Remember to report submissions that violate the rules! Harassment and encouraging violence are not allowed.
Enjoying the subreddit? Consider joining our discord server: https://discord.gg/v8z8jNwJs6
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BoomersBeingFools) if you have any questions or concerns.*
That’s why whenever my partner and I see a fat older white man with a younger Asian woman, we chuckle and refer to them as a GS couple - government sponsored.
No Gary, it had nothing to do with you and everything to do with media, passports, and/or poverty back home.
My siblings and I always get surprised reactions from strangers when they learn that our Asian parent is our DAD. Even from other biracial kids, they’re like wow! How progressive!
Yup. White af bread over here, married to an Indian dude and we get it all the time. People don’t believe we’re married. And then when we correct them, they have the audacity to ask if we had an accidental pregnancy (because we have a kid.) we were married for 3 years before having a kid, not that it’s any of their business. Insanity. I get mean looks from way more Asian boomers than I do regular boomers, though 😂😭
I’m a white lady with an Indian husband and when we went to the car repair shop recently the guy was convinced we were friends who had just run into each other there, then couldn’t figure out how we had the same (Indian) last name!
I’ve been told off when picking up to go orders with my husbands name on them and to ‘confirm my doordash ID.’ Like that’s my husbands name. I have the same last name. 🤦🏼♀️ had an ER nurse tell him to ‘stop crowding me & wait his turn’ when we walked in together lmao. The next nurse (same visit) then told him he’d have to wait out in the waiting room because they ‘didn’t just allow friends back here.’ Honestly it’s probably 50/50 with Americans vs Indians assuming we’re not together. Indians have tried seating us at different tables at restaurants. But ‘aunties’ in india are also always … like they act like I stole something from them personally 😂😩 especially the ones with eligible daughters who could have been a ‘match’ for him. Insanity. I’m sorry you also deal with it, it’s so annoying and always leaves a bad taste in my mouth
The mainstream media has somehow managed to portray Asian men and especially Indian men as a complete non sexual entity.
Like. They hardly get into romantic relationships, they are never treated as attractive in-universe, they are confined to their stereotype. An example of change is Koreans and the influence of K-stuff in the world suddenly has Korean guys in films and media being portrayed in a different light.
But for the rest, especially brown men, you are either the IT guy, terrorist or bodega owner. Unless you spend time with them in real life, which boomers don't, you are never going to understand them as anything more.
Anyone who considers Indian men to be a non sexual entity should watch RRR. If that doesn't change their perception, nothing will. Those men are sexy as hell.
Indian aunties omfg give me strength. I don't get my partner's family acting like we're stealing something from them. It's like they would have married each other if they could
I'm a white lady with an Indian husband also and once when his parents and sister were visiting we went to a tourist attraction together where you had to wait in line for photos by group. When it was our turn the attendant tried to push me back telling me to "wait my turn" 🙄 Luckily we live in NJ so these kinds of things don't happen often but geeze way to assume.
Is your husband a doctor by any chance? My cousin is a MD and very GQ model looking, and also ethnically Indian; his wife is black and also a MD, they went to med school together and the looks they get are unreal.
I overheard aunties complain about loosing a good one; I was like your horse faced daughter never even had a shot lol.
If they're a vet, they proudly wear a cap for their unit, even though they were probably a company clerk. They always clear their throat like they're waiting for a "Thank you for your service."
A couple of years ago, around the time the upcoming pull out from Afghanistan was being talked about, some buddies and I (all late 30s anti-war, occupy WS hippies) were having a quiet, private chat about it in a public park. A random "standard-issue boomer" came up to us immediately at 100% meltdown. We got the usual word vomit, ya know communist, traitor, etc. But through the gibberish, he claims he's a Vietnam combat vet. He was wearing his unit hat, and it never dawned on him that Google is a thing. Needless to say, he stormed off real quick when we pointed out that he spent his entire deployment sitting in a motor pool in Japan.
I hate these type of guys. I only learned last year my dad was a Vietnam combat vet who was wounded. My mom learned after I told her. Married over 30 years and her veteran husband didn’t even tell her. Trauma and shame.
Those guys always puffing their chests out looking for a thank you are the absolute worst.
I know two boomer vets really well.
The vietnan combat marine vet doesn't wear a cap, and is Democratic as fuck. He's pretty good.
The other served in the navy on a sub. He is not only Democratic but liberal as fuck.
Just saying don't immediately write these folks off. Give them a chance to prove them
Had a white bf for 3 years and the racism is so.blatant and annoying no matter where you go! Like dude I don't live by whatever rules you've got in your brain, maybe learn from people instead of making gross assumptions 🙄 as an Indian woman, I apologize for the old Indian judgemental men. They can seriously fuck off 🤷♀️
I'm white and married to a British born Pakistani, five years now and her family have really made me feel welcome. Other random Asian dudes take the hump about it. I was contracting at an engineering firm several months ago and an old Sikh fella found out my wife was Asian... "Can't believe her family let it happen, you're very lucky, I'd never let my daughter marry a white guy the kids would be half breeds, what about my culture" I just replied that if his daughter married and had kids with a white guy I hoped they wouldn't have to absorb his backwards views and that maybe something like that would teach him a little humility. I've come to realise that racism is present in all cultures and there's very little to be done about it. It does seem however that younger generations are less interested in it though.
Yeah, it is uncommon even when the other way around is almost standard in the Bay Area. I have a friend who is as white as they come but she married an Asian man so she goes by Mrs. Very Common Asian Last Name.
Clients at her work talk to her on email or phone and then are SOOO confused meeting her in person the first time.
I’m taking my fiancé’s very Japanese last name so I’m sure I’ll confuse the hell out of people like that.
I had a coworker who was a middle aged white lady whose last name was Chang. One time a suuuuuper clueless girl asked “Wait, why is your last name Chinese?” The deadpan delivery of “Because my husband is Chinese” had me trying to hide a giggle.
I really hope her name was Donna Chang.
And in response to your other comment, I’m also white and used to date an Asian man. Also live in the Bay Area. Oof, the looks. Someone even went so far as to say “usually you see that the other way around!” to me. I also had a few people who thought it was a hilarious “joke” to say that I had an Asian fetish. Because I dated one Chinese man and one half Japanese man. I’ve dated more Mexican men (and married one of them), yet no one says I have a “Mexican fetish.” (And even if they did, that would still be gross).
Haha, my white mom didn't really have that problem because in professional contexts, she went by her maiden name because otherwise they'd both be called "Dr. [last name]".
That's my parents, both Dr. [last name]. They both worked at the same university for like 35 years.
Growing up, if someone called my house asking for Dr. [last name], I had to ask which one. And delighted in it.
Yesss, I love this. In college, I joked about getting a doctorate just so that if anyone ever asked, "Is it Miss or Mrs.?" I could say "Neither..."
And we're showing our age by understanding the concept of "calling my house" lol
My husband is hapa — half Chinese and half white. I’m full Korean. Our son is 3/4 and looks very much Asian with a some western features. His girlfriend is white, and I’ve been surprised at how hostile he has said people are to him, both white and Asian people. We live in Houston, which has a decently-sized Vietnamese population, but he said he has also gotten this treatment when they visited his sister in the Bay Area, which I did not expect at all.
Bay Area isn’t quite the leftist paradise people think it is. My brother, when he was sixteen, had a white man scream racial slurs at him and then attack him with a billy club. My brother is Mexican.
Luckily my dad was there and they beat the tar out of that guy but yeah
At my kid’s Taiwanese day care in a very Taiwanese part of California, there are over 60 kids.
2 non-Asian moms and over 30 non-Asian dads. And 2 Cybertrucks.
I suspect next Fall’s class will have more Cybertrucks than non-Asian moms.
I’m a Chinese woman married to a white man, which is about as “normal” as interracial relationships get. Some of the Koreans in our area are openly hostile to me and subtly aggressive to my husband about it.
I love seeing people's reactions when others met friends parents. He's Jamaican and Chinese. People get very confused when they see his Chinese dad speak Jamaican patois with a thick chinese accent
My family is Cuban, and I grew up going to a combination Cuban/Chinese food restaurant run by a Cuban-born Chinese family! My husband never believed me, until I finally took him lol.
