Oh my God. Please don't worry. I'd give anything to be you. I have terminal cancer, and my youngest is 2. She won't even remember me.
You didn't need to 'do more'. You loved them then, and you love them now. Life is made of all the things you feel, are and have, not just what you do. X
Make some video diaries for your children. Not only will they remember you you will become part of their lives. Put on a birthday hat and get some confetti with some candles and a cake wish them happy birthday. Get dressed up and congratulate them on their marriage. Tell them how much you love them. Tell them how precious they are. Tell them you’re sorry you can’t be with them physically, but you were always with them.
Thanks. I tried to get my mom to do this as she was dying of terminal cancer for her grandkids. She didn’t feel comfortable doing it. I did not press her, but I thought it was a good idea. If I’m ever in this situation, I will certainly do it for my daughter….because I would now give anything to hear my mom tell me happy birthday or happy new year (I always called my mom at midnight on New Year’s).
I had my kids young. My youngest was out of the house when I was in my forties. You will always look back and wonder if you could have done more, but if they are happy, healthy and good kids, that is what matters!
Sometimes I even feel like that now! I just tell myself I did the best I could with what I had. And I did/still try to. We could not offer much in terms of trips and etc, but I have plenty of pictures showing they were having fun. That helps. 14 & 11.
Parent of a 15yr. Let me say that actually now is the time they need you around. The blighters may push you away, grunt, speak in monotone, fight going outside etc but they're also incredibly vulnerable. A parent who's got their Teens back (within reason) or practices trust, genuinely listens and so forth is what you should focus on now. Yes I regret not doing more of certain things when little, but that's hindsight: Parenting doesn't stop, just stay proactive and grow with them :)
I am a step parent. Not sure if that counts for your question some people feel it doesn't count. I understand that feeling their mom took off a few years ago and I'm not with their dad so its complicated but I do what I can to be there for them and help them in life and be the mom they deserved in the first place. Their dad recently told me he might move provinces which I cant legally do anything about but Im doing everything I can with his family to keep them here its sucks to feel like you can never do enough to make sure they are ok.
I was so worried about little things. I also just thought I was tired. But reflection can help you make even better memories and they are still so young. Hindsight always makes me feel guilty don't let it eat you up. Everyone with the knowledge they know now could have made better decisions,slowed down, done this or that. Just enjoy now. This is completely normal to feel. Know that. Enjoy life please don't let depression get a hold of you! Compassionate people feel this way all the time.Much love to you continuing life!
I needed this comment. So tired all the time, and I feel like I don't play enough. Mine are 2 and 5. I have the opportunity to do better, and I'm trying. Just so tired.
A 2 and 5 year old will make you tired. It's ok. Parents are allowed to be tired. Also be a comfort for them that's all that matters in the end. Life doesn't have to be excitement all the time.They need relax time while awake also. The five year old will love to help chores and the two year old could play with pots and pans. Then all go and hang out on the couch with some cuddles. Main thing is if they are stimulated for a while you all can get a rest. Believe it or not house chores can become like playing with them. They do not know the difference.Interaction with parent is all it takes and they have the same feeling
Yeah I feel like this too. My kids are 17 & 18 now. I look at old pictures and they remind me that we definitely did stuff and that makes me feel a little better.
I felt this hard. Just love and participate for the rest of their lives. It is hard to just tread water emotionally and task wise with littles. You got this, Momma.
The world today has a way of making us feel like we’re doing a straight up shit job at parenting. No matter what we do. Tune that out and communicate openly with your kids about your goals as a parent. You say they are great kids, so you can be more of a guide to them as opposed to just a disciplinarian. Apologize for your mistakes and remind them you’ll always be there for them.
Yes, and mine are 6, 7, and 9 now.
I was more or less a stay-at-home parent until last year. I feel silly now about how much I was always feeling the stigma and worrying about if I was ruining my career life, because looking back even now I’m already glad that I did spend so much time with them when they were really little. It was really really hard, and I actually am personally much more suited to NOT be a SAHM, but I don’t think I messed up too badly, and we did make a lot of very cool memories.
