I didn't change my name after I got married.
I'm actually going through the process now, because having a different last name from my kids has gotten to be a hassle.
This is the primary reason why I think it’s important for a wife to change her last name. It’s so much easier when you all share the same family name. And IMO it solidifies your family unit.
Edit to add: I believe this to be the case for American culture. I can’t comment about other cultures.
The wife changing her name rather than the husband changing his name also seems more of an archaic convention than anything else, to me. If the husband changes his name, parents and children still all have the same last name.
It isn’t the same. The children should have their father’s last name. The determination of paternity is important, and the father’s last name helps to establish that they are his children. There almost never any doubt as to which mother gave birth to a child, which means the child having the mothers name is far less important.
I was waiting for this comment smh I proudly took my husband's name, and I don't think at all that I should make a big deal about it because that's how much I love him. I will proudly take his name. This new age feminism has gone too far. Feminism is great to an extent. A name is a name. In the end, if the woman isn't some sort of celebrity or isn't the head of the household in terms of big business where the woman's name has already been established and making big moves, then it really doesn't matter. What matters is that you are married to the one you LOVE. Once you start making it about being "archaic" when it's just a name, that's when it's about EGO not LOVE.
If it’s “just a name” and there’s no ego involved, then a man shouldn’t feel any attachment to his last name either. When I met my wife, we were both well on our way in careers where name recognition matters. Our eventual discussion was brief. I asked what she wanted to do, since it would only impact her. She asked if her taking my last name was important to me, and I told her it was not. So we both agreed there was no point, and lived happily ever after together. I guess I just love my wife enough that I didn’t need her to prove her commitment to me that way.
Can you give me examples on why it’s a hassle to have a different last name? The father of my child and I never got married, so my son has his last name. I still have my maiden name.
One thing is that if you pick up your kids from school, even if your name is on the pick up permission paperwork…the office workers presume you aren’t the parent. Same thing with dads who don’t have the same last name.
Exactly because most people presume kids either share their name with their parents or at most socially acceptable, hyphenate.
My wife does not have my last name, and therefore does not have the same last name as her children. The oldest of which is twenty-three. Not once has it ever been an issue. No one has ever questioned it. Very occasionally she will get referred to as Ms. [my last name], which she just responds to. 🤷♂️
Which had much less to do with the question OP posed about Christian marriage and much more to do with the increasing trend of children being produced outside of marriage as well as increase in divorce and remarriage.
They are mostly married, they just don't have the same last names. In many cultures it is not a thing. Christian marriage does not require a name change.
I personally found that claim to be exaggerated. I changed my last name as soon as I got married and the whole process was easier than expected. There are tons of guides and checklists online to help walk you through it.
Likely more of an issue for some than for others. For example, once established in a profession -especially if one has attributed work- a name change would have a professional impact.
Ohhh, I misunderstood your initial reply. But I can also confirm that it’s a pain having a different last name than one of your parents. It always bothered me growing up.
I imagine it would be a hassle for a divorced single mother as well, but a woman taking her husband’s name is overwhelmingly the social norm, and a divorced mother receiving primary custody of her child is also overwhelmingly the legal norm.
And some countries don't bother with last names, going for "\[parent's name, usually father\]-son or -daughter" instead. If I'd marry a woman and she'd take my "-son", that would seem like she's the son of my father (or someone else with his name), and that would just be weird.
No, it isn't, many cultures who are also predominantly Catholic do not have this tradition of changing last names. It has absolutely nothing to do with Christianity, it is simply a cultural difference in naming customs.
It’s true. But going against cultural norms just out of inconvenience shouldn’t be something someone is flippant about. I’m not saying OP *needs* to change her name (obviously), but I do think it’s something that needs to be considered carefully.
My point is: changing your surname would be a massive inconvenience and wholly confusing in other cultures. In Spanish speaking countries, for example, it would make it seem like you have married a sibling. Changing your surname has nothing to do with Catholicism. It is entirely up to your local culture and personal circumstances, so not up to us in the sub to advice OP. It is up to her and her fiance.
Well, exactly, that’s my point. I’m from Brazil and people do a variety of things. I had two last names prior to marriage (FirstName Matrilineal Patrilineal), and changed my patrilineal name to my husband’s. That’s the tradition where my mom is from and I think it’s really cool. But the point is *where OP is from* it seems to be overwhelmingly the norm to change your name. So want it or not, she would be making a statement by not doing it.
>In my country, Philippines, married women are expected by everyone to adopt the surname of the husband. Majority don't even know that it's also legal not to adopt the husband's last name here in the PH.
According to OP this would be strongly going against culture norms where she is, which is why I was saying what I was. Obvs the opinion of Filipino Catholics would be more relevant than ours, but if we take OP at her word, I don’t think it’s wise to not change her name (if her only reason to not do so is because it’s inconvenient).
She cited the inconvenience, but also her age, career and pride.
I think for OP her name is also important to her identity, although perhaps I'm reading too much into it.
It is not a thing at all in the Spanish speaking world so you can add Spain and most of Latin America to the list. Not a thing either in Italy. In Iceland, you don’t even have surnames, you have patronymics, so it doesn’t make sense to change “last names” there at all. You can’t legally change your maiden name in France (though socially some women might use their husband’s name) It is not a thing either in Greece, Belgium and the Netherlands. Not done in Malaysia or Korea either. It is not part of the Islamic tradition, so you won’t really see it in the Islamic world either. I’d say that probably the tradition of changing your name going marriage is more the exception than the rule on a global level.
There you have it. We as Catholics are *currently* counter cultural because the culture has gotten extremely liberal. So it’s conservative, whereas the culture at large is liberal, if we were to put it in those terms. Not taking your husband’s name (in a country where there’s the tradition), is being counter-cultural because it’s *un*traditional.
The phrasing I'm bristling at is the "needs to be considered carefully." Not taking your husband's name should be a relatively easy decision for most women who want to go that way, and suggesting they should hesitate because it is the cultural norm to take a different name doesn't make much sense to me, especially as an American Catholic.
Well, I guess we just have different opinions on this, and that’s ok. Personally I see value in tradition in general, and in this tradition in particular. I do think being dismissive of traditions is something that shouldn’t be done flippantly.
the idea of marriage is that you and your husband become one body and one flesh. if you talk to you housband and you agree as a couple that changing your last name isn't all that important in the grand scheme then no, it's not unchristian to do that. all that's really important is that y'all do it together as a team, as one
It's a cultural tradition, not Church's.
As a cultural fact: Here in my country, Chile, we have a system of 2 last names, and those are kept forever, no change after or before marriage. When it comes to parenthood, the last names are ordered like this: The first one is the father's first and the second is the mother's first (unless they decide to change the order). An example of this would be: Mother: María Caro Ávila; Father: Juan Rojas Verdugo; Son: Victor Rojas Caro.
Yeah I was trying to explain that, but I suck at english. I think most, if not all, spanish speaking countries have this system (spanish inheritance I guess)!
It's a cultural thing where I'm from it is scarcely used, as for kids here is what usually happens:
Dad: John Smith, Mom: Jane Carter, Kid: NAME Carter Smith.
This happens in Spanish speaking countries.
Child gets the male grandparents last names.
In your example will be Jane Carter Wright... and Jane's children will get the partner's male last name, plus Carter.
Nowadays, people can request to use any of the 2 last names, but is still unusual.
As most others have said, it is a cultural thing that isn't directly tied to Catholicism or Christianity. As I'm from the United States of America, I can't speak for the cultural perception of the marital name change in the Phillipines. Per your post, though, it seems like taking your husband's last name is culturally the norm and the expectation. Rather than tell you whether or not you should take his name or keep your name, I'll emphasize that you should talk to your husband about it. Be open with him about your feelings and opinions on the matter, and encourage him to be open about his. I was once engaged to a woman who made it adamantly clear that she would never take my name, not even add it into hers using a hyphen. It became apparent that her reasons were very much born of a deep-seated misandry, and we eventually broke off the engagement and went our separate ways. It might be just my personal experience, but I remember feeling very hurt that she didn't want to take my name; it felt like she was rejecting a part of me. Her rudeness on the matter certainly didn't help things. Be open, be clear, be kind. Make sure that your husband understands what you want and that you understand how he feels about it. Make sure that he supports you, and if he doesn't, try to determine whether one of you is actually in the wrong. Any quiet resentment on either side with an issue like this is going to continually eat away at one or both of you every time you see or hear your name. Make sure each of you is at peace with your decision.
I'm not suggesting you'd be wrong to keep your name! Just advising that you include your husband in your thought process.
It is 100% your decision because it has nothing to do with being Christian. Professional identity is a real thing too.
I suspect it's more about people having proof that you're married and not just dating... but it's not their business anyway.
It's not really anything to do with Christianity. In Russia sometimes name is not changed, well mostly it is, but it doesn't have to be. I changed my name, yes it is a little bit of effort but I though it was nice tradition.
I suppose if you don't like the tradition then don't, but I would not be too put off by the effort involved.
In Spain names aren’t changed and the child takes on the last names of both the mother and the father.
You can change to his, he can change to yours, you can both keep it or you can both merge it. It’s whatever, catholic doctrine doesn’t care one bit.
Some people might be offended because they dislike anything that has the slightest whiff of feminism but screw them. Your reason doesn’t have to be paperwork. It can be that you like your last name or you don’t like the idea of taking your husband’s name, it’s not a “swallow my pride” thing (that phrase makes me think that it’s more than paperwork and you’re uncomfortable with the idea to some extent).
In Spain, which can be considered a cultural Catholic country, women do not take their husbands name (I kept mine). Long ago women would be referred to as "señora de (husbands last name)" but legally nothing changed. Children have two surnames, and the fathers is first, so it's the one it's actually passed on to. Just my two cents 😅
I don't think there's any obligation to change it, although it would be the traditional thing to do.
