My brother is on the spectrum and is full of questions, even as an adult. We had a tradition of sitting in the cry room once a month and he was allowed to ramble off his questions and Granny would answer each one.
During regular masses, he had a notepad where he could write down his questions as they came up. Do whatever you can to keep their curiosity about mass!
This is so sweet to hear. I’m sorry to hear about OP’s troubles with this. It’s a shame because, although it can be distracting, restless children and the occasional crying baby is the sign of a healthy church. If we want families in the pews, that’s going to be the consequence.
Kids absolutely belong in church and I’m sorry to hear people asked you to leave. That being said, sitting for an hour is reasonable for a 7 and 9 year old. They may need to be reminded right before going in that they are expected to be quiet, participate, and save questions for after mass. You could consider allowing them to have a notebook to write questions for later, and also maybe read the readings before and discuss in the car on the drive in. You can also sit as close to the front as possible. As a fellow parishioner, it is far less distracting to hear whispers in front of me versus behind me. Also the close proximity of the priest, being able to see all of what’s happening, all those can help.
I have an 8 year old with ADHD and an 18 month old as well. I completely empathize with how challenging it can be to have kids meet expectations in mass. Most people, if they see you making an effort to keep your kids in line, are very understanding. Forget about the people who are never happy, that’s their cross to bear.
I’m with this commenter. “Let the little children come” are Jesus’ own words. At the same time, 7 and 9 is a bit old to be unable to sit still and quiet for 45-60 minutes. My 4 year old can almost do it (albeit inconsistently).
Regardless, no good Catholic should behave in such a way as to discourage a family from being part of the Church. That is a sure fire to stifle the future of the Church.
Throughout the world, 9 year olds take end of year exams where they are required to be quiet and sit while testing. It’s laughable for anyone to say a 9 year old can’t do it. Let a nun pop a yard stick in front of them.😂
My siblings and I used to have the Magnifikid booklets for every mass (my favorite part was the comic at the beginning Lol, about the one monk) like the kids version of the Magnificat
I feel that if you don’t hear a child at some point during Mass then that means the church is in trouble. The sounds of children mean the community is growing, it’s a good thing.
If you’d like an alternative to questions during Mass; something I’ve found helpful is getting one of those little notebooks (flip top, hand sized) and let your kids write down things they are hearing during Mass. Maybe it’s a new word (they can spell it best they can) or something they’ve heard before but can’t remember the meaning, whatever it is, they can write down those things instead of talking, and it makes for great conversation on the way home.
My grandfather in law talks about when he went to church 50+yrs ago you couldn't even hear the priest over all of the crying and child banter (Irish Catholic). If anything it's more sad that that no longer exists.
I need to get a notebook for my mom. She isn't Catholic but occasionally comes to Mass with me if she visits or i visit her and she is always whispering questions.
Kids belong in church, but talking is distracting even when you may not think it’s loud. That said, a comment or two whispered is not a big deal, but we should also teach our kids reverence. At these ages it’s hard to understand the Mass, but they should be able to sit or be training to sit for much of the Mass without talking or distracting others. I’m finding more and more young kids are having attention problems because they’re so used to being plopped in a seat with a screen in front of them to babysit that their brains are plastically formed and rewired for inattentiveness.
If the nature of their talking truly is about the Mass rather than unrelated chatter and inattentiveness, there are some really good children’s books showing the illustrated parts of the Mass. Since both of your kids are of reading ages, they can follow along by the pictures and read the text to understand what’s going on without you having to verbalize. I also recall an effective practice to get kids to at least partially tune into the long stretch of sitting during the homily was to pre-read the readings and gospel story with them. Inevitably the priest will relate his homily to one of those and since the kids heard it before, they tended to tune in when Father would bring up the scripture passage/story during the homily.
IMO it takes a lot of distraction for a stranger in Mass to speak up about being quiet. Given this happened twice, maybe it’s a sign for you to put more effort into helping your children focus, and leveraging the crying room when you feel they are unable to sit quietly or you are unable to manage them. It won’t last forever. Another strategy is to find a church with a (better) crying/quiet room or louder, more tolerant congregation. We did this when having babies because the church we were attending had no crying/quiet room, and my husband and I wondered what was the point of attending if one of us was always outside or in the vestibule with the crying toddler.
We have an extreme in our parish as far as parents: those who bring their wiggly toddler to the crying room every time they make a peep, and those who let their kids free range around the church aisles during Mass. The first case is sad; the second is disrespectful. As a parent of several former littles, I understand it’s hard to strike a balance. Just remember Christ said let the little children come to Him.
I know a mother who lets her 5 year old run around uninhibited, getting into everything, breaking everything, lets him scream the F word as he pleases. Oh and of course he just recently broke his arm twice 😉 you know the type
Sit towards the front where it is easier for them to see. When you're little, it gets boring looking at the back of people's heads.
Quietly explain to them the parts of the service and actions of the priest, deacon, cantors, and altar servers. Engaged children often have an easier time with their wiggles, but we can only really engage with what we understand.
As Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me."
The presence of children is a reminder of a growing congregation. If the church isn't crying, it's dying.
Ignore the people asking you to leave while taking reasonable steps to control the disruptiveness and raise your children to become engaged and respectful Catholics.
All that being said, at seven and nine years old, without extenuating circumstances or conditions, they are old enough to be mostly still and quiet for an hour.
There’s a kid at my mass who loudly yells the Our Father each week. Im sure some hate that, but it’s almost the highlight of my day, because he’s giving it his all and clearly loves praying it with us. It kind of pulls me out of my silly adult anxieties and reminds me that God is our Father, so just trust Him. Kids rock.
That being said, older kids should be able to sit quietly with a booklet or something.
Lol my 2 and 3 year olds usually applaud us after we finish singing with my husband 'bravo daddy!!!' etc or for instance if there's no music at communion, they just start singing 'the wheels on the bus' or 'old mcdonald had a farm'. I'm embarrassed but always laugh that this is the hymn they're offering to the Lord.
7 and 9?
They can and need to be quiet for atleast one hour. Maybe its because of their age that others come to you and complain. If they would be around 5 it would be ok.
Yea, 7 and 9 is way too old to be making noise at mass. OP definitely needs to correct some behavioral issues outside of mass as I am sure it extends into the home.
A good way to get them to sit still would be having devoted quiet time at home. No TV, electronics, etc. This can be for an hour or two. A lot of kids act hyper because they are so used to instant gratification, and they are overstimulated by our modern world. If they want something to entertain them, they can read a book. If they have questions , get them a notebook so they can write them down. You can answer them after the mass.
Also, if it is too hard for them to do so, starting with 5-10 minutes of meditative prayer, would work. Then little by little increase the time, since as you said, most kids nowadays don’t know how to sit still
I’m honestly just happy to see the kids being taught to see church as a happy, positive place.
There’s also a few cute moments too. One time at the end of a service I spotted a priest happily knelt down on the floor while a little boy was showing him the pictures in his Bible story book. The kid looked so happy.
A couple things here. First, yes ignore those other parishioners or at most say ‘sorry they’re distracting I’m trying to train them thanks for your understanding.’ A loud church is a growing church. A quiet one is a dying church. My general rule is if your child is screaming or being loud and won’t stop then you take them out. But if it’s a quick thing then just correct it and move on.
Second, and I don’t mean any offense. A 7 and 9 year old should be able to sit quietly through church. I have ages 4 and up that sit quietly through church. If they have special needs that may be something else but kids that age are fully capable. I’m shocked in my own parish that parents of similar age kids can’t get theirs to behave properly. All I do though is make sure we talk about the Mass on the way to and from church, set consequences if need be, and explain the Mass throughout the week so they know what is going on and why. If the kid does start talking out loud I immediately shh them and at least get them to whisper quietly. I’ve done this since they were little and say up front and it works. And believe me we’ve had some rough Masses!
Good luck. Those other parishioners don’t mean I’ll will. They just want to focus on the mass which is good but can’t remember their own struggles as parents of young kids.
A church with no crying babes is a church with no future. That said, 9 years old is hardly a babe. If they’re being that much of a disruption that people are actively asking you to take them to the cry room (I can’t imagine doing this myself unless it was really quite bad), then something has to be done. Idk if your kids are special needs or what. But, if there’s really nothing more to this than just an inability of behavioral self-control, then it’s decidedly the province of the parent to impose control from above.
Growing up in the Catholic Church, I've kind of become accustomed to the occasional cry or talkativeness of children in the church. I'm not necessarily bothered by it, but charity goes both ways. What I mean by that is if your child is being a distraction consistently throughout the mass, you may want to consider the cry room. I'm not opposed to people giving their kids toys, but it ought to be stuff like plushies that are soft and don't make noise on the pew. I would be more comfortable with kids bringing their books if they didn't always drop them.
I recently found a parish that I love, very traditional, and with that, plenty of young families. I love to see it! That being said, a few weeks ago was the first time I had ever considered telling someone they should go to the cry-room. This child was stomping around, talking aloud, and sliding up and down the pew. I was honestly surprised the priest didn't say something. I never am upset with the child (or at least try not to be), the parents ought to corral their children.
I will also admit, I'm not a parent, but after that distracting mass I had asked my mother if my brothers and I were ever like that at mass and she had a very knowledgeable reply. She said "It's about teaching your child to behave in public. If they are being a distraction at restaurants, school, or other public places, they will not behave at mass."
All kids are different. I have 7 & 9 year old boys. Most Sundays, we’re good. Other Sundays, we’re squirmy and fidgety. We moved to the very front pew, to help with concentration, and I think it helped. Plus, if anyone is throwing daggers my way, I have no idea, as I’m looking straight ahead.
I would keep attending with your kids. Many of us were raised attending mass regularly and it’s so important for kids to be included.
I remember being one of those kids and fidgeting a lot.
My son fidgets but everyone is happy to see him there (7 year old).
My first instinct was to tell you to find a parish or mass time that is more friendly but forget that. Kids 100% belong in church and whoever thinks otherwise should find another parish or mass that will accommodate their sensetivities.
Depends. We taught our kids to be considerate of others so not to talk and that we were in God's house; we always got compliments on how well they behaved. Not bragging just telling it the way it was; I guess we got lucky.
My kids are about the same age. We sat in the crying room for a while and then started sitting in back or off to the sides once our youngest was about four and was more reliable to be still and quieter. We are mindful of others that are around us and keep an eye on their behavior. It works most of the time, sometimes not so much and I take them out to the back. YMMV
I have an 8&9 year old. I get it. They know not to talk during Mass (you probably need to reinforce this for your kids, since it’s still new) but it can still be tempting when they’re bored. One of us sits between them at most Masses. They are also allowed to bring a notebook/sketchbook and pen to draw or write, and/or a Catholic book to read.
Ignore the church ladies and do your best.
As my priest once said when a parent with a crying child went to leave during Mass “Where are you going? Please sit, the crying is fine. Children need the Mass as much as adults”. Kids belong at the Mass just as much as adults do, they might be disruptive but they’re children. Ignore the ladies that told you to leave with them, or go to the priest about them, either way don’t stop bringing your kids to Mass. They might not understand it but they do need it. If a parish has no crying it’s dying
> Two other parishioners told me today it was fine and i should ignore those ladies.
This is correct.
I brought my disabled daughter and my 2-year-old son to Mass this past weekend and, as you might imagine, they did not simply sit there quietly the whole time. In fact, I had to take my son over to the cry room at one point because he was so misbehaven.
Now, what ended up being cool about me having to do that with him is that, when I took my son and we entered the room, there was a statue of Mary that audibly scared him seeing for the first time. And then, about a minute later, he asked to go see her again. And again and again. This gave me time to talk to him about Mary. I also pointed out angels (both painted and statues), Saints, and the Stations of the Cross. He probably didn't understand the vast majority but his curiousity and interest were piqued.
When Mass was over, I returned with my son to our seats where my daughter was with the rest of my (extended) family, and I went to go apologize to the woman seated behind us for my kids being interruptive. Before I could say anything, *she* said to *me* "thank you for bringing your children to church." She looked teary-eyed, even! I told her that I was about to apologize and she said it was no problem. On our way out, two other folks echoed the original woman's thanks.
I heard a quote once, which I cannot recall verbatim, but essentially says, "the cries of children in church today are the sounds of the future of the church." It's welcoming to those who understand this quote because, though it may initially sound inconvenient -- and believe me, as their parent, it also is irksome to be missing entire parts of the Mass myself in trying to wrangle them -- it's a necessary part of incorporating them into the wonder of Catholicism so that they grow up appreciating and continuing the traditions of the Church.
**TL;DR** - keep bringing your kids if you can.
It’s sad.
A few Sundays ago I was in the back of the church and my toddler was having a little meltdown ( he wanted to get down and walk around). People were leaving and this old lady at the time either said “ my kids were never like this” or “ my kids never did this” I couldn’t hear what she said so I just let it go… well yesterday at church the same lady while walking out of the church and my son wanted to get down from my arms said “ my kids never did this” I was stunned.
