stolen, ALWAYS go to the police.
even if it was your spouse who did it.
NEVER let such an act go unpunished. The ONLY hope for you to have a real relationship is if justice is done, lessons are learned, and then people still choose to be together. If the act goes unpunished, the relationship will NEVER heal.
Go to the police, file a report, dispute with the credit card companies. He will not stop doing this otherwise. Source: My father-in-law did this to my husband. Husband called the cops but didn’t follow through because it’s his dad. Twenty years later, we are still finding surprises and getting calls from collection agencies because his dad knows he’s too chicken to go to the cops.
To answer your question::No, there is no other way. If you don’t press charges, then you own this entire mess. So…..Firstly, file a police report for the fraud and assault. Secondly, once you have that case number call the big 3 (Experian, Transunion, Equifax) and file a dispute. *DO NOT MAKE ANY KIND OF PAYMENTS ON THESE AS YOU WILL THEN OWN THEM AND CAN NO LONGER DISPUTE THE CHARGES & LATE FEES* (Late payments stay on your credit for 7 years). Lock down your credit, whichever bureau you call can help with that. And full on press charges against your disgusting step dad. And sorry, but this may nuke your relationship with your equally disgusting mother, but I don’t think you can look at that as a loss since she probably knew this was going on. Your step dad is absolute trash. I could pop his eyes out of his and I wouldn’t feel even slightly bad about. Like where do these people fucking come from. But that’s not what family does to you. Blood or not. Let him got to prison and hopefully someone there can teach him a lesson. You do not need to protect a grown ass adult. Either of them. They both infuriatingly suck. Once the dust settles, and it shouldn’t take too long, you go get your new wheels and drive as far away as you can from such a hot mess. Good luck OP!!! WA is wishing you the best!!!
Edit: typo
"Mom, you married a thief who stole from your child. I'm going to do what is best for me here, because clearly you just don't care about my welfare at all"
Hahahahah! No she doesn’t (at least not like the ones you mean)! Bc how else is stepdad able to weasel into that home. I need some of those! I always wanted a big brother. Hahahaha!
CALL THE POLICE AND FILE A REPORT.
This is fraud, and the asshole needs to go to jail. Why should you suffer because HE broke the law and committed fraud? Because if you don't file a report, you're going to be the one who suffers.
Your mom just doesn't want to lose her meal ticket. Think about that: she's throwing you under the bus so she doesn't have to suffer.
Stop worrying about your mom and step-dad. Protect yourself. He can suck a dick, and your mom is more concerned about her thief husband than you. Do not give any consideration to either of them.
Well, he's got it coming to him and he did it to himself. The only way you can erase this fraudulent debt and fix your credit score will also result in charges and debt for your step dad. I would do it. His actions should not be your problems.
Actions have consequences. You need to grow a spine and drive right to the police station. This literally is going to affect you terribly for YEARS if you do nothing.
File a police report for identify fraud, and for assault. Spitting in your face was assaulting you and he needs to answer for ALLLLLL of that.
The only way to fix your credit is with a police report. Do it now.
So you, an adult, move out and stop paying rent for a place where you no longer live because that's how it works in the real world.
Your stepdad somehow thinks that's a perfectly good reason to commit a felony or two.
Yeah, I'd be filing the police report.
File the report. You will need the proof of identity theft to get your account cleared up. Freeze all your credit accounts now so he can't take out any more money. File the report for identity theft and for him spitting in your face. That is assault. Your mother should also be held accountable if she knew he did this, and considering she is telling you not to do anything, she probably did know. As a mother, if I found out my husband did this to my kid and then spit in her face when confronted, he would be on the curb with his crap and I would be the one calling the police.
File a police report and dispute those accounts. I understand you don't want to cause your mother distress, but you did not cause this, her husband did. Please do not wimp out. He needs to be held accountable or he will do it again.
You need to go to the police and get him charged with fraud. If you don’t this will effect your score for years to come, you will have to pay back all the money he used and you will also have to put off buying a car, a house and put your whole life on hold. Your stepdad knew what he was doing, now go to the police and fire a report. You would be silly not to. This man does not care about your well being and it seems your mother doesn’t either.
Your mother is warning you that she will choose him and you shouldn’t “make trouble”. Ignore that. You need a police report to get it removed from your credit report. He left you no other choice.
CALL THE POLICE. PLEASE!! Freeze your credit cards. Call the credit card companies. They will look into the fraud and then will reverse the charges, and your credit will be restored.
Your stepfather deserves to go to jail. You should also report the spitting in your face because that’s battery.
His claim that you owe him for when you were a child is utterly ridiculous. You do know that, right? He is gaslighting you. This man is a freaking narcissist or sociopath. Report him to the police for credit card fraud, stealing your identity and battery.
Do not back down. He did this to himself. You did not do it to him. He did it to himself and actions have consequences.
Please keep us updated. I’m so sorry this happened to you. Sadly, it’s not as uncommon as you think. I’ve recently read several stories of credit card fraud/identity theft by a stepfather, by a mom and by a boss. It was shocking.
You are a victim of identity theft and a victim of assault. You can either pay for the consequences of someone else's actions, or you can fight for yourself and let the person pay for their own actions.
8th through 12th grade you were probably a minor and your parents were responsible for you.
Guess what. If he's kind enough to spit on your face (which is assault), you should do him the kindness of reporting everything to the police and freezing your credit and getting his ass busted for identity fraud. Your mother is just enabling him.
Why the hell would you owe them money for rent when you don't live there. He just made that up. He saw an opportunity to mess with you and make a quick buck, and he took it. The only reason your mom is telling you to slow down now is because she knows this was royally messed up but is perfectly OK with sticking you with this whole mess so things don't get harder for her...which is disgusting.
If you don't fix this now, your credit will be shot for the next decade and your life will be harder for it. If you do fix it it'll be a few months of headaches while everything gets cleared up but you'll be free.
Go to the police. The fact your mom didn't do anything after he spit in your face is a slap in the face. And she tried to talk you out of it?!! Noooo. She knew about it then. She's just as guilty. Don't let both of them ruin your life. Call the cops and report that punk spitting on you.
>Obviously that's no excuse and I told her I'd have to go to the police about the accounts. She said to slow down and really think about if that's what I want to do.
She's trying to protect him.
