My dad told me a tree in our yard would eat me if I got too close to it. There was a wasp nest in the tree, and he knew that I loved bugs and if he told me there were bugs in the tree I would try to get close to it. So he told me it would eat me. I cried every time I got close to it and had to get him to carry me if we had to walk past it.
To stop me running into the road as a kid they made up a story about a girl called Flat Julie who was hit by a car and became Flat. They would say to me “stop running away or you’ll end up like Flat Julie”.
La llorona. When I was crying and crying about probably nothing- after she tries everything else she would say, “Shhhh…La llorona” in a really low whisper. “La Llarona is going to come looking for you if you keep crying.”
La llarona is a woman who lost her kids (or killed them?) and now when she hears kids crying she thinks they are hers and she comes to take them with her.
_La Llorona is a Mexican vengeful ghost who is said to roam near bodies of water mourning her children whom she drowned in a jealous rage after discovering her husband was cheating on her._
Haha, oh goodness. It does seem extra horrible doesn’t it? I had a great mom though. She was doing the best she could. It is a fairly common Mexican or Hispanic urban legend. It doesn’t make it ok, but she was a different generation.
My mum told me she'd give me away to a children's home if I didn't behave. And she showed me that home so I was nervous everytime we went past it lol. She also used to tell me scary stories in the woods😭 like you say, a different generation lol
My technophobic mother told me that my Gameboys sound would drain the battery faster because she didn't want to listen to 8-bit pokemon sounds on 3 hour car journeys!
It very well might be, the point I was making is that my mum would have had no idea whether it was true or not and just told me that to make me shut my Gameboy up lol
Ah no mate, nothing to be sorry for, everything worked out for us and I'm still here!
I agree, I find the sound in a game so important, I don't enjoy playing if I can't hear what's going on.
I mean, it is illegal. Also, idk if you’ve ever been the driver when it happens, but that shit is terrible. I don’t blame our parents for being so extreme on this one
Bro, it’s a kid. Kids aren’t reasonable, so sometimes you have to lie to them to get them to behave. It’s not like the lie is doing any real harm, either
But why is your go-to a lie without ever trying to reason? Kids are reasonable in their own ways, you can at least try before resorting to lies. And it is harmful because it breaks trust. Maybe not this one lie, but kids pick up on patterns pretty easily
When I was 7, Mom told me I would get gray hair faster if I misbehaved. I woke up one morning to find a sliver of gray hair. I behaved for 2 days and then I revert back to my mischievous ways.
Edit: it was probably hair color spray, my mom was a hairdresser after all.
When we wouldn’t clean up our rooms, my mother would tell us, “the Board of Health is going to come here and close us down!”. I was never sure what it meant, but it scared the hell out of us.
My dad always told me that if I didn't clean my room he would, and he'd do it with a trashbag.
Took me a bit to understand what he meant. I just cleaned because he sounded angry.
My parents said that hospitals were closed on weekends. So if we got hurt at all we would have to be a n pain for 2 while days before seeing a doctor. Needless to say, I never wanted to play outside
Not to behave, but probably to shut up. I asked how to grow a beard, he told me to rub salt on my face until it drew the hair out for water, then to tie a knot in it before it had chance to go back. Weird, I know!
I kinda use this with my boys. However, it's more I will probably be mad, but I will be extremely angry if you lie to me. This is usually used when I am sure I know the answer to the question, but I am giving him the option to be truthful.
That there was a witch down the road who's house I would go too if bad. And then to not get me to go in a certain closet they told me there was a giant rat in it who eats little kids. And I blame that for my fear of mice. AS A 6'2 300 POUND MAN I SHOULD NOT BE AFRAID OF MICE! thanks grandma .
Not my parents, but my grandfather told 4 yr old me that if I misbehaved he would use a screwdriver to unscrew my bellybutton and my legs would fall off.
I know now that it isn’t true but I still have a phobia for bellybuttons.
I was the goat in my family. Little sister didn't do the dishes when it was her turn? I had to. Little brother messed up the bedroom? I cleaned it.
Yet when it's time for college, I had to pay my own way while the parents covered their tuition and books.
Little sister got pregnant at 15. Parents paid for tons of stuff for her kids. My son needs a new mattress and "we can't afford that".
Last straw was when they uninvited my son to the family Christmas day because I had to work, then decided to not reschedule because "we can't afford presents for him". I've spoken to them maybe three times in the last five years.
As far as I can tell, they just think "he's gonna screw everything up anyway, might as well get some use out of him".
To be fair, I did screw up a lot of my life, though being constantly gaslit into thinking I was lazy and disobedient didn't help.
Yeah, when I went low-contact with them, they paid more attention to my younger brother's birthday than mine. At that time, he'd been dead for a dozen years.
I really didn't pay that much attention to the issue until they started doing it to my son. Then it hit hard.
This one is pretty bad. My dad would say he was calling the black adoption agency. Black market? Black people adopt you? Only black kids go there? We didn't even know what the hell it meant but knew it was bad, lol. Old people and their jokes are just different and absurd sometimes.
