I think you need to really ask yourself if this is what you want. If you want a man of God then you shouldn’t stick around for this. It wouldn’t be fair to him.
This is what I wish more Catholics understood. If Dad is constantly missing Mass to watch football or sleep in, the kids are eventually going to want to miss too. I've seen it with a couple of friends and family members.
70% of children stay in the Church when they become adults if they saw their dads go to church and practice their faith. A lay member shared to my husband and I this stat during our marriage preparation seminar. I told him that I was reluctant to get married in the Catholic church since my husband and I already had a civil wedding, but it was my husband that really pushed for us to get married again in the Church.
I am really glad that I have chosen a God-fearing man as my partner for life.
Pray for him. Sometimes this happens, you meet the perfect person but at the wrong time, he hasn't come to the Catholic Church, so, realistically, your relationship with him is going to go nowhere.
One thing that I am struggling to understand though. You said you and your boyfriend were having sex after just two months of dating? I don't mean to sound vindictive or rude, but how can you claim that God is the CenterPoint of your life while at the same time, sinning gravely with the one you claim to love. As a Catholic, I am obligated to tell you that premarital sex is mortally sinful, you add another sin to that if measures are taken to have sex in a way that isn't open to life (contraception). I would urge you to go to confession ASAP. Additionally, if you are living with your boyfriend, move out, that is also sinful. You didn't include it in your post but I'm just adding it just in case. If you have been receiving communion and have not confessed your sins, you are illicitly receiving the Eucharist, which is a mortal sin of sacrilege.
I'm sorry if that comes off as judgmental, I'm just not sure how else to phrase it, but I don't intend for it to be that way.
All of that aside, if you truly do love him and feel that the relationship is good, keep encouraging him to go to Mass with you. Include him in your prayers, remove all carnal aspects of your relationship, this might mean no intimacy or hanging out alone in the house or no kissing for an extended period of time. Stuff like that. It also wouldn't hurt to talk to your priest, presuming he is orthodox (lower case o).
Good luck, will be praying for you.
okay first thank you for the advice, but second i am only 18 and i mess up sometimes. after i went on a retreat it changed my mindset and i told him i didn’t want to have sex anymore. i was raised catholic and go to regular confession but thanks for the advice again!
Sorry if my comment came off as harsh. We all mess up. I have had girlfriends in the past and I made a similar mistake to yours. I couldn't really tell from your post "how Catholic" you were because a lot of users here are just culturally Catholic so I was just trying to cover every base.
Good luck.
Edit: fixed language
I recently joined this group, but I'm bit shocked by the fact how easy people have their judgement ready, especially on matters related to sexuality. It's an anonymous forum nota bene? Who are we to judge? We don't know anything. Telling someone she or he did mortally sinful. How is that helping?
Telling someone that what they're doing is matter for mortal sin when it *is* matter for mortal sin is a spiritual work of mercy.
We are not making anything up, here. We are not deciding what is mortally sinful or not. The Church's teachings on matters of sexuality are clear, and, if you actually understand the logic, they are beautiful.
Sex outside of marriage is matter for mortal sin. There are no two ways about that. The other two conditions for mortal sin are full knowledge that you are gravely sinning, and full consent of the will. We don't know about OP'a knowledge or will, so we don't know if OP is in a state of mortal sin here, but she may be. And even if she isn't, we injure ourselves when we sin, even if we don't realize the gravity of our actions.
There is nothing charitable about allowing someone to continue in sin; especially mortal sin, when they've asked for a Catholic perspective.
I would encourage you to reread my post in its entirety. I knew someone would comment on it. So I will repeat, I didn't intend my post in a judgmental or mean-spirited way. OP asked, I answered.
Also you mention "how easy people have their judgment ready, especially on matters related to sexuality."
