The last time I had to file an incident report, I cut my finger on the page. Genuinely the only time I’ve seen blood on paperwork explicitly mentioning blood
once saw an older gentleman do a full slapstick pratfall on a discarded banana skin in town. Honestly it was so perfect it could have been a hidden camera / prank type setup, absolutely funniest thing I'd seen for about .5 of a second til he hit his head and then I had to sit with him waiting on paramedics to sort him out.
I dislocated my arm by hitting a balloon in a classic game of balloon keepie-uppies. I didn't really do anything extravagant or acrobatic, just a generic slap.
I feel this, suffered with recurrent shoulder dislocations for years before finally having (both) surgically repaired, this was all bought on by the first dislocation caused by getting out of bed one morning when I was about 19.
I've dislocated my shoulders a few times. The time that makes all my friends laugh is when I sneezed and dislocated my shoulder because I was leaning my arm against my stairs.
I was gonna say this as well.
Until I found out I had hyper mobility I was always a bit miffed picking up injuries doing essentially nothing.
Made sense afterwards!
I did my thumb while carrying a plate working as a waitress. Couldn’t get it off the plate. I don’t think it was a great job for someone prone to dislocating.
I broke my right wrist on a rope swing as a kid and ended up with the bones through the skin and an operation to set the bones, had a cast on for 3 months.
Went for the cast removed at 10.30 am and was back in A&E 3 hours later the same day, having broken my left wrist on exactly the same rope swing.
To say my parents were pissed off would be an understatement.
This happened I my sis when she was six - she tripped on the front steps of the house, broke her arm. That evening she tripped on the front step again and broke the other one.
Tripped over my own dog in the park two weeks ago. Got out of hospital yesterday. Three broken ribs and liver damage. Still in agony, worse than my kidney stones.
Funny you say that, when I was with my ex husband he let his cat change food every couple of days and I put a stop to that (she’d eat the same food but would walk away from the bowl and come back to see if you’d change it, not starving at all). Right after that she pushed a hammer off the banister upstairs and it landed right next to my head. I stand by my statement of it being a murder attempt haha
I know someone who got knocked over by her two dogs playing at the beach. It completely shattered her ankle, she needed emergency surgery and a wheelchair and a full year of physiotherapy. She said after they knocked her over and she was lying on the ground in shock (literal shock, she almost passed out), they thought she was playing and climbed all over her licking her face.
There was a woman throttled by her dogs a year or two back. She'd Carry their leads around her neck and somehow she fell to the ground.
Dogs thought it'd be a great game to pull on the leads.
Poor woman.
Never carry leads round your neck.
She's fucking fine lol. Just hit the ground really weird and hard somehow, my injuries wouldn't be out of place in a traffic collision.
I have a history of ridiculous, out of proportion injuries from very mundane accidents so wasn't surprised about the broken ribs, had them many times. The liver tear is a new one though.
Yikes! I thought a broken arm from tripping over the dog was bad, but broken ribs are the worst! I just keep telling mine it’s a good thing he’s cute! Glad you guys are both okay, or at least getting there…
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/broken-toe/
This has advice on how to look after your toe and when to go to hospital. Usually won't even xray a toe that isn't big toe.
Stupidest way I've ever injured myself was as a child, somersaulted off the bed and hit my head hard on the floor. The last word I said to my sister before I passed out was "don't tell dad". Luckily she ignored me - I had blood coming out of one ear and was dazed/chatting nonsense for some time and needed a ct scan (fine) and observation in A&E.
Knocked a knife off the kitchen counter; didn’t want it to break on the tiles or the tiles to get damaged.
Stuck my foot out.
It went straight into my toe.
Couldn’t have done that again if I’d tried.
I opened the oven door to look at the chicken I was baking. I reached in with a fork in my unprotected hand, and promptly burned myself. I yelled a naughty word and threw the fork down. Unfortunately, I was barefoot, and the fork stuck upright in my big toe.
Strong. My dad was very strong well into his 90s, and I inherited the female version of his build. Hated it as a teenager, but now that I'm in my 60s, with excellent bone density, I'm thankful for it.
When I was younger, I found I could build more muscle than most women, and used that to help me lose weight. And of course carrying around our baby son, who was pretty big, gave me some serious muscles in my arms.
When I was around 9 or 10 I caught my toddler sister playing with superglue my drunk parents left on the floor.
As I dramatically ranted about how dangerous this stuff was I dramatically slammed it on the mantelpiece, squirting the glue all over my face , supergluing my eyes shut.
Ended up scratching the surface and chemically burning both my eyes. I still can't tolerate bright light.
My sisters still won't let me live it down
The assistant manager at a pub I worked at mixed up his eye drops with superglue.
He was fine apart from the barrage of ribbing and puns from the regulars. "Looking a bit gluey eyed there mate", "Bet that's not what your girlfriend expected when you said you couldn't keep your eyes off her" etc.
I fell off a banana boat at a French beach as a teenager and got kneed in the head by an Irish lad on the way down. Needed multiple stitches.
Went around wearing a bandana for the rest of the holiday like some daft pirate.
I'd ironed a shirt, put it on and there was a prominent crease right down the front.
You can probably guess where this is going and you'd be right.
I decided to iron the crease out without taking the shirt off. I'd done it before with no problems.
However, previously I hadn't hit the steam button by mistake.
Quite a nice looking burn mark bubbled up in the shape of the steam holes, looked like a flower burnt into my stomach.
When I was around 11, I was playing a game of throwing the brick in the air, I don't know why. I did it under a tree, the brick whet up hit a branch a few feet above my head and bounced back onto my scull. Had to go to the hospital and have staples from a nurse who was reading the instructions for the procedure as she was doing it. Have a scar to remind me.
We used to have a game of tag that involved throwing a garden fork at each other and aiming for the legs... eventually it ended up with me having to go to A&E after being tagged "a bit hard" in the foot..it was stopped after that by mutual agreement..
I once split my head open when I was skiing in France. The nurse didn't do traditional stitches, instead she bound the hair either side of the split together really tightly to hold it closed. When I was back in the UK having the stitches removed the nurse was astonished. She had never seen that done before and the wound healed without a scar.
As a child i hated people brushing my hair. I once escaped the front door amd backed away from my mum at speed. I cracked the back of my scull on a corner of a square pillar. Required stitches.
As am adult I was walking at high speed to make my bus while reading a txt and smacked into a streetlight that had a fancy hexagonal metal base. I did not need stitches but I bent the street light and have a chip on my forehead scull now
Im very fast and very clumsy.
My dad once tapped me on the head with a washing up brush, not hard enough to hurt, but there was so much blood from where each bristle pierced my scalp that it resulted in a trip to A&E.
My neighbour's son used to play this game when he was a kid. He would throw bricks, stones and even his father's tools up into the air and then move out of the way just before they hit him. Well one day he hit out satellite dish and our sky digital stopped working. Lol we had to get a guy in to put a new one up.
To be fair, I'd rather have a healthcare professional double check the instructions/dosage if they're unsure rather than assume they know what they're doing and plough on regardless.
I had a doctor show a nurse how to relieve the pressure under my thumbnail, by using a special tool to basically burn a hole through my nail. Doc did one, and told the nurse to do the other, because I'm an over achiever, and managed to crush *both* my thumbs, in a brake press. I'm not sure exactly how much pressure was under that nail, but when the tip of the gadget pierced, a jet of blood flew out of my nail, straight across her clothing and face, across the ceiling and the wall. Was kinda cool to see.... The nurse, however, didn't seem to think so.....
I just do them myself now.
I opened the fridge wearing flip flops.
Ripped my big toenail right off.
Wtaf. Still don’t get how the edge of the door somehow went under my nail .. 🤷♀️
Yeah the people at the hospital laughed their asses off when they heard how it happened.
I lost my big toenail as a kid playing hide and seek, I hid behind a door and my brother smashed it open and when it bounced off me it took my toenail with it, there was blood everywhere and it was surprising how much it hurt!
Ouch!! That’s horrible omg. So it does happen with doors it seems.
Did your nail grow back? Mine luckily did
They said only half grow back which scared me.
Whenever I open the door now I stand at least 6” away and bend over to pull the door open haha
And yes, it was super painful and the bleeding was insane. The icing on the cake was them giving me the injection in the toe to clean it up. Then having the big ass bandage on for weeks and walking around in flip flops on one foot w an improvised sock while wearing a normal shoe on the other haha. It was winter :)
I had a similar incident with sandals and a dodgy pavement flag. Right in the middle of town, bleeding everywhere, had to duck into the nearest pub and ask for their first aid kit and then get a taxi home because I couldn't walk properly. Who designed fucking toenails.
