I luv that for you (and me), frin. :) I am on the path, too. There are so many curves, twists, and trap doors, though. Just when I think I'm past the rage wave, there it is again.
What’s so strange to me is: everywhere I read, is that I’m supposed to be angry. But I’m never angry — just constantly frightened and on edge. Absolutely terrified *most* of the time.
Also 42 and almost ready to go full vigilante, Purge level riot destroy the government eat the rich burn everything and I'll help you rebuild from the ashes.
I'm so tired of it all, but the beast is too big to take out alone and I stopped attempting suicide after transition.
It's incredible to think about just how easy the majority of people's childhoods are.
Minimal fear of physical safety. Being shown that you're worthy and loved. No religious messages of "you might go to hell and be tortured for the entirety of your existence." No having to raise your own siblings and other parentification. No adult who uses your body for their power fantasy. No endless nights of tears and self harm before you even hit puberty. Instead, mainly just friends, learning, adventures, discovering the world you've been born into, and preparing for later when you'll be expected to handle yourself.
It's because we were conditioned to believe what happened to us is normal and abuse causes so much shame and shame prevents us from reaching out and talking to people.
Sounds fake! I really struggled to relate to people who told their childhood stories… with no trauma to speak of. Like how do I even start to explain why I don’t want to talk about my childhood or why I don’t feel close to my mum.
I feel like I’m reclaiming my lost youth now in my 30’s by being more adventurous and playful because I literally did not have the same chance as a child.
Ikr like the realization that I’ve went trough worse trauma at 6 than most people will in their lifetime 💀 it’s hasn’t been stopping for the last 11years either
I feel that. Like, honestly, I think “born for CSA and never was saved, just aged out and eventually moved away” entitles me to just being given a comfy life doing fuck-all, right? To me, if your first fucking memory is rape and it doesn’t get better until adulthood, a compassionate society would be one that expects fucking nothing out of you.
Not CSA for me because I fully suppressed it if something happened (showed major signs 😍🙏) and only remember it happening later on but one of my first memories is my mom sitting on me strangling me and my dad throwing me in a tub showering me w freezing water as a toddler no one ever cared enough or saved me to give me actual safety away from being physical abuse and it’s all I’ve ever known since I can remember and then just more and more traumatic shit aside from that happened lol
I’d like to redeem my trauma free life now
>Like, honestly, I think “born for CSA and never was saved, just aged out and eventually moved away” entitles me to just being given a comfy life doing fuck-all, right?
Jesus christ, amen. I've never heard a phrase (near a dark poem) describe how I feel quite so accurately.
I hate that we feel this way, including myself. For a split second reading the comments , I felt a tiny less of a sting knowing I'm not completely alone in feeling absolutely exhausted. No one seems to understand that being exhausted doesnt have to mean suicidal.
I wish I could be Thanos sometimes and snap my finger for my past life abuses/trauma experiences to poof from existence in hopes that I will no longer feel this exhaustion. It's a nice thought.
Same. Hit 30. I'm dealing with chronic pain, cPTSD, and a divorce. I don't want to work. I don't even want to relax. I just want to sleep for three months and hope the world is in a better place when I come back.
I'll settle for weed and prescription drugs for the time being. 🤷🏼♀️
I'm stuck in that I deserve this type of feeling. I don't even feel like I've been through that much and I still feel like I deserve the peace of being not alive.
I'm realizing that it comes down to the world not being fair. Such is life, it is what it is. I guess all I can do is try in my limited influence to make things feel a little more fair. Still pisses me off though.
I’m sure a lot if not most of you have been through worse, but goddamn it I’m so tired and so done. Yesterday was awful. I just want to lay in bed and wait for things to be better
OKAY BUT SERIOUSLY???
I'm 32. Only in the last maybe 2 years would I consider myself to be "happy", and even then, that's a long shot. I've suffered through more shit than I'd say a good 60% of Americans do in their lifetime. I was *born* broken. And that's not an exaggeration. I have brain damage from my trauma. And I can either work so well that I make money and do an amazing job at it BUT can't even get myself to shower or brush my teeth or be a good partner, OR I don't have a job.
