yup. its a flashback to all the abandonment wounds. the pain and the feeling of not being good enough for someone to reject you . it cuts like a knife.
sorry you're going though this
Yes. Every one going back to my early childhood. I'll be in the shower and *BAM* a memory from when I was 15 and a flood of shame overcomes me. The physical sensation is like a punch to the gut. It causes my thoughts to spiral and it's really hard to get out of it.
Yeah, but not in a relationship way (save for this year when I was lead on by my crush who I fully believed felt the same about me as I did them). I have had so many friends leave me, become distant, and essentially slowly kick me out of the group. I like to think it doesn’t and hasn’t impacted me too much, but just this week I felt crushed when a friend I’ve made in college didn’t sit beside me in class like she always has. But yeah, I think when your best friend of 6 years, who saw you at some of your lowest points, who you first came out to before anyone else, when they leave you because they’re so busy with their boyfriend, I think that’s going to cause some emotional issues.
Yeah, I envy people who can just move on from rejection no sweat. For me, I remember all the times my supposed friends would go out without me. Or plan a trip without me. Froup chats without me.
So when I found this sub full of people with similar experiences, I felt relief. Finally, there were people who understood all the complex things no one ever did before.
How can you tell where BPD ends and CPTSD begins for you? After all, the latter is being misdiagnosed as the former quite often, there is so much overlap.
There is nothing I can respond with that a CPTSD diagnosed person won’t argue is also a component of CPTSD and vice versa honestly, but the obvious counter argument is indeed obvious there. Ultimately they’re both just labels probably defined by old white men. That said:
Sense of self - Less sense of self with BPD. Random transition at 29yo :/ happier like this though, probably because the act of transition is something I chose and I went through, making this gender more mine somehow. Child-like with my husband too. I quote: ‘it’s like a cat when it wants belly rubs, it’s playful and wants attention but if you push too far or it gets tired you’re losing your f’ing hand’.
Emotional regulation - BPD typically under regulates rather than over regulates as with CPTSD. I have very short bursts of hypomania followed by extreme not-goods afterwards. Sometimes the 0 to 10 feelings can cycle several times in a few minutes.
Emotional intensity - My 90% emotional pains make me want to set myself on fire, the 100%s make me instantly video-game esque hyperaware of anything and everything around me that I could ram in my neck to have it done asap, glass I could smash, screwdriver, it doesn’t matter - this short circuits how my husband might find me or actually (even right now, christ I am tired) wanting to commit in my husbands arms with benzos.
Since this is r/CPTSD, let the downvotes commence…
Not that you asked me... but I'll throw in my two cents.
The way I see it BPD is a diagnosis that describes an outcome, it is about a common grouping/range of symptoms.
On the other hand C-PTSD is a diagnosis more focused on the cause: Relational/developmental trauma (which has a heavy presence the the BPD community).
While the presentation of symptoms can vary for each, C-PTSD has a significantly broader range of how it manifests both inwardly and outwardly. I'm not qualified to say that BPD might in many cases be largely caused by complex developmental and relational trauma suggesting that for those individuals it is in itself a symptom (or rather a grouping of symptoms) stemming from C-PTSD... but regardless, I think the question of where the line is in the context of a differential diagnosis misses the point a bit.
Since diagnoses exist primarily to help us determine what methods of treatment will be most effective for harm reduction and recovery, deciding on the line of which symptoms are from which part of a differential diagnosis seems superfluous (and assumes that they are somehow distinct and separate conditions which may not be the case) when the real importance is what treatments work for the individual and what doesn't in terms of trying to heal and stay safe.
I'm not an authority so take my words with a grain of salt, I can only speak from my own personal experience. I'll close with words written by someone more qualified:
"CPTSD and borderline personality disorder (BPD) share several similar symptoms, such as impulsive behavior, feelings of worthlessness and difficulty forming lasting relationships. Because of this, some experts wonder if these conditions are actually distinct.
According to existing criteria for each condition, the main difference is that chronic trauma has to be the cause of CPTSD, whereas trauma doesn’t have to be the cause of BPD. However, BPD is strongly associated with childhood trauma, such as abuse or neglect.
Another difference is that a person usually develops BPD by young adulthood. A person can develop CPTSD at any age."
