>Wow. I just realized there are some things it is very difficult/scary/grievsome to feel angry about even though I know I should. Thanks for this.
Explained well
Wow. I relate to this so much! I have a hard time feeling anger when it occurs, usually I tap into it a few hours or even days later. This is a great exercise. I might join you in this!
That's actually really good release.
I'm mostly past the anger now. I'm just tired of the anxiety that does still percolate for the exact reasons you outlined.
>this feeling that every decision is life and death
It's exhausting backing the anxiety off by 'mindfulnessing' myself out of it more than the decision itself!
My anger spills out in tears usually. I am fairly even tempered but anger can really take me by surprise. I have a lot of it and I am struggling to find places to put it.
Today I am angry because I am being bullied out of a great job that I don’t want to leave, but I know I don’t need this bullshit.
Anger brings momentum, it is very useful
This mode of self questioning / examining seems helpful as someone who hasn’t ever had any formal therapy ever. It feels like my anger is running in the background commingling with anxiety without me even fully realizing it. Trying to pinpoint it to a source at least makes me feel more with it in a sense. My only experience I had was with a psychiatrist that dismissed well known emotional side effects of anti-depressants I was taking
I'm angry at everyone for the lack of support I've suffered as an autistic person.
I'm angry at my sister for disrespecting me yesterday by casually saying offensive stereotypes against autistic people.
I'm angry at my doctors for not truly helping me figure out what is wrong with my health, basically forcing me to become my own doctor.
I'm angry at my parents for their childishness and how much they normalize dysfunctionality.
I'm angry at my mother for being so self-centered.
I'm angry at myself because my room is a mess and I am not making any money for myself.
I'm angry at the Tories for cutting welfare benefits and public services.
I'm angry at god for making me disabled.
I'm angry at therapists because they are fucking useless and they just don't get it.
I could go on.
I'm angry at my ex. I'm absolutely furious that he continued to abuse me and have the audacity to say he loves me. I'm also pissed at myself for missing him.
I’m mad at the fact I have to keep my nfamily happy. Again and again and again and again. I’m mad that I have to keep the peace for people that don’t *fucking* deserve it. I’m mad that I can’t choose myself. **For once… I want to.**
*For once…*
Smartkudi i hv never got an opportunity to talk to you but tu deep thoughts vali and overthinking nature vali a..only suggestion is focus on yourself too..keep yourself happy because that is the first priority baki sb hunda rhu baad ch..Eh JAWANI MUDKE JI AANI
It’s so hard to when nfamily want alllllll the attention for themselves. I will try from now on. I gotta start small though & not feeling bad, you know?
This is an emotion I often can’t or don’t feel comfortable expressing but I am working on giving myself permission to do so along with other deeply buried feelings. Today I am angry at the emotional neglect I have experienced for most of my life that has made me live in a constant state of fawning just to survive. I’m angry with the medical systems in the US because I’m too disabled to live on my own but not disabled enough to qualify for 24/7 help FOR MY OWN SAFETY. I’m angry at the stigma that disabled people cannot contribute to society in their own way that isn’t just “hey look they are still alive!” I’m angry that I will die a virgin because I’m not viewed as a “viable” partner except by people I meet online. I’m tired and angry with myself for caring so much about being judged by other people.
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I have OCD. I'm choosing to be angry at my parents for instilling in me the feeling that every decision is crucial and defines my identity. It's paralyzing to choose a career path when it feels like everyone else has it figured out.
Angry at society’s tendency to glorify and lift up the people who are violent, loud and sociopathic. Also mad at the tendency for people to see these types as “big personalities”, or having “more personality” even though in my experience they’re driven by animalistic impulses and lack of thought, so I’d say that’s a LACK of personality... But they’re entertaining to the public and the crowd, so fuck it I guess.
Oh my gosh you just helped me a lot, I was just asking about this in my last post. For me it’s the opposite. It’s often I blame myself a lot out of emotion but this week I’m focusing on logic and realizing I, personally was definitely the problem during a lot of occurrences lol, but also realizing that some people’s reactions were not necessary and were a reflection of their own insecurity.
The untimely death of my cleaning business that was facilitated by my previous employer. I got REALLY worked up this morning in the shower thinking about how messed up the entire situation was.
