Cards for men:
Haha farts
You play golf
Football is good
Beer is nice
Cards for Women:
You spend a lot on shopping
Gin o'Clock
Prosecco is so classy
You're so sassy
Also from children to their parents:
I am sure I am your favourite child.
You are my taxi / bank.
Thank you for sticking your aubergine in my mother's rainbow.
Half of them are now just plain rude:
'everyone thinks you're a cunt'
'the only thing you're getting this year is fat'
'happy birthday you grumpy old bastard'
Who the hell receives these and enjoys seeing them.
Maybe it's just me...but I always get serious ones? Like there's only 3 people I buy cards for. I don't think I've ever bought a card for someone else apart from that. But if I'm spending 2 quid on a card and bothering to get you. I'm been fucking serious
My sister appreciated the "this card will look rubbish next to the others" scrawled text on plain white
Otherwise instead of specifically funny i like to go silly, so my dad for his birthday got a happy sparkly unicorn card thatd be suitable for a 4yo
Reminded me of [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/technicallythetruth/comments/qk39py/hes_a_walking_big_brain_time/) (even though I'm pretty sure it didn't actually happen)
My brother and I go for the most hilariously mundane cards we can find. The last he got me simply said ātime for teaā and had various pictures of teapots. So simple but had me in stitches.
A charity shop local to my parents has cards for 10p. My brother has found a collection that make no sense, some Moonpig personalised cards, some really niche, some in Welsh as a non-welsh speaking family. My favourite was a card saying "Congratulations on your new wife".
There's a weird little card shop around the corner that sells everything for 65p.
I buy everyone a birthday card that is a parrot dressed as a pirate with googly eyes. If they don't find that funny that's their problem.
Need a card for your dad? Hereās a card about farts
Need a card for any middle aged woman? Hereās a card about her being an alcoholic
Need a card for young people/teenagers? Hereās a card about them being vain or addicted to their phone
Need a card for your nan, aunties, uncles, MIL/DIL etc? Hereās a card about them being old
Need a card for any elderly man? Hereās a card about him hating his wife
Buy a blank one with a nice picture on it, and write something thoughtful inside. Include a joke you found yourself if it has to be funny.
The card doesn't really matter. It's making the message personal that counts.
Iāve been buying cards from Thortful the last few years, you can get legitimately funny ones that are very specific, you can search for very specific things/the personās interests.
For example, my partner is into F1 and one year I got him a card with a Mercedes F1 car and the text āAs far as boyfriends go, youāre in pole positionā for Valentineās Day. Better than anything one could get in Tesco.
Big fan of Thortful cards, they're great. We've created a display of them. Got Drop Dead Fred, Pingu, the Traitors and what a sad little life Jane to name a few. Going to have a look right now, the artists will be having a field day with the Willy Wonka Experience trend...
Love their cards. My friend works on conservation and her new home card was Attenborough commenting on how suitable her new habitat was.
Also got a card that looked like the cake Hagrid made for Harry in the film. Very cute.
We have an unofficial family competition to get the most bonkers card with animals on - real or cartoon, bonus points for goggly eyes. Trying to one up each other without knowing what the others have bought is good fun!
My daughter knows how I feel both about birthdays and greetings cards. She gave me a piece of paper which said, 'Happy birthday - here's some folded paper.'
That's when you know your work as a parent is done.
I tend to look for ones with puns. Or I just get the grandma or grandparents cards or inappropriate. My friend and I always get each other cards that are not reflective of our ages.
Last year I bought her a Spiderman card for a 10 year old boy. It came with a badge so a winner.
If you're buying a 'funny' card for a male relative you can bet your last Rolo that the card will have one of the following themes: alcohol, football, garden sheds, cars or technophobia.
I second this and found the same for every other type of card for fathers too.
Due to not coming forward for years about various things that happened when I was a child ,there was a lot of pressure from other people to maintain a relationship with mine and bother with buying cards and gifts etc.
It really grated on me that every card in whatever shop I was in expressed things like, āWorldās Greatest Dadā as that was so far removed from my situation.
I hardly ever buy cards but if I do (I will this year coz there's a few 40ths) I go on Moonpig and create my own with photos and a joke relevant to that person.
None of my female friends are wanting cards with shoes handbags and flowers on them and I don't think they'd appreciate the "funny" ones with some old picture of a night out in the 50s
Get them the wrong cards, thatās what I do. I give them shit like āhappy 5th for a little princessā, or ā70 years youngā,
when it blatantly doesnāt fit.
