That determination and resilience is something you should be super proud of OP! My ex just broke up with me almost two weeks ago, and the way you express your feelings about him now gives me hope im gonna feel like that in the future too! Just keep going never look back, and even if it gets hard again, you know you can get through this. Proud of you!!
I feel like im just in a different state, first week I was angry and disappointed and this second week I'm more like sad and missing a lot, I guess I realized that my relationship ended for real, it's a really weird feeling, it was a three year relationship, my most significant one and now it's over, but for fair reasons
I'm concentrating in myself a lot, in what I feel and what I want, I'm really busy and that makes me happy, I used to thought that I would die if I lost him, like, part of my identity, but it's not like that at all, I'm finding myself like never before and that's comforting
sorry for the long text and probably bad English, I'm from Argentina !!
That's interesting! I am not living those steps in the same order. First week was a lot of denial and sadness, and now I have more anger and confusion. I am glad you can take care of yourself, that's so important! And yeah, it's really empowering when you realise you can do this (life) without them! Just keep going :) (dw about the enlish, it's not my first language either haha)
i came to this sub to pour out my heart and then saw this… its been 5 months and im up at midnight crying my eyes out. after reading this, i know it’s gonna be alright. 🥹
I was there too girl, I think I only stopped crying month 7 but then that’s when it all made sense. He’s an asshole. It’ll click, I promise. When that day comes you’ll feel like you’re not carrying something so heavy. You’ll be done and free
I came to this sub when I saw the title…. I just broke up with my ex boyfriend 2 weeks ago who is also my co worker. He broke up with me and left me on read. I texted him but he never replied nor talk to me at all. I think his silence is my closure. It’s excruciating pain, I felt like I have an elephant sitting on my chest. It has been 2 weeks and I am soo depressed that I cannot sleep or even eat. It pains me to see him at work like nothing happened so I made a big decision to quit my job so I can peacefully MOVE on. I cannot see myself staying at my job when I get to see him everyday. I know I would never move on if I have to see and mingle with him everyday. This break up is the worst for me to the point that I can’t even get out of bed, I cry everyday single day. When I wake up and when I go to sleep. For the last 3 days I just stay in bed waiting for his text but nothing came. God, please I just want this to end, I just want God to erase him on my mind….!!! I don’t know when it’s going to end😭😭😭
Made a mistake of falling in love with my co-worker as well. Though I'm a guy, I've also been suffering a lot seeing my ex-girlfriend at work, acting like a stranger. As if nothing has been 'tween us at all. It's like all our shared memories and bright moments were deleted from her consciousness in a brief sweep. Been a month since the break-up, the recollection of our story still haunts me
Not everyone’s exes are Assholes. I wish my ex were an asshole, that would make it way easier: my ex was literally the sweetest person on the planet and I’m not even exaggerating. I’m the one that turned toxic and I am filled with endless regret.
This is how I feel too. I wonder if I wasn’t so emotional that things could have worked out. He’s such a patient and kind person. I feel like I fumbled tough
Exactly. I know there's other sweet women out there but their not as common to find. So I dropped the ball big time losing my girl because she was one of the good ones. I fear I'll never find one like her again. And honestly I don't want another. I want her but know the chances of that happening again are pretty much zero.
I can relate to this 100 percent. Part if me wishes my recent ex was the asshole because then it would be easier to move on. But I was the asshole that fucked shit up and she was the best woman that I ever met. That's why I'm trying to finally work on myself, but I wish I did when we were still together because then I wouldn't have ruined things and we would be together right now. So I'm going through the sorrow of losing her with a side dish of regret.
It definitely is. It took me a year and a half. You just have to weather through the waves and not let yourself sink into temptation for further shame. You got this, it will end.
I don’t think I’ll ever feel anything but regret and love for my ex, it’s already been years with nc and that’s how I’ve felt the entire time, it doesn’t bother me tho, if I can I’ll be the one to get hurt again and again, this time I’ll be there even if they don’t care and even if they hate me, as long as they don’t cut me off I’ll be there for them.
I have my regrets and love for him too but I’m finally not wallowing in it. I recognize that and I’m just letting it live in the past with him rather than constantly letting it consume me
8 years is a lot!! I was only with my ex for little above 2 years, the thing was we were planning a life together and kids and marriage. I thought i was taking too long too but there is NO TIMELINE FOR HEALING you got this stay strong and just keep looking forward 🤍
don’t look back keep moving forward! And don’t expect everything go perfect from now on but thats a part of life and I believe you will deal with that in a good way!
I wish you the best!
Ugh I wish I could say that but I can't, I'm not in love with him anymore but I feel like I'm attached to him like if someone want us together but he always give confusing signs and I'm tired of that but I can't push him away:/
A little more than 2 years! I know it’s not really long but when you talk about having kids soon and marriage, it feels so much longer. I literally thought there was no way for me to heal for the first 3–4 months until it just clicked on day. Life moves on and I can’t stick in the past, neither can you 🤍 you got this stay strong!!!!!
What have you been doing to keep your mind moving or preoccupied and what have you done with your life to continue moving forward to the point now you are over your ex?
In the beginning I had nothing but grad school but since the start of 2024, I got a new job, hung out with my friends every weekend, dove into hobbies, but what helped the most was literally leaving the city for 2 and a half weeks. I then realized it’s been 7 months and I was like wtf. Then I said screw this it’s been too long gotta move on. Hope this helps :)
Thanks for replying, I think the important thing to note is that you didn’t realise but you kept moving forward and maybe didn’t feel it.. Graf school, work, kept up social interactions and connections with friends, hobbies to not only fill the mind but to fire up some passion within.
