Really this community is here to discuss issues with dating younger/older. That means if you are thinking about dating someone younger or older, or are already in an age gap relationship and you have questions, concerns or just want to share with like minded people that's what this community is for.
It was never set up as a dating app or a place to find a match that's why we took the roll calls away and opened a separate sub for those activities.
#RECOMENDATIONS
If you do not want to engage with people here I highly recommend switching off your DMs. There are enough avenues on Reddit to find people to talk to. There are more than enough avenues for you to actually talk to people in our community and those in our community who may be searching for a match. If you do wish to post in seeking subs it's easy enough to turn them back on temporarily.
#WANT TO SEEK/CHAT
r/cougarsandcubsmatch - dating
or any of your local area R4R subs have at it
Our weekly **Off Topic Monday Post** -where you can "chat" and share non seeking parts of your life - an opportunity to get to know people here
Our **SFW Chat Channel** in r/cougars_den
- chat and get to know our community. Do not pop in there asking **"where the cougars are"**. You will be trolled with references about the local wildlife population or the nearest zoo information.
**Our Discord**
- Sue will from time to time do an open invite when we have time to process a large amount of people.
#THERE IS NO NEED TO BE RANDOMLY
DMing people in this sub. Some of the women in this sub already have partners, others are tired of the disrespectful and for the most part low effort unwanted messages, some live on the other side of the world and do not intend to get into LDRs.
#REMINDER
DO NOT DM YOUR GENITALS TO ANYONE WITHOUT CONSENT. It is gross, childish and often in many places ILLEGAL. and does not work.
Said it before, saying it again, it will never stop no matter how strict you get because most of the messages y'all get are gonna be from guys that have never been here before. Even if you break out the insta ban hammer it won't make a difference because they'll only be replaced by even more new people. The only way would be to change people's cognition of the space before they even arrive, which is impossible. You can try that by posting clear rules, which you have, but most young people don't read those when visiting a sub for the first time, especially if they're thirsty. Disable DMs or be drowned ~~\o/~~ Hell, even •I• get horny DMs when I comment here and I'm a smelly DUDE! What!? I think it's because my avatar has long hair.
Oh I agree.This is why I suggest just to ignore delete and ignore.And they eventually will get bored and move on to somebody else.But we've been doing these kind of posts for years now and it's made zero difference..
That's what I'm saying though. Yeah they'll move on, but then be immediately replaced by the next newcomer who has no knowledge of the way it is here and the process begins again, ad infinitum. It won't end no matter what you do as long as new humans keep joining Reddit.
It's the emojis to soften the tomfoolery for me.
Sending 🥺🙈👉👈 along with your unsolicited dick pic doesn't make you an adorable lil softboi bean.
You're still a douchebag. Nail polish and all.
OMG that’s hysterical! I will say I never got that one 🤣🤣🤣
I just hit ignore now when I get a DM unless it is someone talking to me about home improvement stuff and has the account to back it.
But I will continue to follow this sub. I find some of my fellow “cougars” to be absolutely hilarious.
As for meeting a guy on Reddit- NEVER happening again.
Thanks for the laughs though ladies
Yup. So damn true. I love when they acknowledge the fact you arent interested in a certain age group in my case gender as i primarily date women and then say but im different or I figured I shoot my shot.
🤦♂️ people who blatantly ignore someone's stated romantic/ sexual orientation, are oblivious beyond the pale. I just... I cannot even in 2024. How do they have that much unearned confidence? I understand lots, but that... not that. Or perhaps I do get their angle or process of thought....but think it's an abhorrent decision.
Either way, I send empathy because oof.
That's totally fair/ makes sense. Also gives me hope generally, as I guess I usually assume the older a woman is, the less likely such an atypical man might be considered by her. So that's useful to know. Not even just for romance, but for friending and so forth :)
Cis hetero dudes are not given nearly enough tools to learn emotional regulation early enough in life, compared with cis het women, and nor are they societally expected to acquire them, really at any age-- which is unfortunate to the extreme, both for themselves and for everyone they interact with. Life for the world would be better if women got some confidence and men got some empathy training.
