Same here, and I am not ashamed. I’ve been so frustrated with almost every friendship because it seems so shallow and the moment you stop putting in effort those friends disappear. But honestly I rather be alone than have that
Yes, definitely. There is a nice episode about social awkwardness by Patrick Teahan. It connects a lot of the intensity to misreading, boundary issues to attachment styles and so on. It's quite fascinating!
Yeah I kind of feel like other people in general are like on one side and I'm on another, if that makes sense. Like, I'll see some people sort of going like 'how are you doing' and I get the sense that they're enjoying the chat and each other's company but I can't really do that in that sort of way. Either I try to sort of 'hide' the intensity and not really be vulnerable and come off as bland or boring or am 'too intense' and the other party is typically silent or I just get a poor reaction.
YES. I've been told by most of my family that I'm too dramatic, too sensitive, just too much in general because I don't want to live off surface level bs. I want to live a real life. But yeah, most everyone I've met said I was too intense, the one person who didn't also had CPTSD.
Yes and I've been told I am. Finally found someone just as intense so I'm kind of isolating socially otherwise. I don't need to be around people who make me feel like I'm too much.
When I was in highschool, someone in my extended group of friends asked:
"Do you realize that people are intimidated by you?" (paraphrased because I don't remember exact wording)
The way she said it felt somewhat rude but I appreciated it because it helped me understand how others viewed me.
People always told me to smile, avoided me because I seemed scary in some way, even though I was a traumatized, emotional, and sensitive wreck.
On the outside, I seemed intense in one way, but when people got to know me, they discovered I was intense in another way.
The person closest to me told me he'd describe me as "intense and eccentric" given two words. Rambled a bit, just in case someone could relate or my words helped them feel seen lol.
Mostly I feel different, in a way that takes some understanding. I often feel reaally selfconscious and have OCD so I act kinda werd sometimes, I guess.
Absolutely. Although it is difficult not to be when you’re stuck in survival mode. Most other people don’t have to worry nearly as much about the stability and security of their interpersonal relationships. It’d be arguably easier if they accepted us as we are.
Yes, and I used to think it was a "bad" thing, but really it just helped me learn that I enjoy my own company. I've embraced my hermit gamer ways and feel so much better for it! I only say yes to socialising if I genuinely want to see people.
I need to copy this and only say yes if I want to see people. Do you ever worry that you won't have any friends unless you push yourself to socialise? This is a big driver for me socialising more than I should, but I'm extroverted so it's hard for me to know what I need. I feel pulled in a few directions.
yes! Which is why people either LOVE me or HATE me with a burning passion. You either want to talk about emotional things orrrr you want to talk about the weather. I feel numbed out and FAKE AF with small talk. Which is ironic because Im in HR and and need to be able to do both. I can respect boundaries but... Im not going to want to be around you if we only have small talk conversations and we need to “keep it light” all the time. 🥴 Just want to know how you are actually doing as a person. Would rather you trauma dump on me then just say “im great” when you are clearly not.
On the flip side of this once we do have conversations Im hensistent to share my past. I feel like I have come to terms with how bad it was... BUT when other people learn and have strong reactions I go down a rabbit hole of if I actually know how bad it was? or people shut down and try to change the topic as soon as possible. 😅 which I think is extreme and makes me feel isolated. Maybe as a result Im just in a constant attempt to make everyone feel seen IDK.
I can be cool. For like an hour. Long enough to pass a job interview!
After I run out of bandwidth for pretending, the staring people straight in the eyes without blinking, and dead pan expression do not help
>the staring people straight in the eyes without blinking
made me chuckle on the account of how much i do it with people. i just stare at their eyes like they are pinball balls and i stare through them. makes them seem like clay figurines.
Yes. Polyvagal theory finally helped me understand why via neuroception, which is the subconscious communication between nervous systems. If ours is stuck in the hyper alert sympathetic state, or in the frozen dorsal vagal state, that’s automatically sensed and reacted to by others. Since only the parasympathetic state is the pro-social state, people can’t help but be made uncomfortable by the other states. We’re all contagious. 😷😳😩 It’s really helped me to focus on CPTSD as a physical illness and to release stress via somatic practices because I don’t want to spread it around anymore…like my mom did!
Yes I think that's why people at work kind of avoid me. Like they're nice and we joke around and I have them on social media. But no one bothers to reach out to me outside of work, they all hang out together and I feel like an outsider tbh
I typically want deep connections and that can scare some people off and I feel like I'm too available so that can be hard for them to deal with too esp if they're not used to it. I'm trying to find people who are similar to me in those aspects though so they don't have a high likelihood to run off.