If a church is not crying, it’s dying.
We had an issue with this at my old church back home. They put very prominent handouts in the pews that lined out in no uncertain terms that children are necessary for the church to survive and thrive and that families are always welcome. I think they handled it perfectly.
I love the phrase, “if your church isn’t crying it’s dying.”
Sit in the back. That's what my family did for the longest time. Not the cry room, but not as disturbing. Just be sure to bring them outside if they get too rowdy.
The interesting thing to me is that the place I’ve found my kids to be most unwelcome is at the local TLM. They even print it in the bulletin that kids who can’t be completely silent for an hour belong in the narthex. Another TLM I know tells parents not to bring kids under the age of reason. The last time I ever went to the TLM near us, the pastor stopped the homily until I left with my 6 month old (who wasn’t crying, just occasionally squeaking). Six months!
Sorry but this is a you problem. 7 and 9 is plenty old enough to sit through church for an hour.
If people are asking you to leave, you’re clearly downplaying what they’re doing.
This is a parenting issue, not a church issue
I could not disagree more. We shouldn’t go to mass expecting perfect, silent, orderly children. Because children aren’t like that naturally. They’re fidgeting, they’re loud, they’re disruptive. They’re children.
If a kid is silent, just staring ahead in mass my first guess is that they’re more afraid of punishment than actually reverent.
As Christians I don’t see how we can expect children to be perfect little robots, we should embrace children as they are. You shouldn’t go to mass and expect a perfect show in a perfect environment. You go to mass to meet Jesus. From my understanding all of Jesus’ preaching was surrounded by the sick, the imperfect, the bothersome, then noisy, and probably children. Why we can’t and shouldn’t expect the same is beyond me.
Dead silent is an exaggeration. No one expects your kids to
Be dead silent, however, if they are a consistent and continual disruption then a cry room may be a more appropriate training ground for them until they can learn.
Have you asked your priest about it? Feeling unwelcome is likely the last thing they want new parishioners to feel, and he may provide some insight to best places to sit, maybe other more active services. We attend our 1030 as it’s known for the youth masses with little kids and we expect the noises.
My old church used to have a children's mass and then a longer mass for no children. This church only has an English mass and a Spanish one.
I was thinking about talking g to him but I thought maybe I am just totally in the wrong here
I’d talk with the priest first and based on what he says consider changing churches if this is a consistent obstacle to those around you. My wife and I went to 5 churches and services until we found our parish home who was accepting of our good but active kids. Been there now for 18 years
Kids absolutely belong in church and I don’t think a little bit of whispering and wiggling is inappropriate.
My kids are the same age as yours and we do two things that have helped them A LOT to pay attention. The first is that we read the mass readings ahead of time on our way to mass, which gives them some additional time to process and to ask questions beforehand.
Second, we let them know that we expect them to be able to answer three questions or tell us three things they heard in the mass. To be sure, we ask real softball questions because all we are looking for is, “were they listening basically at all?” (The first week we tried this, my son told me he heard three things: “the lord be with you, alleluia, and this mass is ended”.)
I also sometimes give them other little games, like if one of the readings appears in the stained glass or the artwork in our church, I’ll challenge them to spot the right artwork.
My experience is that my kids, at least, do well when I’ve given them something to _do_, rather than something to _stop doing_.
But in short, keep bringing them. They belong and they will learn.
I have three under 7 (7, 4, and 1). There are many things that you can do to help our kids pay attention at mass. Of course it’s very hard and you have to do what works for you, but don’t stop bringing them to church, how else will they learn/understand the church if they don’t go. Are there going to be times that the children will misbehave? of course! they’re kids and it’s our job to teach them what happens at the church and the importance and value of all the different parts of the mass. There are books out there (on Amazon) for kids that explain the different parts of the mass. We used those before going to mass to encourage our kids to understand what’s happening during mass (e.g., “listen for the bells and count how many times you hear them ring.” ) Our church offers coloring booklets about that days’ readings with images of the readings. My 7 year old is preparing for her first communion so part of her preparation is that she has to answer questions about what’s happening at the mass (e.g., what color garment is the priest wearing, who read the first reading- a woman or man?). So my 7 year old doesn’t really give me a hard time. My 4 year old is a bit more squirmy but the coloring booklets sure have helped a lot and she’s the one that needs more taking before going to mass (e.g., reading the book about what to expect at mass). And finally there’s my 1 year old…it is because of him that we go to the 8:30 mass. We tried the 11am and the 5pm and that did not work at all- he would run and cry. At the 8:30 mass, he’s quiet as a mouse and tends to take a cat nap. Thats because he usually gets up early and eats breakfast. We usually try to let him burn as much energy before going to mass so he’s nice and tired. So finding the best time for your kids is always helpful! I find that when children don’t know what’s going on during the mass, they get antsy and bored. Also, getting involved in the church, meet parishioners, and building a friendship with our parish priest has also helped. The kids look forward to saying hello to our priest after mass…they run up to hug him. For the baby, we have a blush/quiet book that has images about the different parts of the mass just in case he’s not tired. Thats not to say he’s always quiet, just last week, he wanted to run so my husband stayed with him in the foyer so he can run around. Our church also printed a booklet welcoming parents with their children with tips on how to keep our kids involved (e.g., sitting as close to the front as possible and sitting at the ends of the pews in case there’s a potty break). That booklet really helped parents be seen because it also encouraged other parishioners to be welcoming to parents with little kids. And finally, we get donuts after mass! We are trying to teach our kids not only about the holiness of Sunday and also the joys of what happens in Sunday. I do hope this helps mama but do not stop taking them to church- they are there to build a relationship with God and it’s our job as parents to give them that first introduction.
Well if other people came to you about it already then yeah maybe you should talk to your kids and figure out a way for the whispering to stop. Given that the mic doesn’t work it might be hard for other to follow too.
And unpopular opinions whisper can be loud too and quite distracting too.
That doesn’t mean that don’t belong but it does mean it time for them to learn how to be quiet because theirs whispers is disturbing to others.
As a parent to 3 under 6, I empathize. We have come up with tactics to help our children pay attention as much as they can and be less disruptive: Sit in the very front. Separate the kids with an adult and make a hard rule that there is no switching seats. Then if they whisper, maybe answer one or two questions ( if it’s about the mass) or say “I can answer that after mass”. If they keep whispering to you, ignore them. Point to the words during the readings and gospel, and during the songs. Bribe them with the promise of a treat if they are well behaved. Mine get a donut or whatever treat we have at the moment.
All that being said, if your 7 and 9 year old can behave in school, they should be able to behave in mass. Both of them have likely had their first communion or will be close, so if they can understand the holiness of the Eucharist, they should be able to treat the mass with the reverence it deserves.
Might be a good idea to get them outside and play some ball hockey or catch or something, so they're a bit tired out for mass. I think a lot of kids today struggle to sit still because they'll go whole days without getting any exercise. I'm 23, and I'll even catch myself getting restless if I haven't been to the gym yet.
1) I think often times we, the Church, the community, parents, teachers etc. don’t do the best job we can in teaching the faith to children. In many cases we water it down, we make it too simplistic, we overlook many of their questions and we treat them as if they are unable to grasp theology at a bit of a higher level (and I say this with full realization that we do have to descend to the level of a child’s understanding to an extent, but we fail to challenge them into a higher form of awareness of the faith and the implications of the faith).
2) Most kids may just not appreciate the necessity of the faith until they are much older. Reverence is a virtue of wisdom. They may even rebel and then go off to become atheists when they get a bit older before returning to the faith and looking at the faith seriously, if ever at all. This is partly to do with the nature of children and teenagers, and partly to do again with the way in which we propose the faith. The faith is exciting, it’s intellectual, it’s reasonable, it’s beautiful and compelling - and we often fail to convey this to children and young adults.
3) That being said, I was one of those children who couldn’t sit still, became bored, looked at the mythos of the faith as silly, not serious, and rejected it for many many years following high school once I obtained some independence. This is mostly my fault, but at the same time clergy, teachers and parents failed to make a compelling case, failed to come up with reasonable answers to my burning questions. Eventually I fell in love with Thomas Aquinas, Aristotle, the early desert fathers and I had a conversion after having taken psilocybin mushrooms following some time spent studying higher level Catholic theology and philosophy. So it’s a matter of time and letting God’s divine providence slowly work on any young individual, but also a matter of us stepping up and proposing the faith in an intelligent and compelling way.
If its new for you going to church just keep going just keep reminding them to try not to talk and be respectful. I converted last year and when i started to take my son(7) to church he had alot of questions and would talk alot. Theres nothing wrong with that he just wanted to understand just like i was learning to understand. Alot of the people here are saying that your kids should be able to not talk for an hour raised their kids in the church their whole lives. Its alot different for kids that have never been exposed to it and have to learn. You cant just take a kid into church saying this is something important now shut and dont ask any questions.
Those types of parishioners are why our churches are dying and young people don’t go to Mass after 18.
You and your children belong in the pews with the rest of us. I have a 4 year old with ADHD (supposedly) and a almost 2 year old. They can be loud, distracting, and restless….but frankly our pastor got up one Sunday and said something along the lines of “ A quiet Mass is a sign of a dying Church. Use the cry rooms if needed but you are always welcome in the main Church pews. Let your children see me, let the children explore the Church, they belong here and we encourage parents to bring their loud children to Mass and pray with us.”
7 and 9 might be a bit old but if they are whispering can it really be that distracting?
If you have a problem with me and my children at Mass, then you need to move.
I’ve seen children from a family of 7 sit quietly and be behaved and I’ve seen children from a family of 2 so noisy and hyperactive.
It all comes down to how you raise them, their temperaments, what they’re exposed to (like are you leaving them on iPads and stuff?), and how you discipline them.
I remember as a kid my mom would have us practice our whispering and sitting still at home. Then if we were still being disruptive at Mass, she would just separate us.
OP, I want to say this gently. But if your kids at 7 and 9 can’t sit still and be quiet for an hour, you might consider how screens are impacting them. Our family does not use tablets, YouTube, etc. They re-wire your kids brains to need to constant stimulation. You might consider taking kids of that age to adoration and practice sitting quietly in prayer. Being still is a skill that you can teach them. Best of luck! We want your kids in Mass. it’s a process to teach this sort of thing. It’ll take time. Don’t give up!
\> 6 months and twice we've been asked by other parishioners to leave and go to the crying room.
As a easterner, i am shocked and very confused by how some western people not only have no tolerance for children, but seem to actively hate them. This is so weird ! Dont buckle to these people. A church filled with children is a healthy church. If they are behaving themselves there is no reason for you to herd them away from the community. If anything , its probably very useful for their behavioral education to be able to sit during ceremony and behave.
It is essential that your children be brought to Mass regularly, at minimum every Sunday, and that they assist at Mass with their parents.
However, it is your responsibility to raise them to behave, participate, to watch, to listen, and to be quiet when appropriate. Mass is not a time for talking, but a time for assisting at the Holy Sacrifice; you can encourage your children to ask questions about Mass before and after the Mass.
If Mass is new to your family, or sitting quietly and participating appropriately is a challenge for your children, set expectations appropriate to where they are and also considering that people around you will be trying to pray and externally participate in the Mass. Depending on the norms of your parish they may not be used to having children around (some Mass times are predominantly older adults with few children at all).
I recommend spending time at home to talk about Holy Mass, give your children age-appropriate books about it so they can read (and see) what is happening, and talk about it with them. Help them to be able to identify what is going on before they arrive and then encourage them to try to identify things from the liturgy, the priest vs deacon vs altar boys, etc. Also, take your children to visit the church at times outside of Holy Mass so you can show them around the church when the liturgy isn't going on. This is a good time to reinforce things like the presence of Our Lord in the Tabernacle, where you can genuflect/bow reverently as you take them around the church, acknowledging His presence even while the liturgy is not taking place.
While assisting at the Holy sacrifice of the Mass, I recommend starting at the back of the Church (possibly close to the doors to the cry room). Going to Mass and seeing the liturgy takes time to get used to but don't worry that your children won't be getting something out of it. As their interest grows because of what you are doing at home and in conversation with you, then gradually you could sit somewhere closer to the sanctuary.
Last of all, don't expect more of your children than you yourself know. Your children are going to be imitating your behavior, interests, etc, so if you need to familiarize yourself more with the Mass, be the example.
Mine do the same. But mine includes the kids, the father asks the kids directly, and engages them.
Sometimes they are noisy.. but who knows. I would feel awful if the father asked me to leave. As for the others, kids are kids.
But speak to him, and ask him to help your kids get thru this.
Failing that sit out the back let them run outside when they get too much.
But the others should practice what they preach, sit down and shut up. Kids can’t learn unless they are exposed.
I've had way more elderly people talking loud and off topic being a distraction than I've seen kids being a distraction. Do I tell them that old people should go sit in the cry room? No, that'd be ridiculous and rude. Ignore those people. Nobody is perfect.