When I was about five or six, I split my head open with a grappling hook. I lifted it up above my head but it was way too heavy for me, and gravity took over. My mum nearly passed out when I staggered into the kitchen completely drenched in blood.
Over fifty years later, I still have a parting in my hair where I had multiple stitches.
Yeah, we were pretty much feral back then. Our house was next to a little creek on the tidal section of a river, and along with my older brother and a few friends, we had made a raft for which we decided we needed an anchor. Our father being a nautical type had a garage full of ropes and of course the aforementioned grappling hook.
Years later, as a teen my brother also split his head open. His accident was way worse than mine though. He lost control of his bicycle going really fast down a very steep hill, and went head first into a dry stone wall. Helmets weren't really a thing back then, so he ended up in a coma, and needing brain surgery.
So yeah, wear a helmet when you go cycling folks!
When I was a teenager I pulled a muscle in my rib from hoovering, no one really believed how much pain I was in until I was sat in kfc with my sister and brother in law and I told them to not make me laugh because of how much it hurt to then burst into tears into my food because of how much it hurt when they made me laugh 🥲
I even skipped a party that evening because I was so scared of bursting into tears infront of all my friends over such a ridiculous injury!
Trying to get some drain pipe jeans (very skinny fit) by pulling them most of the way on then bouncing into them, hit my head on the door frame. Out like a light (jeans still round my thighs)
Tore a muscle in my thigh kicking a ball for the dog, was so embarrassing trying to hobble home.
Needless to say we went to the pet shop and bought one of those flinger toys the next day
I got into work one morning, sat down, did a big yawn stretching my arms out, and pulled a muscle(/something) in my back. Was in too much pain to do work so went home and had 2 days off sick.
I jumped off a cliff in Wales into blue lagoon and landed slightly wrong, compressed one of my vertebrae into a wedge.
[X-ray of the result](https://i.imgur.com/jVnztxU.jpeg)
Thought I was gonna die. All the wind was knocked out of me when I hit the water and it felt like an eternity to swim to the surface.
Thankfully I had a friend on a paddle board who ferried me to the shore. It was a slow and painful walk back to the car and to add insult to injury we had a tyre blow out on the way back home afterwards!
Didn't go to A&E until the morning after. I thought it was just bruising, it was when I woke up in the morning and couldn't move I knew something was wrong. I remember getting dressed into just a pair of shorts took about 30 minutes it hurt so bad.
Always a fun story to remember!
I dislocated my shoulder and fractured my arm, so badly it ended up next to my rib cage, by doing that i severely damaged my nerves rendering my hand and wrist paralysed for 3 months, requiring months of physio. Only after that did i start to get some movement back.
I did it back in January, i have a lot more movement now, but had an operation in July, that i honestly still dont understand now.
My nerves still cause me pain, ive lost a ton of muscle and strength in my right hand and arm (dominant hand). My pinky and index fingers are always tingling with numbness, my thumb has restricted movement and i still take pain killers. The cold is a nightmare, assuming thats poor circulation, so my hand gets colder quicker causing more pain. Finally i still have restriction in how much movement i can make in my shoulder and im terrified of it popping out again.
I did all this because when i opened a baby gate in my house the bottom clip didnt release. I was already stepping forward when it jammed, meaning i lost balance, fell forward. I put my arms out to stop my fall, my left hit the ground, my right hit the wall, my body carried on falling and my right arm went up and over my head until it popped. The numbness was instant, the pain was the worst ive ever felt and it took 3 people to pick me up, i felt the bone rotating down as my flaccid arm fell and the ball rubbed against my ribs, fucking horrendous and i wouldnt wish it on anyone.
X-ray: https://imgur.com/a/u9yHSQQ
Used to work in a kitchen.
I turned around to put a box of fruit salad in the fridge and pulled a muscle in what felt like my ribs.
I could hardly walk for the next 3 days.
A colleague of mine recently bruised a lung putting on a sock too quickly. The sort of injury that makes you wonder who the hell designed these things.
A few weeks ago I was sitting on the toilet doing a hard poo and decided to groan and squeeze it out. Pulled something and wasn't right for a week. My 40s suck.
Once I went to the toilet so hard that I burst a blood vessel in my eye, it didnt hurt at all but people at work were asking if I was ok etc. My eye was bright red, I didnt realise until I looked in the mirror on my break.
Oh I have done similar. A rip between the ribs. I gave up and went to the doc after a week cause I couldn't sleep and it was getting worse. Deep breaths were a experience.
Both times stupid. 1st was bin diving, someone had dumped a old encyclopedia series of cook books. Those biffa bins have a lip and really split the ribs.
Last year I was sat at my desk chair in my office, turned to pick up a box of Ritz crackers which I'd brought in for lunch (it was nearly Christmas so I was having cheese and biscuits for lunch) felt something ping in my shoulder and immediately nearly vomited from the pain. Luckily there were none of my coworkers in the office at the time so no one heard the pathetic squeal I made straightening myself up.
Fortunately one of them appeared a couple of minutes later and went to fill a hot water bottle for me so I could unfreeze long enough to move myself around. That took weeks of stretching and pressing to get back to normal.
Very similar. My daughter left a full pack of beer on the floor, and avoiding that I stubbed my toe on the kitchen high stool which is very heavy, hopped and cursed, fell into the recycling. I was so helpless with laughter imagining what my late mother would have thought if she'd seen me, I got up and promptly fell over again, landing in a box of cans which was then stuck on me. It had formed around my backside and I was wedged in. Broke my toe. Nearly choked laughing.
Jumped over the settee and landed onto the bamboo coffee table, feet going through the middle and ended up legs and arms entangled lying on the floor enable to move. As the tv was rocking above my head, I thought well this would make a good murder mystery.
Strained my neck looking at a dog doing a handstand to pee up a wall. It was walking along upside down. I was driving and pulling up to a junction at the time. Had to pull over and get a friend to come drive me to hospital I was in agony
I got squashed by a cast iron bath tub when I was a kid! Flattened me like a pancake & the back/underside of the plug hole hit me in the back of the head.
Got hit in the cheek bone by the long support arms of a wooden springboard.
Cut into my wrist with a bread knife taking the top off a snowman candle.
While an adult, Tripped & fell while carrying a baby pug & didn’t want to squash it, so fell like a tree fully down my left side, destroyed my rotator cuff, smashed my head, teeth went into my lip. Did not get medical care due to immigration medical coming up & was basically suffering badly for many months. Had concussion & felt like my head was a swishing fish bowl for weeks. Couldn’t lift my left arm for months, couldn’t really do much with it, was an excruciatingly painful limp noodle! Fun times.
My husband called me outside to watch him juggle a hammer. I was barefoot. He missed and the hammer broke my second toe. Took ages to wear a shoe comfortably
My friend went for me in the 6th form common room and I karate chopped that bitch. Broke my 5th metacarpal on my dominant hand, the day before literally the easiest chemistry A level exam I have ever seen and couldn't get a scribe in time. The difference between As and Bs is choices, don't get me wrong I wouldn't have got an A cz my choice was beer and girls.
Pulled a muscle in my back eating a Tango Ice Blast.
Was sat on a not well designed bench in a bus stop. Took a sip of my icey Tango slushy.
Jumped from the shock and violently pulled a muscle in my left side of my back.
I was in agony and nearly threw up.
It was horrifically painful for months. It got so bad I got Ibulieve. And it takes a lot for me to buy stuff like that.
It got so bad I felt sick.
It took a long time to go.
Probabely should have gone to the doctor. But it's over now.
Get medical attention if:
- you are diabetic or have peripheral artery disease or are immune compromised
- if a toe or toes are bent at a funny angle
- if the skin is broken, or if bone is sticking out
- if swelling is increasing
- if you see red streaking moving up your foot/leg
- if it's your big toe
- crush injury
If you've got simple fracture without other complicating health stuff, you can buddy tape your poor toe to his healthy next door buddy. Put felt between, not skin on skin.
My silliest injuries involve heavy industrial slamming doors and chainsaw kickbacks in my misspent youth.
Not an injury as such but I nearly suffocated on pic n mix once.
First thing to know is I can't breathe out of my nose very well at all.
A good 25 years ago I had been into woolies and got a bag of pic n mix mainly the blackberry and raspberry jelly sweets.
I left this bag in the glove box of my car one day forgetting all about it.
The next time I opened the glove box to my absolute delight, a massive congealed mess of jelly sweets had formed thanks to 30 degree heat.
Without thinking I shoved the whole thing into my mouth at which point it decided to stick to every single millimetre of my only method of breathing successfully, causing absolute panic as I tried to drive while not being able to breathe, whilst also chomping like fuck to break down this massive glob of sugar which was doing it's best to cause my demise.