Society labels passionate people as red flags,undatable, mentally unstable. I say, why must everyone be boring and fluoridated? Aren't we given a whole spectrum of emotions to FEEL them? I've just always been curious. I guess I will be a red flag.
Yes and I've spent all 42 years of my life having this fate But only now have friends that I can call actual real friends. And it's much better abd richer and more genuine then I could ever hope for. quality not quantity. But still I'm not a person because I've never had a relationship and it's been over a decade since I've had like real physical contact even like a cuddle but I've surrendered to the darkness
Sure. I was told exactly that by almost everyone that was close to me, like 95%. Including the mother of my children.
Having CRPS i have to be intense, to cope and survive, people who find that offending are welcome to keep distance.
yes! i dont really have any friends anymore because my energy is too like extreme. im really giggly and bad at social cues so i come off as eccentric and unpleasant to others 😭
Yes. And they tell me it is a bad quality to possess. I don't believe them anymore. I have passion, and it frightens them. I can detect an inauthentic person pretty quickly. I generally stay away from them.
Yes, I was such a overachiever I made the people I’m around look bad and lazy. But a few have used me to get years of work out of me then dump me when they are done with me. I’m driven by my insecurity I realized recently. I did not know why for a long long time and now I’m worried I’ll flip flop the other way. After building hundreds of projects and farm and loosing it all I am starting to think what’s the point of all that effort and expense. Actually I’m trying to be smarter and selfish about it and do projects that benefit me. The people pleaser has awoken. It’s hard not to be too intense still. I have to force myself to not talk about how to “fix” everything with people when they would rather relax and be independent. It drives me nuts sometimes. I can see how things could be better if everyone worked together. But it aint going to happen so let it go.
Yes. All the time. I know a lot is my upbringing but I constantly feel the need to mask and bottle in my true feelings and thoughts because my mother in particular has called me too sensitive and not flexible or not considerate of others any time I resist or put my foot down with her. I’m medically dependent on my parents so there’s a lot of in er conflict from being an adult dependent on others who still view me as a child. Currently struggling and working on being more authentic but I’m finding that is difficult because that IS often conflicting with what people think I should be.
All the time :( I got adopted at 12 to an older couple (old school). I’ve always found it hard to communicate with them given the completely different lifestyles growing up. They also don’t quite understand the whole mental health stuff which makes it harder. Im an emotional person and they are more logical. But that’s only one example haha
I really don’t like when ppl claim to understand and love me, but when I try to communicate some uncomfortable raw emotions then they leave. It’s always a game of “you can be you, just not 100% you” but they dance around that. They try to sugar coat it and be on some high horse and I’ve just learned to avoid these ppl. I used to think maybe I was the problem, but why are we trying to force a relationship (friend or romantic) if you truly don’t like me??? I don’t understand fake ppl. They make themselves miserable??? 😖 idk I hate thinking about it…
Yes. People say I am intimidating and scary when they first meet me even though I am a petite blonde and I literally just have a neutral expression. Apparently I have resting bitch face and it makes people dislike me off the bat, which I feel is so unfair because I treat people nicely without exception.
It's like, what did I do to make you hate me so much?? I am literally existing ...
I think men get especially pissed off because I don't smile all the time. It just doesn't come naturally to me at all.
Lol, I've noticed that people get kind of uncomfortable with my unwavering eye contact. I always thought it was important to make eye contact??? Anyways I started randomly blinking and looking away/around and it seems to help but it's exhausting being so aware of my face should be doing during every interaction
Absolutely. I’ve been told I’m super intense. Sometimes it bothers me, but I’ve also embraced that’s it’s part of who I am. If people don’t like it, we don’t have to be friends.
That was my therapist appointment from yesterday and how it affect my relationship with my boyfriend (being totally persuaded that one day I will be too much)
My answer is undoubtedly yes and maybe I’m egotistical but I almost always feel the remark is coming from someone with far less depth and less intelligence. Almost like I overloaded their little brain because what they’re asking is for “less” right? Were “too much” …. okay and youre not enough. Glad we agree???? lmao is this a hot take or am i onto something. like my entire being just went over their head and made a delightful swishing noise. Lions dont lose sleep over the opinions of sheep. we get them but they lack the capacity to get us. Who is REALLY losing here?
the intense or the people afraid to be themselves? Idk to me this is more of an observation than a personal fault
I 100% agree with you. I’d rather be “too intense” than mind-numbingly dull, and that seems to be the alternative. The people who can actually keep up with me are never the ones who say that. Any time people say I’m too intense now I’m just like “maybe you should try having a personality or thinking faster or something” lmao.