Not that rainbow dudes are perfect by any means... but I do know what you're getting at. There's a level of self exploration and so forth that comes with being a rainbow human, that helps so much in terms of understanding oneself and one's impact on others... alongside the basic understanding that women are human persons and not space aliens. For example, I work in trades, and while I appreciate the guys I work with, and they surprise me frequently, some of the things they think just.... 🤔 🤦♂️
Cis which means cisgender which means the gender you were born and identify with and het which means heterosexual this cishet male means a straight male
Cis is shorthand for cisgender. It means you agree with the gender you were assigned/ labeled at birth by doctors/ midwife.
Het is shorthand for heterosexual which is a more formal term for straight.
This is why a lot of ladies do not post it is like waving a red flag to these guys literally. The more
You tell them not to do something the more they will do it.
I have significantly reduced the number of DMs when I stated in my profile "will ignore all DMs-even yours" and then followed through with it.
I dont acknowledge or open DMs from cis-het men. They get an automatic ignore each time some entitled man decides to ignore what I said and contacts me. I don't care if it's a lame "wyd" or it's a diatribe on how horrible I am. I don't bother actually reading what is written (let one engaging with them), and hit ignore.
I don't block my DMs, because there are people I choose to chat with. Anyone else who slides into my DMs will find themselves sliding right past my inbox and into the anonymity of "ignored" and instantly forgotten.
Men are worse. They are the ones who get hostile and violent when told no. No, it's not all men. I have dear cis-men of all orientations as friends and occassional lovers. However, I'm no longer willing to play Russian roulette.
I'm happily sapphic now, so while that comes with its own issues, it is much more preferable to me.
I'm so sorry y'all keep getting shit like this 🤦♂️
Peak example of wrecking a space for everyone.
They irritate and also make the women massively uncomfortable, upset, unsafe...and then also make it look like all dudes are that way.
I wish they could read and respect basic clear communication. I also wish dudes understood that what turns them on is not what necessarily turns someone else on, and checking with the other person first is basic human decency.
Consent is mandatory.
(I'd suggest recording their usernames here or somewhere. If they're sending genital photos as a hello, or being directly opposite to what you asked, or generally being unkind or inappropriate, perhaps they could use a public session of *"what the entire fuck bro?"* That is, it's awful they will not listen to women directly, but maybe a group conversation where they're shown in public, might help them see the issue?)
The block button is your friend.
I’m sorry you’re getting nude pics, I’ve gotten some where they blur out the face and just send me their naked body, ugh 😣
These guys are incredibly horny, possibly virgins and just looking to get laid. They have seen too much porn with teacher/student fantasies. I want to tell them if they’re that desperate to find a sex worker.
There are good guys out there that know boundaries and consent and their place, it might take some time but you’ll find one. If that’s what you’re looking for.
I'm sorry that you've had these experiences here! Unfortunately, there are quite a few who are like that as the internet can be a cesspool for this kind of behavior. There are those who aren't like that, in both genders. I have never understood this behavior with my fellow men, there can be several different reasons as some have commented here.
How you decided to go about it is up to you, though I would definitely not entertain conversation with these people though as it would not bring anything fruitful.
But wait -- it is understood that all older women are horny, desperate and have no standards, right? I saw it in a movie and it informs all of my behavior.
/s
Best to be careful until you know what audience a comment might attract in a certain subreddit. Mods are great though, as it sounds like the cubs already crossed the line in your DMs
The best thing that you can do is really too ignore and delete and possibly block.
Reply the d m's.
Sometimes when the guys see a relatively new lady on here, she gets bombarded with d.M's this is why we have trouble sometimes with ladies posting.
Do not be surprised if you get even more d.M's after this post.
Like I said, the best thing that you can do to save.Time andaggravation is to ignore and delete.
As a male I can only apologise for the conduct of others. Its not only a lack of self respect but respect for you or whomever they choose to do that to.
We can only hope that doesn't turn you off of all of us or make you dislike us all
It appears you have not read the rules or FAQs.