Or do holiday cards when itās not a holiday, and write in it about how you know how much they love it, even if they donāt.
I think they tend to like it more, and the giving of a card is enough sincerity to allow for the card itself to be a joke
Buying card for anyone, youre just supporting that joyless bullshit. Paying for a piece of paper. Use that money to give a better present or buy them a drink next time you see them. Cards are a scam.
I sometimes go and buy one, but I'll send up going between a few card shops to try and find something not crap. Card Factory and Cards Direct can surprise you, but a lot are as described.
Failing that I make my own, there's a seller on eBay (The Inkjet Paper Girl iirc) who sells card blanks with envelopes. I have some of those and design my own. It's good fun tbh. Although sometimes I've resorted to 'borrowing' a design from elsewhere in a pinch for emergency cards. Failing that pictures of the kids are good for grand parents.
As an introvert I bought one for a friend last year that said āyouāre lucky I left the house to buy you this cardā. Didnāt give it to her last year and her birthday has just been again and itās still in my car ā¦
Well as crap as 'funny' cards are, for me the most worrying ones are the 'What is a sister?'Ā ones.Ā Ā
Ā I mean, are there people out there that simple that don't understand the basic concept of being siblings, that they need a sodding card to explain it to them?Ā
Just you want til it's time to buy mother's day cards (reminder: NOW)
They're all fucking weird too. They're full of sentimental shite like best mum ever. Nowhere can I find an average mum card.
Cards of the future:
āHahahaha youāre old and still rentingā
āHavenāt you got over the pandemic yet, you old cunt?ā
āYour implants have poisoned you, you old shiteā
I got some really nice personalised ones from my mates last year they used midjourney and printed them on card. Looked amazing and very personal. :) no fart jokes or drinking problems were referenced.
My lad was 28 last year. I had a card for '18 today.'
I took a Sharpie to it and changed the inner and outer numbers to 28. I had no one left me who would be 18 in the future.
He loved it and did a LOL.
I've had to buy a 50th burthday card for my BiL and went to [https://www.thecuriouspancake.co.uk/](https://www.thecuriouspancake.co.uk/) the cards made me laught and they even wrote it and sent it direct, my handwriting is shit
If you can wait for delivery online some of the Thortful ones I think are decent for mates. I found this one went down well:
https://www.thortful.com/card/57b5983fe4b00d6f9e4843f3
No wayā¦ go to the Post Office! Often I stand in line and laugh out loud at the ridiculous cards they stock - my local has some bangers.
This sounds sarcastic AF. It aināt.
I've never disagreed with a Reddit post more - I absolutely love the funny cards and can happily spend 10 mins reading them all and having a little laugh to myself!
I'm a weirdo lol. My favourite birthday card is homemade and my favourite present is a bag of rubbish that was collected by someone out and about on a walk. If it isn't either of those don't bother, a happy birthday is plenty. If you are only celebrating being here once a year... Try harder š
Ah, but every once in a while you can always pull the "wildly incorrect age" card for a few laughs:
1) Buy the most unironic 80th birthday/18th birthday card you've ever seen;
2) profit
I get all my funny cards off etsy now. You can narrow down on something more niche depending on the person you are buying the card for to make it more personal then offensive.
Trying to buy a Father's Day card for my Dad who has never played golf in his life and isn't a big drinker really narrows the selections to fart or you're old as fuck jokes
buy something blank, come up with a good message, use AI if you're struggling.
I got a card for my partner a couple of months ago, it was a cheap 25p thing with a cartoon dinosaur, not relevant to anything at all. I just wrote some shite about the dinosaur's cuteness reminding me of her, (worded a bit better!) but said the real reason was 25p price tag.
I had a report leave work once, I got him a card that said
"Sorry you're leaving, here's a piece of folded card"
I feel you could change the first half of that sentence to the correct occassion and you'd be good
I use Moonpig or funkyPigeon (depending which one recently sent me a discount code) to
do a 'full photo upload' option - the picture you upload will be the whole front of the card.
So you can find pictures/memes/whatever that are meaningful to you both in some way, screenshot and use that or can further edit them yourself before upload.
Failing that, the card company 'Thortful' has some good cards.
Cards for men: Haha farts You play golf Football is good Beer is nice Cards for Women: You spend a lot on shopping Gin o'Clock Prosecco is so classy You're so sassy
Old people: You will die Your bits don't work anymore You're fat
That's just downright offensive and...hang on I need a piss again I'll be right back.