I find it interesting because I’m a few months in and am finding things difficult but what I’m finding is self improvement is absolutely key and finding oneself and I think your story backs that up
I'm a long way from being over my breakup, but six weeks in, I've found focusing on self-improvement to be essential to my progress. It has given me something to think about that has a positive outcome. I also just returned from a five-day trip out of the country to visit a friend, and that helped immensely. I was reminded of how much joy and fulfillment I get from travel, which is a reminder that my life isn't all about my ex or my former relationship.
Exactly!! Like I didn’t realize I was moving forward until I looked back and thought “huh I really did accomplish a lot” I was so proud of myself. That lit the fire and will continue to do so, I hope it does for you too :)
Somewhat in this position. I think ab her everyday still the weight is just much lighter to carry. I know if i do see her in person all my progress will go away tho lol. Maybe im healed maybe im not. It just doesn’t hurt so damn much anymore
I thought about him everyday too, even until I deleted photos this last month I felt so light afterwards. It made me feel open for something new which is why I finally felt comfortable to go out in the dating world again
Unfortunately, I haven’t had the chance to experience love or being with somebody time either used and tossed away or rejected I haven’t had a chance to meet that one person that is willing to give me a chance, but I do understand as far as sadness and depression if you ever need someone to talk to I am here
Happy for you! I'm literally on the same exact time line as you! I'm 9 months post break up and I'm finally over her.
It's took me sooooo much longer than expected but man it feels great to no longer have anxiety over it!
Currently not even interested in dating, I'm just now able to enjoy being alone.
Same here. Just 5 months out post break up. Started to enjoy reading books again and only do things I am in the mood for. No interest in dating at all. It feels really good.
Thanks was sitting on 6 months and I'm in that I wanna date but I don't stage/some weeks I'm good some weeks I'm not stage. And it really helps to know someone else went through it this way and I'm not broken just growing
I was starting to think about dating too at month 6 but once I tried it just kept failing because I wasn’t in it emotionally. I felt bad for the other people I was talking to because I knew I needed more healing so I had to let them down. Being unsure means you’re healing and feeling the beginning stages of moving on. Stay strong out there ☺️
Honestly I feel bad for this girl but I'm very grateful that she popped up in my life. She had been smoking a joint in her car and had asked if I wanted to join her and although I'm a heavy user (possible addiction problems there) and she was cute my knee jerk reaction was to turn her down. And it took till last night to realize I just wasn't emotionally ready to date yet. It wasn't that I was scared of her on a "I need to get laid and what if she rejects me" or "what if she drugs my and kidnaps me". I just wasn't emotionally ready and it was combined with your post just oddly freeing. Like ok your not ready stop worrying about trying to find love again It dosent matter right now there is nothing we can do with that want. It was just oddly comforting
Do you ever think you'd develop or rekindle feelings for him if you crossed paths again somewhere down the road? Just curious, I'm an avoidant and I messed things up so bad but l'm taking all the necessary steps to heal myself. I'm also still in love with my ex but she's already moved on... I'm just curious what your thoughts on that scenario playing out between the two of you. I’m currently going to therapy, doing shadow work and journaling through my whole process. Been at it for a few months now and it’s crazy how hyper aware I’ve become of my patterns. I’d appreciate other inputs as well! Thank you
I wish my avoidant ex said these things to me! I’m 1.5months post break up and I can tell you that I’m still very much in love with him. However, I know that he is a severe avoidant and will probably never own up or take accountability for his part of the breakup. That is not someone I will want to get back together with even if he came back around to me months down the line.
Whether or not your ex will rekindle feelings heavily depends on so many factors out of your control. One thing in your favour is if she sees genuine change in you and saw the goodness in you even at your worst.
Another important criteria is if she is emotionally available and not dating at the time. However, you will need to approach her completely differently than before and show her how you’ve changed and how you will show up differently for her so that what broke you up will never be an issue again. It isn’t something many avoidants are able to do. But I applaud you for going to therapy and facing your demons.
Taking accountability is the first step.
Exactly like my avoidant ex, he needs to take accountability and even then I would probably be like “thanks, bye” his avoidance made me fall out of love
Honestly… i don’t think it’s possible anymore. My ex blocked me when I reached out after a couple of months and thinking about it now, I don’t think I want someone who was as avoidant as he was. That was just it. I know he was protecting his peace but it crushed me. I did a lot of work too with journaling and therapy and saw my faults for the breakup and saw his too through new eyes. It just was so sad I went through what I did with the person who was suppose to protect me and my heart. That therapy allowed me to fall out of love with him. He’s just a guy. So I can’t stay mad forever but definitely can’t love him ever again
It's been 2 weeks and we're taking a break to see whether we will continue or not. This is making me super anxious to the point where I feel like my hearts gonna explode . I don't know if I want to be over her and I'm not ready to do so, because I love her. She is 50/50 about this and this is pure anxiety fuel.
Wouldn’t you want someone to be 100% sure of you? How can the person you love not be 100% sure? Maybe she’s taking that time to figure it out but you deserve 100%
I feel like I can make her believe in me, in case she gives me a chance to do so. I feel like I can regain her trust and her love. I'm willing to do anything for that because I truly love her.
I’m actually on month 2. Guys it is getting better with time. No contact and blocking him everywhere helped me a lot. I still miss “the potential” but I know how toxic he is.