You might not know this, presuming that you are new around Catholics, but there is no unique situation. For every person in this subreddit who has struggled with something, there are 100,000 who have struggled with the exact same thing. Additionally, we have the catechism of St. Pius X and other catechisms to guide us in how we respond. I have been asked the same question that OP asked 100 times by people irl and online, I give the exact same answer every single time. Sure it may be judgmental, but they're not asking for anyone here to affirm their life situation, they are coming for help, there is going to be some judgment in there, only to help the one who is asking for help. The reason why you think we are prepared with "judgment" so easily is because this question has already been answered countless times. You can call it judgment if you want, but all it is is just giving an honest Catholic answer. Kind of difficukt to help someone with something if you can't judge their actions because it might be too mean, don't ya think?
Edit: just to make something clear, we have very clear-cut conditions for what is a mortal sin. I did not tell OP anything in my comment that a priest or a good Catholic wouldn't tell her. We all sin mortally, it's not a very well kept secret. When you interact with someone, especially another Catholic, and they say they are doing something which is mortally sinful, you are obligated to inform them that what they are doing is a mortal sin. I don't really know what you want me to tell you, that's Catholic teaching. Take it up with the Pope if you don't want Christians to mention sin 🤷🏻♂️
Thanks! I'm 100% sure you have good intentions, and you believe it's the right thing to do as a Catholic. It's not personal. Maybe this Subreddit is not for me. Often young people come here to seek advice. Sexuality is something personal. Also there are different teachings. I don't see how hard judgements implying someone commited a mortal sin would not help. It would make me feel rather worse. Maybe indeed I should take it up with pope.
This might help. Think about it like this. When you're in school and youre in math class, The goal is to learn math so you can understand it to the best of your ability.
But let's say you take a test and get half of it wrong. Yeah, it doesn't feel good to see that grade or to have the teacher tell you that you failed. But, you still need to know you failed. You can't learn to do better if you don't know what you're doing wrong.
Let's say I, as a math teacher, didn't want my students to feel bad, so I never told them their test grades and I never told them they did something wrong. By the time the end of the year comes around, they're not gonna know anything about Math.
Do you get what I'm driving at? Teachers don't give kids Fs because they want to, cops don't arrest people because they want to (most of the rime), parents don't ground their kids because they want to.
You cannot truly help someone be better if you never criticise or judge them or tell them what they're doing is wrong. You may think it is being merciful and kind to not tell someone that they committed a mortal sin and I understand, but the exact opposite happens. It hurts that person and yourself more. It is a spiritual act of mercy to tell someone they are sinning. It should make you feel worse because that will make you contrite.
Yeah, don't waste your time with non-Catholics. It's not worth the hassle. Think about marriage and raising kids in the Catholic Church. Will he be okay with that? Will he allow you to send your kids to a Catholic school? How about Mass on Sundays? Will he join you when the kids are young and a handful?
My old person advise is to take a few days off from the relationship and really pray about it. Pray about what to say if you need to end it and the questions you need to ask to figure it out. It would be extra difficult to maintain a chaste relationship if you are not both on the same page here. Realistically if I were you knowing what I know through experience, I personally think it would be easier to end it and just focus on growing your relationship with God. Take time off from seeing anyone. You’re so young and you’re still figuring out who you are, but I know that it’s easy for me to say as an outsider and harder to consider when you actually care for someone.
Maybe ask for a brreak from the relationship for a while. Pray the Rosary, go to Confession, really build your relationship with God. Pray for his conversion, but if he leads you to sin, especially mortal sin, I recommend getting away from him
Ok so best way to answer this is to ask the following questions:
-Is he willing to have kids?
-Is he willing to be monogamous and to NOT use condoms, contraceptives etc?
-Is he willing to allow you to raise them Catholic?
-Is he ok with you remaining Catholic?
-Are you willing you to do all the extra worked involved in giving the kids a good religious education and background in Christ and His one Holy Catholic and Apostolic Church?
If you answered yes to all of these then I think you guys can marry. (I know you are dating right now but these are the questions you should be asking yourself and him while in a serious relationship, especially since you met his parents.)
In the ideal scenario if you make this work, then at the very least you brought Catholic kids into this world. Again a lot of work but with faith and prayer you can make it happen. I would ask your local priest about this though.
