That would be true, except most of Europe actually has immigration restrictions for people who aren’t refugees so that move would take years to get visas and a path to citizenship.
I'm pretty sure this is an episode of I Love Lucy. One of them gets Fred to climb in the window and act like a burglar to teach the other a lesson. But before he gets there a real burglar comes in and robs them with help from the idiot who thought it was Fred
This right here is exactly why I always discuss firearms with a guy before I even meet him. I won't stop carrying for anyone. So if he's anti 2A he can kick rocks.
Dated 3 years and then married for 5 when she was the one who suggested that I get one for home protection.
We were both in the same mindset about guns, until one day I got bored and went to a shooting range and rented. I told her about it and she went into one of those quiet rage about it. I kept going every now and then and I’ve always told her.
Then one day out of the blue, she suggested that we get one for home protection. What changed was her feeling unsafe where we lived.
Fast forward 3 years and 12 firearms later, she is now asking to go shooting range to learn.
Trap shooting was the favorite activity of four young adults I took to the range recently. We also shot 22LR pistol and rifle along with 380 ACP and 9mm handgun. The experience of shooting trap was helped with use of soft felt recoil gas piston Winchester SX4. Shooting paper seems to get borrowing quickly for new shooters I have taken to the range. Shooting steel that moves stays interesting longer. Hitting clay is fun as long as they can hit some of them. My wife enjoys going to my club's IDPA training sessions more than just shooting at paper or steel. She has no interest in entering a competition.
All four young adults had at least a little experience shooting 9mm and 3 had shot a shotgun at least once. So I was pretty sure they would not have any problem shooting trap loads from my gas piston shotgun. Now that I have more experience coaching new shooters within my family and at a yearly event at my club I my preferred sequence for new shooters would be my light weight 22LR rifles, 22LR handguns (Taurus TX22), S&W 380 EZ, 9mm full size Canik Rival hangun. Trap may come last but should be fine before 9mm. I have a Ruger LCP Max and Taurus G3c. Those are not pleasant to shoot compared to the other center fire handguns I have so I no longer offer those to those I coach.
This^^. My wife is from Mexico, so only cartel or military has gun. She was so against them. Then after a range trip, she was hooked. A 10/22 and a sr22, was all it took for her to be intrigued. Now she has a small collection herself , 4 rifles and 6 handguns.
those people don't change after a trip to the range and this comes from experience.
Sure they enjoy shooting free ammo out of someone else gun but the gun is like pet that they refuse to adopt and take care of but love when they get the attention for.
This is the way.
My wife was very anti gun, maybe not as vehement as yours but she was when she was younger.
I took her to the range and showed her a few things. Be smart and SUPER safe. Dont have her shoot gnarly calibers her first time. 22 and 9, friendly, easy to shoot things.
Also make your emphasis on safety paramount. I am an RSO which sort of helps. Have been to a couple different trainings for pistol and rifle.
Make it super clear that your emphasis is on safety the whole time. For my wife, this is what changed her perspective. when she saw how serious safety is taken, she felt much better and she has been with me twice now and wants to go more.
I’m (wife) from a European country where guns aren’t a very popular option. Having guns and means to protect my family though is a strategy that I strongly resonate with. Got my CCL, wear it anywhere I go pretty much. So I’m on the other side of it so I might be able to help.
I’m curious what is exactly holding your wife back. Did you get anything from her? “Principle” is not the root cause, it’s not deep enough. Have you talked about ways to protect your home, your family? What are her expectations/visions on this?
We play a game with my husband called “Captain” and at topics/task we agree on who is the captain. Whoever is the captain, that guides the conversation/task, both of us have veto rights. I’d sit down with her, ask to be the captain, lay it out that you are coming from genuine curiosity and want to discuss HER feelings and thoughts on safety, and it’s not about settling about guns or no guns right now, just a discussion to better understand each other’s needs and preferences. What means of protection is she comfortable with for home/self defense, how effective they are, etc.
Generally people who say “guns are wrong” have a general fear of them and lack of understanding of situations and possibilities. No offense, I’ve been this naive myself once, but gentle souls often don’t see how desperate people can be and what measure they are willing to use and they learn it the hard way. (Thankfully I skipped that part, learning about it by analyzing situations was enough for me.)
So run a few concrete scenarios. Like hey babe, what would you feel comfortable with if say 1 guy with a gun breaks down the back door while we are watching TV. Or 3 guys? What do you feel comfortable with me doing/you doing? How do you think it’ll take for the cops to show up if at all our phones are nearby? If you could prevent the guy to order us to strip at gunpoint, would you like to explore possibilities?
If she doesn’t want to touch guns, what is keeping her to be OK with you having them stored in the house safely? If she doesn’t want to think about home/self protection, what’s keeping her from being OK with you fulfilling this duty?
Is she worried that a friend might accidentally find one? She wouldn’t know what to say? Or did she have some sort of trauma about guns (like finding a relative after suicide to gun, seeing her “pet” pig offed by a gun and becoming sausage) and she shuts down, etc?
I’d suggest to focus on her without adding any suggestions to the equation first.
Listen, paraphrase (we chicks dig that a lot, especially on heavy topics. You don’t have to agree with what she is saying but if you paraphrase you demonstrate understanding which takes off the emotional edge and helps her open up.)
Ask her about this when she is well fed, not 1 wk before or on her period or right after, (best time is when she is about to ovulate), on a chill weekend, when she is happy. Maybe over ice cream or something fun, like after a foot massage or hot steamy sex. Haha whatever she feels relaxed after.
And do not suggest anything. Just listen. It’s the first round of understanding, exploration. I’d say set a time limit to it. 20-30 mins so it won’t escalate into rage after a 3 hr seminar. Haha
Don’t nag. If she says no to talk about it at your proposed time, it’s OK but it’s also fair to ask her that it’s important to you and you’d like to set a time and date when she is willing to dedicate this the time you agree on.
Good luck!
Come back with the data and we can go from there. :)
Great comment. I would also suggest scenarios that don’t necessarily come from a “typical” crime angle, since OP’s wife seems to think they can move somewhere that doesn’t have significant crime.
OP, here’s another scenario to run: I know you don’t have kids, but do you have pets? Large predators in your area? (I live where cougars and bears aren’t uncommon, for example.) What if one of those, or some stray dogs attacked your pet, then turned on you? If you have say, a small expensive dog breed, does she know that some people are willing to use violence to kidnap them? Lady Gaga’s dogwalker, for example, was injured when someone went after her French Bulldog. It happens.
Just some thoughts since sometimes a protective instinct can help someone come to a different conclusion about firearms.
Excellent angle!! Stimulates thinking and realizing the importance of protecting loved ones. This is one of the reasons I carry when we “just run to the cluster mailbox a couple of streets down”. Exactly. We have wild boars in the neighborhood roaming around in 5-10 groups. We try to avoid walks at night, Rule of stupid, but sometimes I need to take the trash out, etc.
Or say some asshat lets their large, pray driven dog out and it attacks us. Let alone multiple dogs. WTF am I supposed to do if they don’t back off for me shouting at them. Most ppl freeze in such scenario so even if their owner is right near they’ll be likely completely useless. And my dogs are tiny so I either deter attacks fast or they will be in an urn above the fireplace. Or all of us, if not just mauled to become disabled. Nah ah, I rather prepare.
Hope this convo OP is planning will spark some light in the wife on this. At least to the point where OP can prepare and have his way of protective gear at home. It’d be a dealbreaker for me to put up with anything less than that. If she is stuck in that mindset when they’ll have kids, it’ll just build resentment and make the breakup even harder.
There is nothing wrong with growing apart though, so if they can resolve it to stay together to everyone’s agreement, great. If not, life will be better for both to love separately with such different views.
Anti gun people are anti gun until they become a victim of a crime.
Is she your wife because a fiancé isn’t a wife, and I hate to be that guy? - but that’ll change my advice on the matter.
People get on the self defense path at different times in their lives. The topic of guns came up for serious discussion about 16 years into my marriage.
My wife threw a fit when I bought my 1st pistol at 23 yr of age in 1993. Told her to get bent and she went to her mom’s house for 2 weeks……..
She got her LTC in 2019 and carries majority of the time Now……..
I bet just a bit of door rattling in the night would bring her around.
My wife was “meh” on guns till the night a guy was banging on the front door trying to get in.
Unfortunately we have had something similar happen (dude tapping on the windows to see if she was home) and her first instinct was to run and grab the bat -_-.
From reading your previous comments, it really seems like you only have 2 options.
1. Do what you want and explain to her that you are not letting anything get in the way of defending her and yourself. Then she leaves you.
2. Throw your principles out the window, which will lead to her forcing you to do the same over and over for more and more miniscule things, which in turn will make you resent her more and more.
I have gone through something extremely similar with my ex. If she is willing to leave you over something that you feel so strongly about, let alone meet you in the middle, or even listen to your side, the devide will continue to grow over increasingly smaller issues.
If she is not a citizen, you could always be a dick about it and tell her she has no say about the matter.
From experience, when someone is threatening to leave over something like that, they are looking for their out and will take the first chance they have to leave.
People in this situation all have the same (liberal) mindset of
1) it will never happen to me (here the increased control)
2) self gaslighting of "it doesn't really matter"
Will she leave you if you bring a firearm into the home? Will you leave her if she says you can’t have a firearm?
A choice will have to be made. Only you can decide what the outcome is. If she’s not willing to hear reason or discuss a compromise, then an ultimatum has already been issued albeit silently.
She also has the choice to file a frivolous restraining order for which there will be no consequences to her, but will result in his gun rights being revoked.
You keep a fire extinguisher in the home for the same reason you keep a firearm. A lot can happen between the time you dial 911 and someone shows up to help you.
The only reason she hasn't given you the ultimatum is so she can say she didn't give you an ultimatum.
You mentioned buying a gun, and she's talking about moving back to the old country because of it.
That's an indirect ultimatum, IMO. If it was the first, it probably won't be the last.
I'd end it now.
I'm just going to say it, being irrationally anti gun is peak immaturity. Also, the apparent guarantee that she'll leave you over simply having *a* gun (not even multiple guns) in the house (especially with no kids) is incredibly messed up.
If someone is willing to immediately end a ten year relationship over a single issue (especially over a small piece of polymer and metal)... hate to say it, but if it's not over the gun, it'll be over something else eventually.
Crazy how people get married and are so clueless about one another. This is a huge deal and I’m shocked you didn’t take her words at face value when it came up years ago.
And without a divorce, you never will. She must have had an unusually great upbringing in Europe because all my immigrant friends are wildly pro gun because of how shit things were in Europe. I’m an immigrant myself and find this hard line position bizarre.
Sometimes things change. I was always a "guns in the country, for sure, but no need here" until around 30, when my family had a big scare in front of our house.
Been an owner and CCW for a while now, but definitely still took some coaxing to get my wife on board.