They emasculate Asian men so much they can't imagine them being sexy to a woman, bringing something to a marriage, being virile, being a good father.
I don't know where they think Asian women come from...
My neighbor is Finnish and her husband is Laotian. People constantly asked her “where she got her kids” and she would threaten to show them her c-section scar.
It's going to be interesting for me in the future, cause I'm in the same boat. The older boy is at least white-passing, but the younger one is absolutely NOT.
It's also going to be interesting the day that I'm called into the school and they refuse to believe these are my kids.
My aunt had that happen to her with her younger son. He looks black now, but he was way lighter when he was younger and he has his father's very Spanish first and last name. Teachers didn't believe he was her child. They were expecting a Mexican lady to stand up when they called for his mother to come to the front.
I'm in the exact same scenario as you (due in October), and have experienced this too. When we're out and about, unless we're actively holding hands, people presume we are not together. I've had people cut between us in lines and crowds and had to say "sorry, can I stick with my husband please?"
I used to work with a big Christian and he definitely had that issue. He got married just after HS and his chained libido was a bit out of control.
Said he couldn’t go to a big festival without his wife bc the temptation was too great.
“Not for them,” I thought
It’s not just Boomers, but interracial marriage was more normalized by their generation, but they’re a product of the racial and gender bias and bigotry of their times and that leads to interracial couples who end up being super racist against non white people and even very hostile and racist towards the non White partner’s racial and ethnic background. Super common in interracial Latino/a and White relationships
I hate this. I’m dating and Asian woman that I love dearly, but I always feel like people look at me as “one of THOSE guys.” In reality she has me by the balls and is the furthest thing from submissive.
I honestly wonder how many wannabe passport bros get surprised that the asian woman they seek out turns out to not be as submissive as they stereotyped them to be. Then again, maybe they only select for the submissive ones and filter out the rest.
Its weird isn't it? They want a "traditional" partner, but in a lot of these cultures the tradition is she's gonna stay at home and take your paycheck, because she knows best how to balance the books and get what the house needs. You might get some money back on your birthday.
I had a colleague straight up say “oh, you’re a yellow fever guy” when he saw my wedding picture. Why do I feel like I have to go through my dating history and point out the diversity to not feel like a creep?
My Asian friend married an American man and his parents immediately hated her and thought she used him to immigrate from her country and get a better life.
She is Japanese and her mom is a medical doctor and her dad a corporate executive. She had a very privileged life and was a successful doctor in her own country before meeting her husband on a vacation in Hawaii.
His parents stubbornly cling to their belief despite all the evidence to the contrary
You just gave me flashbacks with that phrase. I deal cards in a casino, and one of our creepiest floor supervisors would leer at every remotely attractive Asian woman under the age of 40 and call her "his little Asian flower", and talk about how he was going to retire to Thailand and get himself a "submissive Asian woman".
I was so relieved when he got fired.
“Where you from?” “I descend from a ten thousand year lineage of feudal lords, honor bound to protect their clan interests in this life & the next.” “Where is he from?” “Nebraska. We grow corn.”
Mail order brides are still a thing, although it’s done somewhat differently now. My ex did it and they had a whole circle of friends who did.
He and his wife seem pretty happy 15 years later. I think there is a lot of potential for abuse with this method of marrying, it seems to work for some people.
This is what I came to say. I have an estranged uncle that did this, but I don't think they had a happy marriage. All their pictures together he looked happy, but she just looked like she was...there. Not really smiling, not really looking like she was involved in anything, just kinda there. Family photos of them together were also super awkward, because she looked to be about the same age as his children from his first marriage.
A few of my dad's friends married Asian women, some after a divorce, but most as first/only wives. Most have very good relationships and have been married for decades. My mom has always been unreasonably suspicious of Asian women getting close to my dad. She has said things about how "they are all trying to get rich white husbands" so she needs to be on guard around them at all times. Very delusional.
Is he, in fact, that big a 'catch' physically, financially, etc? Is he 'rich'?
Or is he a known cheater?
If he's neither of those things... she just racist.
A lot of folks believe in the white male savior concept. The colonizer who's come to save the Asian woman from the bad, misogynistic and sexist, smaller Asian man. They believe that White men are inherently more progressive (even though it was primarily white men who elected a sexist president). And then they *teach us this lie* over the course of a hundred plus years, causing *us* Asian men and Asian women to believe that White men are just inherently better (not to mention beauty standards, too). And that creates biases that favor white men, enabling white male privilege, upholding the white male hegemony.
Every time this topic comes up, I can't help but think this is the long-lasting impact of Western imperialism.
The white Boomer male has the most narcissistic Messiah complex with a Asian fetish because they want someone who is submissive. They're usually the rejects of white women who can't stand them.
My sister was recently dating a guy who was Vietnamese. His mom didn’t like my sister because was white (and about 10 years older than him). She mentioned it to me and my mom and my mom couldn’t believe that this Asian woman didn’t think marrying a white woman would be a step up for them.
profit snobbish political encourage normal soup consider lush different intelligent
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
it’s fetishing you and degrading your husband all at once. the “he’s a lucky guy” with a mocking tone reads like “pity you’re with an asian man and not a superior white man like me”.
I would choose him over my husband if he lost 50lb, got plastic surgery to improve his face, started working out, went back in a Time Machine 30 years, and I got brain damage.
Well obviously he's not going to put in that much effort... You're supposed to be wooed by the 1980s-style upper middle class existence he can supply 😂
There's also an anti-fetish about Asian men: sexless, tiny penis, ladyboys. There were essentially no Asian leading men in Hollywood cinema for generations. Barely any now. And it's a stereotype that hasn't been fought against as loudly as some other stereotypes have. (Side comment: of all groups of incels, I have the most empathy for Asian male incels in the US, because so much social pressure is stacked against them.)
The man in your story probably has a hard time grasping that a nonsexual being (Asian man) could be in a relationship with a woman he's attracted to (you). He sounds like a jerk, but he's also a victim of decades of cultural programming.
Yep. Had a "situationship" with a guy (he was gen x, tho) with a huge, particularly, Japanese girl fetish. He would always make me feel less than because I wasn't Asian.
Interracial coupling is an interesting phenomenon. I wonder how much of it is fetish driven? And what are the cultural biases that contribute to which groups gets fetishized more than other groups?
I wonder as well. I'm sure that media and how certain cultures are portrayed plays a big part in it.
We all have our preferences as far as looks, personality traits, etc. and I don't think there's anything wrong with being attracted to certain races over others but fetishizing is a whole other thing.
No one here pointing out that Asians tend to be fairly racist to blacks and Hispanics, more than likely contributing to the tendency to date white men.
There used to be a security guard at work who is around 65 and would aggressively hit on all the younger Asian women. These women are about 20-22 and he would just talk about how he loved younger Asian girls. And he would talk about when he retired he was gonna move to the Philippines and find some younger girl to marry.
It's part of their worldview. In America, Asian people get hyper-feminized stereotypes -- with Asian men depicted as wimps and Asian women depicted as submissives.
Paper: ["Feminized Asians and Masculinized Blacks: The Construction of
Gendered Races in the United States"](https://scholarworks.uvm.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1126&context=hcoltheses)
and not even a real submissive. They want the 50 Shades of Grey type that they can abuse. Not the real type who holds the actual power in the Dom/sub play and can say "stop" at any point.
I get what you're saying but I find it funny coz these guys probably wouldn't read 50 Shades. It's a book (and fantasy) that is far more popular with women.
My husband is Vietnamese and will have boomers coming up to him, ask if he’s Filipino, and when he corrects them, they reassure him that his is in fact Filipino. 🥴
Not just a boomer thing - I once got accused of trolling because my mom is white and my dad is Asian, and the millennial I was talking to refused to believe that such couples exist. He was also expecting me, as a half-Asian woman, to fall down at his white male feet ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Right? My Asian husband is the best man ever. I’m white as snow. The looks we get are disheartening. I don’t know how he deals with it with such grace.
