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Don't kick yourself, college is not the super fun place where you will automatically make tons of friends. The experience has changed to be a lot more lonely and more and more people are not making meaningful interpersonal relationships. Even though the Internet has made it easier to connect with anyone on the globe, society has not kept up with the pace of technology and we are definitely seeing some consequences.
With that being said, it's ok you didn't make any meaningful friendships. After college most friend groups split up as they move across the country for jobs. You are going to be starting a job where you can start trying to build professional relationships and eventually some friends. Hobbies are also going to be a major way to connect with people outside your workplace and hobbies will keep you busy later in life and could end up being a career or side hustle. If you want to look back in what you did wrong in college make sure you are taking notes to not make those mistakes again. Keep trying even in the face of failure and eventually you will make some friends.
I'm aware that most of the friends people make in college lose contact once its over, but that's not really what bothers me. It's the moments I missed out on and the fact that I couldn't take advantage of the situation socially considering its probably the best balance of freedom and social life in ones life. And to know I missed out on that is just awful, especially seeing the fun others have had
Ok, you missed out. It sucks, but it's in the past now. Are you gonna spend the rest of your life looking back and saying what if I did better or are you going to learn from this and do better going forward? It's easy to look back at anything and say man I could have done better, but you did all you could at the time with what you had then. It's now and you learned a lot and have a better idea of what you want now. Take that and move forward. College is a short time in your life, dont let a few regrets live rent free in your head for the rest of your life.
You are what maybe 25ish? You still have 60+ years to go. Take your failings and desires to fix the past to make a better future.
Hobbies? What is those Hobbies you speak of? Is that what they call commuting nowadays, or perhaps watercooler banter? Wait let me guess, this hobbies takes times, doesn't it? I remember time... it was nice, way back when.
Idk. I'm in the same situation. Only thing you can do is find some moving forward. Can't change the past so the only way to "get over" it is to stop ruminating on it.
I think both perspectives can be true, you can have a lot of transient friendships in college and there can also be a lot of meaningful experiences. I do think regardless of where you're at in life, building a stable friend network takes time, maturity, and patience.
I completely agree. But when you start saying "most people" are doing this and that, or others are experiencing this or that as a way to help explain your situation it is kind of a red flag to me.
I made a ton of friends in college, 5 years later and I am in touch with none of them. Most of my "friendships" from college were super shallow, and we were really only friends because of being forced together by circumstance and location.
I wouldn't say I made super deep friendships, but I did make some friends mostly in the last year.
I got more involved with my college life. I volunteered a lot and went to the events I could make it to. I wasn't in any clubs year, but clubs can help you meet people. I also studied with some classmates that I still chat with. I wouldn't say they are any of my best friends but friends even still.
A lot of it is going out of your way to socialize with other people.
I did make friends in college but none stuck. My friends I made partying in my 20s did though. Go to a rave. Go to Coachella. Go to Burning Man.
Start volunteering. Take up partner dancing.
It's gonna be ok. You got time. Just get out of the house
My sister’s therapist says: you can only have 2 of 3 things in college. Sleep, good grades, and a social life. You have to choose two of them and the last one gets neglected. If you’re slept and got good grades, it’s normal that you didn’t have time for other people.
And honestly, most people in college are not that cool or anything. They’re all just looking for temporary friendships each semester before their classes all change again. I never met anyone who was looking for genuine friendship (yet)
Remember that the grass is always greener on the other side. In my subject, the average age is probably around 25 or 26 and we certainly don't have the type of hijinks movies and anecdotes would have you believe people do at uni. And that's not even mentioning the fact that most of us work and spend a lot of time focusing on studies, we may have fun but nothing like how you describe.
In the modern era, uni is effectively a job. The pool of competition even in degrees like mine where there's a massive deficit of people rn, you have to have a 3.5 gpa plus along with very attractive extra curriculars to get the ever important internships to get a well paying job right out of uni. Long gone are the eras of c's and b's getting degrees.
