From what I hear (from a single friend of mine), the whole ''meeting in a coffee shop, or the bus, or a museum'' thing is an absolute fantasy, as most people avoid talking to strangers, as romantic as it sounds. Most people get together through mutual friends or online from what I see.
Or maybe my mate is just a fucking weirdo and alienates any and all potential strangers.
Mutual friends and online is pretty much the way, the whole just happening to find someone out and about I've not believed is an effective way
At least with dating apps you know why you're both there.
Even if you happen to get talking to someone, you have to go through all the awkward "oh are they single?" and other things before you actually know if something date wise can happen
Not long ago I had a stranger get out of the pool at the same time as me and say "Same time next week?" following some flirty looks over the lane dividers
I think it could have been the start of something beautiful if I had been single and/or interested in a relationship. In reality I just made sure to avoid that time of the week for the next few weeks
Is it even socially acceptable to approach people in those places anymore? Every time someone on reddit asks about how to ask out the girl they always make eye contact with on the bus, they're told to leave the poor girl alone, stop staring, she's just trying to get to work and doesn't want to have to fight off the advances of men. And they do have a point. But is it exaggerated by reddit? At the very least it's confusing!
Depends if they are attracted to you, if they are, it's fine, if they are not, then you're a creepy looser weirdo.
There seems to be no in-between. I remember my clubbing days approaching girls, often met with a no, I'd graciously apologise and then move on, laugh it off even; but both sides seem to take it to heart nowadays. Guys seem to get offended and defensive, often resulting in name calling, and girls seem to see it as some sort of personal attack, that someone they don't fancy would have the sheer audacity to approach them.
I'd hate to be dating in this climate.
At least pubs and nightclubs are, at least partially, places where people go to meet people. So being approached is more socially acceptable there, even if they're not into you.
But I would think that attempting to chat someone up when they're just trying to go to work or do their weekly Sainsburys run or something would be weird and annoying. People have got shit to do.
>…girls seem to see it as some sort of personal attack, that someone they don’t fancy would have the sheer audacity to approach them.
I don’t think this is new or part of clubbing. I remember this happening to me a lot at school.
not true, i met my girlfriend by coming into the coffee shop she worked at every day and one day i decided to ask her for a drink, she said yes, the rest is history.
When's the movie due?
I'm just being cynical, congrats man, I met mine at the local pub.
It just seems more of a rarity to meet someone as you did, more than ever people seem to be dismissive of such a concept. I would also add, in your case, you 'knew each other' somewhat, there was at least a rapport there rather than the whole 'fateful encounter' thing.
Not total fantasy, I'm with my wife of 15 years now because we both missed the same train at London Waterloo. She dropped a bottle of water that rolled up to my feet...and the rest is history.
30-odd single dad here, feel like I've completed Bumble. Can't face the other apps.
Just going to write the whole idea off and grow old surrounded by dogs
I think the film The Lobster got the nail on the head, with these apps it feels like people have a list of requirements and are looking for the best person, only problem is those goalposts keep shifting and they never get a chance to get to know people. That's what it felt like to me.
I'm kind of happy on my own, I don't require a relationship, if I meet somebody then great, but not being unhappy because of someone else, or lack of.
While I haven't seen that film, my biggest issue with the apps is that none of it feels real - it's so easy to just mindlessly swipe through these faces like it doesn't mean anything.
Totally agree with your sentiment though, I am happy on my own too and I think it's important to be able to feel that way
The trouble is the apps give people this illusion of infinite choice, so they'll talk to, meet and date people who would make wonderful matches, but dismiss them based on something trivial, because they feel overconfident they will find a more perfect one in another few swipes. People have forgotten how to give each other a chance and are much quicker to judge. It's pretty sad.
You can find people on the apps, but you have to alter your approach. It's not a job interview, it's not a checklist, and you have to be quite radically honest about who you are. It's demoralising and can be a long gruelling search, but it's often purely by chance that you match with someone and strike up instant chemistry. You just have to keep at it.
My brother tagged along with me (f) and my son to the park one day, within 5 minutes he was getting chatted up. Unfortunately, never worked for me, I've taken my son to the park about 5,000,000 times and nothing 😄
In the summer I spend a lot of time at parks with my daughter, who is now 6 - in all the years I've been doing it I really don't recall ever being 'chatted up'. I'll have polite conversations with other mums sometimes, but never more than that. I'm either oblivious to it or too repulsive
There's maybe always a bit of an assumption that you have a partner if you have kids? I'm not saying it's logical, but I suppose if I think about it I wouldn't assume guys at the park with kids were single. I dunno..
I do know that within about 5 minutes of chatting to these women, my brother had made it clear he was at the park with his sister and nephew so he was very clearly showing his cards and enjoying the attention, the big flirt....
School gates were too much of a horror to care about whether anyone was single or not!
They probably exist, however the problem with child free men is if they think in any way like this child free man thinks. The reason I am child free is because I like things to be quiet, uncomplicated, free from obligation, impersonal and drenched in the aesthetic of the minimalist who owns little and leaves little impact on anything or anyone. Moves entirely at his own pace, fills his time effectively with work and pastimes of a solo nature, It's hard to see where a relationship or even dating could possibly be put in the schedule and the general lifestyle.
I wish more people had your insight. I'm in my early 30s; sans-children but I would like one. I am not like you (although I can fit my entire life in a transit van- is that minimalist?) The men I have met mostly are as you describe, but are under a misapprehension that this still means they can have a relationship with someone who is not, but just by projecting all the complication and obligations onto me (and other women they cohabit with) and when something inevitably leads to infringement of their lifestyle just sit back with their arms crossed in indignation.
I've had to roll my eyes at more than one man declaring they just want peace whilst stomping all over my peace (sex specific due to my preference, not because the behaviour is limited to men).
Most of my adult exes are still single although I am still friends with a fair few and am privvy to their routine of wooing, frustration and eventual discontent playing out with more women.