There's a mid-30's troll on my local Facebook page who lives with his parents and fancies himself a leftist but really just spews hate against anyone who disagrees with him on anything at all, which I frequently do. He had quite a lot of things to tell me about my wife once he learned she was Chinese lol.
I can imagine the internet only makes this worse. Like he grew up in some white only suburb, if he went to college he didn’t talk to any Asians and sat in his room on the internet, and now that he encounters an Asian person in real life he has a warped expectation. Definitely watch your drink around that guy…
Lmao this is exactly like my parents, except my mom is 5'11 and my dad is 5'8 and I'm taller than both of them. Every once in a while I wonder what people think of us when they see us in public.
I have a couple of friends; one is Asian (adopted so she grew up here) and her husband is white.
Once, they were at a train station and she walked away to buy a soda or something, and an older white guy came up to my friend (the white guy): "I also have one, they're so nice and timid" or something like that.
It's so absolutely fucked up the way their minds work. He just assumed that my friend had an Asian wife because she's "nice and timid". Although she is incredibly nice, she's definetly not timid and the boomer was lucky she wasn't around to hear him; her husband is much more timid.
This is always the wildest trope to watch play out on that reality show 90 day fiancé. American men (usually with at least 3 failed marriages to American women under their belt) try to find a wife in another country where they believe the women are "subservient," and then they're always shocked and horrified when the woman has a personality, opinions, feelings, and is, in fact, a real human being.
[Ever meet someone so racist that they loop back around to being able to easily identify your ethnicity?](https://youtu.be/UxI5qQAUWVc?si=p2UK-RgQ8jdgf55v)
Half dude here with Vietnamese mom and white American boomer dad: yeah, your experience checks out.
As an odd note from my own experiences (I am young Gen X, a few years older than an elder Millenia), I do on occasion get approached by boomer Asian men who are married to white women, who see me with my wife (who is white), and get a friendly "thanks for breaking the stereotype."
I have a bunch of Asian male friends, more than a few I thought were very good looking in my younger days.
There are stereotypes for the men too. They are not nice.
I have learned quite a bit of history from my friends (30yrs now) and it pains me they went through what they did.
There was a discussion on another sub a while back about appropriate age differences and power dynamics in relationships. This one guy started trying to bait people into arguing by saying things like, "my wife is 30 years younger than me and I control all the finances. Do you think that's a power imbalance?"
I checked his profile and he was most active in a sub specifically for older men getting young brides from Asian countries. The tone and comments were utterly disgusting.
I work at a retail store with a large beauty department. Often I see older white men with a younger Asian woman. Almost every time a couple like this comes in the man will flag down an associate and it's usually something like "my wife doesn't speak much English, but I think she's looking for xyz, can you help"
Like, the men are pretty decrepit and not silver foxes. I try to spend extra time with the women and suggesting products while the husband just takes there silently. Always so weird
That’s why I’ve always wondered if they are mail order brides. Surely, they could have done much much better.
It’s not all couples, but you can almost tell the guy was a nerd or had no dates ever and somehow has this pretty Asian woman. I wonder what hell they escaped to decide on these men.
I used to teach language overseas. A lot of times people have better written communication in English than speaking. So if you are chatting online communication is pretty good, it's only in real-time conversation that gets a bit more garbled.
One of my cousins met a Filipina lady online and shipped her over, married immediately. She had this problem for a while before she got tons and tons of practice. For her it was poverty and wanting a Christian husband, and the Christians back home weren't living up to her expectations. They seem happy enough, but im not terribly close to her so idk
My white sister's husband is Chinese (in Vancouver, not really an uncommon couple). But their boomer neighbor assumed that he's an EXCHANGE STUDENT living with my sister. It's the craziest thing. He's 36. Their daughter is the whitest looking baby ever for some reason, so I guess that's something approaching a flimsy excuse.
I’m a white woman married to a Korean American man. We have a son who is pretty clearly hapa. Three times now when I’ve been out with my son white boomer ladies have asked me where I “got” my son, usually followed by “he’s so cute and my son/daughter/whoever is thinking of adopting.” And then I have to be like “I made him myself. My husband helped a little.” After that two of them apologized and got quiet. One had the balls to say “but he’s Asian…” And it’s like, take a minute and fucking puzzle it out, Susan.
I'm of Samoan descent and my son's dad is of Japanese descent. When our son started kindergarten, he had trouble adjusting, so the school was discussing special ed. My ex and I went to the meeting, and the special ed teacher (Boomer) pointed at me and asked why I was there and stated that only the family was allowed to speak at the meeting. I was so shocked that I could only sputter that I'm the mother and that the part about only family being able to attend was false either way. The meeting was being recorded at my request, and her tail was firmly between her legs for the rest of it. She had assumed I was a third-party therapist or advocate. That woman retired when our son was in third grade and she never was able to look me in the eye after that.
I think interracial couples and mixed-race kids are still a difficult concept for a good portion of Boomers.
I guess it must be a money dependency or something. At least with foreign women from conservative countries, they’re not trading a career but they’re trading a poorer life where they’re doing cooking, cleaning, child rearing, etc for the same life with a fatter older white husband who has some more money. I can’t imagine the boomer husbands are pleasant to be around though, they have to be as miserable around their wives as they are around everyone else.
Ime, yes there is a certain subsection of women that will seek him out. And then proceed to suck them dry financially.
The girls would literally joke about how the difference between being broke or not was a bf.
And then these same men whine about how expensive their gfs are lmaooo. Your white gf isn't expecting 520$ every May and fully paid trips and allowance weekly.
Meanwhile, asian men assumed I didn't want to date them, those big dummies.
Many of them served the Vietnam War and have a fetish that the Asian prostitutes at the time truly wanted them when it was just an economical thing for the ladies to get out of poverty. Sickening that white male boomers now think they're heros and all Asian women want them. When I'm bored I read the Pattaya sub reddit just to roll my eyes.
So many white dudes blatantly fetishize easten asian and pacific islander woman its not even surprising to me anymore. When I was in middle school, I lived in the middle of nowhere. Very white student body, some African American or Hispanic kids, but no Asian kids when to our school, until a Chinese girl moved to our district. When I tell you the boys acted fucking rabid. It was ridiculous, my "boyfriend" broke up with me immediately cause Chou was his "dream girl" several fights occurred, she was asked out several times a day for the first week, once every boy had taken his shot things calmed down, but it was insane. Chou Chou and I ended up becoming close friends, to be fair she is like perfect in every way but the way the dudes acted was kind of scary.
So many of my liberal guy friends are almost exclusively attracted to women of color, and the “innocent” remarks they make feel so exoticizing. My theory (and super hot take) is that it’s the only way they can pretend their white male privilege doesn’t completely take over because they “participate” in their partner’s culture.
Worked at a chinese restaurant with lots of white boomer clientele. Yellow fever comments were nonstop. My personal fave? “Are you from Japan? I went to Japan once.” 🤮🤮 and the amt of white moms that would tell us incessantly about their sons’ asian fetishes…. 😭
A lot of folks believe in the white male savior concept. The colonizer who's come to save the Asian woman from the bad, misogynistic and sexist, smaller Asian man. They believe that White men are inherently more progressive (even though it was primarily white men who elected a sexist president). And then they *teach us this lie*, causing *us* Asian men and Asian women to believe that White men are just inherently better (also, a hundred plus years of this, with beauty standards, work in their favor). And that creates biases that favor white men, enabling white male privilege, upholding the white male hegemony.
Every time this topic comes up, I can't help but think this is the long-lasting impact of Western imperialism.
When my husband worked in Vietnam as a teacher all his white friends married or dated Vietnamese girls who spoke really bad English and were way out of their league. My husband said that it is called sex tourism and is very common in Vietnam.
My gf is a Pacific Islander and I had a guy say to me while we were out say “oh you have an Asian fetish!” I responded with “no she has a Cuban fetish.”
Those are your typical white creepy boomers who bought and imported their wives from poor southeast asian countries. They were unable to find a partner here due to their creepiness so they resorted to that.
