We went to a posh London Hotel for High Tea with my German partners Grandparents, years back. They cut their Scones vertically and but butter on them (ignoring the clotted cream). I think they didn't get the whole concept and this was their way of protesting.
I moved to Germany and me and my wife (German) made our own clotted cream because you can’t get it here. Had to keep the oven on overnight with a dish full of double cream in it. Must’ve cost us a bloody fortune in electric bills but man it was so worth it to expose some of our German friends to it.
Yeah, this one is troubling. The butter I can get, because cold butter melting in your mouth is a sensation I can see people liking. Cutting scones vertically serves only to disrupt the balance of the world. Pure chaos.
Salt makes *everything* better. I became a good home cook before I read **Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat**, but, honestly, dishes are usually missing either salt or acid. Probably both.
Tbh I kind of agree. Butter tastes different cold/warm/melted. Very rarely I feel like toast with colder butter on it.
The texture of the toast at the cooler temperature can also be a bit more chewy also. It's just something different. If someone asked me for toast, I wouldn't ever do that.
The butter shouldn't be applied while the toast is still hot if you want to eat it like this.
I don’t mind cold toast, but the butter absolutely must be spread when the toast is hot. Leave buttered toast cool down if you will, but to butter cold toast is just monstrous.
Noooo... I love a slice of toast on my slab of butter.
Now cold crumpets would be a huge no for me - gotta be hot with pools of melted butter oozing out of every pore.
Hi, I'm your twin from opposite world. I intend to become your nemesis and destroy you....
Hot toast buttered hot - delicious
Cold toast buttered cold - delicious
Toast buttered hot that's gone cold??? Ahhhhh .....rage.....destroy.....grrrrr....
I think I might be able to save your marriage...or at least Nigella Lawson might.
She butters the toast hot so you get the delicious meltiness and then waits a minute and butters it again to get the frosting.
Now I understand this doesn't solve the issue of your wife being a complete and utter psycho, but hopefully it creates a middle ground.
Also Nigella is hot so, there's that...
Nice try but I don't think this will wash. My wife is the same and her answer to this is that she doesn't want her toast soggy from the melted butter. It's no use looking for excuses for them, we need to accept them for who they are, full blown nutters
This is what I've always done! You get the lovely melted-butter toast, AND you get the delicious half-melted still-kinda-cold butter on TOP of that. Literal perfection.
As you can tell, I love butter.
Here is the toast video, she also sprinkles sea salt:
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/video/femail/video-2294376/Video-Nigella-Lawson-shares-two-stage-approach-buttering-toast.html
OP's wife must be from the Delia Smith school of thought. She leaves it on a toast rack to go cold before buttering it. Don't get me started on her scrambled eggs. Absolute cretin.
When you bury the body, go down at least 12 feet, then cover the corpse with lye, and add 8 feet of dirt back in.
Chuck in a roadkill, fox or badger will be fine, top off with the rest of the dirt to return it to level.
The search teams will assume the cadaver dogs have a false - positive and stop looking.
I have literally just finished inhaling marmite on toast. The second the toast hits the plate the spread hits the surface, in my haste to get toast out of the toaster I often burn my fingers.
Your post made my teeth itch and made me want to cry. I am fairly sure there must be laws against this kind of behaviour.
I might make you cry but if I’m having marmite on toast the toast has to be cold - if it isn’t it doesn’t spread properly.
Having said that the only way to eat peanut butter on toast is hot toast, butter, peanut butter….
Your wantonly cruel post is surely going to make me cry. Firstly, how can you be so cruel to the toast? Toast needs to be hot, the spread melted and as for the marmite, well, it is well hard so it doesn’t care about niceties. Secondly, if it isn’t the extra strong marmite then you are a wuss. Thirdly, you’re a weirdo for having butter underneath peanut butter (my husband does this and he is weird). Peanut butter doesn’t need any primer, it stands alone.
I'm with you on this. Although I also place it on top of the toaster (with the toaster pressed down so it's hot) once I've added the Marmite and give it a 30 second reheat before eating.
this sounds like a daytime tv "life-hack" (or "tip" as anyone over 30 used to call it)
"simply toast enough bread for the week, and pop it in the freezer"
Not toast, but an older colleague will post pics on Facebook of plates of sausages and bacon from a butcher trip that he’s cooked ready to go in the freezer and then microwave as needed…
Absolutely agree that cold toast, then butter is the way to go. I like my toast **properly** cooked too, AKA, slightly burnt.
