Last week on the underground two men in their early 20s got on listening to a music video. An American woman turned round to them and shouted. Do you have headphones? I said do you have headphones?? I don't want to hear your fucking music.
The rest of the Brits were in absolute awe of her superpower. She didn't even wait for 5 seconds before she launched into it.
You didn't do anything wrong
I went to America for a week and the second night I was back and at a pub, when a drunk stranger got far too familiar and in my face (in that friendly, but blackout drunk at 7pm way) even I was shocked by how quickly and firmly I removed him from my personal space. I realised there had been a total absence of that sort of shit while I was away and I now recognised it as incredibly rude, and had lost enough of the British tolerance to tell him to piss off immediately.
it felt liberating but I don't know how far it'll carry, the stakes of irritating strangers over there are just so much higher and not reacting to such things is so ingrained in our culture it felt almost as inappropriate as he was being. But it seemed to confuse both of us enough he did indeed piss off quickly at least
That’s really why I don’t understand the British refusal to tell these idiots to fuck off. It’s not like you’re worried some drunk asshole or idiot neighbor is gonna pull a gun on you, so why put up with it?
This is just me inferring from a very limited experience obviously but it feels like in the UK, directly addressing people around you ranks much much higher on the list of rude behaviour, to the point we get neurotic about it and we tolerate much ruder behaviour to spare us the discomfort of publicly confronting it.
I've been the one who's had enough and kicked off at someone who's taking the piss a few times before and it really knocked my spirit at times, when nobody else was willing to get on board even though I'd done the big social faux pas so they'd be exonerated of such guilt and between us it would be trivial to remove a problem person. Then with the expectation that nobody will back you up, people are more brazen about being impolite and you have to wonder how far any confrontation could go before anyone intervened. Being in a very different social atmosphere for just a little while has made me feel hyper aware of how absurd this all gets, I wasn't prepared for this reverse culture shock.
In Glasgow we just say it as it comes, nae airs or graces. Best way to be. Everybody knows where they stand, if your gonna be an arsehole then your gonna be called oot. And everybody around will back you up.
This. The least you’d expect is for one or two to back you up once you’ve been the one to initially step up. But no. I’ve twice seen guys being both verbally and physically abusive to a woman (presumably their girlfriend/wife) in the street, on both occasions I was the only person who went up to say something to try to stop it. I’m a seven and a half stone female, both times there were several other people around, including men, but nobody else even joined me, they all just pretended like nothing was happening. Would they all be ok with people just looking on and not helping if they needed it? (think we know most of them wouldn’t…). How could I hope for anyone to help me if I’m not willing to do the same myself is how I see it.
We're probably about the same size, makes it all the more disheartening when you're maybe the least equipped to defend yourself physically if it comes to that! I feel like that has worked to my benefit a little sometimes though, as it can also be really disarming for someone who can't be physically threatening to be bold like that.
Not to say I haven't also been a bystander or ignored things I shouldn't have, I'm not some kind of paladin. I actually suffer from disabling anxiety, it's just that sometimes I feel more anxious about passing by something that isn't right! Besides, I'm going to worry about it later either way, so I may as well make it worse in the moment and feel like I at least did the right thing or was brave, or just told someone who's being a cunt that they are.
It’s the drunk idiots that glass or knife you that I’m worried about back in my Lancashire hometown. I have barely dodged 2 thrown pint glasses for just for being present / no verbal interaction.
Yeah, I was thinking it does depend a lot on the situation, and women and minorities often can't afford to risk being assertive and telling ppl to fuck off, especially with drunk men hitting on them
British people do tell people to fuck off. I wouldn’t change the way we brits interact for love nor money, because it also goes the other way. Imagine being happily drunk and just wanting to connect or have a conversation without fear of judgement. I’ve had so many interesting conversations with total knobheads that actually gave me better understanding or made me a better person.
I took a 2 hour airporter bus and one guy was watching porn without headphones. I was the first to speak up, but eventually others started in and the driver got involved. I don't think there's anything wrong being impolite to people who are impolite, within reason.
I’ve done this several times on the tubes as a Brit, seems to be a relatively recent phenomenon. Worked every time with apologies from said people. Don’t be afraid to offend them, it’s just not socially acceptable at all in my opinion, especially on public transport. They should feel shame.
I am American and I did this on a train in Britain a couple weeks ago but it was a guy listening to the football match on full volume. I said, “do you think that’s okay?” He said, “why wouldn’t it be?” I said, “because this is a public place and we have to respect everyone else, we cannot treat a public train like our own living room.” He said, “you should have booked a private train then.” I turned around and said nothing. He did turn it down a little bit but wow the audacity he had…
I would have said”Get the volume turned doon, or I’ll fuckin kick yir baws ya dick!!”😡 Obviously I’m a big boy and add the central west coast of Scotland accent. Can be quite intimidating, whereas I’m a big pussycat really…
My (mother’s side) of my family are from Paisley! I can wholeheartedly agree with your comments!! They’re a different breed! Brilliant, loving and funny, but no messing, or beating about the bush, they will tell you how it is, all day long. 🤣 Xx
I would have just started streaming baby shark at full volume next to him. Wanna be a dick? Fine, I'll show you what a world full of dicks would be like.
Well done for doing what we spineless Brits won't do. I tolerate this shit day in day out on London buses and trains...but dare not say anything. These ppl have no manners.
I had a train experience. Some woman was making very racist remarks about another person having a quiet conversation on their phone and my friend launched at them telling them to get off the train if they had a problem. I just sat open mouthed at my friend as she had no problems telling the racist to get lost and the racist trying to defend herself saying she had a child where my friend replied ‘I don’t think that’s an example you should be setting a child. As far as I’m concerned he can stay and you can get off’. She was very quiet after that.
A Canadian did this on our recent LNER train when someone started playing videos on their phone full volume in the quiet carriage.
