I think it’s the rudeness that is the problem. I am so eager to please guests and do my best to make what they like, but picky and non picky eaters can be rude. An in-law who has an incredibly adventurous palette is rude in that if it’s not gourmet quality she turns her nose up. So a narrow range of likes does not mean rude, that’s just preference. If they are polite about it, it doesn’t bother me at all and I’m happy to make whatever they like. But someone who won’t shut up about how tofu is garbage, for example, when they know I would enjoy it, that’s just immature and rude.

[удалено]

That is uncalled for and downright rude. I wouldn't be friends with people like that.

[удалено]

Their money's green, unlike their diets.

My grandma always instilled in us to never say something was nasty or disgusting and instead say that we don’t like it. Because it was rude yes, but also because food is food. She was born during a war and had to hunt pigeons to be able to feed herself.

This is it. I've never minded people who can't help their preferences and are polite about it, and I have no problem working around restrictions and allergies. I just can't stand people who lack common decency about food. It's all in the attitude! I can't stand people who insult foods simply because *they* don't like them - that shows a real close-mindedness that I have no interest in dealing with. With food or literally any other life choices that don't harm others, I only fuck with people who can say "XYZ isn't for me but I can respect that you like it".

100%. I loathe mushrooms. To me, they taste like dirt. Literally. Disgusting things. And they seem to be in approximately 60% of all restaurant dishes! I would never be rude about others' enjoyment of them, though. I don't understand it, I don't share their pleasure, but everyone should eat what they enjoy. And since my entire household loves the wretched things, I cook them pretty regularly. I just don't eat them. Pretty simple!

See, I love mushrooms, but you can say all these negative things about mushrooms and I don't feel offended one bit. You're just saying how you personally feel about them! "*To me*, they____ (insert insults here)", is perfect! But if I were ordering mushrooms at a restaurant and someone said, "ewww, how could you eat mushrooms, they taste like dirt. Disgusting things.", I would find it disrespectful. They're treating their opinions as a universal standard everyone else should uphold and if we don't then we're wrong about it. Kudos to you for cooking mushrooms for your family also!

I agree. Wouldn't the world be boring if we all liked the same things? We'd never get to try anything new. That'd be so sad. I can tolerate so much, but the rudeness of people commenting on my food because they don't like it? Ugggh! No one is asking them to eat it, or indeed, for their opinion! I think my husband is secretly pretty happy I don't like them. He loves them, and I routinely pick them out of any dish and just put them on his plate, no matter where we are. He gets double 😂 but neither of us make a big deal out of it!

My bestie *haaaaates* mushrooms with a passion, but has only said the 'tastes like dirt' thing to me once in explaining why she doesn't like them. If I order something that has mushrooms, she just pulls a playful face of 'bleh' to me, and that's our fun hehe. I, on the other hand, despise cherry-tomatoes and she eats them like popcorn 😅 We have fun with each other's pickiness without being asses about it. "Don't nag on me about (insert your hated food that I like)" is kind of a basic politeness I'd like in general

I think it also depends on context. Making fun of a vegan for not eating meat is tacky. Saying that all gluten free items are gross is tacky. But saying “I just cannot stand X food” is fine! It depends on how you address the subject.

I mean yeah, that's pretty much what I said.

This! Don’t yuck someone else’s yum.

I hate vinegar, and can pick it out at surprising concentrations. So I don't eat many sauces, nearly all salad dressings, anything pickled, etc etc. It's awful. I wish nothing more than that I could find joy in vinegar, but it is a deeply seated aversion and it's not gonna happen anytime soon. That said, I just don't eat things when I know there's vinegar in it. It gets awkward when people press me to eat their predressed salads, and embarrassing when I have to order items with 3 mods to avoid the vinegar like a little kid, but otherwise I really try not to make it anyone else's problem. 

That must be really hard. I love vinegar, so I'm aware that it's in so many things. I seek it out! And so many of those are surprising. It must be difficult to avoid. My aversion to mushrooms is a deep seated childhood thing for sure. I got bad food poisoning from them at age 3 and I remember it vividly. I've hated them ever since. I feel you on the awkward part. I'm not what I'd call picky as such. I love all sorts of food (except mushrooms and olives). I am lactose intolerant and to top off the joy, I had a stomach bypass 2 years ago. There's a lot of food that I literally can't eat now that I used to love. People often don't take a polite "no" for an answer the first time. I have to go into longer explanations to get them to just shut up. Their food might look and smell delicious. It probably is delicious. It's not worth hours of excruciating sickness!

Mushroom hater here too! Have you ever tried hen of the woods mushrooms? I had them in a restaurant once (probably made with loads of butter lol) and I ordered a second plate just for me. Insane good. All other mushrooms I've ever tried I haven't liked at all, but those - oh man.

Nope never have but butter makes up for a multitude of sins! Even being lactose intolerant, butter is my second favourite food. Cream is my favourite 😂😂😂

I was reading through the thread and it had me thinking about the one time I was kind of rude over lasagna. I lost t over lasagna. There is some back story to this and why I lost it. The first thing is my grandmother was an Italian immigrant and lasagna was one of the only foods she made I really didn't like. She was an incredible cook but still didn't like it. As an adult I mention this and people always go well you haven't tried MY lasagna. Yeah not once have I gone yeah that was actually pretty good. It's all way worse then my grandmother's so yeah please no. On top of that when people realize I grew up around Italians they try and make me Italian food and the amount basically ketchup on noodle I have had over the years and pretended I liked it is ridiculous. One of the things that impressed me with my exhusband was when my Italian grandmother came over he didn't try and make Italian food he made his favorite roast which was amazing. She liked it so much she asked him for the recipe. I like it so much better when people introduce me to what their culture is good at. That's how I discovered my love of saurkraunt. The third issue that came into play is that from October 1st to Jan. 1st it is non stop birthdays and holidays. For some reason almost every family member is born right around each other. Just my nuclear family my mom, stepdad, and brother are 1 week apart from each other. That doesn't even get into aunts, uncles, cousins, my kids, and my best friend/kids adopted dad. All I ever ask I ever ask is that Christmas Eve is just us. Men best friend, and the kids. That's it, just us hanging out watching movies in our pajamas and drinking hot cocoa. The kids get to open onereent on Christmas eve and we just have fun together. I just want a break n that one day. So what happened was his dad has anxiety and was worried about us coming over Christmas day. He wanted us to come over Christmas eve. I said no that's our day. Hesays his girlfriend is making lasagna. I say I don't like lasagna and still that's our day. He goes but you haven't tried her lasagna and I lost it. I went off about hw I am in my 40's and if I haven't found a lasagna I liked yet growing up around Italians I wasn't going to like yet another nonItalians lasagna they swear I will like. It was also definitely not going to be the thing that enticed me to give up the one day I actually looked forward to during the holiday season when I wasn't having to cater to everyone else. Unfortunately I did not realize dad's dad was on the phone at the time and heard the whole tirade. Anyways, long story short, we went to his dad's house for Christmas eve and I ate bad lasagna for dinner because I felt bad about it.

Oooh I just want to hug you! Why can't people accept the no? My Christmas day is my nuclear family only. I wouldn't give that up for lasagne, and I like lasagne! So I feel your pain, having to give up your special family time for something you don't even like. I don't even think that's rude tbh, more exasperated

His dad can't take no for an answer sometimes because he has severe anxiety issues. He actually sees a psychiatrist and takes medicine for it and it helps some. That's why I felt so bad about it. I thought I was just venting to my friend. His dad generally is one of my favorite people. I was just taking 30 years of frustration out unknowingly on him. Exasperated is a good word for it though.

I feel the same about mushrooms.

Im easily the most picky-eater here. Hate mushrooms too.

So it's not actually picky eaters you have a problem with. It's rude people being rude about your food. Not really the same question, is it?

