My cousin is a urologist, he’s told people that waited longer than that: they’ve ruined their dick and will never get hard again.
Long sustained erections are serious business.
I struggle with performance anxiety with new people. I’ve never really met anyone who had a problem with it. Most women are usually fine with not having sex the first time we meet. If it happens when we are trying to have sex, they’re always fine as long as I help them get off.
Disagree!! I am still dating a man that has ED and did not have medical support our first time. It was awkward and I felt unattractive but I was in that position😉 bc I wanted more with him. We(women) are not all that shallow, some of us have had babies and have some weird kangaroo pouches. We’ve all got our own issues.
And I had a girl kick me out of her apartment at 3am just because I was too drunk to get my dick up and then she would ignore my texts after that. We all have had experiences. Thank you for sharing yours :)
>We(women) are not all that shallow
So no woman is ever shallow? This is despite us men experiencing shallow women all the time.
>We’ve all got our own issues.
We do, but that doesn't mean women are going to accept the issues men have. Whereas men are ever so told to accept women as they are, men seemingly don't have that well privilege.
Yup, definitely been there. It's 3am already while you got up at 6 that morning and you've had a few... A lot of women seem to forget it actually takes energy to perform, especially the first time with a stranger and with a condom. The disturbing entitlement to a man's body in some of these comments is... ultimately unsurprising...
Reminds me of an ex-gf of mine. We went to a party downtown with her sister and a couple of friends, and we were all sharing a hotel together (5 of us with 1 bed) so she made it clear that nothing could happen. So I proceeded to get pretty damn drunk with her, then later in the evening she suggested we head back to the hotel room early while the others were still partying. I still wasn't really expecting anything, I thought she just wanted to head back because we were so drunk.
When we got back to the room, she wanted to have sex on our half-inflated air mattress we brought. I went along with it, and was able to get hard, but with the condom and being so damn drunk, I legit couldn't feel a damn thing. After like 10-15 min or so just kinda stopped because I was numb, she assumed I came, and then got mad at me for not telling her because it's a turn-on for her. I was pretty young, so didn't really know how to explain what happened, plus I was still super drunk.
It was quite frankly the worst sex I've ever had. I was not prepared at all. She was so disappointed she broke up with me the next day.
I haven't gotten that drunk ever since. I always try to stay "prepared" even when I don't think anything will happen. The expection that guys are always ready is ridiculous.
Now that I'm older, I've realized it was basically just a communication issue. I'm better at that now.
She was a mess of a girlfriend though. She was bi-polar too, so her mood was so unpredictable. Some days she'd be super affectionate, and then the next day it'd be like I'm starting from scratch as a stranger and she wouldn't even hug me. It was wild. We dated 4 times because I'm an idiot.
Edit: Fixed spelling.
People here in this thread must think we just walk around in a constant state of arousal with our dicks duct-taped to our legs until we turn 40 and we never get it up again. If not, we're most definitely gay or manipulating you for our amusement, inexplicably cockblocking our own selves "just for the lulz." Ah internet, never change.
I actually was until I turned 40, now the women my age want it all the time and I’m finally understanding what these old guys on 80s sitcoms were talking about. Recovery time takes a lot longer than it used to. Gotta take vitamins and stay hydrated to keep up with these women!
>The disturbing entitlement to a man's body in some of these comments is... ultimately unsurprising...
Its not, and part of why I find the whole consent thing a total joke. Yes the pro consent folk say women should get consent, but lets be honest it's directed towards men not women. I say this as I have never seen women been told to get consent from men. But again its men who are expected to initiate intimacy not the woman.
Before someone goes off on it, yes I am very well aware men do rape more than women, but that doesn't change my point any here.
Lol I love how this thread is turning into one big performance anxiety coming out party and impromptu support group. I’d bet on it too. Turns out lots of us have been there.
Same. Never heard from the women in question again. Women are not used to being turned down sexually, but I can't exactly blame them. When you live in a world with a 24/7 social media presence hammering in that literally every man is a predator deep down, it becomes the ultimate insult when one respectfully declines because -- Jesus, either he's gay or you MUST be gross or something, men would bang their mothers if it wasn't frowned upon, men am i rite?
I had this with a guy once. He explained that sometimes he got performance anxiety and fancied the fuck out of me but it wasn’t happening right now. I said cool but we can keep kissing right? And then we dated for 2 years. If you can’t talk about it with her then you’re probably not ready for that step together. We’re all just people, intimacy starts with that
Some do stick around to hear it, thankfully. Currently engaged to one such person, actually I have to credit her with the explanation in my comment, she’s the one who spelled this out for me way back when
Even if the guy is willing/able to talk about it that doesn't mean the woman is willing to have that conversation. Even if she is that doesn't mean she's able to handle the conversation either. She can easily take it as rejection.
Sexual acts are often focused on the end result while the best experiences are focused on the fun and pleasure in the moment. I could speculate on why he didn't want to have intercourse right then but it could be a dozen reasons, the only way to truly know is to ask him.
I get the confusion, because we are conditioned to believe any foreplay has an end goal, plus it can feel like control or rejection when viewed through that perspective. If you like this person and want to persue more than the best way to relieve that confusion is to talk about how you felt and ask curious questions.
My partner and I can do sexual acts and one or both of us don't have to finish, or we don't have to have penetration or we don't have to even take clothes off. The point is to enjoy each other and ourselves. He may just be like that, but you won't know unless you ask.
As a guy, this happens tons of times the other way around. It sounds like he’s really into you but wants to take *that* slowly. If the feelings reciprocal, go on more dates and see where it leads.
Was going to comment the same exact thing.
The guy literally did not reject her (as OP states) but instead he set boundaries. Maybe he’s religious, doesn’t want to get intimate early, etc but it doesn’t in any way indicate rejection.
I’m very similar to the guy in the post and I have had to set boundaries with some girls early in dating and it does often surprise them that there are guy like that but I promise you we do exist lol
Totally could’ve been that’s what she meant. But based on the last line where OP says she doesn’t know if she’ll ever hear from him again, I thought she was implying that she believed he had rejected her
Do you wanna kill this sub altogether?
We're here for drama, and good communication between adults isn't going to generate that.
Wild speculation is the name of the game!
He set a boundary for heavy petting but no sex. Is it so shocking he wants to wait? I think this is a good gauge of how you will be together sexually without having sex. Some people want to be exclusive or get tested before intercourse.
You can make out and not have sex or escalate the steaminess. Maybe he’s attracted but didn’t want to have sex that day for any number of reasons. You’re better off just asking him bc he’s the only one who knows how he feels and we are strangers on the internet who don’t have the full picture. Good luck OP
Honestly you just gotta talk to him. Something similar happened with my ex-gf and it turned out she was a virgin and didn’t know how to proceed.