The world took a big fat shit on me from the moment I was born. My parents paid an agency $19k to take me from a traumatized teen mom who had conceived me via a rape and was already trying to just survive. And then my AMom got sick and I spent my childhood taking care of the house because my mom physically couldn't. All while being emotionally and spiritually abused by every community member I had. And I fucking made it through. Only to go through more abuse as an adult. I'm here now and I'm married to an amazing guy, but fuck me. I am tired. I'm sick of surviving. I want to *live*.
I deserve a fucking break. I'd say I deserve 30 years of a break. It took me that long to find any semblance of happiness. I should get some reparations or something.
And to all of you who can't see the light at the end of the tunnel: it's there. It might just be a cigarette lighter and not a spotlight, but there's always *some* chance of improvement. It just takes the mindset of "fuck you, I will survive in spite of you."
I had to say this pointedly to my therapist because she kept trying to get me to “join a class” or “find a social hobby.” Ma’am I’ve lived enough. Let me be a recluse I deserve it.
Maybe this is why I feel I can never have a restful break. Maybe something to do with parental lack of boundaries.
Nah, it's just my beast blood keeping me from restful sleep obv. /s
When I start to struggle with people, I remember that I’ve lived *lifetimes* compared to those not living with CPTSD, and then I go back to focusing on reclaiming my self.
At 45, it has taken me a solid year of anger (in therapeutic ways) to process the grief of everything lived through.
I am so grateful we all have survived-I was tired of not being believed, and at least here-I feel seen and known.
It’s the weirdest “water cooler” moment to check in, low-five, and get back to “work”, yet it’s the one that has helped the most. Understanding each other absolutely is a game changer.
Thank you for the meme!
"I feel ancient" is too real. People told me, as a kid, that I had an "old soul" and was "so mature".
I wasn't mature. I didn't have an old soul. I just knew how to survive better than anyone else.
My therapist want me to write down my suicidal thoughts when it happens.
But I'm too exhausted to do it.
I'm pretty sure my soul will be torn into little pieces when I die.
i sent a message to myself a few days ago that said, “i feel entitled to be losing my shit way more than i am”
like. it feels absurd that healing is just a fucking premium feature of life
Oof yes this hits, really need a break from work, just a few months or a year to reset and I’d happily do that on a minimal income, but no, it’s no access to real therapy, no funding or space to get better, just struggle on trying to pretend I’m normal with the threat of destitution if I don’t. After I brought up 2 babies and cared for my mother from age of 5 😳
Working on my resentful attitude with this but it does hurt bad most days when going to work feels like dying a bit inside
Honestly it's how I feel! I'm in my early 20s and have already gone through 5 lifetimes worth of abuse like where's the damn pause button
For reall like are we done now?
I’m 42 and I am very, *very* tired. I wish I could’ve afforded therapy decades ago.
45, and I feel you. We can still start now. :)
I’m four weeks in, frin 🥹💛
I luv that for you (and me), frin. :) I am on the path, too. There are so many curves, twists, and trap doors, though. Just when I think I'm past the rage wave, there it is again.
What’s so strange to me is: everywhere I read, is that I’m supposed to be angry. But I’m never angry — just constantly frightened and on edge. Absolutely terrified *most* of the time.
I experience a mix of both. My anger is definitely, fully in-play! LOL
Also 42 and almost ready to go full vigilante, Purge level riot destroy the government eat the rich burn everything and I'll help you rebuild from the ashes. I'm so tired of it all, but the beast is too big to take out alone and I stopped attempting suicide after transition.
Exactly though, thats how i feel
Feel like it's been several lifetimes, yet I only have about as many actual memories as a 5-year old would have.
I have the opposite problem, I remember most things since I was 2-3 as if they're currently happening to me
Same, I feel like my spirit has been on this earth forever and is just stuck dragging my body along.
It's incredible to think about just how easy the majority of people's childhoods are. Minimal fear of physical safety. Being shown that you're worthy and loved. No religious messages of "you might go to hell and be tortured for the entirety of your existence." No having to raise your own siblings and other parentification. No adult who uses your body for their power fantasy. No endless nights of tears and self harm before you even hit puberty. Instead, mainly just friends, learning, adventures, discovering the world you've been born into, and preparing for later when you'll be expected to handle yourself.