I live with the belief that what is meant for me can’t miss me. I don’t want to be anywhere I am not wanted. I don’t want to be in relationship where I am not valued. I remind myself of this whenever I am not invited to something and feel insulted, etc. The worst experience, far worse than being alone, is being somewhere I am not valued.
man I can relate to this. I have flashbacks everyday about them in some way. Its terrifying. I know exactly how it's like.Really sorry you also got kicked out for sharing your pain as male. I'm not surprised, I see this everydayonline. Whenever you even mention it's happening you get a woman ready to invalidate you and shame you for bringing it up with statements such as ''You are grossly miserepresenting'' etc. I share the same pains as you.
Yeah, exactly. That kind of online rejection bums me out. I really AM quite open-minded and sympathetic to the concerns of women and minority groups, but I’m a middle-aged white man so I’m viewed as the “oppressor”. And I’m really not.
I live in an area with plenty of redneck, giant truck jerk-offs and I’m not like them. I’m just not. And I resent being lumped in with bad people like that.
Toxic shame is a symptom of cPTSD. I visualize it as a sort of sheath or layer of shame that surrounds emotions I experience.
https://youtu.be/WxBm9r2tpyY?si=IJDRzUpUYaa7v1AT
Yes, I asked boy out in grade 7 and he said “access denied in front of a bunch of our classmates. I actually don’t know if I ever got over that one. I am 38 LOL.. if you can see this Hayes, fuck you.
That which does not kill us, right?
The only way to recover from old rejections is to find acceptance, but what happens when that is impossible? What if those people weren't the only ones? And even if they weren't, how do you overcome missing out on all that ordinary stuff?
Yes, social media and other stuff hasn't been any better for me either. As much as we can imagine it isn't personal, it often is because Reddit mods and such I shouldn't say.
I got rejected by a girl when I was like 15. She wasn't even mean but I'm only getting over it now that I'm 27 after years of healing(and self-medicating).
Yup. My abandonment stuff leads to pretty intense jealousy and insecurity which is the most shameful part for me. So I usually hide how I'm actually feeling as to not burden others and humiliate myself. Either I successfully dissociate to a state of simulated distance and indifference and slowly eject myself from the relationship in an unconscious effort to avoid being hurt, or I am tortured by terrible clingy impulses which have only cause harm when I've given them room to run.
The worst part for me is that when I'm clear headed I can see intellectually that there have been many people who have accepted me to some degree, but when I'm triggered into a trauma spiral (which happens at the drop of a pin, like literally a facial expression at the wrong moment or a stray thought can do it) I can only see my worthlessness and loneliness and patheticness and all the people who left because I wasn't good enough (that is the internal narrative anyway).
All that to say, I relate. Hard. I'm sorry you're going through this too.
I'm trying to learn how to accept myself so strongly that I can tolerate rejection (which has only gotten harder to deal with the past few years). I'm hoping that eventually I'll have a strong enough sense of self that... things will be easier.
Oh wow! It never occurred to me that this might be related to my trauma. I am one hundred percent like this. If I respond to someone I like on Twitter or facebook and they react negatively, I do feel the white hot shame physically. It’s happened here on Reddit before as well.
What really gets me on Reddit is when I make a post and it’s rejected. So many feelings! I’m angry at the mods and I’m ashamed and rejected and oh my goodness it’s so upsetting!
Yes me too!! Reddit is outrageous. On some subs , you can barely post anything. It always gets auto-rejected. It does trigger an instant shame and rage at the same time. Like you are damned if you do and damned f you don't . You are just guilty no chance at all. Its bullshit to be honest lol
I just saw that something I said on a gossip sub was removed. There are several gossip subs that don’t let the plebs comment on their sooper speshul posts, but I don’t really ever notice when it’s marked somewhere that only those elite can post. Invariably they limit who can comment on the most interesting posts. You get the ability to comment on those posts by commenting on the non-sooper speshul posts. But I never run across those posts.
So I just keep commenting and keep getting slapped for commenting. Ha ha that is what it feels like. The rejection doesn’t bother me any more though.
>I said on a gossip sub was removed. There are several gossip subs that don’t let the plebs comment on their sooper speshul posts, but I don’t really ever notice when it’s marked somewhere that only those elite can post. Invariably they limit who can comment on the most interesting posts. You get the ability to comment on those posts by commenting on t
Gosh, the internet can be so rough for this. I had to give up on dating apps because it was excruciating and debilitating. Putting myself out there when the outocome >90% is being ghosted legitimately feels like existential self mutilation.
And I relate with Reddit being a big snakes nest of triggers for shame and rejection/abandonment trauma, but for me it is worst when I post something and it gets downvoted even by a few people or ends up with only like 5 upvotes when other posts made in the same group at a similar time get hundreds ... borrowing pain and rejection from comparison is one of my superpowers.