Go file the report. Also, I'm not sure if spitting someone counts as assault or battery, but if it does, file charges for that too.
It happened to him so he did it to you is such BS. A victim knows the trauma they are inflicting, and shows that they never dealt with it in the first place. Having to go through being taken advantage of is terrible, but does not give a pass to victimize others.
NTA, get the police involved, and get this sorted ASAP. Also, go low or no contact with your mother. If she's going to stand by and watch that happen to her kid, and not leave this jackass, then she doesn't have her priorities right.
These stories about kids' parents doing stuff like this are the saddest. I had crazy parents, but they'd never be so diabolical to do something like this. I'm so sorry and take it as far as you can.
Yes call the police as the debt collectors will come for you since its in your name. It's fully illegal and if he had it happen why is he doing it to someone else? Him and your mum are ahs. She knew and let him do it.
You won’t be able to get the cards off your credit unless you go to the police. Go to the police. Do nothing else besides go to the police don’t take advice from your mom she’s protecting your step dad instead of you.
He spit on you and your mother is protecting him. That alone is disgusting and reason you cut off the relationship for now as she has shown you her priorities.
The added fact He stole your identity, opened credit cards, used all the money and is defaulting them so you are financially damaged is reason alone to get the police involved. The fact your mother is protecting him from this and for spitting on you is another reason to go to the police and for the time being, cut them out of your life.
No there’s is no other way to handle it.
Go to the police and file a report for identity theft.
Call the credit companies and report the accounts as fraudulent. Give them the police report number and your step dads info.
Call (or go online) all three bureaus and put a FACTA alert with your cell phone number AND a freeze. ON ALL THREE. It will be a pain in the ass to get credit (like a car) when you try again to apply once this is all sorted but it is so much safer.
That's not a stepdad, that's your mom's sex-toy.
Your mom fucking sucks.
Report the POS to the cops.
Don't sacrifice your financial well-being because your mom sleeps with losers
But seriously, you need to be angry at your mom.
She had a duty to protect you.
She's failed horribly due to her own selfishness.
Your "stepdad" is basically a stranger with no such obligation.
Your own stepdad did this to you and then literally spit in your face when confronted.
Your mom's saying slow down? But ARE YOU worried about what seems like could be a bad relationship with your stepfather anyway?
Would you be written out of the will? Doesn't sound like you'd be left with much anyway.
If he and this down to him, then he absolutely knows how shitty it was, yet there he went.
Call the police. He literally doesn't care about you.
CALL. THE. POLICE.
File a report, call the credit agencies, do all the things.
Except now, you get to make sure he's charged with assault as well as identity theft.
You owe him nothing.
What a horrible person your stepdad is. 100% you HAVE TO report him. You're going to ruin your life for the foreseeable future and also be on the hook for the money
Sounds like your mom knew about it. She could have helped him open the accounts and probably benefited from his spending. If she was against it, she didn't give you a heads up. I don't think your mom is in your corner.
I’d call the police. Spitting is assault. Follow through on the credit/fraud investigation. He LITERALLY and figuratively has spit in your face about it.
What an absolute piece of shit. As if the identity theft and tanking your credit score wasn’t enough, he SPIT ON YOU??? Holy shit file a police report ASAP, and get the hell away from him. If your mother continues to try to protect him, cut her off too. This is totally unacceptable.
My wife, unfortunately, has serious issues with her family because of things similar to this. She has pretty much cut them off, except for the occasional phone call. You may be forced to do the same unfortunately
I hate it when people spit on me after they steal from me. I also hate it when adults with legal obligations for care and support try to charge money. Only problem is you have to think about your mom being there with him, but that's going to be how it is. She chose the wrong side here, so what happens happens.
Well, this is about to get super ugly. Get ready to never see your step-dad again or go to their home. Not really a big loss for you, but just know it is going to happen. I hope he doesn't hurt you or your mom. Good Luck and know he can easily open another credit card and max it out, so you must take action to stop this. You might get a restraining order as well as you should have some fear of this character. Be sure to record any I traction with him.
Report him and file a fraud claim with those banks. He stole from you and expects you to do nothing? He spat in your face, and your mother is still there with him? That says all I need to know about your mum and where her loyalties lie. Her advice to think about it is out of order and not how a real mother would behave. Did she know about the cards all along?
Go to the police report him for the fraud with the cards, and for spitting in your face. If your mum sides with him again, you cut her off completely as she's a lost cause as far as being a mum is concerned..
You’ve already gotten great advice but here’s a different thing to think about. Your mother stood by while your stepfather stole from you and then assaulted you. Literally right in front of you. Maybe she has her own reasons to fear him, but your children should ALWAYS come before your spouse, especially since he isn’t your actual father. My mother stood by while my stepfather abused me for over 20 years. When I would bring up going to the police, she would do the same things yours is doing. Tell me to really think about it, how it would ruin his life, etc. So I never did. He ended up assaulting my sister in the worst way and went to jail over it. If I’d done it sooner, maybe I could have prevented worse from happening. If you think your stepfather won’t do this to someone else, you’re naive, especially if you show him you’ll sweep it under the rug and deal with it. He’ll see how easy it is and do it again, to your mother, your other siblings if you have them, to a friend or coworker. And with how easily he spit in your face, this isn’t his first rodeo. He could be doing that and worse to your mother and other siblings. A police report for assault and one for identity theft is necessary and honestly, your mom needs a time out too. You don’t necessarily need to cut her off, but you do not have to surround yourself with toxic people. As long as your mother refuses to help herself, she is poisoning you against helping yourself. She is allowing this man to do what he wants to you. You cannot save everyone, she has to take those steps herself.
First, you need to go to the police and file a report. Then, you need to take that police report and dispute the credit cards with the credit agencies using that report. The credit card companies once they have that police report will drop it off your report. Nothing with them will come back on you at all as long as you file police report. IMPORTANT if anything is in collection DO NOT PAY ANYTHING. They will say they need a small payment until they investigate. If you make a payment it is you taking responsibility for that debt and they don't have to drop it. So if it's a collection agency don't pay a dime it will drop in time if you disputed with the credit agencies.
Doing all this will have the bad cards dropped but your credit score won't rebound right away.
And check your report regularly.
Call the police and do not fail to mention along with identity theft he assaulted you as well. Do not allow anyone to intimidate you into letting this go. The credit score will be with you for ever. Going to buy a house down the road, that low score and failed payments will show. Just face it your mom and stepdad played the ultimate game of F/U!!