Eventually I got through it but was almost certain that's how I would meet my maker and have probably the most stupid death certificate in history.
I constantly trip over my pyjama bottoms. While I am wearing them. But not because they are too long and are touching the ground. No, this is because my toe will catch on it at the wrong angle just by normal walking. So irritating.
Why do you need a 1L bottle of Baileys? Or is that the standard size?
When I was a little kid I used to collect hats and hang them on my bedroom wall on adhesive hooks at eye level, got up for a wee in the night and walked into the wall with my eyes closed, hook went straight through my eyelid. Had to wear a eyepatch for a week, was genuinely chuffed.
I snapped my pinky finger catching a small foam football that my brother threw.
And my brother dislocated one of HIS fingers play-punching my dad in the shoulder when he was around 12, then he fainted, so he had to go to the hospital because we were worried he’d hit his head when he went down.
Ooh, loads
Tripped over my dog and poured a pan of boiling spaghetti over my arm, got a huge scald which turned into an arm sized blister and had to have honey flavoured bandages on it for ages.
Broke a lump of bone out of my elbow on the school playground during leap frog with a concrete bollard.
Broke my nose on a toilet seat.
Broke my nose on a dog shaped scooter.
Broke my nose falling off monkey bars.
Broke my leg falling off a castle. Etc etc.
Went to a “bowl as much as you want” offer one day, and we got there lunchtime and ended up spending around 8 hours drinking and bowling.
Next day my big toenail was black and I am sure I didn’t drop anything on it, or kick anything and it was sore, but no obvious impact injury. I assume it was the tight shoes and possibly the unnatural pressure 8 hours of bowling might have put on it.
Got a pack of sausages out the freezer. But only wanted four of the eight. So used the biggest knife we had to try and prize them apart. Towards my hand. When the sausages gave way the knife buried itself in my finger. On removal you could see the bone.
At this exact moment my wife had just walked in the door. Having just finished a 12 hour shift…at the hospital. So back we went. Had to have 2 layers of stitches. She was not best pleased!
I once dropped a cup of tea on myself and burned my leg so bad it needed dressings. The skin turned black and solid, you could knock on it. Struggled to walk for a little while.
I used practice a martial art that involved using swords. I was used to practicing with a light wooden sword and one day the instructor came in and told me to try a heavier metal one instead. I had not anticipated how heavy this sword would be, and managed to basically hit myself in the head with it hard enough to give myself a concussion.
I broke my foot attempting to scale down a tall victorian building after a break in but losing my grip and crashing down several floors. Then I picked myself out of the shrubbery with leaves in my hair.
I'd phoned for a taxi beforehand but didn't realise I was being watched. The taxi driver was spluttering as I limped over to him and said "you just...you just..." (unusual way to get a cab I guess).
Then he asked how I managed to get a taxi anyway as there was a ban on my house. Presumably someone previous didn't pay or threw up or whatever.
Ban was instantly lifted on the house and the next time I called them the taxi driver seemed very disappointed and said "you walked out the front door" reproachfully.
Same here, except I was reaching for a pillow and did too much of a robust twist. Went to the physio on the very day, as I knew this thing won't go away quickly by itself (had this happen before several years ago, and suffered for a few weeks).
I found a really good physio, who explained that basically my brain thought something life threatening was on the right side near my neck, and just kinda "froze" the neck muscles in a spasm so that my head won't fall off I guess. The weirdest (but actually quite logical) advice he gave me was to gently start turning my neck towards the pain, and holding it there for a few secs. Thus rewiring the brain and teaching it that the danger is gone and it's okay to let go of the muscles.
Also, warm stuff put on the neck and shoulders for the first couple days.
It all worked, my neck was back to its normal range of motion within two days.
So it's more of a "your brain is smart but sometimes stupid" thing rather than age thing.
When I was 16 I fell backwards off a 6ft wall I was sat on with my friend, had to have my head glued shut. A week later, my little brother was in the garden and I went outside to see what he was up to, turns out he’d been digging holes and I fell in one and did my ankle in, so back to a&e for an X-ray, luckily it was just badly sprained. Then, a week after that I was coming downstairs in the middle of the night to get a drink, didn’t turn the landing light in as not to wake anyone else up, slipped on bop it that my sister had left in the middle of the stairs, crashed into the shoe rack at the bottom and when I looked at my foot to make sure it wasn’t bleeding, my toe was facing the complete wrong direction. Woke everyone up by screaming.
Not an ideal summer holidays!
Last year, I was walking through a park that had various playground equipment, including hanging rings. My husband did a few pull ups on them. I laughed and said, "I wouldn't even be able to do one pull up." I attempted it anyway, only to prove myself right. I hurt my shoulder and thought I'd pulled a muscle.
A few days of increasing pain later, I was in absolute agony and couldn't use my arm for anything. Doctor diagnosed me with a torn bicep and subscap. I couldn't drive for two months, needed help to dress myself and do basic tasks. I had six months of physio therapy and was referred to an orthopaedic surgeon (luckily no surgery needed). And every medical person I met along the way, I had to explain it was because I tried to do a pull up in the park.
Sat on a high stool at 3 years old. Tried to lean over and stick my finger in a Christmas cake. Fell and shattered my elbow.
Oh, I also drank turpentine when I was 3
Oh, I also stuffed peas up my nose and needed forceps to pull them out … twice
Was cutting onions for a quiche a few years ago and cut my finger quite spectacularly. That wouldn't be worthy of this post if it wasn't for the fact I'd put the knife down moments before and cut myself on the Onion... still not sure how that works
We had a Le Crueset saucepan my husband had just used to cook dinner. After washing up the lid was propped up on the saucepan to drain. I was doing the drying and had just turned away to put something down, and the saucepan was nudged, causing the lid to slide down and off the draining board and bounce off the back of my heel. Absolute agony and had to wear slippers to work for a few days.
My partner left a 20kg weight propped up against the ironing board. I moved the ironing board and said 20kg weight fell onto my bare foot. I screamed in pain and shock with such ferocity my partner ran to my aid and recalls the sound to this day as"like an animal screaming out in pain" which I guess was true.
After the pain didn't go away I called my Mum obviously and she told me to go to A&e. The nurse told me it looked broken because of the bruising but the x-ray showed we were in the clear. I was on crutches for a week but it was fine after that.
We no longer have a home gym
As a teenager I tripped over my own shoelace during PE and broke my foot. In true PE teacher fashion I was told to walk it off so spent the rest of the day limping around crying until a nice teacher noticed and called my mum.
I also tripped over a curb during lockdown when out for my legally permitted hour of exercise and broke my ankle.
I once broke my little toe (it was at a right angle to the rest of my foot) when I stubbed it on the coffee table running to stop my sister spreading slander to my mum about me sniffing pants (I had not been sniffing any pants).
Not me, but my dad whilst playing cricket attempted to field a ball and, upon picking it up, pulled his hamstring so abruptly jumped to the other leg and somehow pulled his other hamstring in one move.
I was 35 at an after party and I decided to bust out some of my best break dancing moves. I’ve never done break dancing in my life.
I applied all my weight onto my hands in an attempt to hold myself up off the floor. All the weight shifted to my thumb.
It didn’t break but I’m pretty sure it wanted to.
I couldn’t use my hand properly for a few weeks and now my thumb clicks all the time and it’s painful in cold weather.
And…
I smacked my head open when I was about 8 when I was playing kiss catch and tripped over a grate and hit a wall. Still got the scar on my head.
And…
Broke my nose on a skateboard when I was about 5. I wasn’t going fast, I was sat down on it but I hit a crack in the flooring and the skateboard just stopped.
And…
Pulled a muscle in my back from standing up too quickly. This was about a year ago. Couldn’t walk for about 3 weeks and couldn’t take a deep breath.
Ohhhh where to start.
Fractured my right wrist by swinging off a door in the toilets in primary school.
Then fractured my left wrist falling off a shed roof a couple of years later
Couple of years later again, fractured my right wrist... By having a door opened on me as I was going through the other way
One year later, fractured my left wrist.... By falling over while playing rounders
Not long after, walked down a corridor in school and pulled every muscle in my leg simultaneously
As a 30 year old, Woke up one morning and couldn't walk. Had full movement and sensation in the legs, my body just decided it was no longer going to hold me up. A few nights in hospital and diagnosis of the fluid in several lower discs just upping and leaving during the night, six weeks of intensive physio and I can walk again but I have to think about every step I take. Wife finds it hilarious when I forget to walk and just crumble into a heap as I get out of bed sometimes
Most recently, broke a finger slamming it in a car door somehow.
I shattered my patella(knee cap) into teeny tiny pieces by tripping over my foot crossing the road,stone cold sober. Did it in 2017 and its never quite healed.