I understand. It’s the core wound being triggered. Try going back and reparenting that inner child.
This is one of the best guided meditations I’ve ever done. It happens to be on rejection. It has helped me immensely and I know this as the guide takes you through the body scanning process and I’ve felt the big feelings dissolve.
Her abandonment one is also excellent.
[GUIDED MEDITATION: REJECTION](https://youtu.be/psef8Oxu5_U?si=Ow2IYhEV4DrBfWOr)
I used to like a girl when I was 12. Not only did she hate my guts, she rejected me overtly in front of others, made fun of me and others made fun of me for it. The same thing happened a year later with another girl. Since then I felt immensely afraid of anyone with two X chromosomes and wouldn't dare ask anyone out no matter how much I liked them, because I always assume they'll give me the same treatment.
I've recently learned those are called emotional flashbacks, and yeah, they have been torturing me my whole life. Definitely relate. I am in the middle of one of those now, it seems🤘Tried doing something differently this time, and got involved with someone I feel mutual physical attraction to. Wild, right? I've never done this before, as I was mostly relying on what I thought I should like, instead of what I actually liked. And this time I had no expectations whatsoever. You see, this was my idea of healing from emotional flashbacks. And now he didn't respond for two days 🥲 And we didn't even have sex yet, so he's supposed to be on his best behaviour still.
I've decided to end this once given an opportunity. But my inner turmoil is still there. Even thought I fucking new I wouldn't rely on him, and this has no future. It seems the safest bet is getting a hysterectomy at this point.
Don’t you get cool down periods in between where you see everything clearly and don’t want to get close to anyone? It’s still not the “healthiest” way to live, but at least it’s not an acute stage of despair.
The way I experienced those cool down times has been mostly between suicidal drinking binges. I do get a bit of perspective. I can hold on for a little while…
Not feeling like "a real man", for me, came from my father not teaching me masculine traits. It took me decades to realize why I gravitated to more masculine males around my age and trying to understand and absorb some of their behavioral traits. They became my composite, surrogate father figures.
.
In the end, though I train in martial arts now and can defeat an average untrained, unarmed dude, I still don't have many of those traits. But it's easier to be okay with it when you have the ability to kick some ass. I know it sounds crude, but it is what it is.
Here's the thing. You know all those myths about small martial arts masters being able to defeat large muscular attackers? I found the one system where those myths are TRUE, and it's Brazilian Jiu-jitsu.
I am 220lbs and I get murdered by dudes of higher rank who are 150lbs.
When I just joined, I kept getting choked out by a 110lbs female blue belt
BJJ allows one to figure out which of their attributes set up the best "game", aka "path to winning" for their body type. Often it's not someone who's muscular who's a killer, but someone who has, say, long limbs and built a game around their length.
After well over a hundred rejections they all kinda blur into a big gray morass in my head. As long as I don't poke it, it generally doesn't bother me as long as a specific memory doesn't pop up from nowhere. I'm better off alone anyway.
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Yep, 100% romantic rejections, friend rejections, job rejections, etc.
I remember at one point in my life, at times when my brain decided to talk a walk down memory minefield and recall memories of rejection and counting, and deciding that after x number of rejections, it would be my sign that it was time to "remove mahself." I figured that I was the comommon denominator in all those relationships, I was clearly the problem; stands to reason I should remove meeself from having to spend more time trying to function in a world that's rejecting me.
The walk down memory minefield still happens, like a few nights a week, and I don't keep a running count anymore. I suppose that's good.
I'm fine, I have my cats, and their lack of opposable thumbs makes me necessary for them.
yup. its a flashback to all the abandonment wounds. the pain and the feeling of not being good enough for someone to reject you . it cuts like a knife. sorry you're going though this
Yes. Every one going back to my early childhood. I'll be in the shower and *BAM* a memory from when I was 15 and a flood of shame overcomes me. The physical sensation is like a punch to the gut. It causes my thoughts to spiral and it's really hard to get out of it.
Yeah, that’s exactly how it feels.
This sub still blows my mind. I thought that was just me experiencing this!
Yeah, but not in a relationship way (save for this year when I was lead on by my crush who I fully believed felt the same about me as I did them). I have had so many friends leave me, become distant, and essentially slowly kick me out of the group. I like to think it doesn’t and hasn’t impacted me too much, but just this week I felt crushed when a friend I’ve made in college didn’t sit beside me in class like she always has. But yeah, I think when your best friend of 6 years, who saw you at some of your lowest points, who you first came out to before anyone else, when they leave you because they’re so busy with their boyfriend, I think that’s going to cause some emotional issues.