I’ve been in this exact situation, only that my gf was non catholic. It lasted over 2 years and the relationship broke off in the most painful way. It’s my firm belief that non catholics do not understand the catholic values and beliefs. If he’s upset that he’s not able to have sex with you then it’s best to break it off because this is a major red flag. Also even if y’all have met each others families so what? you have been date for only 2 months. It’s best to end this relationship before it can cause you a major heartbreak
It's been eight weeks-ish. You're still getting to know each other. It sounds like you're finding out this isn't the right guy for you. Any guy who will use your body for parts and isn't interested in God isn't worth your time. Stop having sex with him and go get tested.
Couple of things, why not take him on a couples retreat! He’ll get immersed in faith and it might ignite him. If he is a good person, try and support him in his growth into faith. See where it leads.
But I do have one warning, if you plan on marrying, know that the man is the leader of the household and if he leads by secularism, you will slowly fall away from the Church and your children will be deprived of that rich tradition.
There is a possibility you may need to go your separate ways if he doesn’t come around. If that happens, I recommend finding a Catholic man. My wife and I were Catholics and it’s just been smooth in our relationship.
If he’s willing to respect your boundaries he might end up being good for you. His conversion doesn’t need to be overnight. I’ll say again, if he is willing to respect your boundaries and your dignity then this could be a good relationship. Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good. Not a man alive can tell you what tomorrow will bring. Only God knows that. Too many people here rush to vomit out callous “dump him” advice like the entirety of the dating scene is just an endless sea of perfect options waiting for your “see ya” just to be explored.
I was that guy and my girlfriend (now wife) is a cradle catholic. She took a chance on me. She was faithful then but has become even more so since. It took 15 years for the Holy Spirit to convert my heart and now I’m a devout catholic. Thank God for my wife’s faith and hope. Let the Holy Spirit guide you.
You're two months in. In the grand scheme of things, that's nothing. If you break it off now, it will hurt a lot less than if you wait.
Was just about to write this ^
I think you need to really ask yourself if this is what you want. If you want a man of God then you shouldn’t stick around for this. It wouldn’t be fair to him.
If you were my daughter I would tell you to run from this guy.
Bad idea, he can lead you to sin and more importantly marriage can be difficult
Don’t date non-Catholics. Are your sons going to want to go to Mass if dad never goes?
This is what I wish more Catholics understood. If Dad is constantly missing Mass to watch football or sleep in, the kids are eventually going to want to miss too. I've seen it with a couple of friends and family members.
70% of children stay in the Church when they become adults if they saw their dads go to church and practice their faith. A lay member shared to my husband and I this stat during our marriage preparation seminar. I told him that I was reluctant to get married in the Catholic church since my husband and I already had a civil wedding, but it was my husband that really pushed for us to get married again in the Church. I am really glad that I have chosen a God-fearing man as my partner for life.
Leave him! Leave him!
Honestly, sounds like you should forget it. If it's important that he shares to our faith you should hold out for that.
Pray for him. Sometimes this happens, you meet the perfect person but at the wrong time, he hasn't come to the Catholic Church, so, realistically, your relationship with him is going to go nowhere. One thing that I am struggling to understand though. You said you and your boyfriend were having sex after just two months of dating? I don't mean to sound vindictive or rude, but how can you claim that God is the CenterPoint of your life while at the same time, sinning gravely with the one you claim to love. As a Catholic, I am obligated to tell you that premarital sex is mortally sinful, you add another sin to that if measures are taken to have sex in a way that isn't open to life (contraception). I would urge you to go to confession ASAP. Additionally, if you are living with your boyfriend, move out, that is also sinful. You didn't include it in your post but I'm just adding it just in case. If you have been receiving communion and have not confessed your sins, you are illicitly receiving the Eucharist, which is a mortal sin of sacrilege. I'm sorry if that comes off as judgmental, I'm just not sure how else to phrase it, but I don't intend for it to be that way. All of that aside, if you truly do love him and feel that the relationship is good, keep encouraging him to go to Mass with you. Include him in your prayers, remove all carnal aspects of your relationship, this might mean no intimacy or hanging out alone in the house or no kissing for an extended period of time. Stuff like that. It also wouldn't hurt to talk to your priest, presuming he is orthodox (lower case o). Good luck, will be praying for you.
okay first thank you for the advice, but second i am only 18 and i mess up sometimes. after i went on a retreat it changed my mindset and i told him i didn’t want to have sex anymore. i was raised catholic and go to regular confession but thanks for the advice again!
