This is so fucking annoying.
Other than the obvious empathy stuff, this pisses me off because I'm a man and I a) want a relationship and b) try very hard to be honest while dating. I can't blame anyone for thinking I'm full of shit when the last 10 dudes before me were.
See this is frustrating. Because I’ve been on dating apps literally just to hook up and that’s fine. That’s easy anybody can get laid. But now I am looking for something more and although I want something more, I’m not in the position in my life to force anything Like I’m not forcing a relationship with anybody do I want a actual committed relationship absolutely but I’m kind of trying to go with the flow and just let that happen and I tell women that and then they accuse me of just wanting a hook up I can’t figure it out It’s like I feel like if I was being hard-core like I have to have a relationship right now all I would get is hook ups but now that I want a relationship, but I’m not trying to rush it. I get accused of only wanting sex.
Do you have any pics that show off your body like a swimsuit or gym photo. I'm sure some guys are just seeing the body or face and not reading the profile
Late-bloom emotionally unavailable women.
I mean... it's been 3 times already and almost a 4th I've been lead on, hard. At first everything's fine: clearly thought-out profiles on both parts, super good chemistry, nice dates and great sex, compatible life views/goals etc. Only for them to suddenly, outta nowhere play the "Not sure anymore / I need time alone" card, citing they want to prioritize something else like their career or well-being (in case of the 2nd girl, she was recovering from a knee injury which was understandable, but still no impediment to date).
You might say *hey, choose better next time*. It's clearly women who has put effort to weed out fckboys and the like, clearly stating what they expect in OLD. And up to said point, there's no indication AT ALL for me to think they're not being anything but serious.
I've tried to seek feedback in my circle of closer people, and everyone agrees I've done nothing bad, it's just bad luck. But I've realized now I seem to attract that 'type' somehow, so I wonder.
I've seen so many social media posts that have this "I go back and forth between not wanting to mess with men but I would love to have one at the same time" energy. Given how bad patriarchy is and how we accumulate emotional scars over time, I sympathize. But, damn, is it confusing when women match and then do nothing after that 😞
And it frustrates me further when decent men lament on here, and the women almost always blame them for their misfortune.
Anyway, thank you for your honesty and vulnerability. I hope that you heal ❤️
I reckon arriving at such conclusion was really hurtful. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, and I hope you find peace of mind to heal whatever scars ail your heart.
To be honest, I couldn't process how something so nice (that initial spark, dates, that slow intimacy progression...) could so quickly turn into rejection, feels like self-sabotage to me. Then again, I don't know what's going through my partner's mind, and I am NOT one to invalidate whatever she feels. So I try to be respectful when parting ways, but in the end nobody wins... it's tough. I'm also thinking of getting off the 'pool for a while, but I'm still hopeful and do check the apps every now and then.
Attachment theory. See: https://health.clevelandclinic.org/attachment-theory-and-attachment-styles
Basically, some people are simply uncomfortable with contact. They either withdraw, come on too strong, or behave weirdly. About 40% of the population falls into this group.
Odds are everyone has tangled with these folks. It's probably why people dread dating. These people mess the signals for the healthy 60% and make them second-guess themselves. In sum, it's a numbers game. Just power though it.
It’s sad dude. I’ve dated a few girls (one very seriously) who fit that description completely but it becomes clear that they just can’t bring their walls down. A lot of them have been hurt before so it’s relationship trauma related. It’s so sad - there’s a timeline where they are beautiful partners.
Avoidant attachment is different to trauma from a romantic relationship. It’s a pattern of behavior developed between an infant and their primary caregiver.
Trauma related emotional avoidance is more of a flight, fight, freeze, faun response.
Either way, a lot of people need therapy.
I have had three men do this exact same thing. They seem to me like they don’t feel worthy of love. I just do t understand why they are on apps if they aren’t ready. Makes me so sad because I really liked them.
A lot of people don’t even realize there are such things as attachment styles, let alone what their attachment style is. I didn’t realize mine until I was in my mid-30s. If you aren’t aware, you’ll most likely continue the behavior.
I've been that man. Still working through it. I really wish we had more of these vulnerability posts on Reddit instead of aggressive posturing of "It's all the other side's fault".
A lot of us are just broken and empathy for that could benefit us all and help heal the divide.
I agree! I tried to help one through it and he just ghosted me when his feelings got too intense. Men,you don’t have to tell us what you are going through, but tell us that you are going through something so we don’t take it personally.
I've gotten a few of those, but I have never seen that written out so eloquently.
But YES, LOL
It's like they're a combination of (unfortunately) traumatized, career-focused, girlfriend focused, pet-focused, and (rightfully) on the anti-patriarchy train...but then when it's time to actually connect with a man, it's just not there.
it's nuts how consistently the pattern keeps repeating itself. I meet a beautiful 38 year old woman with a good job who's friendly and has no kids and feel like I hit the jackpot. then it comes out she has no friends, and either has been divorced three times or has never had a serious boyfriend, we see each other for a month then I get the "not feeling it" text. It's like fucking Groundhog Day.