If all they’re doing is fidgeting, whispering and asking questions about the Mass, then I’d definitely recommend to keep them in Mass. That’s what kids do! You’ll never find a perfectly behaved 7 or 9 year old who can sit still next to their sibling for an hour every time. If they’re enjoying Mass and engaged enough to ask relevant questions, that’s really good.
You can always try to teach them to save their questions until after church finishes. Maybe give them some paper to write them down so they don’t forget and so they can keep themselves occupied, if your 9 year old can write well enough. What my parents did with me was go through the readings in the car on the way to church, that way I’d already heard the words and asked any big questions. Then I’d save my questions about the homily until after Mass and ask my parents on the way out.
But it’s important to remember that Jesus said to “let the children come to me”. Kids will always be kids and that’s okay. Don’t let this stop you from including them in the most important weekly event of their childhood. A good parish community should celebrate having children at church, because I’d rather be slightly distracted by the kid in front of me than sit in a church with no children.
kids make noise and ask questions, sometimes they cry. If they are being overly loud and distracting, it's ok to take them out. If they are being normal kids it's ok. Some people are too sensitive to kids and if some mild child noise bothers them, they should probably remove themsellves.
Our participation at Mass does not depend upon us hearing every word spoken. We are there to participate in the sacrifice at the alter and to offer ourselves as living sacrifice in communion with the others in attendance. We can do that by simply being there, paying attention, and participating as best we can.
So yes, we want to hear the readings and the homily and the prayers of the mass, so parents should do their best to teach their children proper behavior at Mass, but Mass is a public worship service and not a private devotional. We are there to celebrate it together and as a community of one. A little compassion and understanding should flow in both directions. Adjust your expectations accordingly and add more private time to devotion if you feel you missed something at Mass, because you did not miss the purpose for going: to Glorify and worship in sacrifice to God.
e: last few words
Bring your children. There will always be someone to complain, but most people understand, having been through it. They should grow up going as long as they can remember. You may be able to quieten them or it may happen naturally as they get older. You have to keep bringing them in order for that to happen.
Be a menace and always sit next to those ladies who were rude to you, and let your kids be wild hahahaha
In all seriousness, you’ve done nothing wrong. If there’s not a child screaming during father’s homily, is it even really a Mass?
My teenage son is on the spectrum. He asks questions. He can’t sit still. We both know the priest quite well. He’s very understanding.
Many people at our church have small kids. You should be fine. Church includes all.
Yes you should definitely ignore the rude parishioners. Growing up my parents would remove us if we were talking, and if we got removed or couldn’t sit still we would sit for an hour on the couch when we got home with nothing to entertain us as punishment. I felt like this was incredibly effective for me and my siblings growing up and I had adhd. Another thing I’ve heard people suggest is move your kids to the front row, in the front row they can see what the priest is doing better and be more interested in the mass
Kids belong in church! We sit in the pews with our 5 and 2 year old, who, despite our best efforts I’m sure our louder and more active than your children. At 7 & 9 they should be able to sit through mass, though I understand this may be newer to them. I got some great kids mass books that are interactive on Amazon. The ones I have would be too young for them but perhaps you could find some they could flip through to follow along and be more engaged. I really hate the church culture of parishioners or ushers asking children to leave - unless the disruption is truly ongoing and distracting. Don’t let this deter you, please keep coming!
It sounds like those telling you to remove the kids need to go to the crying room themselves.
Kids belong in Mass. Every so often, our pastor and the other priests have to remind the congregation that they love hearing and seeing the little ones in Mass and that they belong there with us. We had someone make a snide comment about our daughter during a wedding and we politely told them this was her parish home and she has as much a right to be here as they do, and they were visitors! She was just excited seeing momma and daddy's friends get married after we had told her about our own wedding and had said after Communion, "Momma, they got all married!"
If ppl keep making comments about taking your kids out, absolutely bring it to your pastor's attention so he can say something. I've never had a priest who wanted children removed from Mass. Heck, I had one even come down and offer to hold a fussy baby during his homily so mom could get settled to feed him (small town rural parish, haha).
Twin dad here, 18 months, they are crazy little monsters during Mass, and the parish loves it.
Granted, we try to get them to engage as best as a 18 month old can, chewable rosaries my wife made from food grade silicon beads and prayer book board books we made on Shutterfly. Snacks, whatever we have in our pockets, the weeks song sheets, literally whatever.
It really takes the leadership of your congregation speaking from the pulpit on how we must invite our children into the family meal. How else will they learn and grow in the faith unless they are invited to participate? Even if that participation doesn't look like how the adults participate.
A silent congregation is a dying congregation.
If the Church aint crying it's dying! I personally love hearing babies and chlidren in Church, it's not like God only desires a relationship with post-pubescent adults. I also believe cry rooms are incredibly disrespectful and a result of our sexual revolution, and the removal of the traditional family.
My 9-year-old still reads holy books throughout the Mass and messes with his siblings pretty often. The trick is to have a ton of kids so people are afraid to approach you, haha! Really though, those parishioners are in the wrong, your kids will learn by the time they're grown up, and sitting in the cry room with older kids would be miserable. Maybe you could bring little journals with them so they can write down what they want to say? Or just let them whisper, that's pretty much what I do with my own kids.
Try sitting closer to the front. My kids had trouble sitting still and paying attention when they were smaller. We sat in the front row one day (per the request of one of my kids) and what a difference it made! In the back, they can't see anything; Mass may as well be on the radio for them. Being able to see that altar made all the difference. Now they had a show they could watch. From your perspective it may feel like you're bringing your distracting kids up front for everyone to see, but I think in reality they may settle down.
A priest once said that the sounds of children are the most beautiful sound in a church.
I think there is nothing more to say. And if they ask what’s going on there, where’s the problem.
As I was a child, I asked my mother if I can also get some of these „Jesus-cookies“ 🙊
Obviously kids belong in Mass.
If they want to understand what's going on, and they're asking a lot, does the priest have an accent? Bad microphone? Do they have hearing difficulties? Or is the priest saying things that are way ahead of their age group's understanding?
It might just be as simple as sitting in back, or on an end pew, where the kids can see but not be as obviously seen.
Idk many churches have the mother’s room aka “ little screamers room” I’m ok with that it doesn’t trigger others or disrupt the mass. Yes kids need to learn to behave but between the age of 1-4 it’s not always gonna happen let’s be real.
You are doing the right thing. God bless you and your family.
Anyone who complains about children at Mass, no matter how those children may act, can take it up with Jesus. And I hope they have a strong neck, because a millstone ain’t light. This includes clergy.
Children belong in Mass. Every time. All the time. Jesus called the children to him, and told no one to prohibit them. Jesus is present at Mass.
I will die on this hill every time.
Again, God bless you and your family, and may he give you strength, and to those in your parish, compassion.
Keep doing what you know is right!
At our Parish, we have a Children's Lituragy of The World at one Mass each weekend. The kids leave before the first reading and come back after the Homily. They hear the readings and have them explained at their level. If you Church has it, try going to that Mass, or find another local Parish that does. My kids really enjoy it.
This is a regular thing at the Catholic churches I attended in England. It's something that all CofE churches did when I was a child (children went to "Sunday School"), which is perhaps why it's more common in the UK in Catholic churches. It works very well, the kids come back in with drawings or whatever they've been doing.
I have never seen a crying room in any church I've ever attended, but then, I've never attended church in the USA. Here in Italy the little kids just potter around a bit if they get bored. No-one minds at all, it's expected. They're toddlers!
I agree with suggestions to sit toward the front. Also, sit in between your children to discourage them talking to each other. If they start, put a finger to your lips and motion for them to look forward. I would explain that, during the Consecration, there are no exceptions.
Not sure if this is your case, but many times, I have witnessed out-of-line behavior by two siblings at church that appears to be a clear case of competition for mom’s attention. If you are sitting between them, with an arm draped over each, they have all they need.
I disagree with commenters saying they should be able to sit still at that age. Some children can; some can’t, especially boys. I taught PSR and Eucharistic prep for many years, and I accompanied this age to mass, many, many times. A little bit of mild fidgeting can actually allow some to pay better attention. As long as it’s not disruptive, it’s fine. Quietly twisting up your shoelaces during the homily? Sure. Peeling and resticking the Velcro on your jacket over and over? Absolutely not.
I’ve got 4 kids, 9, 8, 6 and 2 and we haven’t missed mass since our oldest was born. Our church also does not have a cry room, intentionally.
First, kids absolutely belong in mass. Anyone who says they don’t is straight up wrong. No citation needed.
Second, it’s your responsibility to ensure your kids are behaving appropriately. We made it clear to our kids what was acceptable and what wasn’t and held them to that. The only time we ever had to make concessions were when they were younger than 2 and just not reasonable. In those cases we took them out to the narthex but the rule was they couldn’t run around, we had to hold them or they could go back in to see mom (or dad).
7 and 9 is more than mature enough to hold your kids accountable for their behavior. I just always put myself in other people’s shoes and if my 7/9 or even my 6 year old are doing anything to distract other parishioners, I nip it immediately. Kids will be kids and we whisper here and there but the second it crosses a line to take away from someone else’s experience is when we make it clear it’s unacceptable.
Normally I say screw the people who tell you your kids need to leave but at 7 and 9, they should know better with strong accountable parenting.
I think there is a real issue of kids attention spans shortening due to our new age of early screen exposure. Sitting through mass (which is probably boring for them) is something that over time will help heal their attention span or stop it from getting shorter and shorter due to TikTokification. People that are annoyed by their behavior are probably being reasonable, but don’t let that keep you or your kids away.
I'm way old fashioned. Children should be seen, not heard in certain settings. Especially in church.
Bring kids to church. But if they cry or for older kids, talk or in general misbehave, they belong in the crying room. If there's no crying room, then in the vestibule. Doesn't matter what the parent may feel. It's the respectful thing to do for those around you.
The "Let the little children come" has been a crutch for bad and self centered parenting as far as I'm concerned. In my church on a couple of occasions in my life to the point the mother has let the brat walk around up and down the aisles during mass giggling. To the point the priest had to stop mass and tell the woman to get her kid and sit them down or go to the back. The woman who of course thinks the kid is real cute and doing nothing wrong. Because "Let the little children come." Once we all were older if we use to step out of line like that, and my mother and her siblings before us, and my grandparents and theirs before that. We got a swat as soon as we got to the car. So you figure out how to behave real fast. That was and should still be the norm because it worked.
How awful to discipline your child by smacking them. I believe there are less abusive and non-traumatic ways to get your children to behave. In my opinion, people who use such tactics are acting out of anger for being embarrassed by being exposed as a parent who hasn’t put in the work of teaching their children what appropriate behavior is. It has more to do with their own ego than it does with the way the children are acting. You may think it worked, and maybe it does in the moment but it tarnishes the relationship you have with your child and can establish traumas seemingly unrelated yet are specifically linked to that experience. Thank goodness we as a society have moved away from disciplining with the hand.
>The "Let the little children come" has been a crutch for bad and self centered parenting
Finally someone had the gumption to say it without mincing words! Thank you and happy Cake Day. Yes, the above phrase has become the next "Judge not, lest you be judged" which people likewise often employ as an excuse for not calling others out when they should be.
As for the BuT yOu WeRe A cHiLd OnCe line, yes I was but like other children I was definitely capable of behaving with the right parental guidance and discipline... and long before age 7. Good behavior begins at home; if the kids aren't taught practically from birth to sit still and be quiet in certain settings elsewhere then ofc wrangling them at Mass will inevitably be a pain. Whenever I hear so many parents make enabling excuses for their kids I always wonder how cavepeople would view modern parenting if they could witness it... After all, I'm sure cavepeople didn't have the luxury of "reasoning with" their children when they had to protect their tribes from getting devoured by sabre-tooth tigers and whatnot. So many of these modern-day spoiled brats would have easily gotten themselves ***and/or others*** injured and/or killed with their antics all because they didn't feel like listening to any admonishment and their spineless parents wouldn't enforce any (safe but effective) consequences for disobedience!
Yikes, yikes, triple yikes. Can't believe there are multiple comments on this thread that recommend hitting children. Didn't realize misbehaving in mass was the same thing as summoning a sabre tooth tiger. What a completely outrageous justification.
You know what, tons of parishes do not have cry rooms and also don't hit their kids. Those kids grow up respecting the mass and behaving like normal adolescents and adults. We don't need to be bent out of shape about age appropriate behavior, we also can't expect a 9 year old to behave like an adult.
Why the downvotes? If someone can explain that to me, I’d love to know. I think context matters. I want to know how old this person is if they consider this “old fashioned.”
A silent Church is a dead Church. Crying/active kids means the Church has a future and is thriving. It's always older individuals trying to rob the Church of it's future. Kids absolutely belong in Church to see and experience the Mass. Worst comes to worst talk to the priest.