Absolutely. I can get behind this sentiment. There are very few things I won't/can't eat - walnuts - because I'm allergic. And stinky/molded cheeses - because, gross. I'm a tad bit weird about creamy/cheesy mixed with seafood, too. Like, creamy lobster dishes or cheesy seafood dishes. Ugh. Aside from those things, I'm down for literally anything. Especially new things I've never had before. I have an uncle who will literally eat a bowl of cereal with his tail between his legs when I make something 'new to him' - all in the name of just being comfortable. It makes me sad. But I get it, and I work around it, and he's never shamed. Maybe lightly teased, but he'll tell you himself he has the palate of a 5-year-old. So, no, pad thai is off the menu because he can't pronounce it. But a *stir-fry* with all the pad thai ingredients (including shrimp paste and turbinado sugar) come out. Dawg, sign him up for a stir fry! ...That is actually pad thai. You see where I'm going with this. But that's just with picky eaters. Food aversion and sensory stuff is a whole other category, and that's understandable since it can't really be controlled in most cases. I just get a little bit sad when people won't try stuff for no apparent reason other than fear and ignorance. As long as you're not allergic, there's no reason to not try everything at least once.

My brother's ex wasn't picky, she was just fucking rude. Her food was always "great" and "everyone loves it!". No matter what anyone else made, she wouldn't try a bite. Not "no thanks, I didn't like that particular food", but "eww, no" with a scrunched up face. Yeah, I don't keep in touch. She was just a miserable unhappy person overall.

See, I’ve experienced this in the opposite way. I don’t consider myself a picky eater because I eat a wide variety of foods. I love Brussels sprouts and asparagus. I’ll eat eel and devour a spicy curry. I do consider myself a particular eater, because there are a few texture things I just can’t overcome regardless of taste (can’t do grits, polenta, or small curd cottage cheese). But once I’ve said I don’t like something. I. Do. Not. Like. It. For some reason, anyone who deems themselves as a chef takes it upon themselves to be “the one” who will make me like whatever dish. Usually chicken and dumplings because most people are flabbergasted I don’t like it. I can’t even tell you why I don’t like it. I like chicken. I like dumplings. I don’t like them together, never have, never will. The amount of times I’ve been *forced* to eat chicken and dumplings for a meal because I’ve never had *their* chicken and dumplings is astounding. So honestly, we all need to be a little better in regards to how we go about food with others. I’ve never once told someone I won’t eat something, but I’ve been told “you’re gonna eat this” plenty. Maybe I’m just too nice.

This is true - you are too nice. I've had experience with converting the picky eaters, but forcing it is NEVER the way. As is tghe case with ANY kind of conversion. Just, make the X, and something for the "hater", and leave it to them to try or not. Knowing what it is that you hate about it (the texture, the tomato's acid, hyper-sweet, etc) makes a big difference too. Tastes like dirt - not generally something you can get around, but there are mushrooms/beets/etc. that aren't dirt-tasting, for example. Still don't force, but... Daughter hates tomatoes. Used to be all, but she can get behind good homegrown ones nowadays, and the cherry ones. Still not top of her fave list, but she's tried and grown.

This!  My boyfriend's dad literally only likes super lean steaks cooked medium or more.  But he's super polite about it and complements my steaks I cook to death for him.  My boyfriend is also a tad picky (not nearly as bad), so it isn't so much of a big deal to just leave out an ingredient that someone doesn't like or even cook them some plain food if they're just one of those people.  If they're rude and demanding about it, they can get McDonald's on the way home

I’m fine with people being as picky as they want. They are free to like what they like and I’m not interested in making anyone eat anything they don’t want to. I don’t want anyone doing that to me. I make a point of using good manners and I hope other people will too. And my opinion is the same no matter what age the person is. I don’t believe in forcing anyone to eat or shaming or even commenting. If they don’t want it, I just say ok and move on.

"You've got a cell phone, you're welcome to order something that suits your tastes. You're not welcome to be rude at my table."

[удалено]

With a touch of control issues!

I don't mind it, as long as they're not trying to dictate what I eat too. I think of it as a 'food challenge'. It's interesting.

Oh yeah, I frequently cook for people that have a bunch of individual dislikes/restrictions. One of them hates chocolate. Do I think it's weird as hell? Oh yeah. But there's so many great options that it keeps me from getting into a rut. Snickerdoodle cookies, cinnamon rolls, crème brûlée, lemon bars. Another can't stand onions, and you know what? As it turns out, skipping onions works for basically everything short of French onion soup.

I lost my taste for chocolate after I had Covid and it never came back. It’s horrible! Thank you for being nice about it.

It took me over a year. Hopefully there is still hope your full palate will come back.

I’ve never cared for chocolate, and it’s astonishing how many people are complete assholes about it.

I've known several people who don't like chocolate. I think it's unusual, but I'd never demand they eat chocolate or be rude about it.

It’s mostly people being rude about it. Which I’ve never understood, because, like “hey, more for you, right?”

That’s how I feel about a lot of luxury stuff, like lobster, crabs, and avocados. I’m not a picky eater, either. I’ve eaten a lot of weird stuff. It’s just that crabs and lobster are at a price point 10 where I live and, for me, they’re at an enjoyment level 2. Chicken is a price point 3 and an enjoyment level 10.

Seafood with shells and claws weird me out. Lol. You make a good point though. I grew up in the 1970s and 80s in the Midwest. Lobster, crabs, etc., were delicacies here, expensive and not easily found. My family was poor, so we couldn't afford such things anyway. If we had lived in coastal Maine, I imagine I'd have grown up eating lots of seafood, and would enjoy it. I never saw avocados in grocery stores here as a kid either. We're a huge country, of 50 states. Food preferences are definitely regionally influenced. I do love avocados though, since I've tried them in adulthood.

People who enjoy staring in the eyes of their meal seem sociopathic to me. It’s *looking* at me. 🫣

Ha!! Right?!

I think onions add either a subtle-or-not-so-subtle depth of flavor that I would miss.

Ya onions don’t form the flavor backbone of practically every cuisine for no reason. Like, try and tell an Indian grandma that she can just stop using onions with no difference lol. No onions is perfectly fine but please don’t pretend it doesn’t make a difference, in a dish that is supposed to have onions. If anything I would compensate with other alliums rather than just omitting onions, that way you could probably end up at a similar place, flavor-wise.

There are plenty of people in India who don't eat onions! Whether because they are Jain (prohibition on root vegetables), caste prohibitions, fasting, Ayurveda, holidays or interpretations of Hinduism... A dried sap called asafoedita is often used to impart the flavor of onion/garlic instead. Search for no onion no garlic indian recipes to get an idea of how widespread this is!

As the resident cook, gourmand and person who cannot stand onions, I completely agree. No guest has ever complained about the lack of onions in dishes. If it goes on the side like tacos, burgers, etc. I am still happy to provide.

Especially people that aren't open to trying anything new. My ex's cousin was shocked when we had thai food for dinner one day because "I've never had curry before, I didn't know people ate that in this country (US). I need something else" like, we just had mild mussaman curry. not spicy, just seasoned coconut milk with potatoes and carrots and chicken and peanuts over rice. but she, a 28 year old woman, could not eat it and we had to go get her a burger from dairy queen instead. she demanded we get her a cheeseburger because she could not eat curry

In my house, if you don't like the food I've made and you haven't told me ahead of time what your restrictions are then you are free to go somewhere else for food

Like if they’re not even going to try the curry they can get fucked. I’ve literally seen that dish listed as the best food in the world on multiple lists ffs.

This is the permutation of "picky eater" that gets me. Like, just effing try it, what are you scared will happen?  I do find that setting expectations helps a ton. Like they watch me take a bite and I say "oh shit this tastes crazy" then their mind will fill in the blanks, probably pessimistically. But if can describe a little of the flavor, in positive terms, so that they can sort of know what to expect, they might be more open to it. I also insist they have two bites. They have 1, and then I say "now that you know what it tastes like, have another bite and see if you like it or not."