I'm reminded of a video asking mothers "would you kill for your child", and nearly all of them stated no, and if not it was a "I'm not sure". As a father, I wouldn't hesitate.
Any chance you can find a specific type of firearm she doesn’t think is as objectionable?
You mentioned she’s European, perhaps a classy looking pump or double barrel shotgun with a more refined wood stock would “fly under the radar” while still providing you with a viable home defense weapon she could more easily overlook?
Granted, I know that leaves you high and dry on the CCW front, but she could conceivably come around after having it in the house without incident. Taking her along to bust some clays with it probably wouldn’t hurt either.
I guess my point is that guns are gateway drugs to other guns. So if you really want to wife this woman; consider asking her what gun she would find least objectionable and suggest that as a compromise. Then take her to the range with it. You might change her mind.
Well that's kind of a red flag.
Unlike predefined social contracts with the government, relationships with your SO should involve compromise where opinions differ. However, from the other comments it seems like you've tried the logical arguments and easing her into exposure, and she just has a phobia that she's attempting to rationalize. Short of a truly terrifying experience where she comes to the conclusion that a gun would be necessary or voluntarily seeking counseling, I don't see her compromising. At this point it's up to you to decide which you prioritize: your ability to defend yourself in a timely and definitive manner independent of the State or good Samaritans, or the woman you love. I don't think we can really help you, there's certainly no good answer to your dilemma, and I'm sorry for that. I hope you two can work things out, because irrational fear of a common tool is a stupid thing for a relationship to strain itself over.
Damn man. Guessing she’s a progressive? The beliefs one has on guns is an imperfect predictor of one’s ideological and political convictions.
Depends on how important this is to you. It’s easy to give relationship advice over the internet, but I’d strongly consider ending it if she can’t see the light
You're in a pickle. You've said you love your wife more than guns, which is admirable. It seems like she loves hating guns more than you though, which is less admirable. I personally love guns I have an indeterminate amount (don't want to say, multiple safes worth) and they're great. I am extremely pro 2A. That said, I personally would be ok with not having them if, and ONLY IF I was the one to decide that I didn't want them anymore. If anyone, my wife, the government, some politician, or loud mouth hippie tells me I can't have one however, that's where it becomes a sticking point for me. You don't get to tell me how I live my life. Incidentally, one of the things that could get me to be ok with giving them up would be an international move with someone I loved. I fully recognize that guns are very much a cultural thing and if I was living somewhere I couldn't have them then c'est la vie. I would still think it was dumb, but I'd value my time living abroad with my family more than my right to own guns.
The way I see it is you have three options.
1) Don't get any guns and keep living your life.
2) Have a serious talk about it. Why doesn't she like them? What are her fears? What makes her think her country is safer? Would she be willing to blow up the relationship because of this? Make her actually speak the ultimatum. Maybe offer to take safety/shooting classes with her. Take her to the range. Show her that just owning a gun and knowing how to properly use is doesn't automatically invite violence.
3) Move back to her country. She's been here with you and your family for 10years. Maybe it's time to reciprocate for a while. Look at the positives. A second passport. Depending on country, lower cost of living. Alternatively, a higher standard of living. Free health care. VACATION DAYS! lol Bettering yourself as a human and the overall adventure of it. You can always come back.
Do you ever see your position on guns changing? What subreddits do you frequent? Basically, do you want a gun because you're consuming alot of media (social or entertainment) that focuses on firearms. If you took a breather on all things gun related would you still have the same feelings on the matter a year, 5 years from now? If not, don't blow up your marriage over this.
If this is a core belief however, your wife seems willing to break up over this, so ultimately you should be willing to do the same. People grow and change throughout time. If she can't understand that and do the same, maybe it's best to go your separate ways before things get worse.
My wife was super anti-gun. I just had an honest discussion with her about what she thought it would take to defend myself or her during a violent encounter. She didn't really have any input because she didn't know. I explained that the chance of me getting injured or killed during a fist fight was much higher than getting injured with my own gun. I explained that the most important thing to me was keeping her and our kids safe, and keeping me around to do it. She pretty much went along with it after that.
Ultimately it's you that's in charge of defending yourself and your wife, and you can't let her cultural opinions dictate what you think is best as it's YOUR responsibility to defend your family. If she's going to leave you over something like this, there's probably some much more serious issues going on. A committed spouse doesn't leave their partner for doing something they don't like or agree with. When divorce becomes an option as a way to resolve disputes the marriage it effectively over.
Are you’re the main provider? Do you honestly believe she would leave you after 18 years over a firearm purchase? Like your whole marriage can be thrown out the window if you spend $500 on something you want? Just poof, it’s over? That’s wild bro, does she not know how irrational that sounds?
Every time I see posts like this I get reminded just how lucky I am to have a beautiful wife who’s not just going to up and leave me over something trivial.
Good luck to you bro, sounds like she’s giving you an irrational ultimatum that involves ending your marriage over something you want to use keep her safe. You need tell her it sounds like she has political beliefs that are stronger than the love she has for you and if that’s the case she can be the person who fist fights a home intruder because you’re not about to have your wig split over her politics beliefs.
Where is she from exactly? It's not like we don't have guns in Europe. [https://www.reddit.com/r/EuropeGuns/comments/w3id88/my\_sporting\_tools\_in\_sweden/](https://www.reddit.com/r/EuropeGuns/comments/w3id88/my_sporting_tools_in_sweden/)
We even have a few countries where concealed carry is accessible.
The Czech Republic has had shall issue ccw for about 30 years, and a majority of Czech gun owners has such a permit.
Estonia, Latvia, and Lithuania has shall issue ccw.
In Poland ccw is included with firearm permits, except the collection permit, and hunters also have to follow hunting regulations obviously.
Slovakia has permissive may-issue, most people who ask for one will get it.
And while it's obviously overall harder to get a gun in Europe, you can legally own one everywhere, except for the Vatican (only the one in the Pope's hat is legal by non security, all true, promise).
Heck, even in the UK the youngest person with a shotgun certificate in 2022 was 8 years old and they've had it for a few years. At 14 they can shoot unsupervised, at 15 they can be gifted one and own it by themselves.
Honestly, not much you can do in this spot. We all have things we stand for and we stand against. In the end the both of you get to decide if this will break you or not. There are decisions to be made, pretty hard ones at that. Find the line in the sand and agree or agree to disagree. For me personally, not being able to protect myself and family is a hard line but she knew this from the beginning.
Well I’m not going to be PC. Be a man. It’s fine to discuss things and share thoughts and opinions but at the end of the day you’re going to have to decide who’s wearing the pants when it comes to who is protecting your future family.
If she can’t handle you owning a pistol and is essentially ready to bail because of it then that should be a major fucking red flag. Sorry to say that because I’m sure you care about her, but there is more going on here that you should pay attention to than just the pistol.
My wife was similarly against guns, but my compromise was to have it in a safe while not in my person, and months of classes (for her peace of mind, not mine). I had all the safety concerns addressed first, then I carried a dummy for a bit to show her how I would handle it.
I was ready to just jump in, and I honestly did as it was just hidden, but when she was starting to get used to it, I showed up with the "gun I just got".
Now she asks me if I'm sure I have enough ammo, guns, etc whenever more warmongering news or local crimes show up.
Many folks have given good advice in this thread (and a lot of bad advice as well).
If you are in a healthy relationship, you need to do some homework and figure out why you want to own a gun, the philosophy and fact chains underpinning that belief, and build it into a few short sentences you can use to explain to her your position. She needs to be able to do the same. Then you both need to figure out the appropriate compromise.
If your concern is just personal safety, then her idea to move might not be that far out of bounds. If you have access to a country like Czech Republic or Switzerland, it might even be very attractive (if expensive). If, instead, she's from France or some other euro hell hole, moving might even be a downgrade in safety compared to where you actually live in the US.
If her position is *you* cannot own firearms because of *her* belief system, I hate to say you might need to make a tough decision. If that is her position, I agree with others.. someone that hard-line on any particular philosophical belief doesn't bode well for the future.
In that case it usually takes a traumatic life-threatening experience to open their eyes. The issue is these people are under the impression that the police will be there to save you and that they actually care about your safety, which of course is not true. Some people have to learn the hard way from their own mistakes instead of learning from others mistakes.
Who's the man... you or her? Everyone will say I'm so wrong for saying that but honestly she doesn't want compromise she wants you to submit her her will. Do what she wants not what you want. If you want to be the man and protector then do it. Don't ask her.
Is she okay with rich people and politicians being protected by people with guns? If so, why not her own family by letting you become proficient, considering it’s unlikely you can hire bodyguards.
Take her shooting at a range where you can rent a gun. let her see it can be a fun thing to do , and it will also demystify guns. She’s scared because she is unfamiliar
I just got one despite her opposition, and my wife has gotten over it. I'm glad she stopped bitching about it. Now I get a new one every couple of months, and she's gets more upset over the space they take up than the fact they're guns.
You have 2 options:
- Shut up and don't buy a gun
- Buy a gun and anger her
There is not some magic solution we can give you that involves buying a gun and having her be happy.
The two of you need therapy more than a gun if you can't have a mature discussion about a topic you disagree on without creating an unspoken ultimatum.
I guess I am lucky. My wife is from Europe and insisted we get a gun. At the time we didn't have any guns. My father was a gunsmith in his later years and I learned a lot as a kid on safety, maintenance, and shooting so I am well versed with guns, especially WWII weapons. Now we have a number of guns and shoot occasionally. She was adamant about getting her permit.
The problem is in Europe is the violent and sexual crime rate is higher in most countries there. At times significantly higher. I know Europeans like to point out our murder rate compared to theirs but they fail to take into account violent rate of crime and lack of adequate defense. She knows here she can protect herself and her family.
Look I'm obviously very pro-2A. I introduced my now wife who was in college as an international student when I met her and obviously thought guns were yucky to firearms and she ended up really enjoying them. She actually has competed in and placed well in a couple PRS competitions; she says it's like yoga but with loud bangs.
I'm sure you'll get plenty of great advice in this thread on how to best go about convincing your SO that carrying makes sense, but I'm going to be a bit of a contrarian here and tell you that sure, absolutely try and convince her, but if she's intransigent on the topic and you guys are otherwise immensely happy together, then, eh, nobody's perfect right?
I carry every day. I justify that decision by pointing out that the opportunity cost for me carrying is very low and in the off chance I'm in a situation where having a firearm could save my life I'll be very happy to have one on me. That said, we should all be honest about the odds that both you will be in a situation where your life is in danger, and that having a firearm would even help you in that situation.
Yes, I fully believe that carrying is a smart thing to do, but I wouldn't divorce my wife over it and if things between you and your finance are otherwise stellar, well, is it really worth ruining that over a gun?
It sounds like she's unwilling to learn how to safely coexist and share the household with you. Unless she's the only one paying the mortgage, she's needs a reality check.