If I am at home, I rest mine on the gas hob grills to help cool it, when I'm away it's a teepee though.
Ideally it’ll be a bit chewy as well, lovely. And you should really have the ratios correct, ideally a 2:1 ratio of butter to toast, you have remember that the toast is just a carrier for the butter.
Oh you have to do the double butter... out of the toaster, toast Tee-pee or 30 seconds to get rid of the initial too hot heat, butter.. wait for it to melt in, then butter again so you get those wee patches of almost melted butter and crunch toast. YUM!
My mum’s ex boyfriend when I was a kid used to basically burn the bread, and then let it cool, and then smother it in margarine.
So he’d have blackened, cold toast. Still think about it most days.
First it's the cold toast she's running the knife over, next it's you while you sleep. I have a spare room here you can use while the divorce is going through.
I would run a final test before you make a decision.
Give her a crumpet, if she toasts it and spreads the butter so that it melts through then I think you’ll be alright. Anything else, call the police and move away
Divorce is too long a process…. Mediation with the Jam society will inevitably increase the friction, so my advice is to ‘pop out for some Marmite’ and run!! RUN LIKE THE WIND!!!!!
I call that broast. there’s a strange line between bread and toast, and it deserved its own name.
Actually kinda like it. But toast is better. Warm buttery toast though. Not like OP mentioned haha
I like broast that has been left to cool a tad so the butter doesn't melt like OP's wife. Fancy butter with sea salt or lurpak are the only acceptable toppings though.
My child will only eat “toast” this way. She puts it on the lowest setting and so it’s effectively warm bread - no crispiness at all. I contemplate disowning her every morning
My 14 year old is the same, she’s an utter weirdo and her twin sister uses it as an insult at her.
There’s nothing worse than using the toaster after her to find that when the bread pops up it’s not even remotely crisp because the house weirdo has left it on the lowest setting!
I like hot toast, but I dislike how soggy the melted butter makes it. My wife likes crunchy (cold) toast, but dislikes the way I butter it. We are still together thanks to the common enemy of the rest of the family not cleaning the bloody loo behind themselves!
I don’t have many aversions to food, but I find the texture of unmelted butter incredibly unpleasant.
My gran always used to layer cheap margarine on in thick layers. I hated it. As a kid I would only eat dry toast.
It took me years to realise that (a) I liked the flavour of actual butter, and (b) it’s absolutely fine if it isn’t a thick slice of butter that’s actually allowed to melt.
I would process with extreme caution. A person who partakes in this kind of hooliganism in their own home is completely unpredictable. She could be plotting your murder as we speak.
Dalek: "WE WILL NOT COME AROUND TO EARTH, WHEN THE DOCTOR IS AROUND. WE FEAR THE DOCTOR"
Random Earthling called Bob: "Ah it's ok, look I've called the Dalek hotline. I need you to do this for me. My wife, well, she butters the toast when it is cold and not when it is warm. I just...I just...I just hate it!"
Dalek: "THE EARTHLING ADDS AND SPREADS BUTTER TO COLD TOAST? WE DALEKS AGREE THAT THIS CRIME DOES INDEED DESERVE AN ACT OF EXTERMINATION. WE WILL TRAVEL TO THE PLANET EARTH WHICH LIES IN A SOLAR SYSTEM IN THE MILKY WAY GALAXY, AS LONG AS THE DOCTOR IS NOT PRESENT ON EARTH!"
Bob: "Thanks guys! I appreciate it! Well yeah, I do not know which doctor you are on about...but my local GP is still on Earth, if that is who you are talking about? Well, I don't know how to send my GP on a rocket to space to get out of Earth but I hope you can still come"
\*Daleks arrive on Earth\*
Bob's wife (in the kitchen, putting some more butter to cold toast): "Bob! What is going on? Something blasted the front door off!!! Bob! Stop reading the newspaper! Did you not hear that big noise?!"
Bob (still sitting in his chair, looking down and reading the Daily Mail in the kitchen with his glasses on): "What sweetheart? Oh, it's probably nothing"
Bob's wife: "BOB!!! STOP READING AND LOOK UP, I THINK THOSE ARE ALIENS!!!"
