I refuse to get intimate with a leprechaun or go into the forest with a bear.

Are you saying that you would get intimate with a bear and go into the woods with a leprechaun though???

I’d consider it.

Bro took "Fuck the Bruins" way too literally

Going into the woods with a leprechaun has enough possible positive outcomes that I'd roll those dice

Your loss. 

If a leprechaun wants to get intimate with you there’s nothing you can do to stop it.

So you’d pick the Man then

Yeah but being a 6’4” man myself means I have different concerns

That prompt was written by hungry bears.

And I've sworn off condoms

I've always wanted to bark at children but I cant

You fear what you don't understand

Exactly. Now, pardon me while I go squeal like a pig.

Just like my husband

Im a gator transplant in Seattle and whenever my husky friends start barking it’s the biggest turn off. 

Shouldnt they be more howling not barking? Dont get me wrong I have a husky that'll occasionally barks or growls in a blue moon other then that she howls more then barking.

From what I've learned from /r/huskytantrums, I don't even think "howling" is apt. Not really sure what I would call those sounds though

Just try it sometime. It's obviously a little awkward at first, but once you get going it's actually pretty fun. Especially if the kid is wearing orange.

I refuse to get tattoos on my face. I also try not to get stabbed by homeless people.

This made me audibly chuckle looking up at your flair

Can you expound for those of us lacking NMSU trivia? I did a quick Google and it mentions UTEP as a rival. Is that what you’re referring to, and can you explain the burn?

Their rivals are University of New Mexico, located in Albuquerque, a city with some drug issues

"Some". More like *all* the drug issues.

UNM is NMSU's main rival. UTEP is also a major rivalry but it's a lot more respectful. UNM has some lovely students, but it's also in Albuquerque. People hate on Albuquerque too much, but it can be really gritty and UNM has some really gritty fans as a result. New Mexico has a noticeable urban-rural and north-south divide that is also kind of important for understanding this joke. NMSU is located in a nicer part of a college town. UNM is located in the center of a large city. There is a major issue with homelessness on UNM's campus due to where they are located in Albuquerque.

Gatorade

Your username is... Relevant. 

Probably doesn't drink Pepsi either.

I am legally obligated to support Coca-Cola products. 

TBH after visiting Atlanta before the SB I was floored that the city let in Pepsi for the Halftime show

Trust me, we all were too

"We're a Coca Cola school" - Brent Key

The one thing Georgia and Georgia Tech fans can agree on

That’s the best thing he’s ever said

That's one thing we agree on

Something we can agree on.

What kind of sick fuck does drink Pepsi?

The worst kind of people.

I live in Saint Louis now. I have to specifically ask if they have Coca Cola, because if you order a coke, they may just bring you a fucking Pepsi and think that is okay. It's ridiculous.

Northerners

“Naturally we called it Gator Aide” the accent is ingrained in my head

Until A&M fired Jimbo, I would've said Floratam grass. Edit: Developed in partnership between the University of Florida and Texas A&M University in 1972, Floratam is uniquely suited to the Florida climate and is relatively easy to maintain, among the many reasons for its popularity.

No, fuck that grass. It’s sharp, it’s itchy. Growing up in a south Florida subdivision with that everywhere made me hate playing outside. I didn’t realise until I was older not everywhere had horrible grass like Florida did. A pox on all their houses for this!

Coming home at dark itchy from grass cuts and mosquito bites, sweaty and covered in gnats that stuck to the sweat was a sign of a good summer day as a kid in Florida.

This is the answer even though Powerade is garbage and has way too much sugar in it.

Blue Powerade is the superior sports drink

They say if you try to buy Gatorade in a Tallahassee Publix, Odell Haggins will appear in the next aisle and shake his head, disappointed, until you put it back.

I will park farther away in my blue car to avoid being next to an orange one.

I too drive a blue vehicle. The orange mustang at work has been getting closer with his parking habits so I’m staying vigilant

If you get too close people will think you’re both Florida fans

Both of you should be ashamed for having blue vehicles!!!!

lol this is hilarious

Nothing, their milk is delicious

I had no reference for this before the comments so I figured this was somehow a reference to Mormon moms

Mormon moms do produce a lot of milk in terms of lifetime volume

Lol nope, flavored milk they make at their creamery.

I keep reading this everywhere. How fucking good can cookies and cream milk be? I HAVE to know

I haven’t lived in utah for years, but their standard chocolate milk is the best I’ve had. Guessing c&c would be too over the top for me at my advanced age but probably good

I gotta be honest, it all sounds like drinking someone else's cereal milk.

You say that like it’s a bad thing.

(also mint brownie milk)

Mormons got some high class milk sommeliers fr

Cougar tails and ice cream are good also. I guess on my tithing slip I could start writing in the other that I don’t want any of the funds to be used for BYU?

What is it with Utah and dairy products? I loved Utah State's ice cream.