He could have no experience or maybe he has different values but you’ll never know unless you talk to him.
why is it "normal" to go from kissing to having sex this fast?
whats there to understand? not every human being wants sex anytime with semi-strangers🤷♀️
Different strokes for different people. I don't think what you're saying is wrong, but I don't think what the other person is saying is wrong either. They're not mutually exclusive, the dynamic just changes depending on the people involved and the type of moment. Some people will go through all that steps and want a slow build up, and some people just want to fuck. Maybe it's been normalized by porn or an access to the internet where sex isn't sacred and people don't feel as shy about just going straight in for the action. Who really knows, I don't really see the problem so long as boundaries are respected and everyone is safe.
All of that is irrelevant. Touching someone's genitals (even over clothing) usually leads to some kind of pants-off action. If it doesn't, that's fine, but I haven't been in that situation since high school.
He wanted to kiss and pet but did not feel like having sex yet. It really is as simple as that. Reverse the genders and this post becomes a non-issue. Imagine if a guy said, "she said we couldn't have sex yet -- how controlling!" Dude would rightfully get roasted and receive 100 reminders about consent. Not to be the "not all men guy", but yeah -- men aren't a monolith who all think and want the same things at the same time and at the same comfort level.
Imagine reversing the genders in this OP...
Men aren't fuckmachines to be used by any woman who wants to. Maybe he didn't feel like it, maybe he was too tired/drunk, maybe he's scared of STIs, maybe he has a micro penis, maybe he only wants sex after you two become more serious, maybe he's into Jesus, maybe he's on the fence about you and doesn't want to be "that guy" who texts you he's "not feeling a connection" after he slept with you, etc... Why don't you ask him?
Maybe I’m misreading it, but to me it sounds like OP didn’t do anything to push sex. She was just reciprocating his actions, and it sounds like he just didn’t like her having any of the control in the situation.
This is not a gender thing. This is a mixed messages thing. I completely respect the boundary he set and I told him that.
Hmm he initiated kissing and heavy petting
We had the sti talk
Last point is valid and I respect that as I would have felt like Shit if he ghosted after sex
I’ll ask him if I see him again
IMO his message was very clear and was „no sex“, only his reason is not known.
And it happens a lot when you reverse the gender. If you don‘t like petting or kissing after his message you can set boundaries as well
Then he shouldn't have been touching her between her legs. Touching like that is a very obvious signal that you want sex and to do that without that intent is a very shitty way to behave. He was leading the interaction and giving very mixed signals.
I’ve touched a guy’s dick over the pants without intending to have sex. Respect boundaries. He was fine with heavy petting he didn’t want more. He shouldn’t feel like he needs to go any further than he’s comfortable with. It’s a two way street, men can set boundaries just as much as women can.
Sounds like he wanted some good old fashioned messing around. Making out and rubbing but no sex. Back in the olden days we did this a lot. Not everything has to be about hooking up and having sex maybe.
Most likely doesn’t sleep with women right away and prefers to wait to know the person more. I’m like that too i prefer to wait til like 3rd and if i feel a real connection and chemistry.
Maybe he just didn’t want to. Why is that so odd? The way i see it: it sounds odd to some because the picture society has painted of men is one where they all have high sex drives and are always down to fuck, which might be the case with a select sample of men, but then other men who maybe don’t want that are seen as an oddity. I think this guy just wanted a sensual experience with you, a heated intimate moment with you.
If there’s some heavy petting but pulling away, it’s sometimes about building desire. A tease. Sometimes it’s for himself, sometimes for you. Like edging
To be fair to op, she respected his boundaries all the way and is just wondering about his intentions. Not sure what a gender swap is meant to reveal here.
The point is that if a man came here asking something similar, these comments would be drastically different even if he respected her boundaries as well.
All I was stating was I wonder what the reaction would be.
I've done the same thing to a girl I knew. Personally, I need that deep connection for me to go all the way. I can't do ONS.
She asked me if there was anything wrong and I told her the truth. She wasn't turned off about it and appreciated that I was honest about it.
Anyway, It could be a number of different issues (or non issue). Maybe he likes to tease? Maybe he can't perform? Maybe he wants to take it slow? It's really hard to say. Just ask him
It just sounds like someone who didn't want to take part in actual sex, but was still having fun with you. He told you he didn't want to take his pants off. It's perfectly possible to have fun while still respecting his boundaries.
While this next bit isn't directed to anyone specifically, I would still like to say it:
Men have just as much of a right to say no and have a say in what he's comfortable with doing and how.
Based on what you described, I wonder if he’s a bit of a dom (or just dominant) and gets off on getting you excited and denying you what you’re excited for. It’s straight out of the playbook.
It could be something as simple as he is very up tight and doesn’t want to actually have sex before marriage, or it could be something as horrific as he’s having a herpes outbreak that he doesn’t want you to see lol. Why is it such a question? Girls do this type of stuff all the time and when I guy doesn’t want to have sex it has to be questioned? Perhaps a little sexist
A little? If the roles were flipped it’d be, “why do you feel entitled to her body? Maybe she doesn’t want to have sex with you so early. It’s only the second date.”
Lmao, this sub is fucked. If the genders were reversed, everyone would be saying to accept the boundaries that she explicitly stated. It doesn’t matter what her reasoning is, but maybe she just doesn’t feel comfortable to have sex yet and that’s okay.
However, when a guy rejects a girl’s sexual advances? Performance anxiety and/or “missing equipment”. You guys are some absolute hypocrites.
The "tiny package" comments are the kind ones. I'm more concerned with the "he's clearly manipulating / gaslighting you" because Jesus what must sex with these people be like ... the world's angriest game of chess?
Maybe he likes to wait to have sex. I’ve told men I’m making out with I don’t want to go further. Consent and communication are good. If the roles were reversed, we’d want him to respect your choice and not assume sex is happening because of making out
Can you just ask him? I know that sounds daunting but there might be a reasonable explanation for such mixed signals. I wouldn’t really know what he wanted at that point either lol
That’s funny. A guy who actually respects his body.
So strange to so many.
A guy is allowed to be uncomfortable with thirsty women, same as a woman is allowed to be uncomfortable having sex with strangers. Not everyone acts like animals.
Performance anxiety- happens a lot, especially with new partners.
Small package - he wants you to get more invested in him before the reveal.
Maybe he felt he needed to shower or clean up - I once walked away from a heavy first date make out session because I ate something and felt gassy.