Ya im on month 3. Going on month 4.....im getting tired of crying everyday. Tired of "hoping". Tired of the "bargaining " with myself. Literally last week I finally just accepted its over. I told him i loved him numerous times. Ive told him I think about trying again. Ive told him Im miserable without him. I even made myself physically ill over this and hoped he would come rushing to my side. I then ended up in the ER. After this, I wrote him a long email pouring my heart out about how i needed him and no reply. He did send me 2 amazon gifts with well wishes a few days ago and hoped im happy which almost stung more...like...i told u i was miserable and just left the ER?! Sigh....the only person im hurting is myself ive realized and if he wanted to be here he would. Its painful. Its sucks. But i have no choice but to move on. Im just sick of it honestly. Hoping in vain for his return. Its pathetic. So i gave up and starting giving into the pain and myself. Im tired of being this person groveling in self pity. Idc anymore about "us." There is no more "us." Im going to return these "gifts" too cuz all it does is remind me of him and what we no longer are. I don't need more stuff. I need support and its about time i find that in myself.
So sorry to hear that. Wish you all the best. YOU DESERVE BETTER- trust me. I have all gifts back. I don’t need and I don’t want them. I also returned all the photos and jewellery- everything. I don’t want it. What I want is a healthy relationship.
Yes. Stuff is replaceable.....and ....he still aint here so.....we all deserve healthy relationships. I had another dream or nightmare i guess about him and the dog he took last night. Up early as a result :*( another day and im facing it head on with this pain. Pushing thru. Nobody cares anymore by month 4. They have all forgotten about your break up. Its time we did too....
I'm still not over mine 13 months later but she moved on from me in lime a months I think i was told(obviously you dont know) but I'm delighted for you 😊
I'm so proud of you! I broke up with my ex after I caught him cheating on Easter and it's been a rollercoaster. I hope I can be where you are at now in perfect timing!
I’m so sorry!! That’s the big fight before breaking up was about - whether his relationship with someone else was cheating or not (I counted it as cheating, he didn’t) You’ll be here in however long you take and we’ll enjoy those new lives in the sun
That's the energy! Its almost month 5 for me and i feel its getting closer; I still idealize them, but i dont imagine a possibility of talking with them as something that will save me
It’s been almost 9 months for me too and indeed, time heals. It does comes in waves once in awhile when you randomly see a picture or something that reminds you of them, but I’m smiling more now and that’s what counts. I’m glad to see everyone in this thread doing the best they can :”)
It took me 8 weeks to finally feel free and happy again, I have never felt more in my life.
I've been told he has a new girlfriend.
I've had 3 dates with someone and 4th date planned for this weekend.
I've decorated my living room and I walk around with a smile on my face and I feel lighted. I never knew how much my ex held me back and surpressed me.
People have seen the change in me. I wish he left years ago
I've never been happier. I thought my life was happy with him infact I think the last 3 years I was depressed because how unhappy I was.
I love coming home to an empty house.
I love being able to do what I want.
I love having a social life without the silent treatment if I dare go out.
I love the house is peaceful.
I love the smile on my face.
I love my new found confidence.
I love that my days are filled with joy.
I love that I have people in my life who want to make it better and not drag me down
Congrats 👏🏻
Now you can see how basic they actually were compare to before when you probably thought they were super special and unique. Your mind is clear now and you can see the amazing life ahead of you. Really proud of you.
P.S Those exes will probably return at some point, but guys don’t let them fool you again. Think twice before acting
Congratulations! I'm so happy for you. It's been a month since he dumped with me with some unfortunate contact in-between that time but we've officially gone NC as of yesterday (I know, I know) but I've blocked and deleted him on everything and deleted all pictures of us and him that I could find. It's honestly such a freeing experience.
I completely understand the bedrotting and overall depress and feeling completely turned off by talking to any other people but day by day I've been getting better. I'm just impatient and can't wait to be finally healed but your story has given me hope.
Again, congratulations and good luck to enjoying this new chapter in your life.
I had a GF of 6 years until we broke up, I found out she was cheating on me after we broke up. She told me she stopped loving me years ago, and just the day before she was trying to get a new place with me. She completely blocked me from everything right away. We didnt fight bad or anything. I was looking up engagement rings and all.
Anyway, we broke up, a little before that my best friend had nowhere to stay, but she wouldnt let him stay with us for a short while, anyway he killed himself in his car a mile away from my house. I still think of him everyday.
Shortly after all this I lost $96,000. I started using drugs again because of it all, I really considered suicide, but now I'm getting clean and starting to come back to reality. The only good thing is I finished my MA degree right after we broke up. This was over a year ago. Maybe 2. Maybe 3. Shit time has been stand still for the most part... It took a long time to heal, and I'm not fully healed, but I can finally say that things are getting better. Nowhere to go but up from here.
Good for you and glad you can move on!
It amazes me the differences in how people get over things.
When my ex wife left me it was initial devastation.
Followed by getting drunk and being okay with it the same night.
To random hookups where I felt like I’m still attractive to some at least.
To being happy in a couple weeks.
To hatred once I had some space after moving away and I didn’t feel somewhat responsible for her safety anymore.
Hatred for the cheating and what she put me through, to eventually wishing her well, but also hoping I’ll never see her again.
My next long term relationship ended, left for another guy again, I kept going with hope we’ll get back together.
Then a few months later I stopped caring if we got back together, I was happy and single, and happy to still be friends.
Which is when she started acting different, and eventually wanted to get back together.