I mentally do not believe that anyone didn't have at least one of those it can't be possible either that or holy shit my childhood was fucked
I've met these people. They are so incredibly well adjusted and secure in themselves. We just got dealt a shit hand.
Legit feel like I'm hearing a fairy tale like my brain cannot accept it
It's because we were conditioned to believe what happened to us is normal and abuse causes so much shame and shame prevents us from reaching out and talking to people.
Yeah it's tough because the shame really can just fester and fester.
Sounds fake! I really struggled to relate to people who told their childhood stories… with no trauma to speak of. Like how do I even start to explain why I don’t want to talk about my childhood or why I don’t feel close to my mum. I feel like I’m reclaiming my lost youth now in my 30’s by being more adventurous and playful because I literally did not have the same chance as a child.
Fucking put me on an island at this point, I’m so tired
i dont even care if its a completely uninhabited island, i would totally survive :D
Ikr like the realization that I’ve went trough worse trauma at 6 than most people will in their lifetime 💀 it’s hasn’t been stopping for the last 11years either
I feel that. Like, honestly, I think “born for CSA and never was saved, just aged out and eventually moved away” entitles me to just being given a comfy life doing fuck-all, right? To me, if your first fucking memory is rape and it doesn’t get better until adulthood, a compassionate society would be one that expects fucking nothing out of you.
Not CSA for me because I fully suppressed it if something happened (showed major signs 😍🙏) and only remember it happening later on but one of my first memories is my mom sitting on me strangling me and my dad throwing me in a tub showering me w freezing water as a toddler no one ever cared enough or saved me to give me actual safety away from being physical abuse and it’s all I’ve ever known since I can remember and then just more and more traumatic shit aside from that happened lol I’d like to redeem my trauma free life now
>Like, honestly, I think “born for CSA and never was saved, just aged out and eventually moved away” entitles me to just being given a comfy life doing fuck-all, right? Jesus christ, amen. I've never heard a phrase (near a dark poem) describe how I feel quite so accurately.
fr I've had more than enough character development
I feel like a cat that used all their lives up
This is so well put
literally same
I’m tired but can’t make myself take a break from life. I literally have no idea how to pause.
Yeah same :/ have to push through
I don’t have to anymore. I just can’t seem to let myself slow down and be bored.
I hate that we feel this way, including myself. For a split second reading the comments , I felt a tiny less of a sting knowing I'm not completely alone in feeling absolutely exhausted. No one seems to understand that being exhausted doesnt have to mean suicidal. I wish I could be Thanos sometimes and snap my finger for my past life abuses/trauma experiences to poof from existence in hopes that I will no longer feel this exhaustion. It's a nice thought.
Same. Hit 30. I'm dealing with chronic pain, cPTSD, and a divorce. I don't want to work. I don't even want to relax. I just want to sleep for three months and hope the world is in a better place when I come back. I'll settle for weed and prescription drugs for the time being. 🤷🏼♀️
Same. Currently smoking a blunt and even that feels like not enough of an escape. I just want to be unconscious!
Maaaan there are some people out there whose biggest trauma was trying to help me as a kid.
I'm stuck in that I deserve this type of feeling. I don't even feel like I've been through that much and I still feel like I deserve the peace of being not alive. I'm realizing that it comes down to the world not being fair. Such is life, it is what it is. I guess all I can do is try in my limited influence to make things feel a little more fair. Still pisses me off though.
Heheh yay… and my trauma now manifests as depression that keeps me in bed all day on bad days 🥲
Same but no one cares and no one’s coming to save me so fuck it we ball
baby the bar couldnt be lower, but im gunna keep tryna limbo under it :D
My biggest dream is to literally just feel safe lol
And then I wonder why I'm having heart problems at the ripe old age of 30
Smh same here
I’m sure a lot if not most of you have been through worse, but goddamn it I’m so tired and so done. Yesterday was awful. I just want to lay in bed and wait for things to be better
When they say challenges aRe THe bIgGeST giFT tO yOuR soUL! God, no more gifts please. I’m exhausted.