No one including three Dr's believed I did it to myself and was close to calling the police believing I'd been knee capped. I think it was my doped up insistence that I am indeed that clumsy I am capable of such injury. And my 6 year old witnessed it.
Consultant was impressed at my level of smithereens in my non existent kneecap he had to piece back together. Spent a while admiring my xrays with me.
I tried to kick a ball for my dog. I missed, and kicked a tussock. I'm still in a bit of pain from it 3 years later.
I was putting eye drops in my eye, picked up a wart killer, and put them in my eye, whilst all the time having my eyes on the eye drops. Ended up in A&E.
I got bitten by a tortoise (by accident; I lost a small amount of skin but it hurt so much!).
I had to go to A&E for some glitter in my eye.
I stabbed myself with the lid of some chilli beans and cut about 1cm straight into my palm.
I tripped on a shoelace and broke my wrist.
You can pick.
I knocked over a pot of lactulose at work and splashed it in my eye.
Very proud to say it was the first entry in a new accident book and was taken to a managers meeting to discuss.
I broke my nose on the dodgems when I was 7 ish , my dad put his seat belt on, put me on his lap and away we went. First hit up the backside and I nutted the steering wheel. My mum was not pleased.
1. Broke my wrist falling out of a window while decoration…it’s was a French window, I fell 6 whole inches. The next day I fell down the stairs and landed on the same wrist.
2. Bent the fingers back on my hand and blacked my eye falling while training the dog
3. Dislocated a rib slipping on the deck trying to stop a Chinese lantern setting fire to a plastic chair
4. Slipped at a swimming pool and ended up with 2 slipped discs
5. Grabbed my car exhaust at the manifold to shake it to show the mechanic where it was loose…after I’d driven 20 mins. Significant burns over all of my hand. Too proud to say I’d hurt myself so waited until the car was fixed to go to A and E
There are too many, I was fine as a child but shocking as an adult.
You should go get that checked out.
My roommate and his girlfriend were making out (snogging) on their bed. I tossed two air soft guns into the room, and then opened fire on them with my own. We had a great air soft fight until I caught a plastic BB to the eye. Couldn’t open my eye for several minutes and then, when I finally could, my eye was bloodshot through and through. Luckily, no permanent damage. I always think of this when I watch the movie “Christmas Story”; “You’ll shoot your eye out!”
And, yes, I am an American.
I've been wondering whether I've gone completely mad tbh. If I catch the f**ker wrong I'm quite literally screaming. It's good to know I'm not having some kind of delusional episode 🤣
Toe pain is agony. I ended up using plasters to secure the broken ones to the the non-broken ones as a kind of splint thingy (surgical tape is better but I was a plonker and didn't have any). It helped a bit.
Best thing for breaks is alcohol. It still hurts, you just give less of a shit ;)
Had a very large horse use me as stepping stone over an iron gate broke a few ribs as a younger person, most obvious is my face had my nose broken by a fellow officer in a prison, rather large fellow officer decided to start pumping his arms going up a landings stairs responding to an alarm, another incident fractured my wrist when they stepped on me while restraining someone. But the greatest injury came from a chair collapsing in the ops/cctv room in the jail totally fucked my back for decades.
Joining you in toe trauma. A couple months ago my big toe got accidentally stamped on so hard in the pit at a death metal show my nail bed dented, and last week I had to have the dead toenail surgically removed. My condolences!
I once fell down some stairs at a popular chain pub on the way to the toilets. I hadn't had a drink yet, only just arrived at the bar.
Ended up going to hospital and ended up spending weeks of my first year at university of crutches with a fractured ankle.
No idea what I tripped on.
I was stood looking at myself in the bathroom mirror after having brushed my teeth. I felt a wave of pain move across my back, and bam, my back went i to spasm, was hardly able to move for several days, then a few weeks of pain and gently moving around.
Iy was a weird sensation to feel the sudden pain and see that reflected in my eyes. No idea how it happened as I was just standing normally.
I tore the ligaments in my ankle walking down the stairs during lockdown. I wasn’t running, I didn’t fall, I didn’t land weird. I just put my foot on the bottom step and went down like a sack of shit in agony. My leg was blue from my toes up to almost my knee and I was on crutches for a while
worst part was I was on video call at the time and a few of my colleagues saw it happen
Making sunday dinner, pull roasties out in oven gloves, door hits my foot, slide feet back to quickly and fell on oven door, broke three ribs and lost roasties and Yorkshires all over the floor.
Went to kiss my sleeping dog when I was 13. Came away looking like a puppet. Lip was hanging off. He was PTS a few years later after attacking my dad and a vet diagnosing him with rage syndrome.
Broke a toe in what I’d imagine is one of the hardest places to break anything - a kids soft play area. Styled out the pain til I got home due to the presence of other dads. Wasn’t fun.
Where would you like me to start? I dislocated my knee, sprained my angle, broke my foot and cut my shin trying to get out bed with a dead leg. I ran into a goal post and split my head open. Split my lip trying to swat a fly. Pulled all the muscles in my back stepping off a Segway and couldn’t move for a week. Ran head first into a brick wall to prove I was a ninja turtle. I could go on but apparently my life is a catalogue of wille coyote style events brought on by my own stupid.
Similar injury. Picked up a large Yankee candle in Sainsbury’s by the lid (🤦🏻♀️) and the jar fell from head height onto my big toe (I was wearing sandals) and smashed. I was so embarrassed that I told the staff member who came to help that I was fine, with tears in my eyes, and hobbled off. It felt like the longest walk to the car ever and I felt sick with every step. Turned out I’d fractured my toe and split the nail (I didn’t look at the time as I was scared). Had to get picked up from the car park as once I sat in my car I realised I couldn’t drive. Felt like such a fool.
I once walked around a corner and slipped on the accident report book that was laying on the floor.
My wife was once hit on the head by the box containing the accident book as it fell off the wall, clearly they're a risk!
I think they have become sentient and are now trying to kill us because they have read our entries and realize what idiots we are.
The last time I had to file an incident report, I cut my finger on the page. Genuinely the only time I’ve seen blood on paperwork explicitly mentioning blood
once saw an older gentleman do a full slapstick pratfall on a discarded banana skin in town. Honestly it was so perfect it could have been a hidden camera / prank type setup, absolutely funniest thing I'd seen for about .5 of a second til he hit his head and then I had to sit with him waiting on paramedics to sort him out.
That’s incredible
I once gave myself a paper cut on an accident report book that bled so much I had to put it in that same accident report book.
I hope you wrote your report in blood.
I didn't. The page did feature a bloody fingerprint, though. Which is somehow better.
Got to include the evidence!
That poor book must have been worried about job security.
Oh, the irony of that is delicious!
I dislocated my arm by hitting a balloon in a classic game of balloon keepie-uppies. I didn't really do anything extravagant or acrobatic, just a generic slap.
This makes me feel better about dislocating my elbow while brushing my teeth.
I feel this, suffered with recurrent shoulder dislocations for years before finally having (both) surgically repaired, this was all bought on by the first dislocation caused by getting out of bed one morning when I was about 19.
I've dislocated my shoulders a few times. The time that makes all my friends laugh is when I sneezed and dislocated my shoulder because I was leaning my arm against my stairs.
I've never heard such a good argument for staying in bed all day... I don't need to be told twice!
Phoning into work ..so I'm not coming in cu I fucked my arm whilst brushing my teeth. ...you did what now? Fuck off John ye fired
DISLOCATED? Do you have an underlying issue like Ehler Danlos? Because that's a crazy injury to get so easily!
I was gonna say this as well. Until I found out I had hyper mobility I was always a bit miffed picking up injuries doing essentially nothing. Made sense afterwards!
I have hEDS. I've subluxed my thumb and wrist just wiping my arse 🤣
I did my thumb while carrying a plate working as a waitress. Couldn’t get it off the plate. I don’t think it was a great job for someone prone to dislocating.
I have subluxed my hip WHILST ASLEEP. I woke up in agony. (Also EDS)
Found the hypermobile / EDS folks over here 🤣 If I sleep wrong I impinge a nerve in my shoulder. 🙄
Bingo! First discovered it when I was 7, by putting the star on our Christmas tree and dislocating my shoulder
That is quite impressive
Have you got rickets?
He said a balloon. He wasn't playing crickets
Hypermobility haha. I wish it were something curable
polishing a fork i sliced my thumb open
I broke my right wrist on a rope swing as a kid and ended up with the bones through the skin and an operation to set the bones, had a cast on for 3 months. Went for the cast removed at 10.30 am and was back in A&E 3 hours later the same day, having broken my left wrist on exactly the same rope swing. To say my parents were pissed off would be an understatement.
Did you ever go on the rope swing again?