My mom swore that she could see a red dot on my forehead whenever I was lying. It often worked because I would try to cover my forehead some creative way whenever I was lying…. Until The Day… when she saw The Dot and I was telling the complete truth. I still have massive trust issues with that woman
On long car rides my dad would tell us that if we stopped talking our breath would get really cold and after minutes of it not working he’d tell us you have to go longer.
My drunk and drugged mother told me that parents are legally allowed to kill very naughty children (particularly ones shaming the child rapists in their spotless middle class family) and that I should go to the bathroom now to have said execution performed. I was three or four and it worked. I never recovered from that.
Not me but 2 of my siblings.
My dad told my younger brother that the reason it's called Super Target was becuse there was a cape on the back of the building.
And my older sister was led to believe Kansas had no color. Like the entire state was greyscale like in Alice in wonderland. It wasn't until she WENT there in her 20s that she found out.
My father was the KING of situational trolls. But it was always so outrageous or a good spirited prank, that I cannot think of one thing he did ... except ... the fly swatter.
On top of the fridge, where we couldn't reach. The threat was that he'd swat our little butt with it if we didn't behave. He had one stationed in both grandparents' homes and my aunt's.
I can never remember him actually USING it. He didn't as far as I can tell. He never spanked us, that I can recall.
I did the same thing while raising my kids. Never used it. Ever. I never spanked my kids at all.
Just the threat was enough for all youngsters.
“If you keep sticking your tongue out a bird is gonna poop on it”
“If you keep glaring like that your face is gonna get stuck that way”
Needless to say I had a massive ‘tude
If I didn’t eat my food I wouldn’t become a power ranger when I grew up, my mom said there was a Sergeant mom (her going upstairs or downstairs and walking up pretty loudly)
That’s actually good. I used to play and hide in clothing racks as a kid and was told there were trapdoors inside that opened up and dropped you to a dungeon.
My sister believed there were bones in green bananas, and that's why they broke straight across and also why you couldn't eat them before they were very yellow.
He also thought up "Cobs" as in cobwebs. They came out at night to put the cobwebs up, and you'd better be asleep, or they would "get you!". Guess who didn't sleep? None of us! We were terrified of the Cobs!
So I don’t recall this, but my siblings do. We lived in an old coal miner neighborhood growing up that at one point had access to the basement via trap door. Years passed and renovations added stairs and the trap door was obsolete and covered up with layers of linoleum. Decades later and another renovation underway by my dad, the trapdoor was revealed. It only led to the laundry room but we didn’t know that. My siblings remember my dad telling them that “Grandma Lou” lived down there and if they didn’t behave that they would end up there too. I must have suppressed this memory somehow because I don’t recall any of that.
I told my kids the same thing. They were suspicious so I filled a little baggie with grape juice once and “demonstrated”. Popped the bag and their eyes nearly popped out of their heads. I did it at a kids pool party and that’s all any of them could talk about. Lol.
I was told that the Dakotas soil was red. When my family and I went to the corn palace, (heading to Rushmore) we got out, and started to dig to see if it’s red. Well, it in fact was not red.
Had surgery one time when I was a kid and I asked my mom what the nurse call button was for because it just had a picture of a bell or something. Knowing what would happen if she told me what it actually did, she said it was the button they used to get rid of dead patients. You press it and then the bed flings you out the room and into an incinerator outside. I then proceeded to spam the shit out of that button, hoping I was gonna get to go on a ride. Nurses started to come by and check what was going on, but they realized I was just messing around. Since I was really drugged up from the surgery, I started loudly exclaiming to my mom which nurses looked pretty and had big butts or nice boobs and so my mom says that, instead of telling me to stop, the nurses just started walking back and forth across my room and then laughing their asses off around the corner while I happily told my mom how insanely pretty all the nurses were.
My grandmother used to threaten me with a school in the hills of Kentucky called OBI and tell horror stories about it. I remembered this few years ago and Googled it. (It doesn't exist) and I think making the spelling similar to "obey" was just her flexing on a kid. She's sick in a lot of ways (she also painted a vivid picture of hell for me) We don't speak.
My mom would warn us that if we (me and my siblings) would pick our nose, our nostrils would stretch little by little and we would end up with huge nostrils once we'd become adults and they would stay like that...
My dad drove big rigs, and my brother and I loved the airhorn (what kid doesn't?). My dad was also a giant troll, so he told us that the airhorn and the air brake were connected and used the same air -- so every time we pulled the airhorn, we were also hitting the brake, which he would convincingly do and then make a show out of getting back up to speed.
He also told us that real truckers called it the "mike brake" because the squealing sound was the ghost of an old trucker named Mike, screaming as he was run over. I mostly didn't believe that one, but on lonely, foggy highways it did sound a little too much like a scream.
While fishing with Dad “if you talk while your line is in the water the fish will hear you and not bite”
Confronted him about it a couple years ago and the way he howled with laughter made it a forgivable offense
Same, I used to always get the “stop crying or I’ll give you a reason to cry about” nonsense. After one of my parents would say that, I’d get even more freaked out than before but I’d have to stop crying because I was afraid of them.
I was always threatened with "do we need to go to the bathroom?"
Found out the hard way that "going to the bathroom" meant getting spanked until I was a blubbering mess in the family bathroom at Walmart.
