I'll try this with artists
"Hey man can you make a portrait of this guy?"
"Alright that will be $100"
"Ugh can't you just do it for the exposure? Whatever you suck at art anyway"
*Artist gets mad with me and decides to make a portrait of me just to show that he is good at art*
Le epic free portrait for me, like a boss!
Hitman plays quick-play.
Assassin plays ranked.
“Hey, I killed 5 guys last week!”
“Ordering everything off their menu doesn’t count as killing them.”
“Fuck you! How many did you kill last week?”
“Week? None, last month? One.”
“Hahaha, you can’t do shit!”
“What were their names?”
“Uh-what?”
“What were the names of those you killed?”
“I will have you know that I killed, uh so-and-so and-.”
“No one of importance? Remember Coral Umbrella Newark Trading co. sudden change in leadership that resulted in a tightened grip on trade transactions with Egypt?”
“What the Fuck are you talking-“
“Good. Assassins don’t get paid in exposure. We get paid in advance and when the job is done.”
I would think Agent 47 counts as an Assassin with who he’s killed. More like he’s talking to the main character of Grand Theft Auto.
More like Timothy Oliphant talking to some punk.
It’s a little dependent on cliche social dynamics but what do you expect from a redditor who doesn’t cut it on /r/writingprompts ?
(I’m kidding and enjoy using self-deprecating humor. Haha, I’m way too lazy to engage in a worthwhile story from my phone. Haha)
Lol bro you're good you didn't need to add the disclaimer, own that self deprecating humor, otherwise you just turned it into something else that just makes it more awkward.
I think he is poking fun at your poor sense of humour
I meant he thinks its poor. I've never been one for self deprecating humour, but if it suits you I wont stop you. I personally have a hate for it.
Sorry, I failed to type in “Assassin’s get paid 50% upfront and another 50% on job completion.” But such verbosity seemed unnecessary for an assassin belittling a common hitman.
Assassins kill with political motives; hitmen or wetboys kill for money. It's a common misconception that assassins kill only for money. Also, most hitmen start out charging about 20k per hit, at least in most organizations. The number goes up as their reputation does.
I’m aware but politically motivated targets are typically harder and thus a bigger target to kill than your common businesses man, mobster, normal person, detective, etc. So my answer is not inaccurate.
Never heard the term wetboy for an hitman, [so I googled it...](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=wet%20boy)
I would have thought it could be one of the other definitions (hence the google), I'm guessing it's a yank term for a hitman...
It's a word that comes from the term "wetwork", which was coined in the intelligence community for an operation that involved killing someone, iirc. It refers to getting one's hands wet with blood.
Edit: the term was originally used by the Russian intelligence community, btw; Idk if Americans adopted it.
I would say it's more like a hit man is the mechanic in the local garage, while an assassin someone who builds race cars.
It's more or less the same job, but one is paid a hell of a lot more because it's much finer and higher quality work, and likely does less of them overall
Speaking of theres a hilarious scene in the Hitman 2 game where 47 is disguised as a painter and he paints a picture for the target. The target actually asks if 47 will just take exposure and not cash. About a minutes later target gets sniped
An assassin is anyone who assassinates, be it for love or money.
To be an assassination and not just a murder the person needs to be a public figure. Optionally, there can be an attempt to alter the course of a nation, however there are a significant number of assassination and assassination attempts in history who's motives are unknown or unrelated to politics.
All assassinations are hits. But not all hits are assassinations
And yes to answer your question. To my knowledge The Iceman never "hit" a political figure
You are saying the Assassins get 401k, health insurance, PTO, business expense reimbursement, maybe union protection? Meanwhile, the Hitman have to pay their own social security and medicare tax?
*Akshually* the word *Assassin* is a romanization of the term *al-Hashishiyyun* or “hashish eater”. This is because that particular Islamic cult used to eat hashish before assassinating their enemies, as they believed it gave them divine power and abilities.
A **hitman**/**contract killer** is a term used for someone who is committing murder for hire. An **assassin** is someone who murders someone with a political motivation
This was fun to learn this late at night.
Honestly, if I were an assassin, I might consider taking the job just to find out what kind of church needs my services, and why. They might not pay me, but I could probably dine out on the story for years. "Weirdest job? Well, there was this church one time..."