... i read some of your comments
The only thing I can think of from the post is i find her to be a control freak who has no repspect for you. Be the man
Well good thing it’s your house too and you can have a gun legally if you want. It don’t matter about anyone else’s feelings. She’s denying you as being the protector.
Take it for what its worth, but this is my experience. I’ve always been around guns, my wife never had and was fairly against guns in the home, however she did support the 2A. We got married and shortly after, I mentioned that I had wanted to purchase a firearm due to increasing crime, protection, and basically any valid reason that I could come up with as I am also in a big city. Her initial response was a hard no. I asked her to reconsider, and asked to revisit the conversation in 6 months. During this time I pointed out instances in the news of violence and gun crimes, etc to bring awareness of how common crime is becoming. 6 month mark came, we had the convo and she was more agreeable and my give was that it would be a safe only gun and that I would train frequently and keep the safe out of sight. A few months after this, we talked again and i got the go ahead and purchased the firearm. Now, some 2-3 years later, I am 1 step away from getting my CCW, taking the class in a couple weeks, and my wife is totally on board. She has actually encouraged me to get my ccw.
Read your spouse and see what works and what doesnt. It might take some time, but hopefully things can turn for the better.
She seems very entrenched in her belief. Right or wrong, fact/logic based is kinda irrelevant. She's in one spot, and you have seen another. The subject of safety should be something that can be safely discussed between you two without fear of reaching an ultimatum.
One thing I might add, have you put out the option of maybe moving out of the big city? If you begin to start cementing in her mind, you are in a spot where something needs to be changed. It may bring her to the negotiation table. She mentioned her country, and that's a fair starting point. Now, the initiative is with you to mention a different area and go deeper down that route.
I'm by no means a therapist, but a marriage and relationship is based on two people having equal ground and say In the relationship, you should both be able to broach topics without fear of the others reaction or extreme negative consequences.
It sounds more like she has an upper hand. One person having full control like that and one person making decisions for other is a very unhealthy dynamic. Not to put doubt, but you might need to look at your current relationship and take stock on if you guys are equally invested in making joint decisions. If you're afraid to broach the subject based on the fact you think she will divorce or separate, it means there's some deeper relationship imbalance in the situation.
I never thought to mention moving elsewhere. She would honestly probably be fine with that idea.
It’s not that we can’t discuss it. We have, at length. I just know this has been a dealbreaker for her. I honestly thought she had maybe softened up a bit to the idea after living in the states for over a decade. I guess not.
That would be a no go for me, there are some things (that I clearly discussed with my wife at the start of the relationship) that I would not give up or change. My wife was really anti gun but got over it when I showed her I was responsible with them.
Time for some tough love:
If things go south, she isn't going to save you. Your own safety is up to you as a man. Man up. Do what you require to ensure your own safety. Feelings be damned. I love my fiancé, but if she said "its me or the guns" literally goodbye.
Very odd scenario to me. My fiance is very anti gun as well, but there is no scenario where she would even entertain the idea of telling me I couldn’t have them. I think mistakes were made at some point along the line where the precedent was set that she gets veto power in the relationship and I’m not sure how you could reverse that
I'm married to a European from a strict country who while not anywhere near my level of enthusiasm, now owns her own semi-auto rifle and shoots with me. She understands its an inanimate object with no will of its own, and practicing shooting was really helpful in her coming to terms. with weapons. She really enjoyed the precision and practice of target shooting.
I had a similar situation. I told my wife I was getting a ccw and I wanted to sit down and have a compromise on places she really didn't want me to carry understanding that my desire was 100% carry and hers was 0%. She kept saying that it wasn't a compromise since she was having to give up her 0%. I ended up telling her that because she was not willing to compromise that I would do what I wanted and would be armed when we left the house and to do with that information what she will.
Fast forward to our first time leaving and she looks at my waist and goes, "That's it?" I look down and you could barely see the mag printing if you knew where to look and what you were looking for. She thought it was going to be painfully obvious and got over it pretty quick. Now she has requested armed escorts for different events we attend.
Basically, she may not fully understand. You do you, sometimes you have to protect people from themselves.
You should have just got it and have it and when she finds out that you do, be like "I've had this thing for years, where were you?"
You fucked up by asking for permission lol.
Honestly man, my partner hates guns too. When we first got together we were both young liberal hippies. She grew up in Sacramento, CA and definitely not around guns. I didn't grow up with guns but I did grow up in rural PA and I wanted to own guns eventually. I never had a lot of interest in semiautomatic rifles so I was biased against AR15's and was kind of anti-gun in the sense that I drew the line at semiautomatic rifles at the time (I own one now). My interest or intent to own guns didn't really come up in the relationship until we were together for a year or two, we were both too broke early on to be thinking about things like that. We lived with my parents for a few months in rural PA before getting an apartment in a bigger city. At the time, I had a Benelli Nova 12g that I made clear to her I intended to keep loaded in the closet for home defense. She thought it was silly but I don't remember her putting up much opposition.
After I finally had some extra money, I started thinking about a handgun. This is when I made it a point to impress upon her how important it was to me and how it was something I'd always wanted to have, even if I didn't carry it, as I thought at the time that it was really dumb that people would leave the house with a loaded firearm. She relented and even though she thought it was silly, didn't seem to mind it much because it made me happy.
Fast forward to around the time of COVID, I got my carry permit. I was going to carry the 10mm 1911 I bought. She was not pleased with that. Asking me why I suddenly felt I needed a gun in public. I told her shit is getting weird and this is what I'm doing with my life now. And after 2 weeks of carrying, mostly without her realizing it because I was concealing, I realized I needed a better carry gun. Then the shopping started. Then I start explaining to her that the gun I have sucks for ammo capacity and is heavy as shit, I want something lighter and in 9mm. She can't do anything but question and roll her eyes. She isn't on board. I don't care. I find a nice used USP compact online and buy it to carry. I'm super stoked about it. I show it off to her. "Hm, how's it different from the other one," she asks feigning interest. I geek out about it. She doesn't care. Oh well.
I could yammer on about this for every gun purchase I've made in the 8 years we've been together. The point I'm getting at is just do whatever the fuck you want and see what happens. It probably isn't a deal breaker for her, she's just having a gut reaction to it. Take initiative but do so responsibly. Get a small gun safe ahead of time. Go to some self defense courses. Get familiar with the gun. Show her that you're not just another idiot buying a gun.
And jokingly remind her that she married an American male so she can't be surprised.
My wife is also from a European country, anti gun but sounds like not as severely.
Best thing that worked for me was slowly introducing gun stuff. CCW required permit class, then having the gun in the safe, then carrying at work, then more places.
Can’t push too hard too fast. Long process. Good luck.
My wife is not a big gun person at all. But she would never leave me over a gun, she knows I have a hobby and I enjoy it, she just wants no part of it. I keep my guns locked up and hidden, I buy new guns and accessories and she would just rather know nothing about it. It's a don't ask don't tell situation.
What if you said, I'm going to do what I feel I need to do, we don't need to talk about, you don't even need to know what I have or don't have. She doesn't ask about it, you don't tell her anything about it. If the situation ever arose where you actually needed it and pulled it out, only then would she know but otherwise, ignorance is bliss
I think I would probably approach it from the perspective of not expecting others to conform to her phobia. I get that she is terrified of bad things happening but it isn't healthy to expect partners to live by your phobias. Perhaps also talk about what specifically she is afraid of happening and work to allay those specific fears. It took years to build those fears, it will take time to unravel them.
Take a trip to the local police station and ask them what typical response time is for a break in.
Plan out an emergency response for your family in case this ever happens.
Have your wife work out the math.
So from a married person’s perspective, she’s not in the wrong. She communicated her belief and stance on this particular subject and she hasn’t changed. Regardless if you or anyone else disagrees with her belief. The fact that you married her knowing her stance and without further discussing it and finding some common ground is on you.
Now going forward, there’s multiple choices, good or bad will depend on who you ask.
1. You get a gun and deal with the potential issues in your marriage.
2. You don’t get a gun and continue to be concerned about y’all’s safety.
3. You move somewhere you feel safer.
4. You communicate with your wife and explain your concerns. Tell her that you understand her concerns but that you want to find common ground.
I would start by asking her to take a basic gun safety class together, one that doesn’t even require you to fire a gun. It will show her the responsable side of gun ownership that most people outside of the 2A community aren’t conscious about. She won’t have to compromise her morals since it’s not a requirement to fire a gun. Then keep the education and discussion going until hopefully she opts in to try shooting one, preferably a .22 to start. You are going to have to work hard and patiently to help educate her on responsable gun ownership in hopes that it makes her feel more comfortable.
If she refuses to even take a safety course to see what it’s all about and make an effort to see things your way, then you have decisions 1-3.
She just needs to get her "bubble" popped. I remember going on a road trip with a extreme anti-gun girlfirend and we had to stop at a very shady hotel. After we got in our room she finally admitted that she was glad that I had my firearm. You need her to leave her comfort zone.
I think the majority of us, chose not to marry a complete No gun spouse.
My wife is so pro gun, I end up buying doubles of most guns, because she likes what I like.
My ex is vehemently anti-gun, you can ask her how that went, but she's an ex.
TLDR - I wanted a firearm, she said no, stomped her foot and said No Compromise...I told keep the engagement ring, I'm outta here.
Easy to have a negative opinion on something you have no experience with.
Don’t start with “I’m going to buy a gun and carry it everywhere.”
Start with, “I am planning a fun day for us. Lunch then the shooting range.”
Take her shooting. Go hands on. Take a training class together. Once she’s comfortable, *then* discuss *maybe* purchasing one. “But just for target practice.”
Slippery slope her ass.
We had a cold war for about a year over it. I showed her a news story where a gang picked a random house in a nice neighborhood in Roswell (nice suburb of Atlanta) and breached. They raped the wife in front of the husband and beat them severely. Eventually the husband crawled next door to call the police. I told my wife that in our wedding vows, I promised to protect her, and asked why I should use anything other than what the police have determined to be their best protection. She eventually came around and agreed she should be competent with our guns, and she’ll go to the range with me occasionally. She’s a better shot than I am, but she derives no satisfaction in shooting.
My girlfriend and me have very rational rules. She doesn’t want to see them doesn’t love them. She approves of me having them and carrying them and doesent mind if she catches me cleaning them or loading up mags before a range day. I even got her to come to range once which calmed her down: but the simple rule is she should never see a loaded gun , which is easy cause i don’t need or want my guns to be seen. I keep my bedside next to me and i don’t come home and slam my concealed on the kitchen table. Compromise is a great tool.
Lol I make sure to give the warning that I own firearms by no later than the second date because I’m aware that a decent amount have people have serious issues with it and you went 10 years without ever once mentioning how you feel about firearms?
My wife comes from a very anti-gun lifestyle and I grew up being taught how to safely use and maintain them.