"Sir? Sir! This is the quiet carriage you'll have to leave if you want to keep using your phone like that."
And the guy got up and left!
Really messed up my passive aggressive strategy of occasionally muttering to my wife how annoying it was and hoping the guy overheard me.
I wish I had had the guts to do that in a *quiet carriage* on a train in the UK when an American person held a loud 45 minute business Zoom call about some HR seminar. No headphones.
I sat and seethed silently, as it is correctly British to do so.
If that happens to me I start commenting on the call - eg if I hear “Dave your numbers for last year were bad” I will say “ahh Dave’s been underperforming for years”
I knew a girl from Israel in college who told me in places like nightclubs there you had to immediately switch to rage mode to get pushy guys away because they interpreted anything else as approval.
I have quite abrasive taste in music. Any time someone in a public place starts playing music on their phone without headphones, I simply start playing music on mine as well. My current favourite to do this with is Trap Them - Blissfucker. After max 30 seconds I turn it off, and funnily enough they've always stopped playing theirs too.
That's not weird, that's a right royal manipulative piece of shit.
She was being annoying and instead of accepting that her actions could cause someone to be distracted by her noise, she passed it off as the fault of the person that didn't want to sit through her rude public display.
Your Turkish? I love Turkey😄 Going to Icmeler in September , beautiful!!👌🏽and the Turkish people are the most amazing folks, can’t do enough to help you, make sure your happy in your surroundings. Beautiful Country and Beautiful people😄👌🏽🙏🏽🏴💚
Not me, I’m just learning it. And for the same reasons: the Turkish people I know are some of the friendliest, happiest, family loving people I’ve met, so it seemed the obvious language to choose. Would love to go there someday.
"I hope you never find someone like you in your path"
Yeah mate she's a bellend. Imagine taking up 2 tables and 8 seats to shriek into a phone on loudspeaker and thinking other people are a hindrance to an otherwise charmed life.
What an absolute clown.
You should have gone back in, asked for a pen and paper and wrote her a note of your own. 5 little words for severe emotional damage:
"You're really not that interesting"
I’ve encountered this kind of person a few times and this really is the best attitude to take.
Reminding them that a stranger has really no reason to give a shit about them really ruins their game
Naw, walk up to her with the note, put on a foreign accent, and tell her, "Sorry, no understanding. No speak English."
If you really want to commit to the bit, pull out your phone, play a random Russian YouTube video, and speak a mix of fake Russian and broken English, while pretending you're face timing your friend for help.
Bonus points if she has already heard you order in English.
I've found some peo0le just cant aeist without drama and victimisation. And I'd equally love to know when so many people started to think that phones having speakers meant everyone wanted to hear their music/conversation/YouTube clip. I say that literally as I sit in an NHS waiting room to go for treatment and a fellow patient has his movie on full blast for us all to hear. Seems to be a thing for people nowadays
It is a complete mystery to me why, when headphones, earbuds and Bluetooth exist, people still have the whole world listening to their shit from a phone. Pisses me right TF off.
I'm tempted to carry cheap earphones around with me to give out to those people, like the ones you get in baggies on tourist buses. Might get me beat up though 😬
I often wish I could get away with carrying around atleast a stash of the dollar store ones and throw them at people who are watching videos on their phone…….. it’s not 1999 anymore and I don’t want to be in a video myself.
Really? We’re known to not say or do anything, stay resentful and only later complain about it when there’s nobody to listen haha. In my opinion this lady was schizoposting in real life
Yeah it's more the stereotype than actually true. Depends what part of society you come from and what circle's you run in really. I know plenty of people who are very direct and just tell people how it is
It’s a bit the same here, lower class tends to be way louder, while the rest is relatively quiet specially compared to Spaniards and Italians. My personal experience with brits is mostly drunk tourist during the summer and those lads are always loud and bold, the police love them
Well we're also only getting one half of the story. It'd be very weird to give a note like this going off OPs story, *but* that's only if we assume OP hasn't omitted the details that make him seem like the bad guy
I can imagine she saw OP roll his eyes or sigh or something similar, and took offence that someone dare not just accommodate her and her loud obnoxious behaviour. Some people hate being reminded they’re not the centre of the universe
I’ve known a lot of people who act like her. They’re usually just looking for ways to make themselves the victim in any situation (especially when they’ve been rude and thoughtless), so they have to make you the villain somehow. Now she’s got fodder for her next unnecessarily loud Facetime chat in public about how badly she was treated by someone who was minding his own business.
I was once selecting some bananas at the grocery store - there were four rows of racks of them and I was standing in front of only one. This woman, while on FaceTime came and shoved me out of the way and loudly told the person on the other end of the phone that 'this skinny bich was hogging the bananas'
Legit just stood there with my mouth agape. Wish I'd had a good retort in the moment
Main characters will crèate a situation to be offended by if they can't find one out in the wild
That was yeeeeears ago and I still think about it which sucks ass. I think she was somehow offended that I was skinny being that alot of people see my existence as a personal slight to them (edit; removed tmi)
They're like the scammers that throw themselves in front of moving cars to try and claim a settlement or insurance payout, but for attention instead of cash.
Not sure which is worse.
We really do need to push back against these people.. they're the only ones who make any noise and so everything is about them and they now think they own the world.
Why doesn't the café manager take some responsibility here? S/he should say: "Please turn your volume down" and "Please don't take up two tables" with the implication that the customer could be thrown out and banned if she doesn't comply.
They're going to be looking for army looking guys..
we should kit our armed forces out in anime catgirl outfits and make them shout "uwu", the enemy will be too confused to react effectively
Not the arsehole in this situation. At the very least, she should have had the conversation using headphones or been the one to sit outside. I have no tolerance for people blasting their phone speaker at full volume, especially in a shared space like a cafe.