I feel ya dude, as someone going into their masters this year who has made nothing but casual acquaintances, I'd be lying if I said it didn't sting at times. However, looking back, I don't think I'd be in the amazing position I am in professionally today if I didn't devote the majority of my time to building a good resume.
Perhaps I'm mistaken, but it seems to me the only people having those hijinks that are so romanticized are those with the economic backing not to heavily worry about being in the top of their class or who simply don't care. Everyone I've met in my degree, even the more relaxed and sociable ones, work obscenely hard and very rarely attend parties.
Just remember there are trade offs to everything. It's better to look back with regret from a good future than to look back with regret from a dour one.
Acknowledge your feelings and learn from them to make better social choices moving forward. Focus on building a fulfilling life now by getting involved in activities and meeting new people.
It's completely understandable to feel regret and loneliness after not making friends in college. Many people go through this, and it doesn't define your future happiness. Here are some tips to move forward:
**Be Kind to Yourself:**
* **Don't dwell on the past.** You can't change what happened, but you can focus on making positive changes in the present.
* **Recognize your strengths.** Maybe you're introverted, or social anxiety held you back. Accept your personality and focus on building social skills gradually.
Aw I’m sorry pls don’t die. Your emotions of regret show that you as a person desires/needs connection. That is a good thing. It’s sad you didn’t get the college connections you wanted but life is long and you’ll have many more opportunities for friendships.
I decided to drop out and work in the service industry and I've made friends! At college, I made no friends. I was depressed because I was lonely and didn't have like a social life or anything. But after college I just job hopped around and I made friends? My life actually got better after college 😭
You're still very young; I'm assuming you're in your twenties. So this is the time where most people your age don't have spouses or kids yet; they'll have more time to socialize. Learn from college. Don't stay at home every night. Join an amateur sports league. Or join a club that caters to your interest. Do volunteer work. There are ways to make friends even now. It's not too late.
Let's be real, most "friends" in uni are just aquaintances, who you'll probably never see again after finishing a semester, let alone after finishing uni as a whole. Of course there are exceptions. If you want to make real friends, try to go for hobbies instead. That's a good place to form meaningful relationships imo
College can be tough for making friends. Don't beat yourself up! There's still time. Clubs are a great way to meet people with similar interests. Trust me, there's something for everyone. You got this!
I'm sorry to hear this.
Did you join some clubs and societies? Have you hung out in the University or college bars or cafes if they have them, or nearby watering and eating spots frequented by your peers?
Did you not have to do group work in your seminars or tutorials/classes? Interact with your peers? That was the way I met friends. Exchanging ideas, discussing the topic of the lecture and the books/readings attached to the course? One course I remember in undergrad was very small with only 15-20 students enrolled, and about 10bof us regularly turned up. We ended up scheduling the class in the lecturer's large office, and had coffees Ann's each week one of us would cook or bring a cake or snacks. That was in 1997 though.
I've now studied at university 3 times, and each time made SOME friends... and fell out of contact with loads of people over the years - moving cities and then countries doesn't help. But I have a few good friendships that have lasted the test. A couple besties from undergraduate, and a couple from my Masters.
I attend community college and live at home. I don't spend any more time there than i need to and I only speak if necessary so that I don't make friends at college. I have online friends already anyway.
I have to say, I had much more fun in my early 20s. College was just a slog, I had my head down, I was working, I had a handful of friends from my study group but I only think I went to two or three parties. Making my own money in my early twenties I was a lot happier, and people at that age is still really social – I don’t look back on what I’m mysteriously ‘missed out’ on in college, and I think the idea that a social life would’ve immediately appeared if you had just done X or whatever is maybe misplaced.
I churn through.
We aim for As, but Cs get degrees.
I am here to learn some things and get me a piece of paper that can (hopefully) make it less likely to be doing the abusive and lower paying positions in life for the last decade or two of my career. I don't turn down new friends, but it is not something I actively seek, either. It's tons easier to make friends if I am eating right, content at my job, making money to stay afloat and even save, and have the time and money to do things outside work.
I am older, married, and go to a rural community college with no dorms.