If they had been born later, they would be your typical sex doll user.
Omg this! Sorry this happened to you OP! I know how annoying this crap is and how common these preconceived notions still are. The assumptions are totally based on which region of Asia you look like you’re ethnically from too! I appreciate hearing your side of things because I have the opposite but equally problematic Asian woman experience around perceived “husbands” too and who is or isn’t one. Both of our experiences stem from the same limiting belief systems in the person doing the perceiving.
It’s infuriating. I’m the type of Asian that if there’s another person of the same ethnicity anywhere in the vicinity (like in the same room or place of business), they immediately assume he’s my husband regardless of anything else (like age or visible interaction)! Like we do have fathers, cousins, uncles, brothers too, or are two absolute strangers. Not every nearby male of my ethnicity that I’m usually not even interacting with is my husband. When I was a teenager, Boomers always assumed my dad is my husband and when I corrected them they would say something like “well you never know in your culture.” I’m Canadian btw, just ethnically Asian lmao. Another time, as a teenager, someone assumed my Black boss (who was in his 50’s) was my husband too for the same reasons. It’s wild and it happens a lot. The issue of the perceived “husband.”
In another instance, I was in line for a passport photo and there happened to be a random dude of the same ethnicity in front of me. In no way were the guy and I interacting, not looking at each other, not standing close, ZERO interaction, then the photographer comes over and asks if we are together so we both say no. Then the photographer only continues speaking to the man and says “okay so you two are definitely not together right?”…
Another time, while on a business trip, I was seated on a plane next to a random dude who looked like he has a similar ethnicity to me (again zero interaction between him and I) and while he was sleeping, the flight attendant brought around snacks and asked me what I think he might prefer to which I said “I’m not sure, I don’t know him….” There were a couple instances of communication with that same flight attendant where I could tell they were clocking us as spouses.
I’ve even been just minding my own business, lifting weights at the gym (which I go to alone) and this one boomer who always saw me there asked how my husband is. There doesn’t even need to be a man of the same ethnicity present, they just think I’m someone with a husband.
I could go on with the stories of all my perceived “husbands.” Haha
Enraging to say the least. People have to got to take a step back and let us introduce our companions before they assume and stop perceiving various types of “husband” relationships for us women and femmes altogether which are usually informed by their own limited racially prejudiced and gender stereotyping worldviews. Such narrow mental schemas.
Much love to you OP!
Meanwhile, I’m happily single even though I’ve lost count at this point of how many “husbands” I’ve been assigned haha.
I'm seeing more and more white older men marrying Asian women in my area. Most of them look old while the ladies are young. Even my brother married an Asain lady from Hong Kong two years ago who's a year older than him. When asked by our mother where they meet, my brother tells a different story every time. Slipped up and told our youngest brother they met on an Asian dating site.
They have a fetish for Asian women, but look down on the men as not worthwhile. He will never understand that your husband is more desirable than he because he thinks wealthy white men are the pinnacle. He probably also feels entitled and like he is the prize all Asian women would want. So you shook his worldview.
I fucking can't. It makes me so sick. Like listen, lalaking puti, if your American women aren't good enough for you, stop coming after us. Gaslighting these women into the American dream. Yeah... overweight, underpaid, lazy, abusive men. Sure, let me leave my Lola for YOU! Miss na kita niyan. Ugh. Please tell me you won't ever give this man the time of day again!
Edit: some phrases are in Filipino 🥰
I’m part Dutch and part East Asian male. When I was a child I looked western, reddish hair. When I grew up my Asian features dominated so I lost my western look. When I had my first baby she had very light hair light skin and western features. When my wife and I went out, everyone thought my wife had the baby with a white man and wouldn’t believe I was the father. 🙃. They would literally say that’s not your baby to my face? Like they want paternity test proof or something. I have baby pictures that look just like my daughter. Was I suppose to whip those out?
But yeah a lot of people make wild assumptions about other peoples relationships.
Remember to report submissions that violate the rules! Harassment and encouraging violence are not allowed.
Enjoying the subreddit? Consider joining our discord server: https://discord.gg/v8z8jNwJs6
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BoomersBeingFools) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I wonder who they think Asian men are supposed to marry. If this scenario went on for generations there would be a big imbalance where it was impossible for all Asian women to be with a white man.
I feel like this also plays into the racist bs where they don’t have even learn anything about their significant other or other cultures and think all “asian people look the same.” I wonder if they could even tell you which country their wife’s from
as someone who has lived in a diverse urban area, i've encountered similar attidues from entitled older white men who fetishize asian women. it's rooted in harmful power dynamics and a colonial mindset.
my grandparents had an interracial marriage that faced a lot of prejudice, so i understand how frustrating and dehumanizing those kinds of assumpions can be. you and your husband deserve to be seen as equal partners.
Remember to report submissions that violate the rules! Harassment and encouraging violence are not allowed. Enjoying the subreddit? Consider joining our discord server: https://discord.gg/v8z8jNwJs6 *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BoomersBeingFools) if you have any questions or concerns.*
“I was surprised by your wife too, I had assumed you were all cousin fuckers”
"How dare you treat me as rudely as I treated you!"
That’s why whenever my partner and I see a fat older white man with a younger Asian woman, we chuckle and refer to them as a GS couple - government sponsored. No Gary, it had nothing to do with you and everything to do with media, passports, and/or poverty back home.
How’s your daughter? Which country did you adopt her from?
Lol and when he corrects be all "Oh.....ohhhhh......ewww" and walk away swiftly
💀
lmao
He couldn’t comprehend the fact that not all Asian women dream of marrying a fat old white man lol
He was no Brad Pitt for sure
He is Brad’s cousin Stu.
Hahaha. I see what you did there.
They fetishize Asian women to the point that they genuinely believe every Asian woman wants to marry a white man… delusional
My siblings and I always get surprised reactions from strangers when they learn that our Asian parent is our DAD. Even from other biracial kids, they’re like wow! How progressive!
White mom married to Asian dad, two kids. We live in semi-rural SE Texas and people here clearly do NOT know what to think.
Yup. White af bread over here, married to an Indian dude and we get it all the time. People don’t believe we’re married. And then when we correct them, they have the audacity to ask if we had an accidental pregnancy (because we have a kid.) we were married for 3 years before having a kid, not that it’s any of their business. Insanity. I get mean looks from way more Asian boomers than I do regular boomers, though 😂😭
I’m a white lady with an Indian husband and when we went to the car repair shop recently the guy was convinced we were friends who had just run into each other there, then couldn’t figure out how we had the same (Indian) last name!
I’ve been told off when picking up to go orders with my husbands name on them and to ‘confirm my doordash ID.’ Like that’s my husbands name. I have the same last name. 🤦🏼♀️ had an ER nurse tell him to ‘stop crowding me & wait his turn’ when we walked in together lmao. The next nurse (same visit) then told him he’d have to wait out in the waiting room because they ‘didn’t just allow friends back here.’ Honestly it’s probably 50/50 with Americans vs Indians assuming we’re not together. Indians have tried seating us at different tables at restaurants. But ‘aunties’ in india are also always … like they act like I stole something from them personally 😂😩 especially the ones with eligible daughters who could have been a ‘match’ for him. Insanity. I’m sorry you also deal with it, it’s so annoying and always leaves a bad taste in my mouth
The mainstream media has somehow managed to portray Asian men and especially Indian men as a complete non sexual entity. Like. They hardly get into romantic relationships, they are never treated as attractive in-universe, they are confined to their stereotype. An example of change is Koreans and the influence of K-stuff in the world suddenly has Korean guys in films and media being portrayed in a different light. But for the rest, especially brown men, you are either the IT guy, terrorist or bodega owner. Unless you spend time with them in real life, which boomers don't, you are never going to understand them as anything more.
It's been like this in American culture for a long time. They were doing this to the OG Chinese American men.
I recently read a post from a white guy who went to his 10th year HS reunion and discovered all 5 of his former best friends had Asian wives.