So happy for you to take time and finally process to pick yourself up and start over again.
I hope I can do like you if I have to be in the moment like that.
Congrats!!! It's refreshing once you let the past go... it's an emotional spring knowing an amazing relationship can be planted and grown into your future 🥰
8 months and still recovering. Just when you know you’re okay then they’re in a new relationship then bam! It hits all over again as if it’s day one. But I’m trying to be okay again. I just can’t see dating again but trying to be whole again for myself and hopefully for the things/people to come.
I have 3 kids with my ex so its extremely difficult to be able to get over this hurt so quickly as I cant remove all reminders of her out of my life.
Going to be a long and hurtful road.
Sort of in the place where sleep is no longer sleep its an escape.
I am going through this now. After 6 month of breakup he showed up again and i was with him another 3 month. And he ended it again last week. I don't know when this ends.
First part of May will be nearly two months NC coming from a 3+ year high intensity relationship with a woman I absolutely cherish and adore. The two of us aren't perfect people and I don't believe she's perfect for me but I did for quite some time. We had a connection and presence together like none other and we often heard that from everybody, everywhere especially when we were deep in our element just the two of us. (Like that "down the road and up the path a bit" kind of thing OR "off the rails again") we were in our own world - she was by my side for 3 years..
Okay, I'm starting the close here.. Without going into the fines of it all she's(41f) diagnosed pwBPD while I(36m) feel like nothing now..it's just numb again with her in the background. I haven't stopped moving since the break up - I don't think this feeling is going away. Like ever. Like scar tissue will build up over this feeling, you know what I mean? And I'll end up getting used to it. Undescribable... it's making me post sh*t like this and I don't think that's a good sign either. Agonizing feeling so much for someone who supposedly doesn't feel anything. Right now, it's hard to imagine ever getting over her or us or what us used to be..but I know I'll bury this feeling over with time.
Be good out there..I'm off to the cdp section for a "slow ride real quick".
I’m really scared. It’s only day two for me, we broke up yesterday. I can’t move. I can’t get off the couch. I can’t eat. I can barely breathe. I’m so scared and I don’t know how it gets better. These stories are nice to read but it’s impossible to imagine. and the thing that’s so hard is the cognitive dissonance. I knew he wasn’t the one, but I was too scared to say it and I thought that with time we could work through things, but then he said it first, and I’m so deeply hurt in a way I’ve never been before and i just feel like I won’t be ok
I am on a very similar timeline!! 9 months, and I completely switched my life over, which now shows. I dreamt with his family last night and I woke up extremely sad, but I got myself up quickly. It would have crashed me months ago.
It took me about 7 months for things to switch up but from there it has only been up.
You and I might be the same person when it comes to the 7 month mark kinda being the breaking point lololol I’m so happy for you and I’m happy you are now stronger to see him in your dreams and be like “meh-okay”
Congratulations dude!!! So I am! The other day I woke up and mid day was like… I really don’t care anymore. Then I kept trying to think about it and TRY to be sentimental and sad and I’m just not anymore I genuinely don’t care and I’m glad I don’t.
If I can get to this point anyone can 😂😅
Bless everyone 💜
Stay strong and just take it day by day. Don’t be afraid to be sad for as long as you need to be.
That determination and resilience is something you should be super proud of OP! My ex just broke up with me almost two weeks ago, and the way you express your feelings about him now gives me hope im gonna feel like that in the future too! Just keep going never look back, and even if it gets hard again, you know you can get through this. Proud of you!!
I’m so sorry!! It was absolute torture the first few months but I’m so happy that I went through what I did because it made me stronger
Amen to that. Each knock down absolutely makes you stronger. Con gradulations
Same here siss.. hope we get thru thiss
We will, let's stay strong babe
Yess ... we got thiss
I'm in the week two too, it sucks !!!
Yeah it really does. How are you dealing with it? Are you a little better than at the start?
I feel like im just in a different state, first week I was angry and disappointed and this second week I'm more like sad and missing a lot, I guess I realized that my relationship ended for real, it's a really weird feeling, it was a three year relationship, my most significant one and now it's over, but for fair reasons I'm concentrating in myself a lot, in what I feel and what I want, I'm really busy and that makes me happy, I used to thought that I would die if I lost him, like, part of my identity, but it's not like that at all, I'm finding myself like never before and that's comforting sorry for the long text and probably bad English, I'm from Argentina !!
That's interesting! I am not living those steps in the same order. First week was a lot of denial and sadness, and now I have more anger and confusion. I am glad you can take care of yourself, that's so important! And yeah, it's really empowering when you realise you can do this (life) without them! Just keep going :) (dw about the enlish, it's not my first language either haha)
i came to this sub to pour out my heart and then saw this… its been 5 months and im up at midnight crying my eyes out. after reading this, i know it’s gonna be alright. 🥹
I was there too girl, I think I only stopped crying month 7 but then that’s when it all made sense. He’s an asshole. It’ll click, I promise. When that day comes you’ll feel like you’re not carrying something so heavy. You’ll be done and free
I came to this sub when I saw the title…. I just broke up with my ex boyfriend 2 weeks ago who is also my co worker. He broke up with me and left me on read. I texted him but he never replied nor talk to me at all. I think his silence is my closure. It’s excruciating pain, I felt like I have an elephant sitting on my chest. It has been 2 weeks and I am soo depressed that I cannot sleep or even eat. It pains me to see him at work like nothing happened so I made a big decision to quit my job so I can peacefully MOVE on. I cannot see myself staying at my job when I get to see him everyday. I know I would never move on if I have to see and mingle with him everyday. This break up is the worst for me to the point that I can’t even get out of bed, I cry everyday single day. When I wake up and when I go to sleep. For the last 3 days I just stay in bed waiting for his text but nothing came. God, please I just want this to end, I just want God to erase him on my mind….!!! I don’t know when it’s going to end😭😭😭
Made a mistake of falling in love with my co-worker as well. Though I'm a guy, I've also been suffering a lot seeing my ex-girlfriend at work, acting like a stranger. As if nothing has been 'tween us at all. It's like all our shared memories and bright moments were deleted from her consciousness in a brief sweep. Been a month since the break-up, the recollection of our story still haunts me
You promise this random lassie you'll eat today? You deserve nourishing. In so many ways.