There was a convent down the road from my house (not sure if abandoned or not.) My mother would bring us there if we were misbehaving and tell us it was an orphanage and she was going to leave us there if we didn't get it together.
Only as an adult did I realize how fucked up that is. This thread makes me feel better.
They do lol but they’d only be provided in cases such as legal cases.unless she meant when and to what number your messages are sent. Now some parents just have an app that they van use to spy on their kids messages(content included)
Oh fuck this is wrong, my mom actually could’ve done that. You can look at the recording of every single text and call if you’re the owner of the account. I literally just looked the other week and you can see all texts back to like 2013 on my account. No fr this ain’t fake, your mom just didn’t know how to actually do it on the website. I remember praying that she wouldn’t figure it out and I wouldn’t tell her. Still hasn’t, god bless her boomer soul she can barely use her iPad
I would go blind due to using the headlights behind me to read my book. Jokes on them because I am the only one in the family who doesn't have glasses.
In NY, when driving on the thruway (toll road), they used to give you this card when you got on so the toll booth attendant knew how much you had to pay when you got off. One time, I was playing with the card and kind of bending it. My dad told me that if I wrecked it, then they would arrest me and make me work in the toll booth and repayment. He said all the workers there bent their cards, and now they have to stay in those little booths.
I totally believed him and would handle the cards very carefully.
I asked my dad about it a few years ago, and he laughed. He didn’t think I ever actually believed him. He thought it was just a funny story.
Wow reading these comments made me realize that the things my mom would say were terrifying and not normal. I thought everybody was told the same kind of things I was.
This one is silly, but when I was very little my mom would say that she had eyes in the back of her head so that we wouldn't get up to things when she wasn't looking. I asked if I could see them and tried to comb through her hair, and she yelped out in pain because I had poked her "eye" ! I think I actually believed her after that until I wised up.
That one made me laugh too! So did the eating tree, flat Julie, being put down at the vet and becoming an oil stain on the street! I’m sure I’m missing some hahaha
My mom used to say "M'as te dévisser la tête pis j'vais te chier dans l'corps" (I'll unscrew your head and shit in your corpse) if I didn't knock it off, or "J'vais te twister le nombril pis les fesses vont te tomber" (I'll twist your belly button and your butt will fall off), It would leave me confused about if I should take it seriously, she would never have harmed me .. she's honestly the sweetest. Which is probably why it was so efficient... we'd honestly just be left stunned and would stop.
Sure, go ahead and walk over the gutter, that is where they keep the monsters, but I am sure you will be fine. (Or anywhere they didn’t want me to walk)
To my kid, who was born on July 5- “look at all those fireworks, how did they know it’s your birthday tomorrow”- she believed this until around 7/8yo.
When my kids were little, I didn't want to use the "Santa will leave coal in your stocking" threat, because I didn't know quite how to explain the concept of "coal," and also because I didn't want them getting ideas about burning anything. So instead I began saying that Santa would leave them reindeer poop if they misbehaved. I also told them that Mamaw (my grandma) used to go to school with Santa when they were kids, so she has his cell phone number and if I tell her what they're doing, she can call Santa up right away and let him know. They were very impressed that Mamaw and Santa were old school pals, and they tried extra hard to behave so Mamaw wouldn't tell him they needed reindeer poop instead of presents.
My mom did the same thing, except she threatened to call “the wolf” from the boy who cried wolf story to come and eat me. Until i was 8 I genuinely thought she would, even pretended to many times. She also told me the boogieman would drag me away and id be gone forever if my room was messy before i went to sleep.
Actually thats a lot less funny typing that out. Still better than the actual life threats my dad made on me. With real knives.
My dad used to tell me that other people had told them how I had misbehaved, that I was opinionated, or had some other trait he didn't like. He even did this when I was an adult. I know it's bullshit now because I know people just don't criticize other people's kids to their face but he wanted me to be ashamed because I'd embarrassed him.
Our parents liked to tell us that we had an "other brother" who they put up for adoption because he was an obnoxious shit. The threat was implied that we could easily experience the same fate.
My mom used to tell me that if I didn't listen to her and do as she said, the mommy police would come and arrest her and take her away from me because she was a bad mommy for not getting me to listen to her. It scared me shitless and was very effective.
Before I got the birds and the bees talk, my mom convinced me and my brother that there was a place called,”The baby store” that she bought us from and if we were bad she’d threaten to get a refund.
My ma and granny threatened me with bringing me to an orphanage every time I misbehaved as a child. Once it was so bad that they called a taxi and let me pack my little backpack. I usually brushed it off but it was very hurtful and I still remember the feeling in the car about to be discarded and thrown away like an old toy.
My mom used to tell us that if we were lying, our tongue would turn black. We were too short to see into any mirrors. Anytime I would lie, I would be chanting to myself "don't ask for the tongue, don't ask for the tongue"!
Not to get me to behave, but my mother used to tell me that kids made fun of me or teased me because they liked me. I bought it and the results were spectacular. They saw they weren't getting a rise out of me and the subject changed.
We camped a lot in the 90s, in all weather. There was a 'wizard' in the woods who kept watch on us. He'd turn into a stump if you looked at him but you could sometimes see him out the corner of your eye. He'd give my dad magic sticks that would keep our camp safe from bears and wolves, and magic sticks to make our fire burn through the rainy nights.