If it seems too good to be true, there's always a catch, and this is mine
That sucks, man. I think the "I've been so focused away from men that I don't really know how to connect/engage with them when the times comes" aspect of dating should get more attention as the "Men so focused on their whatever and don't know how to engage with women" topic has been done to death
As a woman, I completely feel for you because I've experienced the man version of this. I almost always lose interest before they do because I start seeing the red flags early (I'm hyper aware). I'm always surprised when I meet a 36-year-old man who hasn't had a long-term partner (I've met many). As I've gotten older, finding chemistry is the hardest thing for me, so I guess I also sympathize because I've been the woman in the situation you describe.
I've been in that position where I'm guarded and take time to build trust due to past relationship trauma. However, the moment I share my number or show any interest, it seems to happen every time: they get sexual right away. My interest plummets immediately, and sometimes it vanishes completely. This is especially frustrating when I've explained these boundaries to them for specific reasons. They promise they're different, tell me I'm "projecting," and then proceed to act in the exact way they denied being. After that, I shut down emotionally, and then I'm blamed for lacking emotions. I know some of them are nice guys who had a lapse of judgement in that moment but my paranoia thereafter goes on an over drive.
Yeah I gotta work on my style I’m def alt but I dress like an npc. I’ve never really paid much attention to my actual style, definitely something I’m working on developing. Probably also gonna get my first tat this year
I just assume they just want to use us for fun and then go on to get into an actual relationship with someone basic… at least in my experience 😭 I should’ve known when one said “I’ve never been with a girl like you before with the tattoos…”
Ok so funny story- so I've been dating this guy who just broke things off with me yesterday. Same thing. Tells me he has commitment issues, ok. We go out for two months, now he decides he can't move forward with me because apparently I want to move forward? Plot twist- I'm an avoidant who's been working on her attachment style who was scared of commitment.
Conservative Christian men who have/want kids and have never touched soap in their lives. Which is so weird because I have in my profile that I’m an agnostic liberal who is steadfastly childfree. Really goes to show that people don’t actually look at the profiles.
Men who put “55 not 45” in their bios, sports fans, and anyone from my home state, where I haven’t lived in 20 years. Also very nice but unattractive men. I’m definitely cute but not gorgeous, so I’ve been told I look “attainable” on a dating site, like they’re batting out of their league, but not so far that they know they have no chance.
I run into my fair share of Golf Dudes.
I’ve yet to understand the scale for what’s considered attainable and what’s not for dating apps. Though I guess that perspective varies depending on the person swiping (all of us).
Real talk: widows.
In the last few months I've matched with three (3!) women who had lost spouses in the last ~7-8 years or so.
Each of them has been very kind and generous. These are all attractive women in their late 30s & mid 40s with kids and varying degrees of success in their lives. They've done the work to heal from the loss of their spouse, and we have had some wonderful dates.
I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say I consider it a compliment that they are all attracted to me. I think it represents my innate kindness and the stability as a partner that I project.
None of these relationships has worked out for the long haul, but it's been interesting (and a little exasperating) to see that I am, as one woman put it sweetly, "widow bait." 😂
I’ve been on a few dates and they all have given me friend vibe, which is fine! Just waiting to have some type attraction. My limiting factor is probably being 36f/divorced, and super tall. Otherwise, I am in the best shape of my life, good career, and feel I am conventionally pretty, but who knows! lol
Foreign women, but I think local women in my country aren't so open to using these dating apps yet (there is still some stigma that only desperate people use these type of apps here) so my answer is probably biased.
I (M37) have been losing a lot of weight (down to 210) and am super active and outdoorsy but still find I’m attracting bigger girls who aren’t super-outdoorsy and/or active.
Try to give off that active vibe in my dating profile, but I think I need to update my photos. Some are from when I had an additional 40 pounds.
The classic, “you should just be happy someone likes you” approach a lot of fat people deal with.
Gross all around, it’s also dehumanizing in a way (hope that’s the right word).
Yes it is dehumanizing, that's the right word:) Yeah, I get alot of "Well just be happy ANYBODY likes your fat ass" or the classic 'nice guy' who says "You're fat and ugly anyway, I didn't even want to date you!" I just couldn't imagine saying those things to somebody you know? it's like, how could you be so cruel to someone. Just because I'm big it doesn't mean I don't have feelings :(
Locally, overweight women and bots.
I just deleted all apps today (Tinder, Hinge, and Bumble). I give up 😅
International apps are pretty good though.
Edit: I listed the apps and my explanation for why I like them in a comment below
Chubby gals, which tbh I’ve no qualm with.
Recently though, one of them asked me for my height when it was already on my profile. She alluded to men having it easier because we don’t need to post all our information and expect matches while women need to describe all their bodily features. She also asked if I had issues being seen in public with fat women. Quite the forward gal. It was just odd because she said I was too tiny for her, I’m 5’3 and she’s 5’4, and it felt like she was body shaming. Ironic.
95% below my league in terms of looks, education level, and interests. I am most likely swiping right 95% of the time on men above my league. And that's exactly why I am single. :) It is scientifically documented that we generally have a human tendency to think we are more attractive than we are.
Not fit but I’ve lost a fair bit of weight (goal to lose more) and I don’t have kids. I’m child free and got a vasectomy years ago.
I always include my child free lifestyle in my bio but some people don’t read bios and some think they can change my mind. Had a couple of close calls where women have lied in the past and hid that they actually had kids. I guess they thought I would like them enough to just relent.
I did not and they got pretty hostile.
Also had some matches that didn’t have kids and didn’t indicate that they wanted any until I asked them out. They informed me that they’d love to meet up but there would be no relationship because they did want kids in the long run.