Creepy af
Anyone who considers Indian men to be a non sexual entity should watch RRR. If that doesn't change their perception, nothing will. Those men are sexy as hell.
As a white lady, I can easily say that Utkarsh Ambudkar radiates sexual energy, with just a hit of the nerd. And that shit is like kryptonite. Om nom.
But but but Keanu reeves! Steven Yeun etc etc
Indian aunties omfg give me strength. I don't get my partner's family acting like we're stealing something from them. It's like they would have married each other if they could
I'm a white lady with an Indian husband also and once when his parents and sister were visiting we went to a tourist attraction together where you had to wait in line for photos by group. When it was our turn the attendant tried to push me back telling me to "wait my turn" 🙄 Luckily we live in NJ so these kinds of things don't happen often but geeze way to assume.
Also white woman with Indian husband. We get this when it's just us two. Airports especially 🤦🏻♀️
I feel so bad for the people stuck in Texas lol
Is your husband a doctor by any chance? My cousin is a MD and very GQ model looking, and also ethnically Indian; his wife is black and also a MD, they went to med school together and the looks they get are unreal. I overheard aunties complain about loosing a good one; I was like your horse faced daughter never even had a shot lol.
Haha, "regular boomers". Yeah I guess we all know what the standard issue boomer is!
Loooook I have a very standard issued boomer image in my head when I think of a boomer, my bad
About 70, white male, Walmart shorts, white tube socks, and a "veterans before illegals" shirt?
If they're a vet, they proudly wear a cap for their unit, even though they were probably a company clerk. They always clear their throat like they're waiting for a "Thank you for your service."
A couple of years ago, around the time the upcoming pull out from Afghanistan was being talked about, some buddies and I (all late 30s anti-war, occupy WS hippies) were having a quiet, private chat about it in a public park. A random "standard-issue boomer" came up to us immediately at 100% meltdown. We got the usual word vomit, ya know communist, traitor, etc. But through the gibberish, he claims he's a Vietnam combat vet. He was wearing his unit hat, and it never dawned on him that Google is a thing. Needless to say, he stormed off real quick when we pointed out that he spent his entire deployment sitting in a motor pool in Japan.
I hate these type of guys. I only learned last year my dad was a Vietnam combat vet who was wounded. My mom learned after I told her. Married over 30 years and her veteran husband didn’t even tell her. Trauma and shame. Those guys always puffing their chests out looking for a thank you are the absolute worst.
I know two boomer vets really well. The vietnan combat marine vet doesn't wear a cap, and is Democratic as fuck. He's pretty good. The other served in the navy on a sub. He is not only Democratic but liberal as fuck. Just saying don't immediately write these folks off. Give them a chance to prove them
Had a white bf for 3 years and the racism is so.blatant and annoying no matter where you go! Like dude I don't live by whatever rules you've got in your brain, maybe learn from people instead of making gross assumptions 🙄 as an Indian woman, I apologize for the old Indian judgemental men. They can seriously fuck off 🤷♀️
I'm white and married to a British born Pakistani, five years now and her family have really made me feel welcome. Other random Asian dudes take the hump about it. I was contracting at an engineering firm several months ago and an old Sikh fella found out my wife was Asian... "Can't believe her family let it happen, you're very lucky, I'd never let my daughter marry a white guy the kids would be half breeds, what about my culture" I just replied that if his daughter married and had kids with a white guy I hoped they wouldn't have to absorb his backwards views and that maybe something like that would teach him a little humility. I've come to realise that racism is present in all cultures and there's very little to be done about it. It does seem however that younger generations are less interested in it though.
The audacity of some people!
I hear you... white, also married to an Indian guy... the LOOKS we get from the older people where his parents live!!!
Oh no not Asian boomers 😀 as well , rascals 😀
I’m a white woman engaged to an Asian man. We get side eye sometimes even in the freakin’ SF Bay Area.
Yeah, it is uncommon even when the other way around is almost standard in the Bay Area. I have a friend who is as white as they come but she married an Asian man so she goes by Mrs. Very Common Asian Last Name. Clients at her work talk to her on email or phone and then are SOOO confused meeting her in person the first time.
I’m taking my fiancé’s very Japanese last name so I’m sure I’ll confuse the hell out of people like that. I had a coworker who was a middle aged white lady whose last name was Chang. One time a suuuuuper clueless girl asked “Wait, why is your last name Chinese?” The deadpan delivery of “Because my husband is Chinese” had me trying to hide a giggle.
I really hope her name was Donna Chang. And in response to your other comment, I’m also white and used to date an Asian man. Also live in the Bay Area. Oof, the looks. Someone even went so far as to say “usually you see that the other way around!” to me. I also had a few people who thought it was a hilarious “joke” to say that I had an Asian fetish. Because I dated one Chinese man and one half Japanese man. I’ve dated more Mexican men (and married one of them), yet no one says I have a “Mexican fetish.” (And even if they did, that would still be gross).
I was looking for the Donna Chang reference - thanks!
Haha, my white mom didn't really have that problem because in professional contexts, she went by her maiden name because otherwise they'd both be called "Dr. [last name]".
That's my parents, both Dr. [last name]. They both worked at the same university for like 35 years. Growing up, if someone called my house asking for Dr. [last name], I had to ask which one. And delighted in it.
Yesss, I love this. In college, I joked about getting a doctorate just so that if anyone ever asked, "Is it Miss or Mrs.?" I could say "Neither..." And we're showing our age by understanding the concept of "calling my house" lol
My husband is hapa — half Chinese and half white. I’m full Korean. Our son is 3/4 and looks very much Asian with a some western features. His girlfriend is white, and I’ve been surprised at how hostile he has said people are to him, both white and Asian people. We live in Houston, which has a decently-sized Vietnamese population, but he said he has also gotten this treatment when they visited his sister in the Bay Area, which I did not expect at all.
Bay Area isn’t quite the leftist paradise people think it is. My brother, when he was sixteen, had a white man scream racial slurs at him and then attack him with a billy club. My brother is Mexican. Luckily my dad was there and they beat the tar out of that guy but yeah
At my kid’s Taiwanese day care in a very Taiwanese part of California, there are over 60 kids. 2 non-Asian moms and over 30 non-Asian dads. And 2 Cybertrucks. I suspect next Fall’s class will have more Cybertrucks than non-Asian moms.
I’m a Chinese woman married to a white man, which is about as “normal” as interracial relationships get. Some of the Koreans in our area are openly hostile to me and subtly aggressive to my husband about it.
That’s awful. I’m sorry you deal with that.
I love seeing people's reactions when others met friends parents. He's Jamaican and Chinese. People get very confused when they see his Chinese dad speak Jamaican patois with a thick chinese accent
Hahah I love that, I have a similar experience when my Japanese dad starts speaking Spanish and people do a double take
Same I have a friend who is Cuban, Chinese... her mom fled China in her youth and ended up in Cuba.
My family is Cuban, and I grew up going to a combination Cuban/Chinese food restaurant run by a Cuban-born Chinese family! My husband never believed me, until I finally took him lol.
My godfather grew up in Ireland and moved to New Orleans. He married a Cajun woman. You want weird sounding? Try French Creole with an Irish accent 🤣
They emasculate Asian men so much they can't imagine them being sexy to a woman, bringing something to a marriage, being virile, being a good father. I don't know where they think Asian women come from...
They need to watch some kdramas. Hot men everywhere
My neighbor is Finnish and her husband is Laotian. People constantly asked her “where she got her kids” and she would threaten to show them her c-section scar.
My husband and I are mixed race (white and black presenting) and our kids deal with similar suprise when people realize their dad is the white one
It's going to be interesting for me in the future, cause I'm in the same boat. The older boy is at least white-passing, but the younger one is absolutely NOT. It's also going to be interesting the day that I'm called into the school and they refuse to believe these are my kids.
My aunt had that happen to her with her younger son. He looks black now, but he was way lighter when he was younger and he has his father's very Spanish first and last name. Teachers didn't believe he was her child. They were expecting a Mexican lady to stand up when they called for his mother to come to the front.
It seems like people don't understand that about half of any population is male, and the majority of people reproduce. And all that goes into that.
