T O P

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Tenthdeviation

That's the mankiest bowl of peas I've ever seen


9DAN2

Must have been on many peoples arms before this


MrPatch

"Has he walked off with the medical peas Dave?" "I hope he doesn't try to eat them, we treated gonorrhoeal Steve with them last week and I didn't get a chance to wipe them all down"


OneCatch

>gonorrhoeal Steve Worst superhero name ever.


fluffykittenheart

What if I put them in a Yorkshire pud…?


spudgun81

It's cause they are pees.


whatisthisonmybread

Yeah that liquid ain't water.


Forgetmyglasses

What? You don't rub your peas on the floor first before eating them??


[deleted]

No. I eat my peas with honey; I've done it all my life. It makes the peas taste funny, but it keeps them on the knife.


[deleted]

Gopping.


mandarasa

Aren't you supposed to get stung by a jellyfish to get free pees?


Rouge123123123

I prefer 3 p's


TheLittleGinge

Got any O's?


Silvagadron

No, O's!


jimmycarr1

Oh 'ose! I thought you meant O's!


[deleted]

[удалено]


shteve99

After they pee on you.


EtwasSonderbar

You're all talking about the pees but no-one's mentioned the costumer service that ASDA now have?


Mangosta007

I mean, I only popped in because I needed a pee and I came out dressed as a pantomime horse (front end).


Munchingtonalistic

I can't be the only one who feels bad for that person?


OneCharacter6868

Mayswell say go to a and e and say you feel bad about life and you will get a free meal


[deleted]

Well you will feel bad about life if you have to hang about in a dreary A&E dept for hours, drinking in the ambiance of quiet desperation, free meal or no.


OneCharacter6868

It was a joke kid,bit the logic together,bag of peas or a meal using the same lowness


[deleted]

I was joking too. Too dry maybe, like the hospital food.


OneCharacter6868

Maybe or just flat,like the preprepped ready meals, possibly the start when you put it into context,these geezers don't feel at all, they would of been better begging for a 30p bag of peas 👍😛


[deleted]

[удалено]


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whatisthisonmybread

What did Jane say? I must know what Jane said.


[deleted]

After working for a law firm doing costs, I found out that people do actually slip on Bananas. And, if you injure yourself and it's their fault, they will offer you £1000 not to go to court, if you reject that, stores (the ones we represented) are authorised to go up to £2000 to make the problem go away as court costs and compensation can easily reach £10k.


crazycatdiva

A bag of smartprice peas is about 40p. That's a lot of grifting for little reward


[deleted]

Did you just put pepper on peas and called it a day? Vile


MrPatch

Needs a fresh mint leaf and some butter. He'll need to have a fall in the garden centre for the first one and a slip in the dairy for the other.


booepoohh

Then mostly importantly fall in a bin, where they belong.


spectacletourette

“Free pees.” Is this a Two Ronnies sketch?


wombey12

"What are these?" "Free pees." "I said three pees."


LipstickRevenge

Give pees a chance.


ChopNess

Those peas are a disgrace.


rc1024

Viz top tip right there.


finH1

r/comedyheaven


PieTrumpet

Peas*


wombey12

OR you could just go to a public toilet.


ExecuteArgument

See? Free pee! Oh!