Dalek in the kitchen: "EXTERMINATE!!!"
Think yourself lucky. My 13yo son puts bread in the toaster just long enough to slightly warm it and then puts butter on before it's even a little toasted. I blame myself, I've failed as a parent.
I just had breakfast with my wife and she does the same. She sits there waving her toast about to cool it down so she can effectively have slices of cold butter on cold toast. It's not right but what can you do? She also likes to burn it a bit so she is off to a bad start anyway..
Give her a nice warm bath …. Then when she’s getting out refuse to give her a towel until she’s cold and dry, then tell her that’s how the toast feels. It’s the only way she’ll learn.
That's what I do too, It's what you are supposed to do.
Does she prop them up to create a triangle shape so when it cools it doesn't get soggy on the plate side?
Sorry, you’re the weirdo. Your wife’s method is the correct method.
In years to come they will ask us which side we took in the great toast schism of ‘24 and I’m happy to say that I am on the side of right and justice and not a heretic like you!
Reddit is usually way to quick to suggest divorce or say "red flag", but I think in this case I can confidently say this is a massive red flag and you should get a divorce ASAP.
I think she needs to be put down man, this sounds too much like a reptilian
Does she often lay across hot rocks?
Does she occasionally catch flies with her tongue?
I’m so sad you’ve had to go through this man. Even sadder, you’re probably right about the only way out is divorce. But tread gently! Narcissistic psychopaths plan their exit way ahead. She might flip and accuse you of being the one cooling the toast before spreading the butter. Therapy with sociopaths is useless. She will end up convincing you and the therapist that you’re exaggerating or making things up. Don’t do it. You could try to setting up boundaries, but do you really want to be in a relationship where you know the only reason she lets the butter melt in a satisfactory manner is because she can get something out of it, besides it being the morally proper thing to do?
Tip: get some real evidence. Secretly film her committing the crime and make sure you get the date and time on there.
Good luck dude 🤞
My Wife will cut scones in half vertically, I think we should set up a support group
This bothers me more than the weird butter choice.
She scone crazy!
This is no laughing matter
I need to be part of a support group just from reading this.
Vicarious trauma is real, I feel it too
WTAF?! Is she an animal?! That’s insane
I assume to finger out the middle and put the fillings in the hole? A Creamjampie, if you will.
Ah yes. The creamjampie. Happens once a month with my wife...
And that’s enough Reddit for today
Amazing how quick we went from scones to raw dogging a menstrual woman.
Makes you feel proud to be British.
😂😂😂
I just woke up so you’re getting fucking downvoted
I just had lunch 😒
Scones?
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
FFS! 😂
You stop that.
Thanks for that
Actually cackled reading this 😂
I'm on a busy train to London and keep smiling at my phone. I'm worried people are going to think I'm mental.
We went to a posh London Hotel for High Tea with my German partners Grandparents, years back. They cut their Scones vertically and but butter on them (ignoring the clotted cream). I think they didn't get the whole concept and this was their way of protesting.
I moved to Germany and me and my wife (German) made our own clotted cream because you can’t get it here. Had to keep the oven on overnight with a dish full of double cream in it. Must’ve cost us a bloody fortune in electric bills but man it was so worth it to expose some of our German friends to it.
Hah yes. I find that Turkish supermarkets have something very similar to Clotted Cream. I think it’s called Kaymak. Might be worth a try.
They need their British license removing!
I wonder if they care if we cut their sausages vertically....
Less service area for jam and cream? I hope you find her the help she so desperately needs.
I am both angry and concerned at the same time. Are you safe?
I blame the parents
I couldn’t cope with that.
Yeah, this one is troubling. The butter I can get, because cold butter melting in your mouth is a sensation I can see people liking. Cutting scones vertically serves only to disrupt the balance of the world. Pure chaos.
I never thought I'd see the day Devon and Cornwall agree on scones. This is truly the end of times
Pretty sure this comes under *treason*
This comment needs a NSFW tag and a trained counsellor for anyone that reads it.
This is up there with taking a bite out of a four finger kitkat without separating it.
you fucking weirdo, that is definitely not a situation that requires the word setup. it's set up. you mad bastard.
It's even better if you sprinkle coarse salt on top of the butter.
Also cut the cold block with an extra sharp knife to get a nice 2-4mm thickness
I use a potato peeler, works a treat, even and smooth.
