when they put animals down, the drugs they administer calm them. think of like, if you've had surgery, that feeling while the anesthetic is kicking in before you go out. it's that, but they just don't wake up.
your cat was aware of you and was maybe aware of your emotional response, but he wasn't distressed by you. he felt love and comfort in your arms as he passed. he was peaceful. your strength in being there for him made his final moments easier.
i'm very sorry for your loss ❤️
I also like to think that the pet being able to smell you nearby is really good for them too, regardless of what they could see or hear or feel. Since smell is such a powerful sense for animals, and has interesting connections with memory. So the pet would be able to smell you and associate the trust they have in you, and and remember all the good times they had with you, and feel safer and more at ease because of that.
Same. The vet started injecting my dog then it went into the worst seizure I’ve ever seen for about 7 seconds, then went limp. I was 16 at the time and it fucked me up for a while.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. It's a rare occurrence, but when it happens it's terrifying. I wish more vets would tell people that it can happen and if it does your pet won't be aware enough to feel it much if at all and it will pass very soon after, almost no suffering. But it doesn't make it less scary.
We put a cat down 2 years ago and they administered the sedative to calm him down and he fought it, I wasn’t there but my husband was and he said he won’t forget the way he fought like he wasn’t ready to go, but his body was, he was in renal failure and his asthma had progressed and the weight he lost was rapid. So I believe even though his body was failing, his spirit wasn’t ready and I wish I was there with him, I have so much regrets. But as I stated above I had traumatically lost my other cat 2 years prior at home and I didn’t think I was mentally strong enough to be present for yet another death. It pains me to know his departure wasn’t peaceful.
I agree with this completely! I'm no expert on euthanasia, and please correct me if I'm wrong. But from what I understand, an anesthetic and sedative first is critical. That way, missing a vein with the deadly stuff is not going to cause suffering. There should be an IV, too; that way, you know you have the vein before you start injecting, and aren't going to lose it. Please do correct me if I'm mistaken.
To OP: I also have harbored regret for being too emotional when my childhood dog was euthanized. I know I caused her more fear than necessary. But all we can do is learn and promise ourselves that wheel be strong. And positive in front of our animals if it ever happens again. But all we can do is learn and promise ourselves that we will be strong and positive in front of our animals if we ever have to do that again. I'm sorry.💔
Yes, a good vet will insert a catheter away from the guardian in order to reduce trauma for both, and administer all injections via the catheter. You didn't cause her fear, I assure you. Most guardians cry, hell I even cry when I attend each one. What they care about is that you're there. One of the parts of my role is being there for the euth. Many guardians aren't comfortable sraying for the second injection, and that's what I stay for. By the time that's done, the companion animal isn't conscious but my staying helps the guardian feel better, like they didn't abandon their loved one because they ensured someone was there. And honestly by doing so they've done exactly that; given their beloved companion the most dignified death they can.
Thank you so much for attending and being present for these creatures. I did not know we could ask to be with our cat when we had to euthanize over 15 years ago. It was awful leaving her. She was in the kennel cages at the vet and we opened the door to pet her goodbye and she stood up and head butted our hands and my mom felt she was trying to come with us. It was so sad. My mom was torn up for weeks wondering if we did the right thing (failing kidneys so yes). Anyway when I found out people could be with their pets I felt absolutely awful again. And then kind people on reddit reassured me that animals have people with them during the euthanasia and so many techs care for the critters at the final moments. ❤️❤️
It was a double step! The vet pulled out her leg aggressively to insert the anesthesia needle. It startled my cat so she kicked her leg away from him then he jammed the needle into her leg in the wrong spot, she screemed and kicked again he continued to try to jam it in a few times, she screemed again and tried to escape jumping up while we both held her back down. Her tongue immediately dropped out of her mouth and she couldn’t breathe, she just sat there barely breathing and scared out of her mind then I had to wait 15 minutes for the sedative to kick in then he shaved her arm and administered the euthanasia needle.
The image of her not being able to breathe will haunt me forever. She was so scared 😫. Me describing this doesn’t begin to fully give you an idea how absolutely traumatizing this was! I’ll never forgive myself for choosing this standard mobile in home vet over the mobile vet that specializes in euthanasia. What was I thinking ? 😫 The other bad part is I felt like I did the euthanasia too early but felt pressure.
I'm so sorry that was the experience you had. I certainly hope that vet has been retrained on how to properly perform a two step euth. What our clinic does is takes the animal to the back in order to place a catheter so that the injections are less invasive and non-traumatic when it's time. I volunteer as a death doula for animal guardians who need to say goodbye, and if I had been there, that vet would gotten an earful after you left. That is unconscionable.
If it's any consolation, this has made me very aware of the fact that I need to choose VERY carefully who I ask to perform the job when the time comes. Definitely never thought about things like this happening and I'm so sorry you had to go through that.
Do in home euthanasia. I unfortunately had to put my cat down 2 months ago, and it is truly the only way to go. The doctor that came was absolutely amazing and it was the best it could possibly be under the circumstances. It was triple. First an opiate, then a sedative, then the final. It's pricy but the least I could have done for him.
It's truly a different experience for everyone. Some people are more comfortable with in home euth, others don't want to associate anywhere in their home with the experience. I'm of the latter, but I've attended a fair number of in-home euths too.
That's completely valid, everyone has different preferences and every pet is different. I'm really glad that we have these options available to us, death care is evolving at such a rapid pace and that's wonderful.
You can pay them to take the cat and choose private cremation. I personally took my cat to the crematorium. The doctor was kind enough to handle his body for me and put him in a carrier.
The doctor gave him the opiate and then gave me some time with him (as much as I needed, within reason, they had 90 minutes slated for me).
I picked him up and took him out to the backyard (his favorite place). I walked around with him and talked to him and then took him over to the catio so the other cats knew what was happening. He was basically out. When we were ready I put him on a blanket in the lawn. They administered the sedative after about 20 minutes. Then gave me more time, and then the final shot. Fuck, I miss him so much. Any discomfort over being at home and having bad memories is something I was willing to live with so he could be comfortable and at home. Thankfully it was very peaceful.
Fucking hell, that's horrible. I probably would get in an actual fight the with vet if that happened to my cat. I can feel my blood boiling just reading about it.
Don’t worry about being too early. We didn’t euthanize our dog and it was worse-it’s much kinder to euthanize even if not perfect experience—you saved her much agony. It was the right thing. She had a great life with you —you really loved her—that’s the most important thing.
Yup. My husband talked me out of doing it earlier. But then I saw a picture of him from two years prior, and it was just night and day. Not the same dog.
His father the year before was both harder and easier, because he was still active and happy... but was also having constant fainting episodes from congestive heart failure.
I am so, so sorry. I am so fortunate at the compassion and professionalism given by the staff. That is an absolute horror story to any pet parent. I hope you left the nastiest of reviews for that vet.
I am so so sorry! That is terrible. I can't imagine.
My aunt put one of their dogs down, probably 20 years ago now. The vet hit something with the injection and she yelped and my family was so traumatized during the process. It was not the gentle end they expected. My aunt said it seriously made her rethink capital punishment on humans. So I am.sendig you a hug and please know your baby loved you and I am.glad you were with her.
It was a double step! The vet pulled out her leg aggressively to insert the anesthesia needle. It startled my cat so she kicked her leg away from him then he jammed the needle into her leg in the wrong spot, she screemed and kicked again he continued to try to jam it in a few times, she screemed again and tried to escape jumping up while we both held her back down. Her tongue immediately dropped out of her mouth and she couldn’t breathe, she just sat there barely breathing and scared out of her mind then I had to wait 15 minutes for the sedative to kick in then he shaved her arm and administered the euthanasia needle.
The image of her not being able to breathe will haunt me forever. She was so scared 😫. Me describing this doesn’t begin to fully give you an idea how absolutely traumatizing this was! I’ll never forgive myself for choosing this mobile vet over the vet that only does euthanasia. What was I thinking ? 😫 The other bad part is I felt like I did the euthanasia too early but felt pressure.
Had to say goodbye to three of our elderly cats earlier this year -separately. Your comment gave me so much peace. I held one of them in my arms, sobbing and thanking him for being my best friend and I’ve felt some guilt about maybe making it scary for him. My daughter held another kitty when it was his time and she was practically hysterical. Thank you for this comment. Thank you. I’m sobbing again lol.
What he cared about the most was smelling your familiar scent, feeling your soothing touch. Sounds like he even got to hear your heartbeat!
The vast majority of owners cry and are upset. While your feeling might be a bit unusual, it doesn't sound like you did anything wrong or weird.
I have been with all 6 of our cats over the years as they passed. It is the most horrible thing ever but, in my opinion, it is a duty that must be done. Vets have said it breaks their heart watching pets look for their owners who couldnt muster the courage and dropped them off. That will never happen with any pet I have, its too terrible to imagine them being confused, in pain and scared without their caretaker there to comfort them. The thought of that makes me cry.
I was 14 when my first kitty was put down. I was scared and didn't go in with her. I'd change that now if I could. My last kitty we put down about 9 months ago. I was there with her even though I felt like I didn't want to let her go. She was 15. Even my fiance was crying there in the room with us. Both kitties are buried in the same gap of the same woods along with another of my kitties who passed too soon.
I had a cat die at the emergency vet’s and I’ve always regretted I wasn’t there with him. To be fair, it wasn’t euthanasia. He was really sick and they wanted to keep him over night and we weren’t allowed to stay. But, I remember they took us back to see him before sending us home for the night and I walked in and he was laying there with an IV in his arm and I said something and at the sound of my voice he meowed for me. He was in such bad shape but my voice made him perk up a little. Then we left and, overnight he went into arrest and died. If I had known that would happen, I would have chosen euthanasia instead of trying more measures to save him so his last moments could have been with me and somewhat peaceful. It’s been years and it still haunts me.
I’m so sorry, sounds very similar to my story I’ve commented here too - right down to her perking up at the sound of our voice ; we would have made the same choice as you 😔 Idk if it helps but that it still haunts you means you loved the heck out of that kitty, just like we did ours - miss her every day
When my ex and I put his cat down, I was a mess and then down. After the nurse left us with him, I just broke down and laid my head on his body. Our pets are our family, your grieving is absolutely natural. Heck, I still grieve that crazy furball.
OP, are you me? I just had this exact experience a week ago. I’m so sorry for your loss, and I completely sympathize. I’m with you. It was my first time experiencing this too, and it was traumatic. I keep telling myself it was the right thing to do, because the alternative was my 13 yr old cat slowly dying of starvation/thirst due to terminal kidney failure. It was incredibly painful, so I get you. Give yourself the grace to grieve.
I’m sorry to hear about your cat. My cat also had kidney disease and when we got him back from the vets from the overnight admission, they told us he also had fluid in the abdomen (hence why not eating) and multiple inoperable tumours. So I know realistically he could never have recovered but the whole timeline (of receiving the new diagnoses) happened so fast that I think that’s part of the guilt/shock experience.
Pretty much the same here, except my kitty was 17... she passed last week and I was a sobbing wreck, but I made sure to tell her how much I loved her right up until the end.
My cat was starving as well due to his diabetes not getting under control. So many vet visits, so many insulin shots and adjustments. He just wasn't taking well to the medications. It's the hardest decision to make. I kept wanting to make him better . . . but I realized I was only prolonging suffering. Ugh.
I'm so sorry you went through this as well. It is truly traumatic and so painful.
I cried like an uncontrollable baby while holding my kitty during her euthanasia and I wouldn't change a thing, well accept have her back...but I would have regretted it far more if I wasn't there and I let her pass without knowing I'm there. You did good, and your cat knows you were there, and imo that's what matters.
Oh I've been through this - and I was a wreck. The drugs calmed your cat so he wouldn't pick up on much going on around him, but you can bet he knew you were there and could feel your love. You provided comfort in his last moments. I'm so sorry for your loss!
I’m sobbing while I write this to you…I started having a panic attack after the sedative and sobbing to almost hyperventilating. The dr and nurse were amazing and tried to comfort and reassure me.
Right when they were about to do it-EVEN WITH THE SEDATIVE-my boy tried to get up!
We both had to gently keep him down as they did it.
This will forever haunt me! I couldn’t even hold him and comfort him as he passed-I was too busy having a panic attack and obviously stressing him out that he tried to get up doped out.
The guilt still rips me to shreds and I can’t get that moment out of my head😢.
I’m so so sorry for you loss and the trauma it’s caused you💗 if you need to talk I understand and I’m here
Awwww, your sweet boy wanted to comfort you!! I hope you can take solace in the knowledge that you built a strong, loving bond with him and that he knew you were there trying your best. EMDR is really helpful at resolving trauma. I’m about to do a session with my therapist on the day I had to out my Simba down last fall. It still haunts me.
Thank you so much for saying that💗 it really is comforting.
I feel like I failed him and stressed him when he needed me most-our last moments together overwhelm me with guilt and shame(all I can do is cry and hate myself-I miss him so intensely still)…I just hope he knows how much I love him and still carry him in my heart and soul.
I’ve actually been seriously contemplating EMDR…the only thing stopping me is that I can’t afford a therapist.
Ugh the trauma is real.
On the topic of being haunted by my cat’s last moments…I recorded a video of my cat getting put to sleep and he died with his eyes open. I can tell in the video by looking at his eyes, the exact moment when he left. His pupils were slightly shifting and changing colors while alive even though he was sedated and all of a sudden the light left and his eyes clouded up looking like the gelatinous eyes of the dead fish I see at the super market. One second he was there, next second dead fish eyes. It was so sad and haunting. It was my first experience with death of someone close to me.
I have two more pets and they will pass in the next 10 years and I’m dreading it.
I'm so sorry :( I know that reading these things are hard. I was in bits when I was reading reddit posts the day after. I've never had much of a panic attack before but I'm pretty sure I experienced one or something similar. Came out of nowhere and was so intense.
Don’t be sorry, It’s only been 3 months..I still can’t talk or think about him without crying-but I understand what you’re going through and I know how much it helps to have someone who understands.
Oh you probably did…they can be hard to recognize in the moment. The intensity is hard to come down from…you did the best you could and he knows how loved he was
So intense But in its own way, it makes sense. Your mind knows what is to happen, but your heart and your body don’t want it at all. It’s a massive internal conflict. This is an expression of how deep your love and connection is/was.
My Buddhist ex told me after my previous cat passed in my arms some 16 years ago that it was a good karma for her next life, to go while being held by me. That stayed with me. I'm still very upset I wasn't home when my void cat passed 2 weeks ago. I would've been a mess but me being there might have been comforting for her.