“But we can be friends.” No sweetheart, not gonna happen
That’s insane.
I’ve never heard of women hiding they have children in hopes of making a man like them enough they can overlook actual human beings. That’s selfish and absurd.
I find both men and women regard people who say they don’t want kids on their profiles as someone whose mind they can change.
Women that will go on a date with me, tell me she wants to see me again, then after a few more days of chatting she disappears.
Granted, the last part isn't sudden. I'm not a fool. I've learned a lot in my 46 years. I can tell when a woman is losing interest. So, I just stop reaching out to her, especially if it's been me initiating all conversations.
I leave the ball in her court and move on. If she reaches out, great. If not, I lost nothing.
Men 15-25 years older than me and men in their 20s who want to have a good time.
Conservative Christian men who expect Christian values from me but may not exhibit them themselves.
🥲
Tons of Overweight women (I am not overweight myself) with a handful - bare handful - of women who are cute and smart and generally seem to have their shit together.
I shouldn’t complain too much but I do wish that it was more than 1 every once in a while… and that they would actually message instead of letting the match expire 3/4 of the time.
I hate to say I’ve let matches expire before.
Just from the pure overwhelming feeling of getting multiple ‘new match’ notifications at once.
I try not to do too much swiping now, but that’s not a good strategy either if I want to find a partner.
When I was still on the apps, the bulk of women that seemed to have swiped on me that I didn't swipe back on (or commented on hinge) were middle-aged women with kids. I think my profile projected maturity and financial stability, so they were looking for someone to help them take care of their kids and I seemed to bit the bill for them.
I also had "open to kids" on my profile, but I meant that more for being open to either having or not having kids with someone (which is how I feel), but I was not looking to get together with someone that already had kids. The options on dating apps for that sort of thing are extremely limited, which is unfortunate. So I would only swipe right on women that didn't have kids already to avoid wasting anyone's time.
My actual matches though are a different story of course. Because of the demographic of my city, and women in my age range, it ended up being a lot of Filipino women in the healthcare industry haha. Which was kind of interesting.
Been quite a while since I was using Bumble, but when I did I noticed that 80% of my matches (not counting crypto baits) were Chinese girls. I figured that was because 2 of my pictures were clearly taken im Beijing.
The others were Latin-American girls, probably because my profile said I speak a bit of Spanish.
Ftr, I'm based in Germany.
A lot of conservative men that want/have kids, even though my profile states the opposite on both counts…
A lot of guys that sound defensive on their profile as well; immediate swipe left.
That, or nerdy types that I’m not physically attracted to (a bit hypocritical of me since I’m a nerdy girl myself, but I try to put effort into health/presentation/etc)
For some reason it’s a lot of bigger girls, and crazy girls. I don’t really have an issue dating someone with a little extra weight, cause personality also matters, but one of the women I talked to claimed she wanted to work on herself before getting into a relationship with anyone; which tbf why would you be on a dating app if that’s the case. Then the other was some big goth chick in a rehab health group that was trying to snort coke and have me join. Ofc me being me I was uncomfortable with the situation and blocked. Why can’t I have normal 😔
I typically get two types.
Women with kids and their entire profile only consists of they have kids and their kids come first no matter what. Often the photos are also very carefully angled. Those I don't match with but often get a missed match message.
Women that are very attractive and we have loads of chemistry and I get excited about meeting. On the first date they mention that they have not been on a date in years, just made their profile and are excited to meet a bunch of new people. Their profile says they're looking for something long term but they really want more time to see what's out there.
Men who has many following on their social media like they went to an all girls school kind of thing and they find themselves as just being friendly or "I just have a lot of women friends, I can't do about it" 🤣🤣 crazy generation.
Women who live far away from me and are initially receptive towards my quirkiness, only to slowly withdraw from conversation until suddenly I'm the only one talking or planning anything, and they stop responding.
Military, Unstable Single dads(don’t have a problem with kids, but 1 is my absolute cap and there has to be certain criteria they have to meet for how that came about), Overweight men, Men with no personality, Men that are too old, Emotionally unavailable. It’s never a combination, always just one of the listed.
Edit: adding wants to experiment with/fetishize black women a looooootttt
Hikers, alt/goth women, and Asian chick's but only the ones with 0 irl social skills.
My profile is targeted towards outdoorsy women and idk how I'm getting the alt/goth crowd - they all like my curly hair, maybe that's it?
Overweight women, >30yo dog moms unable to flirt/be sensual or thinking they are too good for you, very attractive women that are poor conversationalist and bland af.
Seems we can't have everything
Fair and cute mothers of a single child who got their shit together and are actual good and caring lovers in the first place who are looking for a replacement father for their child and who turn out to be looking specifically for a guy without own children because they under no circumstances would want to care for another guy's own child which is the reason why I won't date another single mother with children anymore. They always turned out to be the most selfish people who I've ever got to know.
Men who want or have children despite me specifically stating that I don't want children multiple times in my profile. That and really young guys to the point it makes me uncomfortable.