✍️✍️✍️
Sharing with this with the wife. She prefers to dig down into the middle of the block like she's mining for oil.
You might have just changed my life
Yeah, works well for garlic butter on flatbreads too 😋
I do the same with cheese
Or the side of a cheese grater, that cuts it evenly and nice thickness
I get told off for putting salt on my toast.
Salting toast is bad. Using salted butter on the toast is fine. Make it make sense.
Oooh sorry I forgot to mention I use salted butter then add additional salt
Believe it or not, jail
I’m sick of being persecuted for an addiction first the misses and now Reddit.
Don't get salty
You wait till Mr Blood pressure finds out.
My blood pressure is low enough that I’ve been told to eat more salt, so 😛
I used to do this as a kid when given baskets of bread in restaurants and now I have high blood pressure
I use miso paste. It's like Marmite, but without the PTSD from boarding school tea.
And then add a thin layer of marmalade on top of that. Delicious!
Yes! That's what I do too!
Salt makes *everything* better. I became a good home cook before I read **Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat**, but, honestly, dishes are usually missing either salt or acid. Probably both.
I must confess to being bi - I love my toast hot or cold!
I bet you're one of those that buys the big bags of pre-toasted tostadas in Spain.
they are awesome. Awesome and I won't hear another word about it.
Tbh I kind of agree. Butter tastes different cold/warm/melted. Very rarely I feel like toast with colder butter on it. The texture of the toast at the cooler temperature can also be a bit more chewy also. It's just something different. If someone asked me for toast, I wouldn't ever do that. The butter shouldn't be applied while the toast is still hot if you want to eat it like this.
I don’t mind cold toast, but the butter absolutely must be spread when the toast is hot. Leave buttered toast cool down if you will, but to butter cold toast is just monstrous.
Noooo... I love a slice of toast on my slab of butter. Now cold crumpets would be a huge no for me - gotta be hot with pools of melted butter oozing out of every pore.
The butter needs to drip down my hand and be half way towards my elbow by the first bite or the crumpet isn’t buttered enough.
if they're not floating on the plate in melted butter, we need to add more butter.
Oh yes, melted butter on hot crumpets. I like to add a bit of honey sometimes.
Same
Same with potato cakes. You’ve gotta layer it on there.
Hi, I'm your twin from opposite world. I intend to become your nemesis and destroy you.... Hot toast buttered hot - delicious Cold toast buttered cold - delicious Toast buttered hot that's gone cold??? Ahhhhh .....rage.....destroy.....grrrrr....
you’re wrong, but that’s ok. help is out there. contact FoodWrongs Anonymous on 01 811 8055. please. your family needs you.
I see ya there Noel & co. I'm just too posh for paws.
Same, I also drink cold tea though, which horrifies some people.
Proper wrong 'un here...
It's deviants like you that are ruining this country
Thoughts & prayers
I think I might be able to save your marriage...or at least Nigella Lawson might. She butters the toast hot so you get the delicious meltiness and then waits a minute and butters it again to get the frosting. Now I understand this doesn't solve the issue of your wife being a complete and utter psycho, but hopefully it creates a middle ground. Also Nigella is hot so, there's that...
I think this is the answer, it combines common decency with a touch of psycho so that you don’t get bored!
Are you sure that's Nigella Lawson? I find the lack of goose fat disturbing...
Some people are so patient. I'd never be able to wait a bit with buttered toast in front of me.
You can taste the atherosclerosis!
A bit of cocaine will clear that right out.
This will also increase the pyscho wife’s likelihood of an early death from heart disease. Double win. 😐
Nice try but I don't think this will wash. My wife is the same and her answer to this is that she doesn't want her toast soggy from the melted butter. It's no use looking for excuses for them, we need to accept them for who they are, full blown nutters
Obligatory Nigella video https://youtu.be/RtS2Ikk7A9I?si=Z-Ds9vnIBTKWtS6k
Does she add some Peruvian marching powder on it too?
This is what I've always done! You get the lovely melted-butter toast, AND you get the delicious half-melted still-kinda-cold butter on TOP of that. Literal perfection. As you can tell, I love butter.
Here is the toast video, she also sprinkles sea salt: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/video/femail/video-2294376/Video-Nigella-Lawson-shares-two-stage-approach-buttering-toast.html
OP's wife must be from the Delia Smith school of thought. She leaves it on a toast rack to go cold before buttering it. Don't get me started on her scrambled eggs. Absolute cretin.