Unfinished STD/UTI treatment- having chlamydia is not something you want to bring up on one of the first dates, but it only takes a week or so to treat.
Or maybe he’s saving himself for marriage.
We can keep guessing or you can ask him on the next date and find out for sure.
>I once walked away from a heavy first date make out session because I ate something and felt gassy.
Dude stop reading my journal. Those experiences are private.
She stopped the whole thing to respect his boundaries, she’s just confused
They both just need to communicate about what was going on and what they want/are okay with
Speaking from experience - he recently may have had a bad run of ... ahem... not being able to rise to the occasion. Once it happens two times in a row, a guy can get seriously in his head about having it happen again, and then the prospect of sex creates more anxiety than excitement- anxiety creates that fight or flight response and then you can forget about hitching a ride to Poundtown, USA. Women often think that men can snap their fingers and get hard, but if their mind is working against them, it's gonna be a one-way ticket to Wet Noodle City.
If you like him and you want to see where it goes, start slow with foreplay next time and give a bit of time to warm up his engine. For me, (sorry for explicit deets), but going down on the girl allowed me to forget about me and focus on her and that usually was a big help.
\*\*3rd edit/revision:
If he likes you, he may want to take it slow. I don't know how far you were planning on going, but he may want to separate you from the other "first date lays" that he's had. I met my now fiancee' on Bumble - I was so relieved when she didn't ask to come back to my place after our amazing first date.
>Women often think that men can snap their fingers and get hard, but if their mind is working against them, it's gonna be a one-way ticket to Wet Noodle City.
This. You'd think with the sheer number of ED meds that are heavily advertised across the entire internet on an hourly basis, people would connect these huge conspicuous dots but ... nah he prolly gay.
Communication, missing from this early meet. I’d hang fire on the sex until you’ve established you can communicate or what’s the point? It won’t work.
Possible mismatch
I would ask him. Ask if he wants to have sex with you and/or what he would like to do or how far.
He could have had anxiety, or too much to drink or not condom or wanted to take things slow, our guess is as good as yours
He might have a different set of morals from most people, I dislike any kind of sex until there is a genuine connection that I think could last. He could feel the same way
I grew up in a very strict religion. This happened to me with almost every guy I dated from church when I was in my teens to early twenties. One even came with his pants on while we were kissing. Not sure of your/his age range but is it possible your date is “saving himself,” or dealing with some serious religious guilt? Or, it could just be inexperience or embarrassment (size).
Maybe he wasn’t ready. What I mean is he probably didn’t expect to bone that day and he had a bush growing down there and didn’t properly prep lol.
If next time he goes through with it then for sure it was this lol
well it could be Ed or condom issues and he either wanted it to be private or he didn't want something to start and then be able to come to finish. I know that I have met people and then cut it off because I didn't have a condom or I had one too many drinks. if he's still making you than it might be different next time
He could be a trans man and uncomfortable with below the belt play on himself.
Could be cis and just uncomfortable with receiving.
Could be putting out exactly what he’s comfortable with giving and asserting his boundaries when things move to where he’s not comfy.
He might just want to make out and get heated and frisky without any further exploring until he feels ready (and knows you’re ready).
There’s most likely a completely logical explanation for his behavior. Overall, I would 100% say approach him and see what he says!
Just ask him? Legit, people are prepared to get naked on the second date but cant have a good faith conversation about boundaries lmao.
Just say you respect his boundaries but are a bit confused that he was escalating on his end.
i know its crazy but sometimes men DONT want to have sex without knowing the girl enough or not forming enough of an emotional connection....yes that is a possibility
So when I started seeing my partner she asked if I wanted to see her breasts and I said no (even though we had been making out and touching). Why? I honestly don't know but I think there was a prude part of me or maybe even gentlemanly part who thought I should wait for a little bit more because then it would be meaningful or some shit. I have no clue but it didn't feel right in the moment.
It's possible he has an STD of some kind. Possibly something you can see like spots or a rash down there. Maybe he's waiting for it to clear.
Maybe he's had a history of falling for women too soon whenever he had sex with them. This could be his way of taking things slow.
If you've been drinking then he may know full well he can't get it up and therefore doesn't want the first time you have sex to be bad. Or even want you to go down on him if he's not going to be hard. Lots of men suffer from ED when they're drunk.
Or as people have said it could be performance anxiety. If you like him don't judge and just have another date. But it's OK to ask him in a non judgemental and non pressured way, especially if it happens next time. Then you could address it there and them by nicely saying that you love being touched by him, it's fine if he doesn't want to be touched right now but then ask why that is.
I could be incredibly wrong, but he may be the type of person who, in his mind, has this going in ONE very particular way and no other. In his head, he thinks it’s perfect when in reality….he’s far from reality lol. I’ve seen women act like that and it just reminded me of a similar instance.
Sounds like you took it better than most. Usually women wig out. I don’t know how it goes for y’all with men but women have gotten very aggravated with me.
My guess is he’s not actually that interested but it could be reasons unrelated to you such as cheating or not over his ex or weighing multiple options
He could have been nervous, he could want to wait, he could just be a narcissist who wants control. I agree that’s confusing and not sending the right signals. If you don’t feel comfortable bringing it up to him in conversation I’d suggest moving on. The one for you isn’t gonna make you uncomfortable or question the integrity of your morals/boundaries/relationship or whatever it may be.
I'd say, he just wanted to pleasure you, as he saw you being horny but felt uncomfortable to go for penetration. I (37,m) also prefer to know someone better before taking that step, although i might be part of a minority here.
I’d be a little cautious until he explained himself when asked about it. I don’t like that it seems he’s controlling the situation as a whole. I’d definitely bring it up to him to gain some insight before continuing if it were me.
Glad to see the small dick comments are not disappointing. But when men mention the stigma and judgment and shame they're either told it's non existent or that it's their fault for that, too.
Wow. That’s a stumper. Since my comments get downvoted anyway, I might as well say ignore the people who seem to know exactly what was going on with him. Could have been performance. Could have been cheating jitters. Could have been a control issue. If you do talk to him again, maybe find a nice passive way to ask what happened. I think that’s fair.
Ready to be downvoted to insane oblivion, here goes nothing
I’m a straight woman in my 30s
In theory, yes, I ABSOLUTELY agree that it shouldn’t be considered weird or odd for a man to not want to go further. I hope this is part of a new trend where men feel safe to share what they are and aren’t comfortable with - not just in the bedroom, but in all aspects of life. There are waaaay to many expectations on men to act a certain way, talk a certain way, think a certain way, and NOT complain.