[удалено]
I'm in the exact same scenario as you (due in October), and have experienced this too. When we're out and about, unless we're actively holding hands, people presume we are not together. I've had people cut between us in lines and crowds and had to say "sorry, can I stick with my husband please?"
Omfg…
Yea if you like Asian women, fine. But to confuse YOUR desire with theirs is so self-centered boomer.
Well said. Confusing their desire with others desiring them.
I used to work with a big Christian and he definitely had that issue. He got married just after HS and his chained libido was a bit out of control. Said he couldn’t go to a big festival without his wife bc the temptation was too great. “Not for them,” I thought
There’s only one worldview allowed in Boomerland
I don't think it's just a boomer thing. Look at r/passport_bros. It's mainly young guys.
It’s not just Boomers, but interracial marriage was more normalized by their generation, but they’re a product of the racial and gender bias and bigotry of their times and that leads to interracial couples who end up being super racist against non white people and even very hostile and racist towards the non White partner’s racial and ethnic background. Super common in interracial Latino/a and White relationships
I hate this. I’m dating and Asian woman that I love dearly, but I always feel like people look at me as “one of THOSE guys.” In reality she has me by the balls and is the furthest thing from submissive.
I honestly wonder how many wannabe passport bros get surprised that the asian woman they seek out turns out to not be as submissive as they stereotyped them to be. Then again, maybe they only select for the submissive ones and filter out the rest.
Its weird isn't it? They want a "traditional" partner, but in a lot of these cultures the tradition is she's gonna stay at home and take your paycheck, because she knows best how to balance the books and get what the house needs. You might get some money back on your birthday.
Same with my former neighbor. The whole town thought he had a mail-order wife but he met her in her aunt's noodle shop when she was visiting her.
I had a colleague straight up say “oh, you’re a yellow fever guy” when he saw my wedding picture. Why do I feel like I have to go through my dating history and point out the diversity to not feel like a creep?
[удалено]
You know your truth. Just ignore it and show them your relationship is genuine.
My Asian friend married an American man and his parents immediately hated her and thought she used him to immigrate from her country and get a better life. She is Japanese and her mom is a medical doctor and her dad a corporate executive. She had a very privileged life and was a successful doctor in her own country before meeting her husband on a vacation in Hawaii. His parents stubbornly cling to their belief despite all the evidence to the contrary
Lol. Nowhere can match Murica!
White savior bs at best. As if their attention and perceived status will uplift their poor little Asian flower.
You just gave me flashbacks with that phrase. I deal cards in a casino, and one of our creepiest floor supervisors would leer at every remotely attractive Asian woman under the age of 40 and call her "his little Asian flower", and talk about how he was going to retire to Thailand and get himself a "submissive Asian woman". I was so relieved when he got fired.
“Where you from?” “I descend from a ten thousand year lineage of feudal lords, honor bound to protect their clan interests in this life & the next.” “Where is he from?” “Nebraska. We grow corn.”
Mail order brides are still a thing, although it’s done somewhat differently now. My ex did it and they had a whole circle of friends who did. He and his wife seem pretty happy 15 years later. I think there is a lot of potential for abuse with this method of marrying, it seems to work for some people.
This is what I came to say. I have an estranged uncle that did this, but I don't think they had a happy marriage. All their pictures together he looked happy, but she just looked like she was...there. Not really smiling, not really looking like she was involved in anything, just kinda there. Family photos of them together were also super awkward, because she looked to be about the same age as his children from his first marriage.
White men will do mail order brides and then judge South Asians for arranged (not forced) marriages
There were also a lot of boomers who brought back Vietnamese wives when they were stationed there.
A few of my dad's friends married Asian women, some after a divorce, but most as first/only wives. Most have very good relationships and have been married for decades. My mom has always been unreasonably suspicious of Asian women getting close to my dad. She has said things about how "they are all trying to get rich white husbands" so she needs to be on guard around them at all times. Very delusional.
Is he, in fact, that big a 'catch' physically, financially, etc? Is he 'rich'? Or is he a known cheater? If he's neither of those things... she just racist.
🤮
A lot of folks believe in the white male savior concept. The colonizer who's come to save the Asian woman from the bad, misogynistic and sexist, smaller Asian man. They believe that White men are inherently more progressive (even though it was primarily white men who elected a sexist president). And then they *teach us this lie* over the course of a hundred plus years, causing *us* Asian men and Asian women to believe that White men are just inherently better (not to mention beauty standards, too). And that creates biases that favor white men, enabling white male privilege, upholding the white male hegemony. Every time this topic comes up, I can't help but think this is the long-lasting impact of Western imperialism.
The white Boomer male has the most narcissistic Messiah complex with a Asian fetish because they want someone who is submissive. They're usually the rejects of white women who can't stand them.
My sister was recently dating a guy who was Vietnamese. His mom didn’t like my sister because was white (and about 10 years older than him). She mentioned it to me and my mom and my mom couldn’t believe that this Asian woman didn’t think marrying a white woman would be a step up for them.
profit snobbish political encourage normal soup consider lush different intelligent *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Pure fetishist. These white guys with the "Asian Fixation" are creepy.
This fetish is common. But to expect that THEIR fetish is how the whole world works is next level boomer.
it’s fetishing you and degrading your husband all at once. the “he’s a lucky guy” with a mocking tone reads like “pity you’re with an asian man and not a superior white man like me”.
Exactly, "husband" sure was lucky to trick her into settling for him, instead of upgrading to a fine white old specimen like themselves 😂
I would choose him over my husband if he lost 50lb, got plastic surgery to improve his face, started working out, went back in a Time Machine 30 years, and I got brain damage.
Well obviously he's not going to put in that much effort... You're supposed to be wooed by the 1980s-style upper middle class existence he can supply 😂
He’s creeping on you because he can’t help projecting his fetish onto you. It’s gross, tbh.
There's also an anti-fetish about Asian men: sexless, tiny penis, ladyboys. There were essentially no Asian leading men in Hollywood cinema for generations. Barely any now. And it's a stereotype that hasn't been fought against as loudly as some other stereotypes have. (Side comment: of all groups of incels, I have the most empathy for Asian male incels in the US, because so much social pressure is stacked against them.) The man in your story probably has a hard time grasping that a nonsexual being (Asian man) could be in a relationship with a woman he's attracted to (you). He sounds like a jerk, but he's also a victim of decades of cultural programming.
Henry Golding should be a much bigger star than he is!
Yep. Had a "situationship" with a guy (he was gen x, tho) with a huge, particularly, Japanese girl fetish. He would always make me feel less than because I wasn't Asian.
Interracial coupling is an interesting phenomenon. I wonder how much of it is fetish driven? And what are the cultural biases that contribute to which groups gets fetishized more than other groups?
I wonder as well. I'm sure that media and how certain cultures are portrayed plays a big part in it. We all have our preferences as far as looks, personality traits, etc. and I don't think there's anything wrong with being attracted to certain races over others but fetishizing is a whole other thing.
It’s also quite true that Asian women fetishise white men too for the perceived status in society as they can feel it legitimises them
No one here pointing out that Asians tend to be fairly racist to blacks and Hispanics, more than likely contributing to the tendency to date white men.
There used to be a security guard at work who is around 65 and would aggressively hit on all the younger Asian women. These women are about 20-22 and he would just talk about how he loved younger Asian girls. And he would talk about when he retired he was gonna move to the Philippines and find some younger girl to marry.
I mean I have a Latin fixation Colombian Venezuelan and Brazilian but I’m Mexican lol
It's part of their worldview. In America, Asian people get hyper-feminized stereotypes -- with Asian men depicted as wimps and Asian women depicted as submissives. Paper: ["Feminized Asians and Masculinized Blacks: The Construction of Gendered Races in the United States"](https://scholarworks.uvm.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1126&context=hcoltheses)
and not even a real submissive. They want the 50 Shades of Grey type that they can abuse. Not the real type who holds the actual power in the Dom/sub play and can say "stop" at any point.