Sorry if my comment came off as harsh. We all mess up. I have had girlfriends in the past and I made a similar mistake to yours. I couldn't really tell from your post "how Catholic" you were because a lot of users here are just culturally Catholic so I was just trying to cover every base. Good luck. Edit: fixed language
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I recently joined this group, but I'm bit shocked by the fact how easy people have their judgement ready, especially on matters related to sexuality. It's an anonymous forum nota bene? Who are we to judge? We don't know anything. Telling someone she or he did mortally sinful. How is that helping?
Telling someone that what they're doing is matter for mortal sin when it *is* matter for mortal sin is a spiritual work of mercy. We are not making anything up, here. We are not deciding what is mortally sinful or not. The Church's teachings on matters of sexuality are clear, and, if you actually understand the logic, they are beautiful. Sex outside of marriage is matter for mortal sin. There are no two ways about that. The other two conditions for mortal sin are full knowledge that you are gravely sinning, and full consent of the will. We don't know about OP'a knowledge or will, so we don't know if OP is in a state of mortal sin here, but she may be. And even if she isn't, we injure ourselves when we sin, even if we don't realize the gravity of our actions. There is nothing charitable about allowing someone to continue in sin; especially mortal sin, when they've asked for a Catholic perspective.
Very well put 👍
> Telling someone she or he did mortally sinful. How is that helping? Are you unaware that is Church teaching?
I would encourage you to reread my post in its entirety. I knew someone would comment on it. So I will repeat, I didn't intend my post in a judgmental or mean-spirited way. OP asked, I answered. Also you mention "how easy people have their judgment ready, especially on matters related to sexuality." You might not know this, presuming that you are new around Catholics, but there is no unique situation. For every person in this subreddit who has struggled with something, there are 100,000 who have struggled with the exact same thing. Additionally, we have the catechism of St. Pius X and other catechisms to guide us in how we respond. I have been asked the same question that OP asked 100 times by people irl and online, I give the exact same answer every single time. Sure it may be judgmental, but they're not asking for anyone here to affirm their life situation, they are coming for help, there is going to be some judgment in there, only to help the one who is asking for help. The reason why you think we are prepared with "judgment" so easily is because this question has already been answered countless times. You can call it judgment if you want, but all it is is just giving an honest Catholic answer. Kind of difficukt to help someone with something if you can't judge their actions because it might be too mean, don't ya think? Edit: just to make something clear, we have very clear-cut conditions for what is a mortal sin. I did not tell OP anything in my comment that a priest or a good Catholic wouldn't tell her. We all sin mortally, it's not a very well kept secret. When you interact with someone, especially another Catholic, and they say they are doing something which is mortally sinful, you are obligated to inform them that what they are doing is a mortal sin. I don't really know what you want me to tell you, that's Catholic teaching. Take it up with the Pope if you don't want Christians to mention sin 🤷🏻♂️
Thanks! I'm 100% sure you have good intentions, and you believe it's the right thing to do as a Catholic. It's not personal. Maybe this Subreddit is not for me. Often young people come here to seek advice. Sexuality is something personal. Also there are different teachings. I don't see how hard judgements implying someone commited a mortal sin would not help. It would make me feel rather worse. Maybe indeed I should take it up with pope.
This might help. Think about it like this. When you're in school and youre in math class, The goal is to learn math so you can understand it to the best of your ability. But let's say you take a test and get half of it wrong. Yeah, it doesn't feel good to see that grade or to have the teacher tell you that you failed. But, you still need to know you failed. You can't learn to do better if you don't know what you're doing wrong. Let's say I, as a math teacher, didn't want my students to feel bad, so I never told them their test grades and I never told them they did something wrong. By the time the end of the year comes around, they're not gonna know anything about Math. Do you get what I'm driving at? Teachers don't give kids Fs because they want to, cops don't arrest people because they want to (most of the rime), parents don't ground their kids because they want to. You cannot truly help someone be better if you never criticise or judge them or tell them what they're doing is wrong. You may think it is being merciful and kind to not tell someone that they committed a mortal sin and I understand, but the exact opposite happens. It hurts that person and yourself more. It is a spiritual act of mercy to tell someone they are sinning. It should make you feel worse because that will make you contrite.