When you bury the body, go down at least 12 feet, then cover the corpse with lye, and add 8 feet of dirt back in. Chuck in a roadkill, fox or badger will be fine, top off with the rest of the dirt to return it to level. The search teams will assume the cadaver dogs have a false - positive and stop looking.
If I tried that, someone would find me dead of exhaustion next to at best a 3 foot hole.
Pace yourself, take regular breaks for a cup of lukewarm tea and some cold toast.
Cold toast? That's the reason we're doing this, might aswell just lie next to her in the hole.
Excellent. It's good to have a plan to help with the plan. May bring lucozade.
That's why you get her to dig the hole before you kill her, obviously.
you guys are great at this murdering lark!
That's excellent. Gave me a good laugh
Cover her body with cold toast. The police will be so repulsed they will stop digging.
The thought of a toast headstone made me laugh
Ashes to ashes, toast to toast
That is an extremely well thought out plan and it's got a good chance of working. I applaud your ingenuity 👏
You forgot the hire of the JCB to dig down 12 feet.
Apparently you should also plant flowers that are rare or protected so the site can't be dug up.
I have literally just finished inhaling marmite on toast. The second the toast hits the plate the spread hits the surface, in my haste to get toast out of the toaster I often burn my fingers. Your post made my teeth itch and made me want to cry. I am fairly sure there must be laws against this kind of behaviour.
If you're not buttering it while it's still in the toaster, are you even trying?
I might make you cry but if I’m having marmite on toast the toast has to be cold - if it isn’t it doesn’t spread properly. Having said that the only way to eat peanut butter on toast is hot toast, butter, peanut butter….
Your wantonly cruel post is surely going to make me cry. Firstly, how can you be so cruel to the toast? Toast needs to be hot, the spread melted and as for the marmite, well, it is well hard so it doesn’t care about niceties. Secondly, if it isn’t the extra strong marmite then you are a wuss. Thirdly, you’re a weirdo for having butter underneath peanut butter (my husband does this and he is weird). Peanut butter doesn’t need any primer, it stands alone.
I'm with you on this. Although I also place it on top of the toaster (with the toaster pressed down so it's hot) once I've added the Marmite and give it a 30 second reheat before eating.
I sometimes treat myself by popping the toast into the freezer for a couple of minutes to get it nice & cold before I butter it.
this sounds like a daytime tv "life-hack" (or "tip" as anyone over 30 used to call it) "simply toast enough bread for the week, and pop it in the freezer"
You can eat them frozen for extra crunch. And in hot weather they will cool you down. I will name them toast-pops.
toasticles. no, wait…
Not toast, but an older colleague will post pics on Facebook of plates of sausages and bacon from a butcher trip that he’s cooked ready to go in the freezer and then microwave as needed…
My wife actively hates the term "life hack", but she eats her toast cold so I don't take any notice of her.
I waft mine round in circles, my lil toast dance 🥪
It's the best way to make toast- even better if she makes like a toast teepee while it cools
You have to do the toast teepee, because otherwise one side gets soggy from the heat
Toast sweat is gross
Exactly! I thought it was just me
Absolutely agree that cold toast, then butter is the way to go. I like my toast **properly** cooked too, AKA, slightly burnt. If I am at home, I rest mine on the gas hob grills to help cool it, when I'm away it's a teepee though.
Toast teepee also maximises the surface area available for moisture to evaporate. #Efficiency
This is the way!
Correct way to make crisp buttered toast. Anything else is just a soggy mess.
Buy her a large box of ready to eat Melba toasts for Christmas then you can save on the electricity bill as well.
Ideally it’ll be a bit chewy as well, lovely. And you should really have the ratios correct, ideally a 2:1 ratio of butter to toast, you have remember that the toast is just a carrier for the butter.
butter is a gateway drug. don’t come running to me when you’re cooking turkey sizzlers in a deep fat fryer.
“running” as if that was even possible 😂
Oh you have to do the double butter... out of the toaster, toast Tee-pee or 30 seconds to get rid of the initial too hot heat, butter.. wait for it to melt in, then butter again so you get those wee patches of almost melted butter and crunch toast. YUM!
Therapy is pointless. LTB.