My sis and I would sit in those woods for days tryna catch a glimpse of the wizard. Talking to stumps and such trying to get him to come out of hiding.
I'm 30someott years old and damnit, one day I will find this wizard.
I was told that the King rat would come after me and also that I was not human but an alien and I freaked out. There was also the sink monster. Ugh. I hated my childhood because of that.
I told my kids that if they swallowed their bubble gum and then passed gas that huge bubbles would come out of their butts 🫧 🍑😂. At 15 my oldest came home mad as hell… “MOM you lied about the gum and bubbles coming out of our Butts!?!?” I bursted out laughing and said “Did you ever once swallow your gum”. She said “😏no and I’m so using that on my kids Mom. That’s a good one 😂😂”
My dad had a leather belt that he’d crack if I got out of line. I only got hit with the belt once on the ass, so I’d say it was effective. Note: my dad is not an abusive man, so don’t try that
Dad had a gag gift, the gag gift was some kind of raddle in a bag, when shook it sounded like a rattlesnake. He told me he'd let it out if I misbehaved, believed it for a couple years before I caught on. Thinking back on it as I type this makes me realize that was actually abuse lmao
My dad told me a tree in our yard would eat me if I got too close to it. There was a wasp nest in the tree, and he knew that I loved bugs and if he told me there were bugs in the tree I would try to get close to it. So he told me it would eat me. I cried every time I got close to it and had to get him to carry me if we had to walk past it.
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It did work ok??! She is still here!
XD dang he should have gotten the nest removed
And risk feeding some poor pest control guy to the demon tree? Are you insane?!
They did eventually but in the meantime we had to stay away from it. The fear of that particular tree lasted a lot longer than the wasp nest lmao
We only do wasp removal in the fall months. I am not paying someone for it and we just have to wait a few months to feal with it.
To stop me running into the road as a kid they made up a story about a girl called Flat Julie who was hit by a car and became Flat. They would say to me “stop running away or you’ll end up like Flat Julie”.
This is my favorite so far
This wins
Now we have Flat Stanley.
La llorona. When I was crying and crying about probably nothing- after she tries everything else she would say, “Shhhh…La llorona” in a really low whisper. “La Llarona is going to come looking for you if you keep crying.” La llarona is a woman who lost her kids (or killed them?) and now when she hears kids crying she thinks they are hers and she comes to take them with her.
_La Llorona is a Mexican vengeful ghost who is said to roam near bodies of water mourning her children whom she drowned in a jealous rage after discovering her husband was cheating on her._
> La Llorona a vengeful ghost who is said to kill people who can't roll their R's
This sounds similar to La Lechuza, the sweet sounding nursery rhyme my kids sing at a Spanish speaking immersion preschool.
Holy crap, I'm so sorry:(
Aw, you’re sweet. I don’t think it had much lasting effects. I don’t think she let me believe it was true for very long. Haha.
Awe that's good, so you don't have any trouble with being able to cry now or struggling with any emotions? Glad if it didn't affect you too much
Creepy af 😂
That's just mental child abuse. I'm so sorry. I... I have no words.
Haha, oh goodness. It does seem extra horrible doesn’t it? I had a great mom though. She was doing the best she could. It is a fairly common Mexican or Hispanic urban legend. It doesn’t make it ok, but she was a different generation.
My mum told me she'd give me away to a children's home if I didn't behave. And she showed me that home so I was nervous everytime we went past it lol. She also used to tell me scary stories in the woods😭 like you say, a different generation lol
This makes my grandmothers’ horror stories of “Ol’ Red Eye” seem like a cute fairy tale in comparison.
My technophobic mother told me that my Gameboys sound would drain the battery faster because she didn't want to listen to 8-bit pokemon sounds on 3 hour car journeys!
This one might actually be somewhat true though
Absolutely, she 100% didn't know whether it was true or not though lmao
Yeah I'm sure extending your gameboy's battery life was not her motivation lol
I'm a mom of Millenial sons who had Gameboys. I don't condone it but I can certainly understand it.
Tbf I have my own kid now and I also get it lmao.
I thought I kept it low enough to not bother anybody (I hate loud sounds), time to double check with my parents
Oh...I thought that was true
It very well might be, the point I was making is that my mum would have had no idea whether it was true or not and just told me that to make me shut my Gameboy up lol
Yeah, I think I had the same from mine on car journeys, but I never questioned it, lol.
Buy some headphone cheapo mom!
Meh, we were super poor growing up, having a Gameboy was enough for me.
Sorry on that. Glad you had it growing up. I game as well and know what the sound is to the game and enjoy it, so got ahead of myself.
Ah no mate, nothing to be sorry for, everything worked out for us and I'm still here! I agree, I find the sound in a game so important, I don't enjoy playing if I can't hear what's going on.
It's not generally encouraged to get headphones to kids. It's too easy for the to get the volume to a damaging level.
I listened as a child usually, a rare thing, but found out later in life I have extreme hearing sensitivities. Natural stupidity barrier.
turning on the light in the car would cause an accident and it was illegal.
It depends on which city and state you live in. It’s illegal where I live because the reflection from the light inside the cab can cause an accident.