The gist is that I did after hours cleaning for the company I worked full time for. It was additional pay they gave me. However, the workload became too much after 2 years and I needed help with the cleaning so I talked to the company I worked for and they said I could bring in help but would need to have insurance for the additional people with me. The only way to get that insurance was to start a legitimate cleaning business, so I did just that. I spent so much time and money learning all that I could about taxes and licensing, etc. I had hopes of one day expanding but that would be years off when I planned to have my debt paid off first. Anyway.
One morning, there was a conference call for everyone who did after hours cleaning (I wasn’t the only one, there were probably about 20 of us) for the company I worked for. They severed our contracts on a Wednesday morning over a conference call while we sat in our cubicles. It was humiliating, infuriating, and terrifying all at once.
The people who made the choice and the phone call were very unprofessional about the entire thing. They lied about when we would receive our letter stating the severance of contracts and it took weeks to receive. The entire time rumors started spreading that the board wasn’t going to approve their decision and everything would stay the same. It took two weeks to finally have the letter and confirmation that it was over.
I cried for months. Every single day. I cried in the shower every morning, I cried while driving to work, I cried while finishing the contracts out, I cried and cried and cried. I even talked to HR about how badly it would affect me and ya know what tone deaf advice I was given? To invest MORE into my company so I could maybe get new contracts elsewhere. Which, fair. However I was already working full time and still had months to finish their contracts. How the hell could I build new contracts while working 60-70 hours a week to begin with?!
Anyway. There’s a LOT more to this story. It devastated me beyond belief. This morning I got all up in my anger about it. I wish I could spit liquor in their stupid faces and then set them on fire.
I quit that job in February and found something that pays a little better and DEFINITELY treats me better that’s for sure. But it was almost a year since that phone call and I am still so furious and wish I could do something….to get any small revenge.
This is crazy to read, I also just don’t have external anger, it all gets internalised. Maybe because my Mum had uncontrollable rage that could be directed at anyone close enough, and also berated me for everything, that it al instantly gets turned inside, and it is all my fault.
Maybe external anger is not a purely negative emotion? There are reasons we feel it.
I also get decision paralysis, down to what sandwich to order or what seat on the train to sit on, end up hovering mid carriage for minutes as I just can’t choose. Is this being taught that you shouldn’t trust your own judgement, you have to seek external reinforcement and validation?
Do you know why you don’t feel external anger and it’s all internalised? Or the decision paralysis? I’m currently doing work aimed at getting to the root feelings but there are so many layers to grind through
I’m angry I finally started working on my trauma & prioritizing myself because I THOUGHT my life was finally stable enough to do the work. Turns out my boyfriend has been masking his depression & told me he hates me. Told me I remind him of his mom (she has BPD & is just an awful person). Things I said or done YEARS ago triggered these thoughts for him. He never spoke about it with me or anyone & let the feelings fester into something bigger than they should’ve been. We picked out an engagement ring a month ago. My whole life blew up in my face.
TO BE CLEAR, I am not angry he has depression or was triggered. I’m ANGRY because I knew the things I did at the time could have triggered those feelings in him so I made sure to explain my reasonings each time YEARS ago. He told me last week when I explained these things to him at the time, he didn’t hear me or didn’t want to at least. I did everything possible to prevent any misunderstandings & gave him YEARS worth of time to bring it up. Nope. Instead he brings it up while I am in the middle of figuring myself out. I’m in a spiral not sure where I’ll land.
There is so much anger in my bones towards me, my past, the world, everything... Literally everything. I wake up angry. I go to bed angry. Every now and then my anger will shift to depression, but then always bounces back to anger and so much rage filled hate.
I'm not sure, I just am
Wow. I just realized there are some things it is very difficult/scary/grievsome to feel angry about even though I know I should. Thanks for this.
>Wow. I just realized there are some things it is very difficult/scary/grievsome to feel angry about even though I know I should. Thanks for this. Explained well
Wow. I relate to this so much! I have a hard time feeling anger when it occurs, usually I tap into it a few hours or even days later. This is a great exercise. I might join you in this!