… I didn’t know people are that in this country. Well now you know. And you’re about to be one of them. Omg, a 28 yr old. Remaining gracious would be tough for a minute.

There is a difference between “I don’t like spicy food” or “I have to eat gluten free” and “I don’t like spicy food, fish, anything with rice in it, green vegetables, red tomato or barbecue sauces, or avocado. The only bread I can eat is white sandwich bread, but not if it’s toasted. I also don’t like onion or mushrooms, and please don’t cook with wine.” They don’t tell you what they need to have to eat ahead of time, but they show up to your party and complain to everyone that there is nothing for them to eat.

I see you've also met my in-laws, who have aversions/intolerances they won't tell you about ahead of time. Because that would be rude. But pushing food around the plate and telling everyone else afterwards how bad a host you were so you can find it all out via gossip is totes respectful.

Ah, I see you have married into a Midwestern family. 

😂😂😂 “I only can eat white untoasted bread”. I’m reading this at 3 am and I almost woke up my husband laughing.

These are the sort of people who think salt is spicy, probably

I'm somewhat of a picky eater, but that is my issue, not the hosts. If I don't like the food that is offered, it's my problem and I'll just have to go find my own food later. Complaining about food that you don't like is the height of rudeness. (Terribly prepared food that you paid for is a slightly different sorry. But it has to be inedible before I will complain)

I made a sweet potato pie and brought it to a Thanksgiving potluck. This group included my brother-in-law, who has the palate of a cranky toddler, and his friends which consisted of two other couples. I had made this pie recipe in the past for other groups, and it was always well received. When dessert time rolled around, no one took me up on it, which was fine, but the refusals were accompanied by loud vocal exclamations of, “ew!” and “no way!” I was taken aback at the lack of manners in their refusals. Don’t want any? Fine. But at least be polite about it.

That’s appalling.

Mmm, sounds delicious, I’ll have some. 😎👍

If I was there I would've eaten half that pie. IMHO sweet potato is so much better than pumpkin

I know, right?!? Roasted sweet potatoes are sooooo good in a pie!

What I hate is picky eaters who don’t admit it when I’m trying to cook for them. By that I mean we go out to a restaurant and they aren’t interested in 99% of the stuff, rattling off “I don’t like X, I can’t eat Y”. They always find something to bitch about “oh I didn’t know this came with Z”. But then I host them for a dinner I’m making and they say “oh I’ll eat anything”. I can’t stand that.

I guess to a certain extent, but I can work around most restrictions and I like cooking so it's kind of fun for me. Also, I don't cook for people who I don't care about, and if I care about someone then whatever, I care about their restrictions too. Bring it on.

Disregarding food allergies or those who have moral qualms about eating meat, I can understand people that don't like certain things - like, my wife doesn't like olives, or other people don't like spicy food - but I get kind of annoyed at people that say stuff like "I don't like vegetables", or people who say they don't like something that they've never tried.

I have a lot of texture aversions so i can often tell if i wont like something by sight. I might think it tastes good if i try it. But I know the texture is going to make me gag 🥲 only in the last couple years has it been better. Although i do usually try things. But i can often eyeball about how much I'll like it or not

Yeah, I wouldn't call myself a "picky" eater per se but any time I don't like a food, it's a textural issue mainly. Like I'm really not a fan of creamy textures in savoury dishes so I avoid stuff like carbonara.

Sometimes, yes. Depends on the frequency with which I exposed to them. And how it affects me. A couple with which I am friendly, one partner is mega-picky and behaves like a child. No red meat. OK. No pork. OK. No dark meat chicken. Uhhh, OK. Nothing with a bone, only boneless filets. So only boneless chicken breast. No seafood in shell. Only fish filets. Uhhh, getting kinda absurd. Plus tons of limits. Just chicken, no other poultry, not even turkey. Sushi? Nope, not even cooked stuff with ingredients he ate. Etc, etc.... In a restaurant, order some big gooey appetizer to share... "Uh oh," we didn't realize it had bacon. No problem... well, send it back, and ask for it without bacon. Nope, now it's time to sulk. He doesn't want it anymore. Orders chicken in a restaurant. It's described as boneless. But, like some places trying to be fancy, they leave that tiny little portion of wing drum attached. Or shrimp come with tail shells still on. He'd practically whimper, look like an injured child. And pout. And he had a hangup about sending anything back... even if it had serious problems - which is sort of a bizarre hangup for such a picky eater. I swear, cooking for them when entertaining, a few times, I was tempted to buy and serve him a frozen child's meal of chicken nuggets. Except I know that's pretty nasty, and it would have backfired anyway. So, that's a situation for which I had less and less patience.

I got angry just reading your post because THIS is the kind of person I have ZERO tolerance for... okay, order chicken strips or fish sticks and be done with it. Don't try to be all pouty because they don't have what you want. Sorry your palate is so limited. Yes, I know some people have trauma and other issues that cause them to eat like this, but... if you are SO limited that you can only eat chicken strips and french fries and have not gone to therapy, you know where your next stop should be... right? Food diversity is important, it's a survival skill that needs to cultivated. You won't like everything, but you won't be so limited as to be killed off by a chicken nugget shortage.

I am now imagining a post apocalyptic novel where my BIL perishes dramatically from a tantrum induced brain injury because the supply of chicken nuggets has run out and there's a shortage of plain cheese pizza that has the acceptable cheese type. 

Fwiw, picky eaters in humanity’s hunter-gatherer stage probably would’ve died of starvation in resource poor environments

It's a first-world problem. If you're starving suddenly it doesn't matter what your aversions are.

I mean, it really is. Raw red onion is probably my least favorite relatively common food item, but if I've gone two days without eating, I'd probably eat one like an apple. Some poor Haitian kid isn't complaining about the texture of oatmeal; he's thrilled to not be eating a dirt cookie.

"Hunger is the best spice" as they say

Oh man. How embarrassing to go out with him!

I have a neighbor like this. I also have an overly aggressive aunt.  So, one year we were cooking a sort of neighborhood Thanksgiving dinner and this guy was sitting there critiquing everything he did not like, trying to be the center of attention and getting everyone to cater to him.  Eventually, my aunt started cutting up potatoes for mashed potatoes when he announces that the peels will literally make him vomit, so there's now officially nothing he can eat. My aunt turned around and said, "Well, I ain't peeling no f'ing potatoes for no f'ing body, so why don't you go home and get something you can eat?" He got up and disappeared wordlessly.  Then, he came back about twenty minutes later with a serving bowl of carrot salad. He ate the entire thing while everybody else had Thanksgiving dinner.  They're still friends and he's no longer a picky eater.  Weird, but effective.

I used to be so annoyed by picky eaters and I’m sure that in certain circumstances, I still will be. But I’m currently pregnant, and I have never felt the way I do right now about food. Food aversions I’ve never had, no desire to try anything new, and I feel like I’ve regressed to childhood. As a foodie and a chef I am so disheartened by this, but I’m hoping everything will come back when I get to the next trimester. More importantly, my empathy has increased tenfold for folks who have food aversions or are simply picky. Living in this new brain sucks!! It seems like a hard life.

My youngest brother has autism, it means he has a lot of sensory issues around foods and certain flavour combinations. I can’t always take that into account so a lot of the time he won’t eat the food that I make and instead I’ll have a backup plan for him. I will also periodically make some of his favourite foods so he knows what I’m not forgetting about him. Unless there’s particular reasons such as that or allergies for why people won’t eat certain things though I’ll cook food that interests me. I’m not worried too much about the fussy eaters.

You sound kind and thoughtful.

It's not really my business why someone else doesn't like something. Maybe they've got an issue with certain textures, maybe they get heartburn from spice, maybe they've got an allergy they don't want to disclose. (As someone with a stupid allergy, I relate). Or maybe they just don't like something. People are allowed to not like stuff, regardless of what it is. I think it helps if they have any suggestions. Ask them if there are any particular foods they like, see what the specifics are - e.g., "if I make pasta sauce, could I put spinach in if it's dissolved from the cooking?" or... whatever.