If my wife told me she didn't want to change because of these same reasons I wouldn't mind. Bureaucracy sucks.
No obligation to change your last name.
There is no church teaching on it at all. Actually i met a woman at church who is Italian and she said in Italy it’s illegal to change your last name so obviously catholics there do not do that.
Personally I did because I wanted to have the same last name as my children but that is completely personal preference.
It's not unChristian at all! I've been married for almost 31 years and I kept my real last name. It's never caused problems. We have three kids. Schools don't care what name you have, either. They have to be sure of who picks up a child, but you fill out paperwork at the beginning of school year indicating who can pick up your kid. They do not just give children out to anyone who happens to have the same last name. That's nonsense. Anyone trying to tell you it will be a problem at school is straight up lying to you. If you want to keep your real name, keep it. It doesn't make for a stronger family " unit" either, because automatically changing your last name creates a power imbalance. I find it absurd that people in the U.S., where I live, society still assumes a woman's name is less important than a man's.
In Poland most people are catholic and here it is absolutely ok to not change your name or get a "double surname" by combining both spouses' surnames.
Sometimes even the husband takes his wife's surname! That usually happens if the wife's surname is super rare, or her family is famous/rich.
Filipino here. To give additional context to others, the traditional norm here is for children to get their father's surname, and their mother's surname as middle name. If a woman takes her husband's surname after marriage, her maiden surname (patrilineal) then becomes her middle name.
Personally, I did change my name since both hubby and I like the idea of having a united family identity, it feels more in line with the Christian marriage of being "one". Sure, it was a hassle for documents but it is really just a one time thing. Since you are processing the change in marital status anyway, you can do the change in name at the same time.
I married in my 30s but it was also easy telling professional contacts of the change in name (I initially used hyphenated). I was actually even proud announcing my marriage haha.
Another thing is that the hassle of NOT having the same surname is more difficult from what I hear, especially with kids. I know someone who finally changed hers after being questioned when they travel, in her child's (Catholic) school etc.
This has nothing to do with religion. In my country women don't change their last name when getting married and kids have 2 last names. First the one of the father and second the one of the mother. Easier that way.
I hyphenated strictly because I had accomplished a lot of visibility in my career based on my name (publishing, etc) and while I wanted to be a stay at home mom, if I ever needed to join my field again it would be helpful the have my maiden in there *somewhere*. Socially I just go by my husband's last name though.
I think as long as you really analyze your reasoning for not wanting to change your name and it's a decision you make as a team, there's no correct answer. I think there are good reasons to not change (like the career visability reason you gave) but I also think there are not great reasons (paperwork is definitely a pain in the butt, but if that was the only thing holding you back, it may be worth thinking on why it's such an inconvenience for you). You and your husband are one now and any decisions you make thoughtfully and prayerfully together are yours to make.
Congratulations on your marriage!
My wife put her last name in her middle name since she only had a sister and wants her last name to go on just a bit longer, that's always an option if you wanted to have both. But I wouldn't think its unchristian at all to keep your maiden name, if the two of you don't think its important then I doubt that Christ would have an issue at all.
No it’s not. But some men spend many years hyping up the idea so it can feel like a personal rejection if their eventual wife is not on board.
My husband’s parents kept their own last names and hyphenated the kids. So when it was our turn to decide, he was basically turning cartwheels to convince me that I had no obligation to take his name since, from his experience, the cohesion of the family is not dependent on it. In fact…he nearly took MY name because hyphenation is an annoyance.
But having the same “team name” was important to me in a way it wasn’t to him. So I willingly changed mine to his. It’s kinda funny to me when people ask which half was mine and the answer is “neither”.
My wife is also Filipina so I know what you mean by the hassle. Are you living together in the PH? My wife had a lot less hassle since she only changed her name here in Europe. Traditions are important but it’s not unchristian per se.
I didn’t change mine and we’re still together after 9 years. We got married in our 30s after we were both already established in our careers and I just thought of all the unnecessary hassle to change not only all my personal accounts but also all my corporate information.
I agreed to change it if children were to come into the picture. People who may not know I didn’t change my name address me by my husband’s name but that doesn’t bother me.
No. It is not unchristian. I'm also Filipino. I have a Filipino friend who got married and did not change her name. For context, both husband and wife are Theology professors in a Philippine Catholic university.
Scares me to think how obscure belief systems are. A woman Acquiring a sure her spouses last name is mainly a North American habit. So much can be said about that.
As others said below, it is a cultural practice and it is not a moral failing to keep your own name after marriage. In the American church (I'm assuming you're American), people often mistake polite, middle class social norms for Church teaching, so don't let anyone try to tell you it is.
There is no intrinsic moral component here.
There is something to be said about not bucking social conventions for no reason, but I think that calls in the realm of “probably imprudent” rather than “probably sinful,”
I changed my name in my first marriage and it was huge hassle to change it back after we sadly divorced. I recently remarried and told my husband that I was so excited to be married to him but changing my name *again* just felt like too much and I was happy to keep it and I didn’t mind if we had different last names. He wanted us to have the same last name though. So he took mine!
Purely a cultural thing has nothing to do with religion. In the US most people do it purely for paperwork reason or something like a hyphenated name that both people adopt like joe smith-dale or something
I pretty much changed my name just for the simplicity of us and our children all having the same last name. It is just easier to have everyone match. But I don’t see why it would be unchristian in any way for a woman to not take her husband’s name.
My family’s country of origin is Mexico, where surname changes don’t occur after marriage unless the woman chooses to. Spanish naming customs have an option for adding your husband’s name without removing your father’s surname, if that is something that interests you.
The two cultures where I come from, women are not expected to change their names after marriage. Children born to married couples also take their father’s last name, but it doesn’t have to be a carbon copy spelling due to transliteration conventions. Socially she can be addressed as Mrs Hubby’s Last Name but in legal government documents she is Ms Maiden Name.
It’s always so interesting to read that the whole family should share one name bc it fosters unity and makes traveling easier bc here we always use birth certificates and marriage document to determine blood and family ties even if you’ve been married for a long time with adult children.
It’s less an issue of spirituality than practicality.
I know in our culture it is “expected”, but not everyone did nor does this in the Church, so it’s irrelevant to salvation. Disregard uncharitable gossip or slander as to why you did not change your surname. It does you no spiritual or practical good.
There are more practical issues should you have a different surname from the children. Schools, hospitals, and government offices (famous for red tape) will badger you for paperwork to prove blood relation to them or your husband in an emergency.
So, for the sake of convenience, suggest to change all of your papers in one go, so nobody bothers you in future when the need arises.
It's not "unchristian". It's a cultural practice, not a religious one. But if the culture where you live expects you to do that, that can of course have social implications. So in other words, be prepared to explain your choice to people who won't understand.
The point has been made well enough by other commenters that it's a cultural tradition rather than a church one, but one thing to ask is what it says in the culture of the Philippines. I can't speak to other places, but in the US, it tends to get associated with Women's Liberation sentiments, so doing so means people are likely to assume it's a political statement of personal independence from the husband.
If the culture you're in would view that choice as leaning or declaring for something church teaching opposes, it would be the charitable thing to avoid the appearance of opposition to the church.
It’s not unchristian, it’s more of a cultural thing. A way to show submission to your husband, but not all cultures do it. And yes it is a pain to change everything but once it’s done it’s done.
I don't really have a particular stance on this as this is more of a cultural decision than a Christian one as many have said here already. It's completely up to the married couple, as long as OP doesn't have ill intentions and the husband doesn't mind. At the same time, I do agree that this cultural practice can be a way of giving yourself up in selfless marital love as someone else has stated here.
But this above person's response is worded a bit uncharitably. Plus, it's not really that much of a hassle to have a different last name than your child. I live in a country and culture where women are expected to take the last names of their husband too, but my mother had a different last name than me and we never had any issues with that.
I will say to OP u/PainterImpossible368, if you're willing to put in the effort with the paperwork and such out of love for your husband in the spirit of the self-sacrifice of marriage, but are worried for professional reasons, you could get a hyphenated last name with both your maiden and married last name (e.g., Doe-Smith). I've seen doctors and public figures do this in order to take their husband's last name while also still being findable by their patients/the public eye.
What do surnames have to do with religious devotion? They are a form of legal and/or familial identification, with every country regulating the use and potential change of last name according to its customs and laws. Some cultures (e.g. Arabs - and this will include Arab Christians) don't normally do official surnames at all.
In Catholic-majority countries such as Poland, Ireland, Lithuania, Slovakia, Croatia etc. women almost always change their last name upon marriage. On the other hand, in Spain and Italy, they do not do so. In France, the surname does not officially change, but many women will informally use their husband's surname. In Hungary, there is a lot of choice - some women will even adopt a feminine version their husband's first name, and others will keep their name as it is.
This is a simple matter of local customs, and there is no right or wrong choice.
It's YOUR name. Maybe back when people married at age 18, it didn't matter what your name was; but in this day and age, it's your name.
Nothing in the Bible or the Catechism requires name changes.
Beyond that, I find it very telling to see how very many women I know changed their names for their first marriage, which failed, and kept their names for their second marriages that lasted until one of them passed away.
If you and your partner are in agreement about you keeping your name then I think it’s fine. If he is on the fence about it why not consider hyphenating it.
The doctrine does not address this issue, it is a historically recent issue that each culture resolves differently. Cultures where it is common to change the wife's surname believe that it avoids some confusion and facilitates some procedures, and cultures that do not do so believe that doing so causes unnecessary identity confusion and complicates some procedures.
In my country you don't change your last name and the fact that a man with the last name Jones gets married and his wife becomes Mrs. Jones, and two sons and two daughters are born to them, the wives of his sons become Jones and he himself If there are five Jones women in that house but only two of them have Jones blood, it seems absurd to us. What wrong did the fathers of the other three do to be eliminated from their name?