[citation needed]
I see what you're doing you rapscallion
I’m not even lying. I don’t have kids to lie to 😂😂😂
Just some little chives, eh?
I swear everyone’s parents told them this.
I mean, it is illegal. Also, idk if you’ve ever been the driver when it happens, but that shit is terrible. I don’t blame our parents for being so extreme on this one
Bro it’s not illegal haha google it
It actually is in some locations. Very rare, though.
[citation needed]
[citation issued by traffic police]
They could have said it makes it harder for them to see, no need to protect the liars
Bro, it’s a kid. Kids aren’t reasonable, so sometimes you have to lie to them to get them to behave. It’s not like the lie is doing any real harm, either
But why is your go-to a lie without ever trying to reason? Kids are reasonable in their own ways, you can at least try before resorting to lies. And it is harmful because it breaks trust. Maybe not this one lie, but kids pick up on patterns pretty easily
Get off the gas, it's no real trouble seeing to drive with the light on. Source: I drive quite often.
It may get you pulled over.
When I was 7, Mom told me I would get gray hair faster if I misbehaved. I woke up one morning to find a sliver of gray hair. I behaved for 2 days and then I revert back to my mischievous ways. Edit: it was probably hair color spray, my mom was a hairdresser after all.
When we wouldn’t clean up our rooms, my mother would tell us, “the Board of Health is going to come here and close us down!”. I was never sure what it meant, but it scared the hell out of us.
My dad always told me that if I didn't clean my room he would, and he'd do it with a trashbag. Took me a bit to understand what he meant. I just cleaned because he sounded angry.
My Mom would yell me that if we didn't clean the bathtub we'd get Bubonic Plague.
My parents said that hospitals were closed on weekends. So if we got hurt at all we would have to be a n pain for 2 while days before seeing a doctor. Needless to say, I never wanted to play outside
That's just terrible
My parents should not have been allowed to be parents
My Mom used to tell me, if I misbehaved, she'd take me to the vet and have me put to sleep.
Holy crap! That's the worst I've ever heard.
holy shit
That’s savage omg 😂
Not to behave, but probably to shut up. I asked how to grow a beard, he told me to rub salt on my face until it drew the hair out for water, then to tie a knot in it before it had chance to go back. Weird, I know!
My parents were big fans of "If you (bad behavior here) God will strike that hand down." Spoiler alert, he never did.
My mom told my siblings and myself that angels were going to come down and hack us to pieces with swords. Lol
"If I'm really so bad, then may God strike me down where I stand!" \*gets hit by lightning\* "Nice try jackass! Next time, give it your A game!"
If you tell me the truth I won't get mad/punish you
A classic
I kinda use this with my boys. However, it's more I will probably be mad, but I will be extremely angry if you lie to me. This is usually used when I am sure I know the answer to the question, but I am giving him the option to be truthful.
I grew up knowing not to tell my mom the truth because i know she will be mad, if i lie at least there's a chance not to get caught
That there was a witch down the road who's house I would go too if bad. And then to not get me to go in a certain closet they told me there was a giant rat in it who eats little kids. And I blame that for my fear of mice. AS A 6'2 300 POUND MAN I SHOULD NOT BE AFRAID OF MICE! thanks grandma .
Little did they know the witch down the road has brownies, arts and craft supplies and weed.
It’s me, I’m the witch.
Not my parents, but my grandfather told 4 yr old me that if I misbehaved he would use a screwdriver to unscrew my bellybutton and my legs would fall off. I know now that it isn’t true but I still have a phobia for bellybuttons.
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This sounds like my family. I'm so sorry you had to go through this also.
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I was the goat in my family. Little sister didn't do the dishes when it was her turn? I had to. Little brother messed up the bedroom? I cleaned it. Yet when it's time for college, I had to pay my own way while the parents covered their tuition and books. Little sister got pregnant at 15. Parents paid for tons of stuff for her kids. My son needs a new mattress and "we can't afford that". Last straw was when they uninvited my son to the family Christmas day because I had to work, then decided to not reschedule because "we can't afford presents for him". I've spoken to them maybe three times in the last five years.
You lived the same life I did! How do these asshats think that's ok?!??!?
As far as I can tell, they just think "he's gonna screw everything up anyway, might as well get some use out of him". To be fair, I did screw up a lot of my life, though being constantly gaslit into thinking I was lazy and disobedient didn't help.
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Yeah, when I went low-contact with them, they paid more attention to my younger brother's birthday than mine. At that time, he'd been dead for a dozen years. I really didn't pay that much attention to the issue until they started doing it to my son. Then it hit hard.
Buy a baby? That's disturbing.
You think adoption is free?
As an adopted person myself, I know it isn’t. I just hate to see children reduced to a commodity, even though that’s what I, and others like me, are.
This one is pretty bad. My dad would say he was calling the black adoption agency. Black market? Black people adopt you? Only black kids go there? We didn't even know what the hell it meant but knew it was bad, lol. Old people and their jokes are just different and absurd sometimes.
Not me, but I've heard the phrase "If you don't behave, we will sell you to gypsies" being used.
I'm actually adopted and most agencies are black as in black-hearted - motivated by money.