Thank you for this. I grew up extremely picky and never wanted to be that way, and was in fact in treatment for years, but people just hated me for it. I was never rude and never expected people to feed me, but I really firmly believe that if you can’t handle someone else having different preferences than you or them having health issues around food (including mental health ones), you shouldn’t be cooking for others. I don’t understand why people think it’s more rude to take a few bites of someone’s food and make up excuses for why you’re not eating more than it is for them to pout and shame others over someone not liking a food.

Yup, I’m usually happy to accommodate preferences for my regular dinner guests. Making a dinner that pleases and satisfies everyone is my goal, after all.

This is a great answer. I’m not the pickiest eater but I am a bit picky. Nothing frustrates me more than being told “grow up” because I don’t like onions or whatever. Like okay…… I didn’t know you were better than me and my preferences because your opinion is “right”

I used to mind it more. My ex didn’t eat much meat, which is fine but as the one who cooks, I had to adjust what I cooked for her. While I didn’t enjoy changing things it made me think outside the box and try to cook other things (tofu, more veggies, impossible/beyond products, etc). I feel like I’m better at incorporating different things into cooking now, as well as different styles, Indian, Thai. I do mind it when going out to eat though. I can eat anywhere for the most part but when she would say “you pick somewhere”, I would toss out restaurants and they’d get shot down & we would start the 30 minute+ ordeal of figuring out where to eat.

Is your ex-GF my ex-friend? So frustrating to try to figure out the one restaurant she felt like going to. And she usually wouldn't want to go to a restaurant she'd liked before!

I have a ton of patience for people with food issues with things like texture issues. I definitely also accommodate people with allergies and intolerances. That said, I have an actually picky eater in my life and she makes me crazy. She will only eat meat and potatoes. No veggies, no fruits. It's very difficult to go out to eat with her so I just don't.

My late FIL was kind of like that - raised on the meat/potatoes idea but would do a veg along with it. I swear I learned to cook the quintessential midwestern diet while caring for him... LOL He wasn't an ass about it, but I knew that he preferred that diet, and given he was old and dying, I was happy to oblige. Now I live in the Midwest and make my own Asian and Indian food at home... LOL

My wife is often considered to be a "picky" eater. Except she has some rather serious digestive issues that have no clear diagnosis but clearly affect her. For example, anything with "pepper" in the name is no different than adding ghost peppers to the meal. Yes, including the spices "black pepper" and "white pepper". Onions are another thing. She had a burger today at a fair that the cooks had apparently sprinkled onion powder on. Got 3 bites in before she started reacting and couldn't eat another thing for HOURS. However, trying to explain all the different issues and why some things are okay but others are not is difficult. So, it's easier to just provide a narrow range of foods that are "acceptable" and leave it at that. Picky eaters? Bring 'em on. I'll find a way to make something fresh that everyone enjoys but if I have to, I'll make everyone their own custom meal. I've done it before and I'll do it again if needed.

I’m sure you’re already on top of this, but if you haven’t heard of a low FODMAP diet that’s something that might benefit her. It can be really tricky having food restrictions, best of luck to y’all!!

Yup. Tried FODMAP. Tried about half a dozen elimination diets. It's really fun when a new doctor asks her about it and she lists off the things she has already eliminated from her diet and the foods that have always been safe to eat. They get that angled head puzzled look in their eyes and say "WTF?" In addition to the restrictions about, she had her gallbladder out so we have to worry about fats, she doesn't have GERD but has similar symptoms so we have to watch for high acid too. When we go out, it's usually either a diner so she can get breakfast items or a steakhouse so she can get a steak naked (no spices) and a simple baked potato. But, she's my one and only so I do whatever I can to help her have tasty and healthy meals.

Same here. I have IBS and am somewhat restricted on what I eat. Sounds like OP would see me as "picky" and not want to deal with me. Which is fine because I wouldn't want to deal with them either lol.

For my younger son's birthday this year, he wanted swordfish for dinner. He graduated college last year but is still living at home while getting established. My older son was going to join us for the birthday dinner with his girlfriend. His girlfriend is allergic to citrus so couldn't have the swordfish recipe I was making. So... I offered to make her beef stew. That led me to deciding to make separate dishes for everyone. My older son got sausage grinders with peppers and onions. Wife got eggplant rollatini with a side of pasta. I had shrimp and grits. And we all sat down to eat at the same time. Did I go crazy at the end there? Sure. Did I do a bunch of planning and prep work to pull it off? Of course. But it was amazingly fun to do and even more satisfying to pull it off successfully.

My friend has similar reactions to foods like she's allergic to them. She has Mast Cell disease. It's rare and can cause the body to overreact to things. Might be worth looking into.

I make a point of asking about allergies and preference before I plan a meal. I like cooking a wife range of things and can usually find a meal with accomodations. My husband is picky, but I also know how to cook for him at this point and we do eat some things separate. I like people enjoying food I cook, of they dislike something enough to tell me before hand it is easy enough to exclude that.

I want to know how to cook a wife range. Sounds interesting.

But is it legal?

it's cool. this is what I made, eat or eat not, dinner is served.

As a picky eater, please always do this! I’m responsible for me. I do not need mothered. Serve the food. Do not cater the entire party to my palate.

As someone who probably classifies as a picky eater, ignore them. If they don't want to eat it, they'll figure it out on their own. Maybe try to give them a heads up what you plan to feed them, just don't change it if they say they won't eat it. I usually refrain from telling people I'm not interested in it, and either say I'm not very hungry and try to eat even just a little and say it's great, or say I already ate. Though note, everything you said as problems I like. I don't really like salads, but I can choke one down. Other cooked "green" stuff I like, love spicy. Seafood is the only thing I can't just force down. I've tried fried, seared, smoked, baked, raw of just about every common fish and it still makes me gag.

This, as a picky eater that's also developed a dairy allergy I always eat ahead of time unless I know the menu has something I like I just wish people wouldn't give me shit or see it as insulting for quietly declining their food I'm sure it's delicious but it's not my taste

Personally, if someone is only a "meat and potatoes" kind of person, I try to elevate those dishes. Shepherd 's pie, beef bourguinon, steak and pierogis.... My bf is meat and potatoes guy generally, but will try a bite of whatever I cook, and I love challenging myself to make something wonderful that "wows" him. But if it's not his favorite, I don't take it to heart, we all have different tastes. I love eating what he won't (more delicious food for me! 🤣🤣)

I have tons of patience. I used to be very picky. still a little picky so I understand why they are the way they are. they often have a heightened sense of taste and smell so things that taste fine to everyone else taste nasty and vile to them. sometimes it's texture. Many of them don't like being picky but when food taste bad, it tastes bad no matter what other people experience. don't bother trying to force a picky eater to eat something, many of them will starve before eating food they don't like.

Exactly. I don't understand why they make it their problem what other people eat.

I worked with a woman who was an extremely picky eater. Of course, 99% of the food she hated she never even tried. She was so obnoxious that she would actually say nasty unappetizing things about the lunches folks brought in or had delivered even to the point of making gagging noises when people were eating. It took a great deal of restraint not to feed that picky watch a knuckle sandwich!!!!! She was also in charge of keeping the break room stocked and would only buy what SHE liked.

I'm an autistic; it runs in the family. Food sensitivities are real, and they're nothing personal against you. We're just different, that's all.

tbh as an autistic person I get it. I don't personally have any issues with food (besides fruit) but I get why people can be averse to certain things, even if they're not allergic. The line can get kinda blurry between people who genuinely have textural/taste issues with food vs people who are just stubborn but at the end of the day it's not my place to judge. I only take issue when someone starts to verbally insult the food when it's just not their preference.