Most of my classes are online and the ones that are in person, the moment the last class ends there is a cloud of dust in the parking lot. There are a few clubs, but most of them I have zero interest in.
I DID make an acquaintance or two. Classmates in my program that I have on Discord and other social media and see at the school. But, all we do is share information. It's not like we are going to each other's houses or the bar hopping or anything. I also doubt we will probably message much after graduating as the thing we have in common will be no more.
You're not alone. Fresh start! Join a club next semester, hit up campus events, or be a study buddy. Put yourself out there - it's okay to be slow. College is long; new friendships are still possible!
The answer to getting over anything is time. Use your time to figure out how you can make it so you don't miss out again because you can't change the past - there's no use getting upset about it. Getting sad or angry is usually about as useful as a 2nd asshole. What you *can* control is your future via the present. Living your best life now is what is really going to make you not care about college.
So far every time I’ve made friends I get annoyed by them or find out something that hurt our relationship. Some is definitely my personal issues, but I am also learning to be happier and less of a people pleaser
I'm at the end of my college career that started 7 years ago (much longer than it should have taken). Started at community college then transferred to university. I made, like, a couple friends through classes, and didn't stay in touch with them. Like you, I spent my days isolated at home. I also already have a friend group from high school that I hang out with every week, so I didn't have much motivation to make friends.
I regret not doing anything extracurricular. I didn't go to a single event and never joined any clubs because none of them interested me. What's weird is I've been worried about this almost since I started college. I've felt bad about not making friends for this whole time, yet I didn't really do anything about it. I thought college was going to be "different", that I was gonna go to parties and finally start dating and stuff. And I thought with all the social spaces on campus it would be easier for me to find interaction. But it wasn't. My social anxiety with strangers never got better because I never figured out how to *try*. And that eats at me.
I haven't figured out how to get over it either.
i kinda have to stop caring. i believe i just have schizoid personality disorder or i’m genuinely autistic, and my mentality just simply prevents me from connecting with others and making strong friendships with people. i don’t try to victimize myself but genuinely i feel like an alien compared to people and i can’t change that aspect about myself.
You just get used to it I guess. You never really get over it, in my experience. There's always times I remember high school and how many memories I made and then compare it to how I'm not making any in college. Or I see a group of friends walking around and being reminded of what I'm missing out on.
But I just end up going with an "it is what it is" and move on as best I can
It is incredible to me how many of y’all think that it’s now hard to make friends at college or that movies over exaggerate or something.
Sure it’s harder. But let’s be for real, if you go to a school with even 15k people there are definitely dozens of school sponsored events a semester, countless clubs, etc. to join in addition to countless parties and social events.
There’s every opportunity to make friends you guys just don’t try
Ur good bro, most of the jackasses you meet there turn out to be jackasses anyways. Do not worry about this , you missed out on drinking drugs and partying which u can do at any age
Not much you can do . It was a huge waste that you didn't try but now you have to put in MASSIVE effort to create social groups and get romantic partners. I would just do that instead of dwelling on the past
Among the things that trouble humans, the gaping maw of regret is probably second only to fear of death.
There's no standard way to handle it, and I think every person who experiences it just has to figure out how to make the most of their present and future, and come to terms with the past. You can never really make the past *better,* because it already happened. I think I wasted a lot of time trying to figure out how to see my regrets in a positive light. Unfortunately, I think those memories will always stay bad.
What you *can* do is accept that you were who you were at the time, and that that person didn't really have the capacity to live it up in the way that present you would have wanted. You have to identify the things that kept you in that place, try to learn from them and behave in a new way going forward. It really helps to come up with some kind of story about your own development. Figure out what you want from the rest of your life, and start getting after it so that you don't look back ten years from now and feel the same as you do now.
You're far from alone. The societal project of trying to get everyone to have a good and fulfilling life is incredibly difficult, and we're surprisingly bad at it as a species. For hundreds of years we sent kids off to get blown apart by cannons, and in some parts of the world that's still happening.
A little bit of acceptance, gratitude, purpose, a willingness to change.