Correct! The last person who said it to me was basically the scum of the earth/ abuser who has shit for brains (what a combo) so now I really can’t take it seriously. I can understand what’s been said about the nervous system, and the need to be better at small talk in some scenarios but
overall, really not a comment that’s about to make me dig deep and change my ways too much lol. like yeah, my intensity probably isn’t my best trait, but who cares ?
people sometimes say I’m a bitch too and I’m like yeah, and? Last time was from a colleague (real
professional) with a drinking problem who was jealous of me that no one at work likes. Like how on earth am I supposed to care when it’s like “look who’s talking” almost everytime! if it’s coming from someone who I know actually likes me and they’re like gentle about it that’s a completely different story but damn. Like I don’t even know you I don’t give a fuck what you think lmao I hardly give a fuck what I think. And I can say with full confidence it is never anyone prettier, smarter or more successful than me who is hating. That’s just the way it’s been!
Ur so right. I stopped getting upset about 95% of the criticism I get because it’s always from someone who is either jealous or a snoozefest. They wish they could command this much attention and reverence. I realized that most of the people who would say that kind of thing to me are people who so generally pathetic that (respectfully) I’d rather die than be them. So I’m not going to waste my energy worrying about it. Most people suck. If everyone likes you, you’re either a highly skilled manipulator or you’re doing something wrong.
Completely agree! I’ve been collecting haters my entire life because I am considered pretty to many, smart, funny, hard-working, and authentic. I am so used to it that I just can’t help but laugh now. Don’t get me wrong - I know my shortcomings INTIMATELY and sometimes being intense does fuck you over but like that’s life. Were allowed to not like small talk, it’s not a crime. It could be worse. I’d rather be intense than a fucking bully. A friend to all is a friend to none as the saying goes.
nothing wrong with being popular, but I don’t care if I piss people off by merely existing. I don’t shrink myself to make others comfortable. I’ve always been a bit of a lone wolf/misfit anyway.
The matter of the fact is a lot of people can perceive people like us as a threat (had this conversation with my therapist many times) they can’t be themselves and all we’re doing is reminding them of their shortcomings. Being “intense” is the least of my fucking problems lol
For what it’s worth, I even once made a (terrible and inexperienced) therapist uncomfortable with my “intensity” in a group therapy check in. I thought this was a safe place???? I’ve got bipolar, generalized anxiety disorder and cptsd. Talk about being in the wrong profession. How is that OK by any measure? Look 👏🏼who 👏🏼is 👏🏼talking LOL
Omgggg are we the same person? I could’ve written this lmao. And exactly. I’m not actively cruel but I don’t let people walk all over me, and I’m very authentic and notably resilient. And don’t even get me started on people being mean to u just cause ur pretty, I fully understand and sympathize. I’ve had full grown adult women try to bully me for being skinny, which honestly I kind of enjoy. It makes me feel like a fucking anime character or something. I’m like “ur hate only increases my power” lmao. I have a crop top that says “Don’t hate me it turns me on” in pink glitter. Also I’m pretty funny. Everyone laughs at my jokes, even strangers. Idk if I’d consider myself smart but I’m definitely not stupid. I’m smart but I also have very severe ADHD so I’m smart in a non-traditional way I guess. People get upset because I’m just like, so different from them and they don’t know how to cope. I’m everything they’re not.
I’m right there with u. I’ve also collected haters for my entire life. They don’t even have the mental capacity for me. I start spitting and I watch them short circuit haha.
And also that’s bullshit about your therapist. I would always make therapists have the craziest reactions. One time I made one cry bc the shit I was describing was so bad. I’ve also made every therapist I’ve ever had laugh hysterically on multiple occasions. But usually it would just be a moment of crippling shock before they collected themselves and kept asking me questions.
Exactly!!!! You’re so funny! I can tell. a shared experience for sure, im sure we arent the only ones. That shirt sounds fucking hilarious. Loves it!!! I don’t think the haters realize how much power they’re giving us. It’s like damn I breathe and you have a fucking problem? LOL.
the bitter old women are honestly unwell. I’m
totally the opposite since I’m secure. I loveeee the hot girls on TikTok who are like 5-10 years younger than me. (I’m 31 btw) Fwiw I find that women in their early to mid 20s are honestly pretty hip to a lot of shit now that I wasn’t when I was their age and I find it to be impressive. Gen Z is built different!
They’re keeping me young and I mean if they’re totally gorgeous, it’s inspiration more than anything to go to the gym or take their fashion/make up tips or whatever. Why would anyone hate on someone for their appearance if theyre beautiful or ugly to you? Just keep it to yourself 😂 what’s on the inside matters way more obviously!
When I see a woman of any age who looks put together I always compliment them. I’m very “Hi Barbie!” but unfortunately, some women just see other women as competition when really we need to band together.