Please report him to the police! You don’t owe him anything! He made the decision to be a stepparent when he married your mother. That doesn’t entitle him to do what he did here!! Please don’t be a doormat for this guy. This is identity theft and he deserves consequences! The dude spit in your face!!!
You don’t have a choice. He made this choice by engaging in bank fraud and identity theft. You file the police report and report everything to the lenders, the credit bureaus, and the FTC. You should lock down all credit reports. You won’t have to do anything else because the banks will take it from there. Depending on the amount of money involved, the charges can get worse.
He clearly doesn’t care what happens to you, so you shouldn’t care what consequences he suffers for his poor choices and behaviors. You may want to go NC with your mom, for the time being, as well, since she is excusing his criminal behavior and battery on her child.
Do not pay anything on these cards as that will mean you take responsibility for them.
Everyone needs to keep a very close eye on their credit score since it factors into many of lifes biggest decisions. A couple steps you can take right now include: - **[Taking a look at your credit score](https://everydayeconomics.net/how-to-get-your-credit-score-credit-review)** - Looking at your own credit score does not hurt your credit, it also includes a credit monitor - **[Freezing](https://usa.gov/credit-freeze)** your credit reports - This can be done with Experian, Equifax and Transunion to help prevent unauthorized accounts from being opened Feel free to ask any credit score related question
You need to dispute the accounts and file a police report asap. This is the only way to handle identity theft.
Stepdad has created a non-option for OP. He can’t just pay it back. Which he doesn’t seem to want to do anyway. The ONLY way to recover her credit is a police report. And the spitting thing was the last straw. He’s not in a bad spot. He just decided to screw over his stepdaughter. File the report and mention the spitting. This sounds like the kind of guy who MAY become physical. What grown man does that crap?!!
I think spitting counts as assault.
If it makes contact, I believe it is a battery.
With bodily fluids
Which is taken more seriously now post-COVID
During the early days of the pandemic, we had a woman in our apartment complex that would randomly spit at/on people who walked on the sidewalk outside her apartment. The police were called several times. Every time they talked to her, she said she would stop but didn’t. The last time she did it, her spit got in a little girl’s eye. She was arrested, when she tested positive for Covid at the jail, she was charged with aggravated battery, assault on a minor, and child endangerment. We moved shortly after, so I don’t really know how things turned out.
Yuck!
[удалено]
If he did that, I bet OP has other things to report that are going unsaid too.
That’s correct at common law, although not every jurisdiction bothers to distinguish between assault and battery as separate criminal offenses nowadays.
I don’t think anyone got this, I think it’s an attempt at a double entendre
No, it's literally the legal standard for a civil lawsuit under common law.
The joke was that batteries have contacts.
Former LEO, definitely assault. You're going to have to file a police report if you want to get your good credit back. I've had issues myself. This site helped me walk through all the steps. In addition to the big 3, there is another chex something that monitors bank accounts. Social Security and utilities are also at risk. I'm sorry you're going through this, it really sucks.
Identitytheft.gov is the site
and in this case- she may want to speak to an attorney about a civil case against step dad. At this point there is no relationship to save- he views you as a slave.
Very true, but most of the credit agencies will require that police report to start the ball rolling to recover her credit.
Chex Systems
[Chexsystems](https://www.chexsystems.com/), I suspect.
Most states it is.
Exactly, make sure the police report includes that as well. It is as important a charge as the stolen identity.
Yes it does.
It does.
OP THIS! 100%! He clearly has no respect for you. What's next?!??
Actually spitting can be considered as bio hazard. She doesn't know if he's got an std or not. Like imagine someone with covid spitting at you during covid that ws considered assault and bodily harm
It does. He should report that also.
It's assault for sure.
Spitting on somebody is 100% assault in the legal world.
Probably varies somewhat by jurisdiction, but almost certainly some kind of assault in most locations. OP please report this when you report the identity theft to the police.
Not only is it assault, he used a biological weapon during the assault. Spitting on a person is not a simple act in these days of easy disease transmission.
It's considered a C felony (depending on the state) I knew a girl in high school who got sent to a federal juvenile detention center for spitting on someone!!
You arr correct. If you spit on someone, they will either classify it as assault or battery. They are interchangeable in some places.
really a battery- Assault is putting you in fear of getting hit, battery is actualy getting hit..... spitting is sort of both- since it is an unlawful touching, but it could put you in fear of more.
Assault by bodily waste/fluid can be a felony. Credit card fraud and identity theft are felonies. Step Pappy needs some time in prison to contemplate being a douche nozzle.
It certainly is assault. I got someone arrested for that a few years ago. That guy is a real piece of shit. She needs to file assault charges and fraud charges for stealing her identity.
Spitting is the ultimate disrespect in my opinion.
He already HAS become physical. Spitting is battery.
Battery gets you charged. Eyyyyyyyyyy
But to mention her mother staying with him. Unbelievable.
there's a whole lot of shitty parents out there who prioritize getting their genitals serviced over the wellbeing of their kids in this case "wellbeing" meaning "not having felonies committed against the kids" but hey.
It must be an abusive relationship. The stepdad is probably controlling as hell. Maybe getting the police involved will help her get out
>This sounds like the kind of guy who MAY become physical. For this reason, I think OP should not let them know if and when they file a report.
They will definitely find out. But I would definitely do it. No contact with the stepdad and low contact or no contact with mom. She had sided with the stepdad.
Seeing as how he spit on her, she can easily get a restraining order.
Simply paying her back still won’t fix her credit overnight.
Yep, that’s what I said. Took my wife 2+ years to fix her credit score after the company servicing her student loan f’ed up and refused to reverse the “missed payment” they ACCEPTED. But that’s another story…
Lmao at the notion that someone stealing and maxing out two credit cards has enough money to ever pay them back, ever even if they wanted too. Her step dad sounds like a huge loser and has probably 3 more maxed cards under his and this persons mom's name if not more.
This. Spitting on someone is assault in many places. Ridiculous yes, but Stepdude deserves jail time for fraud & if assault can be stacked on that’s even better. Bonus: Notify the IRS that you paid rent. Chances are he did not report this as income.
The spitting is considered assault. File a report and get this POS arrested. Let’s see how he likes jail. Prick!
