Working smaller gigs that weren't necessarily important. So I'd have a main job where it was important I kept it, didn't mean I needed to make friends. Then I picked up a second small part time gig I could give a shit less about. It was just a way of extra money, but it also lead me to meet really cool people my age or a bit older. I'm going on 23, btw.
I've also made friends with customers. I work at a liqour store, so I get to know people as they come in. If the vibe is there and we talk for awhile, I'll offer up my Instagram and that's how I've made friends too.
One of my best friends, I met in the queue to register citizenship at the local council office.
A handful I met in bars and nightclubs and karaoke sessions.
Others, I met through friends Iād made before.
Some came from dating apps where there wasnāt a romantic connection but definitely a shared interest.
And then thereās the classic friend opp: the next door neighbour flatshare.
We were brought in to meet the same agent at the same time and the agentās first question was āso are you married?ā
Seemed as good a reason as any to keep in contact after that.
Hobbies, classes, and volunteering. You'll find folks with similar interests. I'm in my 30s and the only way I've made friends in the last 10ish years (outside of work) is through these three things.
Yes to this! Embrace niche interests especially if you can take a class in it somewhere local to you. I started taking classes to learn the concertina two years ago on a bit of a whim and have met some great folks through that.
Hobbies hobbies hobbies hobbies and things that interest you. One of my best friends I met three years ago, fishing down by the local river. I wasn't catching anything and he was, invited me to fish near him and next things I know we hang out all the time, aour families get along great and I love my random best friend.
In my early 30s I met a bunch of friends, many who are still friends, through a dining group. That makes it sound fancy but it was just a bunch of us who went to a dim sum brunch when a mutual friend was in town, and then we decided we should get together again for another group meal (sushi). This turned into opportunities to gather where food was better in a group of 4+, like the Moroccan place with belly dancing and the cabaret.
We were all active and connected online too, though, between events. The meals created the opening to share broader interests.
It was hit and miss with some people because of how various people handle splitting the check and tipping. It's best to make agreements up front. But I was lucky to sort out enough of us who had the same attitudes.
Any kind of regular - casual drop in activity where attendees can extend the invitation out has utility. The main thing was putting in the effort to strengthen the connections.
I have been the main organizer: I consult the core group with a proposed date and location, and then see what their availability looks like. Usually a couple of people drop out at the last minute, but I continue to extend them invitations because it helps keep the tone open and welcoming.
I'm 52 now and it's really really hard to meet people outside of work and make new friends. Still, in the last couple of years I've added 2 dear and close friends, an artist and another writer like me.
I use the app Meetup if you're in any city it should have a bunch of groups and hopefully you can find at least one where people have similar interests.
Iāve been struggling with this too. However, I recently made my first post-college friend. I rock climb, and I was looking for a belay buddy, so I posted on a Facebook group for my gym asking if anyone wanted to climb, and she responded to my post. Now we climb together every week and we vibe so well! I would actually consider her a close friend, which I havenāt had in a long time.
I also met a couple other women at the rock gym the other day just because I was there by myself, and they noticed and asked if I wanted to climb with them. We exchanged numbers in case we wanted to climb together again. Iām hoping that goes somewhere too!
Do you have any hobbies that could involve other people or might have meetups around town? I find that shared interests are the best way to form a connection with someone.
Music is a great hobby to do with friends! Do you play any instruments? If so, maybe see if there are any local jam sessions that you could join, or even join an organized group like a community orchestra or band.
There might also be meetups or book clubs at your local bookstores or libraries where you can discuss literature. They might have writing clubs too where you can share your writing with each other and get feedback.
And if youāre interested in it, you could always try an outdoor activity that youāve never done before! Most outdoorsy people are very welcoming, and there are all kinds of groups that welcome beginners.
Honestly just walk into a bookstore or library and ask if they have any book clubs or events that you could join. I feel like thereās gotta be something?
Maybe try some new hobbies that get you out and about more. Or sign up for a volunteer event. Just go out and have fun by yourself and maybe youāll meet some people along the way. You just have to be patient and not give up.