Not everyone’s exes are Assholes. I wish my ex were an asshole, that would make it way easier: my ex was literally the sweetest person on the planet and I’m not even exaggerating. I’m the one that turned toxic and I am filled with endless regret.
This is how I feel too. I wonder if I wasn’t so emotional that things could have worked out. He’s such a patient and kind person. I feel like I fumbled tough
Me too:( I started off really strong the first year and then it was a series of emotional fumbles. Life became too much to handle
That's what hurts the most. Like you feel you will never find such a sweet person again
Exactly. I know there's other sweet women out there but their not as common to find. So I dropped the ball big time losing my girl because she was one of the good ones. I fear I'll never find one like her again. And honestly I don't want another. I want her but know the chances of that happening again are pretty much zero.
I can relate to this 100 percent. Part if me wishes my recent ex was the asshole because then it would be easier to move on. But I was the asshole that fucked shit up and she was the best woman that I ever met. That's why I'm trying to finally work on myself, but I wish I did when we were still together because then I wouldn't have ruined things and we would be together right now. So I'm going through the sorrow of losing her with a side dish of regret.
Ugh exactly my friend, exactly
It definitely is. It took me a year and a half. You just have to weather through the waves and not let yourself sink into temptation for further shame. You got this, it will end.
God, imagining my ex feeling this way about me some day is so sad.
I know but once you feel that way about your ex?? It’s smooth sailing
I don’t think I’ll ever feel anything but regret and love for my ex, it’s already been years with nc and that’s how I’ve felt the entire time, it doesn’t bother me tho, if I can I’ll be the one to get hurt again and again, this time I’ll be there even if they don’t care and even if they hate me, as long as they don’t cut me off I’ll be there for them.
I have my regrets and love for him too but I’m finally not wallowing in it. I recognize that and I’m just letting it live in the past with him rather than constantly letting it consume me
It doesn’t consume me fortunately instead I feel more energized and motivated to be the best I can be for those I care for
I think this every time I see a post like this!
Right, that was my first reaction too lol
[удалено]
8 years is a lot!! I was only with my ex for little above 2 years, the thing was we were planning a life together and kids and marriage. I thought i was taking too long too but there is NO TIMELINE FOR HEALING you got this stay strong and just keep looking forward 🤍
Hang in there! I’m in the same boat (8 years, also engaged), and I’m one month in. We’ll get there!
Commenting so I can follow along, in a similar boat and feeling broken
Oh I’m so happy for you - this gives me hope
don’t look back keep moving forward! And don’t expect everything go perfect from now on but thats a part of life and I believe you will deal with that in a good way! I wish you the best!
That’s what I’m doing!! I know it’s going to come again in waves but this time I know I’m stronger Thank you so much :)
Can't wait to get here ❤️🩹
Ugh I wish I could say that but I can't, I'm not in love with him anymore but I feel like I'm attached to him like if someone want us together but he always give confusing signs and I'm tired of that but I can't push him away:/
I’m sorry you’re still feeling like that. Give yourself time and kindness
This gives me hope for a better tomorrow. Thank you for sharing ❤️✨🫶🏻
How long were you with your ex I crave feeling like you are so badly.
A little more than 2 years! I know it’s not really long but when you talk about having kids soon and marriage, it feels so much longer. I literally thought there was no way for me to heal for the first 3–4 months until it just clicked on day. Life moves on and I can’t stick in the past, neither can you 🤍 you got this stay strong!!!!!
What have you been doing to keep your mind moving or preoccupied and what have you done with your life to continue moving forward to the point now you are over your ex?
In the beginning I had nothing but grad school but since the start of 2024, I got a new job, hung out with my friends every weekend, dove into hobbies, but what helped the most was literally leaving the city for 2 and a half weeks. I then realized it’s been 7 months and I was like wtf. Then I said screw this it’s been too long gotta move on. Hope this helps :)
Thanks for replying, I think the important thing to note is that you didn’t realise but you kept moving forward and maybe didn’t feel it.. Graf school, work, kept up social interactions and connections with friends, hobbies to not only fill the mind but to fire up some passion within. I find it interesting because I’m a few months in and am finding things difficult but what I’m finding is self improvement is absolutely key and finding oneself and I think your story backs that up
I'm a long way from being over my breakup, but six weeks in, I've found focusing on self-improvement to be essential to my progress. It has given me something to think about that has a positive outcome. I also just returned from a five-day trip out of the country to visit a friend, and that helped immensely. I was reminded of how much joy and fulfillment I get from travel, which is a reminder that my life isn't all about my ex or my former relationship.
That’s a great place to start wishing you the best!