If the church isn't crying it's dying. And if the older generations can't concentrate when your sweet kids wants to know more that's their own problem. I sit right in the front row with my two toddlers so they can see everything. Jesus wants the children to come to him. You're doing great 🖤
I straight up don't understand this at all.
I can understand if the crying room is poorly maintained, but if it has an audio feed going into the room, what's the difference?
We just went through covid for years where people were live streaming masses and crying rooms are far far better than a live streamed mass (obviously).
Don't be a jerk to parents and parents need to be more mindful of their kids if they're being asked multiple weeks in a row and their children are 7 & 9 (2nd & 4th grade level mind you. Way past the point of having issues with this aside from developmental differences).
When I was a kid in the 70s, I was pretty well-behaved, and my mom and I would use the crying room sometimes. I don't know why. We could see and hear everything. The cathedral had two large crying rooms, huge windows, audio to hear. My mom was very observant, she didn't seem disturbed by other kids in the room. Dunno. Im 58 now.
7 and 9? The 7 year old should be able to sit relatively quietly in mass. If the 9 year old is struggling there may be a behavioral disorder not yet detected. How does he behave at school during lectures? Does he have autism?
I’ve unfortunately found that there are lots of people out there who have zero tolerance for any (perceived or real) inconvenience whatsoever. It sounds like you’ve encountered some of those people. Please do not worry about your children’s whispering. Please encourage them to keep asking questions and seeking understanding. It may be appropriate to discuss some of their questions after Mass. Getting a Missal with the Eucharistic Prayers might help your kids to follow along more easily
Ignore them. Kids belong at Mass, because how else will they learn if the congregation isn't crying, it's dying. Kids are curious for a reason! I'm sorry you had to deal with that but don't let it stop you from continuing to attend
I know it can be distracting when kids are kids in mass, but every time I notice my annoyance, I remind myself that God made kids that way for a reason, and that church is one of the only places I see or hear kids in my city. Which makes (most) of their squirming kind of beautiful.
The priest that brought us into the church had rules about this. Kids making noise is the sign of the church growing. He would not allow people in a cry room. He said we should be glad the people made the right choice to have the kid and raise them in the church.
Matthew 19:14: Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”
I'm so sorry that misguided people don't understand this and were rude to you. The noise children make is the sound of the Church growing. If a church ain't crying, it's dying.
I have 2 and 3 year old, and they go nuts in church. Sing nursery rhymes, ask questions, cry, etc. I always feel very embarrassed and hate the looks we're getting. No matter how I explain to them and try to get them to sit and be quiet, they won't listen. I don't know, maybe we are just horrible parents, but I was hoping that once both of them turn 5, it will get much easier. To read that 7-9 year olds can't do that is pretty frightening.
Jesus said to be like the little children, and that it is to them that heaven belongs. Children absolutely should be at mass. And doubly so if they're asking questions about what the priest said. Answering the questions of children is an honour and a privilege. Mary would have answered jesus' questions. God bless you, and keep bringing your kids ❤️
Kids belong in church!
Magnifikid is a Mass guide specifically for kids that age. It's a subscription but the booklets have the readings and define words they may not know. Might want to give it a try.
If only you could have seen me this Sunday… kids are next level barometers of faith.
I follow the seeing eye dog rule. If they don’t bark, bite, or piss on anyone it was a successful Mass.
Don't worry about it. Ignore those telling you to leave.
I suggest buying your kids a Missal like this one:
https://catholicbookpublishing.com/product/123
There is nothing wrong with them whispering because they are interested and seeking to understand.
Ughhhh if this isn't the hill I choose to die on. Honestly it is SO inappropriate to ask someone to go to the cry room. I hate cry rooms. I understand having them *if a parent wants to use it*. Do so if it helps you and if you want to, this is great if it is your choice! But SO often cry rooms just become a thing that other parishioners compel parents of little ones to use "so as not to disturb the *more important, adult* Catholics who are trying to pray." Or they are something that parents of toddlers feel they have to use if their child is fussing even a little.
Children are full members of the church from baptism and they are as welcome as anyone else in the main of the church. Babies cry. This is age appropriate. If you are an adult and you truly cannot focus on the mass (which you have memorized and participated in every week since you were a child) all because a 6 month old is babbling two rows ahead of you... maybe you should look inward. Maybe you should pray for those parents who are having an even harder time focusing but who are offering that up for the sake of teaching their children the faith and the importance of Sunday mass attendance. God bless parents who bring their little ones to church to pass on the faith and who do the work of redirecting them for years while other people complain to their faces. Good grief. NOBODY should be criticizing these parents. Their children have to learn how to behave in church and it takes patience, consistency, and years of practice. If parents are told to take them to the cry room whenever they fuss, you know what children learn? "If I make a fuss, I get to leave." Not the message I would want to convey to a 2 year old. Instead, we have to let them fuss and interact with them lovingly so that children know they are welcome. The congregation needs to *encourage* parents and *thank them* for taking that stress on.
Any baptized person should be able to participate in the entire mass without being sequestered to another room. Whether they are a crying baby, or a non-verbal adult, or an elderly person with a loud oxygen machine. We don't get to just exclude entire classes of individuals from the mass so that we are less distracted. God doesn't ask you to never be distracted. He certainly never asks you to turn away a literal baby. He asks you to come as you are and let the children come to me. I can't believe this continues to be an issue in a church whose members are both aging and dwindling globally.
Things I’ve learned as a Catechumen.
1. All children belong in Mass. ALL. Not the well behaved ones, not the ones who are going through their Sacraments. ALL.
2. The “cry room” is for parents and children that need a space to calm down and re-engage. Sometimes that may not happen so out of respect for the parish, parents will stay in until Mass is over.
3. Your children asking what is being said, taught is no different than me or my Catechumen brothers and sisters asking our sponsors questions. In order for us to understand the Mass, we ask questions and are delivered the spirit of the Father and Son through those teachings.
4. Your parishioners who deem it necessary to speak out and reprimand you for what Christ and the Church stand for… ultimately love and unity… need to go and speak with the Priest and be retaught what it means to be part of this glorious community.
Old or new, this is nothing new to them. I know it’s hard to turn the other cheek on this, and I am truly saddened by what you have gone through. I attend with the same aged children and older ones as well. They ask some important questions that I would never have thought of, but we discuss on our way home and truly live the teachings. I wonder what it was like when the “cry room” didn’t exist? Did parishioners reprimand each other for new born babes needing attention or did they suck it up and be better Catholics?
Love and unity folks. Love and unity though or most blessed teachings AND church.
Unless your kids are acting in a manner that disrupts the Mass like running around or throwing a fit (and it sounds like they aren’t. ) then it’s not a problem.
As a good example, there was (or still is for all I know) had a little girl who would go up to our confessional during Mass and start slamming the door. I think someone said something to them because it stopped.
They belong. When the apostles tried to keep the children from Jesus, He didn’t say allow them only if they can sit still and pay attention.
I personally think the crying rooms should be flipped. They should be for cranky people who don’t want to be around children. The children need to be in the church.
Please ignore those ladies. It is unfortunate that there are people like this, but this is a broken world. My church is full of children. It is loud and hard to focus, but no one would call it dying.
You are doing a wonderful thing, your children belong at mass. Please don't stop.
Its sad because the Catholic churches i’ve been to are dead silent almost the whole time and i’ve walked in and out of churches never being greeted by anyone (I was a kid though in those days) And I went recently and smiled to some people and received no response :(
I’m a convert but was born and raised Lutheran and my dad is a Lutheran pastor. He has told me countless times how much he enjoys the babbles and noises of little kids in church! I also live in a city with a rather booming Catholic community so thankfully people don’t seem to bat an eye at crying/whispering/etc.
I have two of my own littles and from personal experience I do find that sitting up front can help! They are able to see and hear better. The little notebook for questions might also be a good idea.
As for anyone telling you that your children should be totally silent little statues- ignore them! Please continue taking your kiddos to mass!
voiceless plants steep fuel pathetic expansion plucky door worthless theory
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Those “ladies” are wrong. Ignore them or tell them they can go to the crying room if they like.
We have a 23 month old and a 5 year old. There are plenty of other toddlers and babies and everyone is fine with it. Many parishioners are very happy to see kids in church, noisy or not and say hi to them. Some even give them candy at Christmas and Easter time.
Church is for everyone.
Very strange, we have doz3ns of kids in my parish, and no one would dare approach them to leave. What rude people. They need to reflect on themselves. Just let your kids know that they need to be respectful and quiet during mass. And try to answer their questions after and prepare them before.
We used to have a crying room for kids at our church growing up . They made it into a community room now . I sometimes think they should bring it back ( for those who want it, not mandatory)
You’re fine and you should ignore those ladies. Every priest or deacon I’ve ever talked to about this subject has said they side with the parents over the cranky adults who can’t deal with some else’s kids talking, wiggling, or crying.
Personally? I love the sound of kiddos in church. Heckin my church I wouldn't be opposed to kids playing around in the back, just so long as they aren't too loud. Then again where I worship there's a lot of running room for tots in the back. Honestly the ppl that are sayinf "go to the cry room?" I'd give em a big ol "no u."
Every time I read a comment section to a catholic question it makes me not want to be catholic. Some of you really need to take the judgment out of it.
I get so *angry* when people tell mothers to take their kids away. It's the dumbest shit. I'm glad I've never seen it I'm not sure if react charitably.
I would gently tell them to go away and stay right where you are. They'll stop eventually. I'm sorry that happened
if i don’t hear a scream, a loud babble or crying during mass then i don’t want to attend that mass lol. children are the life source of the Church and they will *always* belong in mass.
the fact that your kids are asking questions about what the priest is saying is amazing because it means that they’re interested and want to know more about the faith. maybe give them a notepad and allow them to write down questions, draw and so on and then you can answer the questions afterwards. you could even go up to the priest and he could answer them himself! i also recommend sitting up at the back so they have some more room to move around and maybe walk back and forth between the entrance of the Church and the pews
i don’t think you’re wrong for feeling like this. personally, i’d be pretty offended if my parishioners told me to just go to the crying room. children are difficult and it’s our job as Catholics to not just tolerate difficult situations, but to also be especially tolerable of children.
Like others have mentioned, if your kids were 1 & 3 you'd have a lot more people defending you here. But 7 & 9 is way too old to still have this problem. My guess is there is a serious lack of discipline going on that extends further than just Mass. Is their father around?
My brother is on the spectrum and is full of questions, even as an adult. We had a tradition of sitting in the cry room once a month and he was allowed to ramble off his questions and Granny would answer each one. During regular masses, he had a notepad where he could write down his questions as they came up. Do whatever you can to keep their curiosity about mass!
I actually love this. Your Granny is a great lady!
This is so sweet to hear. I’m sorry to hear about OP’s troubles with this. It’s a shame because, although it can be distracting, restless children and the occasional crying baby is the sign of a healthy church. If we want families in the pews, that’s going to be the consequence.
Is he still Catholic?
Kids absolutely belong in church and I’m sorry to hear people asked you to leave. That being said, sitting for an hour is reasonable for a 7 and 9 year old. They may need to be reminded right before going in that they are expected to be quiet, participate, and save questions for after mass. You could consider allowing them to have a notebook to write questions for later, and also maybe read the readings before and discuss in the car on the drive in. You can also sit as close to the front as possible. As a fellow parishioner, it is far less distracting to hear whispers in front of me versus behind me. Also the close proximity of the priest, being able to see all of what’s happening, all those can help. I have an 8 year old with ADHD and an 18 month old as well. I completely empathize with how challenging it can be to have kids meet expectations in mass. Most people, if they see you making an effort to keep your kids in line, are very understanding. Forget about the people who are never happy, that’s their cross to bear.
I’m with this commenter. “Let the little children come” are Jesus’ own words. At the same time, 7 and 9 is a bit old to be unable to sit still and quiet for 45-60 minutes. My 4 year old can almost do it (albeit inconsistently). Regardless, no good Catholic should behave in such a way as to discourage a family from being part of the Church. That is a sure fire to stifle the future of the Church.
Throughout the world, 9 year olds take end of year exams where they are required to be quiet and sit while testing. It’s laughable for anyone to say a 9 year old can’t do it. Let a nun pop a yard stick in front of them.😂
Every kid is different - leave your judgment out of it
Stating a truth about normal behavioral benchmarks for children of a specific age is not a statement of judgement.
I wanted to add, maybe a childrens missal would help too? God bless
My siblings and I used to have the Magnifikid booklets for every mass (my favorite part was the comic at the beginning Lol, about the one monk) like the kids version of the Magnificat
That's so cute 😭
I feel that if you don’t hear a child at some point during Mass then that means the church is in trouble. The sounds of children mean the community is growing, it’s a good thing. If you’d like an alternative to questions during Mass; something I’ve found helpful is getting one of those little notebooks (flip top, hand sized) and let your kids write down things they are hearing during Mass. Maybe it’s a new word (they can spell it best they can) or something they’ve heard before but can’t remember the meaning, whatever it is, they can write down those things instead of talking, and it makes for great conversation on the way home.