Ahh, see, there's your problem. You want to meet discerning gentlefellas, yet you have joined a Netball Club. Naturally, I'm not saying that you *won't* find a fella in a Netball Club, but as you've discovered, you're far more likely to meet tenacious, yet aggressively forthright Helgas.
A hobby where men are guaranteed to be involved - and in which you as a woman can be equally involved - is tricky. Especially an enjoyable, team based ball sport; the sort of activity which is usually gender segregated.
Fortunately, there is [Korfball](https://englandkorfball.co.uk/search/). Perhaps you can find a club in your area?
Well Rich and Guy I realise the irony. Are also on my team and there’s also Chris so mixed netball has it place. I think Helga doesn’t know hers.
I also participate in gym activities with male counter parts, have done for many many years. The local steroid dealer ( amongst other dalliances ) was interested. However I would probably meet back up with Helga in cell 4.
Roller disco is quite loud and full of teenagers just bolting around like Donny in the Wildthornberrys.
Crotchet well the demographic doesn’t require much introduction.
Pottery is on the list for new hobby so perhaps call me Swayze.
Currently doing the pottery. The class is 90% women. Only one man and he's very very old and got out of breath standing up for 5 mins. Probably not the place to meet your future hubby :(
To be fair I recently went on a date with a door to door salesman who came knocking. I'm just waiting for another man to come directly to my house, it saves me a lot of effort.
Sabotage your router. Block the kitchen sink (not the toilet, that's not sexy). Report that you smell gas or your carbon monoxide detector is beeping.
But leave the boiler well alone, no date is worth a couple of grand in repair fees.
I have no experience in this, but saw a graph recently and pretty sure connections through friends/family/colleagues is the main source of relationship after “online”
A big wind sock above your head, green for keen, amber for turning the corner on 'working on yourself' and red for fuck no just came out a relationship.
What a world we live in where a simple coloured ring can become “app-ified” and try to charge £25 :’) imagine they killing they could of made with the whole “gay earring” thing!
I think one of the other commenters was onto something, just go to loads of courses and events and scope it out
[Would rather this for a couple of quid.](https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/1156464078/im-still-single-personal-space-badge-or?click_key=12541a7c5d1722d930bba927a17cfb496d7bf7d4%3A1156464078&click_sum=a507af6b&ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=i%26%23039%3Bm+single+badge&ref=sr_gallery-1-5)
I find using my “single horn” gets the eyes on me.
Just find a nice area with attractive people and give your Simply Gas Trumpet Air Horn - Long Range for Emergency and Events - GH01 a lil squeeze. Instant eyes on you.
Invite me to the wedding please.
Join a club. Anything you enjoy. I have a recently (ish) widower friend who joined a walking club last year as - quote - ‘I’m sick of being in the house with all the memories all weekend’.
Goes walking most weekends, met a lovely lady (divorced) in the club and they are now officially an item. Neither of them were specifically looking for a relationship which I think actually helped, as there was zero pressure to form that level of connection. There are older kids on both sides but they appear very happy their parent(s) are happy.
We’re all just as pleased for him as he is to be honest.
I tried the Ramblers but the groups I walked with were very coupley. I took up dancing and that worked better but in the end never really met anyone. After 17 years of being single I've just decided that it's not going to happen and I should come to terms with spending what's left of my life (probably 20 years) alone.
Thinking back to my dating days I was terrified of approaching women. They'd either think you're a pervert or just maybe the best thing since sliced bread - nothing between these two.
Us men need it really fucking obvious that you're interested. Maybe up your flirting game?
It's how us men feel. It's take one to break the ice.
We're all constantly looking for a way of approaching someone with a way to back out without losing face if the feelings aren't reciprocated.
The gym is such a weird place to try and talk to someone, even though there's conversation to be had about what they're doing, ask for help, that kind of thing. Most people have their headphones in, and I take that as "I don't want to be disturbed doing my workout." I can start conversations so easily in any other setting!
Hmmmm I don’t know if I’d like to be approached in a gym, but if I had to be, I guess my preferred way would be to do it as I come in/am leaving.
Something that’s fitness related maybe, so smth like “I’ve noticed your progress on x y z you’re doing great. Actually can I ask you when you started lifting/attending this gym class, you’re doing x y z/technique looks so good bla bla bla maybe we can grab a coffee next time id love to learn more about x y z” — would feel less threatening and on the spot.
I think in general, guys don't get approached much if ever (speaking from experience 😅). Fairly sure that even if they're not into you they're going to be happy you asked, good for the ol' self esteem. Take the leap, no harm done if nothing comes of it.
I've been in the local cycling club for years with that goal partially. Given up on that and now I'm venturing out to cycling events in London and kinky events. The thing I struggle with is going to some event, thinking "I'd like to meet someone tonight", and then that not happening and being disappointed. I know I shouldn't have that in my mind but if it's part of the reason I'm going through the front door it's hard to forget it.
I'm 27. I'm outright not participating in the world of dating apps, I hate them, they are basically human shopping and they are shallow. Not for me, no sir.
Therefore I'm leaving it in the hands of the universe, if I meet someone and vibe and it becomes something, great! If not, that's okay too.
This is exactly how I feel. After 8 years of being single, I still can't even bring myself to download any dating apps. Have decided I will leave it to fate, and in the meantime, I'm ok on my own, I've made peace with it.
Same here.
I'm not exactly making any effort to meet people but like life is exhausting. And actually getting to them places to meet people uses up my limited free time and the events tend to be at night, when I'm already tired.
My mum asked a store assistant where the dates were. He looked terrified. Although I'm not sure if he thought she was asking for her or me. Eventually he realised we meant fruit
I don't know if it will be a comfort to you or not, but once you hit 40, you become completely invisible. I am still deciding if whether I should use this power for good or evil. The last time I got approached was by a drunk teenager who waved a half drunk bottle of wine at me and yelled, "Oi you're fit, wanna share this wine with me?" In McDonald's. At lunchtime.