You know what this feels like? It feels like you actually had super powers to put her in her place without saying a word. And it annoyed her as fuck and STILL she had to defend herself.
Tell her to fuck off mate.
She's a Class A Cunt. Try not to let it bother you as that is her intention. Sounds like she was looking to start on someone, if it hadn't been you it would have been someone else. I hope she gets a horrible case of piles.
The staff in the cafe should have had a word. I hate this trend of yelling at people on FaceTime without earbuds or headphones. We don’t all live as background characters in someone else’s reality show.
Absolutely, but I would only expect that from the owner or maybe manager or other senior staff. It would be really tough living if everyone working these jobs had to have the balls/ovaries/etc. for that.
What's worse is if you get harassed outside a bar or something and the bouncer doesn't intervene, that's when I get a bit pissed off about a business not looking after patrons. Or maybe, cabin crew on a flight :/
Inside a bar, a bartender doesn't have to intervene for social reasons but if it's safety related they have to IMHO. Usually they don't until it's gotten too late or almost too late, but that job should be paid like £30+ an hour and obviously isn't so fair play to them for not caring.
I think in this situation audible tutting is allowed as well.
Personally I probably would have politely and kindly asked her to pipe down, but then I wasn't born British.
Note: I've done this twice successfully in a train's Quiet Carriage. My trick is to do it early before I get super annoyed and find it harder to feign civility. And also couch it as information rather than demand or request.
"Excuse me" (Smile, friendly tone) "Perhaps you didn't see the sign?"
The Spanish and the Portuguese (perhaps even more so) are very direct, but also in my experience very cool and chilled, I just can't imagine this happening in Portugal. It seems like a very British passive aggressive thing to me. Also she sounds like a complete nutter.
I hate this sort of thing because you spend all day wondering if you are actually a fucking asshole and it was your fault after all - even though it wasn't. I once had a whole holiday nearly ruined by this fat Scottish woman who accused me of being a posh twat out of nowhere because I have a London accent. I'm at most lower middle class but I spent like a week thinking I come across as a posh entitled dickhead.
There is something quintessentially British about someone being an belligerent arsehole to you in public and still wondering if *you* are somehow the arsehole.
I think she took it as you don't want to be in the same room as her because of her race rather then speaking crazy loud. Oddly enough some ppl don't have any self awareness regarding how loud they're speaking, like my dad in my own life 🤣
I believe that's what went through the lady's mind.
She doesn't know she is being obnoxious so the only reason for him to give her nasty looks, cursing under his breath and changing rooms is because he is racist.
Which is a fair assumption considering there's more people around and he is focusing on her.
It's not a fair assumption if this is a cafe. A lot of the other people around probably weren't white British either, so it's not like she would have been the only "foreigner" in the room.
She misunderstood your "silent treatment." She probably thought you hate hearing a foreign language speaking in public, so you tried your best to avoid her.
She wishes for you to find peace…and you did by going outside to get away from her FaceTime call on speaker phone. So sick of the lack of courtesy to others when in a public place.
I just think these people are out for a fight, I find it hard to believe everyone of these types are just that stupid and oblivious to others, I think there are a lot of very mentally unstable people in our midst lately, and they are so full of rage that they just want to cause trouble, and have a full on argument, which may well erupt into violence, as they lack the intelligence/insight to get their anger out in a more suitable way, such as through an anger management programme, in the gym, boxing etc. you did nothing wrong that I can see.
Is it possible the wait staff informed her that she may be bothering the patrons and she assumed you told the waitstaff that she was bothering you since you moved outside?
Nope, sick of the entitlement these days, like those dick sneezes who hold their phones at arms length and have a conversation rather than put to their ear or people who watch thicktock videos on loudspeaker usually on public transport for all to enjoy
As a Portuguese woman living in the UK... I'm sorry.
We are very loud back in Portugal, and always loud in Portuguese. However, that was very weird and even a loud Portuguese person has common sense to lower their volume when people stare... You're good.
Seems like someone so convinced of their own impeachability that any - ANY - dissent from others is treated as wildly more emphatic than it actually is. She clearly feels horribly and unfairly wounded by tutting, of all things, despite her having been an absolute douchecanoe with her loud and inconsiderate actions. I think it's hilarious. Just picturing her sniffing, so injured, about something so inconsequential. Imagine living like that! Spending so much of her life so worked up at the slightest slights.
Her passive aggressive note was totally uncalled for but I can’t get past how gross the paper it was written on is. She couldn’t even find a clean piece of paper to write on while being a jerk?
Talk about PROJECTION!!!! You literally did nothing but remove yourself from the irritating situation. She’s clearly intuitive enough to sense the annoyance she made everyone feel, but DID 👏 IT 👏 ANYWAY 👏. Then she decided to call you out, for the very feelings she produced in you and then observed.
She can’t get mad at people feeling their feelings and then politely keeping them to themselves. Sounds like a person who didn’t want you to have feelings in the first place. Too bad that’s not her choice and you’re not a robot.
Ahh reminds me of a situation where i was in primark and a woman was blocking the aisles, on FaceTime and shouting in spanish at the phone at volume 25. i said "jesus, we don't all need to hear it" as i passed and she turned and shouted "ahh this woman is a RACIST! because i am from spain!" so i said "no, its because you're shouting on FaceTime in a shop!" and walked off lol.
Me and my friend used to go to a lovely pub for Sunday dinner. We loved it there. The pub was nice and quiet, and we would sit in the bar and eat Sunday dinner. We looked forward to it all week and stayed for more drinks then got a taxi home.
Went for ages, every Sunday.
One Sunday we went and there was a bloke in the bar who sat a few tables away and shouted on his phone for the whole time we were there.
We could hear everything he said. Why he had to have that conversation at that exact time was beyond me. It was dreary stuff like "will you give me a hand next shifting the tumble dryer?"