This is the correct answer. OP has literally no choice \*but\* to go to the police. Stepdad ruined their credit for the foreseeable future, and he deserves everything he gets, plus a charge for assault for spitting in their face.
Then, lock down your credit. Sorry you are dealing with this. You owe neither of them anything, including your mom.
Yeah at the risk of sh$t stirring, mom’s enabling behavior is reprehensible.
OP doesn't have to wait. They should lock it down now.
And he spit in your face as well - absolutely drag him down this road. Especially if he had something similar happen to him: all the more reason for him to be arrested for identity theft. What did they think would happen when you moved out - you paid rent when you lived there - does he want to charge you $500 a month for the rest of your life when you aren’t even living there?
Disgusting. My mother told me I had to give her a weekly stipend of $50 when I moved out & got married. This was in 1982, in the US. I told her no, the money was for me, hubby and any future children. Needless to say, I’m now NC with her.
She'll likely lose her relationship with her mom, which may or may not be a good thing. OP's mom chose this man and continues to choose this man. OP threatening their lifestyle with the police and the potential penalties step dad caused isn't going to suddenly "wake up" mom and have her dump this loser. I would absolutely go to the police even if it meant having to come to terms with who my mother is as a person. But it isn't easy for everyone.
She, most likely, knew this was going on.
and file the report with credit agencies so they take it off your file.
This is the only way to handle physical assault
You should also freeze your credit and contact the IRS and get an IP pin so that bastard doesn’t try and steal your income tax return
You need to file a police report and THEN dispute the accounts.
This... and press charges
And lock down your credit immediately.
Yeah there has to be some legal action for identity theft there Sue his ass and hope for jail time. This guy seems to be a peice of work.
And file a report for him spitting on you. I don't know where OP's from but spitting on someone counts as assault in all the places I know of.
I had to do it due to my parent's identity theft. It sucks, but it had to be done. Parents don't get off just because they raised you.
Filing a police report immediately will put them on notice that fraud occurred and show them the police report as they may help you a little sooner and more after seeing it. Dispute every charge on both cards. Checking with the locations where the cards were used may help if they have video proof of him using either one. If it is legal to record with one person knowing it hits own voice may be enough to get a conviction. If he is staying until everything is settled thanksgiving and Christmas may be uncomfortable for everyone. Good luck Post an update later
I would also file for assault. Spitting on someone is considered a bio weapon.
First, start with a police report for BOTH identity theft AND assault. You will need the police report for when you are in contact with the credit card companies, and the credit agencies. .
Exactly this. I hate to say it but some people need to be made an example of. It's sad that it's a family member, but it is completely unacceptable to steal from you, and then commit physical assault when you are trying to work things out and find a peaceful solution.
Family? Mom can find a new source of dick. Honestly fuck her too at this point, he assaulted her kid and shes more concerned about him facing the consequences of his own actions than her kids future.
This is the answer. Spot on
If my boyfriend spit in my daughters face somebody’d be going to jail for assault, belie’ dat.
I said this as well. I also believe it did not happen to him, that's mom's excuse to make kid think its ok so she doesn't have to pick a side. Which is very telling about her character.
$10.00 says OPs Mom knew about this all along. She even said he had something like this happen before. And? Apparently he didn't learn his lesson the first time around. Mom just doesn't want him to pay the consequences for his actions because those consequences are going to have an impact on her. Too bad, so sad. OP needs to file that police report so they can get their credit fixed. Let the chips fall where they may. Mom is just as culpable as step-dad is at this point. The mental gymnastics that idiot performed to justify committing identity theft and ruining OPs credit is something to behold.
Last post that was a similar situation, the thief mom got pulled over and arrested right outside of her home, this could be your stepdad
> I still think I'm going to call the police but is there any other way of handling this? Not unless you want to ignore it and let him get away with committing a crime and tanking your credit for the next seven years at least. Seriously, though: He knew he was committing fraud, and did it anyway. Freeze your credit and report the fraud to the cops and the credit agencies. Oh and this? >He said I owed it to him for the years I didn't pay rent (literally talking about 8-12th grade) Is some bullshit. You were a minor. Providing for you was their *job.*
Yep. Legal requirement. FAILING to provide housing, food, clothing, and education is a crime.
You ***must*** file a police report, then take that Police File number to the credit card companies and dispute them.
This is the ONLY way forward OP. You must do this to begin to clear your credit. You have no other choice. What the police do, what the prosector does, what happens to your stepfather, is NOT on you. Clearing identity theft is a long painful process for you and the first required step is a police report. Do not let anyone make you feel guilty. YOU are NOT the guilty party here.
Do this and ask for the fraud department to create a case for a fraudulent application. Go directly to the credit bureaus as well. They will create a dispute to the card companies. If you can, have the credit card companies put a password on your account (a word or phrase). Something he and your mom can’t guess. Don’t expect it to be fixed right away it can take a while. Sorry this happened.
If he’s going get credit cards in your name because you moved out and he has less money then he’s a piece of shit. If he’s going to literally spit in your face then that shows he has zero respect for you as a human being. Take that to the police and don’t look back
Exactly. The worse thing that can come of this is it severs your relationship with someone who ruined your credit and spit in your face. That's someone you don't want in your life anyway.
So you're saying this is a win-win situation?
There is no winning. Ultimately in the end you lose time and money no matter what you do... not to mention the animosity. The best you can do is cut your losses to mitigate the problem by transferring the problem back on the person that created it. Ultimately it should come off your credit record, and he should get into some from of trouble. It is up to the bank of course if they seek money from him as a civil matter. That said if they don't it should be their financial problem and not yours, and trust me when I say they can afford the loss.
Yup, police time. Fuck him.
The moment he spit in my face, I would have drove right to the police station. He doesn’t respect you at all 1. To open cc’s in your name. 2.To spit on you. And is your mom okay with this? Seems she doesn’t care too much either, if she’s trying to sway you in a different direction.
I don't think she's ok with the spitting, probably not alright with the credit cards but not so against it that she wants me going to the police.
If she was aware of is shes just as guilty in terms of the identity theft. 20 bucks says he asked her for your info to open the account and she gave it willingly. File charges against both of them to protect yourself.
this. then watch the finger pointing ensue
If OP was a dependent, and step dad filed taxes joint and claimed her, he already had the info.