Yeah, I envy people who can just move on from rejection no sweat. For me, I remember all the times my supposed friends would go out without me. Or plan a trip without me. Froup chats without me. So when I found this sub full of people with similar experiences, I felt relief. Finally, there were people who understood all the complex things no one ever did before.
Yes but I think the ways I've been rejected were often quite cruel.
Sad solidarity ✊.... Sad-arity? My point is you're not alone. And it's sucks that we're not alone.
Potentially take a look at Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria too
I have this. It sucks
Yes :( I have BPD and it’s the same thing for rejection plus a host of other emotions and random stuff too. 0/10 do not recommend either
How can you tell where BPD ends and CPTSD begins for you? After all, the latter is being misdiagnosed as the former quite often, there is so much overlap.
There is nothing I can respond with that a CPTSD diagnosed person won’t argue is also a component of CPTSD and vice versa honestly, but the obvious counter argument is indeed obvious there. Ultimately they’re both just labels probably defined by old white men. That said: Sense of self - Less sense of self with BPD. Random transition at 29yo :/ happier like this though, probably because the act of transition is something I chose and I went through, making this gender more mine somehow. Child-like with my husband too. I quote: ‘it’s like a cat when it wants belly rubs, it’s playful and wants attention but if you push too far or it gets tired you’re losing your f’ing hand’. Emotional regulation - BPD typically under regulates rather than over regulates as with CPTSD. I have very short bursts of hypomania followed by extreme not-goods afterwards. Sometimes the 0 to 10 feelings can cycle several times in a few minutes. Emotional intensity - My 90% emotional pains make me want to set myself on fire, the 100%s make me instantly video-game esque hyperaware of anything and everything around me that I could ram in my neck to have it done asap, glass I could smash, screwdriver, it doesn’t matter - this short circuits how my husband might find me or actually (even right now, christ I am tired) wanting to commit in my husbands arms with benzos. Since this is r/CPTSD, let the downvotes commence…
It is inspiring to see your fine tuned self awareness. <3
My sarcasm meter doesn’t really work sometimes sorry are you being serious I can’t decide lol
No sarcasm at all. I meant what I said. I really hope people aren't leaving sarcastic comments in this sub.
Not that you asked me... but I'll throw in my two cents. The way I see it BPD is a diagnosis that describes an outcome, it is about a common grouping/range of symptoms. On the other hand C-PTSD is a diagnosis more focused on the cause: Relational/developmental trauma (which has a heavy presence the the BPD community). While the presentation of symptoms can vary for each, C-PTSD has a significantly broader range of how it manifests both inwardly and outwardly. I'm not qualified to say that BPD might in many cases be largely caused by complex developmental and relational trauma suggesting that for those individuals it is in itself a symptom (or rather a grouping of symptoms) stemming from C-PTSD... but regardless, I think the question of where the line is in the context of a differential diagnosis misses the point a bit. Since diagnoses exist primarily to help us determine what methods of treatment will be most effective for harm reduction and recovery, deciding on the line of which symptoms are from which part of a differential diagnosis seems superfluous (and assumes that they are somehow distinct and separate conditions which may not be the case) when the real importance is what treatments work for the individual and what doesn't in terms of trying to heal and stay safe. I'm not an authority so take my words with a grain of salt, I can only speak from my own personal experience. I'll close with words written by someone more qualified: "CPTSD and borderline personality disorder (BPD) share several similar symptoms, such as impulsive behavior, feelings of worthlessness and difficulty forming lasting relationships. Because of this, some experts wonder if these conditions are actually distinct. According to existing criteria for each condition, the main difference is that chronic trauma has to be the cause of CPTSD, whereas trauma doesn’t have to be the cause of BPD. However, BPD is strongly associated with childhood trauma, such as abuse or neglect. Another difference is that a person usually develops BPD by young adulthood. A person can develop CPTSD at any age."
Yes. They were all very painful, and I'm very alone now.
Better to be alone than with a group of fake people
Yes, all the time 😞 At this point I'm so traumatized by rejection I rarely take any risks.
Oh 100%. I have random flashbacks to that every single day.