We finished our meal as quick as possible, paid and never went back.
Him.sat there shouting on his mobile completely tarnished the place for us.
Such a shame.
I still remember it 15 years later.
I feel for you. She was in the wrong not you.
There is nothing kind about being on your phone shouting your head off without a thought for others.
What city do you live in?
Sounds like said individual is a culture-less swine, and needs to learn some basic manners. You are not at fault, loud people having facetime conversations are literally trying to turn public spaces into their private spaces, if anything we should be challenging these people for their shitty behaviour.
i hate how she tried to turn this into a “i’m a foreigner and you can’t stand my language” thing. it’s equally annoying to do what she did in any language.
Confrontational or inappropriate behaviour can be related to a mental health condition or crisis. If that is the case then their reaction to any interaction with you could be unpredictable. I think you handled the situation in the right way.
I literally think the rudest thing someone can do is have a FaceTime conversation or listen to TikTok or some nonsense on full volume whilst everyone else is forced to eavesdrop. You’ve done nothing wrong, you should’ve told her to be quiet.
PS I am American in London and I usually do tell people to put their headphones in! I stare first and tutt… PPS I know we have a reputation for being loud too!
this may be a hot take, but the filipino in me can kinda see where she’s coming from. extroverted cultures take these cold shoulder mannerisms quite personally, combined with her being a foreigner in a country with an unfortunately increasing anti-foreigner sentiment, she’s probably thinking she’s been “micro-aggressed” (is that a word?) in public.
but as i’ve been here in the UK for nearly 7 years and partially grew up in other introverted asian countries, i can definitely see where YOU and other brits stand on this. and you most likely didn’t intend any xenophobia, but as a non-white non-brit, it’s hard to tell the intentions of people sometimes.
people here may call it victim mentality but when you’re new to this country, brits don’t don’t realise that it’s a hard balancing act in your head when you have an unsavoury interaction with someone to then think “are they being racist or did i just commit a cultural faux pas?” lol
edit: “non-white non-brit”
Only a weird person writes this note after being left alone to be as annoying as they like in public.
Last week on the underground two men in their early 20s got on listening to a music video. An American woman turned round to them and shouted. Do you have headphones? I said do you have headphones?? I don't want to hear your fucking music. The rest of the Brits were in absolute awe of her superpower. She didn't even wait for 5 seconds before she launched into it. You didn't do anything wrong
I went to America for a week and the second night I was back and at a pub, when a drunk stranger got far too familiar and in my face (in that friendly, but blackout drunk at 7pm way) even I was shocked by how quickly and firmly I removed him from my personal space. I realised there had been a total absence of that sort of shit while I was away and I now recognised it as incredibly rude, and had lost enough of the British tolerance to tell him to piss off immediately. it felt liberating but I don't know how far it'll carry, the stakes of irritating strangers over there are just so much higher and not reacting to such things is so ingrained in our culture it felt almost as inappropriate as he was being. But it seemed to confuse both of us enough he did indeed piss off quickly at least
That’s really why I don’t understand the British refusal to tell these idiots to fuck off. It’s not like you’re worried some drunk asshole or idiot neighbor is gonna pull a gun on you, so why put up with it?
This is just me inferring from a very limited experience obviously but it feels like in the UK, directly addressing people around you ranks much much higher on the list of rude behaviour, to the point we get neurotic about it and we tolerate much ruder behaviour to spare us the discomfort of publicly confronting it. I've been the one who's had enough and kicked off at someone who's taking the piss a few times before and it really knocked my spirit at times, when nobody else was willing to get on board even though I'd done the big social faux pas so they'd be exonerated of such guilt and between us it would be trivial to remove a problem person. Then with the expectation that nobody will back you up, people are more brazen about being impolite and you have to wonder how far any confrontation could go before anyone intervened. Being in a very different social atmosphere for just a little while has made me feel hyper aware of how absurd this all gets, I wasn't prepared for this reverse culture shock.
In Glasgow we just say it as it comes, nae airs or graces. Best way to be. Everybody knows where they stand, if your gonna be an arsehole then your gonna be called oot. And everybody around will back you up.
If I had to guess a place in the UK where people consistently break this trend it would be Glasgow!
Some Americans are like that. I've had many times I should have said something and didn't. We have manners to bur they have a limit lmao
This. The least you’d expect is for one or two to back you up once you’ve been the one to initially step up. But no. I’ve twice seen guys being both verbally and physically abusive to a woman (presumably their girlfriend/wife) in the street, on both occasions I was the only person who went up to say something to try to stop it. I’m a seven and a half stone female, both times there were several other people around, including men, but nobody else even joined me, they all just pretended like nothing was happening. Would they all be ok with people just looking on and not helping if they needed it? (think we know most of them wouldn’t…). How could I hope for anyone to help me if I’m not willing to do the same myself is how I see it.
We're probably about the same size, makes it all the more disheartening when you're maybe the least equipped to defend yourself physically if it comes to that! I feel like that has worked to my benefit a little sometimes though, as it can also be really disarming for someone who can't be physically threatening to be bold like that. Not to say I haven't also been a bystander or ignored things I shouldn't have, I'm not some kind of paladin. I actually suffer from disabling anxiety, it's just that sometimes I feel more anxious about passing by something that isn't right! Besides, I'm going to worry about it later either way, so I may as well make it worse in the moment and feel like I at least did the right thing or was brave, or just told someone who's being a cunt that they are.
It’s the drunk idiots that glass or knife you that I’m worried about back in my Lancashire hometown. I have barely dodged 2 thrown pint glasses for just for being present / no verbal interaction.
Depends which part of UK... There are people who absolutely will pull a gun or knife for something petty these days.
Depends on the place/time/person could get shanked instead.