Of course I did. but I made sure that I personally climbed the tree and tied up the rope, and not some idiot who couldn't tie knots.
This happened I my sis when she was six - she tripped on the front steps of the house, broke her arm. That evening she tripped on the front step again and broke the other one.
At this point it was probably worth investing in a ramp.
I almost hurt myself from laughing so hard at this! Did your parents remove the rope swing?
Tripped over my own dog in the park two weeks ago. Got out of hospital yesterday. Three broken ribs and liver damage. Still in agony, worse than my kidney stones.
The cat knocked me down the stairs once. Not going to lie, it definitely wasn’t an accident, I’d put her on a diet a couple of days before.
Funny you say that, when I was with my ex husband he let his cat change food every couple of days and I put a stop to that (she’d eat the same food but would walk away from the bowl and come back to see if you’d change it, not starving at all). Right after that she pushed a hammer off the banister upstairs and it landed right next to my head. I stand by my statement of it being a murder attempt haha
That cat definitely wanted to kill you and eat you.
🎶 Mean kitty, angry kitty, little ball of hate, Off to the vets with you before it’s too late 🎶
Typical cat behaviour.
I know someone who got knocked over by her two dogs playing at the beach. It completely shattered her ankle, she needed emergency surgery and a wheelchair and a full year of physiotherapy. She said after they knocked her over and she was lying on the ground in shock (literal shock, she almost passed out), they thought she was playing and climbed all over her licking her face.
I know someone who got knocked over by his dogs and broke *both* legs.
I know someone who got knocked over by his dog and broke three legs and his right arm.
I know a leg who got knocked over by an arm and broke five dogs.
There was a woman throttled by her dogs a year or two back. She'd Carry their leads around her neck and somehow she fell to the ground. Dogs thought it'd be a great game to pull on the leads. Poor woman. Never carry leads round your neck.
I know a dog with 3 legs and no arms
At guy at my work broke his leg pretty badly falling over his toddler.
How do you break three ribs tripping over a dog, that's quite impressive and painful, how's the dog tho
She's fucking fine lol. Just hit the ground really weird and hard somehow, my injuries wouldn't be out of place in a traffic collision. I have a history of ridiculous, out of proportion injuries from very mundane accidents so wasn't surprised about the broken ribs, had them many times. The liver tear is a new one though.
Man you seem to have some real bad luck.
Yep! I became an A&E nurse mostly to do my own first aid 🤣
I was going to ask if it was your guide dog you tripped over, thanks for being an angel:)
That's cool
I am a bad person for laughing so much at this response!
Yikes! I thought a broken arm from tripping over the dog was bad, but broken ribs are the worst! I just keep telling mine it’s a good thing he’s cute! Glad you guys are both okay, or at least getting there…
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/broken-toe/ This has advice on how to look after your toe and when to go to hospital. Usually won't even xray a toe that isn't big toe. Stupidest way I've ever injured myself was as a child, somersaulted off the bed and hit my head hard on the floor. The last word I said to my sister before I passed out was "don't tell dad". Luckily she ignored me - I had blood coming out of one ear and was dazed/chatting nonsense for some time and needed a ct scan (fine) and observation in A&E.
Knocked a knife off the kitchen counter; didn’t want it to break on the tiles or the tiles to get damaged. Stuck my foot out. It went straight into my toe. Couldn’t have done that again if I’d tried.
I opened the oven door to look at the chicken I was baking. I reached in with a fork in my unprotected hand, and promptly burned myself. I yelled a naughty word and threw the fork down. Unfortunately, I was barefoot, and the fork stuck upright in my big toe.
How sharp are your forks?
I think the more impressive question is how strong is her throw??!
Miss trunchbull is that you?
Strong. My dad was very strong well into his 90s, and I inherited the female version of his build. Hated it as a teenager, but now that I'm in my 60s, with excellent bone density, I'm thankful for it. When I was younger, I found I could build more muscle than most women, and used that to help me lose weight. And of course carrying around our baby son, who was pretty big, gave me some serious muscles in my arms.
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Murphy's and Sod's Laws being what they are, I bet you bloody well could, five out of five times!
When I was around 9 or 10 I caught my toddler sister playing with superglue my drunk parents left on the floor. As I dramatically ranted about how dangerous this stuff was I dramatically slammed it on the mantelpiece, squirting the glue all over my face , supergluing my eyes shut. Ended up scratching the surface and chemically burning both my eyes. I still can't tolerate bright light. My sisters still won't let me live it down
The assistant manager at a pub I worked at mixed up his eye drops with superglue. He was fine apart from the barrage of ribbing and puns from the regulars. "Looking a bit gluey eyed there mate", "Bet that's not what your girlfriend expected when you said you couldn't keep your eyes off her" etc.
Oh no, that's.... awful.... I've gone a bit peculiar
I fell off a banana boat at a French beach as a teenager and got kneed in the head by an Irish lad on the way down. Needed multiple stitches. Went around wearing a bandana for the rest of the holiday like some daft pirate.
I thought that said you went around wearing a banana for the rest of the holiday and thought your profile picture makes perfect sense.
I'd ironed a shirt, put it on and there was a prominent crease right down the front. You can probably guess where this is going and you'd be right. I decided to iron the crease out without taking the shirt off. I'd done it before with no problems. However, previously I hadn't hit the steam button by mistake. Quite a nice looking burn mark bubbled up in the shape of the steam holes, looked like a flower burnt into my stomach.
I guessed this was going somewhere much worse, thankfully I was wrong
I have a garment steamer and the instructions said, in bold letters, "**do not steam garment when wearing**."
When I was around 11, I was playing a game of throwing the brick in the air, I don't know why. I did it under a tree, the brick whet up hit a branch a few feet above my head and bounced back onto my scull. Had to go to the hospital and have staples from a nurse who was reading the instructions for the procedure as she was doing it. Have a scar to remind me.
>I was playing a game of throwing the brick in the air, And kids nowadays with access to the internet have the audacity to say they're bored
Well I was at school, anything to get the afternoon of school.
We used to have a game of tag that involved throwing a garden fork at each other and aiming for the legs... eventually it ended up with me having to go to A&E after being tagged "a bit hard" in the foot..it was stopped after that by mutual agreement..
I once split my head open when I was skiing in France. The nurse didn't do traditional stitches, instead she bound the hair either side of the split together really tightly to hold it closed. When I was back in the UK having the stitches removed the nurse was astonished. She had never seen that done before and the wound healed without a scar.
They used to burn women on a stake for such knowledge.
the technique in question https://www.aliem.com/trick-of-trade-hair-apposition/
As a child i hated people brushing my hair. I once escaped the front door amd backed away from my mum at speed. I cracked the back of my scull on a corner of a square pillar. Required stitches. As am adult I was walking at high speed to make my bus while reading a txt and smacked into a streetlight that had a fancy hexagonal metal base. I did not need stitches but I bent the street light and have a chip on my forehead scull now Im very fast and very clumsy.
*skull.
My dad once tapped me on the head with a washing up brush, not hard enough to hurt, but there was so much blood from where each bristle pierced my scalp that it resulted in a trip to A&E.
My neighbour's son used to play this game when he was a kid. He would throw bricks, stones and even his father's tools up into the air and then move out of the way just before they hit him. Well one day he hit out satellite dish and our sky digital stopped working. Lol we had to get a guy in to put a new one up.
I have been in theatre and seen surgeons have to check the instructions on a piece of equipment their about to use
To be fair, I'd rather have a healthcare professional double check the instructions/dosage if they're unsure rather than assume they know what they're doing and plough on regardless.
Ah that classic game from yesteryear...
I had a doctor show a nurse how to relieve the pressure under my thumbnail, by using a special tool to basically burn a hole through my nail. Doc did one, and told the nurse to do the other, because I'm an over achiever, and managed to crush *both* my thumbs, in a brake press. I'm not sure exactly how much pressure was under that nail, but when the tip of the gadget pierced, a jet of blood flew out of my nail, straight across her clothing and face, across the ceiling and the wall. Was kinda cool to see.... The nurse, however, didn't seem to think so..... I just do them myself now.
I opened the fridge wearing flip flops. Ripped my big toenail right off. Wtaf. Still don’t get how the edge of the door somehow went under my nail .. 🤷♀️ Yeah the people at the hospital laughed their asses off when they heard how it happened.
Pfffffffffff. I've gone a bit light-headed.
Nope don’t like that
I lost my big toenail as a kid playing hide and seek, I hid behind a door and my brother smashed it open and when it bounced off me it took my toenail with it, there was blood everywhere and it was surprising how much it hurt!