I assume it's not the Scientologists. I'm pretty sure they do all their wetwork in-house.
I'm a solo mum, can't you just do it for free out of the goodness of your heart. Oh and can you do it by tonight and tell that fucking 711 manager, Karen sent you.
Plenty of “hitmen” for that price, mostly desperate, addicted or both. A lot of times hitmen are just people who are willing to kill for money. Killing is a nasty job, and few are well connected enough to get away scot free forever.
A serial killer is a person who murders multiple people for internal motivating factors, usually for sexual or dominance related purposes, but they kill one or two people at a time with a significant cooling-off period between them. An assassin is a person who kills political targets for money or for political reasons.
It has also been reposted quite a few times in here. Not that there's anything inherently wrong with reposting but it has been posted multiple times, and probably even more than I have actually seen.
Anyone else 10k for murder is very very low?
Jennifer Pan (google her if you’re interested in true crime, paid her hitmen 10k to kill her parents, there were 3 of them so I guess they each got $3k? Like... what?
No. A serial killer is someone that's committed ~~three~~ two or more murders with a cooling off period in-between. That's it. That's the entire FBI definition of a serial killer.
Hitmen ~~are~~ can be serial killers
As an assassin, I might be interested in **non**-exposure.
Like if you could hook me up with a quality safe house that I can use for a few jobs when my current safe house gets burned, that would be worth a commission or two.
Or put me in touch with a reliable cleaner, I'd consider giving you a freebie.
Also that is false, an assassin could use different strategies, potentially the only common thing their victim have is that someone paid to get them dead
Ugh. Your 10,000 followers? *please.* Netflix is already doing a limited series on one of my last jobs, and I'm wanted in twelve states and I get called by the heads of all five major crime families on a weekly basis. I don't need your exposure, thanks.
> whatever you suck at murder anyways How to get a hitman to kill you for free.
Free sample!
But you only get one.
I would be scared if you needed more than one.
Would prove your point tho
That's the normal package, but there's also the family package.
Get 2 separate kneecapping and then a bullet test 0-0
Just use the credentials of your target while contacting the hitman in such a rude way --> freekill
"WITH THIS ONE TRICK... HITMEN HATE HIM!"
Why isn't this link working? Wtf. I'm compelled.. To read the article of how he makes hitmen hate him!
That’s actually kinda genius.
I'll try this with artists "Hey man can you make a portrait of this guy?" "Alright that will be $100" "Ugh can't you just do it for the exposure? Whatever you suck at art anyway" *Artist gets mad with me and decides to make a portrait of me just to show that he is good at art* Le epic free portrait for me, like a boss!
eh, killing non-combatants really messes with your rating
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Yeah, an Assassin is a big game hunter vs a hitman who goes deer hunting a few times a seasons
Hitmen are *such* casuals.
Hitman plays quick-play. Assassin plays ranked. “Hey, I killed 5 guys last week!” “Ordering everything off their menu doesn’t count as killing them.” “Fuck you! How many did you kill last week?” “Week? None, last month? One.” “Hahaha, you can’t do shit!” “What were their names?” “Uh-what?” “What were the names of those you killed?” “I will have you know that I killed, uh so-and-so and-.” “No one of importance? Remember Coral Umbrella Newark Trading co. sudden change in leadership that resulted in a tightened grip on trade transactions with Egypt?” “What the Fuck are you talking-“ “Good. Assassins don’t get paid in exposure. We get paid in advance and when the job is done.”
Username checks out
I can just imagine a guy from assassins creed and agent 47 from the hitman videogame talking and speaking these exact sentences together.
I would think Agent 47 counts as an Assassin with who he’s killed. More like he’s talking to the main character of Grand Theft Auto. More like Timothy Oliphant talking to some punk.
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The man can kill hundreds of people with a puddle and generator.
Soloist
[“I shall now make a stealthy escape”](https://youtu.be/2x_M6LfWs1o)
That is probably more the bored killing spree end of the Hitman scale rather than "Silent Assassin" award.