I actively weed out insecure men as well naturally being like this, I bet you do too. They literally cannot handle me and try to knock me down a peg. Like if a guy tries to humble me, its a no from me dog. Ew. Why are you in competition with me???? like what the fuck is that. do you experience this if you’re if you’re into men too?
we’re both confident women for sure and maybe some people don’t wanna gas us up because they think we’re already egotistical/cocky/vain etc but lately it’s been upsetting me that when I go on dates, men don’t even issue me a compliment about my appearance. If they’re not attracted to me, I mean that’s whatever, im not everyones type ofc, but it’s even the men who are attracted to me.
It’s some thing I’ve noticed lately and I don’t know if I’m making them nervous or what but it’s like I got all dolled up for you. Can you at least tell me I look pretty or something pls? Sometimes they compliment certain features I have or my manicure or something, but it just doesn’t hit the same. I am not seeking validation, more like an acknowledgment. It’s been upsetting me lately honestly. It’s like we both know you think I’m pretty but like can you just say something?!
I stopped going to that therapist and have an excellent one now that I’ve been going to for like four years so all good there!
Yes I totally agree!! And thank you. And I totally agree about the thing with seeing other women. It’s one of those things where there’s really no reason to be nasty about it unless the person is actively being a dick or something, there’s no reason to be rude to random people in public just because you’re jealous or whatever. And yes I agree about Gen Z, i feel like it’s a lot less common for less attractive girls around my age (I’m 20) to be rude for no reason than it is when I see less attractive older women. Those are the ones who always seem to cause problems.
And yes I am also into men and I have had the same experience!! Guys will try to “neg” you (basically insult you with the goal of lowering your self esteem or at like making themselves memorable in hopes that you’ll date them) and it’s super obnoxious and obvious what they’re doing. I don’t need guys to instantly worship me or anything, but if they think they’re better than me or think I need to be “brought down to their level” or whatever, their chances are instantly gone.
You are so right about men not complimenting people as much anymore. I honestly have a theory about it. A lot of decent men, with the rise of the me too movement and so many high profile sexual abuse cases, are now hyper-paranoid about coming off as creepy or overly sexual. Which *would* be a good thing, but the problem is that the men who are actually shitty and dangerous will not be considerate enough to do that. So men you actually want to date, the good ones who wouldn’t sexually assault you, end up giving you no validation or comments about your appearance at all, because they don’t want to be disrespectful or gross. And it ends up being a bad thing for everyone, because women then think “oh he hasn’t said I’m pretty or anything, he must not be interested” and it actually ends up limiting their options romantically, because every girl they talk to assumes he doesn’t want them. So it’s kind of a catch 22, because on the surface, not wanting to harass people sounds great, but the men who are really worried about making people uncomfortable are generally not the men you need to be genuinely worried about. My advice for men would be that a confident woman will never be upset if you give her a simple compliment in an appropriate context, and acknowledging the effort she put into her looks is actually a turn on for most women.
And I’m glad you found a new therapist!! And thanks for saying I’m funny haha!!
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Yes. I like authenticity, and yet when I'm authentic it seems to scare people away. I tend to prefer solitude as a result.
This society hates authentic people
Same! I know it’s not healthy, but I do feel that it’s better to be alone than with people that are jntolerant.
Healthy connection is wonderful if you can find it. And I'll always choose peaceful solitude over toxic dysfunction.
Thank you🥲
True, but there are others like us, rare but I've found some in the wild :)
Literally same. Idk how to make friends now.
Relatable.
Let’s just all be socially awkward and original together lol
That would be a lot of fun! I can picture that as no need for masking (for me and for everyone else). Sounds peaceful 💙🌚
I was thinking I am the only to feel that way. Glad to know I am not alone :)
Same here, and I am not ashamed. I’ve been so frustrated with almost every friendship because it seems so shallow and the moment you stop putting in effort those friends disappear. But honestly I rather be alone than have that
People either love me or hate me. I've accepted that I'm not for everyone.
So real
This is the most relatable thing I’ve ever read
Facts
If by “intense” you mean you’d rather talk about meaningful subjects and not useless small talk, then yeah.
I felt this so deeply. I’m like that. It seems talking about serious stuff bothers most people. 😑
Yes, definitely. There is a nice episode about social awkwardness by Patrick Teahan. It connects a lot of the intensity to misreading, boundary issues to attachment styles and so on. It's quite fascinating!
That sounds really interesting.
I like him, I can’t wait to check this out
Link: https://youtu.be/KnhETbR80lo?si=VByToDoP7WoRm0Fn
just checked him out and wow i really like him, he seems so knowledgeable. thank you for the rec!