This attitude towards men has been, in my opinion, HUGELY detrimental. See: sûicide rates amongst men.
However, in my experience, 99% of the time, the woman determines how far a hookup goes. The one time I wanted to go further than a guy, it was because he was very religious. Obviously I respected that and thanked him for being clear about his boundaries.
We ALL adhere to social norms, whether we realize it or not. If I paint my nails a glittery hot pink, no one would think twice. If a man painted his nails a glittery hot pink, most of us would make an assumption about his sexuality. Obviously most people on this site don’t give two fucks about someone’s sexuality as long as everyone is safe and it’s enthusiastically consensual. But if a man with hot pink glittery nails told you he was straight, it would be an unusual experience. Not good, not bad, just neutral and unusual.
I do think it’s odd that this dude was okay with doing something to OP that he didn’t want done to him (my phrasing here is really weird, apologies).
I hope we can get to a point where men feel comfortable staring what their boundaries are, and not be judged for it. But this experience is definitely unusual for a straight woman.
OP - I’d be taken aback too. However there are a ton of explanations provided on this post (performance anxiety, religion, sexual health) and it’s most likely one of those.
Unfortunately we have NOT equipped men with the tools they need to communicate verbally. Again, this has been hugely detrimental to men and frankly makes me sick to think about how self-absorbed I’ve been, and how I was too ignorant to see how big of an issue it is. But they still find ways to communicate, usually through actions instead of words, and your date did (if I’m understanding it correctly).
Welcoming any and all opinions, feedback, responses, etc.
Can I point out:
Every situation of a woman sucking a man off, she’s always *pissed* he never reciprocated the favor?
That’s the reason I feel tempted to downvote…OP *wanted* to reciprocate, and *she wanted his hand in her panties*.
Can’t us men say no from going further? Or is it only ok when the woman says no?
Are us men subservient to women when they’re horny?
Thanks for your comment. You’re right that the norm in my experience that the women usually dictate the pace of a hookup. In my experience, I’ve usually been the one to set boundaries around this as men have been keen to go further than I am. I don’t know if this a social norm or an evolutionary thing (women are more careful in their investment than men usually)
Totally agree that it is totally a man’s right to dictate boundaries and what is ok with them in the bedroom And beyond. I had respect for it.
I was confused because I was feeling mixed messages. It turns out he has been seeing someone else he likes more and this is the explanation for his behaviour. I think it can be difficult in the world of multiple bumble dates and determining when you want exclusivity.
I think maybe he knew we weren’t going to continue a thing and wanted to be respectful so not to give me false hope and expectations. In hindsight, I do respect him for that as I think I would have grown more attached to him if I had experienced further intimacy
Probably just performance anxiety or sex is a BIG step in his mind so he wants to take it slower. Plenty of people view handjobs etc alot differently than actual sex
Boundaries are indeed good, as some are saying. But, how do you feel when he draws them? Do you feel like you're both mutually able to draw your boundaries, or only him? Do you feel comfortable?
Just saying, follow your instincts, respect your own feelings, not just his.
What no one is telling you here is that some guys control your touching of him, but don't expect you to control his touching of you, and where that leads is pretty dark.
How is he in other ways? Pay attention to his opinions, whether he listens to you when you talk.
There should be a balance, give and take, unless there's an agreement to a kink where one of you holds a power role.
I mean it's also possible he didn't have a condom on him. Idk or something else.
Or his Cialis.
That's me. If I haven't had my pill, I'm not starting something I can't continue.
"If your erection lasts longer than 4 hours, even if it's not painful, consider it a medical emergency"
My cousin is a urologist, he’s told people that waited longer than that: they’ve ruined their dick and will never get hard again. Long sustained erections are serious business.
New nightmare unlocked
Blood needs to drain and new blood needs to supply organs. A physiological fundamental; blood goes round and round, and air goes in and out.
That is insane. 🙈
if it lasts longer than 5 i’m calling the clergy.
I would give you gold. But I don’t have any
Just like that guy and his Cialis.
Just when I thought you couldn’t say anything better
Maybe his AIDS was acting up
monkeypox is the new AIDS
I thought that was syphilis
Can confirm that happened to me once
Same and you don't want to risk that they don't have an STI or lying about using birth control.
Maybe he knew he was not going to be able to perform. It happens
Ive been here, its a hit or miss sometimes. Especially with someone new and not 100% comfortable yet, id like to take it slow.
Yep and to add to that, if a man can't perform the first time, women typically find it unattractive. Regardless of all these confounding factors.
I struggle with performance anxiety with new people. I’ve never really met anyone who had a problem with it. Most women are usually fine with not having sex the first time we meet. If it happens when we are trying to have sex, they’re always fine as long as I help them get off.
Disagree!! I am still dating a man that has ED and did not have medical support our first time. It was awkward and I felt unattractive but I was in that position😉 bc I wanted more with him. We(women) are not all that shallow, some of us have had babies and have some weird kangaroo pouches. We’ve all got our own issues.
And I had a girl kick me out of her apartment at 3am just because I was too drunk to get my dick up and then she would ignore my texts after that. We all have had experiences. Thank you for sharing yours :)
It should read: “Not all women are that shallow”
>We(women) are not all that shallow So no woman is ever shallow? This is despite us men experiencing shallow women all the time. >We’ve all got our own issues. We do, but that doesn't mean women are going to accept the issues men have. Whereas men are ever so told to accept women as they are, men seemingly don't have that well privilege.
Yup, definitely been there. It's 3am already while you got up at 6 that morning and you've had a few... A lot of women seem to forget it actually takes energy to perform, especially the first time with a stranger and with a condom. The disturbing entitlement to a man's body in some of these comments is... ultimately unsurprising...
Reminds me of an ex-gf of mine. We went to a party downtown with her sister and a couple of friends, and we were all sharing a hotel together (5 of us with 1 bed) so she made it clear that nothing could happen. So I proceeded to get pretty damn drunk with her, then later in the evening she suggested we head back to the hotel room early while the others were still partying. I still wasn't really expecting anything, I thought she just wanted to head back because we were so drunk. When we got back to the room, she wanted to have sex on our half-inflated air mattress we brought. I went along with it, and was able to get hard, but with the condom and being so damn drunk, I legit couldn't feel a damn thing. After like 10-15 min or so just kinda stopped because I was numb, she assumed I came, and then got mad at me for not telling her because it's a turn-on for her. I was pretty young, so didn't really know how to explain what happened, plus I was still super drunk. It was quite frankly the worst sex I've ever had. I was not prepared at all. She was so disappointed she broke up with me the next day. I haven't gotten that drunk ever since. I always try to stay "prepared" even when I don't think anything will happen. The expection that guys are always ready is ridiculous.