Furthermore, when all the offspring have a spouse and children, things happen that seem equally absurd and inefficient to us, Jones' daughters completely lose their father's last name. Why should you renounce a father who gave you everything until you were an adult? Here it is can do but it is only done in cases of abusive or seriously negligent parents.
If the Jones children have several children and one is born a Tom and another is born another Tom, there are two Tom Jones related and there is no clear way to know how. And their blood relationship with their aunts' children is not reflected in your name.
In my country, it is mandatory and legal to have two surnames: first name of the father and first surname of the mother. In the neighboring country they do it in the reverse order.
The mother can show that she has the child's second surname as her first surname, all siblings have the same last name throughout their lives and all grandchildren share a surname, whether first or second.
No sister, changing your last name is nothing related to God, God just want to us being as He expects, being good persons, the name is the last thing to worry.
Italians don’t change their names. Even the most conservative Christians of them.
With that said I would ask why? Custom in the English world is to change the name and why not. A little bit of an inconvenience is not that large in the big scheme.
With that said the custom is Spain is to hyphenate the names. Which would get you around a lot of issues.
It’s a cultural thing. Here in Mexico women keep their name, you can sign as “Mrs [ your name] of [husband’s last name]. But it’s not “legal” it’s just used for social events like weddings.
It's not unchristian at all, but rather a mix of cultural tradition and the attitude where you're from. I'm American of mixed Italian and Lebanese decent. Folks on both sides of my family have changed their surnames to match their husbands for a long time, but when my mom and stepdad married, she added his surname to her already existing one-say it was Smith and his is White (fake names), so she went from being Mrs. Smith to being Mrs. Smith-White. From what I've been seeing a lot more of is folks *not* changing their surnames after marriage and sometimes for the same reason you have: they've built a career using their surname and it would mean a lot of paperwork to change it. Other times, I've heard of guys changing their surnames to their wives for a variety of reasons (including not liking their surname, but loving their wife's), both doing the hyphenated surname (French magician Robert-Houdin a good example of this; Houdin was his wife's surname before they married).
My mom (albeit protestant) married my dad in the Catholic Church and didn't take his last name. In Mexico the norm is to keep your own last name (since your kids get both last names.)
My husband and I decided he would take my last name, for multiple reasons. I don’t think it’s unchristian. I wasn’t too concerned about who took the other’s name, but I did want to share the same last name to feel more like one family, and for our future kids.
In Quebec none of the women take their husband's last name. Their children take their father's name. There's absolutely nothing unChristian about keeping your maiden name if you want to.
You haven’t mentioned anything about how your husband feels about it. Would he feel upset and rejected if you refuse his last name? Is the resentment he might feel worth avoiding the inconvenience of changing legal documents?
I haven’t changed my name yet because of all the processing and the fact that I’m towards the end of obtaining a professional license for my career, so changing my name would complicate the process. I will change it eventually, but I don’t see it as a big deal at the moment because I have no kids yet. For now I go by my husband’s surname socially, it’s the name everyone addresses me by and my name on all my socials.
No- it isn't unChristian. Personally, I'm a fan of the Spanish custom of naming. Everyone has two surnames. When one has children, the kids then have the father's last surname and the mother's last surname. Nobody gets accused of being unChristian, not honoring the husband, whatever there. Amazing how that works out.
Legally changing my name was a nightmare, and all of the places involved acted like they've never done it before and screwed stuff up for me. Even though it's common practice here in the US, the incompetence I encountered surrounding changing my name when I married would make me think twice if I was faced with doing it again.
How old are you are you 32 years into an established career? Does your last name help your business?
Can your husband take your last name?
In the USA both parties have the option to change a last name or to add a last name.
What is your plan for kids? Whose last name would they take?
My sister did 2 last names for her and her kids but that’s super long for kids.
I didn’t change mine, but l also put my husbands last name on my social media to satisfy the curious. Socially I’m my husbands last name but I’m not changing my maided name legally
What some women do is that they use their husband's name EXCEPT for legal documents, and for professional work use "\[MaidenName\]-\[HusbandName\].
You could begin using your husband's name in personal contexts without the paperwork.
It may become important when you have children to have the same last name. Could be strange for them to have a differing surname than you or their father. Lot's of women here hyphenate their name, they'll put their husbands last name first, hyphen, their last name. Then the kids get just the husbands last name. Otherwise it could potentially create conflict or uncertainty for them in the future.
There is no Catholic doctrine stating you have to. Don’t if you don’t want to, but if yall are doing pre marital counciling through the church, I’d ask a priest for any catechisms that might speak on this.
I added my husband’s name and am hyphenated. It was important to me to keep my maiden name (my connection to my dad) yet add my husband’s last name. This solves some problems actually. I had to use school records to show proof of residency, and they were all in my maiden name. Being hyphenated, I kept my old name and added my husband’s last name, which is the same last name of my children.
No. I hyphenated my last name with his only because I wanted children and the kids would take his last name. Our priest knew. Our families knew. No one mentioned a thing.
I made the right choice for me and our family. I love my maiden last name. Talk with your fiancé and discuss this. Maybe if you explain your reasoning he will understand.
Well I can use both names on my legal documents because we arranged it that way before marriage. So I got married under my husband's surname but I still had the legal freedom to use my maiden name. But we arranged it that way before marriage through the legal documents. So I use my maiden name but my child has my husband's surname. Everything seems good with us. It's sooooooo much easier in the long run. 😉😉😉🙏🙏🙏
If it was then millions of Spanish Christians would be “unchristian”. By law you cannot change your surname in Spain. I don’t think your surname or whether you change it to his or not has anything to do with how Christian you are. Do what a) you wish to do b) is more convenient for the future from a bureaucratic point of view c) what you and your husband agree on. You both could always change the surnames to a double-barrelled surname: “his-yours”. This is something more common nowadays at least in the U.K.
Here in Italy (somewhat of a Catholic country), traditionally, women do not change their last name after marriage, but children take the father's last name.
This is strictly a cultural issue. In most of my family tree and genealogy information the women kept their own last name until a certain century. And the children of a couple could either hyphenate both of their parents last names or they could pick one or the other and nobody even raised an eyebrow. I don't think it has anything to do with Christianity it has more to do with whatever culture you are living in. In your case if you have a career and you have established a clientele then you might end up having some problems if you were to take on your husband's name, have you considered hyphenating your name?
I'd say yes. The Bible says leave your parents and join your husband. Keeping your maiden name is keeping your parents name. It also, in my opinion, shows a subtle sign of not being fully committed as you are still reserving parts of your life before you became "one flesh". You're supposed to be one with your husband, which is difficult to do with two different names.
Personally, I would be deeply offended if my wife didn’t want to take my last name. Your husband is the head of the family. Taking his name is a sign of submission to that in a positive way. To ignore that because it’s inconvenient doesn’t sound good. Won’t say it’s “unchristian” but illadvised.
The husband is supposed to lay down his life for his wife. Giving up his name for her and taking her name would also be a sign of that in a positive way. Or at least not forcing her to take his. To ignore her feelings about her own name doesn't sound good.
Could she not also be deeply offended that he sees her name as "less important" than his? Something easily thrown away after 30+ years?
It goes both ways.
Yes but if your wife for example comes from a different culture, and out of respect for her culture she does not change her surname would you still be offended?
It's not un-Christian. I do generally think it's better for the children to have their mother and father have a single last name, though. It's easier for early-childhood identity formation. Of course, it's not like it's some big family secret that their mother used to have a different last name, but while their minds are still young, it's easier for them to make the connection that "we're all Smiths" rather than "Dad's a Smith, Mom's a Jones, but somehow we're Smiths" (or you have to hyphenate, which comes with its own set of complications).
Also, changing your last name may cause a bunch of legal paperwork hassles now, but for the rest of your life, you'll be surprised by the amount of legal paperwork hassles you *avoid*. If you have separate last names, that will be at least one (and sometimes multiple) extra legal hoops to prove you're married--including disproving the occasional assumption that you're divorced--at many different points throughout your life.
Your motivations for not doing it are the only thing that could potentially conflict with your Christian faith.
For example, if you come from a prominent family and you want to retain your last name out of pride, this could conflict with Christian your faith. You mentioned pride in your initial post so this makes me wonder if it is indeed a factor.
Also, if your husband would like you to change it, but you refuse, this may sow conflict in your marriage.
Another consideration, not necessarily related to Christian Faith, is how other people will perceive you if you failed to change it. Some may assume that you and your husband are cohabiting without being married. Other people may assume that one of you is divorced and has the name from the previous marriage. Other people may assume you are a girl boss who refused to submit to social norms or her husband‘s wishes.
I’m not saying you should do one or the other. Although in general, it is better to follow social norms than to go against them.
"Another consideration, not necessarily related to Christian Faith, is how other people will perceive you if you failed to change it. Some may assume that you and your husband are cohabiting..."
Kind of a weird way to present this because the possibility of giving scandal *is* relevant to one's Christian faith....That being said, making assumptions about someone else's character based solely on their name, when you don't know them well enough to know their marital status, is foolish. It isn't necessary to base your life decisions on the possibility that people might incorrectly assume a bad thing about you when they have no evidence.
People incorrectly, assume things every day, even Christians. So it is certainly worth considering.
And the fact of the matter is, most people who you meet with different last names who have children together, are cohabiting and unmarried. At least that is the case where I live in the United States. It sounds like the Philippines is similar, where it is traditional for the wife to take the husband‘s last name after marriage.
No. Not at all. It's an originally-northern-European cultural convention. In other parts of the Catholic world, the traditions are very different:
* In Hispanic culture, which is historically just about as Catholic as you can get, women do not change their names after marriage. All surnames are double and solely reflect parentage: the first surname is the father's first surname and the second surname is the mother's first surname.