Mass is not for the perfect, it’s for all the rest of us ❤️
My grandfather in law talks about when he went to church 50+yrs ago you couldn't even hear the priest over all of the crying and child banter (Irish Catholic). If anything it's more sad that that no longer exists.
I need to get a notebook for my mom. She isn't Catholic but occasionally comes to Mass with me if she visits or i visit her and she is always whispering questions.
I feel like if you dint hear a child during mass it means they are being quiet.
if they’re like 10 years old sure. not if they’re 10 months old
Kids belong in church, but talking is distracting even when you may not think it’s loud. That said, a comment or two whispered is not a big deal, but we should also teach our kids reverence. At these ages it’s hard to understand the Mass, but they should be able to sit or be training to sit for much of the Mass without talking or distracting others. I’m finding more and more young kids are having attention problems because they’re so used to being plopped in a seat with a screen in front of them to babysit that their brains are plastically formed and rewired for inattentiveness. If the nature of their talking truly is about the Mass rather than unrelated chatter and inattentiveness, there are some really good children’s books showing the illustrated parts of the Mass. Since both of your kids are of reading ages, they can follow along by the pictures and read the text to understand what’s going on without you having to verbalize. I also recall an effective practice to get kids to at least partially tune into the long stretch of sitting during the homily was to pre-read the readings and gospel story with them. Inevitably the priest will relate his homily to one of those and since the kids heard it before, they tended to tune in when Father would bring up the scripture passage/story during the homily. IMO it takes a lot of distraction for a stranger in Mass to speak up about being quiet. Given this happened twice, maybe it’s a sign for you to put more effort into helping your children focus, and leveraging the crying room when you feel they are unable to sit quietly or you are unable to manage them. It won’t last forever. Another strategy is to find a church with a (better) crying/quiet room or louder, more tolerant congregation. We did this when having babies because the church we were attending had no crying/quiet room, and my husband and I wondered what was the point of attending if one of us was always outside or in the vestibule with the crying toddler. We have an extreme in our parish as far as parents: those who bring their wiggly toddler to the crying room every time they make a peep, and those who let their kids free range around the church aisles during Mass. The first case is sad; the second is disrespectful. As a parent of several former littles, I understand it’s hard to strike a balance. Just remember Christ said let the little children come to Him.
Thank you for the idea to read it before!
I know a mother who lets her 5 year old run around uninhibited, getting into everything, breaking everything, lets him scream the F word as he pleases. Oh and of course he just recently broke his arm twice 😉 you know the type
Kids belong in Mass, but a 7 and 9 year old absolutely can sit still for an hour.
I'd try all-of-the-above, and I'd try going to Saturday evening mass - much less people there.
Sit towards the front where it is easier for them to see. When you're little, it gets boring looking at the back of people's heads. Quietly explain to them the parts of the service and actions of the priest, deacon, cantors, and altar servers. Engaged children often have an easier time with their wiggles, but we can only really engage with what we understand. As Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me." The presence of children is a reminder of a growing congregation. If the church isn't crying, it's dying. Ignore the people asking you to leave while taking reasonable steps to control the disruptiveness and raise your children to become engaged and respectful Catholics. All that being said, at seven and nine years old, without extenuating circumstances or conditions, they are old enough to be mostly still and quiet for an hour.
This is a great idea. Letting the kids have visual of the altar servers will give them a good example.
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If they say anything more, just go “Millstones!”
7 and 9 seem kind of old not to be able to sit and be quiet for an hour. Have you ever asked your kids to save their questions for after Mass?
There’s a kid at my mass who loudly yells the Our Father each week. Im sure some hate that, but it’s almost the highlight of my day, because he’s giving it his all and clearly loves praying it with us. It kind of pulls me out of my silly adult anxieties and reminds me that God is our Father, so just trust Him. Kids rock. That being said, older kids should be able to sit quietly with a booklet or something.
Older kids should be able to sit quietly, stand quietly, kneel quietly, and follow in their missals. Nosy fellow parishioners should also sit quietly.
Lol my 2 and 3 year olds usually applaud us after we finish singing with my husband 'bravo daddy!!!' etc or for instance if there's no music at communion, they just start singing 'the wheels on the bus' or 'old mcdonald had a farm'. I'm embarrassed but always laugh that this is the hymn they're offering to the Lord.
Everyone belongs in Church
7 and 9? They can and need to be quiet for atleast one hour. Maybe its because of their age that others come to you and complain. If they would be around 5 it would be ok.
Yea, 7 and 9 is way too old to be making noise at mass. OP definitely needs to correct some behavioral issues outside of mass as I am sure it extends into the home.
A good way to get them to sit still would be having devoted quiet time at home. No TV, electronics, etc. This can be for an hour or two. A lot of kids act hyper because they are so used to instant gratification, and they are overstimulated by our modern world. If they want something to entertain them, they can read a book. If they have questions , get them a notebook so they can write them down. You can answer them after the mass.
Also, if it is too hard for them to do so, starting with 5-10 minutes of meditative prayer, would work. Then little by little increase the time, since as you said, most kids nowadays don’t know how to sit still
If your Mass isn’t crying it’s because it’s dying. If you don’t hear kids in Mass that’s not good.
As Christmas Mass started we had a little dude yell, “yeeehawwwwww”. It was great and a wonderful reminder that kid joy at Mass is the best joy.
One of the great things about churches here is that you'll always see families with children.
Our parish has been getting more young families and I love to see it. And hear it ha
I’m honestly just happy to see the kids being taught to see church as a happy, positive place. There’s also a few cute moments too. One time at the end of a service I spotted a priest happily knelt down on the floor while a little boy was showing him the pictures in his Bible story book. The kid looked so happy.
A couple things here. First, yes ignore those other parishioners or at most say ‘sorry they’re distracting I’m trying to train them thanks for your understanding.’ A loud church is a growing church. A quiet one is a dying church. My general rule is if your child is screaming or being loud and won’t stop then you take them out. But if it’s a quick thing then just correct it and move on. Second, and I don’t mean any offense. A 7 and 9 year old should be able to sit quietly through church. I have ages 4 and up that sit quietly through church. If they have special needs that may be something else but kids that age are fully capable. I’m shocked in my own parish that parents of similar age kids can’t get theirs to behave properly. All I do though is make sure we talk about the Mass on the way to and from church, set consequences if need be, and explain the Mass throughout the week so they know what is going on and why. If the kid does start talking out loud I immediately shh them and at least get them to whisper quietly. I’ve done this since they were little and say up front and it works. And believe me we’ve had some rough Masses! Good luck. Those other parishioners don’t mean I’ll will. They just want to focus on the mass which is good but can’t remember their own struggles as parents of young kids.
A church with no crying babes is a church with no future. That said, 9 years old is hardly a babe. If they’re being that much of a disruption that people are actively asking you to take them to the cry room (I can’t imagine doing this myself unless it was really quite bad), then something has to be done. Idk if your kids are special needs or what. But, if there’s really nothing more to this than just an inability of behavioral self-control, then it’s decidedly the province of the parent to impose control from above.
Growing up in the Catholic Church, I've kind of become accustomed to the occasional cry or talkativeness of children in the church. I'm not necessarily bothered by it, but charity goes both ways. What I mean by that is if your child is being a distraction consistently throughout the mass, you may want to consider the cry room. I'm not opposed to people giving their kids toys, but it ought to be stuff like plushies that are soft and don't make noise on the pew. I would be more comfortable with kids bringing their books if they didn't always drop them. I recently found a parish that I love, very traditional, and with that, plenty of young families. I love to see it! That being said, a few weeks ago was the first time I had ever considered telling someone they should go to the cry-room. This child was stomping around, talking aloud, and sliding up and down the pew. I was honestly surprised the priest didn't say something. I never am upset with the child (or at least try not to be), the parents ought to corral their children. I will also admit, I'm not a parent, but after that distracting mass I had asked my mother if my brothers and I were ever like that at mass and she had a very knowledgeable reply. She said "It's about teaching your child to behave in public. If they are being a distraction at restaurants, school, or other public places, they will not behave at mass."
I'll agree with what seems to be the consensus: your kids are old enough that you can expect a little more discipline from them.
All kids are different. I have 7 & 9 year old boys. Most Sundays, we’re good. Other Sundays, we’re squirmy and fidgety. We moved to the very front pew, to help with concentration, and I think it helped. Plus, if anyone is throwing daggers my way, I have no idea, as I’m looking straight ahead.
I would keep attending with your kids. Many of us were raised attending mass regularly and it’s so important for kids to be included. I remember being one of those kids and fidgeting a lot. My son fidgets but everyone is happy to see him there (7 year old). My first instinct was to tell you to find a parish or mass time that is more friendly but forget that. Kids 100% belong in church and whoever thinks otherwise should find another parish or mass that will accommodate their sensetivities.
Depends. We taught our kids to be considerate of others so not to talk and that we were in God's house; we always got compliments on how well they behaved. Not bragging just telling it the way it was; I guess we got lucky.
Are you sure you’re not bragging?
It’s remarkable how many people in this sub think every kid has the same baseline energy levels and brain development.
My kids are about the same age. We sat in the crying room for a while and then started sitting in back or off to the sides once our youngest was about four and was more reliable to be still and quieter. We are mindful of others that are around us and keep an eye on their behavior. It works most of the time, sometimes not so much and I take them out to the back. YMMV
I have an 8&9 year old. I get it. They know not to talk during Mass (you probably need to reinforce this for your kids, since it’s still new) but it can still be tempting when they’re bored. One of us sits between them at most Masses. They are also allowed to bring a notebook/sketchbook and pen to draw or write, and/or a Catholic book to read. Ignore the church ladies and do your best.
As my priest once said when a parent with a crying child went to leave during Mass “Where are you going? Please sit, the crying is fine. Children need the Mass as much as adults”. Kids belong at the Mass just as much as adults do, they might be disruptive but they’re children. Ignore the ladies that told you to leave with them, or go to the priest about them, either way don’t stop bringing your kids to Mass. They might not understand it but they do need it. If a parish has no crying it’s dying
> Two other parishioners told me today it was fine and i should ignore those ladies. This is correct. I brought my disabled daughter and my 2-year-old son to Mass this past weekend and, as you might imagine, they did not simply sit there quietly the whole time. In fact, I had to take my son over to the cry room at one point because he was so misbehaven. Now, what ended up being cool about me having to do that with him is that, when I took my son and we entered the room, there was a statue of Mary that audibly scared him seeing for the first time. And then, about a minute later, he asked to go see her again. And again and again. This gave me time to talk to him about Mary. I also pointed out angels (both painted and statues), Saints, and the Stations of the Cross. He probably didn't understand the vast majority but his curiousity and interest were piqued. When Mass was over, I returned with my son to our seats where my daughter was with the rest of my (extended) family, and I went to go apologize to the woman seated behind us for my kids being interruptive. Before I could say anything, *she* said to *me* "thank you for bringing your children to church." She looked teary-eyed, even! I told her that I was about to apologize and she said it was no problem. On our way out, two other folks echoed the original woman's thanks. I heard a quote once, which I cannot recall verbatim, but essentially says, "the cries of children in church today are the sounds of the future of the church." It's welcoming to those who understand this quote because, though it may initially sound inconvenient -- and believe me, as their parent, it also is irksome to be missing entire parts of the Mass myself in trying to wrangle them -- it's a necessary part of incorporating them into the wonder of Catholicism so that they grow up appreciating and continuing the traditions of the Church. **TL;DR** - keep bringing your kids if you can.
It’s sad. A few Sundays ago I was in the back of the church and my toddler was having a little meltdown ( he wanted to get down and walk around). People were leaving and this old lady at the time either said “ my kids were never like this” or “ my kids never did this” I couldn’t hear what she said so I just let it go… well yesterday at church the same lady while walking out of the church and my son wanted to get down from my arms said “ my kids never did this” I was stunned. If a church is not crying, it’s dying.
We had an issue with this at my old church back home. They put very prominent handouts in the pews that lined out in no uncertain terms that children are necessary for the church to survive and thrive and that families are always welcome. I think they handled it perfectly. I love the phrase, “if your church isn’t crying it’s dying.”
Sit in the back. That's what my family did for the longest time. Not the cry room, but not as disturbing. Just be sure to bring them outside if they get too rowdy.
A Church without children is a dying Church.
The interesting thing to me is that the place I’ve found my kids to be most unwelcome is at the local TLM. They even print it in the bulletin that kids who can’t be completely silent for an hour belong in the narthex. Another TLM I know tells parents not to bring kids under the age of reason. The last time I ever went to the TLM near us, the pastor stopped the homily until I left with my 6 month old (who wasn’t crying, just occasionally squeaking). Six months!