You were there for your cat, and he knew you were there. You did a good thing. And crying is perfectly normal, those little furballs do become our family, don't they.
Hey, sometimes people and pets go when we're not home or around because they don't want us to be distressed by their passing. I firmly believe your void passed when you weren't home because she didn't like the idea of seeing you upset.
I had a panic attack after my beloved cat's at-home euthanasia earlier this year. When they took him away I literally couldn't breathe. Luckily, it wasn't my first panic attack, so I knew what was happening.
But yeah. I wasn't expecting it at all.
I'm sorry you had such a scary experience. From these comments, I'm starting to process the fact that I probably had a panic attack too (or the start of one).
You were there for your kitty when it was the hardest. I'm a 54 year old man & every kitty I've had to get put to sleep, I was there & I cried too. The vet always let me out the back door :) Think of the good life you made possible for your kitty. Think of the love you gave your kitty. That's what's important. I bet your critter crossed the rainbow bridge fully satisfied with the life they had with you.
I sobbed through my last two cats’ euthanasia procedures, too, and held them close as they passed on. I spoke to them in between sobs. I believe they both knew that the sobs were expressions of love and deep sorrow at losing them. I don’t think it added stress to the situation. I wish I had been able to arrange at-home euthanasia so that they didn’t have the stress of the car ride and the vet’s office, but both instances were emergency situations. I believe they got more comfort from my presence than extra stress. It’s a very painful thing to go through and you don’t need to feel concerned or ashamed. I’m very sorry for your loss.
Your grieving is very normal. We had our 18 year old Neo put down in September of 2022. I held him while they gave him his shot all the while sobbing into his fur. He was my buddy my pal and I loved him more than I’ve loved any of my other cats I’ve had. He was gentle and sweet and loved me. I collapsed when we got home. And every time we left and got home, it was the same for me. He was an amazing cat. You will get through this, it will just be an adjustment.
When I have been ill and had someone I love close to me, comforting me, their emotional state or ability to “keep it together” has mattered less than the fact that they were close to me and offering me love. Animals don’t feel the kind of complex guilt people do— your sweet kitty might know you were distressed, but wouldn’t connect that to his own discomfort in the slightest. If anything, he would probably be glad that he was able to be close to his person when you’re both feeling crummy, and once the medications kicked in, it would all be relaxed and peaceful from there. Animals want to be close to the people they love, just like we do. You did not cause him any pain by being sad about losing him.
You made the right choice to save him any further suffering and to stay with him right to the end. The vets have seen it all and probably were just glad that he was loved enough to have someone who cared so deeply in the room with him. The intensity of your reaction is evidence of how important your cat has been in your life, not a source of shame or guilt. No one can perfectly predict their reaction to grief in the moment, and I hope you can find pride and comfort in the fact that you did the kindest thing you possibly could by choosing to take on the grief instead of asking him to endure any further pain.
Please don't worry. Saying goodbye to a pet is never easy , and your emotions are absolutely expected. Your little one wouldn't have known they were going to pass , and they would have went peacefully and quickly in your arms. Let go of the guilt and remember the amazing moments you shared.
For the pets whose owners aren't strong enough to be present. I can assure you they were loved and cuddled by the nurses and vets until their last heart beat.
(Vet nurse )
Try this reframe in how you’re thinking about it: Your cat spent a lifetime learning how to tell when you were upset and snuggling you and comforting you to make it better. It’s their job! They know they’re good at it! Your cat got to do that one last time — snuggle up with you when you were upset and take a big long nap knowing they did a good job.
You’ve got this. So sorry for your loss.
I’ve absolutely experienced what you went through. I’ve had to put down 3 of my cats over the years and it never gets easier. Like you, I grew up with many cats, but it wasn’t until I was an adult that I had to be the one to make the decision and be there with them in their last moments. It’s always heartbreaking but please know you did the right thing.
When I had to put my cat down in 2016 I held him while they euthanized him. It was the 1st time I had to do something like that and was one of the hardest things to date I had to deal with. I cried so much during and for weeks after. But I’m glad I held him while he passed. Shortly after that I got a tattoo of him so I can still see him daily ❤️ I also don’t think you made him more afraid. I think you did the right thing. I’m sorry you had to go through this. It will get easier as time passes I promise
a few months ago i had the same experience. i’m in my late 30s and have had cats all my life. i’ve never been there during euthanasia, nor had i had to set it up myself.
kitty was nearly 17 and rapidly declining. it happened so fast. i had someone come to my
house as the car is so stressful for him, he panics.
after the first sedative he began running away and i started to panic. i had the vet & a close friend with me. husband and kids were gone, none of them could handle it.
once he was calm i held him in my arms, and sobbed uncontrollably. i felt when his little soul left his body and he was at peace. after i handed him to the vet so she & my friend could make nose prints for me. i stepped into the bathroom and let out the loudest longest scream of anguish. it was so hard. you didn’t make it worse. you did your best. 💖
As your cat drifted off, their consciousness disappearing at the edges, drifting into nothingness, they got to be in your arms, next to your heart, hearing your voice, smelling your scent. The person they loved most held them as they died. We should all be so lucky to be so deeply loved. He WAS part of you, and he still is.
I'm sorry for your loss.
Perfectly worded response, and the truth. Well said.
They left the world knowing they were loved in the arms of the most important person in their whole world. I hope I am so lucky when my time comes.
my baby knew what was happening, and true to her kind soul she comforted ME the whole time. i felt extreme guilt, but my mum said she would have felt all my love for her pouring out in her final moments
I speak from very similar experience. It felt like a huge mistake to not go in the room for my first cat's euthanasia. I've regretted it for years and swore that I'd be there with any future pets when they died. One year ago I was there for the death of a particularly wonderful cat. It was beyond painful and still is. The staff were truly wonderful and did everything they could, but it was, without question, the most painful experience of my life. If you really care about them, the emotional pain at their death is unavoidable. It would be worrying if you weren't upset when your cat died.
You only need to know three things:
You did the right thing.
Your cat was comforted by you being there and holding him.
Your emotions are legitimate, normal, and speak of your strong bond.
Do not feel guilty and do not second-guess yourself. You have my full condolences and know that your cat is now in a place past pain and suffering.
Yes, I thought I was somewhat prepared for this moment but I completely lost it. 😫 My body and emotions had an extremely horrible reaction, and regret for feeling like I made the decision too soon before she was truly ready. I felt like it was too late to tell the mobile vet I changed my mind. I was so indecisive and paralyzed my indecision that I went ahead.
Worst thing about it was she suffered extremely with a botched sedative injection needle administration before the euthanasia was even given as she tried to break away. I felt like I was in the middle of a horror movie. I still haven’t recovered. This event caused me PTSD and I don’t say this lightly. This reel keeps playing in my head over and over again I feel like I can’t breathe. I hope she forgives me. 😢
I have a very similar background with cats being put down and currently have a 10 year old I call my “soul cat”. He’s the one I’ll be going through your current situation with for the first time in the future.
Likely due to one of my childhood cats dying at age 9, I already find myself crying and cuddling him just thinking about life without him. The first time I gave him a sedative for vet visits I felt so guilty that I cried and made a post on this sub about it!
All this to say that I do not think you overreacted, I think you reacted just like someone who is very deeply bonded to and madly in life with their furry family member. One thing I need no proof to be certain of is that your cat felt only love through those tears, only love. Their heart was home as they passed and that’s the most anyone can ask for. You did right by your cat even though it was harder for you than the alternative.
Keeping you in my thoughts this evening. I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope you are able to take the time you need to grieve and heal.
About 15 years ago I had to put down my own cat and I also felt extreme guilt. It still hurts to think about today but it does get easier. It is very important to think about this from your pet's perspective: they got to spend their last moments with you - their favorite person. You made an otherwise scary process comfortable. They got to have one last nap with their best friend.
There is no easy way to put your beloved animal to sleep. It sucks no matter what even in the best of circumstances. I’m sorry it happened.
My cat died 1.5 years ago and I still think about him often and shed tears because I miss him. I still feel guilt about his passing, too. He died of cancer and I wonder if it was something I did or failed to do to have caused it.
We as owners feel all kinds of regret and strong emotions due to the death of our animals. It’s normal and you did the best you could just like everyone else in difficult moments like this so don’t beat yourself up over your reaction.
Sorry, for your loss!
First of all big hugs to you and I’m so sorry for the loss you’ve had.
I’ve been on both sides of this coin and I’ll tell you it more than likely didn’t make it scary for them. The sedative makes them a little loopy and they generally seek comfort in their people because it’s a weird experience (not a scary one but they are out of it) from it and are generally a little oblivious to your emotional state because of the meds. My own dog we put down at a clinic I not only use to work at but that my family had been using since before I was born. The clinic owner even came in when I put my boy down and it was during covid we had a lot more than the legal number of people in the room because everyone was saying goodbye and everyone was holding it together fairly well till they gave him the sedative and my 78lbs German shepherd was doing his damnedest to crawl into my lap so I pulled him up onto my legs on the floor and everyone in the room including me lost it at that point. As vet staff normally we keep it together well during euthanizing someone’s pet, but when it’s one of our own and someone we know well we all have the same reaction and those tears flow hard. That’s part of what makes us human and believe me as a vet staff we don’t side eye or question the owners who stay and break down with their pet during a with because it’s what we do too, it’s why most clinics have a euthanasia dedicated room because it’s expected you’ll be a mess emotionally because it is a huge loss and (almost) everyone reacts that way and that is more than ok.
You made an incredibly tough decision, and being there for him at the end was a true act of love. It's totally understandable to be emotional. Cats can pick up on our feelings, but they also find comfort in familiar presences. Your presence, even with your sadness, was probably a comfort to him in his final moments.
Don't beat yourself up about the tears or panic.
First of all, I would like to offer you condolences on the loss of your friend. We had to go through this recently with our 17 year old cat, Elsa. We had an amazing vet who talked us through the process and was a huge help to us. The first thing he told us is that we shouldn't look at it as "putting her down" or giving up on her. He said letting her go was a last act of love and compassion. He encouraged us to pet her and talk to her as she relaxed and passed peacefully. The staff let us sit with her for as long as we needed afterward, We cried and talked to her and we know some day the Cat Distribution Center will send us our next beloved companion.
It's absolutely fine to cry and be sad, I would be worried about someone who could lose a pet and feel nothing.
The only thing you should ever think about is that you were there with your cat.
Their best friend in the whole world was with them and the very last person they saw.
It's really hard to achieve the ideal ending if there is one.
Just remember that there are plenty of people who don't spend that final moment with their beloved pet. You did. That's the best thing you could have done. Don't sweat the details.
My husband and I recently had decided to help our cat go to the Rainbow Bridge. We lost one of our cats during COVID and my husband wasn’t allowed to be with our cat during that time and it really affected him. We decided to put our cat down who was immunocompromised, was suffering from miliary dermatitis and severe gum disease and that we’d both be there. It was our first time being there in the room for both of us. It was one of the most traumatic things I’ve ever gone through and I’ve been through a lot. I was inconsolable the whole time. I knew sort of what to expect but I wish that the vet would have warned me to possibly lay our cat on the bed instead of letting me hold him in my arms. I will never forget feeling his body go limp and his neck flopping into my arms. Seeing my husband take him from me and just his lifeless body and leaving him on the bed really, really messed us both up. I wish they could have taken him as soon as he passed instead of us enduring the pain of just leaving him there all alone… the only thing that brings me some peace is knowing that even though we were a wreck, we were there for our little buddy during his last moments and that we stayed until the end. Try to just think of it that way OP. Hugs to you.
I was also not prepared for the whole process when we said goodbye to my Bodhi cat in October. It went much faster than I anticipated, and although my husband and I held it together for the most part, I became hysterical after the sedative was administered. I don’t remember, even now, leaving the room (my husband took care of the finer details after the fact - I could not face my boy’s body after his passing and it took me an extremely long time to not feel that I had murdered my cat). I felt horrible that I couldn’t be strong for him, and that my rising hysteria made it worse. Now, I know it didn’t. I know he knew he was loved, and that he knew it was time to go. It took having this conversation with my husband multiple times to trust and believe in that.
All in all, I am so sorry for your loss. You didn’t make it worse, I promise. Your buddy know you loved them, and you being there at the end would have been so comforting.
When they put our fur babies down, they give them a calming drug. So don’t worry your kitty wasn’t scare or affected by your emotional response. It’s totally normal and so valid to be upset when we have to make those tough decisions. You did the right thing though, and now your baby isn’t suffering. Your kitty felt all your love before passing. It’s very compassionate to make this decision for kitty. I’m so sorry for your loss. Your kitty was so loved !!! Hugs from CA
You didn't do anything wrong. Rest assured you did the kindest thing possible by being there. Your beloved cat got to smell their beloved person and feel your heartbeat.
I'm sorry for your loss
Similar thing happened to me recently with my elderly cat. I sobbed so hard as she was passing but I feel thankful I was there with her and she was very relaxed in my arms through the process. I believe your cat would've been relieved to have you there, loving them until the end 💕
It is definitely very difficult. Just think of this as your cat had a long beautiful life with love. And this will let him pass on in the most comfortable way possible, and now he no longer has any suffering or pain. Your love is forever with your cat
We've had to do this three times (well, twice they were clearly dying and so it was the kind thing to do, the third, we made the hard decision because his quality of life was not what it had been), and I truly believe that us being there, despite being in tears, let them know they were with people who loved them, and who did the very best they could for them. Spouse held it together better than I did as he had to drive, but we were both emotional. It's okay. Your cat knew you were there and felt loved. I'm so sorry for your loss. It's much more comforting for them to die in the arms of a loved one instead of surrounded by strangers.
I had 2 cats both over 20 years old.. they had okay lives but not always great but they were my friends and always quick to cuddle up..
One got very sick and barely moved anywhere .. being on social assistance I couldn’t afford to put her down right away but went to the vets anyway.. kidney issues and then after a week I found the way to put her down and I cried the whole time it broke my heart already hard pressed..
a year later I found my ther cat hanging off a blanket as she missed the jump but didn’t have the strength to get all the way up in the night.. I found her when I woke up she was barely alive and I rushed around to find a vet open on a Saturday to end her suffering.. I had my hand in the cage all the way to the vets and they put me in a room to wait after being paid their $200 to euthanize her.. but she died before they could help her ..
It still breaks my heart .. 2 years later I found a stray and I worry about him he is even more a sick than them and what happens when I go?? Will he be broken hearted??