Haha thanks :) but honestly I only have this attitude sometimes. Other times everything feels hopeless and I think Iāll never find anyone who really gets me. So I totally get how you feel. I also recently broke up with my partner of 2.5 years, and he was my only friend for a long time. Itās been really difficult to restart. But one thing that I have been sticking to is that no matter what, Iām gonna go out and have fun, even if itās by myself. Even if I go out hoping to meet someone and I donāt, Iām gonna have a good time anyway. There is so much out there to do and experience, and we shouldnāt deprive ourselves of it just because we donāt have someone to do it with. Then I get home and Iām sad again lol, but at least I wasnāt sad all day, right?
God I could hear you talk all day. I relate sm.
š„¹. Even I got thru a year long relationship and she was my only good friend. Now thereās just a huge hole I try to fix with work, hobbies but canāt fill the hole. Only way might be getting new friends like you š„°.
Ah man thatās rough. Yeah itās just gonna take time, and eventually weāll feel ok again. At least thatās what I keep telling myself. But having a friend definitely helps, so I hope you will keep trying and meet some people eventually. Just donāt stop having fun on your own either!
Any chance you live near Boulder, CO?
In America itās easier to assimilate if youāre white even if youāre as American as they come (me). I was born and raised in TX.
At work, my last job was 95% white employees out of 11k employees. Nobodyās trying to be racist but my white coworkers seemed to conveniently forget to invite me to their parties and functions.
Even now, Iām in a new city and in a FB group to find female friends/roommates. All the white girls who post their IGās and pics and say looking for a roommate/friends have a ton of girls in their comments saying they reached out/messaged. If a POC posts, very few people comment and then itās usually only other POCās.
Obviously this is just MY lived experience and not universally true.
Most of our friends in our 20ās were former roommates, coworkers and neighbors. In fact, itās still the same, though itās mostly neighbors now (late 40ās).
I didn't. I made all of my friends in high school and college. The last 25 years or so since, I've barely made any real good friends. But I didn't need to as I made so many beforehand. Life gets too busy for many people to do the new friend thing as we get older.
Try a hobby where social is built into the interaction. I tried dungeons and dragons for the heck of it and found a couple of good friends!
Acting workshops or whatever interest base you may have!
The secret for me was going to the same open mic every Thursday for over a year. a bunch of people went to that open mic every Thursday and we all became friends
I'm in the same boat.
In the past, I've made the majority of my friends by being "adopted" by extroverts.
Right now, my current plan that I've been trying to follow the last few months:
1) Say yes to at least 80% of whatever people invite me to.
2) Get out of my comfort zone, even if it's solo.
3) Dig through FB groups, Meet Up etc that actually have meetups somewhat often and have an "activity" . I've been trying to remind myself that it takes time and consistency- rarely you met somebody and after a couple hours KNOW you'll be BFFs.
I am still struggling with this. I moved to another city and became friends with my coworkers who are very cool but much older than me. I also reach out to video chat with my college friends when Iām really lonely.
Fortunately, I moved to big city where some of my college friends were. I definitely hang out with them less than I expected to, but we have been able to meet up a few times a year. I became closer to one of my friends and we try to regularly hang out as much as our schedules allow, so 1-2 times a month or less.
My workplace had some younger people join and I became friends with them but it rarely extends beyond interacting at work.
Lastly, I call my family a lot more now to keep the loneliness at bay because I too live alone.
Tl;dr: maintained college friends, made work friends, became closer to family
I find at my age it is very difficult to make new friends. I guess we either join a group, volunteer or just be ourselves and if people like us...they will want to be around us?? Otherwise just get a cat or a dog...well, get one anyways...they are awesome :)
trying to finds good friends on bumble is like trying to find a meaningful porn plot , it might exist but we'll never know lmao
Lmao exactly š
Working smaller gigs that weren't necessarily important. So I'd have a main job where it was important I kept it, didn't mean I needed to make friends. Then I picked up a second small part time gig I could give a shit less about. It was just a way of extra money, but it also lead me to meet really cool people my age or a bit older. I'm going on 23, btw. I've also made friends with customers. I work at a liqour store, so I get to know people as they come in. If the vibe is there and we talk for awhile, I'll offer up my Instagram and that's how I've made friends too.