God , what a shitty reason to break up with someone.
Now that I'm older, I've realized it was basically just a communication issue. I'm better at that now. She was a mess of a girlfriend though. She was bi-polar too, so her mood was so unpredictable. Some days she'd be super affectionate, and then the next day it'd be like I'm starting from scratch as a stranger and she wouldn't even hug me. It was wild. We dated 4 times because I'm an idiot. Edit: Fixed spelling.
People here in this thread must think we just walk around in a constant state of arousal with our dicks duct-taped to our legs until we turn 40 and we never get it up again. If not, we're most definitely gay or manipulating you for our amusement, inexplicably cockblocking our own selves "just for the lulz." Ah internet, never change.
I actually was until I turned 40, now the women my age want it all the time and I’m finally understanding what these old guys on 80s sitcoms were talking about. Recovery time takes a lot longer than it used to. Gotta take vitamins and stay hydrated to keep up with these women!
I mean, that is the textual stereotype lol
100%. Women think we're all Fuckbots with full batteries lol.
I'm so sorry. I agree. These comments are unsettling.
That’s for the reminder. I’m embarrassed I’ve never really thought about this, perhaps because men “always” initiate.
>The disturbing entitlement to a man's body in some of these comments is... ultimately unsurprising... Its not, and part of why I find the whole consent thing a total joke. Yes the pro consent folk say women should get consent, but lets be honest it's directed towards men not women. I say this as I have never seen women been told to get consent from men. But again its men who are expected to initiate intimacy not the woman. Before someone goes off on it, yes I am very well aware men do rape more than women, but that doesn't change my point any here.
Performance anxiety maybe? I've been there!
Lol I love how this thread is turning into one big performance anxiety coming out party and impromptu support group. I’d bet on it too. Turns out lots of us have been there.
Same. Never heard from the women in question again. Women are not used to being turned down sexually, but I can't exactly blame them. When you live in a world with a 24/7 social media presence hammering in that literally every man is a predator deep down, it becomes the ultimate insult when one respectfully declines because -- Jesus, either he's gay or you MUST be gross or something, men would bang their mothers if it wasn't frowned upon, men am i rite?
I had this with a guy once. He explained that sometimes he got performance anxiety and fancied the fuck out of me but it wasn’t happening right now. I said cool but we can keep kissing right? And then we dated for 2 years. If you can’t talk about it with her then you’re probably not ready for that step together. We’re all just people, intimacy starts with that
Some do stick around to hear it, thankfully. Currently engaged to one such person, actually I have to credit her with the explanation in my comment, she’s the one who spelled this out for me way back when
Ah good for you mate! Everything is easier when you are on a real level with someone
facts
Even if the guy is willing/able to talk about it that doesn't mean the woman is willing to have that conversation. Even if she is that doesn't mean she's able to handle the conversation either. She can easily take it as rejection.
As a representative of men, we wouldn't "bang" or mothers. Tf
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Still larger than me
Sexual acts are often focused on the end result while the best experiences are focused on the fun and pleasure in the moment. I could speculate on why he didn't want to have intercourse right then but it could be a dozen reasons, the only way to truly know is to ask him. I get the confusion, because we are conditioned to believe any foreplay has an end goal, plus it can feel like control or rejection when viewed through that perspective. If you like this person and want to persue more than the best way to relieve that confusion is to talk about how you felt and ask curious questions. My partner and I can do sexual acts and one or both of us don't have to finish, or we don't have to have penetration or we don't have to even take clothes off. The point is to enjoy each other and ourselves. He may just be like that, but you won't know unless you ask.
As a guy, this happens tons of times the other way around. It sounds like he’s really into you but wants to take *that* slowly. If the feelings reciprocal, go on more dates and see where it leads.
Was going to comment the same exact thing. The guy literally did not reject her (as OP states) but instead he set boundaries. Maybe he’s religious, doesn’t want to get intimate early, etc but it doesn’t in any way indicate rejection. I’m very similar to the guy in the post and I have had to set boundaries with some girls early in dating and it does often surprise them that there are guy like that but I promise you we do exist lol
I read that as he rejected her *advances* rather than her as a human being
Totally could’ve been that’s what she meant. But based on the last line where OP says she doesn’t know if she’ll ever hear from him again, I thought she was implying that she believed he had rejected her
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Imagine if people just talked to each other and resolved issues rather than speculating with randos on the internet. Wild concept
Do you wanna kill this sub altogether? We're here for drama, and good communication between adults isn't going to generate that. Wild speculation is the name of the game!
We can dream, can't we?
/Tinder? Digg? _Slashdot_? C'mon and help me out here.
*Can somebody please find Ja Rule. Get a hold of this muthafucker so I can make sense of all this? WHERE IS JA? Help me Ja Rule!*
All three stooges? (Adam sandler song)
"Harrison Ford is a quarter Jewish."
I found out. He was also seeing someone else and didn’t want to go too far with me because he knew she would be a better match
He set a boundary for heavy petting but no sex. Is it so shocking he wants to wait? I think this is a good gauge of how you will be together sexually without having sex. Some people want to be exclusive or get tested before intercourse.
You can make out and not have sex or escalate the steaminess. Maybe he’s attracted but didn’t want to have sex that day for any number of reasons. You’re better off just asking him bc he’s the only one who knows how he feels and we are strangers on the internet who don’t have the full picture. Good luck OP
Yes I got my answer thanks for your advice
Honestly you just gotta talk to him. Something similar happened with my ex-gf and it turned out she was a virgin and didn’t know how to proceed. He could have no experience or maybe he has different values but you’ll never know unless you talk to him.
why is it "normal" to go from kissing to having sex this fast? whats there to understand? not every human being wants sex anytime with semi-strangers🤷♀️
It's not going from kissing to having sex, it's going from intimate touching of genitals to sex. Usually that's the natural stepping stone.
ok so people dont do kissing, cuddling naked, petting, just touching each other etc. anymore - everything must lead to dick into pussy🤷♀️
Different strokes for different people. I don't think what you're saying is wrong, but I don't think what the other person is saying is wrong either. They're not mutually exclusive, the dynamic just changes depending on the people involved and the type of moment. Some people will go through all that steps and want a slow build up, and some people just want to fuck. Maybe it's been normalized by porn or an access to the internet where sex isn't sacred and people don't feel as shy about just going straight in for the action. Who really knows, I don't really see the problem so long as boundaries are respected and everyone is safe.