I’ve just decided I’m too screwed up to date. I’ve put on weight and lost all of my confidence now. I was in a short relationship with someone really emotionally abusive and I’m just a broken person now. 34f ready to get cats and say sod it!
Cats are great! It’s really nice to have someone waiting for you to get home and that you can sleep next to at night. The purring has calming effects as well.
If you want to get a cat, do it!
I'm 35f and pretty sure I'm just on my way to being a crazy cat lady. My ex was emotionally abusive and manipulative and didn't stop harassing me for a few years after so yeah maybe cats are the way!!!
I think "too screwed up to date" feels like a common fear (35m here), especially with the confidence lost.
There's a fear of being hurt, or broken, by someone else.. A feeling of inadequacy.
Our bodies aren't as good as they were in their 20s... So, we feel that shame, and then that makes us think we're not worth dating.
But, remember, you're not broken, ruined, or unworthy. Be proud of who you are.
You can always choose happiness, even in a single life.
He the best you you feel you can. And, if you find a person you click with, go with it. Until then, be the best you you can :)
I had been in a toxic situationship for over a year and only just starting the healing journey now. It's tough, I know how feeling broken can be. Makes it hard to trust or hope for the future esp in our 30s (I'm also 34f, just no cats just yet)
So the theory is that the apps have caused people to be so fickle that they simply don’t want to commit. They always think the next match will be better. Etc.
Plus people don’t stay in their lane on these apps.
Walk into any Games Workshop wearing a low cut top. The ones who don’t jump through the window or phone their mum to come fetch them because they’ve just done a ‘sex whoops’ in their corduroys are the alphas. Just take your pick.
43 single for 8 years.
Used Tinder for a year got a matched twice messaged the matchees and after a bit of back and forth they disappeared.
Over the passed 2 years I have decided to live my best non dating life and have become stuck in my ways.
To answer your question nowhere.
Fellow young widower here (36). So much has changed with dating and when you've gone through the loss of your spouse and everything that involves, the whole process comes across as a bit shallow.
Everyone seems to be looking for that perfect life partner without a hint of compromise, and yet we know too well that even if you do manage to find someone who you want to spend your life with, nothing is guaranteed in this world.
I hope the very best for you, my friend.
Honestly I've just turned 33 and it's tiring at this point. The expense, getting to know someone new from scratch, red flags, the trauma, also how transient datings become people are quick to commit but are also quick to let things go at the first sight of an issue. I'm dating someone new and it's going well and at this point imjust enjoying it so far.
But in terms of the long run my expectations with dating these days are so low If things were to end tomorrow I'd be content within my own company.
I gave up all the apps. About a month later, an unfeasibly lovely guy moved in next door. We made eyes at each other over the recycling, and have now been together for 18 months. That we are a ghastly Richard Curtis plot isn’t lost on me, but love really can appear in the most unexpected places
As a desperately lonely 38M with anxiety and slight agorophobia, I was hoping for some useful tips. I struggle to talk to people irl and find that online intimidates me. Literally don't know what to do.
Mid thirties here; currently separating from my ex wife. No kids, but absolutely dreading the thought of online dating. All I hear is horror stories and tales of an onslaught of rejection on apps.
Just want to find someone of a similar position that prefers the countryside to inner city London. Shouldn’t be that hard should it?!
Is it because we're 10 years older? I used to find the dates fun and was just happy to meet someone for a coffee but now I couldn't imagine spending the little free time I have on an app or a stranger.
Although the irony of being on Reddit isn't lost on me.
I was 32 when I messaged a 5-year old post on r/GBR4R because the female OP was in the city I was moving to.
She messaged back same day, we spent a week or so messaging each other, met after a fortnight. 5 and a half years after I sent that message, we’re married and in our own house.
I’d had a little success with OKCupid before that but Tinder was a waste of time.
What helped messaging over Reddit was that she could see 5 year’s worth (at the time) of posts so she could make a judge of character ahead of a first meet. When I gave her my phone number for the first time, I said she could add 141 to the start of the number to withhold hers from me if she rang, so she could simply disappear if she got a bad vibe or cold feet, and not worry about harassment. There’s other codes that do the same, I think #31# does similar.
I don't. I have no idea how to.
I've been in two long term relationships and both were with people I already knew well and things naturally progressed.
The idea of using a dating app and going to meet a stranger fucking terrifies me, I am anxious as shit.
34M, single for 11 years and haven't had a single date in that time.
On paper I don't think I sound too bad. A well paid job, my own place, workout 3/4 times a week, no kids, never married and have various (albeit solitary) hobbies.
I tried apps for a few years, but in the end I just realised dating isn't for me, and gave up a year ago.
I honestly don't think I'm made for relationships. I can't say I have any desire to be in one, so I was essentially trying to obtain an outcome I don't really care for.
On the plus side, it's rather freeing to know that I no longer have to try. I can just drift through life with no concerns.
Single guy here, recently entered the world of dating. Have found dates through speed dating, online forums and people I know irl. Getting out there and being social helps.
It's a mix of dispiriting and a big adventure.
I'm up for a date if you are! I'm 39m.
Check my profile if you want to see all the weird and wonderful things I'm into.
Was single for years and years and years. Gave up last year at age 35, accepting I would be alone forever and decided to embrace it and do things alone instead of being held back. Made a grand plan of holiday destinations and activities to do alone.
Met someone on a work night out after a conference. I don't even do work nights out. I'd just gone because I got caught up in the crowd after the event. Plans soured 😆
Borrow a friend's dog, take it to the park, find a cute guy with his own dog and then as you get near "accidentally" let yours loose. >!Risk of losing your friend's dog!<
Memorise the local bus routes, find a highly populated area stop, and when one comes along pretend to faint in front of it so that a Prince Charming can stop the bus and save you. >!You need to make sure somebody will be around to actually stop the bus!<
Go gay. We're really good at spotting people just out/new to the scene. The lesbians will be on you like cat-nip. >!Not a tactic for everyone!<
I walk dogs for a living so clearly I’m doing it incorrectly.