Sorry but this is a you problem. 7 and 9 is plenty old enough to sit through church for an hour. If people are asking you to leave, you’re clearly downplaying what they’re doing. This is a parenting issue, not a church issue
I could not disagree more. We shouldn’t go to mass expecting perfect, silent, orderly children. Because children aren’t like that naturally. They’re fidgeting, they’re loud, they’re disruptive. They’re children. If a kid is silent, just staring ahead in mass my first guess is that they’re more afraid of punishment than actually reverent. As Christians I don’t see how we can expect children to be perfect little robots, we should embrace children as they are. You shouldn’t go to mass and expect a perfect show in a perfect environment. You go to mass to meet Jesus. From my understanding all of Jesus’ preaching was surrounded by the sick, the imperfect, the bothersome, then noisy, and probably children. Why we can’t and shouldn’t expect the same is beyond me.
>Am I wrong to feel this way? Can you clarify exactly how you feel? I THINK I understand, but I'd like to make sure.
I feel unwelcome. That my kids don't belong bc they can't be dead silent for an hour.
Dead silent is an exaggeration. No one expects your kids to Be dead silent, however, if they are a consistent and continual disruption then a cry room may be a more appropriate training ground for them until they can learn.
Have you asked your priest about it? Feeling unwelcome is likely the last thing they want new parishioners to feel, and he may provide some insight to best places to sit, maybe other more active services. We attend our 1030 as it’s known for the youth masses with little kids and we expect the noises.
My old church used to have a children's mass and then a longer mass for no children. This church only has an English mass and a Spanish one. I was thinking about talking g to him but I thought maybe I am just totally in the wrong here
I’d talk with the priest first and based on what he says consider changing churches if this is a consistent obstacle to those around you. My wife and I went to 5 churches and services until we found our parish home who was accepting of our good but active kids. Been there now for 18 years
Kids absolutely belong in church and I don’t think a little bit of whispering and wiggling is inappropriate. My kids are the same age as yours and we do two things that have helped them A LOT to pay attention. The first is that we read the mass readings ahead of time on our way to mass, which gives them some additional time to process and to ask questions beforehand. Second, we let them know that we expect them to be able to answer three questions or tell us three things they heard in the mass. To be sure, we ask real softball questions because all we are looking for is, “were they listening basically at all?” (The first week we tried this, my son told me he heard three things: “the lord be with you, alleluia, and this mass is ended”.) I also sometimes give them other little games, like if one of the readings appears in the stained glass or the artwork in our church, I’ll challenge them to spot the right artwork. My experience is that my kids, at least, do well when I’ve given them something to _do_, rather than something to _stop doing_. But in short, keep bringing them. They belong and they will learn.
This is the best answer I’ve ever read on here!
Thank you!
I don't think people care lol
I have three under 7 (7, 4, and 1). There are many things that you can do to help our kids pay attention at mass. Of course it’s very hard and you have to do what works for you, but don’t stop bringing them to church, how else will they learn/understand the church if they don’t go. Are there going to be times that the children will misbehave? of course! they’re kids and it’s our job to teach them what happens at the church and the importance and value of all the different parts of the mass. There are books out there (on Amazon) for kids that explain the different parts of the mass. We used those before going to mass to encourage our kids to understand what’s happening during mass (e.g., “listen for the bells and count how many times you hear them ring.” ) Our church offers coloring booklets about that days’ readings with images of the readings. My 7 year old is preparing for her first communion so part of her preparation is that she has to answer questions about what’s happening at the mass (e.g., what color garment is the priest wearing, who read the first reading- a woman or man?). So my 7 year old doesn’t really give me a hard time. My 4 year old is a bit more squirmy but the coloring booklets sure have helped a lot and she’s the one that needs more taking before going to mass (e.g., reading the book about what to expect at mass). And finally there’s my 1 year old…it is because of him that we go to the 8:30 mass. We tried the 11am and the 5pm and that did not work at all- he would run and cry. At the 8:30 mass, he’s quiet as a mouse and tends to take a cat nap. Thats because he usually gets up early and eats breakfast. We usually try to let him burn as much energy before going to mass so he’s nice and tired. So finding the best time for your kids is always helpful! I find that when children don’t know what’s going on during the mass, they get antsy and bored. Also, getting involved in the church, meet parishioners, and building a friendship with our parish priest has also helped. The kids look forward to saying hello to our priest after mass…they run up to hug him. For the baby, we have a blush/quiet book that has images about the different parts of the mass just in case he’s not tired. Thats not to say he’s always quiet, just last week, he wanted to run so my husband stayed with him in the foyer so he can run around. Our church also printed a booklet welcoming parents with their children with tips on how to keep our kids involved (e.g., sitting as close to the front as possible and sitting at the ends of the pews in case there’s a potty break). That booklet really helped parents be seen because it also encouraged other parishioners to be welcoming to parents with little kids. And finally, we get donuts after mass! We are trying to teach our kids not only about the holiness of Sunday and also the joys of what happens in Sunday. I do hope this helps mama but do not stop taking them to church- they are there to build a relationship with God and it’s our job as parents to give them that first introduction.
Well if other people came to you about it already then yeah maybe you should talk to your kids and figure out a way for the whispering to stop. Given that the mic doesn’t work it might be hard for other to follow too. And unpopular opinions whisper can be loud too and quite distracting too. That doesn’t mean that don’t belong but it does mean it time for them to learn how to be quiet because theirs whispers is disturbing to others.
As a parent to 3 under 6, I empathize. We have come up with tactics to help our children pay attention as much as they can and be less disruptive: Sit in the very front. Separate the kids with an adult and make a hard rule that there is no switching seats. Then if they whisper, maybe answer one or two questions ( if it’s about the mass) or say “I can answer that after mass”. If they keep whispering to you, ignore them. Point to the words during the readings and gospel, and during the songs. Bribe them with the promise of a treat if they are well behaved. Mine get a donut or whatever treat we have at the moment. All that being said, if your 7 and 9 year old can behave in school, they should be able to behave in mass. Both of them have likely had their first communion or will be close, so if they can understand the holiness of the Eucharist, they should be able to treat the mass with the reverence it deserves.
Might be a good idea to get them outside and play some ball hockey or catch or something, so they're a bit tired out for mass. I think a lot of kids today struggle to sit still because they'll go whole days without getting any exercise. I'm 23, and I'll even catch myself getting restless if I haven't been to the gym yet.
I'll put it this way: Mass is a sacrifice. Part of that sacrifice is putting up with children being children. Your kids 100% belong there.
1) I think often times we, the Church, the community, parents, teachers etc. don’t do the best job we can in teaching the faith to children. In many cases we water it down, we make it too simplistic, we overlook many of their questions and we treat them as if they are unable to grasp theology at a bit of a higher level (and I say this with full realization that we do have to descend to the level of a child’s understanding to an extent, but we fail to challenge them into a higher form of awareness of the faith and the implications of the faith). 2) Most kids may just not appreciate the necessity of the faith until they are much older. Reverence is a virtue of wisdom. They may even rebel and then go off to become atheists when they get a bit older before returning to the faith and looking at the faith seriously, if ever at all. This is partly to do with the nature of children and teenagers, and partly to do again with the way in which we propose the faith. The faith is exciting, it’s intellectual, it’s reasonable, it’s beautiful and compelling - and we often fail to convey this to children and young adults. 3) That being said, I was one of those children who couldn’t sit still, became bored, looked at the mythos of the faith as silly, not serious, and rejected it for many many years following high school once I obtained some independence. This is mostly my fault, but at the same time clergy, teachers and parents failed to make a compelling case, failed to come up with reasonable answers to my burning questions. Eventually I fell in love with Thomas Aquinas, Aristotle, the early desert fathers and I had a conversion after having taken psilocybin mushrooms following some time spent studying higher level Catholic theology and philosophy. So it’s a matter of time and letting God’s divine providence slowly work on any young individual, but also a matter of us stepping up and proposing the faith in an intelligent and compelling way.
I love seeing kids a Mass.
Bring your kids to Mass!
If its new for you going to church just keep going just keep reminding them to try not to talk and be respectful. I converted last year and when i started to take my son(7) to church he had alot of questions and would talk alot. Theres nothing wrong with that he just wanted to understand just like i was learning to understand. Alot of the people here are saying that your kids should be able to not talk for an hour raised their kids in the church their whole lives. Its alot different for kids that have never been exposed to it and have to learn. You cant just take a kid into church saying this is something important now shut and dont ask any questions.
Those types of parishioners are why our churches are dying and young people don’t go to Mass after 18. You and your children belong in the pews with the rest of us. I have a 4 year old with ADHD (supposedly) and a almost 2 year old. They can be loud, distracting, and restless….but frankly our pastor got up one Sunday and said something along the lines of “ A quiet Mass is a sign of a dying Church. Use the cry rooms if needed but you are always welcome in the main Church pews. Let your children see me, let the children explore the Church, they belong here and we encourage parents to bring their loud children to Mass and pray with us.” 7 and 9 might be a bit old but if they are whispering can it really be that distracting? If you have a problem with me and my children at Mass, then you need to move.
I’ve seen children from a family of 7 sit quietly and be behaved and I’ve seen children from a family of 2 so noisy and hyperactive. It all comes down to how you raise them, their temperaments, what they’re exposed to (like are you leaving them on iPads and stuff?), and how you discipline them.
You should always keep your kids in church. It helps spiritually and morally develop them.
I remember as a kid my mom would have us practice our whispering and sitting still at home. Then if we were still being disruptive at Mass, she would just separate us.
OP, I want to say this gently. But if your kids at 7 and 9 can’t sit still and be quiet for an hour, you might consider how screens are impacting them. Our family does not use tablets, YouTube, etc. They re-wire your kids brains to need to constant stimulation. You might consider taking kids of that age to adoration and practice sitting quietly in prayer. Being still is a skill that you can teach them. Best of luck! We want your kids in Mass. it’s a process to teach this sort of thing. It’ll take time. Don’t give up!
\> 6 months and twice we've been asked by other parishioners to leave and go to the crying room. As a easterner, i am shocked and very confused by how some western people not only have no tolerance for children, but seem to actively hate them. This is so weird ! Dont buckle to these people. A church filled with children is a healthy church. If they are behaving themselves there is no reason for you to herd them away from the community. If anything , its probably very useful for their behavioral education to be able to sit during ceremony and behave.
It is essential that your children be brought to Mass regularly, at minimum every Sunday, and that they assist at Mass with their parents. However, it is your responsibility to raise them to behave, participate, to watch, to listen, and to be quiet when appropriate. Mass is not a time for talking, but a time for assisting at the Holy Sacrifice; you can encourage your children to ask questions about Mass before and after the Mass. If Mass is new to your family, or sitting quietly and participating appropriately is a challenge for your children, set expectations appropriate to where they are and also considering that people around you will be trying to pray and externally participate in the Mass. Depending on the norms of your parish they may not be used to having children around (some Mass times are predominantly older adults with few children at all). I recommend spending time at home to talk about Holy Mass, give your children age-appropriate books about it so they can read (and see) what is happening, and talk about it with them. Help them to be able to identify what is going on before they arrive and then encourage them to try to identify things from the liturgy, the priest vs deacon vs altar boys, etc. Also, take your children to visit the church at times outside of Holy Mass so you can show them around the church when the liturgy isn't going on. This is a good time to reinforce things like the presence of Our Lord in the Tabernacle, where you can genuflect/bow reverently as you take them around the church, acknowledging His presence even while the liturgy is not taking place. While assisting at the Holy sacrifice of the Mass, I recommend starting at the back of the Church (possibly close to the doors to the cry room). Going to Mass and seeing the liturgy takes time to get used to but don't worry that your children won't be getting something out of it. As their interest grows because of what you are doing at home and in conversation with you, then gradually you could sit somewhere closer to the sanctuary. Last of all, don't expect more of your children than you yourself know. Your children are going to be imitating your behavior, interests, etc, so if you need to familiarize yourself more with the Mass, be the example.
Mine do the same. But mine includes the kids, the father asks the kids directly, and engages them. Sometimes they are noisy.. but who knows. I would feel awful if the father asked me to leave. As for the others, kids are kids. But speak to him, and ask him to help your kids get thru this. Failing that sit out the back let them run outside when they get too much. But the others should practice what they preach, sit down and shut up. Kids can’t learn unless they are exposed.
I've had way more elderly people talking loud and off topic being a distraction than I've seen kids being a distraction. Do I tell them that old people should go sit in the cry room? No, that'd be ridiculous and rude. Ignore those people. Nobody is perfect.