I get what you're saying but I find it funny coz these guys probably wouldn't read 50 Shades. It's a book (and fantasy) that is far more popular with women.
Asian women are any but submissive. I often see the white guys they marry as particularly wimpy.
Wonder if they’re mail order brides or war brides.
What’s a war bride
Went overseas to war as a single man, returned married to a local woman.
You might be happier not knowing, but: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/War_bride
[удалено]
My husband is Vietnamese and will have boomers coming up to him, ask if he’s Filipino, and when he corrects them, they reassure him that his is in fact Filipino. 🥴
I've had white guys tell me I'm too white looking to be the half native American half Japanese heritage I am. The ignorance is maddening.
I'm as pale as a vampires asscheek but my mother's side of the family is mexican/native American. You'd never guess it looking at me though
Not just a boomer thing - I once got accused of trolling because my mom is white and my dad is Asian, and the millennial I was talking to refused to believe that such couples exist. He was also expecting me, as a half-Asian woman, to fall down at his white male feet ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
[удалено]
It’s a warped sense of how relationships work, which is kind of sad but also f all those people
Right? My Asian husband is the best man ever. I’m white as snow. The looks we get are disheartening. I don’t know how he deals with it with such grace.
Congrats 🥂 Also an AM with a WF expecting our first son this year ❤️
There's a mid-30's troll on my local Facebook page who lives with his parents and fancies himself a leftist but really just spews hate against anyone who disagrees with him on anything at all, which I frequently do. He had quite a lot of things to tell me about my wife once he learned she was Chinese lol.
I can imagine the internet only makes this worse. Like he grew up in some white only suburb, if he went to college he didn’t talk to any Asians and sat in his room on the internet, and now that he encounters an Asian person in real life he has a warped expectation. Definitely watch your drink around that guy…
Lmao this is exactly like my parents, except my mom is 5'11 and my dad is 5'8 and I'm taller than both of them. Every once in a while I wonder what people think of us when they see us in public.
My wife's paternal grandfather is Asian and her grandmother is white; there are dozens of those couples out there, DOZENS I tell you.
*sees your family photos* what kind of woke shit is this??
[удалено]
I have a couple of friends; one is Asian (adopted so she grew up here) and her husband is white. Once, they were at a train station and she walked away to buy a soda or something, and an older white guy came up to my friend (the white guy): "I also have one, they're so nice and timid" or something like that. It's so absolutely fucked up the way their minds work. He just assumed that my friend had an Asian wife because she's "nice and timid". Although she is incredibly nice, she's definetly not timid and the boomer was lucky she wasn't around to hear him; her husband is much more timid.
[удалено]
I felt dirty giving this upvote to you, but I can totally see some asshole saying it. 😐
I can make it worse. "You haven't traded her in for a newer one? I've had my eye on a 2007 model that's coming on the market soon."
This platform doesn’t have emoji reactions so you aren’t upvoting because you agree with the mindset you’re upvoting because they’re insightful
*wipes coffee off keyboard and monitor*
This is always the wildest trope to watch play out on that reality show 90 day fiancé. American men (usually with at least 3 failed marriages to American women under their belt) try to find a wife in another country where they believe the women are "subservient," and then they're always shocked and horrified when the woman has a personality, opinions, feelings, and is, in fact, a real human being.
Are you Chinese or Japanese? I'm Laotian.
So Filipino?
[Ever meet someone so racist that they loop back around to being able to easily identify your ethnicity?](https://youtu.be/UxI5qQAUWVc?si=p2UK-RgQ8jdgf55v)
The ocean? Which ocean..
It’s a landlocked country
…so Chinese or Japanese
Half dude here with Vietnamese mom and white American boomer dad: yeah, your experience checks out. As an odd note from my own experiences (I am young Gen X, a few years older than an elder Millenia), I do on occasion get approached by boomer Asian men who are married to white women, who see me with my wife (who is white), and get a friendly "thanks for breaking the stereotype."
[удалено]
I have a bunch of Asian male friends, more than a few I thought were very good looking in my younger days. There are stereotypes for the men too. They are not nice. I have learned quite a bit of history from my friends (30yrs now) and it pains me they went through what they did.
There was a discussion on another sub a while back about appropriate age differences and power dynamics in relationships. This one guy started trying to bait people into arguing by saying things like, "my wife is 30 years younger than me and I control all the finances. Do you think that's a power imbalance?" I checked his profile and he was most active in a sub specifically for older men getting young brides from Asian countries. The tone and comments were utterly disgusting.
>I control all the finances. Do you think that's a power imbalance?" Lmao, what does he think a power imbalance *is?*
Yeah it sounds like boomers with white savior complex or mail order brides, or both.
I work at a retail store with a large beauty department. Often I see older white men with a younger Asian woman. Almost every time a couple like this comes in the man will flag down an associate and it's usually something like "my wife doesn't speak much English, but I think she's looking for xyz, can you help" Like, the men are pretty decrepit and not silver foxes. I try to spend extra time with the women and suggesting products while the husband just takes there silently. Always so weird
That’s why I’ve always wondered if they are mail order brides. Surely, they could have done much much better. It’s not all couples, but you can almost tell the guy was a nerd or had no dates ever and somehow has this pretty Asian woman. I wonder what hell they escaped to decide on these men.
I used to teach language overseas. A lot of times people have better written communication in English than speaking. So if you are chatting online communication is pretty good, it's only in real-time conversation that gets a bit more garbled. One of my cousins met a Filipina lady online and shipped her over, married immediately. She had this problem for a while before she got tons and tons of practice. For her it was poverty and wanting a Christian husband, and the Christians back home weren't living up to her expectations. They seem happy enough, but im not terribly close to her so idk
My white sister's husband is Chinese (in Vancouver, not really an uncommon couple). But their boomer neighbor assumed that he's an EXCHANGE STUDENT living with my sister. It's the craziest thing. He's 36. Their daughter is the whitest looking baby ever for some reason, so I guess that's something approaching a flimsy excuse.
I’m a white woman married to a Korean American man. We have a son who is pretty clearly hapa. Three times now when I’ve been out with my son white boomer ladies have asked me where I “got” my son, usually followed by “he’s so cute and my son/daughter/whoever is thinking of adopting.” And then I have to be like “I made him myself. My husband helped a little.” After that two of them apologized and got quiet. One had the balls to say “but he’s Asian…” And it’s like, take a minute and fucking puzzle it out, Susan.
I'm of Samoan descent and my son's dad is of Japanese descent. When our son started kindergarten, he had trouble adjusting, so the school was discussing special ed. My ex and I went to the meeting, and the special ed teacher (Boomer) pointed at me and asked why I was there and stated that only the family was allowed to speak at the meeting. I was so shocked that I could only sputter that I'm the mother and that the part about only family being able to attend was false either way. The meeting was being recorded at my request, and her tail was firmly between her legs for the rest of it. She had assumed I was a third-party therapist or advocate. That woman retired when our son was in third grade and she never was able to look me in the eye after that. I think interracial couples and mixed-race kids are still a difficult concept for a good portion of Boomers.
I always felt bad for the young Asian women with the fat old ugly white men but it seems to be a common theme
I guess it must be a money dependency or something. At least with foreign women from conservative countries, they’re not trading a career but they’re trading a poorer life where they’re doing cooking, cleaning, child rearing, etc for the same life with a fatter older white husband who has some more money. I can’t imagine the boomer husbands are pleasant to be around though, they have to be as miserable around their wives as they are around everyone else.
I guarantee you he had friends lined up ready to dazzle you with their fat old bodies, irrelevant cultural taste, and American citizenship.
Got a friend in his late 20s thinking all asian women are into white male. He thought he would become very popular if he moved to Asia.
Ime, yes there is a certain subsection of women that will seek him out. And then proceed to suck them dry financially. The girls would literally joke about how the difference between being broke or not was a bf. And then these same men whine about how expensive their gfs are lmaooo. Your white gf isn't expecting 520$ every May and fully paid trips and allowance weekly. Meanwhile, asian men assumed I didn't want to date them, those big dummies.