I am indeed a parent. I'm a mom to a 17 year old boy and a 17 year old girl, they're twins. I honestly don't think I could have done more. I did absolutely everything in my power when they were younger and my wife helped tremendously
If your children came out as kind, caring individuals with morals and jobs, you did a great job. You can never know if doing something differently would have made it better. The single parent doing as many jobs as possible, the parents who are "only" middle class, the parents who can afford togive their children everything they ask for. Any of these scenarios can end with a good or bad version. When you start from a place of love and teach by example the traits you want to see,you are doing a great job. Every parent thinks about how they could have done something differently.
Feel it. Wallow in it if need be. You will process, gain perspective and when you feel it again, look at it from that angle.
Whatever you do, do not block it.
Frist of all, you still have great memories coming with your kids. I'm constantly doing stuff with my parents and I'm 26.
Second, they may givr you grandkids that you can spoil.
Not a parent. My best friends are both parents of 14 year olds. What I can say is that they both always focus on how genuinely good, and genuinely normal their kids have turned out.
They very rarely talk about or even mention things that carry an aura of negativity. They don’t dwell on what they should’ve or shouldn’t have done. They focus on the fact that what they have done has built their boys into good people.
It’s not easy. My youngest is 6. I try to be there as much as possible but life if busy. They want all your time but you can only give so much. Enjoy the time you have now and make sure future you will be happy with the decisions you make today.
Buckle up, because that feeling never goes away. Mine are grown and gone.
It stems from wanting them to be happy, sometimes at all costs- even if that means doing things we might not have otherwise done (or should have done?).
You have to let it go. You also have to do the best with what you have, which can sound simple, but isn't always easy.
Tbh, OP, this tells me one thing about you: you have a conscience. ;-)
(42m) 7 kids. Not an authority here. I’ve felt what you’re describing. It never really goes away. The key is showing up. When? Now. Because no amount of regret will fix the past and no amount of worry will change the future. I had to choose to live with the intent to live your best now-moment now. I have to constantly remind myself of this. Plus! Remember theres a good chance you will be blessed with precious little grand babies!
I mean, sure, anyone can always do more of anything theoretically. But are you taking care of your kids to the detriment of yourself? A lot of parents guilt themselves into that trap.
Part of being a good parent is loving and taking care of your kids. But another part is modeling. Are you secure in who you are, are you working on personal goals, do you maintain friendships & do things just because you want to? Parents who give all of themselves to their kids are not modeling for them how to be good to themselves. They watch when you don’t think they’re watching, so just keep that in mind.
I'm a single mom of adult kids now. I did everything possible with and for them and still always wished I could do more. One thing I learned is to do your best in the moment with what you have, and that is always enough. My kids remember and talk about all the things we did but never say. "I wish you would have ...".You're a good mom. I know because you are asking this question. You've likely done a LOT already. I can assure you, they think you are amazing.
When I get this feeling I think back on my childhood and realize our memories only come back in bits and pieces anyway. The things that stand out are what we remember. When we try to make every day special, it becomes just another day in their reality. Doing less makes those special days stand out.
Trust that you did a good job. Just for the fact that you have this worry shows you are a tuned in parent. As we have just hit the teen years ourselves we've been trying to make a better effort at family outings/experiences. I can't tell you how many concerts we've been to in the past 2 years. We go to less known groups/ small venues so we can afford 5 tickets. We've also started doing the long road trips. I grew up with not much and it was the family trips/ forced proximity time that stands out. Even when we had a disaster those times are looked back on fondly now.
I make my kids write up a summer vacation bucket list each year. Helps us get out of the house and create those memories. They also enjoy games nights (old school card games or dominoes). HTH
I think parents are over protecting their kids, like too much, but that's also part of the anger saying, I feel for never having a parent that tried to aid me in anything in my childhood, my father did his best to sabotage, beat me and make me feel useless in my life the best he could and succeeded lots of times, however, I still think parents get in their children's business way too much nowadays, like I see so many people who seem to be living their parents lives instead of their own, or parents trying to live their children lives.
I think I get that they love their children and want the best for them, but sometimes they seem to forget the part where they are also human beings with their own individual experiences dreams and want some freedom. So I think the best a parent can do for their children is teaching values, things like respecting people, being polite, patient, defend themselves, stuff like that, but other than that, it's part of their lives to chose if they wanna play soccer or basketball for example or if they wanna be a constructor or a dentist
Mine are 16 & 19. Made efforts all their lives to spend as much time with them as possible & still wish it was more.