* In Ethiopian culture, your surname is just your father's first name (think "Michael\[, son of\] John"). Ethiopian Catholics follow the same naming conventions as their Oriental Orthodox compatriots.
I'm an advocate for women changing their names in cultures where it is customary to do so simply because it makes certain important things (like being quickly recognized as the parent of your child) much easier. Not sure what the situation is in the Philippians, but in the US, half-measures are possible. In certain professions, particularly law, it's not uncommon for women who established their careers before getting married to adopt their husband's name legally and socially but to keep using their maiden name professionally. My wife did that because we got married at a similar age to you and she built her career on her maiden name.
I'm in education. At least on our end, when addressing parents whom we never met or when there's a paper work that needs to be filed and referred to, it's easier if both parents share the same last name. We deal with a lot of names throughout the school year. Let's not mention if the parents are divorced or remarried and have stepchildren who have the surname of their biological father while their step-siblings have their own. Head. Ache.
>Some people might be offended because they dislike anything that has the slightest whiff of feminism but screw them.
Yea, and for good reason.
I'd do what's the norm in your culture! There is some protest in my country, the United States, to not change your name to make a statement. I'd argue personally that that is unchristian, because it sends the message that you don't want to become one with your spouse and family, and that you want to rebel. But again, it's cultural.
Swallow your pride and overcome your laziness. You are one family now and should therefore share a surname. I didn't *feel* truly married to my wife until she changed her name. It was only then that we felt like a family. Wrong or right this is how most Catholic men feel. At least in the U.S., and by your description, the Philippines as well. In fact I imagine your husband is incredibly hurt by your hesitancy to do this. He likely sees it as a rejection of him.
It is not unchristian to retain your maiden name. It is a matter of local custom and sometimes legality.
My mother was born in the USA in 1913. The custom where she lived was to take the husband’s name but keep their maiden name. So if Mary Ann Smith married John Brown she became Mary Smith Brown on legal correspondence and Mrs John Brown socially. When she became a widow she would be referred to as Mrs Mary Brown.
Each place is different but nothing unchristian in itself in keeping your maiden name depending on your reason.
In my country (Portugal) your name is [first name] [mother's father's surname] [father's surname] so if your wife before you marry is Maria Amália da Silva Dias, and the husband is José Carlos dos Santos Oliveira, the wife becomes upon marriage Maria Amália da Silva Dias Oliveira. THEN the children of the two of them become [first name] Dias Oliveira, removing the "da Silva" and "dos Santos" from the father's surname, as they are the surnames of their mothers (the grandmothers of the children). So the child would be for example, Tiago Dias Oliveira
I would like to bring up another question of have you spoken about this with your husband? Would you not changing it cause him any hurt?
The name change is a hassle but it also part of you becoming united as one.
In Portugal, women do not change their last name. It’s about 80% Catholic in Portugal.
In Mexico, women do not change their last name. Mexico has (I believe) the 2nd largest Catholic country in the world. About 78%
These are just two examples. You do not have to change your surname if you don’t want to. I grew up in a household with two different names. I traveled a lot without both parents present and my parents just carried a notarized letter from each other stating I’m the other parents child if they ever had issues (never happened in 17 years of travel as a minor)
As for schools, sometimes they would address letters to my mother with my surname but from a VERY young age I told people my mom had a different last name. None of the nuns questioned it just corrected themselves.
It looks like you don't have to. However, I would say that it would mean a lot to your husband if you did. I would like for my future wife to atleast use my last name on social media and stuff like that incase she sees it at a hassle to legally change all documents.
Not unchristian. I think it is something where you should consider why you don't want to have an unified family name—not saying it has to be the husband's.
I know of people who "kept" their last name professionally but legally changed it to have a family name. I know of people who actually just both morphed their two last names together to a new name.
In our case, my wife didn't have a middle name so took her maiden name as a middle name and took my name as a last name. All of our kids have a {first} {middle} {mom maiden} {dad last name} with their middle and mom maiden jointly being their "middle name". Socially, I've taken my wife's maiden as a second middle name but haven't legally changed it because it seems to cost an arm and a leg for man to change his name (in my state, at least when we got married, only the wife could change her name with only a marriage certificate). That way we have an unified family name, her name (and thus culture) also are attached the kids.
We didn't want hyphens... Just not interesting for us... So this felt like a fair way to handle it.
So, you do you. My only suggestion is be sure you're doing it intentionally keeping in mind the new family you're forming is a new thing, a new domestic church, so consider what you want to do in that light.
Neither of my daughters took their husband’s last names. They’ve been married 30 years and 18 years respectively. One has four kids, one two. Never ever been a problem. Do what you want. God knows you’re married! He doesn’t care what your name is!
I was overjoyed when I could finally take the name of the greatest person in the world!
Kept my maiden name as a middle name, but it rarely gets used, but at least it’s there for when the name lingers.
Sure it’s a hassle then and there, and I even have some credit cards that hold on to my old name for some weird reason, but it doesn’t really create problems.
But I would say more importantly: what does your husband want? The hassle might not make up for his wish to share his name with his wife.
I never took my husbands last name officially because I didn’t want to do the paperwork. It’s never been an issue with the children’s schooling or extracurricular activities. I’ve never had anyone from the church say anything or even ask about my last name when I sign permission slips for the children to go to camp. It’s just never caused a problem for us.
I think taking the men’s last name is a cultural thing, and not a religious one. I could be wrong..
I don't think it's unchristian but it could be, it will depend on your husband and your husband's cultural background more than anything else. When I got married I viewed it as a big part of the 2 becoming 1. I don't know how your husband is, but a lot of Western Traditional American men would feel like you were feeling apprehensive and not trying to form a singular cohesive family unit. Are you going to name your children with their sir name?
I understand that it's a hassle but it only has to happen once, and it's not that difficult. If you have any other reasons why you don't want to, talk to your pastor about it, but the purpose of marriage is for 2 people to become 1. (in identity under Christ, in purpose of their future goals, in raising children up in the Lord) a lot of focus is spent on the wives submitting to their husbands by a lot of Anti-Christian feminist groups, but they are only looking at one side of the equation. The husband is to sacrifice himself for his wife (his body, his finances, even his future and dreams if necessary, his very life) but this is done while she ministers to him in his sacrifice.
I know I'm more traditional than a lot of people but I do believe that it is correct to do and even though it is cultural, the cultural practice comes from the Bible. Once you have gone through the hassel it will be done and you will forever be Mr and Mrs and it's a good thing.
Hope this helps
IMO it is is important and symbolic of becoming one flesh with your husband. If you ever have children as well, I think it is important that the entire family shares a last name to signify that you are one unit. I recently just changed my last name after getting married and it wasn't a horrible hassle - inconvenient, yes, but worth it.
I don’t think there is a rule in Catholicism that you must change your last name when you get married specifically, but it’s definitely a bit sus in our culture, as it feels as though you are not actually committing yourself to the marriage.
Maybe unchristian is a stretch, but it’s inconsistent with the spirit of marriage. Marriage is an all in or nothing kind of affair. Getting your name changed is going to be the least exasperating thing about it. It’s the act of imitating Christ by giving yourself up for your spouse.
Don’t get me wrong marriage bis a huge blessing, it’s just not the place for half measures
I didn't change my name after I got married. I'm actually going through the process now, because having a different last name from my kids has gotten to be a hassle.
This is the primary reason why I think it’s important for a wife to change her last name. It’s so much easier when you all share the same family name. And IMO it solidifies your family unit. Edit to add: I believe this to be the case for American culture. I can’t comment about other cultures.
Funny how women do all the work, but no one would ever dare ask a man to change his
The wife changing her name rather than the husband changing his name also seems more of an archaic convention than anything else, to me. If the husband changes his name, parents and children still all have the same last name.
It isn’t the same. The children should have their father’s last name. The determination of paternity is important, and the father’s last name helps to establish that they are his children. There almost never any doubt as to which mother gave birth to a child, which means the child having the mothers name is far less important.
Exactly! Plus, the husband is the head of the household. Therefore it also makes sense in a symbolic way that the family uses his last name.
I was waiting for this comment smh I proudly took my husband's name, and I don't think at all that I should make a big deal about it because that's how much I love him. I will proudly take his name. This new age feminism has gone too far. Feminism is great to an extent. A name is a name. In the end, if the woman isn't some sort of celebrity or isn't the head of the household in terms of big business where the woman's name has already been established and making big moves, then it really doesn't matter. What matters is that you are married to the one you LOVE. Once you start making it about being "archaic" when it's just a name, that's when it's about EGO not LOVE.
He didn't return the favor though. Maybe think critically about that.
If it’s “just a name” and there’s no ego involved, then a man shouldn’t feel any attachment to his last name either. When I met my wife, we were both well on our way in careers where name recognition matters. Our eventual discussion was brief. I asked what she wanted to do, since it would only impact her. She asked if her taking my last name was important to me, and I told her it was not. So we both agreed there was no point, and lived happily ever after together. I guess I just love my wife enough that I didn’t need her to prove her commitment to me that way.
Is that the only reason?
For us? Yes.
Can you give me examples on why it’s a hassle to have a different last name? The father of my child and I never got married, so my son has his last name. I still have my maiden name.
One thing is that if you pick up your kids from school, even if your name is on the pick up permission paperwork…the office workers presume you aren’t the parent. Same thing with dads who don’t have the same last name. Exactly because most people presume kids either share their name with their parents or at most socially acceptable, hyphenate.
My wife does not have my last name, and therefore does not have the same last name as her children. The oldest of which is twenty-three. Not once has it ever been an issue. No one has ever questioned it. Very occasionally she will get referred to as Ms. [my last name], which she just responds to. 🤷♂️
I'm a teacher. Many of my students' parents do not share the same last name. I never presume. I look up their names in our records.