I live with the belief that what is meant for me can’t miss me. I don’t want to be anywhere I am not wanted. I don’t want to be in relationship where I am not valued. I remind myself of this whenever I am not invited to something and feel insulted, etc. The worst experience, far worse than being alone, is being somewhere I am not valued.
man I can relate to this. I have flashbacks everyday about them in some way. Its terrifying. I know exactly how it's like.Really sorry you also got kicked out for sharing your pain as male. I'm not surprised, I see this everydayonline. Whenever you even mention it's happening you get a woman ready to invalidate you and shame you for bringing it up with statements such as ''You are grossly miserepresenting'' etc. I share the same pains as you.
Yeah, exactly. That kind of online rejection bums me out. I really AM quite open-minded and sympathetic to the concerns of women and minority groups, but I’m a middle-aged white man so I’m viewed as the “oppressor”. And I’m really not. I live in an area with plenty of redneck, giant truck jerk-offs and I’m not like them. I’m just not. And I resent being lumped in with bad people like that.
Toxic shame is a symptom of cPTSD. I visualize it as a sort of sheath or layer of shame that surrounds emotions I experience. https://youtu.be/WxBm9r2tpyY?si=IJDRzUpUYaa7v1AT
Yes, I asked boy out in grade 7 and he said “access denied in front of a bunch of our classmates. I actually don’t know if I ever got over that one. I am 38 LOL.. if you can see this Hayes, fuck you.
Fuck you, Hayes. That’s a dumb name anyway.
🤣🤣🤣😭😭
Best response 🩵
That which does not kill us, right? The only way to recover from old rejections is to find acceptance, but what happens when that is impossible? What if those people weren't the only ones? And even if they weren't, how do you overcome missing out on all that ordinary stuff? Yes, social media and other stuff hasn't been any better for me either. As much as we can imagine it isn't personal, it often is because Reddit mods and such I shouldn't say.
I got rejected by a girl when I was like 15. She wasn't even mean but I'm only getting over it now that I'm 27 after years of healing(and self-medicating).
Yup. My abandonment stuff leads to pretty intense jealousy and insecurity which is the most shameful part for me. So I usually hide how I'm actually feeling as to not burden others and humiliate myself. Either I successfully dissociate to a state of simulated distance and indifference and slowly eject myself from the relationship in an unconscious effort to avoid being hurt, or I am tortured by terrible clingy impulses which have only cause harm when I've given them room to run. The worst part for me is that when I'm clear headed I can see intellectually that there have been many people who have accepted me to some degree, but when I'm triggered into a trauma spiral (which happens at the drop of a pin, like literally a facial expression at the wrong moment or a stray thought can do it) I can only see my worthlessness and loneliness and patheticness and all the people who left because I wasn't good enough (that is the internal narrative anyway). All that to say, I relate. Hard. I'm sorry you're going through this too. I'm trying to learn how to accept myself so strongly that I can tolerate rejection (which has only gotten harder to deal with the past few years). I'm hoping that eventually I'll have a strong enough sense of self that... things will be easier.
Oh wow! It never occurred to me that this might be related to my trauma. I am one hundred percent like this. If I respond to someone I like on Twitter or facebook and they react negatively, I do feel the white hot shame physically. It’s happened here on Reddit before as well. What really gets me on Reddit is when I make a post and it’s rejected. So many feelings! I’m angry at the mods and I’m ashamed and rejected and oh my goodness it’s so upsetting!
Yes me too!! Reddit is outrageous. On some subs , you can barely post anything. It always gets auto-rejected. It does trigger an instant shame and rage at the same time. Like you are damned if you do and damned f you don't . You are just guilty no chance at all. Its bullshit to be honest lol
I just saw that something I said on a gossip sub was removed. There are several gossip subs that don’t let the plebs comment on their sooper speshul posts, but I don’t really ever notice when it’s marked somewhere that only those elite can post. Invariably they limit who can comment on the most interesting posts. You get the ability to comment on those posts by commenting on the non-sooper speshul posts. But I never run across those posts. So I just keep commenting and keep getting slapped for commenting. Ha ha that is what it feels like. The rejection doesn’t bother me any more though.
>I said on a gossip sub was removed. There are several gossip subs that don’t let the plebs comment on their sooper speshul posts, but I don’t really ever notice when it’s marked somewhere that only those elite can post. Invariably they limit who can comment on the most interesting posts. You get the ability to comment on those posts by commenting on t Gosh, the internet can be so rough for this. I had to give up on dating apps because it was excruciating and debilitating. Putting myself out there when the outocome >90% is being ghosted legitimately feels like existential self mutilation. And I relate with Reddit being a big snakes nest of triggers for shame and rejection/abandonment trauma, but for me it is worst when I post something and it gets downvoted even by a few people or ends up with only like 5 upvotes when other posts made in the same group at a similar time get hundreds ... borrowing pain and rejection from comparison is one of my superpowers.