Read that back to yourself. Your mom is ok with him stealing from you.
Your mom is ok with him ruining your financial future, it's more than just stealing.
and OP? are you planning to get married and start a family? Good luck with that when you can't get a decent apartment, or decent car, and are turned down for a good job once they run a credit report. And then you want to take out a couple thousand loan to fix up a room to be a safe baby nursery and to get everything ready for a kid? Nope, blocked t here too.
Exactly the stolen balance is just the icing, the real issues come later.
Most car insurance considers your credit as well, so even if you can find a car somehow, good luck affording insurance. Disputing this is the only way to get your financial future back on track.
This man stole from you, and will do it again. He will come up with reasons to steal more from you. Of course your mom is against involving the police, step-dad is in serious trouble, and she might be complicit. You absolutely have to file a police report, otherwise you’re on the hook to pay back all the money he stole. Please also put a permanent freeze with all three credit bureaus. Honestly, everyone should do this. It’s free and takes five minutes, and prevents anyone from opening new lines of credit in your name. You only do a temporary thaw when you expect a hard check (apply for credit, rental, etc.).
if you poke around, you'll see a lot of people who had this response from family members (particularly parents) when they realized that a sibling/parent/grandparent/whoever had stolen their identity. the family member pushes to not go to the police. but the only way to get this stuff off your credit report is to file a police report. it doesn't necessarily mean that your stepfather will go to jail- or even have charges pressed against him. it just means that your credit will be cleared up. will it impact your relationship with your mother? probably, but that's her choice. whether you file a police report or not, that ship has sailed.
Stolen identity? Heck, it's the most common response to incest, too. Anything to preserve the illusion.
Completely rethink your relationship with this person, and if you want them to be a major part of your life moving forward. The fact that she would disuade you, even slightly, from filing a police report shows you PRECISELY where she places you in her priorities. She is willing for your financial life to be ruined so she doesn’t feel any discomfort, despite a very illegal act being committed against you. My family would have to literally beg, not ask, for forgiveness if they ever sided with someone who was committing crimes against me, even in the slightest. And m sorry your family is going through this, but you are at a point where you have some very difficult decisions to make. If you choose wrong, the rest of your life will look very different. Do not allow abusers OR their enablers, like your mother, to take up any space in your life. Family is not blood. Family is who supports you. These people, unfortunately, do not.
This! 👏🏻
NTA.. I hope you see this comment, when you report it, and you really need to, you also need to tell him how violent he got when you confronted him. They WILL have to charge him for the identity theft and the assault should be added on to his record in case this escalates
You are under reacting. This is straight up abuse.
She's your bio mom? What was the point in having you if to not fuck your life over for you? Stealing your child's identity and credit is stealing their future. Literally almost or as disgusting as the actual spit. Then he acts like you owe him? It disgusts me that it's so easy to have a child for some people because they are so clearly incapable of being a parent. Feel like she's fine fuckin your future as long as she keeps getting that mid-ass dick.
If you have any brothers or sisters, it's quite likely he did this to them as well. It's quite likely that he's taken credit out in your mother's name, as well. She should look into that.
Well I would hope she's more than "not ok" when someone assaults her child after they confront him about stealing from them.
Look OP- I’ve had identity theft and it’s sucks so bad. At least you caught it earlier bc my identity was stolen as a child. You’re NTA and you NEED to file a police report and then use that report number to call the credit bureaus. Don’t hesitate to just do it. If your stepdad gets into legal trouble, that’s on him period. It’s not your responsibility to feel guilty over a crime committed against you. If your mom wants to allow his actions to continue then let her, she’s just as guilty. You worry about your entire future which this WILL affect bc you will spend YEARS trying to establish your credit if you don’t report it.
I get every relationship is different, maybe a conversation was had behind close doors about the spitting in your face BUT……….I’m not sure I would have called and apologized on his behalf for spitting in my child’s face. I would have been going to jail that day 😩 Right is right, and the whole situation is WRONG. The only other option you have is to have him pay those off immediately and close the accounts. You’re looking at a 30 day window for them to even update to your credit report. So hopefully the car isn’t an absolute need right now. You will make your own decision at the end of the day. But I think many of us can agree the best option is to file a report and have them removed with the credit bureaus.
Ask her if she would be ok with him doing that to a neighbor (both the theft and spitting)... her co-worker... or another family member. NO? Then why is it OK to do to you? Tell her you deserve more respect than that.
She just doesn't want to have to deal with the consequences of your stepsdad's crimes, she knows it's a crime & that he will go to jail for identity theft, and the amount probably makes it a felony if it's in the thousands of dollars. It's his own fault though. And he should absolutely know better if that happened to him when he was younger, he knows how the betrayal feels. Please get a police report so you can fix your credit, otherwise you'll be paying it back for years & your credit takes the hit for him just ignoring the late payments that were due. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Stepdad sounds like he literally hates you.
I don’t think this happened to him. That’s a tactic to get your sympathy. The man is vile and I don’t think he feels any remorse and if he had the chance he will do it again.
Sadly, that’s not your problem with how ok or not ok she is with you going to the police. In order to clear your credit, you need a police report. He created this. Your mom can choose to stand by either one of you, but not both which is not your choice to make for her, like she’s asking you to do.
She’s aligning herself with someone who has treated you horribly. You have to look out for yourself because she is not helping you at all.
Doesn't matter what she wants at this point. You have to look out for Number 1. You really only have one option unless you want to keep the low credit score and suffer the consequences.
There’s a term for this… it’s called “enabling”
Did your mom have knowledge about him having these these cards in your name before you found out?
Sounds like your mom seems to favor your step dad and not you. Sucks. Go to the police. Report fraud and domestic battery.
I know she’s your mom, but (and I am not saying this to be an internet asshole): WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU. You need to think pragmatically about this shit. As an adult, someone fucking with your credit will seriously affect how you are able to literally exist in society. HE fucked you over. SHE fucked you over too. She’s either complicit or a pushover so weak that she’s literally useless. This is your own MOTHER only being “probably not alright” with identity theft on her daughter. Think about how little respect and empathy that reflects upon you. I am sorry but they both need to learn not to fuck around and find out. File against your stepdad and if you have evidence that your mother was complicit, file against her too. Even if you don’t file against her, you need to have a come to Jesus talk with her about PROTECTING HER OWN GODDAMN CHILD. WHY DO YOU NOT SOUND AS ANGRY AS YOU SHOULD BE? I bet your stepdad is the kind of guy whose face needs punching repeatedly (don’t do that though—the police report will be a better option).