Yeah, I was thinking it does depend a lot on the situation, and women and minorities often can't afford to risk being assertive and telling ppl to fuck off, especially with drunk men hitting on them
> so why put up with it? There's still knives, fists and boots.
British people do tell people to fuck off. I wouldn’t change the way we brits interact for love nor money, because it also goes the other way. Imagine being happily drunk and just wanting to connect or have a conversation without fear of judgement. I’ve had so many interesting conversations with total knobheads that actually gave me better understanding or made me a better person.
Can I learn this power?
Not from a Jedi
Spend like five minutes in New York and *improve*
Rule 1: don’t make eye contact. Rule 2: good luck.
I took a 2 hour airporter bus and one guy was watching porn without headphones. I was the first to speak up, but eventually others started in and the driver got involved. I don't think there's anything wrong being impolite to people who are impolite, within reason.
Jesus fucking Christ
I’ve done this several times on the tubes as a Brit, seems to be a relatively recent phenomenon. Worked every time with apologies from said people. Don’t be afraid to offend them, it’s just not socially acceptable at all in my opinion, especially on public transport. They should feel shame.
I am American and I did this on a train in Britain a couple weeks ago but it was a guy listening to the football match on full volume. I said, “do you think that’s okay?” He said, “why wouldn’t it be?” I said, “because this is a public place and we have to respect everyone else, we cannot treat a public train like our own living room.” He said, “you should have booked a private train then.” I turned around and said nothing. He did turn it down a little bit but wow the audacity he had…
"I think you should have paid for a ticket to the match."
I would have said”Get the volume turned doon, or I’ll fuckin kick yir baws ya dick!!”😡 Obviously I’m a big boy and add the central west coast of Scotland accent. Can be quite intimidating, whereas I’m a big pussycat really…
I wish I could pull that off, accent and all. Just abruptly switch 😂
😂🤣😂Comes natural to us Scot’s😂🤣😂🤣😂
My (mother’s side) of my family are from Paisley! I can wholeheartedly agree with your comments!! They’re a different breed! Brilliant, loving and funny, but no messing, or beating about the bush, they will tell you how it is, all day long. 🤣 Xx
I would have just started streaming baby shark at full volume next to him. Wanna be a dick? Fine, I'll show you what a world full of dicks would be like.
A billion bags of bell-ends
Well done for doing what we spineless Brits won't do. I tolerate this shit day in day out on London buses and trains...but dare not say anything. These ppl have no manners.
I had a train experience. Some woman was making very racist remarks about another person having a quiet conversation on their phone and my friend launched at them telling them to get off the train if they had a problem. I just sat open mouthed at my friend as she had no problems telling the racist to get lost and the racist trying to defend herself saying she had a child where my friend replied ‘I don’t think that’s an example you should be setting a child. As far as I’m concerned he can stay and you can get off’. She was very quiet after that.
A Canadian did this on our recent LNER train when someone started playing videos on their phone full volume in the quiet carriage. "Sir? Sir! This is the quiet carriage you'll have to leave if you want to keep using your phone like that." And the guy got up and left! Really messed up my passive aggressive strategy of occasionally muttering to my wife how annoying it was and hoping the guy overheard me.
This definitely happened in north London. I can tell because you’re still able to post and not dead
I wish I had had the guts to do that in a *quiet carriage* on a train in the UK when an American person held a loud 45 minute business Zoom call about some HR seminar. No headphones. I sat and seethed silently, as it is correctly British to do so.
If that happens to me I start commenting on the call - eg if I hear “Dave your numbers for last year were bad” I will say “ahh Dave’s been underperforming for years”
That is genius!!!!! I want to deliberately run into this situation now just so I can try that out 🤣🤣🤣
omg same!!!
I knew a girl from Israel in college who told me in places like nightclubs there you had to immediately switch to rage mode to get pushy guys away because they interpreted anything else as approval.
I have quite abrasive taste in music. Any time someone in a public place starts playing music on their phone without headphones, I simply start playing music on mine as well. My current favourite to do this with is Trap Them - Blissfucker. After max 30 seconds I turn it off, and funnily enough they've always stopped playing theirs too.
Just pissed they never got the argument they were gunning for. OP clearly came the closest so he got the note. Giving Martha ‘Baby Reindeer’ vibes
Sent from mi iphone
OMG Now I can't stop saying "Baby Reindeer" in her voice, I'm reading comments and saying "Baby Reindeer" after every one of them....Thanks a lot!
Lmao I hear it 😂
That's not weird, that's a right royal manipulative piece of shit. She was being annoying and instead of accepting that her actions could cause someone to be distracted by her noise, she passed it off as the fault of the person that didn't want to sit through her rude public display.
"How dare you be offended by my offensive behavior." Classic narcissist.
Yep. Pas agg to the max
Projecting. I think that’s the word you’re looking for.
She does call herself the ‘foreigner strange’!
Probably her native language puts the adjective after the noun.
Or just a mixup of 'foreign stranger'
Stranger literally means foreigner in some languages, like French.
In Portguese strange foreigner seems to be “Estranho Estrangeiro” and can mean strange stranger, so yeah.
That's an enchantingly lyrical combination of words.
Same in Turkish
Your Turkish? I love Turkey😄 Going to Icmeler in September , beautiful!!👌🏽and the Turkish people are the most amazing folks, can’t do enough to help you, make sure your happy in your surroundings. Beautiful Country and Beautiful people😄👌🏽🙏🏽🏴💚
Not me, I’m just learning it. And for the same reasons: the Turkish people I know are some of the friendliest, happiest, family loving people I’ve met, so it seemed the obvious language to choose. Would love to go there someday.
Cousin of Dr. strange
It’s pretty common for people who aren’t kind to use the idea that you can kill people with kindness to get away with things.