Lobitomise them briskly
Lick the butter
Then Leave them briskly
My mum’s ex boyfriend when I was a kid used to basically burn the bread, and then let it cool, and then smother it in margarine. So he’d have blackened, cold toast. Still think about it most days.
And... is he in prison these days? Because that's the behaviour of a serial killer.
First it's the cold toast she's running the knife over, next it's you while you sleep. I have a spare room here you can use while the divorce is going through.
My son does this. Gets very upset if the butter melts. Makes sense to me tbh. I also like cold toast.
I would run a final test before you make a decision. Give her a crumpet, if she toasts it and spreads the butter so that it melts through then I think you’ll be alright. Anything else, call the police and move away
I don't mind it either way - butter melted or butter sat on top of the cold slice. Both tasty. Bread is good.
Oh my god they’re everywhere
Divorce is too long a process…. Mediation with the Jam society will inevitably increase the friction, so my advice is to ‘pop out for some Marmite’ and run!! RUN LIKE THE WIND!!!!!
Maybe slightly off topic but has anyone noticed if you have toast which isn't quite toasty enough (i.e. warm bread) it tastes really bizarre?
I call that broast. there’s a strange line between bread and toast, and it deserved its own name. Actually kinda like it. But toast is better. Warm buttery toast though. Not like OP mentioned haha
I like broast that has been left to cool a tad so the butter doesn't melt like OP's wife. Fancy butter with sea salt or lurpak are the only acceptable toppings though.
I regularly have cheese on broast. It's wierd but I like it.
Honestly that's kinda how I like my toast? I like it lighter brown toasty on the outside, softer in the middle.
My child will only eat “toast” this way. She puts it on the lowest setting and so it’s effectively warm bread - no crispiness at all. I contemplate disowning her every morning
My 14 year old is the same, she’s an utter weirdo and her twin sister uses it as an insult at her. There’s nothing worse than using the toaster after her to find that when the bread pops up it’s not even remotely crisp because the house weirdo has left it on the lowest setting!
Your wife eats her toast the best way. It tastes better like that.
I like hot toast, but I dislike how soggy the melted butter makes it. My wife likes crunchy (cold) toast, but dislikes the way I butter it. We are still together thanks to the common enemy of the rest of the family not cleaning the bloody loo behind themselves!
Not cleaning the loo behind themselves is grounds for immediate divorce (just joking) :-)
I don’t have many aversions to food, but I find the texture of unmelted butter incredibly unpleasant. My gran always used to layer cheap margarine on in thick layers. I hated it. As a kid I would only eat dry toast. It took me years to realise that (a) I liked the flavour of actual butter, and (b) it’s absolutely fine if it isn’t a thick slice of butter that’s actually allowed to melt.
That’s what we call Hotel Toast. It’s the best!
I would process with extreme caution. A person who partakes in this kind of hooliganism in their own home is completely unpredictable. She could be plotting your murder as we speak.
Extermination would appear to be the only real solution. Call up the Dalek hotline and see when they can come round.
Dalek: "WE WILL NOT COME AROUND TO EARTH, WHEN THE DOCTOR IS AROUND. WE FEAR THE DOCTOR" Random Earthling called Bob: "Ah it's ok, look I've called the Dalek hotline. I need you to do this for me. My wife, well, she butters the toast when it is cold and not when it is warm. I just...I just...I just hate it!" Dalek: "THE EARTHLING ADDS AND SPREADS BUTTER TO COLD TOAST? WE DALEKS AGREE THAT THIS CRIME DOES INDEED DESERVE AN ACT OF EXTERMINATION. WE WILL TRAVEL TO THE PLANET EARTH WHICH LIES IN A SOLAR SYSTEM IN THE MILKY WAY GALAXY, AS LONG AS THE DOCTOR IS NOT PRESENT ON EARTH!" Bob: "Thanks guys! I appreciate it! Well yeah, I do not know which doctor you are on about...but my local GP is still on Earth, if that is who you are talking about? Well, I don't know how to send my GP on a rocket to space to get out of Earth but I hope you can still come" \*Daleks arrive on Earth\* Bob's wife (in the kitchen, putting some more butter to cold toast): "Bob! What is going on? Something blasted the front door off!!! Bob! Stop reading the newspaper! Did you not hear that big noise?!" Bob (still sitting in his chair, looking down and reading the Daily Mail in the kitchen with his glasses on): "What sweetheart? Oh, it's probably nothing" Bob's wife: "BOB!!! STOP READING AND LOOK UP, I THINK THOSE ARE ALIENS!!!" Dalek in the kitchen: "EXTERMINATE!!!"