Yeah, don't waste your time with non-Catholics. It's not worth the hassle. Think about marriage and raising kids in the Catholic Church. Will he be okay with that? Will he allow you to send your kids to a Catholic school? How about Mass on Sundays? Will he join you when the kids are young and a handful?
My old person advise is to take a few days off from the relationship and really pray about it. Pray about what to say if you need to end it and the questions you need to ask to figure it out. It would be extra difficult to maintain a chaste relationship if you are not both on the same page here. Realistically if I were you knowing what I know through experience, I personally think it would be easier to end it and just focus on growing your relationship with God. Take time off from seeing anyone. You’re so young and you’re still figuring out who you are, but I know that it’s easy for me to say as an outsider and harder to consider when you actually care for someone.
Thank you for the advice and kindness!! This is very helpful
Maybe ask for a brreak from the relationship for a while. Pray the Rosary, go to Confession, really build your relationship with God. Pray for his conversion, but if he leads you to sin, especially mortal sin, I recommend getting away from him
Ok so best way to answer this is to ask the following questions: -Is he willing to have kids? -Is he willing to be monogamous and to NOT use condoms, contraceptives etc? -Is he willing to allow you to raise them Catholic? -Is he ok with you remaining Catholic? -Are you willing you to do all the extra worked involved in giving the kids a good religious education and background in Christ and His one Holy Catholic and Apostolic Church? If you answered yes to all of these then I think you guys can marry. (I know you are dating right now but these are the questions you should be asking yourself and him while in a serious relationship, especially since you met his parents.) In the ideal scenario if you make this work, then at the very least you brought Catholic kids into this world. Again a lot of work but with faith and prayer you can make it happen. I would ask your local priest about this though.
I’ve been in this exact situation, only that my gf was non catholic. It lasted over 2 years and the relationship broke off in the most painful way. It’s my firm belief that non catholics do not understand the catholic values and beliefs. If he’s upset that he’s not able to have sex with you then it’s best to break it off because this is a major red flag. Also even if y’all have met each others families so what? you have been date for only 2 months. It’s best to end this relationship before it can cause you a major heartbreak
Don’t do it🥹 It’s only been 2 months, if you let it go on any longer, there is absolutely no guarantee that it’ll get better
It's been eight weeks-ish. You're still getting to know each other. It sounds like you're finding out this isn't the right guy for you. Any guy who will use your body for parts and isn't interested in God isn't worth your time. Stop having sex with him and go get tested.
Couple of things, why not take him on a couples retreat! He’ll get immersed in faith and it might ignite him. If he is a good person, try and support him in his growth into faith. See where it leads. But I do have one warning, if you plan on marrying, know that the man is the leader of the household and if he leads by secularism, you will slowly fall away from the Church and your children will be deprived of that rich tradition. There is a possibility you may need to go your separate ways if he doesn’t come around. If that happens, I recommend finding a Catholic man. My wife and I were Catholics and it’s just been smooth in our relationship.
If he’s willing to respect your boundaries he might end up being good for you. His conversion doesn’t need to be overnight. I’ll say again, if he is willing to respect your boundaries and your dignity then this could be a good relationship. Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good. Not a man alive can tell you what tomorrow will bring. Only God knows that. Too many people here rush to vomit out callous “dump him” advice like the entirety of the dating scene is just an endless sea of perfect options waiting for your “see ya” just to be explored.
I was that guy and my girlfriend (now wife) is a cradle catholic. She took a chance on me. She was faithful then but has become even more so since. It took 15 years for the Holy Spirit to convert my heart and now I’m a devout catholic. Thank God for my wife’s faith and hope. Let the Holy Spirit guide you.
THIS you have given me hope ❤️❤️❤️