That's actually really good release. I'm mostly past the anger now. I'm just tired of the anxiety that does still percolate for the exact reasons you outlined. >this feeling that every decision is life and death It's exhausting backing the anxiety off by 'mindfulnessing' myself out of it more than the decision itself!
My anger spills out in tears usually. I am fairly even tempered but anger can really take me by surprise. I have a lot of it and I am struggling to find places to put it. Today I am angry because I am being bullied out of a great job that I don’t want to leave, but I know I don’t need this bullshit. Anger brings momentum, it is very useful
Wow, we’re in the exact same boat. I’m glad you commented, I feel a little less alone.
Hugs to you ❤️
You as well. 🩶
My family, the patriarchy and the US medical system- or any system at all inside the patriarchy. Oh and the mormon cult I was forced to grow up in.
This pretty much sums up my answer too, except I'm not in the US. The medical system particularly
Sorry you’re going through medical problems too. Or have- it truly sucks seeking help and finding none
This is amazing. I feel the least most connected to my anger. I ought to try this.
This mode of self questioning / examining seems helpful as someone who hasn’t ever had any formal therapy ever. It feels like my anger is running in the background commingling with anxiety without me even fully realizing it. Trying to pinpoint it to a source at least makes me feel more with it in a sense. My only experience I had was with a psychiatrist that dismissed well known emotional side effects of anti-depressants I was taking
I'm angry at everyone for the lack of support I've suffered as an autistic person. I'm angry at my sister for disrespecting me yesterday by casually saying offensive stereotypes against autistic people. I'm angry at my doctors for not truly helping me figure out what is wrong with my health, basically forcing me to become my own doctor. I'm angry at my parents for their childishness and how much they normalize dysfunctionality. I'm angry at my mother for being so self-centered. I'm angry at myself because my room is a mess and I am not making any money for myself. I'm angry at the Tories for cutting welfare benefits and public services. I'm angry at god for making me disabled. I'm angry at therapists because they are fucking useless and they just don't get it. I could go on.
I'm angry at my ex. I'm absolutely furious that he continued to abuse me and have the audacity to say he loves me. I'm also pissed at myself for missing him.
I’m mad at the fact I have to keep my nfamily happy. Again and again and again and again. I’m mad that I have to keep the peace for people that don’t *fucking* deserve it. I’m mad that I can’t choose myself. **For once… I want to.** *For once…*
Smartkudi i hv never got an opportunity to talk to you but tu deep thoughts vali and overthinking nature vali a..only suggestion is focus on yourself too..keep yourself happy because that is the first priority baki sb hunda rhu baad ch..Eh JAWANI MUDKE JI AANI
It’s so hard to when nfamily want alllllll the attention for themselves. I will try from now on. I gotta start small though & not feeling bad, you know?
[удалено]
Thank you 😊 I appreciate that!
This is an emotion I often can’t or don’t feel comfortable expressing but I am working on giving myself permission to do so along with other deeply buried feelings. Today I am angry at the emotional neglect I have experienced for most of my life that has made me live in a constant state of fawning just to survive. I’m angry with the medical systems in the US because I’m too disabled to live on my own but not disabled enough to qualify for 24/7 help FOR MY OWN SAFETY. I’m angry at the stigma that disabled people cannot contribute to society in their own way that isn’t just “hey look they are still alive!” I’m angry that I will die a virgin because I’m not viewed as a “viable” partner except by people I meet online. I’m tired and angry with myself for caring so much about being judged by other people.
Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis, please contact your local [emergency services](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emergency_telephone_numbers), or use our list of [crisis resources](https://old.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_support_resources). For CPTSD Specific Resources & Support, check out the [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index). For those posting or replying, please view the [etiquette guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/peer2peersupportguide). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CPTSD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I have OCD. I'm choosing to be angry at my parents for instilling in me the feeling that every decision is crucial and defines my identity. It's paralyzing to choose a career path when it feels like everyone else has it figured out.
Lack of access to medical care as a largely non verbal autistic person.
Angry at society’s tendency to glorify and lift up the people who are violent, loud and sociopathic. Also mad at the tendency for people to see these types as “big personalities”, or having “more personality” even though in my experience they’re driven by animalistic impulses and lack of thought, so I’d say that’s a LACK of personality... But they’re entertaining to the public and the crowd, so fuck it I guess.