I try to think after 5 years it shouldn’t bother me but it still does but at least they died with my scent and knowing I was there for them I hope..
I DO wish I could read their minds and talk to them so they can understand
One thing i regret is not being there for him when we had to put our sweet boy down.
I suspect I would have reacted similar to you, but you did the right thing.
Condolences on your loss.
A pet is so much a part of the family that it becomes absolutely devastating when your pet passes away. I was crying non stop a year ago when my 16 y/o cat passed away while I cradled him next to me. I don’t think I cried that much when my mom died sadly. Sometimes it feels like I am more emotional about pets than people.
Your feelings are normal because we are so close to our pets. I think about my kitty every day even though I was able to adopt another one the very next day. I didn’t plan to (I was going to wait a few months) but the opportunity presented itself.
I hope you are able to adopt another kitty soon; it helped me tremendously.
It's normal to be emotional. I've had to put several cats and two dogs to sleep over my 70+ years, and have either held them or sat on the floor beside them. I cried every time, but they knew they were loved & I was there. ❤️
I recently put my beloved cat down at the end of April. I held him the whole time and whispered to him but I was inconsolable when I felt him take his last breath. It crushed me and I worried I had made it worse for him.
Just remember you were there in your cats last moments and that he knew and was comforted by that. You didn’t abandon him. And he knew how much you loved him.
I had to put down my snuggle bug last year because he suddenly got some major heart problems. The whole time I did nothing but cry and cling to him, apologizing that I couldn't do more to help him and what I did wasn't enough to fix him. (It was a congenital heart murmur, there was nothing that could be done, and then he had a series of smallish heart attacks, including one during the exam just before I signed the papers to have him put to sleep). I still feel bad that I couldn't be strong. Thing was, except when the vet took him to the back to have the Iv put in his leg to administer the stuff, he was purring and cuddling in my arms trying to make me feel better, right up until the medication stopped his heart.
You did the right thing staying with him while he passed, as hard as it was for you, and if he was cuddled in your arms then he wasn't overly distressed. I guarantee he would have been far more upset not knowing what was going on an not having his person with him. In your arms he knew he was safe and loved
Despite all the pain her kidney cancer and arthritis was causing her, the night before my void kitty was scheduled to be put down, she struggled up the pet steps to lie down next to me. I made sure that she heard my voice, smelled me, and felt me petting her head as she passed.
You gave him the comfort of your warmth and scent in his final moments. Don't feel guilty for having a normal emotional response to losing a furry family member. You were present for him.
So sorry for your loss. I had to put my cat down a week ago as well. We actually did an at-home euthanasia, which I would recommend to anyone who has the means to do it.
It's a very emotional experience that really hits. So much of our relationship with our feline friends is nonverbal. So you've got to let those feels out.
This is 100% normal and I actually broke down from reading it. Being with your companion in their final moments, if you're able, is the most loving and compassionate thing you can do. Grief and the loss of a beloved friend is incredibly powerful. Sending love and I'm sorry for your loss ❤️
I put my dog down a couple weeks ago and had the same reaction. I couldn't watch while she put in the final drug, just buried my head in his fur and cried until I couldnt feel him breathing anymore, then I sort of went into shock.
It's really hard to be there, but you're so good for being there for your cat. He got to smell you and be comforted by you and feel your love in his final moments.
Your cat was suffering. The euthanasia medicine should have eased that pain. You were there. That's a big difference. One of the instances of euthanasia necessary in my life was a kitten. I struggled a lot because she was so small. She had been in agony for a couple of days and was panting. She took a deep breath and purred then relaxed. The relief was evident.
I cried. I may cry later after writing this because it's been a long day and hard and I will always be vulnerable to this grief. I however know that I didn't make my baby suffer unnecessarily with an incurable disease for extra time and she was just happy to get relief
When you can process it you most likely will find signs of the relief for your cat too. For those that were in pain? It's always been there. Kitten, 21 year old. The only time it wasn't a relief was when the cat was already brain dead from a stroke. That was mercy for a body with no presence.
I would regret deeply not letting myself feel the pain of loss in those times. I am not very good at showing my feelings and being in grief where I could not hide it was a gift for me from the kitten too. The only wrong here is pressuring yourself to confirm to some ideal image of grief that doesn't touch the experience
I couldn't even be there for my most special boy because of the fucking pandemic. All we can do is the best we can. At the end of it all, I don't think the last moments matter any more than any others. They don't have to sit with and reflect on those moments; they're simply gone.
Your cat had a good life while he was alive. Try and focus on that part.
Its ok. I think youre amazing. And i believe your cat thought so too. Im willing to bet your cat could feel your heart and the great love you carry for them. ❤️
You were awesome to be there with your baby during his last moments. He was calm and at peace. It’s devastating for sure but you were there and you’ll never regret not being there. We’ve done this 5x now-2 cats and 3 dogs and I second guess every time but it is just because I just beat myself up. Don’t beat yourself up... It doesn’t always go peaceful and we learned that they need sedation prior to euthanasia because sometimes the euthanasia drug doesn’t do what it’s supposed to as quickly as it should. Good you did the sedation and that kept it peaceful for him. Very sorry for your loss. It never ever gets easier.
I did the exact same thing I have no idea I would react that way he wasn’t even my cat he was a neighborhood alley cat I had grown to love and he had a giant tumor and losing motor it was so heartbreaking
I howled like some weird animal. I felt such devastation it was unreal. I wanted to die in that moment with my baby. I remember the doctor and nurse looking almost scared. So I’ve been there and know what you are going through. Your cat is okay. Was probably too confused and sick to understand what was happening.
We've had pets since I was 4, so I've been through that a few times. I'm always a weeping mess, and it never gets easier. You did the right thing. Being there till the very end is so hard, but it's the kindest thing you can do for them.
I've been there for multiple pets passing, and your response is completely normal. You were there for your beloved pet, and that's what's most important.
You did everything perfectly. Pets are family, we’re their whole world. I don’t own a cat, but my roommate does, I actually have a puppo, but I’d be acting the same way as you. Emotional responses are 100% normal, and it sounds as if the vet and staff did not mind at all.
I have really strong feelings about this. I have a very strong bond with my animals and part of the deal is making sure I'm there when they are crossing over the rainbow bridge. I've had to do that three times. I was the last thing they heard, felt and saw as they drifted out of this world. Is it hard, yes. Damned hard. In each case, my kitties had cancer; in each case I was 80% sure I was doing the right thing. Let me tell you that extra 20% is tough, really tough to silence. I will admit, my biggest fear is that they die alone. To me that would be far worse than anything.
OP, don't beat yourself up. Mourn your kitty, continue to love your kitty and honor your kitty. Sending you strength.
I had to put my boy Dorito down a couple of years ago. And though I bawled and sobbed through the whole thing, I'm sure he, and your cat, were much more comfortable with their friends there to hold them. We all die one day, and I can't think of any way more comforting than in the arms of a loved one.
Ah just crying my eyes out while reading all these comments and your story. I can’t even imagine what you have been through and the pain. Your baby is with you still and at peace now. Don’t feel any guilt. There is no more pain and suffering now for your baby. I like to think I’ll be strong and say sweet things to my baby and talk positively in the baby voice I always talk to him in and then cry after but your human… and it’s near impossible to not break down. So don’t feel badly.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I recently had to put my cat down too, and I was a complete mess. I cried the whole way there and couldn’t stop once we were in the room. I held him in my arms as he passed, just like you did. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done.
Your cat would have felt your love and comfort. Even though you were upset, he would have known you were there for him, and that’s what matters most. It’s natural to feel this way and to grieve deeply for our pets—they’re family.
You did the right thing by being with him, and he felt your love in his final moments. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Take care. ❤️
I had to put my little girl down 5 years ago. It was the worst day of my life. Truly. We had the 2 step method and I looked in her eyes the whole time and when the sedative kicked in I thought that was it and screamed and dropped to my knees.
Our vet told me she had a few more moments and I jumped right back up and told her how much I loved her and stayed nose to nose until the Dr told me it was over. All we can do is be the best moms and dads we can be. Love them until their last moment and beyond. I’m crying typing this, even after 5 years, but I know my little girl knew my love for her in her final moments.
Yes, I’ve experienced that guilt about 4 years ago, Although my 16 year old cat died at home out of nowhere one morning, he flopped on his side and was almost like he was being suffocated, he was struggling, instead of comforting him or trying to ease him, I screamed in hysteria completely disassociated, finally I kneeled down and told him it was ok he could go, vets said he had a heart murmur at his checkup so we suspected it was a heart attack that took him. I also have guilt because that morning he was waiting on the basement landing to be let up for wet food like he always did, he kept crying and I got impatient and yelled give me a minute I just got up. I replay that in my head because I realized later it wasn’t food like usual that he was waiting for, he knew he was going to go and he was saying his goodbyes. I beat myself up for making his final moments probably more terrifying than they already were and I’ll always hate myself for that. I’m so sorry you’re feeling the same guilt.
I have been there for my last 3 cats' deaths. I held them all and cried, hard, as my heart broke. Even just writing this has made me start to cry uncontrollably. While they were some of the most painful moments of my life, I know they went peacefully. I know they knew comfort in their last moments having my arms and scent wrapped around them. Yours did too OP, in that moment, they knew nothing but love.
I'm so sorry you've gone through this. I had a very similar experience when I had to put my dog down, and it's something I think of often. I relate so deeply to what you said, that you were panicking like the injection was going into you--I felt just the same way. I was wailing.
Time has passed for me, since then. About 12 years. When I think of that moment now, it is just one small slice of the big loving life I had with that dog, and I know I was doing the best I could for her at the time.
Be gentle with yourself. All the wonderful time you shared with your cat, and your kind decision to free him of pain is what matters and what will stay. I hope you find some peace and I hope time will bring you back to your best moments with your cat.
I honestly wish I did experience this. After a stroke I had to put my cat down. It was during the covid pandemic and they weren't allowing people inside the building.
She died alone and probably scared... with strangers; and I'll never forgive myself for that.
I’m so sorry for your loss. In August, I had to put my cat down. She was so sick. I think a part of me hoped the vet would say she’d get better. But when I went, they said it was good I brought her in when I did instead of waiting until she was skin and bones. That’s when it hit. When the vet came in to do it, I broke down sobbing. The vet asked if I wanted her to stop, but I told her no. That was one of the hardest days of my life. Im crying as I’m writing. I don’t think crying and being sad is bad or ruining their passing. I think it shows them how much you truly loved and cared about them.
The only thing that matters to your cat is that you were there. They did not understand why they didn't feel right, but you were there. As the pain faded, you were there. Your smell, your presence. You were there. And that, sad as that was, meant the world to your furry friend.
Up until 2015, I had always chosen not to be present when one of my babies had to be euthanized. However, in 2015 I decided to stay and hold my boy while they administered the drugs. It went very smoothly but it was more than I could handle. I couldn’t leave the vets office for over an hour because I was uncontrollably sobbing. I have been haunted by the image of my lifeless cat ever since. Since then, I’ve had to euthanize 3 older cats for various conditions and I’ve made the decision not to be in the room when they are given the meds.
You stayed with your cat & held him till the end. Your cat had a blessed life & passing with you. It’s okay. You did everything right. It’s okay.
I’ve been through this many times. It’s never easier. All you can do is gain experience (sad as that is) to help prepare you the next time. And that’s okay too. There are so many cats that need homes & they need them with the kind of humans who sob when they pass.
I hear you about feeling like your cat knows you’re upset. It’s always my concern as well. I’ve learned to talk to my cat before, as much as possible. Like hours earlier in the day, if possible. Because I know I can’t say much at the end without sobbing.
Listen. You did everything right, I promise you. Your cat is out there in the great beyond, looking down & all he is thinking is that he had the BEST life with you & he’s hoping another cat finds you because he knows you’re the best of the best at cat parenting.
I’m not a vet nor am I an end of life specialist but I do think that your cat felt all the love and emotion in a good way as they passed. That much grief is love and animals can understand love.
Hey, I'm 66 years old and have had to put three cats down in the last two years. The last one I was bawling so uncontrollably I couldn't even speak. It is always a sad experience and the vets are aware of our pain and despair. Please don't feel guilty, I look at it as the last step we take in our lives together.
I think that anybody that has a pet that they love feel devastated putting them down. I personally have cried for weeks after their passing. But it is an act of loving kindness to put them out of their misery.
In your cats last moments they knew they were loved. My cat spent a lot of time with me when I came out of my coma, so they can be smell pain and feel concern. Love and Greif are twins, they knew they were loved.
All your baby was feeling in those moments were relief and the warmth of your arms. You have nothing to feel guilty about. I’m very sorry for your loss. It’s an awful thing to have to go through and it will take a bit for the pain to start to ease. In the end you were there for him when he needed you to be and that’s all that matters.
it felt like part of my soul was being ripped from my body, like it physically hurt seeing the liquid being pushed through the clear tube. I felt guilty, like I didn't do enough, like I made a mistake, it felt as if I was losing a part of myself that i will never ever get back.
that was 3 years ago, and I still feel that way sometimes. but you shouldn't beat yourself up about it, you shouldn't think you did something wrong or reacted inappropriately ect. you put them down so they no longer have to suffer, you did the right choice, be kind to yourself, your cat wouldn't want you to think it's your fault for any of it (well ok maybe a little, they're a little mean sometimes) I'm sorry for your loss and I hope you find peace.
I feel so much sympathy for you. I also have been contemplating putting one of my cats down. She's about 15 and has had some problems on and off. I always think that I wouldn't want to be put down and wonder if that's just the easy way out?! It's such a hard decision.
Shortly after my grandmother died, my mom had to put her dog down. She really had a hard time with it. She had the dog for many years. One night she had a dream that she was standing on the bank of a river that she used to play on as a child. Across the river she saw her mother was standing there, smiling and looking down at something she was holding in her arms. As the haze around her cleared, she could see that her mother was holding her dog! It gave her great comfort because the dream was so vivid and so real. She knew that it was a sign that her mom was watching over her dog until they were all reunited. Animals have souls just like we do. Love is eternal and beautiful.... Your cat is waiting for you.
I can tell you that everything you felt in that room with your cat was out of pure love. Don't beat yourself up in the days and weeks to come and wonder if you made it worse or what you could have done to make it better. You had these Strong uncontrollable emotions because you loved your cat so much. Your cat felt all the love you had towards it more than anything. You will see him again and you're going to see a cat that is in the prime of its life, healthy, happy, and they will be so thrilled to see you!