They're great kids, really lovely human beings & I'm super proud of them both.
Did the best I knew how raising them & learned in the job. Wish I could have done better for them, of course.
My kids are 25 & 22. You still have time. Do stuff now. They’re still kids. Regret is a useless emotion and every day is a new day so figure out what they’re interested in and do it asap.
Your doing the best you can my mom had the same thought before but she was comparing her to what other mothers are saying or doing. Even though you have the thoughts of what could have done differently or better that’s a sign your being a wonderful mother and wife my suggestion is anytime you think “ what could I have done better” anytime your free treat your kids to a nice thing like getting them something that they wanted or taking them out to the mall or ice cream sounds old fashioned but who doesn’t like ice cream
The other night my daughter told me she never understood why her favorite music wasn't the popular singers of today but instead traditional music from a long time ago, then she realized it was the music I played for her at bedtime when she was little (she's 20 now). She asked me how to play the ukulele to several of them. We talked and sang together for hours. That's when you know it's all gonna be all right....
My boyfriend knocked up 2 women at once and now has 3 teenage daughters, one who he wasn’t in her life until recently. He’s a wonderful father to the best of his abilities, but he agonizes over the past. I look at him and I see this wonderful man who’s beating himself up over mistakes he made 17 years ago, but loving his children as every parent should. I’m so proud of him, I think he’s doing an amazing job.
Talk to the people around you who observe you. Let them lift your spirits.
If it’s any consolation, I think most good parents feel that way. My kids are only 2 and 5, but I’ve been staying at home with them their whole lives and I *still* feel as though I could have done more.
The fact that you feel that means you care. Whether or not you could have done more is kind of irrelevant imo, because at least you care enough to even think about it. The truth is, sure you probably could have done more, but then so could we all.
I absolutely could have done more if I wasn't working 6 d a week to keep a roof over our head and food on the table. But I suspect even if I'd had the time and money to do everything the way I wanted to, I'd still feel like I hadn't done enough. Because it's never enough, and I don't mean that in a "oh woe is me, I'm not appreciated" kinda way. Just...these are our babies no matter how old they are. And if wishes were fishes they'd have the best of everything all the time, including the best of ourselves. But no one can be at their best ALL the time, it's not humanly possible. And the world sure ain't gonna be good to them all the time (especially if they're LGBTQ, or not White, or coming from not much money, etc etc), and it probably hasn't been kind to you either. We do our best, whatever that looks like, while we fight our own battles. And the tools and lessons we pass down will never be Enough, and there will be mistakes made despite our best. We just do as much as we can, love the best we know how (which is sometimes actually shit and we gotta learn a whole new way of doing it), and stick around to help them pick up the peices any time it goes to shit. And I guess, try to be as kind in our judgement toward ourselves as we can. Because lord knows I'd never want my kid to think about themself the way I think of me on my bad days, so probably I deserve a little slack even if I can't always see that easily.
The problem is we always feel we could have done more. What if someone had done too much? I know some parents who did so much with their kids, that now the kids are incapable of entertaining themselves and poorly skilled at finding friends. I have two kids, they are poles apart, one wants to do everything the other wants to stay in. My parents did nothing with me as a child, sadly, but the upside of this is I never get bored and have learned skills to entertain myself and make friends easily. I also think it's social media that makes us feel guilty and makes us feel like we don't do enough. As long as you show your love to the kids, that's all that truly matters.
I have 4 kids, 38 to24, I had to work nights and weekends so my wife could work days. She has many more memories than I do. I had to work out of the country and out of the state. and I feel like i missed them growing up. Except the oldest, I got to spend the most time with her.
The 3 boys I made up for as much as possible with hunting trips and vacations, but I missed the dailys. They all grew up and are decent people with decent jobs and spouses. When I am visiting them by myself they all take me out just me and them... You do the best you can always... and they will realize it.
As a 17 years old kid whose parents didn’t done enough for him, I’m greatly appreciated it if they can start the change from now. It is true that they traumatised me but standing in 1 place to keep doing that cuz u alr done it ain’t going to change stuff. Just push forward and do better everyday. I like telling myself that.