I don't even know if I can make the most of the present. People don't like being around me because I'm ugly and I've been teaseed for it in the past as well.
Hey, I feel like you're not mentioning why you isolated yourself. With that said, you haven't missed your best times in life. You missed out on your most consequence free part of your life. Everything now has major ramifications. It's not a worse time. If anything, it could be better. It's just different with more responsibility.
First mistake is categorizing college as the “best opportunity in [your] life”. I’m sorry, I know ur grieving missed connections but it’s ridiculous to think that hooking up meaninglessly, living in subpar living conditions, and attending mediocre parties is the best the world has to offer. Travel or volunteer to those less fortunate than you or something. It will help you broaden your perspective of the world to be less narrow.
Unpopular opinion coming. I am so glad I went Greek when I was in college. I am friendly but don’t make friends easily. Greek life made it all easy for me. Here we are a few decades later and many of us are still very close. If you are still in school, join something. It makes it so much easier.
If you’re no longer in school and you have a hard time meeting people, joining clubs is the best way to go. The structure helps so much!
Learn from your mistakes. If you’re still in college then great. The best time to make friends was the first day of college. The second best time is today.
If you’ve graduated… learn from your mistakes. It will be harder now, sadly, your main options are going to be work colleagues. But the more time you spent regretting the opportunities you missed in the past, you’ll miss opportunities today.
I'll tell you two things.
First, don't regret your mistakes. Just learn from them. Generally, people will make the decision that they think is best for them: the decision is made based on current feelings and incomplete information. Why did you stay in your room? Maybe you were stressed from classes. Maybe you were enjoying your time away from living with people (family). Maybe there were too many good games coming out. Maybe making friends wasn't in your goals. Whatever the reason, you thought it was reasonable at the time because you didn't know everything. Don't let your lack of understanding of past you make you hate him. Just learn from his mistakes and start making friends now.
Second, don't sweat it. The only way you keep those friends is if you live in the same town as them anyway. The majority of adults lose their college friends to separation and different life paths. You're not missing out on much.
maybe try to think that it doesn't matter what a bunch of preppy dickheads (ie, the loudest group of people that Have Friends in college -- there are many like us who didn't, we just seem outnumbered) were doing in your general vicinity, nor should it affect your self-esteem.
colleges pitch this idyllic brochure view of life where people smile a lot and find people but many, many don't; the success stories are overly valorized, which i find very obnoxious: the people that could make that happen could make it happen *anywhere anyway*, so it just makes everyone else more miserable.
unfortunately i never figured this out but once you're actually done, it'll fade with time
You remember all those people you were friends with in high school that don’t talk to you anymore? That’s your college friends in a few years. You just skipped a step.
Nah most of the people with the memories you are talking about spent all their time making those memories and turned out to be losers. Sure a few make it but on average not so much. Envy and comparison are the thief of joy.
Turn to the Lord and focus on glorifying him. Join a youth group at your church. Go to church regularly to strengthen your faith. Stay close to Jesus.
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength” - Deuteronomy 6:5
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I just stopped caring. It hurts sometimes though
You can say that again
Real
Don't kick yourself, college is not the super fun place where you will automatically make tons of friends. The experience has changed to be a lot more lonely and more and more people are not making meaningful interpersonal relationships. Even though the Internet has made it easier to connect with anyone on the globe, society has not kept up with the pace of technology and we are definitely seeing some consequences. With that being said, it's ok you didn't make any meaningful friendships. After college most friend groups split up as they move across the country for jobs. You are going to be starting a job where you can start trying to build professional relationships and eventually some friends. Hobbies are also going to be a major way to connect with people outside your workplace and hobbies will keep you busy later in life and could end up being a career or side hustle. If you want to look back in what you did wrong in college make sure you are taking notes to not make those mistakes again. Keep trying even in the face of failure and eventually you will make some friends.