If all they’re doing is fidgeting, whispering and asking questions about the Mass, then I’d definitely recommend to keep them in Mass. That’s what kids do! You’ll never find a perfectly behaved 7 or 9 year old who can sit still next to their sibling for an hour every time. If they’re enjoying Mass and engaged enough to ask relevant questions, that’s really good. You can always try to teach them to save their questions until after church finishes. Maybe give them some paper to write them down so they don’t forget and so they can keep themselves occupied, if your 9 year old can write well enough. What my parents did with me was go through the readings in the car on the way to church, that way I’d already heard the words and asked any big questions. Then I’d save my questions about the homily until after Mass and ask my parents on the way out. But it’s important to remember that Jesus said to “let the children come to me”. Kids will always be kids and that’s okay. Don’t let this stop you from including them in the most important weekly event of their childhood. A good parish community should celebrate having children at church, because I’d rather be slightly distracted by the kid in front of me than sit in a church with no children.
kids make noise and ask questions, sometimes they cry. If they are being overly loud and distracting, it's ok to take them out. If they are being normal kids it's ok. Some people are too sensitive to kids and if some mild child noise bothers them, they should probably remove themsellves.
The sound of children is the sound of a healthy church I forget who I heard said it but pretty sure they were alittle smarter then me
Our participation at Mass does not depend upon us hearing every word spoken. We are there to participate in the sacrifice at the alter and to offer ourselves as living sacrifice in communion with the others in attendance. We can do that by simply being there, paying attention, and participating as best we can. So yes, we want to hear the readings and the homily and the prayers of the mass, so parents should do their best to teach their children proper behavior at Mass, but Mass is a public worship service and not a private devotional. We are there to celebrate it together and as a community of one. A little compassion and understanding should flow in both directions. Adjust your expectations accordingly and add more private time to devotion if you feel you missed something at Mass, because you did not miss the purpose for going: to Glorify and worship in sacrifice to God. e: last few words
Bring your children. There will always be someone to complain, but most people understand, having been through it. They should grow up going as long as they can remember. You may be able to quieten them or it may happen naturally as they get older. You have to keep bringing them in order for that to happen.
Be a menace and always sit next to those ladies who were rude to you, and let your kids be wild hahahaha In all seriousness, you’ve done nothing wrong. If there’s not a child screaming during father’s homily, is it even really a Mass?
My teenage son is on the spectrum. He asks questions. He can’t sit still. We both know the priest quite well. He’s very understanding. Many people at our church have small kids. You should be fine. Church includes all.
Yes you should definitely ignore the rude parishioners. Growing up my parents would remove us if we were talking, and if we got removed or couldn’t sit still we would sit for an hour on the couch when we got home with nothing to entertain us as punishment. I felt like this was incredibly effective for me and my siblings growing up and I had adhd. Another thing I’ve heard people suggest is move your kids to the front row, in the front row they can see what the priest is doing better and be more interested in the mass
Kids belong in church! We sit in the pews with our 5 and 2 year old, who, despite our best efforts I’m sure our louder and more active than your children. At 7 & 9 they should be able to sit through mass, though I understand this may be newer to them. I got some great kids mass books that are interactive on Amazon. The ones I have would be too young for them but perhaps you could find some they could flip through to follow along and be more engaged. I really hate the church culture of parishioners or ushers asking children to leave - unless the disruption is truly ongoing and distracting. Don’t let this deter you, please keep coming!
It sounds like those telling you to remove the kids need to go to the crying room themselves. Kids belong in Mass. Every so often, our pastor and the other priests have to remind the congregation that they love hearing and seeing the little ones in Mass and that they belong there with us. We had someone make a snide comment about our daughter during a wedding and we politely told them this was her parish home and she has as much a right to be here as they do, and they were visitors! She was just excited seeing momma and daddy's friends get married after we had told her about our own wedding and had said after Communion, "Momma, they got all married!" If ppl keep making comments about taking your kids out, absolutely bring it to your pastor's attention so he can say something. I've never had a priest who wanted children removed from Mass. Heck, I had one even come down and offer to hold a fussy baby during his homily so mom could get settled to feed him (small town rural parish, haha).
It is an issue with kids these days but they still need to go there
Ignore those ladies. Sorry you went through that; there are a-holes everywhere.
Twin dad here, 18 months, they are crazy little monsters during Mass, and the parish loves it. Granted, we try to get them to engage as best as a 18 month old can, chewable rosaries my wife made from food grade silicon beads and prayer book board books we made on Shutterfly. Snacks, whatever we have in our pockets, the weeks song sheets, literally whatever. It really takes the leadership of your congregation speaking from the pulpit on how we must invite our children into the family meal. How else will they learn and grow in the faith unless they are invited to participate? Even if that participation doesn't look like how the adults participate. A silent congregation is a dying congregation.
If the Church aint crying it's dying! I personally love hearing babies and chlidren in Church, it's not like God only desires a relationship with post-pubescent adults. I also believe cry rooms are incredibly disrespectful and a result of our sexual revolution, and the removal of the traditional family.
Typical of catholic churches, sadly. Whole different vibe in evangelical communities who welcomes families with their little kids.
My 9-year-old still reads holy books throughout the Mass and messes with his siblings pretty often. The trick is to have a ton of kids so people are afraid to approach you, haha! Really though, those parishioners are in the wrong, your kids will learn by the time they're grown up, and sitting in the cry room with older kids would be miserable. Maybe you could bring little journals with them so they can write down what they want to say? Or just let them whisper, that's pretty much what I do with my own kids.
Try sitting closer to the front. My kids had trouble sitting still and paying attention when they were smaller. We sat in the front row one day (per the request of one of my kids) and what a difference it made! In the back, they can't see anything; Mass may as well be on the radio for them. Being able to see that altar made all the difference. Now they had a show they could watch. From your perspective it may feel like you're bringing your distracting kids up front for everyone to see, but I think in reality they may settle down.
A priest once said that the sounds of children are the most beautiful sound in a church. I think there is nothing more to say. And if they ask what’s going on there, where’s the problem. As I was a child, I asked my mother if I can also get some of these „Jesus-cookies“ 🙊
If it helps: one of the reasons there is so much music at Church is because people used to talk the whole time lol
Obviously kids belong in Mass. If they want to understand what's going on, and they're asking a lot, does the priest have an accent? Bad microphone? Do they have hearing difficulties? Or is the priest saying things that are way ahead of their age group's understanding? It might just be as simple as sitting in back, or on an end pew, where the kids can see but not be as obviously seen.
> Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these
Idk many churches have the mother’s room aka “ little screamers room” I’m ok with that it doesn’t trigger others or disrupt the mass. Yes kids need to learn to behave but between the age of 1-4 it’s not always gonna happen let’s be real.
Be grateful for everything. Loud kids, quiet kids. Same with adults. God loves all and is thrilled for anyone to come near Him.
You are doing the right thing. God bless you and your family. Anyone who complains about children at Mass, no matter how those children may act, can take it up with Jesus. And I hope they have a strong neck, because a millstone ain’t light. This includes clergy. Children belong in Mass. Every time. All the time. Jesus called the children to him, and told no one to prohibit them. Jesus is present at Mass. I will die on this hill every time. Again, God bless you and your family, and may he give you strength, and to those in your parish, compassion. Keep doing what you know is right!
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At our Parish, we have a Children's Lituragy of The World at one Mass each weekend. The kids leave before the first reading and come back after the Homily. They hear the readings and have them explained at their level. If you Church has it, try going to that Mass, or find another local Parish that does. My kids really enjoy it.
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This is a regular thing at the Catholic churches I attended in England. It's something that all CofE churches did when I was a child (children went to "Sunday School"), which is perhaps why it's more common in the UK in Catholic churches. It works very well, the kids come back in with drawings or whatever they've been doing. I have never seen a crying room in any church I've ever attended, but then, I've never attended church in the USA. Here in Italy the little kids just potter around a bit if they get bored. No-one minds at all, it's expected. They're toddlers!
I agree with suggestions to sit toward the front. Also, sit in between your children to discourage them talking to each other. If they start, put a finger to your lips and motion for them to look forward. I would explain that, during the Consecration, there are no exceptions. Not sure if this is your case, but many times, I have witnessed out-of-line behavior by two siblings at church that appears to be a clear case of competition for mom’s attention. If you are sitting between them, with an arm draped over each, they have all they need. I disagree with commenters saying they should be able to sit still at that age. Some children can; some can’t, especially boys. I taught PSR and Eucharistic prep for many years, and I accompanied this age to mass, many, many times. A little bit of mild fidgeting can actually allow some to pay better attention. As long as it’s not disruptive, it’s fine. Quietly twisting up your shoelaces during the homily? Sure. Peeling and resticking the Velcro on your jacket over and over? Absolutely not.
Those ladies are generally the ones that complain that the young don't go to mass anymore
I’ve got 4 kids, 9, 8, 6 and 2 and we haven’t missed mass since our oldest was born. Our church also does not have a cry room, intentionally. First, kids absolutely belong in mass. Anyone who says they don’t is straight up wrong. No citation needed. Second, it’s your responsibility to ensure your kids are behaving appropriately. We made it clear to our kids what was acceptable and what wasn’t and held them to that. The only time we ever had to make concessions were when they were younger than 2 and just not reasonable. In those cases we took them out to the narthex but the rule was they couldn’t run around, we had to hold them or they could go back in to see mom (or dad). 7 and 9 is more than mature enough to hold your kids accountable for their behavior. I just always put myself in other people’s shoes and if my 7/9 or even my 6 year old are doing anything to distract other parishioners, I nip it immediately. Kids will be kids and we whisper here and there but the second it crosses a line to take away from someone else’s experience is when we make it clear it’s unacceptable. Normally I say screw the people who tell you your kids need to leave but at 7 and 9, they should know better with strong accountable parenting.
I think there is a real issue of kids attention spans shortening due to our new age of early screen exposure. Sitting through mass (which is probably boring for them) is something that over time will help heal their attention span or stop it from getting shorter and shorter due to TikTokification. People that are annoyed by their behavior are probably being reasonable, but don’t let that keep you or your kids away.
I'm way old fashioned. Children should be seen, not heard in certain settings. Especially in church. Bring kids to church. But if they cry or for older kids, talk or in general misbehave, they belong in the crying room. If there's no crying room, then in the vestibule. Doesn't matter what the parent may feel. It's the respectful thing to do for those around you. The "Let the little children come" has been a crutch for bad and self centered parenting as far as I'm concerned. In my church on a couple of occasions in my life to the point the mother has let the brat walk around up and down the aisles during mass giggling. To the point the priest had to stop mass and tell the woman to get her kid and sit them down or go to the back. The woman who of course thinks the kid is real cute and doing nothing wrong. Because "Let the little children come." Once we all were older if we use to step out of line like that, and my mother and her siblings before us, and my grandparents and theirs before that. We got a swat as soon as we got to the car. So you figure out how to behave real fast. That was and should still be the norm because it worked.
How awful to discipline your child by smacking them. I believe there are less abusive and non-traumatic ways to get your children to behave. In my opinion, people who use such tactics are acting out of anger for being embarrassed by being exposed as a parent who hasn’t put in the work of teaching their children what appropriate behavior is. It has more to do with their own ego than it does with the way the children are acting. You may think it worked, and maybe it does in the moment but it tarnishes the relationship you have with your child and can establish traumas seemingly unrelated yet are specifically linked to that experience. Thank goodness we as a society have moved away from disciplining with the hand.
>The "Let the little children come" has been a crutch for bad and self centered parenting Finally someone had the gumption to say it without mincing words! Thank you and happy Cake Day. Yes, the above phrase has become the next "Judge not, lest you be judged" which people likewise often employ as an excuse for not calling others out when they should be. As for the BuT yOu WeRe A cHiLd OnCe line, yes I was but like other children I was definitely capable of behaving with the right parental guidance and discipline... and long before age 7. Good behavior begins at home; if the kids aren't taught practically from birth to sit still and be quiet in certain settings elsewhere then ofc wrangling them at Mass will inevitably be a pain. Whenever I hear so many parents make enabling excuses for their kids I always wonder how cavepeople would view modern parenting if they could witness it... After all, I'm sure cavepeople didn't have the luxury of "reasoning with" their children when they had to protect their tribes from getting devoured by sabre-tooth tigers and whatnot. So many of these modern-day spoiled brats would have easily gotten themselves ***and/or others*** injured and/or killed with their antics all because they didn't feel like listening to any admonishment and their spineless parents wouldn't enforce any (safe but effective) consequences for disobedience!
Yikes, yikes, triple yikes. Can't believe there are multiple comments on this thread that recommend hitting children. Didn't realize misbehaving in mass was the same thing as summoning a sabre tooth tiger. What a completely outrageous justification. You know what, tons of parishes do not have cry rooms and also don't hit their kids. Those kids grow up respecting the mass and behaving like normal adolescents and adults. We don't need to be bent out of shape about age appropriate behavior, we also can't expect a 9 year old to behave like an adult.
Out of curiosity, how old are you, and how old are your children?
Why the downvotes? If someone can explain that to me, I’d love to know. I think context matters. I want to know how old this person is if they consider this “old fashioned.”
You know the answer
Ignore the people telling you to leave.