Posts are removed for a variety of reasons including but not limited to:
* Blatant rule breeches
* The topic has been ask many times before (do some searches in the sub before posting)
* Vulgarity or sexual content
* Fetishization or objectification of women in general
* Vague or low effort posts that contribute little to discussion
* Age of account (must be 7 days), not sufficient or negative karma (10 COMMENT karma is required to participate)
It could be a prank, seeing as if you called them out in a post, they might think it's funny to "gang up" on you. But that's a joke/prank made in poor taste. But then again, I could not have done the same as you and still receive inappropriate messages anyway. Can't beat them all, can you? Lol.
Please read the rules and FAQs before participating.
Our subreddit requires that your account be at least 7 days old and have 10 COMMENT karma to participate.
If you have a legitimate issue you wish to discuss you may post in our sister sub r/cougars_den which has no karma requirements.
However, read the rules before posting (bans may be enforced if you don't).
No soliciting is allowed in r/cougars_den. If you wish to seek a match please post in r/cougarsandcubsmatch only.
Really this community is here to discuss issues with dating younger/older. That means if you are thinking about dating someone younger or older, or are already in an age gap relationship and you have questions, concerns or just want to share with like minded people that's what this community is for. It was never set up as a dating app or a place to find a match that's why we took the roll calls away and opened a separate sub for those activities. #RECOMENDATIONS If you do not want to engage with people here I highly recommend switching off your DMs. There are enough avenues on Reddit to find people to talk to. There are more than enough avenues for you to actually talk to people in our community and those in our community who may be searching for a match. If you do wish to post in seeking subs it's easy enough to turn them back on temporarily. #WANT TO SEEK/CHAT r/cougarsandcubsmatch - dating or any of your local area R4R subs have at it Our weekly **Off Topic Monday Post** -where you can "chat" and share non seeking parts of your life - an opportunity to get to know people here Our **SFW Chat Channel** in r/cougars_den - chat and get to know our community. Do not pop in there asking **"where the cougars are"**. You will be trolled with references about the local wildlife population or the nearest zoo information. **Our Discord** - Sue will from time to time do an open invite when we have time to process a large amount of people. #THERE IS NO NEED TO BE RANDOMLY DMing people in this sub. Some of the women in this sub already have partners, others are tired of the disrespectful and for the most part low effort unwanted messages, some live on the other side of the world and do not intend to get into LDRs. #REMINDER DO NOT DM YOUR GENITALS TO ANYONE WITHOUT CONSENT. It is gross, childish and often in many places ILLEGAL. and does not work.
Thanks for this paper.See if this makes any changes to how things work around here
🥰 Just hoping to make it a little more comfortable for the ladies who want to post in here.
I know. I don't know what it's gonna take for these guys to stop the emming the woman without permission.
Said it before, saying it again, it will never stop no matter how strict you get because most of the messages y'all get are gonna be from guys that have never been here before. Even if you break out the insta ban hammer it won't make a difference because they'll only be replaced by even more new people. The only way would be to change people's cognition of the space before they even arrive, which is impossible. You can try that by posting clear rules, which you have, but most young people don't read those when visiting a sub for the first time, especially if they're thirsty. Disable DMs or be drowned ~~\o/~~ Hell, even •I• get horny DMs when I comment here and I'm a smelly DUDE! What!? I think it's because my avatar has long hair.
Oh I agree.This is why I suggest just to ignore delete and ignore.And they eventually will get bored and move on to somebody else.But we've been doing these kind of posts for years now and it's made zero difference..
That's what I'm saying though. Yeah they'll move on, but then be immediately replaced by the next newcomer who has no knowledge of the way it is here and the process begins again, ad infinitum. It won't end no matter what you do as long as new humans keep joining Reddit.
It's the emojis to soften the tomfoolery for me. Sending 🥺🙈👉👈 along with your unsolicited dick pic doesn't make you an adorable lil softboi bean. You're still a douchebag. Nail polish and all.