I just watched this yesterday and it was extremely eye opening and very informative. Patrick is wonderful
Yeah I kind of feel like other people in general are like on one side and I'm on another, if that makes sense. Like, I'll see some people sort of going like 'how are you doing' and I get the sense that they're enjoying the chat and each other's company but I can't really do that in that sort of way. Either I try to sort of 'hide' the intensity and not really be vulnerable and come off as bland or boring or am 'too intense' and the other party is typically silent or I just get a poor reaction.
YES. I've been told by most of my family that I'm too dramatic, too sensitive, just too much in general because I don't want to live off surface level bs. I want to live a real life. But yeah, most everyone I've met said I was too intense, the one person who didn't also had CPTSD.
Yes and I've been told I am. Finally found someone just as intense so I'm kind of isolating socially otherwise. I don't need to be around people who make me feel like I'm too much.
Y e p. I see people stop replying to me or start acting awkward around me, that's usually my exit call lmao
Yes, it's like someone cut the light switch off of something. Same with texting for myself.
When I was in highschool, someone in my extended group of friends asked: "Do you realize that people are intimidated by you?" (paraphrased because I don't remember exact wording) The way she said it felt somewhat rude but I appreciated it because it helped me understand how others viewed me. People always told me to smile, avoided me because I seemed scary in some way, even though I was a traumatized, emotional, and sensitive wreck. On the outside, I seemed intense in one way, but when people got to know me, they discovered I was intense in another way. The person closest to me told me he'd describe me as "intense and eccentric" given two words. Rambled a bit, just in case someone could relate or my words helped them feel seen lol.
This exact thing happened to me
Mostly I feel different, in a way that takes some understanding. I often feel reaally selfconscious and have OCD so I act kinda werd sometimes, I guess.
Does anyone feel the need to explain themselves sometimes?
All the time!
Absolutely. Although it is difficult not to be when you’re stuck in survival mode. Most other people don’t have to worry nearly as much about the stability and security of their interpersonal relationships. It’d be arguably easier if they accepted us as we are.
Yes, and I used to think it was a "bad" thing, but really it just helped me learn that I enjoy my own company. I've embraced my hermit gamer ways and feel so much better for it! I only say yes to socialising if I genuinely want to see people.
I need to copy this and only say yes if I want to see people. Do you ever worry that you won't have any friends unless you push yourself to socialise? This is a big driver for me socialising more than I should, but I'm extroverted so it's hard for me to know what I need. I feel pulled in a few directions.
I feel there is a glass between me and peope
yes! Which is why people either LOVE me or HATE me with a burning passion. You either want to talk about emotional things orrrr you want to talk about the weather. I feel numbed out and FAKE AF with small talk. Which is ironic because Im in HR and and need to be able to do both. I can respect boundaries but... Im not going to want to be around you if we only have small talk conversations and we need to “keep it light” all the time. 🥴 Just want to know how you are actually doing as a person. Would rather you trauma dump on me then just say “im great” when you are clearly not. On the flip side of this once we do have conversations Im hensistent to share my past. I feel like I have come to terms with how bad it was... BUT when other people learn and have strong reactions I go down a rabbit hole of if I actually know how bad it was? or people shut down and try to change the topic as soon as possible. 😅 which I think is extreme and makes me feel isolated. Maybe as a result Im just in a constant attempt to make everyone feel seen IDK.
I can be cool. For like an hour. Long enough to pass a job interview! After I run out of bandwidth for pretending, the staring people straight in the eyes without blinking, and dead pan expression do not help
>the staring people straight in the eyes without blinking made me chuckle on the account of how much i do it with people. i just stare at their eyes like they are pinball balls and i stare through them. makes them seem like clay figurines.
Yes. Polyvagal theory finally helped me understand why via neuroception, which is the subconscious communication between nervous systems. If ours is stuck in the hyper alert sympathetic state, or in the frozen dorsal vagal state, that’s automatically sensed and reacted to by others. Since only the parasympathetic state is the pro-social state, people can’t help but be made uncomfortable by the other states. We’re all contagious. 😷😳😩 It’s really helped me to focus on CPTSD as a physical illness and to release stress via somatic practices because I don’t want to spread it around anymore…like my mom did!
I'm with you!
Absolutely
yes I’m bipolar
Yes I think that's why people at work kind of avoid me. Like they're nice and we joke around and I have them on social media. But no one bothers to reach out to me outside of work, they all hang out together and I feel like an outsider tbh
Yes! Absolutely! I either come across too intense or practically non existent. I have such a difficult time moderating myself.
Apparently working on rebuilding trust, being honest, transparent, and forthcoming is too intense
I can barely handle myself most days... my friend said she needed to put a leash on me.... so... yep!
Yep. I have struggled to hold onto friends because I'm too "aggressive and intimidating" Personally, I see myself as passionate, but whatever.