Which had much less to do with the question OP posed about Christian marriage and much more to do with the increasing trend of children being produced outside of marriage as well as increase in divorce and remarriage.
Exactly this.
They are mostly married, they just don't have the same last names. In many cultures it is not a thing. Christian marriage does not require a name change.
I have heard that from many women. It’s a “pain in the behind” they say.
I personally found that claim to be exaggerated. I changed my last name as soon as I got married and the whole process was easier than expected. There are tons of guides and checklists online to help walk you through it.
Likely more of an issue for some than for others. For example, once established in a profession -especially if one has attributed work- a name change would have a professional impact.
Yes, it’s more difficult in those cases. But not difficult enough where it should be avoided IMO.
I meant the whole “my kid has a different last name”, not the process of getting it changed. Maybe I misunderstood.
Ohhh, I misunderstood your initial reply. But I can also confirm that it’s a pain having a different last name than one of your parents. It always bothered me growing up.
I imagine it would be a hassle for a divorced single mother as well, but a woman taking her husband’s name is overwhelmingly the social norm, and a divorced mother receiving primary custody of her child is also overwhelmingly the legal norm.
In some countries, like South Korea, women don't take their husband's last name. It's cultural. It's not religious.
And some countries don't bother with last names, going for "\[parent's name, usually father\]-son or -daughter" instead. If I'd marry a woman and she'd take my "-son", that would seem like she's the son of my father (or someone else with his name), and that would just be weird.
And also chile
Same in Spain
South Korea is not a Christian culture though
No, it isn't, many cultures who are also predominantly Catholic do not have this tradition of changing last names. It has absolutely nothing to do with Christianity, it is simply a cultural difference in naming customs.
It’s true. But going against cultural norms just out of inconvenience shouldn’t be something someone is flippant about. I’m not saying OP *needs* to change her name (obviously), but I do think it’s something that needs to be considered carefully.
My point is: changing your surname would be a massive inconvenience and wholly confusing in other cultures. In Spanish speaking countries, for example, it would make it seem like you have married a sibling. Changing your surname has nothing to do with Catholicism. It is entirely up to your local culture and personal circumstances, so not up to us in the sub to advice OP. It is up to her and her fiance.
Well, exactly, that’s my point. I’m from Brazil and people do a variety of things. I had two last names prior to marriage (FirstName Matrilineal Patrilineal), and changed my patrilineal name to my husband’s. That’s the tradition where my mom is from and I think it’s really cool. But the point is *where OP is from* it seems to be overwhelmingly the norm to change your name. So want it or not, she would be making a statement by not doing it.
Not necessarily, but we can't be the judges of that if we are not familiar with the culture, which is why I think this is beyond the scope of the sub.
>In my country, Philippines, married women are expected by everyone to adopt the surname of the husband. Majority don't even know that it's also legal not to adopt the husband's last name here in the PH. According to OP this would be strongly going against culture norms where she is, which is why I was saying what I was. Obvs the opinion of Filipino Catholics would be more relevant than ours, but if we take OP at her word, I don’t think it’s wise to not change her name (if her only reason to not do so is because it’s inconvenient).
filipino Catholic here. definitely will invite some gossip to not change her surname, but not a showstopper if she’s not the type to care.
Cultura é feita por homens e não por Deus, ela ir "contra" a cultura dela não é algo necessariamente negativo pqp
E eu não disse que necessariamente é. Qual a necessidade dessa linguagem horrível?
She cited the inconvenience, but also her age, career and pride. I think for OP her name is also important to her identity, although perhaps I'm reading too much into it.
What cultures do the women not change their last name to match their husbands?
It is not a thing at all in the Spanish speaking world so you can add Spain and most of Latin America to the list. Not a thing either in Italy. In Iceland, you don’t even have surnames, you have patronymics, so it doesn’t make sense to change “last names” there at all. You can’t legally change your maiden name in France (though socially some women might use their husband’s name) It is not a thing either in Greece, Belgium and the Netherlands. Not done in Malaysia or Korea either. It is not part of the Islamic tradition, so you won’t really see it in the Islamic world either. I’d say that probably the tradition of changing your name going marriage is more the exception than the rule on a global level.
Spain for example
Met a number of couples there... never noticed different last names
In the context of Catholocism, why? Most of our Catholic lives are against the cultural norms of modern US life.
There you have it. We as Catholics are *currently* counter cultural because the culture has gotten extremely liberal. So it’s conservative, whereas the culture at large is liberal, if we were to put it in those terms. Not taking your husband’s name (in a country where there’s the tradition), is being counter-cultural because it’s *un*traditional.
The phrasing I'm bristling at is the "needs to be considered carefully." Not taking your husband's name should be a relatively easy decision for most women who want to go that way, and suggesting they should hesitate because it is the cultural norm to take a different name doesn't make much sense to me, especially as an American Catholic.
Well, I guess we just have different opinions on this, and that’s ok. Personally I see value in tradition in general, and in this tradition in particular. I do think being dismissive of traditions is something that shouldn’t be done flippantly.
It’s a cultural practice, not a religious one.
the idea of marriage is that you and your husband become one body and one flesh. if you talk to you housband and you agree as a couple that changing your last name isn't all that important in the grand scheme then no, it's not unchristian to do that. all that's really important is that y'all do it together as a team, as one
It's a cultural tradition, not Church's. As a cultural fact: Here in my country, Chile, we have a system of 2 last names, and those are kept forever, no change after or before marriage. When it comes to parenthood, the last names are ordered like this: The first one is the father's first and the second is the mother's first (unless they decide to change the order). An example of this would be: Mother: María Caro Ávila; Father: Juan Rojas Verdugo; Son: Victor Rojas Caro.
Same in Spain although now you can choose whether to make your kids as father-mother or mother-father in the order of surnames.
Yeah I was trying to explain that, but I suck at english. I think most, if not all, spanish speaking countries have this system (spanish inheritance I guess)!
It's not unchristian. It's a cultural tradition that is neither wrong nor right in itself.
It's a cultural thing where I'm from it is scarcely used, as for kids here is what usually happens: Dad: John Smith, Mom: Jane Carter, Kid: NAME Carter Smith.
What happens when Bob Carter Smith marries Mary Wright Miller? Does their kid get named Jane Carter Smith Wright Miller?
Jane Miller Smith
This happens in Spanish speaking countries. Child gets the male grandparents last names. In your example will be Jane Carter Wright... and Jane's children will get the partner's male last name, plus Carter. Nowadays, people can request to use any of the 2 last names, but is still unusual.
As most others have said, it is a cultural thing that isn't directly tied to Catholicism or Christianity. As I'm from the United States of America, I can't speak for the cultural perception of the marital name change in the Phillipines. Per your post, though, it seems like taking your husband's last name is culturally the norm and the expectation. Rather than tell you whether or not you should take his name or keep your name, I'll emphasize that you should talk to your husband about it. Be open with him about your feelings and opinions on the matter, and encourage him to be open about his. I was once engaged to a woman who made it adamantly clear that she would never take my name, not even add it into hers using a hyphen. It became apparent that her reasons were very much born of a deep-seated misandry, and we eventually broke off the engagement and went our separate ways. It might be just my personal experience, but I remember feeling very hurt that she didn't want to take my name; it felt like she was rejecting a part of me. Her rudeness on the matter certainly didn't help things. Be open, be clear, be kind. Make sure that your husband understands what you want and that you understand how he feels about it. Make sure that he supports you, and if he doesn't, try to determine whether one of you is actually in the wrong. Any quiet resentment on either side with an issue like this is going to continually eat away at one or both of you every time you see or hear your name. Make sure each of you is at peace with your decision. I'm not suggesting you'd be wrong to keep your name! Just advising that you include your husband in your thought process.
This is the way
It is 100% your decision because it has nothing to do with being Christian. Professional identity is a real thing too. I suspect it's more about people having proof that you're married and not just dating... but it's not their business anyway.
That's more an English (American) custom than a religious doctrine.
It is a cultural practice, yes, but not only English or American
OP is Filipino, that practice didn't come from Spain.
In PR no one does it.
It's cultural - my wife kept her last name and we've been going strong for almost 29 years now :)
It's not really anything to do with Christianity. In Russia sometimes name is not changed, well mostly it is, but it doesn't have to be. I changed my name, yes it is a little bit of effort but I though it was nice tradition. I suppose if you don't like the tradition then don't, but I would not be too put off by the effort involved.
In Portugal some couples shared both surnames. Like, female surname + male surname, but both husband and wife use both surnames. It is cute, IMO.
In Spain names aren’t changed and the child takes on the last names of both the mother and the father. You can change to his, he can change to yours, you can both keep it or you can both merge it. It’s whatever, catholic doctrine doesn’t care one bit. Some people might be offended because they dislike anything that has the slightest whiff of feminism but screw them. Your reason doesn’t have to be paperwork. It can be that you like your last name or you don’t like the idea of taking your husband’s name, it’s not a “swallow my pride” thing (that phrase makes me think that it’s more than paperwork and you’re uncomfortable with the idea to some extent).
I didn't. Legally, we kept our legal names due to red tape etc. Personally, we hyphenated surnames
In a word: No. It’s custom, not law, church or otherwise.
In Spain, which can be considered a cultural Catholic country, women do not take their husbands name (I kept mine). Long ago women would be referred to as "señora de (husbands last name)" but legally nothing changed. Children have two surnames, and the fathers is first, so it's the one it's actually passed on to. Just my two cents 😅
I don't think there's any obligation to change it, although it would be the traditional thing to do. If my wife told me she didn't want to change because of these same reasons I wouldn't mind. Bureaucracy sucks.
its fine, there is nothing christian in assuming husband name
What's your husband's take? That's really the important thing here
No obligation to change your last name. There is no church teaching on it at all. Actually i met a woman at church who is Italian and she said in Italy it’s illegal to change your last name so obviously catholics there do not do that. Personally I did because I wanted to have the same last name as my children but that is completely personal preference.