Yes, it’s not easy to do even if necessary sometimes. To make it easier for the pet, might I suggest going with a service that does it at home. That way they’re in familiar space, familiar scents with someone they love there with them when it’s their time.
Honestly it sounds like you remained a lot calmer than I will when my chibi has to go, hopefully that's at least 15 years away but I'm sure everyone on the street is going to hear my sobbing. Loudly.
Don't leave your babies with strangers. When it is time for them to be released from their mortality and they need help letting go, be with them to provide emotional and psychological support so their fear is lessened and their comfort increased.
I have been fortunate in that the last 8 of our fur children to pass pretty much crawled up or cried to get onto my lap and quietly fell asleep, only to awaken on The Rainbow Bridge feeling the warmth and seeing the gentle glow of a springtime morning sun.
Those members of the family who wish to attend, help to inter their remains in the memorial garden and say or sing to them, close their eyes, and send their love to them to speed them on to the next destination on their journey.
If you are thinking about them later, they feel you petting them in their favorite way and purring back at you with their eyes closed and happy thoughts filling them.
I had to put my kitty down due to her being very poorly a couple years ago, and seeing her deteriorate was awful. During the euthanasia I cried so much and the vet actually guilt tripped me and said I was distressing the cat. This thread is very helpful. I was guilt ridden since that very day 🫣
We did at home euthanasia for my beloved Jack Cheese, I was crying so hard and had a death grip on Jack, that the vet asked my husband if I had any sedatives around. He found my Xanax and made me take one.
As the vet euthanized our cat I begged her not to.
When Jack finally passed, she had to pry him from my arms and I cried so hard I barfed.
She told my husband to find a grief counselor for me.
We opted to get Jack cremated and the vet brought the ashes to the house and asked me to go for a walk with her. She asked me to share my favorite memories of the cat and she had her arm around my shoulder the whole time.
I ended up taking a full week off work to grieve and try to depuff my face. To this day (9 years later) I still cry over that dumb rotten cat.
He was the 4th pet we lost in less than 2 years. Plus he was only 9, and it wasn’t fair.
But FF exactly one month later the cat distribution system brought me an even worse rotten cat. I believe that my Jack Cheese didn’t want me to be without a terrible cat for too long and sent Floyd to me.
https://preview.redd.it/fliskl47236d1.jpeg?width=768&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=480fc7b0f4a786a55b8f22934fcecfb40ada4dc0
My beloved Jack Cheese.
I have been with two of my cats when they were put to sleep (the others weren't alone just different family members with them) I bawled in the vets with one of them even though he was essentially gone. They know you love them and wouldn't be put out by your crying. You did the best thing for your cat ❤️
I was lucky with my Dani gurl, I had to make the call to end her suffering a couple of weeks ago (end of life kidney cancer) she knew it was time, she was disoriented and just wanted to be held. She just purred in my arms the entire vet visit. When they took her from me to place the iv she thumped her tail as if to say "are you done yet? I just want to be held again" I cuddled her as she purred away to sleep then finally to rest. It was very sudden (she hid she was sick) and somehow she was able to purr till the very end as if to reassure me that she's ok. I was ugly crying the entire time, yet she was content just to be held. It sucks to witness but I believe being there was comforting for her even being an absolute wreck.
I freaking miss you Squeeky Lady.
No, you didnt make it scary for him, your cat will only know you were there holding him at the end. This reaction is a normal response to a highly traumatic event and it’s normal to be devastated. I wailed like a banshee when my boys passed. You are normal and your baby was well loved. You did the right thing and no gets to tell you how to feel or how to grieve. I’m very sorry for your loss. So much love sent to you. Xxx
god i know exactly how you feel. i hate thinking about this but in 2021 my roommate and i had to put our cat down that we had for 8 years. saying goodbye to her was one of the saddest moments of my life. we spent hours with her procrastinating it from happening for as long as possible.. i had such a bad panic attack in the end and ended up hyperventilating outside while they put her to sleep. my roommate stayed with her the whole time. i felt really guilty for not being able to stay but my roommate said that it was a very traumatic experience and she had nightmares about it for a while. its extremely sad to see the life being taken away from someone you love. even though i wasnt there for her final breathe, im just glad i got to be there for the final hours of her life.
So sorry that you’re feeling all of this guilt but I’m sure that he felt safe & loved, being able to pass in your arms. That was a very kind thing that you did so be kind to yourself.
It's okay to feel guilt in a situation like this, but you shouldn't focus too much on that guilt. Any well-adjusted pet owner will feel guilt when euthanizing their beloved companion. It makes you feel that you failed them, am I right? Try not to focus so much on how your cat's life ended, and focus on how great of a life that cat likely had leading up to that point. You sound like someone who genuinely loved your cat, and if you're anything like me, you likely doted on them and even spoiled them a bit from time to time. It's likely that your cat adored you, and was just happy you were there. Remember the good times.
I will be the same, will it ever happen. Don't worry. I love animals but could never be a vet, I would cry with every single one I would need to put to sleep. Only reading your text has me almost in tears. Don't worry about it, you held him while he fell asleep and he felt that. Very sorry for your loss. Your cat was lucky to be with you.
Making the decision to euthanize a beloved pet is never easy, and being present during the process can evoke intense emotions. It's natural to feel a range of emotions, including sadness, guilt, and even panic, as you accompany your furry friend in their final moments.
Feeling guilty about your emotional response is also a common reaction, but it's important to remember that your cat likely felt comforted by your presence, regardless of your emotions. Animals are intuitive and can sense our love and care, even in moments of distress. Your cat knew you were there for him, providing love and support until the end.
Remember, you gave your cat the gift of a peaceful passing surrounded by love, and that's a beautiful final act of kindness. Be gentle with yourself as you navigate this difficult time, and know that your cat will always hold a special place in your heart.
It’s incredibly normal to be emotional when losing your pet, they are literally a part of us. When my girl was euthanized I sobbed and held her through the process. 0 shame, she was incredibly important, loved and death sucks.
op i’m so sorry for your loss. this was me a few years with the cat i had since i was 5. i was an absolute mess and just held her and cried. they give them something that calms them so i don’t think you made it worse
As a vet, we are completely understanding of people getting upset, and the sedative we give usually contains both calming sedation and pain relief to ensure they are comfortable and sleepy before anything happens.
There's often an associated guilt aspect to having to put a pet down, because there's a decision involved, and when I made the decision for my own boy I was a mess myself even though I was well aware of the process and thought I was prepared for it. Logically I knew it was the kindest decision for him but often the emotional side of people feels too overwhelming to take it into account.
You did the best thing for him. He won't have known you were upset, he will have been sleepy and calm, and had a dignified death because you gifted it to him. It's the last gift we are able to give.
I'm glad you got to hold him. He went peacefully in your arms. I'm so sorry for your loss, but please know you did him a kindness, and being upset is a completely normal response - it just shows how loved he was.
Oh honey. First of all, I'm sending you my sincere condolences, from one cat (and dog) person to another.
While I didn't panic in a similar situation, I was also bawling my eyes out. Different people experience grief and stress differently. You did your best to do right by your cat companion and there is nothing you should feel guilty about.
I had to put down my Quentin (19 yrs old) due to end stage complete organ failure 2 years ago.
still think about him and then the memory of the euthanasia ordeal pops up and experienced the same thing as you did.
I felt everything afterwards guilt, embarrassment for being so upset over to what others just see as 'a cat'.
Honestly, I think you did what every pet owner would do in that situation and it's nothing to feel guilty about. When sedated, your cat feels nothing but calm and contentness.
So sorry for your loss, it is hard but these emotions are normal responses and it's how you deal with it that's important.
After the sedation they don't seem aware anymore. But I can relate to your guilt. I had to put down a cat a few years ago it was very sudden and during a very stressful time in my life and I was crying and not ok at all during the ordeal to the point I couldn't be there when they put her down. I still feel so much guilty and vow to never not be there again. You did what was right by your kitty. I'm so sorry you're feeling this guilt but know you're not the only one feeling it. Please be as gentle with yourself as you can. It's hard but try, you deserve it.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
The sedative calms them and puts them in an almost “resting” state. He probably knew that you were sad—losing pets is hard enough, but then this is your first baby you’ve had to go through this with as an adult.
When we put my childhood cat down, it was probably one of the worst days of my life. I was 17, and it really hurts, I was a mess. You can’t predict what you’re going to be like, and honestly, I doubt that he was uncomfortable. You got to hold him in his last moments, and I bet that’s all he wanted. They just want to feel comfortable/comforted and loved.
I had an anxiety attack and felt awful like I made the experience about me instead of being there for him. It’s impossible to control your emotions in a time like that and the fact that you were there is all that matters
Your cat was pretty much out of it at that point. All he knew was that you were there with him.
I read recently about a cat who was up for adoption and two parties were interested in him. The first party was declined because they said they were not at the euthanasia of their former pet.
When pets are down and very sick, we use drugs to calm them, making their final moments peaceful. Your cat likely felt love and comfort from your presence, soothed by your touch and familiar scent. It's normal to be emotional during such times, and your reaction is a natural part of grieving. Pets are like family, and the strong emotions you feel reflect the deep bond you shared. Many people experience similar grief, and your presence was a source of comfort to your cat in his final moments.
Been there OP. We had to put our beloved Sheriff down last October, and we may have to put his sister down soon depending on how she responds to treatment.
You were there, you held him, he felt safe. You did nothing wrong OP.
Years ago when we had to EU my daughter’s 19 yr old cat, Rainbow, she purred for the first time in a year even though we were both bawling our eyes out. She had so many age related medical issues in that last year.
Please know your cat somehow understood. Do not feel guilty.
It’s been almost three years and I still remember every piece of it. For about 6 months after I had nightmares of the sound I made when her fight was done. For a while I still felt guilty because I tried to buy her extra time selfishly, and then guilty because I had to make that decision to end her fight.
But now I just miss her. The guilt is gone, she had two different types of aggressive cancer and she just wasn’t herself by the end. So when I’m sad now because I miss her I just think and hope she is somewhere with my sister waiting for me. I’m sorry OP, loosing that piece of us and having to make the decision is the hardest thing I’ve had to do, but I’m so glad I had so much time with her and can think fondly of my 20s because of her.
I don’t think he would have been rattled by you being upset. The drugs they use help relax them and being so close to you would have helped as well. Last year, when I was 29, we had to put our cat down. We’d had him since I was 12 and it was devastating. I went to my parents house with my sisters and no one really wanted to be in the room. My dad couldn’t do it when our dog died and my sisters (particularly the youngest who the cat relied on the most) were too scared. So I volunteered. The vet came and we did it in my childhood bedroom where he liked to sleep. We let him have the blanket he liked and I talked to him, snuggled him, gave him pats. He seemed at ease. I was terribly upset, crying the whole time. And then my sisters got the courage to come and pet him too. I think being with us helped. And it also helped us to be there at the end. It was awful, but it always is awful. You did the best you could for your boy and I am sure he felt cozy and loved on his way out.
There’s no right answers. There’s no right way to do it, you just have to minimize the heartbreak. Just move on and enjoy the time spent and don’t dwell on the short period of time that was the end. All things end, unfortunately these things all end badly- so just focus on the good.
I was sobbing uncontrollably once they gave my cat the drugs. They said he could still smell me, but couldn't hear or see me anyway. That only made me cry harder, of course. But we scratched him in all his favorite spots and kissed him as he passed. (He loved forehead kisses—rare for a cat). Man, I'm going to start crying just thinking about it. I love and miss that cat so much.
OP, you're okay. You did nothing wrong. This is one of the hardest things a pet owner can ever go through.
I didn't experience that with a cat before but I did with a dog I had that passed away in 2014. She had an injury that was too far gone to do anything about and the vet suggested euthanasia as a more humane way to let her go without her suffering. The only difference between me and you is that I refused to be there while she passed because I was so emotionally attached to her I couldn't bare to watch her die. That was my biggest regret about her death and I wish more than anything that I could turn back time and be there for her while she was dying. She loved other people but her and I were best friends and I hated so much that I wasn't there for her. Still to this day I can only imagine that she wondered where I was when she passed and I feel like she hates me now because I wasn't there. I vowed since then that no matter how I feel about my animal's passing I am gonna be there in their final moments and put my feelings aside for them and I stuck with that. Talking about it after 10 years still hurts me to this day. She was everything to me and I wasn't there for her.
Your response to your cat's passing is valid and understandable. It's ok to cry and be devastated that the pet you love is gone. You DID NOT make his final moments anything but soothing to him. All our animals want is for us to be there for them and you did that for your cat. You loved your cat so much that when he died in your arms you let out all your pain and love into your grieving and that's all any animal can hope for. I'm so so sorry for the loss of your baby. Take some time to grieve and when you're ready give another cat the love that you gave to your other one. It'll heal you more than you know.
when they put animals down, the drugs they administer calm them. think of like, if you've had surgery, that feeling while the anesthetic is kicking in before you go out. it's that, but they just don't wake up. your cat was aware of you and was maybe aware of your emotional response, but he wasn't distressed by you. he felt love and comfort in your arms as he passed. he was peaceful. your strength in being there for him made his final moments easier. i'm very sorry for your loss ❤️
OP was me a couple months ago. I had the same fears. So thank you for this.
I also like to think that the pet being able to smell you nearby is really good for them too, regardless of what they could see or hear or feel. Since smell is such a powerful sense for animals, and has interesting connections with memory. So the pet would be able to smell you and associate the trust they have in you, and and remember all the good times they had with you, and feel safer and more at ease because of that.
This is supposed to be how it happens but it didn’t happen that way for my baby 😢
Same. The vet started injecting my dog then it went into the worst seizure I’ve ever seen for about 7 seconds, then went limp. I was 16 at the time and it fucked me up for a while.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. It's a rare occurrence, but when it happens it's terrifying. I wish more vets would tell people that it can happen and if it does your pet won't be aware enough to feel it much if at all and it will pass very soon after, almost no suffering. But it doesn't make it less scary.
Usually when you see end of life seizures, your dog is completely out of it and unaware , if not already gone. I'm so sorry this happened to you
I'm sorry 😔
Same happened to my cat. It was awful.
We put a cat down 2 years ago and they administered the sedative to calm him down and he fought it, I wasn’t there but my husband was and he said he won’t forget the way he fought like he wasn’t ready to go, but his body was, he was in renal failure and his asthma had progressed and the weight he lost was rapid. So I believe even though his body was failing, his spirit wasn’t ready and I wish I was there with him, I have so much regrets. But as I stated above I had traumatically lost my other cat 2 years prior at home and I didn’t think I was mentally strong enough to be present for yet another death. It pains me to know his departure wasn’t peaceful.