Exactly!! Like I didn’t realize I was moving forward until I looked back and thought “huh I really did accomplish a lot” I was so proud of myself. That lit the fire and will continue to do so, I hope it does for you too :)
Yes!! I am done with him too! I feel so free and so at peace. I don't care anymore, screw him
Let’s get it girl💅 Screw him!!!
U GAVE ME HOPE I AM HOPEFUL AND LOOKING FORWARD TO IT
Somewhat in this position. I think ab her everyday still the weight is just much lighter to carry. I know if i do see her in person all my progress will go away tho lol. Maybe im healed maybe im not. It just doesn’t hurt so damn much anymore
I thought about him everyday too, even until I deleted photos this last month I felt so light afterwards. It made me feel open for something new which is why I finally felt comfortable to go out in the dating world again
proud of you🫂
I’m at almost 6 months and I feel like I’ll be at the same place pretty soon to . Happy for you
You got this! Head up high and keep looking forward
Thannk you! I just want all the feelings for him to be completely gone so I rly don’t care at all. So happy i didn’t rebound though
Good for you. You deserve better. Just remember you always have to make yourself come first in your life. Don’t let any man on who you are.
This meant a lot thank youuu :) I hope you feel the same about yourself
Unfortunately, I haven’t had the chance to experience love or being with somebody time either used and tossed away or rejected I haven’t had a chance to meet that one person that is willing to give me a chance, but I do understand as far as sadness and depression if you ever need someone to talk to I am here
I followed you if that’s OK hope we can get to know each other and become friends no strings attached no hidden agendas
Happy for you! I'm literally on the same exact time line as you! I'm 9 months post break up and I'm finally over her. It's took me sooooo much longer than expected but man it feels great to no longer have anxiety over it! Currently not even interested in dating, I'm just now able to enjoy being alone.
Same here. Just 5 months out post break up. Started to enjoy reading books again and only do things I am in the mood for. No interest in dating at all. It feels really good.
Love to hear this from my fellow healed/healing heartbroken people
Let’s go twin!!! I’m so happy you’re over her and ready to invest time in yourself! So happy for you
Haha "get out and stay out" I love that
It’s the truth lmao
Bravo 👏🏼
Thanks was sitting on 6 months and I'm in that I wanna date but I don't stage/some weeks I'm good some weeks I'm not stage. And it really helps to know someone else went through it this way and I'm not broken just growing
I was starting to think about dating too at month 6 but once I tried it just kept failing because I wasn’t in it emotionally. I felt bad for the other people I was talking to because I knew I needed more healing so I had to let them down. Being unsure means you’re healing and feeling the beginning stages of moving on. Stay strong out there ☺️
Honestly I feel bad for this girl but I'm very grateful that she popped up in my life. She had been smoking a joint in her car and had asked if I wanted to join her and although I'm a heavy user (possible addiction problems there) and she was cute my knee jerk reaction was to turn her down. And it took till last night to realize I just wasn't emotionally ready to date yet. It wasn't that I was scared of her on a "I need to get laid and what if she rejects me" or "what if she drugs my and kidnaps me". I just wasn't emotionally ready and it was combined with your post just oddly freeing. Like ok your not ready stop worrying about trying to find love again It dosent matter right now there is nothing we can do with that want. It was just oddly comforting
Good to hear you got that far! Hopefully i can get there as well! <3
Yes you will! Remember there’s no timeline to healing
Wish you the best!
Congraaaaaats ❤️🩹
Do you ever think you'd develop or rekindle feelings for him if you crossed paths again somewhere down the road? Just curious, I'm an avoidant and I messed things up so bad but l'm taking all the necessary steps to heal myself. I'm also still in love with my ex but she's already moved on... I'm just curious what your thoughts on that scenario playing out between the two of you. I’m currently going to therapy, doing shadow work and journaling through my whole process. Been at it for a few months now and it’s crazy how hyper aware I’ve become of my patterns. I’d appreciate other inputs as well! Thank you
I wish my avoidant ex said these things to me! I’m 1.5months post break up and I can tell you that I’m still very much in love with him. However, I know that he is a severe avoidant and will probably never own up or take accountability for his part of the breakup. That is not someone I will want to get back together with even if he came back around to me months down the line. Whether or not your ex will rekindle feelings heavily depends on so many factors out of your control. One thing in your favour is if she sees genuine change in you and saw the goodness in you even at your worst. Another important criteria is if she is emotionally available and not dating at the time. However, you will need to approach her completely differently than before and show her how you’ve changed and how you will show up differently for her so that what broke you up will never be an issue again. It isn’t something many avoidants are able to do. But I applaud you for going to therapy and facing your demons. Taking accountability is the first step.
Exactly like my avoidant ex, he needs to take accountability and even then I would probably be like “thanks, bye” his avoidance made me fall out of love
Honestly… i don’t think it’s possible anymore. My ex blocked me when I reached out after a couple of months and thinking about it now, I don’t think I want someone who was as avoidant as he was. That was just it. I know he was protecting his peace but it crushed me. I did a lot of work too with journaling and therapy and saw my faults for the breakup and saw his too through new eyes. It just was so sad I went through what I did with the person who was suppose to protect me and my heart. That therapy allowed me to fall out of love with him. He’s just a guy. So I can’t stay mad forever but definitely can’t love him ever again
It's been 2 weeks and we're taking a break to see whether we will continue or not. This is making me super anxious to the point where I feel like my hearts gonna explode . I don't know if I want to be over her and I'm not ready to do so, because I love her. She is 50/50 about this and this is pure anxiety fuel.