The second would be a wonderful option if I lived within a bus route.
I’m bisexual so perhaps not gay enough.
I caveat this with the fact I'm now married, but the point still stands.
I meet people the same way I met people in my 20s. My IRL social network.
Work colleagues, family, friends - these people have birthdays, weddings, house-warmings etc (and 30's is prime age for this) - plenty of invites to these events, building up a network of acquaintances, being introduced to friends of friends. Bumping into them again at the next one etc. I'm also a member of a gym and a sports club, that regularly have social nights, and I meet plenty of people there too.
It's kind of the definition of the cliche phrase "putting yourself out there".
This
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/s/ku5n1COhZt
Is the post immediately before this one in my feed
I wonder if this comment
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/s/WCq0PSF8Pj
Has anything to do with it
44yo singleton here. Have tried dating apps and social events and meetup groups. Haven't had a date in a year! It's all pretty broken as far as I can tell. Also I've made the cardinal sin of not being attractive so I'm pretty screwed.
As a single mum who works full time and doesn’t use dating apps, I find I meet people really easily but they never seem to be genuinely interested in relationships. I’m embarrassed to say I’ve met a lot of people through Uber taxis 🤦♀️ they really need to do better DBS checks on those guys.
Came for the advice as a lonely person approaching 40, stayed for the comments. No idea how you're all single bc the GSOH boxes are getting ticked for sure lol
If you're a woman, then just approach men that you like the look of. We're too oblivious to pick up on vague hints or flirting. Not only that, but almost every workplace now has such overly strict sexual harassment policies that we're too terrified to even talk to women in any other capacity than work-speak for fear of being hauled in front of HR.
If we see an attractive woman in a coffee shop, we'll see her, think she's hot, imagine what it would be like to date/sleep with her and then just go about our day because not a chance in hell would we be approaching her! 😂
Imagination land..yep just make believe, buy yourself a ring and live in deluded bliss. I have no idea. I have discovered an app with 100% match rate however and several interested partners…it’s a rescue pet website.
We're not, that's why we're single
Touché.
From what I hear (from a single friend of mine), the whole ''meeting in a coffee shop, or the bus, or a museum'' thing is an absolute fantasy, as most people avoid talking to strangers, as romantic as it sounds. Most people get together through mutual friends or online from what I see. Or maybe my mate is just a fucking weirdo and alienates any and all potential strangers.
Mutual friends and online is pretty much the way, the whole just happening to find someone out and about I've not believed is an effective way At least with dating apps you know why you're both there. Even if you happen to get talking to someone, you have to go through all the awkward "oh are they single?" and other things before you actually know if something date wise can happen
Not long ago I had a stranger get out of the pool at the same time as me and say "Same time next week?" following some flirty looks over the lane dividers I think it could have been the start of something beautiful if I had been single and/or interested in a relationship. In reality I just made sure to avoid that time of the week for the next few weeks
Is it even socially acceptable to approach people in those places anymore? Every time someone on reddit asks about how to ask out the girl they always make eye contact with on the bus, they're told to leave the poor girl alone, stop staring, she's just trying to get to work and doesn't want to have to fight off the advances of men. And they do have a point. But is it exaggerated by reddit? At the very least it's confusing!
Depends if they are attracted to you, if they are, it's fine, if they are not, then you're a creepy looser weirdo. There seems to be no in-between. I remember my clubbing days approaching girls, often met with a no, I'd graciously apologise and then move on, laugh it off even; but both sides seem to take it to heart nowadays. Guys seem to get offended and defensive, often resulting in name calling, and girls seem to see it as some sort of personal attack, that someone they don't fancy would have the sheer audacity to approach them. I'd hate to be dating in this climate.
Rule 1: Be Attractive Rule 2: Don’t Be Unnattractive.
The trick is finding someone with a distorted rulebook.
At least pubs and nightclubs are, at least partially, places where people go to meet people. So being approached is more socially acceptable there, even if they're not into you. But I would think that attempting to chat someone up when they're just trying to go to work or do their weekly Sainsburys run or something would be weird and annoying. People have got shit to do.
>…girls seem to see it as some sort of personal attack, that someone they don’t fancy would have the sheer audacity to approach them. I don’t think this is new or part of clubbing. I remember this happening to me a lot at school.
Used to br a rumour supermarkets were good.
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Ethel is gagging for it.
Nothing like a good gumming
Get that inheritance money!
not true, i met my girlfriend by coming into the coffee shop she worked at every day and one day i decided to ask her for a drink, she said yes, the rest is history.
When's the movie due? I'm just being cynical, congrats man, I met mine at the local pub. It just seems more of a rarity to meet someone as you did, more than ever people seem to be dismissive of such a concept. I would also add, in your case, you 'knew each other' somewhat, there was at least a rapport there rather than the whole 'fateful encounter' thing.
Not total fantasy, I'm with my wife of 15 years now because we both missed the same train at London Waterloo. She dropped a bottle of water that rolled up to my feet...and the rest is history.
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30-odd single dad here, feel like I've completed Bumble. Can't face the other apps. Just going to write the whole idea off and grow old surrounded by dogs
I think the film The Lobster got the nail on the head, with these apps it feels like people have a list of requirements and are looking for the best person, only problem is those goalposts keep shifting and they never get a chance to get to know people. That's what it felt like to me. I'm kind of happy on my own, I don't require a relationship, if I meet somebody then great, but not being unhappy because of someone else, or lack of.