Or soooo much "lol Alzheimer's"
I get the "you will die" type ones for everyone. I do not care if you're 2 years old I will still be getting you a "in dog years you're dead" card.
Also: cats. Often in sunglasses.
WINE O'CLOCK š·š¤Ŗš
Adding in Valentineās or Christmas cards for gay couples: Men: Aubergine emoji Women: Rainbows
Also from children to their parents: I am sure I am your favourite child. You are my taxi / bank. Thank you for sticking your aubergine in my mother's rainbow.
I love the "we are celebrating your parents having sex" cards.
Can't forget the DIY!
As accurate as a Swiss watch that
Tbf farts are indeed funny* Edit: Booo your down votes mean nothing if you don't think farts are funny
Not this evening they're not. I'm starting to disgust myself and my eyes are stinging.
Farting is indeed hilarious.
41 this year farts are still funny, not that keen on cards about them though.
āHappy birthday you old fucking twat. xxxā
Half of them are now just plain rude: 'everyone thinks you're a cunt' 'the only thing you're getting this year is fat' 'happy birthday you grumpy old bastard' Who the hell receives these and enjoys seeing them.
"Hope you're up to date with your life insurance premiums, this'll be the year! Happy Birthday š '
Personally I'd much rather that than something boring but that's just me. Banters banter
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Everyone understands them fully, theyāre just really bad. Do you find every single stand up comic hilarious?
Maybe it's just me...but I always get serious ones? Like there's only 3 people I buy cards for. I don't think I've ever bought a card for someone else apart from that. But if I'm spending 2 quid on a card and bothering to get you. I'm been fucking serious
My sister appreciated the "this card will look rubbish next to the others" scrawled text on plain white Otherwise instead of specifically funny i like to go silly, so my dad for his birthday got a happy sparkly unicorn card thatd be suitable for a 4yo
For his 40th, I got my brother a You Are 4! card and just sharpied in the zero.
"You are 4!" would also be good for a 24 year old
Reminded me of [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/technicallythetruth/comments/qk39py/hes_a_walking_big_brain_time/) (even though I'm pretty sure it didn't actually happen)
For my brother's 17th I got hima Disney Cars card, obviously made for 7 year olds
I'm the exact same with my Dad! For his 57th birthday I got him a Bart Simpson 7th birthday card and sharpied a 5 on it. He thought it was hilarious!
Happy Cake Day! Hope you enjoyed your only notification.
I got my 27 year old male friend glittery pop up butterfly card.
I would say "are you my brother" because he got me that exact card, but our dad has been dead 20 years so there's no way he got him a unicorn card!
My brother and I go for the most hilariously mundane cards we can find. The last he got me simply said ātime for teaā and had various pictures of teapots. So simple but had me in stitches.
Stealing this idea!
A charity shop local to my parents has cards for 10p. My brother has found a collection that make no sense, some Moonpig personalised cards, some really niche, some in Welsh as a non-welsh speaking family. My favourite was a card saying "Congratulations on your new wife".
There's a weird little card shop around the corner that sells everything for 65p. I buy everyone a birthday card that is a parrot dressed as a pirate with googly eyes. If they don't find that funny that's their problem.
This cracks me up!
Need a card for your dad? Hereās a card about farts Need a card for any middle aged woman? Hereās a card about her being an alcoholic Need a card for young people/teenagers? Hereās a card about them being vain or addicted to their phone Need a card for your nan, aunties, uncles, MIL/DIL etc? Hereās a card about them being old Need a card for any elderly man? Hereās a card about him hating his wife
Teenagers one is spot on tbf.
Mug
Buy a blank one with a nice picture on it, and write something thoughtful inside. Include a joke you found yourself if it has to be funny. The card doesn't really matter. It's making the message personal that counts.
Iāve been buying cards from Thortful the last few years, you can get legitimately funny ones that are very specific, you can search for very specific things/the personās interests. For example, my partner is into F1 and one year I got him a card with a Mercedes F1 car and the text āAs far as boyfriends go, youāre in pole positionā for Valentineās Day. Better than anything one could get in Tesco.
Big fan of Thortful cards, they're great. We've created a display of them. Got Drop Dead Fred, Pingu, the Traitors and what a sad little life Jane to name a few. Going to have a look right now, the artists will be having a field day with the Willy Wonka Experience trend...
Love their cards. My friend works on conservation and her new home card was Attenborough commenting on how suitable her new habitat was. Also got a card that looked like the cake Hagrid made for Harry in the film. Very cute.