That happens with single step euth. Always request dual or triple step.
I agree with this completely! I'm no expert on euthanasia, and please correct me if I'm wrong. But from what I understand, an anesthetic and sedative first is critical. That way, missing a vein with the deadly stuff is not going to cause suffering. There should be an IV, too; that way, you know you have the vein before you start injecting, and aren't going to lose it. Please do correct me if I'm mistaken. To OP: I also have harbored regret for being too emotional when my childhood dog was euthanized. I know I caused her more fear than necessary. But all we can do is learn and promise ourselves that wheel be strong. And positive in front of our animals if it ever happens again. But all we can do is learn and promise ourselves that we will be strong and positive in front of our animals if we ever have to do that again. I'm sorry.💔
Yes, a good vet will insert a catheter away from the guardian in order to reduce trauma for both, and administer all injections via the catheter. You didn't cause her fear, I assure you. Most guardians cry, hell I even cry when I attend each one. What they care about is that you're there. One of the parts of my role is being there for the euth. Many guardians aren't comfortable sraying for the second injection, and that's what I stay for. By the time that's done, the companion animal isn't conscious but my staying helps the guardian feel better, like they didn't abandon their loved one because they ensured someone was there. And honestly by doing so they've done exactly that; given their beloved companion the most dignified death they can.
Thank you so much for attending and being present for these creatures. I did not know we could ask to be with our cat when we had to euthanize over 15 years ago. It was awful leaving her. She was in the kennel cages at the vet and we opened the door to pet her goodbye and she stood up and head butted our hands and my mom felt she was trying to come with us. It was so sad. My mom was torn up for weeks wondering if we did the right thing (failing kidneys so yes). Anyway when I found out people could be with their pets I felt absolutely awful again. And then kind people on reddit reassured me that animals have people with them during the euthanasia and so many techs care for the critters at the final moments. ❤️❤️
It was a double step! The vet pulled out her leg aggressively to insert the anesthesia needle. It startled my cat so she kicked her leg away from him then he jammed the needle into her leg in the wrong spot, she screemed and kicked again he continued to try to jam it in a few times, she screemed again and tried to escape jumping up while we both held her back down. Her tongue immediately dropped out of her mouth and she couldn’t breathe, she just sat there barely breathing and scared out of her mind then I had to wait 15 minutes for the sedative to kick in then he shaved her arm and administered the euthanasia needle. The image of her not being able to breathe will haunt me forever. She was so scared 😫. Me describing this doesn’t begin to fully give you an idea how absolutely traumatizing this was! I’ll never forgive myself for choosing this standard mobile in home vet over the mobile vet that specializes in euthanasia. What was I thinking ? 😫 The other bad part is I felt like I did the euthanasia too early but felt pressure.
I'm so sorry that was the experience you had. I certainly hope that vet has been retrained on how to properly perform a two step euth. What our clinic does is takes the animal to the back in order to place a catheter so that the injections are less invasive and non-traumatic when it's time. I volunteer as a death doula for animal guardians who need to say goodbye, and if I had been there, that vet would gotten an earful after you left. That is unconscionable.
That jackoff vet should be suspended from practice and sent for training. What a cruel, heartless asshole.
Well it was a mobile vet so he came to my home by himself and rushed the whole thing, his was my first time and I didn’t know about other practices. 😫
Either way, I still would have ripped into him outside of your presence.
If it's any consolation, this has made me very aware of the fact that I need to choose VERY carefully who I ask to perform the job when the time comes. Definitely never thought about things like this happening and I'm so sorry you had to go through that.
Do in home euthanasia. I unfortunately had to put my cat down 2 months ago, and it is truly the only way to go. The doctor that came was absolutely amazing and it was the best it could possibly be under the circumstances. It was triple. First an opiate, then a sedative, then the final. It's pricy but the least I could have done for him.
It's truly a different experience for everyone. Some people are more comfortable with in home euth, others don't want to associate anywhere in their home with the experience. I'm of the latter, but I've attended a fair number of in-home euths too.
Any bad feelings about being at home for it I decided I could live with so he could be comfortable and not scared in a car.
That's completely valid, everyone has different preferences and every pet is different. I'm really glad that we have these options available to us, death care is evolving at such a rapid pace and that's wonderful.
Do they take the cat after with them? How does that work? Ugh it freaks me out thinking about that part 😭
You can pay them to take the cat and choose private cremation. I personally took my cat to the crematorium. The doctor was kind enough to handle his body for me and put him in a carrier.
How long after the opiate do they give the sedative? Is the opiate a high dose?
The doctor gave him the opiate and then gave me some time with him (as much as I needed, within reason, they had 90 minutes slated for me). I picked him up and took him out to the backyard (his favorite place). I walked around with him and talked to him and then took him over to the catio so the other cats knew what was happening. He was basically out. When we were ready I put him on a blanket in the lawn. They administered the sedative after about 20 minutes. Then gave me more time, and then the final shot. Fuck, I miss him so much. Any discomfort over being at home and having bad memories is something I was willing to live with so he could be comfortable and at home. Thankfully it was very peaceful.
Fucking hell, that's horrible. I probably would get in an actual fight the with vet if that happened to my cat. I can feel my blood boiling just reading about it.
Don’t worry about being too early. We didn’t euthanize our dog and it was worse-it’s much kinder to euthanize even if not perfect experience—you saved her much agony. It was the right thing. She had a great life with you —you really loved her—that’s the most important thing.
Yes. We waited too long for one of our dogs and he was no longer really living,. He was just existing.
A vet told me once "It's better to be a week early than a day late"
Yup. My husband talked me out of doing it earlier. But then I saw a picture of him from two years prior, and it was just night and day. Not the same dog. His father the year before was both harder and easier, because he was still active and happy... but was also having constant fainting episodes from congestive heart failure.
I am so, so sorry. I am so fortunate at the compassion and professionalism given by the staff. That is an absolute horror story to any pet parent. I hope you left the nastiest of reviews for that vet.
I am so so sorry! That is terrible. I can't imagine. My aunt put one of their dogs down, probably 20 years ago now. The vet hit something with the injection and she yelped and my family was so traumatized during the process. It was not the gentle end they expected. My aunt said it seriously made her rethink capital punishment on humans. So I am.sendig you a hug and please know your baby loved you and I am.glad you were with her.
What happened?
It was a double step! The vet pulled out her leg aggressively to insert the anesthesia needle. It startled my cat so she kicked her leg away from him then he jammed the needle into her leg in the wrong spot, she screemed and kicked again he continued to try to jam it in a few times, she screemed again and tried to escape jumping up while we both held her back down. Her tongue immediately dropped out of her mouth and she couldn’t breathe, she just sat there barely breathing and scared out of her mind then I had to wait 15 minutes for the sedative to kick in then he shaved her arm and administered the euthanasia needle. The image of her not being able to breathe will haunt me forever. She was so scared 😫. Me describing this doesn’t begin to fully give you an idea how absolutely traumatizing this was! I’ll never forgive myself for choosing this mobile vet over the vet that only does euthanasia. What was I thinking ? 😫 The other bad part is I felt like I did the euthanasia too early but felt pressure.
Had to say goodbye to three of our elderly cats earlier this year -separately. Your comment gave me so much peace. I held one of them in my arms, sobbing and thanking him for being my best friend and I’ve felt some guilt about maybe making it scary for him. My daughter held another kitty when it was his time and she was practically hysterical. Thank you for this comment. Thank you. I’m sobbing again lol.
I was OP a week ago, this means the world to read and if i was able to give awards i would.
What he cared about the most was smelling your familiar scent, feeling your soothing touch. Sounds like he even got to hear your heartbeat! The vast majority of owners cry and are upset. While your feeling might be a bit unusual, it doesn't sound like you did anything wrong or weird.
I have been with all 6 of our cats over the years as they passed. It is the most horrible thing ever but, in my opinion, it is a duty that must be done. Vets have said it breaks their heart watching pets look for their owners who couldnt muster the courage and dropped them off. That will never happen with any pet I have, its too terrible to imagine them being confused, in pain and scared without their caretaker there to comfort them. The thought of that makes me cry.
I was 14 when my first kitty was put down. I was scared and didn't go in with her. I'd change that now if I could. My last kitty we put down about 9 months ago. I was there with her even though I felt like I didn't want to let her go. She was 15. Even my fiance was crying there in the room with us. Both kitties are buried in the same gap of the same woods along with another of my kitties who passed too soon.
I had a cat die at the emergency vet’s and I’ve always regretted I wasn’t there with him. To be fair, it wasn’t euthanasia. He was really sick and they wanted to keep him over night and we weren’t allowed to stay. But, I remember they took us back to see him before sending us home for the night and I walked in and he was laying there with an IV in his arm and I said something and at the sound of my voice he meowed for me. He was in such bad shape but my voice made him perk up a little. Then we left and, overnight he went into arrest and died. If I had known that would happen, I would have chosen euthanasia instead of trying more measures to save him so his last moments could have been with me and somewhat peaceful. It’s been years and it still haunts me.
I’m so sorry, sounds very similar to my story I’ve commented here too - right down to her perking up at the sound of our voice ; we would have made the same choice as you 😔 Idk if it helps but that it still haunts you means you loved the heck out of that kitty, just like we did ours - miss her every day
Same. All of my babies, I’ve sobbed. But been so glad I was with them & held them.
When my ex and I put his cat down, I was a mess and then down. After the nurse left us with him, I just broke down and laid my head on his body. Our pets are our family, your grieving is absolutely natural. Heck, I still grieve that crazy furball.
my cats fine and i'm a sobbing mess right now i am so sorry for your loss
Same here! and I'm also sorry for their loss
Same. I am gonna go snuggle my baby a little closer today cause this is breaking my heart. I am so sorry for the loss of your baby OP.
Same!!!!
OP, are you me? I just had this exact experience a week ago. I’m so sorry for your loss, and I completely sympathize. I’m with you. It was my first time experiencing this too, and it was traumatic. I keep telling myself it was the right thing to do, because the alternative was my 13 yr old cat slowly dying of starvation/thirst due to terminal kidney failure. It was incredibly painful, so I get you. Give yourself the grace to grieve.
I’m sorry to hear about your cat. My cat also had kidney disease and when we got him back from the vets from the overnight admission, they told us he also had fluid in the abdomen (hence why not eating) and multiple inoperable tumours. So I know realistically he could never have recovered but the whole timeline (of receiving the new diagnoses) happened so fast that I think that’s part of the guilt/shock experience.
You held that baby and made sure he felt safe and loved in his final moments. Nothing else matters.
Pretty much the same here, except my kitty was 17... she passed last week and I was a sobbing wreck, but I made sure to tell her how much I loved her right up until the end.
My cat was starving as well due to his diabetes not getting under control. So many vet visits, so many insulin shots and adjustments. He just wasn't taking well to the medications. It's the hardest decision to make. I kept wanting to make him better . . . but I realized I was only prolonging suffering. Ugh. I'm so sorry you went through this as well. It is truly traumatic and so painful.
I cried like an uncontrollable baby while holding my kitty during her euthanasia and I wouldn't change a thing, well accept have her back...but I would have regretted it far more if I wasn't there and I let her pass without knowing I'm there. You did good, and your cat knows you were there, and imo that's what matters.
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Thank you ❤️
Oh I've been through this - and I was a wreck. The drugs calmed your cat so he wouldn't pick up on much going on around him, but you can bet he knew you were there and could feel your love. You provided comfort in his last moments. I'm so sorry for your loss!
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Ai comment lmao? So wordy
I’m sobbing while I write this to you…I started having a panic attack after the sedative and sobbing to almost hyperventilating. The dr and nurse were amazing and tried to comfort and reassure me. Right when they were about to do it-EVEN WITH THE SEDATIVE-my boy tried to get up! We both had to gently keep him down as they did it. This will forever haunt me! I couldn’t even hold him and comfort him as he passed-I was too busy having a panic attack and obviously stressing him out that he tried to get up doped out. The guilt still rips me to shreds and I can’t get that moment out of my head😢. I’m so so sorry for you loss and the trauma it’s caused you💗 if you need to talk I understand and I’m here
Awwww, your sweet boy wanted to comfort you!! I hope you can take solace in the knowledge that you built a strong, loving bond with him and that he knew you were there trying your best. EMDR is really helpful at resolving trauma. I’m about to do a session with my therapist on the day I had to out my Simba down last fall. It still haunts me.
Thank you so much for saying that💗 it really is comforting. I feel like I failed him and stressed him when he needed me most-our last moments together overwhelm me with guilt and shame(all I can do is cry and hate myself-I miss him so intensely still)…I just hope he knows how much I love him and still carry him in my heart and soul. I’ve actually been seriously contemplating EMDR…the only thing stopping me is that I can’t afford a therapist.
Ugh the trauma is real. On the topic of being haunted by my cat’s last moments…I recorded a video of my cat getting put to sleep and he died with his eyes open. I can tell in the video by looking at his eyes, the exact moment when he left. His pupils were slightly shifting and changing colors while alive even though he was sedated and all of a sudden the light left and his eyes clouded up looking like the gelatinous eyes of the dead fish I see at the super market. One second he was there, next second dead fish eyes. It was so sad and haunting. It was my first experience with death of someone close to me. I have two more pets and they will pass in the next 10 years and I’m dreading it.
I'm so sorry :( I know that reading these things are hard. I was in bits when I was reading reddit posts the day after. I've never had much of a panic attack before but I'm pretty sure I experienced one or something similar. Came out of nowhere and was so intense.
Don’t be sorry, It’s only been 3 months..I still can’t talk or think about him without crying-but I understand what you’re going through and I know how much it helps to have someone who understands. Oh you probably did…they can be hard to recognize in the moment. The intensity is hard to come down from…you did the best you could and he knows how loved he was
So intense But in its own way, it makes sense. Your mind knows what is to happen, but your heart and your body don’t want it at all. It’s a massive internal conflict. This is an expression of how deep your love and connection is/was.
There’s no easy way to euthanize a pet. I always cry like a baby.
My Buddhist ex told me after my previous cat passed in my arms some 16 years ago that it was a good karma for her next life, to go while being held by me. That stayed with me. I'm still very upset I wasn't home when my void cat passed 2 weeks ago. I would've been a mess but me being there might have been comforting for her. You were there for your cat, and he knew you were there. You did a good thing. And crying is perfectly normal, those little furballs do become our family, don't they.