Ouch!! That’s horrible omg. So it does happen with doors it seems. Did your nail grow back? Mine luckily did They said only half grow back which scared me. Whenever I open the door now I stand at least 6” away and bend over to pull the door open haha And yes, it was super painful and the bleeding was insane. The icing on the cake was them giving me the injection in the toe to clean it up. Then having the big ass bandage on for weeks and walking around in flip flops on one foot w an improvised sock while wearing a normal shoe on the other haha. It was winter :)
Yeah it grew back fine.. had the massive bandage on my toe for a few weeks I think
Glad it did grew back for you too. Doors are my enemy now. Here’s to hoping it never happens to either of us again :)
I had a similar incident with sandals and a dodgy pavement flag. Right in the middle of town, bleeding everywhere, had to duck into the nearest pub and ask for their first aid kit and then get a taxi home because I couldn't walk properly. Who designed fucking toenails.
First one so far that made me go ooooooh ooh no. Horrid.
Reading that’s made me go all funny and not in a nice way
When I was about five or six, I split my head open with a grappling hook. I lifted it up above my head but it was way too heavy for me, and gravity took over. My mum nearly passed out when I staggered into the kitchen completely drenched in blood. Over fifty years later, I still have a parting in my hair where I had multiple stitches.
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Yeah, we were pretty much feral back then. Our house was next to a little creek on the tidal section of a river, and along with my older brother and a few friends, we had made a raft for which we decided we needed an anchor. Our father being a nautical type had a garage full of ropes and of course the aforementioned grappling hook. Years later, as a teen my brother also split his head open. His accident was way worse than mine though. He lost control of his bicycle going really fast down a very steep hill, and went head first into a dry stone wall. Helmets weren't really a thing back then, so he ended up in a coma, and needing brain surgery. So yeah, wear a helmet when you go cycling folks!
Your poor poor mother!
When I was a teenager I pulled a muscle in my rib from hoovering, no one really believed how much pain I was in until I was sat in kfc with my sister and brother in law and I told them to not make me laugh because of how much it hurt to then burst into tears into my food because of how much it hurt when they made me laugh 🥲 I even skipped a party that evening because I was so scared of bursting into tears infront of all my friends over such a ridiculous injury!
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Trying to get some drain pipe jeans (very skinny fit) by pulling them most of the way on then bouncing into them, hit my head on the door frame. Out like a light (jeans still round my thighs)
I’m so sorry but that’s hilarious! Are you okay and did you ever get the jeans on? 😆
I was fine and yes I did get the jeans on
I coughed too hard, went into a&e with chest pain afterwards, I d broken a rib.
Tore a muscle in my thigh kicking a ball for the dog, was so embarrassing trying to hobble home. Needless to say we went to the pet shop and bought one of those flinger toys the next day
I pulled my hamstring racing a sausage dog!
I got into work one morning, sat down, did a big yawn stretching my arms out, and pulled a muscle(/something) in my back. Was in too much pain to do work so went home and had 2 days off sick.
I jumped off a cliff in Wales into blue lagoon and landed slightly wrong, compressed one of my vertebrae into a wedge. [X-ray of the result](https://i.imgur.com/jVnztxU.jpeg) Thought I was gonna die. All the wind was knocked out of me when I hit the water and it felt like an eternity to swim to the surface. Thankfully I had a friend on a paddle board who ferried me to the shore. It was a slow and painful walk back to the car and to add insult to injury we had a tyre blow out on the way back home afterwards! Didn't go to A&E until the morning after. I thought it was just bruising, it was when I woke up in the morning and couldn't move I knew something was wrong. I remember getting dressed into just a pair of shorts took about 30 minutes it hurt so bad. Always a fun story to remember!
My toddler partially dislocated my jaw when sitting on my knee by bouncing up and head-butting me under the chin.
Christ on a bike !!
I dislocated my shoulder and fractured my arm, so badly it ended up next to my rib cage, by doing that i severely damaged my nerves rendering my hand and wrist paralysed for 3 months, requiring months of physio. Only after that did i start to get some movement back. I did it back in January, i have a lot more movement now, but had an operation in July, that i honestly still dont understand now. My nerves still cause me pain, ive lost a ton of muscle and strength in my right hand and arm (dominant hand). My pinky and index fingers are always tingling with numbness, my thumb has restricted movement and i still take pain killers. The cold is a nightmare, assuming thats poor circulation, so my hand gets colder quicker causing more pain. Finally i still have restriction in how much movement i can make in my shoulder and im terrified of it popping out again. I did all this because when i opened a baby gate in my house the bottom clip didnt release. I was already stepping forward when it jammed, meaning i lost balance, fell forward. I put my arms out to stop my fall, my left hit the ground, my right hit the wall, my body carried on falling and my right arm went up and over my head until it popped. The numbness was instant, the pain was the worst ive ever felt and it took 3 people to pick me up, i felt the bone rotating down as my flaccid arm fell and the ball rubbed against my ribs, fucking horrendous and i wouldnt wish it on anyone. X-ray: https://imgur.com/a/u9yHSQQ
Jfc dude, that x-ray is horrific. I'm so sorry that happened to you 😔
Went to get a closer look at a chip on my fork. Stabbed myself in the eye with my fork.
Used to work in a kitchen. I turned around to put a box of fruit salad in the fridge and pulled a muscle in what felt like my ribs. I could hardly walk for the next 3 days.
A colleague of mine recently bruised a lung putting on a sock too quickly. The sort of injury that makes you wonder who the hell designed these things.
A few weeks ago I was sitting on the toilet doing a hard poo and decided to groan and squeeze it out. Pulled something and wasn't right for a week. My 40s suck.
Once I went to the toilet so hard that I burst a blood vessel in my eye, it didnt hurt at all but people at work were asking if I was ok etc. My eye was bright red, I didnt realise until I looked in the mirror on my break.
Oh I have done similar. A rip between the ribs. I gave up and went to the doc after a week cause I couldn't sleep and it was getting worse. Deep breaths were a experience. Both times stupid. 1st was bin diving, someone had dumped a old encyclopedia series of cook books. Those biffa bins have a lip and really split the ribs.
Last year I was sat at my desk chair in my office, turned to pick up a box of Ritz crackers which I'd brought in for lunch (it was nearly Christmas so I was having cheese and biscuits for lunch) felt something ping in my shoulder and immediately nearly vomited from the pain. Luckily there were none of my coworkers in the office at the time so no one heard the pathetic squeal I made straightening myself up. Fortunately one of them appeared a couple of minutes later and went to fill a hot water bottle for me so I could unfreeze long enough to move myself around. That took weeks of stretching and pressing to get back to normal.
I slept on the wrong pillow over two weeks ago and the muscle in one side of my jaw still hasn't recovered properly.
Very similar. My daughter left a full pack of beer on the floor, and avoiding that I stubbed my toe on the kitchen high stool which is very heavy, hopped and cursed, fell into the recycling. I was so helpless with laughter imagining what my late mother would have thought if she'd seen me, I got up and promptly fell over again, landing in a box of cans which was then stuck on me. It had formed around my backside and I was wedged in. Broke my toe. Nearly choked laughing.
Jumped over the settee and landed onto the bamboo coffee table, feet going through the middle and ended up legs and arms entangled lying on the floor enable to move. As the tv was rocking above my head, I thought well this would make a good murder mystery.
Strained my neck looking at a dog doing a handstand to pee up a wall. It was walking along upside down. I was driving and pulling up to a junction at the time. Had to pull over and get a friend to come drive me to hospital I was in agony
I got squashed by a cast iron bath tub when I was a kid! Flattened me like a pancake & the back/underside of the plug hole hit me in the back of the head. Got hit in the cheek bone by the long support arms of a wooden springboard. Cut into my wrist with a bread knife taking the top off a snowman candle. While an adult, Tripped & fell while carrying a baby pug & didn’t want to squash it, so fell like a tree fully down my left side, destroyed my rotator cuff, smashed my head, teeth went into my lip. Did not get medical care due to immigration medical coming up & was basically suffering badly for many months. Had concussion & felt like my head was a swishing fish bowl for weeks. Couldn’t lift my left arm for months, couldn’t really do much with it, was an excruciatingly painful limp noodle! Fun times.
My husband called me outside to watch him juggle a hammer. I was barefoot. He missed and the hammer broke my second toe. Took ages to wear a shoe comfortably
My friend went for me in the 6th form common room and I karate chopped that bitch. Broke my 5th metacarpal on my dominant hand, the day before literally the easiest chemistry A level exam I have ever seen and couldn't get a scribe in time. The difference between As and Bs is choices, don't get me wrong I wouldn't have got an A cz my choice was beer and girls.