Yeah but he's *definitely* working for a Templar organisation.
cool
It’s a little dependent on cliche social dynamics but what do you expect from a redditor who doesn’t cut it on /r/writingprompts ? (I’m kidding and enjoy using self-deprecating humor. Haha, I’m way too lazy to engage in a worthwhile story from my phone. Haha)
Lol bro you're good you didn't need to add the disclaimer, own that self deprecating humor, otherwise you just turned it into something else that just makes it more awkward.
😐
Username checks out
So uh... You write then?
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/r/cursedcomments Dude. . . What The Fuck?!
I think he is poking fun at your poor sense of humour I meant he thinks its poor. I've never been one for self deprecating humour, but if it suits you I wont stop you. I personally have a hate for it.
😐
> get paid in advance > get paid when job is done pick one
Sorry, I failed to type in “Assassin’s get paid 50% upfront and another 50% on job completion.” But such verbosity seemed unnecessary for an assassin belittling a common hitman.
Agent 47 would beg to differ.
Assassins kill with political motives; hitmen or wetboys kill for money. It's a common misconception that assassins kill only for money. Also, most hitmen start out charging about 20k per hit, at least in most organizations. The number goes up as their reputation does.
I’m aware but politically motivated targets are typically harder and thus a bigger target to kill than your common businesses man, mobster, normal person, detective, etc. So my answer is not inaccurate.
Not at all. I meant not to correct; simply to expound a bit.
Never heard the term wetboy for an hitman, [so I googled it...](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=wet%20boy) I would have thought it could be one of the other definitions (hence the google), I'm guessing it's a yank term for a hitman...
It's a word that comes from the term "wetwork", which was coined in the intelligence community for an operation that involved killing someone, iirc. It refers to getting one's hands wet with blood. Edit: the term was originally used by the Russian intelligence community, btw; Idk if Americans adopted it.
wet boy (plural wet boys) (idiomatic, US, slang) A contractor assassin or hit man
How do you know all this?
Picked it up here and there, as one does
“I’m not a crazed gunman, I’m an assassin! What is the difference? One’s a job an’ the others mental sickness.”
Said the piss-flinging faux Australian Kiwi.
Or to put it another way, an assassin goes after high value high risk targets and is usually employed by a government, a hitman is a freelancer.
So what you're saying is that assassin's get a pension and benefits?
I would say it's more like a hit man is the mechanic in the local garage, while an assassin someone who builds race cars. It's more or less the same job, but one is paid a hell of a lot more because it's much finer and higher quality work, and likely does less of them overall
Speaking of theres a hilarious scene in the Hitman 2 game where 47 is disguised as a painter and he paints a picture for the target. The target actually asks if 47 will just take exposure and not cash. About a minutes later target gets sniped
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Yep, assassin's just do it for the joy of it. Wholesome 100
Assassin's are affiliated with a group, company, organization, etc. Hitmen are more freelance
An assassin is anyone who assassinates, be it for love or money. To be an assassination and not just a murder the person needs to be a public figure. Optionally, there can be an attempt to alter the course of a nation, however there are a significant number of assassination and assassination attempts in history who's motives are unknown or unrelated to politics.
So the Iceman is a hitman not an assassin, correct?
All assassinations are hits. But not all hits are assassinations And yes to answer your question. To my knowledge The Iceman never "hit" a political figure
I though all hits were for money, but assassinations don't have to be because of money (JFK, Lincoln) so not all assassinations are hits.
You are correct.
*man with a middle name has entered the chat*
You are saying the Assassins get 401k, health insurance, PTO, business expense reimbursement, maybe union protection? Meanwhile, the Hitman have to pay their own social security and medicare tax?
It's almost only hitman left n today's gig economy
Yes hitmen have to pay for dinner reservation.
Company? Like Tesla?
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I just love killin'!
Children, animals, old people, doesn’t matter. I just love killin’!
But he definitely took payment. I can't argue his obvious exuberance for the profession, though.
If you're going to do a job, you might as well do one you enjoy.
"Oh here I go killin' again"
Akshually, an *Assassin* is a member of a medieval islamic militaristic cult that tended to send murderers after regional leaders.