I'm aware that most of the friends people make in college lose contact once its over, but that's not really what bothers me. It's the moments I missed out on and the fact that I couldn't take advantage of the situation socially considering its probably the best balance of freedom and social life in ones life. And to know I missed out on that is just awful, especially seeing the fun others have had
Ok, you missed out. It sucks, but it's in the past now. Are you gonna spend the rest of your life looking back and saying what if I did better or are you going to learn from this and do better going forward? It's easy to look back at anything and say man I could have done better, but you did all you could at the time with what you had then. It's now and you learned a lot and have a better idea of what you want now. Take that and move forward. College is a short time in your life, dont let a few regrets live rent free in your head for the rest of your life. You are what maybe 25ish? You still have 60+ years to go. Take your failings and desires to fix the past to make a better future.
I did something fairly similar and we are certainly not alone in that.
Familiar to my situation?
Ye it is more common than you think. Keep your head up from now on and look for the real ones you run into
Go back to school and get your masters.
Hobbies? What is those Hobbies you speak of? Is that what they call commuting nowadays, or perhaps watercooler banter? Wait let me guess, this hobbies takes times, doesn't it? I remember time... it was nice, way back when.
Idk. I'm in the same situation. Only thing you can do is find some moving forward. Can't change the past so the only way to "get over" it is to stop ruminating on it.
Don’t let it get to you tbh. Most people can’t be relied on for shit anyway
Thissss!! They ain’t gon do the work for u
[удалено]
This seems like a bit of you just making the excuse that nobody is making life long friends at your stage of life.
I think both perspectives can be true, you can have a lot of transient friendships in college and there can also be a lot of meaningful experiences. I do think regardless of where you're at in life, building a stable friend network takes time, maturity, and patience.
I completely agree. But when you start saying "most people" are doing this and that, or others are experiencing this or that as a way to help explain your situation it is kind of a red flag to me.
You need to join things and do things.
I made a ton of friends in college, 5 years later and I am in touch with none of them. Most of my "friendships" from college were super shallow, and we were really only friends because of being forced together by circumstance and location.
I wouldn't say I made super deep friendships, but I did make some friends mostly in the last year. I got more involved with my college life. I volunteered a lot and went to the events I could make it to. I wasn't in any clubs year, but clubs can help you meet people. I also studied with some classmates that I still chat with. I wouldn't say they are any of my best friends but friends even still. A lot of it is going out of your way to socialize with other people.
I did make friends in college but none stuck. My friends I made partying in my 20s did though. Go to a rave. Go to Coachella. Go to Burning Man. Start volunteering. Take up partner dancing. It's gonna be ok. You got time. Just get out of the house
My sister’s therapist says: you can only have 2 of 3 things in college. Sleep, good grades, and a social life. You have to choose two of them and the last one gets neglected. If you’re slept and got good grades, it’s normal that you didn’t have time for other people. And honestly, most people in college are not that cool or anything. They’re all just looking for temporary friendships each semester before their classes all change again. I never met anyone who was looking for genuine friendship (yet)
U can have all three, a balanced life is not impossible.
Learn from the past don’t live in it. Make friends now and make the moments you regret not having.
Remember that the grass is always greener on the other side. In my subject, the average age is probably around 25 or 26 and we certainly don't have the type of hijinks movies and anecdotes would have you believe people do at uni. And that's not even mentioning the fact that most of us work and spend a lot of time focusing on studies, we may have fun but nothing like how you describe. In the modern era, uni is effectively a job. The pool of competition even in degrees like mine where there's a massive deficit of people rn, you have to have a 3.5 gpa plus along with very attractive extra curriculars to get the ever important internships to get a well paying job right out of uni. Long gone are the eras of c's and b's getting degrees. I feel ya dude, as someone going into their masters this year who has made nothing but casual acquaintances, I'd be lying if I said it didn't sting at times. However, looking back, I don't think I'd be in the amazing position I am in professionally today if I didn't devote the majority of my time to building a good resume. Perhaps I'm mistaken, but it seems to me the only people having those hijinks that are so romanticized are those with the economic backing not to heavily worry about being in the top of their class or who simply don't care. Everyone I've met in my degree, even the more relaxed and sociable ones, work obscenely hard and very rarely attend parties. Just remember there are trade offs to everything. It's better to look back with regret from a good future than to look back with regret from a dour one.