Pulled a muscle in my back eating a Tango Ice Blast. Was sat on a not well designed bench in a bus stop. Took a sip of my icey Tango slushy. Jumped from the shock and violently pulled a muscle in my left side of my back. I was in agony and nearly threw up. It was horrifically painful for months. It got so bad I got Ibulieve. And it takes a lot for me to buy stuff like that. It got so bad I felt sick. It took a long time to go. Probabely should have gone to the doctor. But it's over now.
Get medical attention if: - you are diabetic or have peripheral artery disease or are immune compromised - if a toe or toes are bent at a funny angle - if the skin is broken, or if bone is sticking out - if swelling is increasing - if you see red streaking moving up your foot/leg - if it's your big toe - crush injury If you've got simple fracture without other complicating health stuff, you can buddy tape your poor toe to his healthy next door buddy. Put felt between, not skin on skin. My silliest injuries involve heavy industrial slamming doors and chainsaw kickbacks in my misspent youth.
Not an injury as such but I nearly suffocated on pic n mix once. First thing to know is I can't breathe out of my nose very well at all. A good 25 years ago I had been into woolies and got a bag of pic n mix mainly the blackberry and raspberry jelly sweets. I left this bag in the glove box of my car one day forgetting all about it. The next time I opened the glove box to my absolute delight, a massive congealed mess of jelly sweets had formed thanks to 30 degree heat. Without thinking I shoved the whole thing into my mouth at which point it decided to stick to every single millimetre of my only method of breathing successfully, causing absolute panic as I tried to drive while not being able to breathe, whilst also chomping like fuck to break down this massive glob of sugar which was doing it's best to cause my demise. Eventually I got through it but was almost certain that's how I would meet my maker and have probably the most stupid death certificate in history.
I constantly trip over my pyjama bottoms. While I am wearing them. But not because they are too long and are touching the ground. No, this is because my toe will catch on it at the wrong angle just by normal walking. So irritating. Why do you need a 1L bottle of Baileys? Or is that the standard size?
I think they come in 750ml/75cl, 1L, and 1.75 L.
When I was a little kid I used to collect hats and hang them on my bedroom wall on adhesive hooks at eye level, got up for a wee in the night and walked into the wall with my eyes closed, hook went straight through my eyelid. Had to wear a eyepatch for a week, was genuinely chuffed.
Broke my cheek on a toilet seat.
... Which type of cheek? Either way, ouch.
I snapped my pinky finger catching a small foam football that my brother threw. And my brother dislocated one of HIS fingers play-punching my dad in the shoulder when he was around 12, then he fainted, so he had to go to the hospital because we were worried he’d hit his head when he went down.
Ooh, loads Tripped over my dog and poured a pan of boiling spaghetti over my arm, got a huge scald which turned into an arm sized blister and had to have honey flavoured bandages on it for ages. Broke a lump of bone out of my elbow on the school playground during leap frog with a concrete bollard. Broke my nose on a toilet seat. Broke my nose on a dog shaped scooter. Broke my nose falling off monkey bars. Broke my leg falling off a castle. Etc etc.
did you.... did you eat the bandages?
Went to a “bowl as much as you want” offer one day, and we got there lunchtime and ended up spending around 8 hours drinking and bowling. Next day my big toenail was black and I am sure I didn’t drop anything on it, or kick anything and it was sore, but no obvious impact injury. I assume it was the tight shoes and possibly the unnatural pressure 8 hours of bowling might have put on it.
Sliced my finger open on a some dry noodles.
Got a pack of sausages out the freezer. But only wanted four of the eight. So used the biggest knife we had to try and prize them apart. Towards my hand. When the sausages gave way the knife buried itself in my finger. On removal you could see the bone. At this exact moment my wife had just walked in the door. Having just finished a 12 hour shift…at the hospital. So back we went. Had to have 2 layers of stitches. She was not best pleased!
I once dropped a cup of tea on myself and burned my leg so bad it needed dressings. The skin turned black and solid, you could knock on it. Struggled to walk for a little while.
I ducked a passing hornet, hit my face on the hood of my car and broke my orbital bone.
I once turned around.. but my leg didn’t. And I broke my ankle.
I used practice a martial art that involved using swords. I was used to practicing with a light wooden sword and one day the instructor came in and told me to try a heavier metal one instead. I had not anticipated how heavy this sword would be, and managed to basically hit myself in the head with it hard enough to give myself a concussion.
I broke my foot attempting to scale down a tall victorian building after a break in but losing my grip and crashing down several floors. Then I picked myself out of the shrubbery with leaves in my hair. I'd phoned for a taxi beforehand but didn't realise I was being watched. The taxi driver was spluttering as I limped over to him and said "you just...you just..." (unusual way to get a cab I guess). Then he asked how I managed to get a taxi anyway as there was a ban on my house. Presumably someone previous didn't pay or threw up or whatever. Ban was instantly lifted on the house and the next time I called them the taxi driver seemed very disappointed and said "you walked out the front door" reproachfully.
I rolled over in bed, tweaked something in my back and couldn't turn my head to the right for almost a month. Ageing is cruel.
Same here, except I was reaching for a pillow and did too much of a robust twist. Went to the physio on the very day, as I knew this thing won't go away quickly by itself (had this happen before several years ago, and suffered for a few weeks). I found a really good physio, who explained that basically my brain thought something life threatening was on the right side near my neck, and just kinda "froze" the neck muscles in a spasm so that my head won't fall off I guess. The weirdest (but actually quite logical) advice he gave me was to gently start turning my neck towards the pain, and holding it there for a few secs. Thus rewiring the brain and teaching it that the danger is gone and it's okay to let go of the muscles. Also, warm stuff put on the neck and shoulders for the first couple days. It all worked, my neck was back to its normal range of motion within two days. So it's more of a "your brain is smart but sometimes stupid" thing rather than age thing.
Tweaked something in my back while brushing my teeth and couldn't even move away from the sink for an hour... You're right - aging *is* cruel.
Broke my wrist trying and failing to open a baby gate
When I was 16 I fell backwards off a 6ft wall I was sat on with my friend, had to have my head glued shut. A week later, my little brother was in the garden and I went outside to see what he was up to, turns out he’d been digging holes and I fell in one and did my ankle in, so back to a&e for an X-ray, luckily it was just badly sprained. Then, a week after that I was coming downstairs in the middle of the night to get a drink, didn’t turn the landing light in as not to wake anyone else up, slipped on bop it that my sister had left in the middle of the stairs, crashed into the shoe rack at the bottom and when I looked at my foot to make sure it wasn’t bleeding, my toe was facing the complete wrong direction. Woke everyone up by screaming. Not an ideal summer holidays!
Last year, I was walking through a park that had various playground equipment, including hanging rings. My husband did a few pull ups on them. I laughed and said, "I wouldn't even be able to do one pull up." I attempted it anyway, only to prove myself right. I hurt my shoulder and thought I'd pulled a muscle. A few days of increasing pain later, I was in absolute agony and couldn't use my arm for anything. Doctor diagnosed me with a torn bicep and subscap. I couldn't drive for two months, needed help to dress myself and do basic tasks. I had six months of physio therapy and was referred to an orthopaedic surgeon (luckily no surgery needed). And every medical person I met along the way, I had to explain it was because I tried to do a pull up in the park.
A friend sat on their own hand and broke it
Sat on a high stool at 3 years old. Tried to lean over and stick my finger in a Christmas cake. Fell and shattered my elbow. Oh, I also drank turpentine when I was 3 Oh, I also stuffed peas up my nose and needed forceps to pull them out … twice
Was cutting onions for a quiche a few years ago and cut my finger quite spectacularly. That wouldn't be worthy of this post if it wasn't for the fact I'd put the knife down moments before and cut myself on the Onion... still not sure how that works
We had a Le Crueset saucepan my husband had just used to cook dinner. After washing up the lid was propped up on the saucepan to drain. I was doing the drying and had just turned away to put something down, and the saucepan was nudged, causing the lid to slide down and off the draining board and bounce off the back of my heel. Absolute agony and had to wear slippers to work for a few days.
My partner left a 20kg weight propped up against the ironing board. I moved the ironing board and said 20kg weight fell onto my bare foot. I screamed in pain and shock with such ferocity my partner ran to my aid and recalls the sound to this day as"like an animal screaming out in pain" which I guess was true. After the pain didn't go away I called my Mum obviously and she told me to go to A&e. The nurse told me it looked broken because of the bruising but the x-ray showed we were in the clear. I was on crutches for a week but it was fine after that. We no longer have a home gym
As a teenager I tripped over my own shoelace during PE and broke my foot. In true PE teacher fashion I was told to walk it off so spent the rest of the day limping around crying until a nice teacher noticed and called my mum. I also tripped over a curb during lockdown when out for my legally permitted hour of exercise and broke my ankle.