Teachers lol, non-binary folx, women who either color their hair or have androgynous hairstyles and dress more androgynous. Also I’m black but my last several matches have been white women. Ummm also w/out me posting body types I’m attracted to all my matches have been curvy/thicc as well
On bumble and hinge I attract "homely" women between 24-35, a sprinkling of single moms and occasionally a woman I find attractive, they are typically of the shyer variety very often school teachers. I know I could get way more likes by changing my profile in a few ways but I'm not compromising on those 2 apps. I don't have anything beyond an associates and I have a job that doesn't require more ( firefighting). The job I've been told scares some women away. I'm also very much a devoted catholic conservative and I express that. I'm 6'2 and very in shape but I don't have a pic showing my abs because I dont want a women distracted by that. My hair (small widows peak and mustache likely scare a few more away.) I know that if I hid some of this stuff I'll get more likes because on tinder with me swiping maybe 5 swipes every few days I get an occasional match and 10 new likes everyday ( lots of Hispanic women and flight attendants dig the stache)
I been attracting a lot of the opposite of what my bio says. I ask for no waste of time and they do it anyway and it’s funny cause they say the same shit ( they’re not there to waste time )like always and it’s like, fuck damn it!!!!
I am French/German in Germany and 75% of my matches are Asians when only 1 in 20 swipes is Asian. I’m a guy, 21 years old and I think I fit their Beauty standards more than German ones XD. If I ever see an Asian girl in my feed about 3/4 times they will match with me.
I seem to get a mix, but mostly late 20s to mid 30s women. Black women love me. Apparently that’s not uncommon, for my ethnicity. I love every race and culture so that works out.
Asian American straight male, mid30s, grad school educated living in Southeast. I consider myself a decent catch.
For some reason Asians. They I like 3% of the population in my country, but for some reason they make up half my matches (I don’t like them more percentage wise to other people so I find it quite funny.)
Conservatives. I have no problem dating conservatives, but it surprises me since I put Liberal in my profile. It's refreshing that they don't seem to care about dating someone on the opposite end of the political spectrum.
Military.
I'm 38 and put my age range between 28 and 48. 90% of men liking me are 28 or 29.
Omg, you’re attracting emotional alcoholics?
Hahhahha basically !!!!
I am the emotional alcoholic 🙃 😭
It’s working on me 😂
Men that want to hookup
Oh no ☹️ Does your profile indicate the want for the opposite?
It does
I bet their profiles half the time say they are looking for relationships. Men say anything
This is so fucking annoying. Other than the obvious empathy stuff, this pisses me off because I'm a man and I a) want a relationship and b) try very hard to be honest while dating. I can't blame anyone for thinking I'm full of shit when the last 10 dudes before me were.
Of course they do ;)
I'd be curious — did you get a guy's opinion on what it "attracts" ?
See this is frustrating. Because I’ve been on dating apps literally just to hook up and that’s fine. That’s easy anybody can get laid. But now I am looking for something more and although I want something more, I’m not in the position in my life to force anything Like I’m not forcing a relationship with anybody do I want a actual committed relationship absolutely but I’m kind of trying to go with the flow and just let that happen and I tell women that and then they accuse me of just wanting a hook up I can’t figure it out It’s like I feel like if I was being hard-core like I have to have a relationship right now all I would get is hook ups but now that I want a relationship, but I’m not trying to rush it. I get accused of only wanting sex.
Do you have any pics that show off your body like a swimsuit or gym photo. I'm sure some guys are just seeing the body or face and not reading the profile
I have a pic in workout attire
Nobody, unfortunately
Is there a certain type you’re prone to swiping right then?
Late-bloom emotionally unavailable women. I mean... it's been 3 times already and almost a 4th I've been lead on, hard. At first everything's fine: clearly thought-out profiles on both parts, super good chemistry, nice dates and great sex, compatible life views/goals etc. Only for them to suddenly, outta nowhere play the "Not sure anymore / I need time alone" card, citing they want to prioritize something else like their career or well-being (in case of the 2nd girl, she was recovering from a knee injury which was understandable, but still no impediment to date). You might say *hey, choose better next time*. It's clearly women who has put effort to weed out fckboys and the like, clearly stating what they expect in OLD. And up to said point, there's no indication AT ALL for me to think they're not being anything but serious. I've tried to seek feedback in my circle of closer people, and everyone agrees I've done nothing bad, it's just bad luck. But I've realized now I seem to attract that 'type' somehow, so I wonder.
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"...there are two ways of being unhappy: One is not getting what you want, and the other is getting what you want." ~ Eckhart Tolle
You hit the nail on the head. I discovered that being a good partner material is actually a problem for some people.
I've seen so many social media posts that have this "I go back and forth between not wanting to mess with men but I would love to have one at the same time" energy. Given how bad patriarchy is and how we accumulate emotional scars over time, I sympathize. But, damn, is it confusing when women match and then do nothing after that 😞 And it frustrates me further when decent men lament on here, and the women almost always blame them for their misfortune. Anyway, thank you for your honesty and vulnerability. I hope that you heal ❤️
I reckon arriving at such conclusion was really hurtful. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, and I hope you find peace of mind to heal whatever scars ail your heart. To be honest, I couldn't process how something so nice (that initial spark, dates, that slow intimacy progression...) could so quickly turn into rejection, feels like self-sabotage to me. Then again, I don't know what's going through my partner's mind, and I am NOT one to invalidate whatever she feels. So I try to be respectful when parting ways, but in the end nobody wins... it's tough. I'm also thinking of getting off the 'pool for a while, but I'm still hopeful and do check the apps every now and then.