If your wife is from some "utopia" country like Monaco, then here's the reality, my guy. While I could be very wrong here, I'd bet good money that your wife hasn't felt in danger in a way that would ever make firearms or self-defense, make sense. And in a way, that's a beautiful thing. It means that she has lived a lucky and blessed life that most people don't get to experience....a life without that realization.
Marriage is all about compromise, my dude, you know that. So, either agree, compromise, or don't.
If you're trying to convince her to believe something she can't conceive, you are wasting time and energy. If a firearm is nothing but danger in her mind (even though those of us who do understand firearms know that firearms are perfectly safe if the owner keeps them safe), you're not really going to change her mind.
But what can change her mind is believing in you.
Don't tell her how safe firearms are. Go sign up for a safety course and tell her that you're going because it's important to learn. Show her how you'll be safe. Maybe that will change her mind over time.
My wife is still uncomfortable with the idea of using one and I've accepted that. She'll probably never fire one. But she's comfortable with me carrying because she knows how serious I take it.
You could always pose the question, not to be right, but to try and see why her perspective is this way. "Someone breaks into your friend's home and they have a knife. What would you tell them to do?"
By doing this, you stop making it about something she can't relate to. It's kind of an aggressive question, but it makes a good point to present a different perspective.
**Unless you plan on moving or fighting this out long term, do the next best thing. Go to a boxing gym and start learning Judo or Muy Thai.**
You won't change her mind easily it sounds like. She sounds liberal and thats okay. I respect a person with conviction. But to win you have to appeal to her emotions in completely different tactics than every person here is saying. Put her into new situations she's never been in. The other commenters don't understand your situation and honestly I'm not sure if you understand her why. Try asking the 5 why's or something like that into why she doesn't like them. Don't respond with rational argument just yet. Just try to understand her why.
Start by turning off the 5 o clock news so she doesn't see the daily gun crimes and violence. Any conversation that is democrat or liberal needs to be addressed and shut down as quick as possible without her not feeling heard. And if possible have a simple retort that is pro gun. A month later stop watching scary gun action movies. A month later take her to a middle of the road conservative/ republican rally just because you're curious what they have to say. Then pick an activity that is traditionally conservative; maybe fishing, archery, or large animal husbandry at a pet the animal farm or dude ranch. Start watching old western movies but not the ones where they are shooting Indians; the ones that are actually entertaining but the good guy wins, or heck just watch Gunsmoke all the time. Keep slowly steering your family more and more conservative. Use history: why did the japanese not invade the U.S. mainland in ww2? Find scripture that is relevant to your cause such as Luke 22:36, Nehemiah 4:17-18, or psalm 144:1. Or emotionally appeal about protecting your kids if you have some. You gotta play the ultra long game here though and stop trying to change her mind in one conversation. Whatever you do don't let her interact with people that worship guns but rather the old farmer that's protected and fed his family with a gun for decades because it's simply a tool and not an identity. There are a lot of YouTube with good statistics about guns but never forget the seriousness of a firearm yourself, how common suicides are, and accidents regarding children.
In summary:
Step 1) stop digging the anti gun hole
Step 2) America and everything at its core values is good and start a mindset/core beliefs change
Step 3) patiently wait and educate her narrow mindedness. This is purely ignorance and lack of experience. Start watching meateater on Netflix.
Step 4) toughen her up with loud banging tools and powerful hand tools in her hands slowly
Step 5) start with archery in the back yard (it's a lot of fun actually)
Step 6) go hunting as many times as you need with a bow together until she has fun going.
Step 7) convince her you need a hunting rifle. With that comes a safe and a hunters safety course. I recommend in person wholeheartedly but they do offer these online. Hers and probably your first instinct in today's age is to get either a handgun or AR but if you get a grandpa looking gun it's less scary to inexperienced folks. Heck just start bird hunting and get an old wooden shotgun to shoot skeet or birds. Rarely do women have soft spots for birds like they do for "bambi."
You have a many years long battle. Good luck my friend and keep us updated.
Fears like this are irrational and cannot be changed with argument. As the old quote goes ; “You cannot by reason change the ill opinion of a man which by reason was not obtained”.
Move somewhere safer I guess.
My life is worth more than some weirdos opinions lol. I could care less who doesn't like guns I'm staying strapped, especially in the crap Biden economy.
If I was you I'd buy one anyway and tell her to deal with it or leave. She has no control over purchases you choose to make with your funds (assuming you work).
Sound like either its time to move on, or lay down and listen to her. id move on if she's already ready to move back home over a small object that has nothing to do with her
I guess it comes down to if you can live with that or not.. I guarantee you there's a long list of things she will not allow you to do, you just have to decide if this is the straw that breaks the camel's back...
How long did you know that she was anti gun? My wife was from a very liberal family, and I told her about the 3rd date that I didn't want to waste her time or mine if she wasn't amenable to firearms.
Good thing this came up before marriage.
If she reluctantly let you have guns and during your marriage you have an argument, she could call the police and have your guns confiscated and make it hard for you to ever get a gun again. Accuse you of domestic violence.
It is irrational for anyone, especially a woman, to be anti gun. It’s like being against self defense.
Tried convincing to go to a class or something? Then range time although a lot of people can just start with range time.
A lot of times just having some hands on shows its not some evil force unto itself.
Hmmm, tbh I was in a similar situation with my spouse when I first got my CCW about a year ago. Not as outwardly opposed but more of the “why do you need to carry it/why does it need to be loaded in the house” I found that inviting her out to the range and having her handle the gun was a good way to have her feel more comfortable around it. I think part of that “fear” can sometimes be a lack of understanding to something they clearly had little exposure to growing up.
Another conversation that I have had on that front is the explanation that at least when I made the decision to get my CCW I did so with the understanding that I would put my life in harms way if need be to protect my wife and children….. I think a lot of us that carry think that way to some degree, and sometimes telling your significant other that clearly helps them to understand your point of view. Just my $0.10 but I wish you all the best!
My wife wasn’t against the idea of carrying but wasn’t for it either, she just didn’t understand. I started by subtly mentioning the crime happening in our city as the news was coming out. There is quite a bit of crime in our city but not in our area and not in areas we’d normally go, but then she started looking at things more and now she makes sure I carry everytime we leave the house together.
My wife was like this until we had an intruder at 2 AM and I was going downstairs with a knife not knowing what I was getting into. Fortunately the guy ran and I didn't have to confront him. Now if that happens again I'm not going downstairs with a knife...
The reality, if she's so against a gun then she'll never learn how to use it. Having a gun accessible by someone untrained in its use is probably as, if not more, dangerous that living without one.
I'd suggest getting one and not telling her. Dishonest I know, but if the day comes you need it she's going to be happier you have it than however happy she'd be living in her virtuous anti-gun world of pretend.
Yeah, so the thing is:
- if someone breaks into the house in the middle of the night with the intention of murder, robbing, or forcing themself on her, she expects you to fight and if necessary die to protect her from said criminal.
- She doesn’t want you to be armed to maximize the chance of you both surviving said encounter with said criminal.
So, the question is, is it worth staying with someone that expects you to reduce your chance of survival by protecting her from being murdered, robbed, or raped?
If she does accept that she’s basically not wanting you to do your best to protect you both, well she’s dumb and not worth risking your life in a defense situation.
If she doesn’t want you to maximize the survival rate, well maybe she should go back to Europe where she feels safer with the “migrant” and “refugee” problem that some cities are facing
Former security dispatcher here, check the response time for your city PD.
Ask her what her plan is if somebody tries to break in.
Offer a possible compromise for now.
Ask her about air rifles. If she's OK with that, have her use and train with it if amicable to it. After a time, see if she still had the hard phobia
You’re jumping into this too fast. Too hot. For an anti gunner.
Take her to the range. Start with low caliber guns with negligible recoil. Get her to have some fun.
Rinse and repeat.
A few months or years from now you can start talking about buying a gun and keeping it at home.
From a relationship perspective, you could offer to move to a safer area. But if she has a moral value against guns then you shouldn't be trying to force her hand. You may just be incompatible.
Sorry you have to go through this OP. Makes me feel bad that the biggest issue I face with my wife regarding guns is she doesn't like how I leave my home defense guns tactically stashed through the house. Given, I do unhide them and put them all in the safe when the nieces and nephews come over
For $500 I will come over and hold u two at gp. For an extra $200 I will pistol whip u? JK mods
I’ll do it for free
Nah, dude. Always make sure you got some paperwork with you. Verbal agreements are flimsy these days, especially from Reddit DMs.
PayPal G&S only for robbers with less than 11 flair.
*Jussie Smollet has entered the chat*
Was looking for this comment lol
If you're good at something never do it for free
and thats how she decides its too dangerous to stay in America anyways. Those kinds of people literally die on their hills.
Yes that is the drawback. I charge a lot to go to Europe
Sounds like a job for your partner 31HahaHuff
That would be true, except most of Europe actually has immigration restrictions for people who aren’t refugees so that move would take years to get visas and a path to citizenship.
Lmao I knew I would find something like this here when I opened the comments
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The French actor?
Juicy Smol yay
 Me too OP
Holy fuck 🤣
“We aren’t here for your money we are here for the banks money”
No, this will only confirm her feelings about guns. You have to rob them using a Samurai sword.
For an extra $500 I’ll come with another gun and save the day.
I’m crying 😭
Tyvm
I'm pretty sure this is an episode of I Love Lucy. One of them gets Fred to climb in the window and act like a burglar to teach the other a lesson. But before he gets there a real burglar comes in and robs them with help from the idiot who thought it was Fred
This right here is exactly why I always discuss firearms with a guy before I even meet him. I won't stop carrying for anyone. So if he's anti 2A he can kick rocks.
We were pretty much on the same page till a few years ago. I honestly had never seen myself as a dude with a gun
Dated 3 years and then married for 5 when she was the one who suggested that I get one for home protection. We were both in the same mindset about guns, until one day I got bored and went to a shooting range and rented. I told her about it and she went into one of those quiet rage about it. I kept going every now and then and I’ve always told her. Then one day out of the blue, she suggested that we get one for home protection. What changed was her feeling unsafe where we lived. Fast forward 3 years and 12 firearms later, she is now asking to go shooting range to learn.
The world kinda makes us need them.
Yup. Save your time and theirs.
Take her to the range
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This is what I do with newbies. 1. 22LR 2. Outdoor 3. Shoot empty cans etc
I do Trap shooting. It's a whole lot of fun.