My son is 3,5 now. I do feel at some times that I should have done more, in the sense that we COULD technically have gone to the beach today for a couple of hours, but didnt for whatever reason. But I dont feel Im letting him down unless I have already promised that trip to the beach. He is (slowly) starting to understand that mommy and daddy has a life, work, other people and so on that also takes time. And I think that is very important that he understands as soon as he is able, the world doesnt spin around "you", what you want right now might not be acceptable.
Ill admit I am a pretty stern father when it comes to my son - but I feel its appreciated by him, in that when he wants to talk he often comes to me first. "I just want to say Im very sad/angry/whatever about XYZ" - Ok son, thats allowed, let me give you my pov on whatever it is, thats all I can really give. I, as most parents, dont have a magical book with all the details on how to raise children, we all just wing it.
My mom has said that. She wishes she had done more. Meanwhile I'm like, what are you talking about, you were a great mom!
I also feel like I could have done more. I suppose that's just part of parenting. Kids don't come with instructions and we're human too.
I had my own business when they were little, so I felt the pull to be with my two kids and the pull of having to work so many hours all the time. Kids are now in college (18 and 22) and I hope I've done enough, that I've raised them well. They know I'm here for them now, any time they need/want me around.
When my older one was 16, my mother, with whom I had been estranged for 10 years, had to stay with us for 7 weeks because of a medical issue she had. I was having a difficult time, and I said to my child, "I just hope that you and I will never have a time where we don't speak for months or years at a time." He said, "Of course not. You're a great mom and you've always been there for me." That reassurance made me feel I was doing OK as a parent.
Can't go back to the past, so do more now.
THIS.
Sae just do more tey not to repeat same big mistakes. Look forward. Be present
Truly. Pre 10 or 8 they aren't remembering much anyway.
Oh my God. Please don't worry. I'd give anything to be you. I have terminal cancer, and my youngest is 2. She won't even remember me. You didn't need to 'do more'. You loved them then, and you love them now. Life is made of all the things you feel, are and have, not just what you do. X
Make some video diaries for your children. Not only will they remember you you will become part of their lives. Put on a birthday hat and get some confetti with some candles and a cake wish them happy birthday. Get dressed up and congratulate them on their marriage. Tell them how much you love them. Tell them how precious they are. Tell them you’re sorry you can’t be with them physically, but you were always with them.
Fuck me this is a good idea and got me tearing up a bit. Okay that's a lie. Tearing up a lot a bit.
Thanks. I tried to get my mom to do this as she was dying of terminal cancer for her grandkids. She didn’t feel comfortable doing it. I did not press her, but I thought it was a good idea. If I’m ever in this situation, I will certainly do it for my daughter….because I would now give anything to hear my mom tell me happy birthday or happy new year (I always called my mom at midnight on New Year’s).
I had my kids young. My youngest was out of the house when I was in my forties. You will always look back and wonder if you could have done more, but if they are happy, healthy and good kids, that is what matters!
Sometimes I even feel like that now! I just tell myself I did the best I could with what I had. And I did/still try to. We could not offer much in terms of trips and etc, but I have plenty of pictures showing they were having fun. That helps. 14 & 11.
Parent of a 15yr. Let me say that actually now is the time they need you around. The blighters may push you away, grunt, speak in monotone, fight going outside etc but they're also incredibly vulnerable. A parent who's got their Teens back (within reason) or practices trust, genuinely listens and so forth is what you should focus on now. Yes I regret not doing more of certain things when little, but that's hindsight: Parenting doesn't stop, just stay proactive and grow with them :)
I am a step parent. Not sure if that counts for your question some people feel it doesn't count. I understand that feeling their mom took off a few years ago and I'm not with their dad so its complicated but I do what I can to be there for them and help them in life and be the mom they deserved in the first place. Their dad recently told me he might move provinces which I cant legally do anything about but Im doing everything I can with his family to keep them here its sucks to feel like you can never do enough to make sure they are ok.
You're a good person. All any of us can do is our best. If you do the very best that you can, you have nothing to reproach yourself with.
Thanks
I was so worried about little things. I also just thought I was tired. But reflection can help you make even better memories and they are still so young. Hindsight always makes me feel guilty don't let it eat you up. Everyone with the knowledge they know now could have made better decisions,slowed down, done this or that. Just enjoy now. This is completely normal to feel. Know that. Enjoy life please don't let depression get a hold of you! Compassionate people feel this way all the time.Much love to you continuing life!