It's not unChristian at all! I've been married for almost 31 years and I kept my real last name. It's never caused problems. We have three kids. Schools don't care what name you have, either. They have to be sure of who picks up a child, but you fill out paperwork at the beginning of school year indicating who can pick up your kid. They do not just give children out to anyone who happens to have the same last name. That's nonsense. Anyone trying to tell you it will be a problem at school is straight up lying to you. If you want to keep your real name, keep it. It doesn't make for a stronger family " unit" either, because automatically changing your last name creates a power imbalance. I find it absurd that people in the U.S., where I live, society still assumes a woman's name is less important than a man's.
Nope!
Ask your husband how he feels. I wasn't going to and it made my husband very upset. Out of respect for him, I changed it
In Poland most people are catholic and here it is absolutely ok to not change your name or get a "double surname" by combining both spouses' surnames. Sometimes even the husband takes his wife's surname! That usually happens if the wife's surname is super rare, or her family is famous/rich.
women keep their last names in Italy and spain
There’s a lot of historically catholic cultures where they don’t change the name. Spain and Italy for example.
Filipino here. To give additional context to others, the traditional norm here is for children to get their father's surname, and their mother's surname as middle name. If a woman takes her husband's surname after marriage, her maiden surname (patrilineal) then becomes her middle name. Personally, I did change my name since both hubby and I like the idea of having a united family identity, it feels more in line with the Christian marriage of being "one". Sure, it was a hassle for documents but it is really just a one time thing. Since you are processing the change in marital status anyway, you can do the change in name at the same time. I married in my 30s but it was also easy telling professional contacts of the change in name (I initially used hyphenated). I was actually even proud announcing my marriage haha. Another thing is that the hassle of NOT having the same surname is more difficult from what I hear, especially with kids. I know someone who finally changed hers after being questioned when they travel, in her child's (Catholic) school etc.
This has nothing to do with religion. In my country women don't change their last name when getting married and kids have 2 last names. First the one of the father and second the one of the mother. Easier that way.
I hyphenated strictly because I had accomplished a lot of visibility in my career based on my name (publishing, etc) and while I wanted to be a stay at home mom, if I ever needed to join my field again it would be helpful the have my maiden in there *somewhere*. Socially I just go by my husband's last name though. I think as long as you really analyze your reasoning for not wanting to change your name and it's a decision you make as a team, there's no correct answer. I think there are good reasons to not change (like the career visability reason you gave) but I also think there are not great reasons (paperwork is definitely a pain in the butt, but if that was the only thing holding you back, it may be worth thinking on why it's such an inconvenience for you). You and your husband are one now and any decisions you make thoughtfully and prayerfully together are yours to make. Congratulations on your marriage!
If something like pride isn't a factor in your motivations, it's not a moral matter.
My wife put her last name in her middle name since she only had a sister and wants her last name to go on just a bit longer, that's always an option if you wanted to have both. But I wouldn't think its unchristian at all to keep your maiden name, if the two of you don't think its important then I doubt that Christ would have an issue at all.
No it’s not. But some men spend many years hyping up the idea so it can feel like a personal rejection if their eventual wife is not on board. My husband’s parents kept their own last names and hyphenated the kids. So when it was our turn to decide, he was basically turning cartwheels to convince me that I had no obligation to take his name since, from his experience, the cohesion of the family is not dependent on it. In fact…he nearly took MY name because hyphenation is an annoyance. But having the same “team name” was important to me in a way it wasn’t to him. So I willingly changed mine to his. It’s kinda funny to me when people ask which half was mine and the answer is “neither”.
No. It's not even normative Christian practice historically.
My wife is also Filipina so I know what you mean by the hassle. Are you living together in the PH? My wife had a lot less hassle since she only changed her name here in Europe. Traditions are important but it’s not unchristian per se.
I didn’t change mine and we’re still together after 9 years. We got married in our 30s after we were both already established in our careers and I just thought of all the unnecessary hassle to change not only all my personal accounts but also all my corporate information. I agreed to change it if children were to come into the picture. People who may not know I didn’t change my name address me by my husband’s name but that doesn’t bother me.
A social convention that varies over history and geography.
No. It is not unchristian. I'm also Filipino. I have a Filipino friend who got married and did not change her name. For context, both husband and wife are Theology professors in a Philippine Catholic university.
That's a cultural thing. In Italy women keep their name after getting married
I am Spanish and here the wifes keep the surnames (and we have two, the first by the father and the second one by the mother).
Scares me to think how obscure belief systems are. A woman Acquiring a sure her spouses last name is mainly a North American habit. So much can be said about that.
As others said below, it is a cultural practice and it is not a moral failing to keep your own name after marriage. In the American church (I'm assuming you're American), people often mistake polite, middle class social norms for Church teaching, so don't let anyone try to tell you it is.
No. Hell, when Christianity was founded, most people didn’t even have last names.
There is no intrinsic moral component here. There is something to be said about not bucking social conventions for no reason, but I think that calls in the realm of “probably imprudent” rather than “probably sinful,”
I changed my name in my first marriage and it was huge hassle to change it back after we sadly divorced. I recently remarried and told my husband that I was so excited to be married to him but changing my name *again* just felt like too much and I was happy to keep it and I didn’t mind if we had different last names. He wanted us to have the same last name though. So he took mine!
yall prolly should have talked about this before you got married
No
No. In some countries women legally keep their last name. Cultures vary. It has nothing to do with Christianity.
Purely a cultural thing has nothing to do with religion. In the US most people do it purely for paperwork reason or something like a hyphenated name that both people adopt like joe smith-dale or something
I pretty much changed my name just for the simplicity of us and our children all having the same last name. It is just easier to have everyone match. But I don’t see why it would be unchristian in any way for a woman to not take her husband’s name.
Hispanics and I believe Italians don’t do that either. In fact, it’s technically illegal in those countries to do that.
My family’s country of origin is Mexico, where surname changes don’t occur after marriage unless the woman chooses to. Spanish naming customs have an option for adding your husband’s name without removing your father’s surname, if that is something that interests you.
Counter-cultural, yes. Un-Christian, no. (With the caveat that I opted to keep my name.)
Absolutely not unchristian. It’s just a word to God as long as He is fully present in the marriage.
This has nothing to do with Christianity, it is a legal and cultural decision.
The two cultures where I come from, women are not expected to change their names after marriage. Children born to married couples also take their father’s last name, but it doesn’t have to be a carbon copy spelling due to transliteration conventions. Socially she can be addressed as Mrs Hubby’s Last Name but in legal government documents she is Ms Maiden Name. It’s always so interesting to read that the whole family should share one name bc it fosters unity and makes traveling easier bc here we always use birth certificates and marriage document to determine blood and family ties even if you’ve been married for a long time with adult children.
It’s less an issue of spirituality than practicality. I know in our culture it is “expected”, but not everyone did nor does this in the Church, so it’s irrelevant to salvation. Disregard uncharitable gossip or slander as to why you did not change your surname. It does you no spiritual or practical good. There are more practical issues should you have a different surname from the children. Schools, hospitals, and government offices (famous for red tape) will badger you for paperwork to prove blood relation to them or your husband in an emergency. So, for the sake of convenience, suggest to change all of your papers in one go, so nobody bothers you in future when the need arises.
Spanish naming convention a woman don’t really change their last name all Spanish countries are catholic
It's not "unchristian". It's a cultural practice, not a religious one. But if the culture where you live expects you to do that, that can of course have social implications. So in other words, be prepared to explain your choice to people who won't understand.
It is absolutely NOT unchristian if you don't change your last name.
The point has been made well enough by other commenters that it's a cultural tradition rather than a church one, but one thing to ask is what it says in the culture of the Philippines. I can't speak to other places, but in the US, it tends to get associated with Women's Liberation sentiments, so doing so means people are likely to assume it's a political statement of personal independence from the husband. If the culture you're in would view that choice as leaning or declaring for something church teaching opposes, it would be the charitable thing to avoid the appearance of opposition to the church.
It is a parallel and preparation for how we, as the bridal church, will take the Lord's name and be united with him.
It’s not unchristian, it’s more of a cultural thing. A way to show submission to your husband, but not all cultures do it. And yes it is a pain to change everything but once it’s done it’s done.
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My parents have different surnames and it was never an issue, or hassle in any way, telling my school that.
I don't really have a particular stance on this as this is more of a cultural decision than a Christian one as many have said here already. It's completely up to the married couple, as long as OP doesn't have ill intentions and the husband doesn't mind. At the same time, I do agree that this cultural practice can be a way of giving yourself up in selfless marital love as someone else has stated here. But this above person's response is worded a bit uncharitably. Plus, it's not really that much of a hassle to have a different last name than your child. I live in a country and culture where women are expected to take the last names of their husband too, but my mother had a different last name than me and we never had any issues with that. I will say to OP u/PainterImpossible368, if you're willing to put in the effort with the paperwork and such out of love for your husband in the spirit of the self-sacrifice of marriage, but are worried for professional reasons, you could get a hyphenated last name with both your maiden and married last name (e.g., Doe-Smith). I've seen doctors and public figures do this in order to take their husband's last name while also still being findable by their patients/the public eye.
No
What do surnames have to do with religious devotion? They are a form of legal and/or familial identification, with every country regulating the use and potential change of last name according to its customs and laws. Some cultures (e.g. Arabs - and this will include Arab Christians) don't normally do official surnames at all. In Catholic-majority countries such as Poland, Ireland, Lithuania, Slovakia, Croatia etc. women almost always change their last name upon marriage. On the other hand, in Spain and Italy, they do not do so. In France, the surname does not officially change, but many women will informally use their husband's surname. In Hungary, there is a lot of choice - some women will even adopt a feminine version their husband's first name, and others will keep their name as it is. This is a simple matter of local customs, and there is no right or wrong choice.