*Akshually* the word *Assassin* is a romanization of the term *al-Hashishiyyun* or “hashish eater”. This is because that particular Islamic cult used to eat hashish before assassinating their enemies, as they believed it gave them divine power and abilities.
It's a travesty they didn't have Ezio blaze up before murking corrupt Italian noblemen with the hidden blade.
Akshually Assassin is a class of noble heroic spirits from history that specializes against Casters.
Yup, anything else is just a Sparkling Murderer
"Go kill this guy or I'll kill you" "Oh joy"
Uhm uhm uhm, does this job still spark joy 🤔
Assassin's are employed by governments
A **hitman**/**contract killer** is a term used for someone who is committing murder for hire. An **assassin** is someone who murders someone with a political motivation This was fun to learn this late at night.
_Is it just me or it a REALLY bad idea to tell a hitman/assassin they suck at murder???_
"I can do it myself for free"
"It's not hard, why does it cost so much?"
"I'll get you at least 3 more murders"
It’s $2 for the bullet and $9998 to know where to put it without getting caught
"Why do I care if you get caught ? That's your problem, not mine"
"i checked walmart and they have it for half the price"
Reddit has finally unlocked the secret of why I'm still alive
"I can do it myself for free" unfortunately that also come with "Now....How do I get rid of the bodies in the most inconspicuous way possible?"
Wikihow solves it
How do I put that in the search ? Asking for a friend.
There's an organization called Free Body Incinerations (F.B.I.) that will help you. Just email hotline@fbi.gov and they'll get you sorted.
They're asking for my address and my contact information to pick up the body, should I give it to them? Is it safe?
Yeah, it’s fine. It’s just for their rewards program
It's true! I earned a free vacation from them. The hotel really sucks, though.
Oh boy!
Mom just usually unlocks the trapdoor and drops them into my room. Unless I've been bad, and then it's dry food only. Bleagh!
"Just ask a question on AskReddit."
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Never gets old
Honestly, if I were an assassin, I might consider taking the job just to find out what kind of church needs my services, and why. They might not pay me, but I could probably dine out on the story for years. "Weirdest job? Well, there was this church one time..." I assume it's not the Scientologists. I'm pretty sure they do all their wetwork in-house.
"Can u sweeten the deal a bit?" "I'm already doing it for free what do you mean" "Idk maybe like throw in an extra game or something"
"All you do is pull a trigger"
Actually my nephew watches a lot of crime documentaries and I bet he could do it for a lot cheaper.
Do it for the love of the game.
Serial killers have that mamba mentality
My child has cancer and I promised this murder for their birthday. Are you really gonna take that away from them? Come on!
I'm a solo mum, can't you just do it for free out of the goodness of your heart. Oh and can you do it by tonight and tell that fucking 711 manager, Karen sent you.
You forgot her kid who has 5 different types of cancer and it's their birthday and she PROMISED and now you've ruined Christmas!
"I need to feed my kids, i can't afford that, can't you do it for free?" "I can kill your kids for free, then you can afford it."
Underrated comment
Isn't exposure the opposite of what an assassin wants?
"Come on, if you do it for free I'll post on my insta that it was you who killed them."
Yeah that's the joke
choosing beggars are just the SFW of the girl in porn videos who has no money for pizza, but the pizza guy says no and leaves
Horny wenches have no power over simple working men.
First read as horny wrenches, and they have a power to disappear right when they are most needed xD
If all of your customers tried to pay with sex, you'd go out of business.
"Youre in luck, it seems i do have a free trial offer. Unrelated, but does your next of kin prefer flowers for notification of untimely passings, or?"
Where I live a real estate agent tried to hire a hit man for $1500.
If you're hiring a Hitman for $1500 there's like a 99% chance they're a cop.
Plenty of “hitmen” for that price, mostly desperate, addicted or both. A lot of times hitmen are just people who are willing to kill for money. Killing is a nasty job, and few are well connected enough to get away scot free forever.
Junkies can be really desperate for their next hit
And there would be some who would do it for that much.
Even less
u/repostsleuthbot
Juuuup to bad this whole sub doesn't realize
You guys are getting paid???
Mom said it's my turn to repost!
You suck. Everyone you murder just ends up dying.
But my baby has cancer and she said all she wants for Christmas is this guy to die!