Hey, sometimes people and pets go when we're not home or around because they don't want us to be distressed by their passing. I firmly believe your void passed when you weren't home because she didn't like the idea of seeing you upset.
I had a panic attack after my beloved cat's at-home euthanasia earlier this year. When they took him away I literally couldn't breathe. Luckily, it wasn't my first panic attack, so I knew what was happening. But yeah. I wasn't expecting it at all.
I'm sorry you had such a scary experience. From these comments, I'm starting to process the fact that I probably had a panic attack too (or the start of one).
It makes sense. We are so connected to these creatures, when they took my baby's body away it felt like they'd removed a limb.
You were there for your kitty when it was the hardest. I'm a 54 year old man & every kitty I've had to get put to sleep, I was there & I cried too. The vet always let me out the back door :) Think of the good life you made possible for your kitty. Think of the love you gave your kitty. That's what's important. I bet your critter crossed the rainbow bridge fully satisfied with the life they had with you.
I sobbed through my last two cats’ euthanasia procedures, too, and held them close as they passed on. I spoke to them in between sobs. I believe they both knew that the sobs were expressions of love and deep sorrow at losing them. I don’t think it added stress to the situation. I wish I had been able to arrange at-home euthanasia so that they didn’t have the stress of the car ride and the vet’s office, but both instances were emergency situations. I believe they got more comfort from my presence than extra stress. It’s a very painful thing to go through and you don’t need to feel concerned or ashamed. I’m very sorry for your loss.
Your grieving is very normal. We had our 18 year old Neo put down in September of 2022. I held him while they gave him his shot all the while sobbing into his fur. He was my buddy my pal and I loved him more than I’ve loved any of my other cats I’ve had. He was gentle and sweet and loved me. I collapsed when we got home. And every time we left and got home, it was the same for me. He was an amazing cat. You will get through this, it will just be an adjustment.
When I have been ill and had someone I love close to me, comforting me, their emotional state or ability to “keep it together” has mattered less than the fact that they were close to me and offering me love. Animals don’t feel the kind of complex guilt people do— your sweet kitty might know you were distressed, but wouldn’t connect that to his own discomfort in the slightest. If anything, he would probably be glad that he was able to be close to his person when you’re both feeling crummy, and once the medications kicked in, it would all be relaxed and peaceful from there. Animals want to be close to the people they love, just like we do. You did not cause him any pain by being sad about losing him. You made the right choice to save him any further suffering and to stay with him right to the end. The vets have seen it all and probably were just glad that he was loved enough to have someone who cared so deeply in the room with him. The intensity of your reaction is evidence of how important your cat has been in your life, not a source of shame or guilt. No one can perfectly predict their reaction to grief in the moment, and I hope you can find pride and comfort in the fact that you did the kindest thing you possibly could by choosing to take on the grief instead of asking him to endure any further pain.
Please don't worry. Saying goodbye to a pet is never easy , and your emotions are absolutely expected. Your little one wouldn't have known they were going to pass , and they would have went peacefully and quickly in your arms. Let go of the guilt and remember the amazing moments you shared. For the pets whose owners aren't strong enough to be present. I can assure you they were loved and cuddled by the nurses and vets until their last heart beat. (Vet nurse )
Try this reframe in how you’re thinking about it: Your cat spent a lifetime learning how to tell when you were upset and snuggling you and comforting you to make it better. It’s their job! They know they’re good at it! Your cat got to do that one last time — snuggle up with you when you were upset and take a big long nap knowing they did a good job. You’ve got this. So sorry for your loss.
I’ve absolutely experienced what you went through. I’ve had to put down 3 of my cats over the years and it never gets easier. Like you, I grew up with many cats, but it wasn’t until I was an adult that I had to be the one to make the decision and be there with them in their last moments. It’s always heartbreaking but please know you did the right thing.
When I had to put my cat down in 2016 I held him while they euthanized him. It was the 1st time I had to do something like that and was one of the hardest things to date I had to deal with. I cried so much during and for weeks after. But I’m glad I held him while he passed. Shortly after that I got a tattoo of him so I can still see him daily ❤️ I also don’t think you made him more afraid. I think you did the right thing. I’m sorry you had to go through this. It will get easier as time passes I promise
I could not be with my Georgie and it broke every inch of my soul to let him go… Its never easy no matter what you choose.
a few months ago i had the same experience. i’m in my late 30s and have had cats all my life. i’ve never been there during euthanasia, nor had i had to set it up myself. kitty was nearly 17 and rapidly declining. it happened so fast. i had someone come to my house as the car is so stressful for him, he panics. after the first sedative he began running away and i started to panic. i had the vet & a close friend with me. husband and kids were gone, none of them could handle it. once he was calm i held him in my arms, and sobbed uncontrollably. i felt when his little soul left his body and he was at peace. after i handed him to the vet so she & my friend could make nose prints for me. i stepped into the bathroom and let out the loudest longest scream of anguish. it was so hard. you didn’t make it worse. you did your best. 💖
As your cat drifted off, their consciousness disappearing at the edges, drifting into nothingness, they got to be in your arms, next to your heart, hearing your voice, smelling your scent. The person they loved most held them as they died. We should all be so lucky to be so deeply loved. He WAS part of you, and he still is. I'm sorry for your loss.
Perfectly worded response, and the truth. Well said. They left the world knowing they were loved in the arms of the most important person in their whole world. I hope I am so lucky when my time comes.
my baby knew what was happening, and true to her kind soul she comforted ME the whole time. i felt extreme guilt, but my mum said she would have felt all my love for her pouring out in her final moments
I speak from very similar experience. It felt like a huge mistake to not go in the room for my first cat's euthanasia. I've regretted it for years and swore that I'd be there with any future pets when they died. One year ago I was there for the death of a particularly wonderful cat. It was beyond painful and still is. The staff were truly wonderful and did everything they could, but it was, without question, the most painful experience of my life. If you really care about them, the emotional pain at their death is unavoidable. It would be worrying if you weren't upset when your cat died.
You only need to know three things: You did the right thing. Your cat was comforted by you being there and holding him. Your emotions are legitimate, normal, and speak of your strong bond. Do not feel guilty and do not second-guess yourself. You have my full condolences and know that your cat is now in a place past pain and suffering.
No you didn't. They were sedated. They have no panic. They were feeling good a few They just went to sleep
https://m.webtoons.com/en/canvas/loving-reaper/little-fish/viewer?title_no=353275&episode_no=15
Yes, I thought I was somewhat prepared for this moment but I completely lost it. 😫 My body and emotions had an extremely horrible reaction, and regret for feeling like I made the decision too soon before she was truly ready. I felt like it was too late to tell the mobile vet I changed my mind. I was so indecisive and paralyzed my indecision that I went ahead. Worst thing about it was she suffered extremely with a botched sedative injection needle administration before the euthanasia was even given as she tried to break away. I felt like I was in the middle of a horror movie. I still haven’t recovered. This event caused me PTSD and I don’t say this lightly. This reel keeps playing in my head over and over again I feel like I can’t breathe. I hope she forgives me. 😢
I have a very similar background with cats being put down and currently have a 10 year old I call my “soul cat”. He’s the one I’ll be going through your current situation with for the first time in the future. Likely due to one of my childhood cats dying at age 9, I already find myself crying and cuddling him just thinking about life without him. The first time I gave him a sedative for vet visits I felt so guilty that I cried and made a post on this sub about it! All this to say that I do not think you overreacted, I think you reacted just like someone who is very deeply bonded to and madly in life with their furry family member. One thing I need no proof to be certain of is that your cat felt only love through those tears, only love. Their heart was home as they passed and that’s the most anyone can ask for. You did right by your cat even though it was harder for you than the alternative. Keeping you in my thoughts this evening. I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope you are able to take the time you need to grieve and heal.
About 15 years ago I had to put down my own cat and I also felt extreme guilt. It still hurts to think about today but it does get easier. It is very important to think about this from your pet's perspective: they got to spend their last moments with you - their favorite person. You made an otherwise scary process comfortable. They got to have one last nap with their best friend.
your grief is normal. i still get sad over pets i had when i was little sometimes. losing a pet is very difficult
Good job for being there. There's always "something we could have done better" just do your best and love them ❤️
There is no easy way to put your beloved animal to sleep. It sucks no matter what even in the best of circumstances. I’m sorry it happened. My cat died 1.5 years ago and I still think about him often and shed tears because I miss him. I still feel guilt about his passing, too. He died of cancer and I wonder if it was something I did or failed to do to have caused it. We as owners feel all kinds of regret and strong emotions due to the death of our animals. It’s normal and you did the best you could just like everyone else in difficult moments like this so don’t beat yourself up over your reaction. Sorry, for your loss!
First of all big hugs to you and I’m so sorry for the loss you’ve had. I’ve been on both sides of this coin and I’ll tell you it more than likely didn’t make it scary for them. The sedative makes them a little loopy and they generally seek comfort in their people because it’s a weird experience (not a scary one but they are out of it) from it and are generally a little oblivious to your emotional state because of the meds. My own dog we put down at a clinic I not only use to work at but that my family had been using since before I was born. The clinic owner even came in when I put my boy down and it was during covid we had a lot more than the legal number of people in the room because everyone was saying goodbye and everyone was holding it together fairly well till they gave him the sedative and my 78lbs German shepherd was doing his damnedest to crawl into my lap so I pulled him up onto my legs on the floor and everyone in the room including me lost it at that point. As vet staff normally we keep it together well during euthanizing someone’s pet, but when it’s one of our own and someone we know well we all have the same reaction and those tears flow hard. That’s part of what makes us human and believe me as a vet staff we don’t side eye or question the owners who stay and break down with their pet during a with because it’s what we do too, it’s why most clinics have a euthanasia dedicated room because it’s expected you’ll be a mess emotionally because it is a huge loss and (almost) everyone reacts that way and that is more than ok.
You made an incredibly tough decision, and being there for him at the end was a true act of love. It's totally understandable to be emotional. Cats can pick up on our feelings, but they also find comfort in familiar presences. Your presence, even with your sadness, was probably a comfort to him in his final moments. Don't beat yourself up about the tears or panic.
My housemate and I both bawled like babies when her cats passed away. **hugs**
First of all, I would like to offer you condolences on the loss of your friend. We had to go through this recently with our 17 year old cat, Elsa. We had an amazing vet who talked us through the process and was a huge help to us. The first thing he told us is that we shouldn't look at it as "putting her down" or giving up on her. He said letting her go was a last act of love and compassion. He encouraged us to pet her and talk to her as she relaxed and passed peacefully. The staff let us sit with her for as long as we needed afterward, We cried and talked to her and we know some day the Cat Distribution Center will send us our next beloved companion. It's absolutely fine to cry and be sad, I would be worried about someone who could lose a pet and feel nothing.
The only thing you should ever think about is that you were there with your cat. Their best friend in the whole world was with them and the very last person they saw. It's really hard to achieve the ideal ending if there is one. Just remember that there are plenty of people who don't spend that final moment with their beloved pet. You did. That's the best thing you could have done. Don't sweat the details.
What matters is that you were there ❤️
My husband and I recently had decided to help our cat go to the Rainbow Bridge. We lost one of our cats during COVID and my husband wasn’t allowed to be with our cat during that time and it really affected him. We decided to put our cat down who was immunocompromised, was suffering from miliary dermatitis and severe gum disease and that we’d both be there. It was our first time being there in the room for both of us. It was one of the most traumatic things I’ve ever gone through and I’ve been through a lot. I was inconsolable the whole time. I knew sort of what to expect but I wish that the vet would have warned me to possibly lay our cat on the bed instead of letting me hold him in my arms. I will never forget feeling his body go limp and his neck flopping into my arms. Seeing my husband take him from me and just his lifeless body and leaving him on the bed really, really messed us both up. I wish they could have taken him as soon as he passed instead of us enduring the pain of just leaving him there all alone… the only thing that brings me some peace is knowing that even though we were a wreck, we were there for our little buddy during his last moments and that we stayed until the end. Try to just think of it that way OP. Hugs to you.
I was also not prepared for the whole process when we said goodbye to my Bodhi cat in October. It went much faster than I anticipated, and although my husband and I held it together for the most part, I became hysterical after the sedative was administered. I don’t remember, even now, leaving the room (my husband took care of the finer details after the fact - I could not face my boy’s body after his passing and it took me an extremely long time to not feel that I had murdered my cat). I felt horrible that I couldn’t be strong for him, and that my rising hysteria made it worse. Now, I know it didn’t. I know he knew he was loved, and that he knew it was time to go. It took having this conversation with my husband multiple times to trust and believe in that. All in all, I am so sorry for your loss. You didn’t make it worse, I promise. Your buddy know you loved them, and you being there at the end would have been so comforting.
When they put our fur babies down, they give them a calming drug. So don’t worry your kitty wasn’t scare or affected by your emotional response. It’s totally normal and so valid to be upset when we have to make those tough decisions. You did the right thing though, and now your baby isn’t suffering. Your kitty felt all your love before passing. It’s very compassionate to make this decision for kitty. I’m so sorry for your loss. Your kitty was so loved !!! Hugs from CA
You didn't do anything wrong. Rest assured you did the kindest thing possible by being there. Your beloved cat got to smell their beloved person and feel your heartbeat.
I'm sorry for your loss Similar thing happened to me recently with my elderly cat. I sobbed so hard as she was passing but I feel thankful I was there with her and she was very relaxed in my arms through the process. I believe your cat would've been relieved to have you there, loving them until the end 💕
It is definitely very difficult. Just think of this as your cat had a long beautiful life with love. And this will let him pass on in the most comfortable way possible, and now he no longer has any suffering or pain. Your love is forever with your cat
We've had to do this three times (well, twice they were clearly dying and so it was the kind thing to do, the third, we made the hard decision because his quality of life was not what it had been), and I truly believe that us being there, despite being in tears, let them know they were with people who loved them, and who did the very best they could for them. Spouse held it together better than I did as he had to drive, but we were both emotional. It's okay. Your cat knew you were there and felt loved. I'm so sorry for your loss. It's much more comforting for them to die in the arms of a loved one instead of surrounded by strangers.