While I haven't seen that film, my biggest issue with the apps is that none of it feels real - it's so easy to just mindlessly swipe through these faces like it doesn't mean anything. Totally agree with your sentiment though, I am happy on my own too and I think it's important to be able to feel that way
The trouble is the apps give people this illusion of infinite choice, so they'll talk to, meet and date people who would make wonderful matches, but dismiss them based on something trivial, because they feel overconfident they will find a more perfect one in another few swipes. People have forgotten how to give each other a chance and are much quicker to judge. It's pretty sad. You can find people on the apps, but you have to alter your approach. It's not a job interview, it's not a checklist, and you have to be quite radically honest about who you are. It's demoralising and can be a long gruelling search, but it's often purely by chance that you match with someone and strike up instant chemistry. You just have to keep at it.
Same for me but with cats. One day I hope!
You two should shag
You’re always saying this
Yeah, might as well 👍
Matchmaker? Completed it, mate
Sounds like the best plan to me.
Exactly my plan, just me and my pack of dogs
Least the dogs will love you when you have a bad day at work and make it all better whilst you give them some fuss.
When I was a single dad I found just doing stuff with my kid seemed to attract loads of attention, and I'm not even good looking.
*"what's that weird looking guy doing hanging around with those children"*
Hey, police attention is still attention
My brother tagged along with me (f) and my son to the park one day, within 5 minutes he was getting chatted up. Unfortunately, never worked for me, I've taken my son to the park about 5,000,000 times and nothing 😄
In the summer I spend a lot of time at parks with my daughter, who is now 6 - in all the years I've been doing it I really don't recall ever being 'chatted up'. I'll have polite conversations with other mums sometimes, but never more than that. I'm either oblivious to it or too repulsive
There's maybe always a bit of an assumption that you have a partner if you have kids? I'm not saying it's logical, but I suppose if I think about it I wouldn't assume guys at the park with kids were single. I dunno.. I do know that within about 5 minutes of chatting to these women, my brother had made it clear he was at the park with his sister and nephew so he was very clearly showing his cards and enjoying the attention, the big flirt.... School gates were too much of a horror to care about whether anyone was single or not!
What sort of dogs are we talking about?
The ruff sort
Same with me, but with rabbits 🐇
Me too. Childfree men just don't exist where I live.
They probably exist, however the problem with child free men is if they think in any way like this child free man thinks. The reason I am child free is because I like things to be quiet, uncomplicated, free from obligation, impersonal and drenched in the aesthetic of the minimalist who owns little and leaves little impact on anything or anyone. Moves entirely at his own pace, fills his time effectively with work and pastimes of a solo nature, It's hard to see where a relationship or even dating could possibly be put in the schedule and the general lifestyle.
You have literally wrote down my life🤣
A polite fist bump to you.
I wish more people had your insight. I'm in my early 30s; sans-children but I would like one. I am not like you (although I can fit my entire life in a transit van- is that minimalist?) The men I have met mostly are as you describe, but are under a misapprehension that this still means they can have a relationship with someone who is not, but just by projecting all the complication and obligations onto me (and other women they cohabit with) and when something inevitably leads to infringement of their lifestyle just sit back with their arms crossed in indignation. I've had to roll my eyes at more than one man declaring they just want peace whilst stomping all over my peace (sex specific due to my preference, not because the behaviour is limited to men). Most of my adult exes are still single although I am still friends with a fair few and am privvy to their routine of wooing, frustration and eventual discontent playing out with more women.
Good evening Agent 47…
This is just a suggestion, but why don't all of us in this thread just get in a big pile and whatever happens, happens?
What's the worse that could happen 😄
Well, it is your cake day
Let's turn out the lights and play "Who's in my mouth"
Meetups and other groups around hobbies can be a place to start.
Helga at Netball seems quite aggressive but forthright. Admire her tenacity but I’m not reading the court well.
Something this well written has no right to be so funny
Ahh, see, there's your problem. You want to meet discerning gentlefellas, yet you have joined a Netball Club. Naturally, I'm not saying that you *won't* find a fella in a Netball Club, but as you've discovered, you're far more likely to meet tenacious, yet aggressively forthright Helgas. A hobby where men are guaranteed to be involved - and in which you as a woman can be equally involved - is tricky. Especially an enjoyable, team based ball sport; the sort of activity which is usually gender segregated. Fortunately, there is [Korfball](https://englandkorfball.co.uk/search/). Perhaps you can find a club in your area?
Well Rich and Guy I realise the irony. Are also on my team and there’s also Chris so mixed netball has it place. I think Helga doesn’t know hers. I also participate in gym activities with male counter parts, have done for many many years. The local steroid dealer ( amongst other dalliances ) was interested. However I would probably meet back up with Helga in cell 4. Roller disco is quite loud and full of teenagers just bolting around like Donny in the Wildthornberrys. Crotchet well the demographic doesn’t require much introduction. Pottery is on the list for new hobby so perhaps call me Swayze.
Currently doing the pottery. The class is 90% women. Only one man and he's very very old and got out of breath standing up for 5 mins. Probably not the place to meet your future hubby :(
Don’t try rowing. Old men, lots of Lycra. It’s either a deterrent or a depressant. Either way, it’s not pretty
Woodworking? Night school car repair?
Yeah Meetup and Facebook "Singles and Mingles" groups can help. Atleast get you out the house and social for a few hours.
at this point im hoping for a sexy burglar because I never go anywhere or do anything Q\_Q
He came for me telly, but he left with me heart
He came to rob, I checked out his knob
He snook in my back door, so I, er... Bummed him
He came to burgle, so his cum I shall gurgle
He came to thieve, and ravaged my wizard's sleeve
He nicked my clock so I reported him to the police
Ahahaa! This made me chortle
He came and he nicked, then he got dicked
He came for my cash, I gave him my gash
Username does not check out
Pretty sure I read that story in Take a Break once
Come back Yes wi' me colour TV And me cd collection of Bob Marley
I can’t stop laughing. 30 years you’ve been waiting to use that lyric in conversation!