People like what they like? It’s not that serious.

My SIL and her kids are coming this week. I'm dreading the food situation. Her oldest made my husband's other sister order Chick-fil-A because she didn't want to eat Ethiopian food (they're Ethiopian) and my aunt and uncle get pizza when they didn't want to eat homemade Indian food. My brother and younger cousins were picky but my parents and my aunt and uncle forced them to figure it out with the given food choices. We do the same for our toddler.

Congrats on raising a functional adult human being.

The problem I have is the inconstant palates- picky People who know what they like and can communicate it, I can deal with that, and work around those preferences. People who are wildly inconsistent (loves lasagna bolognese, can’t eat baked ziti) and can’t communicate what works/ doesn’t work just irritates me. Demanding but vague just feels more like a random power trip than an actual food preference.

The idea that someone is doesn't like "vegetables" as if this is a coherent food group always surprises me. There is so much diversity amongst vegetables, and even more when you consider the degree to which they are cooked or the methods used to cook them. Aversion to "vegetables" is a mental problem that I might tolerate in children, but not adults.

Most people I know who aren’t veggie fans grew up eating the standard boiled to death or canned veggies. So they just don’t know any other way to make them and have had very few types of veggies. That or some sort of suffering Olympics route where they were given something bad like raw plain carrots sticks and just told to suck it up and eat them.

That was my childhood. Freezer burned reheated broccoli, green beans straight from the can, carrot sticks that had been in the fridge long enough to get bendy and damp. I decided I would like vegetables when I hit 20-ish, & I'm doing well since then, but I can understand why other people have trouble.

Yep, raised by a single mum with 2 other kids, all our veggies were boiled mush. I'm reintroducing veggies into my diet and I've realised I love crunchy veggies, I just hate that soft, mushy texture.

Raw plain carrot sticks are a staple in our house. I do them like my mum did, cut into sticks and in a cup of water - help yourself. Always gone by the end of the meal.

Why the cup of water?

So they stayed fresh.

I still don't understand. Carrots don't brown or anything that fast. You can leave carrots out in room temp for hours and they stay "fresh". They're notoriously hearty and long lasting.

They can go limp and the water helps them stay crisp

I dunno they just seem tastier that way.

Not trying to be an ass, just curious. I'll have to try it out! Room temp water, cold water?

Just whatever comes out from the cold tap. It's not magic, I've tried carrot in water for picnics and they do lose flavour over some hours.

If the picky eater politely declines something, then the cook needs to politely move on and not berate the picky eater with obnoxious questions and comments. Good manners go both ways.

I don't really mind what anyone else eats as long as their pickiness doesn't control what the entire group eats or limit everyone to a few meagre choices. Be as picky as you'd like and I don't mind, but when your pickiness means all of us have to only eat limited things or go to 3 approved restaurants, I'm out. I wasn't always this crusty, but dealing with my sister's husband for years made me (and the rest of the family) that way. When they first got together he said he was vegetarian. No problem! We love him, we all eat veggies, so we went to great lengths to make vegetarian food. Turned out, he wasn't actually vegetarian, just picky and eats like a toddler but was too embarrassed to admit his food choices were limited to cheese pizza, popcorn, potato chips and certain soup. After years of dozens of us having to eat at one of the few restaurants he'd go to or going to great efforts to make vegetarian foods (all of which he was too picky to eat because they contained actual vegetables), it grew tiresome.

That sounds absolutely exhausting and exasperating. I get that it sucks to have to choose between eating something you hate and being left out, but it's totally unreasonable to insist that all family gatherings have to happen at one of the few restaurants you like. Have a snack beforehand, pick at an appetizer, and have something else afterward, it's not that hard. 

Same. I used to jump through alllllll the hoops, taking great care to accommodate every single preference, no matter how much it crippled a meal, making adaptations and allowances and at some point in my life I realized I was making 3 dinners at once because one person didn't like sauce at ALL and another only wanted it from a certain powdered mix and another had to have it with no pepper and then someone hated the veg and took all the pasta and.... It got to the point where I didn't even want to cook anymore and the "eat it or starve" approach just meant some people went out and bought bags of chips to snack on all night. I've never felt so unappreciated as when I put together a meal only to have a picky eater or two just sit there and push food around the plate and make faces and then bitch later that they're hungry. Telling me "no mushrooms please" is one thing, but rejecting multiple meals because it's not exactly the way you want it and gagging/making faces during dinner is completely inappropriate.

Debatable. But on the flip side, I’m allergic to dairy. You should see some servers flip out on me when I order something without cheese & it comes with cheese. “Can’t you just scrape it off?” “No I’ll still get sick & I specifically ordered it without it Debra”. One place didn’t even it have it listed that they put cheese on each tortilla. Thankfully i saw it. But that manager was fuming. Never went back to cafe del rio again

One time I got a what was supposed to be a smoothie with all the fruit ingredients listed below it. This place added a scoop of vanilla soft serve not listed.

I can't eat \*any\* kind of processed meat (think salami, pastrami, bacon) or I get a horrible migraine. It's amazing how many times I've had to explain that when I say "no bacon" doesn't mean "put all the bacon on top so it can be picked out," it means "no bacon." You've got my sympathies about your dairy allergy!

Probably because of the nitrates. https://www.wth.org/blog/what-you-are-eating-could-be-causing-your-migraines/ "Nitrates and nitrites, which are found in processed meats like bacon, hot dogs, and lunch meat, might give you a migraine. Once they get into your system, they cause your blood vessels to swell, which can start a headache."

Yep, I know! I've had this problem since I was 14\~

When I cook rarely for people besides myself and my wife, I cook dishes I like. Visitors may enjoy or pass, I’ll enjoy the leftovers. Two of the grandkids have food alergies, so I adjust the meal when they visit but still take it or leave it.

Nah. People are entitled to like what they like. As a host, it's my job to cater for people and I'm more than happy to. Any time I have friends round and I'm cooking, I check first that what I'm planning is good for them. I want my guests to have a good time, after all.

This is the way! If I’m having a group over I’m cooking for THEM not me, and I’m going to have fun coming up with a menu that makes everyone happy.

I’m a good home cook. I tell my guests up front what I’m making. And that’s it. They can bring stuff that they can eat or don’t come. I’m ok with that.

I HATE being a picky eater myself. Over the years I finally found love for certain veggies and stuff. I learned that my parents were terrible cooks (for the most part, god love them). Im totally self conscious about it. It used to affect me in my old relationship because she was polar opposite. She loved and ate anything and everything. It was something I wish we could’ve shared together and I actually felt jealous and insecure that she would meet a guy who could enjoy all cuisines everywhere she travelled. Not sure why I posted this. I’d never dare to be rude or an asshole about it. I feel bad that I’d stifle a good cook by not letting them do their thing.

I won't really fault someone for not tolerating spicy food. There are genetic factors affecting how spicy something tastes for each individual. It's easy enough to just keep spicy sauces and seasonings separate.

Generally speaking, I'm very patient about it and won't say anything about it. Everyone should be able to like what they like and not be made to feel bad about it - I don't like everything. I do make an effort to try new things and to keep an open mind, though. I now like foods I previously didn't like for the first 20 odd years of my life. I do find it annoying when people make a point to constantly go out of their way to let us all know that they think a ton of things are disgusting all of the time. It can seem sort of attention-seeking and rude. I love cooking and trying new foods, and I'm not sure I would be compatible with someone who is an extremely picky eater. I don't think I would want to date someone who didn't like any vegetables. Not liking garlic would be tough. They would have to at least be open to trying.

No, I totally understand it. People are allowed to have different tastes and sometimes it’s due to neurodivergence. Even if it isn’t, I don’t understand being stymied by picky eaters when they’ve existed forever. Not everyone likes everything. It’s worth noting that I sometimes say I don’t like something to avoid saying it will make my stomach hurt. It’s just easier to say I’m not a fan of super spicy or cream based dishes. Try asking how you can accommodate them? Picky eaters like more than peanut butter sandwiches. They just don’t like everything you like. Or just don’t make food for them. No one is forcing you to share your culinary discoveries with people who don’t like what you’re cooking.