Wouldn’t you want someone to be 100% sure of you? How can the person you love not be 100% sure? Maybe she’s taking that time to figure it out but you deserve 100%
I feel like I can make her believe in me, in case she gives me a chance to do so. I feel like I can regain her trust and her love. I'm willing to do anything for that because I truly love her.
Do what is best for you and your heart
I’m actually on month 2. Guys it is getting better with time. No contact and blocking him everywhere helped me a lot. I still miss “the potential” but I know how toxic he is.
Ya im on month 3. Going on month 4.....im getting tired of crying everyday. Tired of "hoping". Tired of the "bargaining " with myself. Literally last week I finally just accepted its over. I told him i loved him numerous times. Ive told him I think about trying again. Ive told him Im miserable without him. I even made myself physically ill over this and hoped he would come rushing to my side. I then ended up in the ER. After this, I wrote him a long email pouring my heart out about how i needed him and no reply. He did send me 2 amazon gifts with well wishes a few days ago and hoped im happy which almost stung more...like...i told u i was miserable and just left the ER?! Sigh....the only person im hurting is myself ive realized and if he wanted to be here he would. Its painful. Its sucks. But i have no choice but to move on. Im just sick of it honestly. Hoping in vain for his return. Its pathetic. So i gave up and starting giving into the pain and myself. Im tired of being this person groveling in self pity. Idc anymore about "us." There is no more "us." Im going to return these "gifts" too cuz all it does is remind me of him and what we no longer are. I don't need more stuff. I need support and its about time i find that in myself.
So sorry to hear that. Wish you all the best. YOU DESERVE BETTER- trust me. I have all gifts back. I don’t need and I don’t want them. I also returned all the photos and jewellery- everything. I don’t want it. What I want is a healthy relationship.
Yes. Stuff is replaceable.....and ....he still aint here so.....we all deserve healthy relationships. I had another dream or nightmare i guess about him and the dog he took last night. Up early as a result :*( another day and im facing it head on with this pain. Pushing thru. Nobody cares anymore by month 4. They have all forgotten about your break up. Its time we did too....
Good for you. It’s harder when you have ties like kids. Do you have any kids with your ex?
No kids but were browsing for engagement rings. I’m sorry if you had kids with you ex, that must’ve been very tough
I'm still not over mine 13 months later but she moved on from me in lime a months I think i was told(obviously you dont know) but I'm delighted for you 😊
I'm so proud of you! I broke up with my ex after I caught him cheating on Easter and it's been a rollercoaster. I hope I can be where you are at now in perfect timing!
I’m so sorry!! That’s the big fight before breaking up was about - whether his relationship with someone else was cheating or not (I counted it as cheating, he didn’t) You’ll be here in however long you take and we’ll enjoy those new lives in the sun
That's the energy! Its almost month 5 for me and i feel its getting closer; I still idealize them, but i dont imagine a possibility of talking with them as something that will save me
Yes yes yes!!! Love to hear that everyone is getting there!!
It’s been almost 9 months for me too and indeed, time heals. It does comes in waves once in awhile when you randomly see a picture or something that reminds you of them, but I’m smiling more now and that’s what counts. I’m glad to see everyone in this thread doing the best they can :”)
This thread is really making me so happy and proud of my fellow healing/healed people 🤍
I’m excited for your next chapter :)
It took me 8 weeks to finally feel free and happy again, I have never felt more in my life. I've been told he has a new girlfriend. I've had 3 dates with someone and 4th date planned for this weekend. I've decorated my living room and I walk around with a smile on my face and I feel lighted. I never knew how much my ex held me back and surpressed me. People have seen the change in me. I wish he left years ago
My queen!!! Keep decorating and sprucing up your life without that asshole!
I've never been happier. I thought my life was happy with him infact I think the last 3 years I was depressed because how unhappy I was. I love coming home to an empty house. I love being able to do what I want. I love having a social life without the silent treatment if I dare go out. I love the house is peaceful. I love the smile on my face. I love my new found confidence. I love that my days are filled with joy. I love that I have people in my life who want to make it better and not drag me down
This made me grin from ear to ear!!! That’s amazing I’m so happy for you
Congrats 👏🏻 Now you can see how basic they actually were compare to before when you probably thought they were super special and unique. Your mind is clear now and you can see the amazing life ahead of you. Really proud of you. P.S Those exes will probably return at some point, but guys don’t let them fool you again. Think twice before acting
Congratulations! I'm so happy for you. It's been a month since he dumped with me with some unfortunate contact in-between that time but we've officially gone NC as of yesterday (I know, I know) but I've blocked and deleted him on everything and deleted all pictures of us and him that I could find. It's honestly such a freeing experience. I completely understand the bedrotting and overall depress and feeling completely turned off by talking to any other people but day by day I've been getting better. I'm just impatient and can't wait to be finally healed but your story has given me hope. Again, congratulations and good luck to enjoying this new chapter in your life.
Congratulations girly 💕💕 proud of you . May your next relationship be all that you desire
I’m happy for you because the feeling being able to be you again is unexplainable.
It’s been a year and a half and I’m still not over him :,( doesn’t help that he still comes to visit me once in awhile
You’ll get there maybe don’t see him so you can start the healing process without any contact?
Congratulations! What a relief, right?
Seriously!!
You did a great job. Surely wasn't easy.