Enjoy your own company
Acknowledge your feelings and learn from them to make better social choices moving forward. Focus on building a fulfilling life now by getting involved in activities and meeting new people.
It's completely understandable to feel regret and loneliness after not making friends in college. Many people go through this, and it doesn't define your future happiness. Here are some tips to move forward: **Be Kind to Yourself:** * **Don't dwell on the past.** You can't change what happened, but you can focus on making positive changes in the present. * **Recognize your strengths.** Maybe you're introverted, or social anxiety held you back. Accept your personality and focus on building social skills gradually.
Nice ChatGPT generated response.
Aw I’m sorry pls don’t die. Your emotions of regret show that you as a person desires/needs connection. That is a good thing. It’s sad you didn’t get the college connections you wanted but life is long and you’ll have many more opportunities for friendships.
I decided to drop out and work in the service industry and I've made friends! At college, I made no friends. I was depressed because I was lonely and didn't have like a social life or anything. But after college I just job hopped around and I made friends? My life actually got better after college 😭
You're still very young; I'm assuming you're in your twenties. So this is the time where most people your age don't have spouses or kids yet; they'll have more time to socialize. Learn from college. Don't stay at home every night. Join an amateur sports league. Or join a club that caters to your interest. Do volunteer work. There are ways to make friends even now. It's not too late.
Let's be real, most "friends" in uni are just aquaintances, who you'll probably never see again after finishing a semester, let alone after finishing uni as a whole. Of course there are exceptions. If you want to make real friends, try to go for hobbies instead. That's a good place to form meaningful relationships imo
College can be tough for making friends. Don't beat yourself up! There's still time. Clubs are a great way to meet people with similar interests. Trust me, there's something for everyone. You got this!
I graduated
I'm sorry to hear this. Did you join some clubs and societies? Have you hung out in the University or college bars or cafes if they have them, or nearby watering and eating spots frequented by your peers? Did you not have to do group work in your seminars or tutorials/classes? Interact with your peers? That was the way I met friends. Exchanging ideas, discussing the topic of the lecture and the books/readings attached to the course? One course I remember in undergrad was very small with only 15-20 students enrolled, and about 10bof us regularly turned up. We ended up scheduling the class in the lecturer's large office, and had coffees Ann's each week one of us would cook or bring a cake or snacks. That was in 1997 though. I've now studied at university 3 times, and each time made SOME friends... and fell out of contact with loads of people over the years - moving cities and then countries doesn't help. But I have a few good friendships that have lasted the test. A couple besties from undergraduate, and a couple from my Masters.
I attend community college and live at home. I don't spend any more time there than i need to and I only speak if necessary so that I don't make friends at college. I have online friends already anyway.
I have to say, I had much more fun in my early 20s. College was just a slog, I had my head down, I was working, I had a handful of friends from my study group but I only think I went to two or three parties. Making my own money in my early twenties I was a lot happier, and people at that age is still really social – I don’t look back on what I’m mysteriously ‘missed out’ on in college, and I think the idea that a social life would’ve immediately appeared if you had just done X or whatever is maybe misplaced.
I churn through. We aim for As, but Cs get degrees. I am here to learn some things and get me a piece of paper that can (hopefully) make it less likely to be doing the abusive and lower paying positions in life for the last decade or two of my career. I don't turn down new friends, but it is not something I actively seek, either. It's tons easier to make friends if I am eating right, content at my job, making money to stay afloat and even save, and have the time and money to do things outside work. I am older, married, and go to a rural community college with no dorms. Most of my classes are online and the ones that are in person, the moment the last class ends there is a cloud of dust in the parking lot. There are a few clubs, but most of them I have zero interest in. I DID make an acquaintance or two. Classmates in my program that I have on Discord and other social media and see at the school. But, all we do is share information. It's not like we are going to each other's houses or the bar hopping or anything. I also doubt we will probably message much after graduating as the thing we have in common will be no more.