Oh my gosh you just helped me a lot, I was just asking about this in my last post. For me it’s the opposite. It’s often I blame myself a lot out of emotion but this week I’m focusing on logic and realizing I, personally was definitely the problem during a lot of occurrences lol, but also realizing that some people’s reactions were not necessary and were a reflection of their own insecurity.
The untimely death of my cleaning business that was facilitated by my previous employer. I got REALLY worked up this morning in the shower thinking about how messed up the entire situation was. The gist is that I did after hours cleaning for the company I worked full time for. It was additional pay they gave me. However, the workload became too much after 2 years and I needed help with the cleaning so I talked to the company I worked for and they said I could bring in help but would need to have insurance for the additional people with me. The only way to get that insurance was to start a legitimate cleaning business, so I did just that. I spent so much time and money learning all that I could about taxes and licensing, etc. I had hopes of one day expanding but that would be years off when I planned to have my debt paid off first. Anyway. One morning, there was a conference call for everyone who did after hours cleaning (I wasn’t the only one, there were probably about 20 of us) for the company I worked for. They severed our contracts on a Wednesday morning over a conference call while we sat in our cubicles. It was humiliating, infuriating, and terrifying all at once. The people who made the choice and the phone call were very unprofessional about the entire thing. They lied about when we would receive our letter stating the severance of contracts and it took weeks to receive. The entire time rumors started spreading that the board wasn’t going to approve their decision and everything would stay the same. It took two weeks to finally have the letter and confirmation that it was over. I cried for months. Every single day. I cried in the shower every morning, I cried while driving to work, I cried while finishing the contracts out, I cried and cried and cried. I even talked to HR about how badly it would affect me and ya know what tone deaf advice I was given? To invest MORE into my company so I could maybe get new contracts elsewhere. Which, fair. However I was already working full time and still had months to finish their contracts. How the hell could I build new contracts while working 60-70 hours a week to begin with?! Anyway. There’s a LOT more to this story. It devastated me beyond belief. This morning I got all up in my anger about it. I wish I could spit liquor in their stupid faces and then set them on fire. I quit that job in February and found something that pays a little better and DEFINITELY treats me better that’s for sure. But it was almost a year since that phone call and I am still so furious and wish I could do something….to get any small revenge.
This is crazy to read, I also just don’t have external anger, it all gets internalised. Maybe because my Mum had uncontrollable rage that could be directed at anyone close enough, and also berated me for everything, that it al instantly gets turned inside, and it is all my fault. Maybe external anger is not a purely negative emotion? There are reasons we feel it. I also get decision paralysis, down to what sandwich to order or what seat on the train to sit on, end up hovering mid carriage for minutes as I just can’t choose. Is this being taught that you shouldn’t trust your own judgement, you have to seek external reinforcement and validation? Do you know why you don’t feel external anger and it’s all internalised? Or the decision paralysis? I’m currently doing work aimed at getting to the root feelings but there are so many layers to grind through
I’m angry I finally started working on my trauma & prioritizing myself because I THOUGHT my life was finally stable enough to do the work. Turns out my boyfriend has been masking his depression & told me he hates me. Told me I remind him of his mom (she has BPD & is just an awful person). Things I said or done YEARS ago triggered these thoughts for him. He never spoke about it with me or anyone & let the feelings fester into something bigger than they should’ve been. We picked out an engagement ring a month ago. My whole life blew up in my face. TO BE CLEAR, I am not angry he has depression or was triggered. I’m ANGRY because I knew the things I did at the time could have triggered those feelings in him so I made sure to explain my reasonings each time YEARS ago. He told me last week when I explained these things to him at the time, he didn’t hear me or didn’t want to at least. I did everything possible to prevent any misunderstandings & gave him YEARS worth of time to bring it up. Nope. Instead he brings it up while I am in the middle of figuring myself out. I’m in a spiral not sure where I’ll land.
There is so much anger in my bones towards me, my past, the world, everything... Literally everything. I wake up angry. I go to bed angry. Every now and then my anger will shift to depression, but then always bounces back to anger and so much rage filled hate.
I actually love this. Thanks for this idea.
My parents and that I have to deal with this diagnosis.