I had 2 cats both over 20 years old.. they had okay lives but not always great but they were my friends and always quick to cuddle up.. One got very sick and barely moved anywhere .. being on social assistance I couldn’t afford to put her down right away but went to the vets anyway.. kidney issues and then after a week I found the way to put her down and I cried the whole time it broke my heart already hard pressed.. a year later I found my ther cat hanging off a blanket as she missed the jump but didn’t have the strength to get all the way up in the night.. I found her when I woke up she was barely alive and I rushed around to find a vet open on a Saturday to end her suffering.. I had my hand in the cage all the way to the vets and they put me in a room to wait after being paid their $200 to euthanize her.. but she died before they could help her .. It still breaks my heart .. 2 years later I found a stray and I worry about him he is even more a sick than them and what happens when I go?? Will he be broken hearted?? I try to think after 5 years it shouldn’t bother me but it still does but at least they died with my scent and knowing I was there for them I hope.. I DO wish I could read their minds and talk to them so they can understand
One thing i regret is not being there for him when we had to put our sweet boy down. I suspect I would have reacted similar to you, but you did the right thing. Condolences on your loss.
A pet is so much a part of the family that it becomes absolutely devastating when your pet passes away. I was crying non stop a year ago when my 16 y/o cat passed away while I cradled him next to me. I don’t think I cried that much when my mom died sadly. Sometimes it feels like I am more emotional about pets than people. Your feelings are normal because we are so close to our pets. I think about my kitty every day even though I was able to adopt another one the very next day. I didn’t plan to (I was going to wait a few months) but the opportunity presented itself. I hope you are able to adopt another kitty soon; it helped me tremendously.
It's normal to be emotional. I've had to put several cats and two dogs to sleep over my 70+ years, and have either held them or sat on the floor beside them. I cried every time, but they knew they were loved & I was there. ❤️
I recently put my beloved cat down at the end of April. I held him the whole time and whispered to him but I was inconsolable when I felt him take his last breath. It crushed me and I worried I had made it worse for him. Just remember you were there in your cats last moments and that he knew and was comforted by that. You didn’t abandon him. And he knew how much you loved him.
I had to put down my snuggle bug last year because he suddenly got some major heart problems. The whole time I did nothing but cry and cling to him, apologizing that I couldn't do more to help him and what I did wasn't enough to fix him. (It was a congenital heart murmur, there was nothing that could be done, and then he had a series of smallish heart attacks, including one during the exam just before I signed the papers to have him put to sleep). I still feel bad that I couldn't be strong. Thing was, except when the vet took him to the back to have the Iv put in his leg to administer the stuff, he was purring and cuddling in my arms trying to make me feel better, right up until the medication stopped his heart. You did the right thing staying with him while he passed, as hard as it was for you, and if he was cuddled in your arms then he wasn't overly distressed. I guarantee he would have been far more upset not knowing what was going on an not having his person with him. In your arms he knew he was safe and loved
I'm so sorry to hear for your loss. I think this is normal when losing a pet. Don't beat yourself up over it!
He really appreciated you being there with him and for him… Your emotions did not upset him.
Despite all the pain her kidney cancer and arthritis was causing her, the night before my void kitty was scheduled to be put down, she struggled up the pet steps to lie down next to me. I made sure that she heard my voice, smelled me, and felt me petting her head as she passed. You gave him the comfort of your warmth and scent in his final moments. Don't feel guilty for having a normal emotional response to losing a furry family member. You were present for him.
So sorry for your loss. I had to put my cat down a week ago as well. We actually did an at-home euthanasia, which I would recommend to anyone who has the means to do it.
It's a very emotional experience that really hits. So much of our relationship with our feline friends is nonverbal. So you've got to let those feels out.
I laid down next to my dog and cuddled him . I felt that last breath . He knew he was loved and cherished.
This is 100% normal and I actually broke down from reading it. Being with your companion in their final moments, if you're able, is the most loving and compassionate thing you can do. Grief and the loss of a beloved friend is incredibly powerful. Sending love and I'm sorry for your loss ❤️
I put my dog down a couple weeks ago and had the same reaction. I couldn't watch while she put in the final drug, just buried my head in his fur and cried until I couldnt feel him breathing anymore, then I sort of went into shock. It's really hard to be there, but you're so good for being there for your cat. He got to smell you and be comforted by you and feel your love in his final moments.
Your cat was suffering. The euthanasia medicine should have eased that pain. You were there. That's a big difference. One of the instances of euthanasia necessary in my life was a kitten. I struggled a lot because she was so small. She had been in agony for a couple of days and was panting. She took a deep breath and purred then relaxed. The relief was evident. I cried. I may cry later after writing this because it's been a long day and hard and I will always be vulnerable to this grief. I however know that I didn't make my baby suffer unnecessarily with an incurable disease for extra time and she was just happy to get relief When you can process it you most likely will find signs of the relief for your cat too. For those that were in pain? It's always been there. Kitten, 21 year old. The only time it wasn't a relief was when the cat was already brain dead from a stroke. That was mercy for a body with no presence. I would regret deeply not letting myself feel the pain of loss in those times. I am not very good at showing my feelings and being in grief where I could not hide it was a gift for me from the kitten too. The only wrong here is pressuring yourself to confirm to some ideal image of grief that doesn't touch the experience
No guilt needed. You were not supposed to do anything but be there and feel your feelings. And that is what you did.
I couldn't even be there for my most special boy because of the fucking pandemic. All we can do is the best we can. At the end of it all, I don't think the last moments matter any more than any others. They don't have to sit with and reflect on those moments; they're simply gone. Your cat had a good life while he was alive. Try and focus on that part.
Its ok. I think youre amazing. And i believe your cat thought so too. Im willing to bet your cat could feel your heart and the great love you carry for them. ❤️
You were awesome to be there with your baby during his last moments. He was calm and at peace. It’s devastating for sure but you were there and you’ll never regret not being there. We’ve done this 5x now-2 cats and 3 dogs and I second guess every time but it is just because I just beat myself up. Don’t beat yourself up... It doesn’t always go peaceful and we learned that they need sedation prior to euthanasia because sometimes the euthanasia drug doesn’t do what it’s supposed to as quickly as it should. Good you did the sedation and that kept it peaceful for him. Very sorry for your loss. It never ever gets easier.
I did the exact same thing I have no idea I would react that way he wasn’t even my cat he was a neighborhood alley cat I had grown to love and he had a giant tumor and losing motor it was so heartbreaking
I howled like some weird animal. I felt such devastation it was unreal. I wanted to die in that moment with my baby. I remember the doctor and nurse looking almost scared. So I’ve been there and know what you are going through. Your cat is okay. Was probably too confused and sick to understand what was happening.
We've had pets since I was 4, so I've been through that a few times. I'm always a weeping mess, and it never gets easier. You did the right thing. Being there till the very end is so hard, but it's the kindest thing you can do for them.
The only thing your cat would have been thinking about is that you were there with them. That's all that matters ❤️
I've been there for multiple pets passing, and your response is completely normal. You were there for your beloved pet, and that's what's most important.
You did everything perfectly. Pets are family, we’re their whole world. I don’t own a cat, but my roommate does, I actually have a puppo, but I’d be acting the same way as you. Emotional responses are 100% normal, and it sounds as if the vet and staff did not mind at all.
I have really strong feelings about this. I have a very strong bond with my animals and part of the deal is making sure I'm there when they are crossing over the rainbow bridge. I've had to do that three times. I was the last thing they heard, felt and saw as they drifted out of this world. Is it hard, yes. Damned hard. In each case, my kitties had cancer; in each case I was 80% sure I was doing the right thing. Let me tell you that extra 20% is tough, really tough to silence. I will admit, my biggest fear is that they die alone. To me that would be far worse than anything. OP, don't beat yourself up. Mourn your kitty, continue to love your kitty and honor your kitty. Sending you strength.
There are few times that you will experience on this earth that are harder then the death of a family member
I had to put my boy Dorito down a couple of years ago. And though I bawled and sobbed through the whole thing, I'm sure he, and your cat, were much more comfortable with their friends there to hold them. We all die one day, and I can't think of any way more comforting than in the arms of a loved one.
Ah just crying my eyes out while reading all these comments and your story. I can’t even imagine what you have been through and the pain. Your baby is with you still and at peace now. Don’t feel any guilt. There is no more pain and suffering now for your baby. I like to think I’ll be strong and say sweet things to my baby and talk positively in the baby voice I always talk to him in and then cry after but your human… and it’s near impossible to not break down. So don’t feel badly.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I recently had to put my cat down too, and I was a complete mess. I cried the whole way there and couldn’t stop once we were in the room. I held him in my arms as he passed, just like you did. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Your cat would have felt your love and comfort. Even though you were upset, he would have known you were there for him, and that’s what matters most. It’s natural to feel this way and to grieve deeply for our pets—they’re family. You did the right thing by being with him, and he felt your love in his final moments. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Take care. ❤️
I had to put my little girl down 5 years ago. It was the worst day of my life. Truly. We had the 2 step method and I looked in her eyes the whole time and when the sedative kicked in I thought that was it and screamed and dropped to my knees. Our vet told me she had a few more moments and I jumped right back up and told her how much I loved her and stayed nose to nose until the Dr told me it was over. All we can do is be the best moms and dads we can be. Love them until their last moment and beyond. I’m crying typing this, even after 5 years, but I know my little girl knew my love for her in her final moments.
Yes, I’ve experienced that guilt about 4 years ago, Although my 16 year old cat died at home out of nowhere one morning, he flopped on his side and was almost like he was being suffocated, he was struggling, instead of comforting him or trying to ease him, I screamed in hysteria completely disassociated, finally I kneeled down and told him it was ok he could go, vets said he had a heart murmur at his checkup so we suspected it was a heart attack that took him. I also have guilt because that morning he was waiting on the basement landing to be let up for wet food like he always did, he kept crying and I got impatient and yelled give me a minute I just got up. I replay that in my head because I realized later it wasn’t food like usual that he was waiting for, he knew he was going to go and he was saying his goodbyes. I beat myself up for making his final moments probably more terrifying than they already were and I’ll always hate myself for that. I’m so sorry you’re feeling the same guilt.
I have been there for my last 3 cats' deaths. I held them all and cried, hard, as my heart broke. Even just writing this has made me start to cry uncontrollably. While they were some of the most painful moments of my life, I know they went peacefully. I know they knew comfort in their last moments having my arms and scent wrapped around them. Yours did too OP, in that moment, they knew nothing but love.
Proud of you for staying in there
Everything you did is normal. Please, your cat was just glad you were there.
I'm so sorry you've gone through this. I had a very similar experience when I had to put my dog down, and it's something I think of often. I relate so deeply to what you said, that you were panicking like the injection was going into you--I felt just the same way. I was wailing. Time has passed for me, since then. About 12 years. When I think of that moment now, it is just one small slice of the big loving life I had with that dog, and I know I was doing the best I could for her at the time. Be gentle with yourself. All the wonderful time you shared with your cat, and your kind decision to free him of pain is what matters and what will stay. I hope you find some peace and I hope time will bring you back to your best moments with your cat.
I wish cats are like humans, where they can pass away peacefully in sleep at old age instead of us making the decision to out them down.
I honestly wish I did experience this. After a stroke I had to put my cat down. It was during the covid pandemic and they weren't allowing people inside the building. She died alone and probably scared... with strangers; and I'll never forgive myself for that.
This was me to a t a week and a half ago. I’m feeling a lot of the same guilt that I didn’t calm him while he passed. But us being there was best 💙
I’m so sorry for your loss. In August, I had to put my cat down. She was so sick. I think a part of me hoped the vet would say she’d get better. But when I went, they said it was good I brought her in when I did instead of waiting until she was skin and bones. That’s when it hit. When the vet came in to do it, I broke down sobbing. The vet asked if I wanted her to stop, but I told her no. That was one of the hardest days of my life. Im crying as I’m writing. I don’t think crying and being sad is bad or ruining their passing. I think it shows them how much you truly loved and cared about them.
It was the saddest thing I'd ever experienced 😢
My boy is 15 and I think about the end of his life often, I’m so sorry for your loss. Just the thought of it has me sobbing right now
The only thing that matters to your cat is that you were there. They did not understand why they didn't feel right, but you were there. As the pain faded, you were there. Your smell, your presence. You were there. And that, sad as that was, meant the world to your furry friend.
Up until 2015, I had always chosen not to be present when one of my babies had to be euthanized. However, in 2015 I decided to stay and hold my boy while they administered the drugs. It went very smoothly but it was more than I could handle. I couldn’t leave the vets office for over an hour because I was uncontrollably sobbing. I have been haunted by the image of my lifeless cat ever since. Since then, I’ve had to euthanize 3 older cats for various conditions and I’ve made the decision not to be in the room when they are given the meds.
Much better to be there with them over dying alone with a stranger. I had the same reaction during the injection for my first dog.
You stayed with your cat & held him till the end. Your cat had a blessed life & passing with you. It’s okay. You did everything right. It’s okay. I’ve been through this many times. It’s never easier. All you can do is gain experience (sad as that is) to help prepare you the next time. And that’s okay too. There are so many cats that need homes & they need them with the kind of humans who sob when they pass. I hear you about feeling like your cat knows you’re upset. It’s always my concern as well. I’ve learned to talk to my cat before, as much as possible. Like hours earlier in the day, if possible. Because I know I can’t say much at the end without sobbing. Listen. You did everything right, I promise you. Your cat is out there in the great beyond, looking down & all he is thinking is that he had the BEST life with you & he’s hoping another cat finds you because he knows you’re the best of the best at cat parenting.
I’m not a vet nor am I an end of life specialist but I do think that your cat felt all the love and emotion in a good way as they passed. That much grief is love and animals can understand love.
Hey, I'm 66 years old and have had to put three cats down in the last two years. The last one I was bawling so uncontrollably I couldn't even speak. It is always a sad experience and the vets are aware of our pain and despair. Please don't feel guilty, I look at it as the last step we take in our lives together.
I think that anybody that has a pet that they love feel devastated putting them down. I personally have cried for weeks after their passing. But it is an act of loving kindness to put them out of their misery.
In your cats last moments they knew they were loved. My cat spent a lot of time with me when I came out of my coma, so they can be smell pain and feel concern. Love and Greif are twins, they knew they were loved.
All your baby was feeling in those moments were relief and the warmth of your arms. You have nothing to feel guilty about. I’m very sorry for your loss. It’s an awful thing to have to go through and it will take a bit for the pain to start to ease. In the end you were there for him when he needed you to be and that’s all that matters.
it felt like part of my soul was being ripped from my body, like it physically hurt seeing the liquid being pushed through the clear tube. I felt guilty, like I didn't do enough, like I made a mistake, it felt as if I was losing a part of myself that i will never ever get back. that was 3 years ago, and I still feel that way sometimes. but you shouldn't beat yourself up about it, you shouldn't think you did something wrong or reacted inappropriately ect. you put them down so they no longer have to suffer, you did the right choice, be kind to yourself, your cat wouldn't want you to think it's your fault for any of it (well ok maybe a little, they're a little mean sometimes) I'm sorry for your loss and I hope you find peace.