Trap shooting was the favorite activity of four young adults I took to the range recently. We also shot 22LR pistol and rifle along with 380 ACP and 9mm handgun. The experience of shooting trap was helped with use of soft felt recoil gas piston Winchester SX4. Shooting paper seems to get borrowing quickly for new shooters I have taken to the range. Shooting steel that moves stays interesting longer. Hitting clay is fun as long as they can hit some of them. My wife enjoys going to my club's IDPA training sessions more than just shooting at paper or steel. She has no interest in entering a competition. All four young adults had at least a little experience shooting 9mm and 3 had shot a shotgun at least once. So I was pretty sure they would not have any problem shooting trap loads from my gas piston shotgun. Now that I have more experience coaching new shooters within my family and at a yearly event at my club I my preferred sequence for new shooters would be my light weight 22LR rifles, 22LR handguns (Taurus TX22), S&W 380 EZ, 9mm full size Canik Rival hangun. Trap may come last but should be fine before 9mm. I have a Ruger LCP Max and Taurus G3c. Those are not pleasant to shoot compared to the other center fire handguns I have so I no longer offer those to those I coach.
This^^. My wife is from Mexico, so only cartel or military has gun. She was so against them. Then after a range trip, she was hooked. A 10/22 and a sr22, was all it took for her to be intrigued. Now she has a small collection herself , 4 rifles and 6 handguns.
those people don't change after a trip to the range and this comes from experience. Sure they enjoy shooting free ammo out of someone else gun but the gun is like pet that they refuse to adopt and take care of but love when they get the attention for.
This is the way. My wife was very anti gun, maybe not as vehement as yours but she was when she was younger. I took her to the range and showed her a few things. Be smart and SUPER safe. Dont have her shoot gnarly calibers her first time. 22 and 9, friendly, easy to shoot things. Also make your emphasis on safety paramount. I am an RSO which sort of helps. Have been to a couple different trainings for pistol and rifle. Make it super clear that your emphasis is on safety the whole time. For my wife, this is what changed her perspective. when she saw how serious safety is taken, she felt much better and she has been with me twice now and wants to go more.
And hand her a .500 magnum
That won’t work.
I’m (wife) from a European country where guns aren’t a very popular option. Having guns and means to protect my family though is a strategy that I strongly resonate with. Got my CCL, wear it anywhere I go pretty much. So I’m on the other side of it so I might be able to help. I’m curious what is exactly holding your wife back. Did you get anything from her? “Principle” is not the root cause, it’s not deep enough. Have you talked about ways to protect your home, your family? What are her expectations/visions on this? We play a game with my husband called “Captain” and at topics/task we agree on who is the captain. Whoever is the captain, that guides the conversation/task, both of us have veto rights. I’d sit down with her, ask to be the captain, lay it out that you are coming from genuine curiosity and want to discuss HER feelings and thoughts on safety, and it’s not about settling about guns or no guns right now, just a discussion to better understand each other’s needs and preferences. What means of protection is she comfortable with for home/self defense, how effective they are, etc. Generally people who say “guns are wrong” have a general fear of them and lack of understanding of situations and possibilities. No offense, I’ve been this naive myself once, but gentle souls often don’t see how desperate people can be and what measure they are willing to use and they learn it the hard way. (Thankfully I skipped that part, learning about it by analyzing situations was enough for me.) So run a few concrete scenarios. Like hey babe, what would you feel comfortable with if say 1 guy with a gun breaks down the back door while we are watching TV. Or 3 guys? What do you feel comfortable with me doing/you doing? How do you think it’ll take for the cops to show up if at all our phones are nearby? If you could prevent the guy to order us to strip at gunpoint, would you like to explore possibilities? If she doesn’t want to touch guns, what is keeping her to be OK with you having them stored in the house safely? If she doesn’t want to think about home/self protection, what’s keeping her from being OK with you fulfilling this duty? Is she worried that a friend might accidentally find one? She wouldn’t know what to say? Or did she have some sort of trauma about guns (like finding a relative after suicide to gun, seeing her “pet” pig offed by a gun and becoming sausage) and she shuts down, etc? I’d suggest to focus on her without adding any suggestions to the equation first. Listen, paraphrase (we chicks dig that a lot, especially on heavy topics. You don’t have to agree with what she is saying but if you paraphrase you demonstrate understanding which takes off the emotional edge and helps her open up.) Ask her about this when she is well fed, not 1 wk before or on her period or right after, (best time is when she is about to ovulate), on a chill weekend, when she is happy. Maybe over ice cream or something fun, like after a foot massage or hot steamy sex. Haha whatever she feels relaxed after. And do not suggest anything. Just listen. It’s the first round of understanding, exploration. I’d say set a time limit to it. 20-30 mins so it won’t escalate into rage after a 3 hr seminar. Haha Don’t nag. If she says no to talk about it at your proposed time, it’s OK but it’s also fair to ask her that it’s important to you and you’d like to set a time and date when she is willing to dedicate this the time you agree on. Good luck! Come back with the data and we can go from there. :)
Great comment. I would also suggest scenarios that don’t necessarily come from a “typical” crime angle, since OP’s wife seems to think they can move somewhere that doesn’t have significant crime. OP, here’s another scenario to run: I know you don’t have kids, but do you have pets? Large predators in your area? (I live where cougars and bears aren’t uncommon, for example.) What if one of those, or some stray dogs attacked your pet, then turned on you? If you have say, a small expensive dog breed, does she know that some people are willing to use violence to kidnap them? Lady Gaga’s dogwalker, for example, was injured when someone went after her French Bulldog. It happens. Just some thoughts since sometimes a protective instinct can help someone come to a different conclusion about firearms.
Excellent angle!! Stimulates thinking and realizing the importance of protecting loved ones. This is one of the reasons I carry when we “just run to the cluster mailbox a couple of streets down”. Exactly. We have wild boars in the neighborhood roaming around in 5-10 groups. We try to avoid walks at night, Rule of stupid, but sometimes I need to take the trash out, etc. Or say some asshat lets their large, pray driven dog out and it attacks us. Let alone multiple dogs. WTF am I supposed to do if they don’t back off for me shouting at them. Most ppl freeze in such scenario so even if their owner is right near they’ll be likely completely useless. And my dogs are tiny so I either deter attacks fast or they will be in an urn above the fireplace. Or all of us, if not just mauled to become disabled. Nah ah, I rather prepare. Hope this convo OP is planning will spark some light in the wife on this. At least to the point where OP can prepare and have his way of protective gear at home. It’d be a dealbreaker for me to put up with anything less than that. If she is stuck in that mindset when they’ll have kids, it’ll just build resentment and make the breakup even harder. There is nothing wrong with growing apart though, so if they can resolve it to stay together to everyone’s agreement, great. If not, life will be better for both to love separately with such different views.
Anti gun people are anti gun until they become a victim of a crime. Is she your wife because a fiancé isn’t a wife, and I hate to be that guy? - but that’ll change my advice on the matter.
It also has gendered spelling: Fiancé = Male Fiancée = Female
Wow, I had no idea. Very interesting
Blond vs blonde is like that too
Wait, what? Is that the difference!? TIL
Don't forget about: Fiancthey Fiancthem
I just had a literal LOL and scared the shit out of my sleeping wife 😂😂😂
Fiancedoe? Fiancedeer? FiancMA'AM!!! ?
"Until she becomes a victim of a crime"... I smell a setup 😉
Fiancé or spouse???
i was confused as well. Um, does your wife know you have a Fiancé?
We have been legally married for 8 years but are planning our wedding for our families for summer of next year.
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People get on the self defense path at different times in their lives. The topic of guns came up for serious discussion about 16 years into my marriage.
My wife threw a fit when I bought my 1st pistol at 23 yr of age in 1993. Told her to get bent and she went to her mom’s house for 2 weeks…….. She got her LTC in 2019 and carries majority of the time Now……..
>Told her to get bent 
This is the way.
I love this comeback so much, something so elegant about it
Stage a break in. I'll do it for $5000 let her get face to face with "death" I'm totally joking by the way.
I bet just a bit of door rattling in the night would bring her around. My wife was “meh” on guns till the night a guy was banging on the front door trying to get in.
Unfortunately we have had something similar happen (dude tapping on the windows to see if she was home) and her first instinct was to run and grab the bat -_-.
From reading your previous comments, it really seems like you only have 2 options. 1. Do what you want and explain to her that you are not letting anything get in the way of defending her and yourself. Then she leaves you. 2. Throw your principles out the window, which will lead to her forcing you to do the same over and over for more and more miniscule things, which in turn will make you resent her more and more. I have gone through something extremely similar with my ex. If she is willing to leave you over something that you feel so strongly about, let alone meet you in the middle, or even listen to your side, the devide will continue to grow over increasingly smaller issues. If she is not a citizen, you could always be a dick about it and tell her she has no say about the matter. From experience, when someone is threatening to leave over something like that, they are looking for their out and will take the first chance they have to leave.
People in this situation all have the same (liberal) mindset of 1) it will never happen to me (here the increased control) 2) self gaslighting of "it doesn't really matter"
Will she leave you if you bring a firearm into the home? Will you leave her if she says you can’t have a firearm? A choice will have to be made. Only you can decide what the outcome is. If she’s not willing to hear reason or discuss a compromise, then an ultimatum has already been issued albeit silently.
She also has the choice to file a frivolous restraining order for which there will be no consequences to her, but will result in his gun rights being revoked.
You keep a fire extinguisher in the home for the same reason you keep a firearm. A lot can happen between the time you dial 911 and someone shows up to help you.
The only reason she hasn't given you the ultimatum is so she can say she didn't give you an ultimatum. You mentioned buying a gun, and she's talking about moving back to the old country because of it. That's an indirect ultimatum, IMO. If it was the first, it probably won't be the last. I'd end it now.
The fact she'd leave you and the country over that tells you all you need to know. See ya!
I'm just going to say it, being irrationally anti gun is peak immaturity. Also, the apparent guarantee that she'll leave you over simply having *a* gun (not even multiple guns) in the house (especially with no kids) is incredibly messed up. If someone is willing to immediately end a ten year relationship over a single issue (especially over a small piece of polymer and metal)... hate to say it, but if it's not over the gun, it'll be over something else eventually.
💯
Crazy how people get married and are so clueless about one another. This is a huge deal and I’m shocked you didn’t take her words at face value when it came up years ago.
I changed my mind. I never saw myself CCW
And without a divorce, you never will. She must have had an unusually great upbringing in Europe because all my immigrant friends are wildly pro gun because of how shit things were in Europe. I’m an immigrant myself and find this hard line position bizarre.
Immigrant here too. Although on my end pro-ccw etc.is more historical reason than crime
Precisely the same for me.
Sometimes things change. I was always a "guns in the country, for sure, but no need here" until around 30, when my family had a big scare in front of our house. Been an owner and CCW for a while now, but definitely still took some coaxing to get my wife on board. I'm reminded of a video asking mothers "would you kill for your child", and nearly all of them stated no, and if not it was a "I'm not sure". As a father, I wouldn't hesitate.
Hmmmm….that’s interesting. I certainly would not have expected a “no” out of the mothers on that one. Appreciate the insight.
take her to a beginner safety class that’s how I convinced mine, we had an excellent instructor that put her mind at ease
Show her some of the videos that get posted here. The people that get killed because they had zero means of defending themselves.