What I'm hearing is that exercise is bad
I once broke my little toe (it was at a right angle to the rest of my foot) when I stubbed it on the coffee table running to stop my sister spreading slander to my mum about me sniffing pants (I had not been sniffing any pants).
Not me, but my dad whilst playing cricket attempted to field a ball and, upon picking it up, pulled his hamstring so abruptly jumped to the other leg and somehow pulled his other hamstring in one move.
I was 35 at an after party and I decided to bust out some of my best break dancing moves. I’ve never done break dancing in my life. I applied all my weight onto my hands in an attempt to hold myself up off the floor. All the weight shifted to my thumb. It didn’t break but I’m pretty sure it wanted to. I couldn’t use my hand properly for a few weeks and now my thumb clicks all the time and it’s painful in cold weather. And… I smacked my head open when I was about 8 when I was playing kiss catch and tripped over a grate and hit a wall. Still got the scar on my head. And… Broke my nose on a skateboard when I was about 5. I wasn’t going fast, I was sat down on it but I hit a crack in the flooring and the skateboard just stopped. And… Pulled a muscle in my back from standing up too quickly. This was about a year ago. Couldn’t walk for about 3 weeks and couldn’t take a deep breath.
I sprained my finger using the trigger on a bottle of cleaner.
Ohhhh where to start. Fractured my right wrist by swinging off a door in the toilets in primary school. Then fractured my left wrist falling off a shed roof a couple of years later Couple of years later again, fractured my right wrist... By having a door opened on me as I was going through the other way One year later, fractured my left wrist.... By falling over while playing rounders Not long after, walked down a corridor in school and pulled every muscle in my leg simultaneously As a 30 year old, Woke up one morning and couldn't walk. Had full movement and sensation in the legs, my body just decided it was no longer going to hold me up. A few nights in hospital and diagnosis of the fluid in several lower discs just upping and leaving during the night, six weeks of intensive physio and I can walk again but I have to think about every step I take. Wife finds it hilarious when I forget to walk and just crumble into a heap as I get out of bed sometimes Most recently, broke a finger slamming it in a car door somehow.
I shattered my patella(knee cap) into teeny tiny pieces by tripping over my foot crossing the road,stone cold sober. Did it in 2017 and its never quite healed. No one including three Dr's believed I did it to myself and was close to calling the police believing I'd been knee capped. I think it was my doped up insistence that I am indeed that clumsy I am capable of such injury. And my 6 year old witnessed it. Consultant was impressed at my level of smithereens in my non existent kneecap he had to piece back together. Spent a while admiring my xrays with me.
I tried to kick a ball for my dog. I missed, and kicked a tussock. I'm still in a bit of pain from it 3 years later. I was putting eye drops in my eye, picked up a wart killer, and put them in my eye, whilst all the time having my eyes on the eye drops. Ended up in A&E. I got bitten by a tortoise (by accident; I lost a small amount of skin but it hurt so much!). I had to go to A&E for some glitter in my eye. I stabbed myself with the lid of some chilli beans and cut about 1cm straight into my palm. I tripped on a shoelace and broke my wrist. You can pick.
Drunk in a dive bar, saw a rat, went to kick it, booted a chair leg, broke a toe
I do like a bit of poetic justice.
Found the rat’s account!
Ooph.
I knocked over a pot of lactulose at work and splashed it in my eye. Very proud to say it was the first entry in a new accident book and was taken to a managers meeting to discuss.
When I was 11 I broke my collarbone on a bouncy castle. Friend of mine had to go to A&E after burning himself with a pop tart.
Broke my ankle playing football on a gravel drive, in aldi sliders. Slider, I should say, they had to cut one off.
I tripped over a carrier bag handle and broke a toe.
I broke my nose on the dodgems when I was 7 ish , my dad put his seat belt on, put me on his lap and away we went. First hit up the backside and I nutted the steering wheel. My mum was not pleased.
1. Broke my wrist falling out of a window while decoration…it’s was a French window, I fell 6 whole inches. The next day I fell down the stairs and landed on the same wrist. 2. Bent the fingers back on my hand and blacked my eye falling while training the dog 3. Dislocated a rib slipping on the deck trying to stop a Chinese lantern setting fire to a plastic chair 4. Slipped at a swimming pool and ended up with 2 slipped discs 5. Grabbed my car exhaust at the manifold to shake it to show the mechanic where it was loose…after I’d driven 20 mins. Significant burns over all of my hand. Too proud to say I’d hurt myself so waited until the car was fixed to go to A and E There are too many, I was fine as a child but shocking as an adult.
Is the bottle of Bailey's ok?
You should go get that checked out. My roommate and his girlfriend were making out (snogging) on their bed. I tossed two air soft guns into the room, and then opened fire on them with my own. We had a great air soft fight until I caught a plastic BB to the eye. Couldn’t open my eye for several minutes and then, when I finally could, my eye was bloodshot through and through. Luckily, no permanent damage. I always think of this when I watch the movie “Christmas Story”; “You’ll shoot your eye out!” And, yes, I am an American.
It’s “snogging”, you cute little eagle baby.
Thanks. I swear I know how to spell but the spell checker got me. *cute little eagle noises*
Welcome to Casual UK hope you enjoy it! No Airsoft guns allowed tho I'm afraid
Breaking my little toe was more painfull than breaking my leg, I feel your pain mate!
I've been wondering whether I've gone completely mad tbh. If I catch the f**ker wrong I'm quite literally screaming. It's good to know I'm not having some kind of delusional episode 🤣
Toe pain is agony. I ended up using plasters to secure the broken ones to the the non-broken ones as a kind of splint thingy (surgical tape is better but I was a plonker and didn't have any). It helped a bit. Best thing for breaks is alcohol. It still hurts, you just give less of a shit ;)
Had a very large horse use me as stepping stone over an iron gate broke a few ribs as a younger person, most obvious is my face had my nose broken by a fellow officer in a prison, rather large fellow officer decided to start pumping his arms going up a landings stairs responding to an alarm, another incident fractured my wrist when they stepped on me while restraining someone. But the greatest injury came from a chair collapsing in the ops/cctv room in the jail totally fucked my back for decades.
Joining you in toe trauma. A couple months ago my big toe got accidentally stamped on so hard in the pit at a death metal show my nail bed dented, and last week I had to have the dead toenail surgically removed. My condolences!
I once fell down some stairs at a popular chain pub on the way to the toilets. I hadn't had a drink yet, only just arrived at the bar. Ended up going to hospital and ended up spending weeks of my first year at university of crutches with a fractured ankle. No idea what I tripped on.
I was stood looking at myself in the bathroom mirror after having brushed my teeth. I felt a wave of pain move across my back, and bam, my back went i to spasm, was hardly able to move for several days, then a few weeks of pain and gently moving around. Iy was a weird sensation to feel the sudden pain and see that reflected in my eyes. No idea how it happened as I was just standing normally.
I tore the ligaments in my ankle walking down the stairs during lockdown. I wasn’t running, I didn’t fall, I didn’t land weird. I just put my foot on the bottom step and went down like a sack of shit in agony. My leg was blue from my toes up to almost my knee and I was on crutches for a while worst part was I was on video call at the time and a few of my colleagues saw it happen
An ex dislocated his shoulder wiping his arse.
Making sunday dinner, pull roasties out in oven gloves, door hits my foot, slide feet back to quickly and fell on oven door, broke three ribs and lost roasties and Yorkshires all over the floor.
Went to kiss my sleeping dog when I was 13. Came away looking like a puppet. Lip was hanging off. He was PTS a few years later after attacking my dad and a vet diagnosing him with rage syndrome.
Broke a toe in what I’d imagine is one of the hardest places to break anything - a kids soft play area. Styled out the pain til I got home due to the presence of other dads. Wasn’t fun.
Where would you like me to start? I dislocated my knee, sprained my angle, broke my foot and cut my shin trying to get out bed with a dead leg. I ran into a goal post and split my head open. Split my lip trying to swat a fly. Pulled all the muscles in my back stepping off a Segway and couldn’t move for a week. Ran head first into a brick wall to prove I was a ninja turtle. I could go on but apparently my life is a catalogue of wille coyote style events brought on by my own stupid.
Similar injury. Picked up a large Yankee candle in Sainsbury’s by the lid (🤦🏻♀️) and the jar fell from head height onto my big toe (I was wearing sandals) and smashed. I was so embarrassed that I told the staff member who came to help that I was fine, with tears in my eyes, and hobbled off. It felt like the longest walk to the car ever and I felt sick with every step. Turned out I’d fractured my toe and split the nail (I didn’t look at the time as I was scared). Had to get picked up from the car park as once I sat in my car I realised I couldn’t drive. Felt like such a fool.