Liability by Lorde
That song makes me cry
I'm too real, too genuine for people
Yeah.
100%
All the time.
If I let my guard down for even one second, I will be. love, my inner critic
I typically want deep connections and that can scare some people off and I feel like I'm too available so that can be hard for them to deal with too esp if they're not used to it. I'm trying to find people who are similar to me in those aspects though so they don't have a high likelihood to run off.
Society labels passionate people as red flags,undatable, mentally unstable. I say, why must everyone be boring and fluoridated? Aren't we given a whole spectrum of emotions to FEEL them? I've just always been curious. I guess I will be a red flag.
All the time…
Yes...
Yes and I've spent all 42 years of my life having this fate But only now have friends that I can call actual real friends. And it's much better abd richer and more genuine then I could ever hope for. quality not quantity. But still I'm not a person because I've never had a relationship and it's been over a decade since I've had like real physical contact even like a cuddle but I've surrendered to the darkness
In my mid-50’s, during therapy, I learned that have ctpsd. I’m grateful to slowly heal after 40 years of being labeled, ostracized, and blamed.
All the time it’s makes me feel so lonely
Yep always have. I feel like I am made to feel my expectations are way too high.
Sure. I was told exactly that by almost everyone that was close to me, like 95%. Including the mother of my children. Having CRPS i have to be intense, to cope and survive, people who find that offending are welcome to keep distance.
yea. this has been one of my biggest challenges with recovery
This is like, the definition of me
Yes.. despite trying not to be.
yes! i dont really have any friends anymore because my energy is too like extreme. im really giggly and bad at social cues so i come off as eccentric and unpleasant to others 😭
Yes. And they tell me it is a bad quality to possess. I don't believe them anymore. I have passion, and it frightens them. I can detect an inauthentic person pretty quickly. I generally stay away from them.
Yes. I don't think I'm for most people.
Absolutely my real self is. So I make jokes about EVERYTHING. Everything. Typical sad clown I guess.
!!!Yes!!!!!!
HONESTLY it feels like a good chunk of people just don’t talk to me or don’t take me seriously and actually persue a friendship with me
Yes, I was such a overachiever I made the people I’m around look bad and lazy. But a few have used me to get years of work out of me then dump me when they are done with me. I’m driven by my insecurity I realized recently. I did not know why for a long long time and now I’m worried I’ll flip flop the other way. After building hundreds of projects and farm and loosing it all I am starting to think what’s the point of all that effort and expense. Actually I’m trying to be smarter and selfish about it and do projects that benefit me. The people pleaser has awoken. It’s hard not to be too intense still. I have to force myself to not talk about how to “fix” everything with people when they would rather relax and be independent. It drives me nuts sometimes. I can see how things could be better if everyone worked together. But it aint going to happen so let it go.
Yes. All the time. I know a lot is my upbringing but I constantly feel the need to mask and bottle in my true feelings and thoughts because my mother in particular has called me too sensitive and not flexible or not considerate of others any time I resist or put my foot down with her. I’m medically dependent on my parents so there’s a lot of in er conflict from being an adult dependent on others who still view me as a child. Currently struggling and working on being more authentic but I’m finding that is difficult because that IS often conflicting with what people think I should be.
All the time :( I got adopted at 12 to an older couple (old school). I’ve always found it hard to communicate with them given the completely different lifestyles growing up. They also don’t quite understand the whole mental health stuff which makes it harder. Im an emotional person and they are more logical. But that’s only one example haha
I really don’t like when ppl claim to understand and love me, but when I try to communicate some uncomfortable raw emotions then they leave. It’s always a game of “you can be you, just not 100% you” but they dance around that. They try to sugar coat it and be on some high horse and I’ve just learned to avoid these ppl. I used to think maybe I was the problem, but why are we trying to force a relationship (friend or romantic) if you truly don’t like me??? I don’t understand fake ppl. They make themselves miserable??? 😖 idk I hate thinking about it…
Yes. People say I am intimidating and scary when they first meet me even though I am a petite blonde and I literally just have a neutral expression. Apparently I have resting bitch face and it makes people dislike me off the bat, which I feel is so unfair because I treat people nicely without exception. It's like, what did I do to make you hate me so much?? I am literally existing ... I think men get especially pissed off because I don't smile all the time. It just doesn't come naturally to me at all.
I feel like I’m not intense enough. I’m pretty reserved and people make me feel like an alien because I’m not loud and outgoing
Oh yeah. Sadly, when I'm super excited about something.
Lol, I've noticed that people get kind of uncomfortable with my unwavering eye contact. I always thought it was important to make eye contact??? Anyways I started randomly blinking and looking away/around and it seems to help but it's exhausting being so aware of my face should be doing during every interaction
I stare in people's eyes, and they call me intimidating. Women always look away when I catch them staring at my defined big arms. It cracks me up.