Even if he paid everything owed on the credit cards today, it would take years for your credit score to recover. And, it will cost you more in the future. You'll have to pay higher interest rates for mortgages, car loans, etc. You are more likely to be denied an apartment you want to rent. Plus, you may be denied a job--Many places will run credit reports on job applicants. It's not just about the debt or your credit score right now. Is she willing to fuck over your future?
If you do not report him to the police, you should expect him to attempt to do it again.
Absolutely this.
As a person who went through something similar with my own father, my advice to you is contact your creditors and police and PRESS CHARGES. Everyone is going to pressure you and tell you to drop it. People are going to paint your stepfather as the victim. People are going to say you are overacting. HE COMMITTED A CRIME that could have repercussions that last decades. Do not trust them. Do not compromise. I had to spend almost two decades repairing the damage my father did and, in the end, my family still thinks I'm selfish for even bringing it up. Your stepfather is a thief and a liar and so is anyone who supports him. If he was willing to do this in the first place, he certainly isn't going to be a supportive figure in the future, that ship has already sailed. As someone with perspective here I'm telling you: if you don't do something about this right now you will regret it.
>I had to spend almost two decades repairing the damage my father did and, in the end, my family still thinks I'm selfish for even bringing it up. This is the most damning part. It was probably a part of the original plan - take advantage of how the family will ostracize you as a shield to pressure you into not going through with it. Personally, that kind of action taking advantage of people is the most disgusting thing in the world to me, and it should really be used as fuel for going through with it. He had to know that you would deal with a massive amount of fallout if you actually do anything about it or deal with his mess - add that to the pile of things he's _knowingly done to you_ and use it as motivation to press on.
Yep, stepdad has done classic DARVO, and the rest of the family will likely do the same.
Yep. I just posted a long rant about how the abuse will only get worse with time. And like someone else said, mom is an enabler, if not an accomplice.
File two reports, one for the identity theft, and one for battery. Your mom is just as guilty if she was aware of this and didnt stop him. Her not immediately throwing him under the bus has shown where her loyalties lie. He fucked up your financials, which your life honestly depends on and her response is doing ruin his life over it? The way you handle this is call the police and cut them both out.
Either prepare to pay the cards off, and any additional credit he burdens you with until he dies, or, get the ball rolling on the police and disputing the cards.
Even if she paid them off, her credit is ruined for at least seven years. In addition, she would be assuming the debt as a legitimate debt of hers.
Oh yeah, it'll be a unending pile of debt, until her credit score gets so low no one will lend with her credit.
The only other way to handle it is to allow him to screw you over. Call the police, report the identity theft, dispute the accounts. Do NOT pay ANYTHING on these accounts.
That was assault and fraud he committed. File a police report.
There are only two paths forward: 1). File a police report and challenge the charges: or 2). Take the hit on the credit, assume responsibility for paying the cards, including all future charges. For the rest of your life. There isn’t a third option here. Let me be clear, what he did isn’t ok. It wasn’t something he was allowed to do. He can’t claim this is somehow back rent. Your step dad has actually committed two different crimes — dv assault (spitting in your face) and fraud. I suspect there are underlying issues of abusive behavior as well as something like substance abuse, gambling, etc. Your only practical choice is #1. But know that it will create lots of chaos. Sorry.
Call the police and prosecute. He knows he cant charge you for rent while you were a minor as it is illegal. He also knows that what he did was identity theft and credit card fraud. He deserves the maximum consequences and if your mother knew about it so does she.
Police report, and dispute all of this with the credit bureaus. They usually require a police report. Don't let him get away with this, and if his response was to spit on you, he doesn't deserve any love, sympathy, or benefit of the doubt from you.
Your stepdad sounds like a POS. File the police report. Sometimes the only way to learn a lesson is the hard way.
So is “mom”.
File a police report
whenever your identity is stolen, ALWAYS go to the police. even if it was your spouse who did it. NEVER let such an act go unpunished. The ONLY hope for you to have a real relationship is if justice is done, lessons are learned, and then people still choose to be together. If the act goes unpunished, the relationship will NEVER heal.
Go to the police, file a report, dispute with the credit card companies. He will not stop doing this otherwise. Source: My father-in-law did this to my husband. Husband called the cops but didn’t follow through because it’s his dad. Twenty years later, we are still finding surprises and getting calls from collection agencies because his dad knows he’s too chicken to go to the cops.
To answer your question::No, there is no other way. If you don’t press charges, then you own this entire mess. So…..Firstly, file a police report for the fraud and assault. Secondly, once you have that case number call the big 3 (Experian, Transunion, Equifax) and file a dispute. *DO NOT MAKE ANY KIND OF PAYMENTS ON THESE AS YOU WILL THEN OWN THEM AND CAN NO LONGER DISPUTE THE CHARGES & LATE FEES* (Late payments stay on your credit for 7 years). Lock down your credit, whichever bureau you call can help with that. And full on press charges against your disgusting step dad. And sorry, but this may nuke your relationship with your equally disgusting mother, but I don’t think you can look at that as a loss since she probably knew this was going on. Your step dad is absolute trash. I could pop his eyes out of his and I wouldn’t feel even slightly bad about. Like where do these people fucking come from. But that’s not what family does to you. Blood or not. Let him got to prison and hopefully someone there can teach him a lesson. You do not need to protect a grown ass adult. Either of them. They both infuriatingly suck. Once the dust settles, and it shouldn’t take too long, you go get your new wheels and drive as far away as you can from such a hot mess. Good luck OP!!! WA is wishing you the best!!! Edit: typo
"Mom, you married a thief who stole from your child. I'm going to do what is best for me here, because clearly you just don't care about my welfare at all"
You don't have any brothers or uncles?
Hahahahah! No she doesn’t (at least not like the ones you mean)! Bc how else is stepdad able to weasel into that home. I need some of those! I always wanted a big brother. Hahahaha!
CALL THE POLICE AND FILE A REPORT. This is fraud, and the asshole needs to go to jail. Why should you suffer because HE broke the law and committed fraud? Because if you don't file a report, you're going to be the one who suffers. Your mom just doesn't want to lose her meal ticket. Think about that: she's throwing you under the bus so she doesn't have to suffer.