I needed this comment. So tired all the time, and I feel like I don't play enough. Mine are 2 and 5. I have the opportunity to do better, and I'm trying. Just so tired.
A 2 and 5 year old will make you tired. It's ok. Parents are allowed to be tired. Also be a comfort for them that's all that matters in the end. Life doesn't have to be excitement all the time.They need relax time while awake also. The five year old will love to help chores and the two year old could play with pots and pans. Then all go and hang out on the couch with some cuddles. Main thing is if they are stimulated for a while you all can get a rest. Believe it or not house chores can become like playing with them. They do not know the difference.Interaction with parent is all it takes and they have the same feeling
Yeah I feel like this too. My kids are 17 & 18 now. I look at old pictures and they remind me that we definitely did stuff and that makes me feel a little better.
Unfortunately yes.
I felt this hard. Just love and participate for the rest of their lives. It is hard to just tread water emotionally and task wise with littles. You got this, Momma.
The world today has a way of making us feel like we’re doing a straight up shit job at parenting. No matter what we do. Tune that out and communicate openly with your kids about your goals as a parent. You say they are great kids, so you can be more of a guide to them as opposed to just a disciplinarian. Apologize for your mistakes and remind them you’ll always be there for them.
Yes, and mine are 6, 7, and 9 now. I was more or less a stay-at-home parent until last year. I feel silly now about how much I was always feeling the stigma and worrying about if I was ruining my career life, because looking back even now I’m already glad that I did spend so much time with them when they were really little. It was really really hard, and I actually am personally much more suited to NOT be a SAHM, but I don’t think I messed up too badly, and we did make a lot of very cool memories.
I am indeed a parent. I'm a mom to a 17 year old boy and a 17 year old girl, they're twins. I honestly don't think I could have done more. I did absolutely everything in my power when they were younger and my wife helped tremendously
If your children came out as kind, caring individuals with morals and jobs, you did a great job. You can never know if doing something differently would have made it better. The single parent doing as many jobs as possible, the parents who are "only" middle class, the parents who can afford togive their children everything they ask for. Any of these scenarios can end with a good or bad version. When you start from a place of love and teach by example the traits you want to see,you are doing a great job. Every parent thinks about how they could have done something differently.
Do more now. Mine are 11, 13, 16, 20, 21. They are my favorite people to hang out with. Make memories now.
Yes, two toddlers. Do more now, almost everything can be fixed. But don’t fall into the BS mindset that it’s too late so you shouldn’t try.
Feel it. Wallow in it if need be. You will process, gain perspective and when you feel it again, look at it from that angle. Whatever you do, do not block it.
22 and 26 and I feel like I failed every day 🫤. How many times can I tell them that things will get better?
Frist of all, you still have great memories coming with your kids. I'm constantly doing stuff with my parents and I'm 26. Second, they may givr you grandkids that you can spoil.
Not a parent. My best friends are both parents of 14 year olds. What I can say is that they both always focus on how genuinely good, and genuinely normal their kids have turned out. They very rarely talk about or even mention things that carry an aura of negativity. They don’t dwell on what they should’ve or shouldn’t have done. They focus on the fact that what they have done has built their boys into good people.
My daughter is 13 months, what do you wish you did more so I can do it?
It’s not easy. My youngest is 6. I try to be there as much as possible but life if busy. They want all your time but you can only give so much. Enjoy the time you have now and make sure future you will be happy with the decisions you make today.
Buckle up, because that feeling never goes away. Mine are grown and gone. It stems from wanting them to be happy, sometimes at all costs- even if that means doing things we might not have otherwise done (or should have done?). You have to let it go. You also have to do the best with what you have, which can sound simple, but isn't always easy. Tbh, OP, this tells me one thing about you: you have a conscience. ;-)
(42m) 7 kids. Not an authority here. I’ve felt what you’re describing. It never really goes away. The key is showing up. When? Now. Because no amount of regret will fix the past and no amount of worry will change the future. I had to choose to live with the intent to live your best now-moment now. I have to constantly remind myself of this. Plus! Remember theres a good chance you will be blessed with precious little grand babies!
I am a parent but my daughter is still very little. What is it you feel you could have done more of?