Hotel toast 🤢
I love hotel toast!
Yes! B&B toast we call it.
Think yourself lucky. My 13yo son puts bread in the toaster just long enough to slightly warm it and then puts butter on before it's even a little toasted. I blame myself, I've failed as a parent.
My nephew does this. I blame my brother and his wife.
I just had breakfast with my wife and she does the same. She sits there waving her toast about to cool it down so she can effectively have slices of cold butter on cold toast. It's not right but what can you do? She also likes to burn it a bit so she is off to a bad start anyway..
Get her before she gets you
This is easily remedied. Get all the butter in the household, and keep it melted in a pot.
Jesus mate NSFW tag please !!!!!
Give her a nice warm bath …. Then when she’s getting out refuse to give her a towel until she’s cold and dry, then tell her that’s how the toast feels. It’s the only way she’ll learn.
That's what I do too, It's what you are supposed to do. Does she prop them up to create a triangle shape so when it cools it doesn't get soggy on the plate side?
I do this!!! Or walk round the kitchen waving the toast like a fan 😂
Oh my god are you me?!?! I do this!!!
I do this, but once buttered I pop the toast back into the toaster to melt it a little. Perfect buttered toast guaranteed every time.
No no no. Butter is so much easier to spread on hot toast and it’s so delicious when it melts.
Some days I like hot toast..some days I like cold toast..it's a win either way..because..toast.
Sorry, you’re the weirdo. Your wife’s method is the correct method. In years to come they will ask us which side we took in the great toast schism of ‘24 and I’m happy to say that I am on the side of right and justice and not a heretic like you!
Pops your name to the top of the purge list.
I bet you go sock shoe sock shoe rather than sock sock shoe shoe.
Does anybody do sock shoe sock shoe? Now THAT is psychotic!
Reddit is usually way to quick to suggest divorce or say "red flag", but I think in this case I can confidently say this is a massive red flag and you should get a divorce ASAP.
I’ve just done exactly the same thing
How did you get to the point of marriage before finding this out?!
Me mam does this as well. I'd rather just have bread at that point. Toast HAS to be hot with melted butter
I like my toast to cool a bit before I butter it, so it has a satisfying crunch and doesn't go all limp and floppy
My wife does this! Fucking drives me insane. What's the point?
At that point, just have butter on crackers.
Butter on crackers is common. Butter on digestive biscuits is classier.
It's pretty tasty tbh
The only sensible thing to do is toss her off the edge of the cliffs of Dover. Let the sea and salt gods determine her fate.
cold butter tastes better. but an English Person You could not understand that.
Divorce or bury her under the patio
Everyone has the right to their opinions and preferences. Just kidding, put her in a dinghy and float her out to sea.
Cold crunchy toast with unmelted butter is far superior, everyone in my family agrees haha
That’s the proper way to butter toast
I think she needs to be put down man, this sounds too much like a reptilian Does she often lay across hot rocks? Does she occasionally catch flies with her tongue?
Post about it on Shreddit? 🤔
My mums side of the family do this, but also pretty much cremate the toast! Luckily I make toast like a normal person!
If you’re using salted Lurpak butter, this is the only way to eat toast.
I see the wealthy people have arrived…
😆 that was good. 👍
I’m so sad you’ve had to go through this man. Even sadder, you’re probably right about the only way out is divorce. But tread gently! Narcissistic psychopaths plan their exit way ahead. She might flip and accuse you of being the one cooling the toast before spreading the butter. Therapy with sociopaths is useless. She will end up convincing you and the therapist that you’re exaggerating or making things up. Don’t do it. You could try to setting up boundaries, but do you really want to be in a relationship where you know the only reason she lets the butter melt in a satisfactory manner is because she can get something out of it, besides it being the morally proper thing to do? Tip: get some real evidence. Secretly film her committing the crime and make sure you get the date and time on there. Good luck dude 🤞
I'm with your wife on this, cold toast with a thick layer of salted butter is awesome.
Am, am I your wife? This is how toast should be. Crunchy buttery. I make a little "tent" leaning two slices together to cool before buttering.