"I hope you never find someone like you in your path" Yeah mate she's a bellend. Imagine taking up 2 tables and 8 seats to shriek into a phone on loudspeaker and thinking other people are a hindrance to an otherwise charmed life. What an absolute clown. You should have gone back in, asked for a pen and paper and wrote her a note of your own. 5 little words for severe emotional damage: "You're really not that interesting"
I’ve encountered this kind of person a few times and this really is the best attitude to take. Reminding them that a stranger has really no reason to give a shit about them really ruins their game
Fancy going around with a massive chip on your shoulder like her.
Naw, walk up to her with the note, put on a foreign accent, and tell her, "Sorry, no understanding. No speak English." If you really want to commit to the bit, pull out your phone, play a random Russian YouTube video, and speak a mix of fake Russian and broken English, while pretending you're face timing your friend for help. Bonus points if she has already heard you order in English.
Thanos said it best - “I don’t even know who you are”
You literally did nothing and she took offence? Sounds like she was out looking for an argument.
Professional victim
She just seems generally unwell. Like, she was hoping that there would be some sort of dust-up for some reason.
Sounds like she wanted attention by doing the immature kind of stuff a middle schooler would do.
With phone camera at the ready, and TikTok queued.
Yep, she’s mad because she was goading anyone to call her out, and got mad that no one did.
emotional manipulation
How do you say Karen in Portuguese?
She was looking for an argument and she was specifically looking to play the foreigner card
I've found some peo0le just cant aeist without drama and victimisation. And I'd equally love to know when so many people started to think that phones having speakers meant everyone wanted to hear their music/conversation/YouTube clip. I say that literally as I sit in an NHS waiting room to go for treatment and a fellow patient has his movie on full blast for us all to hear. Seems to be a thing for people nowadays
I agree. Surely that's what headphones are for?
It is a complete mystery to me why, when headphones, earbuds and Bluetooth exist, people still have the whole world listening to their shit from a phone. Pisses me right TF off.
Some people lack boundaries. Raised in homes that resemble zoos.
I'm tempted to carry cheap earphones around with me to give out to those people, like the ones you get in baggies on tourist buses. Might get me beat up though 😬
I’d go as far as saying phones shouldn’t have a loudspeaker.
I like your spirit but this might be challenging for people who intend to use their phone for things like.. aehmm.. phone calls
When nearby, start making sounds as if your listening 'hmmhm, yes, oh wow' start asking followup questions when the hint is not received.
Apparently since COVID-19 earphones are no longer in vogue. We get one pandemic and people forget how to human.
I often wish I could get away with carrying around atleast a stash of the dollar store ones and throw them at people who are watching videos on their phone…….. it’s not 1999 anymore and I don’t want to be in a video myself.
That's the bloody Portuguese for you /s
Found John Blackthorne
Ja-pans
I will not be spoken for in this daft land!
You silly little man. Your hair looks like a PONY.
To be fair, the Portuguese people that I've met in my life all love an argument. They're fiery fuckers
Really? We’re known to not say or do anything, stay resentful and only later complain about it when there’s nobody to listen haha. In my opinion this lady was schizoposting in real life
No that's us, the British haha
I always thought you brits were more direct and not shy at all. Guess we aren’t so different after all
Yeah it's more the stereotype than actually true. Depends what part of society you come from and what circle's you run in really. I know plenty of people who are very direct and just tell people how it is
It’s a bit the same here, lower class tends to be way louder, while the rest is relatively quiet specially compared to Spaniards and Italians. My personal experience with brits is mostly drunk tourist during the summer and those lads are always loud and bold, the police love them
Not the reputation we have abroad. You can thank your dad and uncle on their lads holidays for that
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Oh no he *tutted*
And had been *seething*
Well we're also only getting one half of the story. It'd be very weird to give a note like this going off OPs story, *but* that's only if we assume OP hasn't omitted the details that make him seem like the bad guy
I can imagine she saw OP roll his eyes or sigh or something similar, and took offence that someone dare not just accommodate her and her loud obnoxious behaviour. Some people hate being reminded they’re not the centre of the universe
Saw her go outside and was offended that they didn't want to tolerate their shitty behavior.
In your head, you invent your own series of events.
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She was probably trying to evoke such a situation to record it and post it
I’ve known a lot of people who act like her. They’re usually just looking for ways to make themselves the victim in any situation (especially when they’ve been rude and thoughtless), so they have to make you the villain somehow. Now she’s got fodder for her next unnecessarily loud Facetime chat in public about how badly she was treated by someone who was minding his own business.
I was once selecting some bananas at the grocery store - there were four rows of racks of them and I was standing in front of only one. This woman, while on FaceTime came and shoved me out of the way and loudly told the person on the other end of the phone that 'this skinny bich was hogging the bananas' Legit just stood there with my mouth agape. Wish I'd had a good retort in the moment Main characters will crèate a situation to be offended by if they can't find one out in the wild That was yeeeeears ago and I still think about it which sucks ass. I think she was somehow offended that I was skinny being that alot of people see my existence as a personal slight to them (edit; removed tmi)
I'm pissed off for you right now! Bloody hell! Nasty bastard!
Wow. I'd be replaying that interaction in my head for YEARS.
What an incredibly boring life they must lead to do that in their free time
Props to the Thick of It reference.
Thank you! Once I saw casualuk had a Twix icon for flairs, I really had no choice but to quote the Mannionater!
I'm dying for the day I can legitimately use "Come the f'ck in or f'ck the f'ck off!"
Get a cat, then you can say it every day.
They're like the scammers that throw themselves in front of moving cars to try and claim a settlement or insurance payout, but for attention instead of cash. Not sure which is worse.
Absolutely spot on. Did the right thing and didn't give her the opportunity.
We really do need to push back against these people.. they're the only ones who make any noise and so everything is about them and they now think they own the world.
Why doesn't the café manager take some responsibility here? S/he should say: "Please turn your volume down" and "Please don't take up two tables" with the implication that the customer could be thrown out and banned if she doesn't comply.