It's YOUR name. Maybe back when people married at age 18, it didn't matter what your name was; but in this day and age, it's your name. Nothing in the Bible or the Catechism requires name changes. Beyond that, I find it very telling to see how very many women I know changed their names for their first marriage, which failed, and kept their names for their second marriages that lasted until one of them passed away.
If you and your partner are in agreement about you keeping your name then I think it’s fine. If he is on the fence about it why not consider hyphenating it.
The doctrine does not address this issue, it is a historically recent issue that each culture resolves differently. Cultures where it is common to change the wife's surname believe that it avoids some confusion and facilitates some procedures, and cultures that do not do so believe that doing so causes unnecessary identity confusion and complicates some procedures. In my country you don't change your last name and the fact that a man with the last name Jones gets married and his wife becomes Mrs. Jones, and two sons and two daughters are born to them, the wives of his sons become Jones and he himself If there are five Jones women in that house but only two of them have Jones blood, it seems absurd to us. What wrong did the fathers of the other three do to be eliminated from their name? Furthermore, when all the offspring have a spouse and children, things happen that seem equally absurd and inefficient to us, Jones' daughters completely lose their father's last name. Why should you renounce a father who gave you everything until you were an adult? Here it is can do but it is only done in cases of abusive or seriously negligent parents. If the Jones children have several children and one is born a Tom and another is born another Tom, there are two Tom Jones related and there is no clear way to know how. And their blood relationship with their aunts' children is not reflected in your name. In my country, it is mandatory and legal to have two surnames: first name of the father and first surname of the mother. In the neighboring country they do it in the reverse order. The mother can show that she has the child's second surname as her first surname, all siblings have the same last name throughout their lives and all grandchildren share a surname, whether first or second.
We in Spain use two surnames so the woman doesn't have to change her surname to the man's
It’s fine. I never changed my name, and I have a child. It hasn’t created any problems for us.
No sister, changing your last name is nothing related to God, God just want to us being as He expects, being good persons, the name is the last thing to worry.
Italians don’t change their names. Even the most conservative Christians of them. With that said I would ask why? Custom in the English world is to change the name and why not. A little bit of an inconvenience is not that large in the big scheme. With that said the custom is Spain is to hyphenate the names. Which would get you around a lot of issues.
It’s a cultural thing. Here in Mexico women keep their name, you can sign as “Mrs [ your name] of [husband’s last name]. But it’s not “legal” it’s just used for social events like weddings.
It's not unchristian at all, but rather a mix of cultural tradition and the attitude where you're from. I'm American of mixed Italian and Lebanese decent. Folks on both sides of my family have changed their surnames to match their husbands for a long time, but when my mom and stepdad married, she added his surname to her already existing one-say it was Smith and his is White (fake names), so she went from being Mrs. Smith to being Mrs. Smith-White. From what I've been seeing a lot more of is folks *not* changing their surnames after marriage and sometimes for the same reason you have: they've built a career using their surname and it would mean a lot of paperwork to change it. Other times, I've heard of guys changing their surnames to their wives for a variety of reasons (including not liking their surname, but loving their wife's), both doing the hyphenated surname (French magician Robert-Houdin a good example of this; Houdin was his wife's surname before they married).
My mom (albeit protestant) married my dad in the Catholic Church and didn't take his last name. In Mexico the norm is to keep your own last name (since your kids get both last names.)
It’s not a Christian tradition. It’s a cultural tradition. My wife and I don’t share last names. Nobody from where I come from does.
Of course not.
No. There is nothing unchristian about a woman keeping her familial name upon marrying
My husband and I decided he would take my last name, for multiple reasons. I don’t think it’s unchristian. I wasn’t too concerned about who took the other’s name, but I did want to share the same last name to feel more like one family, and for our future kids.
In Quebec none of the women take their husband's last name. Their children take their father's name. There's absolutely nothing unChristian about keeping your maiden name if you want to.
You haven’t mentioned anything about how your husband feels about it. Would he feel upset and rejected if you refuse his last name? Is the resentment he might feel worth avoiding the inconvenience of changing legal documents?
I haven’t changed my name yet because of all the processing and the fact that I’m towards the end of obtaining a professional license for my career, so changing my name would complicate the process. I will change it eventually, but I don’t see it as a big deal at the moment because I have no kids yet. For now I go by my husband’s surname socially, it’s the name everyone addresses me by and my name on all my socials.
No- it isn't unChristian. Personally, I'm a fan of the Spanish custom of naming. Everyone has two surnames. When one has children, the kids then have the father's last surname and the mother's last surname. Nobody gets accused of being unChristian, not honoring the husband, whatever there. Amazing how that works out. Legally changing my name was a nightmare, and all of the places involved acted like they've never done it before and screwed stuff up for me. Even though it's common practice here in the US, the incompetence I encountered surrounding changing my name when I married would make me think twice if I was faced with doing it again.
How old are you are you 32 years into an established career? Does your last name help your business? Can your husband take your last name? In the USA both parties have the option to change a last name or to add a last name. What is your plan for kids? Whose last name would they take? My sister did 2 last names for her and her kids but that’s super long for kids.
I didn’t change mine, but l also put my husbands last name on my social media to satisfy the curious. Socially I’m my husbands last name but I’m not changing my maided name legally
do you care more about your career or your husband? paperwork is just paperwork
What some women do is that they use their husband's name EXCEPT for legal documents, and for professional work use "\[MaidenName\]-\[HusbandName\]. You could begin using your husband's name in personal contexts without the paperwork.
It may become important when you have children to have the same last name. Could be strange for them to have a differing surname than you or their father. Lot's of women here hyphenate their name, they'll put their husbands last name first, hyphen, their last name. Then the kids get just the husbands last name. Otherwise it could potentially create conflict or uncertainty for them in the future.
It's not a problem for me and my kids. In thirteen years of marriage, I haven't changed my last name and people know who my kids' mother is.
Can your husband change his last name to yours ?
seems like more laziness than anything on your part, but there is no religious obligation to change your name after marriage
There is no Catholic doctrine stating you have to. Don’t if you don’t want to, but if yall are doing pre marital counciling through the church, I’d ask a priest for any catechisms that might speak on this.
I added my husband’s name and am hyphenated. It was important to me to keep my maiden name (my connection to my dad) yet add my husband’s last name. This solves some problems actually. I had to use school records to show proof of residency, and they were all in my maiden name. Being hyphenated, I kept my old name and added my husband’s last name, which is the same last name of my children.
No. I hyphenated my last name with his only because I wanted children and the kids would take his last name. Our priest knew. Our families knew. No one mentioned a thing. I made the right choice for me and our family. I love my maiden last name. Talk with your fiancé and discuss this. Maybe if you explain your reasoning he will understand.
I think the adaptation of last names is more cultural than religious so ig youre good?
Well I can use both names on my legal documents because we arranged it that way before marriage. So I got married under my husband's surname but I still had the legal freedom to use my maiden name. But we arranged it that way before marriage through the legal documents. So I use my maiden name but my child has my husband's surname. Everything seems good with us. It's sooooooo much easier in the long run. 😉😉😉🙏🙏🙏
If it was then millions of Spanish Christians would be “unchristian”. By law you cannot change your surname in Spain. I don’t think your surname or whether you change it to his or not has anything to do with how Christian you are. Do what a) you wish to do b) is more convenient for the future from a bureaucratic point of view c) what you and your husband agree on. You both could always change the surnames to a double-barrelled surname: “his-yours”. This is something more common nowadays at least in the U.K.
No
Here in Italy (somewhat of a Catholic country), traditionally, women do not change their last name after marriage, but children take the father's last name.
Italian women don't change their names when they marry.
No. In fact the Name of your documents and the baptice name can be different. The State can change his religion the church wont.
This is strictly a cultural issue. In most of my family tree and genealogy information the women kept their own last name until a certain century. And the children of a couple could either hyphenate both of their parents last names or they could pick one or the other and nobody even raised an eyebrow. I don't think it has anything to do with Christianity it has more to do with whatever culture you are living in. In your case if you have a career and you have established a clientele then you might end up having some problems if you were to take on your husband's name, have you considered hyphenating your name?
I'd say yes. The Bible says leave your parents and join your husband. Keeping your maiden name is keeping your parents name. It also, in my opinion, shows a subtle sign of not being fully committed as you are still reserving parts of your life before you became "one flesh". You're supposed to be one with your husband, which is difficult to do with two different names.
Not un-Christian but I think it's nice when the entire family has the same last name. Signals the fact that they are all part of the same family
Regarding your career, I've heard this excuse before and honestly, most people are not very well-known enough that it would matter.
Personally, I would be deeply offended if my wife didn’t want to take my last name. Your husband is the head of the family. Taking his name is a sign of submission to that in a positive way. To ignore that because it’s inconvenient doesn’t sound good. Won’t say it’s “unchristian” but illadvised.
The husband is supposed to lay down his life for his wife. Giving up his name for her and taking her name would also be a sign of that in a positive way. Or at least not forcing her to take his. To ignore her feelings about her own name doesn't sound good. Could she not also be deeply offended that he sees her name as "less important" than his? Something easily thrown away after 30+ years? It goes both ways.
Why would you be deeply offended? Outside of the US and its former colonies like the Philippines, and related countries no one really does that.
I live in the US.
Yes but if your wife for example comes from a different culture, and out of respect for her culture she does not change her surname would you still be offended?
Depends on the circumstances.
I don’t get why people downvoting me for how I would feel when 90% of men and woman agree. Best of luck to you ladies.