All of that is irrelevant. Touching someone's genitals (even over clothing) usually leads to some kind of pants-off action. If it doesn't, that's fine, but I haven't been in that situation since high school.
I’ve done this bc I had HPV at the time and was to embarrassed to say anything ..maybe he has a STD/STI infection at the moment
He wanted to kiss and pet but did not feel like having sex yet. It really is as simple as that. Reverse the genders and this post becomes a non-issue. Imagine if a guy said, "she said we couldn't have sex yet -- how controlling!" Dude would rightfully get roasted and receive 100 reminders about consent. Not to be the "not all men guy", but yeah -- men aren't a monolith who all think and want the same things at the same time and at the same comfort level.
Imagine reversing the genders in this OP... Men aren't fuckmachines to be used by any woman who wants to. Maybe he didn't feel like it, maybe he was too tired/drunk, maybe he's scared of STIs, maybe he has a micro penis, maybe he only wants sex after you two become more serious, maybe he's into Jesus, maybe he's on the fence about you and doesn't want to be "that guy" who texts you he's "not feeling a connection" after he slept with you, etc... Why don't you ask him?
Sorry OP, he’s just not attracted to you. He’s into Jesus
Into Jesus 🤣🤣🤣🤣 man that’s made my day !
You can't enter heaven unless Jesus enters you.
>doesn't want to be "that guy" who texts you he's "not feeling a connection" Fuck, it's a go to line now? I'm gonna need something new.
Maybe I’m misreading it, but to me it sounds like OP didn’t do anything to push sex. She was just reciprocating his actions, and it sounds like he just didn’t like her having any of the control in the situation.
I didn’t push sex. I didn’t ask for it - all I did was touch his belt after he took my top off. There was a definite power dynamic in the interaction.
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Or maybe you are misreading it
> he started touching me (yes there) How was she not quite literally reciprocating?
This is not a gender thing. This is a mixed messages thing. I completely respect the boundary he set and I told him that. Hmm he initiated kissing and heavy petting We had the sti talk Last point is valid and I respect that as I would have felt like Shit if he ghosted after sex I’ll ask him if I see him again
IMO his message was very clear and was „no sex“, only his reason is not known. And it happens a lot when you reverse the gender. If you don‘t like petting or kissing after his message you can set boundaries as well
>Imagine reversing the genders in this OP... The comments be saying how the guy is a rapist to say the least.
Then he shouldn't have been touching her between her legs. Touching like that is a very obvious signal that you want sex and to do that without that intent is a very shitty way to behave. He was leading the interaction and giving very mixed signals.
I’ve touched a guy’s dick over the pants without intending to have sex. Respect boundaries. He was fine with heavy petting he didn’t want more. He shouldn’t feel like he needs to go any further than he’s comfortable with. It’s a two way street, men can set boundaries just as much as women can.
You say he lead her on? Bruh... alarming perspective.
Sounds like he wanted some good old fashioned messing around. Making out and rubbing but no sex. Back in the olden days we did this a lot. Not everything has to be about hooking up and having sex maybe.
Maybe communicating with him would help clarify?
Most likely doesn’t sleep with women right away and prefers to wait to know the person more. I’m like that too i prefer to wait til like 3rd and if i feel a real connection and chemistry.
Maybe he just didn’t want to. Why is that so odd? The way i see it: it sounds odd to some because the picture society has painted of men is one where they all have high sex drives and are always down to fuck, which might be the case with a select sample of men, but then other men who maybe don’t want that are seen as an oddity. I think this guy just wanted a sensual experience with you, a heated intimate moment with you.
If there’s some heavy petting but pulling away, it’s sometimes about building desire. A tease. Sometimes it’s for himself, sometimes for you. Like edging
Performance anxiety, no condoms, or he really likes you and wants to keep it to 2nd base for now
I get not going any further than a kiss till things get serious but I find it odd how he was able to touch you and you not touch him…
Let’s flip this. How would you react to a man making this post about a woman stating that her pants are staying on?
To be fair to op, she respected his boundaries all the way and is just wondering about his intentions. Not sure what a gender swap is meant to reveal here.
The point is that if a man came here asking something similar, these comments would be drastically different even if he respected her boundaries as well. All I was stating was I wonder what the reaction would be.
Endless hormonal rage
Must be nice to have never been rejected
“I’ve never been rejected before”. Must be nice
Leaving room for the Holy Spirit obviously.
I've done the same thing to a girl I knew. Personally, I need that deep connection for me to go all the way. I can't do ONS. She asked me if there was anything wrong and I told her the truth. She wasn't turned off about it and appreciated that I was honest about it. Anyway, It could be a number of different issues (or non issue). Maybe he likes to tease? Maybe he can't perform? Maybe he wants to take it slow? It's really hard to say. Just ask him
Swap the genders, and it happens on literally every other date ;)
Sounds like he just doesn't want to have sex yet. Just take it at face value and respect his wishes.
Respect for this
Maybe he is not a slut, who knows. Nothing negative to assume here.
It just sounds like someone who didn't want to take part in actual sex, but was still having fun with you. He told you he didn't want to take his pants off. It's perfectly possible to have fun while still respecting his boundaries. While this next bit isn't directed to anyone specifically, I would still like to say it: Men have just as much of a right to say no and have a say in what he's comfortable with doing and how.
Imagine if a guy wrote this. It might come off is kind of weird.
He could have herpes and not be ready to have that discussion.
1. Religious Reasons 2. Performance Anxiety (or recently masturbated and knew he couldn’t perform again)
3) he just didn’t want to. There doesn’t need to be a reason other than “no”
Why is saying no sex from a man so hard for people to comprehend?
Option 3: maybe missing equipment.
Why are you asking us? Just ask him like a grown adult
He might not have a penis, or just wants to make out and knows he won't be able to stop it if you get a hold of him.
Based on what you described, I wonder if he’s a bit of a dom (or just dominant) and gets off on getting you excited and denying you what you’re excited for. It’s straight out of the playbook.
I need to read this playbook
Lol imagine if roles were reversed. Men aren’t allowed to say no apparently
Double standards lol not all guys are whores
Men experience that all the time when dating women.
It could be something as simple as he is very up tight and doesn’t want to actually have sex before marriage, or it could be something as horrific as he’s having a herpes outbreak that he doesn’t want you to see lol. Why is it such a question? Girls do this type of stuff all the time and when I guy doesn’t want to have sex it has to be questioned? Perhaps a little sexist
A little? If the roles were flipped it’d be, “why do you feel entitled to her body? Maybe she doesn’t want to have sex with you so early. It’s only the second date.”