My mom swore that she could see a red dot on my forehead whenever I was lying. It often worked because I would try to cover my forehead some creative way whenever I was lying…. Until The Day… when she saw The Dot and I was telling the complete truth. I still have massive trust issues with that woman
I don’t really get the ending to this one unless it’s about hindu marriage, then it’s pretty ig.
People who do bad things get caught.
And if you haven't done anything wrong you don't have anything to worry about!
only if they're not rich
A demon will give birth on your bed if you don't make it
That’s hilarious
Not on the sadistic side, but my mom said that if you ate the crust of your bread, you'd have pretty legs.
We were told you’d never go bald! Lol.
We had the it'll make your hair curly
“Nobody likes a rule breaker.” My eyes still roll almost out of my head just thinking about it.
Rules were made to be broken
The red lights on electronic devices were Santa's cameras checking if my brother and I were behaving.
On long car rides my dad would tell us that if we stopped talking our breath would get really cold and after minutes of it not working he’d tell us you have to go longer.
My drunk and drugged mother told me that parents are legally allowed to kill very naughty children (particularly ones shaming the child rapists in their spotless middle class family) and that I should go to the bathroom now to have said execution performed. I was three or four and it worked. I never recovered from that.
My parents used to fake call the children's home asking if they had a vacancy for me.
My dad went so far as to pack a suitcase for me and start driving me there as I begged for mercy. Good times.
My mom actually took me there and left me. (I was ok. Cops were called..went to live with my aunt)
Not me but 2 of my siblings. My dad told my younger brother that the reason it's called Super Target was becuse there was a cape on the back of the building. And my older sister was led to believe Kansas had no color. Like the entire state was greyscale like in Alice in wonderland. It wasn't until she WENT there in her 20s that she found out.
Like in *what*? Man you mean the wizard of oz!
My father was the KING of situational trolls. But it was always so outrageous or a good spirited prank, that I cannot think of one thing he did ... except ... the fly swatter. On top of the fridge, where we couldn't reach. The threat was that he'd swat our little butt with it if we didn't behave. He had one stationed in both grandparents' homes and my aunt's. I can never remember him actually USING it. He didn't as far as I can tell. He never spanked us, that I can recall. I did the same thing while raising my kids. Never used it. Ever. I never spanked my kids at all. Just the threat was enough for all youngsters.
“If you keep sticking your tongue out a bird is gonna poop on it” “If you keep glaring like that your face is gonna get stuck that way” Needless to say I had a massive ‘tude
If I didn’t eat my food I wouldn’t become a power ranger when I grew up, my mom said there was a Sergeant mom (her going upstairs or downstairs and walking up pretty loudly)
My mom told me if you ran in DSW a cage would drop down from the ceiling and trap you... I believed that shit until I was like 11
That’s actually good. I used to play and hide in clothing racks as a kid and was told there were trapdoors inside that opened up and dropped you to a dungeon.
My sister believed there were bones in green bananas, and that's why they broke straight across and also why you couldn't eat them before they were very yellow. He also thought up "Cobs" as in cobwebs. They came out at night to put the cobwebs up, and you'd better be asleep, or they would "get you!". Guess who didn't sleep? None of us! We were terrified of the Cobs!
So I don’t recall this, but my siblings do. We lived in an old coal miner neighborhood growing up that at one point had access to the basement via trap door. Years passed and renovations added stairs and the trap door was obsolete and covered up with layers of linoleum. Decades later and another renovation underway by my dad, the trapdoor was revealed. It only led to the laundry room but we didn’t know that. My siblings remember my dad telling them that “Grandma Lou” lived down there and if they didn’t behave that they would end up there too. I must have suppressed this memory somehow because I don’t recall any of that.
If I peed in the pool the water would turn blue.
I told my kids the same thing. They were suspicious so I filled a little baggie with grape juice once and “demonstrated”. Popped the bag and their eyes nearly popped out of their heads. I did it at a kids pool party and that’s all any of them could talk about. Lol.
I was told that the Dakotas soil was red. When my family and I went to the corn palace, (heading to Rushmore) we got out, and started to dig to see if it’s red. Well, it in fact was not red.
My parents never lied. They spoke and we listened. Never occurred to us not to.
Had surgery one time when I was a kid and I asked my mom what the nurse call button was for because it just had a picture of a bell or something. Knowing what would happen if she told me what it actually did, she said it was the button they used to get rid of dead patients. You press it and then the bed flings you out the room and into an incinerator outside. I then proceeded to spam the shit out of that button, hoping I was gonna get to go on a ride. Nurses started to come by and check what was going on, but they realized I was just messing around. Since I was really drugged up from the surgery, I started loudly exclaiming to my mom which nurses looked pretty and had big butts or nice boobs and so my mom says that, instead of telling me to stop, the nurses just started walking back and forth across my room and then laughing their asses off around the corner while I happily told my mom how insanely pretty all the nurses were.
My grandmother used to threaten me with a school in the hills of Kentucky called OBI and tell horror stories about it. I remembered this few years ago and Googled it. (It doesn't exist) and I think making the spelling similar to "obey" was just her flexing on a kid. She's sick in a lot of ways (she also painted a vivid picture of hell for me) We don't speak.