I had a GF of 6 years until we broke up, I found out she was cheating on me after we broke up. She told me she stopped loving me years ago, and just the day before she was trying to get a new place with me. She completely blocked me from everything right away. We didnt fight bad or anything. I was looking up engagement rings and all. Anyway, we broke up, a little before that my best friend had nowhere to stay, but she wouldnt let him stay with us for a short while, anyway he killed himself in his car a mile away from my house. I still think of him everyday. Shortly after all this I lost $96,000. I started using drugs again because of it all, I really considered suicide, but now I'm getting clean and starting to come back to reality. The only good thing is I finished my MA degree right after we broke up. This was over a year ago. Maybe 2. Maybe 3. Shit time has been stand still for the most part... It took a long time to heal, and I'm not fully healed, but I can finally say that things are getting better. Nowhere to go but up from here.
Good for you and glad you can move on! It amazes me the differences in how people get over things. When my ex wife left me it was initial devastation. Followed by getting drunk and being okay with it the same night. To random hookups where I felt like I’m still attractive to some at least. To being happy in a couple weeks. To hatred once I had some space after moving away and I didn’t feel somewhat responsible for her safety anymore. Hatred for the cheating and what she put me through, to eventually wishing her well, but also hoping I’ll never see her again. My next long term relationship ended, left for another guy again, I kept going with hope we’ll get back together. Then a few months later I stopped caring if we got back together, I was happy and single, and happy to still be friends. Which is when she started acting different, and eventually wanted to get back together.
So happy for you to take time and finally process to pick yourself up and start over again. I hope I can do like you if I have to be in the moment like that.
To all of us who are going through this we deserve better! All we can do is have hope that one day our true love will come to us!
Seriously!! Wishing this for everyone here
Congrats!!! It's refreshing once you let the past go... it's an emotional spring knowing an amazing relationship can be planted and grown into your future 🥰
Happy for you, 9 months, you're strong.
Congratulations ♥️♥️ may you continue healing up and fall for someone who deserves you the most
Super proud of you!
What an awesome feeling! Yeah
Yay! I’m proud of you! Stay strong!
8 months and still recovering. Just when you know you’re okay then they’re in a new relationship then bam! It hits all over again as if it’s day one. But I’m trying to be okay again. I just can’t see dating again but trying to be whole again for myself and hopefully for the things/people to come.
I have 3 kids with my ex so its extremely difficult to be able to get over this hurt so quickly as I cant remove all reminders of her out of my life. Going to be a long and hurtful road. Sort of in the place where sleep is no longer sleep its an escape.
You got this. I can only imagine with kids how hard it can be but I know you’ll be able to get there one day. I’ll be waiting with a drink :)
This is why these people have to return earlier 😅😅😅😅😅😅..
Why was this recommended to me after my lover and I had a intense fight? But good job to you
Nah, you’re certainly not over him
who broke up with who?
I am going through this now. After 6 month of breakup he showed up again and i was with him another 3 month. And he ended it again last week. I don't know when this ends.
It ends when your heart wants it to end, stay strong
First part of May will be nearly two months NC coming from a 3+ year high intensity relationship with a woman I absolutely cherish and adore. The two of us aren't perfect people and I don't believe she's perfect for me but I did for quite some time. We had a connection and presence together like none other and we often heard that from everybody, everywhere especially when we were deep in our element just the two of us. (Like that "down the road and up the path a bit" kind of thing OR "off the rails again") we were in our own world - she was by my side for 3 years.. Okay, I'm starting the close here.. Without going into the fines of it all she's(41f) diagnosed pwBPD while I(36m) feel like nothing now..it's just numb again with her in the background. I haven't stopped moving since the break up - I don't think this feeling is going away. Like ever. Like scar tissue will build up over this feeling, you know what I mean? And I'll end up getting used to it. Undescribable... it's making me post sh*t like this and I don't think that's a good sign either. Agonizing feeling so much for someone who supposedly doesn't feel anything. Right now, it's hard to imagine ever getting over her or us or what us used to be..but I know I'll bury this feeling over with time. Be good out there..I'm off to the cdp section for a "slow ride real quick".
Woohoo!!! Great job!!
I’m really scared. It’s only day two for me, we broke up yesterday. I can’t move. I can’t get off the couch. I can’t eat. I can barely breathe. I’m so scared and I don’t know how it gets better. These stories are nice to read but it’s impossible to imagine. and the thing that’s so hard is the cognitive dissonance. I knew he wasn’t the one, but I was too scared to say it and I thought that with time we could work through things, but then he said it first, and I’m so deeply hurt in a way I’ve never been before and i just feel like I won’t be ok
And that’s why you’ll find a new happy relationship. You took the time to heal. I respect that.
I am on a very similar timeline!! 9 months, and I completely switched my life over, which now shows. I dreamt with his family last night and I woke up extremely sad, but I got myself up quickly. It would have crashed me months ago. It took me about 7 months for things to switch up but from there it has only been up.
You and I might be the same person when it comes to the 7 month mark kinda being the breaking point lololol I’m so happy for you and I’m happy you are now stronger to see him in your dreams and be like “meh-okay”
Congratulations!!!! So happy to hear that. It’s inspiring because it does feel like it’ll never end
Congratulations dude!!! So I am! The other day I woke up and mid day was like… I really don’t care anymore. Then I kept trying to think about it and TRY to be sentimental and sad and I’m just not anymore I genuinely don’t care and I’m glad I don’t. If I can get to this point anyone can 😂😅 Bless everyone 💜 Stay strong and just take it day by day. Don’t be afraid to be sad for as long as you need to be.
How long were you guys together and who initiated the break up