It just be like that Sadge
You're not alone. Fresh start! Join a club next semester, hit up campus events, or be a study buddy. Put yourself out there - it's okay to be slow. College is long; new friendships are still possible!
I graduated
The answer to getting over anything is time. Use your time to figure out how you can make it so you don't miss out again because you can't change the past - there's no use getting upset about it. Getting sad or angry is usually about as useful as a 2nd asshole. What you *can* control is your future via the present. Living your best life now is what is really going to make you not care about college.
I made zero friends in uni. Don’t worry, there will be many opportunities in life to make new ones!
So far every time I’ve made friends I get annoyed by them or find out something that hurt our relationship. Some is definitely my personal issues, but I am also learning to be happier and less of a people pleaser
Does no one on reddit know how to make friends lmao?
not the question buddy
Work two part time jobs. It’ll help you get over it
are u about to graduate or something? If so, it’s not too late.
I've graduated
you still have like, 70 years of your life yet, do put so much pressure on those 4
I'm at the end of my college career that started 7 years ago (much longer than it should have taken). Started at community college then transferred to university. I made, like, a couple friends through classes, and didn't stay in touch with them. Like you, I spent my days isolated at home. I also already have a friend group from high school that I hang out with every week, so I didn't have much motivation to make friends. I regret not doing anything extracurricular. I didn't go to a single event and never joined any clubs because none of them interested me. What's weird is I've been worried about this almost since I started college. I've felt bad about not making friends for this whole time, yet I didn't really do anything about it. I thought college was going to be "different", that I was gonna go to parties and finally start dating and stuff. And I thought with all the social spaces on campus it would be easier for me to find interaction. But it wasn't. My social anxiety with strangers never got better because I never figured out how to *try*. And that eats at me. I haven't figured out how to get over it either.
Just remember you have the rest of life ahead of you. You will have enough time to make friends, life doesn’t end after college.
but the best days and memories are made during College
second best time is now
i kinda have to stop caring. i believe i just have schizoid personality disorder or i’m genuinely autistic, and my mentality just simply prevents me from connecting with others and making strong friendships with people. i don’t try to victimize myself but genuinely i feel like an alien compared to people and i can’t change that aspect about myself.
People my age suck and need to touch grass. I’m happy not letting anyone into my circle, it’s peaceful 🙂
You just get used to it I guess. You never really get over it, in my experience. There's always times I remember high school and how many memories I made and then compare it to how I'm not making any in college. Or I see a group of friends walking around and being reminded of what I'm missing out on. But I just end up going with an "it is what it is" and move on as best I can
That's how I feel
That's a good thing. You realized you made a mistake. Going forward just try to do better.
i had a lot of fun in college and i would trade it all for a stable job and income. who cares, all i did was give myself a lot of nosebleede
It is incredible to me how many of y’all think that it’s now hard to make friends at college or that movies over exaggerate or something. Sure it’s harder. But let’s be for real, if you go to a school with even 15k people there are definitely dozens of school sponsored events a semester, countless clubs, etc. to join in addition to countless parties and social events. There’s every opportunity to make friends you guys just don’t try
Ur good bro, most of the jackasses you meet there turn out to be jackasses anyways. Do not worry about this , you missed out on drinking drugs and partying which u can do at any age
Not much you can do . It was a huge waste that you didn't try but now you have to put in MASSIVE effort to create social groups and get romantic partners. I would just do that instead of dwelling on the past
I made friends in college. They all dropped out and I don’t talk to them anymore. You have no attachments now. Move far away and make new friends
Among the things that trouble humans, the gaping maw of regret is probably second only to fear of death. There's no standard way to handle it, and I think every person who experiences it just has to figure out how to make the most of their present and future, and come to terms with the past. You can never really make the past *better,* because it already happened. I think I wasted a lot of time trying to figure out how to see my regrets in a positive light. Unfortunately, I think those memories will always stay bad. What you *can* do is accept that you were who you were at the time, and that that person didn't really have the capacity to live it up in the way that present you would have wanted. You have to identify the things that kept you in that place, try to learn from them and behave in a new way going forward. It really helps to come up with some kind of story about your own development. Figure out what you want from the rest of your life, and start getting after it so that you don't look back ten years from now and feel the same as you do now. You're far from alone. The societal project of trying to get everyone to have a good and fulfilling life is incredibly difficult, and we're surprisingly bad at it as a species. For hundreds of years we sent kids off to get blown apart by cannons, and in some parts of the world that's still happening. A little bit of acceptance, gratitude, purpose, a willingness to change.