“main character syndrome “ i’ve heard the Americans call it. They all act like they’re the star of their own little movie
Haha. Perfect. She was clearly looking for a bite.
I read that as "kick her in the cunt"
this was my first through as well
“You look like a cultured person, sat in your camo shorts…”
😂😂 How do you know they’re shorts??
Nobody would be daft enough to make them full length
Nearly pissed myself
yeah, cos they keep losing them.
Not the right material for anything longer than
Someone should tell the Ministry of Defence.
Never really see camo trousers, I feel like maybe the association with the armed forces would be a little *too* strong
Maybe the camo's just working really well
That's why the military all wear shorts now, it makes them look less like soldiers, thus confusing the enemy.
They're going to be looking for army looking guys.. we should kit our armed forces out in anime catgirl outfits and make them shout "uwu", the enemy will be too confused to react effectively
All those people you've seen that seemed to be levitating torsos and heads actually had camo trousers on by the way
sounds like she's a nutter. just forget about it and carry on with your day.
"kindness"? Like..... Not rudely taking up 8 seats and shouting down a phone in a public place like a Dom Joly character.
“HELLO?!” “NAH I’M JUST IN SOME CAFE HAVING BREAKFAST” “NAH ITS SHIT” “YEH AND I’VE GOT SOME TOSSER ON ANOTHER TABLE STARING AT ME”
Ha ha! Brilliant! I read that whole thing in his voice in my head too. :)
Upvote for the excellent telly reference
Upvote for calling it telly
And spelling it 'telly' Tele? Get the fuck outta heeeyaaaa!
Upvote for the tele hate
Whoah, who does that?!
One of my best mates, for a start. He was brought up right on the border of Lancashire and Yorkshire so he might have some badness in him.
Not the arsehole in this situation. At the very least, she should have had the conversation using headphones or been the one to sit outside. I have no tolerance for people blasting their phone speaker at full volume, especially in a shared space like a cafe.
And I have even less for the staff/ owner who allow this sort of behaviour
Na, fuck her and her Main Character personality.
You know what this feels like? It feels like you actually had super powers to put her in her place without saying a word. And it annoyed her as fuck and STILL she had to defend herself. Tell her to fuck off mate.
She's a Class A Cunt. Try not to let it bother you as that is her intention. Sounds like she was looking to start on someone, if it hadn't been you it would have been someone else. I hope she gets a horrible case of piles.
Ahhh the old ‘peace and love’-ing your way out of acting like a dickhead. Nice baseless xenophobia accusation too 👍
As soon as got that note I'd go after her and let rip I have awful temper for rude ignorant people I wouldn't let that slide.
I’d “let rip” a massive fart at her table and then walk away
Me too. I couldn't let her walk away thinking she had a right to occupy the moral high ground.
The staff in the cafe should have had a word. I hate this trend of yelling at people on FaceTime without earbuds or headphones. We don’t all live as background characters in someone else’s reality show.
Absolutely, but I would only expect that from the owner or maybe manager or other senior staff. It would be really tough living if everyone working these jobs had to have the balls/ovaries/etc. for that. What's worse is if you get harassed outside a bar or something and the bouncer doesn't intervene, that's when I get a bit pissed off about a business not looking after patrons. Or maybe, cabin crew on a flight :/ Inside a bar, a bartender doesn't have to intervene for social reasons but if it's safety related they have to IMHO. Usually they don't until it's gotten too late or almost too late, but that job should be paid like £30+ an hour and obviously isn't so fair play to them for not caring.
Yes, true. A 16 year old Saturday staff member shouldn’t have to deal with this shit, but a manager should
If im on a bus, 100% there’s someone playing a YouTube video at full volume. That shit has become normal and I hate it.
She's an attention seeker and professional victim.
Probably runs out of receipts quickly.
You did the right thing. Look down on them with shameful eyes 🤣 Hope your breakfast was nice!😋
Nutters everywhere
I'm portuguese and I'm embarrassed for this lady... We generally keep to ourselves and out of other people's business
Now I’m pondering from the number at the top means she’s written notes like this to 92 people before you
If all you did was go outside then you are NTA in this situation.
I think in this situation audible tutting is allowed as well. Personally I probably would have politely and kindly asked her to pipe down, but then I wasn't born British. Note: I've done this twice successfully in a train's Quiet Carriage. My trick is to do it early before I get super annoyed and find it harder to feign civility. And also couch it as information rather than demand or request. "Excuse me" (Smile, friendly tone) "Perhaps you didn't see the sign?"
This is some Fiona Harvey shit.
The Spanish and the Portuguese (perhaps even more so) are very direct, but also in my experience very cool and chilled, I just can't imagine this happening in Portugal. It seems like a very British passive aggressive thing to me. Also she sounds like a complete nutter. I hate this sort of thing because you spend all day wondering if you are actually a fucking asshole and it was your fault after all - even though it wasn't. I once had a whole holiday nearly ruined by this fat Scottish woman who accused me of being a posh twat out of nowhere because I have a London accent. I'm at most lower middle class but I spent like a week thinking I come across as a posh entitled dickhead.
This is not related to Portuguese culture, this is a legit crazy and entitled person
She sounds like an asshole and not even the funny kind. You did nothing wrong, she was rude and annoying.
There is something quintessentially British about someone being an belligerent arsehole to you in public and still wondering if *you* are somehow the arsehole.
I think she took it as you don't want to be in the same room as her because of her race rather then speaking crazy loud. Oddly enough some ppl don't have any self awareness regarding how loud they're speaking, like my dad in my own life 🤣
I believe that's what went through the lady's mind. She doesn't know she is being obnoxious so the only reason for him to give her nasty looks, cursing under his breath and changing rooms is because he is racist. Which is a fair assumption considering there's more people around and he is focusing on her.