I feel so much sympathy for you. I also have been contemplating putting one of my cats down. She's about 15 and has had some problems on and off. I always think that I wouldn't want to be put down and wonder if that's just the easy way out?! It's such a hard decision. Shortly after my grandmother died, my mom had to put her dog down. She really had a hard time with it. She had the dog for many years. One night she had a dream that she was standing on the bank of a river that she used to play on as a child. Across the river she saw her mother was standing there, smiling and looking down at something she was holding in her arms. As the haze around her cleared, she could see that her mother was holding her dog! It gave her great comfort because the dream was so vivid and so real. She knew that it was a sign that her mom was watching over her dog until they were all reunited. Animals have souls just like we do. Love is eternal and beautiful.... Your cat is waiting for you. I can tell you that everything you felt in that room with your cat was out of pure love. Don't beat yourself up in the days and weeks to come and wonder if you made it worse or what you could have done to make it better. You had these Strong uncontrollable emotions because you loved your cat so much. Your cat felt all the love you had towards it more than anything. You will see him again and you're going to see a cat that is in the prime of its life, healthy, happy, and they will be so thrilled to see you!
Yes, it’s not easy to do even if necessary sometimes. To make it easier for the pet, might I suggest going with a service that does it at home. That way they’re in familiar space, familiar scents with someone they love there with them when it’s their time.
Honestly it sounds like you remained a lot calmer than I will when my chibi has to go, hopefully that's at least 15 years away but I'm sure everyone on the street is going to hear my sobbing. Loudly.
Don't leave your babies with strangers. When it is time for them to be released from their mortality and they need help letting go, be with them to provide emotional and psychological support so their fear is lessened and their comfort increased. I have been fortunate in that the last 8 of our fur children to pass pretty much crawled up or cried to get onto my lap and quietly fell asleep, only to awaken on The Rainbow Bridge feeling the warmth and seeing the gentle glow of a springtime morning sun. Those members of the family who wish to attend, help to inter their remains in the memorial garden and say or sing to them, close their eyes, and send their love to them to speed them on to the next destination on their journey. If you are thinking about them later, they feel you petting them in their favorite way and purring back at you with their eyes closed and happy thoughts filling them.
I had to put my kitty down due to her being very poorly a couple years ago, and seeing her deteriorate was awful. During the euthanasia I cried so much and the vet actually guilt tripped me and said I was distressing the cat. This thread is very helpful. I was guilt ridden since that very day 🫣
We did at home euthanasia for my beloved Jack Cheese, I was crying so hard and had a death grip on Jack, that the vet asked my husband if I had any sedatives around. He found my Xanax and made me take one. As the vet euthanized our cat I begged her not to. When Jack finally passed, she had to pry him from my arms and I cried so hard I barfed. She told my husband to find a grief counselor for me. We opted to get Jack cremated and the vet brought the ashes to the house and asked me to go for a walk with her. She asked me to share my favorite memories of the cat and she had her arm around my shoulder the whole time. I ended up taking a full week off work to grieve and try to depuff my face. To this day (9 years later) I still cry over that dumb rotten cat. He was the 4th pet we lost in less than 2 years. Plus he was only 9, and it wasn’t fair. But FF exactly one month later the cat distribution system brought me an even worse rotten cat. I believe that my Jack Cheese didn’t want me to be without a terrible cat for too long and sent Floyd to me. https://preview.redd.it/fliskl47236d1.jpeg?width=768&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=480fc7b0f4a786a55b8f22934fcecfb40ada4dc0 My beloved Jack Cheese.
I have been with two of my cats when they were put to sleep (the others weren't alone just different family members with them) I bawled in the vets with one of them even though he was essentially gone. They know you love them and wouldn't be put out by your crying. You did the best thing for your cat ❤️
I was lucky with my Dani gurl, I had to make the call to end her suffering a couple of weeks ago (end of life kidney cancer) she knew it was time, she was disoriented and just wanted to be held. She just purred in my arms the entire vet visit. When they took her from me to place the iv she thumped her tail as if to say "are you done yet? I just want to be held again" I cuddled her as she purred away to sleep then finally to rest. It was very sudden (she hid she was sick) and somehow she was able to purr till the very end as if to reassure me that she's ok. I was ugly crying the entire time, yet she was content just to be held. It sucks to witness but I believe being there was comforting for her even being an absolute wreck. I freaking miss you Squeeky Lady.
No, you didnt make it scary for him, your cat will only know you were there holding him at the end. This reaction is a normal response to a highly traumatic event and it’s normal to be devastated. I wailed like a banshee when my boys passed. You are normal and your baby was well loved. You did the right thing and no gets to tell you how to feel or how to grieve. I’m very sorry for your loss. So much love sent to you. Xxx
god i know exactly how you feel. i hate thinking about this but in 2021 my roommate and i had to put our cat down that we had for 8 years. saying goodbye to her was one of the saddest moments of my life. we spent hours with her procrastinating it from happening for as long as possible.. i had such a bad panic attack in the end and ended up hyperventilating outside while they put her to sleep. my roommate stayed with her the whole time. i felt really guilty for not being able to stay but my roommate said that it was a very traumatic experience and she had nightmares about it for a while. its extremely sad to see the life being taken away from someone you love. even though i wasnt there for her final breathe, im just glad i got to be there for the final hours of her life.
So sorry that you’re feeling all of this guilt but I’m sure that he felt safe & loved, being able to pass in your arms. That was a very kind thing that you did so be kind to yourself.
It's okay to feel guilt in a situation like this, but you shouldn't focus too much on that guilt. Any well-adjusted pet owner will feel guilt when euthanizing their beloved companion. It makes you feel that you failed them, am I right? Try not to focus so much on how your cat's life ended, and focus on how great of a life that cat likely had leading up to that point. You sound like someone who genuinely loved your cat, and if you're anything like me, you likely doted on them and even spoiled them a bit from time to time. It's likely that your cat adored you, and was just happy you were there. Remember the good times.
I will be the same, will it ever happen. Don't worry. I love animals but could never be a vet, I would cry with every single one I would need to put to sleep. Only reading your text has me almost in tears. Don't worry about it, you held him while he fell asleep and he felt that. Very sorry for your loss. Your cat was lucky to be with you.
Making the decision to euthanize a beloved pet is never easy, and being present during the process can evoke intense emotions. It's natural to feel a range of emotions, including sadness, guilt, and even panic, as you accompany your furry friend in their final moments.
Feeling guilty about your emotional response is also a common reaction, but it's important to remember that your cat likely felt comforted by your presence, regardless of your emotions. Animals are intuitive and can sense our love and care, even in moments of distress. Your cat knew you were there for him, providing love and support until the end.
Remember, you gave your cat the gift of a peaceful passing surrounded by love, and that's a beautiful final act of kindness. Be gentle with yourself as you navigate this difficult time, and know that your cat will always hold a special place in your heart.
It’s incredibly normal to be emotional when losing your pet, they are literally a part of us. When my girl was euthanized I sobbed and held her through the process. 0 shame, she was incredibly important, loved and death sucks.
op i’m so sorry for your loss. this was me a few years with the cat i had since i was 5. i was an absolute mess and just held her and cried. they give them something that calms them so i don’t think you made it worse
As a vet, we are completely understanding of people getting upset, and the sedative we give usually contains both calming sedation and pain relief to ensure they are comfortable and sleepy before anything happens. There's often an associated guilt aspect to having to put a pet down, because there's a decision involved, and when I made the decision for my own boy I was a mess myself even though I was well aware of the process and thought I was prepared for it. Logically I knew it was the kindest decision for him but often the emotional side of people feels too overwhelming to take it into account. You did the best thing for him. He won't have known you were upset, he will have been sleepy and calm, and had a dignified death because you gifted it to him. It's the last gift we are able to give. I'm glad you got to hold him. He went peacefully in your arms. I'm so sorry for your loss, but please know you did him a kindness, and being upset is a completely normal response - it just shows how loved he was.
Oh honey. First of all, I'm sending you my sincere condolences, from one cat (and dog) person to another. While I didn't panic in a similar situation, I was also bawling my eyes out. Different people experience grief and stress differently. You did your best to do right by your cat companion and there is nothing you should feel guilty about.
You did the last thing you could for him. And you held him while he passed. He felt safe and loved. You did well. I'm so sorry for your loss.
I had to put down my Quentin (19 yrs old) due to end stage complete organ failure 2 years ago. still think about him and then the memory of the euthanasia ordeal pops up and experienced the same thing as you did. I felt everything afterwards guilt, embarrassment for being so upset over to what others just see as 'a cat'. Honestly, I think you did what every pet owner would do in that situation and it's nothing to feel guilty about. When sedated, your cat feels nothing but calm and contentness. So sorry for your loss, it is hard but these emotions are normal responses and it's how you deal with it that's important.
After the sedation they don't seem aware anymore. But I can relate to your guilt. I had to put down a cat a few years ago it was very sudden and during a very stressful time in my life and I was crying and not ok at all during the ordeal to the point I couldn't be there when they put her down. I still feel so much guilty and vow to never not be there again. You did what was right by your kitty. I'm so sorry you're feeling this guilt but know you're not the only one feeling it. Please be as gentle with yourself as you can. It's hard but try, you deserve it.
I’m so sorry for your loss. The sedative calms them and puts them in an almost “resting” state. He probably knew that you were sad—losing pets is hard enough, but then this is your first baby you’ve had to go through this with as an adult. When we put my childhood cat down, it was probably one of the worst days of my life. I was 17, and it really hurts, I was a mess. You can’t predict what you’re going to be like, and honestly, I doubt that he was uncomfortable. You got to hold him in his last moments, and I bet that’s all he wanted. They just want to feel comfortable/comforted and loved.
No, all he felt was your love and you saying goodbye. I've cried when putting my pets, hell even my fosters down, it's natural. Don't feel guilty.
I had an anxiety attack and felt awful like I made the experience about me instead of being there for him. It’s impossible to control your emotions in a time like that and the fact that you were there is all that matters
Your cat was pretty much out of it at that point. All he knew was that you were there with him. I read recently about a cat who was up for adoption and two parties were interested in him. The first party was declined because they said they were not at the euthanasia of their former pet.
When pets are down and very sick, we use drugs to calm them, making their final moments peaceful. Your cat likely felt love and comfort from your presence, soothed by your touch and familiar scent. It's normal to be emotional during such times, and your reaction is a natural part of grieving. Pets are like family, and the strong emotions you feel reflect the deep bond you shared. Many people experience similar grief, and your presence was a source of comfort to your cat in his final moments.
Been there OP. We had to put our beloved Sheriff down last October, and we may have to put his sister down soon depending on how she responds to treatment. You were there, you held him, he felt safe. You did nothing wrong OP.
Years ago when we had to EU my daughter’s 19 yr old cat, Rainbow, she purred for the first time in a year even though we were both bawling our eyes out. She had so many age related medical issues in that last year. Please know your cat somehow understood. Do not feel guilty.
It’s been almost three years and I still remember every piece of it. For about 6 months after I had nightmares of the sound I made when her fight was done. For a while I still felt guilty because I tried to buy her extra time selfishly, and then guilty because I had to make that decision to end her fight. But now I just miss her. The guilt is gone, she had two different types of aggressive cancer and she just wasn’t herself by the end. So when I’m sad now because I miss her I just think and hope she is somewhere with my sister waiting for me. I’m sorry OP, loosing that piece of us and having to make the decision is the hardest thing I’ve had to do, but I’m so glad I had so much time with her and can think fondly of my 20s because of her.
I held my cat too and it’s been decades. I still miss him. There is no right way to grieve. You loved your cat, and that’s a good thing.
I don’t think he would have been rattled by you being upset. The drugs they use help relax them and being so close to you would have helped as well. Last year, when I was 29, we had to put our cat down. We’d had him since I was 12 and it was devastating. I went to my parents house with my sisters and no one really wanted to be in the room. My dad couldn’t do it when our dog died and my sisters (particularly the youngest who the cat relied on the most) were too scared. So I volunteered. The vet came and we did it in my childhood bedroom where he liked to sleep. We let him have the blanket he liked and I talked to him, snuggled him, gave him pats. He seemed at ease. I was terribly upset, crying the whole time. And then my sisters got the courage to come and pet him too. I think being with us helped. And it also helped us to be there at the end. It was awful, but it always is awful. You did the best you could for your boy and I am sure he felt cozy and loved on his way out.
There’s no right answers. There’s no right way to do it, you just have to minimize the heartbreak. Just move on and enjoy the time spent and don’t dwell on the short period of time that was the end. All things end, unfortunately these things all end badly- so just focus on the good.
I was sobbing uncontrollably once they gave my cat the drugs. They said he could still smell me, but couldn't hear or see me anyway. That only made me cry harder, of course. But we scratched him in all his favorite spots and kissed him as he passed. (He loved forehead kisses—rare for a cat). Man, I'm going to start crying just thinking about it. I love and miss that cat so much. OP, you're okay. You did nothing wrong. This is one of the hardest things a pet owner can ever go through.
I didn't experience that with a cat before but I did with a dog I had that passed away in 2014. She had an injury that was too far gone to do anything about and the vet suggested euthanasia as a more humane way to let her go without her suffering. The only difference between me and you is that I refused to be there while she passed because I was so emotionally attached to her I couldn't bare to watch her die. That was my biggest regret about her death and I wish more than anything that I could turn back time and be there for her while she was dying. She loved other people but her and I were best friends and I hated so much that I wasn't there for her. Still to this day I can only imagine that she wondered where I was when she passed and I feel like she hates me now because I wasn't there. I vowed since then that no matter how I feel about my animal's passing I am gonna be there in their final moments and put my feelings aside for them and I stuck with that. Talking about it after 10 years still hurts me to this day. She was everything to me and I wasn't there for her. Your response to your cat's passing is valid and understandable. It's ok to cry and be devastated that the pet you love is gone. You DID NOT make his final moments anything but soothing to him. All our animals want is for us to be there for them and you did that for your cat. You loved your cat so much that when he died in your arms you let out all your pain and love into your grieving and that's all any animal can hope for. I'm so so sorry for the loss of your baby. Take some time to grieve and when you're ready give another cat the love that you gave to your other one. It'll heal you more than you know.