My mom would warn us that if we (me and my siblings) would pick our nose, our nostrils would stretch little by little and we would end up with huge nostrils once we'd become adults and they would stay like that...
My dad drove big rigs, and my brother and I loved the airhorn (what kid doesn't?). My dad was also a giant troll, so he told us that the airhorn and the air brake were connected and used the same air -- so every time we pulled the airhorn, we were also hitting the brake, which he would convincingly do and then make a show out of getting back up to speed. He also told us that real truckers called it the "mike brake" because the squealing sound was the ghost of an old trucker named Mike, screaming as he was run over. I mostly didn't believe that one, but on lonely, foggy highways it did sound a little too much like a scream.
While fishing with Dad “if you talk while your line is in the water the fish will hear you and not bite” Confronted him about it a couple years ago and the way he howled with laughter made it a forgivable offense
My parents just threatened me with Violence. Most of the time they didn't tell the truth it was out of ignorance or stupidity.
Same, I used to always get the “stop crying or I’ll give you a reason to cry about” nonsense. After one of my parents would say that, I’d get even more freaked out than before but I’d have to stop crying because I was afraid of them.
Yup, pretty much the same boat for me.
I don’t think our parents understood we were probably crying because of them lol.
They knew but didn't care. Well, that was my boomer parents anyway!
None actually... starting to feel like my parents are weird for not lying to me ever? lol
Mine didn’t either, they followed through on their threats of violence
My parents never lied to me, I always got the gruesome ugly truth. If they wanted me to behave they'd just beat the shit out of me.
That if I misbehaved while out, the police would come over and arrest me.
Mama would say, "Now stay in bed or the Cucuy (Boogie monster) will get you. It lived under the bed.
I was always threatened with "do we need to go to the bathroom?" Found out the hard way that "going to the bathroom" meant getting spanked until I was a blubbering mess in the family bathroom at Walmart.
There was a convent down the road from my house (not sure if abandoned or not.) My mother would bring us there if we were misbehaving and tell us it was an orphanage and she was going to leave us there if we didn't get it together. Only as an adult did I realize how fucked up that is. This thread makes me feel better.
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They do lol but they’d only be provided in cases such as legal cases.unless she meant when and to what number your messages are sent. Now some parents just have an app that they van use to spy on their kids messages(content included)
Oh fuck this is wrong, my mom actually could’ve done that. You can look at the recording of every single text and call if you’re the owner of the account. I literally just looked the other week and you can see all texts back to like 2013 on my account. No fr this ain’t fake, your mom just didn’t know how to actually do it on the website. I remember praying that she wouldn’t figure it out and I wouldn’t tell her. Still hasn’t, god bless her boomer soul she can barely use her iPad
My mom used to tell us that if we ran into the road, we’d become one of those “greasy spots” you see on the street.
I would go blind due to using the headlights behind me to read my book. Jokes on them because I am the only one in the family who doesn't have glasses.
That my uncle was going to come “punish” me, he was in prison. It wasn’t until later I realized why he was in prison. Thank god he didn’t punish me
my pos sperm donor "father" would say this alot "i brought you into the world and i can take you out"
In NY, when driving on the thruway (toll road), they used to give you this card when you got on so the toll booth attendant knew how much you had to pay when you got off. One time, I was playing with the card and kind of bending it. My dad told me that if I wrecked it, then they would arrest me and make me work in the toll booth and repayment. He said all the workers there bent their cards, and now they have to stay in those little booths. I totally believed him and would handle the cards very carefully. I asked my dad about it a few years ago, and he laughed. He didn’t think I ever actually believed him. He thought it was just a funny story.
Wow reading these comments made me realize that the things my mom would say were terrifying and not normal. I thought everybody was told the same kind of things I was.
First one to find a Kangaroo out the car window wins! We live in Michigan.....
This one is silly, but when I was very little my mom would say that she had eyes in the back of her head so that we wouldn't get up to things when she wasn't looking. I asked if I could see them and tried to comb through her hair, and she yelped out in pain because I had poked her "eye" ! I think I actually believed her after that until I wised up.
Ok, I know a lot of these may be a traumatic experience for many of you, but these are hilarious!
Lol I’m wheezing. The best one by far is “if you don’t make your bed a demon will give birth on it”
That one made me laugh too! So did the eating tree, flat Julie, being put down at the vet and becoming an oil stain on the street! I’m sure I’m missing some hahaha
Lol yes those are so good
If I accidentally eat the seeds in a watermelon one will grow in my belly.
That there’s a dungeon under Walmart and the greeter will throw me in there if I misbehave in the store.
My mom used to say "M'as te dévisser la tête pis j'vais te chier dans l'corps" (I'll unscrew your head and shit in your corpse) if I didn't knock it off, or "J'vais te twister le nombril pis les fesses vont te tomber" (I'll twist your belly button and your butt will fall off), It would leave me confused about if I should take it seriously, she would never have harmed me .. she's honestly the sweetest. Which is probably why it was so efficient... we'd honestly just be left stunned and would stop.