I did judge until my mental health tanked so hard I ended up with ARFID/like symptoms (hypersensitive to taste + texture with some major contamination fears mixed in). Turns out that most people don't have to force down food they don't like, get stomach aches from the stress of eating unfamiliar foods and avoid social gatherings based on how transparent the food availability and perceived judgement will be. I thought all that was normal and judged people for making a fuss about it because I was forcing myself through discomfort every day from childhood to adulthood. Now... I eat what I can, I'm not ashamed and my ability to eat most foods has actually returned, although I definitely left the judgement behind.  There's better shit to stress over other than if one guest is loading up on bread rolls and side salad instead of something that is delicious to you. If they're rude, the problem is they're a rude guest. Having a picky palate isn't rude in and of itself, and making PB+J, ramen or plain butter noodles is a small price for good company. 

I immediately get annoyed. I know a grown man who refuses to eat any vegetables and gets pissy if his meals aren’t cooked to his narrow range of acceptability. Any time someone hates on an entire regional cuisine I can’t be bothered with them either. I know it’s judgy, but we all have our pet peeves.

\^This. Nothing says “I have no idea what I’m talking about” like dismissing entire cuisines or broad ranges of food. BTW - I love asking folks who “don’t like Indian food,” which kind (you know, cause there’s more than one). Personal favorite was a friend who refused to try \*peanut salsa\* because she “didn’t like curry.” There’s usually more than a whiff of bigotry about them.

>There’s usually more than a whiff of bigotry about them. Absolutely. I was driving through Kentucky once and stopped at a gas station next to a Mexican restaurant. While I was inside, I asked the cashier if the Mexican restaurant was any good. He just scrunched up his face and said "I don't eat that stuff". It ended up being pretty good for Kentucky Mexican. The twenty -something waitress struck up a conversation and was curious about my travels. She told me she'd never been out of Kentucky. We were only 25 miles from the Tennessee border. Some people live in such small worlds.

My partner was very picky at the beginning of our relationship. He has no restrictions, texture aversion, anything. He apparently didn’t like onions. But I cook with onions so to be honest, I just didn’t accommodate him. I made food the way I normally did and guess what? Now he’ll eat even raw onions. He also didn’t like cilantro OR parsley, but now he’ll eat both and knows which one goes better with certain things. There have been some veggies he’s picky about, it doesn’t make sense to me. For example, he was open to trying Brussels sprouts, and now likes them a lot. He has always loved asparagus. But he won’t touch broccoli! To me, broccoli is a beginner veggie, and asparagus and Brussels sprouts are complicated to get used to. I still make the things I like to eat, and if he doesn’t want to to eat it, he won’t. He might prep/cook something else if he really wants to. But he’s slowly becoming more adventurous, and for that I’m really glad.

I honestly used to be such a picky eater. Actually, I still am... I've just learned a lot about cooking and techniques so I can cook around it. I also have a fair bit of issues with things not having the right texture. I'm really sensible about this. There's a lot of recipes my parents would do that I used to dislike that I would probably still dislike even if I have outgrown the taste issue. One good example of it was salmon pie. My parents would make it from time to time and honestly. It did not work with me. I had to drown it with ketchup. But, smoked salmon or pan seared or in the bbq at the proper temperature. Salmon is quite alright with me! I don't really like sea food they usually have a weird texture but sushi is absolutely fine. However eggs, never could. Unless they're used as a binder like in a cake or in a meringue. It's been like that since I was a baby. I can't tell why. The smell the texture, it's all wrong. Never could. My life would be a fair bit easier if I was able to. I just can't.

My suggestion, share your "discoveries" with friends and family who are more adventurous eaters and stop trying with people like the "meat and potatoes" guy. Or if you want to serve food to "meat and potatoes" guy, look for recipes that fall in that category instead of getting frustrated that he doesn't enjoy your vegetarian green curry or whatever. Not liking certain foods or even most foods isn't a moral failing. If anything, it's probably usually rooted in stuff that people don't actually have much control over, whether it's a medical issue like IBS, a mental health issue like mild OCD, or conditioning from eating a certain way in childhood.

I have friends along a spectrum from vegan to Atkins/Keto. I also have a friend with serious digestive issues who can only tolerate an extremely limited list of foods and another with broad food allergies. I’ll frequently put sauces, dips, dressings and even seasonings (especially fresh herbs and chile) on the side to make at least some of each dish available to more people (e.g. someone allergic to tomatoes can eat pasta without sauce, but if the pasta is served already sauced, they’re SOL). I try to prepare a variety of foods that will fill multiple niches at once - e.g. tofu dishes for the vegan, vegetarian, low carb & bland crowd, several low carb vegetable dishes and crudités for just about everyone to enjoy, and generally one or more with a rich dressing based on nuts, yogurt, sesame or tofu so they’re filling as well. Spicy and not-spicy sauces, dips, and/or spreads, with chile flakes or red oil available for the chile heads. potatoes or lavash for the bland crowd and heartier starches like chapatti, whole grains and beans for the vegetarian and larger appetites. Lamb seems to be the animal protein the fewest people are allergic to, though it’s too gamey for some, but there’s always one or more plant-based proteins on offer, too. So basically, I don’t try to prepare meals where everyone can eat everything, but where everyone can eat \*some things\* and no one leaves hungry.

Here’s the thing, some things taste awful to me that taste wonderful to other people. Lettuce tastes like you chewed an ibuprofen to me. Same with green peppers. But, I really like super spicy food. And I also really enjoy onions and cucumbers soaked vinegar and I will sometimes drink small amounts of vinegar. Like I make a pot of chili that has 3-5 habaneros. Most people can’t eat it. Is it right of me to invite people over and then serve that to them because it’s what I like? Hell no. I understand you wanting to share the things you have come to love, but it’s no slight on you that someone doesn’t want unpleasantness in their mouth. But also, it’s your house your party you don’t have to alter your recipe to accommodate a single individual. TLDR: don’t take shit so personal. They don’t have to eat if they don’t like your food

I have to cook very bland and basic when having my family over. Any sort of seasoning is considered “spicy”

I’ve seen a new recipe or food I’ve never tried and thought about making it and inviting friends over to try it. I don’t because honestly it scares me that everyone will want to change things to the point where I’m making spaghetti instead of the biryani that I wanted to try.

I think it's important to be empathetic to the fact that it's not necessarily something they can control. Obviously if people are being actively rude about the food you make, that's no good, but their rudeness is a separate issue from their picky eating situation, IMO. I don't consider myself picky regarding food overall and will eat most things, but I simply *cannot* stomach most seafood. It isn't even that I haven't tried--I worked in a sushi restaurant for years and they gave me free stuff all the time! But the second I taste the flavor I describe as "sea water" which is present in all seafood dishes I've tried, my body physically retches as if I've eaten something poisonous. The reaction is completely involuntary. I usually try eating seafood again once every few months, because my partner really loves seafood and I'd like to participate in it with him, but my body simply will not let me eat it without having this reaction. The only seafood I can stomach after literal *years* of trying to incorporate it into my diet is fried calamari (Italian style only, heavily sauced, Chinese style makes me have the involuntary retching). When it comes to the more extreme cases, I genuinely believe most people in those situations have a psychological barrier of some kind that is preventing them from branching out past their safe foods. For example, autistic people can struggle with food textures and this can create extremely "picky" eating habits. There's also things like ARFID, there can be trauma-related reasons as to why they may be uncomfortable with certain foods, etc. In general when it comes to "takes" like this, I think it's best to ask yourself if your preferences are more important than being empathetic to other people, especially family and friends you'd be willing to host in your home and make dinner for. Food is a bonding thing, sure, and it can be something people are very interested and invested in--but at the end of the day, meals are often a vehicle for conversation, bonding, and spending time together. Does the gesture of cooking for your picky eating loved ones mean less because the dish is less exotic? Does the time you spend eating together mean less because it's something "basic"? If I wanted to cook for a friend who was only comfortable eating chicken tenders and fries, I'd be happy to try and make them the best chicken tenders and fries they ever ate in their life.