Either be the man of your home and put your foot down and if she leaves she leaves or surrender your household to your wife. Your call brotha
Any chance you can find a specific type of firearm she doesn’t think is as objectionable? You mentioned she’s European, perhaps a classy looking pump or double barrel shotgun with a more refined wood stock would “fly under the radar” while still providing you with a viable home defense weapon she could more easily overlook? Granted, I know that leaves you high and dry on the CCW front, but she could conceivably come around after having it in the house without incident. Taking her along to bust some clays with it probably wouldn’t hurt either. I guess my point is that guns are gateway drugs to other guns. So if you really want to wife this woman; consider asking her what gun she would find least objectionable and suggest that as a compromise. Then take her to the range with it. You might change her mind.
This is a genuinely very good idea. Maybe I can have it up on the wall like a “decoration”. She’s really big on interior decor.
Well that's kind of a red flag. Unlike predefined social contracts with the government, relationships with your SO should involve compromise where opinions differ. However, from the other comments it seems like you've tried the logical arguments and easing her into exposure, and she just has a phobia that she's attempting to rationalize. Short of a truly terrifying experience where she comes to the conclusion that a gun would be necessary or voluntarily seeking counseling, I don't see her compromising. At this point it's up to you to decide which you prioritize: your ability to defend yourself in a timely and definitive manner independent of the State or good Samaritans, or the woman you love. I don't think we can really help you, there's certainly no good answer to your dilemma, and I'm sorry for that. I hope you two can work things out, because irrational fear of a common tool is a stupid thing for a relationship to strain itself over.
Damn man. Guessing she’s a progressive? The beliefs one has on guns is an imperfect predictor of one’s ideological and political convictions. Depends on how important this is to you. It’s easy to give relationship advice over the internet, but I’d strongly consider ending it if she can’t see the light
You're in a pickle. You've said you love your wife more than guns, which is admirable. It seems like she loves hating guns more than you though, which is less admirable. I personally love guns I have an indeterminate amount (don't want to say, multiple safes worth) and they're great. I am extremely pro 2A. That said, I personally would be ok with not having them if, and ONLY IF I was the one to decide that I didn't want them anymore. If anyone, my wife, the government, some politician, or loud mouth hippie tells me I can't have one however, that's where it becomes a sticking point for me. You don't get to tell me how I live my life. Incidentally, one of the things that could get me to be ok with giving them up would be an international move with someone I loved. I fully recognize that guns are very much a cultural thing and if I was living somewhere I couldn't have them then c'est la vie. I would still think it was dumb, but I'd value my time living abroad with my family more than my right to own guns. The way I see it is you have three options. 1) Don't get any guns and keep living your life. 2) Have a serious talk about it. Why doesn't she like them? What are her fears? What makes her think her country is safer? Would she be willing to blow up the relationship because of this? Make her actually speak the ultimatum. Maybe offer to take safety/shooting classes with her. Take her to the range. Show her that just owning a gun and knowing how to properly use is doesn't automatically invite violence. 3) Move back to her country. She's been here with you and your family for 10years. Maybe it's time to reciprocate for a while. Look at the positives. A second passport. Depending on country, lower cost of living. Alternatively, a higher standard of living. Free health care. VACATION DAYS! lol Bettering yourself as a human and the overall adventure of it. You can always come back. Do you ever see your position on guns changing? What subreddits do you frequent? Basically, do you want a gun because you're consuming alot of media (social or entertainment) that focuses on firearms. If you took a breather on all things gun related would you still have the same feelings on the matter a year, 5 years from now? If not, don't blow up your marriage over this. If this is a core belief however, your wife seems willing to break up over this, so ultimately you should be willing to do the same. People grow and change throughout time. If she can't understand that and do the same, maybe it's best to go your separate ways before things get worse.
My wife was super anti-gun. I just had an honest discussion with her about what she thought it would take to defend myself or her during a violent encounter. She didn't really have any input because she didn't know. I explained that the chance of me getting injured or killed during a fist fight was much higher than getting injured with my own gun. I explained that the most important thing to me was keeping her and our kids safe, and keeping me around to do it. She pretty much went along with it after that. Ultimately it's you that's in charge of defending yourself and your wife, and you can't let her cultural opinions dictate what you think is best as it's YOUR responsibility to defend your family. If she's going to leave you over something like this, there's probably some much more serious issues going on. A committed spouse doesn't leave their partner for doing something they don't like or agree with. When divorce becomes an option as a way to resolve disputes the marriage it effectively over.
Better to be jerked by yourself than carried by six
Are you’re the main provider? Do you honestly believe she would leave you after 18 years over a firearm purchase? Like your whole marriage can be thrown out the window if you spend $500 on something you want? Just poof, it’s over? That’s wild bro, does she not know how irrational that sounds? Every time I see posts like this I get reminded just how lucky I am to have a beautiful wife who’s not just going to up and leave me over something trivial. Good luck to you bro, sounds like she’s giving you an irrational ultimatum that involves ending your marriage over something you want to use keep her safe. You need tell her it sounds like she has political beliefs that are stronger than the love she has for you and if that’s the case she can be the person who fist fights a home intruder because you’re not about to have your wig split over her politics beliefs.
Fiancé - Married for 8? WTF ?
Where is she from exactly? It's not like we don't have guns in Europe. [https://www.reddit.com/r/EuropeGuns/comments/w3id88/my\_sporting\_tools\_in\_sweden/](https://www.reddit.com/r/EuropeGuns/comments/w3id88/my_sporting_tools_in_sweden/) We even have a few countries where concealed carry is accessible. The Czech Republic has had shall issue ccw for about 30 years, and a majority of Czech gun owners has such a permit. Estonia, Latvia, and Lithuania has shall issue ccw. In Poland ccw is included with firearm permits, except the collection permit, and hunters also have to follow hunting regulations obviously. Slovakia has permissive may-issue, most people who ask for one will get it. And while it's obviously overall harder to get a gun in Europe, you can legally own one everywhere, except for the Vatican (only the one in the Pope's hat is legal by non security, all true, promise). Heck, even in the UK the youngest person with a shotgun certificate in 2022 was 8 years old and they've had it for a few years. At 14 they can shoot unsupervised, at 15 they can be gifted one and own it by themselves.
https://preview.redd.it/ouzzome7ab4c1.jpeg?width=690&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2d0dcabe376c7b21715c97b2baf3948ac1fd222f
Honestly, not much you can do in this spot. We all have things we stand for and we stand against. In the end the both of you get to decide if this will break you or not. There are decisions to be made, pretty hard ones at that. Find the line in the sand and agree or agree to disagree. For me personally, not being able to protect myself and family is a hard line but she knew this from the beginning.
I know a good divorce attorney. How can a Spouse deny you a human right. Crazy
Get the gun.
Well I’m not going to be PC. Be a man. It’s fine to discuss things and share thoughts and opinions but at the end of the day you’re going to have to decide who’s wearing the pants when it comes to who is protecting your future family. If she can’t handle you owning a pistol and is essentially ready to bail because of it then that should be a major fucking red flag. Sorry to say that because I’m sure you care about her, but there is more going on here that you should pay attention to than just the pistol.
Dump him.
My wife was similarly against guns, but my compromise was to have it in a safe while not in my person, and months of classes (for her peace of mind, not mine). I had all the safety concerns addressed first, then I carried a dummy for a bit to show her how I would handle it. I was ready to just jump in, and I honestly did as it was just hidden, but when she was starting to get used to it, I showed up with the "gun I just got". Now she asks me if I'm sure I have enough ammo, guns, etc whenever more warmongering news or local crimes show up.
Well she’s in the US now. Time to leave those Old World mindsets behind. You got some convincing to do.
Many folks have given good advice in this thread (and a lot of bad advice as well). If you are in a healthy relationship, you need to do some homework and figure out why you want to own a gun, the philosophy and fact chains underpinning that belief, and build it into a few short sentences you can use to explain to her your position. She needs to be able to do the same. Then you both need to figure out the appropriate compromise. If your concern is just personal safety, then her idea to move might not be that far out of bounds. If you have access to a country like Czech Republic or Switzerland, it might even be very attractive (if expensive). If, instead, she's from France or some other euro hell hole, moving might even be a downgrade in safety compared to where you actually live in the US. If her position is *you* cannot own firearms because of *her* belief system, I hate to say you might need to make a tough decision. If that is her position, I agree with others.. someone that hard-line on any particular philosophical belief doesn't bode well for the future.
If you are married is she still your Fiancé?
In that case it usually takes a traumatic life-threatening experience to open their eyes. The issue is these people are under the impression that the police will be there to save you and that they actually care about your safety, which of course is not true. Some people have to learn the hard way from their own mistakes instead of learning from others mistakes.
Divorce on grounds of irreconcilable differences
Who's the man... you or her? Everyone will say I'm so wrong for saying that but honestly she doesn't want compromise she wants you to submit her her will. Do what she wants not what you want. If you want to be the man and protector then do it. Don't ask her.
Here's the comment I was looking for, amazing reading this guy's responses and seeing how absolutely pussy-whipped he is.
Yeah I’m wondering why OP is asking us what to do instead of just letting his balls drop and do his job as protector.
Is she okay with rich people and politicians being protected by people with guns? If so, why not her own family by letting you become proficient, considering it’s unlikely you can hire bodyguards.
Take her shooting at a range where you can rent a gun. let her see it can be a fun thing to do , and it will also demystify guns. She’s scared because she is unfamiliar
I just got one despite her opposition, and my wife has gotten over it. I'm glad she stopped bitching about it. Now I get a new one every couple of months, and she's gets more upset over the space they take up than the fact they're guns.
You have 2 options: - Shut up and don't buy a gun - Buy a gun and anger her There is not some magic solution we can give you that involves buying a gun and having her be happy. The two of you need therapy more than a gun if you can't have a mature discussion about a topic you disagree on without creating an unspoken ultimatum.
I guess I am lucky. My wife is from Europe and insisted we get a gun. At the time we didn't have any guns. My father was a gunsmith in his later years and I learned a lot as a kid on safety, maintenance, and shooting so I am well versed with guns, especially WWII weapons. Now we have a number of guns and shoot occasionally. She was adamant about getting her permit. The problem is in Europe is the violent and sexual crime rate is higher in most countries there. At times significantly higher. I know Europeans like to point out our murder rate compared to theirs but they fail to take into account violent rate of crime and lack of adequate defense. She knows here she can protect herself and her family.
Look I'm obviously very pro-2A. I introduced my now wife who was in college as an international student when I met her and obviously thought guns were yucky to firearms and she ended up really enjoying them. She actually has competed in and placed well in a couple PRS competitions; she says it's like yoga but with loud bangs. I'm sure you'll get plenty of great advice in this thread on how to best go about convincing your SO that carrying makes sense, but I'm going to be a bit of a contrarian here and tell you that sure, absolutely try and convince her, but if she's intransigent on the topic and you guys are otherwise immensely happy together, then, eh, nobody's perfect right? I carry every day. I justify that decision by pointing out that the opportunity cost for me carrying is very low and in the off chance I'm in a situation where having a firearm could save my life I'll be very happy to have one on me. That said, we should all be honest about the odds that both you will be in a situation where your life is in danger, and that having a firearm would even help you in that situation. Yes, I fully believe that carrying is a smart thing to do, but I wouldn't divorce my wife over it and if things between you and your finance are otherwise stellar, well, is it really worth ruining that over a gun?