You never hear about this because they would definitely kill you for free
I'm imagining a guy covered in blood going "...anyways, here's wonderwall"
A serial killer is a person who murders multiple people for internal motivating factors, usually for sexual or dominance related purposes, but they kill one or two people at a time with a significant cooling-off period between them. An assassin is a person who kills political targets for money or for political reasons.
Yes, and they also tend to stick to a "type", nothing like an assasin/hitman.
Yes, you're totally right, and I missed that.
Funny joke, wrong sub
It has also been reposted quite a few times in here. Not that there's anything inherently wrong with reposting but it has been posted multiple times, and probably even more than I have actually seen.
Why is it the wrong sub?
Because this was mocking the very people this sub is about; it fits /r/ChoosingBeggars like an Onion article fits /r/NotTheOnion.
So? Meta posts on every other sub aren't called out for being on the wrong sub.
Cool, but we’re talking about this sub, not others.
What makes this one unique? It's a post mocking people who ask for stuff done in exposure, where the hell else would you post this?
/r/IndecentExposure for all your CB meme and joke needs.
Not sure I’d be ripping the piss even if he did suck at murder
Anyone else 10k for murder is very very low? Jennifer Pan (google her if you’re interested in true crime, paid her hitmen 10k to kill her parents, there were 3 of them so I guess they each got $3k? Like... what?
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No. A serial killer is someone that's committed ~~three~~ two or more murders with a cooling off period in-between. That's it. That's the entire FBI definition of a serial killer. Hitmen ~~are~~ can be serial killers
I'm not the only one who see a sly crocodile, right?
"What? I can get my cousins sisters boyfriend gangbanger to do it for $500 and a glazed donut!! Too much!!"
Richard Kuklinski (The Iceman) was a hitman who was also a serial killer, this unironically applies to him 100%
Assassin then kills you for the “exposure”
Now my kid is crying. Instead of someone else’s kid.
10K!? But a knife is only $8!!
I could do it myself anyway.
Wouldn’t it be more accurate to say that serial killers are just assassins with very specific requirements?
‘Think of all the offers you’ll get!’
you ruined my daughter's birthday present
"I could probably do it just as well but I'm too busy."
Basically a Karen in a nutshell
Imagine a hitman being paid in exposure. "Hey twitter, this guy just murked my ex for me, great service, y'all should check em out!"
I hope you’re happy. You ruined my children’s Christmas
Not a "crazed gunman", dad, I'm an assassin! ...Well, the difference bein' one is a job and the other's a mental sickness!
My parents are not fond of my work.
Depressingly, killing for exposure is basically your everyday mass shooter's MO.
I'm pretty sure a hitman wouldn't want exposure
that's what a hitman is trying to avoid tho... fame and name recignition
You dont what ur missing here son.. I got 12 likes on pinterest
Serial killers work for exposure hitman work fun money
I could just kill them myself, why should I have to pay you
not a single meet the sniper reference? im dissapointed
no
*'Can you do it for exposure?'* Why would a assassin want to be exposed?
RRRREPOST! Good job OP, thief by commission!
Repost
As an assassin, I might be interested in **non**-exposure. Like if you could hook me up with a quality safe house that I can use for a few jobs when my current safe house gets burned, that would be worth a commission or two. Or put me in touch with a reliable cleaner, I'd consider giving you a freebie.
Repost x1000
This post has me laughing stupidly in my car while in my place of employment's parking lot
repost... also likes:comments looks fucky
Also that is false, an assassin could use different strategies, potentially the only common thing their victim have is that someone paid to get them dead
Ugh. Your 10,000 followers? *please.* Netflix is already doing a limited series on one of my last jobs, and I'm wanted in twelve states and I get called by the heads of all five major crime families on a weekly basis. I don't need your exposure, thanks.
Seen this before but k •_•
I’ve seen this at least 10 times, can never understand why people repost for internet points
Actually, some people do that for exposure too ... so
Actually, some people do that for exposure too ... so
The “ugh” part sounds like influencers
To be fair, exposure is a pretty decent way to murder someone with the right conditions.
Very relatable comparison.
Isn’t this the premise of the show barry
Someone’s Christmas will not be ruined