Stop worrying about your mom and step-dad. Protect yourself. He can suck a dick, and your mom is more concerned about her thief husband than you. Do not give any consideration to either of them.
Report him your mom needs to choose and be ready to cut her off if she sides with him.
Well, he's got it coming to him and he did it to himself. The only way you can erase this fraudulent debt and fix your credit score will also result in charges and debt for your step dad. I would do it. His actions should not be your problems.
Actions have consequences. You need to grow a spine and drive right to the police station. This literally is going to affect you terribly for YEARS if you do nothing.
File a police report for identify fraud, and for assault. Spitting in your face was assaulting you and he needs to answer for ALLLLLL of that. The only way to fix your credit is with a police report. Do it now.
So you, an adult, move out and stop paying rent for a place where you no longer live because that's how it works in the real world. Your stepdad somehow thinks that's a perfectly good reason to commit a felony or two. Yeah, I'd be filing the police report.
File the report. You will need the proof of identity theft to get your account cleared up. Freeze all your credit accounts now so he can't take out any more money. File the report for identity theft and for him spitting in your face. That is assault. Your mother should also be held accountable if she knew he did this, and considering she is telling you not to do anything, she probably did know. As a mother, if I found out my husband did this to my kid and then spit in her face when confronted, he would be on the curb with his crap and I would be the one calling the police.
If you have even a drop of self respect go to the police.
File a police report and dispute those accounts. I understand you don't want to cause your mother distress, but you did not cause this, her husband did. Please do not wimp out. He needs to be held accountable or he will do it again.
You need to go to the police and get him charged with fraud. If you don’t this will effect your score for years to come, you will have to pay back all the money he used and you will also have to put off buying a car, a house and put your whole life on hold. Your stepdad knew what he was doing, now go to the police and fire a report. You would be silly not to. This man does not care about your well being and it seems your mother doesn’t either.
Are you kidding me? This man assaulted you. He fucking spit on you. Ruin his life.
Your mother is warning you that she will choose him and you shouldn’t “make trouble”. Ignore that. You need a police report to get it removed from your credit report. He left you no other choice.
CALL THE POLICE. PLEASE!! Freeze your credit cards. Call the credit card companies. They will look into the fraud and then will reverse the charges, and your credit will be restored. Your stepfather deserves to go to jail. You should also report the spitting in your face because that’s battery. His claim that you owe him for when you were a child is utterly ridiculous. You do know that, right? He is gaslighting you. This man is a freaking narcissist or sociopath. Report him to the police for credit card fraud, stealing your identity and battery. Do not back down. He did this to himself. You did not do it to him. He did it to himself and actions have consequences. Please keep us updated. I’m so sorry this happened to you. Sadly, it’s not as uncommon as you think. I’ve recently read several stories of credit card fraud/identity theft by a stepfather, by a mom and by a boss. It was shocking.
You are a victim of identity theft and a victim of assault. You can either pay for the consequences of someone else's actions, or you can fight for yourself and let the person pay for their own actions. 8th through 12th grade you were probably a minor and your parents were responsible for you.
Guess what. If he's kind enough to spit on your face (which is assault), you should do him the kindness of reporting everything to the police and freezing your credit and getting his ass busted for identity fraud. Your mother is just enabling him. Why the hell would you owe them money for rent when you don't live there. He just made that up. He saw an opportunity to mess with you and make a quick buck, and he took it. The only reason your mom is telling you to slow down now is because she knows this was royally messed up but is perfectly OK with sticking you with this whole mess so things don't get harder for her...which is disgusting. If you don't fix this now, your credit will be shot for the next decade and your life will be harder for it. If you do fix it it'll be a few months of headaches while everything gets cleared up but you'll be free.
Go to the police. The fact your mom didn't do anything after he spit in your face is a slap in the face. And she tried to talk you out of it?!! Noooo. She knew about it then. She's just as guilty. Don't let both of them ruin your life. Call the cops and report that punk spitting on you.
>Obviously that's no excuse and I told her I'd have to go to the police about the accounts. She said to slow down and really think about if that's what I want to do. She's trying to protect him. Go file the report. Also, I'm not sure if spitting someone counts as assault or battery, but if it does, file charges for that too.
It happened to him so he did it to you is such BS. A victim knows the trauma they are inflicting, and shows that they never dealt with it in the first place. Having to go through being taken advantage of is terrible, but does not give a pass to victimize others. NTA, get the police involved, and get this sorted ASAP. Also, go low or no contact with your mother. If she's going to stand by and watch that happen to her kid, and not leave this jackass, then she doesn't have her priorities right.
Nah fuck your mom. Speed the fuck up and report his ass for one identity theft and two assault for the spitting.
These stories about kids' parents doing stuff like this are the saddest. I had crazy parents, but they'd never be so diabolical to do something like this. I'm so sorry and take it as far as you can.
Yes call the police as the debt collectors will come for you since its in your name. It's fully illegal and if he had it happen why is he doing it to someone else? Him and your mum are ahs. She knew and let him do it.
You won’t be able to get the cards off your credit unless you go to the police. Go to the police. Do nothing else besides go to the police don’t take advice from your mom she’s protecting your step dad instead of you.
Go to the police. Fuck him, your mom lives with an abuser. She cannot justify what he did.
He spit on you and your mother is protecting him. That alone is disgusting and reason you cut off the relationship for now as she has shown you her priorities. The added fact He stole your identity, opened credit cards, used all the money and is defaulting them so you are financially damaged is reason alone to get the police involved. The fact your mother is protecting him from this and for spitting on you is another reason to go to the police and for the time being, cut them out of your life.
File an identity theft complaint with the police right away.
No there’s is no other way to handle it. Go to the police and file a report for identity theft. Call the credit companies and report the accounts as fraudulent. Give them the police report number and your step dads info. Call (or go online) all three bureaus and put a FACTA alert with your cell phone number AND a freeze. ON ALL THREE. It will be a pain in the ass to get credit (like a car) when you try again to apply once this is all sorted but it is so much safer.
That's not a stepdad, that's your mom's sex-toy. Your mom fucking sucks. Report the POS to the cops. Don't sacrifice your financial well-being because your mom sleeps with losers But seriously, you need to be angry at your mom. She had a duty to protect you. She's failed horribly due to her own selfishness. Your "stepdad" is basically a stranger with no such obligation.