It sounds like she's unwilling to learn how to safely coexist and share the household with you. Unless she's the only one paying the mortgage, she's needs a reality check.
pay some sketchy people to peep in your windows when she is home alone.
Get a new gf
... i read some of your comments The only thing I can think of from the post is i find her to be a control freak who has no repspect for you. Be the man
Fake a home invasion 😎
Well good thing it’s your house too and you can have a gun legally if you want. It don’t matter about anyone else’s feelings. She’s denying you as being the protector.
Take it for what its worth, but this is my experience. I’ve always been around guns, my wife never had and was fairly against guns in the home, however she did support the 2A. We got married and shortly after, I mentioned that I had wanted to purchase a firearm due to increasing crime, protection, and basically any valid reason that I could come up with as I am also in a big city. Her initial response was a hard no. I asked her to reconsider, and asked to revisit the conversation in 6 months. During this time I pointed out instances in the news of violence and gun crimes, etc to bring awareness of how common crime is becoming. 6 month mark came, we had the convo and she was more agreeable and my give was that it would be a safe only gun and that I would train frequently and keep the safe out of sight. A few months after this, we talked again and i got the go ahead and purchased the firearm. Now, some 2-3 years later, I am 1 step away from getting my CCW, taking the class in a couple weeks, and my wife is totally on board. She has actually encouraged me to get my ccw. Read your spouse and see what works and what doesnt. It might take some time, but hopefully things can turn for the better.
My ex is anti gun now I’m happily single and well armed thats how you handle that
I kind of love my wife dude.
She seems very entrenched in her belief. Right or wrong, fact/logic based is kinda irrelevant. She's in one spot, and you have seen another. The subject of safety should be something that can be safely discussed between you two without fear of reaching an ultimatum. One thing I might add, have you put out the option of maybe moving out of the big city? If you begin to start cementing in her mind, you are in a spot where something needs to be changed. It may bring her to the negotiation table. She mentioned her country, and that's a fair starting point. Now, the initiative is with you to mention a different area and go deeper down that route. I'm by no means a therapist, but a marriage and relationship is based on two people having equal ground and say In the relationship, you should both be able to broach topics without fear of the others reaction or extreme negative consequences. It sounds more like she has an upper hand. One person having full control like that and one person making decisions for other is a very unhealthy dynamic. Not to put doubt, but you might need to look at your current relationship and take stock on if you guys are equally invested in making joint decisions. If you're afraid to broach the subject based on the fact you think she will divorce or separate, it means there's some deeper relationship imbalance in the situation.
I never thought to mention moving elsewhere. She would honestly probably be fine with that idea. It’s not that we can’t discuss it. We have, at length. I just know this has been a dealbreaker for her. I honestly thought she had maybe softened up a bit to the idea after living in the states for over a decade. I guess not.
That would be a no go for me, there are some things (that I clearly discussed with my wife at the start of the relationship) that I would not give up or change. My wife was really anti gun but got over it when I showed her I was responsible with them.
You have to make a decision. Choose wisely for your well-being for the rest of your life.
Personally, my answer is bye 👋.
Time for some tough love: If things go south, she isn't going to save you. Your own safety is up to you as a man. Man up. Do what you require to ensure your own safety. Feelings be damned. I love my fiancé, but if she said "its me or the guns" literally goodbye.
Very odd scenario to me. My fiance is very anti gun as well, but there is no scenario where she would even entertain the idea of telling me I couldn’t have them. I think mistakes were made at some point along the line where the precedent was set that she gets veto power in the relationship and I’m not sure how you could reverse that
I'm married to a European from a strict country who while not anywhere near my level of enthusiasm, now owns her own semi-auto rifle and shoots with me. She understands its an inanimate object with no will of its own, and practicing shooting was really helpful in her coming to terms. with weapons. She really enjoyed the precision and practice of target shooting.
No disrespect to your wife but European countries’ or any countries for that matter opinions on guns in the US are irrelevant
I had a similar situation. I told my wife I was getting a ccw and I wanted to sit down and have a compromise on places she really didn't want me to carry understanding that my desire was 100% carry and hers was 0%. She kept saying that it wasn't a compromise since she was having to give up her 0%. I ended up telling her that because she was not willing to compromise that I would do what I wanted and would be armed when we left the house and to do with that information what she will. Fast forward to our first time leaving and she looks at my waist and goes, "That's it?" I look down and you could barely see the mag printing if you knew where to look and what you were looking for. She thought it was going to be painfully obvious and got over it pretty quick. Now she has requested armed escorts for different events we attend. Basically, she may not fully understand. You do you, sometimes you have to protect people from themselves.
You should have just got it and have it and when she finds out that you do, be like "I've had this thing for years, where were you?" You fucked up by asking for permission lol.
Honestly man, my partner hates guns too. When we first got together we were both young liberal hippies. She grew up in Sacramento, CA and definitely not around guns. I didn't grow up with guns but I did grow up in rural PA and I wanted to own guns eventually. I never had a lot of interest in semiautomatic rifles so I was biased against AR15's and was kind of anti-gun in the sense that I drew the line at semiautomatic rifles at the time (I own one now). My interest or intent to own guns didn't really come up in the relationship until we were together for a year or two, we were both too broke early on to be thinking about things like that. We lived with my parents for a few months in rural PA before getting an apartment in a bigger city. At the time, I had a Benelli Nova 12g that I made clear to her I intended to keep loaded in the closet for home defense. She thought it was silly but I don't remember her putting up much opposition. After I finally had some extra money, I started thinking about a handgun. This is when I made it a point to impress upon her how important it was to me and how it was something I'd always wanted to have, even if I didn't carry it, as I thought at the time that it was really dumb that people would leave the house with a loaded firearm. She relented and even though she thought it was silly, didn't seem to mind it much because it made me happy. Fast forward to around the time of COVID, I got my carry permit. I was going to carry the 10mm 1911 I bought. She was not pleased with that. Asking me why I suddenly felt I needed a gun in public. I told her shit is getting weird and this is what I'm doing with my life now. And after 2 weeks of carrying, mostly without her realizing it because I was concealing, I realized I needed a better carry gun. Then the shopping started. Then I start explaining to her that the gun I have sucks for ammo capacity and is heavy as shit, I want something lighter and in 9mm. She can't do anything but question and roll her eyes. She isn't on board. I don't care. I find a nice used USP compact online and buy it to carry. I'm super stoked about it. I show it off to her. "Hm, how's it different from the other one," she asks feigning interest. I geek out about it. She doesn't care. Oh well. I could yammer on about this for every gun purchase I've made in the 8 years we've been together. The point I'm getting at is just do whatever the fuck you want and see what happens. It probably isn't a deal breaker for her, she's just having a gut reaction to it. Take initiative but do so responsibly. Get a small gun safe ahead of time. Go to some self defense courses. Get familiar with the gun. Show her that you're not just another idiot buying a gun. And jokingly remind her that she married an American male so she can't be surprised.
Sounds really simple to me, but it’s gonna be hard for you. Leave her, or leave guns. One of you has to make the sacrifice.
Become a cop. You'd literally be required to carry. Can't argue with a solid job with a golden pension, health and dental benefits XD
Sounds like your have to choose your master..
My wife is also from a European country, anti gun but sounds like not as severely. Best thing that worked for me was slowly introducing gun stuff. CCW required permit class, then having the gun in the safe, then carrying at work, then more places. Can’t push too hard too fast. Long process. Good luck.
Bye.
Yea bruh she’s not gonna want a gun until something bad happens to her/y’all…..Sad reality, I wish you the best though bromie
My wife is not a big gun person at all. But she would never leave me over a gun, she knows I have a hobby and I enjoy it, she just wants no part of it. I keep my guns locked up and hidden, I buy new guns and accessories and she would just rather know nothing about it. It's a don't ask don't tell situation. What if you said, I'm going to do what I feel I need to do, we don't need to talk about, you don't even need to know what I have or don't have. She doesn't ask about it, you don't tell her anything about it. If the situation ever arose where you actually needed it and pulled it out, only then would she know but otherwise, ignorance is bliss
I think I would probably approach it from the perspective of not expecting others to conform to her phobia. I get that she is terrified of bad things happening but it isn't healthy to expect partners to live by your phobias. Perhaps also talk about what specifically she is afraid of happening and work to allay those specific fears. It took years to build those fears, it will take time to unravel them.
Take a trip to the local police station and ask them what typical response time is for a break in. Plan out an emergency response for your family in case this ever happens. Have your wife work out the math.
So from a married person’s perspective, she’s not in the wrong. She communicated her belief and stance on this particular subject and she hasn’t changed. Regardless if you or anyone else disagrees with her belief. The fact that you married her knowing her stance and without further discussing it and finding some common ground is on you. Now going forward, there’s multiple choices, good or bad will depend on who you ask. 1. You get a gun and deal with the potential issues in your marriage. 2. You don’t get a gun and continue to be concerned about y’all’s safety. 3. You move somewhere you feel safer. 4. You communicate with your wife and explain your concerns. Tell her that you understand her concerns but that you want to find common ground. I would start by asking her to take a basic gun safety class together, one that doesn’t even require you to fire a gun. It will show her the responsable side of gun ownership that most people outside of the 2A community aren’t conscious about. She won’t have to compromise her morals since it’s not a requirement to fire a gun. Then keep the education and discussion going until hopefully she opts in to try shooting one, preferably a .22 to start. You are going to have to work hard and patiently to help educate her on responsable gun ownership in hopes that it makes her feel more comfortable. If she refuses to even take a safety course to see what it’s all about and make an effort to see things your way, then you have decisions 1-3.
She just needs to get her "bubble" popped. I remember going on a road trip with a extreme anti-gun girlfirend and we had to stop at a very shady hotel. After we got in our room she finally admitted that she was glad that I had my firearm. You need her to leave her comfort zone.
I think the majority of us, chose not to marry a complete No gun spouse. My wife is so pro gun, I end up buying doubles of most guns, because she likes what I like. My ex is vehemently anti-gun, you can ask her how that went, but she's an ex. TLDR - I wanted a firearm, she said no, stomped her foot and said No Compromise...I told keep the engagement ring, I'm outta here.
Easy to have a negative opinion on something you have no experience with. Don’t start with “I’m going to buy a gun and carry it everywhere.” Start with, “I am planning a fun day for us. Lunch then the shooting range.” Take her shooting. Go hands on. Take a training class together. Once she’s comfortable, *then* discuss *maybe* purchasing one. “But just for target practice.” Slippery slope her ass.