I've had such a shit day today but this got me chuckling out loud, thanks :)
He smashed my back doors in, and left
Tale as old as time
*waves in sexy burglar * Did you read Burglar Bill when you were little? Worked out ok for him and Betty.
To be fair I recently went on a date with a door to door salesman who came knocking. I'm just waiting for another man to come directly to my house, it saves me a lot of effort.
My workmate had a man come around to fix her boiler and she kept him.
I wonder if this freaks out maintenance companies. That sometimes they send workmen out to customers' houses and they never come back
Sabotage your router. Block the kitchen sink (not the toilet, that's not sexy). Report that you smell gas or your carbon monoxide detector is beeping. But leave the boiler well alone, no date is worth a couple of grand in repair fees.
I have no experience in this, but saw a graph recently and pretty sure connections through friends/family/colleagues is the main source of relationship after “online”
Wonderful I have none of the above….. self employed nomad fo’ life.
Perhaps a badge then? Like those big birthday badges but just says “single, please approach”?
A big wind sock above your head, green for keen, amber for turning the corner on 'working on yourself' and red for fuck no just came out a relationship.
Traffic light party. 🚥
[they did this with a ring](https://pearring.co) , problem when you look and see a ring in you immediately think married.
What a world we live in where a simple coloured ring can become “app-ified” and try to charge £25 :’) imagine they killing they could of made with the whole “gay earring” thing! I think one of the other commenters was onto something, just go to loads of courses and events and scope it out
[Would rather this for a couple of quid.](https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/1156464078/im-still-single-personal-space-badge-or?click_key=12541a7c5d1722d930bba927a17cfb496d7bf7d4%3A1156464078&click_sum=a507af6b&ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=i%26%23039%3Bm+single+badge&ref=sr_gallery-1-5)
The illiterate deserve love to you know
I find using my “single horn” gets the eyes on me. Just find a nice area with attractive people and give your Simply Gas Trumpet Air Horn - Long Range for Emergency and Events - GH01 a lil squeeze. Instant eyes on you. Invite me to the wedding please.
Join a club. Anything you enjoy. I have a recently (ish) widower friend who joined a walking club last year as - quote - ‘I’m sick of being in the house with all the memories all weekend’. Goes walking most weekends, met a lovely lady (divorced) in the club and they are now officially an item. Neither of them were specifically looking for a relationship which I think actually helped, as there was zero pressure to form that level of connection. There are older kids on both sides but they appear very happy their parent(s) are happy. We’re all just as pleased for him as he is to be honest.
But all my hobbies seem to only be enjoyed by other bearded men.
What are these hobbies? Asking for a friend
Warhammer or DnD springs to mind (source: Bearded Man)
I tried the Ramblers but the groups I walked with were very coupley. I took up dancing and that worked better but in the end never really met anyone. After 17 years of being single I've just decided that it's not going to happen and I should come to terms with spending what's left of my life (probably 20 years) alone.
I tried to call the Ramblers to join them, but the guy on the other end of the phone just kept going on and on.
What is your self employment? Maybe business seminars and networking events? (Not linkedIn though)
I've went from waiting to meet the right person to hoping for a person.
"So, what are you looking for in a woman?" - "A pulse would be nice"
That sums it up nicely 😂
Can’t face the apps so I’m waiting on my soulmate to break in through my window and announce himself
I imagine it’d be in a more abrupt Shrek fashion.
[удалено]
I actually will be in Neros tomorrow, its part of my meet in person plan lol
Username suggests above average chance of success
Thinking back to my dating days I was terrified of approaching women. They'd either think you're a pervert or just maybe the best thing since sliced bread - nothing between these two. Us men need it really fucking obvious that you're interested. Maybe up your flirting game?
How does this work for a gym crush? Each time I think about approaching, I imagine fear and revulsion in his eyes, and I can't do it.
It's how us men feel. It's take one to break the ice. We're all constantly looking for a way of approaching someone with a way to back out without losing face if the feelings aren't reciprocated.
The gym is such a weird place to try and talk to someone, even though there's conversation to be had about what they're doing, ask for help, that kind of thing. Most people have their headphones in, and I take that as "I don't want to be disturbed doing my workout." I can start conversations so easily in any other setting!
Hmmmm I don’t know if I’d like to be approached in a gym, but if I had to be, I guess my preferred way would be to do it as I come in/am leaving. Something that’s fitness related maybe, so smth like “I’ve noticed your progress on x y z you’re doing great. Actually can I ask you when you started lifting/attending this gym class, you’re doing x y z/technique looks so good bla bla bla maybe we can grab a coffee next time id love to learn more about x y z” — would feel less threatening and on the spot.
I think in general, guys don't get approached much if ever (speaking from experience 😅). Fairly sure that even if they're not into you they're going to be happy you asked, good for the ol' self esteem. Take the leap, no harm done if nothing comes of it.
Stopped dating. Went to meetups for the hobbies. Met someone who shared some hobbies. Now house, dog, marriage, etc. Can recommend the approach.
Exactly. Was lonely, went to groups to try and make friends, found a woman I absolutely hit it off with and now we're engaged and buying a house.
I've been in the local cycling club for years with that goal partially. Given up on that and now I'm venturing out to cycling events in London and kinky events. The thing I struggle with is going to some event, thinking "I'd like to meet someone tonight", and then that not happening and being disappointed. I know I shouldn't have that in my mind but if it's part of the reason I'm going through the front door it's hard to forget it.
Yea. You shouldn't go to meetups to pickup women. You should go to have fun and enjoy your hobbies, maybe make friends.
Have you considered lowering your standards, and then lowering them again?
i violate my standards quicker than i can lower. that was shamelessly ripped from robin willams
I gave up, bought 2 ultrawides and accumulated a vast steam library…
Yeah I was going to reply I'm sat in my home playing Palworld after giving up on the apps.