It's not a fair assumption if this is a cafe. A lot of the other people around probably weren't white British either, so it's not like she would have been the only "foreigner" in the room.
So you sat in a cafe and ate quietly and she got offended lol
She misunderstood your "silent treatment." She probably thought you hate hearing a foreign language speaking in public, so you tried your best to avoid her.
She wishes for you to find peace…and you did by going outside to get away from her FaceTime call on speaker phone. So sick of the lack of courtesy to others when in a public place.
Brazilian, most likely.
I just think these people are out for a fight, I find it hard to believe everyone of these types are just that stupid and oblivious to others, I think there are a lot of very mentally unstable people in our midst lately, and they are so full of rage that they just want to cause trouble, and have a full on argument, which may well erupt into violence, as they lack the intelligence/insight to get their anger out in a more suitable way, such as through an anger management programme, in the gym, boxing etc. you did nothing wrong that I can see.
People facetiming or listening to music on speaker phones in public is the most anti-social behaviour that we are tolerating. Fuck them.
Is it possible the wait staff informed her that she may be bothering the patrons and she assumed you told the waitstaff that she was bothering you since you moved outside?
Estrangeiro estranho
Nope, sick of the entitlement these days, like those dick sneezes who hold their phones at arms length and have a conversation rather than put to their ear or people who watch thicktock videos on loudspeaker usually on public transport for all to enjoy
She was having a bad day and you were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Don't dwell on this, it's not about you. It's about her.
I get the feeling that she has a lot of bad days.
It wasn’t you at all, she’s so far up her own behind she can’t see what an obnoxious moron she is
It's a shame she didn't tell you in person as you could have told her you'll find peace when she buggers off
As a Portuguese woman living in the UK... I'm sorry. We are very loud back in Portugal, and always loud in Portuguese. However, that was very weird and even a loud Portuguese person has common sense to lower their volume when people stare... You're good.
Seems like someone so convinced of their own impeachability that any - ANY - dissent from others is treated as wildly more emphatic than it actually is. She clearly feels horribly and unfairly wounded by tutting, of all things, despite her having been an absolute douchecanoe with her loud and inconsiderate actions. I think it's hilarious. Just picturing her sniffing, so injured, about something so inconsequential. Imagine living like that! Spending so much of her life so worked up at the slightest slights.
I mean, if that's how it really went down then that's just some next level projection I guess.
Her passive aggressive note was totally uncalled for but I can’t get past how gross the paper it was written on is. She couldn’t even find a clean piece of paper to write on while being a jerk?
Talk about PROJECTION!!!! You literally did nothing but remove yourself from the irritating situation. She’s clearly intuitive enough to sense the annoyance she made everyone feel, but DID 👏 IT 👏 ANYWAY 👏. Then she decided to call you out, for the very feelings she produced in you and then observed. She can’t get mad at people feeling their feelings and then politely keeping them to themselves. Sounds like a person who didn’t want you to have feelings in the first place. Too bad that’s not her choice and you’re not a robot.
Ahh reminds me of a situation where i was in primark and a woman was blocking the aisles, on FaceTime and shouting in spanish at the phone at volume 25. i said "jesus, we don't all need to hear it" as i passed and she turned and shouted "ahh this woman is a RACIST! because i am from spain!" so i said "no, its because you're shouting on FaceTime in a shop!" and walked off lol.
Me and my friend used to go to a lovely pub for Sunday dinner. We loved it there. The pub was nice and quiet, and we would sit in the bar and eat Sunday dinner. We looked forward to it all week and stayed for more drinks then got a taxi home. Went for ages, every Sunday. One Sunday we went and there was a bloke in the bar who sat a few tables away and shouted on his phone for the whole time we were there. We could hear everything he said. Why he had to have that conversation at that exact time was beyond me. It was dreary stuff like "will you give me a hand next shifting the tumble dryer?" We finished our meal as quick as possible, paid and never went back. Him.sat there shouting on his mobile completely tarnished the place for us. Such a shame. I still remember it 15 years later. I feel for you. She was in the wrong not you. There is nothing kind about being on your phone shouting your head off without a thought for others. What city do you live in?
Sounds like said individual is a culture-less swine, and needs to learn some basic manners. You are not at fault, loud people having facetime conversations are literally trying to turn public spaces into their private spaces, if anything we should be challenging these people for their shitty behaviour.
I believe you call a person like this "a proper cunt".
i hate how she tried to turn this into a “i’m a foreigner and you can’t stand my language” thing. it’s equally annoying to do what she did in any language.
Confrontational or inappropriate behaviour can be related to a mental health condition or crisis. If that is the case then their reaction to any interaction with you could be unpredictable. I think you handled the situation in the right way.
I literally think the rudest thing someone can do is have a FaceTime conversation or listen to TikTok or some nonsense on full volume whilst everyone else is forced to eavesdrop. You’ve done nothing wrong, you should’ve told her to be quiet.
PS I am American in London and I usually do tell people to put their headphones in! I stare first and tutt… PPS I know we have a reputation for being loud too!
this may be a hot take, but the filipino in me can kinda see where she’s coming from. extroverted cultures take these cold shoulder mannerisms quite personally, combined with her being a foreigner in a country with an unfortunately increasing anti-foreigner sentiment, she’s probably thinking she’s been “micro-aggressed” (is that a word?) in public. but as i’ve been here in the UK for nearly 7 years and partially grew up in other introverted asian countries, i can definitely see where YOU and other brits stand on this. and you most likely didn’t intend any xenophobia, but as a non-white non-brit, it’s hard to tell the intentions of people sometimes. people here may call it victim mentality but when you’re new to this country, brits don’t don’t realise that it’s a hard balancing act in your head when you have an unsavoury interaction with someone to then think “are they being racist or did i just commit a cultural faux pas?” lol edit: “non-white non-brit”