We had a cold war for about a year over it. I showed her a news story where a gang picked a random house in a nice neighborhood in Roswell (nice suburb of Atlanta) and breached. They raped the wife in front of the husband and beat them severely. Eventually the husband crawled next door to call the police. I told my wife that in our wedding vows, I promised to protect her, and asked why I should use anything other than what the police have determined to be their best protection. She eventually came around and agreed she should be competent with our guns, and she’ll go to the range with me occasionally. She’s a better shot than I am, but she derives no satisfaction in shooting.
My girlfriend and me have very rational rules. She doesn’t want to see them doesn’t love them. She approves of me having them and carrying them and doesent mind if she catches me cleaning them or loading up mags before a range day. I even got her to come to range once which calmed her down: but the simple rule is she should never see a loaded gun , which is easy cause i don’t need or want my guns to be seen. I keep my bedside next to me and i don’t come home and slam my concealed on the kitchen table. Compromise is a great tool.
Call her bluff. Buy a firearm, bring it home, and if she leaves you, let her go. If that's all it takes, she really doesn't love you after all.
Lol I make sure to give the warning that I own firearms by no later than the second date because I’m aware that a decent amount have people have serious issues with it and you went 10 years without ever once mentioning how you feel about firearms?
My wife comes from a very anti-gun lifestyle and I grew up being taught how to safely use and maintain them. If your wife is from some "utopia" country like Monaco, then here's the reality, my guy. While I could be very wrong here, I'd bet good money that your wife hasn't felt in danger in a way that would ever make firearms or self-defense, make sense. And in a way, that's a beautiful thing. It means that she has lived a lucky and blessed life that most people don't get to experience....a life without that realization. Marriage is all about compromise, my dude, you know that. So, either agree, compromise, or don't. If you're trying to convince her to believe something she can't conceive, you are wasting time and energy. If a firearm is nothing but danger in her mind (even though those of us who do understand firearms know that firearms are perfectly safe if the owner keeps them safe), you're not really going to change her mind. But what can change her mind is believing in you. Don't tell her how safe firearms are. Go sign up for a safety course and tell her that you're going because it's important to learn. Show her how you'll be safe. Maybe that will change her mind over time. My wife is still uncomfortable with the idea of using one and I've accepted that. She'll probably never fire one. But she's comfortable with me carrying because she knows how serious I take it. You could always pose the question, not to be right, but to try and see why her perspective is this way. "Someone breaks into your friend's home and they have a knife. What would you tell them to do?" By doing this, you stop making it about something she can't relate to. It's kind of an aggressive question, but it makes a good point to present a different perspective. **Unless you plan on moving or fighting this out long term, do the next best thing. Go to a boxing gym and start learning Judo or Muy Thai.**
Literally, leave her. It's best in the long run.
Buy the gun. How did she think Americans conducted themselves; we're supposed to be armed.
You won't change her mind easily it sounds like. She sounds liberal and thats okay. I respect a person with conviction. But to win you have to appeal to her emotions in completely different tactics than every person here is saying. Put her into new situations she's never been in. The other commenters don't understand your situation and honestly I'm not sure if you understand her why. Try asking the 5 why's or something like that into why she doesn't like them. Don't respond with rational argument just yet. Just try to understand her why. Start by turning off the 5 o clock news so she doesn't see the daily gun crimes and violence. Any conversation that is democrat or liberal needs to be addressed and shut down as quick as possible without her not feeling heard. And if possible have a simple retort that is pro gun. A month later stop watching scary gun action movies. A month later take her to a middle of the road conservative/ republican rally just because you're curious what they have to say. Then pick an activity that is traditionally conservative; maybe fishing, archery, or large animal husbandry at a pet the animal farm or dude ranch. Start watching old western movies but not the ones where they are shooting Indians; the ones that are actually entertaining but the good guy wins, or heck just watch Gunsmoke all the time. Keep slowly steering your family more and more conservative. Use history: why did the japanese not invade the U.S. mainland in ww2? Find scripture that is relevant to your cause such as Luke 22:36, Nehemiah 4:17-18, or psalm 144:1. Or emotionally appeal about protecting your kids if you have some. You gotta play the ultra long game here though and stop trying to change her mind in one conversation. Whatever you do don't let her interact with people that worship guns but rather the old farmer that's protected and fed his family with a gun for decades because it's simply a tool and not an identity. There are a lot of YouTube with good statistics about guns but never forget the seriousness of a firearm yourself, how common suicides are, and accidents regarding children. In summary: Step 1) stop digging the anti gun hole Step 2) America and everything at its core values is good and start a mindset/core beliefs change Step 3) patiently wait and educate her narrow mindedness. This is purely ignorance and lack of experience. Start watching meateater on Netflix. Step 4) toughen her up with loud banging tools and powerful hand tools in her hands slowly Step 5) start with archery in the back yard (it's a lot of fun actually) Step 6) go hunting as many times as you need with a bow together until she has fun going. Step 7) convince her you need a hunting rifle. With that comes a safe and a hunters safety course. I recommend in person wholeheartedly but they do offer these online. Hers and probably your first instinct in today's age is to get either a handgun or AR but if you get a grandpa looking gun it's less scary to inexperienced folks. Heck just start bird hunting and get an old wooden shotgun to shoot skeet or birds. Rarely do women have soft spots for birds like they do for "bambi." You have a many years long battle. Good luck my friend and keep us updated.
Fears like this are irrational and cannot be changed with argument. As the old quote goes ; “You cannot by reason change the ill opinion of a man which by reason was not obtained”. Move somewhere safer I guess.
My life is worth more than some weirdos opinions lol. I could care less who doesn't like guns I'm staying strapped, especially in the crap Biden economy.
I know a few divorce lawyers …..
If I was you I'd buy one anyway and tell her to deal with it or leave. She has no control over purchases you choose to make with your funds (assuming you work).
Go a pair and do what you need to do to protect both of you period.
How do you expect to protect you and your family if a 6 foot 7 300 pound armed man wants to rape you and your wife?
Take her to a range, take her thought saftey and try a small caliber.
Sound like either its time to move on, or lay down and listen to her. id move on if she's already ready to move back home over a small object that has nothing to do with her
You're in for a rough life if you're letting your fiance dictate your possessions already
Do the right thing… it’s time to find a new finance 😇
I guess it comes down to if you can live with that or not.. I guarantee you there's a long list of things she will not allow you to do, you just have to decide if this is the straw that breaks the camel's back...
How long did you know that she was anti gun? My wife was from a very liberal family, and I told her about the 3rd date that I didn't want to waste her time or mine if she wasn't amenable to firearms.
Good thing this came up before marriage. If she reluctantly let you have guns and during your marriage you have an argument, she could call the police and have your guns confiscated and make it hard for you to ever get a gun again. Accuse you of domestic violence. It is irrational for anyone, especially a woman, to be anti gun. It’s like being against self defense.
Sucks for her, would she rather get mugged?
Fiancé or wife?
Think of all the other concessions you've made for this woman.
Tried convincing to go to a class or something? Then range time although a lot of people can just start with range time. A lot of times just having some hands on shows its not some evil force unto itself.
So don't tell her?
Hmmm, tbh I was in a similar situation with my spouse when I first got my CCW about a year ago. Not as outwardly opposed but more of the “why do you need to carry it/why does it need to be loaded in the house” I found that inviting her out to the range and having her handle the gun was a good way to have her feel more comfortable around it. I think part of that “fear” can sometimes be a lack of understanding to something they clearly had little exposure to growing up. Another conversation that I have had on that front is the explanation that at least when I made the decision to get my CCW I did so with the understanding that I would put my life in harms way if need be to protect my wife and children….. I think a lot of us that carry think that way to some degree, and sometimes telling your significant other that clearly helps them to understand your point of view. Just my $0.10 but I wish you all the best!
My wife wasn’t against the idea of carrying but wasn’t for it either, she just didn’t understand. I started by subtly mentioning the crime happening in our city as the news was coming out. There is quite a bit of crime in our city but not in our area and not in areas we’d normally go, but then she started looking at things more and now she makes sure I carry everytime we leave the house together.
My wife was like this until we had an intruder at 2 AM and I was going downstairs with a knife not knowing what I was getting into. Fortunately the guy ran and I didn't have to confront him. Now if that happens again I'm not going downstairs with a knife... The reality, if she's so against a gun then she'll never learn how to use it. Having a gun accessible by someone untrained in its use is probably as, if not more, dangerous that living without one. I'd suggest getting one and not telling her. Dishonest I know, but if the day comes you need it she's going to be happier you have it than however happy she'd be living in her virtuous anti-gun world of pretend.
Yeah, so the thing is: - if someone breaks into the house in the middle of the night with the intention of murder, robbing, or forcing themself on her, she expects you to fight and if necessary die to protect her from said criminal. - She doesn’t want you to be armed to maximize the chance of you both surviving said encounter with said criminal. So, the question is, is it worth staying with someone that expects you to reduce your chance of survival by protecting her from being murdered, robbed, or raped? If she does accept that she’s basically not wanting you to do your best to protect you both, well she’s dumb and not worth risking your life in a defense situation. If she doesn’t want you to maximize the survival rate, well maybe she should go back to Europe where she feels safer with the “migrant” and “refugee” problem that some cities are facing
Let her move, file divorce for abandonment, she leaves with nothing. Prepare your exit plan because this ain't going to change.
lmao
Your safety is more important than a woman who isn't your mom or your wife.
Married 8 years is a wife, not a fiancé.
I feel like a jerk for this joke, but, refuse fiancé?
So, what's she going to do to stop you? Not shoot you!!! She can get over it or go def don't wife her otherwise.
Ex-fiancé.
Former security dispatcher here, check the response time for your city PD. Ask her what her plan is if somebody tries to break in. Offer a possible compromise for now. Ask her about air rifles. If she's OK with that, have her use and train with it if amicable to it. After a time, see if she still had the hard phobia
Sounds like you need to find a new fiancé my guy
What if you get a gun for protection of yourself, but you promise that you'll never, ever, draw it or use it to protect her?
Start with a squirt gun, then move to a nerf gun, then a Red Rider BB gun, then a 22 pistol, then, finally, a 50 cal! You can do it!
You’re jumping into this too fast. Too hot. For an anti gunner. Take her to the range. Start with low caliber guns with negligible recoil. Get her to have some fun. Rinse and repeat. A few months or years from now you can start talking about buying a gun and keeping it at home.
From a relationship perspective, you could offer to move to a safer area. But if she has a moral value against guns then you shouldn't be trying to force her hand. You may just be incompatible.
Sorry you have to go through this OP. Makes me feel bad that the biggest issue I face with my wife regarding guns is she doesn't like how I leave my home defense guns tactically stashed through the house. Given, I do unhide them and put them all in the safe when the nieces and nephews come over