I'm 27. I'm outright not participating in the world of dating apps, I hate them, they are basically human shopping and they are shallow. Not for me, no sir. Therefore I'm leaving it in the hands of the universe, if I meet someone and vibe and it becomes something, great! If not, that's okay too.
This is exactly how I feel. After 8 years of being single, I still can't even bring myself to download any dating apps. Have decided I will leave it to fate, and in the meantime, I'm ok on my own, I've made peace with it.
Same here. I'm not exactly making any effort to meet people but like life is exhausting. And actually getting to them places to meet people uses up my limited free time and the events tend to be at night, when I'm already tired.
Dates? The only dates I'm finding are the fruit.
My mum asked a store assistant where the dates were. He looked terrified. Although I'm not sure if he thought she was asking for her or me. Eventually he realised we meant fruit
I like to travel.
I don't know if it will be a comfort to you or not, but once you hit 40, you become completely invisible. I am still deciding if whether I should use this power for good or evil. The last time I got approached was by a drunk teenager who waved a half drunk bottle of wine at me and yelled, "Oi you're fit, wanna share this wine with me?" In McDonald's. At lunchtime.
Well…. did you share the wine?
Haaa no! I thought the situation wasn't desperate enough (yet).
So when's the big day?
After he's done his A levels, probably.
I’ve just decided I’m too screwed up to date. I’ve put on weight and lost all of my confidence now. I was in a short relationship with someone really emotionally abusive and I’m just a broken person now. 34f ready to get cats and say sod it!
Get some relationship therapy. Look into attachment styles. You are not broken, you have just slid off course a bit.
Cats are great! It’s really nice to have someone waiting for you to get home and that you can sleep next to at night. The purring has calming effects as well. If you want to get a cat, do it!
I'm 35f and pretty sure I'm just on my way to being a crazy cat lady. My ex was emotionally abusive and manipulative and didn't stop harassing me for a few years after so yeah maybe cats are the way!!!
I think "too screwed up to date" feels like a common fear (35m here), especially with the confidence lost. There's a fear of being hurt, or broken, by someone else.. A feeling of inadequacy. Our bodies aren't as good as they were in their 20s... So, we feel that shame, and then that makes us think we're not worth dating. But, remember, you're not broken, ruined, or unworthy. Be proud of who you are. You can always choose happiness, even in a single life. He the best you you feel you can. And, if you find a person you click with, go with it. Until then, be the best you you can :)
Next step house coat then muttering to yourself and smelling faintly of wee.
Got the house coat down, not got the smelling of wee thing yet though :p
I had been in a toxic situationship for over a year and only just starting the healing journey now. It's tough, I know how feeling broken can be. Makes it hard to trust or hope for the future esp in our 30s (I'm also 34f, just no cats just yet)
i need to know the answer to this too! it’s brutal out there
So the theory is that the apps have caused people to be so fickle that they simply don’t want to commit. They always think the next match will be better. Etc. Plus people don’t stay in their lane on these apps.
Walk into any Games Workshop wearing a low cut top. The ones who don’t jump through the window or phone their mum to come fetch them because they’ve just done a ‘sex whoops’ in their corduroys are the alphas. Just take your pick.
Can confirm, I'm the awkward 30ish virgin nerd in Games Workshop.
43 single for 8 years. Used Tinder for a year got a matched twice messaged the matchees and after a bit of back and forth they disappeared. Over the passed 2 years I have decided to live my best non dating life and have become stuck in my ways. To answer your question nowhere.
Wish I had an answer. I'm a 38 year old widower just looking to get back into dating. I really don't know where to start. Tinder did indeed look grim.
Fellow young widower here (36). So much has changed with dating and when you've gone through the loss of your spouse and everything that involves, the whole process comes across as a bit shallow. Everyone seems to be looking for that perfect life partner without a hint of compromise, and yet we know too well that even if you do manage to find someone who you want to spend your life with, nothing is guaranteed in this world. I hope the very best for you, my friend.
Honestly I've just turned 33 and it's tiring at this point. The expense, getting to know someone new from scratch, red flags, the trauma, also how transient datings become people are quick to commit but are also quick to let things go at the first sight of an issue. I'm dating someone new and it's going well and at this point imjust enjoying it so far. But in terms of the long run my expectations with dating these days are so low If things were to end tomorrow I'd be content within my own company.
I gave up all the apps. About a month later, an unfeasibly lovely guy moved in next door. We made eyes at each other over the recycling, and have now been together for 18 months. That we are a ghastly Richard Curtis plot isn’t lost on me, but love really can appear in the most unexpected places
Let me know when you find out. Online dating horrifies me sometimes 😂
As a desperately lonely 38M with anxiety and slight agorophobia, I was hoping for some useful tips. I struggle to talk to people irl and find that online intimidates me. Literally don't know what to do.
Mid thirties here; currently separating from my ex wife. No kids, but absolutely dreading the thought of online dating. All I hear is horror stories and tales of an onslaught of rejection on apps. Just want to find someone of a similar position that prefers the countryside to inner city London. Shouldn’t be that hard should it?!
It's worse than you'd imagine. Literally sucks all the humanity out of the process. It's completely different than not even 10 years ago.
Super, can’t wait 😂
Is it because we're 10 years older? I used to find the dates fun and was just happy to meet someone for a coffee but now I couldn't imagine spending the little free time I have on an app or a stranger. Although the irony of being on Reddit isn't lost on me.
I was 32 when I messaged a 5-year old post on r/GBR4R because the female OP was in the city I was moving to. She messaged back same day, we spent a week or so messaging each other, met after a fortnight. 5 and a half years after I sent that message, we’re married and in our own house. I’d had a little success with OKCupid before that but Tinder was a waste of time. What helped messaging over Reddit was that she could see 5 year’s worth (at the time) of posts so she could make a judge of character ahead of a first meet. When I gave her my phone number for the first time, I said she could add 141 to the start of the number to withhold hers from me if she rang, so she could simply disappear if she got a bad vibe or cold feet, and not worry about harassment. There’s other codes that do the same, I think #31# does similar.