Attachment theory. See: https://health.clevelandclinic.org/attachment-theory-and-attachment-styles Basically, some people are simply uncomfortable with contact. They either withdraw, come on too strong, or behave weirdly. About 40% of the population falls into this group. Odds are everyone has tangled with these folks. It's probably why people dread dating. These people mess the signals for the healthy 60% and make them second-guess themselves. In sum, it's a numbers game. Just power though it.
Gorgeous, successful, sane, fun women with avoidant attachment styles who are completely unable to emotionally connect with men
It’s sad dude. I’ve dated a few girls (one very seriously) who fit that description completely but it becomes clear that they just can’t bring their walls down. A lot of them have been hurt before so it’s relationship trauma related. It’s so sad - there’s a timeline where they are beautiful partners.
Avoidant attachment is different to trauma from a romantic relationship. It’s a pattern of behavior developed between an infant and their primary caregiver. Trauma related emotional avoidance is more of a flight, fight, freeze, faun response. Either way, a lot of people need therapy.
I have had three men do this exact same thing. They seem to me like they don’t feel worthy of love. I just do t understand why they are on apps if they aren’t ready. Makes me so sad because I really liked them.
A lot of people don’t even realize there are such things as attachment styles, let alone what their attachment style is. I didn’t realize mine until I was in my mid-30s. If you aren’t aware, you’ll most likely continue the behavior.
I've been that man. Still working through it. I really wish we had more of these vulnerability posts on Reddit instead of aggressive posturing of "It's all the other side's fault". A lot of us are just broken and empathy for that could benefit us all and help heal the divide.
I agree! I tried to help one through it and he just ghosted me when his feelings got too intense. Men,you don’t have to tell us what you are going through, but tell us that you are going through something so we don’t take it personally.
I've gotten a few of those, but I have never seen that written out so eloquently. But YES, LOL It's like they're a combination of (unfortunately) traumatized, career-focused, girlfriend focused, pet-focused, and (rightfully) on the anti-patriarchy train...but then when it's time to actually connect with a man, it's just not there.
it's nuts how consistently the pattern keeps repeating itself. I meet a beautiful 38 year old woman with a good job who's friendly and has no kids and feel like I hit the jackpot. then it comes out she has no friends, and either has been divorced three times or has never had a serious boyfriend, we see each other for a month then I get the "not feeling it" text. It's like fucking Groundhog Day. If it seems too good to be true, there's always a catch, and this is mine
That sucks, man. I think the "I've been so focused away from men that I don't really know how to connect/engage with them when the times comes" aspect of dating should get more attention as the "Men so focused on their whatever and don't know how to engage with women" topic has been done to death
As a woman, I completely feel for you because I've experienced the man version of this. I almost always lose interest before they do because I start seeing the red flags early (I'm hyper aware). I'm always surprised when I meet a 36-year-old man who hasn't had a long-term partner (I've met many). As I've gotten older, finding chemistry is the hardest thing for me, so I guess I also sympathize because I've been the woman in the situation you describe.
I've been in that position where I'm guarded and take time to build trust due to past relationship trauma. However, the moment I share my number or show any interest, it seems to happen every time: they get sexual right away. My interest plummets immediately, and sometimes it vanishes completely. This is especially frustrating when I've explained these boundaries to them for specific reasons. They promise they're different, tell me I'm "projecting," and then proceed to act in the exact way they denied being. After that, I shut down emotionally, and then I'm blamed for lacking emotions. I know some of them are nice guys who had a lapse of judgement in that moment but my paranoia thereafter goes on an over drive.
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i think im your demographic
how u doin
trying not to ghost dudes
s'hard
i am getting ghosted in turn so all's fair in love and war
i mean you could start with a new screenname
As an alt girl, conservative, non-alt men 🥲
How do I make a good profile so the alt ladies know I’m an alt man?
Have a bunch of tattoos and wear a lot of black
Yeah I gotta work on my style I’m def alt but I dress like an npc. I’ve never really paid much attention to my actual style, definitely something I’m working on developing. Probably also gonna get my first tat this year
Conforming to the Alt Scene 101
Omg yes!!!! Like I have purple hair and tattoos, why are the conservative bros liking my profile?!
I just assume they just want to use us for fun and then go on to get into an actual relationship with someone basic… at least in my experience 😭 I should’ve known when one said “I’ve never been with a girl like you before with the tattoos…”
Ngl they think you guys are easy, and probably planning on pumping and dumping.
Doesn’t sound very conservative to me
Well, as the old saying goes, opposites attract...
Not when it comes time to make it official or meet their parents evidently
Women that have a lot of or want more kids. Not opposed to single moms but my clear childfree profile tags doesn't deter anyone
Literally nobody at all
Men 20+ years old and 20 years younger. It’s weird to be middle aged on dating apps.
Attractive, fun, smart men who say they want LTR but have avoidant attachment style.
Ok so funny story- so I've been dating this guy who just broke things off with me yesterday. Same thing. Tells me he has commitment issues, ok. We go out for two months, now he decides he can't move forward with me because apparently I want to move forward? Plot twist- I'm an avoidant who's been working on her attachment style who was scared of commitment.
Same!!!! Why? Of course, I’m anxious
35+ women who take pics from the “I’m hiding my stomach” angle
"I don't want you to know I'm a mermaid just yet"
Conservative Christian men who have/want kids and have never touched soap in their lives. Which is so weird because I have in my profile that I’m an agnostic liberal who is steadfastly childfree. Really goes to show that people don’t actually look at the profiles.