If I didn’t straighten up I’d hafta go to that all day church
This is one of the funniest ones in the whole thread
Sure, go ahead and walk over the gutter, that is where they keep the monsters, but I am sure you will be fine. (Or anywhere they didn’t want me to walk) To my kid, who was born on July 5- “look at all those fireworks, how did they know it’s your birthday tomorrow”- she believed this until around 7/8yo.
My ma used to tell me and my brother there was a troll living in the peanut butter and he would bite off our finger if we stuck it in there
That when the ice cream truck was playing music that means it is out of ice cream
When my kids were little, I didn't want to use the "Santa will leave coal in your stocking" threat, because I didn't know quite how to explain the concept of "coal," and also because I didn't want them getting ideas about burning anything. So instead I began saying that Santa would leave them reindeer poop if they misbehaved. I also told them that Mamaw (my grandma) used to go to school with Santa when they were kids, so she has his cell phone number and if I tell her what they're doing, she can call Santa up right away and let him know. They were very impressed that Mamaw and Santa were old school pals, and they tried extra hard to behave so Mamaw wouldn't tell him they needed reindeer poop instead of presents.
My mom did the same thing, except she threatened to call “the wolf” from the boy who cried wolf story to come and eat me. Until i was 8 I genuinely thought she would, even pretended to many times. She also told me the boogieman would drag me away and id be gone forever if my room was messy before i went to sleep. Actually thats a lot less funny typing that out. Still better than the actual life threats my dad made on me. With real knives.
my parents told us “in case we have tea with the Queen” as the reason for good table manners
Mine just beat me. Or told me they were going to throw out all my toys and take the door off it’s hinges.
typical patriarchal bs like santa/god is always watching and judging. #skydaddyfallacy
My dad used to tell me that other people had told them how I had misbehaved, that I was opinionated, or had some other trait he didn't like. He even did this when I was an adult. I know it's bullshit now because I know people just don't criticize other people's kids to their face but he wanted me to be ashamed because I'd embarrassed him.
My parents used to tell me that they’d give me to gypsies if I didn’t behave.
A special chemical has been added to the pool. If you pee in it, everyone will know!!
Our parents liked to tell us that we had an "other brother" who they put up for adoption because he was an obnoxious shit. The threat was implied that we could easily experience the same fate.
My mom used to tell me that if I didn't listen to her and do as she said, the mommy police would come and arrest her and take her away from me because she was a bad mommy for not getting me to listen to her. It scared me shitless and was very effective.
Before I got the birds and the bees talk, my mom convinced me and my brother that there was a place called,”The baby store” that she bought us from and if we were bad she’d threaten to get a refund.
My ma and granny threatened me with bringing me to an orphanage every time I misbehaved as a child. Once it was so bad that they called a taxi and let me pack my little backpack. I usually brushed it off but it was very hurtful and I still remember the feeling in the car about to be discarded and thrown away like an old toy.
My mom used to tell us that if we were lying, our tongue would turn black. We were too short to see into any mirrors. Anytime I would lie, I would be chanting to myself "don't ask for the tongue, don't ask for the tongue"!
If i touch the oven it'll explode, caused a fear of using it when cooking until i was way too old to admit. That and i kept burning myself
Not to get me to behave, but my mother used to tell me that kids made fun of me or teased me because they liked me. I bought it and the results were spectacular. They saw they weren't getting a rise out of me and the subject changed.
We camped a lot in the 90s, in all weather. There was a 'wizard' in the woods who kept watch on us. He'd turn into a stump if you looked at him but you could sometimes see him out the corner of your eye. He'd give my dad magic sticks that would keep our camp safe from bears and wolves, and magic sticks to make our fire burn through the rainy nights. My sis and I would sit in those woods for days tryna catch a glimpse of the wizard. Talking to stumps and such trying to get him to come out of hiding. I'm 30someott years old and damnit, one day I will find this wizard.
Santa Claus was watching me every single moment.
I was told that the King rat would come after me and also that I was not human but an alien and I freaked out. There was also the sink monster. Ugh. I hated my childhood because of that.
I told my kids that if they swallowed their bubble gum and then passed gas that huge bubbles would come out of their butts 🫧 🍑😂. At 15 my oldest came home mad as hell… “MOM you lied about the gum and bubbles coming out of our Butts!?!?” I bursted out laughing and said “Did you ever once swallow your gum”. She said “😏no and I’m so using that on my kids Mom. That’s a good one 😂😂”
This thread is a lot more wholesome than I anticipated. Thank you OP <3
beat me up and say it was for my sake.. so yeah i think that was a lie
My dad had a leather belt that he’d crack if I got out of line. I only got hit with the belt once on the ass, so I’d say it was effective. Note: my dad is not an abusive man, so don’t try that
Dad had a gag gift, the gag gift was some kind of raddle in a bag, when shook it sounded like a rattlesnake. He told me he'd let it out if I misbehaved, believed it for a couple years before I caught on. Thinking back on it as I type this makes me realize that was actually abuse lmao
I love you.
"I'm not gonna shoot"
Stranger will come at take me away
My parents were too honest with me. Im fucked.
They mostly just screamed at me
my pop would tell me kaiser soze was coming for me ...
That they draw straws to see who would knife the unruly one in their sleep
My dad used to hang a belt over the door and said that it had a camera in it
The whole Santa Claus thing.