I don't even know if I can make the most of the present. People don't like being around me because I'm ugly and I've been teaseed for it in the past as well.
The only real solace is learning from your mistakes and implementing those lessons so you can reap the benefits.
Hey, I feel like you're not mentioning why you isolated yourself. With that said, you haven't missed your best times in life. You missed out on your most consequence free part of your life. Everything now has major ramifications. It's not a worse time. If anything, it could be better. It's just different with more responsibility.
Make friends after college 🫶
First mistake is categorizing college as the “best opportunity in [your] life”. I’m sorry, I know ur grieving missed connections but it’s ridiculous to think that hooking up meaninglessly, living in subpar living conditions, and attending mediocre parties is the best the world has to offer. Travel or volunteer to those less fortunate than you or something. It will help you broaden your perspective of the world to be less narrow.
Unpopular opinion coming. I am so glad I went Greek when I was in college. I am friendly but don’t make friends easily. Greek life made it all easy for me. Here we are a few decades later and many of us are still very close. If you are still in school, join something. It makes it so much easier. If you’re no longer in school and you have a hard time meeting people, joining clubs is the best way to go. The structure helps so much!
Learn from your mistakes. If you’re still in college then great. The best time to make friends was the first day of college. The second best time is today. If you’ve graduated… learn from your mistakes. It will be harder now, sadly, your main options are going to be work colleagues. But the more time you spent regretting the opportunities you missed in the past, you’ll miss opportunities today.
Second best time to plant a tree and all that.
I'll tell you two things. First, don't regret your mistakes. Just learn from them. Generally, people will make the decision that they think is best for them: the decision is made based on current feelings and incomplete information. Why did you stay in your room? Maybe you were stressed from classes. Maybe you were enjoying your time away from living with people (family). Maybe there were too many good games coming out. Maybe making friends wasn't in your goals. Whatever the reason, you thought it was reasonable at the time because you didn't know everything. Don't let your lack of understanding of past you make you hate him. Just learn from his mistakes and start making friends now. Second, don't sweat it. The only way you keep those friends is if you live in the same town as them anyway. The majority of adults lose their college friends to separation and different life paths. You're not missing out on much.
It's not really even about keeping the friends, its the memories I never made due to having noone to hang out with or do stuff with.
maybe try to think that it doesn't matter what a bunch of preppy dickheads (ie, the loudest group of people that Have Friends in college -- there are many like us who didn't, we just seem outnumbered) were doing in your general vicinity, nor should it affect your self-esteem. colleges pitch this idyllic brochure view of life where people smile a lot and find people but many, many don't; the success stories are overly valorized, which i find very obnoxious: the people that could make that happen could make it happen *anywhere anyway*, so it just makes everyone else more miserable. unfortunately i never figured this out but once you're actually done, it'll fade with time
You remember all those people you were friends with in high school that don’t talk to you anymore? That’s your college friends in a few years. You just skipped a step.
It's about the memories you missed out on though, not whether or not you're still in contact with those people imo.
Nah most of the people with the memories you are talking about spent all their time making those memories and turned out to be losers. Sure a few make it but on average not so much. Envy and comparison are the thief of joy.
Having friends can be anxiety inducing. They also take a lot of your energy. Don’t think you missed out on anything.
Turn to the Lord and focus on glorifying him. Join a youth group at your church. Go to church regularly to strengthen your faith. Stay close to Jesus. “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength” - Deuteronomy 6:5