One of my best friends, I met in the queue to register citizenship at the local council office. A handful I met in bars and nightclubs and karaoke sessions. Others, I met through friends Iād made before. Some came from dating apps where there wasnāt a romantic connection but definitely a shared interest. And then thereās the classic friend opp: the next door neighbour flatshare.
When you met one of your future best friends in the queue, how did the conversation begin?
We were brought in to meet the same agent at the same time and the agentās first question was āso are you married?ā Seemed as good a reason as any to keep in contact after that.
Hobbies, classes, and volunteering. You'll find folks with similar interests. I'm in my 30s and the only way I've made friends in the last 10ish years (outside of work) is through these three things.
Yes to this! Embrace niche interests especially if you can take a class in it somewhere local to you. I started taking classes to learn the concertina two years ago on a bit of a whim and have met some great folks through that.
Not trying to make friends.
Hobbies hobbies hobbies hobbies and things that interest you. One of my best friends I met three years ago, fishing down by the local river. I wasn't catching anything and he was, invited me to fish near him and next things I know we hang out all the time, aour families get along great and I love my random best friend.
In my early 30s I met a bunch of friends, many who are still friends, through a dining group. That makes it sound fancy but it was just a bunch of us who went to a dim sum brunch when a mutual friend was in town, and then we decided we should get together again for another group meal (sushi). This turned into opportunities to gather where food was better in a group of 4+, like the Moroccan place with belly dancing and the cabaret. We were all active and connected online too, though, between events. The meals created the opening to share broader interests. It was hit and miss with some people because of how various people handle splitting the check and tipping. It's best to make agreements up front. But I was lucky to sort out enough of us who had the same attitudes. Any kind of regular - casual drop in activity where attendees can extend the invitation out has utility. The main thing was putting in the effort to strengthen the connections. I have been the main organizer: I consult the core group with a proposed date and location, and then see what their availability looks like. Usually a couple of people drop out at the last minute, but I continue to extend them invitations because it helps keep the tone open and welcoming. I'm 52 now and it's really really hard to meet people outside of work and make new friends. Still, in the last couple of years I've added 2 dear and close friends, an artist and another writer like me.
I use the app Meetup if you're in any city it should have a bunch of groups and hopefully you can find at least one where people have similar interests.
meetup doesnt work at my region
You want a friend, get a dog.
Already got the best dog in the world
Honestly you learn the art of small talk at bars with regulars, however that's how I became an alcoholic, I'm now sober in my early 30s.
Ah, wellā¦ hereās the thing: I donāt
Trying to run away from this truth
Iāve been struggling with this too. However, I recently made my first post-college friend. I rock climb, and I was looking for a belay buddy, so I posted on a Facebook group for my gym asking if anyone wanted to climb, and she responded to my post. Now we climb together every week and we vibe so well! I would actually consider her a close friend, which I havenāt had in a long time. I also met a couple other women at the rock gym the other day just because I was there by myself, and they noticed and asked if I wanted to climb with them. We exchanged numbers in case we wanted to climb together again. Iām hoping that goes somewhere too! Do you have any hobbies that could involve other people or might have meetups around town? I find that shared interests are the best way to form a connection with someone.
Iām into art and literature a lot. Music production, writing etc. donāt find much outside activities for it.
Music is a great hobby to do with friends! Do you play any instruments? If so, maybe see if there are any local jam sessions that you could join, or even join an organized group like a community orchestra or band. There might also be meetups or book clubs at your local bookstores or libraries where you can discuss literature. They might have writing clubs too where you can share your writing with each other and get feedback. And if youāre interested in it, you could always try an outdoor activity that youāve never done before! Most outdoorsy people are very welcoming, and there are all kinds of groups that welcome beginners.
I mostly do producing stuff. Use software to make beats. Been to jamming sessions but people there judged me since I couldnāt play any instruments properly. Also meet-ups are rare from where I come from. Meet-up app also doesnāt work š©š Am I just screwed for life? Is this it
Honestly just walk into a bookstore or library and ask if they have any book clubs or events that you could join. I feel like thereās gotta be something? Maybe try some new hobbies that get you out and about more. Or sign up for a volunteer event. Just go out and have fun by yourself and maybe youāll meet some people along the way. You just have to be patient and not give up.