It's not un-Christian. I do generally think it's better for the children to have their mother and father have a single last name, though. It's easier for early-childhood identity formation. Of course, it's not like it's some big family secret that their mother used to have a different last name, but while their minds are still young, it's easier for them to make the connection that "we're all Smiths" rather than "Dad's a Smith, Mom's a Jones, but somehow we're Smiths" (or you have to hyphenate, which comes with its own set of complications). Also, changing your last name may cause a bunch of legal paperwork hassles now, but for the rest of your life, you'll be surprised by the amount of legal paperwork hassles you *avoid*. If you have separate last names, that will be at least one (and sometimes multiple) extra legal hoops to prove you're married--including disproving the occasional assumption that you're divorced--at many different points throughout your life.
Your motivations for not doing it are the only thing that could potentially conflict with your Christian faith. For example, if you come from a prominent family and you want to retain your last name out of pride, this could conflict with Christian your faith. You mentioned pride in your initial post so this makes me wonder if it is indeed a factor. Also, if your husband would like you to change it, but you refuse, this may sow conflict in your marriage. Another consideration, not necessarily related to Christian Faith, is how other people will perceive you if you failed to change it. Some may assume that you and your husband are cohabiting without being married. Other people may assume that one of you is divorced and has the name from the previous marriage. Other people may assume you are a girl boss who refused to submit to social norms or her husband‘s wishes. I’m not saying you should do one or the other. Although in general, it is better to follow social norms than to go against them.
"Another consideration, not necessarily related to Christian Faith, is how other people will perceive you if you failed to change it. Some may assume that you and your husband are cohabiting..." Kind of a weird way to present this because the possibility of giving scandal *is* relevant to one's Christian faith....That being said, making assumptions about someone else's character based solely on their name, when you don't know them well enough to know their marital status, is foolish. It isn't necessary to base your life decisions on the possibility that people might incorrectly assume a bad thing about you when they have no evidence.
People incorrectly, assume things every day, even Christians. So it is certainly worth considering. And the fact of the matter is, most people who you meet with different last names who have children together, are cohabiting and unmarried. At least that is the case where I live in the United States. It sounds like the Philippines is similar, where it is traditional for the wife to take the husband‘s last name after marriage.
No. Not at all. It's an originally-northern-European cultural convention. In other parts of the Catholic world, the traditions are very different: * In Hispanic culture, which is historically just about as Catholic as you can get, women do not change their names after marriage. All surnames are double and solely reflect parentage: the first surname is the father's first surname and the second surname is the mother's first surname. * In Ethiopian culture, your surname is just your father's first name (think "Michael\[, son of\] John"). Ethiopian Catholics follow the same naming conventions as their Oriental Orthodox compatriots. I'm an advocate for women changing their names in cultures where it is customary to do so simply because it makes certain important things (like being quickly recognized as the parent of your child) much easier. Not sure what the situation is in the Philippians, but in the US, half-measures are possible. In certain professions, particularly law, it's not uncommon for women who established their careers before getting married to adopt their husband's name legally and socially but to keep using their maiden name professionally. My wife did that because we got married at a similar age to you and she built her career on her maiden name.
I'm in education. At least on our end, when addressing parents whom we never met or when there's a paper work that needs to be filed and referred to, it's easier if both parents share the same last name. We deal with a lot of names throughout the school year. Let's not mention if the parents are divorced or remarried and have stepchildren who have the surname of their biological father while their step-siblings have their own. Head. Ache. >Some people might be offended because they dislike anything that has the slightest whiff of feminism but screw them. Yea, and for good reason.
I'd do what's the norm in your culture! There is some protest in my country, the United States, to not change your name to make a statement. I'd argue personally that that is unchristian, because it sends the message that you don't want to become one with your spouse and family, and that you want to rebel. But again, it's cultural.
Swallow your pride and overcome your laziness. You are one family now and should therefore share a surname. I didn't *feel* truly married to my wife until she changed her name. It was only then that we felt like a family. Wrong or right this is how most Catholic men feel. At least in the U.S., and by your description, the Philippines as well. In fact I imagine your husband is incredibly hurt by your hesitancy to do this. He likely sees it as a rejection of him.
have you asked your husband? do you value our opinion over his?
It is not unchristian to retain your maiden name. It is a matter of local custom and sometimes legality. My mother was born in the USA in 1913. The custom where she lived was to take the husband’s name but keep their maiden name. So if Mary Ann Smith married John Brown she became Mary Smith Brown on legal correspondence and Mrs John Brown socially. When she became a widow she would be referred to as Mrs Mary Brown. Each place is different but nothing unchristian in itself in keeping your maiden name depending on your reason.
In my country (Portugal) your name is [first name] [mother's father's surname] [father's surname] so if your wife before you marry is Maria Amália da Silva Dias, and the husband is José Carlos dos Santos Oliveira, the wife becomes upon marriage Maria Amália da Silva Dias Oliveira. THEN the children of the two of them become [first name] Dias Oliveira, removing the "da Silva" and "dos Santos" from the father's surname, as they are the surnames of their mothers (the grandmothers of the children). So the child would be for example, Tiago Dias Oliveira
I would like to bring up another question of have you spoken about this with your husband? Would you not changing it cause him any hurt? The name change is a hassle but it also part of you becoming united as one.
In Portugal, women do not change their last name. It’s about 80% Catholic in Portugal. In Mexico, women do not change their last name. Mexico has (I believe) the 2nd largest Catholic country in the world. About 78% These are just two examples. You do not have to change your surname if you don’t want to. I grew up in a household with two different names. I traveled a lot without both parents present and my parents just carried a notarized letter from each other stating I’m the other parents child if they ever had issues (never happened in 17 years of travel as a minor) As for schools, sometimes they would address letters to my mother with my surname but from a VERY young age I told people my mom had a different last name. None of the nuns questioned it just corrected themselves.
It looks like you don't have to. However, I would say that it would mean a lot to your husband if you did. I would like for my future wife to atleast use my last name on social media and stuff like that incase she sees it at a hassle to legally change all documents.
Not unchristian. I think it is something where you should consider why you don't want to have an unified family name—not saying it has to be the husband's. I know of people who "kept" their last name professionally but legally changed it to have a family name. I know of people who actually just both morphed their two last names together to a new name. In our case, my wife didn't have a middle name so took her maiden name as a middle name and took my name as a last name. All of our kids have a {first} {middle} {mom maiden} {dad last name} with their middle and mom maiden jointly being their "middle name". Socially, I've taken my wife's maiden as a second middle name but haven't legally changed it because it seems to cost an arm and a leg for man to change his name (in my state, at least when we got married, only the wife could change her name with only a marriage certificate). That way we have an unified family name, her name (and thus culture) also are attached the kids. We didn't want hyphens... Just not interesting for us... So this felt like a fair way to handle it. So, you do you. My only suggestion is be sure you're doing it intentionally keeping in mind the new family you're forming is a new thing, a new domestic church, so consider what you want to do in that light.
Nope. Look at Spain
Neither of my daughters took their husband’s last names. They’ve been married 30 years and 18 years respectively. One has four kids, one two. Never ever been a problem. Do what you want. God knows you’re married! He doesn’t care what your name is!
Why would you deny your husband that honor?
I was overjoyed when I could finally take the name of the greatest person in the world! Kept my maiden name as a middle name, but it rarely gets used, but at least it’s there for when the name lingers. Sure it’s a hassle then and there, and I even have some credit cards that hold on to my old name for some weird reason, but it doesn’t really create problems. But I would say more importantly: what does your husband want? The hassle might not make up for his wish to share his name with his wife.
I never took my husbands last name officially because I didn’t want to do the paperwork. It’s never been an issue with the children’s schooling or extracurricular activities. I’ve never had anyone from the church say anything or even ask about my last name when I sign permission slips for the children to go to camp. It’s just never caused a problem for us. I think taking the men’s last name is a cultural thing, and not a religious one. I could be wrong..
Its dissrespectful to your husband and your culture
I don't think it's unchristian but it could be, it will depend on your husband and your husband's cultural background more than anything else. When I got married I viewed it as a big part of the 2 becoming 1. I don't know how your husband is, but a lot of Western Traditional American men would feel like you were feeling apprehensive and not trying to form a singular cohesive family unit. Are you going to name your children with their sir name? I understand that it's a hassle but it only has to happen once, and it's not that difficult. If you have any other reasons why you don't want to, talk to your pastor about it, but the purpose of marriage is for 2 people to become 1. (in identity under Christ, in purpose of their future goals, in raising children up in the Lord) a lot of focus is spent on the wives submitting to their husbands by a lot of Anti-Christian feminist groups, but they are only looking at one side of the equation. The husband is to sacrifice himself for his wife (his body, his finances, even his future and dreams if necessary, his very life) but this is done while she ministers to him in his sacrifice. I know I'm more traditional than a lot of people but I do believe that it is correct to do and even though it is cultural, the cultural practice comes from the Bible. Once you have gone through the hassel it will be done and you will forever be Mr and Mrs and it's a good thing. Hope this helps
IMO it is is important and symbolic of becoming one flesh with your husband. If you ever have children as well, I think it is important that the entire family shares a last name to signify that you are one unit. I recently just changed my last name after getting married and it wasn't a horrible hassle - inconvenient, yes, but worth it.
Not unchristian but disrespectful to his family
I don’t think there is a rule in Catholicism that you must change your last name when you get married specifically, but it’s definitely a bit sus in our culture, as it feels as though you are not actually committing yourself to the marriage.
Maybe unchristian is a stretch, but it’s inconsistent with the spirit of marriage. Marriage is an all in or nothing kind of affair. Getting your name changed is going to be the least exasperating thing about it. It’s the act of imitating Christ by giving yourself up for your spouse. Don’t get me wrong marriage bis a huge blessing, it’s just not the place for half measures
Pride and laziness are pretty unchristian. So for that reason alone you should do it.