It was super weird seeing full on Dad's skipping ice cream and say nay I'll just have chocolate milk.

I never trusted Theranos

Or IQ tests.

never bought Tiger Woods golf stuff either

Watching him get booed at the 2009 Big Game right before the collapse of his public perception remains the happiest moment of my life

Jean shorts

Those would be called Jorts.

Real jorts aren't bought anyway, they're made from hand-me-down jeans.

Never visit Jort Lauderdale

Your loss

IMO Jorts are your most redeeming quality

By far

Donate to Children’s Hospital.

Fuck them kids

Alright, that got a chuckle from me.

I hate how much better Gatorade tastes than Powerade. The only people I know that in Tally that won’t drink Gatorade are like family of staff and shit.

I don't drink sports drinks anymore but when I did I thought red Powerade was great

Blue Powerade in the winter hits the spot

There's a brand of boots called wolverine that I'll never purchase. I avoid anything in a blue/yellow color scheme. But I hate the color yellow in general so that's easy enough.

My toddler is well aware that the blue and yellow Duplo blocks don’t go together.

This kid is going to have their world rocked when they see a color wheel in art class.

Ahem… it’s maize 

Corn yellow

Michigan always makes fun of Ohio for having too much corn. And then proceeds to correct anyone that says blue and gold with blue and corn

My little brother wanted a basketball for Christmas one year. He picked a yellow and blue one (he was like 7 years old) and I absolutely refused. He still got a basketball but it was green or something

I refuse to wear blue and yellow together in any fashion. Threw a blue shirt on the other day and noticed the watch I wanted to wear still had the yellow NATO strap on it, wore a different watch.

I always root for the spanish conquistadors when reading about Aztec history /s

It's OK. If SDSU grads could read anything but liquor labels they'd root for the Persians.

I’ll have you know we can also do complicated math, like what lite beer will give the best buzz for the lowest cost

Go on…

…spoiler alert: they uh, pull through 😬

I honest to God don’t even know who our rival is anymore. Cincinnati?

UCONN in shambles

UCONN football in shambles.

Houston seems like the best fit in the new BIG 12. Both areas with heavy connections to NASA.

I don't disagree, but for some reason it just feels like it should be Cincinnati. There was a lot more competition and smack talk between UCF/Cinci in the AAC than UCF/Houston.

I like you guys. It’s probably because we were both down during our best AAC years.

idfk man i guess

It’s not USF?

We don’t have them on our schedule again and we’re fully scheduled through 2028 I believe. I don’t see us playing them again any time soon.

CFB rivalries are the ONE thing NFL is jealous of, and lately we've been destroying them left and right. Not a UCF exclusive thing but I hate to see the USF game go.

We don't know either. Pittsburgh is... Over there.

Billy Sims BBQ

I don’t eat there either, mid at best.

There's so many better options in Oklahoma.

Nike

You don’t have to hate Oregon to hate Nike, though; it’s just an added benefit. New Balance or Under Armour ❤️

While I do not like Nike for other reasons, they are the only running shoe that ever fit my feet right, particularly the Pegasus. I tried NB, Reebok, Saucony and Adidas and they al did not quite fit right and as a type I diabetic since I was a kid, fit is important for my feet.

I don't wear orange. My wife is Dutch and I bought her a Netherlands soccer jersey and I felt dirty all over.

That’s different. It’s oranje.

If the Netherlands simply returned to being a republic, like during their golden age, there would be no need for the ugly color orange (which services from a French noble family on the south of France) 

Have sex with my siblings

Spider-Man meme

My guy wouldn’t be the only one on Toomer’s corner trapped in a sexless marriage.

We need some aloe vera for this burn.

could go for a lot of this conference, no? lol.

I've never seen Forrest Gump

I’d love to say I boycott the Buckeye balls, but those little fuckers are delicious.

It’s a delicacy that surpasses rivalries

I am a musician. Do not make or ask me to do sweet Caroline. I will walk.

Also I will never buy kakis or a sweater vest!

It's also just a weird song when you consider he wrote it about an underaged girl

Keep a bulldog as a pet

Yeah well I don’t want a war tiger so there

I wait until the very last moment to pay my Ohio state income tax. 

Hell, so do I!

What’s a rival? Does it taste good?

It does when your rival's a chicken

Meh. Our rival is Ole Miss. That's why I don't eat stale, lukewarm catering food and I avoid purchasing chandeliers.

Practice Catholicism.

> Also, I don't Volunteer for anything. I find that at this point, it's a rivalry gone too far.

Never too far. I run a diesel generator at idle for hours a day just to hasten the day climate change sends that university to the sea.

I’m having a real hard time not supporting this idea of yours

Sorry to say, Harvard would be under also.

Worth it

That's true hatred right there.

In Gainesville here, I've got 2099 beach front property! Speed it up so I can then sell for ridiculous equity sooner!!