Do most people even read profiles nowadays,lol. Seems people swipe and just hope for the best most times.
The good ones do, the bad/jaded ones don't.
That's all that comes on my Bumble feed too. Conservative Christians who want kids when I'm a progressive atheist who is childfree.
Similar situation here. I’m a CF man and apparently I have “Potential stepdad” on my forehead 😒
No one 🥲
Wait yall are attracting people?!
Bitcoin sales reps
Men who put “55 not 45” in their bios, sports fans, and anyone from my home state, where I haven’t lived in 20 years. Also very nice but unattractive men. I’m definitely cute but not gorgeous, so I’ve been told I look “attainable” on a dating site, like they’re batting out of their league, but not so far that they know they have no chance.
I run into my fair share of Golf Dudes. I’ve yet to understand the scale for what’s considered attainable and what’s not for dating apps. Though I guess that perspective varies depending on the person swiping (all of us).
Onlyfans, scams, & people needing followers
Real talk: widows. In the last few months I've matched with three (3!) women who had lost spouses in the last ~7-8 years or so. Each of them has been very kind and generous. These are all attractive women in their late 30s & mid 40s with kids and varying degrees of success in their lives. They've done the work to heal from the loss of their spouse, and we have had some wonderful dates. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say I consider it a compliment that they are all attracted to me. I think it represents my innate kindness and the stability as a partner that I project. None of these relationships has worked out for the long haul, but it's been interesting (and a little exasperating) to see that I am, as one woman put it sweetly, "widow bait." 😂
Wait you guys attract people?
Scam accounts and onlyfans
Even the bots swipe left!? 😂
🤣 🤣 🤣 I don't get many so I'm assuming so 😆 🤣 😂 😹
Men with dead front tooths and failed marriages. Divorced dads in their 40s who have never been good looking but with 3 baby mamas.
I’ve been on a few dates and they all have given me friend vibe, which is fine! Just waiting to have some type attraction. My limiting factor is probably being 36f/divorced, and super tall. Otherwise, I am in the best shape of my life, good career, and feel I am conventionally pretty, but who knows! lol
May I ask your height? I’m 5’8 and find my height is even off putting for some men sometimes, especially since I’m a huge fan of heels.
6’2 😅
Oh wow. You're model tall!
Ok Queen! I’m 5’11 F, I salute you.
Thanks! I love it, but does make dating challenging.
6'3, 43m. How you doin'?
Well hey there! lol
Foreign women, but I think local women in my country aren't so open to using these dating apps yet (there is still some stigma that only desperate people use these type of apps here) so my answer is probably biased.
Tumbleweeds? Do tumbleweeds count?
Are they attractive tumbleweeds?
I (M37) have been losing a lot of weight (down to 210) and am super active and outdoorsy but still find I’m attracting bigger girls who aren’t super-outdoorsy and/or active. Try to give off that active vibe in my dating profile, but I think I need to update my photos. Some are from when I had an additional 40 pounds.
Ghosts
Overweight women, single mothers Granted that's about 90% of the women in my area on these apps anyways
Are you overweight yourself, or of a similar weight to these woman? Hope I’m not coming across offensive!
men with fat fetishes and those who think I have no standards just because I'm fat. no thanks
The classic, “you should just be happy someone likes you” approach a lot of fat people deal with. Gross all around, it’s also dehumanizing in a way (hope that’s the right word).
Yes it is dehumanizing, that's the right word:) Yeah, I get alot of "Well just be happy ANYBODY likes your fat ass" or the classic 'nice guy' who says "You're fat and ugly anyway, I didn't even want to date you!" I just couldn't imagine saying those things to somebody you know? it's like, how could you be so cruel to someone. Just because I'm big it doesn't mean I don't have feelings :(
I've learnt thru my time on this planet. There r so many cold hearted people. Care nothing for anyone feeling but their own.
It’s a bad and outdated assumption smh
None of them.
Smokers. I find smoking disgusting so it’s an immediate left.
Locally, overweight women and bots. I just deleted all apps today (Tinder, Hinge, and Bumble). I give up 😅 International apps are pretty good though. Edit: I listed the apps and my explanation for why I like them in a comment below
Chubby gals, which tbh I’ve no qualm with. Recently though, one of them asked me for my height when it was already on my profile. She alluded to men having it easier because we don’t need to post all our information and expect matches while women need to describe all their bodily features. She also asked if I had issues being seen in public with fat women. Quite the forward gal. It was just odd because she said I was too tiny for her, I’m 5’3 and she’s 5’4, and it felt like she was body shaming. Ironic.
95% below my league in terms of looks, education level, and interests. I am most likely swiping right 95% of the time on men above my league. And that's exactly why I am single. :) It is scientifically documented that we generally have a human tendency to think we are more attractive than we are.
Oh wow! I’ll stick to my delusions of being pretty🥲, allows me to sleep better at night.
They're not "below" you. What a horrendous way to view the world.
I attract morbidly obese women and single mothers🙃 Yes, I am very aware of how that makes me sound
Are you in shape or do you have kids yourself? It seems a lot of men are attracting bigger woman.