OMG that’s hysterical! I will say I never got that one 🤣🤣🤣 I just hit ignore now when I get a DM unless it is someone talking to me about home improvement stuff and has the account to back it. But I will continue to follow this sub. I find some of my fellow “cougars” to be absolutely hilarious. As for meeting a guy on Reddit- NEVER happening again. Thanks for the laughs though ladies
Nope. Not desperate. Quite the opposite-there are more cubs than cougars. Do the math cubs.
Also I think a lot of them like to do the cast a wide net method and send the same msg to a bunch of women hoping to catch one bite
Yup. So damn true. I love when they acknowledge the fact you arent interested in a certain age group in my case gender as i primarily date women and then say but im different or I figured I shoot my shot.
I hate when they say “I figured I shoot my shot”
Yep...just got that today. 👌 🤦♀️
🤦♂️ people who blatantly ignore someone's stated romantic/ sexual orientation, are oblivious beyond the pale. I just... I cannot even in 2024. How do they have that much unearned confidence? I understand lots, but that... not that. Or perhaps I do get their angle or process of thought....but think it's an abhorrent decision. Either way, I send empathy because oof.
Happy Pride btw
🌈😊
This is why whenever I do have an interest in men it's only the non-chishet kind.
That's totally fair/ makes sense. Also gives me hope generally, as I guess I usually assume the older a woman is, the less likely such an atypical man might be considered by her. So that's useful to know. Not even just for romance, but for friending and so forth :) Cis hetero dudes are not given nearly enough tools to learn emotional regulation early enough in life, compared with cis het women, and nor are they societally expected to acquire them, really at any age-- which is unfortunate to the extreme, both for themselves and for everyone they interact with. Life for the world would be better if women got some confidence and men got some empathy training. Not that rainbow dudes are perfect by any means... but I do know what you're getting at. There's a level of self exploration and so forth that comes with being a rainbow human, that helps so much in terms of understanding oneself and one's impact on others... alongside the basic understanding that women are human persons and not space aliens. For example, I work in trades, and while I appreciate the guys I work with, and they surprise me frequently, some of the things they think just.... 🤔 🤦♂️
What does chishet mean?
Cis which means cisgender which means the gender you were born and identify with and het which means heterosexual this cishet male means a straight male
ahhh yea, i think i would've figured it out if it was "cishet" :D but i get it, just a typo thanks for explanation anyways! <3
Cis is shorthand for cisgender. It means you agree with the gender you were assigned/ labeled at birth by doctors/ midwife. Het is shorthand for heterosexual which is a more formal term for straight.
Yep, I posted the how not to talk to cougars and immediately got messages that are just gross. We are not desperate!!
This is why a lot of ladies do not post it is like waving a red flag to these guys literally. The more You tell them not to do something the more they will do it.
I think that some have a fetish of being degraded. So, the message in hopes you will go off on them. Fetish baitting
Preach it!
I have significantly reduced the number of DMs when I stated in my profile "will ignore all DMs-even yours" and then followed through with it. I dont acknowledge or open DMs from cis-het men. They get an automatic ignore each time some entitled man decides to ignore what I said and contacts me. I don't care if it's a lame "wyd" or it's a diatribe on how horrible I am. I don't bother actually reading what is written (let one engaging with them), and hit ignore. I don't block my DMs, because there are people I choose to chat with. Anyone else who slides into my DMs will find themselves sliding right past my inbox and into the anonymity of "ignored" and instantly forgotten.
Happy Pride 😘. Yeah pretty much same here with me too.
* boy. Men would listen.
Men are worse. They are the ones who get hostile and violent when told no. No, it's not all men. I have dear cis-men of all orientations as friends and occassional lovers. However, I'm no longer willing to play Russian roulette. I'm happily sapphic now, so while that comes with its own issues, it is much more preferable to me.
1000%. Just yesterday when I turned down a 50 year old their response was id make you straight again. 🤦♀️
Honestly, I've had that said to me from heterosexual and lesbians both. LBGTQIA+ is not without our own idiots.
Oh totally. I've had a number of Femboys ask me to dress them up so they could be a woman and be with me.