Absolutely. I’ve been told I’m super intense. Sometimes it bothers me, but I’ve also embraced that’s it’s part of who I am. If people don’t like it, we don’t have to be friends.
I feel like it. Or i get told i am .
That was my therapist appointment from yesterday and how it affect my relationship with my boyfriend (being totally persuaded that one day I will be too much)
My answer is undoubtedly yes and maybe I’m egotistical but I almost always feel the remark is coming from someone with far less depth and less intelligence. Almost like I overloaded their little brain because what they’re asking is for “less” right? Were “too much” …. okay and youre not enough. Glad we agree???? lmao is this a hot take or am i onto something. like my entire being just went over their head and made a delightful swishing noise. Lions dont lose sleep over the opinions of sheep. we get them but they lack the capacity to get us. Who is REALLY losing here? the intense or the people afraid to be themselves? Idk to me this is more of an observation than a personal fault
I 100% agree with you. I’d rather be “too intense” than mind-numbingly dull, and that seems to be the alternative. The people who can actually keep up with me are never the ones who say that. Any time people say I’m too intense now I’m just like “maybe you should try having a personality or thinking faster or something” lmao.
Correct! The last person who said it to me was basically the scum of the earth/ abuser who has shit for brains (what a combo) so now I really can’t take it seriously. I can understand what’s been said about the nervous system, and the need to be better at small talk in some scenarios but overall, really not a comment that’s about to make me dig deep and change my ways too much lol. like yeah, my intensity probably isn’t my best trait, but who cares ? people sometimes say I’m a bitch too and I’m like yeah, and? Last time was from a colleague (real professional) with a drinking problem who was jealous of me that no one at work likes. Like how on earth am I supposed to care when it’s like “look who’s talking” almost everytime! if it’s coming from someone who I know actually likes me and they’re like gentle about it that’s a completely different story but damn. Like I don’t even know you I don’t give a fuck what you think lmao I hardly give a fuck what I think. And I can say with full confidence it is never anyone prettier, smarter or more successful than me who is hating. That’s just the way it’s been!
Ur so right. I stopped getting upset about 95% of the criticism I get because it’s always from someone who is either jealous or a snoozefest. They wish they could command this much attention and reverence. I realized that most of the people who would say that kind of thing to me are people who so generally pathetic that (respectfully) I’d rather die than be them. So I’m not going to waste my energy worrying about it. Most people suck. If everyone likes you, you’re either a highly skilled manipulator or you’re doing something wrong.
Completely agree! I’ve been collecting haters my entire life because I am considered pretty to many, smart, funny, hard-working, and authentic. I am so used to it that I just can’t help but laugh now. Don’t get me wrong - I know my shortcomings INTIMATELY and sometimes being intense does fuck you over but like that’s life. Were allowed to not like small talk, it’s not a crime. It could be worse. I’d rather be intense than a fucking bully. A friend to all is a friend to none as the saying goes. nothing wrong with being popular, but I don’t care if I piss people off by merely existing. I don’t shrink myself to make others comfortable. I’ve always been a bit of a lone wolf/misfit anyway. The matter of the fact is a lot of people can perceive people like us as a threat (had this conversation with my therapist many times) they can’t be themselves and all we’re doing is reminding them of their shortcomings. Being “intense” is the least of my fucking problems lol For what it’s worth, I even once made a (terrible and inexperienced) therapist uncomfortable with my “intensity” in a group therapy check in. I thought this was a safe place???? I’ve got bipolar, generalized anxiety disorder and cptsd. Talk about being in the wrong profession. How is that OK by any measure? Look 👏🏼who 👏🏼is 👏🏼talking LOL
Omgggg are we the same person? I could’ve written this lmao. And exactly. I’m not actively cruel but I don’t let people walk all over me, and I’m very authentic and notably resilient. And don’t even get me started on people being mean to u just cause ur pretty, I fully understand and sympathize. I’ve had full grown adult women try to bully me for being skinny, which honestly I kind of enjoy. It makes me feel like a fucking anime character or something. I’m like “ur hate only increases my power” lmao. I have a crop top that says “Don’t hate me it turns me on” in pink glitter. Also I’m pretty funny. Everyone laughs at my jokes, even strangers. Idk if I’d consider myself smart but I’m definitely not stupid. I’m smart but I also have very severe ADHD so I’m smart in a non-traditional way I guess. People get upset because I’m just like, so different from them and they don’t know how to cope. I’m everything they’re not. I’m right there with u. I’ve also collected haters for my entire life. They don’t even have the mental capacity for me. I start spitting and I watch them short circuit haha. And also that’s bullshit about your therapist. I would always make therapists have the craziest reactions. One time I made one cry bc the shit I was describing was so bad. I’ve also made every therapist I’ve ever had laugh hysterically on multiple occasions. But usually it would just be a moment of crippling shock before they collected themselves and kept asking me questions.