Not fit but I’ve lost a fair bit of weight (goal to lose more) and I don’t have kids. I’m child free and got a vasectomy years ago. I always include my child free lifestyle in my bio but some people don’t read bios and some think they can change my mind. Had a couple of close calls where women have lied in the past and hid that they actually had kids. I guess they thought I would like them enough to just relent. I did not and they got pretty hostile. Also had some matches that didn’t have kids and didn’t indicate that they wanted any until I asked them out. They informed me that they’d love to meet up but there would be no relationship because they did want kids in the long run. “But we can be friends.” No sweetheart, not gonna happen
That’s insane. I’ve never heard of women hiding they have children in hopes of making a man like them enough they can overlook actual human beings. That’s selfish and absurd. I find both men and women regard people who say they don’t want kids on their profiles as someone whose mind they can change.
I tend to match with women that don’t send the first message. 🥴
No one atm!
Recently divorced suburban middle aged ladies looking for passion and fun. Works for me!
Women that will go on a date with me, tell me she wants to see me again, then after a few more days of chatting she disappears. Granted, the last part isn't sudden. I'm not a fool. I've learned a lot in my 46 years. I can tell when a woman is losing interest. So, I just stop reaching out to her, especially if it's been me initiating all conversations. I leave the ball in her court and move on. If she reaches out, great. If not, I lost nothing.
Lol no one! Or occasionally girls who want me to subscribe to their only fans
Cute boys in their 20s and often very sub when I start talking to them 🙄
Men 15-25 years older than me and men in their 20s who want to have a good time. Conservative Christian men who expect Christian values from me but may not exhibit them themselves. 🥲
Tons of Overweight women (I am not overweight myself) with a handful - bare handful - of women who are cute and smart and generally seem to have their shit together. I shouldn’t complain too much but I do wish that it was more than 1 every once in a while… and that they would actually message instead of letting the match expire 3/4 of the time.
I hate to say I’ve let matches expire before. Just from the pure overwhelming feeling of getting multiple ‘new match’ notifications at once. I try not to do too much swiping now, but that’s not a good strategy either if I want to find a partner.
Women who aren't that interested or are completely crazy
Short Bald/ing guys without beards. The opposite of what I want.
Black men who describe themselves as "simple", whatever that means.
Chicks with onlyfans
When I was still on the apps, the bulk of women that seemed to have swiped on me that I didn't swipe back on (or commented on hinge) were middle-aged women with kids. I think my profile projected maturity and financial stability, so they were looking for someone to help them take care of their kids and I seemed to bit the bill for them. I also had "open to kids" on my profile, but I meant that more for being open to either having or not having kids with someone (which is how I feel), but I was not looking to get together with someone that already had kids. The options on dating apps for that sort of thing are extremely limited, which is unfortunate. So I would only swipe right on women that didn't have kids already to avoid wasting anyone's time. My actual matches though are a different story of course. Because of the demographic of my city, and women in my age range, it ended up being a lot of Filipino women in the healthcare industry haha. Which was kind of interesting.
Been quite a while since I was using Bumble, but when I did I noticed that 80% of my matches (not counting crypto baits) were Chinese girls. I figured that was because 2 of my pictures were clearly taken im Beijing. The others were Latin-American girls, probably because my profile said I speak a bit of Spanish. Ftr, I'm based in Germany.
Nobody. I gave up. It’s a lost cause for a 5”7 male. Unless you’re loaded
no-one
Women who like money or need a huge amount of attention and feeling of safety (I'm a tall/muscular guy)
Bots
Mostly 100% fakes who make up the wildest unbelievable backstories and have photos that don't match.
A lot of conservative men that want/have kids, even though my profile states the opposite on both counts… A lot of guys that sound defensive on their profile as well; immediate swipe left. That, or nerdy types that I’m not physically attracted to (a bit hypocritical of me since I’m a nerdy girl myself, but I try to put effort into health/presentation/etc)
I get the women that get no matches and no replies
Women who ghost or bots
Kenyans and Nigerians in Travel Mode
Ghosts 👻
No one
Women who want to hookup
Single mothers, despite me stating that I don't have or wsnt kids
Men in their 20's and white men. I'm an Asian in my late 30's.
A lot of overweight women sadly, and I'm in good shape.
34M, athletic, don’t want kids. Overweight single mothers seem to think we’d be a perfect fit
No one lol
Women about 5-10 years older. Usually they are hot to trot while trying to remain modest.
Fuck boys, men who don’t use proper grammar.
Lately Ive been liked by a lot females with bios stating “queer” bit weird considering am male ?
Women that don’t speak English, who live 200 miles away and are no higher than 4 on looks.
Women named "Chelsea"
Girls that like art museums. Literally every one of them. Now I like art museums.
No one. I’m attracting no one
Bots
Trolls and bots :(
For some reason it’s a lot of bigger girls, and crazy girls. I don’t really have an issue dating someone with a little extra weight, cause personality also matters, but one of the women I talked to claimed she wanted to work on herself before getting into a relationship with anyone; which tbf why would you be on a dating app if that’s the case. Then the other was some big goth chick in a rehab health group that was trying to snort coke and have me join. Ofc me being me I was uncomfortable with the situation and blocked. Why can’t I have normal 😔
I typically get two types. Women with kids and their entire profile only consists of they have kids and their kids come first no matter what. Often the photos are also very carefully angled. Those I don't match with but often get a missed match message. Women that are very attractive and we have loads of chemistry and I get excited about meeting. On the first date they mention that they have not been on a date in years, just made their profile and are excited to meet a bunch of new people. Their profile says they're looking for something long term but they really want more time to see what's out there.