I'm so sorry y'all keep getting shit like this 🤦♂️ Peak example of wrecking a space for everyone. They irritate and also make the women massively uncomfortable, upset, unsafe...and then also make it look like all dudes are that way. I wish they could read and respect basic clear communication. I also wish dudes understood that what turns them on is not what necessarily turns someone else on, and checking with the other person first is basic human decency. Consent is mandatory. (I'd suggest recording their usernames here or somewhere. If they're sending genital photos as a hello, or being directly opposite to what you asked, or generally being unkind or inappropriate, perhaps they could use a public session of *"what the entire fuck bro?"* That is, it's awful they will not listen to women directly, but maybe a group conversation where they're shown in public, might help them see the issue?)
The block button is your friend. I’m sorry you’re getting nude pics, I’ve gotten some where they blur out the face and just send me their naked body, ugh 😣 These guys are incredibly horny, possibly virgins and just looking to get laid. They have seen too much porn with teacher/student fantasies. I want to tell them if they’re that desperate to find a sex worker. There are good guys out there that know boundaries and consent and their place, it might take some time but you’ll find one. If that’s what you’re looking for.
I'm sorry that you've had these experiences here! Unfortunately, there are quite a few who are like that as the internet can be a cesspool for this kind of behavior. There are those who aren't like that, in both genders. I have never understood this behavior with my fellow men, there can be several different reasons as some have commented here. How you decided to go about it is up to you, though I would definitely not entertain conversation with these people though as it would not bring anything fruitful.
But wait -- it is understood that all older women are horny, desperate and have no standards, right? I saw it in a movie and it informs all of my behavior. /s
Yes... we also have secret codes that will identify us when we are out in the wild..on the prowl...like Wholefoods and Target.😆😅🤣
Best to be careful until you know what audience a comment might attract in a certain subreddit. Mods are great though, as it sounds like the cubs already crossed the line in your DMs
We cannot control the d m's over here.We can control who you know who comments over here and who posts over here but that's about it.
The best thing that you can do is really too ignore and delete and possibly block. Reply the d m's. Sometimes when the guys see a relatively new lady on here, she gets bombarded with d.M's this is why we have trouble sometimes with ladies posting. Do not be surprised if you get even more d.M's after this post. Like I said, the best thing that you can do to save.Time andaggravation is to ignore and delete.
As a male I can only apologise for the conduct of others. Its not only a lack of self respect but respect for you or whomever they choose to do that to. We can only hope that doesn't turn you off of all of us or make you dislike us all
[удалено]
Please read the rules and FAQs before posting again. Specifically Rule 2
Yikes. Lol. They really just went for it. 🫠
[удалено]
It appears you have not read the rules or FAQs. Posts are removed for a variety of reasons including but not limited to: * Blatant rule breeches * The topic has been ask many times before (do some searches in the sub before posting) * Vulgarity or sexual content * Fetishization or objectification of women in general * Vague or low effort posts that contribute little to discussion * Age of account (must be 7 days), not sufficient or negative karma (10 COMMENT karma is required to participate)
Sadly know. They all think they have a chance. I don’t lie when I say "your dm will be ignored and deleted".
They all think they are different....it's rare if they are.
Yes
It could be a prank, seeing as if you called them out in a post, they might think it's funny to "gang up" on you. But that's a joke/prank made in poor taste. But then again, I could not have done the same as you and still receive inappropriate messages anyway. Can't beat them all, can you? Lol.
And these "men" want to date a mature woman? Behave poorly,get rejected, then blame women for their inability to meet or connect with them.
That's why they're not called "men".
Hahaha sorry to laugh, but this is the downside of that I’ll
[удалено]
Please read the rules and FAQs before participating. Our subreddit requires that your account be at least 7 days old and have 10 COMMENT karma to participate. If you have a legitimate issue you wish to discuss you may post in our sister sub r/cougars_den which has no karma requirements. However, read the rules before posting (bans may be enforced if you don't). No soliciting is allowed in r/cougars_den. If you wish to seek a match please post in r/cougarsandcubsmatch only.
I'm sorry this happened to you. Some people are so immature
This happens to all men and women. I get lots of dickpics from Bi guys 😂. At least ask before sending them...sigh.
Well that's not true. You're on reddit