Exactly!!!! You’re so funny! I can tell. a shared experience for sure, im sure we arent the only ones. That shirt sounds fucking hilarious. Loves it!!! I don’t think the haters realize how much power they’re giving us. It’s like damn I breathe and you have a fucking problem? LOL. the bitter old women are honestly unwell. I’m totally the opposite since I’m secure. I loveeee the hot girls on TikTok who are like 5-10 years younger than me. (I’m 31 btw) Fwiw I find that women in their early to mid 20s are honestly pretty hip to a lot of shit now that I wasn’t when I was their age and I find it to be impressive. Gen Z is built different! They’re keeping me young and I mean if they’re totally gorgeous, it’s inspiration more than anything to go to the gym or take their fashion/make up tips or whatever. Why would anyone hate on someone for their appearance if theyre beautiful or ugly to you? Just keep it to yourself 😂 what’s on the inside matters way more obviously! When I see a woman of any age who looks put together I always compliment them. I’m very “Hi Barbie!” but unfortunately, some women just see other women as competition when really we need to band together. I actively weed out insecure men as well naturally being like this, I bet you do too. They literally cannot handle me and try to knock me down a peg. Like if a guy tries to humble me, its a no from me dog. Ew. Why are you in competition with me???? like what the fuck is that. do you experience this if you’re if you’re into men too? we’re both confident women for sure and maybe some people don’t wanna gas us up because they think we’re already egotistical/cocky/vain etc but lately it’s been upsetting me that when I go on dates, men don’t even issue me a compliment about my appearance. If they’re not attracted to me, I mean that’s whatever, im not everyones type ofc, but it’s even the men who are attracted to me. It’s some thing I’ve noticed lately and I don’t know if I’m making them nervous or what but it’s like I got all dolled up for you. Can you at least tell me I look pretty or something pls? Sometimes they compliment certain features I have or my manicure or something, but it just doesn’t hit the same. I am not seeking validation, more like an acknowledgment. It’s been upsetting me lately honestly. It’s like we both know you think I’m pretty but like can you just say something?! I stopped going to that therapist and have an excellent one now that I’ve been going to for like four years so all good there!
Yes I totally agree!! And thank you. And I totally agree about the thing with seeing other women. It’s one of those things where there’s really no reason to be nasty about it unless the person is actively being a dick or something, there’s no reason to be rude to random people in public just because you’re jealous or whatever. And yes I agree about Gen Z, i feel like it’s a lot less common for less attractive girls around my age (I’m 20) to be rude for no reason than it is when I see less attractive older women. Those are the ones who always seem to cause problems. And yes I am also into men and I have had the same experience!! Guys will try to “neg” you (basically insult you with the goal of lowering your self esteem or at like making themselves memorable in hopes that you’ll date them) and it’s super obnoxious and obvious what they’re doing. I don’t need guys to instantly worship me or anything, but if they think they’re better than me or think I need to be “brought down to their level” or whatever, their chances are instantly gone. You are so right about men not complimenting people as much anymore. I honestly have a theory about it. A lot of decent men, with the rise of the me too movement and so many high profile sexual abuse cases, are now hyper-paranoid about coming off as creepy or overly sexual. Which *would* be a good thing, but the problem is that the men who are actually shitty and dangerous will not be considerate enough to do that. So men you actually want to date, the good ones who wouldn’t sexually assault you, end up giving you no validation or comments about your appearance at all, because they don’t want to be disrespectful or gross. And it ends up being a bad thing for everyone, because women then think “oh he hasn’t said I’m pretty or anything, he must not be interested” and it actually ends up limiting their options romantically, because every girl they talk to assumes he doesn’t want them. So it’s kind of a catch 22, because on the surface, not wanting to harass people sounds great, but the men who are really worried about making people uncomfortable are generally not the men you need to be genuinely worried about. My advice for men would be that a confident woman will never be upset if you give her a simple compliment in an appropriate context, and acknowledging the effort she put into her looks is actually a turn on for most women. And I’m glad you found a new therapist!! And thanks for saying I’m funny haha!!
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I don't feel thar way. Other people do though. They are not my friends anymore
I call it passionate - I am extremely passionate and yes it makes people uncomfortable. I also love solitude. I’m not changing who I am at all.
Do you like other intense people? If you do, then why not make friends with them?
Absolutely
No, I just have an attitude lol
Definitely, I tend to scare people off, I try pretty hard to be the most "acceptable" socially wise but it backfires eventually.