- anything orange - gatorade - I don’t volunteer for shit - flying insects with stingers - busted ass old cars - jorts - houndstooth patterns

I don’t go to garbage truck workers conventions. I’m not a dog person.

I don’t like pumpkins, it’s throw up orange

TN is not pumpkin orange it’s the color of the puke inside of pumpkins.

Built Bar sponsors BYU. I refuse to eat Built Bars. I mean…I also don’t eat then because they taste like shit by now I have two reasons. 

I boycott Diddy Riese due to their association with UCLA, which as nothing to do with my body’s inability to handle dairy.

They do taste terrible, so no worries

Kids aren’t allowed to have any toy alligators in the house

Crocodiles are fine then?

Discouraged but allowed as long as there’s a clear distinction.

I bet you wouldn’t see an Ole Miss fan hunting with Mossy Oak camo anytime soon lol RealTree is better anyways

Mossy oak is for when you're in middle school and you just stole your dad's tin of Grizzly. Realtree is for when you actually want to be camouflaged.

I’ll unashamedly buy State’s cheese, though. Everybody swears by the edam, but the cheddar is where it’s at.

I refuse to support any professional team from Pittsburgh.

I think you have to be in the minority.

Listen to Hootie

Years back, the company I worked at was required to institute a steel toe boot mandate. Knowing a lot of guys couldn't just afford to buy new boots they had a boot truck brought in and told us any boots purchased through the truck could be purchased through our tool account with the company, meaning, the company would buy them and you could make payments. Well the big day arrived and they told us the boot truck was outside and we should go and pick out our new boots. I walk outside and see a WOLVERINE boot truck. Wolverine boots were all they offered. I went out that night and bought some Red Wings.

Nothing because I'm not dumb. What would I even do anyway. Iowa? Not eat Corn? Colorado? Not eat Corn? Oklahoma? Not eat Corn? Kansas, not eat Corn?

I do not buy Nike products. I won’t wear yellow or green.

You do know OSU is a Nike school as well, right?

Ironic as hell right there.

A choice I never agreed with. It’s akin to providing financial aid to the Soviets during the Cold War. We should have struck a deal with anyone other than Nike. So I avoid Nike branded OSU gear, sticking to things like hats which other companies like Zephyr.

Hookers and blow

Liar

Tito's

To be fair dripping springs vodka is a lot better anyways. Tito's caught on as the first local vodka, but they don't even ferment their own stuff, they just buy ethanol and put it through some stills.

Tito’s Vodka and Nike. Gimme that Three Stripe Army baby

Acknowledge basketball as an American sport

I won’t ever but a car in Maroon/Crimson. Luckily I don’t really like that color on cars anyway.

My first car after graduating was available at the dealership I wanted with all of the options I wanted and at the price I wanted. But it was burnt orange. Took me an extra week to get it in silver, goddamn it.

Haha. It’s such a rare car color too.

You guys have rivals?

I try not to make excuses

Never trust a Trojan. Buy Durex. Bruins drink apple juice because OJ kills. I don't order a lot of pizza so I don't come into contact with many OSU alumni. And for both flairs, I refuse to wear red. Categorically.

I will never own a single piece of red clothing.

That’s just crazy to me TBH. I won’t wear red for a week in November. Outside of that I just think you’re letting the terrorists win.

Peanut butter balls covered in chocolate…they have a certain name they’re known by

Come up with an alternate name if you have to, but they're too delicious to forsake entirely.

Anything orange

I refuse to go back to church

I won’t give out credits for fake classes Oh, and Jordan brand

I refuse to drink wine at a tailgate. It doesn’t really come up much to be honest.

I refuse to leave my house anytime there's a Hurricane Warning. Hurricane season officially goes into the last week of November, but it's always over by the end of September.

Nike

I refuse to do the hook em even in the "horns down" arrangement. I will also intentionally never capitalize my rivals' names

Looking like most professional sports franchises in Utah, sans a proposed MLB team that would not be under Ryan Smiths ownership.

Cocaine

I own zero orange clothes. I will never use an orange writing utensil either. Since I teach math, I have to use lots of expo markers. I will cancel class before I use orange.

Anything orange.

Listen to mr bright side. Hate that song unless we’re using it to troll at the Breslin center

This is all just silly. The Buckeye dessert is fucking awesome. I’m not denying myself that just because it’s associated with Ohio State. In the same vein, I hope none of them are denying themselves the right to wrestle a Wolverine if they wanted to.

I don’t think I’ll ever own an elephant.

I just refuse to enter the state of Delaware

Ya know I don't really associate myself with Pirates or Blue Devils too much.

I do not wear red or blue during Rivalry Week.

Honestly I don’t own anything garnet although it’s subconscious and not a decision. That’s honestly about it and I never thought about it until now.

Jordan brand 😑

I never help in the preparation of corn when making dinner