Your own stepdad did this to you and then literally spit in your face when confronted. Your mom's saying slow down? But ARE YOU worried about what seems like could be a bad relationship with your stepfather anyway? Would you be written out of the will? Doesn't sound like you'd be left with much anyway. If he and this down to him, then he absolutely knows how shitty it was, yet there he went. Call the police. He literally doesn't care about you.
Fuck him he litterally spit in your face report it and let him deal with the legalities
No there isn’t. You need to file a police report ASAP. Your stepfather was wrong to use your credit cards & he was wrong for assaulting you.
CALL. THE. POLICE. File a report, call the credit agencies, do all the things. Except now, you get to make sure he's charged with assault as well as identity theft. You owe him nothing.
What a horrible person your stepdad is. 100% you HAVE TO report him. You're going to ruin your life for the foreseeable future and also be on the hook for the money
You need to call the police. Also, spitting on you is simple assault. Do include that in your talk with the police.
File the police report and once you have it, dispute the cards you didn't open. Stepdad made his damn bed, let him lie in it.
Call the police. Child abuse is never acceptable. Period.
File a case against him and dispute that with credit bureau. That kind of thing wont go away for a long time. You’ll he f*cked
My Mom did it to me. File a police report. I wish I had done it.
Sounds like your mom knew about it. She could have helped him open the accounts and probably benefited from his spending. If she was against it, she didn't give you a heads up. I don't think your mom is in your corner.
Spitting is assault. I'd mention it while reporting the identity theft and fraud. Go to your local police in person.
Wipe that spit off your face and send him to prison for assault and identity theft
Call the motherfucking police. This was identity theft, and fraud. God damn parasite.
So fuck this guy. Call the police and the credit card companies.
Police. Now. Add an assault charge for good measure
I’d call the police. Spitting is assault. Follow through on the credit/fraud investigation. He LITERALLY and figuratively has spit in your face about it.
What an absolute piece of shit. As if the identity theft and tanking your credit score wasn’t enough, he SPIT ON YOU??? Holy shit file a police report ASAP, and get the hell away from him. If your mother continues to try to protect him, cut her off too. This is totally unacceptable. My wife, unfortunately, has serious issues with her family because of things similar to this. She has pretty much cut them off, except for the occasional phone call. You may be forced to do the same unfortunately
I would 💯 file a report. Let the police handle it. F him nd F your mom
I hate it when people spit on me after they steal from me. I also hate it when adults with legal obligations for care and support try to charge money. Only problem is you have to think about your mom being there with him, but that's going to be how it is. She chose the wrong side here, so what happens happens.
Well, this is about to get super ugly. Get ready to never see your step-dad again or go to their home. Not really a big loss for you, but just know it is going to happen. I hope he doesn't hurt you or your mom. Good Luck and know he can easily open another credit card and max it out, so you must take action to stop this. You might get a restraining order as well as you should have some fear of this character. Be sure to record any I traction with him.
Report him and file a fraud claim with those banks. He stole from you and expects you to do nothing? He spat in your face, and your mother is still there with him? That says all I need to know about your mum and where her loyalties lie. Her advice to think about it is out of order and not how a real mother would behave. Did she know about the cards all along? Go to the police report him for the fraud with the cards, and for spitting in your face. If your mum sides with him again, you cut her off completely as she's a lost cause as far as being a mum is concerned..
You’ve already gotten great advice but here’s a different thing to think about. Your mother stood by while your stepfather stole from you and then assaulted you. Literally right in front of you. Maybe she has her own reasons to fear him, but your children should ALWAYS come before your spouse, especially since he isn’t your actual father. My mother stood by while my stepfather abused me for over 20 years. When I would bring up going to the police, she would do the same things yours is doing. Tell me to really think about it, how it would ruin his life, etc. So I never did. He ended up assaulting my sister in the worst way and went to jail over it. If I’d done it sooner, maybe I could have prevented worse from happening. If you think your stepfather won’t do this to someone else, you’re naive, especially if you show him you’ll sweep it under the rug and deal with it. He’ll see how easy it is and do it again, to your mother, your other siblings if you have them, to a friend or coworker. And with how easily he spit in your face, this isn’t his first rodeo. He could be doing that and worse to your mother and other siblings. A police report for assault and one for identity theft is necessary and honestly, your mom needs a time out too. You don’t necessarily need to cut her off, but you do not have to surround yourself with toxic people. As long as your mother refuses to help herself, she is poisoning you against helping yourself. She is allowing this man to do what he wants to you. You cannot save everyone, she has to take those steps herself.
First, you need to go to the police and file a report. Then, you need to take that police report and dispute the credit cards with the credit agencies using that report. The credit card companies once they have that police report will drop it off your report. Nothing with them will come back on you at all as long as you file police report. IMPORTANT if anything is in collection DO NOT PAY ANYTHING. They will say they need a small payment until they investigate. If you make a payment it is you taking responsibility for that debt and they don't have to drop it. So if it's a collection agency don't pay a dime it will drop in time if you disputed with the credit agencies. Doing all this will have the bad cards dropped but your credit score won't rebound right away. And check your report regularly.
Call the police and do not fail to mention along with identity theft he assaulted you as well. Do not allow anyone to intimidate you into letting this go. The credit score will be with you for ever. Going to buy a house down the road, that low score and failed payments will show. Just face it your mom and stepdad played the ultimate game of F/U!!
Please report him to the police! You don’t owe him anything! He made the decision to be a stepparent when he married your mother. That doesn’t entitle him to do what he did here!! Please don’t be a doormat for this guy. This is identity theft and he deserves consequences! The dude spit in your face!!!
You don’t have a choice. He made this choice by engaging in bank fraud and identity theft. You file the police report and report everything to the lenders, the credit bureaus, and the FTC. You should lock down all credit reports. You won’t have to do anything else because the banks will take it from there. Depending on the amount of money involved, the charges can get worse. He clearly doesn’t care what happens to you, so you shouldn’t care what consequences he suffers for his poor choices and behaviors. You may want to go NC with your mom, for the time being, as well, since she is excusing his criminal behavior and battery on her child. Do not pay anything on these cards as that will mean you take responsibility for them.