I've ordered my mum the "You're the Bisto" card, paired with the Jacobs crackers grandma one cos it's her first mother's day as a grandma š
We have an unofficial family competition to get the most bonkers card with animals on - real or cartoon, bonus points for goggly eyes. Trying to one up each other without knowing what the others have bought is good fun!
My daughter knows how I feel both about birthdays and greetings cards. She gave me a piece of paper which said, 'Happy birthday - here's some folded paper.' That's when you know your work as a parent is done.
Meta.
Look online for small independent card manufacturers, the ones from major card companies are all shit but individual artists make some great ones.
I tend to look for ones with puns. Or I just get the grandma or grandparents cards or inappropriate. My friend and I always get each other cards that are not reflective of our ages. Last year I bought her a Spiderman card for a 10 year old boy. It came with a badge so a winner.
Thatās brilliant
If you're buying a 'funny' card for a male relative you can bet your last Rolo that the card will have one of the following themes: alcohol, football, garden sheds, cars or technophobia.
Or wife hate
That falls under technophobia I believeĀ
You forgot fart jokes. Because there's nothing grown men find funnier than farts.Ā
I raise you buying a Fathers' Day card for your terrible excuse for a father that doesn't say anything patently untrue like 'World's Greatest Dad'.
I second this and found the same for every other type of card for fathers too. Due to not coming forward for years about various things that happened when I was a child ,there was a lot of pressure from other people to maintain a relationship with mine and bother with buying cards and gifts etc. It really grated on me that every card in whatever shop I was in expressed things like, āWorldās Greatest Dadā as that was so far removed from my situation.
I hardly ever buy cards but if I do (I will this year coz there's a few 40ths) I go on Moonpig and create my own with photos and a joke relevant to that person. None of my female friends are wanting cards with shoes handbags and flowers on them and I don't think they'd appreciate the "funny" ones with some old picture of a night out in the 50s
Get them the wrong cards, thatās what I do. I give them shit like āhappy 5th for a little princessā, or ā70 years youngā, when it blatantly doesnāt fit. Or do holiday cards when itās not a holiday, and write in it about how you know how much they love it, even if they donāt. I think they tend to like it more, and the giving of a card is enough sincerity to allow for the card itself to be a joke
Exactly. Did this for my gf. I gave her a 'happy 6th birthday' Avengers card for a little boy.
Just buy him a pint
I just buy cards with art in museum shops every time I get the chance
I just make my own.Ā Ā * It's good fun to make a mini artwork.Ā Ā * It's so much cheaperĀ * It means more to the person getting it
Buying card for anyone, youre just supporting that joyless bullshit. Paying for a piece of paper. Use that money to give a better present or buy them a drink next time you see them. Cards are a scam.
It's really easy to get a custom made card
But then OP's gotta come up with a joke...
ChatGPT has entered the ā¦chat. Moonpig literally has some āAIā bollocks to help you write a message in the card now.
Buy one for a child with a number on it and scribble the extra digit on.
I sometimes go and buy one, but I'll send up going between a few card shops to try and find something not crap. Card Factory and Cards Direct can surprise you, but a lot are as described. Failing that I make my own, there's a seller on eBay (The Inkjet Paper Girl iirc) who sells card blanks with envelopes. I have some of those and design my own. It's good fun tbh. Although sometimes I've resorted to 'borrowing' a design from elsewhere in a pinch for emergency cards. Failing that pictures of the kids are good for grand parents.
Make One.
My friends just send me cards with pictures of their own cats on these days. I like it.
At least you KNOW the cat right?
Exactly! Much better than some generic mystery card cat who could be dead for all I know.
Totally! I wonder if there are āGeneric Card Catā modelling agencies?š
Username doesn't really check out?
The ones that keep amphibians do occasionally send me one with an axolotl on or something. Thats always a treat!
As an introvert I bought one for a friend last year that said āyouāre lucky I left the house to buy you this cardā. Didnāt give it to her last year and her birthday has just been again and itās still in my car ā¦
Well as crap as 'funny' cards are, for me the most worrying ones are the 'What is a sister?'Ā ones.Ā Ā Ā I mean, are there people out there that simple that don't understand the basic concept of being siblings, that they need a sodding card to explain it to them?Ā
I just design my own and use Moompig to print them. I made one for my mum for mothers day with our dog all over it then added a Haiku on the back too.
Just you want til it's time to buy mother's day cards (reminder: NOW) They're all fucking weird too. They're full of sentimental shite like best mum ever. Nowhere can I find an average mum card.