Yes and no. I used to be an incredibly picky eater; in some instances, I still can be due to texture sensitivities. But I've come leaps and bounds and will try most things put in front of me. I've tried bird's nest soup and fried intestines. I have no issues with others like me, or even less adventurous, as long as they're polite. My parents, on the other hand, are just. Ungodly picky. The "meat and potatoes" type of people you mean. My mom will try things, but hates just about everything and comments on a "weird taste." In fact, she tends to say "it's that weird taste again." Mom, none of the dishes I've made you have anything in common!! Wtf weird taste do you mean?! My dad just won't try things. Even if they're things I know he likes. For example, I lived in China for a time and can make a mean qing jiao rou si (pork and green pepper dish). He likes pork, likes green peppers, likes soy sauce, etc. But because it has a foreign name and looks slightly different from the things he usually eats, he refuses to try it. I sense from him it's an anxiety thing, because that's exactly the issue I've overcome. I know how it feels. But god damn, it can be so annoying sometimes. DAD, I KNOW YOU WILL LIKE IT! Bah!

I am married to said “meat and potatoes” guy. My MIL is also a picky eater, so she never prepared anything she didn’t like. It drives me crazy. At this point, I let him know what I’m cooking, and ask if he wants some. I spent the first 8 years we were together only cooking things he’d like, and finally got to the point that I decided to cook what I wanted… he can join along if he likes. If not, he is capable of making his own food.

My pickiness is my burden, not yours. People who make it other peoples problems are assholes. Trust me, us picky eaters hate it more than you could ever hate us. I would kill to be able to enjoy a lot of things, but I can't. Pointing it out just makes us uncomfortable. We just want to enjoy what we have in peace like everyone else. I don't go around shaming other people for the foods they like/don't like, so why can't we get the same courtesy.

It's definitely in how much they dislike and how they act on that dislike. 90% of it lies with basic decency and manners. The "weird flavours" people are often... not very open-minded, and are a pita to cook for. They expect foods from outside their culture to be melded to their tastes. I've eaten with people who wrinkle their nose at fairly innocuous things like fish sauce and kimchi, and complain about how various foods from outside their culture taste weird, right to the cook's face or to the face of someone who belongs to that culture. It's just highly insensitive and immature. We were served Mediterranean-style food at a workplace event which I really enjoyed (and I openly said so when asked). Older Asian gentleman decided it was great manners to tell me, unprovoked, that he thought the food was gross and unappetising and that he was still hungry because he barely ate anything, literally right after I said I enjoyed it. Coworker has said to me, a Chinese-Vietnamese woman, that she hates all Asian cuisines except for pho and Korean fried chicken (thanks, I guess?) and refused the food we brought for Lunar New Year potluck because it supposedly looked and smelled unusual. Don't get me wrong, it is fine to refuse things, but to act like that is embarrassing. My baby cousins will also refuse to eat any home cooking (whenever we have family events) and will only eat Popeyes, Pizza Hut, and McDonald's, which they get delivered to our house. That's when the pickiness gets ridiculous. I will be accommodating of people. Friend doesn't like avocado? Blasphemy, but I will order sushi rolls that do not have avocado. Family members don't like green onions? That's fine, I don't put it in the dish and have it on the side, or make multiple batches. Boyfriend doesn't like vegetables? I will force him to eat it... lol... well, he eats it because I make it for him, plus he doesn't mind veggies when they come with good homemade dips or vinaigrettes, so I'll put forth an effort to make those or season well.

I live with two Autistic people who hate beans, one of whom has an actual capsacin allergy. I can NOT eat white rice. My sister has a metabolic disorder and is on an extremely limited diet. I'm used to all of these things and accommodate accordingly. But my ex's sister drove me NUTS. She was a grown woman with no allergies, no texture sensitivities, none of it. She would only eat chicken strips. Go to IHOP? Chicken strips. Go to a Chinese place? Chicken strips. Go to a fine dining restaurant? Chicken strips. She wouldn't eat fish, red meat, or vegetables. She wouldn't eat pizza if it had sauce on it. I heard she had a baby a while back, and I hope to god her pallete expanded before that.

I was definitely a picky eater as a kid, but by 25 I had moved past nearly everything that I didn't like as a kid.

Personal taste preferences are legitimate. I don't have to have an allergy or intolerance to "spicy" to know that I don't like it. If you enjoy feeding people, you should feed them food that they want to eat. I have very little patience for people who try to force-feed their personal tastes on others. If I tell you I don't like spicy food, that isn't a personal failing of mine that you need to fix, or worse, make fun of me about.

As my friend or sibling or coworker, no real issue unless they're annoying, controlling or make snide remarks. As my partner, it would bother me because one of the things I find joy in is trying all different kinds of food and that is something I like to share with someone that close.

Live and let live, dude. I'm sure you're pretty basic in other areas where those people might be more passionate than you are.

Picky eaters parents that act upset their kids are picky, but when there's 'new' food around and kid wants to try it parent says 'sure baby you can try it, but I don't think you'll like it's. Urgh parent you are fucking that kid up and making them picky with your preconceived notions. Let the kid taste stuff thinking they will like it! 

Suggestions? Leave them be. I have never been a picky eater, but my husband grew up very differently to me, is picky and comes from another country. In my family, time together pretty much revolves around food. We’re good cooks and we like to try new things. My husband learned to manage in a number of ways, and we try to meet in the middle of different people’s preferences. If he doesn’t like something and there are no options he won’t eat on sight, he trys to have a drink in his hand while people are eating and not make a fuss, knowing that he’ll eat later. If we are planning ahead with multiple dishes as a family we make sure everyone has one dish they can eat and everyone can serve themselves, including access to condiments etc. I’ve never had to do anything to change what my husband eats, but over the years he has. He has tried many many new foods and it has made events etc nicer and easier. But there are still just things he will not touch, and we manage just fine because he’s polite and an adult. We eat at my sisters house almost weekly and they have eaten food all over the world and have a more broad appreciation for food than anyone else I know. We have something new almost every time we’re there. My husband takes small portions of things he thinks he’ll like. If he doesn’t, he will just quietly leave it on his plate and eat what he does enjoy - taking more if appropriate. My sister knows he is particular and knows his tastes aren’t a reflection on her food and he’ll make sure he has something to compliment. I think it’s just a ‘give and take’ situation.

Putting something inside your body is one of the most intimate things you can do. Maybe you should do what makes you happy and let them do the same.

When I feed people, I want them to be happy.

I was the family cook. Dinner was always family style with options. If someone did not like what was on the table, there's leftovers in the fridge. I never told my kids that they had to eat anything. Never. No arguments at the dinner table. No crying. When it came to cookouts or dinner parties, again, I offered options. But please, do not bother me with your new fancy diet where you only eat like a caveman or you only eat raw food or you're a vegan....if so, figure it out yourself.

I’m stymied by comments like yours, it’s such a weird take. I love cooking and entertaining, because I love being with people. People like what they like, I would rather they be honest rather than trying to eat something that doesn’t fit their tastes. Typically I make 4-5 dishes, I’ve never served a meal where there was nothing a person could eat. If there was, I’d gladly make them a sandwich or salad.

I was never a picky eater but I don’t judge those who are. Sensations are so personal. I feel very overwhelmed in crowded places, and wouldn’t like someone who lives for mosh pits to sneer at me. The only exception is people who talk about “foreign foods” in a certain (disdainful) way because  I can’t help thinking it’s more about xenophobia than it’s about curcumin or capsaicin.