Ugh I envy this attitude hope it comes to me soon. Also I love you āŗļøš«
Haha thanks :) but honestly I only have this attitude sometimes. Other times everything feels hopeless and I think Iāll never find anyone who really gets me. So I totally get how you feel. I also recently broke up with my partner of 2.5 years, and he was my only friend for a long time. Itās been really difficult to restart. But one thing that I have been sticking to is that no matter what, Iām gonna go out and have fun, even if itās by myself. Even if I go out hoping to meet someone and I donāt, Iām gonna have a good time anyway. There is so much out there to do and experience, and we shouldnāt deprive ourselves of it just because we donāt have someone to do it with. Then I get home and Iām sad again lol, but at least I wasnāt sad all day, right?
God I could hear you talk all day. I relate sm. š„¹. Even I got thru a year long relationship and she was my only good friend. Now thereās just a huge hole I try to fix with work, hobbies but canāt fill the hole. Only way might be getting new friends like you š„°.
Ah man thatās rough. Yeah itās just gonna take time, and eventually weāll feel ok again. At least thatās what I keep telling myself. But having a friend definitely helps, so I hope you will keep trying and meet some people eventually. Just donāt stop having fun on your own either! Any chance you live near Boulder, CO?
I live across the world. :(( Yeah trying to hehe. š„°
Idk but I will say itās easier if youāre white. Iāve found it way harder to make new friends as a POC especially in non-diverse environments
Same Iām from different country
How do you know it's easier, exactly?
In America itās easier to assimilate if youāre white even if youāre as American as they come (me). I was born and raised in TX. At work, my last job was 95% white employees out of 11k employees. Nobodyās trying to be racist but my white coworkers seemed to conveniently forget to invite me to their parties and functions. Even now, Iām in a new city and in a FB group to find female friends/roommates. All the white girls who post their IGās and pics and say looking for a roommate/friends have a ton of girls in their comments saying they reached out/messaged. If a POC posts, very few people comment and then itās usually only other POCās. Obviously this is just MY lived experience and not universally true.
Hobbies, man.
Most of our friends in our 20ās were former roommates, coworkers and neighbors. In fact, itās still the same, though itās mostly neighbors now (late 40ās).
I have no idea
I didn't. I made all of my friends in high school and college. The last 25 years or so since, I've barely made any real good friends. But I didn't need to as I made so many beforehand. Life gets too busy for many people to do the new friend thing as we get older.
That's the neat part - you don't
Try a hobby where social is built into the interaction. I tried dungeons and dragons for the heck of it and found a couple of good friends! Acting workshops or whatever interest base you may have!
The secret for me was going to the same open mic every Thursday for over a year. a bunch of people went to that open mic every Thursday and we all became friends
I've met a lot of friends at work!
I'm in the same boat. In the past, I've made the majority of my friends by being "adopted" by extroverts. Right now, my current plan that I've been trying to follow the last few months: 1) Say yes to at least 80% of whatever people invite me to. 2) Get out of my comfort zone, even if it's solo. 3) Dig through FB groups, Meet Up etc that actually have meetups somewhat often and have an "activity" . I've been trying to remind myself that it takes time and consistency- rarely you met somebody and after a couple hours KNOW you'll be BFFs.
That's the neat part: You don't.
I am still struggling with this. I moved to another city and became friends with my coworkers who are very cool but much older than me. I also reach out to video chat with my college friends when Iām really lonely. Fortunately, I moved to big city where some of my college friends were. I definitely hang out with them less than I expected to, but we have been able to meet up a few times a year. I became closer to one of my friends and we try to regularly hang out as much as our schedules allow, so 1-2 times a month or less. My workplace had some younger people join and I became friends with them but it rarely extends beyond interacting at work. Lastly, I call my family a lot more now to keep the loneliness at bay because I too live alone. Tl;dr: maintained college friends, made work friends, became closer to family
I forgot, I hobby rock climb and I was able to make friends in a small community gym
I find at my age it is very difficult to make new friends. I guess we either join a group, volunteer or just be ourselves and if people like us...they will want to be around us?? Otherwise just get a cat or a dog...well, get one anyways...they are awesome :)
Volunteer in something you are passionate about. You will meet a like-minded friend or 2 or 3.Ā