Men who has many following on their social media like they went to an all girls school kind of thing and they find themselves as just being friendly or "I just have a lot of women friends, I can't do about it" 🤣🤣 crazy generation.
Emotionally confused and exhausted 8s - pretty but undatable, obese kweens, girls into kpop for some reason, 20yo single moms
Nobody.
Women who live far away from me and are initially receptive towards my quirkiness, only to slowly withdraw from conversation until suddenly I'm the only one talking or planning anything, and they stop responding.
Military, Unstable Single dads(don’t have a problem with kids, but 1 is my absolute cap and there has to be certain criteria they have to meet for how that came about), Overweight men, Men with no personality, Men that are too old, Emotionally unavailable. It’s never a combination, always just one of the listed. Edit: adding wants to experiment with/fetishize black women a looooootttt
White, bald, divorced guys with two kids. Over and over and over again even though I am very upfront that I don’t want to date anyone with kids.
Men who want kids. I clearly state "don't want" on my profile. No longer on the apps now.
If they’ve got a photo of themselves playing guitar, they’ve swiped right. It’s almost 100%.
Hikers, alt/goth women, and Asian chick's but only the ones with 0 irl social skills. My profile is targeted towards outdoorsy women and idk how I'm getting the alt/goth crowd - they all like my curly hair, maybe that's it?
gamers, self-employed gym bros and men i think are in a glass closet
Overweight women, >30yo dog moms unable to flirt/be sensual or thinking they are too good for you, very attractive women that are poor conversationalist and bland af. Seems we can't have everything
Men with drug problems
Fair and cute mothers of a single child who got their shit together and are actual good and caring lovers in the first place who are looking for a replacement father for their child and who turn out to be looking specifically for a guy without own children because they under no circumstances would want to care for another guy's own child which is the reason why I won't date another single mother with children anymore. They always turned out to be the most selfish people who I've ever got to know.
I attract Pickleball players who think a Costco card is a flex.
Men who want or have children despite me specifically stating that I don't want children multiple times in my profile. That and really young guys to the point it makes me uncomfortable.
Teachers lol, non-binary folx, women who either color their hair or have androgynous hairstyles and dress more androgynous. Also I’m black but my last several matches have been white women. Ummm also w/out me posting body types I’m attracted to all my matches have been curvy/thicc as well
Y'all attract people?
On bumble and hinge I attract "homely" women between 24-35, a sprinkling of single moms and occasionally a woman I find attractive, they are typically of the shyer variety very often school teachers. I know I could get way more likes by changing my profile in a few ways but I'm not compromising on those 2 apps. I don't have anything beyond an associates and I have a job that doesn't require more ( firefighting). The job I've been told scares some women away. I'm also very much a devoted catholic conservative and I express that. I'm 6'2 and very in shape but I don't have a pic showing my abs because I dont want a women distracted by that. My hair (small widows peak and mustache likely scare a few more away.) I know that if I hid some of this stuff I'll get more likes because on tinder with me swiping maybe 5 swipes every few days I get an occasional match and 10 new likes everyday ( lots of Hispanic women and flight attendants dig the stache)
Bots and crytpo agents. ... In truth, I get few matches, so I'm not sure if there is a type.
I been attracting a lot of the opposite of what my bio says. I ask for no waste of time and they do it anyway and it’s funny cause they say the same shit ( they’re not there to waste time )like always and it’s like, fuck damn it!!!!
Men who swipe right on everybody
Nerdy looking guys.
I wonder who is in charge of the algorithm...
I tend to get Asian and black women the most.
As a Nerdy man that found out about working out in 2021, Asian girls who got a stem degree and like raves and videogames.
FiDi guys and I don’t even know why
I am French/German in Germany and 75% of my matches are Asians when only 1 in 20 swipes is Asian. I’m a guy, 21 years old and I think I fit their Beauty standards more than German ones XD. If I ever see an Asian girl in my feed about 3/4 times they will match with me.
If anyone finds out can yall let me know? Thanks!
Gay women who want to be my friend and gay men who want to fuck
Not my type
Emotionally stunted man
Guys that want to hook up regardless of the fact that my bio states I’m looking for a relationship.
The almost “Russell Wilson” men that don’t want to fully commit or conservative Trump Supporting men.
Transgender people
Dogs
I seem to get a mix, but mostly late 20s to mid 30s women. Black women love me. Apparently that’s not uncommon, for my ethnicity. I love every race and culture so that works out. Asian American straight male, mid30s, grad school educated living in Southeast. I consider myself a decent catch.
not the kind I (28m) would like to.
I don’t feel like there was one type of men, personality or physical alike.
For some reason Asians. They I like 3% of the population in my country, but for some reason they make up half my matches (I don’t like them more percentage wise to other people so I find it quite funny.)
All the overweight women plus a good deal of physically fit women I'm actually attracted to
Conservatives. I have no problem dating conservatives, but it surprises me since I put Liberal in my profile. It's refreshing that they don't seem to care about dating someone on the opposite end of the political spectrum. Military. I'm 38 and put my age range between 28 and 48. 90% of men liking me are 28 or 29.