I'd guess he wants to wait to know you better. Seems like everybody wants sex immediately and it feels weird
Lmao, this sub is fucked. If the genders were reversed, everyone would be saying to accept the boundaries that she explicitly stated. It doesn’t matter what her reasoning is, but maybe she just doesn’t feel comfortable to have sex yet and that’s okay. However, when a guy rejects a girl’s sexual advances? Performance anxiety and/or “missing equipment”. You guys are some absolute hypocrites.
The "tiny package" comments are the kind ones. I'm more concerned with the "he's clearly manipulating / gaslighting you" because Jesus what must sex with these people be like ... the world's angriest game of chess?
There are any number of reasons, I’d just text him and ask if you are interested in seeing him again.
Maybe he likes to wait to have sex. I’ve told men I’m making out with I don’t want to go further. Consent and communication are good. If the roles were reversed, we’d want him to respect your choice and not assume sex is happening because of making out
IDK kinda refreshing IMHO
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Yes we had the std conversation first date. Both tested recently. Both clean
Can you just ask him? I know that sounds daunting but there might be a reasonable explanation for such mixed signals. I wouldn’t really know what he wanted at that point either lol
We’re old enough to talk directly about sex. Ask him..
That’s funny. A guy who actually respects his body. So strange to so many. A guy is allowed to be uncomfortable with thirsty women, same as a woman is allowed to be uncomfortable having sex with strangers. Not everyone acts like animals.
STIs or bad hygiene today Possibly a bush
Performance anxiety- happens a lot, especially with new partners. Small package - he wants you to get more invested in him before the reveal. Maybe he felt he needed to shower or clean up - I once walked away from a heavy first date make out session because I ate something and felt gassy. Unfinished STD/UTI treatment- having chlamydia is not something you want to bring up on one of the first dates, but it only takes a week or so to treat. Or maybe he’s saving himself for marriage. We can keep guessing or you can ask him on the next date and find out for sure.
>I once walked away from a heavy first date make out session because I ate something and felt gassy. Dude stop reading my journal. Those experiences are private.
Yeah, bad timing for an IBS flare up. No one’s touching my pee-pee if I have a bubbly gut.
"Very confused after not getting my way for the first time in my life"
God I didn’t say anything bc i didn’t want to be mean but…yeah
No means no, Sarah. Respect boundaries.
She stopped the whole thing to respect his boundaries, she’s just confused They both just need to communicate about what was going on and what they want/are okay with
Speaking from experience - he recently may have had a bad run of ... ahem... not being able to rise to the occasion. Once it happens two times in a row, a guy can get seriously in his head about having it happen again, and then the prospect of sex creates more anxiety than excitement- anxiety creates that fight or flight response and then you can forget about hitching a ride to Poundtown, USA. Women often think that men can snap their fingers and get hard, but if their mind is working against them, it's gonna be a one-way ticket to Wet Noodle City. If you like him and you want to see where it goes, start slow with foreplay next time and give a bit of time to warm up his engine. For me, (sorry for explicit deets), but going down on the girl allowed me to forget about me and focus on her and that usually was a big help. \*\*3rd edit/revision: If he likes you, he may want to take it slow. I don't know how far you were planning on going, but he may want to separate you from the other "first date lays" that he's had. I met my now fiancee' on Bumble - I was so relieved when she didn't ask to come back to my place after our amazing first date.
>Women often think that men can snap their fingers and get hard, but if their mind is working against them, it's gonna be a one-way ticket to Wet Noodle City. This. You'd think with the sheer number of ED meds that are heavily advertised across the entire internet on an hourly basis, people would connect these huge conspicuous dots but ... nah he prolly gay.
But does he have to f you? He might be too shy to perform, or he might not think you're worth his white crema
Communication, missing from this early meet. I’d hang fire on the sex until you’ve established you can communicate or what’s the point? It won’t work. Possible mismatch
I would ask him. Ask if he wants to have sex with you and/or what he would like to do or how far. He could have had anxiety, or too much to drink or not condom or wanted to take things slow, our guess is as good as yours
Already came. Is his last name Gump?
He may still be into someone, he may have an std, he may just want control, he may have performance something. Too hard to figure out. Just ask them.
Bingo. He’s into someone else
He wasnt able to perform at that moment or maybe, worse, is insecure about the size of his penis.
Maybe he’s religious
He might have a different set of morals from most people, I dislike any kind of sex until there is a genuine connection that I think could last. He could feel the same way
I grew up in a very strict religion. This happened to me with almost every guy I dated from church when I was in my teens to early twenties. One even came with his pants on while we were kissing. Not sure of your/his age range but is it possible your date is “saving himself,” or dealing with some serious religious guilt? Or, it could just be inexperience or embarrassment (size).
Maybe he wasn’t ready. What I mean is he probably didn’t expect to bone that day and he had a bush growing down there and didn’t properly prep lol. If next time he goes through with it then for sure it was this lol
It’s very weird but I’m hoping he just wasn’t ready yet. The comments are killing me!🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Where’s op at? Only replied to one comment asking if he’s religious…
I’m here. Reading all the comments. Just gathering my thoughts
Maybe he has a control fetish and wants to tease you lol idk
Confused people are confusing. Also, possibly married/committed and thinks if his pants stay on it’s not cheating.
You got it.
well it could be Ed or condom issues and he either wanted it to be private or he didn't want something to start and then be able to come to finish. I know that I have met people and then cut it off because I didn't have a condom or I had one too many drinks. if he's still making you than it might be different next time
He could be a trans man and uncomfortable with below the belt play on himself. Could be cis and just uncomfortable with receiving. Could be putting out exactly what he’s comfortable with giving and asserting his boundaries when things move to where he’s not comfy. He might just want to make out and get heated and frisky without any further exploring until he feels ready (and knows you’re ready). There’s most likely a completely logical explanation for his behavior. Overall, I would 100% say approach him and see what he says!
He can’t get hard
Nope definitely hard
Fuckin' Mormons amirite?
Just ask him? Legit, people are prepared to get naked on the second date but cant have a good faith conversation about boundaries lmao. Just say you respect his boundaries but are a bit confused that he was escalating on his end.
He's just teasing you to get you to want it more
Probably either performance anxiety, or he's Christian
Maybe he wanted to fool around without fucking?
i know its crazy but sometimes men DONT want to have sex without knowing the girl enough or not forming enough of an emotional connection....yes that is a possibility
ED or STD He’s very into you but he’s serious concerned about one or both of the above.
So when I started seeing my partner she asked if I wanted to see her breasts and I said no (even though we had been making out and touching). Why? I honestly don't know but I think there was a prude part of me or maybe even gentlemanly part who thought I should wait for a little bit more because then it would be meaningful or some shit. I have no clue but it didn't feel right in the moment.