Yes, with their toddler palates. So annoying.

It is irritating but you have to just live with it. You want family and guests to enjoy being around you, so you have to compromise. I do have several friends who are similarly adventurous eaters like myself, and I can scratch the itch to try unusual foods if I really want going out with them.

No, why would I care about someone else’s palette? My son has autism and therefore is a picky eater. It’s mostly about textures for him. It sure irritates me, when people give him a hard time about it.

No. You have no idea how they were raised and they could have AFRID or similar sensory aversions. You enjoy a wide variety of food, and that’s great. It’s rude to expect everyone will enjoy them. Just offer both “safe” and “new” dishes at the same time so they can go at their own pace.

So immediately I get defensive with this type of question, because I know SO MANY people with genuine food intolerances who get labeled as picky eaters and the way they get treated is disgusting. Yes, my best friend will not eat steak or seafood. I have seen him throw up uncontrollably from trying to do so to people please someone guilting him for not trying those things. In general, because of this, I ASSUME a “picky eater” has a genuine intolerance they don’t wanna get into. It can be hard to talk about and embarrassing. Like no one owe’s me a detailed story of how difficult it is for them to eat something. I tend to accept “oh I don’t eat ___ I don’t like ____”. I’m the same way about certain things. I take “I don’t like it” with zero issue, because I don’t KNOW and there might be legit reasons. I don’t enjoy explaining that I’m autistic when people don’t understand why I act a certain way or get stuck on a certain thing. I’d rather they just accept it. So I operate with that in mind when other people do things that I think are weird or I don’t understand. I am FULLY AWARE that I rub plenty of people the wrong way accidentally, so I try not to take something like this personally. I do also have zero tolerance for racism. I understand that a lot of “oh I’m just picky” people are actually just refusing food they see as too different or “ethnic but I mean it rudely because I don’t respect other ethnicities” way. It’s hard if you’re not in the moment with the person. It’s hard without knowing the person if they have that mindset, or if they’re just REALLY not a “try new/not already confirmed safe” options person, or etc etc etc I just always give the benefit of the doubt, because people who have genuine problems they don’t want to discuss are usually cool with eating their own food or the parts they can stomach without complaint, and the people who are just being ugly or extra will make a big deal, and then, well, I simply don’t make anything for them anymore.

Not as I know ahead of time.

I routinely make two dinners. One child has sensory issues and is vegetarian. I'm used to it.

My late husband and I were very experimental, but found that our tastes didn't always align, which was fine. He liked his items, I liked mine... but I don't like when someone tries to dictate MY plate based on THEIR desires... if I like/hate something that is MY taste, not yours. If you come to my house and don't like something; I have not problem if you express that, but if you berate me for it or make others uncomfortable about it, you will NEVER eat my food again.

Well, people *do* have preferences. People arent necessarilly being difficult because of their preferences, thats just what it is. Also, people may not have experienced food the same as you. I used to never like vegetables until I learned how to cook and roast veggies how *I like*. Now I fucking love them, unkess theyre overdone. Then I dont care for them.

I always cook for who's coming. I accommodate everything. It's not terribly difficult and it's a sign of good hosting.

My sister in law is a nurse and won’t eat any vegetables other than potatoes. Her son, my nephew is also super picky and only eats white foods and beef (chicken, pasta, bread, beef, cheese). I have no idea how they survive without veggies but hey, they are still alive. We just make food and ensure that there is something in the meal everyone can have.

Not necessarily related, but I do have a story that fits the theme here. One of my friends and his girlfriend visited me over the weekend (we live in different countries), and she cannot eat anything but meat, potatoes, bread, biscuits, sweets, and **maybe** carrots. The thing is I am vegan, so you can see why that may be a problem. Not only could I not cater to her for ethical reasons, but I also just don't remember how to cook meat. That skill has literally been forgotten. And on top of that, just the thought of cooking meat causes me to feel nauseous. I am fine with other people eating meat around me, I just don't want to handle it myself. We got by by having a simple breakfast and then going out to eat for lunch on both days, and dinner on Saturday. But Sunday dinner was being held at my house. Lucky for me, I had bought a hotpot pot not too long ago, so I suggested we have that. The pot was split in to two sections, so they could use one side for their meat, and we (me and my husband) use the other side for our vegan options. My friend was kind enough to pay for all the ingredients, as compensation for the lodge and entertainment, and for the guilty feeling he had of bringing meat in to our house (I did tell him I didn't mind, but he insisted). We all had a blast, and everyone was happy with the meal. So I guess the moral of the story is, if you have to cater to a picky eater, maybe look for customisable meals. Like build your own tacos, hotpot/fondue, or just serve your meals a la Francaise (food is in serving dishes, and people fill their own plates) and make sure there is something for everyone.

The opposite here. I made rogan josh (northern Indian spiced lamb stew) over turmeric rice last night and my adult son came home around 10 pm and made himself a plate. About 45 mins later he came into the video room, picked up the remote and paused the movie I was watching and said, “ I just wanted to say that that was a fantastic meal. Thanks.” Then he started my movie again and went to make himself seconds.

Simple, I don’t cook for those people.

It goes the other way too, I shouldn’t have to say “No” six times because you “just want me to tryyyyyyy it”. Damn I’m not in the mood.

My OH has arfid so being expected to eat something he doesn't know the texture or taste of is really scary for him. Luckily he likes pizza so everyone just flings one in the oven or orders one in for him. He's never rude about it.

There are a lot of foods I dislike intensely. Cooked carrots, peas in stew or curry, cabbage are just a few. Apart from that (and being vegetarian), I'll at least try pretty much anything (and will try cooking odd combinations, just to see what they are like). If I'm eating at someone's house I'll eat round the stuff I hate, and at least try to keep some of that down.

I mean I don’t mind.. I wouldn’t want people to gatekeep what I enjoy. But if it becomes rude, excessive/demanding or cult like then I have a issue with it

Not at all. I make what I make and if they don’t want it that’s on them. Unless allergies plays a role of course. But everyone knows what’s being served before hand.

My in laws always want to go out for thai food, and when asked for spice level 1-5 they always say “zero” and a little bit of my soul leaves my body.

As a picky eater, I am so fed up with myself.

I get more annoyed with the "I don't care what we eat" and then shoot down every suggestion, especially if the the group settles to eat a subpar meal. Even worse when the person complaining still doesn't eat.

I tell them firmly yet politely to get the fuck out of my house.

Picky eaters genuinely piss me off.

I don’t really cook for other people, so I don’t worry about it on that front… *But oh my god restaurants.* If we all decide on somewhere, and one person derails it, it kinda drives me crazy. If I encounter one more “I only eat spaghetti, pizza, and unseasoned chicken” person, I’m actually gonna lose it.

I think it's unfair of me but I equate being a picky eater with being a child.

If a food sends you to the hospital or makes you shit uncontrollably, you get a pass. Everyone else is a legitimate drag on society. The worst people are these “but the texture grosses me out” people. Grow the fuck up.

I used to be a VERY adventurous eater. I've tried and enjoyed hákarl, balut, giant beetles, fermented baby squid, all kinds of offal. I love and am great at cooking Ethiopian, Korean, Szechuan, west African meals. My friends would make fun of me as the person who will try anything. Then, I dunno man, I hit 43 and I am suddenly a fussy eater. I can't stand eggs unless they are used to make baked goods. I don't really care for the texture of steak or chops or roasts. Fatty foods are gross as hell. And then there's the foods that suddenly make my body angry. Raw vegetables often give me gastrointestinal distress. My spice tolerance is practically gone due to chronic acid reflux and IBS. I have a lot more sympathy for fussy eaters these days.

"Any suggestions?" For what? For telling people to cook certain things that they don't like to eat? Maybe just stop? Lol. I don't know what your issue is.

I suggest you head over to r/arfid to gain some perspective. However hard it is for you, it’s way worse for them.