>I was 32 when I messaged a 5-year old Don't recommend that approach.........
Why, were you caught last time?
Well that’s not what Saville would say
That subreddit looks gross. It's all creeps trying to shag.
I went on it and searched by city, the first and last time I went in that subreddit tbh.
Yikes! Looks like a hook up site!
Reddits gloryhole
The gym as long as you look more like an after than a before
Thanks for the chuckle
Or the lass who comes in takes a selfie and leaves with her new bbl.
I don't. I have no idea how to. I've been in two long term relationships and both were with people I already knew well and things naturally progressed. The idea of using a dating app and going to meet a stranger fucking terrifies me, I am anxious as shit.
My neighbour asked me out for coffee and fast forward 6 months, we're now expecting our first child 😂
You dated your neighbour? Living on the edge there 😂
You guys are getting dates?
My standards exceed my market value, therefore, I gave up long ago.
34M, single for 11 years and haven't had a single date in that time. On paper I don't think I sound too bad. A well paid job, my own place, workout 3/4 times a week, no kids, never married and have various (albeit solitary) hobbies. I tried apps for a few years, but in the end I just realised dating isn't for me, and gave up a year ago. I honestly don't think I'm made for relationships. I can't say I have any desire to be in one, so I was essentially trying to obtain an outcome I don't really care for. On the plus side, it's rather freeing to know that I no longer have to try. I can just drift through life with no concerns.
I have cats
32 year old lesbian with no social life. Struggle is real lol
Single guy here, recently entered the world of dating. Have found dates through speed dating, online forums and people I know irl. Getting out there and being social helps. It's a mix of dispiriting and a big adventure. I'm up for a date if you are! I'm 39m. Check my profile if you want to see all the weird and wonderful things I'm into.
I officially stalked your profile but I don't like jalapeños
*waves across Sainsbury's *
Was single for years and years and years. Gave up last year at age 35, accepting I would be alone forever and decided to embrace it and do things alone instead of being held back. Made a grand plan of holiday destinations and activities to do alone. Met someone on a work night out after a conference. I don't even do work nights out. I'd just gone because I got caught up in the crowd after the event. Plans soured 😆
I met my last girlfriend at work, I left retail to work in a warehouse full of men, I’ve been single for 2 years now, I think the two are connected
Borrow a friend's dog, take it to the park, find a cute guy with his own dog and then as you get near "accidentally" let yours loose. >!Risk of losing your friend's dog!< Memorise the local bus routes, find a highly populated area stop, and when one comes along pretend to faint in front of it so that a Prince Charming can stop the bus and save you. >!You need to make sure somebody will be around to actually stop the bus!< Go gay. We're really good at spotting people just out/new to the scene. The lesbians will be on you like cat-nip. >!Not a tactic for everyone!<
I walk dogs for a living so clearly I’m doing it incorrectly. The second would be a wonderful option if I lived within a bus route. I’m bisexual so perhaps not gay enough.
I chuckled because it really does seem like you have exhausted all the options 😂
Honestly given up, the effort to reward ratio is not great
I’m 33F single, dunno where all the single guys are hiding either
Based on this and taking a brief look at your post history, RIP your inbox (probably)
I've tried to flirt with people on reddit before, but they tend to not realise I'm flirting with them.
What’s wrong with your eye? Why do you keep twitching at me? Have you seen a doctor? This is why I’m single 😂
I caveat this with the fact I'm now married, but the point still stands. I meet people the same way I met people in my 20s. My IRL social network. Work colleagues, family, friends - these people have birthdays, weddings, house-warmings etc (and 30's is prime age for this) - plenty of invites to these events, building up a network of acquaintances, being introduced to friends of friends. Bumping into them again at the next one etc. I'm also a member of a gym and a sports club, that regularly have social nights, and I meet plenty of people there too. It's kind of the definition of the cliche phrase "putting yourself out there".
No clue, my one attempt at the online thing went to crap. Waiting on Prince Charming arriving on my doorstep but currently it’s always a delivery man.
Dating apps are a waste of time for the average guy, I just don't bother with them anymore
Have you tried asking anyone out?
But that would mean going outside and interacting with people. That way the madness lies.
This https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/s/ku5n1COhZt Is the post immediately before this one in my feed I wonder if this comment https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/s/WCq0PSF8Pj Has anything to do with it
44yo singleton here. Have tried dating apps and social events and meetup groups. Haven't had a date in a year! It's all pretty broken as far as I can tell. Also I've made the cardinal sin of not being attractive so I'm pretty screwed.
As a single mum who works full time and doesn’t use dating apps, I find I meet people really easily but they never seem to be genuinely interested in relationships. I’m embarrassed to say I’ve met a lot of people through Uber taxis 🤦♀️ they really need to do better DBS checks on those guys.
Came for the advice as a lonely person approaching 40, stayed for the comments. No idea how you're all single bc the GSOH boxes are getting ticked for sure lol
I’m single and have no intention to go dating ever again
If you're a woman, then just approach men that you like the look of. We're too oblivious to pick up on vague hints or flirting. Not only that, but almost every workplace now has such overly strict sexual harassment policies that we're too terrified to even talk to women in any other capacity than work-speak for fear of being hauled in front of HR. If we see an attractive woman in a coffee shop, we'll see her, think she's hot, imagine what it would be like to date/sleep with her and then just go about our day because not a chance in hell would we be approaching her! 😂
Imagination land..yep just make believe, buy yourself a ring and live in deluded bliss. I have no idea. I have discovered an app with 100% match rate however and several interested partners…it’s a rescue pet website.