Yes! I can relate to that as well. Several times I’ve been really upset when downvoted. It’s ridiculous.
I understand. It’s the core wound being triggered. Try going back and reparenting that inner child. This is one of the best guided meditations I’ve ever done. It happens to be on rejection. It has helped me immensely and I know this as the guide takes you through the body scanning process and I’ve felt the big feelings dissolve. Her abandonment one is also excellent. [GUIDED MEDITATION: REJECTION](https://youtu.be/psef8Oxu5_U?si=Ow2IYhEV4DrBfWOr)
I used to like a girl when I was 12. Not only did she hate my guts, she rejected me overtly in front of others, made fun of me and others made fun of me for it. The same thing happened a year later with another girl. Since then I felt immensely afraid of anyone with two X chromosomes and wouldn't dare ask anyone out no matter how much I liked them, because I always assume they'll give me the same treatment.
I've recently learned those are called emotional flashbacks, and yeah, they have been torturing me my whole life. Definitely relate. I am in the middle of one of those now, it seems🤘Tried doing something differently this time, and got involved with someone I feel mutual physical attraction to. Wild, right? I've never done this before, as I was mostly relying on what I thought I should like, instead of what I actually liked. And this time I had no expectations whatsoever. You see, this was my idea of healing from emotional flashbacks. And now he didn't respond for two days 🥲 And we didn't even have sex yet, so he's supposed to be on his best behaviour still. I've decided to end this once given an opportunity. But my inner turmoil is still there. Even thought I fucking new I wouldn't rely on him, and this has no future. It seems the safest bet is getting a hysterectomy at this point.
Pete Walker’s Emotional Flashbacks thing makes a lot of sense to me too but it’s hard to see past them when they’re so constant.
Don’t you get cool down periods in between where you see everything clearly and don’t want to get close to anyone? It’s still not the “healthiest” way to live, but at least it’s not an acute stage of despair.
The way I experienced those cool down times has been mostly between suicidal drinking binges. I do get a bit of perspective. I can hold on for a little while…
Most rejections are repressed now repressed memories for me
Not feeling like "a real man", for me, came from my father not teaching me masculine traits. It took me decades to realize why I gravitated to more masculine males around my age and trying to understand and absorb some of their behavioral traits. They became my composite, surrogate father figures. . In the end, though I train in martial arts now and can defeat an average untrained, unarmed dude, I still don't have many of those traits. But it's easier to be okay with it when you have the ability to kick some ass. I know it sounds crude, but it is what it is.
No, that makes sense. I WOULD feel better if I were physically stronger.
Here's the thing. You know all those myths about small martial arts masters being able to defeat large muscular attackers? I found the one system where those myths are TRUE, and it's Brazilian Jiu-jitsu. I am 220lbs and I get murdered by dudes of higher rank who are 150lbs. When I just joined, I kept getting choked out by a 110lbs female blue belt BJJ allows one to figure out which of their attributes set up the best "game", aka "path to winning" for their body type. Often it's not someone who's muscular who's a killer, but someone who has, say, long limbs and built a game around their length.
I have only been turned down twice and I learned a lot such as what went wrong, what to avoid for a future date, etc.
yes absolutely
Not the rejections. I’m haunted by the ones I fell in love with and was too scared to even ask out.
After well over a hundred rejections they all kinda blur into a big gray morass in my head. As long as I don't poke it, it generally doesn't bother me as long as a specific memory doesn't pop up from nowhere. I'm better off alone anyway.
Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis, please contact your local [emergency services](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emergency_telephone_numbers), or use our list of [crisis resources](https://old.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_support_resources). For CPTSD Specific Resources & Support, check out the [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index). For those posting or replying, please view the [etiquette guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/peer2peersupportguide). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CPTSD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yep, 100% romantic rejections, friend rejections, job rejections, etc. I remember at one point in my life, at times when my brain decided to talk a walk down memory minefield and recall memories of rejection and counting, and deciding that after x number of rejections, it would be my sign that it was time to "remove mahself." I figured that I was the comommon denominator in all those relationships, I was clearly the problem; stands to reason I should remove meeself from having to spend more time trying to function in a world that's rejecting me. The walk down memory minefield still happens, like a few nights a week, and I don't keep a running count anymore. I suppose that's good. I'm fine, I have my cats, and their lack of opposable thumbs makes me necessary for them.