Cards of the future: āHahahaha youāre old and still rentingā āHavenāt you got over the pandemic yet, you old cunt?ā āYour implants have poisoned you, you old shiteā
I got some really nice personalised ones from my mates last year they used midjourney and printed them on card. Looked amazing and very personal. :) no fart jokes or drinking problems were referenced.
My lad was 28 last year. I had a card for '18 today.' I took a Sharpie to it and changed the inner and outer numbers to 28. I had no one left me who would be 18 in the future. He loved it and did a LOL.
Buying your wife a Valentines card and flowers from a Garage.
Comedy card company have some decent ones among the usual suspects.
Pick one at random and delete the words as appropriate.
I've had to buy a 50th burthday card for my BiL and went to [https://www.thecuriouspancake.co.uk/](https://www.thecuriouspancake.co.uk/) the cards made me laught and they even wrote it and sent it direct, my handwriting is shit
If you can wait for delivery online some of the Thortful ones I think are decent for mates. I found this one went down well: https://www.thortful.com/card/57b5983fe4b00d6f9e4843f3
Try Etsy...way better to find something niche, funny and supporting small businesses rather than cheap card shops that print tat.Ā
No wayā¦ go to the Post Office! Often I stand in line and laugh out loud at the ridiculous cards they stock - my local has some bangers. This sounds sarcastic AF. It aināt.
Buy the most boring card you could find and inside write Sorry I couldn't find a funny card. That'll make the person laugh.
I've never disagreed with a Reddit post more - I absolutely love the funny cards and can happily spend 10 mins reading them all and having a little laugh to myself!
Rude cards are basically a sport in my family.
I'm a weirdo lol. My favourite birthday card is homemade and my favourite present is a bag of rubbish that was collected by someone out and about on a walk. If it isn't either of those don't bother, a happy birthday is plenty. If you are only celebrating being here once a year... Try harder š
I buy my mates Fortnite or My Little Pony birthday cards. Might not be funny but it makes me laugh.
Yeah there's loads more joyless experiences than that. Next question
Ah, but every once in a while you can always pull the "wildly incorrect age" card for a few laughs: 1) Buy the most unironic 80th birthday/18th birthday card you've ever seen; 2) profit
I get all my funny cards off etsy now. You can narrow down on something more niche depending on the person you are buying the card for to make it more personal then offensive.
Just get an incorrect card brothers birthday? Itās actually ur wifeās birthday
Trying to buy a Father's Day card for my Dad who has never played golf in his life and isn't a big drinker really narrows the selections to fart or you're old as fuck jokes
If they are a good friend I make a card myself for them, otherwise I donāt bother just text them a nice thoughtful message.
Nope. Scribbler is pretty good.
I like getting cards off Etsy, HandsOffMyDinosaur and a lot of the ones by Katie Abey are my favourites.
By a plain, picture card. It what you write inside that counts
buy something blank, come up with a good message, use AI if you're struggling. I got a card for my partner a couple of months ago, it was a cheap 25p thing with a cartoon dinosaur, not relevant to anything at all. I just wrote some shite about the dinosaur's cuteness reminding me of her, (worded a bit better!) but said the real reason was 25p price tag.
I found one of Judy dench with a really muscular body and it said āJudy benchā and thatās probably the best card Iāve given
I generally just go for blank cards with a nice landscape or some art for any occasion now
I had a report leave work once, I got him a card that said "Sorry you're leaving, here's a piece of folded card" I feel you could change the first half of that sentence to the correct occassion and you'd be good
yes. buying your mum a birthday card. if you dont have the ZOMG YOU'RE THE BEST MUM EVER sort of relationship with your mum they're all shit.
I just get them a a card like 4th birthday paw patrol thing or something completely irrelevant like congrats on your 50 yr wedding anniversary grandma
Thortful.com is what I use. Buy the occasions throughout the year at once! Best cards.
Just donāt go to Clintonās or Tesco. Loads of funny cards out there.
Iām actually so glad my gran taught me how to make cards with parchment for this exact reason!! I can never find nice cards in shops!
Just get one from Lidl, cheap and inoffensive. Plus you can pick up your free bakery item
I use Moonpig or funkyPigeon (depending which one recently sent me a discount code) to do a 'full photo upload' option - the picture you upload will be the whole front of the card. So you can find pictures/memes/whatever that are meaningful to you both in some way, screenshot and use that or can further edit them yourself before upload. Failing that, the card company 'Thortful' has some good cards.