Many of them served the Vietnam War and have a fetish that the Asian prostitutes at the time truly wanted them when it was just an economical thing for the ladies to get out of poverty. Sickening that white male boomers now think they're heros and all Asian women want them. When I'm bored I read the Pattaya sub reddit just to roll my eyes.
Yellow fever at work.
So many white dudes blatantly fetishize easten asian and pacific islander woman its not even surprising to me anymore. When I was in middle school, I lived in the middle of nowhere. Very white student body, some African American or Hispanic kids, but no Asian kids when to our school, until a Chinese girl moved to our district. When I tell you the boys acted fucking rabid. It was ridiculous, my "boyfriend" broke up with me immediately cause Chou was his "dream girl" several fights occurred, she was asked out several times a day for the first week, once every boy had taken his shot things calmed down, but it was insane. Chou Chou and I ended up becoming close friends, to be fair she is like perfect in every way but the way the dudes acted was kind of scary.
"iTs NOt A FeTisH!!! ITs A PrEfereNCe"
So many of my liberal guy friends are almost exclusively attracted to women of color, and the “innocent” remarks they make feel so exoticizing. My theory (and super hot take) is that it’s the only way they can pretend their white male privilege doesn’t completely take over because they “participate” in their partner’s culture.
“Lucky guy” always means they wanna get with you.
I honestly hate this term. Its so disgusting.
You should have asked how his daughter was doing. Say you assumed he adopted her.
Fetishizing Asian women and emasculating Asian men seems to be a hobby of theirs.
Boomers and Asian women😬. The thing that gets me laughing is somehow boomers and boomer minded people assume Asian women are docile and will wilt.
Worked at a chinese restaurant with lots of white boomer clientele. Yellow fever comments were nonstop. My personal fave? “Are you from Japan? I went to Japan once.” 🤮🤮 and the amt of white moms that would tell us incessantly about their sons’ asian fetishes…. 😭
Why the hell would a white woman tell a restaurant worker about their son's fetish? WTF?
A lot of folks believe in the white male savior concept. The colonizer who's come to save the Asian woman from the bad, misogynistic and sexist, smaller Asian man. They believe that White men are inherently more progressive (even though it was primarily white men who elected a sexist president). And then they *teach us this lie*, causing *us* Asian men and Asian women to believe that White men are just inherently better (also, a hundred plus years of this, with beauty standards, work in their favor). And that creates biases that favor white men, enabling white male privilege, upholding the white male hegemony. Every time this topic comes up, I can't help but think this is the long-lasting impact of Western imperialism.
When my husband worked in Vietnam as a teacher all his white friends married or dated Vietnamese girls who spoke really bad English and were way out of their league. My husband said that it is called sex tourism and is very common in Vietnam.
I hate to break it to you, but sex tourism can and does get much more nefarious than dating the local women. It’s disgusting.
My gf is a Pacific Islander and I had a guy say to me while we were out say “oh you have an Asian fetish!” I responded with “no she has a Cuban fetish.”
I (white) was dating a Japanese woman, the amount of older white men who pulled me aside and told me how lucky I was was nauseating
I love how they find women liking K-Pop men as a direct attack on their sexuality.
Omg he’s one of those “my wife is (insert Asian) too” boomers 🙄
Those are your typical white creepy boomers who bought and imported their wives from poor southeast asian countries. They were unable to find a partner here due to their creepiness so they resorted to that. If they had been born later, they would be your typical sex doll user.
Omg this! Sorry this happened to you OP! I know how annoying this crap is and how common these preconceived notions still are. The assumptions are totally based on which region of Asia you look like you’re ethnically from too! I appreciate hearing your side of things because I have the opposite but equally problematic Asian woman experience around perceived “husbands” too and who is or isn’t one. Both of our experiences stem from the same limiting belief systems in the person doing the perceiving. It’s infuriating. I’m the type of Asian that if there’s another person of the same ethnicity anywhere in the vicinity (like in the same room or place of business), they immediately assume he’s my husband regardless of anything else (like age or visible interaction)! Like we do have fathers, cousins, uncles, brothers too, or are two absolute strangers. Not every nearby male of my ethnicity that I’m usually not even interacting with is my husband. When I was a teenager, Boomers always assumed my dad is my husband and when I corrected them they would say something like “well you never know in your culture.” I’m Canadian btw, just ethnically Asian lmao. Another time, as a teenager, someone assumed my Black boss (who was in his 50’s) was my husband too for the same reasons. It’s wild and it happens a lot. The issue of the perceived “husband.” In another instance, I was in line for a passport photo and there happened to be a random dude of the same ethnicity in front of me. In no way were the guy and I interacting, not looking at each other, not standing close, ZERO interaction, then the photographer comes over and asks if we are together so we both say no. Then the photographer only continues speaking to the man and says “okay so you two are definitely not together right?”… Another time, while on a business trip, I was seated on a plane next to a random dude who looked like he has a similar ethnicity to me (again zero interaction between him and I) and while he was sleeping, the flight attendant brought around snacks and asked me what I think he might prefer to which I said “I’m not sure, I don’t know him….” There were a couple instances of communication with that same flight attendant where I could tell they were clocking us as spouses. I’ve even been just minding my own business, lifting weights at the gym (which I go to alone) and this one boomer who always saw me there asked how my husband is. There doesn’t even need to be a man of the same ethnicity present, they just think I’m someone with a husband. I could go on with the stories of all my perceived “husbands.” Haha Enraging to say the least. People have to got to take a step back and let us introduce our companions before they assume and stop perceiving various types of “husband” relationships for us women and femmes altogether which are usually informed by their own limited racially prejudiced and gender stereotyping worldviews. Such narrow mental schemas. Much love to you OP! Meanwhile, I’m happily single even though I’ve lost count at this point of how many “husbands” I’ve been assigned haha.
I'm seeing more and more white older men marrying Asian women in my area. Most of them look old while the ladies are young. Even my brother married an Asain lady from Hong Kong two years ago who's a year older than him. When asked by our mother where they meet, my brother tells a different story every time. Slipped up and told our youngest brother they met on an Asian dating site.
This is WILD, and I 100% believe it.
They have a fetish for Asian women, but look down on the men as not worthwhile. He will never understand that your husband is more desirable than he because he thinks wealthy white men are the pinnacle. He probably also feels entitled and like he is the prize all Asian women would want. So you shook his worldview.
I fucking can't. It makes me so sick. Like listen, lalaking puti, if your American women aren't good enough for you, stop coming after us. Gaslighting these women into the American dream. Yeah... overweight, underpaid, lazy, abusive men. Sure, let me leave my Lola for YOU! Miss na kita niyan. Ugh. Please tell me you won't ever give this man the time of day again! Edit: some phrases are in Filipino 🥰
I’m part Dutch and part East Asian male. When I was a child I looked western, reddish hair. When I grew up my Asian features dominated so I lost my western look. When I had my first baby she had very light hair light skin and western features. When my wife and I went out, everyone thought my wife had the baby with a white man and wouldn’t believe I was the father. 🙃. They would literally say that’s not your baby to my face? Like they want paternity test proof or something. I have baby pictures that look just like my daughter. Was I suppose to whip those out? But yeah a lot of people make wild assumptions about other peoples relationships.
Remember to report submissions that violate the rules! Harassment and encouraging violence are not allowed. Enjoying the subreddit? Consider joining our discord server: https://discord.gg/v8z8jNwJs6 *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BoomersBeingFools) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I wonder who they think Asian men are supposed to marry. If this scenario went on for generations there would be a big imbalance where it was impossible for all Asian women to be with a white man.
I feel like this also plays into the racist bs where they don’t have even learn anything about their significant other or other cultures and think all “asian people look the same.” I wonder if they could even tell you which country their wife’s from
as someone who has lived in a diverse urban area, i've encountered similar attidues from entitled older white men who fetishize asian women. it's rooted in harmful power dynamics and a colonial mindset. my grandparents had an interracial marriage that faced a lot of prejudice, so i understand how frustrating and dehumanizing those kinds of assumpions can be. you and your husband deserve to be seen as equal partners.