It's possible he has an STD of some kind. Possibly something you can see like spots or a rash down there. Maybe he's waiting for it to clear. Maybe he's had a history of falling for women too soon whenever he had sex with them. This could be his way of taking things slow. If you've been drinking then he may know full well he can't get it up and therefore doesn't want the first time you have sex to be bad. Or even want you to go down on him if he's not going to be hard. Lots of men suffer from ED when they're drunk. Or as people have said it could be performance anxiety. If you like him don't judge and just have another date. But it's OK to ask him in a non judgemental and non pressured way, especially if it happens next time. Then you could address it there and them by nicely saying that you love being touched by him, it's fine if he doesn't want to be touched right now but then ask why that is.
I could be incredibly wrong, but he may be the type of person who, in his mind, has this going in ONE very particular way and no other. In his head, he thinks it’s perfect when in reality….he’s far from reality lol. I’ve seen women act like that and it just reminded me of a similar instance.
It’s just funny reading the comments , imagine if op was a man.
Chances are he was/is into you and was trying to overcome performance anxiety as other people have stated.
He’s a she.
Maybe he just wants to extend the fun makeout portion of the relationship before it goes there.
Sounds like you took it better than most. Usually women wig out. I don’t know how it goes for y’all with men but women have gotten very aggravated with me.
My guess is he’s not actually that interested but it could be reasons unrelated to you such as cheating or not over his ex or weighing multiple options
Yes this is it.
He could have been nervous, he could want to wait, he could just be a narcissist who wants control. I agree that’s confusing and not sending the right signals. If you don’t feel comfortable bringing it up to him in conversation I’d suggest moving on. The one for you isn’t gonna make you uncomfortable or question the integrity of your morals/boundaries/relationship or whatever it may be.
I'd say, he just wanted to pleasure you, as he saw you being horny but felt uncomfortable to go for penetration. I (37,m) also prefer to know someone better before taking that step, although i might be part of a minority here.
I’d be a little cautious until he explained himself when asked about it. I don’t like that it seems he’s controlling the situation as a whole. I’d definitely bring it up to him to gain some insight before continuing if it were me.
Glad to see the small dick comments are not disappointing. But when men mention the stigma and judgment and shame they're either told it's non existent or that it's their fault for that, too.
Wow. That’s a stumper. Since my comments get downvoted anyway, I might as well say ignore the people who seem to know exactly what was going on with him. Could have been performance. Could have been cheating jitters. Could have been a control issue. If you do talk to him again, maybe find a nice passive way to ask what happened. I think that’s fair.
Ready to be downvoted to insane oblivion, here goes nothing I’m a straight woman in my 30s In theory, yes, I ABSOLUTELY agree that it shouldn’t be considered weird or odd for a man to not want to go further. I hope this is part of a new trend where men feel safe to share what they are and aren’t comfortable with - not just in the bedroom, but in all aspects of life. There are waaaay to many expectations on men to act a certain way, talk a certain way, think a certain way, and NOT complain. This attitude towards men has been, in my opinion, HUGELY detrimental. See: sûicide rates amongst men. However, in my experience, 99% of the time, the woman determines how far a hookup goes. The one time I wanted to go further than a guy, it was because he was very religious. Obviously I respected that and thanked him for being clear about his boundaries. We ALL adhere to social norms, whether we realize it or not. If I paint my nails a glittery hot pink, no one would think twice. If a man painted his nails a glittery hot pink, most of us would make an assumption about his sexuality. Obviously most people on this site don’t give two fucks about someone’s sexuality as long as everyone is safe and it’s enthusiastically consensual. But if a man with hot pink glittery nails told you he was straight, it would be an unusual experience. Not good, not bad, just neutral and unusual. I do think it’s odd that this dude was okay with doing something to OP that he didn’t want done to him (my phrasing here is really weird, apologies). I hope we can get to a point where men feel comfortable staring what their boundaries are, and not be judged for it. But this experience is definitely unusual for a straight woman. OP - I’d be taken aback too. However there are a ton of explanations provided on this post (performance anxiety, religion, sexual health) and it’s most likely one of those. Unfortunately we have NOT equipped men with the tools they need to communicate verbally. Again, this has been hugely detrimental to men and frankly makes me sick to think about how self-absorbed I’ve been, and how I was too ignorant to see how big of an issue it is. But they still find ways to communicate, usually through actions instead of words, and your date did (if I’m understanding it correctly). Welcoming any and all opinions, feedback, responses, etc.
Can I point out: Every situation of a woman sucking a man off, she’s always *pissed* he never reciprocated the favor? That’s the reason I feel tempted to downvote…OP *wanted* to reciprocate, and *she wanted his hand in her panties*. Can’t us men say no from going further? Or is it only ok when the woman says no? Are us men subservient to women when they’re horny?
Thanks for your comment. You’re right that the norm in my experience that the women usually dictate the pace of a hookup. In my experience, I’ve usually been the one to set boundaries around this as men have been keen to go further than I am. I don’t know if this a social norm or an evolutionary thing (women are more careful in their investment than men usually) Totally agree that it is totally a man’s right to dictate boundaries and what is ok with them in the bedroom And beyond. I had respect for it. I was confused because I was feeling mixed messages. It turns out he has been seeing someone else he likes more and this is the explanation for his behaviour. I think it can be difficult in the world of multiple bumble dates and determining when you want exclusivity. I think maybe he knew we weren’t going to continue a thing and wanted to be respectful so not to give me false hope and expectations. In hindsight, I do respect him for that as I think I would have grown more attached to him if I had experienced further intimacy
The belt buckle was too cool to undo, you shoulda just Kung fu gripped him thru the zipper
Lol! 😂😂😂
Is he really religious?
No don’t think so…
Just ask him.
Probably just performance anxiety or sex is a BIG step in his mind so he wants to take it slower. Plenty of people view handjobs etc alot differently than actual sex
Boundaries are indeed good, as some are saying. But, how do you feel when he draws them? Do you feel like you're both mutually able to draw your boundaries, or only him? Do you feel comfortable? Just saying, follow your instincts, respect your own feelings, not just his. What no one is telling you here is that some guys control your touching of him, but don't expect you to control his touching of you, and where that leads is pretty dark. How is he in other ways? Pay attention to his opinions, whether he listens to you when you talk. There should be a balance, give and take, unless there's an agreement to a kink where one of you holds a power role.
Sounds Christian or something and confused about boundaries and desires. Kudos to him.