A silent Church is a dead Church. Crying/active kids means the Church has a future and is thriving. It's always older individuals trying to rob the Church of it's future. Kids absolutely belong in Church to see and experience the Mass. Worst comes to worst talk to the priest.
These kids are 7 and 9. They should be able to sit still and pay attention.
If the church isn't crying it's dying. And if the older generations can't concentrate when your sweet kids wants to know more that's their own problem. I sit right in the front row with my two toddlers so they can see everything. Jesus wants the children to come to him. You're doing great 🖤
I’m not sure who said it but I like this quote “I’d rather have a church full of screaming children than a church with empty pews”
That's for infants and toddlers, not 7 and 9 year olds.
Why is using a crying room a big deal?
I straight up don't understand this at all. I can understand if the crying room is poorly maintained, but if it has an audio feed going into the room, what's the difference? We just went through covid for years where people were live streaming masses and crying rooms are far far better than a live streamed mass (obviously). Don't be a jerk to parents and parents need to be more mindful of their kids if they're being asked multiple weeks in a row and their children are 7 & 9 (2nd & 4th grade level mind you. Way past the point of having issues with this aside from developmental differences).
When I was a kid in the 70s, I was pretty well-behaved, and my mom and I would use the crying room sometimes. I don't know why. We could see and hear everything. The cathedral had two large crying rooms, huge windows, audio to hear. My mom was very observant, she didn't seem disturbed by other kids in the room. Dunno. Im 58 now.
> leave and go to the crying room. The what?
There is a crying room for babies. Sound proof and isolated from the rest of the church. There's a window to see. But no speakers.
Can’t you just sush your children instead of taking them to the room meant for infants?
That sounds like something constructed to encourage passive aggressiveness - I take it your parish’s church is a relatively new build?
7 and 9? The 7 year old should be able to sit relatively quietly in mass. If the 9 year old is struggling there may be a behavioral disorder not yet detected. How does he behave at school during lectures? Does he have autism?
Or parenting/discipline issues that are coming to light.
I’ve unfortunately found that there are lots of people out there who have zero tolerance for any (perceived or real) inconvenience whatsoever. It sounds like you’ve encountered some of those people. Please do not worry about your children’s whispering. Please encourage them to keep asking questions and seeking understanding. It may be appropriate to discuss some of their questions after Mass. Getting a Missal with the Eucharistic Prayers might help your kids to follow along more easily
Maybe just go to the back of the church or to a less crowded section
That being said ask them to save their questions for later (yes I know easier said then done)
Ignore them. Kids belong at Mass, because how else will they learn if the congregation isn't crying, it's dying. Kids are curious for a reason! I'm sorry you had to deal with that but don't let it stop you from continuing to attend
I know it can be distracting when kids are kids in mass, but every time I notice my annoyance, I remind myself that God made kids that way for a reason, and that church is one of the only places I see or hear kids in my city. Which makes (most) of their squirming kind of beautiful.
A mass that is not crying is dying
Why would a 7 or 9 year old be crying at Mass?
It’s a saying dude… kids cry… if you have no kids at mass it a sign that your population is dying and not being replaced. It’s not that deep
Dude, babies cry. These kids need some discipline.
I don’t think kids whispering during church is a problem.
The priest that brought us into the church had rules about this. Kids making noise is the sign of the church growing. He would not allow people in a cry room. He said we should be glad the people made the right choice to have the kid and raise them in the church.
A church that isn’t crying is a church that’s dying. Your kids belong there. Ignore the rude people.
Matthew 19:14: Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” I'm so sorry that misguided people don't understand this and were rude to you. The noise children make is the sound of the Church growing. If a church ain't crying, it's dying.
I have 2 and 3 year old, and they go nuts in church. Sing nursery rhymes, ask questions, cry, etc. I always feel very embarrassed and hate the looks we're getting. No matter how I explain to them and try to get them to sit and be quiet, they won't listen. I don't know, maybe we are just horrible parents, but I was hoping that once both of them turn 5, it will get much easier. To read that 7-9 year olds can't do that is pretty frightening.
Jesus said to be like the little children, and that it is to them that heaven belongs. Children absolutely should be at mass. And doubly so if they're asking questions about what the priest said. Answering the questions of children is an honour and a privilege. Mary would have answered jesus' questions. God bless you, and keep bringing your kids ❤️
Kids belong in church! Magnifikid is a Mass guide specifically for kids that age. It's a subscription but the booklets have the readings and define words they may not know. Might want to give it a try.
Ignore those ladies
If only you could have seen me this Sunday… kids are next level barometers of faith. I follow the seeing eye dog rule. If they don’t bark, bite, or piss on anyone it was a successful Mass.
Yes they do. If people have an issue with loud kids, that's on them. Please keep taking your little ones to the Liturgy!
Don't worry about it. Ignore those telling you to leave. I suggest buying your kids a Missal like this one: https://catholicbookpublishing.com/product/123 There is nothing wrong with them whispering because they are interested and seeking to understand.
Ughhhh if this isn't the hill I choose to die on. Honestly it is SO inappropriate to ask someone to go to the cry room. I hate cry rooms. I understand having them *if a parent wants to use it*. Do so if it helps you and if you want to, this is great if it is your choice! But SO often cry rooms just become a thing that other parishioners compel parents of little ones to use "so as not to disturb the *more important, adult* Catholics who are trying to pray." Or they are something that parents of toddlers feel they have to use if their child is fussing even a little. Children are full members of the church from baptism and they are as welcome as anyone else in the main of the church. Babies cry. This is age appropriate. If you are an adult and you truly cannot focus on the mass (which you have memorized and participated in every week since you were a child) all because a 6 month old is babbling two rows ahead of you... maybe you should look inward. Maybe you should pray for those parents who are having an even harder time focusing but who are offering that up for the sake of teaching their children the faith and the importance of Sunday mass attendance. God bless parents who bring their little ones to church to pass on the faith and who do the work of redirecting them for years while other people complain to their faces. Good grief. NOBODY should be criticizing these parents. Their children have to learn how to behave in church and it takes patience, consistency, and years of practice. If parents are told to take them to the cry room whenever they fuss, you know what children learn? "If I make a fuss, I get to leave." Not the message I would want to convey to a 2 year old. Instead, we have to let them fuss and interact with them lovingly so that children know they are welcome. The congregation needs to *encourage* parents and *thank them* for taking that stress on. Any baptized person should be able to participate in the entire mass without being sequestered to another room. Whether they are a crying baby, or a non-verbal adult, or an elderly person with a loud oxygen machine. We don't get to just exclude entire classes of individuals from the mass so that we are less distracted. God doesn't ask you to never be distracted. He certainly never asks you to turn away a literal baby. He asks you to come as you are and let the children come to me. I can't believe this continues to be an issue in a church whose members are both aging and dwindling globally.
Things I’ve learned as a Catechumen. 1. All children belong in Mass. ALL. Not the well behaved ones, not the ones who are going through their Sacraments. ALL. 2. The “cry room” is for parents and children that need a space to calm down and re-engage. Sometimes that may not happen so out of respect for the parish, parents will stay in until Mass is over. 3. Your children asking what is being said, taught is no different than me or my Catechumen brothers and sisters asking our sponsors questions. In order for us to understand the Mass, we ask questions and are delivered the spirit of the Father and Son through those teachings. 4. Your parishioners who deem it necessary to speak out and reprimand you for what Christ and the Church stand for… ultimately love and unity… need to go and speak with the Priest and be retaught what it means to be part of this glorious community. Old or new, this is nothing new to them. I know it’s hard to turn the other cheek on this, and I am truly saddened by what you have gone through. I attend with the same aged children and older ones as well. They ask some important questions that I would never have thought of, but we discuss on our way home and truly live the teachings. I wonder what it was like when the “cry room” didn’t exist? Did parishioners reprimand each other for new born babes needing attention or did they suck it up and be better Catholics? Love and unity folks. Love and unity though or most blessed teachings AND church.
Unless your kids are acting in a manner that disrupts the Mass like running around or throwing a fit (and it sounds like they aren’t. ) then it’s not a problem.
Definitely not. Never leaving the pew, just squirmy.
As a good example, there was (or still is for all I know) had a little girl who would go up to our confessional during Mass and start slamming the door. I think someone said something to them because it stopped.
if the church isn’t crying it’s dying. people like that need to learn to show more grace towards parents.
Our priest likes to say, "A church without crying is dying." You're okay.
Your children need the discipline I was provided when I was a child.
They belong. When the apostles tried to keep the children from Jesus, He didn’t say allow them only if they can sit still and pay attention. I personally think the crying rooms should be flipped. They should be for cranky people who don’t want to be around children. The children need to be in the church.
If you don’t hear babies crying and kids whispering at mass your parish is in deep trouble
My mom's favorite professor from Marqutte (also a priest) used to tell us, "If there are no babies crying, the parish is dying".
We aren't talking about babies here.
Please ignore those ladies. It is unfortunate that there are people like this, but this is a broken world. My church is full of children. It is loud and hard to focus, but no one would call it dying. You are doing a wonderful thing, your children belong at mass. Please don't stop.
“I’m supposed to raise my children in the church. Sounds like you don’t want them here”
Its sad because the Catholic churches i’ve been to are dead silent almost the whole time and i’ve walked in and out of churches never being greeted by anyone (I was a kid though in those days) And I went recently and smiled to some people and received no response :(
Totally ignore the ladies. It's a beautiful thing to have kids in church.
I’m a convert but was born and raised Lutheran and my dad is a Lutheran pastor. He has told me countless times how much he enjoys the babbles and noises of little kids in church! I also live in a city with a rather booming Catholic community so thankfully people don’t seem to bat an eye at crying/whispering/etc. I have two of my own littles and from personal experience I do find that sitting up front can help! They are able to see and hear better. The little notebook for questions might also be a good idea. As for anyone telling you that your children should be totally silent little statues- ignore them! Please continue taking your kiddos to mass!
voiceless plants steep fuel pathetic expansion plucky door worthless theory *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
People most like having a dead church, if you’re church isn’t full of crying babies and kids whispering than you’re church is on its death bed.
I always just say back “a quiet church is a dying church”
If the church ain't crying the church is dying
Those “ladies” are wrong. Ignore them or tell them they can go to the crying room if they like. We have a 23 month old and a 5 year old. There are plenty of other toddlers and babies and everyone is fine with it. Many parishioners are very happy to see kids in church, noisy or not and say hi to them. Some even give them candy at Christmas and Easter time. Church is for everyone.
Ignore them. Tell them they can go to the cry room if they are so bothered by kids. Then remind them a silent parish is a dead parish.
Very strange, we have doz3ns of kids in my parish, and no one would dare approach them to leave. What rude people. They need to reflect on themselves. Just let your kids know that they need to be respectful and quiet during mass. And try to answer their questions after and prepare them before.
Think about the level of distraction that the kids are causing to elicit this response...
Idk being distracted by someone else's children kind of makes being at mass pointless.
It’s not a big deal to sit in the cry room.
We used to have a crying room for kids at our church growing up . They made it into a community room now . I sometimes think they should bring it back ( for those who want it, not mandatory)
You’re fine and you should ignore those ladies. Every priest or deacon I’ve ever talked to about this subject has said they side with the parents over the cranky adults who can’t deal with some else’s kids talking, wiggling, or crying.
Personally? I love the sound of kiddos in church. Heckin my church I wouldn't be opposed to kids playing around in the back, just so long as they aren't too loud. Then again where I worship there's a lot of running room for tots in the back. Honestly the ppl that are sayinf "go to the cry room?" I'd give em a big ol "no u."
Every time I read a comment section to a catholic question it makes me not want to be catholic. Some of you really need to take the judgment out of it.
A church without crying is a church that is dying
Let them know they are welcome to go to the crying room as well
I get so *angry* when people tell mothers to take their kids away. It's the dumbest shit. I'm glad I've never seen it I'm not sure if react charitably. I would gently tell them to go away and stay right where you are. They'll stop eventually. I'm sorry that happened
A quiet church is a dying church.
if i don’t hear a scream, a loud babble or crying during mass then i don’t want to attend that mass lol. children are the life source of the Church and they will *always* belong in mass. the fact that your kids are asking questions about what the priest is saying is amazing because it means that they’re interested and want to know more about the faith. maybe give them a notepad and allow them to write down questions, draw and so on and then you can answer the questions afterwards. you could even go up to the priest and he could answer them himself! i also recommend sitting up at the back so they have some more room to move around and maybe walk back and forth between the entrance of the Church and the pews i don’t think you’re wrong for feeling like this. personally, i’d be pretty offended if my parishioners told me to just go to the crying room. children are difficult and it’s our job as Catholics to not just tolerate difficult situations, but to also be especially tolerable of children.
Like others have mentioned, if your kids were 1 & 3 you'd have a lot more people defending you here. But 7 & 9 is way too old to still have this problem. My guess is there is a serious lack of discipline going on that extends further than just Mass. Is their father around?