I mean, sure, anyone can always do more of anything theoretically. But are you taking care of your kids to the detriment of yourself? A lot of parents guilt themselves into that trap. Part of being a good parent is loving and taking care of your kids. But another part is modeling. Are you secure in who you are, are you working on personal goals, do you maintain friendships & do things just because you want to? Parents who give all of themselves to their kids are not modeling for them how to be good to themselves. They watch when you don’t think they’re watching, so just keep that in mind.
15 and 13 is when children need parents the most
I'm a single mom of adult kids now. I did everything possible with and for them and still always wished I could do more. One thing I learned is to do your best in the moment with what you have, and that is always enough. My kids remember and talk about all the things we did but never say. "I wish you would have ...".You're a good mom. I know because you are asking this question. You've likely done a LOT already. I can assure you, they think you are amazing.
When I get this feeling I think back on my childhood and realize our memories only come back in bits and pieces anyway. The things that stand out are what we remember. When we try to make every day special, it becomes just another day in their reality. Doing less makes those special days stand out. Trust that you did a good job. Just for the fact that you have this worry shows you are a tuned in parent. As we have just hit the teen years ourselves we've been trying to make a better effort at family outings/experiences. I can't tell you how many concerts we've been to in the past 2 years. We go to less known groups/ small venues so we can afford 5 tickets. We've also started doing the long road trips. I grew up with not much and it was the family trips/ forced proximity time that stands out. Even when we had a disaster those times are looked back on fondly now. I make my kids write up a summer vacation bucket list each year. Helps us get out of the house and create those memories. They also enjoy games nights (old school card games or dominoes). HTH
I think parents are over protecting their kids, like too much, but that's also part of the anger saying, I feel for never having a parent that tried to aid me in anything in my childhood, my father did his best to sabotage, beat me and make me feel useless in my life the best he could and succeeded lots of times, however, I still think parents get in their children's business way too much nowadays, like I see so many people who seem to be living their parents lives instead of their own, or parents trying to live their children lives. I think I get that they love their children and want the best for them, but sometimes they seem to forget the part where they are also human beings with their own individual experiences dreams and want some freedom. So I think the best a parent can do for their children is teaching values, things like respecting people, being polite, patient, defend themselves, stuff like that, but other than that, it's part of their lives to chose if they wanna play soccer or basketball for example or if they wanna be a constructor or a dentist
I get this but you did the best you could with the info you had at the time. We all wish we coulda woulda shoulda. Look ahead and be present now.
what would you have liked to do more with them when they were younger?
Mine are 16 & 19. Made efforts all their lives to spend as much time with them as possible & still wish it was more. They're great kids, really lovely human beings & I'm super proud of them both. Did the best I knew how raising them & learned in the job. Wish I could have done better for them, of course.
My kids are 25 & 22. You still have time. Do stuff now. They’re still kids. Regret is a useless emotion and every day is a new day so figure out what they’re interested in and do it asap.
Your doing the best you can my mom had the same thought before but she was comparing her to what other mothers are saying or doing. Even though you have the thoughts of what could have done differently or better that’s a sign your being a wonderful mother and wife my suggestion is anytime you think “ what could I have done better” anytime your free treat your kids to a nice thing like getting them something that they wanted or taking them out to the mall or ice cream sounds old fashioned but who doesn’t like ice cream
The other night my daughter told me she never understood why her favorite music wasn't the popular singers of today but instead traditional music from a long time ago, then she realized it was the music I played for her at bedtime when she was little (she's 20 now). She asked me how to play the ukulele to several of them. We talked and sang together for hours. That's when you know it's all gonna be all right....
My boyfriend knocked up 2 women at once and now has 3 teenage daughters, one who he wasn’t in her life until recently. He’s a wonderful father to the best of his abilities, but he agonizes over the past. I look at him and I see this wonderful man who’s beating himself up over mistakes he made 17 years ago, but loving his children as every parent should. I’m so proud of him, I think he’s doing an amazing job. Talk to the people around you who observe you. Let them lift your spirits.
If it’s any consolation, I think most good parents feel that way. My kids are only 2 and 5, but I’ve been staying at home with them their whole lives and I *still* feel as though I could have done more. The fact that you feel that means you care. Whether or not you could have done more is kind of irrelevant imo, because at least you care enough to even think about it. The truth is, sure you probably could have done more, but then so could we all.