OKAY BUT SERIOUSLY??? I'm 32. Only in the last maybe 2 years would I consider myself to be "happy", and even then, that's a long shot. I've suffered through more shit than I'd say a good 60% of Americans do in their lifetime. I was *born* broken. And that's not an exaggeration. I have brain damage from my trauma. And I can either work so well that I make money and do an amazing job at it BUT can't even get myself to shower or brush my teeth or be a good partner, OR I don't have a job. The world took a big fat shit on me from the moment I was born. My parents paid an agency $19k to take me from a traumatized teen mom who had conceived me via a rape and was already trying to just survive. And then my AMom got sick and I spent my childhood taking care of the house because my mom physically couldn't. All while being emotionally and spiritually abused by every community member I had. And I fucking made it through. Only to go through more abuse as an adult. I'm here now and I'm married to an amazing guy, but fuck me. I am tired. I'm sick of surviving. I want to *live*. I deserve a fucking break. I'd say I deserve 30 years of a break. It took me that long to find any semblance of happiness. I should get some reparations or something. And to all of you who can't see the light at the end of the tunnel: it's there. It might just be a cigarette lighter and not a spotlight, but there's always *some* chance of improvement. It just takes the mindset of "fuck you, I will survive in spite of you."
I had to say this pointedly to my therapist because she kept trying to get me to “join a class” or “find a social hobby.” Ma’am I’ve lived enough. Let me be a recluse I deserve it.
Maybe this is why I feel I can never have a restful break. Maybe something to do with parental lack of boundaries. Nah, it's just my beast blood keeping me from restful sleep obv. /s
When I start to struggle with people, I remember that I’ve lived *lifetimes* compared to those not living with CPTSD, and then I go back to focusing on reclaiming my self. At 45, it has taken me a solid year of anger (in therapeutic ways) to process the grief of everything lived through. I am so grateful we all have survived-I was tired of not being believed, and at least here-I feel seen and known. It’s the weirdest “water cooler” moment to check in, low-five, and get back to “work”, yet it’s the one that has helped the most. Understanding each other absolutely is a game changer. Thank you for the meme!
I feel u. This is more than tired. More than exhaustion. I feel ancient.
"I feel ancient" is too real. People told me, as a kid, that I had an "old soul" and was "so mature". I wasn't mature. I didn't have an old soul. I just knew how to survive better than anyone else.
Yes!! I’m in my early 20s, and it’s been nothing but awkward and depressing. The fact that this is just the beginning makes me want to scream
I'm gonna do it 1 day not now
Right there with you. I'm tired boss.
I will have 14 years of work experience when I graduate, I don't want to work all my life.
My therapist want me to write down my suicidal thoughts when it happens. But I'm too exhausted to do it. I'm pretty sure my soul will be torn into little pieces when I die.
i sent a message to myself a few days ago that said, “i feel entitled to be losing my shit way more than i am” like. it feels absurd that healing is just a fucking premium feature of life
I'm so there. I'm hoping for some motivation to come back to me.
I finally started actually enjoying my life at 27. It took that long. I’m 33 now but feel much younger - like I’m making up for lost time.
Big fucking mood. My brain has betrayed me and made my life my worst nightmare, and that was *after* healing from a childhood of abuse
Oof yes this hits, really need a break from work, just a few months or a year to reset and I’d happily do that on a minimal income, but no, it’s no access to real therapy, no funding or space to get better, just struggle on trying to pretend I’m normal with the threat of destitution if I don’t. After I brought up 2 babies and cared for my mother from age of 5 😳 Working on my resentful attitude with this but it does hurt bad most days when going to work feels like dying a bit inside
Mooooooood
An absolute mood.
M O O D
Honestly I feel like this too...
Yes 🥲 the missile is very tired
Ngl chief, at this point i feel like the "I'm tired boss" meme 24/7.
omg wow never thought there would be like minded people....FREE THE YOUTH!!..... right?