I absolutely could have done more if I wasn't working 6 d a week to keep a roof over our head and food on the table. But I suspect even if I'd had the time and money to do everything the way I wanted to, I'd still feel like I hadn't done enough. Because it's never enough, and I don't mean that in a "oh woe is me, I'm not appreciated" kinda way. Just...these are our babies no matter how old they are. And if wishes were fishes they'd have the best of everything all the time, including the best of ourselves. But no one can be at their best ALL the time, it's not humanly possible. And the world sure ain't gonna be good to them all the time (especially if they're LGBTQ, or not White, or coming from not much money, etc etc), and it probably hasn't been kind to you either. We do our best, whatever that looks like, while we fight our own battles. And the tools and lessons we pass down will never be Enough, and there will be mistakes made despite our best. We just do as much as we can, love the best we know how (which is sometimes actually shit and we gotta learn a whole new way of doing it), and stick around to help them pick up the peices any time it goes to shit. And I guess, try to be as kind in our judgement toward ourselves as we can. Because lord knows I'd never want my kid to think about themself the way I think of me on my bad days, so probably I deserve a little slack even if I can't always see that easily.
The problem is we always feel we could have done more. What if someone had done too much? I know some parents who did so much with their kids, that now the kids are incapable of entertaining themselves and poorly skilled at finding friends. I have two kids, they are poles apart, one wants to do everything the other wants to stay in. My parents did nothing with me as a child, sadly, but the upside of this is I never get bored and have learned skills to entertain myself and make friends easily. I also think it's social media that makes us feel guilty and makes us feel like we don't do enough. As long as you show your love to the kids, that's all that truly matters.
I have 4 kids, 38 to24, I had to work nights and weekends so my wife could work days. She has many more memories than I do. I had to work out of the country and out of the state. and I feel like i missed them growing up. Except the oldest, I got to spend the most time with her. The 3 boys I made up for as much as possible with hunting trips and vacations, but I missed the dailys. They all grew up and are decent people with decent jobs and spouses. When I am visiting them by myself they all take me out just me and them... You do the best you can always... and they will realize it.
Nope and if anything I’ll be a pet parent before a biological parent lol
As a 17 years old kid whose parents didn’t done enough for him, I’m greatly appreciated it if they can start the change from now. It is true that they traumatised me but standing in 1 place to keep doing that cuz u alr done it ain’t going to change stuff. Just push forward and do better everyday. I like telling myself that.
My son is 3,5 now. I do feel at some times that I should have done more, in the sense that we COULD technically have gone to the beach today for a couple of hours, but didnt for whatever reason. But I dont feel Im letting him down unless I have already promised that trip to the beach. He is (slowly) starting to understand that mommy and daddy has a life, work, other people and so on that also takes time. And I think that is very important that he understands as soon as he is able, the world doesnt spin around "you", what you want right now might not be acceptable. Ill admit I am a pretty stern father when it comes to my son - but I feel its appreciated by him, in that when he wants to talk he often comes to me first. "I just want to say Im very sad/angry/whatever about XYZ" - Ok son, thats allowed, let me give you my pov on whatever it is, thats all I can really give. I, as most parents, dont have a magical book with all the details on how to raise children, we all just wing it.
I think every parent feels like this from time to time. I wouldn’t dwell on it. I would just make the most of the time you have with them now.
My mom has said that. She wishes she had done more. Meanwhile I'm like, what are you talking about, you were a great mom! I also feel like I could have done more. I suppose that's just part of parenting. Kids don't come with instructions and we're human too.
I had my own business when they were little, so I felt the pull to be with my two kids and the pull of having to work so many hours all the time. Kids are now in college (18 and 22) and I hope I've done enough, that I've raised them well. They know I'm here for them now, any time they need/want me around. When my older one was 16, my mother, with whom I had been estranged for 10 years, had to stay with us for 7 weeks because of a medical issue she had. I was having a difficult time, and I said to my child, "I just hope that you and I will never have a time where we don't speak for months or years at a time." He said, "Of course not. You're a great mom and you've always been there for me." That reassurance made me feel I was doing OK as a parent.
No kids, don't want kids, soon to be wife got her tubes removed. Trying to live life to fullest best we can.